This programme contains some strong language.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh!
Oh! Look at that!
Aww!
Oh! Thank you very much! Hello!
Good evening, everyone! You're so welcome to the show.
It's New Year's Eve! Yes! CHEERING.
Oh! And like that slightly green leftover turkey
you had for lunch, I'm back.
We've got a great line-up for you tonight.
We'll be talking about some of the highlights of the year
and we'll have a very special music performance
later in the show. So, who's on my Hogmanay sofa?
Well, he's a top comic who's spent a quarter of a century
making the nation laugh. Now he's back on tour
celebrating 25 years as one of our funniest comedians.
It's only John Bishop, everybody! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.
Oh!
There he is!
Hello, sir. Lovely to see you. Have a seat, do.
CHEERING
After another triumphant season on BBC One,
this dance pro and Strictly judge is about to hit the road
with the 2025 Strictly Live Tour.
It's Motsi Mabuse!
CHEERING
Oh! She is blonde!
She's blonde! Blonde!
Mwah! Mwah! New year, new you. I'm here!
He won an Oscar for his portrayal of Freddie Mercury in the hit film.
Bohemian Rhapsody, and as the villain in No Time To Die,
he finally put paid to Daniel Craig's James Bond.
Now he's making his UK stage debut in Oedipus. It's Rami Malek!
CHEERING
Beautiful!
Hello, Rami. Wow!
Wonderful to see you. Happy New Year! Happy New Year to you.
Have a seat, do.
There they are.
And this British pop icon has more number one albums to his name
than any other solo artist.
No slave to convention, in his new biopic Better Man,
he's chosen to portray himself as a chimpanzee. Of course he has!
It's the fabulous Robbie Williams! CHEERING.
Come here. Aww! Lovely man.
CHEERING
Hello, lovely couch. Nice to see you all. Are you all well?
Yeah!
Robbie, very special performance later. What will you be giving us?
I will be doing a rendition of one of my hit...
LAUGHTER
I don't know if you remember... Rock DJ. Oh!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It's...
It's so good. I can't tell you. I saw it in rehearsal.
It is E-PIC. Thank you. Epic.
I'm giving Motsi a ten paddle for later.
So, here we are, it's the last night of 2024,
so, highlights of the year. Robbie, you had a big birthday this year.
I did, I turned 50.
Doesn't look it. Does not look it. Thank you. Yeah.
I'm loving being 50,
sort of getting right into being happy and experiencing joy.
And if this is the trajectory that I'm on,
I want to stay on this trajectory.
Basically, I've found the right meds.
Excellent! 2024, year of the prescription.
And, John Bishop, you've got a new toy in 2024.
Yeah, that's one way of putting it, yeah. No, I've got a motorbike.
I passed my motorbike test.
There we are, look at that.
That's a proper man in his 50s.
That's what you've got to look forward to, Robbie.
A proper midlife crisis. Midlife crisis.
So you went and did the test? I did. And it's brilliant actually.
What happens now, in the UK, if you do a motorbike test,
you've got to do a theory test, which I didn't realise,
which is an hour long and it's all about, like, road signs,
hazard perception, dangers on the road.
I've been driving a car since I was 17, that's nearly 40 years.
I sat the theory test and failed, right?
And I walked out the test centre, got in me car and drove home.
Literally going past road signs going, "Not a clue. Not a clue."
Is it, is it multiple answers?
Yeah, it's multiple answers on a computer screen.
And did they give you a percentage of how many you got wrong?
No, they just said, "You would have died if..."
LAUGHTER
Here's the thing... You know what I love?
Sorry, after you, sir. No, no, you.
No, no, no. I've become very British.
It's New Year's Eve. No, no, darling... Please. You, my dear.
The Knowledge. The black cab Knowledge, right?
Which I find fascinating.
Did you ever think about doing that?
Well, you're from a different city, do they do...?
No, no, you don't need to do the Knowledge in Liverpool...
Cos we've got the Waze. ..you just know.
And now we've got this invention called a sat nav. I know!
And you have taken your motorcycle all over.
You were in Ireland on your motorcycle. Was this in the summer?
This is in the summer, yeah, yeah. So, I actually did
the tour of Ireland on the motorbike and went right round Ireland.
I went from Belfast, all round the coast, and that's me in Killarney.
There was a motorbike festival in Killarney
and they said, like, there's 2,000 motorbikers on the road,
"Can you lead the parade through the town?" Wow!
Having been only riding for like a few months? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
At that point I'd been riding about two months. Wow!
The only person having fun in that picture is you.
I am the happiest person!
Everyone else is going... Everyone else behind me is going,
"Will you change gear?!"
Also, it looks like one of those things where they're testing you
on the internet, where it's like
click the one person... Who's happy. Yeah, that's happy on the motorbike.
Very good.
And Rami Malek, 2024 - anything stand out for you?
I think just getting ingrained in this culture.
I've been here for a while and, you get...
You immediately want...
People take you to these grand places and, you know,
it's just so fancy sometimes. I'm like, I want the pub.
I want the pub culture, I want to be surrounded by that.
That's the best part of the year so far is being that,
finding my local, playing darts, doing the quiz night.
No, do you do the quiz night? I do the quiz night!
Are you good at pub quizzes?
No, I'm quite shit. Oh, OK. But...
I mean, geography is my thing and I know when to step in, I suppose.
You? I'm pretty decent with entertainment and...
Yeah, just entertainment really.
LAUGHTER Yeah. Yeah.
And, Motsi Mabuse, I'm guessing what your highlight is.
Is it what I think it is? It is. Strictly Come Dancing! Yes! Yes!
20th anniversary. It was a good season, wasn't it?
It was a very, very, very special season.
I thought it was absolutely brilliant.
Great people on the show and beautiful dancing.
And we all gelled together better. Yeah.
And I suppose, at this point really,
we should all just say congratulations to the winner
this year, Chris McCausland! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.
Friend of the show. Amazing.
And this year, an extra special year, 20 years of Strictly. Yes.
20 years of Strictly. It's incredible.
I mean, the show has been licensed to 62 countries
and now we've got, like, here in the UK, 20 years with all our past
winners and contestants, and just celebrating this beautiful show.
Yeah. And it does go from strength to strength. It does. It does.
And if people are interested, still on iPlayer, you can
see a special film, Strictly Come 20 Fabulous Years.
It's still on there.
And, dancing, Robbie, when you were in the boyband,
you did have to do choreography. You did proper dancing.
Hmm. No? Yeah, I did.
It was pointlessly intricate.
Genuinely, genuinely...
There was no need for it.
Especially, especially when, you know, you watch Westlife,
and all they do is like the key change towards
the end of the song, is they just stand up.
That's why they're still together. Yeah. Exactly.
What I love in that picture, everyone's singing,
Robbie's going, "Look at me!"
Self absorbed!
But, John Bishop, I believe you had hoped that the
highlight of 2024 was your reunion with this man.
That is, of course, your figure, your waxwork figure. Yeah.
But it didn't go to plan.
No. HE LAUGHS
I was on tour in Blackpool. Motsi knows it well.
Yes! Yeah, of course you do. We love Blackpool. I love Blackpool.
You know, Rami, we have Madame Tussauds, which is
a big honour for someone to actually get a waxwork model. Yeah, yeah.
And so, I've... I don't know, ten, 12, 15 years... Whatever it was,
they asked me to do a waxwork model of me,
and they put it in the entertainment section in Blackpool.
And I was on tour in Blackpool.
In fact, when it got unveiled, my sister took my mum and dad
to go and have a photograph with my waxwork model.
Aww! I know, but I'd been at their house on the Sunday.
I'm like, "The real thing's been there."
Me dad sent me a picture like that...
So anyhow, I was in Blackpool and I thought, "I haven't been there"
"for a while, it will be funny if I go and replicate that picture,"
"have a photograph with my own waxwork model."
And I got to the reception, I said, "Hiya. Have you got a John Bishop?"
And they went, "A what?"
I said, "I've come for a... for the John Bishop."
And he went, "Mate, we've not had that here for three or for years."
And I thought, "That's showbiz, innit?"
They've taken mine down from London as well. I know. I just think
it's one of those things, I was gutted and I thought it was funny
and then I thought, I've been melted down
for the next generation of famous people.
Which is OK cos I think there's a little bit of me
in Taylor Swift, and that's fine. LAUGHTER
I'll live with that.
I got asked to do the same thing and they were like, "Yeah",
"we'll do the wax version of you at Madame Tussauds.
"What a great honour." And I was like, "No!"
No? No! It's strange.
I don't want anyone, like, visiting a version of me that doesn't exist.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like... Is that going to affect me somehow?
Am I superstitious in a way? Oh, like a voodoo doll. Yeah.
I think you've overthought it, Rami.
I overthink a lot of things.
I'm amazed that they melted you down.
Yeah, me too. Yeah! No! After Rudebox came out, I think.
LAUGHTER
There's a reference for your, for your '90s babies.
Listen, a highlight of the year, I think for lots of people,
was some of the viral videos that went around the way,
and one of my favourites was this one.
Now, I'm sure lots of you have seen this. It's very sweet.
It's a little girl and her sister, and she's having a bit of a rant
about the cost of living,
specifically the price of ice cream.
Take a look at this. I'm sure you've seen it.
Girls, what's just happened?
So... So there's an ice cream van there selling just two ice creams
with two chewing gums in it...
Yeah? ..For bloody £9 for two of them.
Nine quid for two? Yeah, nine quid.
That is going to get nowhere.
One that comes on my street, either £1 or £2.
He's going to get nowhere with that.
No, he ain't, is he? No, he ain't.
He should know!
And he only does bloody card. Stood there with my cash.
Bloody hell!
That's well bad, isn't it? Bloody well bad. Yeah.
Yeah, I bet he can hear me!
That was Marnie and her sister Mylah.
And, unexpectedly - even I'm a little shocked -
they're here. No!
So, Marnie and Mylah, if you're there, come on out,
Marnie and Mylah. Here they come.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello.
Oh, you look so lovely.
Which one are you? Marnie.
Hello, Marnie. Hello, Mylah.
Can you go in and sit in beside Robbie and Rami there?
Come and have a seat. There we go. Excellent.
So it's Marnie and Mylah.
Yeah. Hello. Hi.
Lovely to see you. You both look so smart.
Very smart. Happy New Year's Eve.
LAUGHTER
So, girls, do you know anyone on the couch at all?
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, who do you know?
Oh, Robbie.
The young demographic is yours.
Take that, Madame Tussauds.
LAUGHTER
That was worth it just to hear Robbie say "take that".
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Now, Marnie and Mylah, now you're twins, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
OK. Rami, beside you there, he's also a twin.
Oh! I mean, the twin's not here, but...
Do you know who I am?
No?
LAUGHTER
Do you like being twins? Yeah. Yeah.
Ah! Do you answer any question individually?
No. Sometimes.
There you go. Oh, they did it.
But now, when did you discover that this video
had become so popular?
Because we're just going for a walk, and then the next day, we woke up,
we just, like, we literally looked on TikTok and we had so much views.
How many views? More than 20... million.
LAUGHTER
More than 20 million. If you missed the million...
More than 20 MILLION. Wow.
APPLAUSE
Why was it your mum who was holding the...?
No. My auntie. My mum didn't even know about it.
She just woke up and she were like, everyone were texting her,
and she were like, "Oh, my God."
LAUGHTER
So how much was the ice cream?
£9. £9 for one ice cream?
Two. For two?
I'm with you.
LAUGHTER
Sock it to the man.
APPLAUSE
Has the guy not gone out of business yet?
Because when he watches this, he'll be crying.
LAUGHTER
Well, Marnie and Mylah, you've been stars of 2024.
So after the video, what else has happened to you?
Obviously, you're here tonight. What else have you done?
We've been to London a couple of times, and we've been in...
Alton Towers and Warwick Castle.
LAUGHTER
You should form a choir. You're very good together.
It's excellent. Listen, it's been a real treat to meet you.
I know your mum is waiting to take you home to bed,
so thank you very much for being here. Marnie and Mylah, everybody.
APPLAUSE
Your mum's out there. Lovely to meet you.
Take care. Oh, you're waving. Goodbye. Goodbye. Nice to meet you.
Take care. Bye. Nice to meet you. Bye!
They look so smart! Yeah, they do.
Oh!
Bless.
Mini Anne Robinsons. Tiny Watchdogs.
Yeah. Furious!
They're very, very sweet.
We would have got them ice cream, but have you seen the price?
Here's the thing. Now, Rami Malek, you are a twin. Your twin Sami.
And John Bishop, there's twins in your family.
Your dad was a twin. Is a twin.
My dad's a twin. My dad's an identical twin as well.
They're adorable.
Yeah, yeah. My dad and his brother Freddie are 83 now,
and it's a very Liverpool family, because my dad supports Liverpool,
me Uncle Freddie supports Everton, so we don't talk to him that often.
LAUGHTER
Liverpool was a city that was bombed during the war,
and the maternity hospital was bombed,
and my nan was in the maternity hospital and said,
"There's something going to go wrong,"
and she left the maternity hospital in Liverpool and went home,
and ended up having the twins somewhere else,
and it got bombed that night.
And when you were having a family, did you think,
"Uh-oh, here come twins"?
No, no, I was thinking, "We're going to get bombed."
LAUGHTER
Happy New Year!
Beautiful, beautiful.
OK, there is only one way to follow that.
It is, of course, Robbie Williams as a chimpanzee.
The new film of his life,
Better Man, is currently in cinemas.
Yeah. So why did you decide to be a chimpanzee in the film?
OK, so we realised that there needed to be a creative difference
with the biopic because, you know, you got in first,
and then everybody else followed.
And since then, the biopic genre has got a bit long, bit tired. Yeah.
So we needed to have a unique selling point.
And Michael Gracey, the director, came to me and he said,
"So, Rob, what is your spirit animal?"
And I was trying to find some self-worth for myself that day,
as I am every day, and I went, "I am a lion."
And he went, "Hmm, are you, though?"
And I went, "Monkey?"
And he went, "Yes. OK, here's the idea.
"Everybody in the movie will be human apart from you,"
"and you're a CGI monkey."
And I was like, "This is an eccentric idea."
"It's a huge swing. I can instantly see it. This is incredible."
And then I went to tell the Minister of Finance -
that is my wife - in the next room,
and I was like, "I am - get this - a monkey!"
And she was like, "WTF?"
And it was there that I realised that it might be contentious.
Until she saw the movie. No, exactly. Her mind's blown by it.
But... And also presumably, it makes it easier... Or does it?
I don't know. Does it make it, do you think, easier for you
to watch all the stuff happening to Robbie Williams in that film
when it's a monkey?
Not really, no.
I saw all the scenes before they were all stitched together,
and basically, no spoilers, but the movie is, like,
"I'm a cheeky chappie and I'm from Stoke-on-Trent,"
and it's like that for 45 minutes,
and then it's Trainspotting.
LAUGHTER
For real, for real. And it's like the great... He's not wrong.
Honestly, it's like the greatest hits of trauma and grief
for the TikTok generation. And so, yeah, that's a bit confronting.
Yeah. Triggering.
And when you see the chimp, am I right that the eyes are yours?
The eyes are me. So what happened was, before the film started
to happen, I got in this cage and there was 150 cameras,
and they did the motion capture thing.
And then I did 120 different facial expressions,
and then they mapped me over the top of Jonno Davies,
who plays me in the film, who does an incredible job.
So the eyes are mine.
Look at how handsome he is.
He's got such a great arse too, because in 1997,
I won Arse of the Year, and... AUDIENCE MEMBERS WHOOP.
Very proud of that, the best award I've ever worn.
And then, due to Ozempic, I've lost my arse.
No! No, you haven't.
Bless you.
How big was it before Ozempic?
LAUGHTER
It was a generous rump,
and now it just looks like a place where you put a credit card.
It's just, you know...
Anyway, now my arse, for time immemorial, will be remembered
as Jonno's arse, and it's fantastic.
Mwah! Sadly, we don't see that in this clip.
We are seeing a clip of little Robbie, little baby chimp Robbie.
Yeah. And you're in this clip with your dad,
played by Steve Pemberton, and your granny, played by Alison Steadman.
Take a look at this. It's so sweet.
How's about a warm hand on my entrance?
And every highway.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
My dad was well enamoured by the stars of the day.
Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr
and, of course, Sinatra.
They were gods to him.
Youth, you hear that?
That's pure love, that is.
Don't come cheap, mind.
You've got to risk it all, whatever it takes.
Because if you make it,
it's paradise.
The thing is, you can't learn it.
You're either born with it...
or you're a nobody.
Oh!
APPLAUSE
And I'd like to thank Mark Owen for playing a young me.
Stop!
LAUGHTER
It's all right. He lives in Los Angeles. He won't see this.
Now, in the film, there's that thing,
your drive, kind of from a very...
I was going to say very young monkey.
from a very young boy is intense.
And I guess, in the movie, it's kind of,
you feel like it comes from your dad.
But I've heard you talking about, actually, a lot of your drive
and ambition comes from your mum.
Yeah, yeah. She's a coal miner's daughter.
Cannon fodder in the Second World War was her dad,
and my mum raised us out of her social economic background
by luck, love, determination, and getting a loan.
And, yeah, what my mum managed to do with her life, what she did manage
to do with her life, and her... You know, she opened coffee shops
and clothes shops and... Yeah... you know, come from a council estate,
and it's her drive that I've got, definitely.
And, you know, my dad is a very lovable, charming, charismatic man,
but he didn't have the drive that my mum's got. I've got it.
Yeah. But, Robbie, I've seen your documentary as well,
you know, the big documentary,
but with the film, there's a slight whiff of burning bridges.
Oh! Is there, in 2025,
a kind of letter of apology going out,
or have you made your peace with everyone in the film already?
It's... It's weird.
So, erm, I sent the first script over to Gary Barlow,
and he phoned me up - and we've got a great relationship now,
and there was no pointing fingers or angry - and he just went, "Rob,"
he said, "I come off worse than Darth Vader in the first Star Wars."
LAUGHTER
And so we made amendments to a bit of the script.
But that's the weird thing about, if you're lucky enough
to be around this long, you prolong your career by talking about
the past, and you use documentaries and books and films
to remind people that you're here.
But when you talk about the past, my past happens to be contentious,
and I was a different person then, and I thought in a different way,
and so did Gaz. And in this film, it sort of brings all that up again.
So it's super odd,
and I can understand how it would be triggering for him.
Everybody else in the movie that I throw under the bus, though,
fuck 'em. Yeah.
LAUGHTER
That really comes across.
APPLAUSE
Can I just assure...? Marnie and Mylah have gone home.
They're gone. No, but you did that for me,
just walking in, you know, just come in and check in
with somebody and, you know,
have your history and what you've been through,
just acknowledge that in a way, like, in an immediate way,
was so lovely, so thank you.
Thank you. Well, God bless you. Thank you.
And is it something about turning 50, do you think,
that makes you want to look back a bit?
No. No, it's just, er...
It's just, you know, erm,
it just seems to be that the universe has presented itself
with these opportunities. Yeah.
You know, I didn't go out looking for a documentary.
It came to me. I didn't go out looking for a film. It came to me.
And it just so happens that the documentary came out this year,
and so did the film.
And I know it seems very self-absorbed of me,
but I'm very self-absorbed.
And, you know, what a wonderful self to be absorbed by.
LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
And also it would be terrible if the film was bad.
Yeah. Here's the thing.
It's been so well reviewed and received kind of everywhere,
and I wonder, because in the past,
you've talked about trying to break America.
Is part of you now thinking, "Oh, my God, this film
"could be the thing?" and suddenly you will break America.
Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
But it's not the be all and end all.
No, I know, but I just wondered.
It would scratch an itch, you know, it's that sort of thing
that is, er, those things that are levelled against you,
like, "Well, you didn't!
Like, "Well, yeah, I couldn't be arsed, really."
Yeah. But now... But now I am arsed.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Know this.
Know this, North America - I'm ready for you now.
Middle-aged, no-arsed me, on me way, on a plane. Get ready.
With someone else's arse.
APPLAUSE
That's Better Man. It's out now.
Hey, exciting news for theatre lovers -
Rami Malek is making his West End stage debut in Oedipus.
This is going to be at London's Old Vic from the 21st of January
to the 29th of March, 2025.
So this is a new adaptation of the Sophocles play.
So you see the word Oedipus,
you immediately think of Oedipus complex.
Is that involved in this play, or is this a different bit of the story?
No, it's very much involved.
OK. But you realise, how many people actually know about that?
You know, it's questionable.
So there's something like a spoiler aspect to it.
When did they write this? 400 and something BC? Fair enough.
LAUGHTER
There's got to be a cut-off point for spoilers.
Um, it's different because, OK, one, I've always wanted to work...
I mean, what's better than the West End
or doing anything onstage in London?
It's the peak. Yeah.
Yeah. Nothing beats being here in London, at a pub or working onstage,
and, er, and we have this great...
We've, uh, incorporated dance into it with this choreographer
who's co-directing, and his name is Hofesh Shechter.
So there's dance involved, and there's the traditional version,
a modern take on it. It's Sophocles, as you said,
but it just piqued my interest.
Everything kind of aligned itself in a way where I was, like,
"Got to do that."
And that's just the way I keep looking at projects.
When your instinct goes, "That's the one," that's the one.
Yeah. I don't know if I can pull it off, but...
Well, here's hoping. Here's hoping.
But you are in rehearsals, ready to go, so can you dance?
I can judge that.
LAUGHTER
Yeah. "Let me be a judge of that."
Let me be the judge of that.
APPLAUSE
But, Motsi, like, I'm looking at Rami there, and I'm thinking,
"He's physically built like a dancer. He looks like he can move."
You look like you've got an extra vertebrae than me.
You look like you've got a wobble about you.
I just need a great ass.
Can you look at somebody and go, "They can definitely dance"?
Well, looking, no, but if they do, like, a walk,
I can see if there's a talent there. If there's movement,
you know, the way we walk is also quite a thing with coordination.
So you can walk and I'll be like, "Not bad."
I'm never walking in front of you again.
No-one wants to get out of their seat right now.
We're just going to sit here for...
And thank you very much, Motsi.
You can go.
John, John, John, John, what is your go-to dance?
If you're on the dance floor and you've got to, what is it?
Do you know what I love? It's like 120 facial expressions.
You think I've got more than one dance?
No. No, I think you've got one dance.
I've basically got that. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, yeah.
I've got that. Some people call it a dad dance.
I don't call it a dad dance. I had that dance before I was a dad.
It's my dance.
Are you on the dance floor thinking, "Oh, God, I'm dancing?"
Or do you just get into it and lose yourself in it?
I used to be self-conscious,
and then, like you, I turned 50. Now I don't give a shit.
I'm on that dance floor, and they're getting it. Great.
I finished one tour show by recreating Saturday Night Fever,
the John Travolta bit, I put on the whole white suit
and did the whole thing. Backing dancers.
I see it. I see it. Yeah, yeah.
And I have to be honest with you, I do two hours of stand-up
building up to this bit that I was just shitting meself for,
but I loved it. I think dance and that ability to bring movement
into a play or anything like that
is just a wonderful thing to be able to do. Yeah, it is.
Well, I would love to invite you to come to one of my shows
on tour next year and do a dance for us all.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Deadly, deadly serious.
Don't give me that shit. "Do a dance for us all."
Like, when you say "do a dance for us all," like, who's us all?
Just, like, me and you in the dressing room?
LAUGHTER
"Come on, John. Shake your tush."
"Show us your arse! Show us your arse, John!"
No, no, I genuinely mean a stadium full of people,
you as John Travolta with the white jacket. Yeah.
I think it would be a beautiful moment.
And also a great way for me to plug my tour.
LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
I'll absolutely do it if I get a cut.
OK. LAUGHTER
And with that, the idea died.
LAUGHTER
Rami, we must quickly mention you've got a movie coming out in...
next year in April. It's called The Amateur,
and here's a little taste of it.
What you do is very important to what we do.
Let us handle this.
I want mission specific training, cash, and a new identity.
Have you lost your mind?
I want to find and kill the people who murdered my wife.
THEY LAUGH
I don't think you could beat a 90-year-old nun
in an arm wrestling match.
I want to face my wife's killers,
look them in the eyes,
and balance the scales.
You held a gun to my wife's head.
This is a remote that controls a device that's been decompressing
the glass beneath you. You have the wrong person.
No, I have exactly the right person.
Isn't that great? Wow! I love that.
That's in Battersea. That swimming pool...
It is, yeah. You guys must know it. It's in Battersea.
It's up between two skyscrapers.
So obviously you didn't blow it up, but did you...?
Is that where you filmed that? It is, yeah. I produced that,
it's a film I've been trying to make for quite some time.
And you get to this point where acting is lovely,
and it's a gift,
and then you just kind of want to take things into your own hands.
And I'm like, after doing Bond, I was like,
"Could I ever play an action hero?"
Possibly, but maybe someone who just uses his, you know,
brain instead of brawn, perhaps.
What's wrong with that?
No, no. It's good.
Did the story already exist?
It did, and then I just developed it and found a great director and, er,
I just start putting, you know, these things together
that early on in your career, you're like,
"I'd never be able to pull that off." And then, sure enough,
you're out there blowing up, you know, the pool in Battersea.
And you really did it. You got a great cast and it looks amazing.
It's out on the 11th of April. That's The Amateur.
My birthday. Oh! Lovely.
That's why we're here. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you!
Now, the big sporting highlight of 2024 was the Olympics in Paris.
Anyone go? Did anyone go?
Oh, a couple of people. OK.
It was one of the big sporting events of the year. Yay!
Now, one of the most unexpected fans at the Olympics was Snoop Dogg.
He loved it. Here he is at the opening ceremony.
Ooh! Quite the smoke.
Here he is at the equestrian event.
Yeah. That horse ate that carrot,
then failed a drugs test.
Here he is watching the women's beach volleyball.
LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
Motsi, I'm guessing you loved seeing the break dancing.
Oh! It was good, wasn't it?
Yes! It was iconic. Yeah.
It was a perfect, perfect interpretation of break dancing.
Yes. And... I don't want to be cancelled.
Well, no. I think we all remember Raygun from Australia.
There she is, doing some of her finest work.
Here's another bit of her. There she goes.
Robbie, if I dance on your tour, it'll be like that.
I thought it wasn't real when I saw it,
until I realised it was real.
Like, I thought it was just a TikTok thing. No. And then I, like,
I went deep down, I started looking up absolutely everything,
like where she lives, what she eats.
I was like, "Is this real?"
And then I was on holiday and I heard, like,
there were people from Australia.
I was in Greece and they were like, "What was she doing?"
"And why did she wear the cricket...?"
I think it's the cricket thing. Like, they were going on.
And at that moment, I didn't want to mention I'm a dancer.
I was just, "Swim away. Get away, get away."
I love the way that no-one knows who won the gold medal,
but everyone remembers Raygun. Yeah.
And by the way, if anyone's looking at that thinking,
"Looks easy, I could do that, I'll enter,"
you can't. After one year, they've cancelled break dancing
at the Olympics. It's gone. It's history.
Now, I particularly enjoyed the pole vault, especially this man.
It was the Frenchman Anthony Ammirati.
Did you watch this, John?
No, it's just the way you say, "I particularly enjoyed..."
Why was that, Graham? Why did you particularly enjoy...?
He was eliminated. He was eliminated from the competition
because he knocked the bar off with a certain part of his anatomy.
Yes! Can you guess what it is, Motsi?
Yes. It's a snake.
Yeah. I mean... LAUGHTER.
There's a lot in there.
So that's him just on his way up.
This next picture is extraordinary.
Like, how is he hanging on up there?
LAUGHTER
That's a gift.
We've all done that.
We've all walked out the bathroom with a towel and no hands.
LAUGHTER
And there he is. Bless him.
And like, what do you say when you go home and your parents go,
you know, "How did it go?"
"Well, I didn't get a medal, but now I've got an OnlyFans site."
"It's great."
LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
Listen, my favourite gymnastics play of 2024 came not from the Olympics
in France, but here, here in Enfield, North London.
Now, this clip went viral this year.
It's two ladies. They're friends.
I'm sure you've seen this. One's locked out of their house...
Yeah.
And they decide to go in through the window.
I don't know, if you haven't seen this, it's a joy.
You might think twice about going to the pub after you see this.
Yeah. Here we go.
So she's been locked out, so pop in through the window.
What could possibly go wrong?
Here we go. Lovely work.
And... Oh. Oh, dear.
LAUGHTER
Keep going, keep going.
There you go!
Nearly in.
Nearly in!
Very good.
And I am very excited to say that those two ladies
from Enfield, they're in our audience.
Lisa and Lisa. Where are Lisa and Lisa?
There they are! Hi!
Oh!
Seriously, so many of us have watched that clip
and laughed so hard. So just to make sure, so we know,
so who went through the window?
Lisa on the aisle? You went through the window.
Eyes on the face. And...
And then, Lisa, you just did the pushing.
So who filmed it, Lisa or Lisa?
Oh, you're here! Oh, right.
So who are you? Her partner.
OK. And why were you...?
Why was it being filmed?
Because whenever these two are together, something goes left.
It went south that day. Yeah, it went south.
LAUGHTER
And there was... There was... What I like is there's a detail
that a lot of people didn't pick up in the video. Oh, Christ!
So more happened.
So Lisa's bosoms fell out, and then what else happened, Lisa?
I peed around my neck.
LAUGHTER
If you listen carefully, you can hear her through the window, going,
"I've wet myself!" I'm weeing! I'm weeing!
LAUGHTER
Who posted it?
Some woman in Northern Ireland.
I got a phone call at 8.30 at night from my friend in Bolton going,
"You're all over t'internet."
LAUGHTER
I didn't know whether to stand up, sit down, I had...
Oh, my God, I didn't... I was crying.
I just didn't know what to do.
We would never have put it out there,
so someone done something, I suppose.
So were you, like, were you embarrassed and then pleased?
Bit late, isn't it, to be embarrassed?
LAUGHTER
Oh, it is genius. And again, did anything come of it?
Have you got, like, a bra sponsorship or...?
We were expecting a few pantomime offers as the Ugly Sisters,
but that never came.
Aw! But we've done a few little bits now.
We've got people in Texas want to buy the window and all sorts.
LAUGHTER
Great! Sell it! Sell it.
Lisa and Lisa, everybody.
Happy New Year to you. Have a great 2025.
Oh! That's funny.
That is funny.
Motsi Mabuse, Strictly's over for another year,
but it's hitting the road. Oh, yes. The Strictly Come Dancing live tour,
it starts the 17th of January in Birmingham,
going all around the country
through to London's O2 in February. Tickets are on sale now.
You haven't done the road tour before.
I have never been on tour,
and I'm super excited to join the other judges.
So it's all four of you this time? Yes.
Is this the first time it's been all four?
Yes, with me in it. Like, there have been other judges,
I think they went on tour, but this is my first year.
OK, so do you know how it works yet? Like...
Because presumably you see the same dancers every night?
Yes, we see the same dancers every night.
The audience changes, and they...
LAUGHTER
It's like a tour! It's like a tour.
Oh, is it different places? It's different places.
They get to vote on their phone, on text,
and then they choose the winner of the night. Ah, OK.
Because I noticed this year on Strictly, they gave the judges
kind of more to do.
Yes. They gave you kind of little dances and things.
So are you guys going to be doing a number on the tour?
We will do a number on the tour, yeah.
I think it's nice, you know, because we don't get to dance so much
when we're, like, judges, so we do have a number on the tour,
a very nice number, so, yeah, excited about it.
OK. And on this tour, are you going to places you've never been to
before? I... Everything.
I've never been to any place that we are going on tour,
so, like, I'm taking the whole family.
We're going to go on tour in the country, get the culture,
meet the people. I've been doing the show for six years,
so I'm super excited. That's lovely. It is.
Because Birmingham in January, I...
LAUGHTER
You're going to love that, yeah.
That's the only thing, people keep on telling me,
"There's nothing to do." I'm like, "I don't care."
Like, on TikTok, I've found restaurants,
places to go in the sauna. Like, I've done my work.
We're ready. All right, Motsi's ready.
Motsi - ready!
LAUGHTER
And, Motsi, do you miss dancing?
I do miss dancing. It's, you know, it's the biggest part of my life,
and I just get to do it, you know, in the kitchen and stuff.
My little girl has started dancing,
so I'm a dance mom, and I'm very involved.
And it's just... It's beautiful. It's a beautiful sensation.
You can't explain it to anybody.
You kind of slip away and you're in your own world.
Would you be tempted to do a show or something?
Oh, man, I'd need that Ozempic, and then I've got...
I've got a hook-up for that.
I love the fact that you said your five-year-old girl's dancing
and you're a dance mom.
Imagine being the dance teacher with Motsi Mabuse.
"Go on, teach her. Go on." No, but you know what?
My little girl has been watching dancing from day one.
Oh, yeah. So she thinks she can dance,
so it's very difficult for me to teach her because she says,
"I know, Mom, I can."
So I've passed it on to teachers and I'm just controlling myself.
My husband's like, "Calm down, calm down."
Because I'm like, "Go!" "Calm down."
So it's, yeah, it's difficult.
Now I just sit there and I'm a dance mom and I look pretty and...
Yes. Do you find there's times, though, that you're hard on her,
because you know what you know?
Oh, man. The first time I gave her a lesson,
and then I said, "Never, ever,"
because she's got a dance partner, and I said he was great.
I said she was great too, but not as loud. Right.
And then I said, you made a tiny mistake, and she burst into tears.
I went out to cry, and I said to my husband,
"I'm not doing that again. I am never doing it again."
So I've passed on, like Auntie Oti...
Of course. Yeah. ..My husband.
Auntie Oti's husband. Let your daughter hate HER.
Yes! Yes.
Do you find that with your kids as well?
Because, like, they've only ever known you as the famous.
Robbie Williams, the big pop star,
and all kids at some point want to be a pop star.
Do you ever say, "Look, this is not the job for you"?
Or do you look at them and go,
you've got enough talent, you've got to work...?
My Charlie's here tonight, and so is Teddy.
And Charlie's nine, and I came onstage -
and this happens every night that he comes to the show -
came onstage in front of 125,000 people in Munich,
like, two years ago, and I am giving it everything.
The bravado, you know, the stance, the look, the triumphant...
And I look down, and I can see Charlie in the VIP section
just on his iPad.
APPLAUSE
They're real. They keep you grounded, kids.
I meant to ask this earlier. In the film,
in Better Man, the film, why do you stop where you stop?
We never get to you as a, you know, married man, as a dad.
Betterer Man.
Best Man. Best Man. Better Man II.
That could be the sequel. Yeah, I don't really know.
It all got boring after that.
Happy. I got happy. I was happy.
I'm happy and grounded. Who wants to see that?
Yeah. Good point, well made.
Right, let's move on, because.
John Bishop is about to celebrate his 25th year as a stand-up.
Could have gone out for dinner, but, no,
he's doing another tour to celebrate.
It starts on October the 1st in Plymouth.
APPLAUSE Yeah!
And so is this...? It's a brand-new tour.
You're planning it now. Comes out next October.
Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm on tour at the moment.
I'm doing a tour at the moment that ends in April.
But this is a different show, different tour.
And it's also reflecting the fact that I never expected
to do this as a job.
So it's 25 years since my first-ever gig.
My first-ever gig was in a comedy club in Manchester
called the Frog And Bucket. So I'm doing...
Which you're returning to. Yeah, I'm doing all the arenas,
plus the Frog And Bucket.
I've booked the Frog And Bucket on a Monday night.
And is it still going as a comedy club, or do you...?
Yeah, yeah, it's still going. I mean, like, the thing with comedy,
as you know, like, you need comedy clubs to make it work.
You can't become a comedian any other way.
Some people are doing it now via podcasts.
But in reality, to be a proper stand-up,
you need to do 1,000 nights in 1,000 clubs. And that Frog And Bucket,
was that your first paid gig or was it literally your first-ever gig?
Oh, no, my first ever, ever walk on a stage. And what was your act?
Well, I didn't have one. OK. I literally didn't have one.
I didn't go to get onstage. Prior to that,
I'd only been to two comedy clubs in me whole life,
so I had no interest in doing it.
But I only went cos I was depressed.
So I'd split up with my wife,
it was a Monday night.
I had the kids all weekend, and then on a Monday, I was just depressed.
So I thought, "I'll do something that you can do on your own,"
and it was either a comedy club or lap dancing.
LAUGHTER
Honest to God, I was a shit lap dancer, so...
The choices!
25 years lap dancing for the nation!
Imagine that career.
No, and I was, you know,
I was 34, coming on to 35,
and I was just literally looking for something to do.
And I walked up to the door
thinking it would be a full comedy club.
And the guy on the door said to me, "It's £4 to get in,"
"but it's free if you put your name down."
And I said, "Put me name down for what?"
He said, "It's an open mic night,"
and I genuinely didn't know what that meant.
He said, "That means you put your name down",
"and if your name gets called out, you get onstage."
And because I'd only been to two comedy clubs and they'd always
been full, I thought, "Well, there'll be 200 people."
"They'll never get to me."
And, you know, it was £4. You know, I was going through a divorce.
I thought, "Well, that's £4 she's not getting."
So I put me name down, expecting never to be called out,
and I walked in, and there was seven people in the place,
and five of them had put their name down. And literally...
I mean, like, I'm sat here on this couch
with these talented people, with you, in this world,
and none of this would have happened but for that night.
And for a 15-minute window. If I'd have been called out...
I got called out second. If I'd have been called out third,
I might have already left.
So I got called out second
after a Geordie fella doing chicken impressions.
LAUGHTER
I'm not kidding.
Is he celebrating 25 years?
Where is he now?
He's got his own chicken farm now.
He's... No, he was...
I remember sitting in the audience thinking...
This brilliant comedian called Mick Ferry come on, who was compering,
and I was thinking, "Does he not know there's no-one here?"
And he went, "Your first act is..." and this fella come on, going...
"Whoa! All right. You know, yeah,"
"have you ever seen a chicken drive a van?"
HE CLUCKS
I was sat there thinking...
It sounds quite good.
"Have you ever seen a chicken playing football?"
HE CLUCKS
And then... And then he called out my name,
and I remember I walked onstage.
Never been on a stage, as I say.
I'd done sales presentations and stuff like that. Yeah.
I remember the lights in my eyes,
saying something about the lights being bright,
and then I thought, "What am I doing here?"
"This is just ridiculous. Like, I've never thought of doing this."
And then I thought, "Well, what's me choice?
"I'm going to go home to an empty house, not living with the woman
"I want to live with, not living with me kids.
"I'll just go home to a bottle of wine.
"And what have I got to lose?
"There's, like, there's only seven people here,"
"and one of them thinks he's a chicken, so..."
So I just literally started talking,
and I remember I started talking, I said some half joke,
and then I had nothing to say.
I had no jokes. So I just went, "I'm getting divorced."
And I started talking about getting divorced.
And in comedy clubs, when your time's up,
there's a red light that flashes.
I didn't even know that.
So I remember going, "Oh, your light's broke."
And I just carried on talking. LAUGHTER
I just carried on talking.
I was meant to do seven minutes.
Because there was no-one there, they let me carry on.
I did about 25, half an hour or something, and I walked off.
And I remember Mick, the compere, and the fellow who run the place,
Dave Perkins, coming up to me and said,
"Where have you been doing your stand-up?"
I said, "I've never done it in me life."
And he said, "Well, some of that was really good."
He said, "Some of that was funny."
He said, "The bit where you started talking about getting divorced"
"and you started crying, don't do that again."
LAUGHTER
He said, "But come back, come back, and we're here every Monday."
So it was like counselling.
So I just kept on going back.
Wow. What an amazing journey. 25 years of John Bishop, everybody!
APPLAUSE
Right, it's time for music.
Are we all ready?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Robbie Williams, are you ready?
I am! Excellent. Here we go!
All right, I'll just give you your coat, sir.
Thank you very much. Pop that on.
Lovely. There you go.
If you're not with the man.
Funk.
Soul.
Right
then you're with the wrong man
but your best friend can
bounce, bounce.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wow!
That's how you do it!
Robbie Williams, his band, his dancers,
thank you so much.
Oh!
Play Angels!
LAUGHTER
she offers me protection.
Tour next year. Tickets remarkably still available.
LAUGHTER
Not the first night. They all sold out in five minutes.
No dynamic ticket prices for this tour.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Robbie Williams!
Oh! It was fantastic.
Come on back, sir. Come on back.
Thank you so much for that.
That was absolutely amazing.
Come on, sir, have a seat, have a seat, have a seat.
Well, how good was that? Yeah. Yeah! I loved it.
Thank you, darling.
And we should... Thanks, love.
No, YOU were great. You were great.
And we should say, by the way, if you haven't seen the film,
when you see the film,
you'll get all sorts of Easter eggs from that performance and things.
We should also say that version of Rock DJ is on the soundtrack album.
Yes, it is. Very much so, yeah. Yeah. Very good.
And, now, you've mentioned the tour, but we might as well plug it again.
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
So this is a proper world tour.
Yeah, a proper world tour. And maybe North America. Ooh!
I might be going to America.
Oh! But will they know who you are?
I've been to London.
Next - America.
Hey, if you go to America, I'll come and dance for you. OK.
It's a deal.
All right, that's nearly all we've got time for,
but just time for a quick visit to the big red chair.
Let's have a look. New...
Oh, look, it's a festive jumper. Hello, sir.
Hello. Hi. What's your name?
John. John, lovely. And where are you from, John?
From Watford. Watford.
Is that a pug on your jumper?
I believe so.
Oh, no, it's a polar bear.
There. It's a polar bear.
LAUGHTER
If anyone asks you again, John, no, it's not.
LAUGHTER
And what do you do, John?
I'm an accountant. Of course you are!
Off you go with your story.
Thank you. Late '90s, New Year's Eve party,
two girls there, let's call them Little and Large,
because they were. I get off with Little, my mate gets off with Large.
I can't. I can't listen to...
LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
It's New Year's. We're literally running out of time.
It's nearly the end of the year.
That was the last thing of the year!
We'll have one more. We'll have one more.
Yeah, come on. Come on, 2024. Deliver. Deliver, 2024.
Hello. Hi. Hello!
We have high hopes. What's your name?
Lydia. Lydia. Lovely.
And where are you from, Lydia? I'm from St Albans.
St Albans. Lovely. And what do you do in in St Albans, Lydia?
I... Well, I live in London, and I work for a private members' club.
Oh, hello! There we go.
Is anyone on the couch in your story?
Er, the host might be.
Oh, no. No, it's not that...
LAUGHTER
Are you regretting...? You regretted the first one.
Not tonight. Not tonight.
Not tonight! I believe they're just reloading.
LAUGHTER
She didn't look like she worked in a dungeon, did she?
Yeah. What a shame!
What sort of private members' club do you think it was?
Do you not know what's coming?
No, no. You don't? No, I genuinely don't.
Oh, you were just like, "Fuck this." LAUGHTER.
Yeah, yeah. "No way." I wasn't going to risk it. "No way."
If I was in the story...
I'm with you. Do we have another one?
Oh, we do! Hello. Hello.
Hi! What a seasonal shirt. Thank you very much.
LAUGHTER
What's your name?
My name is Chris. Chris. Lovely.
And where are you from, Chris?
Originally Devon, but living in Uxbridge.
Uxbridge. What do you do in Uxbridge?
So I'm in the Royal Air Force.
Hello!
No wonder he's wearing a fancy holiday shirt.
Erm...
what's your story, sir?
So many years ago, my girlfriend at the time took me
with her to her family between Christmas and New Year.
We had some food.
I placed my side plate on the arm of my chair at the time,
and then I discovered that, in the box of chocolates
there were only nutty chocolates left,
and I really don't like nutty chocolates,
so that was all that was left,
so I started sucking the chocolate off the nuts
and putting the nuts back on my side plate. Ew!
Anyway, I'd amassed quite a collection of hazelnuts,
just as my, er, my girlfriend's elder sister walked in,
and quick as a flash, she said, "Oh, not eating those?"
Scooped them up, shoved them in her mouth, and ate them.
GROANS OF DISGUST
To this day, she has no idea that happened.
Now, I'm feeling generous on New Year's Eve.
Should we let him walk? Thank you.
Yeah, you can walk.
You can walk. Royal Air Force. Royal Air Force. Yes.
APPLAUSE
OK, that really is all we've got time for.
Please say a huge thank you to all my guests tonight,
John Bishop,
Motsi Mabuse,
Rami Malek
and Mr Robbie Williams.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And thanks to all of you for watching.
From all of us here, have a very happy New Year.
Goodnight, everybody. Bye-bye!
Oh, my God!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE