1 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,345 PREVIOUSLY ON "CALIFORNICATION"... FUCK! 2 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,582 I THOUGHT I SAW A GREEN LIGHT THERE. NO. 3 00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:16,317 SHUT UP AND FUCK ME. 4 00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:18,752 OH, AAH! 5 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,054 UGH. ARE YOU OKAY? 6 00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:21,755 [ GASPS ] 7 00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:22,790 OH. 8 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:23,724 Hank: I DON'T WANT TO LOSE 9 00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:27,061 THE MOST COMPELLING PART OF MY BOOK, SO... 10 00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:28,496 I'M DONE TALKING ABOUT LEW. 11 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,132 IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN, YOU JUST HAVE TO ASK ME OUT. 12 00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:36,804 HOLY GUACAMOLE! 13 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,773 I'M THIS CLOSE TO BOOKING YOU A ROOM AT WISHES. 14 00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,041 WHAT HAPPENED TO PROMISES? 15 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:44,345 PROMISES OF MALIBU IS NO LONGER IN THE RUNKLE FAMILY BUDGET. 16 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,314 WISHES IS IN OXNARD. 17 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:49,683 MY DIRTY, LITTLE WHORE OF A NOSE IS SORRY THAT SHE LET YOU DOWN. 18 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,220 I PROMISE WE WON'T HAVE ANY FUN WHILE YOU'RE GONE. 19 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,687 I'M KING OF FUCK MOUNTAIN! 20 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,722 [ TELEPHONE RINGING ] WELL, YOU EARNED IT. 21 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:57,658 Woman: Charlie, where the hell's my daughter? 22 00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,660 She doesn't pick up. She doesn't call. 23 00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,595 SON OF A BITCH! 24 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,437 Marcy: THIS IS REHAB, OKAY? 25 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,805 I GOT TO TELL YOU ALL THE BAD SHIT I DID. 26 00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:14,208 Charlie: SO, UH, WHAT? YOU HOCKED EVERYTHING. 27 00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,276 IS THAT IT? 28 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,145 THE CARTIER LOVE BRACELET, 29 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:20,314 THE VENETIAN GLASS WE GOT ON OUR HONEYMOON... 30 00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:21,782 HEY, I DIDN'T SELL THAT CERAMIC BOWL 31 00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,517 THAT THEY GAVE US AS A WEDDING PRESENT. 32 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:24,752 OH, WELL. 33 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,254 I-I MADE THAT FOR YOU. 34 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:29,257 I KNOW. IT'S SPECIAL AS SHIT TO ME. 35 00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:33,394 THAT'S FOR YOU, BY THE WAY. I MADE IT IN ART THERAPY. 36 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:34,528 REALLY? MM-HMM. 37 00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:36,130 YOU'RE WELCOME. THANK YOU. 38 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:39,400 I WILL, UH... TREASURE IT ALWAYS. 39 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,135 JESUS CHRIST! MARCE! IS THERE MORE? 40 00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:42,403 IS THAT IT? WHAT? 41 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:43,571 [ EXHALES HEAVILY ] 42 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,807 JUST THE THING WITH THE WAITER AT THE AIRPORT CHILI'S. 43 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:47,841 MARCY! 44 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:51,512 I NEED TO FESS UP, OKAY? IT'S PART OF THE PROCESS. 45 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,814 THERE WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TONGUE. 46 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:57,318 I WAS GONNA GET ON THE PLANE TO SEE MY MOTHER -- I SWEAR. 47 00:01:57,351 --> 00:02:01,689 BUT THE GUY HAD SOME BLOW. ONE THING LEAD TO ANOTHER... 48 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:02,623 WE MADE OUT A LITTLE. 49 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,592 ENOUGH. YOU KNOW, JUST -- JUST STOP, OKAY? 50 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,527 I MEAN, IF I WERE DOING ANYTHING LIKE THAT, 51 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,929 YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT, WOULD YOU? 52 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,532 YOU ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 53 00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,534 WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY ABSOLUTELY. 54 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,736 AND Y-YOU WERE DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 55 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,671 REMEMBER? WITH DANI? YOU DID. 56 00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:20,941 YOU WENT OFF THE DEEP END, AND WHAT DID I DO, RUNKLE? 57 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,677 I STOOD BY YOU. I FORGAVE YOUR ASS. 58 00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,679 AND THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING. I MEAN, HE'S HERE. 59 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:26,914 HE'S STANDING BY YOU. 60 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,817 YOU KNOW, THIS IS GONNA BE ROUGH, HONEY. 61 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,286 YOU'RE JUST IN THE FIRST WEEK. 62 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,322 BUT YOU GUYS, YOU'RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS. 63 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:37,691 YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA BE STRONGER IN THE PLACES THAT ARE BROKEN. 64 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:40,828 LIKE HEMINGWAY SAID. 65 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,531 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO WITHOUT YOU GUYS. 66 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:46,567 WELL, FORTUNATELY, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO FIND OUT. 67 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,472 WE SHOULD GO, GIVE THEM SOME SPACE. 68 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,941 OKAY. ADIEU, COKIE SMURF. 69 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:57,311 YOU LOOK MUCH BETTER WITHOUT THAT GIANT MONKEY ON YOUR BACK. 70 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,946 MNH-MNH. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 71 00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,881 WHAT? YOU WANT TONGUE? 72 00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,351 I WANT EVERYBODY IN. COME ON, YOU TWO. 73 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,453 LITERALLY? LIKE A GROUP HUG? 74 00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:06,787 YES. PLEASE? 75 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,422 [ CHUCKLES ] 76 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,723 ALL RIGHT. 77 00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:15,696 OH, YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. FEEL THE LOVE. 78 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:16,830 I'M FEELING THE LOVE. 79 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,131 THE LOVE IS STRONG. 80 00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:20,734 I'M FEELING SOMETHING POKING ME ON MY LEFT, IS WHAT I'M FEELING. 81 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:22,703 I GOT A BRO-NER. 82 00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:07,415 Lew: WATCH AND LEARN. 83 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:08,916 Hank: MM-HMM. 84 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,552 ARE YOU, UH, SWINGING ON THE EXHALE OR THE INHALE? 85 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,553 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 86 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:13,754 [ LAUGHS ] 87 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,656 OH, YOU HOOKED IT. 88 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,458 EH. GATOR BALL. 89 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,392 A LITTLE HOOK. 90 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,961 OKAY, IF I HIT ONE BALL WAY THE FUCK OVER 91 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:24,532 INTO HOUDINI'S FRONT YARD, THEN YOU HAVE TO TELL ME, RIGHT? 92 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,734 EVERYTHING JANIE SAID ABOUT YOU? YEAH. 93 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,702 NO WAY. I DON'T INTERVIEW AND TELL. 94 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:29,837 UGH! 95 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,972 HOOK! CAPTAIN HOOK. 96 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:35,409 COME ON, MOODY. IT'S MY FUCKIN' LIFE. 97 00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:37,445 NO, NOT ANYMORE IT'S NOT. IT'S MY BOOK. 98 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,313 BESIDES, I'M NOT WAGERING ON THIS GAME. 99 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,180 YOU INVENTED IT. 100 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,550 YOU MADE UP ALL THE BULLSHIT RULES. 101 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,684 YAH! 102 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:44,518 RUN, YOU CUNT! 103 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,420 OOH, THAT WAS ALL RIGHT. IT CAME BACK. 104 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:48,589 KIND OF A METAPHOR FOR LIFE, ISN'T IT, LAD? 105 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,958 YEAH, IT'S ASHBY'S WORLD. WE ALL JUST LIVE IN IT. 106 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:53,794 COME ON. I'VE BEEN GOOD LATELY. I HAVEN'T SEEN MIA ONCE. 107 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,964 SHE'S BEEN BUSY DOING, UH, PUBLICITY FOR THIS, UH, BOOK SHE WROTE. 108 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,433 WHAT IS THAT -- A MEMOIR OR SOMETHING? 109 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:00,634 OR SOMETHING. 110 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,870 OOH. WHEW! 111 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,972 COME ON, GIVE ME A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR! 112 00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,807 ALL RIGHT! I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW I KNOW THIS, 113 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:10,043 BUT THE BEVERLY HILLS HUSBAND -- DEFINITELY CHEATING. 114 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,945 NO SHIT. 115 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,881 NO SHIT. I'LL KNOW MORE WHEN I SEE HER TONIGHT. 116 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,849 YOU'RE GONNA SEE HER TONIGHT? MM-HMM. 117 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:17,818 YOUR LABIA GOT IN THE WAY OF THAT ONE. 118 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,987 IT'S, UH... FRIDAY NIGHT. YEAH. 119 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,855 YOU CAN'T SEE HER TONIGHT. 120 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:25,359 THAT -- THAT'S WEIRD. IT'S LIKE A...A DATE. 121 00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:27,027 WHAT -- TWO PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER 122 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,662 CAN'T RENDEZVOUS AFTER 7:00 P.M.? 123 00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:29,897 IT'S AUTOMATICALLY A DATE? 124 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,365 IN ASHBY'S WORLD. 125 00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:32,900 OOH! OHH! 126 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,101 I LIKE THAT. 127 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,869 [ LAUGHS ] 128 00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,140 NO, MARCY'S STILL OUT OF TOWN, 129 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:44,378 BUT I COULD SQUEEZE YOU IN WITH OXSANA TUESDAY AT 4:00. 130 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:49,817 OKAY. GREAT. WE'LL SEE YOU THEN. BYE. 131 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,552 HOW'S THE PATIENT? 132 00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,053 REQUIRING ALL MY PATIENCE. 133 00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:54,087 LISTEN, DAISY, 134 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,757 I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR FILLING IN LIKE THIS. 135 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,992 EH! NO PROBLEM. IT'S FUN. 136 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,060 FUN? 137 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,396 RESCHEDULING ALL MARCY'S APPOINTMENTS, 138 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:03,997 DEALING WITH ANGRY CLIENTS... 139 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,667 HEY, IT'S A LOT EASIER THAN GETTING CUM SHOT IN YOUR EYE 140 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,901 AND PRETENDING TO LIKE IT. 141 00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,704 AND ALL WEEK LONG I'VE KIND OF FELT SPECIAL, 142 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,873 YOU KNOW, LIKE ONE OF THOSE GIRLS 143 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,409 IN THE MOVIES WHO WORKS IN AN OFFICE. 144 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,811 LIKE "THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA" OR SOMETHING. 145 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:21,449 YEAH, WELL, THOSE GIRLS ALL GENERALLY GET PAID. 146 00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,584 I AM NOT HELPING OUT AROUND HERE TO GET PAID. 147 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:24,418 YOU GUYS TOOK ME IN. 148 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,186 YOU MADE ME A PART OF YOUR FAMILY. 149 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,589 WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF "FAMILY" IS THE RIGHT WORD. 150 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:31,124 OH, YOU MEAN 'CAUSE OF OUR LENGTHY... 151 00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,960 DON'T WORRY. I GET IT. 152 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:35,729 I...KNOW IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN. 153 00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:36,930 YOU DO? 154 00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:38,131 YEAH! 155 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:41,001 DON'T SWEAT IT. I'M ALREADY LOOKING FOR A NEW PLACE TO LIVE. 156 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,069 OH. 157 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:45,539 WELL, YOU KNOW, THE GUEST ROOM IS YOURS UNTIL YOU -- 158 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,207 [ TELEPHONE RINGING ] OH, EXCUSE ME. 159 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,543 GLAMOROUS AND IMPORTANT WORK TO DO. 160 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,049 [ CAR ALARM CHIRPS ] 161 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,718 YOU KAREN? 162 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,653 WHO'S ASKIN'? 163 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:00,854 I WORK FOR LEW ASHBY. 164 00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:04,057 YOU'RE A LONG WAY FROM LAUREL CANYON. 165 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,593 HERE. 166 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:06,860 WHAT? WHAT IS THAT? 167 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:13,000 IT JUST SAYS "GET IN THE CAR." 168 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,002 HE'S NOT ONE FOR WORDS. 169 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,604 WE'LL HAVE YOU BACK BY 11:00. 170 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:17,638 BACK FROM WHERE? WHAT THE -- 171 00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,607 I CAN'T SAY EXACTLY. 172 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,009 BUT I CAN SAY IT'S SUPREMELY AWESOME. 173 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,045 YOU HONESTLY EXPECT ME TO GET IN THAT CAR WITH YOU? 174 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,147 WHAT? YOU GOT SOMETHING ELSE TO DO? 175 00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,482 IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT. 176 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:29,983 COME ON. 177 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,251 OKAY. 178 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,854 * WHEN I CAME UP FROM OUTTA THE MEAT LOCKER * 179 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:34,888 YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? 180 00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:37,858 WE COULD ALWAYS GRAB A BOX OF THEIR BEST CHARDONNAY 181 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,126 AND DRINK IT AT THE BUS STOP. 182 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,528 YOU PROMISED THAT YOU WOULD 183 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,129 TAKE ME ANYWHERE I WANTED TO GO TONIGHT. 184 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,931 WELL, I DID, AND I MEANT IT. 185 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,534 BUT I WAS THINKING MORE LIKE BURGERS AT THE APPLE PAN. 186 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,168 OH, SO YOU'RE A CHEAP DATE. 187 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,971 JUST BECAUSE TWO PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER 188 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,606 RENDEZVOUS AFTER 7:00 P.M. 189 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,775 DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE IT A DATE. 190 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,545 I THINK LEW WOULD DISAGREE WITH YOU ON THAT. 191 00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:58,679 HE HAS. YEAH. 192 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,113 SO HE KNOWS WE'RE OUT TONIGHT? 193 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,048 SHE ASKED 194 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,250 BECAUSE SHE OBVIOUSLY STILL GIVES A DAMN. 195 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,718 WHAT ABOUT YOU, YOUR HUSBAND? 196 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,920 WHERE DOES THE ONE THAT YOU GAVE YOUR TROTH TO -- 197 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:08,589 WHERE DOES HE THINK YOU ARE TONIGHT? 198 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,157 HE TOOK THE KIDS TO LEGOLAND FOR THE WEEKEND. 199 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:10,824 LEGOLAND! 200 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,726 LEGOLAND. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 201 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,895 PLUS, HE FEELS VENICE IS TOO DANGEROUS. 202 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,730 HE DOESN'T LIKE TO COME HERE. 203 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:19,633 WELL, IN YOUR CASE, HE MAY BE RIGHT. 204 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:20,834 AAH! 205 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,070 LOOK AT THIS MONSTROSITY. 206 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,605 OH, I LIKE THIS ONE. 207 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:25,673 YOU DO?! 208 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,641 YEAH, IT LOOKS HOW I FEEL. 209 00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,610 WHAT'S THAT -- ALIENATED? 210 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:32,012 NAUSEOUS? CULTURALLY DISPOSSESSED? 211 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,013 NO. 212 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,682 HORNY. 213 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,717 [ COUGHS ] 214 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,686 CHEESE CUBE. HANK? 215 00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:39,653 [ COUGHING ] 216 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:42,255 HANK, ARE YOU -- ARE YOU OKAY? IS HE OKAY? 217 00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,857 IT JUST WENT DOWN THE WRONG PIPE. 218 00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:44,992 OOH. HEY. 219 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,827 [ COUGHS ] 220 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,061 WHOO! 221 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:49,797 CHEESE CUBE. [ COUGHS ] 222 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,732 HI. I'M JANIE. 223 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,100 HI. SONJA. 224 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,868 OH, SONJA. WHEN ARE YOU DUE? 225 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,269 OH, GOD. SIX MORE WEEKS. 226 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,939 WELL, YOU LOOK GREAT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 227 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,575 SO HOW DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER? 228 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,577 UH... 229 00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,045 LOOK WHO'S HERE. [ CLEARS THROAT ] 230 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,581 LOOK AT THAT. THE...[ IMITATES VOMITING ] 231 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:08,616 OH, YEAH. 232 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,284 SONJA AND I, WE HAVE NO SECRETS. 233 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:13,286 UH, YEAH, HANK IS THE FATHER. 234 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,156 ALLEGED FATHER... OF SONJA'S BUMP. 235 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,659 WOW. OKAY. WOW. 236 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:20,193 IT'S NICE THAT YOU'RE HERE. 237 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,796 I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D BE, YOU KNOW, AT A PLACE LIKE THIS. 238 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,164 I DIDN'T. THIS IS JULIAN'S GALLERY. 239 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,899 OH, NO, I DID NOT KNOW THAT. 240 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,601 OKAY, AND NOW THAT YOU DO, 241 00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:30,203 YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET DOWN HERE AGAIN, WILL YOU? 242 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,338 PROBABLY NOT. 243 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,106 SLIPPERY -- SLIPPERY GUY, THIS ONE. 244 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,175 OH, VERY SLIPPERY, YEAH. WHO'S JULIAN? 245 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:38,278 JULIAN SELF, THE -- THE ARTIST WITHIN. 246 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,613 THERE HE IS. 247 00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,915 SALVADOR DALí. YEAH. 248 00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,651 OH, MY GOD! LOOK AT THAT. 249 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,886 I-I-I -- YOU KNOW WHAT? I KNEW IT. 250 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:46,987 LOOK HOW LATE IT IS. 251 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,689 YOU KNOW, WE'RE -- WE'RE, UH, 252 00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:51,024 HOPPING FROM GALLERY TO GALLERY TONIGHT. 253 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,760 "GALLERY-HOPPING" I THINK THEY CALL IT. 254 00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,261 AND WE'VE GOT ANOTHER THING TO GET TO. 255 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:55,729 I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ANOTHER THING. 256 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:56,529 OH, NO, WE DO. 257 00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,298 NO, NO, YOU CAN'T GO. YOU CANNOT -- 258 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,934 YOU CANNOT LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING HELLO TO JULIAN. 259 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,770 NO, I THINK WE CAN. WE COULD. 260 00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:05,639 YOU PROMISED WE COULD DO ANYTHING I WANTED TONIGHT. 261 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:07,641 I DID? THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ME. 262 00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:08,942 LEAD THE WAY, SONJA. 263 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,178 YOU DON'T KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH 264 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,146 TO TORTURE ME IN THIS FASHION. 265 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,289 [ EXHALES HEAVILY ] SHIT, MARCY! 266 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,758 ALL THE PETTY CASH, TOO? 267 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,296 OH, HEY. HEY, HEY, I'M SORRY. 268 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,031 UM, LISTEN. [ CHUCKLES ] 269 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,233 LOOK, I KNOW IT PROBABLY TOOK A LOT OF COURAGE 270 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:35,435 JUST TO WALK IN HERE, BUT ACTUALLY WE'RE CLOSED. 271 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,338 IN FACT, WE DON'T REALLY EVEN, YOU KNOW, DO MEN. 272 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,406 IS DAISY HERE? 273 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:43,310 DAISY. NO, LISTEN, PAL. NO MáS APPOINTMENTS TODAY. 274 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:46,046 OKAY? I JUST -- I FORGOT TO LOCK THE DOOR IS ALL. 275 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,881 OH, UM... WE'RE GOING OUT. 276 00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:49,282 ON A DATE? 277 00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,283 YEAH. 278 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,052 HEY. 279 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,321 WOW! 280 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,789 YOU LOOK AMAZING. 281 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:58,959 YOU DO! YOU LOOK -- 282 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,162 I WAS JUST MEETING YOUR FRIEND. 283 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,997 I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR NAME. 284 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,934 OH, STEVE, THIS IS MY BOSS, CHARLIE RUNKLE. 285 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,101 NICE TO MEET YOU, STEVE. 286 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,970 NICE TO MEET YOU. 287 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,072 SO...HAVE YOU GOT A JOB, STEVE? 288 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,974 SOME MEANS OF SUPPORT? 289 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,876 OH, YEAH, OF COURSE. 290 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,812 UM, I WORK ACROSS THE STREET AT THE SHARPER IMAGE. 291 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,347 SHARPER IMAGE. 292 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,049 YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH WORK, 293 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,117 I CAN JUST WAIT FOR YOU OUTSIDE IF YOU'D LIKE. 294 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,319 OH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. OKAY. 295 00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,225 SEEMS NICE. 296 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:33,761 DON'T YOU MEAN "BORING AS SHIT"? 297 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:36,429 THANKS FOR COVERING FOR ME, BY THE WAY. 298 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,900 WE BOTH KNOW I'M NOT REALLY THE GIRL 299 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,935 WHO WORKS AT THE FRONT DESK. 300 00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:45,472 HEY, HEY. SURE YOU ARE. YOU'RE ANY GIRL YOU WANT TO BE. 301 00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,775 YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE TO GO OUT WITH THIS GUY. 302 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,442 HE ASKED, AND I FIGURED "WHAT THE HELL? 303 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,779 DO SOMETHING NORMAL FOR A CHANGE." 304 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:54,114 BUT I COULD TELL HIM SOMETHING CAME UP WITH WORK 305 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,483 AND STAY... HELP YOU WITH THE BOOKS. 306 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,986 YEAH, BECAUSE THAT WOULDN'T BE AT ALL DYSFUNCTIONAL. 307 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,854 NO, NO, YOU SHOULD GO. 308 00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,056 YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD GO OUT TONIGHT 309 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:05,425 ON A NORMAL DATE WITH A NORMAL GUY 310 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:09,296 BECAUSE YOU'RE YOUNG AND NORMAL. 311 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:12,132 AND THAT'S WHAT NORMAL PEOPLE NORMALLY DO. 312 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,534 OKAY. 313 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,203 DON'T WORK TOO HARD. 314 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,470 [ CHUCKLES ] 315 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,310 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 316 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,345 DON'T YOU FUCK HIM TOO HARD. 317 00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,014 [ EXHALES HEAVILY ] 318 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,965 [ LILI HAYDN'S "SADDEST SUNSET" PLAYS ] 319 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,815 JUST IN TIME. 320 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:05,919 HEY. I HAD NO IDEA THEY, UM, THEY STARTED SO PROMPTLY. 321 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:10,991 I MEAN, "LILI HAYDN, THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL, 8:30." 322 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,061 I TAKE IT YOU DON'T LIKE THE CROWDS. 323 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,329 I HAVE, UH, ISSUES. 324 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,331 [ Sarcastically ] OH, YOU DO? 325 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:27,474 * THEY CAN CHANGE IN AN INSTANT * 326 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:30,577 SO...YOU THINK YOU MIGHT STAY? 327 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:35,248 I MIGHT. I MEAN, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL EVENING, RIGHT? 328 00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,217 WHERE ARE WE GONNA SIT? 329 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,220 MAYBE WE CAN SQUEEZE UP FRONT. I KNOW PEOPLE. 330 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,222 OKAY. 331 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,439 Hank: SO DO YOU USE FLAVORED WAX FOR THIS 332 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,541 OR JUST, LIKE, SURFBOARD WAX? 333 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,444 DO YOU KNOW WHAT HOSPITAL YOU'RE GOING TO -- 334 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,445 OH, GOD, NO. 335 00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,647 YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. NO HOSPITALS. 336 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,217 WE'RE HAVING HOME WATER BIRTH. 337 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,219 EASES THE BIRTH TRAUMA. 338 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:15,588 AND, UM, IT'S, UH, MUCH MORE SENSUAL FOR A WOMAN. 339 00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:18,225 IT FACILITATES THE BIRTH ORGASM. 340 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,359 OH. 341 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,295 HEY, SO -- SO IN A POOL THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN? YEAH. 342 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,332 SO YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING SO MUCH A BOY OR GIRL AS A SEA-MONKEY. 343 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,366 HANK. 344 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,135 AMPHIBIOUS. 345 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,370 IT'S ACTUALLY -- IT'S A BOY. 346 00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:32,339 WE HAVE A HOME ULTRASOUND MACHINE. 347 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,206 WE DO IT EVERY WEEK. 348 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,075 DID I FORGET TO TELL YOU ABOUT THAT? 349 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,609 ABOUT THE HOME ULTRASOUND MACHINE? 350 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,012 YES, BUT I -- OF COURSE I ASSUMED YOU HAD ONE. 351 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,480 DOESN'T EVERYBODY? I KNOW I DO. 352 00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:41,949 HANK HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN 353 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:43,383 SO INVOLVED IN ALL THIS PREGNANCY STUFF. 354 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,453 AND THAT IS A CHOICE THAT HANK WILL LIVE TO REGRET. 355 00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:49,589 JANE, HAVE YOU, UH, EXPERIENCED GIVING BIRTH? 356 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,391 YES, UH-HUH. YES, I HAVE. 357 00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:55,028 AHH, BUT YOU HAVEN'T EXPERIENCED A BIRTH ORGASM, HAVE YOU? 358 00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,263 NO, I DID NOT. MNH-MNH. 359 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:57,965 YOU KNOW, I THINK -- YOU KNOW, 360 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,333 MAYBE YOU SHOULD LET JULIAN DO A READING FOR YOU. 361 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,102 HE CAN GAUGE YOUR NEGATIVITY. 362 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:02,936 NO, I'M GOOD. 363 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,504 I THINK HE'S GAUGING IT RIGHT NOW. 364 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,239 NO, I THINK WE'RE GOOD. NO, WE HAVE TO GET GOING. 365 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,008 WE HAVE THAT NEXT THING. WHAT THING? 366 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:11,078 YOU DON'T WANT TO STAY AND HEAR MORE ABOUT THE BIRTH ORGASM? 367 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,413 JANE... WHAT? 368 00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,615 YOU HAVE VERY BEAUTIFUL EYES. I DO? 369 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:19,186 YES, AND WHATEVER PAIN YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED IN THIS LIFE 370 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,221 YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY TRANSCENDED. 371 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,356 UH-HUH. ARE YOU MENSTRUATING RIGHT NOW? 372 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,092 AM I...MENSTRUATING? 373 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,359 AND WE'RE DONE. 374 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,061 ALL RIGHT. WELL, THAT WAS A GOOD TIME. 375 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,630 HANK, HANK, COME ON. DON'T GO. WE'RE HAVING FUN. 376 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,532 I MEAN, HE DIDN'T MEAN IT. IT WASN'T SEXUAL. 377 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:33,600 OF COURSE IT'S SEXUAL. 378 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,735 THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH EXPRESSING A HEALTHY, 379 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,973 RESPECTFUL INTEREST IN SOMEONE ELSE'S SEXUALITY. 380 00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:41,141 SEE, I'M MARRIED, SO... 381 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,242 OH, NOW YOU'RE MARRIED. 382 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,143 I AM. I'M MARRIED. 383 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,711 I THINK THAT HE'S SUGGESTING GROUP SEX. 384 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,646 I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SUGGESTING, RIGHT? 385 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,649 BY ALL MEANS. I MEAN, LOOK AT US. 386 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,485 THE FOUR OF US HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE PANSEXUAL CHEMISTRY. 387 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:55,122 YOU GO. I'M GONNA TAKE A BULLET FOR YOU. 388 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,256 COME HERE. 389 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,257 DON'T RESIST. 390 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,491 YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 391 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,760 I JUST WANT IT SO BAD. I'M JUST NOT READY. 392 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,495 I'M NOT READY. I'M NOT READY. 393 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:05,098 I'LL SEE YOU SOON, OKAY? 394 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,467 WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? 395 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,236 I LIKE HIM. 396 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:21,348 HEY. DAISY, YOU'RE BACK. 397 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,150 YEAH, I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 398 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:26,086 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS YOUR DATE OVER ALREADY? 399 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:29,022 NOT EXACTLY. I KIND OF BLEW IT OFF. 400 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,390 DAISY! 401 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,425 I KNOW! I KNOW! 402 00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:34,261 HIGHLY DYSFUNCTIONAL. 403 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,496 BUT, YOU SEE, I FORGOT SOMETHING. 404 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,031 WHAT'S THAT? 405 00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,633 JUST HOW MUCH I LOVE "DIRTY DANCING." 406 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,036 FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WALLOW... 407 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,404 AT LEAST NOT ALONE. 408 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:47,140 SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, CHARLIE RUNKLE? 409 00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:50,009 ARE YOU READY TO HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE? 410 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,546 [ PLASTIC CRINKLES ] 411 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,248 [ GASPS ] 412 00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:57,384 [ CHUCKLES ] 413 00:16:57,417 --> 00:17:00,120 IT IS NOT EVERY DAY THAT YOU MEET A MAN 414 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,721 WHO HAS IMPREGNATED A CULT MEMBER. 415 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,524 WELL, THERE WERE A LOT OF CONTROLLED SUBSTANCES INVOLVED. 416 00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,226 IT WAS ONLY THE ONE TIME, SO... 417 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,195 WOW. SO YOUR BOYS ARE POTENT? 418 00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,729 THEY WERE -- I'VE BEEN SNIPPED, 419 00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:12,232 VASECTOMIZED, HAD MY TESTES DONE. 420 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,301 WOW. THAT IS SOME EXCELLENT FOREPLAY. 421 00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,369 YOU LIKE THAT? THAT'S MY "A" MATERIAL. 422 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:19,406 AT THE END OF THE NIGHT, I JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND ANNOUNCE MY INFERTILITY. 423 00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:20,407 IT'S SEXY. 424 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,075 YEAH, IT'S WORKING FOR YOU, HUH? 425 00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:23,443 IT IS. IT REALLY TURNS A GIRL ON. 426 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:26,813 OH, HEY, THAT REMINDS ME. I'VE GOT SOMETHING OF YOURS. 427 00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:31,718 YOU...LEFT SOMETHING AT MY PLACE. 428 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,486 OH. YOUR NOTEBOOK. 429 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,356 WELL, I HOPE YOU FILLED IN ALL THE BLANKS FOR ME. 430 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,757 NAH, I FIGURED YOU COULD DO THAT, 431 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,359 MAYBE FOLLOW ME BACK TO MY PLACE? 432 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,527 OW. 433 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,395 FOR THE PROVERBIAL NIGHTCAP? 434 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,097 YEAH. YEAH, WOW. 435 00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,132 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] 436 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:48,335 I'M GONNA HAVE TO PASS ON THAT VERY TEMPTING OFFER. 437 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:49,202 WOW. REJECTED. 438 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,638 WELL, NO, DON'T THINK OF IT THAT WAY. 439 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,440 UH, THINK OF IT... 440 00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:54,674 I-I-I'M GAY. 441 00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:56,209 [ LAUGHS ] YOU'RE GAY? 442 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:57,644 I'M A BIG FAT GAY. [ LAUGHS ] 443 00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:58,811 WHY? BECAUSE I'M MARRIED? 444 00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:01,648 WELL, BECAUSE YOU'RE MARRIED AND BECAUSE YOU'RE LEW'S GIRL 445 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:05,118 AND...'CAUSE I'M GETTING THE STRANGEST FEELING ABOUT YOU. 446 00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:06,286 YEAH, YOU ARE? 447 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:09,289 YEAH, I MEAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GONNA SAY THIS OUT LOUD, 448 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:13,293 BUT I FEEL THAT I DON'T WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU JUST THE ONCE, 449 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:16,296 ALTHOUGH I'M SURE YOU WOULD ENJOY THE SHIT OUT OF IT. 450 00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:18,698 I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET THIS CHANCE AGAIN. 451 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,567 NO? NO. 452 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,436 UH-OH. 453 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,571 MMM. 454 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,541 MEAN. 455 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,777 UH -- OH. 456 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,213 YOU'RE...MMM... 457 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:36,149 MEAN, MEAN, MEAN, MEAN. YOU'RE JUST MEAN. 458 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,652 STILL, I'M GONNA HAVE TO SAY NO. 459 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:40,620 WOW! 460 00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:43,923 SO I'M JUST, LIKE, WHAT, A STORY FOR YOUR BOOK? 461 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,794 YOU'RE NOT GONNA BAIT ME INTO CHANGING MY MIND, JANIE JONES. 462 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:50,263 BUT WAIT. ANSWER ME THIS, THOUGH. 463 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:53,533 WHAT IS SO SEXY ABOUT A MAN WHO'S BEEN VASECTOMIZED? 464 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:54,701 OH, I DON'T KNOW. 465 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:57,537 I GUESS IT SHOWS THAT YOU CAN COMMIT, 466 00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:01,174 THAT YOU CAN GIVE YOUR WHOLE HEART TO SOMEONE, 467 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:02,742 MAKE SACRIFICES TO PLEASE A WOMAN. 468 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,944 SO YOU THINK A WOMAN MADE ME DO THIS, 469 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,879 SOME CASTRATING FEMALE? 470 00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,615 DEFINITELY DID THIS FOR A WOMAN. 471 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,583 YOU ARE NOT SOME STRAY DOG, HANK MOODY. 472 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,419 YOU BELONG TO SOMEONE. 473 00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,322 TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE. 474 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,792 HEY, YOU KNOW, HE THROWS THESE, UH, HUGE PARTIES 475 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,794 AND THESE PEOPLE COME AND THEY DRINK HIS BOOZE, 476 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,896 AND THEY ACT LIKE THEY'RE HIS FRIENDS. 477 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,298 YEAH, I'VE HEARD. 478 00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,600 GUEST OF HONOR NEVER SHOWS. 479 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,477 [ CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ] 480 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:43,816 * 'CAUSE I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE * 481 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,685 * AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU 482 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:48,888 I'M NOT SURE I CAN BEAR TO WATCH THE REST OF THIS. 483 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:53,192 IT'S PRETTY MUCH OVER ONCE BABY COMES OUT OF THE CORNER. 484 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:55,795 [ MUSIC STOPS ] 485 00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:01,401 WERE YOU EVEN ALIVE IN THE FALL OF 1987? 486 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,002 OF COURSE I WAS ALIVE. 487 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,405 [ CHUCKLES ] IT WAS A GOOD TIME. 488 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,907 I WAS IN THE MAIL ROOM AT WILLIAM MORRIS. 489 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,576 MARCE WAS STILL AT N.Y.U. 490 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:12,279 ONE DAY, SOMEBODY BROKE IN TO HER DORM ROOM. 491 00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:15,682 SOME HOMELESS CRACK ADDICT SNUCK IN AND STOLE ALL HER JEWELRY, 492 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,751 SO I TRIED TO THINK OF A MOVIE THAT MIGHT CHEER HER UP. 493 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:19,952 IT WORKED, DIDN'T IT? 494 00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,689 WE HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY UP TO 57th STREET TO SEE IT -- 495 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,458 SOME CRAPPY LITTLE THEATER THAT'S NOT EVEN THERE ANYMORE. 496 00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,260 THE DUANE READE ACROSS THE STREET -- 497 00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:29,596 WHERE I WENT IN TO BUY HER TWIZZLERS AND A DIET COKE -- 498 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:30,730 THAT'S STILL THERE. 499 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,867 CHARLIE, SHE'LL GET BETTER. 500 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:35,968 SHE'LL BE HOME SOON 501 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:38,438 AND EVERYTHING WILL GET BACK TO NORMAL. 502 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,339 YEAH. YEAH, SURE. 503 00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:41,708 SHE'LL QUIT THE BOLIVIAN MARCHING POWDER. 504 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,643 I'LL PUT MY LIBIDO BACK IN A BOX 505 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:44,611 AND RE-DON THE SUIT. 506 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:47,046 THEN THE WHOLE CYCLE CAN START OVER AGAIN. 507 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,848 WELL, I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT MARRIAGE, 508 00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:51,851 BUT IT DOESN'T SOUND SO ENTIRELY BAD TO ME. 509 00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:57,290 YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. [ CHUCKLES ] 510 00:20:57,324 --> 00:20:58,691 WHAT'S YOUR CHOICE, RIGHT? 511 00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:01,561 I MEAN, YOU CHOOSE YOUR PARTNER, THEN YOU DO THE DANCE. 512 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,930 WHAT'S THE ALTERNATIVE? SIT THE WHOLE THING OUT? 513 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:06,433 NO WAY. YOU CAN'T DO THAT, RIGHT? 514 00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:07,199 MNH-MNH. 515 00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:09,569 AND AT THE VERY LEAST, I MEAN... 516 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,306 ...YOU GOT TO DANCE THE LAST DANCE OF THE SEASON. 517 00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,308 OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH. 518 00:21:15,342 --> 00:21:17,310 I'M NOT SURE THAT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA. 519 00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:19,746 WHAT?! I'M NOT TALKING ANYTHING CARNAL -- 520 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,814 JUST A SIMPLE BOX STEP. 521 00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:26,553 I STAY IN MY DANCE SPACE, YOU STAY IN YOUR DANCE SPACE. 522 00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:29,622 WELL... MAYBE THAT CAN WORK. 523 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,326 EXCEPT I'M NOT VERY GOOD. 524 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,462 OH, WELL, ME NEITHER. 525 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,734 [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] 526 00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:02,088 HERE YOU ARE. Karen: THANK YOU. 527 00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:03,356 RIGHT WHERE YOU STARTED. 528 00:22:03,390 --> 00:22:04,591 NONE THE WORSE FOR WEAR, HUH? 529 00:22:04,624 --> 00:22:05,758 YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT. 530 00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:07,026 YEAH. THANK YOU. 531 00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:10,430 UM, REALLY, THAT WAS SUCH A GREAT NIGHT. 532 00:22:10,463 --> 00:22:11,964 AND I APPRECIATE IT. 533 00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:15,067 WELL, IT'S NOT JUST THE MUSIC, RIGHT? 534 00:22:15,101 --> 00:22:17,837 IT'S HOW AND...WHEN YOU HEAR IT. [ CLICKS ] 535 00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:19,772 THAT'S IT. YEAH. 536 00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:21,541 OKAY. DON'T FORGET YOUR WORK STUFF. 537 00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:23,443 THANK YOU. 538 00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:26,012 I DON'T GET TO SAY THAT A LOT. 539 00:22:26,045 --> 00:22:28,715 UH, GIRLS THAT WORK AT JUMBO'S CLOWN ROOM 540 00:22:28,748 --> 00:22:31,518 DON'T USUALLY HAVE BRIEFCASES AND SHIT. 541 00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:34,020 YEAH, I CAN IMAGINE THERE WOULDN'T BE 542 00:22:34,053 --> 00:22:36,088 A WHOLE LOT OF USE FOR THAT, RIGHT? 543 00:22:36,122 --> 00:22:38,891 SO, LEW, IT'S BEEN REAL. 544 00:22:38,925 --> 00:22:40,727 YIKES. WE'RE GONNA SHAKE HANDS? 545 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:41,561 YES, WE ARE. 546 00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:44,897 IT'S, UH, MY DATE, MY RULES, RIGHT? 547 00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:48,468 SO IT WAS A DATE? 548 00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:49,469 UH-HUH. 549 00:22:49,502 --> 00:22:52,171 WELL, ANYTIME TWO PEOPLE MEET AFTER 7:00 P.M., 550 00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:53,506 IT'S A DATE, RIGHT? 551 00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:54,306 MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. 552 00:22:54,340 --> 00:22:55,508 WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? 553 00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:58,110 NOBODY HAS THE BALLS TO ACTUALLY SAY THAT THEY'RE ON A DATE. 554 00:22:58,144 --> 00:23:00,513 I'M SORRY. I CAN'T SEEM TO LET GO OF YOUR HAND. I KNOW. 555 00:23:00,547 --> 00:23:03,650 YOU KIND OF, SORT OF REMIND ME OF SOMEONE I ONCE KNEW. 556 00:23:03,683 --> 00:23:05,051 OKAY, I DO? WELL, I KNOW. 557 00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:07,454 YOU SHOULD TAKE HER TO THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL. 558 00:23:07,487 --> 00:23:09,989 'CAUSE THAT WAS SUCH A GREAT DATE. SHE WOULD LOVE THAT. 559 00:23:10,022 --> 00:23:12,191 MAYBE I WILL. I MEAN, I USED TO ALL THE TIME. 560 00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:13,693 WE'D SIT IN THE CHEAP SEATS. 561 00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:16,095 YOU KNOW, IF I EVER HAD ANOTHER CHANCE... 562 00:23:16,128 --> 00:23:18,698 RIGHT. IF YOU EVER HAD ANOTHER CHANCE, YOU'D DO IT DIFFERENT. 563 00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,467 WELL, EVERYBODY SAYS THAT, AND IT'S BULLSHIT 564 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:21,834 CAUSE YOU DO IT JUST THE SAME. 565 00:23:21,868 --> 00:23:24,704 NO, NO, NO, NOT ME, I SWEAR. I LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES. 566 00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:25,872 YOU DO? 567 00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:27,006 TOTALLY. 568 00:23:27,039 --> 00:23:27,874 [ LAUGHS ] 569 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:31,110 [ Laughing ] OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE INSANE! 570 00:23:31,143 --> 00:23:32,579 HEY, I'M SORRY. I LIED. 571 00:23:32,612 --> 00:23:35,982 LIFE'S JUST TOO FUCKING BORING NOT TO TRY, OKAY? 572 00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:38,117 RIGHT. THAT IS TRUE. I WILL GIVE YOU THAT. 573 00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:40,787 LEW, SERIOUSLY, THAT WAS AN AMAZING NIGHT. 574 00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:42,689 A-AND LET'S NOT RUIN IT. 575 00:23:42,722 --> 00:23:44,924 I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. I HAD A GREAT TIME. 576 00:23:44,957 --> 00:23:46,959 OKAY? THANK YOU. 577 00:23:46,993 --> 00:23:49,161 I GUESS I'LL TAKE THAT IF IT'S ALL I CAN GET. 578 00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:51,097 OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE NOT STILL TRYING! 579 00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:53,800 [ LAUGHS ] SORRY. TRUCE. 580 00:23:53,833 --> 00:23:55,101 YEAH, TRUCE. GOOD, GOOD. 581 00:23:55,134 --> 00:23:56,869 LET'S LEAVE ON A PEACEFUL NOTE. 582 00:23:59,539 --> 00:24:00,707 BANG. 583 00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:02,141 [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] 584 00:24:02,174 --> 00:24:03,142 [ LAUGHS ] 585 00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:04,877 [ CAR DOOR CLOSES ] 586 00:24:07,914 --> 00:24:09,549 Oh, my God. 587 00:24:09,582 --> 00:24:10,917 [ GASPS ] 588 00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:13,052 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] 589 00:24:20,226 --> 00:24:21,761 WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WOMAN? 590 00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,863 LOOK AT YOU. YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR KEYS OUT. 591 00:24:23,896 --> 00:24:24,997 YOU GOT ALL THOSE BAGS. 592 00:24:25,031 --> 00:24:26,766 YOU'RE LIKE ONE OF THOSE VICTIMS 593 00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:29,201 IN A SELF-DEFENSE INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO. 594 00:24:29,235 --> 00:24:30,169 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 595 00:24:30,202 --> 00:24:32,605 ANY DEVIANT COULD JUMP OUT AT YOU AT THIS POINT 596 00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:34,273 AND...THEN A STRANGER COULD BE WAITING. 597 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:37,009 THERE IS A STRANGE GUY WAITING FOR ME. 598 00:24:37,043 --> 00:24:38,044 WHO? ME? 599 00:24:38,077 --> 00:24:39,646 YEAH! WHAT?! 600 00:24:39,679 --> 00:24:41,280 ARE YOU -- ARE YOU STALKING ME? 601 00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:42,682 STALKING YOU? MM-HMM. 602 00:24:42,715 --> 00:24:43,750 NO, IF I WAS STALKING YOU, 603 00:24:43,783 --> 00:24:46,786 I WOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK YOU WHERE YOU'VE BEEN TONIGHT. 604 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:49,021 ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT? 605 00:24:49,055 --> 00:24:50,890 YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME. 606 00:24:50,923 --> 00:24:51,891 GOOD. 'CAUSE I WON'T. 607 00:24:51,924 --> 00:24:54,561 WELL, D-DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN? 608 00:24:54,594 --> 00:24:56,596 BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN SOMEWHERE TONIGHT. 609 00:24:56,629 --> 00:24:57,597 NO, NOT ESPECIALLY. 610 00:24:57,630 --> 00:24:58,831 NO, I WANT TO TELL YOU. 611 00:24:58,865 --> 00:25:00,933 LET ME JUST TELL YOU WHAT I DID NOT DO, OKAY? 612 00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:02,835 I WENT ON A DATE WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, 613 00:25:02,869 --> 00:25:04,637 AN AMAZING WOMAN -- NO, NO, NO! 614 00:25:04,671 --> 00:25:06,739 AND I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER. 615 00:25:06,773 --> 00:25:08,174 NOT? YEAH. 616 00:25:08,207 --> 00:25:10,209 I JUST COCK-BLOCKED MYSELF. I REMAINED CHASTE. 617 00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:11,611 WOW. 618 00:25:11,644 --> 00:25:13,680 I-I KEPT MY EYE ON THE BIG PICTURE. 619 00:25:13,713 --> 00:25:15,682 I EXERCISED SOME IMPULSE CONTROL. 620 00:25:15,715 --> 00:25:18,217 UH-HUH. TILL THE MOMENT THAT YOU HAD TO GET IN YOUR CAR 621 00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:20,119 AND DRIVE HERE AND TELL ME ABOUT IT? 622 00:25:20,152 --> 00:25:21,854 WELL, YEAH, THAT IMPULSE I DID NOT CONTROL. 623 00:25:21,888 --> 00:25:23,189 NO, I WANTED TO SHARE THAT WITH YOU. 624 00:25:23,222 --> 00:25:26,292 WELL, THANK YOU. I'M -- I'M GONNA... 625 00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:27,794 I'M GONNA GO. UM... 626 00:25:27,827 --> 00:25:28,628 WELL... 627 00:25:28,661 --> 00:25:31,631 WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? 628 00:25:31,664 --> 00:25:32,965 HOW AM I LOOKING AT YOU? 629 00:25:32,999 --> 00:25:36,002 LIKE YOU WANT A REWARD OR SOMETHING. 630 00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,704 YOU HAVE SOMETHING? 631 00:25:37,737 --> 00:25:39,138 I HAVE A LITTLE BISCUIT. 632 00:25:39,171 --> 00:25:40,339 YOU HAVE A BISCUIT? 633 00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:41,974 A LITTLE COOKIE FOR YOU. 634 00:25:42,008 --> 00:25:43,643 HANK. 635 00:25:52,652 --> 00:25:56,255 THAT WAS VERY REWARDING. 636 00:25:56,288 --> 00:25:59,125 I JUST HAD TO CHECK TO SEE, YOU KNOW, 637 00:25:59,158 --> 00:26:02,629 IF I COULD STILL BREAK THROUGH THAT IMPULSE CONTROL OF YOURS. 638 00:26:02,662 --> 00:26:04,196 APPARENTLY, YOU CAN. 639 00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:05,798 THANK GOD. 640 00:26:08,935 --> 00:26:11,638 HEY, IS BECCA REALLY AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE TONIGHT? 641 00:26:11,671 --> 00:26:12,639 MM-HMM. 642 00:26:12,672 --> 00:26:13,940 SHE'S NOT WITH DAMIEN? 643 00:26:13,973 --> 00:26:16,175 [ EXHALES HEAVILY ] NO. COME ON. 644 00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:17,777 ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? 645 00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:19,378 NO, BUT YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE. 646 00:26:19,411 --> 00:26:20,680 [ CLICKS TONGUE ] 647 00:26:20,713 --> 00:26:22,148 I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. 648 00:26:22,181 --> 00:26:24,216 WELL, OKAY, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT? 649 00:26:24,250 --> 00:26:26,285 UM... 650 00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:28,988 I -- YOU KNOW... 651 00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:31,991 I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR DATE. 652 00:26:32,024 --> 00:26:34,761 DID YOU REALLY JUST SHUT THAT POOR WOMAN DOWN? 653 00:26:34,794 --> 00:26:37,063 JUST SHUT HER DOWN, YEAH. JUST -- I WAS THE BOSS. 654 00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:39,298 WELL, I DID KISS HER, BUT I DIDN'T GO INSIDE. 655 00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:40,867 GROSS. 656 00:26:40,900 --> 00:26:42,168 WELL, I'M JUST SAYING. GROSS. 657 00:26:42,201 --> 00:26:43,302 BUT I REFRAINED. 658 00:26:43,335 --> 00:26:45,071 YOU REFRAINED FROM TAPPING THAT ASS? 659 00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:47,173 I REFRAINED FROM TAPPING THAT ASS. 660 00:26:47,206 --> 00:26:48,741 WAS THAT A FIRST? 661 00:26:48,775 --> 00:26:50,276 MNH-MNH. MNH-MNH! 662 00:26:50,309 --> 00:26:53,412 WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WERE SO LATE 663 00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:55,414 RETURNING TO HOME TONIGHT. 664 00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:57,650 BIG NIGHT AT THE BOOK CLUB, WAS IT? 665 00:26:57,684 --> 00:26:58,651 YES. 666 00:26:58,685 --> 00:27:00,052 DID YOU O.D. ON ESTROGEN 667 00:27:00,086 --> 00:27:02,221 AND HAVE TO COME HOME FOR A LITTLE... 668 00:27:02,254 --> 00:27:03,322 I WAS ACTUALLY ON A DATE. 669 00:27:03,355 --> 00:27:04,791 OH, JESUS. 670 00:27:05,992 --> 00:27:07,393 THAT'S GROSS. 671 00:27:07,426 --> 00:27:08,560 AND IT WAS QUITE FUN. 672 00:27:08,594 --> 00:27:11,063 NOW YOU'RE DISGUSTING. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT SHIT. 673 00:27:11,097 --> 00:27:12,064 YES, YOU DO. 674 00:27:12,098 --> 00:27:14,400 YOU'RE GONNA HEAR ABOUT IT UNLESS YOU CAN, UM, 675 00:27:14,433 --> 00:27:15,835 UNLESS YOU CAN STOP ME. 676 00:27:15,868 --> 00:27:17,136 CAN YOU STOP ME? 677 00:27:17,169 --> 00:27:18,304 MM. 678 00:27:19,906 --> 00:27:21,140 OH. 679 00:27:23,009 --> 00:27:24,376 WHAT IS THAT? 680 00:27:24,410 --> 00:27:27,079 THAT'S A MALE MEMBER. I THOUGHT YOU'D MET. 681 00:27:27,113 --> 00:27:29,148 NO, NO, NO, NO. HANK, THAT. 682 00:27:29,181 --> 00:27:30,449 OW. 683 00:27:30,482 --> 00:27:32,284 WHAT IS THAT? 684 00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:33,853 THAT'S -- THAT'S MY GROIN. 685 00:27:33,886 --> 00:27:36,355 IT'S LIKE A LUMP OR SOMETHING. 686 00:27:36,388 --> 00:27:37,924 YEAH. 687 00:27:37,957 --> 00:27:40,993 WELL, DID YOU ALWAYS HAVE THAT? 688 00:27:43,896 --> 00:27:45,364 HANK? 689 00:27:45,397 --> 00:27:51,237 * TO LOVE YOU DEEP INTO THE NIGHT * 690 00:27:51,270 --> 00:27:56,809 * TO FEEL YOU UNDERNEATH ME 691 00:27:56,843 --> 00:27:59,812 -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com 692 00:27:59,846 --> 00:28:02,882 CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY SHOWTIME NETWORKS 693 00:28:02,915 --> 00:28:05,785 AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS