Hello, I'm Sam Neill, all the way from New Zealand,
welcoming you to The Graham Norton Show.
This programme contains some strong language.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, good evening, you're all so welcome to the show.
Oh, clapping ourselves in an empty room with just a few sycophantic
members of staff to cheer us along.
I feel like Boris Johnson visiting Scotland.
I don't know exactly where he visited, perhaps
it was the famous Scottish resort of Loch Down.
It's been a long year already!
No audience here in the studio, but we do have a fantastic virtual
audience watching from home.
Hello, everybody!
Look at them, pages of them, pages!
I know why you're all happy, yes, only two more days
of Dry January left.
Like anyone has been doing that!
So who have we got for you on the show tonight?
Well, me here in the studio is comedian and actor
turned novelist, Andi Osho!
Star of Cold Feet and The Hobbit, Jimmy Nesbitt!
From Doctor Who and I Hate Suzie, Billie Piper is with us!
And it's The Voice himself, music legend Sir Tom Jones!
Thank you, thank you.
Plus, shortly we will be joined live from New Zealand
by Jurassic Park star Sam Neill!
I know!
That's nice, very nice!
Yes, you might well clap, it's a very good show!
Billie can't stop!
So, welcome, all.
First time for you, Andi.
Yes, yes.
And Billie and Jimmy, you know each other, don't you?
Billie and I know each other, yeah.
Yeah.
A long time ago, I think I was with you on your first...
It was my first professional job, yeah.
It was a BBC adaptation of The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer.
I remember that!
And they were shooting it quite quickly.
Yeah.
And you have to get to know each other really quite
quickly, if you recall.
I think it was my first of many sex scenes!
But you sort of meet and you go, "Hi, I'm Jimmy and this is my arse."
And Sir Tom, a double celebration for Tom Jones,
because since we last met, you have unbelievably
turned 80 years old.
80, yes.
Wow!
And there should be a confetti cannon or something,
because you've also had the vaccine?
Yes, two of them.
Yeah!
You're fully vaccinated?
I've had the two, yes.
Let's all cough on Tom!
That was two weeks ago, when I had the second
one, so now I am like, you know, bullet-proof.
I'm going to be gobbing all in your direction.
Actually, we should all hug Tom!
So, you are now good?
Yes.
Now everybody else has got to get it.
Because I thought, oh, I'll be able to go out and sing
some live shows now.
But you've got to have an audience for that.
If they haven't had it, what's the point?
Yeah, "I'm fine!"
But you're singing for us later?
Yes.
I'm delighted to say, live in the studio!
That is a treat, isn't it?
Just us in this room and then you're going to be singing.
Exactly.
But I was thinking, you've been going a while...
Yes, quite a while, yes.
A new record, a new single, do you still enjoy it,
do you still get excited?
I love it.
I sing around the house, I sing when I don't get paid for it.
I mean, I love to sing, I really do.
And it...
You get the hook, you know.
Any chance I've got of getting up and singing, I will.
Because, Billie Piper, how long was it before you got
tired of the singing?
Like, three years.
I was retired by 18.
And then, I met you.
That was my journey.
Was that a good point as well, when you met Jimmy,
it was like, "I'm out!
This is for me now."
This is for me.
And you knocked it on the head, didn't you, it didn't
knock you on the head, if you know what I mean?
Yeah, I knocked it on their head when I was 18.
So I think I signed my record deal when I was, like, 14, and then...
You always show that picture, like I haven't got any others!
It's just on my computer.
Not just yours!
You love that shot.
So, yeah, about 18, I was done and dusted, exhausted,
and ready for a big change.
Look at Tom Jones!
I know, that's something completely different.
You can sing really well for a start!
That's a difference.
Because Andi, you were in a band, weren't you?
That's right, yeah.
I think for probably about six weeks?
OK!
We got a letter from the people who were running
the band or whatever...
Whatever!
Telling us that they didn't want me and my mate in the band.
It was the weirdest way to get rejected from the band.
It was like being rejected for a mortgage.
Just tell us to our faces!
We were only 16...
Were you in school?
Well, we were in school but they were in college.
They were grown-ups!
They had access to a printer.
Yeah, it was pretty humiliating.
You know, James Nesbitt, fabulous actor, but I think
it's fair to say that music was your first love?
No, well, it was.
I sang a lot as a child.
We were from quite a musical family.
And you were in musicals?
I was in musicals.
The first job I did was I played the Artful Dodger.
People talk of it still!
People say I'm still playing exactly the same role.
But no, I played the Artful Dodger when I was 13.
Then did telly come crawling immediately?
Well, my friends, as a result, wrote to Gloria Hunniford,
you remember Gloria?
Of course!
What Gloria used to do, she was like the doyenne
of news and magazine kind of television programmes.
She was the Graham Norton of her day.
She is the Gloria Hunniford of now!
She's a fantastic woman.
And my friends had written to her unbeknownst to me,
saying that they wanted to set up an Ulster youth theatre, and she did
a live magazine show every night, and so I knew nothing about this,
I was playing rugby, actually, in Coleraine, in school one day,
I was dragged off the pitch, thrown into a car by this director,
me and my mates were taken up to Belfast, went live on a show
in our costumes from Oliver that we put on in the car on the way
up, and at the end of it, we did a bit of a chat
with Gloria about setting up an Ulster youth theatre,
we were 13, and at the end of it, Gloria said,
"Well, we've got a bit of time, so the boys are going to sing us out
with There's No Business Like Showbusiness," which is not
a song from Oliver.
So, we stood behind Gloria and she went, "Take it away!"
And the other two couldn't sing to save their lives, and we went...
# There's no business like show business
# Like no business I know...#
HE MUMBLES
So there was this terrible, awkward silence, and Gloria
just went, "Oh, well, at least they're
all full of spunk!"
And I...
LAUGHTER
We were 13.
When you are 13, spunk means one thing.
So I burst out laughing.
Meanwhile, my mother and father were in Coleraine,
waiting for me to come home from rugby for my tea,
so it was quite a rude awakening to my TV career!
Well, we don't have the clip of Gloria talking about your spunk,
but we do have another clip.
How old are you in this clip, do you know the one I mean?
All That Jazz?
Yeah!
Oh, no, I'm 13 or 14 in this.
It is...
..beautiful!
No, this is 14-year-old...
What were you going to say?
My children love this, my children...
When Mary and Peggy often, if I've said something
to annoy them or whatever, they'll just send me
a still from this other video.
And they'll say, "How did you ever have children?"
Oh, no!
This is 14-year-old Jimmy Nesbitt performing All That Jazz.
Oh, God!
# Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town?
# And all that jazz
# I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down
# And all that jazz
# Start the car, I know a whoopee spot
# Where the gin is cold but the piano's hot.
# It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl.
# And all that jazz....#
Gorgeous!
What a voice!
I don't remember being that camp, actually!
I'm sure if we had a clip of Tom Jones at 14, it wouldn't look
as old as that bit of film!
I know!
It looked like you were performing in a great panic!
Yeah, I should have been!
Right, let's crack on.
What an amazing time to be Billie Piper!
You are on such a roll!
Thank you!
I Hate Suzie, such a big hit.
I mean, were you daunted, were you terrified,
or did you kind of think, "Oh, here we go?"
I was really excited for the show to come out,
because it felt like I was doing something finally that I come um...
because it felt like I was doing something finally that I, um...
..that made sense to me, and it's a big howl,
really, of everything, so it felt very satisfying.
And also, it's kind of weird, and actually, I am a bit weird.
So it was nice to put that out there.
Well, I mean, did you see the tweet just yesterday?
You must have seen this tweet.
No, I haven't seen the tweet.
The Lena Dunham one?
What's Lena Dunham saying?
Lena Dunham, you know, created Girls and some other things,
she tweeted this just yesterday.
Hear, hear!
I love "runaway libido"!
It's good!
It's true.
And presumably, she saw it because it's still on Sky on demand...
Yeah, yeah.
And she's in London now.
Not that that matters.
But you are here tonight, this is the thing, you are here
tonight with a new movie, Rare Beasts.
And this is a rare beast, because not only do you star in it,
talk about sense of ownership, this one, you wrote and directed?
Yeah, yeah.
About two years ago.
Apparently, it's coming out in May, but I'm not entirely sure.
Let's pretend it is, let's talk as if it is.
It will be released this year, and that will be great, finally.
Because it's almost like a phantom film,
I'm starting to think it never happened!
It's become like...
Have you been working on it all that time,
or did you finish it completely that long ago?
I finished it two years ago, and then, I started filming Suzie,
but Suzie happened to come out before, it's just the way
it's worked this time.
But you did such a great job of this, and how do you describe it?
Because it's not a rom-com, but it is funny, and it is
about dating, sort of.
Yeah, I think people sort of call it this anti-rom-com, and I'm...
I think that's too easy, in a way.
For me, it's like a pitch black comedy, borderline horror.
But people don't like it when I say that, so I make it shiny!
That's why it may or may not come out this year?
Yes!
The film I apparently wrote, directed and starred in.
OK, this is you on your first date with Pete, played by Leo Bill.
Leo Bill, yeah.
He's such a good actor.
OK, so this is the first date.
You'll marry me in a year.
Unlikely!
Come on, we get on.
I don't want this to be some sort of three-year arrangement,
where you're haemorrhaging your youth to no end.
Work will do that, modern woman.
Let's just say that if after a year we're undecided about marriage,
then will just part company.
I could see that coming.
I mean, you ate like a pig.
Come on, please.
Just think about me all night.
I pretty much adore you.
Taxi!
I'm going to go home and wank over your Instagram pictures, OK?
I mean, it is so brutal, but so well observed.
It is brutal, it's bonkers, but I just feel like that's
what life feels like now.
I feel like everyone's at the end of their rope,
and I think that's sort of represented in the film.
Brilliant.
Well, Billie's new film is called Rare Beasts
and it is due for general release on the 5th of May.
Right, time to meet our virtual guest tonight.
He is the star of Jurassic Park, Peaky Blinders and
Hunt For The Wilderpeople, it's Sam Neill, everybody!
Hello, yay!
Hello, Sam Neill!
Lovely to see you, Graham Norton.
Well, I like the look of your kitchen!
It's entirely devoted to alcohol.
Yeah, you would be very welcome here and very much
at home, I would think.
So, this is your vineyard, is it?
Yes, it is.
It's a lovely morning, it's about nine o'clock,
and do you want to see outside?
Oh, yes!
So this is New Zealand.
Oh, wow!
Sunny day.
You should have had strangers kissing or something,
just to really show off.
It's sunny and we don't have Covid!
I feel slightly weird talking about it you,
because I know that the UK is in such dire straits,
but we have three cases in the community and the whole
country is very nervous!
So it seems odd by comparison, doesn't it?
But we are a little bit on edge at the moment.
And this place, it presumably looks familiar to you, Jimmy Nesbitt?
It looks very familiar.
Hi, Sam.
Hi, Jimmy.
I spent...
I met Sam when I was over doing The Hobbit and I was lucky enough
to spend some time with Sam down at the vineyard, it's beautiful.
But I spent the day with Sam on the farm, we spent
the morning shovelling shit...
We are actors!
And then we all actually had a bit of a wine tasting
competition in there, I think.
Do you have any recollection?
I do!
Blissful.
We wallowed in compost, it's an Irish thing.
We have that in common.
And then smelling sweetly, we then had a taste of, and he won!
And then smelling sweetly, we then had a taste off, and he won!
It was really irritating.
And now, Sam, Tom Jones, you've met?
Yes.
Do you remember where?
I do, yes.
The Greek Theatre, it was at a Sting concert.
Wow.
And Sam was backstage, and I asked him what he was doing,
you know, what are you up to?
And he said, "Well, I'm doing this movie about...
There's these dinosaurs in it.
But you don't actually see them."
He said, "I'm acting, I'm looking up and doing this,
but they're going to be put in later on.
So I don't know what's going to happen with it."
Jurassic Park.
We know what happened to that, yeah!
I was delighted to meet Tom, and I found myself in a circle
where there was the great Tom Jones, Herbie Hancock, the immaculate
Herbie Hancock, Sting and myself, and I was like,
this is a supergroup!
This has got to be a supergroup!
But I would be the sort of joke drummer, you know,
that couldn't drum!
I've met a few of those!
Yeah.
Sam Neill, you've got a movie to tell us about.
This is Rams, it stars yourself and the Australian
actor Michael Caton.
And this is very close to your heart, this film.
Tell us about it, it's a lovely film.
Yeah, it's been on release in Australia and New Zealand,
and I'm getting such wonderful feedback from it, people saying
they are feeling so much better for having seen this film.
It's gratifying to get that, er, to get that feedback,
but it has its genesis in a beautiful Icelandic film
which was actually rather grim.
Our film was very different.
It's about two brothers who haven't spoken for about 40 years,
and who love sheep.
There is a small romance in it, with Miranda Richardson,
who is an old friend of mine.
So it's mostly about sheeping men, and community.
And it's rather touching and lovely a little sad,
but also very sort of heart-warming.
It's a lovely film.
It is, because it is that thing where the town of it shifts.
It is, because it is that thing where the tone of it shifts.
Like, sometimes it's really tragic and then it can be very funny
and whimsical and quirky.
It's a really special thing.
Yeah, and for lovers of sheep, there is no better thing, I think!
Rams, it's available on all digital platforms from next Friday.
And we've got a clip, Sam.
This is you settling in with your new housemates.
Good morning, my lovelies.
There we go.
Go on, my lovely girls.
Lovely, lovely girls.
Lovely!
Get back!
Come here!
Get out of here, get out!
Come on!
Round you go, bring her in.
Come on, come on!
Good dog.
Bring her in, bring her in.
Good dog.
Come on, stop mucking around!
Bring her in, come on!
Bring her in.
Come on, bring her round!
Bring her in, bring her in!
Oh!
Good girl.
Go on!
Nothing out here for you, darling.
Good girl.
As for you...
DOG WHINES
And how hard is that - you can't train sheep, can you?
You can to an extent, but a sheep is an animal
of limited capacity for...
You don't see sheep in circuses, for instance.
And presumably you would like to spending time with them,
because famously you have a lot of livestock, don't you?
Yes, I have goats and sheep, and cattle and a lot of chickens,
you know, these terrible battery farms, which I thoroughly disapprove
of, one was going past the other day, and there were a lot
of, one was going bust the other day, and there were a lot
of chickens looking for homes.
I already have about 24 chickens, so now I'm up to 36,
I think, at last count.
It's at least 36.
So there is a gang of them out there.
And they all think I'm wonderful, so it's like having...
It's like having Tom Jones fans, actually.
LAUGHTER
Billie Piper, you too have joined the world of chicken donors?
Yeah, we have chickens, we have two chickens.
Just the two?
Just the two.
What are they called?
One has changed its name a few times.
Price Belmar and then it was Bob and then The Notorious Chicken.
Cockerels - both cockerels, wanted layers and got cockerels -
it's like pot luck.
His name is Heavy Metal.
Wait a minute.
So these are the two cockerels.
This is one cockerel in different poses.
OK.
And this is a competitive bird.
You can enter them for competitions.
They have amazing plumage.
I don't think that's a competition anyone wants to do.
But it looks fantastic.
It does.
But it's awful.
It's a horrible, aggressive cockerel.
It's...
He's become a real problem.
And loud?
Very loud, and sort of swoops down at you,
chases you around the garden, puts his wing out and sort of circles
you, and now it's doing this, and apparently...
I said to this guy down the road, like, "What am I going
to do about this?"
And he said, "You've just got to show him who's boss."
But he's so gorgeous.
How could you possibly discipline...
I think he's very frustrated because I think
he wanted this competition life, and instead he got us in lockdown.
What he might like is a hen.
I mean, I'm not a vet, but...
That might cheer him up.
I can't take any more risks.
And, Sam Neill, you talked about your animals on the show
before and I hesitate to ask, am I still alive, Sam?
You're not only alive.
You're the number one bull now.
That's me!
Look at him.
Now, it's less good news, I believe,
for James Nesbitt.
Well, Jimmy Nesbitt, Jimmy served us well,
but he got old and very arthritic.
Oh, no!
Is he no longer with us?
He's no longer with us.
He had to be put down.
He was in quite a lot of pain.
And we gave him an honourable burial
down at the end of the farm.
A huge grave.
I mean, it was the size of a house.
Well, take one for me.
Wait a minute.
You dug a hole for that?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Is that a thing...
Don't wild...
Animal expert Andi has a question.
Does livestock explode after it's expired?
Is that an urban myth or a rural myth?
It's a very urban myth.
I feel like I made it up.
Jimmy Nesbitt in his prime was something to behold, though, Sam.
Is that not right?
Yeah, he was a fantastic bull.
With a distinguished name like Jimmy, I couldn't really
turn him into sausages, so he has a grave and a little
marker on him, so RIP, dear old Jimmy.
Have you got a Tom Jones yet?
Surely Tom Jones is ripe for the farm.
And I'm Welsh!
I mean, God.
I got a couple of new Rams who are unnamed,
as a matter-of-fact.
Well, hello!
Very quickly, Sam.
Andi, I know you're a big fan of Jurassic Park.
Definitely.
Oh, me too!
Everyone loves...
Hey, hey!
Because the new one, is it finished?
Do we know when that is going to see the light of day?
Yeah, it was supposed to be May of this year,
but it's been put back for a year, so it's May of 22, yeah,
and, gosh, time has gone so weird these last few months, hasn't it?
Yeah, May of 22, and we shot it all at Pinewood, so I spent most
of last year in England, and it's going to
be huge!
So hopefully there's still some cinemas open and people might
want to go back to the movies.
Well, hopefully you can come and tell us
about it in May, 2022.
That would be great.
Would be good to see you again.
Thank you for getting up so early in lovely New Zealand and
talking to us.
Rams is available on all digital platforms next Friday.
Sam Neill, everybody!
Bye, Sam!
Bye-bye, Sam!
CHEERING
Oh, lovely.
I love the bit where he said it's about men and sheep and
there's some romance, and I'm sitting here going, "Don't say
anything, don't say anything."
And he's giggling, going, "Sounds like Wales!"
No, Miranda Richardson is the romance.
Oh, I see, OK, OK.
Sam's the greatest, though.
Isn't he lovely?
OK, let's turn to Jimmy Nesbitt.
He brings us a gripping new crime thriller, Bloodlands,
coming next month to BBC One,
and this has amazing pedigree.
It's from the people who made Line Of
Duty and The Bodyguard.
So it's Jed Mercurio.
Who you have known for a long time.
I knew him...
I did a show years ago, Jekyll, which was written
by Steven Moffat and Jed's partner produced it,
and I've known Jed for a long time and Jed also had a lot
of presence in Northern Ireland for a long time because he makes Line
Of Duty there.
I was never in it - series six, series seven.
And so I saw him a bit over the years
and I said I'd love to work together and we love
each other and Jed was
sent scripts by new writers.
He read one of them called Bloodlands and he
sort of thought of me and so it finally came to pass, and when Jed
sort of gives you a call it's like God calling, really.
And says, will you work for me?
Yes.
I'll die for you.
And so it's a thriller set in Northern Ireland.
I play a policeman called Tom Brannick, coming to the
end of his time.
And it's about me on the hunt for a legendary
assassin.
And it's really twisty-turny and you don't know who's
good, who's bad.
It's really good.
And as beautiful as Northern Ireland is to look at, it provided certain
kind of acting challenges for you.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's fucking cold.
We were filming from January to March, and it was...
I mean, it was freezing.
You were in the water and everything.
Well, Strangford Lough, when the wind comes up the lough, I
mean, it's bitter, you know?
And if you're playing kind of a hard-nosed
sort of detective who's on the case which is of huge personal
significance to him, you're going out on kind of boats
along the lough at six and seven in the morning and
it was...
Often, my...
Often, we couldn't speak.
The jaws were frozen.
You ever had that?
I've had my jaw sort of lock whilst I've been
filming in the cold.
I mean, that shot there...
I look grim and determined and kind of
stony faced there.
That's me getting off a boat after seven hours
going, "Get me into my Mercedes.
Get me into my hotel room."
I want a giant hairdryer on me now!
But it's just an important and exciting time
for Northern Ireland.
It's important that we continue to make these shows
there and we continue to try and turn this kind of peace
into a social and economic and cultural prosperity
for the young people.
And obviously there's big action sequences and
this one...
Now, what was the involvement in this with your
family?
That was after a particularly bad catering set at
lunch.
You were cold!
"I'm going to set fire to the car!"
"It's my sushi!"
No, that was filmed in kind of a market town
in Northern Ireland called Ballyclare and
my aunt Edith, a formidable, small, brilliant, religious woman,
she knew I was filming in Ballyclare, but she
was coming back from the shop and we were
doing this stunt, there were
police cars going, a petrol bomb thrown,
I'm putting a policeman on
fire out, but she went up to one of the policemen
there kind of standing back, and she said, "What's
happening?"
And this guy, this policeman, said to her, "Oh, it's
James Nesbitt."
And she went, "My James is filming here today.
What's happened to him?"
And she realised they were in the middle of a stunt.
All right, we've got a clip.
This is you getting your colleague up to speed
on the case.
OK.
These are the original disappearances, the ones
who preceded Keenan.
David Cory, Joe Harkin, and Father Simon Quinlan.
A priest?
And an IRA arms dealer.
Joe Harkin was an IRA quartermaster and
Cory was from the other side.
He was a Protestant paramilitary Godfather.
That's what made it all the more puzzling.
It wasn't one side or the other.
His targets were people who were threat to the peace
process on both sides.
He kept it evenhanded.
You said there were four targets.
He also murdered my wife.
CHEERING
So that was Bloodlands.
I always think those bits of acting must be
so hard, the bit where, I'm not talking but there's still filming
and here we go.
But I mean, it's such a good bunch of people to work
with, and Chris, who wrote it, was overseen
by Jed and Jed Mercurio is
God, to tell you the truth.
Well, listen, Bloodland is coming to BBC
One next month, and talking of Jed Mercurio and Line Of Duty,
and Andi Osho, you are in the new Line Of Duty.
That's right, yeah.
Tell us all about it.
I'll put a word in for you, don't worry.
Wow.
This was your first time in Northern Ireland?
I mean, I've lived there all my life, but I never got in it.
I was just there on a holiday and Jed was
there, and he was like, "Do you want to be in..."
It so weird.
Kind of rude, OK.
Have you finished it now?
I've finished.
I've done my bit.
OK.
It must be so weird walking around with that in your head.
I...
Yeah, I'm a real fan of the show as well,
so it's very hard to keep my cool.
You're like, "It's Steve, it's Steve!"
Oh, hello.
Oh, hi, hi.
Now, you are...
Obviously, we know you as a stand-up and an actor, but
you're here tonight to talk about your debut novel, Asking For A
Friend.
Do you have a copy?
I have a copy.
Bizarre.
Have you not seen it?
You must have seen it.
I love it.
I was so taken aback by the fact that it
was embossed, like, the
title is embossed.
Yeah, it's posh.
I know, right?
Yeah.
And it's a comedy, but it's also about
friendship, but the premise is this idea of friends playing a dating
game, so explain the dating game and the rules of it,
because you came up with this game, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So, basically, the three girlfriends that the book
is about, they are kind
of stuck in terms of relationships for different reasons, and so they
decide that they're going to take their dating lives on and just go
out and just ask guys out in real life, but for each other.
And they set up a load of rules, like you're
not allowed to veto, you're not allowed to do anything illegal -
things like that.
So, yeah, the story is about what happens to them
as they go out on the prowl looking for dates.
Because you've done some extreme dating.
I love the idea of your Edinburgh show.
So explain the thing that went on in your
Edinburgh show.
Yeah, so I wrote an Edinburgh show...
I think it was, like, 2011 and it was basically
about dating, but at the end of every show, I would ask someone
out in the audience, or I would
basically get their mates to sort of volunteer them,
because no one ever volunteered themselves, because it
was always like, "You go," and pushing someone forward.
Everyone else stepped back.
So, yeah, I ended up in some quite interesting
situations.
Because you actually went on a date with them?
Yeah, I went on the dates afterwards.
I 100% did it.
Like, to what point?
Well, with people watching out for me,
chaperones sitting a few tables away.
I also had like a fake gin and tonic that I would, "Yes, alcohol,
yummy."
It isn't, it's just tonic water.
Yeah, there were a couple of guys...
There was one guy who was
lovely, but he had grown up children, so it was just like, "I'm
going to be your new mummy!"
The very first guy I went on this date with, he
just looked absolutely terrified, and I took a selfie of us, and he's
just like that in the selfie, like...
He was this French guy, and I'm feeling like
I don't know if he knows
what's going on here.
Like, I don't know if he knows he's on a date with
me.
And were there any second dates?
I'm going to shock you.
No.
There were no second dates.
After a month of Edinburgh?
I know!
Can you believe that?
A lot of sex.
No second dates.
But with the dates?
Some.
Sometimes it ended in...
No, it didn't happen.
Mum, that didn't happen.
Swings and roundabouts kind of...
There were some swings.
And are you back here full-time?
Because you moved to America, am I right?
Yeah, I was sort of backwards and forwards, like spending
time there and here, but I thankfully moved
back sort of couple of years ago, about 18 months ago, and I feel like
it was...
The right choice.
Exquisite timing.
Look at the state of them.
The country's burning.
Yeah.
Yeah, glad I moved back.
Because, Tom Jones, how long did you live in LA for?
41 years.
Wow.
So clearly you liked it.
I did like it.
I did.
It was...
Well, it was the sunshine and everything, you know.
And because I'm a live performer, I'm on the road a lot,
or used to be when I was younger anyway, and so to
me it was like a holiday place.
You know, I would go back to LA, and my
wife was there and the house and I'd be up at the pool most of the time.
And I didn't really have to do anything.
Once in awhile, I would do a TV show, you know, or I would
record something, and it's all there, of course.
Whatever you want to do.
But it was so easy.
It's handy for Vegas and all that sort of
stuff, isn't it?
Well, yeah, exactly, so, I mean, I was working a
lot in Las Vegas, so I could fly there or just drive up there.
And tell me this.
When you went...
The first time you went, was it to do a
TV show in 1967?
65.
65, and is that when you met Elvis?
That's when I met Elvis Presley.
Don't try and compete.
LAUGHTER
Difficult.
So I got there and it was wonderful.
We were staying in a famous hotel.
On the Sunset Strip at the time.
I was like, "God, this was unbelievable!
My first year in show business!"
And then
I had to go to Paramount Studios for a song or something and they said
Elvis Presley is going to be there tomorrow and he would like to meet
you.
I thought, "Elvis Presley wants to meet me?"
It was unbelievable!
And I went there to go and see about the
song and they said, "Elvis is filming and once
they stop the filming, you
go in."
So I did and they closed the doors again and I'm standing at the
back there with the Memphis Mafia, these guys that work for him, and
he's in this little mock helicopter with this girl.
And they did a scene and I'm like looking, "My God,
there's Elvis Presley."
And they said, "OK, cut," and he looked across
and went, you know.
And I was like, you know, looking at these fellas,
and they said, "Elvis is waving at you, wave back!"
"Me?"
So he gets out of that helicopter and he starts
walking towards me.
Well, I had a single record at the moment.
It was my third single.
With These Hands.
It was a ballot, it was a beautiful song.
And Elvis is walking towards me going...
# With these hands I will cling to you...#
Right? And I thought,
"My God if the boys back home could see me
now!"
It was unbelievable.
CHEERING
That's an amazing Elvis Presley story.
Well, listen, Tom, the time has come
for you to perform, so if you would like
to make your way over to the
stage over there.
There he goes.
Lovely.
Now, shortly we will be having some stories from the red
chair, and I need somebody to volunteer for the chair.
Do we have a volunteer?
No.
Are you volunteering?
I think so.
Do you want to do it?
Gladly.
Excellent.
Well done.
OK, here performing his current single No Hole In My Head
from the new album Surrounded By Time, it's Tom Jones!
# Everybody thinks my head is full of nothing
# They want to put their own special stuff in
# Fill up the space with candy wrappers
# Keep out sex and revolution
# But there's no hole in my head
# Too bad
# They called me a dupe
# For this and the other
# Called me a puppet on a string # They don't know my head's full of
me
# And that I have my own special thing
# And there's no hole in my head
# Too bad
# I have lived since early childhood
# Figuring out what's going on
# I know what hurts
# I know what's easy
# And when to stand and when to run
# But there's no hole in my head
# Too bad
# So please stop shouting in my ear
# There's something I want to listen to
# There's a kind of birdsong out there somewhere
# People walking when I want to run
# And there's no hole in my head
# Too bad
# Everybody thinks my head's full of nothing
# Trying to put their own special stuff in
# Fill up the space with candy wrappers
# Keep out sex and revolution
# But there's no hole in my head
# Too bad
# No there's no hole in my head
# Too bad
# There's no hole in my head
# Too bad # I can say whatever I want to say
now
# Do whatever I want to do
# Well, within reason.#
Tom Jones, everybody!
CHEERING
Fabulous song.
Come on back, please.
Oh, Tom Jones!
How amazing was that?
I mean, the voice is full on.
Well done.
Thank you.
It still works.
It really does still work.
Thank God.
It's fantastic.
That's from the new album, Surrounded By Time,
and that is out on the 23rd of April.
At that single is out now, and I will say to you, I wasn't
aware of that song, but it is an old song.
It was by Malvina Reynolds and she was around in New York in
the early 60s.
Like, Bob Dylan and a lot of those people, Pete Seeger.
They all loved her.
And her Ain't No Hole In My Head was her kind of
people, they misjudged her because they thought she was just a
middle-aged woman.
Yeah, she was trying to sing for people in
general, really.
To do your own thing.
And not to try to be moulded into something that you're not.
You know, within the music business, they try to tell you that you've got
to look like this, look like that.
You know, I had curly hair when I first came up to London,
and doesn't work.
Well, why?
They try to make it into something else.
So thank God, you know, as time has gone on, of
course, but you've got to prove a point.
Yeah.
Well, listen, thank you very much for that beautiful
performance.
Tom Jones, everybody.
Really amazing.
Right, that's nearly it.
Before we go, there's just time for a visit to the big red
chair.
Is Mr Nesbitt there?
Oh, look at him.
He's ready.
OK.
Jimmy is ready.
Let's find out who's telling a story to keep you in that chair.
Hello, sir.
Good evening.
What's your name?
My name is Brian.
Brian, and where are you from?
I'm from the North Norfolk coast, a small village
called Mundesley.
Mundesley, OK.
And you are telling a story to keep Mr Jimmy
Nesbitt in that chair.
OK?
Absolutely.
All right, good luck, everyone.
Off you go with your story.
Here we go.
I'm in London, I'm in East London, it's dark, it's
drizzly, I'm lost, seriously lost, bursting for a pee.
I look at the floor, there's a water bottle there,
but I can't reach it.
Stuck in this traffic queue for an hour.
I'm fed up, I'm miserable.
I look at the screen and see a man in a high viz
jacket.
I decide to get out the car and ask him what's going on.
I get out the car, he walks towards me and
says, "Whoa, whoa, you cannot get out your car here, buddy."
I said, "Well, why not?"
He said, "Well, because you're on the Woolwich Ferry."
Jimmy, I must apologise.
No.
But you understand.
I'm completely understand.
I'm surprised it took so long, to tell you the truth.
Well, I kept thinking, the story will make sense in a minute.
It started well.
Where was he?
He was in East London...
It was somehow he had driven on a ferry without
knowing.
He must have been out of his mind.
I thought there was a bottle in his car.
That's what I thought, the bottle was in the car.
Anyway, I think we are over analysing.
Let's try another one.
Oh, no.
This has got to be a story.
This is the story.
This is the one.
Hello.
What's your name?
My name is Bernie.
Bernie, and where are you from, Bernie?
Belfast in Northern Ireland.
We knew it, we knew it.
Beautiful interior decoration, beautiful, lovely frame.
What do you do in Belfast?
I'm a social worker, but I'm off on sick
leave.
I'm getting treated for cancer, so more recently I'm writing
poetry.
Good on you, Bernie.
Very good.
We enjoy all your endeavours.
OK, off you go with your story.
OK, so this happened a number of years ago
when my first child was
born.
My husband and I, like a lot of new parents, were completely
sleep deprived, but we had invited a couple of friends round that we
hadn't seen for many years and they'd come a long distance to
meet us.
Really having a wonderful, wonderful evening, really enjoying
ourselves, but as the evening wore on, like a lot of new parents my
husband and I were getting more and more tired,
and they just weren't getting the cues, the yawns,
nothing was working.
So I look at my husband at one stage of the evening
and I asked him to check the child.
So he went up to the child's bedroom and I had my excuse, I said I was
just nipping to the loo and would be back shortly.
So up I went and the two of us, we started plotting in the
bedroom as to how we could get them to leave, tactfully, diplomatically,
without hurting anyone's feelings, so anyway once we were finished we
were all ready for the big plan, but they had started
to put their coats on.
And they were acting very oddly.
And they seemed very offended.
So we thought nothing more about it.
We were so delighted that we were
going to get off to bed, so off we went
and started cleaning up the
dishes.
And then I heard the baby crying through the baby monitor.
They had heard the whole thing.
Very good.
You can walk.
Walk, Bernie.
Love you guys.
Oh, Bernie.
Lovely Bernie.
OK, that really is all we have time for.
If you would like to tell us your story,
you can contact us via the website.
Please say a huge thank you to all of my guests, Jimmy Nesbitt.
Andi Osho.
Billie Piper.
Sam Neill.
And Sir Tom Jones.
Do join me next week with singer Jessie Ware, Sister
Michael from Derry girls, Siobhan McSweeney, top comic
Alan Carr, Back To Life star Daisy Haggard, Bridgerton
star Rege-Jean Page and rock legend Dave Grohl.
I'll see you then.
Goodnight, everybody, bye-bye!