1 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:10,211 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:12,146 - I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU SEE US BECOMING. 3 00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,714 - I ENJOY THE CASUAL NATURE OF THINGS. 4 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,316 I'M A CASUAL GUY. 5 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,650 - ASSHOLE. 6 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,786 I'VE GOT KIND OF A BUNNY BOILER SITUATION HAPPENING, 7 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,121 SHE'S GOT A KEY TO MY PLACE. 8 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,455 WOW. 9 00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:22,456 - WHO DAT? 10 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,692 - MY APARTMENT'S ON FIRE. 11 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,694 - I JUST GOT FIRED. - HEY. 12 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,596 ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A NEW GIG? 13 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:33,267 I'M LONELY, I LONG FOR COMPANIONSHIP. 14 00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:34,402 YOU LIKE THAT? 15 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,270 - OH... - TELL ME YOU LIKE IT. 16 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:37,705 - NO, CHARLIE, I WON'T TELL YOU THAT 17 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,373 AND I DON'T LIKE IT. 18 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,575 - I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO RELATE TO REAL WOMEN ANYMORE. 19 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:43,311 - CLEARLY. 20 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,713 I AM YOUR CHILD'S NANNY, WHICH MAKES THIS WHOLE THING 21 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:46,580 PRETTY INAPPROPRIATE. 22 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,182 - RIGHT. 23 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,451 - HEY, TYLER. 24 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,286 - THIS--THIS IS-- THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 25 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,387 THIS IS MY SISTER. 26 00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,756 - YOU WILL TELL HER THAT YOU ARE A LYING, CHEATING, 27 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,425 SKULLDUGGEROUS LITTLE MAN-WHORE. 28 00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:58,659 YOU HEAR ME? - I HEAR YOU. 29 00:00:58,692 --> 00:00:59,827 - HE WAS CHEATING ON HER, HANK. 30 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,329 - YOU'RE KIDDING. 31 00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:04,398 - HE FESSED UP TO BEING A LYING, CHEATING, 32 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:08,469 SKULLDUGGEROUS LITTLE MAN-WHORE. 33 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,070 - WOW. 34 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:20,814 [cell phone text alert] 35 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:29,857 [cell phone text alert] 36 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,225 - YOU'RE BLOWIN' UP. 37 00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:32,226 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 38 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,461 - YOU'RE A FUCKIN' PIMP! 39 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,563 - OH, YEAH, BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY. 40 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:36,697 IT'S THAT CHICK FROM NEW YORK, 41 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:37,665 THE BUNNY BOILER. 42 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,367 - THE ONE WHO SET YOUR APARTMENT ON FIRE? 43 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,701 - YEAH, YEAH, CARRIE. 44 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,436 THE VERY SAME. 45 00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,237 SHE SAID SHE WAS JUST BURNING ALL MY FIRST EDITIONS, 46 00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:44,705 BUT IT GOT A LITTLE OUT OF CONTROL. 47 00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:46,307 - UNDERSTANDABLE. 48 00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,376 THESE THINGS HAPPEN. SHE STILL PISSED AT YOU? 49 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:49,710 - NO, NOT SO MUCH. 50 00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:51,579 IT'S ALL SWEET TALK AND SEXTING NOW. 51 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,447 SHE'S HERE ON BUSINESS AND WANTS TO SEE ME. 52 00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:54,882 - ARE YOU GONNA DO IT? 53 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,418 - HELLS TO THE NO. SHE'S A PSYCHO. 54 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,187 AWFULLY WONDERFUL IN THE BOUDOIR, THOUGH. 55 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,489 THAT'S WHY I KEPT IT GOING LONG AFTER THE EXPIRATION DATE. 56 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,824 - WHAT WAS SO WONDERFUL ABOUT IT? 57 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,327 - JUST THE ENTHUSIASM, REALLY. 58 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,463 YOU KNOW, IT WAS AS IF THE ACT ITSELF WAS REJUVENATING TO HER. 59 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:12,766 IT WAS AS IF SHE WERE DYING OF THIRST AND MY COCK 60 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,435 WAS THE FOUNTAIN OF EVERLASTING YOUTH. 61 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,404 - MM, MUST BE NICE. 62 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,172 I DON'T THINK A WOMAN HAS EVER LOOKED AT MY DICK 63 00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:19,873 LIKE IT OFFERED HEALTH BENEFITS OF ANY KIND. 64 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,642 [cell phone text alert] 65 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,511 - AW, SHIT. 66 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,413 SHE SAYS SHE'S GOT A SURPRISE FOR ME. 67 00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,515 - [chuckles] MAYBE SHE KILLED KAREN AND BECCA. 68 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:29,350 HA! 69 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:31,252 - I'M NOT SURE THAT'S FUNNY, CHARLIE. 70 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,821 - I'M SORRY, SOMETIMES I FORGET WHERE THE LINE IS. 71 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,923 [doorbell rings] - NO. 72 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,259 NO FUCKING WAY, RIGHT? 73 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,327 - YOU TELL HER WHERE YOU WERE STAYING? 74 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,861 - NO. - THEN YOU'RE ALL GOOD. 75 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:57,845 - SURPRISE! - OH, GEEZ! 76 00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,813 - MMMMMM! 77 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:00,881 - MM...OOH... 78 00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:01,982 HO-HO-HO! 79 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:02,983 - [laughs] 80 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,952 - HI. - HI. 81 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,388 - HOW DID YOU-- - I TRACKED YOUR iPHONE, SILLY. 82 00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,489 - UNH! 83 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:09,857 - REMEMBER I FIGURED OUT YOUR PASSWORD THAT ONE TIME. 84 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:10,924 - OH, RIGHT. 85 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,893 YEAH, THAT ONE TIME. 86 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,662 - OKAY. 87 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,564 ARE WE REALLY JUST GONNA STAND HERE WITH THE CHIT-CHAT 88 00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,666 WHEN WE COULD BE FUCKING EACH OTHER'S BRAINS OUT? 89 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,469 [upbeat music] 90 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:29,443 * 91 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,714 [seagulls calling] 92 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:14,522 - [passionate moans] 93 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:17,425 JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. 94 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:19,059 I THINK YOU JUST ADDED SEVEN YEARS TO MY LIFE. 95 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,294 OH, THAT'S MY GIFT. 96 00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:21,962 - OH! - I FUCK IN DOG YEARS. 97 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:27,000 - OH, IT JUST FITS SO NICELY INSIDE THERE. 98 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,537 - HEY, I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE A PLASTER CAST OF YOUR DICK 99 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:30,771 AND THEN MAKE A DILDO FROM IT. 100 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,373 - THAT'S CRAZY. - MM-HM. 101 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:33,607 - AND FLATTERING. 102 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:34,942 AND NOT SO TERRIBLE AN IDEA. 103 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,310 MAYBE YOU COULD MAKE AN EXTRA ONE FOR ME? 104 00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:37,177 I COULD FUCK CHARLIE WITH IT. 105 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,313 - OH, MY BODY RESPONDS TO YOU, HANK. 106 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,749 IT DOES THINGS MY BRAIN SAYS IT SHOULDN'T. 107 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,384 - TELL ME ABOUT IT. 108 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,319 MY BRAIN CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SLEPT WITH AN ARSONIST. 109 00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:47,455 - YEAH. - A BOOK BURNER TO BOOT. 110 00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,623 AM I THAT MUCH A SLAVE TO MY FLESHY MASSAH? 111 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,359 - NO, IT'S ME. 112 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,827 ONCE YOU ENTERED ME THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK. 113 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,029 I BOUGHT THE TICKET, I TOOK THE RIDE. 114 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,632 - I NEVER KNOW IF WE'RE SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY OR NOT, 115 00:04:58,666 --> 00:04:59,633 IT'S EXHAUSTING. 116 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,035 - I KNOW, I'M EXHAUSTED TOO. 117 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:03,671 YOU JUST FUCKED ME SOMETHING PROPER. 118 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,439 I THINK YOU JUST ADDED SEVEN YEARS TO MY LIFE. 119 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,541 - YOU SAID THAT ALREADY. - I DID? 120 00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,809 - MM-HM. - OH. 121 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,878 I'M SO DRUNK ON COCK. 122 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,380 - YOU'RE INSANE, YOU KNOW THAT? 123 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,547 - WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK TO NEW YORK? 124 00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:14,848 - I DON'T KNOW. 125 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,351 I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS WACKY SCREENWRITING GIG 126 00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:19,687 AND MY DAUGHTER'S ALL DISTRAUGHT ABOUT HER ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND 127 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,722 AND THAT MIGHT BE ALL MY FAULT. 128 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:22,923 SO IT COULD BE A WHILE. - OKAY, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. 129 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,592 I GOT OFFERED A JOB HERE, A GOOD ONE. 130 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:27,495 AND I THINK I'M GONNA TAKE IT. 131 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,930 [doorbell rings] 132 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,699 JESUS SAVES. - NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 133 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,434 DON'T GET IT, FUCK ME AGAIN! STAY HERE, FUCK ME AGAIN! 134 00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:34,535 AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! 135 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,003 - YOU DON'T WANNA LIVE FOREVER, DO YOU? 136 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,911 - HI! - HI. 137 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,746 SO WE'RE OFF TO NEPTUNE'S NET. - OH! 138 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:46,814 - FOR SOME HEARTBREAK COMFORT FOOD. 139 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,616 - UH-HUH, UH-HUH, UH-HUH. - MY HEART IS HUNGRY. 140 00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:51,652 - AW, SWEETIE. - CARE TO JOIN US, PA-PA? 141 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,554 - YES, YES, THAT'S A GOOD-- LET'S GO, COME ON. 142 00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,589 - DO YOU WANNA PUT ON SOME PANTS? 143 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:59,059 - IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF WANT, KAREN, IT'S A QUESTION OF TIME. 144 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,761 COME ON, LAST ONE TO THE CAR HAS A ROTTEN CROTCH. 145 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,531 - HI. - HI. 146 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:08,001 - AREN'T YOU GOING TO INTRODUCE US, DAD? 147 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,803 - THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, BECCA. - AW. 148 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:10,871 - AND HER MOTHER, KAREN. 149 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,640 - OH, THE FAMOUS KAREN. 150 00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:15,409 - OH, FAMOUS? - IN SOME CIRCLES. 151 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:18,879 - UM, NICE TO MEET YOU. 152 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,113 - CARRIE. 153 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,650 - CAR--CARRIE, FROM NEW YORK. 154 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,184 - MM-HM, YEAH. 155 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:27,455 - I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T FORGET. I WAS JUST DISTRACTED. 156 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:29,490 I WAS QUIETLY PRAYING FOR AN EARTHQUAKE. 157 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,158 - HANK, THIS IS SO NOT A BIG DEAL. 158 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,526 I'M MARRIED. - OH. 159 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,662 - AND BECCA, SHE'S AN ADULT NOW, SO... 160 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,497 - THIS IS NOTHING. 161 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:37,865 I'VE SEEN SOME SHIT. 162 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,000 - YES--YES, SHE'S SEEN SOME SHIT. 163 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,101 - WE ASSUME YOU'RE OUT THERE DATING. 164 00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,102 - OH, NO, WE'RE NOT DATING. 165 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,604 - YEAH, RIGHT. WHAT SHE SAID. 166 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,806 - NO, I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT HANK'S DAMAGED. 167 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,040 - YEAH. - BROKEN, REALLY. 168 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,108 - MM-HM. - OLD DOG, NO NEW TRICKS. 169 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,777 - [laughs] - YOU KNOW WHAT? 170 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,980 YOU GUYS, YOU SHOULD COME OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT. 171 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,682 - OH, NO. - YES, WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE. 172 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:55,749 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE'RE CELEBRATING. 173 00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:56,917 - DOESN'T MATTER, NOT GONNA DO IT. 174 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,019 - STU HAS OPTIONED RICHARD'S NEW NOVEL. 175 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,521 - OH, WELL, WHOOP-DEE-DOO, KAREN. 176 00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,022 YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE CELEBRATING 177 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,223 OTHER WRITERS' SUCCESSES. 178 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,192 SCHADENFREUDE, BABY. 179 00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:06,727 - COME ON, MARCY AND STU WILL BE THERE. 180 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,161 IT'S GONNA BE FUN. - OR NOT. 181 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,831 [whispers] HELP ME. - [whispers] NO. 182 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,500 - YOU KNOW, UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE TO HAVE DRINKS 183 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,067 WITH A FRIEND OF A FRIEND, IT'S SORT OF A "DATE SITCH." 184 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,703 - OH, YOU SEE THAT? 185 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:16,704 SHE HAS TO MOVE ON WITH HER LIFE. 186 00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:20,040 - NO, BUT I WOULD MUCH RATHER DO THIS, YEAH. 187 00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:23,043 [upbeat music] 188 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,845 * 189 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,879 - I'M SO EXCITED. 190 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,481 I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS. 191 00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:29,049 - OH, YEAH, THEY'RE NOT REALLY FRIENDS. 192 00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,618 I WOULDN'T DESCRIBE THEM AS-- MORE LIKE 193 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,720 A BUNCH OF VERY ENTERTAINING NARCISSISTS. 194 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,187 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I LIKE L.A. 195 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,189 I DO. I COULD PICTURE MYSELF BEING HERE. 196 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,891 - NO. - YES. 197 00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,727 - YOU DON'T WANNA COME HERE AND BECOME A CUNTY GYM FACE. 198 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,829 YEAH, ONE OF THOSE GIRLS THAT COMES OUT TO L.A., 199 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:42,863 JOINS THE GYM, GETS ADDICTED, 200 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:43,664 AND THEN NEXT THING YOU KNOW 201 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,566 THEY'RE... 202 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,702 - OH! [laughs] 203 00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:50,971 YOU'RE FUNNY. - I HAVE MY MOMENTS. 204 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:54,241 - WE HAVE FUN. WE'RE SO GOOD TOGETHER, HANK. 205 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,909 - WE HAVE OUR MOMENTS. - HEY, HEY, HEY. 206 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,545 HEY, YOU NEVER, UH... 207 00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:58,378 YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING, BY THE WAY. 208 00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,948 - ABOUT? - ABOUT MY JOB OPPORTUNITY. 209 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,215 - OH, YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 210 00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,151 I THINK YOU'VE GOT A GREAT JOB 211 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,953 IN THE PUBLISHING CAPITAL OF THE WORLD. 212 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,187 WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE THAT? 213 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,722 - OH, BECAUSE BUSINESS IS CHANGING. 214 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:09,557 PRINT IS DEAD, YADDA-YADDA-YADDA. 215 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:10,824 - OH. 216 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,626 - BESIDES, I COULD BE CLOSER TO THIS. 217 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:13,827 [unzips zipper] 218 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,195 - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 219 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,531 I MEAN, I LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 220 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:18,666 I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH IT. 221 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,133 - I THINK I MIGHT BE GOING STRAIGHT TO BLOWJOB CITY. 222 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,569 - OH, THAT FAR? - YEAH. 223 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:22,402 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? 224 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:25,673 - WELL, MY EYES, THEY SAY NO, BUT... 225 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:28,742 MY DICK, HE SAYS "YEAH, I COULD EAT." 226 00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,277 OOH, I REALLY... 227 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,845 I THINK WE NEED TO EXAMINE 228 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,046 WHAT YOU'RE GETTING OUT OF THIS THING. 229 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,114 [car honking] 230 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,116 - HEY... 231 00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:41,689 - HANK! 232 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,257 HI, YOU MUST BE CARRIE. 233 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,163 - SO... 234 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,800 AM I GONNA LIKE THIS GAL OR WHAT? 235 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,301 - SHE'S VERY NICE. 236 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,004 - OKAY, JUST SO YOU KNOW, "SHE'S VERY NICE--" 237 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,139 - MM-HM. - SOUNDS LIKE A WEIGHT PROBLEM. 238 00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,308 - YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO MEET SOMEONE NICE. 239 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,210 YOU SAID A NORMAL WOMAN. 240 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,012 AND SHE IS THE NICEST, MOST NORMAL WOMAN I KNOW 241 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,580 IN ALL OF LOS ANGELES. 242 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:09,049 - OKAY, OKAY, I JUST-- I HATE BLIND DATES. 243 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,318 - THE WORST. - I COULD STAY HOME. 244 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,754 HEY, WE COULD WATCH A MOVIE OR SOMETHING. 245 00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,255 - INAPPROPRIATE, CHARLIE. 246 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,724 - RIGHT, THAT. - MM-HM. 247 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,726 YES, THAT. 248 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:21,595 - YOU DIDN'T TELL HER ABOUT MY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR, 249 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,163 DID YOU? 250 00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:26,634 - YES, I TOLD HER THAT YOU SHOVED YOUR HAND UP MY SKIRT 251 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,736 AND STARTED TALKING LIKE A SEXUAL DEVIANT. 252 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:29,770 - WHAT DID SHE SAY? 253 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,005 - I'M KIDDING, CHARLIE. 254 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:34,708 I WAS TRYING TO TALK YOU UP, NOT HAVE YOU ARRESTED. 255 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,109 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 256 00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:38,378 SO, UH, IF STEWART WAKES UP-- - I'VE GOT IT COVERED. 257 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,747 I'VE GOT THE TOUCH. - YES, YOU DO. 258 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:43,083 - MM-HM. - OKAY. 259 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,084 ANY ADVICE? 260 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:47,287 - JUST BE YOURSELF, CHARLIE. 261 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:52,092 AND WHO IS THAT, EXACTLY? 262 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:55,863 [indistinct conversation] 263 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,397 - I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST 264 00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,067 TO THE BRAVEST, MOST EROTIC BOOK 265 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,669 I HAVE EVER READ. 266 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,403 BLOOD MOUNTAIN, BY RICHARD BATES. 267 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,773 - EH-EH-EH-EH- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID 268 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,407 ABOUT FUCKING & PUNCHING, WORD FOR WORD. 269 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,910 - AND I MEANT IT, HANK. - AW! 270 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,011 - NO, I DID. I DID. 271 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,646 IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS TRUE. 272 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,047 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, HERE'S TO BENDING OVER AND TAKING IT. 273 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:16,416 HOLLYWOOD STYLE. - OH, MY GOD. 274 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,920 AND THIS FROM THE 19TH WRITER ON SANTA MONICA COP. 275 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,856 - AAH, DOUCHE, MY FRIEND, DOUCHE. 276 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,725 - KISS ME, YOU SUPERCILIOUS FUCK. 277 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,227 - SO CARRIE, I HAVE TO ASK. - YES, KAREN. 278 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:30,297 - HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO NAIL DOWN HANK FOR-- 279 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,264 IT'S A YEAR, RIGHT? - ALMOST A YEAR, YEAH. 280 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:32,866 YEAH, WELL, I WOULD LOVE TO SAY IT WAS ME, 281 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,034 BUT I THINK IT WAS THE SEX. 282 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,368 - AHEM. 283 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,270 - HE UNLEASHED SOMETHING IN ME, YOU KNOW? 284 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,906 SOMETHING PRIMAL. 285 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,041 BEFORE HANK, IT WAS JUST ME AND THAT LITTLE PINK RABBIT. 286 00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,776 - YEAH, WHERE IS THAT PINK RABBIT TODAY? 287 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,377 - SEX TOYS. 288 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:45,345 WHAT'S THE CONSENSUS? - OH, MY GOD. 289 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:46,346 - I LOVE THEM. 290 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:49,683 - COULD WE JUST PRETEND TO TALK ABOUT POLITICS 291 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:52,252 OR THE ENVIRONMENT OR-- AND THEN, MAYBE, YOU KNOW, 292 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,054 END UP WITH SEX? 293 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,288 - KAREN, KAREN, WE'RE ALL GROWN-UPS HERE. 294 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,024 - NO, WE'RE NOT. - KAREN HATES TALKING ABOUT SEX. 295 00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:59,192 SHE AIN'T GONNA DO IT. - I DO NOT. 296 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:01,261 - OKAY, YOU GUYS WANNA SEE SOMETHING? 297 00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,395 HERE WE GO. 298 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,396 SEX. 299 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,397 - NO. 300 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,033 - VAGINA. PUSSY. 301 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,835 - AAH! - BIG HAIRY PUSSY! 302 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,770 [laughter] 303 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,772 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I USED TO BE THAT WAY. 304 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,073 I DID. I WAS REALLY CLOSED OFF. 305 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,743 I WAS BORDERLINE FRIGID, ACTUALLY. 306 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,210 - OH. - [groans] 307 00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,780 - NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT SAYING-- BUT HANK, HE OPENED ME UP. 308 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,348 - HE DOES--YES, YEAH. - HE DID. 309 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:24,918 EMOTIONALLY AND CREATIVELY. - YUP, YEAH, THAT'S ME. 310 00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,453 THE EMOTIONAL SAFECRACKER. 311 00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:27,788 - WELL, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, 312 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:28,822 I FIND KAREN TO BE... 313 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,490 - [whispers] SHUT UP. 314 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,291 - EASILY THE MOST SEXUAL WOMAN I'VE EVER HAD 315 00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:32,993 THE GOOD FORTUNE TO COPULATE WITH. 316 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,895 - HOLY CRAP. - WOW, WELL, THAT'S-- 317 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,063 - SHE'S QUITE FEROCIOUS, ACTUALLY. 318 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,364 LIKE A LIONESS. 319 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,432 - I WANNA GO AND PUT MY HEAD IN THE OVEN. 320 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:40,834 - WILL YOU SAVE ROOM FOR ME? 321 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,803 [laughter] 322 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:46,273 - THE REASON I BROUGHT THIS UP WAS BECAUSE I LIKE THE TOYS. 323 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:47,808 - MM. - MARCIE NOT SO MUCH. 324 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,142 - OH. 325 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:50,944 - IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE THEM, OKAY? 326 00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:53,280 IT'S JUST THAT THE NOISE TAKES ME OUT OF THE GAME. 327 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,048 IT'S THAT... [imitates buzzing] 328 00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,049 OR... [humming] 329 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:57,317 WHATEVER. - [laughs] 330 00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:01,955 - OKAY, SO I TRIED TO CONTROL THE NOISE FACTOR 331 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:05,225 BY SUGGESTING THAT PERHAPS WE INCORPORATE SOMETHING QUIETER. 332 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:06,894 DILDO, PERHAPS. 333 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,996 UH, SHE BALKS. 334 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:12,099 - BABY, WHY WOULD I NEED A DILDO WHEN I HAVE YOU? 335 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,167 - WELL, THAT'S NICE. - THAT'S CRAZY. 336 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,469 I MEAN, BACK IN THE RUNKLE ERA, HOWEVER... 337 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:19,239 [laughter] 338 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,075 I REALLY COULD HAVE PROBABLY BENEFITTED FROM SOMETHING 339 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,544 WITH SOME GIRTH, SOME-- JUST FOLD IT OVER 340 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,780 A COUPLE OF TIMES, SOMETHING! 341 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:27,514 - DON'T SPEAK ILL OF MY BOY WHEN HE'S NOT HERE 342 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:28,949 TO DEFEND HIMSELF. 343 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,517 INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN DIMINUTIVE. 344 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:31,852 THAT'S WHAT I WOULD SAY. 345 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,186 - YOU FILL ME UP, BABY. 346 00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:35,188 - THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT HANK. 347 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,024 - OH, JESUS. - HE FILLS ME UP. 348 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:40,160 - CARRIE, COME ON, JUST-- - WHAT? WE'RE TALKING. 349 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:42,195 WE'RE ALL TALKING FRANKLY ABOUT SEX. 350 00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,563 - YES, BUT IT'S NOT ENCOUNTER GROUP. 351 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,933 YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK QUITE SO FRANKLY. 352 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,301 - THAT'S ALL RIGHT, CARRIE, I'LL TALK FRANKLY ABOUT SEX. 353 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:49,302 YEAH, I'LL TALK FRANKLY ABOUT DILDOS. 354 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,403 I'M NO STRANGER. 355 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,572 A MAN'S ANUS IS AN EROGENOUS ZONE. 356 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,141 - OH, MY GOD. 357 00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:55,242 - THERE'S CERTAINLY NOTHING GAY ABOUT 358 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,443 HAVING ONE'S PROSTATE STIMULATED. 359 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:57,477 - OH, IS THAT RIGHT? 360 00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,079 SOUNDS PRETTY GAY TO ME, BATESY. 361 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,180 SOUNDS ABOUT AS GAY AS TOM HANKS 362 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,049 IN A WHITE SAILOR'S OUTFIT. 363 00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:03,550 - I DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY, HANK. 364 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:06,820 - YOU'VE INSERTED A DILDO INTO THIS MAN'S GAPING BUNGHOLE? 365 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,521 - OH, YOU KNOW ME. 366 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:09,890 [laughter] 367 00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:10,924 - I DON'T KNOW IF I'M PROUD OF YOU 368 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,093 OR ASHAMED OR JUST SAD FOR HUMANITY 369 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,462 OR MAYBE ALL THREE, I DON'T KNOW. 370 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,496 - IF THE TRUTH BE KNOWN, NO SHE HASN'T. 371 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:17,597 SHE'S NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT. 372 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,399 - THANK YOU. 373 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,400 - AND I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH ANYTHING MY BRIDE'S 374 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,102 NOT COMFORTABLE WITH. 375 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,570 - THAT'S NICE, THAT'S NICE. - OH, THAT'S NICE. 376 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,138 - BESIDES, THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. 377 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,474 BOUNDARIES WERE PRETTY BLURRY BACK THEN. 378 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:28,341 - OH, YEAH, THAT WAS THE GAY '90s, HUH? 379 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,310 - [whispering] WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 380 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,245 - IT SEEMS LIKE IT WAS RAINING COCK BACK THEN, WAS IT? 381 00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:33,513 - HEY, I WOULD DO THAT FOR YOU. 382 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:36,884 I WOULD STIMULATE YOUR PROSTATE WITH PRIDE AND ZERO PREJUDICE. 383 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,552 - THAT'S REALLY SWEET OF YOU, THANK YOU. 384 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,454 - OH, COME ON, HANK. YOU'VE NEVER EXPERIMENTED? 385 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,324 NO CIRCLE JERKS? NO TOWEL SNAPPING INCIDENTS? 386 00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:47,160 SWORD FIGHTS, PERHAPS? - [laughs] 387 00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:50,163 - * NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA 388 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:54,234 * NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA 389 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:57,170 * NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA * 390 00:13:57,204 --> 00:14:00,640 * NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA 391 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,911 * YOU'VE GOT YOUR MOTHER IN A WHIRL * 392 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,412 * 'CAUSE SHE'S NOT SURE IF YOU'RE A BOY OR A GIRL * 393 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:06,479 - THAT WAS A PRETTY BIG ONE. 394 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,181 - HM? WHAT? 395 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,182 - THAT SILENCE. 396 00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:12,652 THAT INCREDIBLY AWKWARD SILENCE. 397 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,287 IT'S OUR THIRD OF THE NIGHT, YOU KNOW? 398 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:15,488 - REALLY? 399 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:18,391 UH, I WASN'T COUNTING. 400 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,392 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 401 00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:22,362 I REALLY THINK AWKWARD SILENCES GET A BAD RAP. 402 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:27,434 BECAUSE, UH, WHO REALLY HAS THAT MUCH TO SAY? 403 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,269 - DON'T WORRY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE EXCUSES. 404 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,670 I'M SURE IT'S MY FAULT. - DON'T BE SILLY. 405 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,072 - I'M NOT BEING SILLY. 406 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,174 I JUST-- I'M OUT OF PRACTICE. 407 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,443 I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT ON A PROPER DATE 408 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,111 IN A LONG TIME. 409 00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:39,312 - TELL ME ABOUT IT. 410 00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:40,981 - WELL, HE TOOK ME TO MEDIEVAL TIMES, 411 00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,916 BUT THE GUY WAS A LITTLE HANDSY. 412 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:45,185 I MEAN, HE JUST KEPT PUTTING HIS HAND UP MY SKIRT 413 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,554 DURING THE JOUSTING, WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE. 414 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,924 IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU EAT WITH YOUR HANDS. 415 00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:53,326 AND HE'D BEEN REALLY FINGERING HIS CHICKEN. 416 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,327 - OKAY. 417 00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:56,029 [laughter] 418 00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:03,370 - FOUR AND COUNTING. 419 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:07,440 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, LOOK, WE CAN JUST EITHER, 420 00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:11,044 YOU KNOW, CASH IN OUR CHIPS, GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS RIGHT NOW, 421 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:14,214 OR WE CAN DECIDE TO POWER THROUGH 422 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,149 AND FIND SOME COMMON GROUND. 423 00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:17,517 I'M GAME IF YOU'RE GAME. - SURE! 424 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,186 - WHAT DO YOU SAY? - YEAH, I'M GAME. 425 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,989 I LIKE YOUR SPIRIT, CHARLIE. - OKAY. 426 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,957 SO HOW DO YOU KNOW LIZZIE? 427 00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:25,425 - SHE'S IN MY BOOK CLUB. 428 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,727 - AWESOME! BOOKS! EXCELLENT TOPIC. 429 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,096 NICELY DONE. - THANK YOU. 430 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,497 - HOW DO YOU LIKE TO READ THESE DAYS? 431 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,966 DIGITAL AGE AND WHAT NOT? NOOK? iPAD? 432 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,167 - I'M A NOOK GIRL! 433 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,003 - OKAY, WELL, YOU'RE LOOKING AT AN iPAD GUY. 434 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,237 WHAT ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW? 435 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,572 WHAT IS ON YOUR VIRTUAL BOOKSHELF? 436 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,142 - OH, UH, BLOOD MOUNTAIN, BY RICHARD BATES. 437 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,343 HAVE YOU READ IT? OH, MY GOD. 438 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:44,444 IT IS SO DIRTY. 439 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:47,514 - I SOLD THE FILM RIGHTS. 440 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,482 - YOU'RE SHITTING ME. 441 00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:51,084 - YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK WE'RE LOOKING AT RIGHT HERE, MARY? 442 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,120 I THINK IT'S A LITTLE SOMETHING THEY CALL... 443 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,621 COMMON GROUND. 444 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:55,989 UP HIGH. - OH! 445 00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,590 MY HANDS ARE A LITTLE SWEATY. 446 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,759 - YOU KNOW THAT THE AVERAGE LENGTH OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE 447 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,062 IS ONLY 2 1/2 MINUTES. 448 00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,663 - YEAH, WELL, THAT MEANS NOTHING WHEN YOU'RE TANTRIC. 449 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,065 - I'M WORKING ON THAT. 450 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,466 - WELL, IT'S A LONG JOURNEY, MY FRIEND. 451 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,068 - MM. 452 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:08,901 - WELL WORTH IT IN THE END. 453 00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,237 - LOOK, AFTER A COUPLE OF DECADES 454 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,771 WITH PRIMA-CHARLIE, ANYTHING LONGER 455 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,740 THAN A RAMONES SONG SEEMS LIKE TANTRIC SEX TO ME. 456 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,342 - [laughs] 457 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:16,776 - I HADN'T RELEASED A BATCH IN 14 YEARS. 458 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,246 - EW! - WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 459 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:20,247 - NOTHING. 460 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,015 IT HAPPENS ON THE INSIDE. TELL THEM, KAREN. 461 00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:25,485 - I CAN'T--OH, MY GOD. - SHE WAS INSULTED AT FIRST. 462 00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:26,719 THOUGHT SHE WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG. 463 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,222 BUT GOD DAMN IT, SHE WASN'T. SHE WAS DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT. 464 00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:30,290 - CHECK PLEASE. 465 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,525 - I MEAN, SHE WAS MAKING ME EXPLODE, BUT UP HERE. 466 00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:33,660 - MM-HM. - YEAH. 467 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,328 - EW. 468 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,497 - WHEN WE MAKE LOVE IT IS LIKE A FOURTH OF JULY 469 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,667 FIREWORKS DISPLAY IN THE SCREENING ROOM THAT IS MY MIND. 470 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,535 - I DON'T GET THIS WHOLE TANTRIC SEX DEALIO. 471 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:45,538 SEX SHOULD HAVE A VERY STRICT THREE-ACT STRUCTURE. 472 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:46,739 BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END. 473 00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,676 MAYBE A THIRD ACT TWIST THROWN IN THERE FOR GOOD MEASURE. 474 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,344 - WELL, LISTEN, HANK IS AN INCREDIBLE LOVER. 475 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,046 - OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, CARRIE. COME ON. 476 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,514 - [laughs] - I'M FINE WITH IT. 477 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,515 - SHE KNOWS. - OH. 478 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,118 - NO, YOU AND KAREN HAD A TREMENDOUS SEX LIFE. 479 00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,519 - WHAT? I NEVER SAID THAT. 480 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,787 - I'M GLAD SHE WAS FULFILLED IN THAT WAY. 481 00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,222 A BLIND MAN COULD SEE IT. 482 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,456 IF IT SETS THE BAR HIGHER FOR ME, 483 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,158 SO MUCH THE BETTER. 484 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,394 THERE'S NO RESTING ON ONE'S LAURELS IN THIS HOUSEHOLD. 485 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:10,063 OR IN THAT BEDROOM. - I GOTTA SAY SOMETHING. 486 00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:12,499 MY MAN IS A PRETTY FABULOUS FUCKING LOVER. 487 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,267 I JUST-- I GOTTA PUT THAT OUT THERE. 488 00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,703 WE'RE SHARING. I LOVE YOU. 489 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:17,537 - YOU KNOW, I GOTTA TELL YA-- 490 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:18,771 I COULD EAT THIS WOMAN FOR DESSERT. 491 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,273 - AW! 492 00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:22,175 - CAN WE STOP WITH ALL THIS LOVER BULLSHIT? 493 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,710 THIS IS CREEPING ME OUT. 494 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,578 THE NEXT THING I KNOW ONE OF YOU FREAKS 495 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:29,549 IS GONNA SUGGEST GROUP SEX. 496 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,219 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? 497 00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:34,687 - MM. - MM--CHARLIE. 498 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,189 - MM? YEAH? 499 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:36,789 - I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 500 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,225 - NO, I KNOW, I KNOW. 501 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:39,659 IT UNHOOKS IN THE FRONT. 502 00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:40,727 I ALWAYS GET IT MIXED UP. 503 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,395 - NO, NO, NOT THAT. 504 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,464 NO, IT'S JUST-- UH, I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. 505 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,599 - OH, I'M SO SORRY. IT'S OKAY, I'M NOT JUDGING YOU. 506 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:47,834 - NO. 507 00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:48,868 MM--NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 508 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,503 I-- 509 00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,705 I'M A VIRGIN. 510 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,407 - WHAT? 511 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,808 - I'VE NEVER HAD SEX. 512 00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,277 - NEVER? 513 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,378 EVER? 514 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,813 - OKAY, WELL... 515 00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:04,517 I LET MY FRIEND LINDSAY FINGER ME IN SEVENTH GRADE. 516 00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,187 AND IT WAS NOT NEARLY AS HOT AS IT SOUNDS. 517 00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:11,358 I MEAN, UH, SHE WAS MORBIDLY OBESE AND SMELLED LIKE 518 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,726 MCDONALD'S FRENCH FRIES. 519 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,229 SHE ALSO FARTED IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. 520 00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:18,231 - WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS. 521 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:19,332 - NO, OH, NO! I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY. 522 00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:20,667 NO, I WANNA DO THIS. 523 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,836 I'VE BEEN SITTING AROUND WAITING FOR MR. RIGHT 524 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:28,141 AND I JUST WANT A MR. RIGHT NOW TO DEFLOWER ME. 525 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:30,543 AND LOOK, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, CHARLIE, 526 00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:31,578 THAT'S YOU. 527 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:35,415 OH, I WANT YOU TO BE THE FIRST MAN ON MY MOON. 528 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:39,186 I DON'T WANNA DIE A SMELLY, STINKY OLD VIRGIN CREATURE. 529 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:42,322 - YOU DON'T SEEM THAT STINKY. 530 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,224 - THANK YOU. OOH. 531 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,758 - OKAY, THIS IS REALLY A LOT TO PROCESS. 532 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,161 I JUST--I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS. 533 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,562 - OKAY, WELL, I UNDERSTAND 534 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,630 IF YOU DON'T WANNA DO IT. 535 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,699 LOOK, I-- 536 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:55,335 I JUST--I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. 537 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,237 I WAITED AROUND FOR PRINCE CHARMING FOREVER... 538 00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,206 - YEAH, WELL. - AND HE NEVER SHOWED. 539 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,541 - YEAH. - I HAVE NEEDS, CHARLIE. 540 00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:03,510 - SURE. - DESIRES. 541 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,378 I'M NOT A PRUDE. 542 00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:08,715 YEAH, I'LL-- I'LL DO THINGS. 543 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:11,484 DIRTY THINGS. 544 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:17,690 - YOU'RE BLOWING MY MIND RIGHT NOW. 545 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,327 - RAVAGE ME, CHARLIE! RAVAGE ME! 546 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,962 OOH! OOH! 547 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,897 OH, WOW. 548 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:28,268 [passionate moans] 549 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,503 - UNH! - OH! 550 00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:31,338 OH, THERE YOU ARE. 551 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,972 [British accent] KNOCKING AT MY DOOR! 552 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,040 - UNH! 553 00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:36,509 - I CAN SEE THAT THE KING HAS SENT YOU, MY LIEGE, 554 00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:39,312 TO COLLECT MY HYMEN AND I SHALL BEQUEATH IT TO YOU! 555 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,647 OH, WOW! 556 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,615 THAT FEELS GOOD! - UNH! 557 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:44,817 - OH, ENTREZ VOUS! - UNH! 558 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,320 - PUSH IT IN! GO GET IT! GO AND DON'T BE AFRAID. 559 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,322 - UNH! - AH! 560 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,324 WHA--WHAT'S HAPPENING? 561 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,726 WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LITTLE--? 562 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,896 OH, I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON. YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO ME. 563 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:57,764 I MEAN, HOW COULD YOU BE? 564 00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,899 - NO! 565 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,902 NO, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S JUST-- IT'S--IT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE 566 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:03,936 TO BE SOMEONE'S FIRST. 567 00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:06,606 I'M--I'M SORRY. - UGH. 568 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:07,607 - I-- 569 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,542 I FEEL SO ASHAMED. 570 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:12,545 - YOU SHOULD BE. 571 00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,481 - OH. 572 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,015 SHAME BONER. 573 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,284 IT'S BACK. 574 00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:19,386 - OH, SO IT IS. 575 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,854 - DO YOU STILL WANNA? - SURE, OKAY. 576 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,623 - OKAY? - YEAH, LET'S DO IT. 577 00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:26,025 OKAY. 578 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,760 OKAY, YEAH. 579 00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:30,497 - [passionate moan] 580 00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:34,934 - OW! 581 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:38,371 - AAH! - OW! OW! OW! 582 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:42,542 - [grunts] - OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! 583 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,544 - [exhales] 584 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,545 [grunts] 585 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,480 - OH... 586 00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:50,450 UGH. 587 00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:52,919 - WHOA. 588 00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:55,288 - THAT'S IT? 589 00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:58,458 - YEAH, PRETTY MUCH. 590 00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:00,627 THAT'S HOW A LOT OF FIRST TIMES ARE. 591 00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:05,998 - [crying] 592 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,000 - I DON'T THINK ANAL SEX GETS ENOUGH CREDIT. 593 00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:09,869 I MEAN, I USED TO THINK IT WAS GOOD, DIRTY FUN. 594 00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:11,304 - EXTRA CREAM IN MINE. 595 00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:12,138 - NOW I THINK IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. 596 00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:13,540 I THINK IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING MORE. 597 00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:14,441 INTIMACY. - MM-HM. 598 00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,876 - I MEAN, TO GO IN THROUGH THE OUT DOOR 599 00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:19,446 IS MAYBE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ACT KNOWN TO GOD OR MAN. 600 00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:21,981 - I AGREE. I AGREE. I AGREE. - UH. 601 00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,350 - LISTEN, IN FACT I HAVE A LOT TO SAY 602 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:24,384 ON THE SUBJECT. 603 00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:26,052 - BECCA! THANK GOD. 604 00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:27,754 - HI, BECKERS. - WHERE YOU BEEN? 605 00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:30,056 - UH, NOWHERE SPECIAL. 606 00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:33,326 - NOWHERE SPECIAL WITH WHOM, PERCHANCE? 607 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,027 - IF YOU MUST KNOW, TYLER. 608 00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,996 - NO, YOU'RE NOT SER-- YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS. 609 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,064 ARE YOU SERIOUS? 610 00:21:38,097 --> 00:21:39,332 - WHAT? 611 00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:41,000 - I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT WAS OVER, YOU WERE DONE WITH HIM. 612 00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:43,035 THAT WAS IT. - I WAS. 613 00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:44,704 BUT HE KEPT TEXTING ME, SO I CRACKED 614 00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:46,339 AND TEXTED HIM BACK. 615 00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:47,640 IT WAS GOOD, WE CLEARED THE AIR. 616 00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:49,409 - SO THAT'S IT? IT'S BACK ON? 617 00:21:49,442 --> 00:21:52,345 THAT--THAT'S IT. - NOT NECESSARILY. 618 00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:54,581 - IT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO GET OVER HIM. 619 00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:56,015 WHAT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA GO FORGIVE HIM? 620 00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:57,484 - YEAH. 621 00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:58,918 I WONDER WHERE I GOT THAT FROM. 622 00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:01,454 - HEY, HEY, THAT'S NO WAY TO TALK TO YOUR MOTH--BECCA. 623 00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:02,455 - WHATEVER. - SHE'S RIGHT. 624 00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:03,456 SHE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 625 00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:04,657 - NO, SHE'S NOT RIGHT. 626 00:22:04,691 --> 00:22:06,058 AND EVEN IF SHE WERE, YOU'RE HER PARENT. 627 00:22:06,092 --> 00:22:08,728 IT'S YOUR JOB TO MAKE HER FEEL LIKE SHE'S WRONG. 628 00:22:08,761 --> 00:22:10,663 - THAT'S FUCKED UP. - NO, YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUCKED UP? 629 00:22:10,697 --> 00:22:12,465 IS HER GETTING BACK INTO THE SNAKE PIT 630 00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:14,367 WITH THAT D'ARTAGNAN-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER 631 00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:16,536 WITH HIS HAIR AND HIS FUCKING-- HIS FACIAL HAIR. 632 00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:18,371 IT'S UNSAVORY IS WHAT IT IS. 633 00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:19,238 IT'S NOT FUNNY. 634 00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:20,740 - DO YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? 635 00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:22,141 - WHY? SO WE CAN GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT ANAL 636 00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,010 WITH THE KINSEY REPORT OVER HERE? 637 00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:26,012 - WATCH YOUR TONE, HANK. THE WOMAN YOU'RE DISRESPECTING 638 00:22:26,045 --> 00:22:27,079 IS CURRENTLY UNDER MY JURISDICTION. 639 00:22:27,113 --> 00:22:28,648 - MIND YOUR BUSINESS, BATESY. 640 00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:30,917 WE HAPPEN TO BE TALKING ABOUT A CHILD THAT WE SHARE. 641 00:22:30,950 --> 00:22:33,420 - KEEP IT UP, SWEETHEART, AND YOU AND I ARE GONNA END UP 642 00:22:33,453 --> 00:22:34,053 BACK ON THAT DANCE FLOOR, YOU HEAR ME? 643 00:22:34,086 --> 00:22:35,755 - OH, I HEAR YOU, DICK. 644 00:22:35,788 --> 00:22:38,425 AND I'D BE HAPPY TO DANCE WITH YOU ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, 645 00:22:38,458 --> 00:22:39,759 YOU PANSEXUAL FUCKING WEIRDO. 646 00:22:39,792 --> 00:22:41,761 - LOOKS LIKE I'M GETTING YOUR IRISH UP THERE, SON. 647 00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:43,430 - NO, NOT AT ALL. CARE FOR A DRINK? 648 00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:44,397 - YOU'D PROBABLY LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU? 649 00:22:44,431 --> 00:22:46,165 - I WOULD, LET'S SEE THAT FUCKING MANGINA. 650 00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:49,135 - YOU WANNA EAT MY PEACH, I'LL BUST HER OUT RIGHT NOW. 651 00:22:49,168 --> 00:22:50,102 - GUYS, IT'S REALLY NICE TO BE FOUGHT OVER 652 00:22:50,136 --> 00:22:52,472 BUT, YOU KNOW, LET'S NOT RUIN THE BROMANCE. 653 00:22:52,505 --> 00:22:53,339 - OH, MY GOD! 654 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:54,641 THIS IS NEVER GOING ANYWHERE, IS IT? 655 00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:56,142 - WHAT? - YOU! 656 00:22:56,175 --> 00:22:57,877 YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO COMMIT TO ANOTHER WOMAN! 657 00:22:57,910 --> 00:23:00,480 - CARRIE, THIS IS NEITHER THE TIME NOR THE PLACE. 658 00:23:00,513 --> 00:23:01,914 - ACTUALLY, IT'S KIND OF HILARIOUS. 659 00:23:01,948 --> 00:23:03,883 I CAME HERE THINKING THAT I WAS GONNA TRY AND CONVINCE YOU 660 00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:05,485 TO GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY. 661 00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:06,553 - YOU KNOW WHAT'S HILARIOUS? - WHAT? 662 00:23:06,586 --> 00:23:08,421 - IS THE FACT THAT WE BROKE UP. 663 00:23:08,455 --> 00:23:09,956 AND YOU SET MY APARTMENT ON FIRE! 664 00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:11,991 - OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST PART ABOUT ALL THIS IS? 665 00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:13,893 IS THAT THIS WHOLE TIME I WAS THINKING 666 00:23:13,926 --> 00:23:15,094 THAT THIS WAS MY FAULT. 667 00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,596 I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. 668 00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:19,599 BUT IT'S YOU. 669 00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:20,833 YOU'RE A LOSER, HANK. 670 00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:22,168 ALL YOUR FRIENDS HERE, 671 00:23:22,201 --> 00:23:23,936 THEY ALL HAVE LOVE IN THEIR LIVES, THEY'VE MOVED ON. 672 00:23:23,970 --> 00:23:26,506 BUT YOU, YOU HAVE-- YOU HAVE NOTHING. 673 00:23:26,539 --> 00:23:28,107 - WOW. 674 00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:29,842 CHEERS, THANK YOU. 675 00:23:29,876 --> 00:23:30,977 - CONGRATULATIONS, KAREN. 676 00:23:31,010 --> 00:23:32,912 I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT, BUT-- 677 00:23:32,945 --> 00:23:33,913 - WELL...WHAT? 678 00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:35,181 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 679 00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:37,016 - CARRIE, I'M SORRY YOU GOT HURT. 680 00:23:37,049 --> 00:23:39,018 I THOUGHT WE HAD AN UNDERSTANDING. 681 00:23:39,051 --> 00:23:40,052 I THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD ME. 682 00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:41,788 - YOU FUCKED ME IN THE ASS, HANK! 683 00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:43,590 - OH, MY GOD. - I SWALLOWED YOUR CUM. 684 00:23:43,623 --> 00:23:45,057 - [sighs] 685 00:23:45,091 --> 00:23:48,595 - BUT WORST OF ALL I SWALLOWED YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT. 686 00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:50,196 AND YOU CAN RATIONALIZE IT ALL YOU WANT BY SAYING THAT 687 00:23:50,229 --> 00:23:54,567 YOU WERE ALWAYS HONEST WITH ME, 688 00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:57,570 BUT IT'S STILL STEALING. 689 00:24:14,821 --> 00:24:15,955 - ARE YOU OKAY? 690 00:24:15,988 --> 00:24:17,657 - MM. 691 00:24:17,690 --> 00:24:21,260 JUST LICKING MY WOUNDS. 692 00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:24,497 - MARCY AND STU WILL GIVE YOU A RIDE. 693 00:24:24,531 --> 00:24:26,766 OR YOU COULD SPEND THE NIGHT WITH US. 694 00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:29,802 - YEAH, I THINK I'D RATHER GO NOOSE SHOPPING, ACTUALLY. 695 00:24:29,836 --> 00:24:34,273 - WELL, THAT'S A SHAME. WE'LL MISS YOU. 696 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:36,242 - CHICK REALLY LEVELED ME, DIDN'T SHE? 697 00:24:36,275 --> 00:24:39,979 - YEAH, SHE GOT YOU PRETTY BAD. 698 00:24:40,012 --> 00:24:42,582 - TOOK ME BACK TO SOME OF OUR GREATEST HITS. 699 00:24:42,615 --> 00:24:45,618 - OH, HOW I MISS OUR FIGHTS OF FANCY. 700 00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:48,921 - OH, HOW I DON'T. - [laughs] 701 00:24:48,955 --> 00:24:51,223 YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU AND BATES GOT TOGETHER I WAS KINDA HAPPY 702 00:24:51,257 --> 00:24:53,025 'CAUSE I THOUGHT "IT'S FUCKING LUNACY, 703 00:24:53,059 --> 00:24:54,661 THIS IS NEVER GONNA WORK," BUT IT DOES. 704 00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:57,296 I GUESS. KIND OF. 705 00:24:57,329 --> 00:25:00,833 - IT'S BEEN KIND OF NICE IN A WAY THOUGH. 706 00:25:00,867 --> 00:25:02,669 [sighs] 707 00:25:02,702 --> 00:25:05,004 NOT HAVING TO WATCH YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. 708 00:25:05,037 --> 00:25:06,639 - MM. 709 00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:09,008 - BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE LONELY. 710 00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:10,910 - AW, PSHAW. I AIN'T LONELY. 711 00:25:10,943 --> 00:25:13,279 - YES, YOU ARE. YES, YOU ARE. 712 00:25:13,312 --> 00:25:14,781 YOU'RE LIKE THIS LITTLE BOY LOST. 713 00:25:14,814 --> 00:25:17,083 YOU KIND OF--IT DIDN'T WORK OUT BETWEEN US 714 00:25:17,116 --> 00:25:18,751 AND YOU'RE STILL POUTING. 715 00:25:18,785 --> 00:25:21,721 YOU PICKED UP YOUR BALL AND YOU RUN HOME 716 00:25:21,754 --> 00:25:24,691 AND YOU'RE NEVER EVER GONNA PLAY WITH ANYONE ELSE AGAIN. 717 00:25:24,724 --> 00:25:26,192 - YEAH, WELL, I GUESS BEING IN NEW YORK 718 00:25:26,225 --> 00:25:28,595 MAKES IT EASIER TO FORGET THAT I STILL 719 00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:31,964 LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, KAREN. 720 00:25:31,998 --> 00:25:33,600 YEAH, WOW. 721 00:25:33,633 --> 00:25:36,268 I SAID THAT OUT LOUD, DIDN'T I? 722 00:25:36,302 --> 00:25:38,871 - SO? 723 00:25:38,905 --> 00:25:41,040 I STILL LOVE YOU. I ALWAYS WILL. 724 00:25:41,073 --> 00:25:42,842 TILL THE DAY I DIE. 725 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:45,945 BUT AT SOME POINT I HAD TO CHOOSE HAPPINESS. 726 00:25:45,978 --> 00:25:47,580 I HAVE TO MAKE THAT A PRIORITY. 727 00:25:47,614 --> 00:25:50,650 I MEAN--AND NOW I'M WITH SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS 728 00:25:50,683 --> 00:25:52,051 THAT I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU. 729 00:25:52,084 --> 00:25:54,053 AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN. 730 00:25:54,086 --> 00:25:56,823 - GOOD. [laughs] 731 00:25:56,856 --> 00:25:59,759 THAT'S FANTASTIC. 732 00:25:59,792 --> 00:26:01,928 - SHE'S RIGHT, YOU'RE WONDERFUL. 733 00:26:01,961 --> 00:26:04,230 YOU ARE, AND WHEN WOMEN GET TO KNOW YOU, 734 00:26:04,263 --> 00:26:07,734 YOU KNOW, OF COURSE THEY WANT MORE. 735 00:26:07,767 --> 00:26:10,202 BUT IT'S KINDA CRUEL TO LET THEM THINK 736 00:26:10,236 --> 00:26:13,105 THAT THEY CAN HAVE IT WHEN REALLY... 737 00:26:13,139 --> 00:26:14,641 IT'S JUST NO MORE THAN A HOLOGRAM. 738 00:26:14,674 --> 00:26:16,275 - CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, I'M NOT OUT THERE 739 00:26:16,308 --> 00:26:18,778 TRYING TO HURT ANYONE, KAREN. - I KNOW. 740 00:26:18,811 --> 00:26:21,380 BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK BECCA'S SUFFERING FROM RIGHT NOW? 741 00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:24,984 SOME GUY, GOOD OR BAD, HE'S CHARMED HIS WAY 742 00:26:25,017 --> 00:26:28,988 INTO HER HEART, AND OBVIOUSLY SHE WANTS MORE. 743 00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:30,623 - YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I'VE GIVEN HER 744 00:26:30,657 --> 00:26:32,191 SOME KIND OF HORRIBLE DADDY COMPLEX? 745 00:26:32,224 --> 00:26:33,926 - NO, NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER. 746 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,061 I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU. 747 00:26:35,094 --> 00:26:38,297 WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF. 748 00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:40,633 'CAUSE IF REALLY-- IF ALL YOUR LIFE IS 749 00:26:40,667 --> 00:26:46,238 IS A SERIES OF FUCKING MEANINGLESS...FLINGS... 750 00:26:46,272 --> 00:26:50,109 AND SOME IDEALIZED VISION OF OUR LOVE STORY... 751 00:26:52,845 --> 00:26:54,747 THEN I'M REALLY SAD FOR YOU. 752 00:26:54,781 --> 00:26:56,883 BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE CAPABLE OF. 753 00:26:56,916 --> 00:26:58,317 - YEAH, WELL, WHAT IF YOU'RE WRONG? 754 00:26:58,350 --> 00:27:00,152 WHAT IF THIS IS IT FOR ME? 755 00:27:00,186 --> 00:27:01,688 WHAT IF I'M JUST DESTINED TO SIT AROUND AND WAIT 756 00:27:01,721 --> 00:27:04,056 FOR THE BAND TO GET BACK TOGETHER? 757 00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:11,197 - YOU'LL BE WAITING ON A MIRACLE. 758 00:27:14,033 --> 00:27:15,835 - * FAITHFULLY 759 00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:27,847 * RESTLESS HEARTS 760 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:33,019 * SLEEP ALONE TONIGHT 761 00:27:33,052 --> 00:27:36,723 * SENDING ALL MY LOVE 762 00:27:36,756 --> 00:27:42,328 * ALONG THE WIRE 763 00:27:42,361 --> 00:27:45,698 * THEY SAY THAT THE ROAD AIN'T NO PLACE * 764 00:27:45,732 --> 00:27:47,466 * TO START A FAMILY 765 00:27:47,499 --> 00:27:51,904 * 766 00:27:51,938 --> 00:27:54,173 * RIGHT DOWN THE LINE 767 00:27:54,206 --> 00:27:56,675 * IT'S BEEN YOU AND ME