1
00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:03,916
Alpa Chino!
2
00:00:04,020 --> 00:00:05,715
We're loaded
3
00:00:05,822 --> 00:00:07,216
I love the pussy, hell, yeah
4
00:00:07,256 --> 00:00:08,718
I love the pussy, hell, yeah
5
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:11,487
I love that pussy
dripping down to the floor, oh, no
6
00:00:11,527 --> 00:00:14,090
The wettest pussy, hell, yeah
I love the pussy, hell, yeah
7
00:00:14,130 --> 00:00:17,293
I'm drinking up
your Booty Sweat and busting a nut
8
00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:19,162
Alpa Chino got that pussy control
9
00:00:19,202 --> 00:00:21,164
Alpa Chino's Booty Sweat.
10
00:00:21,204 --> 00:00:22,722
Pop an ass open!
11
00:00:22,739 --> 00:00:27,227
Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars
available at concessions now.
12
00:00:30,346 --> 00:00:34,476
In 2013, when the Earth's rotation
came to a halt?
13
00:00:34,584 --> 00:00:38,214
The President has declared
all of North America a disaster area.
14
00:00:38,254 --> 00:00:41,017
I call on my fellow Americans
to come together?
15
00:00:41,057 --> 00:00:45,611
the world called on the one man
who could make a difference
16
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:53,422
When it happened again,
the world called on him once more.
17
00:00:54,570 --> 00:01:00,440
And no one saw it coming
three more times!
18
00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:04,640
Now,
19
00:01:04,747 --> 00:01:08,683
the one man who made a difference
five times before,
20
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:15,489
is about to make a difference again.
21
00:01:16,225 --> 00:01:20,321
Only this time, it's different.
22
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,815
Who left the fridge open?
23
00:01:25,234 --> 00:01:27,168
Tugg Speedman.
24
00:01:27,270 --> 00:01:32,037
Scorcher VI: Global Meltdown.
25
00:01:32,141 --> 00:01:33,904
Here we go again.
26
00:01:35,445 --> 00:01:36,434
Again.
27
00:01:45,054 --> 00:01:47,921
Will there be anything else?
28
00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:51,221
Yes, my dear man. More beans.
29
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:55,190
Granny!
30
00:01:57,133 --> 00:01:58,293
Please!
31
00:01:58,401 --> 00:02:03,361
This summer,
America's favorite obese family is back.
32
00:02:06,242 --> 00:02:07,800
Gross!
33
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:10,473
–You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny.
–Am not!
34
00:02:10,513 --> 00:02:12,003
Jeff Portnoy.
35
00:02:12,682 --> 00:02:14,149
Jeff Portnoy.
36
00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,240
Jeff Portnoy.
37
00:02:16,352 --> 00:02:22,450
And Jeff Portnoy are
The Fatties: Fart Two.
38
00:02:22,558 --> 00:02:24,389
In some countries,
39
00:02:25,595 --> 00:02:27,290
it's considered a compliment.
40
00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:30,527
Letting loose this summer.
41
00:02:39,809 --> 00:02:45,543
In a time where to be different
was to be condemned,
42
00:02:59,295 --> 00:03:03,994
and to be condemned was to die,
43
00:03:08,237 --> 00:03:12,298
one man chose to question his God.
44
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,127
From Fox Searchlight,
45
00:03:26,822 --> 00:03:30,122
five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus
46
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:35,494
and MTV Movie Award
Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire.
47
00:03:41,871 --> 00:03:46,689
Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's
coveted Crying Monkey Award,
48
00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:49,601
Satan's Alley.
49
00:03:54,116 --> 00:03:56,756
I've been a bad, bad boy, Father.
50
00:04:32,154 --> 00:04:34,952
In the winter of 1969,
51
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:37,153
an elite force of the U.S. army
52
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:42,062
was sent on a top-secret assignment
in southeast Vietnam.
53
00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:44,994
The objective,
rescue Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback
54
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:48,094
from a heavily guarded
NVA Prison Camp.
55
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:51,702
The mission was considered
to be near suicide.
56
00:04:52,608 --> 00:04:55,907
Of the 10 men sent, four returned.
57
00:04:56,012 --> 00:04:59,508
Of those four, three wrote books
about what happened.
58
00:04:59,548 --> 00:05:02,517
Of those three, two were published.
59
00:05:02,618 --> 00:05:06,782
Of those two, just one got a movie deal.
60
00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:13,524
This is the story of the men
who attempted to make that movie.
61
00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:27,003
Whiskey Fire Old Snake
requests an LZ prep
62
00:05:27,043 --> 00:05:30,277
at Alpha-Delta-two-four-eight-niner,
over.
63
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:40,065
Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon
approach from RP to LZ, acknowledge.
64
00:05:40,323 --> 00:05:43,491
Floyd, Wall-Eye airborne.
Welcome aboard.
65
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,723
All right, lead's going in.
Give her some cover.
66
00:05:47,763 --> 00:05:51,195
Delivery on five.
I repeat, delivery on five.
67
00:05:56,672 --> 00:05:59,268
This is Zero-Three.
I'm on your six, don't worry.
68
00:05:59,308 --> 00:06:03,070
Chalk-Three's taking fire.
Guns right, guns right.
69
00:06:13,989 --> 00:06:16,116
Lay that shit down!
70
00:06:16,225 --> 00:06:17,522
Come on!
71
00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:21,660
Come on, you damn dirty heathens!
72
00:06:23,599 --> 00:06:25,861
Fats! Run your motherfucking ass
over there,
73
00:06:25,901 --> 00:06:27,263
hold these men off, now!
74
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,998
We're fixing to lift off!
75
00:06:29,105 --> 00:06:31,801
Put some pep in your step, Dick!
Jelly-ass bitch!
76
00:06:31,841 --> 00:06:35,537
Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye,
this is Boomer One-Seven in the Zee!
77
00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:39,379
I need fast movers
on my Yankee Smoke, copy?
78
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,911
Boomer, this is Wall-Eye.
I got two-Alpha-four
79
00:06:41,951 --> 00:06:44,246
?i>snake and nape on the ready>
–Oh, Jesus! Holy shit!
80
00:06:44,286 --> 00:06:45,446
Holy shit!
81
00:06:45,554 --> 00:06:47,416
Get on that horn
and get some firepower, boy!
82
00:06:47,456 --> 00:06:48,423
Jesus Christ!
83
00:06:48,524 --> 00:06:49,685
Listen, you cherry fuck,
84
00:06:49,725 --> 00:06:53,289
you call in that snake and nape
and get us some boom-boom now!
85
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,858
I'd do it myself
but I'm kind of goddamn busy!
86
00:06:55,898 --> 00:06:57,326
I need an answer, Boomer!
87
00:06:57,366 --> 00:06:59,061
Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye!
88
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:00,867
I copy!
89
00:07:01,103 --> 00:07:03,401
We got beaucoup zips in the zee.
90
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,996
Rock and roll!
91
00:07:05,374 --> 00:07:06,864
What the fuck?
92
00:07:18,821 --> 00:07:21,255
That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker!
93
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,291
I think I can put it back in!
94
00:07:23,392 --> 00:07:25,221
We got to get back to the bird.
95
00:07:25,261 --> 00:07:26,422
Lukemeyer's got popped!
96
00:07:26,462 --> 00:07:29,525
This is the last Christmas
I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass!
97
00:07:29,565 --> 00:07:32,261
Want some? Get some!
98
00:07:32,701 --> 00:07:35,534
Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf!
99
00:07:35,638 --> 00:07:36,098
Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!
100
00:07:36,138 --> 00:07:38,934
Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!
101
00:07:38,974 --> 00:07:42,076
Motown, get your Detroit jukebox
Jheri curl ass
102
00:07:42,077 --> 00:07:44,373
in this chickenshit chop-chop! ASAFP!
103
00:07:44,413 --> 00:07:46,308
Four Leaf is still
outside the perimeter, Sarge!
104
00:07:46,348 --> 00:07:49,478
Miss me with that cracker chump jive!
We di di mau! We di di mau!
105
00:07:49,518 --> 00:07:51,213
Come on, Sarge. Stop jiving.
Four Leaf is there.
106
00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:52,948
Dead meat, soldier!
107
00:07:53,155 --> 00:07:55,055
Or do you want to be a hero?
108
00:07:55,157 --> 00:07:57,119
That's just how Brooks
got his Jew ass killed, man.
109
00:07:57,159 --> 00:07:59,922
And Meatball's dago ass
bought the six-by-three farm.
110
00:07:59,962 --> 00:08:04,978
Now get your ass up in the Huey, before
I stomp a trench in your hiney hole!
111
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:06,729
Come on, get down, get down!
112
00:08:06,769 --> 00:08:09,079
What am I looking at? What is this?
113
00:08:09,705 --> 00:08:13,664
Come on, let's get, let's go!
Come on, elevator up, up!
114
00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:16,301
Sarge. It's Four Leaf.
115
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:29,649
No!
116
00:08:31,994 --> 00:08:33,644
You get out of that hole!
117
00:08:45,574 --> 00:08:47,439
You make it home, now.
118
00:08:54,884 --> 00:08:56,146
Survive!
119
00:09:10,933 --> 00:09:13,028
I hope y'all like hamburger meat.
120
00:09:13,068 --> 00:09:15,197
'Cause that's exactly what
I'm gonna be bringing back
121
00:09:15,237 --> 00:09:17,333
and serving up in this whirly bird.
122
00:09:17,373 --> 00:09:19,864
Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!
123
00:09:25,514 --> 00:09:28,745
Peek-a-boo! I see you!
124
00:09:30,786 --> 00:09:32,515
Hold on, Four Leaf!
125
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,488
Oh, shit!
126
00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:45,790
Watch my right!
127
00:09:48,571 --> 00:09:50,539
Fuck you, Charlie!
128
00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,775
Come on, Leaf, let's boogie!
129
00:10:04,954 --> 00:10:06,615
No!
130
00:10:06,722 --> 00:10:07,814
No!
131
00:10:10,993 --> 00:10:13,086
–Fats!
–Holy fuck!
132
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,923
Take us over to those men! Shit!
133
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:24,372
Look at you, man.
Playing with grenades.
134
00:10:27,876 --> 00:10:29,138
I'm cold, Linc.
135
00:10:31,180 --> 00:10:33,011
I can't feel my legs.
136
00:10:34,149 --> 00:10:36,140
Ain't nothing but a thang.
137
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,053
Hey, Linc.
138
00:10:42,024 --> 00:10:43,389
What, man?
139
00:10:44,627 --> 00:10:46,720
Why does man
140
00:10:46,829 --> 00:10:49,764
got to pick up sticks
against another man?
141
00:10:51,967 --> 00:10:54,265
Instead of using them sticks to
142
00:10:55,638 --> 00:10:57,230
prop a man up?
143
00:10:57,339 --> 00:10:58,966
I'll never know.
144
00:11:00,275 --> 00:11:02,505
Hold my hands,
145
00:11:02,611 --> 00:11:04,442
'cause I got something to
146
00:11:04,546 --> 00:11:06,411
I got something to say.
147
00:11:07,816 --> 00:11:09,477
Oh, boy.
148
00:11:13,622 --> 00:11:16,318
–You holding 'em?
–I got 'em tight.
149
00:11:19,061 --> 00:11:21,041
When we get back to the world,
150
00:11:21,196 --> 00:11:25,427
we gonna put together that three-piece
combo band we talked about?
151
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:28,459
–Me on stand-up bass.
–Johnny on drums.
152
00:11:29,938 --> 00:11:32,065
And me tickling the ivories.
153
00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:37,441
I ain't never been worth a nothing
in this life,
154
00:11:37,546 --> 00:11:40,310
but I want you to know something.
155
00:11:41,383 --> 00:11:42,680
What, man?
156
00:11:44,586 --> 00:11:45,883
You are my
157
00:11:47,389 --> 00:11:49,084
You are my brother.
158
00:12:02,071 --> 00:12:07,099
You are my brother.
You are my?You are my
159
00:12:07,276 --> 00:12:08,903
I am your brother.
160
00:12:12,414 --> 00:12:14,143
I'm sorry. Could we cut?
161
00:12:14,249 --> 00:12:15,811
–What's he saying?
–Damien, can we cut?
162
00:12:15,851 --> 00:12:17,579
–No. No, no, no, no, no
–All right, you know what?
163
00:12:17,619 --> 00:12:20,683
We got the jets coming in,
big explosion, two minutes.
164
00:12:20,723 --> 00:12:21,815
Still rolling.
165
00:12:21,924 --> 00:12:23,619
You know what? No, not still rolling.
Can we cut?
166
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,387
–We're cutting.
–No, we're not. Get out!
167
00:12:25,427 --> 00:12:27,456
Hey, what's going on?
For real, my butt is hurting!
168
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:29,692
This harness is riding up my crack!
169
00:12:29,732 --> 00:12:32,261
–Damien, are we cutting?
–No! No! Still rolling!
170
00:12:32,301 --> 00:12:34,479
Mr Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir?
171
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:37,699
No! No. I'm not cutting!
We're still rolling!
172
00:12:37,806 --> 00:12:38,934
Damien, what's the dealy, dude?
173
00:12:38,974 --> 00:12:40,836
Are we gonna blow
this tree line or what?
174
00:12:40,876 --> 00:12:42,504
Tuk Tuk and Kim
got the blue balls here.
175
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:43,839
I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go!
176
00:12:43,879 --> 00:12:46,175
–Play it through. Still rolling!
–Dieter, can he hear me?
177
00:12:46,215 --> 00:12:48,844
That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back.
I said a detonator.
178
00:12:48,884 --> 00:12:51,313
I need some dudes up here
who speak American, God damn it!
179
00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:52,881
He's making
a fucking sweater back here.
180
00:12:52,921 --> 00:12:55,317
I'm trying to put Tiger Balm
on this jungle's nuts.
181
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,585
Everyone, please shut up.
182
00:12:56,625 --> 00:12:58,854
The jets are coming in.
We only have one chance at this!
183
00:12:58,894 --> 00:13:00,293
And go!
184
00:13:00,395 --> 00:13:02,903
Let's do it. You feel it?
You feel me?
185
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:06,065
–You are my
–I am your brother.
186
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,400
We've seen it all, man.
187
00:13:09,138 --> 00:13:10,199
I'm sorry, Damien?
188
00:13:10,239 --> 00:13:11,559
Are you seeing that?
189
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,666
The little froggy on the boom mike?
It's right in my eyeline.
190
00:13:15,944 --> 00:13:17,639
Donny! What's up, man?
191
00:13:18,313 --> 00:13:19,374
It's been there the whole show.
192
00:13:19,414 --> 00:13:20,509
Yeah, well it's right in my face,
193
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:21,610
I'm staring at a frog, I'm trying to feel
194
00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:24,279
It's always the yellow frog that
brings them black frog on Fridays, man.
195
00:13:24,319 --> 00:13:26,081
Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl.
196
00:13:26,121 --> 00:13:28,283
No, I didn't pee on her,
listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no.
197
00:13:28,323 --> 00:13:30,919
The story is this. She was in the way
when I was peeing, she walked past.
198
00:13:30,959 --> 00:13:33,325
What the fuck is going on here?
199
00:13:33,428 --> 00:13:35,672
On three, baby. One, two, breathe.
200
00:13:35,697 --> 00:13:38,293
Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do
a countdown before I do the scene.
201
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:39,461
–No countdown?
–No countdown.
202
00:13:39,501 --> 00:13:40,763
–Okay.
–Can we just do it off of “Action?
203
00:13:40,803 --> 00:13:42,361
Just?In your own time.
204
00:13:42,471 --> 00:13:44,333
–Good
–I'm not a rocket ship, okay?
205
00:13:44,373 --> 00:13:46,068
–All right, dude.
–And action!
206
00:13:46,108 --> 00:13:49,104
Whatever floats your boat, baby.
Fuck! Don't die!
207
00:13:49,144 --> 00:13:51,578
Erika, get me a VitaminWater!
208
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,208
You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry.
209
00:13:53,248 --> 00:13:57,713
Not to get into his thing, but if
I'm crying, should Osiris be crying, too?
210
00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,715
–No, it's everyone cry
–We cutting or we crying?
211
00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:01,150
–No, no, no, we're crying!
–Just call it, man!
212
00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:03,385
–Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry.
–Thanks!
213
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,220
–Everybody cry
–You know what?
214
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:07,289
–You see how agitated he is now?
–I know.
215
00:14:07,329 --> 00:14:10,125
–Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work.
–Okay. Still rolling!
216
00:14:10,165 --> 00:14:12,895
This is Falcon One. We have the ridge
in sight, approximately two miles out.
217
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:15,264
Dieter, these jets
are about to crest this ridge line.
218
00:14:15,304 --> 00:14:17,299
They got about 200 pounds
of shit your pants.
219
00:14:17,339 --> 00:14:19,715
I need to know if we're ready to go.
220
00:14:21,143 --> 00:14:23,441
–You're my?You're my
–I am your
221
00:14:23,545 --> 00:14:27,075
See, that's what I think it is, Damien.
I think it's the line.
222
00:14:27,115 --> 00:14:28,139
Yeah?
223
00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:30,179
I don't know if Four Leaf
would say that?Four Leaf?
224
00:14:30,219 --> 00:14:32,614
Were you crying
when your hands blew up?
225
00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:34,349
No. See, he didn't.
Yeah, I mean, just that's what
226
00:14:34,389 --> 00:14:36,018
So now we in re-writes, right?
227
00:14:36,058 --> 00:14:37,252
–Where you going?
–Let's re-write it!
228
00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:39,521
Action Jackson can't cry.
That's what's going down.
229
00:14:39,561 --> 00:14:41,590
You know what, Kirk?
I'm ready to do the scene!
230
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:45,260
What scene? The scene is
about emotionality. Where is it?
231
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:46,962
–Now it's time to flip the script!
–Kirk
232
00:14:47,002 --> 00:14:49,331
Be here till Chinese New Year
waiting for my man to cry.
233
00:14:49,371 --> 00:14:51,400
You're tangling me,
you're fucking tangling me.
234
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:52,701
You're tangling me, God damn it!
235
00:14:52,741 --> 00:14:55,637
–Kirk, no!
–Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag!
236
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:57,906
I'm going potty.
You want to hold my dick?
237
00:14:57,946 --> 00:15:00,843
Shit! What are you fucking both doing,
Good Lord!
238
00:15:00,883 --> 00:15:03,478
We're getting this in a wide shot, right?
239
00:15:03,518 --> 00:15:05,113
Of course we're getting it
in a fucking wide.
240
00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:06,248
What, do you think
I'm a dick or something?
241
00:15:06,288 --> 00:15:07,880
Get that fucking food
242
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,423
Here they come!
243
00:15:10,525 --> 00:15:12,967
–The planes are inbound!
–Shit! Shit!
244
00:15:13,028 --> 00:15:17,931
Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks.
Tropic tits!
245
00:15:18,033 --> 00:15:21,002
That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!
246
00:15:21,103 --> 00:15:23,162
Let's go freaking Tet here!
247
00:15:23,272 --> 00:15:25,263
Goddamn shit-picking cock!
248
00:15:27,376 --> 00:15:28,968
That's my shit!
249
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,451
Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!
250
00:15:45,327 --> 00:15:46,555
–Sweet.
–Oh, mama!
251
00:15:49,364 --> 00:15:51,628
Bungle in the jungle.
252
00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:54,897
More bad news from the Vietnamese set
of Tropic Thunder,
253
00:15:54,937 --> 00:15:58,668
where a $4 million explosion
charred the Asian location
254
00:15:58,774 --> 00:16:00,802
and the camera wasn't even rolling.
255
00:16:00,842 --> 00:16:03,572
Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul
Les Grossman,
256
00:16:03,612 --> 00:16:06,775
the film is already rumored to be
one month behind schedule
257
00:16:06,815 --> 00:16:09,745
just five days into shooting.
The reason?
258
00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:12,781
Fingers are pointed at rookie director
Damien Cockburn,
259
00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:15,984
who, insiders say,
can't control a star-studded cast,
260
00:16:16,024 --> 00:16:20,789
including flatulent star of the popular
Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy.
261
00:16:20,829 --> 00:16:23,425
Let me tell you something.
A lot of people are disrespecting me.
262
00:16:23,465 --> 00:16:27,262
They say that the movie's
just about farts. It's about family,
263
00:16:27,302 --> 00:16:30,396
and?you! You can't do what I do>
264
00:16:30,505 --> 00:16:34,803
Fresh from his most recent arrest
for heroin, glue and crack possession,
265
00:16:34,843 --> 00:16:37,272
Portnoy was almost uninsurable.
266
00:16:37,312 --> 00:16:41,710
Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking
hip-hop hyphenate Alpa Chino.
267
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,313
I'm so excited, you know what I'm
saying, about doing Tropic Thunder.
268
00:16:44,353 --> 00:16:46,581
Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby.
Drink Booty Sweat.
269
00:16:46,621 --> 00:16:48,350
But the real heavyweight on the set
270
00:16:48,390 --> 00:16:49,284
is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.
271
00:16:49,324 --> 00:16:51,153
Is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.
272
00:16:51,193 --> 00:16:54,990
The brilliant Australian
known for his bad boy antics off-screen
273
00:16:55,030 --> 00:16:58,694
is famous for his total immersion
into any role he portrays.
274
00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:00,095
Well, being an actor is no different
275
00:17:00,135 --> 00:17:02,397
than being a rugby player
or a construction worker,
276
00:17:02,437 --> 00:17:03,632
save for the fact that my tools
277
00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:05,801
are the mechanisms
that trigger human emotion.
278
00:17:05,841 --> 00:17:07,970
Lazarus underwent a controversial
279
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:11,073
pigmentation alteration procedure
in order to play
280
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:14,276
the platoon's African-American
sergeant, Lincoln Osiris.
281
00:17:14,316 --> 00:17:15,749
Yeah!
282
00:17:15,851 --> 00:17:17,779
Trying to hold his own onscreen
with Kirk
283
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:20,015
is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman.
284
00:17:20,055 --> 00:17:22,918
Once the highest grossing star
in the world,
285
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:26,088
lately his Scorcher films
have lost their heat.
286
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,790
Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra.
287
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:30,826
You have no real family.
288
00:17:30,866 --> 00:17:35,303
You're on the wrong side of 40.
You're childless and alone.
289
00:17:35,404 --> 00:17:37,165
Somebody close to you said,
290
00:17:37,205 --> 00:17:40,003
?i>One more flop and it's over>?/i>
291
00:17:42,110 --> 00:17:44,948
Somebody said they were close to me?
292
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,341
It's been a tough year for Tugg.
293
00:17:46,381 --> 00:17:49,211
The disappointing buddy comedy
Chitlir & the Dude
294
00:17:49,251 --> 00:17:53,982
was followed by an ill-advised venture
into serious dramatic territory.
295
00:17:54,022 --> 00:17:55,114
Simple Jack,
296
00:17:55,223 --> 00:17:59,021
the story of a mentally impaired
farmhand who can talk to animals,
297
00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,989
was a box office disaster
298
00:18:01,029 --> 00:18:05,694
that many critics called,
?i>One of the worst movies of all time>?/i>
299
00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:09,363
I ain't got a good brain.
300
00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:13,342
I think you've got a fine brain, Jack.
301
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:18,540
You make me happy.
302
00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:24,519
But now the question is,
can Speedman make audiences happy
303
00:18:24,619 --> 00:18:26,448
in what's being called
the most expensive
304
00:18:26,488 --> 00:18:28,817
?i>war movie never made>
–Rick Peck.
305
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,419
Wishing Tugg all the best on that one.
306
00:18:30,459 --> 00:18:34,815
Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker.
You got time for your agent?
307
00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,158
–Rick?
–Hey, buddy,
308
00:18:36,264 --> 00:18:37,893
guess who I'm staring at right now.
309
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:39,661
?i>What>
–I'm looking at your ugly mug
310
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,064
on the back cover
of Vanity Fair magazine,
311
00:18:42,104 --> 00:18:44,599
holding a cute, cuddly panda
from Cutesville.
312
00:18:44,639 --> 00:18:47,233
It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.
313
00:18:47,342 --> 00:18:49,982
Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent?
314
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,069
From Rick.
315
00:18:51,179 --> 00:18:53,341
Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks.
316
00:18:53,381 --> 00:18:56,011
All right,
that is a real satellite phone, bro.
317
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:57,643
Do not re-gift.
318
00:18:57,752 --> 00:19:00,315
Hey. You see
that Access Hollywood piece?
319
00:19:00,355 --> 00:19:03,351
Yeah, I did.
It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid.
320
00:19:03,391 --> 00:19:07,889
I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
Tugg. You are a huge star, all right?
321
00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:09,396
But right now,
322
00:19:09,498 --> 00:19:11,126
you're like that kid on the playground,
you know,
323
00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:14,196
the one who has lice that none
of the other kids want to play with?
324
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,298
–What do you mean?
–I mean we gotta shave your head
325
00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:18,867
and get you back
on the monkey bars, right?
326
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,238
What?
327
00:19:20,342 --> 00:19:22,207
How did the crying scene go?
328
00:19:22,310 --> 00:19:24,139
Horrible. Lazarus started crying.
329
00:19:24,179 --> 00:19:27,409
Then he starts drooling and dribbling,
and it wasn't even in the script?/i>
330
00:19:27,449 --> 00:19:28,571
Stop right there!
331
00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:30,445
You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat.
332
00:19:30,485 --> 00:19:33,248
Who cares how much more talented
he may be than you?
333
00:19:33,288 --> 00:19:36,655
If he cries, you cry harder, man.
334
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,987
Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia
or something
335
00:19:39,027 --> 00:19:40,455
when you were a kid?
I mean, think of that.
336
00:19:40,495 --> 00:19:44,261
Boom! End of story.
They hook up the TiVo yet?
337
00:19:44,366 --> 00:19:45,628
Good gosh.
338
00:19:45,734 --> 00:19:47,629
?i>What>
–The TiVo, they hook it up?
339
00:19:47,669 --> 00:19:49,998
?i>No. The guy didn't come>
–What?
340
00:19:50,038 --> 00:19:52,632
For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable.
341
00:19:52,741 --> 00:19:54,703
They have digital cable, but,
I mean, it's okay.
342
00:19:54,743 --> 00:19:57,038
No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay.
343
00:19:57,078 --> 00:19:59,205
It is not okay, Tugg!
344
00:19:59,314 --> 00:20:02,511
And you don't need to explain to me
why you need TiVo
345
00:20:02,551 --> 00:20:06,487
or clean water, clean sheets,
food, shelter.
346
00:20:06,588 --> 00:20:09,751
I mean, I fought for
that in your contract.
347
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,920
How's the adoption thing coming,
buddy?
348
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,985
Not too great.
349
00:20:17,232 --> 00:20:19,928
I feel like all the good ones are gone.
350
00:20:21,603 --> 00:20:23,965
Well, at least you get to choose yours.
351
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:25,836
I'm stuck with mine.
352
00:20:27,742 --> 00:20:30,338
Tell you what, get back to work,
genius soldier.
353
00:20:30,378 --> 00:20:33,308
The Pecker's on a TiVo mission
for the Y-O-U.
354
00:20:33,348 --> 00:20:35,177
Work on those tears, my man.
355
00:20:35,217 --> 00:20:36,309
All right. Yeah.
356
00:20:36,418 --> 00:20:37,976
Say it for me one time.
357
00:20:38,086 --> 00:20:42,352
–You make me happy.
–Make me happy.
358
00:20:42,457 --> 00:20:44,920
?i>I love you, buddy>
–All right, bye.
359
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,022
Crisis meeting?
What does that mean, exactly?
360
00:20:47,062 --> 00:20:48,790
I mean, are we in a crisis?
361
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,425
He's the head of the studio.
362
00:20:50,465 --> 00:20:52,894
He's reaching out.
We're 10,000 miles away.
363
00:20:52,934 --> 00:20:54,095
He just wants a little face-time.
364
00:20:54,135 --> 00:20:56,798
I know, it's just you said
that he called it a crisis meeting. So
365
00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:59,301
It's Les Grossman.
He throws these words around.
366
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:03,744
“Crisis,?“explosion,
“not rolling,?“fired.
367
00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:05,231
These are just words.
368
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,373
Yeah! Yeah!
369
00:21:07,482 --> 00:21:10,845
Keep a secret? A camera truck
in London just plowed into Judi Dench.
370
00:21:10,885 --> 00:21:12,080
Trust me, he's got bigger problems.
371
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:14,649
Look, he may be able to see me,
but I can't see him.
372
00:21:14,689 --> 00:21:19,217
–Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello!
?i>Get your ass out of my?/i>
373
00:21:19,327 --> 00:21:20,822
?i>Your feet were on my desk>
–Can he see us?
374
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:22,257
I don't know why we don't have
375
00:21:22,297 --> 00:21:24,526
Get him a Diet Coke. Les! It's working!
376
00:21:24,566 --> 00:21:27,128
Yeah, whatever you're doing right there.
Hello, Les!
377
00:21:27,168 --> 00:21:28,630
–Hello, Les!
?i>Okay>
378
00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:30,799
We got you loud and clear here, Les.
379
00:21:30,839 --> 00:21:34,536
I see you. I see you. I see you.
380
00:21:34,643 --> 00:21:38,141
Which one of you fuckfaces
is Damien Cockburn?
381
00:21:38,780 --> 00:21:40,304
That's me, sir.
382
00:21:40,415 --> 00:21:44,012
It's good to finally meet you at last,
get some face-time.
383
00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:48,011
And who here is the key grip?
You? You.
384
00:21:50,025 --> 00:21:53,853
Hit that director in the face,
really fucking hard.
385
00:22:00,368 --> 00:22:01,699
Sorry, man.
386
00:22:08,209 --> 00:22:11,110
This is your fault, you limey fuck!
387
00:22:11,212 --> 00:22:13,141
You shit the money-bed, my friend.
388
00:22:13,181 --> 00:22:15,706
–What?
–God damn it, Damien!
389
00:22:15,817 --> 00:22:18,980
With all due respect, Les Grossman did
not blow up the jungle.
390
00:22:19,020 --> 00:22:20,181
–What?
?i>Fuck the jungle>
391
00:22:20,221 --> 00:22:21,552
Exactly!
392
00:22:22,257 --> 00:22:23,724
Come on, man.
393
00:22:24,459 --> 00:22:27,189
Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry,
394
00:22:27,295 --> 00:22:29,357
but I am dealing
with a bunch of primadonnas!
395
00:22:29,397 --> 00:22:32,889
Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry!
He can't cry!
396
00:22:33,001 --> 00:22:35,463
You know how you handle an actor?
They whine about anything,
397
00:22:35,503 --> 00:22:38,867
you pull down their pants
and you spank their ass.
398
00:22:38,907 --> 00:22:41,102
–You spank that ass, Les.
–What?
399
00:22:41,209 --> 00:22:44,975
Spanking a child
turns him into a little snot.
400
00:22:45,847 --> 00:22:48,748
Fear makes him a man.
401
00:22:49,784 --> 00:22:54,380
I know a place
where a man's worth is measured
402
00:22:54,489 --> 00:22:58,289
in the ears hanging from his dog tags.
403
00:22:58,393 --> 00:23:01,123
The real deep shit.
404
00:23:01,229 --> 00:23:02,691
You wanna make this movie right?
405
00:23:02,731 --> 00:23:03,892
You wanna make this movie right?
406
00:23:03,932 --> 00:23:07,424
That's where you take
your pansy-ass actors.
407
00:23:09,003 --> 00:23:10,868
Who is this guy?
408
00:23:10,972 --> 00:23:12,872
Les, that's Four Leaf.
409
00:23:12,974 --> 00:23:16,273
Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback.
I wrote the book.
410
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,610
You're a great American.
This nation owes you a huge debt.
411
00:23:22,650 --> 00:23:25,884
Now shut the fuck up
and let me do my job!
412
00:23:26,488 --> 00:23:28,016
?i>Look, Cockburn>
–Yes.
413
00:23:28,056 --> 00:23:32,153
From now on, my fist
is gonna be so far up your shithole
414
00:23:32,193 --> 00:23:33,621
that every time you have a thought,
415
00:23:33,661 --> 00:23:36,758
it's gonna have to tiptoe
past my wedding ring.
416
00:23:36,798 --> 00:23:40,395
Take control of your actors,
or I will shut you down.
417
00:23:40,435 --> 00:23:41,557
Diet Coke!
418
00:23:59,287 --> 00:24:01,482
One week down, two weeks behind,
419
00:24:01,589 --> 00:24:05,453
GI Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you
ain't got the camera turned on anyway.
420
00:24:05,493 --> 00:24:06,892
Let's party!
421
00:24:07,829 --> 00:24:09,791
Man, you better get your shit straight,
422
00:24:09,831 --> 00:24:13,528
or I'll be on the next NetJet out of here,
baby. You feel me?
423
00:24:13,568 --> 00:24:14,596
–You feel that?
–Yeah.
424
00:24:14,636 --> 00:24:17,408
Here comes another.
There we go. Now what?
425
00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:19,871
–Sandusky. Good.
–Hey, Mr Cockburn.
426
00:24:19,974 --> 00:24:21,903
We need to have a cast meeting
right now.
427
00:24:21,943 --> 00:24:23,304
–Right now? Awesome.
–Yes.
428
00:24:23,344 --> 00:24:24,606
You actually care, don't you?
429
00:24:24,646 --> 00:24:27,308
Yeah, it's a huge deal for me,
are you kidding?
430
00:24:27,348 --> 00:24:29,377
I've spent the past two years of my life
431
00:24:29,417 --> 00:24:33,181
living off residuals from a anti-herpes
medication commercial.
432
00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:34,449
I know, you're the only one
who auditioned,
433
00:24:34,489 --> 00:24:36,117
the only one who did
the two-week boot camp.
434
00:24:36,157 --> 00:24:37,818
Hey, hey, Alpa.
435
00:24:38,526 --> 00:24:41,055
I'm the director. He's
I need to speak to my actor.
436
00:24:41,095 --> 00:24:42,390
All right, hold up. Chino?
437
00:24:42,430 --> 00:24:44,542
What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby?
438
00:24:45,133 --> 00:24:46,694
This about
the Booty Sweat cross-promotion?
439
00:24:46,734 --> 00:24:47,829
No, it's about the film.
440
00:24:47,869 --> 00:24:50,198
Oh, the film and Booty Sweat's
the same thing. Give him a shot.
441
00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:52,365
Hey, how you doing, Jeff?
442
00:24:52,474 --> 00:24:55,932
–Who are you?
–That's awesome, man.
443
00:24:58,213 --> 00:25:02,946
Kevin. Kevin Sandusky. I play Brooklyn,
we've been working together.
444
00:25:03,051 --> 00:25:04,712
Oh, right, right. I like you.
445
00:25:04,752 --> 00:25:06,781
Man, it's a real honor to be here
446
00:25:06,821 --> 00:25:08,183
I can tell it's gonna be
a good experience.
447
00:25:08,223 --> 00:25:09,417
I'm really having a good time.
448
00:25:09,457 --> 00:25:11,152
Hey, can you help me out, man?
I'm looking for this guy.
449
00:25:11,192 --> 00:25:15,356
The grip with the bandana.
He's got a package for me.
450
00:25:15,830 --> 00:25:18,230
There he is, fucker. Dragon!
451
00:25:19,334 --> 00:25:21,165
What the fuck? Oh, buddy!
452
00:25:21,302 --> 00:25:22,730
I'm gonna go shoot a video, right?
453
00:25:22,770 --> 00:25:24,966
I'm gonna have V.C. Soldiers
in the video
454
00:25:25,006 --> 00:25:26,367
doing the noodle-legs, Damien.
455
00:25:26,407 --> 00:25:30,961
Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing
the hip-hop bunny hop, Damien.
456
00:25:31,012 --> 00:25:32,740
It's good, I love it, great. But I need to
457
00:25:32,780 --> 00:25:35,877
V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby.
Hit it, baby.
458
00:25:35,917 --> 00:25:38,359
Hell yeah, get it. Get it, Cornbread.
459
00:25:39,754 --> 00:25:40,914
Alpa!
460
00:25:41,022 --> 00:25:42,517
Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone.
461
00:25:42,557 --> 00:25:43,585
Hello? Yo, yo, Donny!
462
00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:47,189
Can we call him back?
I've got to have a cast meeting.
463
00:25:49,230 --> 00:25:51,626
When we put aside our differences,
464
00:25:51,666 --> 00:25:54,533
we see we're kind of the same.
465
00:25:55,436 --> 00:25:58,963
When we put aside our differences,
we see
466
00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:02,622
we're kind of the same.
467
00:26:03,278 --> 00:26:05,075
Let's be friends.
468
00:26:05,380 --> 00:26:08,416
I know we can do great things together.
469
00:26:10,118 --> 00:26:14,078
That's a quotation from
a children's book I co-wrote,
470
00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:16,834
The Boy Everybody Was Jealous Of.
471
00:26:16,891 --> 00:26:18,686
I think it pertains to the journey?/i>
472
00:26:18,726 --> 00:26:20,706
Simple Jack sucked ass!
473
00:26:21,129 --> 00:26:23,591
All right, who said that? It's not funny.
474
00:26:23,631 --> 00:26:26,469
Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay?
475
00:26:32,707 --> 00:26:35,403
When the herd loses its way,
476
00:26:35,510 --> 00:26:39,947
the shepherd must kill
the bull that leads them astray.
477
00:26:41,783 --> 00:26:45,048
–Four Leaf?
–Come on over. It's okay.
478
00:26:46,721 --> 00:26:48,211
–Sit down.
–Yes.
479
00:26:49,624 --> 00:26:54,721
–So, you don't like the hotel?
–Beds give me nightmares.
480
00:26:59,767 --> 00:27:04,966
I'm guessing right about now
you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin
481
00:27:05,073 --> 00:27:09,407
with an Ohio hooker holding your prick
and showing you the way.
482
00:27:16,217 --> 00:27:17,548
What?
483
00:27:17,785 --> 00:27:19,377
You're a riddle
484
00:27:20,888 --> 00:27:23,823
with no cheese to maze through.
485
00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:26,754
Don't you get it?
486
00:27:26,794 --> 00:27:30,592
No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse
or something. I don't know.
487
00:27:30,632 --> 00:27:34,568
I put my story in your limp Brit hands,
488
00:27:34,669 --> 00:27:38,105
and you are not going to fail me.
489
00:27:38,206 --> 00:27:41,869
You think I was just blowing
my own bagpipe in that meeting?
490
00:27:41,909 --> 00:27:45,743
You must put those boys in the shit.
491
00:27:45,847 --> 00:27:47,497
What? I don't understand.
492
00:27:47,515 --> 00:27:50,780
–You wanna make your movie or not?
–Yes, I do.
493
00:27:50,885 --> 00:27:54,449
All right, you get
some of those little video type cameras.
494
00:27:54,489 --> 00:27:58,186
We take them out there, and we put
them in the trees in different angles.
495
00:27:58,226 --> 00:28:01,559
Then you give me
and that pyromaniac Cody
496
00:28:01,663 --> 00:28:06,532
all the smoke bombs, charges,
explosives, detonators you got.
497
00:28:06,634 --> 00:28:09,068
Then we take those boys up there,
498
00:28:09,170 --> 00:28:12,333
me and Cody,
we could light up that fucking jungle,
499
00:28:12,373 --> 00:28:15,370
so those lily-dick actors
would be shitting their pants
500
00:28:15,410 --> 00:28:17,472
and screaming for their mammies.
501
00:28:17,512 --> 00:28:21,274
They'd be begging for a body bag
if it means a ride home.
502
00:28:23,818 --> 00:28:25,342
I could do it.
503
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:29,617
I could shoot the whole thing
guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty.
504
00:28:29,657 --> 00:28:33,054
Get them away from their helpers
and ass-licking assistants.
505
00:28:33,094 --> 00:28:34,255
Put them in the real shit.
506
00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:35,556
–Real shit.
–With real fear in their eyes!
507
00:28:35,596 --> 00:28:38,656
Real fear, real emotion!
Yes, Four Leaf, yes!
508
00:28:38,766 --> 00:28:40,859
–Yes! Yes!
–Yes! Yes!
509
00:28:40,968 --> 00:28:43,014
Take them off the fucking grid!
510
00:29:00,188 --> 00:29:02,952
You are no longer actors in a movie!
511
00:29:04,058 --> 00:29:06,788
You are five men in a helicopter!
512
00:29:08,563 --> 00:29:10,326
With three other men!
513
00:29:15,970 --> 00:29:17,565
How long are we gonna be gone,
anyways?
514
00:29:17,605 --> 00:29:21,666
'Cause I left most of my vitamins
back at the hotel.
515
00:29:21,776 --> 00:29:25,142
–Save your breath, maggots!
–That's right, maggots!
516
00:29:36,424 --> 00:29:37,686
M&M?
517
00:29:39,594 --> 00:29:40,891
M&M?
518
00:30:00,681 --> 00:30:02,777
Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!
519
00:30:02,817 --> 00:30:04,612
Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!
520
00:30:04,652 --> 00:30:07,882
Move it, maggots, move!
Move, grunts, move your ass!
521
00:30:07,922 --> 00:30:10,220
Get out, you wriggly worms!
522
00:30:10,324 --> 00:30:12,792
–It's up too high!
–Move, move, move!
523
00:30:16,264 --> 00:30:17,993
See you in hell!
524
00:30:29,510 --> 00:30:33,708
This is bullshit!
I gotta at least call my fucking assistant.
525
00:30:34,982 --> 00:30:37,712
Fucking! Jesus! Dude!
526
00:30:39,187 --> 00:30:41,482
You're sitting on a nest
of hostile enemy V.C.
527
00:30:41,522 --> 00:30:44,958
Congratulations, Fats.
You just got us all killed.
528
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:49,590
Anybody else care to give away
our position to Charlie?
529
00:30:49,664 --> 00:30:51,427
Cell phones!
530
00:30:51,532 --> 00:30:52,999
What the hell, Damien?
531
00:30:53,100 --> 00:30:56,864
Weren't no cell phones in '69, man.
I'm head-to-toe legitimate.
532
00:30:56,904 --> 00:31:00,305
Gentlemen, I've got good news
and bad news.
533
00:31:00,408 --> 00:31:03,972
The studio wants to shut us down.
That's the bad news.
534
00:31:04,045 --> 00:31:06,343
And the good news.
535
00:31:06,447 --> 00:31:09,410
If you wanna save this movie,
you will become a unit.
536
00:31:09,450 --> 00:31:13,216
Your objective is to head north
to the D'ang Kwook River
537
00:31:13,321 --> 00:31:14,882
and liberate the POW camp,
538
00:31:14,922 --> 00:31:18,288
at which point Four Leaf
will get himself captured,
539
00:31:18,292 --> 00:31:20,154
at which point you will rescue him,
540
00:31:20,194 --> 00:31:23,561
at which point
we will chopper you home!
541
00:31:24,765 --> 00:31:25,857
Damn.
542
00:31:25,967 --> 00:31:27,829
Four Leaf,
since you're the staff sergeant,
543
00:31:27,869 --> 00:31:30,331
there's the map, this is the scene list.
544
00:31:30,371 --> 00:31:32,498
Think you can handle it?
545
00:31:32,607 --> 00:31:36,805
We have rigged this entire
valley of death with hidden cameras.
546
00:31:38,279 --> 00:31:41,976
And I will be shooting as well,
from unseen vantage points,
547
00:31:42,016 --> 00:31:45,611
so that every glorious moment
is captured on film.
548
00:31:46,888 --> 00:31:50,051
And believe me, gentlemen,
it will be glorious.
549
00:31:50,157 --> 00:31:52,753
If it looks real,
chances are it probably is.
550
00:31:52,793 --> 00:31:54,385
You wanted to be actors.
551
00:31:54,495 --> 00:31:57,158
You wanted to occupy
the skin of another human being.
552
00:31:57,198 --> 00:32:00,261
Well, get ready to occupy the skin
of a terrified U.S. Infantry grunt,
553
00:32:00,301 --> 00:32:04,067
surrounded by death,
crawling up Satan's bottom.
554
00:32:05,106 --> 00:32:09,871
There'll be ambushes, enemy fire,
your own little personal slice of 'Nam.
555
00:32:09,911 --> 00:32:14,507
This radio goes to the chopper
and the chopper only.
556
00:32:14,615 --> 00:32:19,052
The chopper is God,
and I am Jesus Christ, his son.
557
00:32:19,153 --> 00:32:21,849
You are my chosen disciples.
558
00:32:21,956 --> 00:32:25,052
And no one gets to go home
till we get the shots.
559
00:32:25,092 --> 00:32:28,118
Put on your war faces, gentlemen.
560
00:32:28,229 --> 00:32:32,928
Now, let's go and make
the greatest war movie ever!
561
00:32:33,034 --> 00:32:35,366
–Yeah!
–All right!
562
00:32:54,121 --> 00:32:55,179
Yeah!
563
00:33:00,628 --> 00:33:01,686
Yeah!
564
00:33:14,241 --> 00:33:16,141
Not bad, Cockburn!
565
00:33:17,979 --> 00:33:19,173
Not bad.
566
00:33:20,881 --> 00:33:22,473
Wherever you are!
567
00:33:24,485 --> 00:33:27,851
Wherever he is?
Looks like he's all over the place.
568
00:33:29,357 --> 00:33:31,257
Here we go.
569
00:33:31,359 --> 00:33:33,384
Must be an old French mine.
570
00:33:33,494 --> 00:33:38,378
It's a remnant from colonial Indo-China.
This jungle must be full of them.
571
00:33:39,033 --> 00:33:42,491
Don't you get it?
He's messing with our heads.
572
00:33:42,603 --> 00:33:44,699
That's what all that
playing God stuff was about.
573
00:33:44,739 --> 00:33:47,368
He's trying to get us to act good,
save the movie.
574
00:33:47,408 --> 00:33:50,510
He ain't playing God.
He's being judged by him.
575
00:33:54,448 --> 00:33:57,286
That's our objective.
Complete the mission.
576
00:34:03,357 --> 00:34:06,320
No offense, Kirk,
I know you're the big fancy actor here,
577
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:10,324
but I've done a lot more effects-driven
event films than you. Okay?
578
00:34:10,364 --> 00:34:11,816
And I think I can spot
579
00:34:13,868 --> 00:34:15,463
a prop head when I see one.
580
00:34:15,503 --> 00:34:16,993
Oh, Jesus.
581
00:34:18,205 --> 00:34:21,697
It's corn syrup, guys.
Corn syrup and latex.
582
00:34:24,912 --> 00:34:28,040
Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup.
583
00:34:28,149 --> 00:34:29,275
Oh, God.
584
00:34:29,917 --> 00:34:33,114
Smoke and mirrors, guys.
Welcome to the movie factory.
585
00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:34,804
Oldest trick in the book.
586
00:34:36,357 --> 00:34:37,677
He getting down now.
587
00:34:37,758 --> 00:34:39,123
Oh, my God!
588
00:34:41,929 --> 00:34:43,988
Whoa, look at me!
589
00:34:44,098 --> 00:34:45,626
You're going to get the shots,
590
00:34:45,666 --> 00:34:48,729
and I'm going to make sure
because I'm the director.
591
00:34:48,769 --> 00:34:50,896
I'm from London. I direct plays.
592
00:34:51,005 --> 00:34:54,031
Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on!
593
00:35:04,051 --> 00:35:05,746
Look, I'm Dave Beckham.
594
00:35:15,396 --> 00:35:17,858
So, we gotta
light these boys up today, huh?
595
00:35:17,898 --> 00:35:20,340
Blow some sense into these young men.
596
00:35:21,068 --> 00:35:24,031
Hey, I don't want to come off
as weird or anything,
597
00:35:24,071 --> 00:35:28,007
but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah.
598
00:35:29,376 --> 00:35:33,666
Tropic Thunder.
Kind of like my Catcher in the Rye.
599
00:35:34,115 --> 00:35:36,410
Yeah, I've never been in the military,
per se,
600
00:35:36,450 --> 00:35:39,684
but I have lost an appendage
in the line of duty.
601
00:35:40,688 --> 00:35:43,592
Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig.
602
00:35:43,691 --> 00:35:44,749
Yeah.
603
00:35:45,259 --> 00:35:48,122
It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there.
What is it?
604
00:35:48,162 --> 00:35:50,142
I don't know what it's called.
605
00:35:50,965 --> 00:35:55,698
I just know the sound it makes
when it takes a mars life.
606
00:35:58,839 --> 00:35:59,897
Okay.
607
00:36:00,474 --> 00:36:01,769
Damien, we're go for explosion.
608
00:36:01,809 --> 00:36:04,672
Ready to kick the tires
and light the fires on your say-so.
609
00:36:04,712 --> 00:36:06,758
Damien, we're go for explosion.
610
00:36:07,581 --> 00:36:08,676
Do you copy?
611
00:36:08,716 --> 00:36:11,645
I got an itchy trigger finger here,
and I'm ready to blow some shit up.
612
00:36:11,685 --> 00:36:15,314
All right, you happy now?
Can we do the scene?
613
00:36:15,422 --> 00:36:18,986
Or do you need a formal invitation?
Come on, let's go!
614
00:36:19,860 --> 00:36:20,952
Here. Okay.
615
00:36:21,061 --> 00:36:24,361
“Scene 12, exterior,
jungle clearing, day, ambush.
616
00:36:28,802 --> 00:36:30,798
”Four Leaf notices
movement in the brush.
617
00:36:30,838 --> 00:36:33,934
”A dozen guerrilla fighters
can be seen moving in the tree line.
618
00:36:33,974 --> 00:36:36,534
Somewhere a mine explodes.
And you.
619
00:36:37,878 --> 00:36:39,974
“I got a bad feeling on this one.
620
00:36:40,014 --> 00:36:41,575
–Yeah.
–No, that's your line.
621
00:36:41,615 --> 00:36:44,545
–I got?Now?
–Yeah, but scared. Like, scared.
622
00:36:44,585 --> 00:36:47,381
–“I got a bad feeling on this one.
–Dude, wait, like how?
623
00:36:47,421 --> 00:36:49,316
“I got a bad feeling on this one.
624
00:36:49,356 --> 00:36:51,449
–Okay.
–Action. Go, come on.
625
00:37:00,467 --> 00:37:03,371
I got a bad feeling
on this one there, Fats.
626
00:37:04,672 --> 00:37:08,104
Our asses don't get fragged
in this bullshit valley,
627
00:37:08,175 --> 00:37:10,070
first thing I'm doing
is paying my two bucks
628
00:37:10,110 --> 00:37:11,805
so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry
629
00:37:11,845 --> 00:37:14,608
on a sweet little mama-san's
dinky dau poontang.
630
00:37:14,648 --> 00:37:17,611
Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged
before he get any cooch.
631
00:37:17,651 --> 00:37:20,885
He die, he probably die
a coochless motherfucker.
632
00:37:20,988 --> 00:37:22,387
Zip it, Motown.
633
00:37:22,489 --> 00:37:24,118
Don't you worry, Brooklyn.
634
00:37:24,158 --> 00:37:27,194
You got a lot of days of fucking
ahead of you.
635
00:37:28,329 --> 00:37:29,921
Man, I'm thirsty.
636
00:37:31,031 --> 00:37:35,991
Might as well have some of this
Booty Sweat I got back in Danang.
637
00:37:36,870 --> 00:37:40,362
Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead!
638
00:37:40,474 --> 00:37:42,336
Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak,
639
00:37:42,376 --> 00:37:45,709
David Blaine trapdoor
horseshit jumping off here!
640
00:37:45,813 --> 00:37:49,643
Hey! You wanna get on the train here,
or do you wanna ruin another take?
641
00:37:49,683 --> 00:37:53,775
There ain't no goddamn takes,
ain't no goddamn motion picture!
642
00:37:53,988 --> 00:37:55,751
–You sure?
–Yeah.
643
00:37:55,856 --> 00:37:57,653
–Yeah?
–For certain, man.
644
00:37:57,758 --> 00:38:00,134
Then why are you still in character?
645
00:38:01,228 --> 00:38:03,670
I know, but I don't have to tell you.
646
00:38:04,331 --> 00:38:05,389
You don't know.
647
00:38:05,499 --> 00:38:09,261
Man, I don't drop character
till I done a DVD commentary.
648
00:38:11,205 --> 00:38:13,434
You happy now?
We're out of position for the effects!
649
00:38:13,474 --> 00:38:15,203
Get down, fool!
650
00:38:16,910 --> 00:38:20,210
Didn't anyone read the script?
This is the ambush!
651
00:38:21,215 --> 00:38:24,878
–This feels pretty real!
–Exactly! Let's use it.
652
00:38:35,496 --> 00:38:36,656
Yeah!
653
00:38:37,931 --> 00:38:39,296
Yeah!
654
00:38:41,902 --> 00:38:43,164
Eat lead!
655
00:38:45,139 --> 00:38:48,571
They're busting caps
like a motherfucker down there.
656
00:38:50,778 --> 00:38:52,940
This is FUBAR. I say we juice them.
657
00:38:52,980 --> 00:38:55,092
–What do you think?
–Juice them.
658
00:38:56,884 --> 00:38:59,375
Fuck you, Charlie!
659
00:39:01,455 --> 00:39:02,922
Big-ass titties!
660
00:39:08,896 --> 00:39:10,523
Look at that, huh?
661
00:39:15,803 --> 00:39:16,997
And cut!
662
00:39:19,273 --> 00:39:21,168
That's the trailer right there.
663
00:39:21,208 --> 00:39:22,505
Yeah!
664
00:39:22,609 --> 00:39:24,873
–What do we do now?
–Yeah.
665
00:39:24,978 --> 00:39:26,573
North. Man said to head north.
666
00:39:26,613 --> 00:39:30,010
–Did you see me shooting?
–That's how we do. Good work, baby.
667
00:39:30,050 --> 00:39:31,108
I believed it.
668
00:39:31,218 --> 00:39:32,406
D'ang Kwook River.
669
00:39:33,020 --> 00:39:34,481
I'm betting
he's got more of these battles
670
00:39:34,521 --> 00:39:37,318
and Viet Congs
rigged for us along the way.
671
00:39:37,358 --> 00:39:41,124
Sergeant Osiris, get your men.
Load and lock.
672
00:39:41,795 --> 00:39:43,558
Real, baby, I'm real.
673
00:39:44,631 --> 00:39:47,429
Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover!
674
00:39:48,569 --> 00:39:51,595
Hump it up, gentlemen!
Single formation.
675
00:39:51,705 --> 00:39:53,536
Don't dawdle now!
676
00:40:17,664 --> 00:40:22,284
D-Rod, D-Rod, this is Puddingface.
How are we coming on that hotplate?
677
00:40:24,571 --> 00:40:27,935
Something's up.
I think we better drag ass back there.
678
00:40:27,975 --> 00:40:31,869
Make sure Damien ain't forgot
how to use his talkbox again.
679
00:40:38,419 --> 00:40:41,388
Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste.
680
00:40:42,990 --> 00:40:45,185
–What are you doing, Jeff?
–Fucking?Nothing, man!
681
00:40:45,225 --> 00:40:48,622
–I'm eating jellybeans.
–Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please
682
00:40:48,662 --> 00:40:51,434
No, you can't have
any fucking jellybeans.
683
00:40:51,498 --> 00:40:52,590
They're mine.
684
00:40:52,699 --> 00:40:53,927
You think
you're the only one who gets sick
685
00:40:53,967 --> 00:40:55,729
when he doesn't have his jellybeans?
686
00:40:55,769 --> 00:40:57,221
Boundaries, man. Fuck.
687
00:41:17,090 --> 00:41:19,853
Hey. I didn't mean to
show you up back there.
688
00:41:19,893 --> 00:41:24,091
It's just, I feel like we really need
to set the example for the other guys.
689
00:41:24,131 --> 00:41:26,031
It's gonna be tough,
690
00:41:26,133 --> 00:41:29,895
but I think Damien's gonna get
some great shit out of us.
691
00:41:30,704 --> 00:41:32,499
Just wish I had
a director like this on Jack.
692
00:41:32,539 --> 00:41:36,203
On Jack. What? Jack?
What you talking about?
693
00:41:36,243 --> 00:41:38,289
?i>Simple Jack>
–Oh, yeah.
694
00:41:39,713 --> 00:41:43,010
Simple Jack, yeah.
You went all out on that one, huh?
695
00:41:43,050 --> 00:41:45,379
You did.
Really swung for the fences, huh?
696
00:41:45,419 --> 00:41:47,819
Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.
697
00:41:47,921 --> 00:41:50,891
Yeah, it was an intense experience,
you know.
698
00:41:51,525 --> 00:41:53,618
I just did the work.
699
00:41:53,727 --> 00:41:58,347
Watched a lot of retarded people.
Spent time with them. Observed them.
700
00:41:58,832 --> 00:42:01,061
Watched all the retarded stuff they did.
701
00:42:01,101 --> 00:42:02,930
Then again,
I always found mere observation
702
00:42:02,970 --> 00:42:05,332
in and of itself is a tad rudimentary.
703
00:42:05,372 --> 00:42:08,502
Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper
to mine the true emotional pay dirt.
704
00:42:08,542 --> 00:42:12,940
Thus, we can diagram the source
of the pain and then live it, you know.
705
00:42:12,980 --> 00:42:15,108
Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly.
706
00:42:15,148 --> 00:42:17,945
You know, there were times
when I was doing Jack
707
00:42:17,985 --> 00:42:20,453
that I actually felt retarded,
708
00:42:20,554 --> 00:42:21,982
–like really retarded.
–Oh, yeah.
709
00:42:22,022 --> 00:42:24,284
I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded,
710
00:42:24,324 --> 00:42:26,186
–I rode the bus retarded.
–Damn.
711
00:42:26,226 --> 00:42:29,523
In a weird way,
I had to sort of just free myself up
712
00:42:29,563 --> 00:42:32,593
to believe that it was okay
to be stupid or dumb.
713
00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:34,191
–To be a moron.
–Yeah.
714
00:42:34,301 --> 00:42:37,073
–To be moronical.
–Exactly, to be a moron.
715
00:42:37,137 --> 00:42:38,502
–An imbecile.
–Yeah.
716
00:42:38,605 --> 00:42:41,535
Like the dumbest motherfucker
that ever lived.
717
00:42:41,575 --> 00:42:42,803
When I was playing the character.
718
00:42:42,843 --> 00:42:45,506
–When you was the character.
–Yeah, as Jack, definitely.
719
00:42:45,546 --> 00:42:47,741
Jack, stupid ass Jack.
720
00:42:47,848 --> 00:42:49,176
Trying to come back from that.
721
00:42:49,216 --> 00:42:53,374
In a weird way it was almost like
I had to sort of fool my mind
722
00:42:53,453 --> 00:42:56,422
into believing that it wasn't retarded,
723
00:42:56,523 --> 00:42:58,318
and by the end of the whole thing,
I was like,
724
00:42:58,358 --> 00:43:02,956
“Wait a minute, I flushed so much out,
how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?
725
00:43:02,996 --> 00:43:05,055
–It's just like?Right?
–Yeah.
726
00:43:05,165 --> 00:43:07,995
You was farting in bathtubs
and laughing your ass off.
727
00:43:08,035 --> 00:43:09,900
Yeah.
728
00:43:10,003 --> 00:43:12,366
But Simple Jack thought he was smart,
729
00:43:12,406 --> 00:43:13,767
or rather, didn't think he was retarded,
730
00:43:13,807 --> 00:43:16,737
so you can't afford to play retarded,
being a smart actor.
731
00:43:16,777 --> 00:43:19,339
Playing a guy who ain't smart
but thinks he is,
732
00:43:19,379 --> 00:43:21,006
–that's tricky.
–Tricky.
733
00:43:21,114 --> 00:43:24,711
It's like working with mercury.
It's high science, man. It's an art form.
734
00:43:24,751 --> 00:43:26,776
–Yeah.
–You an artist.
735
00:43:26,887 --> 00:43:28,749
–That's what we do, right? Yeah.
–Yeah.
736
00:43:28,789 --> 00:43:30,117
Hats off for going there,
737
00:43:30,157 --> 00:43:33,721
especially knowing how
the Academy is about that shit.
738
00:43:36,597 --> 00:43:40,124
–About what?
–You're serious? You don't know?
739
00:43:42,336 --> 00:43:45,042
Everybody knows
you never go full retard.
740
00:43:45,906 --> 00:43:48,084
–What do you mean?
–Check it out.
741
00:43:48,141 --> 00:43:52,306
Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked
retarded, act retarded, not retarded.
742
00:43:52,346 --> 00:43:56,504
Count toothpicks, cheat at cards.
Autistic, sure. Not retarded.
743
00:43:57,317 --> 00:43:59,246
Then you got Tom Hanks,
Forrest Gump.
744
00:43:59,286 --> 00:44:01,648
Slow, yes, retarded, maybe,
braces on his legs.
745
00:44:01,688 --> 00:44:04,651
But he charmed the pants off Nixon,
and he won a Ping-Pong competition.
746
00:44:04,691 --> 00:44:05,819
That ain't retarded.
747
00:44:05,859 --> 00:44:10,083
And he was a goddamn war hero.
You know any retarded war heroes?
748
00:44:11,732 --> 00:44:13,723
You went full retard, man.
749
00:44:15,268 --> 00:44:16,654
Never go full retard.
750
00:44:17,638 --> 00:44:21,268
You don't buy that?
Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam.
751
00:44:21,308 --> 00:44:24,674
Remember? Went full retard?
Went home empty-handed.
752
00:44:34,454 --> 00:44:37,651
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
753
00:44:38,325 --> 00:44:41,021
Good job, turd. You killed the director.
754
00:44:41,128 --> 00:44:42,456
No, that's impossible, man.
755
00:44:42,496 --> 00:44:45,459
I rigged the whole tree line,
and this is here.
756
00:44:45,499 --> 00:44:47,094
–He must have missed his mark.
–Missed his mark?
757
00:44:47,134 --> 00:44:48,454
Yeah, this isn't me.
758
00:44:48,468 --> 00:44:51,331
Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard
and get back to the hotel.
759
00:44:51,371 --> 00:44:54,134
–You're in a world of hurt, dumbo!
–We're in a world of hurt!
760
00:44:54,174 --> 00:44:56,436
–You're in trouble.
–This isn't just on me!
761
00:44:56,476 --> 00:44:58,772
–We're in a?We're together on this.
–Bullshit.
762
00:44:58,812 --> 00:45:00,340
You're just gonna run away.
You're gonna leave.
763
00:45:00,380 --> 00:45:02,109
What happened to,
“No man left behind,?okay?
764
00:45:02,149 --> 00:45:04,478
Just wait, just wait! Listen!
Listen, okay?
765
00:45:04,518 --> 00:45:07,314
–I don't wanna hear it.
–Let me just be real with you, all right?
766
00:45:07,354 --> 00:45:10,717
I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis
on Freaky Friday, okay?
767
00:45:10,757 --> 00:45:12,152
This shit will fucking ruin me!
768
00:45:12,192 --> 00:45:14,154
–Just get off me! You're pathetic.
–No, I'm not.
769
00:45:14,194 --> 00:45:16,662
–Get off me!
–You are not going back!
770
00:45:20,033 --> 00:45:22,343
–What the fuck?
–Now wait a minute.
771
00:45:32,345 --> 00:45:35,108
So, what?
We're just supposed to keep walking?
772
00:45:35,148 --> 00:45:38,111
Try to stay in character.
Remember, we're on camera.
773
00:45:38,151 --> 00:45:39,179
This thing's too heavy.
774
00:45:39,219 --> 00:45:40,714
I want the rubber one
that the prop guy gave me.
775
00:45:40,754 --> 00:45:43,018
Where's the fucking prop guy?
776
00:45:47,994 --> 00:45:50,588
How's it going with that map, chief?
777
00:45:50,697 --> 00:45:53,291
–Can I have a look at it?
–I got it.
778
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,028
Yeah, Damien gave it to me,
remember?
779
00:45:55,068 --> 00:45:56,630
Yeah, but he gave it to you for us.
780
00:45:56,670 --> 00:45:58,297
–Yeah.
–Okay.
781
00:45:58,405 --> 00:46:00,930
–I got it.
–You got it upside down.
782
00:46:01,074 --> 00:46:02,041
Thank you.
783
00:46:02,175 --> 00:46:03,804
Letters go one way
and the numbers another.
784
00:46:03,844 --> 00:46:05,472
Dude, I'm trying to
I got your back, man.
785
00:46:05,512 --> 00:46:07,340
–Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool.
–You are?
786
00:46:07,380 --> 00:46:09,245
Is your character dyslexic?
787
00:46:09,349 --> 00:46:11,144
–No, my character's not dyslexic.
–So you a can'tographer.
788
00:46:11,184 --> 00:46:13,098
I'm tired, I want to go home.
789
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,716
Why, so you can get back and make
Fatties: Fart 20, or some shit?
790
00:46:15,756 --> 00:46:18,752
It's Fatties: Fart Two, there's no?Hey,
you wish you had a>Fattie> franchise.
791
00:46:18,792 --> 00:46:20,087
–What?
–It's Fatties: Fart Two.
792
00:46:20,127 --> 00:46:21,421
–Yeah, you do.
–I don't want no Fatties franchise,
793
00:46:21,461 --> 00:46:23,924
–I got a diamond toilet.
–Your stupid-ass commercials.
794
00:46:23,964 --> 00:46:25,492
You're all fucked up, man,
you look tired.
795
00:46:25,532 --> 00:46:26,727
You look like you bumped your head
or something,
796
00:46:26,767 --> 00:46:28,662
so I came over to see
if you're fucking all right, that's all.
797
00:46:28,702 --> 00:46:30,797
–Yeah, why don't you get on point?
–I'm on point right here.
798
00:46:30,837 --> 00:46:31,932
my farts
are fucking more beautiful than
799
00:46:31,972 --> 00:46:34,532
You still got that shit upside down.
800
00:46:35,142 --> 00:46:36,603
The numbers help, man, the numbers
801
00:46:36,643 --> 00:46:38,939
The letters go across the top
and then the numbers.
802
00:46:38,979 --> 00:46:40,607
–Want the map?
–Yeah, I want the fucking map.
803
00:46:40,647 --> 00:46:42,142
Well, you can't have it,
'cause Damien gave it me.
804
00:46:42,182 --> 00:46:45,412
You wish you had my farts,
my farts are fucking music.
805
00:46:45,452 --> 00:46:47,818
All right. That's enough.
806
00:46:49,289 --> 00:46:53,249
Everybody's obviously a little bushed
from all this humping.
807
00:46:53,627 --> 00:46:56,118
So take a chow break. Chow break!
808
00:46:57,931 --> 00:46:59,489
But stay alert.
809
00:47:00,066 --> 00:47:03,696
Remember, Charlie don't care
if you're on break or not.
810
00:47:08,642 --> 00:47:11,638
All right, that's lunch. Coming back
to the same scene afterwards,
811
00:47:11,678 --> 00:47:13,106
“Lost in the goddamn jungle.
812
00:47:13,146 --> 00:47:14,466
Captain Simple Jack.
813
00:47:15,115 --> 00:47:15,877
Fuck you.
814
00:47:25,025 --> 00:47:26,583
I fucking hate movies.
815
00:47:28,929 --> 00:47:32,625
This is bullshit.
I don't wanna be in this shitty movie.
816
00:47:41,608 --> 00:47:44,372
No! That's my jellybeans! No!
817
00:47:44,477 --> 00:47:49,141
Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit!
818
00:47:49,249 --> 00:47:53,143
–Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut.
–You go to hell! There he is.
819
00:47:55,956 --> 00:47:58,891
God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go?
820
00:47:59,860 --> 00:48:04,018
You little piece of shit!
I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off!
821
00:48:04,264 --> 00:48:07,432
Sanducci. Hold up, man,
keep it on the down-low.
822
00:48:08,702 --> 00:48:10,997
I don't really gotta piss.
I'm trying to talk at you, man.
823
00:48:11,037 --> 00:48:12,664
Bait, I need bait.
824
00:48:13,807 --> 00:48:17,504
You went to boot camp, right?
You can read a map?
825
00:48:17,611 --> 00:48:18,839
Yeah, I think so.
826
00:48:18,945 --> 00:48:21,708
I know Speedman
got everyone convinced we out here
827
00:48:21,748 --> 00:48:25,612
making Planet of the Apes on YouTube
or some shit, but I don't buy it.
828
00:48:25,652 --> 00:48:28,886
You wanna step on a real landmine?
You wanna die?
829
00:48:28,922 --> 00:48:30,684
You wanna get shot
by a real motherfucker?
830
00:48:30,724 --> 00:48:33,887
–Keep looking ahead, man.
–No, of course not.
831
00:48:34,294 --> 00:48:36,455
Trying to get home, man.
832
00:48:36,563 --> 00:48:38,291
Got a big job coming up next year.
833
00:48:38,331 --> 00:48:39,764
–Oh, yeah?
–Yeah.
834
00:48:39,866 --> 00:48:42,462
It's about Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes
Booth when they were both young.
835
00:48:42,502 --> 00:48:43,594
–Oh, wow!
–Yeah.
836
00:48:43,703 --> 00:48:46,266
–That's a classy picture.
–Dude, you kind of look like Abe.
837
00:48:46,306 --> 00:48:47,773
Slap a beard on you.
838
00:48:47,874 --> 00:48:49,970
–What's your fucking name?
–Really? It's Kevin.
839
00:48:50,010 --> 00:48:52,001
–Kevin Sandusky.
–Yeah.
840
00:48:52,679 --> 00:48:56,375
If I can put that map in your hands,
can I count on you?
841
00:48:56,650 --> 00:49:00,177
–Well, yeah, I guess you can.
–Dynamite. I'm out.
842
00:49:03,857 --> 00:49:06,353
That smelled just like bologna
for some reason.
843
00:49:06,393 --> 00:49:09,589
Is anyone gonna fucking help me
get this fucking thing?
844
00:49:09,629 --> 00:49:12,189
Why are they even out in the daytime?
845
00:49:14,401 --> 00:49:19,285
I'm gonna level with you, bro.
I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you.
846
00:49:25,078 --> 00:49:28,844
Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie.
847
00:49:31,051 --> 00:49:32,846
He's way out on a limb
with this character,
848
00:49:32,886 --> 00:49:35,196
and I think he's getting cold feet.
849
00:49:36,022 --> 00:49:38,885
And the men respect you,
'cause you went to boot camp
850
00:49:38,925 --> 00:49:40,552
and rehearsal.
851
00:49:41,594 --> 00:49:44,168
–Can I count on you, Kyle.
–It's Kevin.
852
00:49:44,230 --> 00:49:45,288
Good.
853
00:49:46,866 --> 00:49:49,770
If you want
I could give the map a look-see.
854
00:49:49,836 --> 00:49:51,997
–I'll handle the map.
–Okay.
855
00:49:52,105 --> 00:49:55,402
You stick with the program,
we get this movie in the can,
856
00:49:55,442 --> 00:49:59,205
I'm thinking there could be
a Teen Choice Award in it for you.
857
00:49:59,245 --> 00:50:03,443
You have that potential.
They'll slime you, the whole deal.
858
00:50:03,550 --> 00:50:07,179
–Yeah, that's wicked.
–Good.
859
00:50:13,093 --> 00:50:15,403
There it is! Yeah, now you're dead!
860
00:50:16,363 --> 00:50:17,591
You O.D'ed!
861
00:50:19,165 --> 00:50:20,496
Hold up now, Jeff.
862
00:50:22,902 --> 00:50:24,301
Fucking hell!
863
00:50:25,939 --> 00:50:28,999
What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man!
864
00:50:29,109 --> 00:50:31,577
I don't have any more jellybeans.
865
00:50:38,184 --> 00:50:39,981
You land there!
866
00:50:54,901 --> 00:50:57,301
Wow. Look at these ruins.
867
00:50:59,472 --> 00:51:03,909
–Where the hell are we?
–D'ang Kwook River.
868
00:51:04,010 --> 00:51:06,439
That so? How do you know that?
How you sure?
869
00:51:06,479 --> 00:51:08,742
Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go.
870
00:51:08,782 --> 00:51:13,879
Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now.
Seriously, my skin hurts!
871
00:51:13,987 --> 00:51:16,483
Enough from the peanut gallery!
Into the water, ladies!
872
00:51:16,523 --> 00:51:18,718
No, man. Let me take a look at that map
right quick.
873
00:51:18,758 --> 00:51:20,420
Why is everybody
all obsessed with the map?
874
00:51:20,460 --> 00:51:22,555
'Cause we're tired
of being your trail donkeys!
875
00:51:22,595 --> 00:51:24,995
Acting like you some one-man GPS!
876
00:51:25,098 --> 00:51:28,966
God damn it! We lost!
We fucking super lost, man!
877
00:51:29,069 --> 00:51:31,264
Tell him, McClusky.
Tell him what time it is.
878
00:51:31,304 --> 00:51:33,086
I don't believe you people.
879
00:51:34,607 --> 00:51:36,587
What do you mean “you people?
880
00:51:38,978 --> 00:51:41,572
What do you mean, “you people?
881
00:51:41,681 --> 00:51:43,672
I think what Tugg means is
882
00:51:43,783 --> 00:51:45,211
No, look at his eyes, man.
883
00:51:45,251 --> 00:51:48,048
you people, you actors. You people
–Look at them beady, white devil eyes.
884
00:51:48,088 --> 00:51:49,682
I gotta get back to the hotel, for real!
885
00:51:49,722 --> 00:51:51,690
–Hell, no!
–Silence!
886
00:51:52,725 --> 00:51:55,387
Chill! All right? Just chill it.
887
00:51:56,896 --> 00:52:00,093
Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.
888
00:52:00,934 --> 00:52:02,492
–“Viet Cong?
–What?
889
00:52:03,002 --> 00:52:06,099
It's “Viet Cong.?There's no “S.
It's already plural.
890
00:52:06,139 --> 00:52:07,987
You wouldn't say “Chineses.
891
00:52:09,109 --> 00:52:11,604
All right, that's enough
of this insubordination!
892
00:52:11,644 --> 00:52:14,442
If the machine breaks down,
we break down.
893
00:52:14,547 --> 00:52:17,143
Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I,
he was big but a little puffy
894
00:52:17,183 --> 00:52:18,845
and then Rambo II,
he got all shredded up?
895
00:52:18,885 --> 00:52:21,815
–Yeah.
–That's kind of how you look right now.
896
00:52:21,855 --> 00:52:23,483
–Yeah?
–Not Rambo I but II.
897
00:52:23,523 --> 00:52:25,318
–Really?
–Yeah, when he was cut up.
898
00:52:25,358 --> 00:52:27,787
I'm not that?I mean,
that's what I'm going for, but you know
899
00:52:27,827 --> 00:52:30,590
Come on, dude. You more shredded
than a julienne salad, man.
900
00:52:30,630 --> 00:52:32,192
–Thanks.
–What's the secret, dude?
901
00:52:32,232 --> 00:52:33,660
–It's a diet. I'm just dieting.
–Really?
902
00:52:33,700 --> 00:52:36,763
'Cause I'm trying to come up a little,
but it's just?It's tough.
903
00:52:36,803 --> 00:52:38,364
–You look good.
–Any tips?
904
00:52:38,404 --> 00:52:40,120
–What?
–Any tips, you got?
905
00:52:40,206 --> 00:52:41,401
There's, like, the pineapple
906
00:52:41,441 --> 00:52:43,803
–Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you!
–Hey!
907
00:52:43,843 --> 00:52:45,435
–Hey!
–All right, now!
908
00:52:45,545 --> 00:52:48,041
What it is, Sikorski?
Tell us where we really at.
909
00:52:48,081 --> 00:52:50,040
That's fucking bullshit!
It's a chump move.
910
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:52,633
We just getting a second opinion, doc.
911
00:52:53,895 --> 00:52:55,223
We're going the wrong way!
912
00:52:55,263 --> 00:52:56,425
–Damn!
–Son of a bitch.
913
00:52:56,465 --> 00:53:00,925
God! I think we were
supposed to be doing this,
914
00:53:01,036 --> 00:53:03,937
and instead we did this.
915
00:53:04,039 --> 00:53:07,668
Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit!
916
00:53:07,776 --> 00:53:11,010
Think you can get us back
to that drop zone, boy?
917
00:53:11,246 --> 00:53:12,645
This is not cool!
918
00:53:15,350 --> 00:53:16,476
Maybe.
919
00:53:17,919 --> 00:53:19,409
This is insane!
920
00:53:20,689 --> 00:53:23,527
Are you really going
to abandon this movie?
921
00:53:23,825 --> 00:53:26,020
We're supposed to be a unit!
922
00:53:26,128 --> 00:53:27,652
Suck my unit!
923
00:53:28,530 --> 00:53:30,327
All right, fine.
924
00:53:30,432 --> 00:53:35,335
–I'll finish it by myself.
–You go be all you can be, man.
925
00:53:35,437 --> 00:53:37,499
Tugg, you have no idea
where you're going!
926
00:53:37,539 --> 00:53:39,336
Yes, I do!
927
00:53:39,441 --> 00:53:43,969
I'm going to, “Exterior, rain forest, dusk.
928
00:53:44,079 --> 00:53:48,610
Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks
alone through a frightening jungle.
929
00:53:48,650 --> 00:53:50,584
Suck on that unit, Kirk!
930
00:54:04,166 --> 00:54:07,158
Come on, men. Let's get home.
931
00:54:45,340 --> 00:54:50,004
Hello, Mr Mantis. You're beautiful.
932
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:54,276
Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo
933
00:54:54,316 --> 00:54:56,111
where Hollywood
was split into schisms,
934
00:54:56,151 --> 00:54:59,614
some studios backing Blu-ray Disc,
others backing HD DVD.
935
00:54:59,654 --> 00:55:00,815
People thought it would come down to
936
00:55:00,855 --> 00:55:03,185
pixel rate or refresh rate,
and they're pretty much the same.
937
00:55:03,225 --> 00:55:07,053
What it came down to was
a combination of gamers and porn.
938
00:55:07,128 --> 00:55:08,924
Now, whichever format porno backs
939
00:55:08,964 --> 00:55:12,798
is usually the one
that becomes the most successful.
940
00:55:12,901 --> 00:55:15,964
But, you know, Sony,
every PlayStation 3 has a Blu-ray in it.
941
00:55:16,004 --> 00:55:18,248
You talking to me this whole time?
942
00:55:18,473 --> 00:55:19,834
I was talking to whoever
was listening to me.
943
00:55:19,874 --> 00:55:21,341
Jesus Christ, man!
944
00:55:39,761 --> 00:55:41,820
Booty Sweat.
945
00:55:47,869 --> 00:55:49,268
Oh, God!
946
00:55:51,506 --> 00:55:56,068
It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold.
947
00:55:56,177 --> 00:55:58,372
You want my flak jacket?
948
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:02,410
What, are you insane? It's boiling!
It's like a sweat lodge out here!
949
00:56:02,450 --> 00:56:05,347
Keep the volume down on that bitching,
Flatch Adams.
950
00:56:05,387 --> 00:56:07,349
I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit!
951
00:56:07,389 --> 00:56:09,417
–How we doing? We making good time?
–We're making good time,
952
00:56:09,457 --> 00:56:12,654
but there's no way we make it
over that ridge before sundown.
953
00:56:12,694 --> 00:56:15,257
All right, fellas,
we're gonna make camp, rest up!
954
00:56:15,297 --> 00:56:17,659
–Oh, God.
–Y'all might be in for a treat.
955
00:56:17,699 --> 00:56:19,160
You know,
back before the war broked out,
956
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:21,930
I was a saucier in San Antone.
957
00:56:22,037 --> 00:56:24,733
I bet I could collar up
some of them greens.
958
00:56:24,773 --> 00:56:29,073
Yeah, noodle some crawfish
out the paddy, yo.
959
00:56:29,177 --> 00:56:33,533
And maybe some crab apples
for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah!
960
00:56:34,549 --> 00:56:35,811
Hell, yeah!
961
00:56:35,917 --> 00:56:40,115
That's how we all talk.
We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh.
962
00:56:40,221 --> 00:56:45,454
Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs.
963
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:50,429
You're Australian! Be Australian!
Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack.
964
00:56:54,669 --> 00:56:57,069
I get excited about my foods, man.
965
00:58:22,690 --> 00:58:25,124
Die!
966
00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:41,133
No!
967
00:58:47,682 --> 00:58:51,982
Dude, dude, what the hell
is going on here? Where are we?
968
00:58:52,086 --> 00:58:54,486
I have no idea.
969
00:58:54,589 --> 00:58:57,149
I've never been outside the States.
970
00:58:57,258 --> 00:58:59,487
Wait, what?
Are you fucking kidding me?
971
00:58:59,527 --> 00:59:01,589
Did you make this
whole goddamn thing up?
972
00:59:01,629 --> 00:59:03,057
Dude, were you
even in the fucking service?
973
00:59:03,097 --> 00:59:05,759
Yes. Of course. Coast Guard.
974
00:59:05,867 --> 00:59:07,829
–Coast Guard.
–Sanitation Department.
975
00:59:07,869 --> 00:59:10,575
Oh, my God!
You're a fucking garbage man!
976
00:59:10,672 --> 00:59:14,469
Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me
and the whole goddamn U.S. of A.
977
00:59:14,509 --> 00:59:17,238
I wrote the book as a tribute!
I'm a patriot!
978
00:59:17,278 --> 00:59:19,407
Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli
of patriots, okay?
979
00:59:19,447 --> 00:59:21,209
You lied
about fighting the Vietnam War.
980
00:59:21,249 --> 00:59:24,579
It's like punching the American flag
in the face, God damn it.
981
00:59:24,619 --> 00:59:26,114
God, and to think I believed in you!
982
00:59:26,154 --> 00:59:28,583
–I don't wanna be next to you.
–Writers lie all the time.
983
00:59:28,623 --> 00:59:30,999
Can I be tied to another post? Okay.
984
00:59:52,068 --> 00:59:53,899
?i>Rick>
–Tugg.
985
00:59:54,003 --> 00:59:56,062
I killed one, Rick.
986
00:59:57,206 --> 00:59:59,606
The thing I love most in the world.
987
00:59:59,708 --> 01:00:01,622
Vivica, get off the line now!
988
01:00:03,846 --> 01:00:06,308
A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker.
989
01:00:06,348 --> 01:00:08,477
Calm down.
Here's what you're gonna do.
990
01:00:08,517 --> 01:00:09,745
Get your hands on some bleach,
991
01:00:09,785 --> 01:00:12,214
some hydrogen peroxide
and a shitload of lime.
992
01:00:12,254 --> 01:00:13,744
No, a panda.
993
01:00:13,856 --> 01:00:15,619
I killed a panda.
994
01:00:15,724 --> 01:00:17,521
Amanda? Come on, dude.
995
01:00:17,626 --> 01:00:19,722
I mean,
that's probably not even her real name.
996
01:00:19,762 --> 01:00:21,423
No, a panda!
997
01:00:21,530 --> 01:00:22,895
A panda?
998
01:00:22,998 --> 01:00:25,592
A sweet, cuddly,
999
01:00:25,701 --> 01:00:27,635
vicious little panda.
1000
01:00:27,770 --> 01:00:30,766
Jesus Christ, Tugg!
Man, don't scare me like that!
1001
01:00:30,806 --> 01:00:32,034
It's beautiful here.
1002
01:00:32,074 --> 01:00:33,564
You on the set?
1003
01:00:33,676 --> 01:00:34,938
I am the set.
1004
01:00:35,044 --> 01:00:38,074
All right, man.
Hey, how's the TiVo working out?
1005
01:00:38,114 --> 01:00:39,342
Screw TiVo.
1006
01:00:39,448 --> 01:00:41,916
I'm way beyond TiVo.
1007
01:00:42,017 --> 01:00:44,180
Last I checked,
they hadn't hooked it up, though.
1008
01:00:44,220 --> 01:00:47,519
Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo?
1009
01:00:47,623 --> 01:00:49,454
It doesn't matter anymore.
1010
01:00:52,294 --> 01:00:53,761
I've moved on.
1011
01:00:54,497 --> 01:00:56,279
Where have you moved on to?
1012
01:00:56,332 --> 01:00:57,822
Another agency?
1013
01:00:59,368 --> 01:01:00,892
Who's with you?
1014
01:01:01,003 --> 01:01:03,232
It's Nick Stevens, isn't it?
That little fucker.
1015
01:01:03,272 --> 01:01:07,436
You are still my client, Tugg Speedman!
I am getting the TiVo!
1016
01:01:07,476 --> 01:01:09,671
Jacket's on, I'm out the door!
1017
01:01:09,778 --> 01:01:10,836
Tugg?
1018
01:01:14,150 --> 01:01:15,536
Please don't fire me.
1019
01:01:16,318 --> 01:01:17,572
I did it, I did it!
1020
01:01:17,620 --> 01:01:20,015
Vivica, what do I have scheduled
this afternoon?
1021
01:01:20,055 --> 01:01:22,922
?i>Two and a Half Me> taping.
–Shit.
1022
01:01:23,926 --> 01:01:24,950
Cancel it.
1023
01:01:25,060 --> 01:01:26,789
And get me Tugg's Tropic Thunder
contract.
1024
01:01:26,829 --> 01:01:30,025
I'm going to Grossman's office,
I'm playing the card.
1025
01:01:30,065 --> 01:01:31,032
Okay.
1026
01:01:34,637 --> 01:01:37,538
Oh, mama. Thirsty.
1027
01:01:37,673 --> 01:01:39,732
He doesn't look too good.
1028
01:01:39,842 --> 01:01:44,870
Must drink,
so I can throw something up!
1029
01:01:44,980 --> 01:01:47,176
No, no. Don't drink that water!
That water's like a petri dish!
1030
01:01:47,216 --> 01:01:48,308
No, don't!
1031
01:01:48,417 --> 01:01:50,942
Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat?
1032
01:01:51,053 --> 01:01:53,482
Yeah, get him chugging on
some of Alpa's ass water.
1033
01:01:53,522 --> 01:01:55,518
That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all.
1034
01:01:55,558 --> 01:01:57,520
Man, what you coming out
in movies for anyway?
1035
01:01:57,560 --> 01:01:59,288
Did you need another revenue stream?
1036
01:01:59,328 --> 01:02:02,126
For your information,
my revenue stream
1037
01:02:02,231 --> 01:02:04,627
currently generates $2 million a year
1038
01:02:04,667 --> 01:02:06,662
in charitable contributions
for my community.
1039
01:02:06,702 --> 01:02:09,098
–Hot damn.
–And why am I in this movie?
1040
01:02:09,138 --> 01:02:11,534
Maybe I just knew I had to represent,
1041
01:02:11,574 --> 01:02:13,435
because they had one good part
in it for a black man
1042
01:02:13,475 --> 01:02:15,917
and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.
1043
01:02:17,146 --> 01:02:20,776
Pump your brakes, kid.
That man is a national treasure.
1044
01:02:20,816 --> 01:02:23,012
I just wanted to throw another shrimp
on your barbie.
1045
01:02:23,052 --> 01:02:24,246
That shit ain't funny.
1046
01:02:24,286 --> 01:02:27,049
Hey, fellas! It's hot!
We're tired! It stinks!
1047
01:02:27,089 --> 01:02:28,717
I'm just fucking with you,
Kangaroo Jack!
1048
01:02:28,757 --> 01:02:30,553
I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.
1049
01:02:30,593 --> 01:02:33,122
You know that's a true story?
Lady lost her kid.
1050
01:02:33,162 --> 01:02:35,891
–You about to cross some fucking lines.
–Guys, relax and stuff.
1051
01:02:35,931 --> 01:02:37,059
You know what? Fuck that, man!
1052
01:02:37,099 --> 01:02:40,333
I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger
telling me
1053
01:02:44,506 --> 01:02:46,064
For 400 years,
1054
01:02:47,109 --> 01:02:50,010
that word has kept us down.
1055
01:02:51,080 --> 01:02:52,707
What the fuck?
1056
01:02:52,815 --> 01:02:56,581
It took a whole lot of trying
just to get up that hill.
1057
01:02:56,685 --> 01:02:59,586
Now we up in the big leagues,
1058
01:02:59,688 --> 01:03:01,451
getting our turn at bat.
1059
01:03:01,557 --> 01:03:04,219
Long as we live, it's you and me, baby.
1060
01:03:04,893 --> 01:03:08,290
That's the theme song for
The Jeffersons. You really need help.
1061
01:03:08,330 --> 01:03:11,527
Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song,
don't make it not true.
1062
01:03:11,567 --> 01:03:13,562
You know what?
I'm gonna tell you what's true.
1063
01:03:13,602 --> 01:03:17,099
I'm gonna tag you back.
You better believe that, baby.
1064
01:03:17,139 --> 01:03:19,733
Guys! Hey, guys!
1065
01:03:20,342 --> 01:03:22,810
Jeff, stay away from that animal.
1066
01:03:25,180 --> 01:03:28,013
I'm gonna bite his hide. I need
1067
01:03:29,051 --> 01:03:32,316
I need to wear his stomach skin
like a unitard.
1068
01:03:33,289 --> 01:03:36,588
Ain't nobody doing nothing
to no one or body!
1069
01:03:36,692 --> 01:03:41,561
Now, if Mr Portnoy is feeling
a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk,
1070
01:03:41,664 --> 01:03:44,172
put him up on that cloven-hoof animal!
1071
01:03:45,100 --> 01:03:46,618
We got ground to cover!
1072
01:04:15,397 --> 01:04:18,662
All right, POW camp, scene 67.
1073
01:04:19,568 --> 01:04:21,297
Bring it on, Cockburn!
1074
01:04:29,378 --> 01:04:31,874
Maybe he's not, you know,
Ridley Scott or something,
1075
01:04:31,914 --> 01:04:33,776
but I think Renny Harlin's
a tremendous filmmaker
1076
01:04:33,816 --> 01:04:36,679
like, Adventures of Ford Fairlane,
you know,
1077
01:04:36,719 --> 01:04:40,416
as far as an Andrew Dice Clay
vehicle goes, it's pretty decent.
1078
01:04:40,456 --> 01:04:42,951
And Cliffhanger.
Cliffhanger's incredible.
1079
01:04:42,991 --> 01:04:46,522
As far as the whole like,
man against nature type of movies go,
1080
01:04:46,562 --> 01:04:48,723
it's absolutely amazing.
1081
01:04:48,831 --> 01:04:50,731
Shut the fuck up!
1082
01:04:55,371 --> 01:04:57,032
Who send you here?
1083
01:04:57,139 --> 01:05:01,769
Tayback, John, Sergeant,
United States Army.
1084
01:05:02,511 --> 01:05:07,915
Serial number 694529987.
1085
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:14,712
Perhaps some hot tea
will make conversing
1086
01:05:14,823 --> 01:05:16,586
a little easier.
1087
01:05:20,362 --> 01:05:22,540
My leader's not quite as cordial.
1088
01:05:25,934 --> 01:05:28,864
Look, what? I just thought you might
like some hot tea
1089
01:05:28,904 --> 01:05:32,534
–in order to calm your nerves.
–Tayback, John, Sergeant,
1090
01:05:32,574 --> 01:05:37,534
United States Army, 694529987.
1091
01:05:38,380 --> 01:05:43,909
And here's a little message
from my Uncle Sam.
1092
01:05:49,558 --> 01:05:51,924
Dude, you all right?
1093
01:05:52,027 --> 01:05:53,522
Man you totally leaned into that.
1094
01:05:53,562 --> 01:05:56,664
I was pulling it back
and you just came in too
1095
01:05:56,732 --> 01:05:58,927
Hey, it was an accident, man.
1096
01:06:01,470 --> 01:06:03,465
Come on, good.
You want to keep going?
1097
01:06:03,505 --> 01:06:05,097
–Let's go.
–Get up.
1098
01:06:05,207 --> 01:06:06,869
I rather rot in your V.C. Jail!
1099
01:06:06,909 --> 01:06:10,777
I'll never bend to your will!
You scum! You scum!
1100
01:06:10,879 --> 01:06:12,975
Now say this
and go to the beginning again,
1101
01:06:13,015 --> 01:06:14,863
let's do the tea part, okay?
1102
01:06:16,318 --> 01:06:18,046
Dude, I hope you're not pissed.
1103
01:06:18,086 --> 01:06:19,948
I see moss on both sides of that tree.
1104
01:06:19,988 --> 01:06:23,185
Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't
the only one at boot camp
1105
01:06:23,225 --> 01:06:25,187
My belly really hurts, you guys!
1106
01:06:25,227 --> 01:06:27,489
I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous.
1107
01:06:27,529 --> 01:06:29,825
Let me off, I gotta puke!
I don't wanna die like Hendrix!
1108
01:06:29,865 --> 01:06:31,526
All right. All right.
1109
01:06:36,104 --> 01:06:38,095
Are you okay, Jeff?
1110
01:06:38,207 --> 01:06:39,572
I'm awesome.
1111
01:06:41,977 --> 01:06:43,444
Holy shit!
1112
01:06:47,983 --> 01:06:50,161
Okay. Everyone, down, down, down.
1113
01:06:54,857 --> 01:06:56,347
Man. Now I'm tripping.
1114
01:06:56,458 --> 01:06:59,956
That looks like the POW camp
from out the script, yo.
1115
01:06:59,962 --> 01:07:01,657
Speedman was right?
1116
01:07:01,763 --> 01:07:03,128
I don't think so.
1117
01:07:03,232 --> 01:07:06,070
Look at the cooking vats,
the armed guards.
1118
01:07:07,069 --> 01:07:09,511
Looks like a heroin processing plant.
1119
01:07:10,272 --> 01:07:11,467
We were in that chopper for hours.
1120
01:07:11,507 --> 01:07:13,836
I don't even think
we're in Vietnam anymore.
1121
01:07:13,876 --> 01:07:16,310
–Fuck.
–Shit. We ain't even in 'Nam?
1122
01:07:16,411 --> 01:07:19,175
No, most likely Myanmar or Laos.
1123
01:07:19,281 --> 01:07:20,839
What the fuck is Laos?
1124
01:07:20,949 --> 01:07:22,177
It's the Golden Triangle.
1125
01:07:22,217 --> 01:07:24,185
Oh, fuck. We're dead.
1126
01:07:24,286 --> 01:07:26,315
No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV.
1127
01:07:26,355 --> 01:07:30,447
Fucking boats, airplanes,
UFOs and shit, they all just vanish!
1128
01:07:30,492 --> 01:07:33,088
Yo, that's the Bermuda Triangle,
dumbass.
1129
01:07:33,128 --> 01:07:35,494
This is the Golden Triangle.
1130
01:07:35,597 --> 01:07:37,226
It's the world's hard drug superhighway.
1131
01:07:37,266 --> 01:07:38,652
How do you know that?
1132
01:07:38,667 --> 01:07:42,429
It was a really long trip.
I read the in-flight magazine.
1133
01:07:43,205 --> 01:07:44,502
Cut!
1134
01:07:44,606 --> 01:07:46,073
Oh, Jesus!
1135
01:07:46,174 --> 01:07:48,665
What do you see, man? I'm blocked.
1136
01:07:48,777 --> 01:07:50,142
Damien, cut!
1137
01:07:51,914 --> 01:07:53,506
Hey, Damien, cut!
1138
01:07:54,349 --> 01:07:56,010
They got Speedman.
1139
01:07:56,585 --> 01:07:58,235
And it doesn't look good.
1140
01:08:30,686 --> 01:08:31,983
I am Tran.
1141
01:08:32,955 --> 01:08:35,595
You are a trespasser in my poppy fields.
1142
01:08:36,525 --> 01:08:39,153
You are DE. A. Scum!
1143
01:08:41,096 --> 01:08:44,532
Were there some re-writes
that I missed?
1144
01:08:50,839 --> 01:08:52,329
Do you want to die?
1145
01:08:53,108 --> 01:08:54,575
–Do you?
–No!
1146
01:08:54,676 --> 01:08:58,806
Please, don't hurt me!
1147
01:09:06,688 --> 01:09:07,882
Say that again.
1148
01:09:08,890 --> 01:09:10,687
Please, don't hurt me.
1149
01:09:10,792 --> 01:09:13,886
No! Like you did before! Say it!
1150
01:09:14,863 --> 01:09:15,852
Say it!
1151
01:09:15,964 --> 01:09:19,957
Please, don't hurt me!
1152
01:09:35,584 --> 01:09:38,178
–What?
–You are Simple Jack.
1153
01:09:41,156 --> 01:09:43,021
You saw Simple Jack?
1154
01:09:43,125 --> 01:09:45,897
We love the tale of this man,
Simple Jack.
1155
01:09:47,162 --> 01:09:49,057
We do not have many luxury here.
1156
01:09:49,097 --> 01:09:51,593
And Simple Jack is the only movie
we possess.
1157
01:09:51,633 --> 01:09:55,467
You got the VHS.
1158
01:09:55,570 --> 01:09:57,699
We've watched it many, many times.
1159
01:09:57,739 --> 01:10:00,207
You should've got Oscar.
1160
01:10:03,245 --> 01:10:05,008
Well, you know. It's
1161
01:10:06,281 --> 01:10:07,609
Just to be nominated
1162
01:10:07,649 --> 01:10:08,903
You were nominated?
1163
01:10:08,984 --> 01:10:10,579
No, no, no. I wasn't nominated.
1164
01:10:10,619 --> 01:10:13,849
I'm just saying that to have been
nominated would have been nice.
1165
01:10:13,889 --> 01:10:16,318
It's just?It's very political.
You have to take out ads
1166
01:10:16,358 --> 01:10:18,849
–Shut up now!
–Okay. Okay.
1167
01:10:19,695 --> 01:10:21,424
So, are you going to
1168
01:10:23,065 --> 01:10:24,692
let me go, or
1169
01:10:24,800 --> 01:10:26,927
No. We'll hold you for ransom.
1170
01:10:27,035 --> 01:10:28,832
Much more money now!
1171
01:10:40,415 --> 01:10:41,476
He's in a meeting.
1172
01:10:41,516 --> 01:10:44,882
Yeah, I know.
In about two seconds with the Pecker.
1173
01:10:45,320 --> 01:10:47,249
I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off.
1174
01:10:47,289 --> 01:10:50,018
You wanna talk about trouble?
That's trouble.
1175
01:10:50,058 --> 01:10:51,616
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1176
01:10:53,528 --> 01:10:55,428
What do you need, Peck?
1177
01:10:55,530 --> 01:10:58,158
No, more like what do you need, Les?
1178
01:10:58,266 --> 01:10:59,460
Glasses?
1179
01:11:00,535 --> 01:11:01,593
What?
1180
01:11:01,703 --> 01:11:04,266
So you can read
the Tropic Thunder contract
1181
01:11:04,306 --> 01:11:06,768
that guarantees my client,
Tugg Speedman,
1182
01:11:06,808 --> 01:11:10,539
some form of digital video recorder
on location.
1183
01:11:11,313 --> 01:11:13,821
–Huh?
–I can't believe you let him in.
1184
01:11:15,083 --> 01:11:17,979
Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy,
so why don't you get the hell out of here
1185
01:11:18,019 --> 01:11:21,149
before I snap your dick off
and jam it into your ass?
1186
01:11:21,189 --> 01:11:23,214
No, not you, Helen.
1187
01:11:23,325 --> 01:11:27,089
But I will rip your tits off
if you don't get me those theaters.
1188
01:11:27,129 --> 01:11:28,653
Perfect.
1189
01:11:28,764 --> 01:11:31,259
Hey, Tuggernuts,
I've got you on speakerphone.
1190
01:11:31,299 --> 01:11:33,228
I'm standing here with Les Grossman,
1191
01:11:33,268 --> 01:11:36,498
and he is dying to tell you
why he's apparently wiped his ass
1192
01:11:36,538 --> 01:11:39,178
with the TiVo clause from your contract.
1193
01:11:40,041 --> 01:11:42,032
We are Flaming Dragon.
1194
01:11:42,144 --> 01:11:44,510
Speedman is with us now.
1195
01:11:44,613 --> 01:11:48,174
For 50 million, you will get him back.
1196
01:11:48,283 --> 01:11:50,512
–Are you gonna get those
–Who is this?
1197
01:11:50,552 --> 01:11:53,315
–And how did you get this phone?
–We are Flaming Dragon!
1198
01:11:53,355 --> 01:11:55,269
Simple Jack belong to us now.
1199
01:11:57,993 --> 01:12:00,018
He does, does he?
1200
01:12:00,128 --> 01:12:02,596
Let me tell you something, shitbird.
1201
01:12:02,697 --> 01:12:05,193
I've never even heard
of your little agency.
1202
01:12:05,233 --> 01:12:07,262
But if you think
you can poach my client
1203
01:12:07,302 --> 01:12:11,922
Send $50 million, or you no see
Simple Jack again because we kill him.
1204
01:12:11,940 --> 01:12:13,502
This is Les Grossman. Who is this?
1205
01:12:13,542 --> 01:12:15,840
This is Flaming Dragon!
1206
01:12:15,944 --> 01:12:18,708
Okay. Flaming Dragon. Fuckface.
1207
01:12:18,814 --> 01:12:23,649
First, take a big step back
and literally fuck your own face!
1208
01:12:25,020 --> 01:12:27,816
Now, I don't know what kind of
pan-Pacific bullshit power play
1209
01:12:27,856 --> 01:12:30,385
you're trying to pull here,
but Asia, Jack, is my territory.
1210
01:12:30,425 --> 01:12:31,787
So whatever you're thinking,
you better think again.
1211
01:12:31,827 --> 01:12:33,255
Otherwise, I'm gonna
have to head down there,
1212
01:12:33,295 --> 01:12:36,725
and I will rain down an ungodly
fucking firestorm upon you.
1213
01:12:36,765 --> 01:12:38,460
You're gonna have to call
the fucking United Nations
1214
01:12:38,500 --> 01:12:42,597
and get a fucking binding resolution
to keep me from fucking destroying you.
1215
01:12:42,637 --> 01:12:45,300
I am talking scorched earth,
motherfucker!
1216
01:12:45,340 --> 01:12:47,103
I will massacre you!
1217
01:12:47,209 --> 01:12:49,143
I will fuck you up!
1218
01:12:56,952 --> 01:13:00,252
–Could you find out who that was? Go.
–Yeah. Yeah.
1219
01:13:34,122 --> 01:13:37,114
You wear these.
More like Simple Jack teeth.
1220
01:13:37,225 --> 01:13:38,954
Okay.
1221
01:13:39,060 --> 01:13:42,558
Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan,
and that's great
1222
01:13:44,799 --> 01:13:46,426
Put teeth in!
1223
01:13:53,541 --> 01:13:55,406
Now do movie.
1224
01:13:55,510 --> 01:13:57,171
The whole movie?
1225
01:13:57,279 --> 01:13:59,007
I can't. I don't know the whole
1226
01:13:59,047 --> 01:14:01,538
You perform! You perform or die!
1227
01:14:02,284 --> 01:14:03,774
Monkey swine!
1228
01:14:06,688 --> 01:14:08,087
Pa.
1229
01:14:10,058 --> 01:14:11,423
More stupid!
1230
01:14:13,194 --> 01:14:18,257
Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad?
1231
01:14:20,702 --> 01:14:22,033
You saw what I saw.
1232
01:14:22,137 --> 01:14:24,799
Tugg Speedman is dead meat
if we don't do something soon.
1233
01:14:24,839 --> 01:14:27,269
Yeah. We could do something
by getting our asses back to the hotel,
1234
01:14:27,309 --> 01:14:28,703
which is in the other direction!
1235
01:14:28,743 --> 01:14:30,335
Ain't right.
1236
01:14:30,445 --> 01:14:32,540
What would've happened
in The Great Escape
1237
01:14:32,580 --> 01:14:36,414
if Steve McQueen and them dudes
had turned tail and ran?
1238
01:14:36,518 --> 01:14:40,582
Well, that's what that movie was about.
They were escaping. They ran away.
1239
01:14:40,622 --> 01:14:43,318
I'm trying to agree with you.
The point is they did something.
1240
01:14:43,358 --> 01:14:44,619
Then what are we supposed to do, huh?
1241
01:14:44,659 --> 01:14:48,623
'Cause he's cleaning a gun
with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan.
1242
01:14:48,663 --> 01:14:53,151
I'm just like a little boy,
playing with his dick when he's nervous.
1243
01:14:56,004 --> 01:14:58,566
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
1244
01:14:58,606 --> 01:15:01,666
I got an idea.
This might be a little crazy.
1245
01:15:01,776 --> 01:15:03,744
Crazy's better than nothing.
1246
01:15:03,845 --> 01:15:07,804
Back in '98, I did a low-budget
titty comedy for Skinemax.
1247
01:15:07,916 --> 01:15:11,249
?i>Sex Camp> Remember it?
–Yeah.
1248
01:15:11,353 --> 01:15:15,312
Anyway, me and the campers
from the uncool camp
1249
01:15:15,423 --> 01:15:17,948
had to break into the rich girl camp.
1250
01:15:18,059 --> 01:15:19,754
So, what we did,
1251
01:15:19,861 --> 01:15:22,897
we built a catapult
out of logs and underwear,
1252
01:15:22,964 --> 01:15:26,594
and they shot us over the wall,
and we parachuted down.
1253
01:15:32,140 --> 01:15:33,505
Look,
1254
01:15:33,608 --> 01:15:35,737
you guys, we already know the plan.
1255
01:15:35,777 --> 01:15:37,806
Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm giving you gold.
1256
01:15:37,846 --> 01:15:42,215
We do it just like in the book,
Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive.
1257
01:15:42,317 --> 01:15:44,717
The book of Tropic Thunder.
1258
01:15:44,819 --> 01:15:47,049
Yeah, did you guys read the book?
1259
01:15:48,356 --> 01:15:51,720
The flap, I read the back flap
and saw the pictures.
1260
01:15:51,760 --> 01:15:54,956
Well, it's okay.
It's exactly the same as in the script.
1261
01:15:54,996 --> 01:15:56,054
Cool.
1262
01:15:58,033 --> 01:16:00,593
You guys all read the script, right?
1263
01:16:00,702 --> 01:16:03,408
I don't read the script, script reads me.
1264
01:16:03,972 --> 01:16:05,500
What the hell does that even mean?
1265
01:16:05,540 --> 01:16:10,094
What you getting at with the books,
scripts? Spit that shit out, man!
1266
01:16:12,247 --> 01:16:14,161
All right. The Wet Offensive.
1267
01:16:15,116 --> 01:16:17,512
Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.
1268
01:16:17,552 --> 01:16:18,079
Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.
1269
01:16:18,119 --> 01:16:20,515
Motown and Brooklyn sneak in
via the river.
1270
01:16:20,555 --> 01:16:23,393
Yeah. But those dudes
was trained soldiers.
1271
01:16:24,826 --> 01:16:25,884
Yeah!
1272
01:16:26,961 --> 01:16:29,953
And we trained actors, motherfucker.
1273
01:16:30,065 --> 01:16:34,399
Time to man up.
And I ain't gonna sugarcoat.
1274
01:16:34,502 --> 01:16:37,266
Some of us
might not even make it back.
1275
01:16:37,372 --> 01:16:40,466
What do you mean?
Like not on the same flight?
1276
01:16:43,178 --> 01:16:46,007
Alpa and I's already wearing
earth mama's natural night camo.
1277
01:16:46,047 --> 01:16:47,878
–Cool it, Benson.
–Sorry.
1278
01:16:48,950 --> 01:16:53,636
We gonna scout, get a plan together.
We ain't back in 20, come looking.
1279
01:16:54,989 --> 01:16:56,903
We are Flaming Dragon.
1280
01:17:00,595 --> 01:17:01,789
Okay.
1281
01:17:03,098 --> 01:17:06,192
Flaming Dragon's
a heroin manufacturer.
1282
01:17:06,301 --> 01:17:09,464
They're responsible
for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia.
1283
01:17:09,504 --> 01:17:12,735
–Huge profit margin.
–Guys!
1284
01:17:12,841 --> 01:17:15,837
Would somebody please let me know
what the game plan is?
1285
01:17:15,877 --> 01:17:17,606
Peck! We have it handled.
1286
01:17:17,712 --> 01:17:20,275
Please, don't interrupt.
Everything's under control.
1287
01:17:20,315 --> 01:17:22,306
I got it. Got it.
1288
01:17:34,429 --> 01:17:37,158
–Les Grossman.
?i>We not get money yet>
1289
01:17:37,198 --> 01:17:39,325
Price now 100 million!
1290
01:17:39,434 --> 01:17:42,267
You pay now,
or tomorrow Simple Jack die.
1291
01:17:42,370 --> 01:17:45,430
Great. Let me get this down.
1292
01:17:45,540 --> 01:17:46,973
100 million.
1293
01:17:47,075 --> 01:17:49,543
Wait! I got a better idea.
1294
01:17:50,345 --> 01:17:52,176
Instead of 100 million,
1295
01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:55,147
how about I send you
a hobo's dick cheese?
1296
01:17:55,250 --> 01:17:57,612
Then you kill him! Do your thing!
Skin the fucking bastard!
1297
01:17:57,652 --> 01:17:59,847
Go to town, man! Go to town!
1298
01:17:59,954 --> 01:18:02,183
–No
–In the meantime, and as usual,
1299
01:18:02,223 --> 01:18:03,884
go fuck yourself!
1300
01:18:04,993 --> 01:18:07,699
–No.
–We don't negotiate with terrorists.
1301
01:18:09,664 --> 01:18:12,460
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, hey, are you insane?
1302
01:18:12,500 --> 01:18:14,395
–I think I could've done that better.
–I thought it was good.
1303
01:18:14,435 --> 01:18:16,300
They're gonna kill him!
1304
01:18:19,374 --> 01:18:20,432
And?
1305
01:18:22,777 --> 01:18:23,903
“And?
1306
01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:29,307
It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens.
1307
01:18:31,619 --> 01:18:34,816
We'll weep for him, in the press.
1308
01:18:34,956 --> 01:18:37,618
Set up a scholarship in his name.
1309
01:18:37,725 --> 01:18:41,661
Eventually, and I'm talking way,
way down the road,
1310
01:18:41,763 --> 01:18:43,324
we file an insurance claim.
1311
01:18:43,364 --> 01:18:46,227
Preferably before
the end of the fiscal year.
1312
01:18:46,267 --> 01:18:50,887
Actually, the claim alone would net us
more than the movie would lose.
1313
01:18:52,106 --> 01:18:53,869
You can't be serious.
1314
01:18:55,109 --> 01:18:56,738
You kick in the door to my house,
1315
01:18:56,778 --> 01:19:02,239
all ants in your pants,
sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap
1316
01:19:02,350 --> 01:19:06,946
for the third runner-up
Sexiest Man Alive 1998,
1317
01:19:07,055 --> 01:19:09,421
and you're asking if I'm serious?
1318
01:19:13,294 --> 01:19:14,989
Let's face it.
1319
01:19:15,096 --> 01:19:19,123
The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher
for Purim anymore.
1320
01:19:20,535 --> 01:19:23,527
Speedman is a dying star,
1321
01:19:23,638 --> 01:19:26,869
a white dwarf heading for a black hole.
1322
01:19:26,975 --> 01:19:29,705
That's physics. It's inevitable.
1323
01:19:29,811 --> 01:19:33,208
We've been handed
an incredible opportunity here, Peck.
1324
01:19:33,248 --> 01:19:37,082
The universe is talking to us right now.
1325
01:19:37,185 --> 01:19:38,743
You just gotta listen.
1326
01:19:51,866 --> 01:19:55,530
See, this is the good part, Pecker.
This is when the job gets fun.
1327
01:19:55,570 --> 01:19:56,662
Yeah.
1328
01:19:56,771 --> 01:19:59,934
Ask and you shall receive.
1329
01:20:00,975 --> 01:20:05,105
–All right.
–You play ball, we play ball.
1330
01:20:05,213 --> 01:20:08,580
I know you want the goodies.
1331
01:20:08,683 --> 01:20:10,674
Welcome to the goody room.
1332
01:20:10,785 --> 01:20:15,415
You paying attention?
'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker.
1333
01:20:15,523 --> 01:20:16,851
That's how you're gonna roll.
1334
01:20:16,891 --> 01:20:20,850
No more frequent flier
bitch miles for my boy.
1335
01:20:20,962 --> 01:20:22,259
Yeah!
1336
01:20:22,764 --> 01:20:24,026
Playa.
1337
01:20:24,899 --> 01:20:26,230
Playa!
1338
01:20:27,268 --> 01:20:28,565
Big dick playa.
1339
01:20:28,670 --> 01:20:30,661
Swinging past your knees!
1340
01:20:30,772 --> 01:20:31,796
Big dick, baby.
1341
01:20:31,906 --> 01:20:33,100
Yep.
1342
01:20:36,444 --> 01:20:39,038
Or you can grow a conscience
1343
01:20:39,147 --> 01:20:42,711
in the next five minutes
and see where that takes you.
1344
01:20:46,487 --> 01:20:48,580
Let me get this straight.
1345
01:20:48,690 --> 01:20:52,319
You want me
to let my client of 15 years,
1346
01:20:52,427 --> 01:20:53,855
one of my best friends,
1347
01:20:53,895 --> 01:20:58,525
die in the jungle, alone,
for some money and a G5?
1348
01:20:59,667 --> 01:21:00,793
Yes.
1349
01:21:05,873 --> 01:21:08,137
A G5 airplane?
1350
01:21:10,244 --> 01:21:11,302
Yes.
1351
01:21:12,380 --> 01:21:15,076
And lots of money.
1352
01:21:16,451 --> 01:21:18,612
Playa.
1353
01:21:21,522 --> 01:21:22,716
Yeah!
1354
01:21:23,958 --> 01:21:26,552
Smack it up, flip it, rub it down!
1355
01:21:29,130 --> 01:21:31,792
But Mama take care of Jack a lot.
1356
01:21:32,633 --> 01:21:36,364
How many more sleeps
before she wakes up again?
1357
01:21:36,471 --> 01:21:37,995
Sorry, Jack.
1358
01:21:38,106 --> 01:21:40,370
She in heaven now.
1359
01:21:41,142 --> 01:21:44,407
Damn! I thought the movie was bad.
1360
01:21:44,512 --> 01:21:47,640
She sleep forever.
1361
01:21:47,749 --> 01:21:50,945
To the mars credit, he's actually
eased up on the retard throttle.
1362
01:21:50,985 --> 01:21:54,649
And now that's added a balance,
and the audience can connect.
1363
01:21:54,689 --> 01:21:58,553
I mean, this is Theater 101,
but, you know, he's had a tough road.
1364
01:21:58,593 --> 01:21:59,787
He'll become a naturalist.
1365
01:21:59,827 --> 01:22:01,589
–Yeah.
–Break down the aesthetic distance,
1366
01:22:01,629 --> 01:22:03,358
then the
1367
01:22:06,033 --> 01:22:07,749
Told you I'd tag you back.
1368
01:22:10,338 --> 01:22:12,602
Can I tell you that I'm sorry
1369
01:22:12,707 --> 01:22:15,069
for any offense I might've caused, man?
1370
01:22:15,109 --> 01:22:17,538
–I just got caught up in
–In being a dumbass?
1371
01:22:17,578 --> 01:22:18,977
I guess so.
1372
01:22:19,080 --> 01:22:21,843
Why you still doing this
Chicken George shit, I have no idea.
1373
01:22:21,883 --> 01:22:23,244
–Neither do I.
–It's beyond me.
1374
01:22:23,284 --> 01:22:25,479
–It's beyond me.
–You confused.
1375
01:22:25,586 --> 01:22:27,764
–I am a little confused.
–I know.
1376
01:22:29,123 --> 01:22:30,920
But are we cool?
1377
01:22:31,025 --> 01:22:32,356
Not really.
1378
01:22:36,164 --> 01:22:37,756
Hey, man.
1379
01:22:37,865 --> 01:22:39,627
–How's it going?
–Good. Yourself?
1380
01:22:39,667 --> 01:22:41,692
Hey, so, if it's no big deal,
1381
01:22:41,803 --> 01:22:44,732
I think I'm just gonna hang back here
for the mission.
1382
01:22:44,772 --> 01:22:46,399
Watch the stuff.
1383
01:22:46,507 --> 01:22:48,532
–Is that cool?
–What? No!
1384
01:22:48,643 --> 01:22:50,543
We need you, Jeff.
1385
01:22:50,645 --> 01:22:52,306
What are you talking about?
1386
01:22:52,346 --> 01:22:53,904
Okay, look, man.
1387
01:22:55,149 --> 01:22:57,525
–I got something to tell you.
–Okay.
1388
01:22:59,687 --> 01:23:02,417
You know those jellybeans
I was eating?
1389
01:23:02,523 --> 01:23:05,617
Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay?
1390
01:23:06,527 --> 01:23:09,325
–They were drugs.
–Really?
1391
01:23:09,430 --> 01:23:13,861
I get down there near the mother lode,
I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man.
1392
01:23:13,901 --> 01:23:17,663
I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin
in the fucking world.
1393
01:23:20,141 --> 01:23:25,091
If you guys wanna make it through
this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree.
1394
01:23:25,680 --> 01:23:29,446
–Are you serious?
–Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree.
1395
01:23:29,550 --> 01:23:32,480
And you can, no matter what, you can't
fucking untie me until it is done,
1396
01:23:32,520 --> 01:23:34,148
until it is out of my system.
1397
01:23:34,188 --> 01:23:35,883
I'm gonna say,
“Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool.
1398
01:23:35,923 --> 01:23:37,552
I'm finally better. I'm finally better.
Untie me.
1399
01:23:37,592 --> 01:23:40,855
Don't listen to me!
Anything I fucking say is a lie!
1400
01:23:40,895 --> 01:23:42,226
You got it!
1401
01:23:42,897 --> 01:23:44,956
Goodbye, Mama!
1402
01:23:45,066 --> 01:23:48,194
Now you can have ice cream in heaven.
1403
01:23:48,302 --> 01:23:53,262
I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed,
in my head movies.
1404
01:23:54,208 --> 01:23:58,804
But this head movie
makes my eyes rain.
1405
01:24:07,855 --> 01:24:11,086
Dang.
Short-bus is taking some real hits.
1406
01:24:12,960 --> 01:24:15,857
–They got him on the move!
–That's torture, man.
1407
01:24:15,897 --> 01:24:18,764
Okay. That's where they keeping him.
1408
01:24:18,866 --> 01:24:21,128
I gotta get cracking on my costume.
1409
01:24:21,168 --> 01:24:22,630
Say, are you good
with a needle and thread?
1410
01:24:22,670 --> 01:24:23,694
Hell, yeah.
1411
01:24:23,804 --> 01:24:27,201
Alpa Chino chinos sold more than
five million pairs last spring at the Gap.
1412
01:24:27,241 --> 01:24:30,739
–I sewed them patterns myself, baby.
–Let's roll out.
1413
01:25:01,943 --> 01:25:04,173
It's a little twig man Oscar.
1414
01:25:10,785 --> 01:25:13,185
I'm going to call you Half Squat.
1415
01:25:14,889 --> 01:25:16,857
And you can call me
1416
01:25:17,925 --> 01:25:19,222
Papa.
1417
01:25:42,717 --> 01:25:44,631
Wow, look at all those stars.
1418
01:25:46,420 --> 01:25:48,862
Really makes a guy feel pretty small.
1419
01:25:49,924 --> 01:25:53,290
This could be the last time
we look at these stars.
1420
01:25:53,461 --> 01:25:54,928
Man, that's beauty.
1421
01:25:56,864 --> 01:25:59,994
Nights like tonight
make a man wonder what it's all about.
1422
01:26:00,034 --> 01:26:02,806
Hey, you guys.
Anybody got some bug spray?
1423
01:26:04,171 --> 01:26:05,297
Don't ignore me!
1424
01:26:05,406 --> 01:26:08,574
Stick it out, man.
We're gonna get through this.
1425
01:26:09,410 --> 01:26:11,469
–Hey, Kirk?
–Yeah?
1426
01:26:11,579 --> 01:26:14,412
Are you still dating
Jennifer Love Hewitt?
1427
01:26:14,515 --> 01:26:15,977
'Cause I think she's hot.
1428
01:26:16,017 --> 01:26:19,384
No, that was just some
tabloid conjecture.
1429
01:26:19,487 --> 01:26:23,513
Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through.
You can untie me now.
1430
01:26:24,558 --> 01:26:25,889
Funny, huh?
1431
01:26:25,993 --> 01:26:28,897
The circus life 280 days a year
on location.
1432
01:26:30,131 --> 01:26:34,025
It's hard to find a girl
that can hang with that, you know?
1433
01:26:34,835 --> 01:26:36,894
Not one worth keeping, nohow.
1434
01:26:37,004 --> 01:26:39,302
Hey, Radar? Evans?
1435
01:26:39,407 --> 01:26:40,465
No, it's Kevin.
1436
01:26:40,574 --> 01:26:42,370
Kev, whatever the fuck.
Come over here.
1437
01:26:42,410 --> 01:26:44,705
I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three
is coming down the pike,
1438
01:26:44,745 --> 01:26:48,309
and there's a role in there for you
if you come over and untie me.
1439
01:26:48,349 --> 01:26:50,978
Jeff, you're just going to
have to tough it out.
1440
01:26:51,018 --> 01:26:53,047
Your mother's a cankerous whore!
1441
01:26:53,087 --> 01:26:54,418
Jesus, man.
1442
01:26:55,456 --> 01:26:56,923
Hey, man.
1443
01:26:57,024 --> 01:26:59,987
Remember way back when I said
your mother was a cankerous whore?
1444
01:27:00,027 --> 01:27:03,428
I'm sorry, man.
I did not mean that. She's not.
1445
01:27:03,531 --> 01:27:05,226
How about you, man?
1446
01:27:05,366 --> 01:27:07,862
You got some little minx waiting for you
on the other side of tomorrow?
1447
01:27:07,902 --> 01:27:09,369
Me?
1448
01:27:09,470 --> 01:27:12,234
I've barely even had a girlfriend, and
1449
01:27:13,074 --> 01:27:16,804
I was really hoping I'd get laid
when this movie came out,
1450
01:27:16,844 --> 01:27:19,244
but that's not gonna happen.
1451
01:27:20,114 --> 01:27:21,642
What about you, Masterblaster?
1452
01:27:21,682 --> 01:27:24,378
You got a certain someone you trying
to get with back in the States?
1453
01:27:24,418 --> 01:27:29,151
What, Alpa Chino?
He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7.
1454
01:27:29,256 --> 01:27:30,551
No. You missing me, man.
1455
01:27:30,591 --> 01:27:32,453
I'm talking about something special.
Big difference.
1456
01:27:32,493 --> 01:27:33,687
How about it?
1457
01:27:34,462 --> 01:27:35,588
Yeah.
1458
01:27:36,997 --> 01:27:38,965
Yeah, there is.
1459
01:27:39,066 --> 01:27:42,463
Well? What's the skinny?
Y'all been on a date or what?
1460
01:27:42,503 --> 01:27:44,403
No. I mean
1461
01:27:44,505 --> 01:27:49,340
I always wanted to, but I guess
I just never had the courage to ask.
1462
01:27:49,443 --> 01:27:51,138
It's?It's complicated.
1463
01:27:51,245 --> 01:27:53,679
No! It's simple as pie, man.
1464
01:27:53,781 --> 01:27:56,444
You plant your feet in the ground, you
look her square in the eyes, you say,
1465
01:27:56,484 --> 01:28:00,181
“Hey, baby, you and me's going
on a date.?That's the end of story.
1466
01:28:00,221 --> 01:28:02,917
–What's her name?
–Lance.
1467
01:28:03,023 --> 01:28:04,786
“Listen here, Lance…
1468
01:28:05,659 --> 01:28:09,459
Lance? What the fuck did I just hear?
Lance?
1469
01:28:09,563 --> 01:28:11,292
–Did you say “Lance?
–No!
1470
01:28:11,398 --> 01:28:13,394
–That sounded like “Lance.
–No, I said “Nance.
1471
01:28:13,434 --> 01:28:15,663
–That's what I said, “Nance.
–It sounded like “Lance.
1472
01:28:15,703 --> 01:28:17,298
Look, I'm Alpa Chino, okay?
1473
01:28:17,338 --> 01:28:19,066
I love the pussy! All right?
1474
01:28:19,106 --> 01:28:21,102
Lay your ass back down
and look at the stars.
1475
01:28:21,142 --> 01:28:22,536
When you wrote I Love Tha Pussy
1476
01:28:22,576 --> 01:28:26,006
was you thinking of dangling your dice
on Lance's forehead?
1477
01:28:26,046 --> 01:28:28,412
Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look.
1478
01:28:28,516 --> 01:28:31,512
–Man, everyone's gay once in a while.
–I'm not gay!
1479
01:28:31,552 --> 01:28:32,576
This Hollywood.
1480
01:28:32,686 --> 01:28:33,814
How about we all get back to work?
1481
01:28:33,854 --> 01:28:35,583
–Okay. Cool.
–This is ridiculous!
1482
01:28:35,623 --> 01:28:38,593
We got a big day tomorrow.
Let's get focused.
1483
01:28:41,095 --> 01:28:45,930
Alpa, if you untie me,
I will literally suck your dick right now.
1484
01:28:46,033 --> 01:28:49,264
I told you, for the last time,
I love the pussy!
1485
01:28:50,638 --> 01:28:53,471
I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft,
1486
01:28:53,574 --> 01:28:56,668
work the pipe and swallow the gravy.
1487
01:28:56,777 --> 01:28:59,351
Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.
1488
01:29:05,419 --> 01:29:06,547
Okay, so, what's the plan?
1489
01:29:06,587 --> 01:29:08,048
Are you gonna talk Vietnamese
to those dudes?
1490
01:29:08,088 --> 01:29:09,851
No. No. Mandarin Chinese.
1491
01:29:09,957 --> 01:29:11,719
Which, from what I can tell,
is what they speaking down there.
1492
01:29:11,759 --> 01:29:13,387
How the hell do you know Chinese?
1493
01:29:13,427 --> 01:29:16,957
Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li.
Second Globe, third Oscar.
1494
01:29:16,997 --> 01:29:21,028
Prepped for that one by working in
a Beijing textile factory for eight months.
1495
01:29:21,068 --> 01:29:23,002
That might be our ride.
1496
01:29:39,753 --> 01:29:41,048
The straps are too tight!
1497
01:29:41,088 --> 01:29:43,454
Shut your mouth and follow my lead.
1498
01:30:11,352 --> 01:30:14,321
The straps are cutting off
my circulation!
1499
01:30:14,421 --> 01:30:15,388
Fuck you!
1500
01:30:22,897 --> 01:30:25,801
Not the fucking bull again.
Fucking asshole.
1501
01:31:19,853 --> 01:31:22,549
Laz, don't let him take me off the yak.
1502
01:31:27,061 --> 01:31:29,325
Bitch whore! Fucking hate you!
1503
01:31:39,473 --> 01:31:40,667
Okay.
1504
01:31:42,876 --> 01:31:44,434
All right.
1505
01:31:44,545 --> 01:31:47,007
That looks like it could be
the munitions hut right there.
1506
01:31:47,047 --> 01:31:50,479
I'm gonna try to find Speedman
in the main building.
1507
01:32:07,001 --> 01:32:10,764
I don't know Chinese but it sounds like
your improvising is for shit.
1508
01:32:10,804 --> 01:32:11,930
Oh, fuck!
1509
01:32:27,454 --> 01:32:29,046
Get over here!
1510
01:32:30,424 --> 01:32:32,052
–What are you guys doing here?
–He has hands.
1511
01:32:32,092 --> 01:32:34,492
–He killed Damien.
–Bullshit!
1512
01:32:34,595 --> 01:32:37,103
–He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis.
–Almost!
1513
01:32:37,197 --> 01:32:40,461
What are you talking about?
Damien stepped on a old landmine.
1514
01:32:40,501 --> 01:32:42,059
Sweet. Thank God.
1515
01:32:42,169 --> 01:32:44,941
–We busting Speedman out.
–Speedmars here?
1516
01:33:12,533 --> 01:33:15,195
I take it y'all are doing
the Wet Offensive from the book.
1517
01:33:15,235 --> 01:33:16,563
I can give y'all a diversion.
1518
01:33:16,603 --> 01:33:22,081
I got enough shit here to light this place
up like it's the Fourth of fucking July.
1519
01:34:02,015 --> 01:34:04,483
Yes, your farm.
1520
01:34:08,856 --> 01:34:11,256
Where is your farm,
1521
01:34:12,826 --> 01:34:14,293
American?
1522
01:34:17,131 --> 01:34:18,393
My farm?
1523
01:34:20,334 --> 01:34:21,596
Oh, shit.
1524
01:34:22,369 --> 01:34:25,566
Here's my motherfucking farm!
1525
01:34:25,672 --> 01:34:27,162
Yeah!
1526
01:34:32,112 --> 01:34:35,104
Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby!
1527
01:34:36,116 --> 01:34:37,310
Kwan-Lo!
1528
01:34:38,819 --> 01:34:40,931
I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!
1529
01:34:41,221 --> 01:34:42,381
Yeah!
1530
01:34:43,957 --> 01:34:47,257
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
keep your head down!
1531
01:34:47,261 --> 01:34:49,525
Keep your head down on the ground!
1532
01:34:49,630 --> 01:34:51,859
Nobody move or I do the little big guy!
1533
01:34:51,899 --> 01:34:55,335
That's right,
we running this program now, J.P.
1534
01:34:55,435 --> 01:34:58,063
Now show me where the drugs are.
1535
01:34:58,172 --> 01:34:59,969
What the fuck?
1536
01:35:00,073 --> 01:35:01,768
That ain't the plan!
1537
01:35:01,875 --> 01:35:03,570
Don't judge me!
1538
01:35:07,247 --> 01:35:09,359
He's got a real serious problem.
1539
01:35:09,816 --> 01:35:12,080
Hey! Hey, you!
1540
01:35:12,186 --> 01:35:14,381
Take off your clothes!
1541
01:35:14,488 --> 01:35:16,149
Take off your clothes!
1542
01:35:16,256 --> 01:35:17,553
What do we do now?
1543
01:35:17,658 --> 01:35:19,553
Stick with the plan. Find Speedman.
1544
01:35:19,593 --> 01:35:22,055
Alpa, keep this clown posse down.
Come on now.
1545
01:35:22,095 --> 01:35:25,462
Y'all heard the man.
Be suede, don't move!
1546
01:35:25,566 --> 01:35:27,528
Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag.
1547
01:35:27,568 --> 01:35:30,059
–Door!
–One, two, three!
1548
01:35:43,350 --> 01:35:45,181
I go high, you go low.
1549
01:35:49,556 --> 01:35:53,487
Get down. Get down! Get down!
Chow Yun-Fat, get the hell down!
1550
01:35:53,527 --> 01:35:57,751
If I see one more head pop up,
it's gonna be bullet Whac-A-Mole.
1551
01:35:58,398 --> 01:35:59,831
Come on, come on!
1552
01:35:59,933 --> 01:36:02,243
–Smoke grenade.
–Don't drop it now.
1553
01:36:02,603 --> 01:36:04,161
Here.
1554
01:36:04,271 --> 01:36:06,333
–What's this?
–I don't know what it's called.
1555
01:36:06,373 --> 01:36:06,733
–What's this?
–I don't know what it's called.
1556
01:36:06,773 --> 01:36:09,436
I just know the sound it makes
when it lies.
1557
01:36:09,476 --> 01:36:13,003
Don't move, Matchbox,
or I will shoot you.
1558
01:36:13,113 --> 01:36:15,980
I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move.
1559
01:36:16,083 --> 01:36:17,812
I can still see you.
1560
01:36:23,957 --> 01:36:25,049
Tugg!
1561
01:36:27,594 --> 01:36:28,754
Tugg?
1562
01:36:30,831 --> 01:36:32,025
Gotcha.
1563
01:36:33,200 --> 01:36:36,101
Roll your shit up, man. We going home.
1564
01:36:36,203 --> 01:36:37,329
Home?
1565
01:36:39,473 --> 01:36:43,370
But I'm doing five shows a day
for a standing-room-only crowd.
1566
01:36:43,410 --> 01:36:45,970
Don't you get it? I already am home.
1567
01:36:48,282 --> 01:36:51,410
All right, now, dude, you gotta get it
1568
01:36:51,518 --> 01:36:53,713
My son gave this to me.
1569
01:36:53,820 --> 01:36:57,312
–That's your stick buddy?
–His name is Twigman.
1570
01:36:57,424 --> 01:36:59,255
Does he wanna come with us?
1571
01:37:20,247 --> 01:37:22,374
Get down! Get down! Get down!
1572
01:37:22,482 --> 01:37:27,442
Maybe y'all heard of me.
Y'all heard of Alpa Chino? No?
1573
01:37:27,554 --> 01:37:30,083
I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah
1574
01:37:30,123 --> 01:37:31,685
They're not your demo, dude.
1575
01:37:31,725 --> 01:37:34,187
Come on.
Six motherfucking VMAs, baby.
1576
01:37:34,227 --> 01:37:37,424
Two BET Awards. Alpa Chino.
1577
01:37:37,531 --> 01:37:43,936
Like him in Carlito's Way?
1578
01:37:44,304 --> 01:37:47,034
Hey, yo, you know what?
Speak English. I don't speak that stuff.
1579
01:37:47,074 --> 01:37:49,008
What're you sayin'? Huh?
1580
01:37:49,109 --> 01:37:53,671
Devil's Advocate. Dog Day Afternoon.
1581
01:37:54,047 --> 01:37:56,880
Cruising. Sea of Love.
1582
01:37:56,983 --> 01:37:59,975
Real Al Pacino.
1583
01:38:00,087 --> 01:38:03,750
Get the fuck down. That's a whole
different dude altogether.
1584
01:38:03,790 --> 01:38:06,920
What you doing? What you doing?
Don't touch that gun.
1585
01:38:06,960 --> 01:38:08,422
Don't do it! Don't touch that gun!
1586
01:38:08,462 --> 01:38:10,772
On my momma, if you touch that gun
1587
01:38:15,402 --> 01:38:17,802
–Oh, shit, it's on!
–Over here!
1588
01:38:52,205 --> 01:38:54,034
–What're you doing?
–I'm gonna give these boys
1589
01:38:54,074 --> 01:38:55,701
a Hanoi high-five.
1590
01:39:08,355 --> 01:39:09,741
Shadow me, Pinocchio!
1591
01:39:10,490 --> 01:39:11,718
Smoke!
1592
01:39:17,564 --> 01:39:19,259
Oh, shit!
1593
01:39:24,104 --> 01:39:25,628
Jeff, don't!
1594
01:39:26,473 --> 01:39:28,464
It doesn't matter what I do.
1595
01:39:28,575 --> 01:39:31,605
I'll always be a screw-up.
No one'll ever respect me.
1596
01:39:31,645 --> 01:39:35,709
That is not true, you are not a screw-up!
You make so many people laugh.
1597
01:39:35,749 --> 01:39:37,979
They only laugh at my farts.
1598
01:39:38,084 --> 01:39:40,130
Jeff, we really need to go now!
1599
01:39:40,187 --> 01:39:41,779
This is all I deserve!
1600
01:40:01,942 --> 01:40:04,172
Laugh at that, you bastards!
1601
01:40:04,277 --> 01:40:07,678
Hilarious! Hilarious!
1602
01:40:09,216 --> 01:40:12,780
Let's move. We only have 16 hours
before they wake up.
1603
01:40:28,335 --> 01:40:29,996
Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing.
1604
01:40:30,036 --> 01:40:34,590
These assholes are gonna be crawling
in here ready to fucking eat us.
1605
01:40:35,909 --> 01:40:38,776
There. All right, you keep six right here.
1606
01:40:40,714 --> 01:40:42,875
Come on, let's go.
1607
01:40:42,983 --> 01:40:44,978
Come on, what are you guys doing?
Let's get out of here!
1608
01:40:45,018 --> 01:40:46,679
He's on tilt status.
1609
01:40:46,786 --> 01:40:50,817
Same thing happened to me when
I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot.
1610
01:40:50,857 --> 01:40:53,019
They found me in an alley in Burbank
1611
01:40:53,059 --> 01:40:56,990
trying to re-enter the Earth's
atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.
1612
01:40:57,030 --> 01:40:58,158
What're you talking about?
1613
01:40:58,198 --> 01:41:00,627
Come on, fellas, we really need to go.
1614
01:41:00,667 --> 01:41:05,104
Daggomit, Blamtucky,
I ain't re-programming a VCR.
1615
01:41:11,011 --> 01:41:13,306
Give me the flame thrower.
You gotta start the chopper.
1616
01:41:13,346 --> 01:41:17,834
–No, fuck that! Just give me this.
–No time! I'll take care of this!
1617
01:41:18,018 --> 01:41:19,998
All right. Give me your hooks.
1618
01:41:20,020 --> 01:41:21,715
Don't worry,
I'm not gonna put them on again.
1619
01:41:21,755 --> 01:41:24,651
–Just give me your goddamn hooks.
–All right. Here.
1620
01:41:24,691 --> 01:41:27,331
Get those boys back to the bird, pronto!
1621
01:41:31,798 --> 01:41:33,959
Shit! Enough!
1622
01:41:34,067 --> 01:41:35,967
Fake shit!
1623
01:41:39,072 --> 01:41:40,198
Fuck!
1624
01:41:47,914 --> 01:41:51,077
Go get your guys!
Get them to the chopper!
1625
01:41:51,184 --> 01:41:53,277
I'll take care of these yahoos!
1626
01:41:55,322 --> 01:41:57,651
You're gonna focus up now,
motherfucker, and say it.
1627
01:41:57,691 --> 01:41:59,869
–“It's me, Tugg!
–It's me, Tugg.
1628
01:41:59,926 --> 01:42:01,454
That's right! Now, Tugg who?
1629
01:42:01,494 --> 01:42:04,292
–Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
–Me?
1630
01:42:04,397 --> 01:42:06,092
I know who I am!
1631
01:42:06,199 --> 01:42:09,930
I'm a dude playing a dude
disguised as another dude.
1632
01:42:10,036 --> 01:42:11,094
What?
1633
01:42:11,204 --> 01:42:13,366
You a dude
that don't know what dude he is!
1634
01:42:13,406 --> 01:42:16,169
Or are you a dude who has no idea
what dude he is
1635
01:42:16,209 --> 01:42:17,537
and claims to know what dude he is
1636
01:42:17,577 --> 01:42:19,406
What the fuck
are you guys talking about?
1637
01:42:19,446 --> 01:42:20,607
by playing other dudes?
1638
01:42:20,647 --> 01:42:21,908
I know what dude I am!
1639
01:42:21,948 --> 01:42:24,811
–You're scared.
–I ain't scared. Scared of what?
1640
01:42:24,851 --> 01:42:26,113
Or scared of who?
1641
01:42:26,219 --> 01:42:28,882
–Scared of who?
–Come on, guys. We really need to go!
1642
01:42:28,922 --> 01:42:30,184
Scared of you.
1643
01:42:35,095 --> 01:42:37,427
–Jesus.
–What's going on?
1644
01:42:37,530 --> 01:42:39,054
The dudes are emerging.
1645
01:42:39,165 --> 01:42:40,551
He's right, you know.
1646
01:42:42,268 --> 01:42:43,667
I am not
1647
01:42:45,238 --> 01:42:46,933
Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.
1648
01:42:51,344 --> 01:42:52,811
We gotta roll out.
1649
01:42:52,912 --> 01:42:56,143
Nor am I Father O'Malley.
1650
01:42:58,385 --> 01:43:01,320
Or Neil Armstrong.
1651
01:43:08,895 --> 01:43:11,056
I think I might be nobody.
1652
01:43:12,465 --> 01:43:13,625
Wow!
1653
01:43:13,733 --> 01:43:16,967
The insecurity level
with you guys is ridiculous!
1654
01:43:17,671 --> 01:43:20,700
–Everybody's got issues!
–Yeah, man, everybody got issues.
1655
01:43:20,740 --> 01:43:23,300
Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus.
1656
01:43:23,410 --> 01:43:25,639
You're the whole reason
I got into acting.
1657
01:43:25,679 --> 01:43:27,574
I memorized every single monologue
1658
01:43:27,614 --> 01:43:30,276
you ever did
when I was in theater school.
1659
01:43:30,316 --> 01:43:32,362
–Really?
–Yeah. And look, Tugg!
1660
01:43:32,452 --> 01:43:34,948
I saw Scorcher I
24 times when I was in eighth grade.
1661
01:43:34,988 --> 01:43:38,018
That shit blew me away!
I got high to that shit! You the man!
1662
01:43:38,058 --> 01:43:41,254
Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great.
Let's get the fuck out of here!
1663
01:43:41,294 --> 01:43:45,424
Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece
of the puzzle, buddy.
1664
01:43:45,532 --> 01:43:48,700
We need you! Your men need you!
Are you with us?
1665
01:43:52,872 --> 01:43:54,863
I'm a rooster illusion.
1666
01:43:54,974 --> 01:43:56,236
Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.
1667
01:43:56,276 --> 01:43:59,708
Let's move. Come on. Come on.
Double time. Gotta go!
1668
01:44:01,981 --> 01:44:03,778
Come on, come on, come on.
1669
01:44:07,554 --> 01:44:09,488
Bingo! Move out.
1670
01:44:11,424 --> 01:44:12,789
Oh, God.
1671
01:44:14,761 --> 01:44:17,665
Just say no to this,
you drug-making midget.
1672
01:44:22,202 --> 01:44:23,669
Gotta hold on!
1673
01:44:29,843 --> 01:44:31,208
Four Leaf!
1674
01:44:35,949 --> 01:44:37,280
You grew hands?
1675
01:44:46,526 --> 01:44:48,050
RPG, gentlemen!
1676
01:44:50,830 --> 01:44:52,354
Where are you going?
1677
01:44:57,871 --> 01:45:00,973
Oh, my God.
I am moving to catering after this.
1678
01:45:22,428 --> 01:45:23,759
My ass!
1679
01:45:27,000 --> 01:45:28,331
My ass!
1680
01:45:29,936 --> 01:45:33,201
Hey, yo!
We gotta get our shit together, Tugg!
1681
01:45:33,306 --> 01:45:35,602
We gotta get his cracker ass
to the chopper!
1682
01:45:35,642 --> 01:45:39,942
Are you still crazy?
We gotta get Candisky to the chopper!
1683
01:45:40,046 --> 01:45:41,513
It's Sandusky.
1684
01:45:43,383 --> 01:45:46,682
–Kevin Sandusky.
–That's my name.
1685
01:45:46,786 --> 01:45:48,378
You remembered my name.
1686
01:45:48,488 --> 01:45:50,513
Alpa, go help Cody.
1687
01:45:50,623 --> 01:45:52,685
Portnoy, get Sandusky
back to the chopper. Go!
1688
01:45:52,725 --> 01:45:54,556
–I got him!
–Let's go!
1689
01:45:55,995 --> 01:45:57,519
Let's get out of here!
1690
01:46:09,409 --> 01:46:10,899
Hey, Leaf!
1691
01:46:11,010 --> 01:46:12,238
–Leaf!
–Yeah.
1692
01:46:12,345 --> 01:46:13,335
Hit the plunger
1693
01:46:13,446 --> 01:46:16,284
–as soon as they clear the bridge!
–Got it!
1694
01:46:19,886 --> 01:46:22,320
Come on! Get in the chopper!
1695
01:46:22,522 --> 01:46:25,320
–Come on! Move!
–Kirk! Wait!
1696
01:46:29,863 --> 01:46:31,558
Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge!
1697
01:46:31,598 --> 01:46:33,459
Are you the special effects guy?
1698
01:46:33,499 --> 01:46:35,941
–You God damn right I am.
–Fuck yeah!
1699
01:46:36,035 --> 01:46:37,297
Leaf's about to blow the bridge.
Come on!
1700
01:46:37,337 --> 01:46:39,999
You don't have to! You don't have to!
I'm staying.
1701
01:46:40,039 --> 01:46:41,601
No, I can't let you do that, mate.
We gotta go.
1702
01:46:41,641 --> 01:46:44,237
No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy.
They'll listen to me.
1703
01:46:44,277 --> 01:46:46,840
I know it sounds weird,
but I have a connection with them.
1704
01:46:46,880 --> 01:46:49,742
You're not doing tofu dinner theater
for these motherfuckers. Let's roll!
1705
01:46:49,782 --> 01:46:53,616
–Get over here!
–I have a son now. Little Half Squat.
1706
01:46:53,720 --> 01:46:55,348
Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat?
1707
01:46:55,388 --> 01:46:57,618
He's my son. He's my boy!
1708
01:46:57,724 --> 01:47:00,232
He needs me. I have to go back to him.
1709
01:47:03,296 --> 01:47:05,024
You tell the world what happened here.
1710
01:47:05,064 --> 01:47:06,895
What happened here?
1711
01:47:07,000 --> 01:47:09,640
I don't know, but you need to tell them.
1712
01:47:11,604 --> 01:47:13,435
I got this.
1713
01:47:13,539 --> 01:47:14,699
Tugg!
1714
01:47:15,408 --> 01:47:18,969
You take care of the boys!
I'll deal with these guys.
1715
01:47:20,380 --> 01:47:23,975
Where is he going?
We're gonna fucking die!
1716
01:47:24,083 --> 01:47:26,779
Laz, come on. He joined the circus.
Let's go.
1717
01:47:26,819 --> 01:47:28,081
–You've got hands.
–Yeah.
1718
01:47:28,121 --> 01:47:30,365
–Fuck! You've got hands?
–Come on!
1719
01:47:31,324 --> 01:47:32,512
–Come on!
–Get in!
1720
01:47:32,558 --> 01:47:34,185
–Come on!
–He's staying?
1721
01:47:34,294 --> 01:47:37,264
Go! He's a lost cause, mate!
Get out of here!
1722
01:47:41,134 --> 01:47:45,628
I was wrong! Blow the bridge!
Blow the fucking bridge!
1723
01:47:51,477 --> 01:47:52,876
I got this.
1724
01:47:53,546 --> 01:47:54,979
Leaf, no!
1725
01:48:39,125 --> 01:48:41,753
It's over! He's gone!
1726
01:48:41,861 --> 01:48:43,920
Cody! We gotta go!
1727
01:48:45,932 --> 01:48:47,126
Look.
1728
01:49:09,756 --> 01:49:11,087
Think he's done.
1729
01:49:11,190 --> 01:49:12,418
Cover me!
1730
01:49:13,493 --> 01:49:16,428
–Come on!
–Wait, come back!
1731
01:49:16,529 --> 01:49:18,258
How do we cover him?
1732
01:49:22,502 --> 01:49:25,903
All right, game over. Come on, mate.
Come on.
1733
01:49:26,005 --> 01:49:28,599
–You all right, man?
–I'm cold.
1734
01:49:28,708 --> 01:49:30,699
I can't feel my legs.
1735
01:49:30,810 --> 01:49:33,806
No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See?
There's a puddle right there.
1736
01:49:33,846 --> 01:49:35,100
–No worries.
–Good.
1737
01:49:35,148 --> 01:49:36,509
Come on, we gotta split, man.
1738
01:49:36,549 --> 01:49:38,925
–You guys came back for me.
–Course.
1739
01:49:38,951 --> 01:49:41,283
Hey! I want you to know something.
1740
01:49:41,387 --> 01:49:42,581
What?
1741
01:49:43,756 --> 01:49:45,553
I know who you are.
1742
01:49:47,660 --> 01:49:49,423
You're my friend.
1743
01:49:51,697 --> 01:49:53,324
You're my brother.
1744
01:49:54,200 --> 01:49:57,033
But like a really cool brother, you know?
1745
01:49:57,136 --> 01:49:58,564
Like a brother
where there was no animosity or
1746
01:49:58,604 --> 01:50:01,501
Don't look now,
you got some real tears going.
1747
01:50:01,541 --> 01:50:02,530
Really?
1748
01:50:02,642 --> 01:50:04,203
That's the stuff
that accolades are made of.
1749
01:50:04,243 --> 01:50:05,710
Jesus, let's go, man!
1750
01:50:05,812 --> 01:50:06,913
All right?
1751
01:50:06,913 --> 01:50:07,573
All right?
1752
01:50:08,848 --> 01:50:10,281
Upsy-daisy.
1753
01:50:12,051 --> 01:50:15,087
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Let's go! Let's go!
1754
01:50:17,190 --> 01:50:18,487
Get in! Get in!
1755
01:50:18,591 --> 01:50:20,616
Come on! Here we go!
1756
01:50:23,162 --> 01:50:25,960
Tuggernuts! I got it!
1757
01:50:28,334 --> 01:50:30,632
–Tugger!
–Rick!
1758
01:50:33,239 --> 01:50:34,467
What the fuck?
1759
01:50:34,574 --> 01:50:36,201
I got the TiVo!
1760
01:50:37,110 --> 01:50:41,513
My friend wants a TiVo,
my friend gets a TiVo!
1761
01:50:46,686 --> 01:50:47,948
Oh, shit!
1762
01:51:24,790 --> 01:51:26,815
And the Oscar goes to?/i>
1763
01:51:29,562 --> 01:51:31,860
Yes! Tugg Speedman.
1764
01:51:33,499 --> 01:51:36,262
“Tropic Blunder,
The True Story Behind the Making
1765
01:51:36,302 --> 01:51:39,470
of the Most Expensive
Fake True War Story Ever.
1766
01:51:40,406 --> 01:51:41,532
Yeah!
1767
01:51:46,245 --> 01:51:48,145
Yeah, you son of a bitch!
1768
01:52:07,466 --> 01:52:11,835
Eight Oscars, $400 million
1769
01:52:11,938 --> 01:52:15,169
and you saved
Tugg Speedman's career.
1770
01:52:15,274 --> 01:52:18,178
I couldn't have done it
without you, Slolom.
1771
01:52:20,179 --> 01:52:21,271
Really?
1772
01:52:21,380 --> 01:52:23,442
No, dickhead, of course I could.
1773
01:52:23,482 --> 01:52:26,212
–A nutless monkey could do your job.
–Well, I
1774
01:52:26,252 --> 01:52:29,215
Now, go get drunk
and take credit at all the parties.
1775
01:52:29,255 --> 01:52:31,951
–I would never do that to
–Joking.
1776
01:52:32,058 --> 01:52:33,423
–Yeah?
–Yeah.
1777
01:52:33,526 --> 01:52:35,721
Very? Okay, there he is.
1778
01:52:35,828 --> 01:52:37,390
–There he is. Okay.
–Go have fun.
1779
01:52:37,430 --> 01:52:39,025
All right. We're having a
1780
01:52:39,065 --> 01:52:41,527
Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les.
Thank you. You have a good night
1781
01:52:41,567 --> 01:52:44,030
But seriously,
a nutless monkey could do your job.
1782
01:52:44,070 --> 01:52:45,799
Good. Thank you, sir.
1783
01:53:00,254 --> 01:53:03,254
(Tom Cruise)
1784
01:53:03,730 --> 01:53:05,530
Ludacris - get back
1785
01:53:05,730 --> 01:53:10,030
Heads up! Heads up!
1786
01:53:10,563 --> 01:53:12,130
Here's another one!
1787
01:53:12,097 --> 01:53:13,530
And a - and another one
1788
01:53:14,763 --> 01:53:17,260
Yeek yeek woop woop!! why you all in my ear?!
1789
01:53:17,330 --> 01:53:18,630
Talking a whole bunch of shit
1790
01:53:18,763 --> 01:53:20,330
That I ain't trying to hear!
1791
01:53:20,297 --> 01:53:22,930
Get back muhfucker! You don't know me like that!
1792
01:53:23,063 --> 01:53:25,830
(Get back muhfucker!! You don't know me like that!!)
1793
01:53:26,097 --> 01:53:28,530
WHOO!! S-s-so c'mon c'mon
1794
01:53:28,630 --> 01:53:31,030
DON'T ... get swung on, swung on
1795
01:53:31,430 --> 01:53:34,330
It's the knick knack paddywhack, still ride in Cadillacs
1796
01:53:34,497 --> 01:53:37,563
Family off the street! made my homies put the baggies back
1797
01:53:37,663 --> 01:53:40,363
Still stacking plaques! (yep!) still action packed! (yep!)
1798
01:53:40,430 --> 01:53:43,063
And dough!! I keep it flipping like acrobats!
1799
01:53:43,163 --> 01:53:45,863
That's why I pack a mac, that'll crack 'em back
1800
01:53:45,997 --> 01:53:48,663
Cause on my waist there's more Heat than the Shaq Attack
1801
01:53:48,763 --> 01:53:51,063
But I ain't speaking about ballin, ballin
1802
01:53:51,063 --> 01:53:53,863
Just thinking about brawlin till y'all start bawlin
1803
01:53:53,863 --> 01:53:56,663
We all in together now, birds of a feather now
1804
01:53:56,763 --> 01:53:59,663
Just bought a plane so we changing the weather now
1805
01:53:59,797 --> 01:54:02,123
So put your brakes on, caps put your capes on
1806
01:54:02,230 --> 01:54:05,363
Or knock off your block, get dropped and have your face flown
1807
01:54:05,397 --> 01:54:07,563
Cause I'll prove it! scratch off the music!
1808
01:54:07,697 --> 01:54:10,863
Like hey little stupid! don't make me lose it!!
1809
01:54:10,863 --> 01:54:13,263
Yeek yeek woop woop!! why you all in my ear?!
1810
01:54:13,330 --> 01:54:14,863
Talking a whole bunch of shit
1811
01:54:14,897 --> 01:54:16,363
That I ain't trying to hear!
1812
01:54:16,397 --> 01:54:18,763
Get back muhfucker! You don't know me like that!
1813
01:54:19,030 --> 01:54:21,863
(Get back muhfucker!! You don't know me like that!!)
1814
01:54:21,863 --> 01:54:24,363
Yeek yeek woop woop!! I ain't playing around!
1815
01:54:24,463 --> 01:54:27,063
Make one false move I'll take ya down
1816
01:54:27,297 --> 01:54:30,063
Get back muhfucker! You don't know me like that!
1817
01:54:30,130 --> 01:54:33,163
(Get back muhfucker!! You don't know me like that!!)
1818
01:54:33,263 --> 01:54:35,563
I came (I came) I saw (I saw)
1819
01:54:35,763 --> 01:54:38,363
I hit 'em right dead in the jaw (in the jaw)
1820
01:54:38,863 --> 01:54:41,463
See I caught 'em wit a right hook, caught 'em wit a jab
1821
01:54:41,563 --> 01:54:44,263
Caught 'em wit an uppercut, kicked 'em in his ass
1822
01:54:44,463 --> 01:54:46,863
Sent him on his way cause I ain't for that talk!
1823
01:54:46,930 --> 01:54:49,763
No trips to the county, I ain't for that walk!
1824
01:54:49,830 --> 01:54:52,263
We split like two pins at the end of a lane
1825
01:54:52,430 --> 01:54:55,263
We'll knock out your spotlight and put an end to your vain
1826
01:54:55,363 --> 01:54:57,963
Put a DTP pendant at the end of yo chain
1827
01:54:58,030 --> 01:55:01,093
Then put the booty of a Swisha at the end of a flame
1828
01:55:01,130 --> 01:55:03,263
Yeek yeek woop woop!! why you all in my ear?!
1829
01:55:03,430 --> 01:55:04,797
Talking a whole bunch of shit
1830
01:55:04,963 --> 01:55:06,297
That I ain't trying to hear!
1831
01:55:06,430 --> 01:55:08,997
Get back muhfucker! You don't know me like that!
1832
01:55:09,063 --> 01:55:11,797
(Get back muhfucker!! You don't know me like that!!)
1833
01:55:18,538 --> 01:55:20,798
A Ben Stiller Film
1834
01:55:33,731 --> 01:55:37,431
You must put those boys in the shit
1835
01:55:37,732 --> 01:55:40,032
Take them off the fucking grid
1836
01:55:40,233 --> 01:55:43,033
let's go and make the greatest war movie ever!
1837
01:55:55,034 --> 01:55:57,534
I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!
1838
01:56:13,235 --> 01:56:16,235
That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!
1839
01:56:16,536 --> 01:56:19,236
Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!
1840
01:56:19,737 --> 01:56:20,737
oh, no.. please
1841
01:56:21,238 --> 01:56:23,238
Big-ass titties
1842
01:56:26,239 --> 01:56:29,239
Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!
1843
01:56:33,240 --> 01:56:36,240
Oh, hell, no! What?
1844
01:56:47,541 --> 01:56:49,241
What the fuck?
1845
01:56:49,542 --> 01:56:51,242
Bait, I need bait.
1846
01:56:58,233 --> 01:57:00,243
Chicka-chickaw
1847
01:57:01,244 --> 01:57:03,044
Kwan-Lo!
1848
01:57:03,245 --> 01:57:06,245
I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!
1849
01:57:13,546 --> 01:57:16,046
Mum, call me Simple jack
1850
01:57:18,247 --> 01:57:24,247
You make me happy.
1851
01:57:25,048 --> 01:57:28,318
makes my eyes rain.
1852
01:57:38,749 --> 01:57:41,249
I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft
1853
01:57:41,750 --> 01:57:44,050
work the pipe and swallow the gravy.
1854
01:57:49,251 --> 01:57:50,751
that's right
1855
01:57:51,252 --> 01:57:53,252
You about to cross some fucking lines
1856
01:57:56,253 --> 01:57:58,253
I know who I am!
1857
01:58:01,254 --> 01:58:04,254
I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude.
1858
01:58:09,555 --> 01:58:10,955
get down, motherfucker
1859
01:58:32,556 --> 01:58:34,556
that's the name of the game
1860
01:58:38,557 --> 01:58:40,557
that's the name of the game
1861
01:58:43,558 --> 01:58:45,558
that's the name of the game
1862
01:58:48,759 --> 01:58:50,759
that's the name of the game
1863
01:58:56,257 --> 01:58:59,257
Don't judge me!