1 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,177 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,412 - MAN, WHAT ARE THE ODDS I END UP NEXT TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL 3 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,547 WOMAN IN THE TRI-STATE AREA? 4 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,783 - HE WANTS HANK TO COME TO HIM. 5 00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,751 - WHO THE FUCK IS HE? 6 00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:19,420 - SAMURAI APOCALYPSE. 7 00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:21,689 - I WANNA DO MY OWN THING. MY OWN MOMENT. 8 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,792 SANTA MONICA COP-- THAT'S MY EDDIE MURPHY MOMENT RIGHT NOW. 9 00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,760 - I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT REALLY MY THING. 10 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:29,330 - GET YOUR SEXY ASS OVER HERE, MAMA. 11 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,798 [Samurai muttering] 12 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,101 - I'M CHARLIE RUNKLE. WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE. 13 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,236 - NO, I'M JUST THE NANNY, BUT COME ON IN. 14 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,637 - ARE--ARE YOU OKAY? 15 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:37,838 - I JUST GOT FIRED. 16 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,541 - ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A NEW GIG? 17 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,177 - HANK MOODY, BETTER NOT BE HITTIN' ON MY GIRL. 18 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,845 YOU SHOULD BE AT STARBUCKS WRITING ME SOME FUNNY SHIT. 19 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,347 - I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT. 20 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,381 HOW'S BECCA? 21 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:48,649 - BOYFRIEND. 22 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,683 I WANT TO KILL HIM, HANK. 23 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,819 - TYLER. 24 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:54,088 - THIS--THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 25 00:00:54,122 --> 00:00:55,289 THIS IS MY SISTER. 26 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,724 - WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? 27 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,559 - SOME GUY MY DAUGHTER'S SEEING. 28 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,194 I THINK HE'S GONNA BREAK HER HEART. 29 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,196 - MAYBE YOU SHOULD BREAK HIS LEGS FIRST. 30 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,731 - TYLER WAS LEAVING SOME CLUB IN HOLLYWOOD 31 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:05,599 AND HE GOT JUMPED BY A BUNCH OF GANGBANGERS. 32 00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:07,568 [phone beeps] 33 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:21,215 * I WAS SITTING IN THE 34 00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:25,853 * HOLLYWOOD HAWAIIAN HOTEL 35 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:29,623 * I WAS STARING IN MY EMPTY COFFEE CUP * 36 00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,692 - FADE THE FUCK OUT. 37 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,394 THE END, MOTHERFUCKER. 38 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:34,395 CHARLIE! 39 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,630 - WAY AHEAD OF YOU, BUDDY. 40 00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:37,631 [glasses chink] 41 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:39,133 - PRINT, BITCHES. 42 00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,735 - WAIT! DON'T YOU WANT TO SPELLCHECK? 43 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,904 - NAH, SOMETHING TELLS ME THE SAMURAI ISN'T MUCH OF 44 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,773 A TYPO NAZI, AND I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. 45 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,241 I GOTTA GET MY BROWN EYE ON THE RED-EYE. 46 00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,809 I GOTTA A PLANE TO CATCH. 47 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,745 - PLEASE STAY. - MM-MM. 48 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,348 I CAME, I SAW, I TURNED SOME WORDS INTO CASH. 49 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,384 THE COFFERS ARE FULL. 50 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,154 BESIDES, I DON'T WANT TO GET MYSELF KILLED 51 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:01,622 BY A TRIGGER-HAPPY RAPPER. 52 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,791 - IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME WITHOUT YOU, BUDDY. 53 00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:06,160 - JUST GO DOWN TO THE BAR AND GRAB YOURSELF ONE OF YOUR 54 00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,229 MESSY BESSIES, AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER IN THE MORNING. 55 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,498 - THAT'S THE THING, HANK. IT DON'T WORK ANYMORE. 56 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:11,765 I'M LONELY. 57 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,201 I LONG FOR COMPANIONSHIP. 58 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,635 - IS THIS IT? 59 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,604 IS THIS THE MOMENT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR? 60 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,938 ARE YOU FINALLY COMING OUT TO ME, CHARLIE? 61 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:22,243 - FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP. FEE-HEE-MALE. 62 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:24,745 - GRAB YOURSELF A LADY FRIEND. - IT'S NOT THAT EASY. 63 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:27,948 I'M OLD AND BALD AND LACKING IN SOCIAL SKILLS. 64 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,850 - [laughs] 65 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,785 - YEAH, BUT YOU DO MAKE A DECENT LIVING. 66 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,255 AND YOU HAVE THIS GROOVY PAD. 67 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,956 - AND THAT'S REALLY GOOD FOR THE HEDONIST. 68 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:39,360 IT IMPRESSES THE SHIT OUT OF THE STRIPPERS AND THE BARMAIDS. 69 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,929 BUT WHAT IF I WANT SOMETHING MORE? 70 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,665 - SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER NOT TO TOUCH YOUR DREAMS. 71 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,267 TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS. 72 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,902 - THAT IS PROFOUND--LY DEPRESSING. 73 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,372 - SPEAKING OF WHICH, I GOTTA GO SAY GOOD-BYE TO BECCA. 74 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:55,376 THEN I GOTTA DROP THIS PUPPY OFF AT MTV CRIBS. 75 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,811 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? - I DON'T KNOW. 76 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,680 I GUESS I'LL PROBABLY MASTURBATE TO SOMETHING DIRTY 77 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,415 ON THE INTERNET WHILE I WAIT FOR STUART TO SHOW UP 78 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,451 AND SPEND THE NIGHT. - SOLID PLAN. 79 00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:04,718 WHAT'S ON THE MENU THESE DAYS? 80 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,420 - I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. 81 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:09,723 I'M EXTREMELY PARTIAL THESE DAYS TO LIVE SEX-CAMS. 82 00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:10,858 YEAH, FOR JUST A COUPLE OF BUCKS A MINUTE, 83 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,560 THEY'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. 84 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:16,897 I GOT THIS GIRL TO DRINK HER OWN PEE THE OTHER DAY. 85 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:19,433 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? - WHAT? 86 00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,001 - THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T FIND A GIRL. 87 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,436 YOU'RE TOO BUSY MAKING THEM DO DISGUSTING THINGS 88 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:23,704 ON THE INTERNET. 89 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:24,838 YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. 90 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:25,906 - I AM. - GOOD. 91 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,442 NOW HUG ME. I GOTTA GO. 92 00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,614 CHARLIE? - YES. 93 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,948 - IS THAT A DILDO IN YOUR POCKET 94 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,885 OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME GO? 95 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:40,888 - I THINK I MUST HAVE BEEN RELIVING THAT PEE THING. 96 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:44,325 NOW IT'S JUST A SHAME BONER. 97 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:47,295 [upbeat music] 98 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:56,837 * 99 00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:38,946 - [groans] 100 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,648 OH, OW! 101 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,616 FUCK, FUCK! - HEY... 102 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,084 WHAT'D THAT POOR HOUSE EVER DO TO YOU? 103 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,753 - NOTHING! 104 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,356 IT'S WHAT THAT PANSY-ASS LITTLE PUSSY FART 105 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,659 IS DOING IN MY HOUSE. 106 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:56,464 I GOTTA WALK THIS SHIT OFF BEFORE I END UP BACK IN PRISON. 107 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:59,467 FUCKER! 108 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,768 FUCKER! 109 00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:08,809 - HEY. 110 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,944 - HEY. 111 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,046 - WHAT'S WITH THE HUBBY OUT THERE? 112 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,815 [chuckles] - OH... 113 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,818 TYLER GOT INTO HIS 40-YEAR-OLD BOTTLE OF CHIVAS. 114 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,487 - WHAT THE HUH? 115 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,488 I THOUGHT BATESY WAS ON THE WAGON. 116 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,089 - YEAH, HE IS. 117 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,057 BUT YOU KNOW, HE KEEPS IT AROUND AS A SYMBOL OF HIS SOBRIETY. 118 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:27,561 - OH, RIGHT ON. 119 00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:29,997 SO HOW'S PATIENT ZERO? 120 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,064 - DEMANDING. - YEAH? 121 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,133 - MM. - MM-HMM? 122 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,135 I'M WAITING. MY PROPS? 123 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,471 I TOLD YOU THE KID WAS AN ASSHOLE. 124 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:39,507 - WELL, YEAH, BUT YOU THINK EVERYONE'S AN ASSHOLE. 125 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:40,908 - YES. YES, I DO. 126 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:41,975 BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME ANY LESS RIGHT 127 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,712 ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR ASSHOLE. 128 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,847 - I GOTTA GO TO THE DRUGSTORE. TYLER NEEDS MORE VICODIN. 129 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,682 - HI, BECCA. REMEMBER ME? 130 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:49,750 - OH, HEY, DAD. 131 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,585 - HEY, I'M LEAVING... 132 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:54,755 ON A JET PLANE... 133 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,857 DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE BACK AGAIN. 134 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,892 MAYBE A HUG? 135 00:05:58,926 --> 00:05:59,993 - SAFE TRAVELS, DAD. 136 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,061 - ALL RIGHT, I LOVE YOU. 137 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,896 - SEE YOU SOON. 138 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,132 YEAH... 139 00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:06,834 HEY, A QUICK ONE WHILE THEY'RE AWAY? 140 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,469 COME ON. FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE. 141 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:09,737 - YOU'RE HITTING ON A MARRIED WOMAN. 142 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:10,738 - I KNOW. - YEAH. 143 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,172 - WHAT'S YOUR POINT? 144 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,474 - YOU REALLY WANT ME TO SIC MY HUSBAND ON YOU 145 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,008 IN THE STATE HE'S IN? 146 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,610 - YOU'RE RIGHT. 147 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:17,811 THAT KIND OF THING COULD LEAD A MAN TO DRINK. 148 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:18,912 - YES. 149 00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,047 - AND THEN HIS GLORIOUS MANGINA 150 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,715 MIGHT MAKE AN APPEARANCE. 151 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,151 WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE THAT HAPPEN, WOULD WE? 152 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,753 ACTUALLY, I WOULD. 153 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,020 I'M DYING TO SEE THAT THING AGAIN. 154 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,021 - COME ON, LET'S DO IT. - STOP IT. 155 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,056 - COME ON. 156 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:31,024 - KAREN, IS DINNER READY YET? 157 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,960 - YEAH. I'M GONNA TAKE THIS... 158 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,528 - NO, ALLOW ME. 159 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:35,696 - WELL, PUT IT ON THE-- 160 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,131 - HEY, FUCK THAT. 161 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,733 [TV playing] 162 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,802 - THANK, GOD. I WAS ABOUT TO EAT MY FOOT. 163 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,637 OH... 164 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,172 HEY, HANK. 165 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:47,608 - WOW, YOU'VE REALLY MOVED IN, HAVEN'T YOU? 166 00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:48,909 I HOPE YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING TO GET 167 00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,078 YOUR SECURITY DEPOSIT BACK, ARE YOU? 168 00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,713 - HEY, LISTEN, THEY INSISTED, OKAY? 169 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,115 - MMM! IT'S GOOD. - HA-HA. 170 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:57,651 AWW! 171 00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:58,952 MY FOLKS ARE OUT OF TOWN, ALL RIGHT? 172 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,187 - THAT'S WHAT YOUR FOLKS TOLD YOU. 173 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,989 THEY ACTUALLY HATE YOUR GUTS 174 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,991 AND RUE THE DAY THAT YOUR FATHER EVER FAILED TO PULL OUT IN TIME. 175 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,493 - HA-HA. 176 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,827 WHY DON'T YOU GO EASY ON ME, MAN? 177 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,462 I GOT MY ASS BEAT ABOUT A WEEK AGO. 178 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:10,531 - I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. 179 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,833 AND I WAS ALMOST SAD WHEN I HEARD THE NEWS. 180 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,735 AND THEN I WAS VAGUELY DISAPPOINTED WHEN I HEARD 181 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,870 YOU WEREN'T GONNA DIE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. 182 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,540 BUT KNOWING YOU WERE IN GREAT PAIN DID MAKE ME SMILE. 183 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:20,874 IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS, YOU KNOW? 184 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,209 - MM. 185 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,777 - BUT IF YOU BREAK MY DAUGHTER'S HEART... 186 00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,646 BEING STOMPED ON BY A BUNCH OF GANGBANGERS 187 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,115 IS GONNA SEEM LIKE A PLAYDATE COMPARED TO THE CAN OF RAPE-ASS 188 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:31,985 I WILL OPEN UP ON YOUR... 189 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,023 ASS. 190 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,725 - MM... 191 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,693 WELL, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF BREAKING HER HEART. 192 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,762 - GOOD. - SHE'S A COOL CHICK. 193 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,497 - AND IF YOU RESPECT HER COOLNESS, 194 00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:45,833 YOU WILL TELL HER THAT YOU ARE A LYING, CHEATING, 195 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,835 SKULLDUGGEROUS LITTLE MANWHORE. 196 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:48,936 YOU HEAR ME? 197 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,204 - I HEAR YOU. 198 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,640 ARE WE COOL? 199 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:55,208 - NO, NEVER. - [laughs] 200 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:57,778 - CAN I BUM A SMOKE? - SURE. 201 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:02,015 - GOT A LIGHT? 202 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,084 - AH! SEE, IT'S THIS DAMN FINGER OF MINE. 203 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,719 - OH, YEAH. I BET IT'S... - OH! 204 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,220 - IT'S HARD TO... - GOD! 205 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,600 - OH, YEAH. 206 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,802 THIS IS HOW IT WAS DONE... 207 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,871 BACK IN THE DAY. 208 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,874 WHEN THE BUSHES WERE BIG... 209 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:29,910 AND THE BOOBIES WAS REAL. 210 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,011 [knock at door] 211 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,245 - SHIT! SHIT! 212 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,915 SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! 213 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,550 SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! 214 00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,755 SHIT. 215 00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:46,526 [women moaning in background] 216 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:56,269 - HELLO! 217 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,305 - NOT TOO MUCH BOOB TUBE, OKAY? 218 00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,641 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. RELAX, RELAX. 219 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,109 WE ONLY WATCH WHAT'S EDUCATIONAL. 220 00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,644 - UH-HUH. 221 00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:05,312 - LITTLE BABY EINSTEIN, PERHAPS. WHO KNOWS. 222 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:06,814 MAYBE HE'LL EVEN SAY SOMETHING. 223 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,081 [click] [women moaning] 224 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:11,919 - WHOA! - JESUS CHRIST, CHARLIE! 225 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,687 OH, MY GOD. 226 00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,823 I CAN'T TRUST YOU ALONE WITH THIS KID FOR ONE SECOND. 227 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,791 - YEAH, WELL, FEEL FREE TO TAKE HIM WITH YOU 228 00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,092 OUT ON DATE NIGHT, THEN. 229 00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:21,094 - OH, LET'S NOT BE RASH, MARCY. 230 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:23,731 YOU KNOW, MY ASSISTANT HAD TO WORK SOME SERIOUS MAGIC 231 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,899 FOR THESE REZZIES. - BELIEVE ME. 232 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,001 I NEED A BREAK FROM ALL THINGS MOMMY. 233 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:29,703 - RIGHT, RIGHT. 234 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,839 SO THAT WHOLE HIRING SOMEONE TO WATCH YOUR KID 235 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,641 WHILE YOU GO OUT ALL DAY SHOPPING 236 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,243 AND HAVING YOUR TOES DONE THING NOT WORKING FOR YA? 237 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:38,278 - DIE YOUNG AND SUFFER, DICKLESS. 238 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:41,014 - REALLY KICKING IT BACK OLD-SCHOOL WITH THE PORN THERE, 239 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:43,283 HEY, RUNKLE? - WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW, 240 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,919 I'M TRYING TO WEEN MYSELF OFF THE HARDCORE STUFF. 241 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,155 YEAH, I'M TRYING TO REDISCOVER 242 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:51,725 THE SIMPLE PLEASURES OF A MASTURBATING TEENAGER. 243 00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:55,228 WHEN GIRLS WERE MAGICAL CREATURES WHO DIDN'T GO ATM. 244 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,765 - UGH. - WHAT? 245 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,867 - ASS TO MOUTH. 246 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:00,934 - THAT'S DISGUSTING. 247 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:03,036 - YET INTRIGUING. 248 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,738 - DON'T GET ANY IDEAS, OKAY? 249 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,940 YOU'RE WAY TOO BIG FOR MOMMY'S CORNHOLE. 250 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:09,309 - YEAH, THAT'S WHAT DADDY LIKES TO HEAR. 251 00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,244 - YOU'RE WELCOME. 252 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,214 - [laughs] 253 00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:15,783 [Stuart grunts] 254 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,885 - HEY, HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, BUDDY? 255 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,721 HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, HUH? 256 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,990 WHERE'S MR. BLANKY? both: WHAT? 257 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,893 - WHERE IS MR. BLANKY? 258 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,027 both: YOU-- 259 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,295 - DID YOU-- - YOU BROUGHT-- 260 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:32,733 - YOU PUT IT IN THE BACKPACK. - OKAY. 261 00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,334 - YOU KNOW, THE TRAFFIC IS REALLY TERRIBLE 262 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,103 RIGHT NOW ON PCH. 263 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:39,039 I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD JET. - YEAH. 264 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,908 SORRY, CHARLIE. [Stuart whining] 265 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,442 - OKAY, BUDDY, YOU'RE OKAY. - YOU WANTED WEEKDAY OVERNIGHTS. 266 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,412 - YOU'RE A BIG BOY, RIGHT? - MOMMY LOVES YOU! 267 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:47,380 - OH, NO. OHHHHH! 268 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:51,184 OH, YOU'RE A BIG BOY. YOU'RE A BIG BOY, OKAY. 269 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:54,054 OKAY, OKAY. 270 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:57,057 [hip-hop music] 271 00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,859 * 272 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,360 - * LET'S GET IT POPPIN' 273 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,995 * COPPIN' [...] I'M BLAZED AND ROCKIN' * 274 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,797 * LOUD AND CRAZED GOT THE CROWD AMAZED * 275 00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:05,432 * I'M SHOCKIN' KNOCK 'EM FOR A LOOP * 276 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,801 * DROP MY LOOT ON SOME BOOZE AND GET RETARDED MAN * 277 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:10,037 - SHIT. 278 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,939 I'M EXCITED TO READ THIS SHIT, YO. 279 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,041 - I'M EXCITED THAT YOU'RE EXCITED, YO. 280 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,408 - [laughs] YOU'RE A FUNNY MOTHERFUCKER, MOODY. 281 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,110 YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? 282 00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:21,815 - RIGHT BACK AT YOU, SAM. MAY I CALL YOU SAM? 283 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,951 - CALL ME CALVIN. MY MOMS CALL ME CALVIN. 284 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,853 - I'D BE HONORED. 285 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:29,322 - YOU SHOULD. - I AM. 286 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,991 - ALL RIGHT, NIGGA. 287 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,826 I'M GONNA READ THIS SHIT. - YOU DO THAT. 288 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,027 - NO, I MEAN RIGHT NOW, YO. WAIT RIGHT HERE. 289 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,228 - NO, I CAN'T. 290 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:37,898 NO, NO, NO, I GOTTA RUN. I GOTTA GO. 291 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,499 - WHAT IF I GOTTA MAKE CHANGES OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT? 292 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,168 - YOU CAN EMAIL 'EM TO ME. 293 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,770 THAT WAY I CAN IGNORE IT MORE EASILY. 294 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:46,940 COME ON. - YOU READY? 295 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,441 - DAMN. 296 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,377 DAMN, MAMA, I GOTTA READ THIS SCRIPT. 297 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:51,912 - BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUT TONIGHT. 298 00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,213 - I KNOW, I KNOW. 299 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,315 I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU, ALL RIGHT? 300 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:57,050 I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. 301 00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,752 - WHATEVER. 302 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,453 - OH, MAN. 303 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:01,989 YO, IS IT ME, MAN? 304 00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,958 OR IS SHE JUST HOT BEYOND LOGIC AND REASON? 305 00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:07,060 - SHE BE FINE AS WINE. 306 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:09,262 - HEY, I TOLD YOU ABOUT-- - SORRY, I'M SORRY. 307 00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:10,931 WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE HER OUT, YOU KNOW? 308 00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:11,965 YOU CAN READ THE SCRIPT LATER. 309 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,333 - LATER, FUCK NO, MAN. 310 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,401 THAT'S MY MOTHERFUCKIN' CAREER, MAN. 311 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,269 I TAKE THIS SHIT SERIOUS, MAN. 312 00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,038 I'M GONNA SIT IN MY FAVORITE CHAIR AND READ EVERY PAGE. 313 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,439 EVEN THE PARTS I'M NOT IN. 314 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,109 PUT A PEN TO THIS BITCH, CORRECT ALL THE TYPOS. 315 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,777 I HATE TYPOS. THAT SHIT IS LAZY. 316 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,112 - YEAH. I HATE TYPOS TOO. 317 00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,280 - SHIT... 318 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,282 I DO LIKE WHEN A GIRL COME HOME FROM A CLUB, THOUGH. 319 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:30,550 AFTER DANCING AND DRINKING, 320 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,887 THEY BE HOT AS A FUCK, READY TO GO. 321 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:36,189 WHAT TIME'S YOUR FLIGHT? - UH, 11:40. 322 00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:38,125 - WELL, THAT'S PLENTY TIME TO TAKE KALI OUT FOR ME, MAN. 323 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,359 - NO, IT'S NOT PLENTY OF TIME. - GET HER HOT FOR A NIGGA. 324 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:40,861 - NOT PLENTY AT ALL. - COME ON, MAN. 325 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,462 DO ME A SOLID. TAKE ONE OF MY WHIPS. 326 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,331 - THAT'S TEMPTING, WOULD THAT I COULD, BUT I CAN'T. 327 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:45,532 MY HANDS ARE TIED. - WHAT YOU GONNA DO, 328 00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,034 GO TO A FUCKING AIRPORT, 329 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,568 OR SPEND TIME WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN? 330 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,170 - I'VE SPENT MANY A TIME WITH MANY A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. 331 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,905 - SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? - I CAN'T DO IT. 332 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,006 I CAN'T, I CAN'T. - THAT'S FUCKED UP, MAN. 333 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,507 - I GOTTA RUN. - LOOK, LOOK... 334 00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:55,508 I DID YOU A SOLID WITH FUCKING LITTLE ROMEO, RIGHT? 335 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,177 - AH, NO. 336 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,245 - PUT HIS FUCKIN' ASS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR YOU. 337 00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,913 - I DID NOT ASK YOU FOR THAT. 338 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,181 - YEAH, BUT YOU NEEDED THAT. I FELT WHAT YOU NEEDED. 339 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,950 THAT'S WHAT BROTHERS DO FOR EACH OTHER. 340 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:07,955 THEY FEEL EACH OTHER. FEEL ME. 341 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,890 - ALL RIGHT, A QUICK BITE, BUT THAT'S IT. 342 00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,091 - HEY, THAT'S ALL I'M FUCKING ASKING FOR. 343 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,093 NIGGA, WHAT? SHIT... 344 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,328 - ALL RIGHT, OKAY. - BUT YO. 345 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,397 KEEP YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' PAWS OFF HER, MOODY. 346 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:20,934 AND YOUR FUCKIN' PENIS. 347 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,535 - ALL RIGHT. - I'M SERIOUS, MAN. 348 00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,237 - I HEARD THAT. - I'M SERIOUS, MAN. 349 00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,606 - NO, I HEARD THAT. - YOU BE PLAYING TOO MUCH, YO. 350 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,341 YOU GOT IT? - COMMUNICATION DELIVERED. 351 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,977 - ALL RIGHT, COME ON. 352 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,945 I GOT THIS FUCKIN' CADDY WITH THE HYDRAULICS. 353 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,513 THIS SHIT'S GONNA BE LIKE, "BONG-BONG!" 354 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:34,514 - BONG-BONG. 355 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,084 [Stuart crying] 356 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:43,556 - [crying] 357 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,130 [knocking] 358 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,207 - I'M SO SORRY. YOU MUST BE GOING NUTS. 359 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,075 [sobbing] 360 00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,977 - CHARLIE, I CAN'T BREATHE. 361 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,578 I CAN'T BREATHE. 362 00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:09,349 [crying continues] 363 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:12,152 [crying stops] 364 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:18,525 [meditative music] 365 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:26,499 * 366 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:38,611 - HMM. 367 00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:41,148 I'M SORRY, CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK? 368 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,983 - NO, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO. 369 00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,384 - NO! 370 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:47,020 NO, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T GO. 371 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,021 - [sighs] 372 00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,122 - PLEASE... 373 00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:52,159 - OKAY. 374 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:55,695 [dance music] 375 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,497 * BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM 376 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,566 * 377 00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,034 * I WANT YOU I WANT YOU 378 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,569 * I NEED YOU I NEED YOU 379 00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,537 * GOTTA HAVE YOU * GOTTA HAVE YOU 380 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,706 * HAVE YOU * HAVE YOU 381 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,441 * I WANT YOU * I WANT YOU 382 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,577 * I NEED YOU * I NEED YOU 383 00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,645 - YEAH, THIS NOT EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND. 384 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:15,648 - I'M SURE, BUT WHATEVER YOU HAD IN MIND IS SOMETHING I PROBABLY 385 00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:18,451 COULDN'T STAND FOR LONGER THAN FIVE MINUTES, SO... 386 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,320 THIS WILL HAVE TO DO. 387 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,055 - YOU LIKE TORTURING ME, DON'T YOU? 388 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,157 - I DO. VERY MUCH SO. 389 00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,559 - HEY, DON'T DO THAT. - DO WHAT? 390 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,195 - DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT AND TALK LIKE THAT. 391 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:30,063 IT MAKES MY WEINER FEEL WEIRD. 392 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:33,166 - WELL, WE WOULDN'T WANT THAT, NOW, WOULD WE? 393 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,036 - [groans] 394 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,241 - WHAT WAS THAT? - SELF PRESERVATION. 395 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,610 I WAS WARNED NOT TO PUT MY HANDS ON YOU. 396 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,712 - WELL WHAT IF I WANT YOUR HANDS ON ME? 397 00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:48,448 - YOU'RE SHIT OUT OF LUCK. THEY'RE GONE. 398 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:49,749 ARMS TOO. BLOWN OFF IN THE WAR. 399 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,351 I'M NOTHING BUT A TORSO NOW. 400 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,753 OH YEAH, LAUGH. LAUGH AT THE TORSO GUY. 401 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,655 YOU'RE A MEAN AND VICIOUS WOMAN. 402 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,590 - YOU KNOW HE DOESN'T OWN ME. 403 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,626 - YEAH? WELL, BE THAT AS IT MAY, 404 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:02,229 HE DOES SEEM LIKE THE JEALOUS TYPE. 405 00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,664 - THAT IS ONE WAY TO PUT IT. 406 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:09,136 HE ALMOST CHOPPED OFF ONE OF HIS BODYGUARD'S FINGERS 407 00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,204 FOR LOOKING AT ME IN AN IMPURE MANNER. 408 00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:14,107 - LIKE THERE'S ANY OTHER WAY TO LOOK AT YOU. 409 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,043 - OKAY. 410 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,045 SO THAT'S WHEN I TELL YOU DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT. 411 00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,779 'CAUSE I MIGHT HAVE TO PUT HANDS ON YOU. 412 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,182 - MM-HMM. - MM-HMM. 413 00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,451 - SO HE'S CRAZY... 414 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,586 AND YOU'RE CRAZY BEAUTIFUL. 415 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:30,023 WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU? 416 00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:33,326 - WELL, HE DISCOVERED ME, 417 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,095 AND HE SIGNED ME TO HIS LABEL, 418 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,164 AND HE'S PRODUCING MY ALBUM. 419 00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,699 - AND THAT'S IT? 420 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,569 - NO. 421 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:45,738 YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE EXCLUSIVE TO EACH OTHER. 422 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,408 - MM-HMM. - MM-HMM. 423 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,810 - I HONESTLY CAN'T EVEN COUNT HOW MANY BABYMAMAS HE'S GOT. 424 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,712 - OH, THAT SOUNDS COMPLICATED. 425 00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:57,784 I LIKE TO KEEP IT SIMPLE. I ONLY HAVE THE ONE BABYMAMA. 426 00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:00,053 - YEAH. YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THAT. 427 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,488 - MM-HMM. 428 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,822 - DANCE WITH ME. - NO. 429 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,424 NO, NO, NO. - COME ON. 430 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:08,161 - NO. HANKIE DON'T DANCE. 431 00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,597 - HOLD MY PURSE. 432 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,367 - YOU'VE GOT A REALLY BEAUTIFUL PLACE HERE, CHARLIE. 433 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:15,835 - WELL, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 434 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,437 - I'M JEALOUS. 435 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,838 YOU SEEM LIKE YOU HAVE IT ALL FIGURED IT OUT. 436 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:22,575 - [laughs] ARE YOU KIDDING? 437 00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:24,177 I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. 438 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,712 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 439 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:29,849 YOU'VE GOT THIS GREAT KID, A SUCCESSFUL CAREER, 440 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,384 A WORKING AUTOMOBILE. 441 00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,320 - TRUE, TRUE AND TRUE. 442 00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:36,189 I ALSO HAVE A FAILED MARRIAGE, 443 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:39,859 A NUMBER OF TRULY HUMILIATING CAREER TURNS, 444 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,861 AND I HAVEN'T GOT AN OUNCE OF LOVE IN MY LIFE. 445 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,297 - HMM, JOIN THE CLUB. 446 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:48,335 - COME ON. A BEAUTIFUL GIRL LIKE YOU? 447 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,203 I BET YOU HAVE YOUR PICK OF THE LITTER. 448 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,704 - OF CREEPS, YES. 449 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,806 ANY CREEP I WANT IS MINE FOR THE TAKING. 450 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,209 IT'S HARD TO FIND A NICE GUY IN L.A., 451 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,111 AND I'M NOT BEAUTIFUL. 452 00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,346 - REALLY? - HMM. 453 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,481 - YOU'RE INSANE. 454 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:04,484 - AND YOU'RE SWEET. BUT I DON'T REALLY FIT THE MOLD. 455 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,253 DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I REALLY BELONG HERE. 456 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,754 I MEAN, I WANT TO WRITE CHILDREN'S BOOKS, 457 00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,789 NOT SCREENPLAYS. - WAIT A SECOND. 458 00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,458 DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE WORKING YOUR WAY 459 00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,293 THROUGH COOKING SCHOOL? 460 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,428 - YEAH, THAT'S THE OTHER THING. I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND. 461 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:18,631 I WANT TO BE SOMEONE NEW EVERY OTHER WEEK. 462 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,743 - YOU LIKE THAT? TELL ME YOU LIKE IT. 463 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,813 TELL ME YOU WANT CHARLIE'S DIRTY FINGERS INSIDE YOUR PUDDING. 464 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,548 - NO, CHARLIE. 465 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:36,649 I WON'T TELL YOU THAT, AND I DON'T LIKE IT. 466 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,385 - WHAT? 467 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:41,488 - YOU KIND OF JUST FINGER BLASTED ME OUT OF NOWHERE. 468 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:44,224 - I KNOW, I KNOW. I'M SORRY. 469 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,658 - LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO, 470 00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,794 OR WHAT KIND OF PORN YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING, 471 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,829 BUT GIRLS IN THE REAL WORLD, WE DON'T GO FROM KISSING 472 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,532 TO FINGER BANGING IN A MATTER OF SECONDS. 473 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,634 - YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 474 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:59,406 I'VE BEEN WATCHING SO MUCH PORN ON THE INTERNET LATELY. 475 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,741 AND I'VE BEEN SEEKING SO MUCH SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, 476 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:04,277 THAT IT'S LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO RELATE 477 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,578 TO REAL WOMEN ANYMORE. 478 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,447 - CLEARLY. 479 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,783 - YEAH, IT'S AS IF GOING ATM HAS BECOME DE RIGUEUR. 480 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,253 - UM...WHAT-- 481 00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,887 - ASS TO MOUTH. 482 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,956 - OH, THAT'S NOT GOOD. - I KNOW. 483 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,925 - NO, I MEAN YOU COULD GET AN INFECTION. 484 00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:23,296 - I KNOW. BEEN THERE. 485 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:26,566 [dance music] 486 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:34,574 * 487 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:38,845 - OH, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? 488 00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:44,317 - HEY, WHO'S THIS CLOWN? 489 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,852 - JUST SOME OLD GUY FROM EARLIER WHO KEEPS HITTING ON ME. 490 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:49,489 SAID HE'D GIVE ME $30 FOR A HAND JOB. 491 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,558 - OH, ARE WE PLAYING THAT GAME NOW, ARE WE? 492 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,992 - YO, PAL... 493 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,961 WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A WALK SOMEWHERE? 494 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:57,530 - WHY DON'T YOU JUST KISS MY TURD CUTTER, LITTLE LUMBERJACK? 495 00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:59,666 - OKAY. SO WHAT'S UP? 496 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,468 - OH, NO. - YOU WANNA GET HIT? 497 00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:03,903 - YOU WANNA DRY THUMB UP THE ASS? 498 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,405 YOU HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT, RIGHT? 499 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:06,406 - YOU WANNA JUST GET OUT OF HERE? 500 00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:07,507 - NO, NO, NO. COME... 501 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,908 - GLADLY. - NO, NO, NO. 502 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,677 - YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. - WHY NOT? 503 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,479 - 'CAUSE I'M IN CHARGE OF GETTING YOU HOME SAFELY. 504 00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:13,813 - NO, I'M IN CHARGE OF GETTING ME HOME SAFELY. 505 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,615 - NOW YOU'RE JUST SPLITTING HAIRS. 506 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,016 LITTLE HAIRS. PUBIC HAIRS. 507 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,551 - WELL THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 508 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,986 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY PUBIC HAIRS. 509 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,654 - OH, COME ON. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT? 510 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,756 WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE HAIR DOWN THERE? 511 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,326 YOU KIDS TODAY WITH YOUR SELF-LOATHING PUBE ABUSE. 512 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:27,627 WHAT ABOUT YOU, BUSTER? 513 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,796 KEEP A CLEAN PLAYGROUND? - WHAT THE FUCK? 514 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,631 - IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION, BROSEPHINE. 515 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:34,467 - BROSEPH--YEAH, YEAH, OF COURSE, EVERYONE DOES. 516 00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:36,769 - AH... [coughs] HOMO. 517 00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:38,371 - SAY WHAT? - [laughs] 518 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:40,373 - WHAT? 519 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:42,509 - YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE HAVING BETTER SEX THAN YOUR PARENTS? 520 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,911 YOU THINK THAT YOUR FATHER LOVED YOUR MOTHER'S BEAUTIFUL PUSSY 521 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,713 ANY LESS BECAUSE SHE HAD MORE HAIR DOWN THERE? 522 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,381 - DON'T BE TALKING ABOUT MY MOM'S PUSSY. 523 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,016 - WHAT? I SAID IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, MAN. 524 00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:51,851 - [groans] - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 525 00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,953 - [groaning] 526 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,788 [indistinct chatter] 527 00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:57,990 - WHOO! OH, SORRY. [laughs] 528 00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:07,800 - NOW THIS IS MORE LIKE IT. 529 00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,936 - I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GAVE THAT GUY A TITTY-TWISTER. 530 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:12,372 - MM... 531 00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:15,475 THE TITTY-TWISTER IS FROWNED UPON IN SOME CIRCLES, 532 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:19,746 BUT IT'S ACTUALLY A REMARKABLY EFFECTIVE STREET-FIGHTING TOOL. 533 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,682 AND IT CAN DIFFUSE A POTENTIALLY INCENDIARY SITUATION. 534 00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:24,016 AND IT PROVOKES LAUGHTER. 535 00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:25,652 YOU SEE THAT? WHAT'D I TELL YOU? 536 00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:29,055 - [laughs] OH, GOSH. 537 00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,423 [sighs] I'M HAVING FUN. 538 00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:31,724 - WELL, OF COURSE YOU ARE. 539 00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:33,626 I KNOW HOW TO SHOW A GIRL A GOOD TIME. 540 00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,595 A FEW DRINKS, SOME DANCING, A LITTLE TITTY-TWISTING, 541 00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:37,597 TOSS A FEW BURGERS DOWN OUR THROAT. 542 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,732 GET HER HOME BEFORE THIS LOWRIDER TURNS BACK 543 00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:43,436 INTO A PUMPKIN. BONG-BONG. 544 00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:46,739 - THIS IS AMAZING. - THAT? 545 00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:49,709 BARGAIN BASEMENT PROMISE LAND? - UM. 546 00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:53,746 - SAY WHAT YOU WANT, BUT THIS IS WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE. 547 00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:57,584 - OR COME TO DIE. WHERE YOU FROM? 548 00:21:57,617 --> 00:22:00,553 - BORN AND BRED IN THE BRONX. 549 00:22:00,587 --> 00:22:01,988 - THE BRONX. - MM-HMM. 550 00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:03,590 - WELL, THAT'S AN AMAZING PLACE.... 551 00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:05,725 - YEAH. - TO BE FROM. 552 00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:08,027 - WELL HOW MANY OF US MAKE IT FROM THERE TO HERE? 553 00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:09,829 - DOESN'T MATTER. YOU DID. 554 00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:13,433 - WE'LL SEE HOW LONG I LAST. - I HEARD YOUR MUSIC. 555 00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:16,569 I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 556 00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:22,875 - SO... YOU LEAVE TONIGHT. 557 00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:24,877 - YES SIRREE MA'AM. 558 00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:26,646 - LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. - MM-HMM. 559 00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:28,781 - IF YOU'RE LEAVING TONIGHT, LIKE, THIS VERY NIGHT... 560 00:22:28,815 --> 00:22:30,383 - YEAH. 561 00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:35,054 - WHAT'S THE HARM IN A GOOD-BYE KISS? 562 00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:37,490 - WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, IT'S HARD TO SEE THE HARM. 563 00:22:37,524 --> 00:22:39,692 - I KNOW, RIGHT? 564 00:22:39,726 --> 00:22:45,164 - MAYBE JUST ONE. - OH, YES. OF COURSE. 565 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:48,167 [groovy music] 566 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:56,142 * 567 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,094 - [laughing] 568 00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,929 [gasps] 569 00:23:16,963 --> 00:23:19,666 - WHAT THE FUCK YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF NOW, MOTHERFUCKER? 570 00:23:19,699 --> 00:23:21,200 - UH... - COME ON! 571 00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:25,505 - SANTA MONICA COP CANNOT BE MY LAST CREDIT. 572 00:23:25,538 --> 00:23:28,675 - [laughs] - OH, MY GOD. 573 00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:30,510 - I'M JUST FUCKIN' WITH YOU, MOODY. 574 00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:32,011 - FUNNY HOW AT PEACE I WAS WITH IT. 575 00:23:32,044 --> 00:23:35,715 - YEAH, WELL YOU SEEMED LIKE YOU WERE REALLY RELAXED. 576 00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,484 - WHAT'S UP, MAMA? 577 00:23:37,517 --> 00:23:39,051 - MAN, THE FUCKING SCRIPT WAS OFF THE CHARTS, HOMIE. 578 00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:40,520 - YOU LIKE IT? 579 00:23:40,553 --> 00:23:42,054 - LIKE IT? NIGGA, I LOVE IT, MAN. 580 00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:44,457 MADE ME ONE BAD-ASS MOTHERFUCKER. 581 00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:46,025 I'LL BE ABLE TO WALK ON THAT SET WITH CONFIDENCE, DUDE. 582 00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:48,795 MY DICK JUST SWINGING EVERYWHERE, MAN. 583 00:23:48,828 --> 00:23:51,163 THANK YOU, MOODY. 584 00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:53,032 - YOU'RE WELCOME, CALVIN. 585 00:23:53,065 --> 00:23:54,901 - HE SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME, MAMA? 586 00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,068 - YEAH, IT WAS ALL RIGHT. 587 00:23:56,102 --> 00:23:59,238 KIND OF LIMITED, BORING WHITE GUY. 588 00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:02,008 - GUILTY AS CHARGED. 589 00:24:06,713 --> 00:24:07,714 - Y'ALL TWO MOTHERFUCKERS KNOCKED BOOTS, MAN? 590 00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:08,781 WHAT THE FUCK? 591 00:24:08,815 --> 00:24:09,949 - BABE, I MEAN HONESTLY, COME ON. 592 00:24:09,982 --> 00:24:11,250 I MEAN, THIS GUY? ARE YOU SERIOUS? 593 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:12,752 - WELL, WAY TO KNOCK A GUY 594 00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:16,756 WHEN HE'S GOT A GUN TO HIS THROAT. 595 00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:19,258 - [laughs] 596 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,760 I'M JUST FUCKING WITH YOU, BRO. 597 00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,194 I CAN'T STOP FUCKING WITH YOU, MAN. 598 00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:24,230 - HA HA HA. - I'M IN CHARACTER. 599 00:24:24,263 --> 00:24:26,566 - UNDERSTOOD. 600 00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:28,801 - YOU GOT A FLIGHT TO CATCH, RIGHT? 601 00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,503 - MOS DEF. 602 00:24:30,537 --> 00:24:32,104 SORRY. 603 00:24:32,138 --> 00:24:34,707 I DO HAVE A FLIGHT TO CATCH. 604 00:24:34,741 --> 00:24:36,142 - SAFE TRAVELS. 605 00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:37,977 - SEE YOU AROUND, HANK. 606 00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:40,112 - YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT WHOLE BECOMING A STAR THING. 607 00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:41,948 - AH, THANK YOU, AND GOOD LUCK WITH THAT WHOLE 608 00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:43,716 KEEPING IT SIMPLE THING. 609 00:24:43,750 --> 00:24:46,185 - AH, SPEAKING OF WHICH, LOOK. IT'S FROM THE BABYMAMA. 610 00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:48,020 - AH, SHIT, I GOT A LOT OF THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS. 611 00:24:48,054 --> 00:24:49,822 - YEAH, HOW MANY? 612 00:24:49,856 --> 00:24:51,057 - SHIT, I'M NOT SURE. I GOT IT WRITTEN DOWN SOMEWHERE. 613 00:24:51,090 --> 00:24:55,595 - YES. - HELLO. 614 00:24:55,628 --> 00:24:57,229 - HEY. 615 00:24:57,263 --> 00:24:59,899 - WHERE IS SHE? 616 00:24:59,932 --> 00:25:03,302 - SHE'S IN HER ROOM. SHE WON'T COME OUT. 617 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:07,139 I MEAN, I HAVEN'T SEEN HER THIS UPSET SINCE...EVER. 618 00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:10,009 - YOU'RE BURYING THE LEAD. - WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING. 619 00:25:10,042 --> 00:25:13,613 - THIS IS GOOD NEWS. THEY BROKE UP. HE'S GONE. 620 00:25:13,646 --> 00:25:15,615 - YEAH, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE 621 00:25:15,648 --> 00:25:17,016 WHEN SHE'S THIS UPSET. 622 00:25:17,049 --> 00:25:19,251 HE WAS CHEATING ON HER, HANK. 623 00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:22,021 - YOU'RE KIDDING. I'LL ALERT THE MEDIA. 624 00:25:22,054 --> 00:25:25,992 - NICE. - WHY WOULD HE TELL HER THAT? 625 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:30,697 - I DON'T KNOW. 626 00:25:30,730 --> 00:25:32,632 THESE THINGS, THEY-- 627 00:25:32,665 --> 00:25:37,604 THEY HURT, YOU KNOW? 628 00:25:37,637 --> 00:25:40,172 - I KNOW. 629 00:25:40,206 --> 00:25:42,775 [knocking] 630 00:25:42,809 --> 00:25:44,977 - CAN I COME IN OR ARE VISITING HOURS OVER? 631 00:25:45,011 --> 00:25:48,981 - SHUT UP. - THERE'S MY GIRL. 632 00:25:49,015 --> 00:25:53,185 - YOU CAN COME IN, BUT YOU BETTER NOT GLOAT. 633 00:25:53,219 --> 00:25:55,922 - GLOAT? ME? 634 00:25:55,955 --> 00:25:57,857 NEVER. 635 00:25:57,890 --> 00:26:00,993 - PLEASE, YOU HATED HIM. - YES, I DID. 636 00:26:01,027 --> 00:26:02,829 BUT I HATE EVERYBODY. 637 00:26:02,862 --> 00:26:04,764 AND YOU'VE GOT A TOUGH ROAD AHEAD OF YOU. 638 00:26:04,797 --> 00:26:08,000 NOBODY'S GONNA BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY LITTLE GIRL. 639 00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:13,039 - GUESS I FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHY MOM 640 00:26:13,072 --> 00:26:15,675 PUT UP WITH YOUR SHIT FOR SO LONG. 641 00:26:15,708 --> 00:26:18,945 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 642 00:26:18,978 --> 00:26:23,182 - HE'S AN ASSHOLE AND I HATE HIS STINKING GUTS RIGHT NOW. 643 00:26:23,215 --> 00:26:26,953 BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I DON'T LOVE HIM. 644 00:26:26,986 --> 00:26:31,691 - YEAH. I GET THAT. 645 00:26:31,724 --> 00:26:35,628 - AND HE WAS A GREAT LOVER. 646 00:26:35,662 --> 00:26:40,232 - [gags] THAT'S GROSS, HONEY. 647 00:26:40,266 --> 00:26:42,702 - SORRY. 648 00:26:42,735 --> 00:26:44,971 THOUGHT I WAS TALKING TO A FRIEND FOR A MINUTE THERE. 649 00:26:45,004 --> 00:26:47,239 - YEAH, NO, YOU ARE, AND THAT'S A GREAT COMPLIMENT. 650 00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:51,277 BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS GRODY. 651 00:26:51,310 --> 00:26:53,846 - HAVE TO HAND IT TO THE GUY, THOUGH. 652 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,315 HE WAS HONEST. 653 00:26:56,348 --> 00:27:00,887 - OKAY, THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT? 654 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,389 IN A TOTALLY SOUL-CRUSHING, HEART-BREAKING 655 00:27:03,422 --> 00:27:06,826 KIND OF WAY, SURE. 656 00:27:06,859 --> 00:27:10,096 HE FESSED UP TO BEING A LYING, CHEATING, 657 00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:12,665 SKULLDUGGEROUS LITTLE MANWHORE. 658 00:27:19,739 --> 00:27:21,373 - COME ON, LET'S GO. 659 00:27:21,407 --> 00:27:23,409 WE'LL GO TO THE CANALS. WE'LL WALK ON THE CANALS. 660 00:27:23,442 --> 00:27:25,444 REMEMBER WE USED TO DO THE SHIT OUT OF THAT WHEN YOU WERE A KID. 661 00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,313 IT'S LIKE PENICILLIN FOR THE LOVELORN. 662 00:27:27,346 --> 00:27:30,349 COME ON. COME ON, LET'S GO. 663 00:27:30,382 --> 00:27:32,018 - DON'T YOU HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH? 664 00:27:32,051 --> 00:27:34,386 - I CAN ALWAYS GET ONE TOMORROW. 665 00:27:34,420 --> 00:27:36,856 OR THE NEXT DAY, OR THE NEXT DAY. 666 00:27:36,889 --> 00:27:39,158 THERE'S NO PLACE I'D RATHER BE. 667 00:27:39,191 --> 00:27:45,164 - * THE OTHER END I'LL BE WAITING THERE FOR YOU * 668 00:27:45,197 --> 00:27:47,834 * YOU ARE NOT ALONE 669 00:27:47,867 --> 00:27:49,168 - I'M SORRY, SWEETIE. 670 00:27:49,201 --> 00:27:52,371 - * YOU ARE NOT ALONE 671 00:27:58,377 --> 00:28:02,048 * JUST REACH OUT YOUR HAND 672 00:28:02,081 --> 00:28:05,051 * AND I WILL PULL YOU THROUGH * 673 00:28:05,084 --> 00:28:11,023 * AT THE OTHER END I'LL BE WAITING THERE FOR YOU * 674 00:28:11,057 --> 00:28:13,993 * YOU ARE NOT ALONE 675 00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:18,197 * YOU ARE NOT ALONE 676 00:28:18,230 --> 00:28:21,968 * IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAT I CAN DO *