1 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,880 You're still going up London then on your blind date? 2 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:10,360 It's not really a blind date. I mean, we've been talking for six months on the phone. 3 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:11,720 Just haven't met in the flesh, like. 4 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:14,080 She's bringing a mate, I'm bringing you. 5 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,160 If this mate of hers turns out to be a munter, 6 00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:17,680 that could be it for me and you. 7 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,600 Look, you don't have to come tomorrow. I'll go on me own. 8 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,200 Don't be stupid. I'm not letting you go on your own 9 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:22,320 to meet up with two freaks! 10 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:25,080 Oh, here she is now. Nessa! 11 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,240 This is a nightmare of epic proportions. 12 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,760 It's better than I thought it'd be. 13 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:30,480 I feel like I've known you ages. 14 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,120 Got any johnnies? 15 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,080 I ain't going in there bareback. 16 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,720 We all know what's going to happen, who wants what and what have you. 17 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,760 So why not cut to the chase and we can all get some? 18 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,280 This is so lush. 19 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,280 I feel like I've been abused. 20 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,840 Look, I want to say goodbye properly. Their coach leaves in half an hour. 21 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,760 Stacey! 22 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,800 -Oh! -So, I'll give you a ring. 23 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,400 Why? 24 00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,720 -Well, you know... -Get a life, Smithy. 25 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:56,600 Come on, babes, I'll see you again really soon. 26 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:01,760 Oh my God! 27 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,760 If you say it, I'll say it back. 28 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,480 -I love you. -I love you, too. 29 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,120 (SCREAMS) 30 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:25,080 (BUSY TONE) 31 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,200 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 32 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,760 (SIGHS) 33 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,720 -Hello? -Gav? 34 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,200 Stace? Hiya! It didn't even ring then! 35 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,360 I know! Hiya! 36 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,560 I've been ringing you for ages, you've been engaged? 37 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,440 I was just picking up the phone to ring you. 38 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,320 Oh, my God! We're so in sync! 39 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,240 -So, are you all right? -Yeah, I'm good. What about you? 40 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:59,360 I'm absolutely starving! 41 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,240 I woke up so late and the thing is the sandwich man doesn't even... 42 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,800 Hang on a minute. 43 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:04,240 -All right? -Who's that? 44 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:05,680 -It's Bedmoors. -Good. 45 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,400 -Ask them where this stock is. -Yeah, will do. 46 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,560 -What? -It's a week late. Where is it? 47 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,840 -Hello? -Hiya, yeah, so, Ron, the sandwich... 48 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,800 Gone. Hung up. Ugh! 49 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:22,600 I'll call them back at the end of the day. 50 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,880 Cor, they take the piss down there, they really do. 51 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,680 Who hangs up these days? 52 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,800 I mean, really! Who was it? Was it that bird, Tracy something? 53 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,600 -Stacey? -That's the one. My God, she can talk. 54 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,600 Our last guy, Tony, he could never get her off the phone. 55 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:39,640 She was flirting with him. Giggling. He was married, he wanted to meet up with her. 56 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,400 -Really? -Yeah, look, ring her back, 57 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,280 -ask her where this is. -What, now? 58 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,760 Yes. 59 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,800 And see if we can start dealing directly with Niel, her line manager. 60 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,720 -She's a nightmare. -Yeah, all right. 61 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,360 I met her once, their Christmas party, she was absolutely blotto. 62 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,880 Puked in her handbag. 63 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,360 (PHONE RINGING) 64 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,280 Hello, it's Gavin here from ICB. 65 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,120 -Did you just hang up on me? -No, no... 66 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,800 -I thought you did. -About this order, reference KC3243G, 67 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,480 -it don't seem to have arrived. -So? 68 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,480 -Well, could you look into it as a matter of urgency please? -What you on about? 69 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,040 -Hang on a minute... -What? 70 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,520 Line manager, ask if you can speak to the line manager. 71 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,480 -Eh? -Neil. 72 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,480 -Is Neil around? -What do you want Neil for? 73 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,320 I just think it's better if I talk directly with him. 74 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,080 -Tell her they're not the only ones who sell this stock. -What? 75 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,280 You don't wanna talk to me? 76 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,120 -Gav, what's the matter? -What? 77 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,520 -Tell her we'll go to Andersons. -Why are you being weird? 78 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,120 -I'm not. -You bloody well will! 79 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,840 -Is it 'cause we had sex on the first night? -No. 80 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,400 You think I'm a slag, don't you? 81 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:29,600 -Look, I can deal with this, okay? -You sure? 82 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,240 -Is that what you think I am? -Yes. 83 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,680 -Get on with it then. -Are you serious? 84 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,600 I am, it's just tricky, that's all. 85 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,360 -Stace, sorry. -Do you know what? Forget it! 86 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,280 -You're just the same as the rest of them! -Babe, I can explain. 87 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,600 (PHONE RINGING) 88 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,240 Sorry, love, this machine's closed for cleaning. 89 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:24,680 -What? -Go on, off you go. 90 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,280 -But I'm playing... -Look, love I've got to clean it 91 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:27,560 if I don't clean it I don't get paid. 92 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,880 Now, sling your hook, you pervert, or I'll break your arm. 93 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,320 -All right, Stace? -No, no, I'm not. 94 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,760 It's Gav, I think he's finished with me! 95 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:51,280 You better get in that kiosk. 96 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,120 Sweetheart, will you please phone me? 97 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,400 I can explain everything, just give me a call. 98 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,720 -Still not answering? -No. 99 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:01,880 Oh, mate... 100 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,280 You tried her mobile? 101 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:22,640 What do you think I've been doing? 102 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:23,840 I've been ringing it for the last three hours! 103 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,440 All right, don't get all uppity with me! 104 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,560 (SIGHS) She's just not picking up. 105 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,160 Withhold your number. 106 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,440 I do it with girls all the time, they pick up like that. 107 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:34,720 Oh, that's lovely, that is. 108 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,240 Hey, I don't like doing it, but it works. 109 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:39,600 (SIGHS) 110 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,080 I know what will cheer you up. Have a sip of that. 111 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,240 What do you think? 112 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,480 Er, I dunno, 113 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,120 it's quite cloudy and it's dark. 114 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,160 What about the little kick at the back of the tongue? 115 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,240 -Yeah... -Textbook. 116 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:56,520 -Will you ring Nessa? -No. 117 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,760 -Please? -Absolutely not. 118 00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,080 -Go on, mate. I need you. -No. I can't. 119 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,160 -Hmm? -It's not going to happen. 120 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,520 -Aw! -No! 121 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,160 Are you... 122 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,480 I can't believe I'm doing this. 123 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,200 Nessa? It's Smithy. 124 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:15,840 Smithy. 125 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,560 No, from the weekend. 126 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:21,640 Gavin's mate. 127 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,520 You know, at the hotel? 128 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,400 In the en suite. 129 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:33,080 The toilet brush. Yes, yeah. 130 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,480 Good, thanks. Listen, I'm with Gav, is Stace around? 131 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,720 Okay, cheers. Don't want to talk to you. 132 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:39,800 Right, I've got to go down there. 133 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:40,880 You've just come bloody back! 134 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,480 -I know but I need to explain. -What about work? 135 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,400 It's fine, I'll use my flex day. 136 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,560 Flex day? That was meant for paintball with Gary and Simon! 137 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:50,680 Oh! 138 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,720 Come on, love. No point getting yourself all upset. 139 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,480 What did I do wrong? What did I say? 140 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:11,320 I dunno. But I tell you something, Gwen, this omelette is immense. 141 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,200 Oh, thanks, love. 142 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:14,600 You sure you don't want one? 143 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,680 -Cheese and mushroom? -No, I can't eat nothing. 144 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,320 See, this is what happens when you mix work with relationships 145 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,400 I remember when I was working in Harrods. I got involved with the boss, 146 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:27,240 and I mean the big boss. Crackin' little fella. 147 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:29,480 Used to take me to football every Saturday. 148 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,480 Couldn't do enough for me. 149 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,800 But as soon as he got what he wanted, down there, like didn't wanna know. 150 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,440 Tried palming me off with his son, and he was trouble. 151 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:38,440 Kept texting me every day from his boat. 152 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,600 In the end, I had to say to him, "Oh, back off." 153 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,280 Give him his dues, he did. 154 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,080 I've not heard a peep from him since, and I'm talking years. 155 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,760 (DOORBELL RINGS) 156 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,200 I'll get it. 157 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,280 -Well, look who it is. -Hi, Nessa. 158 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:56,760 -Is she here? -You got a nerve. 159 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,760 -Listen, I can explain everything... -No. 160 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,760 You listen, London Boy. 161 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,120 That girl in there is heartbroken, and whose fault is it? 162 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,200 -Not mine. -Mine. 163 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,160 -It's yours. -I just said that. 164 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:09,600 Oh! Don't get smart with me. I got your number. I know what you're about. 165 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,640 -Got my eye on you. -What's going on? 166 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,240 -Hi, I'm... -I don't need your name, 167 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,760 what are you selling, 'cause I got enough dusters. 168 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:18,280 -No, I'm not selling anything. It's just... -All right, Jehovah's, is it? 169 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,280 I tell you what... 170 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,320 Don't you go picking on this one just 'cause she looks like easy prey. 171 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,560 That was all in the past. The cults and the drugs and what have you. 172 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:28,040 -Look, you don't understand. I'm... -I'll be there now. 173 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,400 Look, are you Mrs West? 174 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,680 Who she is, my boy, is no concern of yours. 175 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,200 What he's selling, Gwen? He's not Clean & Easy 'cause he hasn't got a badge. 176 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,480 -Nessa, please... -Oh, you got her name pretty quick, didn't you? 177 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,560 That's how they work, you see, Bryn. He's Jehovah's. 178 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,480 Oh, well, let's have a coffee and celebrate Christmas! 179 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:46,280 Listen, this household has been very vulnerable 180 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,480 since the death of my brother, God rest his soul. 181 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,560 But you'll have no joy here, so move on. 182 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,760 And don't think about tryin' Doris or the Howellses next door, 183 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,600 because they're Catholic. In fact, you can probably miss 184 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,120 the next eight houses on this side, eh? 185 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,560 -Now, Gwen, who's at number 15? -That new couple. 186 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,600 We don't know them. Give them a try. Chance your arm, who knows? 187 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,360 Infact, who's the chap, the bachelor chap, down at the end? 188 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,200 -Mr Grant. -Stuart! Now, your luck may be in there 189 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,400 and I tell you for why, he doesn't have a tree at Christmas, 190 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,080 you've already got something in common! 191 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,560 Mrs West, I'm Gavin and I'm in love with your daughter. 192 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,800 Gavin! 193 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,840 She never said he was a Jehovah's? 194 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,360 He was stood right there, breathing over me. 195 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,560 See, I didn't even think of that. 196 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,720 I just thought you were breaking up with me. 197 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,320 Why would I be breaking up with you? 198 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,240 I dunno. It's just what usually happens, that's all. 199 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,080 Last chip. You have it. 200 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,760 I'm gonna have to go soon. Sorry, babes. 201 00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,080 (SIGHS) I hates this. 202 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,480 -Can't you just move to Barry? -What? 203 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,360 It's well lush. 204 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,640 Yeah, it seems well lush. 205 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,480 I just don't want us to be apart. Ever. 206 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,080 -Come with me, then. -What? 207 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,520 Come and stay with me a couple of nights. 208 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:15,600 Are you serious? 209 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:16,800 Why not? We'll both take sickies. 210 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,080 What? Now? 211 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,400 -Yeah! -What, just get in your car, 212 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,240 drive about 1,000 miles... 213 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,440 -It's not 1,000 miles... -Turn up on your parents' doorstep 214 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,320 -and tell 'em I'm staying? -Yeah. 215 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,160 -All right! -Great! 216 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,400 Oh my God! 217 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:36,760 This is the maddest thing I've ever done in my entire whole life! 218 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,720 I can't wait to tell Ness! 219 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:42,600 -You ever coming back? -Nessa! I'm back Wednesday. 220 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,840 -Yeah, that's what Carol Powell told me. -Who? 221 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,240 Carol Powell. First best friend. 222 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,800 She met a guy, Jockey his name was. Scottish. 223 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,880 She went up, never came back down. 224 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,840 Haven't seen her since '82. 225 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,760 March 14th. 226 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,880 I remember the date 'cause we'd been to see Gary Numan at St David's Hall. 227 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:03,360 All I know, she could have been sex trafficked out of here. 228 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:07,680 I doubt it, mind. She's bigger than me. 229 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,240 All right, love? Now, I've done you both an omelette 230 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,760 one cheese, one ham, and there's £10 for Gavin for petrol. 231 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,080 -Where's he to? -Uncle Bryn's doing him directions, Mum. 232 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,560 -He doesn't need them. -I know, love. But let him be. 233 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,240 You know Bryn's a giver. 234 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:26,360 Right! We are online. Broadband, see. Quick as a flash. 235 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:29,400 -I'll budge up, you squeeze a cheek on there. -No it's OK, I'll get a chair. 236 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,120 Don't be daft. It won't take a minute. 237 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,720 OK. Crash course. 238 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:39,240 What I've got here is called a route planner. 239 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,280 It's gonna find your route from here back to your front door. 240 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,440 Now, what is your address? 241 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:48,680 -Bryn, really, I've driven here twice already. -Gavin, please. Address. 242 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,240 17 Lime Tree Avenue. 243 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:56,800 Lime... 244 00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:58,760 Tree... 245 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,880 Avenue. 246 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,640 Oh, look out, quite a few here. 247 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,640 -Is that Billericay? -Yeah. 248 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,760 Cheltenham, Doncaster, Hull, Inverness, Solihull, 249 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,080 -South Shields... -Billericay. 250 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:13,640 -Or Swindon? -Billericay. 251 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,040 I thought it would be. 252 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,600 Oh, there it is. Look at that! 253 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,800 Blows my mind every time. Right. 254 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,680 And print. 255 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:29,200 Sometimes, I think of a place just to trick it. It never works. 256 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,440 I got a whole pile of maps dow there I've never needed. 257 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,720 Yeah, the Internet, just incredible, isn't it? 258 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:40,080 It is, Gavin, it is. Provided you remember the one golden rule. 259 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,680 And I tell you what, it took me a while to get my head round it. 260 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,440 What it is, you have to start everything 261 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:50,560 everything with W-W-W-dot. 262 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:51,920 And the best thing to do 263 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,520 is to think of something to help remind you. Like with me now, 264 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:59,160 I think of Whisky With Water, which was my brother, God rest his soul, 265 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,920 my brother's favourite drink. But it could be anything. 266 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,840 I mean, you could say... 267 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,720 Come on, three Ws, em... 268 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:07,680 Women... 269 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,680 Wearing Wings. 270 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,040 No, don't say that, that's a terrible one. 271 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,360 -What about World Wide Web? -World Wide Web! 272 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:20,280 I like it. Like a spider. Hey, that's the ticket! 273 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,120 That's brilliant! You've got it! First class, that is. 274 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,360 (EXCLAIMS) 275 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,600 What is it you do, if you don't mind me asking? 276 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,160 -I work in computers. -Oh! 277 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,080 Oh, isn't he lovely? 278 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,200 He's a cracking looking boy, I'll give you that. Eh, Ness? 279 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,360 He's all right. 280 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,480 -No! -What? 281 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,320 -You are not having toast. -Why? 282 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,360 I can't be doing with crumbs. Not today. 283 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:00,520 But I want some toast. 284 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,520 Do not start, Mick. Please. 285 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,520 Mick? Michael. Will you look at me? 286 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,160 I do not need it. Not today. 287 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,360 What's the problem? 288 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,360 When Gavin brought Stacey back here last night, we were asleep. 289 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,720 The place was a pigsty. There was newspapers all over the lounge, 290 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,720 three pairs of my pants on the radiator. Thank God they were new. 291 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,680 And there was dishes and who knows what in the sink. 292 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,040 Why are you talking like a deaf person? 293 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:23,880 I am not talking like a deaf person. 294 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,600 These are hushed tones. And you should know better, 295 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,720 what with your cousin Keith. And he really is. Don't do the impression. 296 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,560 I wasn't going to do the impression! 297 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,720 -Will you keep your voice down! -What for? 298 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,760 Because the love of your son's life is asleep upstairs 299 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,200 and the least we can do is give her peace and quiet 300 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,320 within the confines of a tidy house. 301 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,400 -Now, I will be doing a family breakfast. -Family breakfast? 302 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:48,320 If you can't wait, you can have Golden Grahams as long as you eat them over the sink. 303 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,680 -All right, Mum? -Morning, my little prince! 304 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,240 Can I get you anything? 305 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,640 -Tea? Toast? -Hang on a minute... 306 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,480 -Mick! -All right, Dad. 307 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,680 Yeah, I'm fine, son, 308 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,760 apart from the fact that your mum's trying to starve me. 309 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,800 Did Stacey sleep all right? 310 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,560 I wish you'd have given us some warning. 311 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,480 Did she say anything about my pants? 312 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:09,160 Don't worry about it, love. She'd never even known they were pants. 313 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,400 She'd have thought they were bed sheets. 314 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,600 (LAUGHING) 315 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,560 Oh my God! 316 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,680 Oh my God! 317 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,480 Now, I've got fresh strawberries, 318 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,360 raspberries, pineapple and melon, 319 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,640 croissants, pain au chocolat and brioche... 320 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:10,640 Where's all this come from? 321 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,680 I was down at Tesco's at five this morning. 322 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,520 Mum, you didn't need to do all this. 323 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,760 Yeah, with all due respect 324 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,160 we're talking about Gavin's new girlfriend, not Princess Di! 325 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,720 You do not mention that hussy's name in this house 326 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,200 and you know that, Michael. 327 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,360 She's coming. Put your paper down. 328 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:30,680 Hiya. 329 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:32,480 I'm Stacey. 330 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:45,080 (MOUTHING) 331 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,720 You all right for tea there, Stacey? 332 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,320 Coffee? Juice? 333 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:52,640 I'm fine, thanks. 334 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,320 (MOUTHING) 335 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,520 -Oh, my Christ. -You all right, love? 336 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:11,680 Yeah, I'm fine, thank you. 337 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:13,240 Right, well, I'm off. 338 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,240 That was terrific. Lovely to meet you, Stacey. 339 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:17,560 You coming to the quiz tonight? 340 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:18,840 Yeah, I'll be there. 341 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,080 Great. See you, Gav. 342 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,640 Mick! Can I have a word? 343 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,040 Oh my God, just hold me! 344 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,200 Hey, what's up? 345 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,200 Can't you see what's going on? 346 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,400 With Jackie Onassis in there? I know, what's that all about? 347 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:44,120 It is evidently, plainly obvious that our son has been beating that poor girl. 348 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,240 Are you mad? 349 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,120 How else do you explain this? 350 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,320 He's given her two black eyes. She's been beaten within an inch of her life! 351 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,200 Don't be ridiculous. Gavin would never do that! 352 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,760 -I've seen it happen before. -When? 353 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,360 Holby City. There was an episode... 354 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,760 Right, that's it, that's enough. I'm off. 355 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,760 And you're just going to ignore it, are you? What if I'm right? 356 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,120 Right. 357 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,040 Gavin! Can you come out here, please? 358 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,560 -Yeah? -Gavin. 359 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,400 Your mother would like to know if you've been hitting Stacey? 360 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:17,080 Eh? 361 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,120 It's all right, my little prince. We can get you help. 362 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,560 Are you serious? 363 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,200 Well, what's with the glasses? 364 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,360 I don't know. She won't tell me. 365 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,440 I'm just as stumped as you are. 366 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,360 I bought them milennium New Year's. Me and Smithy went as the Blues Brothers. 367 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,800 Right. Stacey, could you come out here a minute, please? 368 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:44,200 Babes, we're all a bit confused about the eyewear situation. 369 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:45,720 Please, don't make me take them off. 370 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,640 Are you hiding something? 371 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,440 Yeah. 372 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,360 It's all right, sweetheart. You're in safe hands. 373 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,600 D'you wanna show me... and not the boys? 374 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,280 Okay. 375 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,400 Mick, see you tonight. 376 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,480 Have a good day at work. Gavin, tidy the kitchen. 377 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,160 Me and Stacey are going to be spending a little bit of time in the bathroom. 378 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,120 Come on, petal. 379 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:18,160 OK, darling, this isn't going to hurt a bit. 380 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,360 STACEY: Ow! 381 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:35,640 -Gavlar! -Smithster! 382 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,280 -All right, mate. -Good day? 383 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,760 Blinding. Just took 700 quid for refitting a boiler. 384 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:43,720 Stace, may I welcome you to the Coach and Horses and to Essex. 385 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,800 That's a shocker, innit? 386 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:50,520 Michael, looking exquisite, but not as good as Pam-la. 387 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:55,520 Pam-la, the love of my life, the girl I want to call my wife, but she's taken. 388 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,080 -A spear through my heart! -Oh, stop it! 389 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,160 What's got you in such a good mood? 390 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,760 It's quiz night, Pammy. You know what that means. Free drinks for Smithy! 391 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:02,880 You got the questions? 392 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,320 All up here. Don't you worry. 393 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,800 -Shall we? -Yeah. 394 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,640 Question number seven... 395 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,320 All right? 396 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,280 Um... 397 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:18,360 Who won the Golden Boot, World Cup Mexico '86? 398 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,560 Oh, come on! That's the second time tonight 399 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,360 Gary Lineker's been the answer. 400 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,360 -Oh, here they are! -Oh, come on, we need you! 401 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,520 -Where have you been? -Do you want to tell them or shall I? 402 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,400 I don't mind. 403 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,880 Seven o'clock he says he'll be back and he waltzes in ten to nine. 404 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,240 I was working! 405 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,240 Oh, I'm sorry, Pete. 406 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,280 I thought you was a chartered surveyor. I didn't realise you worked in a brewery! 407 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,680 Oh, leave it out, will you? 408 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,840 In he strolls, reeking of booze, rowing with his own daughter... 409 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,720 Now, now, Dawn, not in front of Stacey. 410 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,400 This is Stacey. 411 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,720 Hiya, Stacey, love. I've heard a lot about you. 412 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,320 Hiya. 413 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:49,880 You make me sick! 414 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,360 Question number eight. 415 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,720 Who took over from Des Lynam on BBC One's Match of the Day? 416 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,720 (CROWD JEERING) 417 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,440 Question 19... 418 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,760 (GROANS) The town of Leicester... 419 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,760 Is the birthplace of... (CROWD BOOING) 420 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,240 Which mass murderer? 421 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,440 -Are you all right, babes? -Yeah, I'm having a brilliant time. 422 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,080 I'm not even homesick. 423 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,880 Stop gawping at them, woman! 424 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:43,560 Excuse me, if I've forgotten what romance looks like, you pathetic lump of shit! 425 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,920 Question 21... 426 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,480 -20! -Whatever! 427 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,480 Pascal Chimbonda... 428 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,320 Moved to Tottenham for what transfer fee? 429 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,120 Summer transfer window, season just gone. 430 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,880 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 431 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,160 Question 29... 432 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:09,640 (BELCHES) Sorry. 433 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:12,720 Who invented the plug? 434 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,160 He has got to slow down. 435 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,520 I mean, I like a drink, Stace, but this is every quiz night. 436 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,880 You wanna come down Barry. We're all like that. 437 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,640 Are you really, my love? 438 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,760 -Is it a pandemic? -Oh, I dunno. 439 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,560 We just likes getting pissed. 440 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,480 You should move to Barry, Pete, did you hear that? 441 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:32,320 Question 30, 442 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,160 is um... 443 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,320 Oh, it's, er... 444 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,640 It's, er...Oh... 445 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:44,840 I know the answer... 446 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,280 Kriss Akabusi. 447 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:49,160 Unbelievable! 448 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,240 It's gone. Forget it. All right? 449 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,760 Whoever heard of a 29 question quiz? 450 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,320 -You came second, didn't you? -Yeah, and what did we win? 451 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,480 Packet of Hamlet! 452 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,080 Night, night, Bamber Gascoigne! 453 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,840 -More like Paul Gascoigne! -Hey, nothing wrong with that, the man's a genius! 454 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,200 Good night, Dawn, I'll call you tomorrow about Thursday. 455 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,560 Are you coming, Dawn? 456 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,560 Are you talking to me? 457 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,560 That's a first! You barely looked at me all night, you ignorant pig. 458 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,280 What? 459 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:17,680 Bye, sweetheart. 460 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,040 -Lovely to see you. -Take it easy, Dawny. 461 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,200 -See you later! -Pete! 462 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:24,520 Ignorant pig, am I? 463 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,520 All bloody night, I sit in there and you... 464 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:30,360 Thank you very much for a lovely bloody evening. That was a real delight! 465 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,760 The thing is, they really love each other. 466 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,560 They'd never look at anyone else. 467 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:35,800 Would you ever look at anyone else, Pam? 468 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,360 Oh, stop it! 469 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,560 -What about your Lucy? -She's not a patch on you. 470 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:43,400 -You've got such a great pair of... -Right. That's it, you. Home! 471 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,640 All right, I'll see you later. Take it easy. 472 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,280 -Right, you can't drive. -I need the motor, I've got to be up at five! 473 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:52,440 You can stay at ours. I'll drive you tomorrow. 474 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:54,320 Cheers, mate! 475 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,640 -Get in here! -Pammy, Pammy! 476 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,720 -Get in the back! -Pammy, Pammy, Pammy, Pammy! 477 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:10,240 Smithy's passed out on the sofa. I ain't moving him! 478 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,560 I've got to be honest, I was really nervous about coming here. 479 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,320 Why? 480 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,440 Well, I never even been to Bridgend on my own, let alone England. 481 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:20,560 I didn't even know where Essex was! 482 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,320 I'm not 100% now. 483 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,480 -Does that make me stupid? -No. 484 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,440 When we was in school, 485 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,840 Smithy thought Spain was in China. 486 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,400 And he's been there twice. That's stupid. 487 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,600 -You're lush, you are. -Come here! 488 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:39,840 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 489 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,480 Just to say, your dad's out for the count 490 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,800 and I'm putting my ear plugs in so let yourselves go. 491 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,080 -Don't worry about a thing. -Night. 492 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,120 (CHUCKLING) 493 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,080 I'm sorry I can't drive you back, it's just bad enough at work as it is. 494 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,120 Don't be stupid, I know what it's like. 495 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,000 Can I see your ticket, please, sir? 496 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,560 I ain't got one mate, I'm just putting my girlfriend on the train. 497 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,520 I'm afraid, I can't let you through without a ticket. 498 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:12,800 Why not? I'm just carrying her bag for her. 499 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,200 Sir, I can't allow you onto the platform without a ticket. 500 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:16,440 Oh, don't be so tight! 501 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,520 I'm not prepared to discuss this any further. 502 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,120 Now could you please move to one side, sir? 503 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:21,800 You're holding up the other passengers. 504 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,040 Sorry, babe. 505 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:31,720 Look, I'll ring you tonight. 506 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,480 No, ring me as soon as you get there. 507 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:36,760 Right, that's enough. 508 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,840 You are currently in breach of security regulations. 509 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,640 Nothing can be passed over the barrier. 510 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:41,840 It was a kiss! 511 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,800 Right. Well, see you, then. 512 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,080 Bye! 513 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,600 Thanks, mate. You're lovely. 514 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:55,880 Gavin! 515 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,160 (YELLING) I love you! 516 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:28,480 Oi! 517 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,120 Stacey! 518 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:32,040 Stacey! 519 00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:33,320 Stace! Stace! 520 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,800 -Gav! What you doing? -Babe... 521 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:38,520 I've gotta say something, and 522 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:43,760 I know it might feel too soon or too rushed, but, for me, it feels absolutely right. 523 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,520 I love you so much. 524 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,840 Look, you coming to my house and... 525 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,120 Oh, I dunno... It's just that... 526 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:58,520 Stacey... 527 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:01,400 -Will you... -POLICE: Freeze! 528 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,440 -What? -Put your hands in the air! 529 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,600 -Hang on a minute! -In the air! 530 00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:08,680 What's in the box? 531 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,240 -I can't really say. -What's in the box? 532 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,840 It's a ring, all right? Just a ring. I'm sorry. 533 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,720 I was going to ask my girlfriend to marry me. 534 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,840 Will you? 535 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,520 Will you marry me? 536 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,560 -Yes! -Stay where you are! 537 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,440 -Can I just get the ring? -No! 538 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:27,600 Oh, sod it. 539 00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,600 All right, boys. Get off me! 540 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,160 Gav! Look! 541 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:34,800 It fits! It fits! 542 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:35,840 Brilliant. 543 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:37,240 (SCREAMS) 544 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,160 ♪ Tell me tomorrow 545 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,800 ♪ I'll wait by the window for you 546 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:51,240 ♪ I'll wait by the big house for you ♪