1
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,179
PREVIOUSLY ON
"CALIFORNICATION"...

2
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:12,946
[ SNORTS ]
OH! MY MAMA!

3
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:16,084
THAT THIRSTY LITTLE NOSE OF
YOURS IS COSTING US SOME MONEY.

4
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,519
I'M SORRY, DADDY.
YOU'RE GOING
TO YOUR MOTHER'S.

5
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:22,290
GOING TO MY MOTHER'S
MAKES ME WANT TO DO DRUGS!

6
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:23,391
Hank:
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

7
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,126
JUST GIVING YOU A LITTLE
SOMETHING TO PUT IN YOUR BOOK.

8
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,327
WE DROVE OUT HERE TOGETHER.

9
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,496
I ENDED UP PRODUCING.
SHE ENDED UP ALONE.

10
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:29,530
HI.
YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

11
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,465
MY NAME IS HANK MOODY.
I'M A WRITER.

12
00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,734
I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION
ABOUT LEW -- LEW ASHBY.

13
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,603
DID I SAY
THAT YOU COULD TALK TO HER?

14
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:38,072
JESUS. YOU'VE GOT A BIT OF
AN OVERPROTECTIVE VIBE.

15
00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:39,673
LOOK, I HAVE MANY VICES,
MY FRIEND,

16
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,375
BUT JAILBAIT
AIN'T ONE OF THEM.

17
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,144
[ LAUGHS ]

18
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,146
EXCUSE ME, GENTS.

19
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,847
ALL RIGHT,
REPEAT AFTER ME.

20
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,682
I WILL NEVER...
"I WILL NEVER..."

21
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,418
...FUCK MIA AGAIN.

22
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:54,155
OH, NO! YOU DIDN'T!
THIS IS SICK AND WRONG!

23
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:06,534
Woman:
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE

24
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,103
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE

25
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,104
I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.

26
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:12,673
YOU GUYS STOP PLAYING,
AND I'LL ACCEPT JESUS...

27
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,842
AS MY PERSONAL SAVIOR.

28
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,577
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

29
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,847
MY BAD.
YOU GUYS KEEP LIVIN' THE DREAM.

30
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:26,787
* THERE'S A PLACE FOR US
WHERE LOVE HAS NO SHAME *

31
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,790
* IT'S NOT ABOUT THE YEARS

32
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,892
* IT'S ABOUT THE TEARS

33
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:36,530
* AND WHEN I LOOK FOR GRACE

34
00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:43,237
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE

35
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:48,809
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE

36
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:52,746
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE

37
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:53,914
WOW.

38
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,784
WOW. FOR ONCE, I BELIEVE
YOU ACTUALLY WROTE SOMETHING.

39
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:59,520
AND I ALSO BELIEVE THAT YOU
SHOULD HONESTLY CONSIDER

40
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,689
NEVER WRITING ANYTHING
EVER AGAIN.

41
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,625
THANKS, BUT I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN THE OPINION OF SOMEONE

42
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,528
WHOSE CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE
WENT OUT WITH HAMMER PANTS.

43
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:10,398
DON'T KNOCK HAMMER PANTS.
THEY LET A MAN MOVE.

44
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,865
OW!

45
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:14,302
WHAT DID YOU THINK, BABY?

46
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,303
I LOVE IT.

47
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:18,739
IT'S AS THOUGH, UH, JANIS
AND ALANIS HAD A BABY.

48
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,808
YEAH, AND THEY
PUT IT IN A DUMPSTER

49
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:24,178
TO HOWL AWAY
ITS PATHETIC LITTLE EXISTENCE.

50
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,145
WOW!

51
00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:27,481
I'M GONNA BE THINKING
ABOUT THAT ALL DAY.

52
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:30,318
AND YOU
CAN THINK ABOUT THIS.

53
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:34,255
[ COUGHS,
CLEARS THROAT ]

54
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:39,693
AND YOU, HANKIE,
CAN THINK ABOUT THIS!

55
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:40,694
OH!
YEAH.

56
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:41,695
OW!

57
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:43,531
[ LAUGHS ]

58
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,966
HEY, ASHBY.
I JUST HAVE ONE THING TO SAY.

59
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,968
* YOUR FACE
IS THAT PLACE *

60
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,603
* YEAH, YEAH

61
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,605
LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO BREAK
THE GIRL'S HEART,

62
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,441
BUT I CAN'T TAKE
ANY MORE POWER BALLADS.

63
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:54,475
SUGGESTIONS? PLEASE.

64
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,811
EXTRICATE YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY,
IF NOT SOONER.

65
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,914
BUT, JESUS, SHE FUCKS
LIKE SHE KNOWS THINGS, YOU KNOW?

66
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,384
LIKE SHE'S BEEN PLACES,
SEEN SOME SHIT.

67
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:04,285
HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

68
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,320
HOW DID THE INTERVIEW
WITH MY OLD LADY GO?

69
00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:07,321
IT WENT.

70
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,723
YEAH? WHAT DID, UH...
WHAT DID SHE SAY ABOUT ME?

71
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:11,392
SHE MISSES ME, RIGHT?

72
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:12,726
I-I MEAN,
AT LEAST IN THE SACK.

73
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,662
WELL, I'LL KNOW MORE
WHEN I SEE HER AGAIN.

74
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,563
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

75
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,631
MOODY, I THOUGHT THIS THING
WAS, UH, OVER.

76
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:18,766
MNH-MNH.

77
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,001
I'M GOING OVER THERE RIGHT NOW
AFTER I DOUCHE MY EARS.

78
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,970
WELL, GO THEN.
ENJOY.

79
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:27,308
YOU TOUCH HER, I WILL CUT YOUR
CHEEKS WITH A STRAIGHT RAZOR.

80
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:28,542
[ LAUGHS ]

81
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:29,943
[ LAUGHS ]

82
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,312
PHT! PHT!

83
00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:23,597
Janie: [ CHUCKLES ]
THAT IS BULLSHIT.

84
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:24,765
HE'S JUST BEING DRAMATIC.

85
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:27,835
I DON'T MEAN AS MUCH TO HIM
AS HE'D HAVE YOU BELIEVE.

86
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:28,869
I DON'T KNOW, LADY.

87
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:31,305
TO HEAR HIM TELL IT,
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY.

88
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:33,407
RAN AWAY SCREAMING
IS MORE LIKE IT.

89
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,309
WHAT WAS HE LIKE
BACK THEN?

90
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:39,980
MM, I GUESS PROBABLY
THE SAME AS HE IS NOW --

91
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,349
A LOST BOY.

92
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:44,818
SWEET, WELL-INTENTIONED,
LOVES THE WOMEN...

93
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,086
HMM.
A LITTLE TOO MUCH.

94
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,423
WHAT MAKES HIM SO GOOD, THEN?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

95
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:50,791
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE LISTENS.

96
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,093
HE HEARS THINGS IN A SONG
THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN.

97
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,695
SO, WHAT WAS
THE LAST STRAW?

98
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,564
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

99
00:04:56,597 --> 00:05:00,100
JANIE JONES, I DO BELIEVE THE
MAN IS STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

100
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,969
HIS SUN RISES AND SETS
WITH YOU.

101
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,538
I THINK THAT HE WOULD TOSS
EVERYTHING HE'S GOT

102
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,440
JUST TO GET ANOTHER SHOT
WITH YOU.

103
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:07,641
THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE.

104
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,078
YOU KNOW WHAT?

105
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,681
WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE
OF LIVING OUR HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER

106
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,649
WHEN I WALKED IN ON HIM
ONE DAY WRITING A SONG

107
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:18,452
WITH A SHERYL CROW WANNABE.

108
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,821
AND I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST FREAKED OUT.

109
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,524
I MEAN, IT WAS MORE INTIMATE
THAN FUCKING.

110
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:24,725
AND I KNOW HE ALWAYS SAID

111
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:28,061
THAT HE HAD TO FALL IN LOVE
WITH EVERYONE HE WORKED WITH.

112
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,897
HE HAD TO OPEN HIMSELF UP
TO THE MUSIC.

113
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:33,501
BUT I GUESS I JUST...

114
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,003
GOT SICK OF SHARING HIM.

115
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,438
SO I BAILED.

116
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,006
DOES THAT MAKE ME
SUPERFICIAL?

117
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,843
NO. JUST HUMAN.

118
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:43,977
WELL, LOOK AT THIS.

119
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:47,415
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT THE
HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER AFTER ALL.

120
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,450
DAMN STRAIGHT.

121
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:50,551
DON'T YOU WANT TO TALK
TO HIM?

122
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,853
JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY.
DON'T YOU MISS HIM A LITTLE BIT?

123
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,555
OH, YEAH. SURE.
I MISS HIM.

124
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,524
LIKE YOU'D MISS
A BAD CASE OF THE CRABS

125
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:57,925
IF YOU GOT THEM FROM
ROBERT PLANT

126
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,527
OR JESUS OR SOMEONE.

127
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,461
OH, YEAH. YEAH.

128
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,496
THIS IS A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT
ABOUT JESUS --

129
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:03,731
HE WAS WELL KNOWN
FOR HIS V.D.

130
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:06,534
HE MADE THE LADIES ITCH ALL THE
WAY FROM GALILEE TO NAZARETH.

131
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,636
[ CHUCKLES ]
YOU'RE JUST LIKE HIM.

132
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:09,637
JESUS?

133
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:10,971
YOU KNOW,
I GET THAT A LOT.

134
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,172
YOU DO? HUH.
YEAH.

135
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,907
LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN
WALK ON WATER.
HMM?

136
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,643
OH! HEY!
SAVE MY WORDS!

137
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:18,412
[ LAUGHS ]

138
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,415
OH, WHAT ARE YOU,
A CHILD?

139
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:22,683
WHAT ARE YOU,
A GROWN-UP?

140
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,819
YOU RUINED A PERFECTLY GOOD
GLASS OF SCOTCH.

141
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:26,987
GET BACK IN HERE.
THE WATER'S WARM.

142
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,557
AND I BELIEVE WE SHOULD DO
A LITTLE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING.

143
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,592
NO, I THINK
THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY.

144
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,795
I HAVE REVEALED WAY MORE
THAN I THOUGHT I SHOULD.

145
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,730
HMM.
HOW'D YOU'D DO THAT?

146
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,999
IT'S WHAT I DO.
IT'S A GIFT.

147
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,468
Mr. Jones: JANIE!

148
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,470
WHAT IS THAT --
THE BALLS AND CHAIN?

149
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,672
YEAH. THIS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.
COME HERE.

150
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,139
JANIE, WHERE THE FUCK
ARE YOU?!

151
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,140
COME ON.
COME ON.

152
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,643
HOLD ON.
HOLD ON.

153
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,445
JUST, UH...

154
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,213
JUST WAIT IN HERE
FOR A FEW MINUTES.

155
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,448
I'LL BE BACK.

156
00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:59,052
I WANT YOU TO TAKE HER
DIRECTLY TO THE AIRPORT, OKAY?

157
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,821
WHATEVER'S ON THE METER
WHEN YOU GET THERE,

158
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:01,955
I WILL TRIPLE IT

159
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,492
IF YOU SEE TO IT SHE MAKES IT
TO THE SECURITY LINE.

160
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:05,425
[ CHUCKLES ]

161
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:08,796
DON'T WORRY, DADDY.
I'LL BE A GOOD GIRL.

162
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:12,766
IT'S REALLY HARD FOR ME
TO TRUST YOU RIGHT NOW, BABY.

163
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,101
I KNOW.

164
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,803
MY DIRTY LITTLE WHORE
OF A NOSE

165
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,506
IS SORRY
THAT SHE LET YOU DOWN.

166
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:19,507
BUT SHE LOVES YOU SO MUCH

167
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,809
SHE'S WILLING TO GO CHILL OUT
AT HER MOTHER'S.

168
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:22,643
WOW.

169
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,712
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
GO VOLUNTARILY

170
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:25,879
TO YOUR MOTHER'S BEFORE.

171
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,915
I WANT TO FIX THIS,
CHARLIE.

172
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,818
AND IF IT MEANS SHACKING UP
WITH THAT TROLL,

173
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,754
THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

174
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,024
LET'S GO.

175
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,058
WHY?

176
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,126
COME ON.
COME ON.

177
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,994
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I SHOULD DRIVE YOU.

178
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,796
NO. YOU HAVE
YOUR MEETING.

179
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,131
WELL, WE'LL RESCHEDULE.

180
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,133
BABY, I'M A BIG GIRL.

181
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:50,904
YOU NEED TO STAY HERE
AND TAKE CARE OF YOU AND DAISY.

182
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,943
I PROMISE WE WON'T HAVE ANY FUN
WHILE YOU'RE GONE.

183
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:59,179
WE'LL BE WISHING WE WERE AT A
RETIREMENT COMMUNITY IN TUCSON.

184
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:02,616
OH, YEAH. NOTHING LIKE PINOCHLE
AND MENOPAUSE JOKES.

185
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,585
A BLUR OF CANES
AND WALKERS.

186
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:05,619
BUT LOOK FOR ME.

187
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,655
I'LL BE THE ONE
SOLICITING ALL THE GRAYHAIRS --

188
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:09,923
"I'LL SUCK YOUR DICK,
OLD MAN."

189
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:12,059
BYE, BABY.

190
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:20,167
PUT DOWN
THOSE SHUFFLEBOARD STICKS.

191
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,103
MARCY'S COMING
TO SUCK YOUR DICKS!

192
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,984
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

193
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,686
[ BEEP ]
HELLO?

194
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,554
Hank: It's your knight
in shining armor.

195
00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:41,555
HMM.

196
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:43,123
YOUR LORD?
YOUR PASHA?

197
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:45,593
WHAT'S MANDARIN
FOR "DREAM LOVER"?

198
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:46,794
MANG-MANG KIN REN?

199
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:47,995
PROBABLY THE OPPOSITE

200
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,263
OF WHATEVER THE WORD
FOR "MOUTH RAPIST" IS.

201
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,264
OH.

202
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,100
WELL,
I'M NOT GONNA BE THERE

203
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,003
TO PICK UP BECCA
FROM SCHOOL TODAY, OKAY?

204
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,004
I'll explain later.

205
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,606
OH, I CAN'T WAIT
TO HEAR IT.

206
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,273
No, it's actually
a very good one.

207
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,910
BUT RIGHT NOW, I'VE GOT TO SEE
A MAN ABOUT A HORSE, SO...

208
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,712
[ BEEP ]

209
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,722
[ ZIPPER OPENS ]

210
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,289
[ URINATING ]

211
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:23,230
[ SIGHS ]

212
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,367
UH...

213
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,236
[ GASPS ]

214
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,638
NO BAÑOS.

215
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,741
SO I USED THE "SINKOS."

216
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,876
[ ZIPPER CLOSES ]

217
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,045
[ BELL RINGS ]

218
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,720
HEY, YOU.

219
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:48,989
NO FATHER-TYPE FIGURE.

220
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:49,990
NO.

221
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,760
BUT KNOWING YOUR FATHER,
HE'LL PROBABLY BE HERE

222
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,862
ON SATURDAY OR SUNDAY
TO PICK YOU UP.

223
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,297
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANYTHING BAD ABOUT HIM.

224
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,331
OKAY.

225
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,635
HEY! IT'S MIA.

226
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,170
DON'T BOTHER.

227
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,773
SHE'S NOT DRIVING.
SHE'S GOT OTHER PLANS.

228
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:09,309
OH, REALLY? WHAT?
LIKE "OLDER BOYFRIEND" PLANS?

229
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,078
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

230
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:18,652
Hank: MMM.

231
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:24,324
I DON'T DO THIS
NEARLY AS MUCH AS YOU THINK.

232
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,760
MAKES ME PARANOID.

233
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:28,762
PARANOCIO.

234
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,430
YO.

235
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,700
PLUS, THE OLD LADY,
BACK WHEN I HAD ONE,

236
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,102
SHE DIDN'T APPROVE OF ME
INGESTING THE SUBSTANCES.

237
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,970
NOT THAT SHE WAS
ABOVE IT HERSELF.

238
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:40,007
WHERE DO YOU STAND
ON THE ISSUE?

239
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,176
WELL, THAT WASN'T EXACTLY
A RESPONSE, BUT I'LL TAKE IT.

240
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:48,315
HEY, UH, HOW DOES, UH,
MRS. JONES SEEM TO YOU?

241
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,752
UH, IS SHE A GOOD JEFA?

242
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,887
IS SHE CONTENTO?

243
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,724
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
A LANGUAGE BARRIER?

244
00:10:56,757 --> 00:11:01,461
MI VIEJA ES...
STICK UP ASSO.

245
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,097
UH, HYPOCRITA.

246
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,767
EL DOBLE STANDARDO.

247
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:11,004
ELLA FUMAR
SINO SI YO FUMAR,

248
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:14,742
ELLA CORTAR
LOS CAJONES GRANDES.

249
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,009
[ LAUGHS ]
YES!

250
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,879
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU SMILE.
I WISH YOU DID SPEAK ENGLISH.

251
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,213
I HAVE A LOT TO DISCUSS

252
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,850
ON THE SUBJECT
OF ACCIDENTAL CUNNILINGUS.

253
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,952
WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T
I SPEAK ENGLISH?

254
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,186
OH, HELLO!

255
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,788
GIVE A BROTHER A HEADS-UP

256
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:30,457
BEFORE HE DIVULGES
HIS ENTIRE HISTORY WITH WOMEN.

257
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:33,861
I WAS ENJOYING YOUR SPANGLISH
WAY TOO MUCH TO STOP YOU.

258
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,162
MY SPANGLISH
IS MUY BUENO.
UH-HUH.

259
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,196
Mr. Jones:
Rosario!

260
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,064
[ GASPS ]
OH, FUCK! FUCK!

261
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,999
WHAT?
GET OUT OF HERE.
GET OUT OF HERE.

262
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,000
GO! GO! GO!

263
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,869
ROSARIO.
Oh, shit.

264
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,104
[ Singsong voice ]
RO-SARI...O.

265
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,973
MR. JONES.

266
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:48,108
[ SNIFFS ]
HMM. WELL...

267
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:51,378
I WAS THINKING THAT NOW
MIGHT BE THE PERFECT TIME

268
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:54,147
FOR ONE OF OUR
PERFORMANCE REVIEWS.

269
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:57,284
OH, UM...MAYBE LATER,
WHEN I FINISH MY WORK?

270
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,486
THIS IS PART
OF YOUR WORK.

271
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,900
DIOS MIO.

272
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,240
I'M FAIRLY NEW TO PORN
MYSELF.

273
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,408
STILL, LET ME JUST SAY,

274
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:24,845
IT'S NICE TO BE IN AN OFFICE
OCCUPIED BY A REAL EXECUTIVE.

275
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:27,280
ON A COUCH THAT'S
ACTUALLY USED FOR SITTING.

276
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,783
[ LAUGHS ] LOVE IT!

277
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,852
DAISY,
YOU ARE SO FUNNY.

278
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,453
OH, DO THE END
OF "VAGINATOWN."

279
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:37,891
OH. "SHE'S MY SISTER,
MY DAUGHTER, MY SISTER...

280
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,393
OH, I'LL NEVER FIGURE IT OUT
WITHOUT A COCK IN ME!"

281
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,329
[ LAUGHS ]

282
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:46,133
I DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT ALSO PLAYED COMEDICALLY.

283
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,036
WE THINK THAT DAISY
HAS WHAT IT TAKES

284
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:51,438
TO BE AN INTENSE GIRL.

285
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,340
THAT IS GREAT.
JUST GREAT.

286
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:55,943
BUT WE'RE FIELDING OFFERS
FROM A FEW STUDIOS,

287
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:58,311
SO CAN YOU TELL US
WHAT SETS INTENSE APART?

288
00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,813
WELL, DAISY
WILL HAVE ACCESS

289
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:02,082
TO OUR MARKETING
AND DISTRIBUTION TEAMS.

290
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,483
AND WITH THAT KIND
OF EXPOSURE,

291
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,453
DAISY CAN NAME HER PRICE
AT STRIP CLUBS,

292
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:07,855
FAN EVENTS, TOURS.

293
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,556
NOT TO MENTION
MERCHANDISING.

294
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:14,361
HER FACE WILL BE ON THE PACKAGE
OF THOUSANDS OF RUBBER VAGINAS.

295
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,063
[ WHISTLES ]
GREAT!

296
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,999
OF COURSE, ALL INTENSE GIRLS
ARE ALL AT LEAST DOUBLE D's.

297
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,468
YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM
GETTING IMPLANTS, DO YOU?

298
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,603
WAIT A MINUTE.

299
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,539
I'M NO EXPERT, BUT I CONSIDER
MYSELF QUITE A MASTURBATOR.

300
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,308
I'VE CERTAINLY
RUBBED THEM OUT

301
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,878
TO GIRLS A LOT SMALLER-CHESTED
THAN DAISY HERE.

302
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:34,214
WELL, THAT PORN DOES EXIST.
BUT IT'S A NICHE.

303
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,216
LIKE SHRIMPING
OR GRANNY-FUCKING.

304
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,951
WHO SAYS SHRIMPING
IS NICHE?

305
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:41,388
LOOK, DAISY.
WE LOVE WHAT WE SEE.

306
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,623
WE JUST WANT TO SEE
A LITTLE MORE OF IT, RIGHT?

307
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,193
UM. I...

308
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:48,328
FINE.
FINE, BUT YOU GOT TO KNOW

309
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:51,331
THAT IF MY CLIENT IS EVEN
GONNA CONSIDER THIS REQUEST,

310
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,499
YOU'D BE BUYING THEM.

311
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,368
WE'RE NOT PAYING
FOR FUN BAGS.

312
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:58,238
YOU KNOW, I'M ALL FOR
A LITTLE AFFAIR OF THE HEART,

313
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,873
BUT THAT DUDE?

314
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:03,176
I THINK YOU CAN DO
A LOT BETTER.

315
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:04,912
IT WASN'T
ALWAYS THAT BAD.

316
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,213
I FELL FOR HIM AT FIRST.

317
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,215
HE WAS GONNA
LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR ME.

318
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,416
YES.
YEAH.

319
00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:12,485
AND HE WAS GONNA PAY SO MY
WHOLE FAMILY COULD GO TO COLLEGE

320
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,221
OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT.

321
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:15,455
OH.

322
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:18,558
"ROSARIO, TE AMO,
MUCHACHA.

323
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:21,428
LINDA, HERMOSA, BELLA Tú."

324
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,163
NO ME GUSTA.

325
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,168
GIVE ME YOUR JEANS.

326
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,938
OH, NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO
A WHOLE LOAD OF DARK.

327
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,505
I THIN-- I'M GOOD.
THEY'RE DRYING.

328
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:36,076
NO, PAPI.
DON'T WORRY.

329
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,411
I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU
OUT OF THEM.

330
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:51,124
THIS IS WRONG
ON SO MANY DIFFERENT LEVELS.

331
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,159
MNH-MNH.
MNH-MNH.

332
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:56,063
WHEN WE'RE DONE,
CAN YOU AT LEAST LET ME MOP UP?

333
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,398
OH, MY GOD.

334
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,369
[ CELLPHONE BUZZES ]

335
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,037
MM.
MM. MM!

336
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,405
IT'S MY PHONE.

337
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,706
YEAH.

338
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,241
YEAH.

339
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,115
HELLO?

340
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:17,217
MIA IS DATING LEW ASHBY!

341
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,353
[ GASPS ]
I AM AS SURPRISED AS YOU ARE.

342
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:21,254
WHAT THE FUCK?

343
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,556
WE ARE MEANT TO BE
TAKING CARE OF HER,

344
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,358
NOT -- NOT LETTING HER
SKIP SCHOOL

345
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:28,028
SO THAT SHE CAN SIT IN THE LAPS
OF OLD MEN.

346
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:30,130
HEY, YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT CONDONED IT.

347
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,498
ARE YOU OUT
OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?

348
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:32,665
Who was the one
that said

349
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:36,136
DATING AN OLDER MAN WAS A
"VALID LIFE EXPERIENCE"? QUOTE.

350
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,238
FUCK!

351
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,242
NO, NOT -- YOU KNOW,
I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

352
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,612
I believe someone is owed an
apology, and his name is Hank.

353
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:49,116
NO. NO, BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT
THIS MAN INTO OUR LIVES, OKAY?

354
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,250
SO YOU CAN FIX IT.

355
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,151
I TRIED TO STOP IT.

356
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,020
LOOK, ANYWAY,
I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY

357
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:55,088
THAT THAT RELATIONSHIP
IS NOT LONG FOR THIS WORLD,

358
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,124
SO RELAX.

359
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,492
Wait a minute.
Hank.

360
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:01,694
"HANK"? WHY ARE YOU SAYING
"HANK" LIKE THAT?

361
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:05,065
LIKE WHAT? LIKE, SINCE WHEN
DID YOU CARE HOW I SAY "HANK"?

362
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:05,932
WHY ARE YOU SO UP MY ASS

363
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,734
ABOUT THE WAY I THINK
YOU SAY "HANK"?

364
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,669
YOU'RE FUCKING PARANOI--
ARE YOU STONED?

365
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,271
Uh...
Rosario:
La vieja?

366
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,372
Shh! Shh!
Shh! Shh!

367
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,940
FUCK YOU.
[ BEEP ]

368
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,179
LA VIEJA.

369
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,381
MM.
MM.

370
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:22,682
HMM.

371
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,417
[ SIGHS ]

372
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,519
I THINK
WE SHOULD RECONSIDER.

373
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:27,787
IT'S A CAREER MOVE.

374
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,689
IT'S WRONG
IS WHAT IT IS.

375
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,724
WE WERE FOOLS
TO AGREE TO SURGERY.

376
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,327
THOUSANDS OF RUBBER VAGINAS,
CHARLIE.

377
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,563
YEAH, TO GET YOUR FACE
ON THOSE VAGINAS,

378
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,731
YOU HAVE TO UNDO
YOUR VERY DAISY-NESS.

379
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:42,102
EVERYTHING IN MY CAREER
HAS BEEN LEADING UP TO THIS.

380
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,137
I WANT TO BE A STAR,
CHARLIE.

381
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,438
MNH-MNH.

382
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:48,341
THE REAL STARS
DO NOT GET THEIR BOOBS DONE.

383
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,710
THE JULIAS, THE MERYLS,
THE NICOLES.

384
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,480
NICOLE CLITMAN?
SHE HAS E's.

385
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:54,614
[ SIGHS ]

386
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,284
SHE NEEDS THEM TO DISTRACT
PEOPLE FROM THE REST OF HER.

387
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,719
YOU DON'T.
COME ON. DAISY.

388
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,789
YOU KNOW, DON'T HIDE
BEHIND SILICONE.

389
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,092
BE BRAVE ENOUGH
TO BE YOURSELF.

390
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,227
YOU'RE A REAL STAR.

391
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,509
HEY. LEW.

392
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:26,213
HEY. LEW!

393
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:27,614
YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!

394
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:30,517
UH...BUT WE
HAVEN'T EVEN DATED.

395
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,385
NO, I'M A LITTLE
TOO OLD FOR YOU.

396
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:33,720
YOU DATE CHILDREN.

397
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,155
OH. MIA.

398
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,523
YEAH. MIA.

399
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:37,724
SHE'S 17.

400
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:41,694
OKAY, BUT TO BE FAIR, WHEN I MET
HER, I THOUGHT SHE WAS 19.

401
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,264
NOT HELPING, RIGHT?

402
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,365
YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

403
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,399
OKAY. LOOK -- HEY.

404
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:47,534
HEY, HEY.
HEY, HEY, HEY!

405
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,402
COME ON.
DON'T LEAVE IN A HUFF.

406
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,505
YOU KNOW, I DESIGN HOUSES
FOR A LIVING.

407
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,442
AND USUALLY, WHEN SOMEONE WANTS
A GIANT BEHEMOTH LIKE THIS,

408
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,644
IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE HIDING
FROM SOMETHING.

409
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,146
WHICH IS A GOOD IDEA
FOR YOU.

410
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:01,314
IF YOU EVER TOOK THE TIME
TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR,

411
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:02,649
I MEAN, JUST FOR A SECOND,

412
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,684
YOU'D SEE YOURSELF
AS YOU REALLY ARE.

413
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:07,587
THERE'S A REASON WHY YOU CAN
ONLY ATTRACT 17-YEAR-OLDS.

414
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,289
IT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE PATHETIC!

415
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:12,559
[ GASPS ] AAH!

416
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,429
FUCK.

417
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,599
Hank: THINK WE'LL MAKE IT
OUT OF HERE BY SUNSET?

418
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,334
YEAH. THE COAST IS CLEAR.
COME ON.

419
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,372
DON'T FALL AGAIN.
[ LAUGHS ]

420
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:29,609
HEY THERE.

421
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,578
WHAT THE FUCK?
HOLA.

422
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,546
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?

423
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,448
I KNOW YOU
FROM SOMEWHERE.

424
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,351
DON'T YOU WORRY YOUR
PRETTY LITTLE HEAD ABOUT IT.

425
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:39,619
ROSARIO HERE IS MY AMIGA.

426
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:42,455
AND SHE TELLS ME WHEN SHE TRIED
CALLED IT QUITS BETWEEN YOU TWO,

427
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:43,623
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO STOP.

428
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,858
NOW, I'M ALL FOR THE...
[ WHISTLES ]

429
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,195
THAT'S COOL.
I'M NOT ONE TO JUDGE.

430
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:51,164
BUT YOU -- THE POWER RELATIONS
ARE SKEWED HERE, YOU UNDERSTAND?

431
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,201
YOU GOT TO READ YOUR KARL MARX.
I WANT YOU TO RESPECT HER SHIT.

432
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:55,435
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

433
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,404
AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THAT SHE'S BEEN LET GO.

434
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:58,738
BECAUSE THE DAY
I HEAR ABOUT THAT,

435
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,374
THAT'S THE DAY THAT YOUR OLD
LADY HEARS ABOUT IT, COMPRENDE?

436
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:02,642
FUCK YOU.
FUCK ME?

437
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,644
NO, FUCK YOU, RON.
FUCK YOU, RON.

438
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,413
YEAH, FUCK YOU, RON.

439
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:07,247
FUCK YOU, RON.

440
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,682
YEAH, THIS IS OVER.
IT'S OVER, BUDDY.

441
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:13,253
IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, I THINK
SHE GOT YOU OUT OF HER SYSTEM.

442
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,721
SEVERAL TIMES.

443
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,856
TWICE IN SPANISH,
COUPLE TIMES IN ENGLISH THERE.
DOS.

444
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,459
ONCE IN SPANGLISH. AN
UNDERRATED MOVIE, IN MY OPINION.

445
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,727
UM, WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE?

446
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,765
DID YOU FUCK
MY MAID?

447
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,700
NO HABLO INGLESES.

448
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,769
WOW.
THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE.

449
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:30,937
[ GATE RATTLES ]

450
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,906
WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS TRYING TO
MAKE A GRACEFUL EXIT,

451
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,908
BUT APPARENTLY,
RED-FACED ANGRY HOCKEY DAD

452
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:38,611
LIKES TO KEEP BABY IN A CORNER
AND KEEP HIS GATE LOCKED UP.

453
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:39,779
WHAT WAS I THINKING

454
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,682
LETTING THE HANK MOODYS
AND THE LEW ASHBYS OF THE WORLD

455
00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:43,750
BACK INTO MY LIFE?

456
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:46,453
WELL, YOU WERE PROBABLY THINKING
YOU NEEDED A BREAK

457
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:47,987
FROM RED-FACED ANGRY
HOCKEY DAD.

458
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,357
HEY, UM...

459
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:52,425
LET ME JUST ASK YOU
ABOUT ROSARIO.

460
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:55,428
CAN I ASK YOU NOT TO FIRE HER,
IF THAT'S TOO MUCH?

461
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:57,397
I-I GET THE FEELING
SHE NEEDS THE JOB

462
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,299
AND THERE ARE
MOUTHS TO FEED, SO...

463
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:01,234
I'M NOT GONNA FIRE
ROSARIO.

464
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,270
IF SHE KEEPS ON KEEPING HOUSE
THE WAY SHE DOES,

465
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:04,704
SHE CAN KEEP FUCKING
MY HUSBAND.

466
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:05,605
WOW.

467
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:08,608
YOU'RE SOME KIND
OF A NEAT-FREAK, HUH?

468
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,278
YEAH. I'M NOT AN IDIOT.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.

469
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:12,945
I JUST DON'T KNOW
THAT I ACTUALLY CARE.

470
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:13,746
HMM.

471
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,549
I'M NOT SURE I BUY THAT,
JANIE JONES.

472
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:19,519
LOOK, I KNOW I'M NOT ON TOP
OF MY GAME HERE,

473
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,288
BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOSE

474
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:24,257
THE MOST COMPELLING PART
OF MY BOOK, SO...

475
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:26,693
I'M SURE THAT LEW ASHBY
HAS PLENTY OF COMPELLING PARTS

476
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,495
STASHED AROUND
THIS ENTIRE CITY.

477
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,896
NO, BUT YOU'RE THE KEY.
YEAH.

478
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,764
CAN WE JUST FINISH
THIS INTERVIEW

479
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:33,833
WITHOUT, YOU KNOW,
THE DIP IN THE POOL

480
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,503
AND THE DIP IN THE MAID?

481
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:39,639
NO. I'M DONE TALKING ABOUT LEW.
GO.

482
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:44,377
IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN,
YOU JUST HAVE TO ASK ME OUT.

483
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,455
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.

484
00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:00,993
AHH.

485
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:02,429
OOH. WHAT IS
THIS STUFF?

486
00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:04,297
OKAY.
H-HERE'S THE DEAL.

487
00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:08,668
SEE, MY 57-SECOND PERFORMANCE
IN "VAGINATOWN"

488
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:10,603
WAS NO ONE-TIME THING.

489
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:11,738
YOU COME...

490
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,306
RATHER QUICKLY.

491
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:14,441
YOU POOR BABY!

492
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,443
NO, NO, NO!
I'M LUCKY --

493
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:17,844
LUCKY TO LIVE IN AN AGE

494
00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:20,380
WHEN THERE ARE
VARIOUS TOOLS AVAILABLE

495
00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:23,049
OF WHICH THOSE OF MY ILK
CAN AVAIL THEMSELVES.

496
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:26,686
SEE, THERE IS NUMBING CREAM.
THAT'S GOOD STUFF.

497
00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:28,688
UH, EXTRA-THICK CONDOMS...

498
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:29,822
ANAL BEADS?

499
00:21:29,856 --> 00:21:31,891
OH, NO.
THEY SHOULDN'T BE IN THIS BOX.

500
00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:34,361
THOSE PUPPIES MAKE ME COME
LIKE A FIRE HOSE.

501
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:38,498
HEY. HEY!

502
00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:39,566
OKAY.

503
00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:42,402
YOU ARE NOT GONNA NEED
ANY OF THAT STUFF WITH ME.

504
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,738
W--
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

505
00:21:45,772 --> 00:21:48,007
LOOK, I CAN'T
SEE YOU NAKED YET.

506
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,442
OKAY.

507
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:51,478
I'M GONNA
COACH YOU THROUGH THIS.

508
00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:53,546
COCK CONTROL
IS MAINLY MENTAL.

509
00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:57,016
SO, WHAT IS YOUR
MOST EMBARRASSING TEEN MOMENT?

510
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:59,986
HIGH SCHOOL.
STATE DEBATE CHAMPIONSHIP.

511
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:03,423
YEAH, I WAS AHEAD,
AND THEN I POPPED A BONER.

512
00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,024
SO JUST THINK ABOUT THAT.

513
00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:07,360
NO GOOD.
I SHAME-JIZZ.

514
00:22:07,394 --> 00:22:08,595
OKAY.

515
00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:10,563
I'LL JUST DO
THE YONIC PRETZEL.

516
00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:12,965
WHAT THE FUCK
IS A YONIC PRETZEL?

517
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:14,701
IT'S LIKE
A NEGATIVE KEGEL.

518
00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:16,469
A NEGATIVE WHAT?
OKAY.

519
00:22:16,503 --> 00:22:17,870
IT'S JUST COMPLICATED
VAGINA SHIT.

520
00:22:17,904 --> 00:22:20,039
EVERY TIME YOU THINK
YOU'RE GONNA BLOW,

521
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:21,040
JUST PINCH ME.

522
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:23,476
AND THEN THAT'LL BE MY CUE
TO PRETZEL, OKAY?

523
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:24,811
I DON'T KNOW.

524
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:26,312
TRUST ME.

525
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:30,917
YOU BELIEVED IN ME,
AND I BELIEVE IN YOU.

526
00:22:30,950 --> 00:22:34,554
I'M GONNA
GET YOU THROUGH THIS.

527
00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:44,997
MM.

528
00:22:45,031 --> 00:22:47,567
HERE.
ME? OKAY. YEAH.

529
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,837
A LITTLE ANAESTHETIC
NEVER HURT.

530
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:54,907
[ SIGHS ]
AND YOU'RE RIGHT.

531
00:22:54,941 --> 00:22:56,175
I AM AN ASSHOLE.

532
00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:57,343
I KNOW.

533
00:22:57,376 --> 00:23:01,714
I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOU
AND SAY THAT MIA IS AN OLD SOUL,

534
00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:02,782
BUT...

535
00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:06,786
SHE IS CHARMING...

536
00:23:06,819 --> 00:23:09,055
WITTY, AND GORGEOUS.

537
00:23:09,088 --> 00:23:12,124
YES, BUT SHE'S LESS
THAN HALF YOUR AGE, LEW.

538
00:23:12,158 --> 00:23:14,727
OKAY, BUT BY THE TIME CHARMING,
WITTY, AND GORGEOUS WOMEN

539
00:23:14,761 --> 00:23:16,896
GET TO BE MY AGE,
THEY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

540
00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:19,466
OKAY, SO THAT'S YOUR RATIONALE.
THAT'S OKAY.

541
00:23:19,499 --> 00:23:21,734
NO, IT'S TRUE.
TAKE YOURSELF, FOR EXAMPLE.

542
00:23:21,768 --> 00:23:23,670
I MEAN, YOU'VE HAD YOUR SHARE
OF MAN-CHILDREN.

543
00:23:23,703 --> 00:23:25,204
EXCUSE ME!
WOO-HOO!

544
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,707
UM, YOU'D SEE ME COMING
A MILE AWAY, RIGHT?

545
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:28,708
MM-HMM.

546
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:31,544
MAN'S GOT A POINT.

547
00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:34,013
BUT I GUESS I WOULDN'T
HAVE SEEN YOU COMING AT 17,

548
00:23:34,046 --> 00:23:36,048
WHICH IS WHY
WE PROTECT OUR CHILDREN.

549
00:23:36,082 --> 00:23:37,216
OKAY. OKAY.

550
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:39,018
THE WHOLE AGE THING'S
A REAL STICKING POINT WITH YOU.

551
00:23:39,051 --> 00:23:40,687
NO --
GEEZ.
HEY, FORGIVE A GUY.

552
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:41,954
CAN YOU JUST FORGIVE A GUY?

553
00:23:41,988 --> 00:23:43,055
I MEAN, SURELY,

554
00:23:43,089 --> 00:23:45,492
THERE'S OTHER OLDER MEN
THAT HAVE DATED MIA, RIGHT?

555
00:23:45,525 --> 00:23:46,959
NO.
NOT AS FAR AS I KNOW.

556
00:23:46,993 --> 00:23:49,462
AND IF YOU DID KNOW?
I DON'T KNOW.

557
00:23:49,496 --> 00:23:50,697
IF THEY WERE LIKE YOU,

558
00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:52,832
I WOULDN'T SPEAK WITH THEM
EVER AGAIN.

559
00:23:52,865 --> 00:23:54,033
INTERESTING.

560
00:23:54,066 --> 00:23:55,868
WHAT'S INTERESTING?

561
00:23:55,902 --> 00:23:59,472
WELL, 'CAUSE WE'RE
TRUTH-TELLING, UM...

562
00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:02,875
WHAT?

563
00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:05,044
NOTHING.

564
00:24:05,077 --> 00:24:06,613
UH, I...

565
00:24:06,646 --> 00:24:08,615
I TAKE WOMEN
AS THEY COME TO ME.
OH, THAT'S --

566
00:24:08,648 --> 00:24:11,851
ANY WOMAN WHO IS KIND ENOUGH
TO HAVE ME, I DON'T QUESTION.

567
00:24:11,884 --> 00:24:14,020
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. THAT'S --
THAT'S NICE OF YOU, LEW.

568
00:24:14,053 --> 00:24:16,155
I MISSED A LITTLE BIT.
I --

569
00:24:19,058 --> 00:24:20,860
WHAT THE FUCK?!

570
00:24:20,893 --> 00:24:22,094
[ LAUGHS ]

571
00:24:22,128 --> 00:24:24,263
I THOUGHT I SAW
A GREEN LIGHT THERE. I DID.

572
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,165
NO.
NO, ABSOLUTELY.

573
00:24:26,198 --> 00:24:27,867
W-WHAT?

574
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:30,737
I'VE GOT TO GO.
YOU'RE INSANE.

575
00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:32,004
[ DOOR OPENS ]

576
00:24:32,038 --> 00:24:33,806
CALL ME.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]

577
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,808
[ CHUCKLES ]

578
00:24:35,842 --> 00:24:39,278
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

579
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:40,680
WOW.

580
00:24:40,713 --> 00:24:43,616
YOUR JEDI CLAM TRICKS
REALLY WORK.

581
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:44,617
YEAH?

582
00:24:44,651 --> 00:24:46,519
YEAH.
I'M REALLY DOING IT.

583
00:24:46,553 --> 00:24:48,020
STAYING IN THE GAME.

584
00:24:48,054 --> 00:24:49,789
MY PENIS IS STILL
IN YOUR VAGINA.

585
00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:52,124
WAY TO GO, CHAMP!

586
00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:56,863
HOLY SHIT!

587
00:24:56,896 --> 00:24:58,731
I'M KING
OF FUCK MOUNTAIN!

588
00:24:58,765 --> 00:24:59,866
I COULD GO FOR DAYS!

589
00:24:59,899 --> 00:25:03,202
OH, WELL, UM, THAT'S NOT
TOTALLY NECESSARY.

590
00:25:03,235 --> 00:25:05,605
OH, IT'S NO PROBLEM.
YOU JUST ENJOY YOURSELF.

591
00:25:05,638 --> 00:25:07,006
I'M ACTUALLY
A LITTLE SORE.

592
00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:10,710
OH. THAT'S COOL.
COMING IS MY FAVORITE PART.

593
00:25:10,743 --> 00:25:12,645
WELL, YOU EARNED IT.

594
00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:14,947
OKAY. GO!

595
00:25:14,981 --> 00:25:16,849
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
GO!

596
00:25:16,883 --> 00:25:19,652
OKAY, PLEASE
DON'T PICK THAT UP.

597
00:25:19,686 --> 00:25:20,953
I'M CHAFING.

598
00:25:20,987 --> 00:25:23,923
Charlie, it's Ilene.
Where the hell is my daughter?

599
00:25:23,956 --> 00:25:25,958
She doesn't pick up.
She doesn't call.

600
00:25:25,992 --> 00:25:27,026
What the fuck, Runkle?!

601
00:25:27,059 --> 00:25:29,629
She had manners
before she married you.

602
00:25:29,662 --> 00:25:30,763
[ Receiver clicks ]

603
00:25:30,797 --> 00:25:32,632
SON OF A BITCH!

604
00:25:32,665 --> 00:25:34,300
[ DOOR CLOSES ]

605
00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:36,168
HEY, IT'S THE LITTLEST
OF THE MOODYS.

606
00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:38,971
I GOT SOME SUSHI. PLAY SOME
GUITAR HERO. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

607
00:25:39,005 --> 00:25:40,172
MAYBE SOME
OTHER TIME, DAD.

608
00:25:40,206 --> 00:25:43,109
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I GOT
THE KIND WITH THE PAPER BOATS.

609
00:25:43,142 --> 00:25:44,777
YOU LOVE YOU
SOME PAPER BOATS.

610
00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:45,912
I'M MEETING DAMIEN.

611
00:25:45,945 --> 00:25:48,080
OH, NO. OH, OHH.

612
00:25:48,114 --> 00:25:50,016
YOU KNOW,
FUCK THAT HARRY CHAPIN.

613
00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:52,351
PROPHETIC BASTARD --
"CAT'S IN THE CRADLE."

614
00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:53,853
MOTHERFUCKER.

615
00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:55,855
I SHOULD HAVE
PICKED HER UP.

616
00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:58,190
RIGHT.
WELL, IT'S NOT HER LOSS.

617
00:25:58,224 --> 00:26:02,228
YOU KNOW, UM, YOU HAD YOUR
CHANCE, AND NOW YOU DON'T, SO...

618
00:26:03,630 --> 00:26:05,131
OH, YEAH.
YOU WANT SUSHI?

619
00:26:05,164 --> 00:26:06,899
NO.
UH, WOULD THAT I COULD.

620
00:26:06,933 --> 00:26:09,902
I-I HAVE TO GO MEET SONJA
AND, UM, YOUR BEST FRIEND

621
00:26:09,936 --> 00:26:11,804
AT THE GALLERY
AT THE BERGAMOT.

622
00:26:11,838 --> 00:26:13,305
OH, THE BEARDED BOZO?
MM-HMM.

623
00:26:13,339 --> 00:26:15,608
WELL, TAKE SOME WITH.
I GOT WAY TOO MUCH. I GOT...

624
00:26:15,642 --> 00:26:17,644
I GOT LIKE 20 POUNDS.
OH, NO. YOU KNOW,
IT DOESN'T TRAVEL SO WELL.

625
00:26:17,677 --> 00:26:18,678
...PAPER BOATS.
THANK YOU.

626
00:26:18,711 --> 00:26:21,848
BUT YOU COULD, YOU KNOW,
JUST MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME

627
00:26:21,881 --> 00:26:23,883
AND -- AND --
AND LOCK UP AFTER.

628
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,920
WELL, YEAH.
THIS USED TO BE MY HOME ONCE.

629
00:26:27,954 --> 00:26:31,891
AND I USED TO BE
YOUR GIRL ONCE.

630
00:26:33,325 --> 00:26:35,928
OKAY.
HEY, ABOUT, UM...

631
00:26:35,962 --> 00:26:38,064
YOU KNOW, THE MIA THING
WITH ASHBY.

632
00:26:38,097 --> 00:26:39,131
OH.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

633
00:26:39,165 --> 00:26:40,767
I'M GONNA PROTECT HER.

634
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,235
OH. IT'S ALREADY
TAKEN CARE OF.

635
00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:45,905
NO, NO. IT'S UNFORGIVABLE.
SHE'S STILL A KID.

636
00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:46,973
UH-HUH.
I TOOK CARE OF IT.

637
00:26:47,006 --> 00:26:48,207
HOW?
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

638
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,309
I MEAN, THE GUY'S AN ANIMAL,
A MOVING TRAIN.

639
00:26:50,342 --> 00:26:52,144
HE'S PURE ID.

640
00:26:52,178 --> 00:26:55,982
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
UM...

641
00:26:56,015 --> 00:26:58,217
BUT HE IS A GREAT KISSER,
SO...

642
00:26:58,250 --> 00:26:59,251
WHAT?

643
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,289
WHA--
I THINK YOU HEARD ME.

644
00:27:03,322 --> 00:27:04,657
I --
MM-HMM.

645
00:27:04,691 --> 00:27:10,329
SO, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE
TO GO SEE A MAN ABOUT A HORSE.

646
00:27:10,362 --> 00:27:16,068
* HOW CAN I BE WRONG IF
THE DECISION'S ALREADY MADE? *

647
00:27:16,102 --> 00:27:24,176
* WOMAN, I FEEL,
I FEEL A MILLION MILES AWAY *

648
00:27:24,210 --> 00:27:29,682
* OH, WOMAN *

649
00:27:30,850 --> 00:27:37,123
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE

650
00:27:37,156 --> 00:27:43,395
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE

651
00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:49,335
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE

652
00:27:52,939 --> 00:27:56,809
* THERE'S A PLACE FOR US
WHERE AGE HAS NO NAME *

653
00:27:56,843 --> 00:27:59,812
-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

654
00:27:59,846 --> 00:28:02,882
CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY
SHOWTIME NETWORKS

655
00:28:02,915 --> 00:28:05,184
AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS