1 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,677 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,645 - IF YOU WERE GONNA HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE 3 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:15,816 AND YOU KNEW THAT IT WOULD BE THE ABSOLUTE LAST TIME, 4 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,152 WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE LIKE? 5 00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:19,387 - INCREDIBLY SAD. 6 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,555 - MAKE ME SAD. 7 00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,091 - WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? 8 00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,825 - STU BEGGS. NICE TO MEET YOU. 9 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,294 I MET THE WIFE. 10 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:27,828 - YEAH, SOON-TO-BE-EX. SPLITSVILLE. 11 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,697 - SO YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF I TOOK A CRACK AT HER? 12 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,699 - WANT TO KNOW HOW MANY WOMEN I'VE SLEPT WITH? 13 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:32,700 - MM-MM. 14 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:35,269 - I GOT TO GET IT UP TO 100. 15 00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:36,437 TRIPLE DIGITS. 16 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:37,838 THEN I CAN DIE HAPPY. 17 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,674 - I'M PREGNANT. - I'M GONNA BE A FATHER! 18 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,243 - I'M CARRYING CHARLIE'S BABY. 19 00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:43,811 - WHAT? - WHAT THE FUCK? 20 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,446 - YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK, DAD? 21 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,381 I THINK IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY. 22 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:48,616 CHAPTERS END. 23 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,451 SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA SHAKE THINGS UP. 24 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,753 CHECK OUT OF THIS DUMP. 25 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,755 GO HOME. 26 00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:02,263 [The Doors' Love Me Two Times] 27 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,665 - * LOVE ME TWO TIME, BABY 28 00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:09,237 * LOVE ME TWICE TODAY 29 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:10,871 * LOVE ME TWO TIME, GIRL 30 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,807 - YOU'RE AMAZING. 31 00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:17,678 A GODDESS. 32 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:20,414 A GIFT FROM ON HIGH. 33 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:23,651 YOU...DESERVE THE WHITE DRESS 34 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,220 AND THE HAPPY ENDING. 35 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:30,858 * 36 00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:33,261 - * LOVE ME TWO TIME, BABY 37 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,796 - ARE WE GONNA TAKE THIS THING TO THE NEXT LEVEL OR WHAT? 38 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,365 - HUH? WHAT? 39 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,367 - WELL, WE'RE COMING UP ON A YEAR, HANK. 40 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,235 - REALLY? WOW. 41 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,870 TIME CERTAINLY DOTH FLY. 42 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,472 - WE'VE KEPT IT PRETTY CAS. 43 00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,340 I'VE BEEN--I'VE BEEN PRETTY CAREFUL 44 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,609 ABOUT MAKING SURE I DON'T MAKE ANY DEMANDS ON YOUR TIME. 45 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,244 I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL. 46 00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:51,745 - NO, YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT NOT-THAT GIRL. 47 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,515 - I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU SEE US BECOMING... 48 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:58,252 EVENTUALLY. 49 00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:03,491 - I SEE US BECOMING INCREDIBLY CLOSE, 50 00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:06,627 GREAT FRIENDS EVENTUALLY. 51 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:07,861 [clears throat] 52 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:08,862 AFTER THE PART WHERE YOU HATE MY GUTS 53 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,464 FOR A LONG, COLD WINTER. 54 00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:11,932 IT'S NOT THAT I'M NOT FOND OF YOU. 55 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:12,933 I AM. 56 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,802 INORDINATELY SO. 57 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,338 IT'S JUST THAT I ENJOY THE CASUAL NATURE OF THINGS. 58 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:18,772 I'M A CASUAL GUY. 59 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,841 YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO BE BECAUSE I'M DAMAGED. 60 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,343 BROKEN REALLY. 61 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:24,478 YOU KNOW, OLD DOG, NO NEW TRICKS. 62 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:26,214 BUT YOU, YOU'RE AMAZING. 63 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,549 A GODDESS. A GIFT FROM ON HIGH. 64 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,351 YOU DESERVE THE WHITE DRESS AND THE HAPPY ENDING. 65 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,420 I'M JUST NOT THE GUY TO GIVE IT TO YOU, YOU KNOW? 66 00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:33,887 AND SEE, YOU'RE MAD. 67 00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,489 I CAN TELL. 68 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:36,657 - I'M NOT MAD. 69 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:37,858 - YOU'RE NOT? - NO. 70 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,493 - WELL, I'M GLAD. - NO, NO. 71 00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:41,895 IT'S JUST... YOU FUCKED ME IN THE ASS, HANK. 72 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,598 - OH, ARE WE SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY, BECAUSE-- 73 00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:46,300 - NO, I GAVE UP THE BUTT FOR YOU. 74 00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:48,669 DO--DO YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE LET YOU SODOMIZE ME 75 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:49,903 IF I DIDN'T THINK THERE WAS A FUTURE HERE? 76 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,372 - YOU DID SAY THAT YOU LIKED IT 77 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,706 MORE THAN YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD. 78 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:53,807 - YEAH, WELL, THAT'S NOT THE POINT. 79 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,477 - THAT'S NOT THE POINT. 80 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,711 - THIS MAN'S A MONSTER. 81 00:02:57,745 --> 00:03:00,448 HE LIKES TO FUCK WOMEN IN THE ASS 82 00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:03,551 AND THEN TELL 'EM THAT HE JUST WANTS TO KEEP IT CASUAL. 83 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,420 - * LOVE ME TWO TIMES 84 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:07,821 * I'M GOIN' AWAY 85 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,490 - [chuckles] 86 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,459 * 87 00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:13,627 - * LOVE ME TWO TIME 88 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:18,666 * I'M GOIN' AWAY 89 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,334 * LOVE ME TWO TIMES 90 00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:21,602 * I'M GOIN' AWAY 91 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,537 [cell phone tune] 92 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,006 - WHO CALLING MY PHONE? 93 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,242 - IT'S YO AGENT CALLING FROM THE COAST 94 00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:30,511 WITH THE PROSPECT OF A SIGNIFICANT PAYDAY. 95 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,246 - I'LL TAKE IT. 96 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,614 - DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS? 97 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,882 - NOPE. 98 00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,650 CAN YOU BOOK ME ON THE NEXT-ISH FLIGHT 99 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,552 TO THIS COAST OF WHICH YOU SPEAK? 100 00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:39,787 - UH-OH. WHAT HAPPENED? 101 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,355 WHAT DID YOU DO? 102 00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:42,556 - I'VE GOT KIND OF 103 00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,625 A BUNNY-BOILER SITUATION HAPPENING. 104 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,894 SHE'S GOT A KEY TO MY PLACE. 105 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,896 I MAY NEED TO CRASH AT THE VILLA FOR A FEW DAYS. 106 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,664 IS THAT COOL? - HEY, MI CASA, AMIGO. 107 00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,766 I'LL EVEN PICK YOU UP AT THE AIRPORT. 108 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,735 - THANKS, RUNKS. MUCH APPREESH. 109 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:55,969 - LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, BUDDY. 110 00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,738 I'VE MISSED YO BLACK ASS! 111 00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:01,742 - LATER, MASTURBATOR. 112 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:07,781 [camera clicks] 113 00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,724 [cell phone chimes] 114 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,471 - [gasps] - OH, SHIT. 115 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,939 DID I JUST DO WHAT I THINK I JUST DID? 116 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,341 - YES. 117 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:34,908 - OH, I AM SO TRULY... - YOU DID. 118 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,610 - MADLY, DEEPLY SORRY. 119 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,379 - YOU KNOW, AND THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT 120 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,748 THAT I NOW HAVE A PUDDLE IN MY LAP. 121 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:44,485 - WELL, ONE COULD ARGUE THAT IT'S NOT ENTIRELY MY FAULT 122 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:47,020 THAT YOU FORCE GROWN MEN TO MAKE HUGE PUDDLES IN YOUR LAP. 123 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,856 - I'M NOT LAUGHING. 124 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,758 - SURE YOU ARE. LITTLE BIT? 125 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,594 ON THE INSIDE, MAYBE? YEAH. 126 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,663 - OKAY...I HAVE IT. THANKS. 127 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,031 - MAN, WHAT ARE THE ODDS? 128 00:04:58,065 --> 00:04:59,032 - OF WHAT? 129 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,401 - USUALLY, I GET ON A PLANE, 130 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,069 I'M SEATED NEXT TO JOHN CANDY, 131 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,838 YOU KNOW, OR RUTH GORDON IF I'M LUCKY. 132 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:06,674 BUT I END UP NEXT TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN 133 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:10,077 IN THE TRI-STATE AREA, AND I GO AND SPILL A DRINK IN HER LAP. 134 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,579 NICE WORK, HUH? 135 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:12,913 STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. 136 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,383 - [chuckles] 137 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,384 THE TRI-STATE AREA? 138 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,519 - YOU'RE WORLD-CLASS. 139 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:19,987 YOU'RE RUNWAY CALIBER. 140 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,622 YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL YOU'RE ALMOST UGLY. 141 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,956 I JUST DIDN'T WANT IT TO GO TO YOUR HEAD. 142 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,425 HANK. 143 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,126 - UH, 2-A. THAT'S ME. 144 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,461 SORRY. 145 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:30,631 - WELL, YOU BETTER BE, PAL. 146 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,865 - OH, GOD, I'M SORRY. 147 00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:33,033 - NO, NO, NO, NO, HOLD ON. 148 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,502 JUST WAIT. HOLD ON A SECOND. 149 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,836 CAN'T YOU JUST-- JUST TAKE HER SEAT? 150 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,505 - IF THE TICKET SAYS 2-A, 151 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,807 THEN 2-A IS WHERE I'M PARKING MY POSTERIOR. 152 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,141 [laughs] 153 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,111 - AH, REAL STICKLER FOR THE RULES, THIS GUY. 154 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,679 - THAT'S HOW WE KEEP THE TRAINS RUNNING ON TIME. 155 00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:47,581 CHOO-CHOO! [laughs] 156 00:05:47,615 --> 00:05:48,949 - NICE TO MEET YOU, HANK. 157 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,985 - BYE, MISS NEVER GOT YOUR...NAME. 158 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,120 - EXCUSE ME. - MY GOODNESS. 159 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,988 WOW. 160 00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,625 SORRY. 161 00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:58,992 - OH! 162 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,594 - [grunting] 163 00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:03,431 AH! WHEW! 164 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:04,765 [sighs] 165 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,600 I HAVE GOT TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL. 166 00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:11,539 I'M ALMOST TOO FAT TO FLY. 167 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:12,573 SOME? - NO. 168 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,908 NO, I'M GOOD. THANKS. 169 00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:17,511 - SHOOT, SORRY, SORRY. 170 00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,179 - JEEZ, GO AHEAD BEFORE I SHIT MYSELF. 171 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,548 - EXCUSE ME? 172 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,149 - GO. GO SIT WITH YOUR WIFE. 173 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:25,553 SHE GUILTED ME INTO SWAPPING WITH YOU. 174 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:29,857 ENJOY YOUR FUCKING HONEYMOON. 175 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:33,427 - IT'S ALMOST LIKE THE PURSUIT OF THIS ONE WOMAN, 176 00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:37,030 THIS ONE RELATIONSHIP, BECAME ITS OWN FORM OF HEROIN. 177 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,832 I WAS STRUNG OUT, YOU KNOW? 178 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:42,102 I WAS DRIVING HER CRAZY, MAKING MY KID MISERABLE. 179 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,937 BUT WHEN YOU FINALLY GIVE UP AND LET GO, 180 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,673 GOOD STUFF STARTS TO HAPPEN. 181 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,809 SHE'S BETTER NOW. MY KID'S FANTASTIC. 182 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,978 AND I'M KEEPING IT SIMPLE. 183 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:54,515 - SUCH A SAD, SWEET TALE OF WOE. 184 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,650 - I'M SURPRISED YOU MADE IT THROUGH THE WHOLE THING. 185 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:59,620 I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT TRY TO HANG YOURSELF THERE AT SOME POINT. 186 00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,755 - YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY DID THINK ABOUT IT, 187 00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,624 BUT I FIGURED, YOU KNOW, THAT'D BE KIND OF RUDE 188 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:06,059 SINCE YOU WERE POURING YOUR HEART OUT AND ALL. 189 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,128 - APPRECIATE THAT. - YEAH. 190 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,863 BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS HAS-- THIS HAS BEEN NICE 191 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:12,165 TO ACTUALLY HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE 192 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,767 WHO ISN'T TRYING TO GET IN MY PANTS. 193 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:16,537 - YOU MEAN MY EPIC LOVE STORY FOR THE AGES 194 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,138 ISN'T PURE PANTY-PEELER? 195 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,140 - [chuckles] 196 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,675 OKAY, EXCUSE ME. 197 00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,644 I'M GONNA GO TO THE LITTLE GIRLS' ROOM. 198 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,212 - WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO TRY TO GET IN YOUR PANTS, 199 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,014 DON'T TALK DIRTY TO ME. 200 00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:30,918 - YOU KNOW, I REALLY HOPE THAT NO ONE COMES IN ON ME. 201 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,886 - LOCK THE DOOR. 202 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,623 - SEE, THAT'S THE THING. 203 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,591 I ALWAYS FORGET. 204 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,503 - [sigh] 205 00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,093 - WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? 206 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,262 - I'M SORRY. I-I-I THOUGHT YOU-- 207 00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:18,732 - I'M JUST KIDDING. 208 00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,168 - I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO PEE. 209 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,704 - I ALREADY DID. 210 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,973 - I'M SORRY I MISSED THAT. 211 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,616 - HAVE YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE? 212 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:36,884 - KISSED A GIRL? 213 00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:39,820 A COUPLE OF TIMES. 214 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,121 - IN AN AIRPLANE BATHROOM? 215 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,890 - BELIEVE OR NOT, NO. 216 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,558 IT ALWAYS SEEMED LIKE MORE TROUBLE THAN IT WAS WORTH. 217 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,026 BUT, NOW THAT I'M HERE, 218 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:50,898 I THINK I WAS JUST HOLDING OUT FOR THE RIGHT GAL. 219 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,200 - FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST! 220 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,235 SAVE IT FOR THE HONEYMOON SUITE. 221 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,571 I'VE GOT SERIOUS WORK I GOTTA DO IN HERE. 222 00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,873 [horn honking] - THANKS FOR, UH.... 223 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:02,342 PRETTY MUCH THE BEST FLIGHT EVER. 224 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,778 - YOU'RE VERY WELCOME. 225 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:08,181 I GUESS WE SHOULDN'T RUIN IT BY KEEPING IN TOUCH OR ANYTHING. 226 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,183 - I-I COULDN'T AGREE MORE. 227 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:11,652 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY-- 228 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,821 WHAT HAPPENS IN SMALL, CRAMPED TOILETS 229 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,322 STAYS IN SMALL, CRAMPED TOILETS. 230 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,190 THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SAYINGS. 231 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,826 RIGHT UP THERE WITH "EATIN' AIN'T CHEATIN'." 232 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,160 - YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME 233 00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,762 SINCE I JUST MADE OUT WITH A GUY. 234 00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,063 - YOU DIRTY SLUT. 235 00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,666 - I KNOW. IT WAS KINDA HOT, THOUGH. 236 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,636 - YEAH. YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME 237 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,838 WITH MORE ROOM TO MOVE ONE'S EXTREMITIES. 238 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,673 YOU DID NOT EXPERIENCE MY BEST WORK, LADY. 239 00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,141 I'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS MOVES. 240 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:37,077 I NEED TO BE ABLE TO EXTEND AND RETRACT AND... 241 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:38,979 I'VE GOT TO LOOSEN UP. 242 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,848 IF I HAVE--MAYBE I SHOULD GET YOUR NUMBER. 243 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,082 HOLD ON. LET ME JUST-- 244 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,684 I CAN NEVER WORK THIS THING. 245 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,686 HEY, COME ON, COCK BLOCKER. 246 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,221 ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW. 247 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,823 HEY-- 248 00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,659 [horn honks] 249 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,827 - WHOO! - RUNKS! 250 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,095 - AAH! - LITTLE RUNKS! 251 00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,698 UP HIGH FOR UNCLE HANKNESS. 252 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,633 YOU CAN DO IT! MY MAN! 253 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,403 HEY, YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD. 254 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,206 HE TALKING YET? - NOPE. NOT A WORD. 255 00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:08,876 MARSTU TELL ME IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL. 256 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,944 - HOW OLD NOW? - 2.5. 257 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,313 - TOTALLY NOT NORMAL, CHARLIE. - I KNOW! 258 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,848 THAT'S WHAT I KEEP SAYING! 259 00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:16,750 - THAT'S A SWEET RIDE YOU GOT HERE. 260 00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:20,053 I WAS TOTALLY EXPECTING ONE OF YOUR FAGGOTY LITTLE GIRL CARS. 261 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,855 - THIS IS HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU. 262 00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:24,858 LEASING THIS VERY EXPENSIVE PENIS EXTENSION 263 00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:27,360 MADE ME FEEL CLOSER TO MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER. 264 00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:30,230 - OH, YOU SWEET, BALD, COCK-HUNGRY HOMO, YOU. 265 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,232 - HANK, HANK. 266 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,101 HE MAY NOT SAY MUCH... - OH... 267 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,703 - BUT HE'S NOT DEAF. - I-I'M SORRY. 268 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,105 I JUST SEE YOU, I GET ALL EXCITED. 269 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,073 THE WORDS JUST SPILL OUT. 270 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,354 - HANK. 271 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,158 - SORRY. THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME. 272 00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,393 WHAT? IN A GOOD WAY. - RIGHT. 273 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,696 CONDESCENDING TO THE LAST. 274 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,165 - MAYBE THE HOUSES ALL LOOK THE SAME, 275 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,834 BUT YOU... YOU LOOK AMAZING. 276 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,068 - THANK YOU. 277 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,136 EASY, TIGER. 278 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,804 [both laughing] 279 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:12,940 - OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVEN'T FUCKED 280 00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:14,742 FOR TWO YEARS, NINE MONTHS, 281 00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,977 THREE WEEKS AND... 282 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,779 69 HOURS. 283 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:21,782 WHAT? IT'S A COMPLIMENT. I'D STILL TOTALLY DO YOU. 284 00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,483 - GOOD TO KNOW. 285 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,053 - AS I RECALL, IT WAS MISH INTO DOGGIE... 286 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,355 SEGUED QUITE SEAMLESSLY INTO COWGIRL. 287 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,357 I CAME TWICE. YOU JUST THE ONCE. 288 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,825 A GUY REMEMBERS THESE THINGS. 289 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,326 IT WOULD APPEAR THAT I OWE YOU ONE. 290 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,428 - HOW ARE YOU, HANK? - MOST EXCELLENT, THANK YOU. 291 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,297 - MM-HMM. ARE YOU STILL KEEPING IT SIMPLE 292 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,800 WITH, UM, WHAT'S-HER-NAME? - NOPE. 293 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,802 ENDED THAT JUST LAST NIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 294 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:42,970 - AH! HENCE, THE SUDDEN ARRIVAL. 295 00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,471 - NONSENSE. 296 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:47,307 THE BUSINESS OF SHOW HAS BROUGHT ME TO THE LEFT COAST. 297 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,909 AND HOW COULD I PASS UP AN OPPORTUNITY 298 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,811 TO GAZE UPON MY LADIES? 299 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:52,946 - ALAS, THIS ONE'S NOT YOUR LADY ANYMORE, HANK. 300 00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,748 - BATES! GOOD TO SEE YOU WEARING PANTS. 301 00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,083 HOW'S IT TUCKING? - WELL, THAT'S BETWEEN ME 302 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,818 AND YOUR EX-BABYMAMA. 303 00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,787 - SHE'S STILL MY BABYMAMA AND ALWAYS WILL BE. 304 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,488 GET USED TO IT. THAT WILL NOT CHANGE. 305 00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:04,424 - DIDN'T WE DO THIS ONCE BEFORE, AND IT ENDED IN FISTICUFFS? 306 00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:06,894 - YES. AND A GOOD FISTICUFFS IT WAS. 307 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,128 EPIC. MM-HMM. 308 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,263 IN FACT, I THINK WE NEEDED TO DO IT. 309 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:13,266 LIKE MEN IN PRISON. WE HAD TO GET IT OUT OF THE WAY. 310 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,468 WE HAD TO DO THE MAN DANCE JUST ONCE, JUST A TASTE, 311 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,170 SO WE COULD MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES 312 00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,806 AND BECOME THE COLD WAR POWERS THAT WE ARE TODAY. 313 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,040 - IS THAT WHAT IT WAS? 314 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,241 'CAUSE I SEEM TO REMEMBER YOU 315 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,876 PISSING ME OFF TO SUCH AN EXTENT, 316 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,178 I WAS LEFT WITH NO CHOICE BUT TO TAKE A SWING. 317 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:26,914 - I HIT YOU RIGHT BACK. DON'T FORGET THAT PART. 318 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,381 - NO BLOOD. - SIZEABLE SHINER. 319 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,917 - YEAH, BLOOD'S MORE EMBARRASSING. 320 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,451 KAREN HAD TO GET YOU A TOWEL, SOME ICE. 321 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,120 FRESH PAIR OF PANTIES, TOO, RIGHT? 322 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,922 - YEP. STILL WEARING 'EM. 323 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,456 HOW'S BECCA? 324 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,926 - WONDERFUL. - UH... 325 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,194 - WHAT'S THAT? - NOTHING. 326 00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,196 - NO, THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT NOTHING. 327 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,966 IN FACT, THAT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF FROWN I'D GIVE YOU 328 00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,968 IF YOU WERE TRYING TO BULLSHIT A BULLSHITTER. 329 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,804 - IT'S HER FUCKING BOYFRIEND. I MEAN, I WANNA KILL HIM, HANK. 330 00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:52,405 I MEAN, I DON'T WANNA KILL HIM. 331 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,473 I WANNA DISMEMBER HIM. 332 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,442 SLOWLY. 333 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,011 AND POUR TABASCO SAUCE IN HIS TORN, BLOODY ASSHOLE 334 00:12:58,045 --> 00:13:00,814 AS HE DIES, SCREAMING FOR HIS MOMMY AND DADDY. 335 00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:02,049 YEAH. - NICE. 336 00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,151 - KAREN... 337 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,286 IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE, 338 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,255 THIS IS THE RIGHT GUY. - I KNOW. 339 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,390 - HE'S LIKE YOU... 340 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,892 BUT AWESOME. 341 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,861 - [chuckles] 342 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:14,895 THAT'S ME. 343 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:17,130 - WHAT-EVAH! 344 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,565 GROSS. THIS IS GROSS. 345 00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,333 CUT IT OUT. WHERE IS SHE? 346 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,069 WHAT'S THE STORY? - I DON'T KNOW. 347 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,004 SHE DIDN'T COME HOME LAST NIGHT. 348 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,539 - WHAT? WHAT KIND OF SHOP ARE YOU GUYS RUNNING AROUND HERE? 349 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,942 - THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY. - SHE'S IN COLLEGE, HANK. 350 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,478 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, SHE STAYS SOME NIGHTS WITH HER BOYFRIEND. 351 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:32,980 IT'S BEEN KNOWN TO HAPPEN. 352 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,381 - SHE'S HAVING SEX WITH THIS GUY? 353 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,249 - I SHOULD HOPE SO. - WHY? 354 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,918 - BECAUSE HE'S HOT. - OH... 355 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,087 - WHO ARE YOU? - HE'S A REAL FUCKING DOUCHEBOAT 356 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,388 IS WHAT HE IS. 357 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,990 - YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'LL HAVE DINNER. 358 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:46,226 I'LL MAKE SURE SHE BRINGS HIM. OKAY? 359 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:47,627 - FINE. WHY NOT? 360 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,329 DINNER WITH THE EX, HER NEW HUSBAND. 361 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,064 MY INSOLENT DAUGHTER, HER ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND. 362 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:52,632 FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. 363 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,335 THIS IS NOT SHAPING UP TO BE A GREAT TRIP--NOT AT ALL. 364 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,938 I'VE ONLY BEEN IN L.A. A COUPLE OF HOURS, 365 00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,439 AND I'M ALREADY SUPREMELY FUCKING AGITATED. 366 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:02,075 - HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY YOU STAND TO MAKE? 367 00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:05,078 - I DON'T BELIEVE IT, RUNKS. NOTHING'S EVER THAT EASY. 368 00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:08,015 AND I'M NOT JUMPING THROUGH ANY HOOPS TO LAND THIS THING, 369 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,883 WHATEVER THIS THING IS. WHAT IS THIS THING? 370 00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:13,086 - [knocks at door] [singsong] HELLO! 371 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,123 HELLO! EX-WIFE! 372 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,657 HELLO! 373 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,627 BIG TIME MOVIE PRODUCER GUY? HELLO? 374 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,396 - WHAT THE FUCK? 375 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,599 I'M GONNA TAKE A PISS. 376 00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:29,236 - OH...EAT THAT BITCH! 377 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,603 GODDAMN IT! 378 00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,639 MMM... 379 00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:35,042 GODDAMN IT! NO, HARDER. 380 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,509 YES! AH! 381 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,111 - [whispers] CHARLIE! 382 00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:39,246 COME HERE, CHARLIE, CHARLIE. 383 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:42,950 [both moaning, grunting] 384 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,587 SHE MOAN LIKE THAT WHEN YOU USED TO MUNCH HER OUT? 385 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:50,190 - HARDLY. OF COURSE, I DIDN'T HAVE QUITE AS MANY QUATLOOS 386 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,525 IN THE BANK, AND AN ACADEMY AWARD ON MY SHELF. 387 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,662 THESE THINGS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO ENHANCE THE FEMALE ORGASM. 388 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,364 [shouting] STUART! 389 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,999 CLOSE YOUR EYES, SON! 390 00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:00,267 - CHARLIE? 391 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,035 HANK. STUART. 392 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,703 IRMA! 393 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,606 CHRIST ON A CROSS. 394 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,075 - HANK. 395 00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,143 OH, SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. 396 00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:12,545 - HEY, CAN WE DO THIS A LITTLE LATER 397 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,581 WHEN YOU, UH, LOSE THE WOOD? 398 00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:17,084 WASH YOUR FACE? - YEAH. OH! 399 00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,952 YEAH. SORRY. AND--AND 400 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,587 THIS IS GONNA BE A WHILE. 401 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,489 I JUST POPPED A NIAGARA. 402 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,224 - YOU MEAN A VIAGRA. 403 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,259 - NO, WE CALL IT NIAGARA AROUND HERE 404 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,195 BECAUSE MY ROCK-HARD ENDOWMENT 405 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:30,530 MAKES MARCY GUSH LIKE NIAGARA FALLS. 406 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,500 - OH! SO MARCY'S A SQUIRTER NOW? - OH, YEAH. 407 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,402 - THINGS HAVE REALLY CHANGED IN MY ABSENCE. 408 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,370 - YEAH, MARCY'S IN THE THROES 409 00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:39,606 OF A REAL SEXUAL RENAISSANCE NOW, HANK. 410 00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:40,974 IT'S EXHILARATING. - IT'S GOOD TO HEAR. 411 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,642 THAT'S REALLY GOOD TO HEAR. 412 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,577 BUT YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO MESS WITH THAT NIAGARA SHIT, STU. 413 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,113 - I KNOW, I KNOW. 414 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,281 I JUST REALLY LIKE THE NINE-HOUR BONER. 415 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,517 IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE. YOU KNOW, I GET SHIT DONE. 416 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,385 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? 417 00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,121 YOU'RE LIKE A COUPLE OF TEENAGERS! 418 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:57,157 - YEAH, WELL, IRMA WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING HIM. 419 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,658 - IT WAS A QUICKIE, RUNKLE. 420 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,660 THEN WE WERE ALL GOING FOR SOME FRO-YO. 421 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:03,463 - SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHY IS HE EATING THESE TERRIBLE SNACKS? 422 00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,332 - OH, SETTLE DOWN, SOCCER MOM. 423 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:08,368 HANKY! HUG! 424 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,070 MWAH! 425 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,439 - OH, YOU SMELL LIKE SEX. 426 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,474 - YES, I DO! - AND WEED. 427 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,309 - WELL, YEAH, MAMA'S LITTLE HELPER. 428 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:20,080 I TAKE A PUFFSKY OR TWO AND I GET THE SEX MUNCHIES, YOU KNOW? 429 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,749 I'M GOING THROUGH A REAL SEXUAL RENAISSANCE. 430 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,017 - I HEARD. 431 00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,018 [footsteps approach] - IRMA! 432 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,453 WHAT THE FUCK? 433 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,455 Charlie and Stu: LANGUAGE, MARCY! 434 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,457 - HE SNEAK AWAY. HE ALWAYS SNEAK AWAY. 435 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,325 HE SO QUIET, LIKE A MOUSE. 436 00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,261 - OH, DIOS MIO! 437 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,396 IT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU WATCHING YOUR STORIES? 438 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,365 EL GORDO Y LA FLACA? 439 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:41,134 I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT, IRMA! 440 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,470 I'M CALLING IMMIGRATION, MOTHERFUCKER! 441 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,672 - [crying] NO, NO, NO, NO! 442 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,308 - WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? 443 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,543 - WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? WE CAME FOR THE MEETING. 444 00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,312 - [laughs] JESUS, RUNKLE. 445 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,314 DIDN'T YOU GET THE MESSAGE? THERE IS NO MEETING. 446 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,783 HE WANTS HANK TO COME TO HIM. ONE-ON-ONE. 447 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:59,086 FACE TIME. - WHO THE FUCK IS "HE"? 448 00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,088 - SAMURAI APOCALYPSE. 449 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,523 - WHAT? HUH? - THE RAPPER? 450 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,392 - OH, HAVE A LITTLE RESPECT, RUNKLE. 451 00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,794 THE MAN HAS TRANSCENDED RAPPER LONG AGO. 452 00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:11,098 SAM IS A PRODUCER, BUSINESSMAN, 453 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,133 ENTREPRENEUR, HUMANITARIAN. 454 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:15,302 NO, HE'S A MAJOR PLAYER, HANK. MAJOR. 455 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,637 - AND...I PASS. - OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. 456 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,372 YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE MEETING. 457 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:21,541 HE REALLY IS AN INSPIRING HUMAN BEING. 458 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,410 HE ALSO HAS WRITER APPROVAL, 459 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,412 AND HE HASN'T LIKED ANYONE WE'VE SENT HIM. 460 00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,814 - FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT AUDITIONING FOR ANYONE. 461 00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:31,151 ESPECIALLY SOMEONE WHO CALLS HIMSELF SAMURAI APOCALYPSE. 462 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,386 AND SECONDLY, WHY WASN'T I FIRST ON THE LIST? 463 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,423 - WH--WHAT L--I-- I WASN'T AWARE-- 464 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,291 - HOLLYWOOD ASSHOLES. 465 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:39,692 - WELL-- 466 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,695 [X5's Act Like You Want It] 467 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:48,535 * 468 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,403 - * STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE OF CONFIDENCE ROAD * 469 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,705 * SEAT LEANED BACK, THE MACK IN CONTROL * 470 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,375 * THIS BE THE LIFE OF MINES, SO I'M-A TAKE MY TIME * 471 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,444 * IT'S LIKE THE GAME IS TIED ON THE LINE * 472 00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:59,712 * A, YOU CAN JUST SUCCUMB TO THE PRESSURE * 473 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,881 * B, YOU CAN RUN LIKE THE PUNKS SO THEY DON'T CATCH YA * 474 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,217 * C, YOU CAN GO FOR THE WIN AND NO LESSER * 475 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,686 * D, THAT'S ME, THE KING, THE MC * 476 00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:08,255 * 477 00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,656 * COME DOWN, COME DOWN 478 00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:13,092 * ONCE AGAIN 479 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,798 - T.M. YOU EVER TRY IT? 480 00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:21,368 - TRUTH BE TOLD, I GET MORE SATISFACTION 481 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:22,802 OUT OF A SOLID B.M. 482 00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,637 - THANK YOU, ALFRED. 483 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,274 - ALFRED. REALLY? 484 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:28,541 - FUCK, YEAH, MAN. 485 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,510 WHEN I WAS A KID, I TOLD MY MOMS, 486 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,312 "MAMA, WHEN I GET RICH AND FAMOUS, 487 00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:33,446 I'M GONNA GET ME AN ALFRED." 488 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,248 - YOUR MOMS MUST BE PROUD, 489 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,284 BECAUSE YOU GOTS YOURSELF A FUCKING ALFRED, ALL RIGHT. 490 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,885 - PSSSH. I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE MOTHERFUCKER'S REAL NAME. 491 00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:41,388 I JUST CALL HIM ALFRED, AND HE SNAPS RIGHT TO IT. 492 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,390 I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF PAY THIS MOTHERFUCKER. 493 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:45,458 HE MIGHT BE MY SLAVE. - TAKE THAT, WHITE PEOPLE. 494 00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:46,826 - [laughs] 495 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,795 YOU KNOW, I DUG YOUR BOOK, MAN, FOR REAL. 496 00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,597 - THANK YOU. - THAT SHIT WAS CRAZY. 497 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:51,931 - ALL RIGHT. THANKS. 498 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,766 - WHEN THAT CHICK SQUIRTED ALL OVER RUNKLE, 499 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,236 I LAUGHED SO HARD, I ALMOST SHITTED MY OWN PANTS, MAN. 500 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,738 - YEAH, RUNKLE'S ALWAYS GOOD FOR A LAUGH. 501 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,307 AND A SHART. - YOU'RE TELLIN' ME. 502 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,709 MOTHERFUCKER'S A WALKING PEZ DISPENSER. 503 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,711 CHHA, CHHA, CHHA, CHHA, CHHA. 504 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,213 [both laugh] 505 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,448 - SO YOU READ THE BOOK, HUH? COOL. 506 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,949 - YOU THINK I CAN'T READ, MAN? 507 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,551 WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT TO SAY TO A BROTHER, YO? 508 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,486 I READ YOUR SHIT FROM COVER-TO-COVER, MAN. 509 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,388 EVEN THE BORING, PRETENTIOUS PARTS. 510 00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,557 YO, I THINK YOU THE GUY TO WRITE MY SHIT. 511 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,726 - WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND? 512 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,695 - SANTA MONICA COP. 513 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:24,231 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 514 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,234 - LOOK, MAN, I DID THIS RAP SHIT ALREADY. 515 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,237 SOLD GOLD, PLATINUM, ZIRCONIUM, CHECK. 516 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,772 GOT MY OWN ENERGY DRINK, APOCALYPSE WOW. CHECK. 517 00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:36,243 GOT THE FAT-ASS SCARFACE CRIB, CRAZY RIDES, 518 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:37,910 AND ALL THE PUSSY A NIGGA COULD EAT. 519 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,546 CHECK, CHECK, CHECK. SO WHAT'S NEXT? 520 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:40,980 THE MOVIES. 521 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,550 BUT I WANNA DO MY OWN THING, MY OWN MOMENT. 522 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:46,653 SANTA MONICA COP IS MY EDDIE MURPHY MOMENT RIGHT NOW! 523 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,421 - SO IT'S LIKE BEVERLY HILLS COP. 524 00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:50,490 - NAH, NIGGA, IT'S SET IN SANTA MONICA. 525 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,793 - OKAY. I SEE THE DIFFERENCE. 526 00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:56,796 - YOU A KINGMAKER, MAN. I WANNA BE A KING, YO. 527 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,665 - YEAH... - YOU IN? 528 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,967 - I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT REALLY MY THING. 529 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,436 - WHAT THE FUCK ELSE YOU GONNA DO, WRITE ANOTHER BOOK? 530 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,672 FUCK THAT. LET'S GET PAID, MOTHERFUCKER. 531 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,640 DAMN. - HI. 532 00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:10,410 - GET YOUR SEXY ASS OVER HERE, MAMA. 533 00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,579 [Samurai muttering] 534 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:13,813 WHAT'S UP, MAMA? 535 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:14,814 - HEY. 536 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:17,917 - HANK MOODY, THIS IS KALI. 537 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,719 REMEMBER THIS NAME, KALI. 538 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,421 YO, SHE'S GONNA BE A STAR. GONNA BLOW THIS BITCH UP. 539 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:24,824 KALI, THIS IS HANK MOODY, THE WRITER/RAPIST. 540 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:27,994 - [laughs] NICE TO MEET YOU, HANK. 541 00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:28,995 - AND YOU-- [drink spatters] 542 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,497 - OH, GOD. SORRY. 543 00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,999 DIDN'T MEAN TO GET A PUDDLE ON YOU. 544 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,867 SORRY. - SHE KEEPS IT COOL FOR SURE. 545 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,537 - WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU TWO ARE ABOUT TO FORNICATE, 546 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,906 WHICH IS TYPICALLY MY CUE. 547 00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:43,376 KEEP IT REAL UP IN THE FIELD, A'IGHT? 548 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,011 - I'M-A KEEP IN TOUCH, MOODY. 549 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,879 YOU CAN'T ESCAPE APOCALYPSE NOW, YO! 550 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,481 [slashing sound] WHH, WHH, WHH! 551 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,868 - HASN'T BEEN THAT LONG, DAD. 552 00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:10,970 - UH-OH. 553 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,005 YOU GOT THAT LOOK. - WHAT LOOK? 554 00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:16,443 - THAT DRUNKEN, BOY-CRAZY LOOK. 555 00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,345 - PROMISE YOU'LL BE NICE. - NICE? 556 00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:19,812 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I'M ALWAYS NICE. 557 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:21,948 - YOU MIGHT WANNA GET USED TO THIS ONE. 558 00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:24,317 I COULD SEE HIM STICKING. 559 00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:25,552 - TO MY SHOE, MAYBE. 560 00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:27,554 LIKE AN UNPLEASANT CHUNK OF DOG TURD? 561 00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:30,457 [engine revving] 562 00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,792 [tires screeching] 563 00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:39,732 - HEY. 564 00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:46,973 - HOW OLD OF A MAMMAL MIGHT YOU BE, TYLER? 565 00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:48,641 - [chuckles] 24, HANK. 566 00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:50,577 - 24. HMM. 567 00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:53,112 24. 568 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,715 TOUCH TOO OLD FOR MY DAUGHTER, DON'T YOU THINK, MAYBE? 569 00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,350 TAD INAPPROPRIATE? - DAD. 570 00:21:57,384 --> 00:21:58,651 - DAUGHTER. - YOU'RE BEING A DICK. 571 00:21:58,685 --> 00:22:00,119 - AM NOT. - AM TOO. 572 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,355 - AM NOT! - HE'S NOT BEING A DICK, BABY. 573 00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:04,056 - BABY? REALLY? - HE'S JUST A CONCERNED FATHER. 574 00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:05,858 YOU KNOW? THE TWO ARE EASILY CONFUSED. 575 00:22:05,892 --> 00:22:07,960 I DON'T THINK AGE IS AN ISSUE HERE, HANK. 576 00:22:07,994 --> 00:22:10,730 BECCA IS WISE BEYOND HER YEARS, 577 00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:13,633 AND I'M NOTHING IF NOT SOMEWHAT STUNTED. 578 00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,768 - [laughs] THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR. 579 00:22:15,802 --> 00:22:17,136 - OOH. 580 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,605 - WELL, HAR-DEE-HAR-HAR, KAREN. 581 00:22:18,638 --> 00:22:20,473 SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO LAUGH. 582 00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:23,410 I'LL TAKE A SNIFTER OF THAT VINO ROUGE YOU GOT THERE, TYLER. 583 00:22:23,443 --> 00:22:26,979 - OH. SORRY, HANK. LOOKS LIKE I KILLED IT. 584 00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,716 - ALL BY YOURSELF? AGAIN WITH THE RUDE, NO? 585 00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:32,985 - MAYBE, BUT IT WAS AN INCREDIBLY TASTY SUPER TUSCAN. 586 00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:34,987 YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE. 587 00:22:35,021 --> 00:22:37,123 HANK, LOOK, UM... 588 00:22:37,156 --> 00:22:38,758 I GET IT, I DO. 589 00:22:38,791 --> 00:22:40,860 A YOUNG, GOOD LOOKING GUY SWOOPS IN, 590 00:22:40,893 --> 00:22:42,495 STARTS SNIFFING AROUND YOUR ONE AND ONLY, 591 00:22:42,529 --> 00:22:43,796 AND YOU QUESTION HIS MOTIVES. 592 00:22:43,830 --> 00:22:45,598 IT'S TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. 593 00:22:45,632 --> 00:22:48,167 BUT...I REALLY LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER. 594 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,769 WE'RE HAVING FUN, WE'RE HANGING OUT, 595 00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:50,970 WE'RE KEEPING IT SIMPLE. 596 00:22:51,003 --> 00:22:52,972 AND, UH, I COME IN PEACE, OKAY? 597 00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:54,541 [laughs] IT'S ALL GOOD. 598 00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,142 - IT'S ALL GOOD? - YEAH. 599 00:22:56,175 --> 00:22:58,478 - HE'S REALLY CHARMING. - IT'S ALL GOOD! 600 00:22:58,511 --> 00:23:01,113 YOU HEAR THAT, KAREN? IT'S ALL GOOD. 601 00:23:01,147 --> 00:23:03,683 - YES, IT'S ALL GOOD. - IT'S ALL GOOD. 602 00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:06,185 - WE SHOULD GET GOING, BABE. WE'RE GONNA BE LATE. 603 00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:08,187 - HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON A SECOND. 604 00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,723 IS ANYBODY GONNA SAY ANYTHING? 605 00:23:10,757 --> 00:23:12,792 OKAY, IT'S ON ME, THE DESIGNATED ASSHOLE. 606 00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:14,794 YOU'RE NOT REALLY THINKING OF DRIVING, ARE YOU? 607 00:23:14,827 --> 00:23:16,563 YOU JUST FINISHED OFF A WHOLE BOTTLE OF WINE. 608 00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:18,097 - HANK, COME ON. 609 00:23:18,130 --> 00:23:20,533 WHO PUTS WINE IN THE DRINKING AND DRIVING CATEGORY? 610 00:23:20,567 --> 00:23:22,034 - OH, I DON'T KNOW. 611 00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:24,471 MAYBE PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOST KIDS TO SMARMY LITTLE FUCKS 612 00:23:24,504 --> 00:23:28,040 WHO SUCK DOWN SUPER TUSCANS AND THEN GOT BEHIND THE WHEEL? 613 00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:30,543 - AND YOU'VE CERTAINLY NEVER CONSUMED ALCOHOL 614 00:23:30,577 --> 00:23:32,779 AND GOTTEN BEHIND THE WHEEL, HAVE YOU, DAD? 615 00:23:32,812 --> 00:23:34,914 - I HAVE MADE CERTAIN MISTAKES, BECCA. 616 00:23:34,947 --> 00:23:36,549 THIS HAS BEEN WELL-DOCUMENTED. 617 00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:37,917 BUT BECAUSE OF MY FOOLISHNESS, 618 00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:40,653 YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE THE SAME ONES. 619 00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:43,790 - GREAT SEEING YOU, DAD. ALWAYS A PLEASURE. 620 00:23:43,823 --> 00:23:46,058 - BECCA, WAIT. 621 00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:48,961 - SEE HOW EASY THAT WAS? PROBLEM SOLVED. 622 00:23:48,995 --> 00:23:51,230 SHE'S QUITE THE LITTLE TROUBLESHOOTER, THAT ONE. 623 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:54,133 IT WAS NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU, HANK. 624 00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:57,504 I'M TRULY SORRY IF WE GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT. 625 00:23:57,537 --> 00:23:58,971 TAKE CARE, KAREN. 626 00:23:59,005 --> 00:24:01,207 - BYE. 627 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,909 - JESUS. 628 00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,478 EVEN FEELS LIKE A CREEP. CLAMMY FUCKIN' MITTS. 629 00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:07,113 I DON'T LIKE IT. NOT ONE BIT. 630 00:24:07,146 --> 00:24:09,682 - HANK, YOU'RE HERE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS. 631 00:24:09,716 --> 00:24:11,918 IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO LEAVE THINGS WITH YOUR DAUGHTER? 632 00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:14,186 - I THINK I'M GONNA LET THE GROWN-UPS HASH THIS ONE OUT. 633 00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:16,623 YOU KNOW WHERE I STAND. I HATE HIS STUPID FUCKING GUTS. 634 00:24:16,656 --> 00:24:18,057 - AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT, BATESY. 635 00:24:18,090 --> 00:24:20,560 YOUR SUPPORT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. 636 00:24:20,593 --> 00:24:22,495 SERIOUSLY. I COULD FELCH YOU RIGHT NOW. 637 00:24:22,529 --> 00:24:24,030 - YOU KNOW, IT WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME 638 00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:26,899 A MAN HAS TONGUED MY ASSHOLE-- - SHUT UP, SHUT UP! 639 00:24:26,933 --> 00:24:28,601 - RAIN CHECK. - HE'S KIDDIN', RIGHT? 640 00:24:28,635 --> 00:24:30,269 - YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU? - WHAT? 641 00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,539 - HE'S YOU. - YES. YOU SAID SO EARLIER. 642 00:24:32,572 --> 00:24:34,206 HE'S LIKE ME, ONLY AWESOMER. 643 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,042 AND I'M NOT SURE I LIKE THE WAY YOU PHRASED IT, 644 00:24:36,075 --> 00:24:38,110 BUT I CERTAINLY UNDERSTAND THE SENTIMENT, 645 00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:39,579 AND I CHOOSE TO SEE A COMPLIMENT-- 646 00:24:39,612 --> 00:24:41,614 - HANK, WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP? 647 00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:44,016 - 'CAUSE I'M A BRIGHT SIDE GUY. - I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT RICHARD. 648 00:24:44,050 --> 00:24:45,284 TYLER. - WHAT? 649 00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:46,819 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 650 00:24:46,853 --> 00:24:48,521 THE KID'S A LOATHSOME FUCKING ASSHOLE. 651 00:24:48,555 --> 00:24:50,523 - WELL, THERE ARE CERTAIN MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY 652 00:24:50,557 --> 00:24:52,024 WHO SAID THE VERY SAME THING ABOUT YOU. 653 00:24:52,058 --> 00:24:53,125 - YOUR FOLKS, MAYBE. NOT YOUR SISTER. 654 00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:54,861 SHE ALWAYS DUG ME. 655 00:24:54,894 --> 00:24:57,263 SHE USED TO MOLEST ME WITH HER EYES SOMETHING FIERCE. 656 00:24:57,296 --> 00:24:59,632 I COULD TELL. GOT ME A LITTLE WET. 657 00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:01,668 NOT GONNA LIE. 658 00:25:01,701 --> 00:25:04,537 - WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S TAKEN ME THIS MANY YEARS 659 00:25:04,571 --> 00:25:06,673 TO REALIZE YOU ENDED UP WITH THE WRONG SISTER. 660 00:25:06,706 --> 00:25:08,908 - OH, SHE WAS A FOXY LITTLE MINX, THAT ONE, 661 00:25:08,941 --> 00:25:10,309 BUT SHE DIDN'T TURN ON MY HEARTLIGHT. 662 00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:13,780 SO WHAT'S THE MOVE HERE, KAREN? 663 00:25:13,813 --> 00:25:15,548 - MOVE? THERE IS NO MOVE. 664 00:25:15,582 --> 00:25:17,083 - NO, THERE'S ALWAYS A MOVE. 665 00:25:17,116 --> 00:25:19,619 - SHE LIKES HIM. HE SAYS HE LIKES HER. 666 00:25:19,652 --> 00:25:22,822 IT WORKS UNTIL IT DOESN'T. 667 00:25:22,855 --> 00:25:24,290 - THAT SOUNDS AWFULLY FAMILIAR. 668 00:25:24,323 --> 00:25:26,125 - I'M NOT IN THE MOOD, HANK. 669 00:25:26,158 --> 00:25:28,561 I'M GOING BACK TO MY LIFE. - YEAH, WHO CAN BLAME YOU? 670 00:25:28,595 --> 00:25:29,962 IT'S A NICE LIFE. 671 00:25:29,996 --> 00:25:32,231 WHAT? YOU DID WELL FOR YOURSELF. 672 00:25:32,264 --> 00:25:34,233 YOU GOT A WHITE PICKET FENCE AND EVERYTHING. 673 00:25:34,266 --> 00:25:35,968 YEP. HOME SWEET HOME. 674 00:25:36,002 --> 00:25:37,336 - I KNOW BAIT WHEN I HEAR IT, 675 00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:39,772 AND THIS LITTLE FISHY AIN'T BITING. 676 00:25:39,806 --> 00:25:41,674 GOOD NIGHT. 677 00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,910 - GOOD NIGHT, FORMER LOVER. 678 00:25:43,943 --> 00:25:45,812 [cell phone chimes] 679 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,855 OH. 680 00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:58,858 [rock music] 681 00:25:58,891 --> 00:26:06,899 * 682 00:26:12,038 --> 00:26:13,740 [woman moans] 683 00:26:13,773 --> 00:26:16,876 - ONE... 684 00:26:16,909 --> 00:26:18,010 [grunts] 685 00:26:18,044 --> 00:26:22,749 HUNDREEEEEEEED! 686 00:26:22,782 --> 00:26:25,051 I WIIIIN! 687 00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:28,154 HANK, BUDDY, I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR YOU COME IN. 688 00:26:28,187 --> 00:26:30,356 HANK, HANK, THIS IS GINGER. 689 00:26:30,389 --> 00:26:33,660 GINGER, THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND AND STAR CLIENT, 690 00:26:33,693 --> 00:26:35,261 HANK MOODY. 691 00:26:35,294 --> 00:26:37,229 - HI, HANK. - HEY, GINGER. 692 00:26:37,263 --> 00:26:39,966 ANY NAKED FRIEND OF CHARLIE'S IS A NAKED FRIEND OF MINE. 693 00:26:39,999 --> 00:26:41,668 - [giggles] 694 00:26:41,701 --> 00:26:43,169 - WHOO-HOO! 695 00:26:43,202 --> 00:26:45,104 WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-WHOO! 696 00:26:45,137 --> 00:26:47,674 - WHAT'S WITH THE VICTORY LAP, DUDE? 697 00:26:47,707 --> 00:26:49,676 - IT'S THE HUNDREDTH WOMAN, HANK! 698 00:26:49,709 --> 00:26:52,311 UN CENTO, BABY. REMEMBER? MY QUEST. 699 00:26:52,344 --> 00:26:53,813 - OH! WOW, YEAH. 700 00:26:53,846 --> 00:26:55,715 IT TOOK YOU THIS LONG TO GET TO 100? 701 00:26:55,748 --> 00:26:57,817 WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? OF COURSE IT DID. 702 00:26:57,850 --> 00:26:59,752 - I KNOW, RIGHT? BUT I DID IT. 703 00:26:59,786 --> 00:27:03,790 I MADE MYSELF A PROMISE... AND I KEPT IT! 704 00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:05,958 MY HEART AND COCK SWELLETH WITH PRIDE. 705 00:27:05,992 --> 00:27:07,159 HEY! I'M REALLY HAPPY YOU WERE HERE 706 00:27:07,193 --> 00:27:08,661 TO SEE ME CROSS THE FINISH LINE. 707 00:27:08,695 --> 00:27:11,197 - ME TOO. - HOW WAS YOUR DAY, BUDDY? 708 00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:12,765 - WELL, IT STARTED OFF ALL RIGHT, 709 00:27:12,799 --> 00:27:14,166 AND THEN IT GOT A LITTLE WEIRD, 710 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,002 AND THEN IT JUST WENT ALL SIDEWAYS AND SHITTY. 711 00:27:16,035 --> 00:27:18,170 - WHAT'D YOU THINK OF SAMURAI APOCALYPSE? 712 00:27:18,204 --> 00:27:21,040 - YEAH. CAN YOU GIVE ME A RIDE BACK TO LAX RIGHT NOW? 713 00:27:21,073 --> 00:27:23,810 - OH, COME ON, COME-- THERE'S NO NEED TO BE RASH. 714 00:27:23,843 --> 00:27:27,013 LOOK, YOU HAVE YOURSELF A DRINK, HMM? 715 00:27:27,046 --> 00:27:29,782 CHILLAX, ENJOY THE VIEW! - HEY...NO. NO! 716 00:27:29,816 --> 00:27:32,451 THAT'S HOW IT STARTS, CHARLIE, STOP. 717 00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:36,322 [cell phone tune] 718 00:27:36,355 --> 00:27:38,825 WHO DIS? 719 00:27:38,858 --> 00:27:41,828 OH. WHO? 720 00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:44,163 OH. YEAH? 721 00:27:44,196 --> 00:27:45,932 WAIT. WHAT? 722 00:27:45,965 --> 00:27:48,467 SAY THAT AGAIN. 723 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:51,938 WOW. WOW. 724 00:27:51,971 --> 00:27:53,806 WHOA. 725 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,776 OKAY. UM... 726 00:27:56,809 --> 00:27:59,712 WELL, THANKS FOR CALLING. 727 00:27:59,746 --> 00:28:01,180 I GUESS. 728 00:28:01,213 --> 00:28:04,016 - * LOVE ME TWO TIMES - WHO DAT? 729 00:28:04,050 --> 00:28:06,853 - MY NEIGHBOR BACK IN NEW YORK. 730 00:28:06,886 --> 00:28:08,120 - EVERYTHING OKAY? 731 00:28:08,154 --> 00:28:10,289 - * LOVE ME TWO TIMES 732 00:28:10,322 --> 00:28:12,792 - MY APARTMENT'S ON FIRE. 733 00:28:12,825 --> 00:28:15,795 * 734 00:28:15,828 --> 00:28:17,997 - * LOVE ME TWO TIMES, I'M 735 00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:21,033 * GOIN' AWAY 736 00:28:21,067 --> 00:28:24,036 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 737 00:28:24,070 --> 00:28:28,074 * 738 00:28:28,107 --> 00:28:30,242 - * LOVE ME TWO TIMES 739 00:28:30,276 --> 00:28:33,145 * I'M GOIN' AWAY 740 00:28:33,179 --> 00:28:34,446 * AWAY 741 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,115 * OH, YEAH 742 00:28:36,148 --> 00:28:44,090 * 743 00:28:52,498 --> 00:28:55,434 * I'M GOIN' AWAY