1 00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:08,776 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,711 - QUITE THE LITERARY SCANDAL WE HAVE HERE. 3 00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:13,681 WHAT IF SHE CAME CLEAN? YOU GET YOUR BOOK BACK. 4 00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,516 - THINK ABOUT KAREN. THINK ABOUT BECCA. 5 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,352 THIS IS GONNA HURT THEM. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? 6 00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,621 - IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GOING TO PRESS CHARGES OR ANYTHING. 7 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:22,022 - YOU OKAY, BABY? 8 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,529 - THE D.A.'S OFFICE IS WILLING TO DROP THE ASSAULT CHARGES. 9 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:29,563 - THE BAD NEWS? - YOU'RE BEING CHARGED 10 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,532 WITH STATUTORY RAPE. 11 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:34,835 - FUCK, THE RABBIT DONE DIED. 12 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,605 WHY DOES HASHEM HATE ME? 13 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,440 - OKAY, SO WHOSE IS IT? - I DON'T KNOW. 14 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,375 - CHARLIE'S? - FUCK NO! 15 00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:44,845 THAT KID'S ALL SNIPPED TO SHREDS--IT CAN'T BE HIM. 16 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,415 - WE COULD ACTUALLY USE A LEAD GUITARIST. 17 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:48,649 - WHAT DO YOU GUYS CALL YOURSELVES? 18 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,650 - QUEENS OF DOGTOWN. 19 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,119 - THIS IS A GREAT CASE FOR ME. 20 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,253 BUT IF YOU INSIST ON DICKING AROUND 21 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,788 AND WASTING MY TIME, I'M HAPPY TO SEE YOU ROT IN JAIL. 22 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:55,856 WHAT THE FUCK DO I CARE? 23 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,291 - PROBABLY NOT THE BEST TIME FOR ME 24 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,360 TO BE GETTING INVOLVED WITH THE ACTRESS 25 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,263 WHO'S GONNA PLAY THE GIRL WHO I RAPED, ALLEGEDLY. 26 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,165 - THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T WANT ONE OR MORE 27 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,700 OF YOUR FINGERS IN MY VAGINA RIGHT NOW. 28 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,269 - WHY DO YOU GOTTA TALK TO ME LIKE THAT? 29 00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:11,239 [knocking on door] 30 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:16,410 MORNIN', SASSAFRAS! 31 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:19,247 - IF YOU SAY SO. - DON'T BE SUCH A NAYSAYER. 32 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,448 YOU'LL GET FROWN LINES. 33 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,349 AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO BOTOX THAT SHIT. 34 00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,517 - HANK, WHAT DO YOU WANT? - OH, THAT. 35 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,519 I'D LIKE TO COME IN AND GRAB MY ONE AND ONLY SUIT. 36 00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:26,854 I'VE GOT SOME LEGAL DOINGS THIS A.M. 37 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:27,955 - TOO LATE. THREW IT OUT. 38 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,824 - BULLSHIT. YOU WOULD NEVER THROW AWAY A MAN'S SUIT. 39 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,161 YOU'D DONATE IT, MAYBE, BUT THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 40 00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:34,695 WHO'S NEEDIER THAN I AM RIGHT NOW? 41 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:39,167 - I HATE YOU. I...HATE YOU. 42 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:43,804 - WHAT DO YOU THINK? HOW DO I LOOK? 43 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:47,141 - LIKE A STATUTORY RAPIST IN A SUIT. 44 00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:49,210 - MAN, YOU ARE ON FIRE THIS MORNING! 45 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,445 THE WIT IS STRONG IN YOU, YOUNG SKYWALKER. 46 00:01:51,479 --> 00:01:53,514 AND DARK TOO. I DIG IT. 47 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,349 SPEAKING OF DARK, HOW'S LENNY KRAVITZ? 48 00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:57,518 - EXCUSE ME? - YOU KNOW, BEN HARPER. 49 00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,188 THAT VAN-SIZED, CARAMEL-COLORED MAN 50 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,222 YOU'VE BEEN HANGING AROUND WITH. 51 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,624 - UM, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 52 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,758 - I MEAN, SHOULD I BE WORRIED? 53 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:07,261 HE DOES SEEM DANGEROUSLY COOL. 54 00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:10,198 KIND OF LIKE A YOUNG LANDO CALRISSIAN, WITH A DREAM. 55 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,233 - YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, HANK. 56 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,668 BECAUSE WORRYING WOULD BE A WASTE OF YOUR TIME. 57 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:18,239 THE MAILMAN HAS A BETTER SHOT THAN YOU DO RIGHT NOW. 58 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,607 - HAVE YOU SEEN OUR MAILMAN? HE'S QUITE TOOTHSOME. 59 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,809 ESPECIALLY IN HIS SUMMER SHORTS. NO HOMO. 60 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,712 - WHAT ARE--COME ON. 61 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,649 YOU TRICKED ME. 62 00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,951 YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE. - OLD HABITS DIE HARD. 63 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,920 YOU SMELL NICE. - YOU'RE A JERK. 64 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:36,357 - LIKE LADY SHAMPOO... AND CINNAMON TOOTHPASTE. 65 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,293 A LITTLE BIT OF COFFEE BREATH. A TOUCH OF THE HAL. 66 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:42,696 NO WORRIES, I'D STILL DO YA. 67 00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,367 - HEY, SWEETIE. 68 00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:50,838 - WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR OLD MAN? 69 00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:53,574 - YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY. - MM. 70 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,344 - YOU CAN'T POLISH A TURD. 71 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:04,818 [upbeat music] 72 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:12,760 * 73 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,994 - DID HE HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OLD YOU WERE? 74 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,562 - NO. 75 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:51,465 HE PROBABLY THOUGHT I WAS IN MY 20s. 76 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:55,503 - DID HE EVER ASK? - NO. 77 00:03:55,536 --> 00:04:00,274 - DID YOU EVER TELL HIM? - NO. 78 00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:01,909 - IS IT TRUE THAT YOU PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE 79 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,744 DURING INTERCOURSE? 80 00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:07,715 - YES. TWICE, ACTUALLY. 81 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:13,287 - WHY? 82 00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:18,359 - I, UH... WANTED HIM TO REMEMBER ME. 83 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:23,564 - YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, RIGHT? 84 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,567 - YES. IT'S OBVIOUS. 85 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,035 I'M VERY GOOD IN BED? 86 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:32,340 - THAT, AND THE PROSECUTION HAS A LAME CASE. 87 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:36,009 AND THEY KNOW IT TOO. EXPECT A DEAL IMMINENTLY. 88 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,311 - OOH, I LIKE IT WHEN YOU SAY "IMMINENTLY." 89 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:38,512 IT GETS ME A LITTLE HARD. 90 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:39,680 - GOOD TO KNOW. 91 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,814 - OKAY, WELL, WE'VE GOT TO CELEBRATE. 92 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:44,084 - SLOW DOWN. IT'S A LITTLE EARLY FOR CANDLES AND CAKE. 93 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,686 - WELL, I'LL BE HAVING DINNER, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. 94 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,888 AS LONG AS IT INVOLVES ALCOHOL AND BAD DECISIONS. 95 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:50,090 - SORRY, I HAVE A DINNER TONIGHT. 96 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,692 - WHAT'S HIS NAME? 97 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,427 - VANESSA. 98 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,428 - VANESSA? - MM-HMM. 99 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,663 - SOUNDS EFFEMINATE TO ME. 100 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,831 - SHE IS. SHE'S ALSO MY BEST FRIEND. 101 00:04:57,865 --> 00:05:01,702 - OH. WILL YOU TWO BE BRUSHING EACH OTHER'S HAIR 102 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,804 AT ANY POINT DURING THE EVENING? 103 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,773 OR PERHAPS GENTLY MASSAGING EACH OTHER'S SHOULDERS? 104 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,576 - I SEE WHY YOU SLEEP WITH TEENAGERS--YOU ARE ONE. 105 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,544 - IT'S TRUE, I AM KIND OF RETARDED. 106 00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:11,779 BUT I'M ALSO KIND OF AMAZING. 107 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:15,883 - OKAY, DON'T FORGET YOU HAVE A 12:00 WITH RANDY AND GARY. 108 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,551 AND THEN LOU NEEDS TO SEE YOU IN HIS OFFICE. 109 00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:20,388 - ALL RIGHT. - AND JAKE CALLED. 110 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,389 AND HE NEEDS TO CANCEL DINNER TONIGHT. 111 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,490 BUT HE SENDS HIS LOVE. 112 00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:23,891 - J'ACCUSE! 113 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,659 - THANK YOU, PATTI. 114 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:26,760 THANK YOU SO MUCH. - THANK YOU, PATTI. 115 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,462 VERY ENLIGHTENING. 116 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,498 NOW YOU HAVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME. 117 00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,065 - WHY, BECAUSE I ADJUSTED THE TRUTH? 118 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,567 I DON'T OWE YOU ANY SORT OF HONESTY 119 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:34,602 ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE. 120 00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:35,803 - FAIR ENOUGH. BUT YOU TOLD ME 121 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:36,937 YOU WERE HAVING DINNER WITH A WOMAN, 122 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,106 WHICH LEAD ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO KNOW 123 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,474 YOU WERE HAVING DINNER WITH A JAKE. 124 00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,843 WHO IS PROBABLY VERY HANDSOME, VERY FIT, 125 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,612 AND VERY FUCKIN' BORING. 126 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,580 FOUR MINUTES OF MISH, FOLLOWED BY A LITTLE ORAL 127 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:47,848 TO TOP YOU OFF-- AM I RIGHT? 128 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,583 DONE IN TIME FOR LENO. 129 00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:52,420 NO, YOU STRIKE ME AS A LETTERMAN GAL--IS THAT RIGHT? 130 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,455 - AND WHY WOULD I MISLEAD YOU LIKE THAT? 131 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,625 - WELL, THAT'S OBVIOUS. COME ON, YOU'RE SWEET ON ME. 132 00:05:57,658 --> 00:06:00,428 - DOES THIS SHIT REALLY WORK FOR YOU, HANK? 133 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,530 - NOT AT ALL, NOT REALLY. I'M JUST PLAYING. 134 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,665 DON'T BE HATING. I'M IN A GOOD MOOD BECAUSE OF YOU. 135 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,567 I'M JUST TRYING TO SHOW MY MUCHO APPRECIATO 136 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,968 IN MY OWN SPECIAL WAY. 137 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:11,104 - YES, YOU ARE SPECIAL, ALL RIGHT. 138 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:15,809 WELL, THERE IS SOMETHING WE COULD DISCUSS OVER DINNER. 139 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,145 - YES, MILADY? ANYTHING. 140 00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:20,414 - THE ISSUE OF YOUR BILL. 141 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:24,985 - I THINK I NEED SOME MONEY, CHARLIE. 142 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:27,455 - YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU A QUICKIE 143 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,989 DIALOGUE POLISH OR SOMETHING? 144 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,758 - YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING ABOUT ONE OF THOSE, UH, 145 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:31,992 TWILIGHT FILMS. 146 00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:32,926 THEY SEEM VERY POPULAR, 147 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,828 AND DESPERATELY IN NEED OF WORD POLISHING. 148 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:37,565 - I WILL MAKE SOME CALLS, SEE WHAT I CAN DO. 149 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:38,532 - YOU BETTER. YOU KNOW WHY? 150 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:41,769 'CAUSE THIS GANGSTA NEEDS TO GET PAID! 151 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:45,739 - OKAY, NOW I NEED TO ASK YOU A FAVOR. 152 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,075 - OKAY, CHARLIE, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? 153 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,678 - [clears throat] 154 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:54,815 - WHERE'S YOUR COCK? 155 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,117 - AND THERE'S MY ANSWER. 156 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,586 - OH, I SEE IT. 157 00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,854 IT'S RIGHT UNDER YOUR CLIT. 158 00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:04,892 OH, THOSE ARE YOUR BALLS. SHIT. WOW. 159 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:05,959 - I WANTED TO KNOW IF I SHOULD DO 160 00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:08,829 A LITTLE MAN-SCAPING BEFORE MY DATE TONIGHT. 161 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,731 - WELL, NORMALLY I'D BE AGAINST SUCH A THING. 162 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,733 A MAN IS AT HIS BEST WHEN HE'S AT HIS HAIRIEST. 163 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,134 AT LEAST, THAT'S WHAT MY MOM ALWAYS USED TO SAY. 164 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:17,170 BUT IN YOUR CASE, I'D SAY SHAVE THAT SHIT. 165 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,739 SEND IT OFF TO THE POOR KIDS IN CHINA OR SOMETHING. 166 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,708 JESUS, I CAN'T LOOK AWAY. 167 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,711 IT'S LIKE A FOREST HAS GROWN UP 168 00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,613 ALL AROUND ONE MAGIC MUSHROOM. 169 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:26,547 IT'S LIKE A BUTTON ON A FUR COAT. 170 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,248 WELL, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, CHARLIE. 171 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,817 IT MAY BE SHORT, BUT IT'S THIN. 172 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:33,020 - SO YOU THINK I SHOULD, WHAT, TAKE IT ALL OFF? 173 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:37,090 - YEAH. IT'LL MAKE YOU LOOK BIG. ER. 174 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,627 LIKE JOHNNY WAD. ISH. 175 00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,829 - YOU THINK SHE'LL LIKE IT? - HELL YEAH. 176 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,597 WHO DOESN'T WANT TO NUDE-UP WITH FLIPPER? 177 00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:44,798 - ALL RIGHT. COOL. 178 00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:46,133 - SHOULD I TELL HANK? 179 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,536 - ABOUT YOUR NEWFOUND AFFINITY FOR MILK CHOCOLATE? 180 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:49,870 ARE YOU CRAZY? 181 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,272 - ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER'S FIRST GIG AT THE WHISKEY, 182 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,541 YOU DUMB SLUT. 183 00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,576 - OH, THAT. RIGHT. 184 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:58,679 YES, YOU SHOULD TELL HIM. HE'D WANT TO BE THERE. 185 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,113 - I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA 186 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,882 'CAUSE HE'S GONNA GET SO, LIKE, UNH, AND-- 187 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,150 - NO, YOU HAVE-- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 188 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,285 - GOOD EVENING, LADIES! 189 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,554 - HEY, CHARLIE. 190 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,621 - BIG DATE. 191 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:09,189 COMING THROUGH. MAKE WAY! 192 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,892 BIG DATE. BIG DATE. 193 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,260 - OOH, WHO'S THE LUCKY GAL? 194 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,128 - OH, WOULDN'T YOU JUST LIKE TO KNOW? 195 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,064 - I DON'T REALLY GIVE A FUCK, CHARLIE. 196 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,600 I'M JUST MAKING CONVERSATION. - WHO IS SHE, CHARLIE? 197 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,135 I COULD PRETEND TO BE INTERESTED. 198 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:25,539 - OH, WELL... SINCE YOU'VE ASKED... 199 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,074 I WAS HEADING INTO A STARBUCKS BATHROOM 200 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,075 WHEN SHE WAS COMING OUT. 201 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,276 WE BONKED HEADS. 202 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,579 - WOW. - LAUGHED ABOUT IT. 203 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:32,713 TRADED NUMBERS. 204 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:35,148 SHE IS REALLY VERY PRETTY. 205 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,551 WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE SHE LEFT SOME SERIOUS STANK 206 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:38,886 IN THAT BATHROOM, KAREN. 207 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,320 I ALMOST FAINTED. 208 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,890 - WOW, TALK ABOUT A CUTE MEET. 209 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,558 SPEAKING OF WHICH, CAN YOU TELL 210 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:47,595 THAT FUCKING PRODUCER FRIEND OF YOURS TO STOP CALLING ME? 211 00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,162 BIGGS? BIGGSIE? 212 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,331 - BEGGS? STU BEGGS? - YEAH. 213 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,734 WHATEVER THE FUCK. HE KEEPS CALLING AND TEXTING. 214 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,603 HE THINKS WE'RE SOUL MATES OR SOME SHIT. 215 00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:56,604 - YOU'RE NOT INTO HIM? 216 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,806 - FUCK NO! SHOULD I BE? 217 00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:01,008 - WELL, HE IS PRETTY RICH. 218 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,877 - REALLY? HOW RICH WE TALKIN' HERE? 219 00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:06,947 - I DON'T KNOW. RICH. RICH IN COCK TOO. 220 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,016 HE'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE SOME LEGENDARY SCHVANTZ. 221 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,752 MUST BE NICE. 222 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,286 - OKAY. 223 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,356 [rock music] 224 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:20,027 - I SELL JEWELRY, BUT IT'S FOR MEN. 225 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,328 IT'S CALLED MEWLERY. - AWESOME. 226 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,363 - YEAH, IT'S PRETTY COOL. - WILD. 227 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,799 - THERE'S NO PROFIT. - NICE. 228 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,868 - DOUCHE BAG SAYS WHAT? 229 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,336 - WHAT? - GOT YA. 230 00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:30,638 - [laughing] 231 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:34,274 - AWAY WITH YOU. BEGONE! 232 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:38,278 COME HERE. 233 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,680 - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY JUST GO. 234 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,615 IT'S ONLY GONNA GET WORSE. 235 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,884 - [lighthearted growls] 236 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:44,918 [barks] 237 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,154 - HANKY! - HEY. 238 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:50,891 - OH, IT'S JUST LIKE OLD TIMES, 239 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,292 YOU RESCUING ME FROM THE CLUTCHES 240 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,361 OF EVIL HIPSTER DOUCHE BAGS. 241 00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,263 MAKES ME WISTY FOR THE GOOD OLD DAYS. 242 00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:58,832 - ARE YOU OKAY? YOU SEEM VAGUELY HIGH. 243 00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,934 - THERE'S NOTHING VAGUE ABOUT IT--THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS. 244 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:03,170 SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 245 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,038 - I LIVE HERE. WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE? 246 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:07,340 - I'M HAVING DRINKS WITH SASHA BINGHAM. 247 00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,076 SHE'S GONNA PICK MY BRAIN. 248 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,978 - MM. SURE THERE'S ENOUGH TO GO AROUND? 249 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:14,014 - HA HA! CLEVER. YOU KNOW HER? 250 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:17,851 SASHA. - SASHA? UH...WELL, WE'VE MET. 251 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:21,154 WELL, AS MUCH AS ANYONE CAN KNOW THESE ACTOR PEOPLES. 252 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,023 - YOU FUCKED HER DIDN'T YOU? 253 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:26,126 - [scoffs] NO. COME ON. 254 00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:30,898 SHE'S AN EMBRYO. A ZYGOTE. SHE'S A TADPOLE. 255 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,200 - SO WHAT WAS IT LIKE FUCKING THE GIRL 256 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,168 WHO'S SUPPOSED TO PLAY ME, HMM? 257 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:36,770 WHO, BY THE WAY, * YOU ALREADY FU-UUCKED 258 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:39,072 - SHUT UP WITH THAT ALREADY. WHAT ARE YOU ON? 259 00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:42,342 - SOME WEED, SOME WINE. A LITTLE VICODIN. 260 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,712 I FEEL LIKE I'M UNDER A WET, WARM BLANKET. 261 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,346 - THAT DOES NOT SOUND VERY APPEALING. 262 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:48,381 - YOU SHOULD STAY AND HAVE A DRINK WITH US. 263 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:52,385 - YOU SHOULD. LONG TIME NO SEE, HANK MOODY. 264 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,121 - HI, SASHA BINGHAM. HOW ARE YOU? 265 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,456 OH, FUCK. - [laughs] 266 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,925 MISSED YOU. 267 00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:01,862 - A-HA, I KNEW IT! 268 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,800 - HAVE YOU MET MY ATTORNEY? 269 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,836 - HI. 270 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:12,239 - [humming, scatting] 271 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:20,213 * 272 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,953 HMM. 273 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,121 EEESH. 274 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:47,107 HERE WE GO. 275 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,944 NOT SO BAD. 276 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,316 [knock on door] AAH! SHH... 277 00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,152 - I NEED TO GET IN THERE, CHARLIE! 278 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:01,054 - [sighs] 279 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:10,197 AAH! 280 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:15,468 WAIT! WAIT! DON'T GO! DON'T GO! 281 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,470 - WHAT THE FUCK, CHARLIE? 282 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,172 - THIS IS WHY I DON'T LIKE TO COME HERE. 283 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,208 - I DON'T BLAME YOU. IT'S DISGUSTING. 284 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,475 - I HURT MYSELF! 285 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,912 - WHAT, YOU GET SHAMPOO IN YOUR PEE HOLE AGAIN? 286 00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:27,447 - NO. I CUT MYSELF... 287 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,316 MAN-SCAPING. 288 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,351 - OF COURSE YOU DID. 289 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:34,021 WE GOTTA GO. - WAIT, YOU GOTTA LOOK! 290 00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:36,456 - I DON'T GOTTA DO ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S DISGUSTING. 291 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:39,059 - KAREN, PLEASE. PLEASE! 292 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,327 - IT WOULD PRETTY MUCH HAVE TO BE 293 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,062 A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION, CHARLIE. 294 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,064 - YOU'D NEVER RECOVER, TRUST ME. 295 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,933 - LADIES, PLEASE! I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS 296 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,467 AN EMERGENCY ROOM SITUATION. 297 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,236 - HE'S BLEEDING ON THE FLOOR. 298 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,038 - AAH! 299 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:53,240 - JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, CHARLIE, WE'RE IN ESCROW, 300 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,809 AND YOU'RE BLEEDING ALL OVER MY FUCKING FLOOR? 301 00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:58,078 - YOUR FUCKING FLOOR? THIS IS MY FUCKING FLOOR TOO, 302 00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,346 AND I'LL BLEED ON IT IF I WANT TO! 303 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:03,283 HOLY JESUS, WOMAN, I'M IN DIRE STRAITS HERE! 304 00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,552 - I'M--I'M GONNA GO. - OKAY. YES. 305 00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:09,556 BECAUSE THEN I'LL HAVE TO CATCH UP WITH YOU. 306 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:12,059 ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE A LOOK 307 00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,493 AT WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE. 308 00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:16,396 OKAY? 309 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:21,401 HOLY CHRIST, CHARLIE, YOU TOOK IT ALL OFF! WHY? 310 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:24,204 - I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME LOOK BIG. 311 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,538 ER. 312 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,140 LIKE JOHNNY WAD. 313 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:30,210 - YEAH, WELL, IT KIND OF MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE 314 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,879 JOHNNY-ALL-POTATOES AND NO MEAT. 315 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,180 - [whimpering] - COME ON. 316 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,583 LET'S GO PUT ON SOME FUCKING CLOTHES. 317 00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:39,920 I'LL DROP YOU OFF AT THE E.R., YA DUMB FUCK. 318 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,554 - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY FAR AWAY 319 00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:43,323 FROM THE MIAS AND THE SASHAS OF THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. 320 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,592 - I JUST RAN INTO THEM. THEY RAN INTO ME. 321 00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,494 IT WAS NOT PLANNED. IT WAS KISMET. 322 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:48,628 - YOU JUST RUN INTO A LOT OF THINGS, DON'T YOU? 323 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,197 - YES, I DO. THAT MUCH IS TRUE. 324 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,331 BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME. 325 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,000 I'D LIKE TO LEARN ABOUT YOU, COUNSELOR. 326 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:56,536 - OKAY, YOU'LL GET A KICK OUT OF THIS. 327 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,071 I WROTE A NOVEL ONCE. 328 00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,540 - THAT'S A SHAME. WHAT WAS IT ABOUT? 329 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,642 - WHAT'S EVERY SHITTY FIRST NOVEL ABOUT? 330 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,212 NOTHING AND EVERYTHING. - AH. 331 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,347 - MINE CONCERNED ITSELF WITH THE EXPLOITS 332 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,116 OF A SMART GIRL IN THE BIG CITY, 333 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,483 LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT, 334 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,953 FUCKING A LOT OF MR. RIGHT NOWS. - OH... 335 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,421 - ALL THE WHILE PUTTING A TON OF BAD SHIT UP HER NOSE. 336 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,356 - I'D READ THAT BOOK, SISTER. 337 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,625 FUCK, I WROTE THAT BOOK, LIKE, FOUR TIMES 338 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,627 BEFORE I ACTUALLY EVER PUBLISHED ANYTHING. 339 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,295 THAT'S JUST MY METIER. 340 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,032 - WELL, YOUR METIER WAS MY EPIC FAILURE. 341 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:27,400 I SHOWED IT TO MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME--A WRITER. 342 00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,936 - INTERESTING. - MM. 343 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,938 - YOU LIKE WRITERS. - NOT ANYMORE. 344 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,072 - YOU DO. - HE CRAPPED ALL OVER IT. 345 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:35,943 - FUCKING CUNT. - HARDLY. 346 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:39,246 I SHREDDED THE NOVEL, BROKE UP WITH THE BOYFRIEND, 347 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,914 AND APPLIED TO LAW SCHOOL. 348 00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,183 IN THAT ORDER. HAPPILY EVER AFTER. 349 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,085 - HOW IS IT THAT YOUR HAPPILY EVER AFTER 350 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,187 DOESN'T REMOTELY INVOLVE A DUDE? 351 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,089 - THAT'S EASY. 352 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,024 I MEAN, YOU SEE ME AS THIS PIECE OF CANDY. 353 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,425 - I DO NOT. - SURE, YOU DO. 354 00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:55,362 - YES, I DO, ACTUALLY. BUT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE. 355 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:59,399 YOU'RE LIKE A... SEXY GUMMY BEAR... 356 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,102 WITH CARAMEL ON THE INSIDE. - [chuckles] 357 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,004 - LIKE A GUMMY BEAR WRAPPED 358 00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,973 AROUND SOME OTHER KIND OF SWEET GOODNESS. 359 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:08,341 - THANK YOU. 360 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:11,945 BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, DUDES HAVE A VERY HARD TIME 361 00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:13,646 WITH A WOMAN WHO'S ADDICTED TO HER PROFESSION. 362 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,115 - MAYBE YOU JUST HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT DUDE. 363 00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:16,516 - MAYBE. 364 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,551 BUT WOULD I EVEN RECOGNIZE HIM? 365 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,221 BECAUSE ALL I EVER SEE IS AN IMPEDIMENT 366 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,355 TO GETTING MY WORK DONE. 367 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,291 - THAT MAKES ME SAD. 368 00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:26,994 - WHY, AM I MISSING SOMETHING? 369 00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:29,596 DOESN'T STOP ME FROM HAVING SEX WITH WHO I WANT, 370 00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,231 WHEN I WANT. 371 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,000 - OKAY, I'M LESS SAD NOW. 372 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,202 - NOTHING WOULD EVER BECOME OF US, HANK. 373 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,970 - HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? - LET'S PLAY A LITTLE GAME. 374 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,972 - GAMES ARE FUN. - LET'S PRETEND FOR A MOMENT 375 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,174 THAT FOR US TO EMBARK ON A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP 376 00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:44,111 ISN'T COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY INAPPROPRIATE. 377 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:44,978 - YES, LET'S. 378 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,513 - YOU ARE AWARE THAT SAID RELATIONSHIP 379 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,281 WOULD GO HORRIBLY AWRY 380 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,984 ONCE YOU REALIZED I WAS TRULY SINGLE, 381 00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:54,654 UNENCUMBERED, FREE TO LOVE YOU AND BE WITH YOU 382 00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,990 FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 383 00:15:57,024 --> 00:16:01,628 - YOU'RE RIGHT, THAT IS A BONER KILLER. 384 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,196 - WE'RE A LOT ALIKE, YOU AND ME. 385 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,764 - I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, 386 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,233 BUT I THINK I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. 387 00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:07,400 - NO, I'M SERIOUS. 388 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:09,502 YOU'RE A SMART, CHARMING GUY... 389 00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,104 - I DO LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. 390 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:13,106 - WITH A LOT OF FUCKED-UP, DARK SHIT 391 00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:15,308 RUNNING THROUGH THAT PRETTY LITTLE HEAD OF YOURS. 392 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,709 I CAN RELATE. 393 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,645 I'VE JUST FIGURED OUT A BETTER WAY TO CHANNEL IT. 394 00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,313 - THAT'S WHAT THE WRITING'S FOR. 395 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:22,382 - BUT YOU THINK YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, RIGHT? 396 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,717 DARK, SWIRLING CHAOS AND THE WHITE PICKET FENCE. 397 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,386 - WHAT IF ONE FEEDS THE OTHER? 398 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,687 - WHAT IF ONE DESTROYS THE OTHER? 399 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,490 [cell phone rings] HOLD ON. 400 00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:33,460 SORRY. FORCE OF HABIT. 401 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:36,629 - HUH? OH... 402 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,265 MY BALLS WERE JUST VIBRATING. - MM-HMM. 403 00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:40,367 THE WHOLE EVENING. THOUGHT I HAD A CALL. 404 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,470 - FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD THAT. 405 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,372 - OH. 406 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:48,208 MM. 407 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,642 - LET ME GUESS-- 408 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,244 A MESSAGE FROM BEHIND THE WHITE PICKET FENCE? 409 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:52,179 - HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT? 410 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,281 - BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY SMILED FOR ONCE. 411 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,649 NOT A SMIRK, A SMILE. 412 00:16:56,683 --> 00:17:00,620 - UH, CAN WE HAVE THE CHECK? I GOTTA GO. 413 00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,789 - OF COURSE YOU DO. GO. 414 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:06,793 UH, I WILL--I WILL CALL YOU WHEN I KNOW SOMETHING. 415 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:10,763 AND, HANK, YOU MIGHT CONSIDER SMILING MORE OFTEN. 416 00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,333 GOT ME A LITTLE WET. 417 00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:20,207 - * WHEN I'M NEXT TO YOU 418 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:24,077 - * KNOW ME BROKEN 419 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:26,246 * BY MY MASTER 420 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:29,116 * 421 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:33,620 * TEACH THEE ON CHILD 422 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:36,289 * OF LOVE HEREAFTER 423 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,258 * 424 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,561 * INTO THE FLOOD AGAIN 425 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,263 * SAME OLD TRIP 426 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:47,834 * IT WAS BACK THEN 427 00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:51,304 * SO I MADE A BIG MISTAKE 428 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:56,809 * TRY TO SEE IT ONCE MY WAY 429 00:17:56,843 --> 00:18:05,385 * 430 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:20,200 * INTO THE FLOOD AGAIN 431 00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:25,505 * SAME OLD TRIP IT WAS BACK THEN * 432 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:29,376 * SO I MADE A BIG MISTAKE 433 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,178 * TRY TO SEE IT ONCE 434 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:36,483 * MY WAY 435 00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:39,919 * HAVE I GONE 436 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:44,591 * AND LEFT YOU HERE ALONE? 437 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,794 * IF...I...WOULD 438 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:52,465 * COULD YOU? 439 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:53,666 [cheers and applause] 440 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:54,734 - WHOO! 441 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,636 - THANK YOU. WE'RE QUEENS OF DOGTOWN. 442 00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:57,804 GOOD NIGHT. 443 00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,907 - THAT WAS A RIVETING 23 SECONDS. 444 00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,210 THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP. 445 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,545 - CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY THAT I ASKED YOU AT ALL. 446 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,280 - HEY. - HEY. 447 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,282 - THANKS, MAN. CHEERS. - HANK! 448 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:12,285 YOU'RE SUCH A-- 449 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:15,955 - THANK YOU. NO, UH--NO INTRODUCTION? 450 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:19,359 - OH, YEAH, UH, THIS IS BEN, 451 00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:21,228 AND THIS IS HANK, BECCA'S FATHER. 452 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,529 - GOOD TO MEET YOU, HANK. 453 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,931 - "BECCA'S FATHER." THAT'S NICE 454 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,333 HE'S BECCA'S FATHER. 455 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,601 - COME ON, MAN, DON'T BE THAT GUY. 456 00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,403 - DON'T BE THAT GUY? 457 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:31,671 - DON'T BE THE GUY WHO MAKES THIS SHIT 458 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,540 ANY WEIRDER THAN IT HAS TO BE, ALL RIGHT? 459 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,975 WE'RE WATCHING OUR GIRLS PLAY SOME MUSIC. 460 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,644 THERE'S NO NEED FOR AN ATTITUDE. 461 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,646 YOU DISRESPECTED ME WITH THE BEER THING. 462 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,281 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I'LL LET YOU HAVE THAT ONE. 463 00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:42,815 - YOU'LL LET ME HAVE THAT ONE? 464 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,684 - YEAH, I WILL. 465 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,553 LONG AS YOU BUY THE NEXT ROUND. HMM? 466 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,555 HOW'S THAT SOUND? - HEY, SWEETIE. 467 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,690 SO GOOD. GOD, YOU WERE GREAT. 468 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:51,824 - HEY... 469 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:54,461 - I'M PROUD. VERY, VERY PROUD. 470 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:57,297 - PROUD OF YOU. YOU WERE FANTASTIC. 471 00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,499 - THANK YOU. 472 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,734 - THIS IS MY DAD. 473 00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,803 - I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS OUT OF THE PICTURE. 474 00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:10,543 - HEY, HANK, WE'RE GONNA TAKE THESE TWO LITTLE ROCK STARS 475 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:11,644 OUT TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT. 476 00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,846 A LITTLE POST-GIG CELEBRATION. 477 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,282 YOU WANT TO JOIN US? 478 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,555 - UH, I--I KINDA-- I GOT A DEADLINE 479 00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:24,824 THAT I'M WORKING ON. 480 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:27,427 SWEETIE, YOU WERE JUST-- I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. 481 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:30,430 I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. 482 00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:31,364 - I LOVE YOU TOO. 483 00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:35,368 - ALL RIGHT, GO ON. - THANKS FOR COMING. 484 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:36,403 - COME ON, SWEETIE. 485 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:48,748 - STOP IT, CHARLIE. YOU'RE FUCKING CLAMMY. 486 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,583 IT'S LIKE HOLDING HANDS WITH A MERMAN. 487 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:51,784 - WHAT ELSE IS NEW? 488 00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:53,786 I GET NERVOUS, I GET MOIST. YOU KNOW THIS. 489 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:55,722 - WHAT'S WITH ALL THE SCARRING DOWN HERE, HUH? 490 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,057 YOUR SCROTUM FEELS LIKE A RELIEF MAP. 491 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,959 - OH, I'VE HAD A COUPLE OF VASECTOMIES. 492 00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:02,495 - A COUPLE? WHAT, DID YOU HAVE A REVERSAL? 493 00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:03,730 - NO, THE FIRST SNIP DIDN'T TAKE. 494 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:04,831 I HAD TO HAVE ANOTHER. 495 00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,899 DOCTOR SAID IT HAPPENS SOMETIMES. 496 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:09,302 - YEAH, SOMETIMES. NOT OFTEN. WHO WAS YOUR GUY? 497 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:12,839 - I DON'T KNOW, SOME INDIAN FELLA. 498 00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:14,974 UNPRONOUNCEABLE LAST NAME. 499 00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,843 OVER IN WEST L.A. BY THE 405. 500 00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:17,910 - [wheezing laughter] 501 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,579 - WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? 502 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,681 - I'M SORRY. THAT'S PIGGISH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 503 00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:23,650 IT'S JUST THAT I'VE HEARD OF YOU POOR BASTARDS BEFORE. 504 00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:24,751 I'VE JUST NEVER ACTUALLY MET ONE. 505 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:27,086 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 506 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,555 - YOU FOUND HIM IN THE BACK OF THE L.A. WEEKLY, DID YA? 507 00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:30,690 - YEAH, SO? I WAS A YOUNG AGENT ON A BUDGET. 508 00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:31,624 - OW! 509 00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:33,760 - I TOLD YOU NOT TO SKIMP ON THAT SHIT! 510 00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:36,095 - GUY LOST HIS LICENSE LAST YEAR. 511 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,465 MALPRACTICE. - WHY? WHAT HAPPENED? 512 00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:40,066 - KNOW WHAT THE OTHER DICK DOCS CALL HIM? 513 00:21:40,099 --> 00:21:42,402 WEENIE TODD, THE DEMON UROLOGIST OF THE WEST SIDE. 514 00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:43,336 HE WAS A REAL BUTCHER. 515 00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:45,572 FOR WHATEVER REASON, HE REALLY ENJOYED-- 516 00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:46,573 HOW DO I PUT THIS DELICATELY? 517 00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:48,708 OH, YEAH, FUCKING AROUND WITH MEN'S GENITALIA. 518 00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:51,378 WHICH IS FINE, EXCEPT... - I THINK I'M GONNA PASS OUT. 519 00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:52,645 - OH, NO, NO. OH, THERE WE GO. 520 00:21:52,679 --> 00:21:54,113 HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. HE'LL BE FINE. 521 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:55,748 THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. 522 00:21:55,782 --> 00:21:59,118 - SO WHAT, EXACTLY, ARE YOU SAYING HERE, DOC? 523 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:01,488 THERE STILL COULD BE SWIMMERS IN HIS JUNK? 524 00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:03,590 - WELL, I BET IF HE GAVE ME A SPERM SAMPLE, 525 00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:04,391 WE'D FIND A COUPLE OF LITTLE DUDES 526 00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:06,092 SWIMMING AROUND IN THERE, SURE. 527 00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:07,827 NOT THAT HE'S GONNA HAVE AN ERECTION ANYTIME SOON. 528 00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,362 [whistles] 529 00:22:09,396 --> 00:22:14,801 - * MARRIAGE ON THE SKIDS 530 00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:18,871 * AND THE FOLKS AIN'T DOIN' WELL * 531 00:22:18,905 --> 00:22:21,474 * 532 00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:23,610 * BUT HOLDIN' ON 533 00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:26,813 * 534 00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:30,016 * YEAH, WE'RE HOLDIN' ON 535 00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:32,018 * AW, BUT YOU AND ME, BABY 536 00:22:32,051 --> 00:22:33,453 [knock at door] 537 00:22:33,486 --> 00:22:35,154 - NO, THANK YOU. 538 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,990 [continued knocking] 539 00:22:43,496 --> 00:22:45,598 I'M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD. 540 00:22:45,632 --> 00:22:48,601 - YEAH, ME NEITHER. IT'S MIA. 541 00:22:48,635 --> 00:22:51,838 - * HOLDIN' ON 542 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:54,907 - I DIDN'T WANT TO CALL 911 OR ANYTHING 543 00:22:54,941 --> 00:22:56,676 BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT MIGHT MAKE THINGS WORSE. 544 00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:57,977 - GOOD CALL. 545 00:22:58,010 --> 00:23:00,580 - SHE'S REALLY FUCKED UP, HANK. 546 00:23:00,613 --> 00:23:02,482 I CAN'T WAIT TO PLAY HER. 547 00:23:02,515 --> 00:23:05,752 [chuckles] 548 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,858 - HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAMA MIA? 549 00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:14,427 MIND IF I JOIN YOU... 550 00:23:14,461 --> 00:23:16,629 ON THE LEDGE? 551 00:23:16,663 --> 00:23:18,698 - DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'D WANT TO. 552 00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,733 I'M NOT VERY GOOD COMPANY TONIGHT. 553 00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:25,137 - OH, COME ON, YOU'RE ALWAYS GOOD FOR A LAUGH OR TWO. 554 00:23:25,171 --> 00:23:30,109 AHH...OOH... 555 00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:32,011 BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW I WAS AFRAID OF HEIGHTS, 556 00:23:32,044 --> 00:23:33,012 DID YOU? 557 00:23:33,045 --> 00:23:36,716 - YOU NEVER STRUCK ME AS SCARED OF ANYTHING. 558 00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:38,685 - NEGRESS, PLEASE! 559 00:23:38,718 --> 00:23:40,953 I'M A BIG OLD FRAIDY CAT. 560 00:23:44,557 --> 00:23:47,860 YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY TERRIFIES THE SHIT OUT OF ME? 561 00:23:47,894 --> 00:23:49,796 - HMM? 562 00:23:49,829 --> 00:23:50,997 - MAPLE SYRUP. 563 00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:52,599 - MAPLE SYRUP? 564 00:23:52,632 --> 00:23:54,867 - YEAH, I CAN'T EAT WAFFLES OR PANCAKES 565 00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:55,868 FOR FEAR OF GETTING THAT NASTY SHIT 566 00:23:55,902 --> 00:23:57,136 ALL OVER MY HANDS. 567 00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:59,138 CROISSANT TOO. [inhales sharply] 568 00:23:59,171 --> 00:24:01,007 IT'S THE TEXTURE, SOMETHING ABOUT THE... 569 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,575 - WOW. 570 00:24:02,609 --> 00:24:04,076 - YOU KNOW? 571 00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:06,613 - I'M SURPRISED THAT YOU LIKE THE LADY PARTS 572 00:24:06,646 --> 00:24:07,647 AS MUCH AS YOU DO. 573 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,048 - I LOVE ME THE LADY PARTS. 574 00:24:09,081 --> 00:24:10,483 MIND YOU, I DON'T THINK I'D EVER GO 575 00:24:10,517 --> 00:24:12,619 FOR A VAGINA-FLAVORED CUPCAKE, 576 00:24:12,652 --> 00:24:14,654 BUT WHEN YOU'RE DOWN THERE IN THE LADYNESS, 577 00:24:14,687 --> 00:24:17,256 YOU DON'T WANT THAT SHIT TO TASTE LIKE ICE CREAM. 578 00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:19,125 IT'S COMPLICATED. - [laughs] 579 00:24:19,158 --> 00:24:20,993 - OH, YOU'RE LAUGHING. THAT'S GOOD. 580 00:24:21,027 --> 00:24:23,930 THAT MEANS YOU'RE NOT PLUMMETING TO YOUR DEATH. 581 00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:25,898 I LIKE THAT IN A GIRL. 582 00:24:25,932 --> 00:24:27,867 - I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW. 583 00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:28,935 - MM-HMM. MM-HMM. 584 00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:32,071 - IT'D BE SO EASY TO JUST LEAN FORWARD AND LET GO. 585 00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:34,841 - IT WOULD BE. IT WOULD BE EASY. YEAH. 586 00:24:34,874 --> 00:24:38,010 WE COULD, UH... 587 00:24:38,044 --> 00:24:40,713 WE COULD GO TOGETHER. 588 00:24:40,747 --> 00:24:44,216 - WOW, THAT'D REALLY BE SOMETHING. 589 00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:48,287 - YEAH. LIKE BUTCH AND SUNDANCE. 590 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,222 THELMA AND LOUISE. 591 00:24:50,256 --> 00:24:53,259 TANGO AND CASH. 592 00:24:53,292 --> 00:24:55,261 BUT SOMEHOW I DON'T THINK IT'S THE RIGHT ENDING 593 00:24:55,294 --> 00:24:57,163 FOR EITHER ONE OF US, MIA. 594 00:24:59,732 --> 00:25:01,634 - WELL, SO WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE, THEN? 595 00:25:01,668 --> 00:25:04,236 - DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, MIA. 596 00:25:04,270 --> 00:25:07,006 - [sighs] HONESTLY... 597 00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:10,009 I JUST WANT A DO-OVER. 598 00:25:10,042 --> 00:25:11,744 GO BACK TO BEING A KID. 599 00:25:11,778 --> 00:25:13,880 - ME TOO. 600 00:25:13,913 --> 00:25:15,615 WELL, NOT A KID, EXACTLY, 601 00:25:15,648 --> 00:25:17,016 BUT I WOULD LIKE TO GO BACK TO '94. 602 00:25:17,049 --> 00:25:19,151 THAT WAS A GOOD YEAR. - WHY? 603 00:25:19,185 --> 00:25:23,923 BECAUSE I MET KAREN. THEN BECCA WAS BORN. 604 00:25:23,956 --> 00:25:25,958 IT WAS THE YEAR THAT CHANGED MY LIFE. 605 00:25:25,992 --> 00:25:27,627 - MM. 606 00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:29,662 - PLUS, NO INTERNET, CELL PHONES, TEXTING, 607 00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:31,030 TWEETING, TWATTING, TWITTERING... 608 00:25:31,063 --> 00:25:32,331 - THE FUCKING DARK AGES. - YEAH! 609 00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:35,334 MOVIES WERE A BUCK. GAS WAS TEN CENTS A GALLON. 610 00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:37,336 BLOW JOBS WERE FREE. 611 00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:39,271 SPEAKING OF WHICH, CLINTON WAS IN THE WHITE HOUSE, 612 00:25:39,305 --> 00:25:41,240 NIRVANA WAS ON THE RADIO. 613 00:25:41,273 --> 00:25:43,209 AND I HAD YET TO FUCK UP THE BEST THING 614 00:25:43,242 --> 00:25:45,645 THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 615 00:25:51,651 --> 00:25:53,285 YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED TO DO, MIA... 616 00:25:53,319 --> 00:25:55,021 - WHAT'S THAT? 617 00:25:55,054 --> 00:25:58,858 - WE NEED TO FORGIVE OUR FUCKING SELVES. 618 00:25:58,891 --> 00:26:01,193 YOU UNDERSTAND? 619 00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:05,064 NOBODY'S GONNA DO THAT FOR US. 620 00:26:05,097 --> 00:26:08,935 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 621 00:26:08,968 --> 00:26:10,837 DEAL? 622 00:26:10,870 --> 00:26:14,240 - DEAL. 623 00:26:19,311 --> 00:26:20,312 - IT'S A NICE VIEW, 624 00:26:20,346 --> 00:26:23,983 BUT DO YOU THINK WE MIGHT GO BACK INSIDE NOW? 625 00:26:24,016 --> 00:26:26,619 I'M--I'M SCARED... 626 00:26:26,653 --> 00:26:28,254 - [chuckles] 627 00:26:28,287 --> 00:26:30,022 - AND I DON'T LIKE TO SHIT MYSELF 628 00:26:30,056 --> 00:26:32,024 IN FRONT OF A LADY. 629 00:26:32,058 --> 00:26:34,293 - OKAY. 630 00:26:37,730 --> 00:26:39,699 - HEY. - OH. 631 00:26:39,732 --> 00:26:41,968 [chuckles] 632 00:26:42,001 --> 00:26:43,169 - I'M NOT KIDDING. 633 00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:47,640 NOW I'M FEELING DIZZY. I'M GONNA HEAD BACK TO MY ROOM. 634 00:26:47,674 --> 00:26:51,711 - NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. LET'S GO THIS WAY. 635 00:26:51,744 --> 00:26:53,913 TAKE A NAP. 636 00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:55,347 - UHH! 637 00:26:57,984 --> 00:27:02,421 JESUS. OH... - HEY. 638 00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:05,758 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 639 00:27:05,792 --> 00:27:10,362 [girls giggling] 640 00:27:10,396 --> 00:27:13,700 OH... 641 00:27:19,238 --> 00:27:20,239 [camera shutter clicks] 642 00:27:20,272 --> 00:27:24,376 - HEY, CHECK IT OUT. 643 00:27:24,410 --> 00:27:25,444 DUDE, THAT'S AWESOME. 644 00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,046 SEND IT TO ME, YEAH. 645 00:27:27,079 --> 00:27:29,448 - PLAYTIME'S OVER, LADIES. - OH, NO. 646 00:27:29,481 --> 00:27:34,186 - NO, NO. GO PLAY AMONGST YOURSELVES. 647 00:27:34,220 --> 00:27:37,323 - * DON'T WAKE ME UP 648 00:27:37,356 --> 00:27:40,793 * DON'T WAKE ME UP 649 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,970 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 650 00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:53,039 * ME UP 651 00:27:53,072 --> 00:27:56,843 * DON'T WAKE ME UP 652 00:27:56,876 --> 00:27:59,712 * SO DON'T WAKE ME UP 653 00:27:59,746 --> 00:28:03,082 * SO DON'T WAKE ME UP