1 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,240 Tea. I got some bacon on, 2 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,040 d'you want a sandwich or will you have your fag first? 3 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,560 Oh, I'll take the sandwich. Tidy. 4 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,880 -So how you feelin', all right? -Yeah. 5 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,960 Excited, I am. I can't wait, to be honest. 6 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,120 Are you going through with it then? 7 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,560 No more rows on the doorstep or nothin'? 8 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,400 -Mum! Tell him! -What? 9 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:39,280 Jason, stop winding her up, you know we're not to talk about the row. 10 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,040 -It was a little blip, wasn't it, Stace? -(MOBILE RINGING) 11 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,480 Didn't sound like a blip to me. 12 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,360 Hola, Jose, como estas? 13 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,120 -Cheers. -I hope people aren't gonna go on about it, Mum. 14 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,200 We made up and that's all that matters. 15 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,480 Like, I know I've been engaged a lot 16 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,000 but this is my first actual wedding day, isn't it? 17 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,560 I remember my first wedding day. 18 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:59,160 I woke up in Vegas. Didn't know where I was. 19 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,320 Looked round, I was in bed with two of Gladys Knight's Pips. 20 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,280 -Where was your husband? -I don't know. 21 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,920 I still don't know to this day, 22 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,480 -that annulment cost me a fortune. -(DOOR OPENS) 23 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:11,320 ♪ I'm getting married in the morning... 24 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,960 ♪ Ding dong the bells are going to chime... 25 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:18,160 ♪ -Pull out the stopper... ♪ -Let's have a whopper... 26 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,920 ♪ But get me to the... Church on time. ♪ 27 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,560 -Morning. -Good morning. 28 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,680 Aww, Mum, these are so lush, 29 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,040 look at the little bridesmaids' ones! 30 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:41,240 You don't have to do anything to them, they've been treated. 31 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,960 Well, I'll just put them upstairs out the way. 32 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,200 Right, I'm gonna jump in the shower. 33 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:49,000 Yeah, come on, Ness, I've gotta put my veil on. 34 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,400 -Yeah, me too. -You're not wearing a veil. 35 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:52,480 What? 36 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:55,920 (SMITHY LAUGHING) 37 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,480 -What you doin'? -Ey, ey, ey, ey! 38 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:04,920 This ain't for you. 39 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,000 You're not seeing any of this till the speech. 40 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,360 Yeah look, about the speech, it's not too long, is it? 'Cause we're trying... 41 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,240 Hey, if it's half as good as I know it is, it won't be long enough, 42 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,920 they'll be calling for more. I did it for Gary and Simon last night. 43 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,520 Absolutely rinsed themselves. I'm gonna bang this in the car. 44 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:21,000 Mate, it's gonna be all right, innit? 45 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,000 -What? -I mean, she's gonna turn up, isn't she, 46 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:24,360 you know, after the row and that? 47 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,000 Come on, get sat down. What's this? 48 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,280 Pre-match nerves, eh? 49 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,200 Silly sausage. 50 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:36,640 Now look, no-one wants this marriage to fail more than I do. 51 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:41,400 But I look at you, I look at her, you're like two peas in a bag. 52 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,360 Stop your nonsense, all right? 53 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,360 Here, I know what'll cheer you up. 54 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,520 -(LAUGHING) -(KNOCK AT DOOR) 55 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,160 -Pamelar! Good moaning. -What's all this? 56 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,520 Just a bag full of comedy gold. 57 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,240 I'll be back in a minute, mate. 58 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:01,440 (DOOR SHUTS) 59 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:04,840 You look lovely, Mum. 60 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:07,560 House of Fraser. 61 00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,440 Hat costs more than the suit. 62 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:14,240 Come here, sweetheart, let me do that. 63 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:22,280 It only seems like yesterday I was putting your school tie straight! 64 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,200 Thanks, Mum. 65 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,920 (SOBBING) I'll be getting through these today... 66 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,440 Oh, Gwen. 67 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,920 -You got my sling? -Yeah. It's all in here. 68 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,000 You're looking lovely, Ness, very nice. 69 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:53,280 Don't start, Bryn. You had your chance, you never took it. 70 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,720 Come on, we gotta get going. 71 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,280 See you down there. 72 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,360 -You ready? -Yeah. 73 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,880 Give us a drag of that. 74 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:16,480 You're fine. 75 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,120 -(HOOTING) -(LAUGHING) 76 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:21,440 (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) 77 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,960 Yeah, yeah. Er, this is Smithy. 78 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,880 Smithy, this is Jase, Stacey's brother. 79 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,520 -And this is his partner, Jose. -Hello, how are you? 80 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,240 -Right, have a good one! -Cheers, cheers. 81 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,480 If I was gay, I think I'd like to be like him. 82 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:47,880 Yeah, me too. 83 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,040 You? 84 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,520 -Well, you'd have to lose a bit of weight. -Why? 85 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,680 Well, fat gays are like outcasts. 86 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:57,680 No, they're not! 87 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,960 Dale Winton, Graham Norton, George Michael, 88 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,280 who's not in their gang? 89 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,360 -Russell Grant. -Russell Grant's not gay! 90 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:05,520 He is fat though. 91 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,880 Don't do it, Gav! 92 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,480 You'll regret it for the rest of your life! Look at me! 93 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,200 He regrets it! I bloody regret it! 94 00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:13,640 You see what I have to put up with? 95 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,600 It ain't worth it. I'm telling you. Stay single. 96 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,320 Do you know what, Pete? 97 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:19,960 If it's that bad, why don't you just up and leave? 98 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,400 I had me bag packed three weeks ago if you remember, 99 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,040 but it wasn't me on the doorstep shouting, 100 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,080 "Come back, come back, what about the kids!" 101 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,560 We'll have our work cut out with them two today! 102 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:42,440 Now, there's something I gotta give you. 103 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,480 But I won't give it to you if you don't want it. 104 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,160 What? What is it? 105 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,160 It's from your father, it is. 106 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,640 Now what it is, he wrote it three weeks before he died 107 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:01,320 with strict instructions to give it to you on your wedding day. 108 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,320 (WHISPERS) I can't. 109 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,520 Do you want me to read it to you? 110 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,600 "Dear Stacey." 111 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,280 You want me to do it in your father's voice? 112 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,320 With the lisp and everything? 113 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,240 Right. Okay. 114 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:28,080 "Dear Stacey, if you are reading this it must be your wedding day, 115 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:32,280 "but if it is not and Bryn has just left it lying around, 116 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:33,960 "then tell him he's a waste of space 117 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,000 "and could never be trusted to do anything properly. 118 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,080 (LAUGHING) 119 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,360 "When I think back to the day you were born, 120 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:46,080 "I was the happiest man on the planet. 121 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,880 "I won't lie to you, Stace, and I'm not ashamed to say it, but I cried. 122 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,480 "Buckets. 123 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:57,040 "And I never imagined in a million years 124 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,280 "that I wouldn't be with you on your wedding day, 125 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,160 "walking you down the aisle 126 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,240 "and giving you away. 127 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,840 "I tell you what, whoever he is, 128 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,960 "he's the luckiest man alive! 129 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:17,400 "I'm so sorry I'm not there for you today, Stace, 130 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:21,440 "not in body anyway, but I'll be there in spirit. 131 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,960 "And please remember, 132 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:26,920 "that whenever you need me, 133 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,320 "I'll be listening... 134 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:38,040 "...'cause you'll never stop being my beautiful baby girl. 135 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,560 "Have a wonderful day, my darling. 136 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,200 "I love you always. Dad." 137 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,240 ♪ If I lay here 138 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,520 ♪ If I just lay here 139 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:04,480 ♪ Would you lie with me and just forget the world? 140 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,320 -You all right? -Yeah. 141 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,840 -You're absolutely sure about this because... -Yeah. 142 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:23,200 ♪ Show me a garden that's bursting into life 143 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,200 ♪ Let's waste time 144 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:38,200 ♪ Chasing cars 145 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,840 ♪ Around our heads 146 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,120 ♪ If I lay here 147 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,960 ♪ If I just lay here 148 00:08:54,520 --> 00:09:00,040 ♪ Would you lie with me and just forget the world 149 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,280 ♪ Forget what we're told 150 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,560 ♪ Before we get too old 151 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:19,120 ♪ Show me a garden that's bursting into life ♪ 152 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,240 (CHEERING) 153 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:31,240 -Oh, my God! "Mrs Shipman"! -I know! I am! 154 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,600 Let's have a look at the ring. 155 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,520 (GASPS) Fucking hell, Stace, that is immense! 156 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,120 Well done. My beautiful daughter-in-law! 157 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:45,560 Congratulations. Tidy. 158 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,080 -Come here. -Oh. 159 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:51,240 You just got married. That is disgusting. 160 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:52,600 Are we all right to follow you, Mick? 161 00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,960 Yeah, yeah... Hang on a minute. Smithy! 162 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:56,440 -Michael! -You got those maps? 163 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,280 Shit! 164 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,360 -Are you kiddin' me? -You pube! 165 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,080 I've left them at Lucy's. She was colouring them in. I can't believe this! 166 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,640 -What's the matter? -He's forgotten the maps! 167 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,080 How's everyone gonna get there, Mum? 168 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,360 We're supposed to be sitting down at three! 169 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,040 Right, right! Not a problem. 170 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,000 Two words, sat nav. 171 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,640 -Everybody, follow me! -Fantastic. 172 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,120 That's the spirit Bryn. Come on, baby! 173 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:24,680 That is cracking. 174 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,520 The thing is, Griff, I feel a fool. 175 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,000 I bought that sat nav in good faith. But it plainly doesn't work. 176 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:34,080 I mean, that journey should be ten minutes, it took us well over an hour. 177 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,560 Those hors d'oeuvres were supposed to be hot. 178 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,560 Where did you get it, the sat nav? 179 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,680 -Dick Powell. -Ah, well, you've only got yourself to blame. 180 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:46,360 -I know, I know, he's tricky. -MAN: Smile! 181 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,720 He gets away with it because of the language barrier. 182 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,960 Okay, friends of the groom. 183 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,560 Friends of the groom! Friends of the groom, guys. 184 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,320 And hold it! 185 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,640 That is cracking. 186 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:01,200 Okay, now we just need one of the best man and the maid of honour. 187 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,040 All right, leave it out. 188 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,480 Come on, you two, get a bit closer together. 189 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,560 -Put your arm round her, Smithy. -No, you're all right. 190 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:16,560 Bear with me. 191 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,440 -How's it going? Alright? -Okay, I'm glad you brought it up. 192 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,400 'cause I've got a girlfriend who a lot of people here know. 193 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:25,480 So I'd appreciate it... 194 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,080 -Where to's she now then? -What? 195 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,240 -Where to's she now? -Right. 196 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,400 Either speak English or learn Welsh. Cos I "Where to's she..." 197 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:33,640 -D'you mean where is she now? -Yeah. 198 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,040 Say that, then. 199 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,480 -Where is she now? -Sixth formers netball tournament in Southend. 200 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,160 She couldn't get out of it. She's wing attack. 201 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,240 MAN: All right, guys, here we go. 202 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,080 Big smiles. 203 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,200 (CAMERA CLICKING) 204 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,280 Cracking. 205 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,080 Now, don't go drinking too much tonight, Stace. 206 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,680 There's nothing worse than a pissed-up bride at her own wedding. 207 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,160 -What's that supposed to mean? -You know what I mean. 208 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,520 I was not that drunk, was I, Pammy? 209 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,000 Well, no, but you'd had a few. 210 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,440 Oh, yeah, any wonder, knowing I was gonna 211 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,240 spend the rest of my life married to that! 212 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,320 I could've brought the waiter in to consummate the marriage. 213 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:07,520 She wouldn't have known! 214 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,240 You've been a right nasty bastard today, Pete, you know? 215 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,120 Mr and Mrs Shipman. 216 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,200 I mean, that's bad luck by anyone's standards. 217 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:18,000 What now? 218 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,320 Well, she lives for the day she can change her name from West, 219 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,320 what with all the connotations and what have you, 220 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,520 and what does she become? 221 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,320 A Shipman. 222 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:29,160 Oh, that's very unfortunate. 223 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,080 -I don't know which is worse. -Surely Shipman! 224 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,000 Well, it's six of one, and half a dozen of the other. 225 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,120 It was more than half a dozen, Griff! It was in the hundreds! 226 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,920 Hiya, I'm Louise. 227 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,240 Craig. People call me Fingers. 228 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,920 -What should I call you? -Call me what you like. 229 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,040 (CHEERING) 230 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,320 Oh, be quiet, will ya? 231 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,640 Oh, shut up, don't drink too much. 232 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:20,480 I'm feeling bad enough as it is, now you... 233 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:21,560 Shut up! 234 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,640 So where's your boyfriend today, then? 235 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,960 -I wouldn't let him come. -Why not? 236 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,280 Because he refused to go to the church service. 237 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,400 I said, "You can't just turn up at the reception 238 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,320 "without seeing the actual wedding." 239 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,200 And d'you know what he said? 240 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,040 He said, "The only church you'll ever get me inside is Charlotte." 241 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,200 (ALL LAUGHING) 242 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,320 It is out of order, though, innit? 243 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:49,600 Unforgivable. 244 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,240 Drink your drink. 245 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,840 -Pam, I'm gonna have to go. -What? 246 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,160 It's Pete. 247 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,920 He has been eyein' up every girl in this room. 248 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,400 And young girls. I mean really young, really, really young. 249 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,880 Oh, come on! He's only human. 250 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,120 I catch my Mick doin' that all the time. 251 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,440 -We're all animals, Dawn. -I know. 252 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,880 But I just feel like I'm not enough for him any more, Pam. 253 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:25,280 I mean, sex-wise, we're at an all-time low. 254 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,160 We were in a car park in Basildon last week, 255 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,320 flashing the headlights, no one come over. 256 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,920 I mean, I just wanna be involved. 257 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,120 I feel like he's looking at these girls, 258 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,160 he's not thinking "menage", he's thinking "hello". 259 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,560 Can I suggest something? 260 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,160 Have you thought about role-play? 261 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,000 'Cause when my Trevor was alive, it did us wonders. 262 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,600 Saved our marriage, if truth be told. 263 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:51,920 Oh, tell me about it. I mean, I'm lucky, I am. 264 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,960 My Mick, he's open to anything. 265 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,000 I mean, really mucky stuff. 266 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,960 Even when we do Charles and Camilla, he's first on with the ears. 267 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,960 (GLASS CLINKING) 268 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,080 Can I have your attention, please, ladies and gentlemen! 269 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,040 (CHEERING) 270 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,400 All right, calm down, we'll get to my speech in a minute. 271 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:10,440 First you got to listen to these borin' bastards! 272 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,560 I'm only dickin' around. 273 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,280 Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for my best mate, 274 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:19,200 who lost his virginity between two wheelie bins at my mum's house in 1993. 275 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,120 Mr Gavin Shipman! 276 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,160 Thanks, Smith, for that glowing character reference. 277 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,040 -Well, I'll keep this short. -Like your knob! 278 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,200 Sorry. 279 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,120 If someone had told me three months ago 280 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,360 that I'd be standing here today a married man, 281 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,360 I'd have thought they were mad. 282 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,280 Or really, really drunk. 283 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:53,080 But nine weeks ago, I met Stacey for the first time 284 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,920 and it's changed everything. 285 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,360 'Cause I remember people saying to me, 286 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,560 "You'll know when you meet the one". 287 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,440 And I'd always think "how"? 288 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,600 And I just didn't believe them. 289 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,320 But the minute I met you, Stacey, I did know. 290 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,160 And I suddenly understood what they were on about. 291 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:20,160 And it's something I can't even put into words, how I feel right now. 292 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:26,600 All I can say is you're beautiful and you're funny 293 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,840 and you're kind 294 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,280 and there's just something in me that tells me 295 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,120 I'm going to be with you and look after you... 296 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,640 Forever. 297 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,640 'Cause I love you, baby. 298 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:42,440 And that's just the way it is. 299 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:46,600 Ladies and gentlemen, 300 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:50,240 please raise a glass to my beautiful wife. 301 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:52,640 Stacey. 302 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,240 ALL: Stacey! 303 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:03,480 Now, I'll hand you over to my best friend and best man, 304 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:08,000 Smithy, who has apparently prepared a blinder of a speech... 305 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,080 Smithy. 306 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:11,360 (CHEERING) 307 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,400 -(SIGHS) -(SNIFFLING) 308 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,160 Right. Sorry. 309 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,040 First of all, I'd like to raise a toast... 310 00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:44,160 (LAUGHING) 311 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:53,960 (SOBBING) I'll never forget... 312 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,160 I'll never forget when me and Gav was at football 313 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,160 and we was eating these hot dogs... 314 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,440 (SOBBING) 315 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:14,920 Smithy, it's all right, darling. Smithy, come on. 316 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,440 Gavin and Stacey, ladies and gentlemen! 317 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,400 ALL: Gavin and Stacey! 318 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:26,920 How's he doing, all right? 319 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,880 He's all right. He's stopped crying, anyway. 320 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,400 He feels a bit of a prick, to be honest. 321 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:31,920 It's such a shame. 322 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,960 'Cause that meal was gorgeous, and the starter... 323 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,880 -Beautiful. -Yeah! 324 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,440 And I've got to be honest, I wasn't expecting it to be so good. 325 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,440 But that woman, the widow, what's her name? 326 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,040 -Gwen. -I mean, she's obviously spent a fortune. 327 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,480 -And you can't fault that. -Well, actually... 328 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,640 -What? -No... 329 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,280 -Go on... -No. 330 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:51,520 Pam? 331 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,360 Well, we paid for everything. 332 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,320 -I said that! -Everything except for the dress. 333 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,160 Oh, here we go. Why didn't you just announce it? 334 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,560 It's only when she's getting all the credit. 335 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:03,840 -Everyone all right? -Hey. 336 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,000 -Hiya. -Hi. 337 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,160 Testing. One, two. One, two. Testing. 338 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,880 -Ever seen one of these? -What? 339 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,960 No film in there. Digital. 340 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,920 You're gonna turn my little sister into an Essex girl then, eh Gav? 341 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,360 Well, hopefully not, but yeah, we're gonna live at Mum and Dad's 342 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,920 for a bit, save some money, then try and get a place. 343 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,840 Well, I gotta say it I never thought I'd see the day 344 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,840 when you moved out of Barry. 345 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,160 Oh, it's not gonna be that bad, we'll be coming home every weekend. 346 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:41,600 What? 347 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,400 No, maybe like once a month or something. 348 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,520 Well, I'm coming back every weekend. 349 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,360 There he is! Best man. 350 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,280 Don't start, mate. I messed up, all right? Let's move on. 351 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,440 -I'm having a nightmare. -What? 352 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,280 Getting people to sign this wedding book. 353 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,200 It's like an albatross round my neck. 354 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,920 When people were sat down eating it was fine, 355 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,120 but now they're up and about, there's no sense of cohesion. 356 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,200 -Griff's signed it three times. -I've signed it twice. 357 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,560 I've got night mode, 358 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:12,960 black and white, 359 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,880 use that later, probably, for effect. 360 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,440 Uh, sepia, sepia, sepia? I don't know how you say it. 361 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,600 I've got a feeling it's faulty. 362 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,680 Just makes everything go brown. 363 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:27,120 (MUSIC PLAYING) 364 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,360 Ladies and gentlemen, please gather round. 365 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,080 The bride and groom are now gonna take their first dance. 366 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,280 (ALL CHEERING) 367 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:52,160 ♪ Put your head Against my life What do you hear? 368 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:58,080 ♪ A million words just Trying to make The love song of the year 369 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:05,720 ♪ Close your eyes But don't forget What you have heard 370 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:12,120 ♪ A man who's tried to say Three words, Words that make me scared. 371 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,360 ♪ A million love songs later 372 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:24,880 ♪ Here I am trying to tell you That I care 373 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,520 ♪ A million love songs Later... ♪ 374 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:34,720 Uncle Bryn? 375 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:36,680 You all right? 376 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:38,560 Yes, thank you. 377 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,240 Oh! (SIGHS) 378 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,400 -It's a great day, isn't it? -Best day of my life. 379 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,440 Look... 380 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:51,560 Can we talk about what happened? 381 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,280 -I'd rather not. -On the fishing trip... 382 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,600 I never told anyone, y'know. 383 00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:00,480 And besides, it wasn't a big deal, 384 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,480 lots of people do it. It's not against the law. 385 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,160 Jason, please. 386 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,000 How can I ever forget that look on your face? 387 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:08,400 You gotta let it go, Uncle Bryn! 388 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,480 You are a great man. 389 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:17,120 You are. And you're a fantastic uncle. 390 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,960 And you did us all proud today. 391 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,000 Thank you very much. 392 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,440 -You coming in? -In a bit. 393 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:35,960 (MUSIC PLAYING) 394 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,040 Right, we got a special treat for you now, ladies and gentlemen, 395 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:44,240 from the mother of the groom. So big hand for... Pat! 396 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,440 It's Pam, actually. 397 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,080 All right, chill out, love. 398 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,240 It's Pam. 399 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:51,520 Go on, Pammy! 400 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,000 (CHEERING) 401 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,720 ♪ You're just too good To be true 402 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:02,880 ♪ Can't take my eyes off you 403 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,960 ♪ You feel like Heaven to touch 404 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,920 ♪ I wanna hold you so much 405 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:13,840 ♪ At long last love Has arrived... ♪ 406 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:15,600 Hi. 407 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,040 I'm Captain Marc... 408 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:20,360 Overmars. 409 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,240 I've just flown in on the red-eye. 410 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,000 I got an eight-hour turnaround, 411 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,880 I'm here for one night and one night only. 412 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,240 Ooh... God. 413 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,600 It must be... 414 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,600 Very... 415 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,480 Hard up there? 416 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,520 All that... You know... 417 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,360 Pressure... 418 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:49,200 You must really need to... Unwind. 419 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:54,320 So, shall we go somewhere 420 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,600 -and have it off? -No! 421 00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:58,960 Pete, 422 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,120 he wouldn't say that. 423 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,960 He'd woo me, you idiot. 424 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,440 He'd at least buy me a fucking drink. 425 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,880 I'm trying my best! Dawn! 426 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,640 BOTH: ♪ I love you baby 427 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:28,560 ♪ And if it's quite all right I want you baby 428 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,680 ♪ To warm my lonely night 429 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,160 ♪ I love you baby 430 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:37,600 ♪ Trust in me when I say 431 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:42,560 ♪ Oh pretty baby don't Bring me down I pray 432 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,600 ♪ Oh pretty baby Now that I've found you stay 433 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,440 ♪ Oh pretty baby... ♪ 434 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,400 -Nessa? -What? 435 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:54,040 -How comes you're not smoking? -Oh, I just put one out. 436 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,560 No, you never. I haven't seen you smoking all day. 437 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,480 And there's no Bacardi in there. What's going on? 438 00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:03,560 Leave it, Stace. 439 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,400 -Nessa! -I said leave it. 440 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,320 That was fabulous. 441 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:25,960 Yep. 442 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,520 Whoa! 443 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:32,400 High five. 444 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:34,120 Ness! 445 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,000 You're pregnant, aren't you? 446 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,480 -But you told me you wasn't. -I know. 447 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,880 You said you went to the doctor and he said it was all clear. 448 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:49,880 Why didn't you tell me? 449 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,280 'Cause I didn't want to spoil your day. 450 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:53,080 Oh, come 'ere... 451 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,360 -What you gonna do? -I don't know. 452 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,280 -You've got to tell Smithy. -I can't. 453 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:04,480 -You've got to! -He's a twat. 454 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,080 I know, 455 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,160 but he's the father of your child. 456 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,960 I just can't believe it, Stace. 457 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,320 Of all the people I've slept with, it's him gets me pregnant. 458 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,360 Not Nigel Havers, not John Prescott, 459 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,120 not any of Goldie Lookin Chain. 460 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,320 No, some knob-head from Essex. 461 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:21,640 You've still gotta tell him. 462 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:25,240 Nessa? 463 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:26,360 All right. 464 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:28,480 Promise? 465 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,440 Promise you'll tell him tonight? 466 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,400 'Cause you don't know when you'll see him next. 467 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:34,560 All right. 468 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,080 Come on. 469 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,200 We're missing the Grease Medley . 470 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:49,200 ♪ Those summer 471 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,280 ♪ Nights 472 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:59,080 ♪ Tell me more, Tell me more ♪ 473 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,960 -You ready, babe? Car's here. -Okay. 474 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,320 I'll always be here for you, y'know? 475 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,240 Cheers, Stace. 476 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,200 Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin and Tracey are about to leave, 477 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,960 so let's give 'em a good Welsh send off. 478 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:29,360 (CHEERING) 479 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,000 ♪ Come fly with me Let's fly, let's fly away... 480 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:40,600 ♪ If you can use some Exotic booze There's a bar in far Bombay 481 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:46,080 ♪ Come fly with me Let's fly, let's fly away 482 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,960 ♪ Come fly with me Let's float down to Peru 483 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:59,080 ♪ In llama land There's a one-man band 484 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:02,480 ♪ And he'll toot his flute For you 485 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:07,200 ♪ Come fly with me Let's take off in the blue... 486 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,400 -We did it then. -I know. 487 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,360 It's brilliant. 488 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,840 Come here, Mrs Shipman. 489 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:22,880 ♪ We'll just glide starry-eyed 490 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:28,880 ♪ Once I get you up there I'll be holding you... ♪ 491 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:34,160 -Smithy? -Yeah? 492 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:42,440 What? 493 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,200 Don't matter.