1 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,179 PREVIOUSLY ON "CALIFORNICATION"... 2 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,215 THAT'S IT! BIG, STOP THE VAN! WHAT? 3 00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:15,483 OVITZ! HIT THE BRICKS! 4 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,085 SEE YOU AT THE OSCARS, PAL. 5 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,252 I'VE BEEN BUSTING MY NUTS FOR WEEKS 6 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:20,621 JUST TRYING TO GET A FRIGGIN' MEETING WITH RONNY PRAEGER. 7 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:22,223 YOU GOT DAISY THE PART! 8 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,824 I HAD TO INVEST 100 GRAND IN HIS MOVIE. 9 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,527 YOU DON'T KNOW ME. MY NAME IS HANK MOODY. I'M A WRITER. 10 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,596 I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION ABOUT LEW -- LEW ASHBY. 11 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:31,232 CALL ME "HE WHO WILL KILL YOU IF YOU TOUCH HIS DAUGHTER." 12 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,267 SHE'S PRETTY AWESOME. SHE IS. 13 00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:34,735 [ SNORTS ] OH! 14 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,371 THAT THIRSTY LITTLE NOSE OF YOURS IS COSTING US SOME MONEY. 15 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,540 YOU JUST PUT THE BULK OF OUR NEST EGG 16 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,542 INTO A MOVIE CALLED "VAGINATOWN." 17 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,477 WHAT'S WRONG WITH CLITTES? COKE DICK. 18 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,279 WE'RE GONNA NEED A STUNT COCK. 19 00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,715 YOU WILL GET IN THERE AND DRIVE MISS DAISY. 20 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,150 OHH! [ MOANS ] 21 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,784 DID WE GET THAT? 22 00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:52,586 LOOK, I HAVE MANY VICES, MY FRIEND, 23 00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:54,288 BUT JAILBAIT AIN'T ONE OF THEM. 24 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:56,090 [ LAUGHS ] 25 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:57,825 EXCUSE ME, GENTS. 26 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,536 ALL RIGHT, REPEAT AFTER ME. 27 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,637 I WILL NEVER... 28 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:10,804 "I WILL NEVER..." 29 00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,506 ...EVER... "...EVER..." 30 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:14,242 ...FUCK MIA AGAIN. 31 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,843 "...FUCK MIA AGAIN." 32 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,711 THANK YOU. 33 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:20,314 JESUS. JUST SAYING IT GETS ME WET. 34 00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:21,382 [ SCOFFS ] 35 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:22,616 [ LAUGHS ] FUCK YOU. 36 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:25,253 FIND SOMEBODY ELSE TO PEN YOUR SORDID, LITTLE FUCKING TALE. 37 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,454 COME ON, MAN. DON'T LEAVE. 38 00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:27,788 WE GOT A GOOD THING GOING HERE. 39 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,790 IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAD ME A...FRIEND. 40 00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,325 AW, SHUCKS. I'M ALMOST TOUCHED. 41 00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:32,660 BUT YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME 42 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:35,796 TO INDULGE YOUR EVERY FUCKING DEPRAVED WHIM! 43 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:36,930 JESUS CHRIST. 44 00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:39,800 I JUST REALIZED WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE TO LIVE WITH ME. 45 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,802 YOU KNOW, I-I REALLY DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE GONNA BE 46 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,604 SUCH A FUCKING NINNY ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. 47 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:44,505 OH, A "NINNY"? 48 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,907 B-BECAUSE I'VE HAD MY SHARE OF THE TANG? 49 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,810 BECAUSE I HAVE MY OWN SORDID PAST TO CONTEND WITH? 50 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,346 NO. BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME THAT YOU GUYS FUCKED. 51 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:54,114 OH. 52 00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,518 BE THAT AS IT MAY... 53 00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:58,819 REPEAT AFTER ME... 54 00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:48,502 YOU GOT TO GET ME OUT OF THIS SHIT, CHARLIE. 55 00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:50,404 I CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF ANYTHING, HANK. 56 00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:51,905 YOU SIGNED A FUCKING CONTRACT. 57 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,674 SINCE WHEN HAS THAT EVER MATTERED? 58 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:54,675 LOOK, IT'S EITHER THIS 59 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,245 OR YOU DO THE ADAPTATION OF "FUCKING & PUNCHING." 60 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,280 OR, WAIT, NO. I'M SORRY. I TAKE THAT BACK. 61 00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:01,249 I DON'T THINK I CAN GET YOU THAT JOB. 62 00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,417 I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. THE GUY'S GONE KURTZ. 63 00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:05,286 HE NEEDS A DOCTOR, NOT A BIOGRAPHER. 64 00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,421 NO ONE SAID YOU HAD TO MOVE IN WITH THE GUY. 65 00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:09,323 YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING HALFWAY, DO YOU? 66 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,692 SAYS THE MAN HOLDING THE PLASTIC ASS-GINA. HEY. 67 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,661 WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE, ANYWAY? 68 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,563 OOF. [ Distorted voice ] HELLO! 69 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,797 I'M EDUMACATING MYSELF 70 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:19,433 AS TO THE VARIOUS MARKETING OPPORTUNITIES 71 00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,669 AVAILABLE TO THE YOUNG PORN STARLET. 72 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,338 HOLY SHIT. YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL, HUH? 73 00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:25,806 YEAH. OF COURSE I LIKE HER. 74 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,808 I LIKE HER IN THE KIND, PATERNAL WAY 75 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,644 ANY AGENT LIKES SOMEONE WHOSE CAREER IS IN HIS HANDS. 76 00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:33,447 HOW ABOUT IN THE KIND, PATERNAL WAY IN WHICH A BOY 77 00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:36,317 SOMETIMES LIKES TO STICK HIS PEE-PEE INSIDE A GIRL? 78 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,885 YOU LIKE HER THAT WAY, TOO? 79 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:40,788 I KIND OF DID THAT ALREADY. 80 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,456 WHAT? 81 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,425 NIGGA, PLEASE! 82 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,894 I HAD TO STEP IN AND STUNT-COCK. THAT'S ALL. 83 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:47,895 "STUNT-COCK"? 84 00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,897 LONG STORY. YOU HAD TO BE THERE. 85 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,732 STUNT-COCK. 86 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:52,866 HOLY SHIT, JOHNNY WAD. 87 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,868 HOW WE GONNA KEEP YOU DOWN ON THE FARM 88 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,904 NOW THAT YOU'VE PENETRATED A PORN STAR? 89 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,806 IT WAS JUST THE TIP. JUST THE TIP, THEN I POPPED. 90 00:03:58,839 --> 00:03:59,807 NATURALLY. 91 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,610 HERE'S THE DEAL. THIS IS WHAT WE'VE GOT TO DO. 92 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:05,679 YOU GOT TO GO HOME AND GRAB COKEY SMURF, MEET ME AT L.A.X. 93 00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:08,416 WE GOT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF TOWN, PALOMINO. 94 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,318 I MEAN, WE ARE DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE, 95 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,453 AND I'M AFRAID WE AIN'T NEVER COMING BACK. 96 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,466 [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] 97 00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:29,303 OW! 98 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,840 [ HANK GRUNTS ] OH, MY GOD! ARE YOU OKAY? 99 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:33,841 JESUS CHRIST, LADY! 100 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,576 YOU JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. 101 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,977 YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME. 102 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,912 LOOKS LIKE I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET YOUR NAME 103 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,681 FOR INSURANCE PURPOSES AND WHATNOT. 104 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,616 OH, MY GOD. 105 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:45,386 YOU'RE THAT ASSHOLE. WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED? 106 00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:46,787 YOU KNOW, IT SADDENS ME TO THINK 107 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,856 THAT WHEN YOU HAVE AN INTERNAL DIALOGUE ABOUT ME, 108 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,991 I'M "THAT ASSHOLE" AND NOT "THAT HANDSOME STRANGER" 109 00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:54,562 OR "THAT GUY WHO MADE A MESS OF MY BUSH -- HANK MOODY." 110 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:57,064 IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MRS...? 111 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,466 JONES. 112 00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,700 JONES? 113 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:00,801 REALLY? YEAH. 114 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,371 AFTER ALL THIS INTRIGUE, THAT'S KIND OF A LETDOWN. 115 00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,906 JANIE JONES. 116 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,008 OH, LIKE THE CLASH SONG. THAT'S FANTASTIC. 117 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,343 I'M HALF-CHUBBED. 118 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:10,744 WHAT DO YOU SAY WE FORGET ABOUT 119 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:13,381 THIS WHOLE "VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER" THING AND I BUY YOU A DRINK? 120 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:15,449 YEAH, I DON'T THINK SO. HEY. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 121 00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:16,650 YOU KNOW, I REALLY THOUGHT THAT 122 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,352 THE THREAT OF LEGAL ACTION WAS GONNA DO IT, 123 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,388 BUT IT LOOKS LIKE I'M GONNA HAVE TO EMPLOY 124 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,756 MY CONSIDERABLE POWERS OF SEDUCTION. 125 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:23,824 YOU READY? 126 00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:24,792 OH, YEAH. 127 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:28,095 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 128 00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:31,499 I GOT NOTHING. THAT'S IT. I'M OUT. 129 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,567 NO, TOMORROW NIGHT, IN VENICE, MARAT. 130 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:36,637 I'LL BE THE ONE STARING INTO THE BOTTOMLESS PIT OF DESPAIR. 131 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,672 GET THERE EARLY BEFORE I WET MYSELF. 132 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,674 [ LAUGHS ] OH, YEAH! 133 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:41,842 NAILED IT! 134 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:45,479 OH, THAT'S RIGHT -- I STILL GOT IT. 135 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,815 OKAY. I SHOULDN'T BE TELLING YOU GUYS THIS, 136 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,783 BUT BECCA IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE. 137 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:50,718 OH, THANK GOD! 138 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,553 I-I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA COME DOWN ON HER 139 00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,388 FOR BEING A SATANIST OR SOMETHING, SO. 140 00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:55,556 OH, PLEASE. 141 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,925 I THINK IT'S SAFE TO SAY THAT WHOLE THING'S JUST A PHASE, 142 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,827 AND, YOU KNOW, IT PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING TO DO 143 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,795 WITH WHATEVER MIGHT BE GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO. 144 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,931 OH. 145 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:04,865 I'M SORRY. 146 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,668 SHE MADE REFERENCE TO SOME CHANGES AT HOME. 147 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,771 WELL, UM, LONG STORY SHORT, UM, 148 00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:14,508 WE WERE TOGETHER, AND NOW WE'RE APART. 149 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:15,275 AGAIN. 150 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:17,511 SO, YOU'RE DIVORCED? NOT EXACTLY. 151 00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,146 IT'S OKAY. I'M NOT JUDGING. 152 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,681 YOU KNOW, I'M DIVORCED. 153 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,115 PRETTY RECENTLY, ACTUALLY. 154 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,551 OH, I'M SORRY. RIGHT ON! 155 00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:24,685 HANK. 156 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,920 UM, WE WERE NEVER MARRIED, SO THE DIVORCE THING IS... 157 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,589 NO, BUT I DID ASK. A NUMBER OF TIMES. 158 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,090 OKAY, NOT THE TIME OR THE PLACE, HANK. 159 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,725 I GAVE HER A RING. SHE GAVE IT BACK. 160 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:32,993 I GAVE IT TO A HOMELESS WOMAN. 161 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,095 I'M SORRY. THAT'S SO SAD. 162 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:36,897 IT WORKED OUT FOR THE HOMELESS WOMAN. 163 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,999 SO, UM, NONE OF THAT REALLY MATTERS RIGHT NOW. 164 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,701 WHAT MATTERS IS THAT, UM, 165 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,604 WE'RE TOGETHER WHEN IT COMES TO RAISING BECCA. 166 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:44,805 WELL, YES, BUT NOT ALWAYS. 167 00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:47,908 FOR INSTANCE, I WANT BECCA TO BE A LESBIAN WHEN SHE GROWS UP, 168 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,843 AND KAREN JUST WANTS HER TO BE HAPPY. 169 00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:52,513 THAT'S RIDICULOUS. LIKE, YOU CAN'T BE BOTH? 170 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,582 [ CLAPS HANDS ] A HAPPY LESBIAN? 171 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:55,716 [ LAUGHS ] 172 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,485 Karen: CLASSY. YEAH, I KNOW. 173 00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,920 YOU THINK, WITH ALL THE MONEY THAT WE SPEND, 174 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,022 THEY COULD AFFORD SOME PROPER GLASSWARE. 175 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,492 [ MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY ] 176 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:07,528 HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN MIA LATELY? 177 00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,730 NO. WHY? NO MORE THAN USUAL. 178 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,664 WELL, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 179 00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:11,799 WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 180 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:14,735 W-- I-I DON'T KNOW. W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 181 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,837 WELL, NO, IT'S JUST I KEEP STOPPING BY BILL'S 182 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,706 TO CHECK ON HER, AND SHE'S NEVER HOME. 183 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,207 SO, I KNOW SHE LIKES TO HANG OUT 184 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,175 AT ASHBY'S DEN OF INIQUITY, AND SO DO YOU. 185 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,111 I HAVE. I HAVE SEEN HER THERE. RIGHT. 186 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,480 YEAH. YOU KNOW, ONCE IN A WHILE, NOT OFTEN. 187 00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:28,716 DOES SHE HAVE A BOYFRIEND? 188 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:31,485 I DON'T KNOW. WHAT IS THIS, "SEX AND THE CITY," GIRLFRIEND? 189 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,120 WHAT'S WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS? 190 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:35,823 WELL, IT'S JUST, LAST TIME SHE CAME FOR DINNER, 191 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:37,925 SHE WAS ASKING ME ALL THESE QUESTIONS 192 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,259 ABOUT DATING AN OLDER MAN, 193 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,129 AND IT WAS LIKE SHE WAS KIND OF ASKING MY APPROVAL. 194 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,598 WELL, I HOPE YOU SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN IMMEDIATELY. 195 00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,033 NO. I MEAN, WHY WOULD I? 196 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,669 YOU KNOW, IT'S A PERFECTLY VALID LIFE EXPERIENCE 197 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,003 IF IT'S THE RIGHT GUY. 198 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:52,706 WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 199 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,007 WHY NOT? 200 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:56,577 I DATED ONE OF MY PROFESSORS ONCE. 201 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:57,511 THAT'S FOUL. 202 00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:59,813 HE WAS YOUNGER THAN YOU ARE NOW, ACTUALLY. 203 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,515 I'M NAUSEOUS, ACTUALLY. 204 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,250 THE SEX WAS FANTASTIC, ACTUALLY. 205 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,719 [ LAUGHS ] NOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO GET MY GOAT. 206 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:06,787 AM I GETTING IT? 207 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,590 YES! NOW, YOU'RE ONLY GONNA HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME 208 00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:10,824 IF THIS THING GETS OUT OF HAND. 209 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:13,761 WHAT THING? THIS GROSS "OLDER MAN" THING. 210 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,896 NO. WELL, I WANT YOU TO KEEP AN EYE OUT. 211 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,999 I MEAN, MAKE SURE THAT SHE DOESN'T GO ANYWHERE NEAR ASHBY. 212 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,268 THAT GUY IS SUCH A FUCKING SCUMBAG. 213 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,270 WELL, HE MEANS WELL, YOU KNOW? 214 00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,539 THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR. HMM. 215 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,975 I GOT TO GO... "PHYLLIS." GOODBYE. 216 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,543 YOU'RE RIDICULOUS. 217 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:30,944 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 218 00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,279 YOUR HAIR SMELLS GOOD. 219 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,280 GOOD. 220 00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:35,282 IT SMELLS LIKE LADY HAIR. 221 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,584 [ CHUCKLES ] 222 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,655 [ CUP SLAMS ] 223 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,693 HEY. 224 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,662 HEY YOURSELF, MRS. P. 225 00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:51,331 I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I LOVE YOUR WRITING. 226 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,299 OH. QUITE POSSIBLY 227 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,302 MY FOUR FAVORITE WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. 228 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,137 HITS ALL THE PLEASURE CENTERS. 229 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,640 POSITIVELY RHAPSODIC. 230 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,609 I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO SAY IT 231 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,877 IN FRONT OF YOUR, UM...YOUR EX-WIFE, LOVER, OR WHATEVER. 232 00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:06,614 OH, GOD. I WISH YOU HAD. THAT WOULD'VE PISSED HER OFF. 233 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,015 YOU LIKE PISSING HER OFF, DON'T YOU? 234 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,016 I DO. 235 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,051 I LIKE PISSING OFF MY EX, TOO. 236 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,886 COOL. IS HE WATCHING? 237 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,755 YEAH, FROM THE WINDOW. 238 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:17,925 OH, WELL, I'LL MAKE SURE TO USE MY GOOD COCK. 239 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,628 JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M ON MY PERIOD. 240 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,796 NOT SURE I NEEDED A VERBAL ON THAT, 241 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:25,265 FOR I CARE VERY LITTLE ABOUT SUCH THINGS. 242 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,266 I WAS IN NAM. 243 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,136 GOD. MY EX ALWAYS CARED. HE THOUGHT IT WAS DIRTY. 244 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,971 OH, IT IS DIRTY... IN A GOOD WAY. 245 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,807 ALSO, I HAVEN'T HAD MUCH TIME TO TRIM THE HEDGES LATELY, 246 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,275 IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. 247 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:38,011 I DO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, AND, AGAIN, NO WORRIES. 248 00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,881 I ENJOY A GENEROUS THICKET. 249 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,983 [ MOANS ] I GOT TO TELL YOU, 250 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,886 YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT PERIODS AND PUBIC HAIR 251 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,121 HAVE JUST MADE ME A BIGGER FAN. 252 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:48,922 IT'S WHAT I DO. 253 00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,291 ANYTHING ELSE YOU CARE TO DISCLOSE? 254 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,027 I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT FUCKING YOU RIGHT NOW. 255 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,664 OH, YOU ARE A CHATTY ONE, MRS. PATTERSON. 256 00:09:58,766 --> 00:09:59,967 BABY. 257 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,635 Baby! 258 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:02,803 LOOK WHO I FOUND. 259 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,638 HMM? 260 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,306 DAISY? 261 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:08,308 WH-WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT'S WRONG? 262 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,878 SHE WAS SLEEPING OUTSIDE IN HER FUCKING CAR! 263 00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:12,813 I DIDN'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU GUYS. 264 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,648 I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GO. 265 00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:17,250 MY FUCKING MANAGER SHOWED UP AT MY APARTMENT AND -- 266 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,485 YOU HAVE A MANAGER? 267 00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:22,289 YOU REMEMBER THE GUY WHO WAS SHOOTING THE "SLAM VAN" STUFF? 268 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:25,425 THAT SMELLY, SLEAZY FUCK? THAT'S YOUR MANAGER? 269 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:29,897 NO. YOU'RE MY MANAGER. HE'S JUST A FUCKING SCUMBAG. 270 00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:33,667 [ SIGHS ] AND YOU DIDN'T THINK THIS WAS WORTH MENTIONING? 271 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:36,670 I WAS JUST SCARED YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO WORK WITH ME. 272 00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:39,072 AND THEN EVERYTHING JUST HAPPENED SO FAST. 273 00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,408 I'M REALLY SORRY, CHARLIE. WHAT DOES HE WANT? 274 00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:44,177 MONEY. HE WANTS TO BE BOUGHT OUT OF HIS CONTRACT. 275 00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,412 OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 276 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:47,180 CLIENTS GET POACHED ALL THE TIME. 277 00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:49,449 I PUT YOU IN "VAGINATOWN," I GET THE COMMISSION. 278 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,284 WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD HIM. 279 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,285 AND WHAT DID HE SAY? 280 00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,321 HE TRASHED MY APARTMENT AND ATE ALL MY FOOD. 281 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,789 I'M JUST GONNA CRASH IN MY CAR. 282 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:58,091 I JUST REALLY DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU GUYS OUT. 283 00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,393 NO, NO, NO. DON'T BE SILLY. DON'T BE SILLY. 284 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,896 WE'LL -- WE'LL MAKE UP THE GUEST ROOM. 285 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,464 JUST GET INTO BED, BABY. 286 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,734 MOMMY AND DADDY WILL KEEP YOU SAFE. 287 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:07,467 MARCY! 288 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,704 WHAT?! SHE'S SCARED SHITLESS. 289 00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:11,739 COME ON, DAIS. 290 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,106 I'M TOO TIRED TO FRESHEN UP 291 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,008 THE FUCKING GUEST ROOM. 292 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,844 MAMA NEEDS HER SLEEP. 293 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,016 [ SIGHS ] 294 00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,054 [ MOANING ] 295 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,288 WHOA! 296 00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:31,424 OH. 297 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:34,027 OH, GOD. 298 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:37,097 OH, THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. 299 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,399 WELL, GOOD FOR YOU, LADY. HAPPY TO PROTECT AND SERVE. 300 00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,301 UH-OH. WHAT? 301 00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,771 I THINK I'M GONNA CRY. 302 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:47,307 OH, DEAR. DON'T DO THAT. 303 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:51,111 NO. IT'S, UH -- IT'S NOT A BAD THING. IT'S, UM... 304 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,881 COMING MAKES ME CRY. I MEAN, ON OCCASION. 305 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,115 I-I-I GET THAT. 306 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,150 I MEAN, SOMETIMES, AFTER I COME, 307 00:11:57,184 --> 00:12:00,020 I WANT TO...WEEP, YOU KNOW? 308 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,989 BUT, USUALLY, I JUST NAP. 309 00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,190 YOU KNOW? 310 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,792 [ WHIMPERS ] 311 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:08,061 YOU WANT ME TO HUG YOU OR, UH... 312 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,263 COMFORT YOU IN SOME... 313 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:11,231 FASHION? 314 00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,067 [ Sobbing ] NO, THAT'S NICE OF YOU TO OFFER, 315 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,036 BUT IT'S -- IT'S NOT NECESSARY. 316 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,037 OKAY. 317 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,505 [ SOBBING ] 318 00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,776 HEY, WHERE'S THE SHITTER IN THIS JOINT? 319 00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:25,478 DOWN THE STAIRS, TO THE RIGHT. 320 00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,060 DAMIEN? 321 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,462 [ With mouth full ] MR. MOODY? 322 00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,868 YOU FUCKED MY MOM. 323 00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:50,303 I FUCKED YOUR MOM? 324 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,841 I fucked your mom. 325 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,946 DID YOU HURT HER? 326 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:11,224 [ DISTANT LAUGHTER ] 327 00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:19,499 OH, NO! YOU DIDN'T! 328 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,469 I CAN EXPLAIN. 329 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:23,603 OH, NO, YOU CAN'T. 330 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,072 IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 331 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:26,239 SHE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO REASON. 332 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:29,476 I DIDN'T SEE YOU PUT UP MUCH OF A FIGHT THERE, LOVER. 333 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,879 YOU GUYS HAVE GOT TO STOP THIS! THIS IS SICK AND WRONG! 334 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:32,712 [ SCOFFS ] SURE. 335 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,447 IT'S SICK AND WRONG WHEN HE DOES IT, 336 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,483 BUT IT'S PERFECTLY FINE FOR YOU TO FUCK ME. 337 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,351 STOP SAYING THAT OUT LOUD. IT'S NOT OKAY. 338 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,120 THAT'S WHY WE NEVER DID IT AGAIN, MIA. 339 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,388 NEVER SAY "NEVER," HANKIE. 340 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,523 OKAY. I PROMISE I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. 341 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,926 YOU'VE ALREADY DONE IT AGAIN LIKE THREE TIMES! 342 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,360 [ LAUGHS ] FAR MORE THAN THAT. 343 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:48,461 OW. 344 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,597 DO YOU WANT KAREN TO FIND OUT ABOUT THIS, YOUNG LADY? 345 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:51,698 I DON'T KNOW, HANK. 346 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:54,001 DO YO WANT KAREN TO FIND OUT ABOUT THIS? 347 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:57,938 BECAUSE FINDING OUT ABOUT THIS COULD MEAN FINDING OUT ABOUT US, 348 00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:01,108 WHICH COULD VERY WELL MEAN THE DEATH OF HOPE, HANK. 349 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,018 [ VELCRO RIPPING ] 350 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,631 WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? 351 00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:28,235 KURT FUCKING COBAIN... 352 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,469 PLAYED THAT. 353 00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,338 COURTNEY GAVE IT TO ME. 354 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,474 I HELPED HER PRODUCE A DEMO, WRITE SOME SONGS. 355 00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:35,742 IT'S YOURS. 356 00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:39,079 YOU'RE GIVING ME KURT COBAIN'S GUITAR BECAUSE YOU FUCKED MIA? 357 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:43,250 NO. I'M GIVING YOU KURT COBAIN'S GUITAR BECAUSE... 358 00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:46,386 YOU'RE MY ONLY FRIEND, AND I, UH... 359 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:47,387 LET YOU DOWN. 360 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,422 TAKE...CARE OF IT. 361 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:52,525 I MEAN, YOU -- YOU CAN PUT BECCA THROUGH COLLEGE 362 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,261 WITH THAT FUCKING THING. 363 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,431 OKAY. 364 00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:01,301 YOU HUNGRY? 365 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:03,036 YOU LIKE CREPES? 366 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:05,105 I GOT A NEW PAN I WANT TO TRY OUT. 367 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:08,508 THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO -- I'M GONNA MAKE US SOME CREPES. 368 00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,681 BECCA, IT'S NOT HALF AS CRAZY AS IT SOUNDS. 369 00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:15,983 Becca: FUCK YOU! 370 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:18,251 OKAY. BUT I THINK THAT YOUR LANGUAGE 371 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,353 IS PERHAPS A TAD INAPPROPRIATE. 372 00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,956 OH, IT'S FUCKING APPROPRIATE, ALL RIGHT. 373 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,058 KAREN, WILL YOU -- WILL YOU CUT ME SOME SLACK HERE? 374 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,493 DO YOU SEE ME FRONTING IN ANY WAY? 375 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,428 I'VE ADMITTED THAT I'M WRONG, YOU KNOW. 376 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,197 STILL, I DON'T THINK THAT THAT -- 377 00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,199 YOU DON'T TALK TO YOUR OLD MAN THAT WAY. 378 00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:35,502 OH, WELL, YOU DO IF HE FUCKED YOUR BOYFRIEND'S MOTHER. 379 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:36,436 I DIDN'T KNOW, OKAY? 380 00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,738 AND I DON'T LIKE ALL THIS "BOYFRIEND" TALK. 381 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,607 WELL, OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T KNOW. 382 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,343 HOW COULD YOU EVER BE EXPECTED TO KNOW SUCH A THING? 383 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,078 YES. YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 384 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:48,148 YOU KNOW, IF YOU LOOK AT THIS THING IN A CERTAIN LIGHT, 385 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:52,485 THE WHOLE MESS CAN BE VIEWED AS ALMOST ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT. 386 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,321 HMM. 387 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,555 COME ON. 388 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,625 WELL, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT THE BOY UNTIL THE DINNER PARTY. 389 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,128 HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO HIS MOTHER WAS? 390 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,263 OH, WELL, IF YOU WERE NOT SO PREOCCUPIED 391 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,133 WITH STICKING YOUR DICK IN ANY HOLE THAT WILL HAVE YOU, 392 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,734 YOU MIGHT NOTICE THESE THINGS. 393 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,503 YES, BUT YOU KICKED MY DICK OUT OF THE HOUSE. 394 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,139 YOU MADE MY DICK HOMELESS. 395 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,473 AND OUT OF DOORS IS A PLACE 396 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,342 WHERE PENISES DON'T GENERALLY FARE WELL 397 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,510 IN THE RAIN AND THE WIND AND ALL THAT. 398 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:19,379 HANK, SHUT UP, OKAY? 399 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,614 MY HOMELESS DICK NOW MUST SEEK SHELTER 400 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,117 FROM THE STORM WHERE AND WHENCE IT CAN. 401 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:27,654 DID SHE SAY TO YOU, "OH, HANK, I LOVE YOUR WRITING"? 402 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,622 YOU SEE THAT? THIS IS WHY WE SHOULD BE TOGETHER. 403 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,291 YOU JUST KNOW MY SHIT. IT'S PERFECT. 404 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,293 IT'S WHY WE SHOULDN'T BE TOGETHER. 405 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,395 SHE NEEDED A GOOD CRY. SHE WAS LONELY. 406 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,363 WHAT'S THE HARM? 407 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:37,297 THE HARM? 408 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,233 OH, WELL, THE HARM IS RIGHT THERE, OKAY? 409 00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:42,535 THAT IS THE HARM -- BIG HARM. 410 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:45,705 AND THE WORST PART IS SHE WAS DEFENDING YOU. 411 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,574 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 412 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,342 WELL, HE DIDN'T BREAK IT OFF WITH HER. 413 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,111 HE -- HE JUST SAID THAT YOU WERE A DICK 414 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:52,412 FOR SLEEPING WITH HIS MOTHER. 415 00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:53,680 THAT'S LEGITIMATE. 416 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,249 BUT THAT DID NOT SIT WELL WITH HER 417 00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:59,586 BECAUSE NO ONE TALKS SHIT ABOUT HER BELOVED FATHER. 418 00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,754 SO SHE BROKE IT OFF WITH HIM. 419 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,590 [ GROANS ] 420 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,625 FUCK. 421 00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,694 [ DOOR OPENS ] 422 00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:17,304 DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME. 423 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,376 KURT COBAIN PLAYED THIS GUITAR. 424 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,511 IF YOU TREAT IT RIGHT, 425 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,714 YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO WORK ANOTHER DAY IN YOUR LIFE. 426 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,583 YOU CAN'T BUY YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE. 427 00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:34,254 DAMIEN WAS RIGHT -- YOU ARE A DICK. 428 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,123 [ DOOR SLAMS ] 429 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:39,126 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 430 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,363 [ GROANS ] 431 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,732 HEY, MRS. PATTERSON. IS, UH, DAMIEN HOME? 432 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:48,535 HE'S, UM -- HE'S NOT HERE. HE'S AT BAND PRACTICE. 433 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,602 DO YOU WANT TO COME IN? 434 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:53,106 I-I DON'T THINK THAT WOULD BE SUCH A GREAT IDEA. 435 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,142 DON'T LET HIM SCARE YOU. HE'S A GOOD KID. 436 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,110 HE'S JUST VERY PROTECTIVE OF HIS MOTHER. 437 00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:59,312 THAT'S A GOOD THING. 438 00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:01,414 WELL, I MEAN, WE CAN'T LET OUR KIDS 439 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:04,484 RUIN A PERFECTLY EXCELLENT SEXUAL CHEMISTRY, CAN WE? 440 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,519 JESUS. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, 441 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,355 IT SOUNDS PRETTY FUCKING REASONABLE. 442 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,657 CAN YOU -- CAN YOU WRITE THAT DOWN FOR ME FOR LATER 443 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,292 IN CASE I NEED TO USE IT? 444 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,727 OLD MAN, I WILL GO FUCKING MEDIEVAL ON YOUR ASS! 445 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,463 HEY, SETTLE DOWN, TOWNSHEND. 446 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,431 I CAME HERE TO TALK TO YOU, MANO A MANO. 447 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:21,401 Mrs. Patterson: HEY, DAMIEN! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. COME ON. 448 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,736 SETTLE DOWN, BUDDY. WHAT IS IT? 449 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,505 WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? 450 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:26,906 LET'S FIGURE THIS OUT. COME ON. 451 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,841 [ GRUNTS ] 452 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,843 OKAY. HERE WE GO. 453 00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:33,180 COME ON, MAN. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? 454 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,382 N-NOTHING. THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO. 455 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:38,518 YOU'RE DEAD TO ME, AND BECCA'S TOTALLY DEAD TO ME. 456 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,253 WELL, THAT'S A SHAME. 457 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,521 THAT'S A CRYING SHAME 458 00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:44,791 BECAUSE SHE APPEARS TO BE VERY FOND OF YOU. 459 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,859 REALLY? MM-HMM. 460 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,661 WHAT'D SHE SAY? 461 00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:52,665 NOTHING THAT I COULD EVER REPEAT WITHOUT VOMITING. 462 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,934 NOW, COME ON. WHAT CAN WE DO? 463 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,669 LET'S FIGURE THIS OUT. 464 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,306 OKAY. FIRST OF ALL, REPEAT AFTER ME. 465 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,808 OKAY. 466 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,244 I WILL NEVER... 467 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,512 "I WILL NEVER..." 468 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,480 ...EVER... "...EVER..." 469 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,816 ...EVER... 470 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,385 "...EVER..." 471 00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:14,421 ...FUCK MY MOM AGAIN. 472 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:15,855 "...FUCK MY MOM AGAIN." 473 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,757 ...FUCK YOUR MOM AGAIN. 474 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:20,460 BOYS, WE DON'T HAVE TO BE SO QUICK TO... 475 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,495 FINE. WHATEVER YOU WANT. 476 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,565 OKAY? 477 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,501 WE GOOD? ANYTHING ELSE? 478 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:31,238 WHAT'S UP WITH THE GUITAR? 479 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,408 LADIES, I AM HOME! 480 00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,644 WELL, IF IT ISN'T MR. BIG FUCKING HOLLYWOOD AGENT. 481 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,280 STEAL ANY FUCKING CLIENTS ON THE WAY HERE, 482 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,548 YOU BALD MOTHERFUCKER?! 483 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,283 IS EVERYBODY OKAY HERE? 484 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,985 YEAH. I THINK IT'S CALLED A "PIMP GO GET." 485 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,988 Charlie: YOU COME TO MY HOUSE, 486 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,224 YOU PUSH AROUND A COUPLE OF GIRLS. 487 00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:54,394 YOU COULD HAVE CALLED, TEXTED, WE WORK THIS OUT OURSELVES. 488 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,329 YOU POACHED MY GIRL. 489 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,231 THAT SKANK -- SHE BELONGS TO ME. 490 00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,932 SWEETHEART, PUT THOSE FINGERS AWAY. 491 00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,634 WHO KNOWS WHERE THEY'VE BEEN? 492 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,336 OH, WAIT A SECOND. I FUCKING DO. 493 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,537 THEY'VE BEEN IN MY ASS. 494 00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:07,574 OH, THAT WAS ONE TIME. YEAH. ONE GOOD TIME. 495 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:10,677 HEY, JERK-OFF, YOU KNOW WHAT A FUCKING CONTRACT IS? 496 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,584 THIS IS NOT A VERY GOOD DEAL, DAISY. 497 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:18,851 [ Sarcastically ] YOU THINK? 498 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:21,888 BAD NEWS -- YOU'RE CONNECTED TO GILBERT GOTTFRIED HERE FOR LIFE. 499 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:24,924 GOOD NEWS -- THIS WILL NEVER HOLD UP IN COURT, ASSHOLE. 500 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,327 MAYBE NOT, PERRY MASON, BUT GUESS WHAT? 501 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,896 A LOT OF NOT-NICE SHIT CAN HAPPEN DURING THAT TIME. 502 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,964 YOU WANT TO FUCKING TAKE THAT CHANCE? 503 00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,701 MOTHERLESS CUNT BASTARD! 504 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,303 FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU! 505 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,337 OW! [ GRUNTS ] 506 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,806 OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT WASN'T VERY NICE AT ALL. 507 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:42,409 THAT'S MY SOY MILK, AND I HAVE SERIOUS DAIRY ISSUES. 508 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:43,142 YES, YOU DO. 509 00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:44,944 I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW. 510 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:48,515 AND, YOU, PLEASE PUT MY WIFE DOWN. 511 00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:49,816 I GOT NO PROBLEM WITH THAT. 512 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,551 BUT DAISY -- SHE'S COMING WITH ME. 513 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,586 SWEETHEART, COME ON, HONEY. WE'VE GOT A PAST. 514 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,988 YOU KNOW THAT WHOLE SPECULUM SERIES WE WANTED TO DO? 515 00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:57,524 I THINK THE TIME IS RIGHT. 516 00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,426 COME ON, HONEY. LET'S MAKE SOME PORN! 517 00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:01,328 HOW MUCH YOU WANT FOR HER? 518 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,363 SHE'S NOT A FUCKING SLAVE, CHARLIE! 519 00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:06,299 YOU KNOW WHAT, PAL?! I BELIEVE IN THIS GIRL! 520 00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:09,302 YEAH. SHE IS GONNA BE A HUGE STAR ONE DAY. 521 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,571 "VAGINATOWN" IS JUST THE BEGINNING. 522 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,706 THERE WILL BE MUCH RUING OF THIS DAY. 523 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:16,676 RUING, RIGHT. BIG FUCKING STAR. JENNA FUCKING JAMESON. 524 00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:18,578 WAIT A SECOND. THERE'S FUCKING CHINESE! BIG! 525 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,647 OKAY, LOOK. IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY. 526 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:21,748 EVERYTHING'S COOL. 527 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:24,684 I'M GONNA GIVE HIM SOME MONEY FROM THE EMERGENCY FUND. 528 00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:26,853 OH, NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. BABY. 529 00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,788 Charlie: BABY, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF -- 530 00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:29,856 SHE'S FAMILY, OKAY? 531 00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:32,058 AND THAT'S WHAT THE MONEY'S FOR -- EMERGENCIES. 532 00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:34,827 I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS. WHAT'S THE ALTERNATIVE, HUH? 533 00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:37,397 YOU GO BACK WITH THIS GUY, THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, 534 00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:40,367 YOU'RE STARRING IN YOUR OWN LINE OF GYNECOLOGICAL TRAINING FILMS. 535 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,568 NOT ON MY WATCH. 536 00:21:41,601 --> 00:21:42,802 OKAY. BABY. BABY! 537 00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:44,837 MAYBE YOU COULD JUST WRITE HIM A CHECK. 538 00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:47,474 I WILL GIVE HIM WH-- 539 00:21:50,577 --> 00:21:52,111 ALL OF IT? 540 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:55,415 YOU SPENT ALL OF IT? 541 00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:59,386 THAT WAS MY MAD MONEY, BABY. 542 00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:03,623 PLEASURE DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU, CAPTAIN JACKASS! 543 00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:13,733 I LOVE THAT CAR. 544 00:22:16,603 --> 00:22:18,605 [ SNIFFLES ] 545 00:22:18,638 --> 00:22:20,907 I'M SORRY, DADDY. [ SNIFFLES ] 546 00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:23,643 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. 547 00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:25,978 YOU'RE GOING TO YOUR MOTHER'S. 548 00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:29,616 BUT GOING TO MY MOTHER'S MAKES ME WANT TO DO DRUGS! 549 00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:30,717 A LOT OF 'EM! 550 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,519 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. 551 00:22:32,552 --> 00:22:34,854 IT'S A GOOD PLACE FOR YOU TO CHILL OUT. 552 00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:39,559 [ SIGHS ] 553 00:22:39,592 --> 00:22:41,093 WHATEVER YOU SAY, DADDY. 554 00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:44,697 I'LL HELP YOU KNOCK THIS MONKEY OFF YOUR BACK, BABY. 555 00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:47,066 IF YOU LET ME. 556 00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:51,471 [ SNIFFLES ] 557 00:22:54,441 --> 00:22:56,476 [ CRIES ] 558 00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:01,781 WHERE ARE WE GOING? 559 00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:04,584 NOWHERE. JUST GOING FOR A WALK. 560 00:23:04,617 --> 00:23:06,152 NO ONE WALKS IN L.A. 561 00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:09,021 WE DO. ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL. 562 00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:10,690 WE'RE NEW YORKERS. 563 00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:14,126 THERE IS NO "ALWAYS." THERE'S JUST RIGHT NOW. 564 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,964 YOU DON'T LIKE ME VERY MUCH RIGHT NOW, DO YOU? 565 00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:20,500 NO. I DON'T. 566 00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:23,069 YOU KNOW, I KNOW I SAY THIS TOO MUCH -- 567 00:23:23,102 --> 00:23:24,704 ALL THE TIME, PROBABLY, 568 00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:26,973 BUT I WAS WRONG TO DO WHAT I DID, 569 00:23:27,006 --> 00:23:32,979 AND I WAS WRONG TO BE SO GLIB ABOUT TRYING TO FIX IT. 570 00:23:33,012 --> 00:23:35,582 THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG, DAD, 571 00:23:35,615 --> 00:23:38,451 JUST THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS. 572 00:23:38,485 --> 00:23:40,720 YOU TAUGHT ME THAT. 573 00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,121 I GUESS I DON'T LIKE 574 00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:44,824 THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS VERY MUCH RIGHT NOW. 575 00:23:44,857 --> 00:23:47,159 YEAH. ME NEITHER. 576 00:23:50,229 --> 00:23:51,230 SO, UH... 577 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:55,535 WHAT IS IT THAT YOU LIKE SO MUCH ABOUT THIS BOY? 578 00:23:55,568 --> 00:23:56,803 I DON'T KNOW. 579 00:23:56,836 --> 00:23:59,071 COME ON. IT'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING. 580 00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:00,840 USE YOUR WORDS. 581 00:24:00,873 --> 00:24:02,809 HE'S REALLY SMART. 582 00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:05,578 OH. LET'S NOT GO CRAZY. 583 00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:07,480 AND HE MAKES ME FEEL PRETTY. 584 00:24:07,514 --> 00:24:08,748 WELL, THAT YOU ARE. 585 00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:10,983 YOU'RE VERY PRETTY. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. 586 00:24:11,017 --> 00:24:12,852 SHUT UP. I'M NOT BEAUTIFUL. 587 00:24:12,885 --> 00:24:13,853 DON'T SAY THAT. 588 00:24:13,886 --> 00:24:15,722 LOOK. DON'T EVER SAY THAT. 589 00:24:15,755 --> 00:24:16,823 YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. 590 00:24:16,856 --> 00:24:19,926 YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD TO ME. 591 00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:21,728 THEN TREAT ME THAT WAY. 592 00:24:21,761 --> 00:24:24,597 [ Voice breaking ] I'M ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE, DAD, ALWAYS. 593 00:24:24,631 --> 00:24:27,266 EVEN WHEN I SHOULDN'T BE. BUT I'M SICK OF IT. 594 00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,902 GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! 595 00:24:29,936 --> 00:24:31,270 I DON'T CARE IF YOU AND MOM 596 00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:33,773 NEVER SAY ANOTHER KIND WORD TO EACH OTHER, 597 00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:36,175 BUT I'M SICK AND TIRED OF PARENTING YOU BOTH. 598 00:24:36,208 --> 00:24:37,109 I'M A FUCKING KID! 599 00:24:37,143 --> 00:24:39,712 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HALF THE TIME. 600 00:24:39,746 --> 00:24:41,981 BUT I DO KNOW THIS -- 601 00:24:42,014 --> 00:24:44,951 IF YOU KEEP CRACKING JOKES AND TAKING ANOTHER DRINK 602 00:24:44,984 --> 00:24:47,854 AND PRETENDING THAT LIFE IS ONE BIG, STUPID PARTY, 603 00:24:47,887 --> 00:24:50,657 YOU WILL MISS EVERYTHING. 604 00:24:56,128 --> 00:24:57,764 Damien: BECCA! 605 00:25:06,706 --> 00:25:08,975 YOU HAVE FUN, OKAY? 606 00:25:10,910 --> 00:25:12,579 NOT TOO MUCH FUN. 607 00:25:12,612 --> 00:25:13,646 [ LAUGHS ] 608 00:25:15,815 --> 00:25:17,550 [ EXHALES HEAVILY ] 609 00:25:24,290 --> 00:25:25,324 HEY, DAMIEN. 610 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:28,227 YOU THINK I MIGHT TAKE YOU DOWN TO THE GUITAR CENTER 611 00:25:28,260 --> 00:25:31,130 AND GET YOU SOMETHING COOLER THAN THAT ONE? THAT'S... 612 00:25:31,163 --> 00:25:33,132 NO, MAN. THIS GUITAR IS AWESOME. 613 00:25:33,165 --> 00:25:34,133 IT'S LIKE... 614 00:25:34,166 --> 00:25:36,769 IT'S LIKE SOMETHING COBAIN WOULD HAVE PLAYED. 615 00:25:36,803 --> 00:25:38,537 AWESOME. 616 00:25:42,174 --> 00:25:43,910 HAVE FUN, HONEY. 617 00:25:46,813 --> 00:25:49,081 MAY I HAVE ANOTHER, PLEASE? 618 00:25:49,115 --> 00:25:51,317 [ English accent ] I DON'T THINK SO. 619 00:25:51,350 --> 00:25:53,019 REALLY? AM I THAT SLOSHED? 620 00:25:53,052 --> 00:25:55,922 NO. BUT IF I'M GONNA TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME, 621 00:25:55,955 --> 00:25:58,324 I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE AT...HALF-MAST. 622 00:25:58,357 --> 00:25:59,325 OW. 623 00:25:59,358 --> 00:26:00,693 [ LAUGHS ] 624 00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:02,261 I'M SO FLATTERED. 625 00:26:02,294 --> 00:26:05,264 I JUST DON'T THINK I'D BE VERY GOOD COMPANY FOR ANYBODY TONIGHT. 626 00:26:05,297 --> 00:26:07,900 WHY NOT? I'VE HEARD GOOD THINGS. 627 00:26:07,934 --> 00:26:09,702 NO, I AM VERY AGREEABLE. 628 00:26:09,736 --> 00:26:12,639 AND YOU ARE NOTHING IF NOT A BEAUTIFUL BARMAID. 629 00:26:12,672 --> 00:26:15,341 I'VE JUST GOT A LITTLE TOO MUCH OF MY DAUGHTER'S VOICE 630 00:26:15,374 --> 00:26:17,343 RUNNING AROUND IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW 631 00:26:17,376 --> 00:26:19,178 TO BE GOOD COMPANY FOR ANYBODY. 632 00:26:19,211 --> 00:26:22,148 THAT'S NOT AS CREEPY AS IT SOUNDS, EITHER. 633 00:26:22,181 --> 00:26:24,183 HONESTLY. 634 00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:26,018 SO, UH, TONIGHT, 635 00:26:26,052 --> 00:26:29,889 I THINK YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO SETTLE FOR... 636 00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:32,759 THE TIP! JUST THE TIP! 637 00:26:32,792 --> 00:26:35,294 GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD. 638 00:26:35,327 --> 00:26:37,797 GOOD NIGHT, HANK. 639 00:26:37,830 --> 00:26:40,099 GOOD NIGHT, BEAUTIFUL BARMAID. 640 00:26:42,168 --> 00:26:45,738 [ EXHALES HEAVILY ] AM I TOO LATE? 641 00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:48,741 DID YOU ALREADY WET YOURSELF? 642 00:26:48,775 --> 00:26:50,142 SO, WHAT ARE WE DRINKING? 643 00:26:53,813 --> 00:26:56,783 -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com 644 00:26:56,816 --> 00:26:59,786 CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY SHOWTIME NETWORKS 645 00:26:59,819 --> 00:27:01,854 AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS