1 00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,143 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,778 - THE D.A.'S OFFICE IS WILLING TO DROP THE ASSAULT CHARGES. 3 00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,046 THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS. 4 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,247 - WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS? 5 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,049 - YOU'RE BEING CHARGED WITH STATUTORY RAPE. 6 00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,650 - YEAH, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CONSIDER A LITTLE "MANSCAPING." 7 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,519 YOU'RE WAY HAIRY. - REALLY? 8 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,620 [knocking at door] 9 00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,089 AH. 10 00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,256 AAH! 11 00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:23,591 - I'M LATE. - BINGO. 12 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,226 COME ON, LET'S GO GET YOU A PREGNANCY TEST. 13 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,661 - FUCK, THE RABBIT DONE DIED. 14 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,762 - I MET THE WIFE. 15 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,698 - YEAH, SOON-TO-BE EX. SPLITSVILLE. 16 00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,600 - SO YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF I TOOK A CRACK AT HER? 17 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:35,703 - CONSIDERING THAT YOU ACTUALLY WROTE THE BOOK THAT I LOVE, 18 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:39,373 HOW ABOUT YOU REWRITE THE SCRIPT THAT I LOATHE? 19 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,641 - AND SASHA BINGHAM WILL STAR? 20 00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,843 - YES, SHE'S READING AS WE SPEAK. 21 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,778 - WHAT ABOUT EDDIE NERO? - SO IS THERE A SCRIPT? 22 00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:45,813 - FUCK, NO. 23 00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,481 - BUT HE'S GETTING CLOSE. - ISH. 24 00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:48,782 - WITH SASHA'S INTEREST 25 00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:52,120 AND WITH HANK'S FACE ALL OVER THE NEWS RIGHT NOW, 26 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,488 WE COULD BE AT SUNDANCE THIS TIME NEXT YEAR. 27 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,090 - THE PROSECUTION HAS A LAME CASE, 28 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:57,225 AND THEY KNOW IT TOO. 29 00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:59,593 - HAVE YOU MET MY ATTORNEY? 30 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,229 - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY FAR AWAY 31 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,063 FROM THE MIAS AND THE SASHAS OF THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. 32 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,436 - [laughs] 33 00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:11,605 - HEY, CHECK IT OUT. 34 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:22,650 [rock music] 35 00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:31,425 * 36 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:45,473 - IT SHOULD BE PRETTY CUT AND DRY. 37 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:48,409 YOU PLEAD GUILTY TO UNLAWFUL SEXUAL CONDUCT. 38 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,179 THE STATUTORY RAPE CHARGE GOES AWAY. 39 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,649 - DISCRETION, COUNSELOR... 40 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:57,818 IT BEING THE BETTER PART OF VALOR AND WHATNOT. 41 00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,720 - IN ANY CASE... 42 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,289 [clears throat] 43 00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,157 YOU'RE LOOKING AT A $1,000 FINE, 44 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,426 18 MONTHS SUMMARY PROBATION. 45 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,295 UH, THE ONLY THING LEFT TO HAMMER OUT 46 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,430 IS THE NATURE AND DURATION OF YOUR COMMUNITY SERVICE. 47 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,165 - DONE. WHERE DO I SIGN? 48 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,434 BUT INSTEAD OF DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE, 49 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,702 CAN I DO A P.S.A.? 50 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,604 HI, I'M HANK MOODY. 51 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,239 DON'T FUCK TEENAGERS. 52 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:20,241 AND CAN I BORROW A THOUSAND BUCKS? 53 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,875 KIDDING... ABOUT THE P.S.A. 54 00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:24,378 - I'LL BE DAMNED. 55 00:02:24,412 --> 00:02:25,746 I THINK I'M ACTUALLY SEEING 56 00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:30,784 SOME OF THAT HANK MOODY MOJO UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. 57 00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,386 - [whispering] IS MY DONG OUT? 58 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:34,922 - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CARD HER JUST TO BE SAFE. 59 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,924 - [normal voice] YOU ARE ON FIRE. 60 00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:38,559 HI, EXCUSE ME. 61 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,827 DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER? 62 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,463 - SORRY, YOU'RE, UH, KIND OF FAMOUS. 63 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,565 - THAT'S RIGHT. I AM KIND OF FAMOUS. 64 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,300 IT'S GOOD TO SEE THAT THE YOUNG KIDS ARE STILL READING. 65 00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:50,438 LAST TIME I CHECKED, MY SHIT WASN'T KINDLE-WORTHY. 66 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:52,206 - OW! - SORRY. 67 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,974 - DICK. 68 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,609 - DON'T OPEN IT. NO, NO. 69 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,778 - LET ME--GOD. - FUCK YOU. 70 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:09,723 - SHE'S RIGHT. YOU ARE A DICK. 71 00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,726 [upbeat music] 72 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:20,701 * 73 00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:01,509 - NICE WORK, ASSHOLE. DEAL'S OFF. 74 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,677 - WHAT? NO FAIR. INDIAN GIVER. 75 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,513 - AS YOU KNOW, THE D.A. IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR. 76 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,614 AND VOTERS JUST DON'T TAKE KINDLY 77 00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,417 TO PUBLIC OFFICIALS WHO GO SOFT ON CHILD MOLESTERS. 78 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,584 - BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. 79 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:12,353 THE YOUNG LADIES IN QUESTION WERE JUST SCREWING AROUND, 80 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,721 AND I PUT A STOP TO THAT SHIT. 81 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,723 I CAN'T HELP IT IF SOME COCK-TARD IN A FEDORA 82 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,691 TAKES A PICTURE AT THE EXACT WRONG MOMENT. 83 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:18,759 - IT DOESN'T MATTER. 84 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,828 IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING HAPPENED. 85 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,563 IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE OUT THERE THUMBING YOUR NOSE 86 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,797 AT THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA. 87 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:24,965 - OKAY, I GET IT. 88 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,368 DULY NOTED-- MUST STOP THUMBING NOSE. 89 00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:28,636 ALL RIGHT? 90 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,738 SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW? WHAT'S--WHAT'S THE MOVE? 91 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,973 - YOU LOOK FOR A NEW ATTORNEY. - WHAT? 92 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,808 - I SHOULD'VE GONE WITH MY GUT ON THIS ONE. 93 00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:37,311 - WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, YOU'RE QUITTING? 94 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:38,579 - IN A WORD, ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY. 95 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,680 I'M DROPPING THE CASE, 96 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,483 LEAVING THE OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO FIND AN ATTORNEY 97 00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,652 WHO SUITS YOUR PARTICULAR PERSONALITY. 98 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:47,821 - YOU CAN'T DO THAT. CAN YOU? 99 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,823 - HANK, I HAVE NEVER HAD A CLIENT 100 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:52,560 WHO MAKES IT THIS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO DO MY JOB. 101 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,961 - YOU SHOULD TALK TO MY AGENT. 102 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,597 - I WILL. I'LL CALL HIM, AND I'LL RECOMMEND SOMEONE NEW. 103 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,433 - QUITTER. 104 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,602 - GOOD LUCK TO YOU, HANK. 105 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,704 I WISH I COULD SAY IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU, 106 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,639 BUT THAT WOULD BE A BIG, FAT LIE, 107 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,808 BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN AN ENORMOUS PAIN IN MY ASS. 108 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:08,942 - NORMALLY I WOULD HAVE 109 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,711 AN INCREDIBLY CHILDISH RETORT TO THAT, 110 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:11,845 BUT I'M NOT GOING TO. 111 00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,747 I'M GONNA TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. 112 00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:15,983 YOU HAVE A GREAT ASS. 113 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,518 AND THE THOUGHT THAT I HAVE BROUGHT IT ANY PAIN 114 00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:18,819 BRINGS ME PAIN. 115 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,454 ALL I WANT TO DO IS BRING YOUR ASS PLEASURE. 116 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,889 THAT'S HOW HIGHLY I REGARD IT. 117 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,792 AND THERE IT GOES, ABBY'S FANTASTIC ASS. 118 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,661 FARE THEE WELL. TAKE CARE. 119 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:30,030 WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE CENTURY CITY. 120 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:33,967 I'M FUCKED. 121 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,135 [knocking at door] 122 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,104 GO THE FUCK AWAY. 123 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:40,073 [knocking continues] 124 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:45,078 I DON'T WANT ANY MORE FUCKING CHOCOLATES. 125 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,013 IT'S YOU. 126 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,115 WHAT DO YOU WANT? - SETTLE DOWN, GRUMPY. 127 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:48,982 CAN I COME IN? 128 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,784 - HAVEN'T YOU CAUSED ME ENOUGH TROUBLE? 129 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,386 - THIS IS MY FAULT? 130 00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,121 - WELL, SEEING AS I'M IN NO MOOD TO BLAME MYSELF, 131 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,823 YES, YES, IT IS. 132 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,625 COME ON IN. 133 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,564 - YOU LIVE LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL. 134 00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,933 - WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK OUT BETWEEN US. 135 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,935 - WELL, THAT AND THE FACT THAT YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH 136 00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,570 TO BE MY GRANDFATHER. 137 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:13,507 - OH, FUCK, ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME KILL MYSELF? 138 00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,476 - SO I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS AND SOME BAD NEWS. 139 00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:16,710 WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER? 140 00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:18,579 - DO IT WHATEVER WAY YOU WANT, 141 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,514 FUCKING DIVA. 142 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,115 - I'M DROPPING OUT. 143 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,452 - OF HIGH SCHOOL? 144 00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:25,553 - THE MOVIE. 145 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,754 - OH, THAT. 146 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,756 ALL RIGHT, I WILL--I WILL WRITE YOU 147 00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,891 THAT BIG OSCAR SPEECH THAT YOU WANTED AT THE END. 148 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,860 - NO, NO, IT'S NOT THAT. - OKAY, YOU GOT IT. 149 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,662 - THIS IS A LOT OF BAD PRESS FOR ME. 150 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:37,598 AND WHILE A SCANDAL CAN BE A GOOD THING, 151 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,133 THIS WHOLE THING IS GETTING A LITTLE UNSAVORY. 152 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:42,002 - HMM. 153 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,605 OKAY, SO NO MOVIE. 154 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,440 MOVIE, NO. 155 00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:47,641 WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS? 156 00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,444 - THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I STILL WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, 157 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:51,845 AT LEAST ONCE MORE, 158 00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,447 IF NOT TWICE. 159 00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:54,782 - THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS? 160 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,850 - MM-HMM. 161 00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:59,520 - OH, MY. 162 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:02,523 YOU KNOW, THAT IS PRETTY GOOD NEWS. 163 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,057 MAYBE A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN. 164 00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,631 [knocking at door] 165 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:11,899 SHIT. 166 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,467 PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON. 167 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,068 COULD BE THE LAW. 168 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,037 [knocking continues] 169 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:23,511 JUST AS I SUSPECTED, THE LAW. 170 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,746 KAREN, COME ON IN. 171 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,115 - HEY. 172 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,718 - KAREN, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET SASHA BINGHAM. 173 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,252 THEY TELL ME SHE'S A BIG MOVIE STAR. 174 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,087 PERSONALLY, I DON'T SEE IT. 175 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,056 - HI, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL. 176 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,592 OH, MY GOD, I TOTALLY GET IT NOW. 177 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:40,661 HOW'D YOU FUCK THIS UP? - THANK YOU. 178 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:43,063 THAT'S HELPFUL. YOU CAN GO NOW. 179 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,499 - IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, SASHA. 180 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,901 UM, OF COURSE, I KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE, 181 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,803 BECAUSE I'VE SEEN ALL THE PHOTOS. 182 00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:53,006 - AND THAT'S MY CUE. 183 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,875 PEACE. 184 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:55,709 - WOW. 185 00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,878 - I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, KAREN-- 186 00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:00,013 READING ALL THOSE STUPID BLOGS. 187 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,148 - BECCA SHOWED ME. 188 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,150 - BEC--OH, FUCK. 189 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:06,987 HOW IS SHE? IS SHE OKAY? 190 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:07,921 - OKAY? 191 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,123 W-WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN AT THIS POINT? 192 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:14,127 - WHA--UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, KAREN? 193 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,129 LOOK AROUND. WELCOME TO ROCK BOTTOM. 194 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:19,867 I'M LIVING IN THIS SHITTY, FILTHY HOTEL ROOM. 195 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,735 MY--MY CAREER'S IN THE SHITTER. 196 00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:23,837 YOU OBVIOUSLY HATE ME. BECCA HATES ME. 197 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:27,174 MY ATTORNEY DUMPED ME. 198 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,709 - YOUR ATTORNEY DUMPED YOU? 199 00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,143 HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN? 200 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,145 - I DON'T KNOW. SHE GOT TIRED OF MY SHIT. 201 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,547 IT'S A TREND. 202 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,848 WHAT THE FUCK? WHATEVER. 203 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,149 - BUT WASN'T SHE ONE OF THE GOOD ONES? 204 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,551 - I THINK SO. SHE SEEMED GOOD. 205 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:39,787 SHE'S SMART, SNAPPY DRESSER, NICE BRIEFCASE. 206 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,822 WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW ABOUT LAWYERS? 207 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,757 - DID YOU THINK TO APOLOGIZE? 208 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:46,293 I MEAN, YOU CAN REALLY SWITCH THE CHARM ON WHEN YOU WANT TO. 209 00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:48,161 - I DON'T HAVE A SWITCH. THE SWITCH IS GONE. 210 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:52,065 I CAN'T FIND THE SWITCH. 211 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:55,603 CAN YOU JUST... 212 00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:57,137 APOLOGIZE TO BECCA FOR ME 213 00:08:57,170 --> 00:09:00,608 AND--AND--AND TELL HER THAT I'LL--I'LL MAKE IT UP TO HER? 214 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:03,911 - YOU KNOW HOW YOU CAN MAKE IT UP TO HER? 215 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,113 YOU CAN GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ASS 216 00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,682 AND GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. 217 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,050 HANK, YOU'RE SLIPPING. 218 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,285 YOU'RE KNOW, YOU'RE REALLY FUCKING SLIPPING. 219 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:14,321 I MEAN, WHATEVER HAPPENS BETWEEN US, 220 00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:17,057 YOU HAVE ALWAYS MANAGED TO BE A DECENT FATHER. 221 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:20,127 IF YOU LET THAT GO, YOU'RE FUCKED. 222 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:24,898 YOU'RE TOTALLY FUCKED FOREVER. 223 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:27,000 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. THIS IS YOUR SHIT. 224 00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,102 I'M--I'M GONE. 225 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:31,905 YOU FIGURE IT OUT. 226 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,775 [door opens, closes] 227 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:37,778 [rock music] 228 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:43,016 * 229 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:44,985 - HOLA. - HOLA. 230 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,688 OKAY. 231 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,292 - PLEASE, YOU WAIT. 232 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,161 - YOU GOT IT. 233 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,396 OH, HEY, LISTEN. 234 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,298 UM, YOUR BOSS-- 235 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,334 HOW HAIRY ARE WE TALKING HERE? 236 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,569 - PARDON? 237 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,639 - IT'S JUST THAT, UH, I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE WEST SIDE, 238 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:08,208 AND I WANT TO KIND OF WRAP IT UP BEFORE RUSH HOUR. 239 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:11,278 SO HOW HAIRY IS THE MISSUS? 240 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,946 - MRS. HAIRY? 241 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,748 I NO UNDERSTAND, BUT YOU NO WORRY. 242 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:15,816 I PUT PERFECT. 243 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,951 - IRMA, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 244 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,219 I WILL TAKE OVER FROM HERE, 245 00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,188 AND YOU ALWAYS PUT PERFECT. 246 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,290 - GRACIAS, SEÑOR. 247 00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:26,794 - MARCY, WE MEET AGAIN AT LAST. 248 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,028 - STU... 249 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,830 YOU MADE THE APPOINTMENT WITH ME? 250 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,999 - NO, NO, IRMA BOOKED THE APPOINTMENT 251 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,734 ON MY BEHALF. 252 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,003 - SO YOU WANT THE FULL KARDASHIAN? 253 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,739 - NO, NO. GOD, NO. 254 00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,741 I WOULD RATHER EXPLODE. 255 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,910 NO, WHEN IRMA CALLED HOT LIPS, 256 00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,111 THEY SAID THAT'S WHAT IT WOULD TAKE 257 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,378 FOR YOU TO MAKE A HOUSE CALL. 258 00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,915 - YOU GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. 259 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,883 - LISTEN, I CALLED. I TEXTED. 260 00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,151 AND IN RETURN, ZILCH. 261 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,020 SO I HAD TO GET A LITTLE CREATIVE. 262 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,121 - UNBELIEVABLE. 263 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,423 - BABY, I'M A PRODUCER, SO I PRODUCE. 264 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,791 WHAT CAN I SAY? 265 00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,761 - WELL, YOU COULD SAY SORRY, ASSHOLE, 266 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:01,695 BECAUSE I CANCELED 267 00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:03,764 A WHOLE AFTERNOON'S WORTH OF APPOINTMENTS. 268 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,165 DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS LITTLE STUNT OF YOURS 269 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,166 IS GONNA COST ME? 270 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,434 - WAIT, WAIT, I'M SORRY. 271 00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,302 I DIDN'T MEAN TO-- 272 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,205 IT'S JUST THAT I WANTED TO SEE YOU... 273 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:13,340 SO MUCH. 274 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,910 I'LL BE GLAD TO PAY YOU FOR YOUR TIME. 275 00:11:16,944 --> 00:11:19,412 I-I MEAN, IF YOU WOULD JUST STAY HERE 276 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:20,714 AND HANG OUT FOR A WHILE. 277 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,249 - I STAY, I WAX. 278 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,051 TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. 279 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,754 - OH. 280 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:30,791 ALL RIGHT, THEN. 281 00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:33,226 THE FULL KARDASHIAN IT IS. 282 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,864 - SASHA DROPPED OUT. 283 00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,398 - I KNOW. 284 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:39,499 - ABBY TOO. 285 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,034 - I KNOW. 286 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,270 - I'VE BROUGHT SHAME UPON MY FAMILY. 287 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,504 - OH, I KNOW. 288 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,306 - YEAH, THAT'S IT. IT'S DECIDED, THEN. 289 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,308 I'M GOING OUT TONIGHT. 290 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:51,278 LIKE ZIG, I'M JERKING MYSELF TO JESUS. 291 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,780 GOOD KNOWING YOU, RUNKS. 292 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,047 - SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. 293 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,249 BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO RECONSIDER. 294 00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,018 - YEAH, I DON'T THINK SO. 295 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,353 - GUESS WHO'S BACK IN THE PICTURE. 296 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,222 HMM? 297 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,091 SOMEONE WHO CAN GET THIS THING GREEN-LIT 298 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,826 WITH ONE MAGIC WORD. 299 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,295 COME ON, COME ON. HMM, HMM? 300 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:09,496 - BARACK OBAMA. 301 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,064 - EDDIE FUCKING NERO. 302 00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,000 - OH, WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT PSYCHO WANT? 303 00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,902 - HE SAYS THE SCRIPT IS KEEPING HIM UP NIGHTS. 304 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:18,038 YEAH, HE SAYS HE CAN'T GET THE CHARACTER OUT OF HIS HEAD. 305 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:21,041 HE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. 306 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,077 HE SAYS HE WANTS TO TRY THE ROLE ON FOR SIZE 307 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,913 BEFORE HE COMMITS, YOU KNOW? 308 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:28,816 EXPERIENCE A NIGHT IN THE LIFE 309 00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,818 OF THE INFAMOUS HANK MOODY. 310 00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,219 - I DON'T THINK HE'D ENJOY 311 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,354 WATCHING ME GO ALL AUTOEROTIC ON MYSELF. 312 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,355 DO YOU? 313 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,791 - MAYBE. MAYBE NOT. 314 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,993 MAYBE YOU SAVE THAT FOR ANOTHER NIGHT. 315 00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,995 - MAYBE, YEAH. 316 00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:44,331 IT'D BE KIND OF RUDE TO DO TO HOUSEKEEPING, DON'T YOU THINK? 317 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:45,165 - TOTALLY RUDE. 318 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,566 YOU'D HAVE TO LEAVE A PRETTY BIG TIP 319 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,935 TO MAKE UP FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 320 00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,337 - TOTALLY. 321 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,505 YOU'RE COMING WITH, RIGHT? 322 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:55,075 - YEAH, I DON'T THINK EDDIE LIKES ME VERY MUCH. 323 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,376 - OH, I DON'T THINK HE DOES EITHER, 324 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,111 BUT YOU'RE COMING WITH, RIGHT? 325 00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:00,413 - YEAH! SOUNDS LIKE A PARTY. 326 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,882 THAT CHEMICALLY IMBALANCED FREAK 327 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,817 BETTER STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY BALLS. 328 00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:06,820 [rock music] 329 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,088 * 330 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:11,058 - WAIT, HOW DID YOU GO FROM WAITER TO PRODUCER? 331 00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,126 - ROBERT EVANS WAS A REGULAR, 332 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,494 AND HE ALWAYS SAT IN MY SECTION. 333 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:15,595 AND ONE DAY HE ASKED ME 334 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,265 TO BE HIS ASSISTANT ON URBAN COWBOY AND-- 335 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,367 - [gasps] GET OUT. 336 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,002 YOU WORKED ON THAT MOVIE? 337 00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,070 OH, MY GOD! 338 00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,839 THAT IS ONE OF MY TOP TEN GUILTY PLEASURE FLICKS 339 00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:26,874 OF ALL TIME. 340 00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:28,876 I FUCKING LOVE THAT SHIT, STU. 341 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:29,877 - REALLY? 342 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:33,346 YEAH, YOU DON'T SAY. 343 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,482 - OKAY, LOOK. 344 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,318 YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE WHOLE FULL-BODY MESHUGAS. 345 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:41,054 - OH, MERCY, MARCY. 346 00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:42,555 - OKAY, ONE MORE. TIGHTEN UP. 347 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,591 [tears off strip] - OH! 348 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,960 - THERE YOU GO. 349 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,162 WOW, URBAN COWBOY. - OH... 350 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,397 YEAH. 351 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,400 - GOD, I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT IN, WHAT, DECADES? 352 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,502 I GOT TO NETFLIX THAT SHIT. 353 00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:57,004 - HEY, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 354 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,906 HEY, YOU'RE IN LUCK. 355 00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,974 SEE, I HAPPEN TO HAVE A DIGITALLY RESTORED 356 00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,342 35-MILLIMETER PRINT RIGHT HERE. 357 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,443 I MEAN--I MEAN, WE COULD-- 358 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,612 WE COULD GO WATCH IT IN MY SCREENING ROOM RIGHT NOW. 359 00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:09,049 - OH, GOD, I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT I GOT TO GET BACK. 360 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,217 MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME. 361 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,451 - NO, NO, THERE'S GONNA BE NO OTHER TIME. 362 00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:14,521 I'M GONNA BE DONATING MY ENTIRE FILM COLLECTION TO U.S.C.-- 363 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,224 EVERY PICTURE I EVER WORKED ON-- LIKE, NEXT WEEK. 364 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,225 - WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? 365 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,061 - [sighs] WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A FAMILY 366 00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,395 I CAN PASS IT DOWN TO. 367 00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:25,632 AND I DON'T KNOW-- I GUESS MAYBE IT'S MY ATTEMPT 368 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:27,500 TO LEAVE SOME KIND OF LEGACY. 369 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:30,370 - YOU NEVER GOT MARRIED, STU? 370 00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:33,040 - OH, NO, I DID... 371 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,574 THREE TIMES. 372 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,544 YOU KNOW, WORK-- 373 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:40,213 WORK IS A CRUEL MISTRESS. 374 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,215 AND I MEAN, SHE TOOK, AND SHE TOOK, 375 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,351 AND SHE GAVE NOTHING BACK. 376 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:48,088 - YOU CALL THIS NOTHING? 377 00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:51,391 - WELL, WITHOUT A WIFE AND FAMILY TO SHARE THIS WITH, 378 00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:54,627 WHAT'S ANY OF THIS FOR? 379 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,965 [rock music] 380 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,968 * 381 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,970 - LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH. 382 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,172 WHERE IS THAT FUCKING BILLY GOAT? 383 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,606 - HUAH! - OW! 384 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,075 - [laughs] 385 00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,077 I FUCKING MISSED YOU, MOODY. 386 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,345 - OW. 387 00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,981 - YOU TOO, GOLDILOCKS. 388 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,315 HEY, LET'S DO SOME DRINKING. 389 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:18,151 LET'S TALK SOME STORY. 390 00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:20,353 DOES SHE HAVE TO BE 16? 391 00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,722 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 392 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,058 - I DON'T KNOW, IS THERE ANY VALUE IN HER BEING 18 393 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,226 OR 19, EVEN? 394 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:27,660 - BUT THAT'S NOT ILLEGAL. 395 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:30,097 - YEAH, BUT I'M TRYING TO MAKE THE CHARACTER 396 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,298 A LITTLE MORE LIKEABLE, 397 00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:33,266 'CAUSE ON THE PAGE, HE'S AN ASSHOLE. 398 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,069 - YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE 399 00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:37,604 KIND OF TALKING ABOUT ME RIGHT NOW? 400 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:40,573 - OKAY, COULD SHE BE YOUNGER, LIKE 10 OR 11? 401 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:43,276 - THAT'S DISGUSTING. 402 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:47,247 - PEDOPHILES AREN'T VERY LIKEABLE EITHER, EDDIE. 403 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,615 - IT'S A FINE LINE, ISN'T IT? 404 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,351 LOOK, I'M NOT A PRUDE, OKAY? NOT--NOT BY ANY STRETCH. 405 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,986 I THINK YOU KNOW THAT ABOUT ME. 406 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,354 I'M JUST TRYING TO BUILD 407 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:58,425 THE MOST THREE-DIMENSIONAL CHARACTER I CAN. 408 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,228 I NEED TO SEE YOU FUCK. 409 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,463 - MM-HMM. WHAT? WHAT? 410 00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,098 - I NEED TO WATCH YOU MAKE LOVE TO A WOMAN. 411 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:05,898 - NO. 412 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,734 - WHAT YOU SAY, HOW YOU TOUCH HER, 413 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:11,204 HOW YOU MOVE YOUR HIPS, HOW YOU THRUST. 414 00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:14,574 I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS. 415 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:17,044 AGENT, GET US SOME WHORES. 416 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:18,578 - I THINK I SEE A COUPLE OVER BY THE BAR. 417 00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:19,712 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 418 00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,248 - NO, NO, NO, YOU STAY RIGHT THERE. 419 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,516 THAT'S IT. I'M OUT. I QUIT THIS TIME. 420 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:24,784 IT'S OVER. 421 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,319 - WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT. 422 00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:28,655 JUST SIT DOWN FOR A MINUTE HERE, "BROSEPH." 423 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,258 ARE YOU AN ARTIST OR A PRETENDER? 424 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:32,359 - NEITHER. 425 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,493 I'M A WRITER. 426 00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,228 I THINK, I TYPE, I DRINK. 427 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:37,230 LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT, NOT ALWAYS IN THAT ORDER. 428 00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:38,398 AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, 429 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,300 ART'S JUST ANOTHER GUY FROM BROOKLYN. 430 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,801 - I USED TO BE A PRETENDER. 431 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,604 NOW I'M AN ARTIST. 432 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,773 - WOW, DO YOU GET A CERTIFICATE WITH THAT OR SOMETHING? 433 00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:50,510 - YEAH, IT'S CALLED THE MOTHERFUCKING ACADEMY AWARD, 434 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:51,778 AND I WON MINE 435 00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,514 FOR A MICHAEL MANN MOVIE CALLED JOHN. 436 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:57,050 - GREAT FUCKING MOVIE. 437 00:16:57,084 --> 00:17:00,120 I HAVE SUTURES IN MY SCROTUM. 438 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:05,758 - I PLAYED JOHN, THE GAY HIT MAN-- 439 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,661 H.I.V. PLUS. 440 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,430 YOU KNOW HOW I PREPARED FOR THAT? 441 00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:11,664 - NO. 442 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,133 - I TOOK A MAN IN MY MOUTH. 443 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:15,135 - [coughs] - THAT'S RIGHT. 444 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,237 I PLAYED HIS SKIN FLUTE LIKE KENNY G, 445 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,572 LIKE KENNY G ON ECSTASY. 446 00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,541 I ENGINEERED HIS ORGASM-- 447 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:24,177 MY HANDS, 448 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,678 MY MOUTH, 449 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,147 MY TONGUE. 450 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:31,351 [imitates gagging] 451 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,253 AND THEN HE GAVE ME HIS GIFT. 452 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,587 GAVE IT TO ME ON THE INSIDE. 453 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:37,557 AND THAT'S THE DAY I GRADUATED. 454 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:40,193 THAT'S THE DAY I STOPPED PRETENDING 455 00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,528 AND STARTED BEING, 456 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,231 BECAUSE UNTIL YOU'VE SAVORED BOTH SEXES, 457 00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:47,434 UNTIL YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE BOTH OF THEM COME LIKE BABY GORILLAS, 458 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,836 YOU DO NOT KNOW SHIT FROM SHINOLA. 459 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,607 - I AGREE. 460 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,310 - I KNOW YOU DO, FRIEND. 461 00:17:57,344 --> 00:18:00,147 I CAN SMELL IT ON YOU... 462 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,282 THE AMBIVALENCE. 463 00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,388 [sniffs] 464 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,834 I THINK WE SHOULD KILL SOMEONE TONIGHT. 465 00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,208 I MEAN, LIKE A HOBO OR SOMETHING. 466 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:31,644 [cell phone rings] - THANK GOD. 467 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:34,281 [ringing continues] 468 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:35,548 YES? 469 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:36,583 OH, HEY, SWEETIE. 470 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,918 ANYTHING TO GET ME OUT OF WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW. 471 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,520 YOU SIT TIGHT. I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. 472 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,255 THAT'S MY KID. I GOT TO JET. 473 00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:43,623 NICE TALKING TO YOU, COCKSUCKER. 474 00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,392 - HEY, HEY, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. 475 00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:46,926 THAT'S WHAT BEING A PARENT'S ALL ABOUT. 476 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,695 LISTEN, WHEN MY NANNY CALLS WITH A PROBLEM, 477 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,797 MY ASSISTANT TAKES THAT CALL NO MATTER WHAT. 478 00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,399 LOOK, I'LL GO WITH YOU. 479 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:53,833 - UH-UH. - COME ON! 480 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,235 - NO. - LET'S GO! 481 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,436 DARK AND DEEP! 482 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,239 [rock music] 483 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:03,410 * 484 00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:04,877 - SO I'M THINKING JAPANESE. 485 00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:07,180 - SAY IT AIN'T SO, SHORT ROUND. 486 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,848 - HEY, SHE'S 100 BUCKS SHORT. 487 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:10,650 I DIDN'T WANT TO CALL THE COPS. 488 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,553 - APPRECIATE IT. LET ME SEE. 489 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:14,721 OH. 490 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,589 I'M NOT PAYING FOR THAT, SWEETIE. 491 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,291 - I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE'D BE COOL WITH THIS. 492 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:19,659 - I THOUGHT HE WOULD. 493 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:22,262 I NEED THE MONEY, DAD. - YEAH? GET A JOB. 494 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,497 - OKAY, GUESS I'M CALLING THE FUCKING COPS. 495 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:25,365 - NOBODY'S CALLING THE FUCKING COPS! 496 00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,500 - WHOA! - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? 497 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:30,503 - OH, YEAH, I KNEW IT WAS GONNA GET DARK TONIGHT. 498 00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,605 YEAH, SOMETIMES YOU CAN JUST FEEL IT. 499 00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:33,906 HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO. 500 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,376 WE'RE GONNA BACK UP SLOWLY AND GET THE FUCK OUT. 501 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,844 I GOT YOUR BACK, RAPIST. 502 00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:38,945 YOU CAN'T AFFORD ANY MORE TROUBLE WITH THE POLICE. 503 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,947 - HEY, ISN'T THAT EDDIE NERO? 504 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,283 - HOLY SHIT, THAT'S EDDIE NERO. 505 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:44,917 - HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE RIGHT. 506 00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,386 - YOU GUYS FANS? 507 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:47,454 - IT IS EDDIE NERO. 508 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:48,555 - AAH! OW! 509 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,656 GOD DAMN IT! 510 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,724 - HANK, THE MOVIE! 511 00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:53,693 - AGENT, PAY HIM. 512 00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,595 - YOU FUCKED UP MY FACE. YOU FUCKED UP THE MONEYMAKER. 513 00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:56,963 - OKAY, OKAY. 514 00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,565 - QUEENS OF DOGTOWN... 515 00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,300 - HERE WE GO. SHOULD BE A HUNDRED THERE. 516 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:01,601 NOW, LISTEN, WHILE WE'RE HERE, 517 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,236 I'D LIKE TO GET YOUR PROFESSIONAL OPINION. 518 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,771 COULD YOU DO SOMETHING COOL WITH THIS? 519 00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:05,638 - NO, WHOA! - WHAT? WHAT? 520 00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:07,807 - GET THIS FUCKING GUY OUT OF MY SHOP. 521 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,677 - WHAT? WHAT? OKAY, I'M GOING, I'M GOING. 522 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,779 - I'M KAREN. - ABBY. NICE TO MEET YOU. 523 00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:13,780 PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT. 524 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,783 - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR, UM-- FOR SEEING ME. 525 00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,851 - OH, MY PLEASURE. 526 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,587 UH, TO BE PERFECTLY CLEAR, 527 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:23,556 I AM NO LONGER REPRESENTING MR. MOODY. 528 00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,325 - I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. 529 00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:27,327 UM... 530 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,430 I WANT TO TRY TO CONVINCE YOU TO GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE. 531 00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,565 - WHY? 532 00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,834 - BECAUSE I'VE GIVEN HIM TOO MANY ALREADY, 533 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,737 AND IT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S TURN. 534 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:40,006 - HE IS AN ABSOLUTE MESS, KAREN. 535 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,107 - I KNOW. 536 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,810 BELIEVE ME, I HAVE 16 YEARS' EXPERIENCE IN THE FIELD. 537 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,446 - TO BE HONEST, I-I-I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. 538 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,315 I-I DON'T THINK I CAN HELP HIM. 539 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,882 I DON'T THINK HE EVEN WANTS TO BE HELPED. 540 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,551 I THINK HE WANTS TO BE PUNISHED. 541 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,853 - YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 542 00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:55,322 YOU'RE SMART. 543 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:56,823 THAT'S WHY HE NEEDS YOU. 544 00:20:56,856 --> 00:21:00,026 - I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, BUT I-I HAVE TO ASK. 545 00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,761 HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU PUT UP WITH THIS 546 00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:03,496 FOR AS LONG AS YOU DID? 547 00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:05,832 - THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. THAT'S A VERY GOOD QUESTION. 548 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,834 I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I HAVE AN ANSWER. 549 00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:10,837 UM... 550 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,805 I THINK THE WORLD SEES HANK 551 00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:15,608 AS THIS FABULOUS FUCK-UP. 552 00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:18,478 AND, UM, I KNOW THAT GUY. 553 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,847 I'VE SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH THAT GUY. 554 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,851 BUT I AM BETTER ACQUAINTED WITH THE OTHER GUY... 555 00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:29,689 THE ONE THAT LISTENS AND HEARS EVERYTHING, 556 00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:33,860 THE ONE THAT LOOKS AT YOU AND SEES RIGHT INTO YOUR SOUL, 557 00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:37,764 THE ONE THAT MAKES YOU BELIEVE IN EVERY FUCKING FAIRY TALE 558 00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:39,932 THAT YOU'VE EVER BEEN TOLD. 559 00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:42,769 ULTIMATELY, I MAY NOT EVEN BE THE WOMAN 560 00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:45,572 WHO GETS TO ENJOY THE MAN THAT I KNOW HE CAN BE, 561 00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:47,640 BUT I STILL WANT THE BEST FOR HIM, 562 00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:49,609 BECAUSE I WANT THE BEST FOR MY DAUGHTER. 563 00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:56,082 I'M SORRY. I-I DIDN'T MEAN TO LAY ALL THIS ON YOU. 564 00:21:56,115 --> 00:21:59,486 - I-IT'S OKAY. I APPRECIATE YOUR CANDOR, I DO. 565 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,121 NICE TO MEET YOU. 566 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,791 - YEAH, NICE TO MEET YOU. 567 00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:11,063 - SO I'M THE GUY YOU CALL 568 00:22:11,097 --> 00:22:12,899 WHEN YOU THINK YOUR MOTHER'S GONNA HAVE A SHIT FIT? 569 00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:14,801 OTHERWISE YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME? 570 00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:17,770 - I JUST THOUGHT YOU'D UNDERSTAND. 571 00:22:17,804 --> 00:22:19,038 YOU HAVE TATTOOS. 572 00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:21,374 MOM HAS TATTOOS. - THAT'S NOT THE POINT. 573 00:22:21,408 --> 00:22:22,942 - WHAT IS THE POINT, THEN? 574 00:22:22,975 --> 00:22:24,977 THESE ARE MY FRIENDS. THEY WANTED ME TO DO IT. 575 00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:27,614 - YEAH, AND IF YOUR FRIENDS WANTED YOU TO DO DRUGS, 576 00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:29,048 WOULD YOU DO THAT? 577 00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:30,917 - OF COURSE I WOULD. 578 00:22:30,950 --> 00:22:32,585 WOULDN'T YOU? 579 00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:36,088 A LITTLE BIT OF HYPOCRISY IS FINE, DAD, 580 00:22:36,122 --> 00:22:38,124 BUT I'M THE NORMAL ONE HERE. 581 00:22:38,157 --> 00:22:41,594 I'M SUPPOSED TO BE OUT GETTING FUCKED UP WITH MY FRIENDS. 582 00:22:41,628 --> 00:22:44,631 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME WATCHING TV WITH MOM. 583 00:22:44,664 --> 00:22:47,166 INSTEAD YOU'RE OUT THERE FUCKING TEENAGERS 584 00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:50,770 AND PRANCING AROUND LIKE A POOR MAN'S BUKOWSKI. 585 00:22:50,803 --> 00:22:54,807 I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU. 586 00:22:54,841 --> 00:22:56,876 - HEY, HEY. 587 00:22:56,909 --> 00:22:59,111 TAKE IT EASY ON YOUR OLD MAN, OKAY? 588 00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:01,113 HE'S AS COOL AS THEY COME. 589 00:23:01,147 --> 00:23:02,682 - REALLY? 590 00:23:02,715 --> 00:23:05,618 - YEAH, THAT'S WHY I'M GONNA PLAY HIM IN A MOVIE. 591 00:23:05,652 --> 00:23:06,886 - REALLY? 592 00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:08,855 - YOU ALREADY SAID THAT. 593 00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,723 YOU KNOW WHO SHOULD PLAY YOU? 594 00:23:10,757 --> 00:23:12,191 K-STEW. 595 00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:14,126 I SHOULD GIVE HER A CALL. 596 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,896 - [laughs] 597 00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:20,733 [girls giggling] 598 00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:22,802 - I SHOULD FUCKING HIT YOU. - YEAH, TAKE A SHOT. 599 00:23:22,835 --> 00:23:24,637 I'LL HIT YOU RIGHT BACK, YOU FUCKING NUTTER. 600 00:23:24,671 --> 00:23:26,639 - I SAID I SHOULD. I DIDN'T SAY I WAS GONNA. 601 00:23:26,673 --> 00:23:28,608 BUT I AM GONNA DO YOUR MOVIE. 602 00:23:28,641 --> 00:23:30,443 - WHY? 603 00:23:30,477 --> 00:23:32,879 - BECAUSE NOW I KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT. 604 00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:36,082 AND IT SURE THE FUCK ISN'T ABOUT WARM, WET PUSSY. 605 00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:37,950 IT'S ABOUT A GUY TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER 606 00:23:37,984 --> 00:23:40,453 WHILE FALLING APART. 607 00:23:40,487 --> 00:23:42,154 IT'S ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, SEX, 608 00:23:42,188 --> 00:23:45,892 AND THE EVER-LURKING PRESENCE OF THE GRIM FUCKING REAPER. 609 00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:47,994 IT'S ABOUT MEN... 610 00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:50,763 HUSBANDS, WIVES... 611 00:23:50,797 --> 00:23:52,865 DAUGHTERS, AND FATHERS. 612 00:23:52,899 --> 00:23:57,169 IT'S CASSAVETES MEETS JUDY BLUME! 613 00:23:57,203 --> 00:23:59,005 IT'S ABOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING DARK SIDE. 614 00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:01,774 - YOU AND THE MOTHERFUCKING DARK SIDE. 615 00:24:01,808 --> 00:24:02,942 - COME HERE. 616 00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:05,645 COME ON. 617 00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:07,947 COME HERE, PUSSY FART. 618 00:24:10,049 --> 00:24:12,018 GET IN ON THIS. 619 00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:17,123 [country music] 620 00:24:17,156 --> 00:24:20,760 [cheering] 621 00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,094 - WHOA. YEAH, HELL. 622 00:24:22,128 --> 00:24:25,231 SOME GOT TO WIN, AND SOME GOT TO LOSE THERE, YEP. 623 00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:28,901 IF THE BULL DON'T KILL HIM, THE CLOWNS WILL. 624 00:24:30,537 --> 00:24:33,039 - WHOA. [laughs] 625 00:24:33,072 --> 00:24:35,775 WHAT'S ALL THIS, THEN, STU? 626 00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:38,511 - I'M MAKING MY MOVE. 627 00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:40,780 - [laughing] SERIOUSLY? - THIS IS IT. 628 00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:41,848 - THAT'S YOUR MOVE, 629 00:24:41,881 --> 00:24:45,184 THE OLD "FAKE YAWN, SURREPTITIOUS GROPE" COMBO? 630 00:24:45,217 --> 00:24:47,920 - IT'S A CLASSIC. - IT'S A CLAM, STU. 631 00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:49,021 THE NEXT THING I KNOW, 632 00:24:49,055 --> 00:24:50,022 YOU'RE GONNA BE STICKING YOUR DICK 633 00:24:50,056 --> 00:24:52,191 UP THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF THAT TUB OF POPCORN, 634 00:24:52,224 --> 00:24:53,893 DINER STYLE. 635 00:24:53,926 --> 00:24:55,127 - WOULD THAT HAVE WORKED? 636 00:24:55,161 --> 00:24:58,097 - WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW, STU? 637 00:24:58,130 --> 00:25:01,167 - ACTUALLY, I WOULD. 638 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,536 I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, MARCY. 639 00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:05,137 I SUCK WITH WOMEN. 640 00:25:05,171 --> 00:25:08,608 ASK MY FIRST THREE WIVES. 641 00:25:08,641 --> 00:25:12,011 BUT I LIKE YOU, 642 00:25:12,044 --> 00:25:15,247 AND, UM, THANKS FOR HANGING OUT. 643 00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:17,817 AND IT'S BEEN A WONDERFUL DAY. 644 00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:19,986 - AW, SWEET. 645 00:25:20,019 --> 00:25:22,555 OH, OKAY. 646 00:25:38,638 --> 00:25:39,906 - YOU'RE MEAN. 647 00:25:39,939 --> 00:25:41,874 - WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? 648 00:25:41,908 --> 00:25:43,776 - YOU FIRE ME IN THE MORNING, THEN YOU STRUT YOUR STUFF 649 00:25:43,810 --> 00:25:45,144 IN MY NECK OF THE WOODS IN THE EVENING-- 650 00:25:45,177 --> 00:25:47,279 CRUEL AND UNUSUAL, COUNSELOR. 651 00:25:47,313 --> 00:25:49,181 - LIFE GOES ON, HANK. 652 00:25:49,215 --> 00:25:50,917 - SO IT DOES. 653 00:25:50,950 --> 00:25:52,151 I'M SORRY, BY THE WAY. 654 00:25:52,184 --> 00:25:53,252 - FOR WHAT? 655 00:25:53,285 --> 00:25:56,088 - I KNOW I CAN BE A WORLD-CLASS STONE IN YOUR SHOE. 656 00:25:56,122 --> 00:25:58,791 I MAKE LIFE PRETTY FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE FOR THOSE AROUND ME. 657 00:25:58,825 --> 00:26:01,193 IT'S AN ISSUE. I'M WORKING ON IT, WHATEVER. 658 00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:03,996 TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY. 659 00:26:04,030 --> 00:26:06,999 HAVE FUN ON YOUR "DATE." 660 00:26:07,033 --> 00:26:10,870 - WHO SAYS I'M ON A DATE? 661 00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:12,705 MAYBE I CAME HERE TO SEE YOU. 662 00:26:12,739 --> 00:26:14,874 - REALLY? WHY? 663 00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:18,945 - MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE RASH THIS MORNING. 664 00:26:18,978 --> 00:26:20,980 - I-I GET IT. I BRING IT OUT IN PEOPLE-- 665 00:26:21,013 --> 00:26:22,682 RASHES AND WHATNOT. 666 00:26:22,715 --> 00:26:25,818 ARE YOU SAYING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE SAYING? 667 00:26:25,852 --> 00:26:29,088 - DEPENDS WHAT YOU THINK I'M SAYING. 668 00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:31,090 - THAT YOU'RE MY LAWYER AGAIN. 669 00:26:31,123 --> 00:26:32,625 - MAYBE. 670 00:26:32,659 --> 00:26:34,260 TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY. 671 00:26:34,293 --> 00:26:35,662 - TOMORROW? 672 00:26:35,695 --> 00:26:38,731 - YEAH, THERE'S NOT A LOT OF LEGAL WORK 673 00:26:38,765 --> 00:26:39,899 I CAN DO FOR YOU TONIGHT. 674 00:26:42,769 --> 00:26:44,737 - RIGHT, SO--SO-- SO TECHNICALLY, 675 00:26:44,771 --> 00:26:47,807 YOU'RE NOT MY LAWYER RIGHT NOW? 676 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,377 - TECHNICALLY, UH, NO, I'M NOT. 677 00:26:51,410 --> 00:26:53,813 RIGHT NOW I'M JUST A GIRL IN A BAR. 678 00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,052 - HMM, THAT'S FUNNY, 679 00:27:00,086 --> 00:27:02,121 'CAUSE RIGHT NOW I'M JUST A GUY IN A BAR. 680 00:27:02,154 --> 00:27:04,423 - THAT IS FUNNY. 681 00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:06,893 WELL, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. 682 00:27:06,926 --> 00:27:08,961 - HANK MOODY. 683 00:27:08,995 --> 00:27:09,962 - ABBY. - ABBY? 684 00:27:09,996 --> 00:27:11,097 - MM-HMM. - ABBY. 685 00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:13,700 WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU. 686 00:27:13,733 --> 00:27:16,302 [techno music] 687 00:27:16,335 --> 00:27:21,407 * 688 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,376 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com