- Untranslated -
[CHIPMUNKS SINGING "BAD DAY"]
It's going. It's going.
[SCREAMS]
And it's gone.
ALVIN: Whatever.
Maybe we should take a break.
That's it. I can't take this anymore.
I can't. I give up.
I'm sick of struggling for survival.
Competing with gophers and earthworms and that loser sparrow...
...who always takes my nuts.
And I'm especially sick of this stupid...
...stupid tree.
[MOTOR BUZZING]
- Whoa. What's happening? - Guys.
I think he made it angry.
[CHIPMUNKS SCREAMING]
- Untranslated -
[BANGS KEYBOARD]
I'm awake.
I'm up...
...and I'm late.
Demo. Dave Seville.
Eh.
Keys. Bag.
Pants.
I need pants. Pants are essential.
Claire.
- Dave. - Hey.
How's it going?
I haven't seen you since...
Well, since you said you never wanted to see me again.
So I guess it worked.
What a fun day that was.
Let me guess. You're late for something again.
- Same old Dave. - Not following you.
You know, the guy who's always fooling around...
...who can't handle a serious relationship.
That was the old Dave.
How about we get together, talk about the new Dave?
Tomorrow night. My place.
- I... - Great.
- No... - You look good, Claire.
Where are we?
Well, I think they remodeled our forest. I like it. Stylish, yet functional.
Uh, where did the mountains go?
Give me a break. We're in a building, Theodore.
Dave.
- Ian. - Hey, big guy.
Hey, you ever seen the view from the 80th floor?
- No. They never let me past the lobby. - What? I can't...
Hey, back off, man, this is Dave Seville.
Mr. Seville, can I offer you some muffins, scones, pastries?
No. I'd hate to be a bother.
It's no problem. We have an omelet station.
Omelet station. Hm.
Can I get you some water or a soy latte?
How about a shot of wheatgrass juice?
Maybe later. Thanks.
["THE ABYSS OF DEATH" PLAYS ON STEREO]
[MUSIC STOPS]
Let's talk about your song, Dave.
Well, as crazy as it sounds...
- ...the original inspiration came to me... - The song sucks, Dave.
- What? - Your song? It's awful. I hate it.
You know, I mean, who's gonna sing it? Justin, Fergie? Not a chance.
I need something new. I need something fresh.
- That is new. - The next big thing.
Dave, we go way back, all right?
And we've both come a long way since college. You? Not so much.
I wanted to like that song, but you heard it. Not that good.
If I wasn't your friend, I'd say:
"Dave, you go right back out of this office...
...and you keep writing music. You'll get there someday."
But I am your friend, so I'm going to tell you...
...that there is no sense in writing songs...
...that no one is ever, ever going to sing.
Ever?
Excuse me.
Can I get some of that water?
We ran out.
Hey!
ALVIN: Out of the way. SIMON: Alvin...
...slow down. ALVIN: Move your butt, Theodore.
THEODORE: Ouch! You stepped on my tail.
Whoa.
Last one to the door is roadkill.
I'm in.
Hm. What are these shiny things?
- Theodore, we're leaving now. - Oh.
Okay, this wasn't my best idea. Look out!
Maniac!
[BARKING]
Back to tree. Back to tree.
SIMON: Back to the dog. Back to the dog!
- Basket! Three o'clock. THEODORE: Which way is 3 o'clock?
ALVIN: This way. THEODORE: Guys, wait for me.
Wait up. I still have baby fat, you know.
ALVIN: Jump. You've gotta really want it. THEODORE: I want it.
- I want it. - I can't hang like this all day.
Will you jump already?
Ooh! Muffins.
[SIGHS]
THEODORE: Gross. Is this his house?
ALVIN: No. It's his garbage can. THEODORE: Oh.
[CAT SCREECHES]
ALVIN: This must be where he stores his food for winter.
MAN 1 [ON TV]: As it came down to one...
MAN 2: Boa has the mouse trapped on a branch with no way out.
As the boa moves in for the attack...
...the mouse seems to be facing certain death.
[CABINETS RATTLING]
The boa's sensitive tongue tastes the victim's presence.
The mouse crashes through the foliage.
Come on, baby. Come to papa!
Hello, gorgeous.
THEODORE: Wow.
SIMON: We've hit the mother lode.
...tropical rainforest where food is bountiful.
This is the greatest day of my life.
Eureka! I found the cheese balls.
[GROANS]
Alvin, what are you doing? Don't make a mess.
Cannonball.
Quick. Hide.
Hurry, you guys.
Did I put these here?
Huh.
There you are. I got you.
ALVIN: Hm.
He's been out for quite a while.
You guys, he's dead.
Don't panic. Wipe everything down.
I need three garbage bags, a shovel, some disinfectant...
...some latex gloves and oregano, go!
Hang on, Sherlock. He's coming to.
I must be hearing things.
Oh, this is trippy.
Sir, are you all right?
[YELLS]
Get back!
Squirrels can't talk.
Hey. Whoa. Wha-ba-ba-ba-bo.
Watch it, genius.
We are chipmunks. Chipmunks.
Chipmunks can't talk either.
Our lips are moving and words are coming out.
This is not happening.
I am not talking to chipmunks. I am not talking to chipmunks.
So how's that working for you, Dave?
How do you know my name?
I'll field that one. We read your mail. By accident.
You really ought to pay that utility bill, Dave.
- You ever heard of a credit rating? THEODORE: What's this thing?
- Untranslated -
Hey. Hey. Hey. Stop doing... Turn that off.
Sorry. Uh, heh, heh.
He fell out of the tree at birth.
Can all animals talk?
Well, I believe fish have this type of sign language.
Hey, Dave, do all humans have houses that smell like sweat socks?
[SINGING] Dave likes to wear
Dirty underwear with little hairs
We're getting off on the wrong foot.
Allow us to introduce ourselves.
Hello, I'm Simon, the smart one.
- He's Alvin. - The awesomest one.
And I'm Theodore.
Oh, nice to meet you. Now get out of my house.
But we talk.
Which makes me want you out of my house that much more.
It's creepy. Unnatural. Somewhat evil.
I kind of liked him better when he was unconscious.
- Gotcha. Ha-ha-ha. ALVIN: Hey.
CHIPMUNKS: Whoa!
SIMON: Don't do this, Dave.
We can gnaw right through this door.
[KNOCKS]
THEODORE: Hi.
[CHIPMUNKS SINGING "ONLY YOU (AND YOU ALONE)"]
Oh, uh, were we disturbing you?
What, you guys can sing too?
That's not singing. This is singing.
[SINGING "FUNKYTOWN"]
This is amazing.
Here, everyone inside.
Whoa!
[LAUGHS]
- There you go. - Thank you.
All right, here's the deal.
You guys sing my songs, you get to sleep here.
Hm.
No. Wait. Is breakfast included?
I can live with that.
What about TV privileges?
Okay, but not after 7.
- Eight. - Done.
But don't tell your animal friends, because I don't wanna come home...
...and find rabbits and skunks on my couch.
Filthy creatures, Dave. Never associate with them.
Yeah, you're our only friend.
No, no, no. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
Let's just start with me being your songwriter.
Um, let me ask you. Have you ever written a song before?
- Yup. - And is that your music stuff outside?
Yup.
Oh, no!
Hurry back.
So, fellas, all we gotta do is find the right song, rehearse...
Ow.
[SIMON IMITATE ENGINE HUMMING]
- Hey, Dave. - Simon.
Whoopsie. My bad.
This is my sheet music.
[ALVIN HUMMING]
DAVE: Alvin.
This is not a Hula-Hoop. It's a towel rack.
- Killjoy. - Are you guys always like this?
We're kids, Dave.
Well, where are your parents?
When you're a chipmunk, your parents take care of you for a week.
Then they take off.
Our parents were hippies. They left early to join a commune.
ROBOT: I am Robert the Robot. - Help! Crazy robot. Help! It's after me!
- It's after me. - Hey. Hey. Be careful with that.
- Sorry. DAVE: It's a collectible.
- I got it for Christmas last year. - Christmas! We love Christmas.
[CHUCKLES]
Even though we've never actually celebrated it.
But we want to.
Yeah, you can never go wrong with Christmas.
Oh, maybe we can celebrate it with you.
Uh, yeah, maybe.
Look, I've had a long and weird day, so off to bed.
Come on.
We start work tomorrow.
I want you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed by 8.
My tail isn't bushy till 9.
Not my problem. Now go to sleep.
I hope Christmas comes fast.
THEODORE: Me too.
[HUMMING]
[SINGING] Want a plane that loops the loop?
Loop.
Hoop.
Hula-Hoop.
[HUMMING]
["SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS THEME" PLAYS ON TV]
[ALARM BEEPING]
[TV SHUTS OFF]
Here's trouble. Fire in the hole!
What are you guys doing?
Nothing. What are you doing?
Stand back, Dave. She's gonna blow!
I got it. I got it, guys. Come to papa.
- Hey. Where did it go? - Simon, this landed right in front of you.
- You didn't see it? - Hm.
- How many fingers am I holding up? - Um.
Four. No, no, no. Eight? Counting your thumb?
- Wait, wait, wait... - Hang on a second.
SIMON: Six. Final answer is six.
Try these.
- How's that? - Wow.
Someone trashed your house.
It was clean when I went to bed last night.
Well, we colored for a while, but then we got hungry.
Wanna see what we colored?
Actually, I wanna play you something.
I wrote a song for you guys to sing, so let's...
We've put a few toaster waffles aside for winter.
And we're not sharing.
Guys, we're gonna have food all winter, so if you start storing it...
...it's gonna get gross and we're gonna have rodent...
Bad, you know, non-talking rodents around here.
Let's go. Let's get to work.
All right, you chipmunks. Ready to sing your song?
SIMON: I'll say we are. THEODORE: Yeah. Let's sing it now.
- Ready, Simon? - Okay.
DAVE: Ready, Theodore? - Okay.
Alvin?
[CLICKING]
Alvin?
This kicks a hamster wheel's butt.
- Alvin! - Whoa!
Okay!
[SINGING] Christmas, Christmastime is near
Time for toys and time for cheer
We've been good, but we can't last
Hurry, Christmas, hurry fast
Want a plane that loops the loop
Me, I want a Hula-Hoop
We can't hardly stand the wait
Please, Christmas, don't be late
[PHONE BEEPS]
What?
WOMAN: Dave Seville's in the lobby.
He says he won't leave without seeing you.
Ugh. That loser again?
- Dave. - Ian.
- Okay. - I've got something for you.
- It's your next big thing. - Dave.
Don't say anything.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
IAN: What the...?
Dave, don't do this to yourself, man.
They sing.
No. They don't.
They do. Just give me a second.
Come on, guys.
[SINGING] Want a plane that loops the loop
Me, I want a Hula-Hoop
You know, Dave...
...some people might say it's kind of weird...
...that a grown man would want a Hula-Hoop.
And others would say, "You know what's weirder than that?
A grown man bringing another grown man...
...a big box with a bunch of chipmunks in it...
...who not only speak English but can sing."
They do sing. We've been practicing all morning.
Oh, you've been practicing. I never realized. Okay, well.
Yeah. Okay, no. Dave, I'm going to pretend...
...that I have a lunch to go to. Oops.
I've got a lunch to go to.
What was that?
Nothing. Nothing. Just a little stage fright.
I thought my heart was gonna explode.
We're not performing monkeys.
Why do we have to sing for that guy?
Well, how's this?
Pretend I need the money and I hate my job...
...and you're staying at my place, so you owe me.
We're sorry, Dave.
Yeah, that helps.
Never mind. I'm late for work.
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Can we go with you?
What, so you can mess that up too? Uh-uh.
You're going home.
Can I stand in your lap and steer?
Oh, can we at least beep the horn?
Never mind.
So sorry about the delay. It should be a couple more minutes.
But we're building the suspense. Ha-ha.
- Oh! Here he is. - Sorry I'm late.
Boy, am I jazzed about our Yum-able Energy Bars commercial.
That's Good-able Energy Bar commercial.
Right, Good-able. Uh...
Okay, here's the pitch.
We open on a group of lethargic kids.
Close-up on a little girl's face. She's sad.
Our customers don't like to think of their kids as being sad.
Could she be flying a kite?
I like kites.
Good.
Okay, great. She's flying a kite.
She's running with a kite. She's running out of steam.
She's tired and lets go of the kite.
Oh, no. We see her face, it's sad.
- But not too sad. DAVE: Right.
So she pulls out her Good-able Energy Bar...
[PHONE RINGING]
It's my mom. Sorry.
- Hi, Mom. SIMON: A little situation, Dave.
Um, Theodore vacuumed up Alvin.
THEODORE: Alvin. ALVIN: Dave, help!
- What? SIMON: At least it wasn't...
...the garbage disposal.
Just stay calm.
[SCREAMS]
SIMON: And there goes Theodore.
Look, I can't do this right now, okay?
I absolutely understand but... Sorry, Dave?
Quick question.
How do you feel about an indoor pool?
Look, if you flood my house, you're dead.
Out on the street, capiche?
Mothers.
Why don't we come over here and look at the sales projections?
You know, when I first saw these numbers, I thought there's just no way...
...but then I looked again.
The "size of Theodore's butt"?
Why don't we come back to that?
Anyway, 10 years ago, the market share for healthy food snacks...
...was imperceptible among 6- to 12-year-olds.
MAN: "How smart Simon thinks he is"?
Yeah, as opposed to how smart he actually is.
Who's Simon?
- I didn't... - Just move it along.
You know what? I think I'll just clean out my office.
Sounds good.
MAN 1 [ON TV]: SpongeBob. You're 15 minutes late.
MAN 2: Sorry, Mr. Krabs, I was out all night looking for Gary.
He got away. Well...
Uh, guys. What's this about?
Obviously, Theodore's butt.
We told you we colored.
On my presentation boards? You got me fired.
THEODORE: Oh.
We didn't know.
- We're sorry, Dave. - Oh, you're sorry? That's fantastic.
Sorry doesn't get my job back, now, does it, Theodore?
Why are my clothes all over the place?
We used them to mop up the water. Good idea, right?
- Oh, my God. Theodore, did you just...? - Um, um...
It's a raisin, Dave.
Prove it.
Mm-hm.
Okay, you got me.
I wanna talk to all you guys. Where's Alvin?
[SPITS]
DAVE: Alvin? - You owe me bigtime.
Alvin.
ALVIN: Come on. Come on.
[ALVIN SINGING "DON'T CHA"]
[SCREAMS]
There's this new thing. It's called knocking.
- Get out. - Uh, I'm waiting for the rinse cycle.
- Out. - Whoa, whoa. I'm taking a shower here.
You know, if I made a list of my worst days ever...
...today would be at the top of the list.
And it's still early.
Clam it, sudsy.
Okay. Guys, let me just put it to you like this, okay?
I have no job, no career, my house is always a mess. Thank you very much.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
CLAIRE [ON RECORDING]: Hi, Dave. It's Claire Wilson calling.
And, oh, why did I just say my last name?
That was weird. I guess I'm just a little nervous about coming over for dinner.
- Dinner. - So, yeah. I'm gonna hang up now.
I'll be there at 7. okay. Bye.
That's half an hour.
THEODORE: Who's Claire?
Claire is Dave's mate. Ooh-la-la.
She is not my mate.
She's my ex-mate.
Okay. This is great.
Dave. Dave, relax.
You just go get the food. We'll take care of the rest.
Why am I having a hard time believing you?
That hurts, Dave. That really hurts.
- Yeah. We're all in this together, Dave. - Like a family.
No. Not like a family.
- Tick-tock, Dave. Better bust a move. - Right.
[ALVIN LAUGHS]
Wow.
We also do offices and recreational vehicles.
What's that smell?
It's your cologne.
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
What did you do? Dump the entire bottle on the rug?
SIMON: We call it scenting the area.
I gotta admit I'm surprised.
The place looks great.
Well, Dave, we chipmunks are notoriously tidy.
DAVE: Yeah, I see that.
- Those bread sticks smell great. THEODORE: Yeah.
So when's dinner?
Guys, I don't know how to tell you this...
...but it's just gonna be Claire and me.
Whoa, hold the phone, Dave.
- We can't have... - No.
- Even if we... DAVE: No.
- We thought it... - And no. Look, in the other room.
Jeez.
What a buzzkill, man.
CLAIRE: I never knew you could cook this well.
DAVE: Well, it's all about slow roasting.
It takes longer. But when it comes to flavor, why rush?
Well, I'm impressed.
I've been seeing your photos in the paper.
Yeah, it's going really great.
How about you, how's your job?
Great. Loving it.
How do you think it's going?
Terrible. They're not even sniffing each other.
Alvin. Dave said that...
Dave needs a little help from the love doctor.
And his assistant.
Get back here.
You know, this is nice.
Just two friends having dinner. Hanging out.
No pressure. Nothing weird.
[SWEET STUFF'S "I WANNA DO SOMETHING FREAKY TO YOU" PLAYS]
Um...
My stereo does that all the time. It's like it has a mind of its own.
You were saying?
Oh, nothing. I was just a little nervous about coming over here.
I wasn't sure if you thought this was a date or something.
A date? No.
Um, the wiring in my unit is shot.
You should get an electrician to fix that.
I don't need anyone to fix anything for me.
Okay.
Could you excuse me for a moment? I'm gonna go check the fuse box.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Hey.
Look, I know what you guys are up to. Alvin.
- Breath check. - Where's Al...?
Ow!
Dave, are you okay?
DAVE: Everything's fine.
Why did you do that?
I was just trying to help, Dave. You have garlic breath.
Well, stop helping. You're ruining everything.
I think I got something in my eye.
Here. Let me see.
Yeah. It looks really irritated. It's so red. What happened?
[CRASHING]
What was that?
Oh, I thought I saw a rat.
- A rat? - Probably nothing.
Here, let's finish eating, huh?
Tomorrow I'm gonna call the exterminator.
Ow!
[HUMMING]
- What? - Claire.
Dave? Dave?
- Tell her she completes you. CLAIRE: What are you doing?
- You got it, Dave. CLAIRE: Dave.
Dave, let go.
I'm sorry, Claire. It's just...
I lost my job, Claire.
And I guess I just needed a hug.
Well, why didn't you just say so? Tell me what happened.
Well, this is gonna sound really strange.
No games. No fooling around.
- The truth? - Please, I'm begging you.
My life is being sabotaged by talking chipmunks.
- You know what? DAVE: I'm not crazy, I swear.
CLAIRE: You haven't changed at all.
Wait. Claire. Don't go. I can explain.
Chipmunks.
ALVIN: You should've kissed her, Dave.
She wanted you.
SIMON: Alvin, you're not helping.
Don't give up, Dave.
Go away. Leave me alone.
THEODORE: Dave, would you like a cookie?
I said, leave me alone.
[SIGHS]
- Is it me, or was he a little mad? - Oh, hm, hm.
I wonder, is Dave mad? Yes.
He really did have garlic breath.
Yeah, well-played, guys.
Idea. Ding-ding-ding-ding!
Who has cab fare?
Cab fare? We don't even have pockets.
DAVE: Dear fellas, I'm sorry, but this isn't really working out.
I don't know what made me think I could handle you guys...
...when I can barely manage my own life.
You should go back to your real home in the forest.
That's what's best for all of us.
I'm sorry it has to be this way, but...
Guys?
Simon, Theodore?
Guys?
Alvin?
Alvin!
Simon?
Theodore?
Alvin?
Alvin.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
IAN: Hello?
Kids.
CHIPMUNKS [SINGING]: Christmas, Christmastime is near
Time for toys and time for cheer
We can't hardly stand the wait
Please, Christmas, don't be late
Welcome to Jett Records.
["SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS THEME" PLAYS ON TV]
Okay. New rule. No going out after 9.
And not at all unless I know where you're going.
Were you worried about us, Dave?
No. I just need to know, that's all.
Wait. If you're not worried, then why do you need to know?
I need to know, okay?
Ow.
Alvin.
Oh.
Oh, sorry about that. Yeah.
- Sorry. - Kids, huh?
They keep you on your toes. Do you have any?
Three boys.
Well, some days are better than others.
And some days you just wanna close them in a box...
...leave the box in the park and run away, you know?
Oh.
SIMON: Quick, hide.
Guys, what's all this?
Toaster waffles.
You know, I can't afford all these toaster waffles.
Aw.
- What? - Well, in case you didn't notice...
...I don't have a job anymo...
["THE CHIPMUNK SONG" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
My song?
- All right. - Yeah.
[PHONE RINGING]
- Hello? - Hey, Dave.
Hey, how's my favorite songwriter?
- Ian? - Tell me you've heard the song.
Yeah. I'm listening to it right now.
How did you...? When did...?
Speed of business, baby. That's how we do it. That's how I roll.
Got a friend in satellite radio, put it in immediate rotation.
And that video of your little guys, 10 million hits already on YouTube.
Bingo, bango, boongo, bonga, bonga.
Ha-ha-ha. It's crazy. I gotta go.
Hey, put some clothes on those guys. It's kind of embarrassing.
We owed you, Dave.
THEODORE: So we're good with the toaster waffles, right? Uh, Dave?
[SINGING "THE CHIPMUNK SONG"]
DAVE: Soup's on.
Alvin.
So, what do you think?
Cool.
All right.
Toothbrush, huh? Okay.
No.
Dave...
...are you awake?
I am now.
I had a nightmare.
Can I sleep with you?
Um...
You won't even know I'm here.
Okay. Sure. But stay on that side of the bed.
Oh, okay.
Theodore, that's not your side of the bed.
[THEODORE SNORING]
[SIGHS]
- Theodore, wake up. It's Christmas. - Come on, man. It's Christmas.
Boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
[SINGING] On the first day of Christmas Dave woke up
Come on, man, it's Christmas. Hallelujah.
Wake up, lazy bones.
Oh, yeah. Christmas.
THEODORE: Up and at them. ALVIN: You can sleep when you're dead.
- I'm coming SIMON: Come on, Dave.
THEODORE: Hurry up, Dad.
- Dad? - Dave. I said Dave.
ALVIN: This is shaping up to be my favorite Christmas ever.
SIMON: You want to open mine first. - Open mine first.
ALVIN: No, Dave, mine is better. - Wow. You guys got me presents?
Of course.
All right. Simon?
Wow, it's a...
It's a paper-clip compass.
A paper-clip compass. Now I'll never get lost.
Me next.
Alvin.
- My wallet. - Do you like it?
Really? I wanted to get you something you'd use every day.
And I have been using this for almost 10 years now.
Very thoughtful, Alvin. Thank you.
Yeah, the look on your face says it all, Dave.
Oh, nicely done, Theodore. "To Dav."
Let's see, it says, "Merry Christmas. Love, Theodore."
And it's got a nice picture of some pineapples?
Those aren't pineapples. That's our family.
Look, fellas. Let's make sure we understand each other here.
I'm not your...
You know, your dad or anything, right?
But you're like a dad.
Well, not really.
I mean, we're friends for sure.
And I write your music, you know, manage your career.
- Make us sweaters. - Feed us.
Let us sleep in your bed when we have nightmares.
That's what friends do.
So who wants to open their presents?
ALVIN: Is that a trick question? We do. THEODORE: Yeah.
- Presents. SIMON: Oh, boy.
THEODORE: Presents. Presents. Presents.
I can't wait to open mine first.
Envelope.
Uh-huh.
They're savings bonds.
Cool.
You know, in seven years, you're gonna get to buy something really nice.
Do you maybe have any that you bought seven years ago? Ow.
- Alvin, manners. - Thank you, Dave.
Yeah. Thanks, Dave.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Ho-ho-ho!
- Ian? - Who wants presents?
CHIPMUNKS: Wow!
IAN: All right. - Cool.
IAN: Hey, there's plenty more where this came from.
Bring them on in, fellas.
SIMON: Oh, yeah. ALVIN: Jackpot.
What are you doing?
IAN: Taking care of my boys.
ALVIN: Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Weird. What happened to your presents?
- Which one is mine? - That big one is for me, I think.
What did you get them?
Savings bonds.
Great. Just what every kid dreams of.
You're in luck. Your Uncle Ian came through.
- Cool. - Uncle Ian?
Is...? Is this for me?
No, it's for Simon.
- Theodore. THEODORE: Oh, boy.
- And Alvin. - Thank you, Santa.
This is for you. You like the Oak Ridge Boys, right?
Yeah, you're welcome.
And guess what, guys.
Uncle Ian is gonna have a big launch party for the new CD.
That's right. Press, paparazzi. Hollywood hotshots.
The whole nine yards.
- Awesome. - Sweet.
Yeah. Dave, you've got one week to write me a new hit single.
All right? Something funky and fresh.
- Peace. We out. THEODORE: Bye, Uncle Ian.
- Merry Christmas. - Now it really is Christmas.
Whoa! Mayday, mayday. Whoo-hoo!
This way, this way, this way.
IAN: All right. All right. Settle in, settle in. Thank you for coming.
It is a very special night tonight.
Here at Jett Records, we pride ourselves on bringing you tomorrow's music today.
Oh, and guess what. I did it again.
Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing their new hit single...
...give it up for Alvin, Simon and Theodore.
[CHEERING]
[RAPPING] Yeah, in the place to be
Chipmunks on the M-I-C "Witch Doctor"
MAN [SINGING]: Everybody, can they do it?
WOMEN: Can they do it?
MAN: Come on, people, let's get to it
WOMEN: Let's get to it
MAN: Come on, shake, come on, roll Everybody hit the floor
Come on, shake, come on, roll With the Chipmunks, here we go
ALVIN: I told the witch doctor I was in love with you
I told the witch doctor You didn't love me too
And then the witch doctor He told me what to do
He said: ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah
To the ting to the tang The wallawalla bingbang
ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah Ting tang wallawalla bingbang
ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah
To the ting to the tang The wallawalla bingbang
ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah Ting tang wallawalla bingbang
Yo, DJ, pump this party!
MAN: Everybody, can they do it?
WOMEN: Can they do it? ALVIN: Go! Go! Go!
MAN: Come on, people, let's get to it
ALVIN: Go! Go! Go!
MAN: Come on, shake, come on, roll Everybody hit the floor
Come on, shake, come on, roll With the Chipmunks, here we go
Alvin! Simon! Theodore!
I told the witch doctor You didn't love me true
I told the witch doctor You didn't love me nice
And then the witch doctor He gave me this advice
He said to me:
Whoa Tra-la-la-li-ooh
To the ting to the tang The wallawalla bingbang
ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah Ting tang wallawalla bingbang
You've been keeping love from me
- And that's not very smart - Not very smart
I went out and found myself someone Who'd tell me how to win your heart
My friend the witch doctor He told me what to say
My friend the witch doctor He told me what to do
I know that you'll be mine When I say this to you
Whoa
- Oh, baby, baby! - Ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah
To the ting to the tang The wallawalla bingbang
ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah Ting tang wallawalla bingbang
ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah
To the ting to the tang The wallawalla bingbang
ooh to the eeh the ooh the ah ah Ting tang wallawalla bingbang
Yeah.
All right, party people. You know how we do it.
Get on that dance floor, let me see what you got.
[ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS' "FUNKYTOWN" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- Thank you. WOMAN: Thank you.
- You mind if I grab a few pics? - Claire. Uh...
- Not at all. Fire away. CLAIRE: Great.
I've got a new assignment. I'm covering your rise to fame.
[ALVIN CLEARS THROAT]
- Oh, this is Alvin, Simon and Theodore. - Hi.
CLAIRE: Hello. - Hi, Claire.
You're hot.
Forgot you guys haven't officially met.
[CLAIRE LAUGHS]
So, Dave...
...I'm sorry about that night. I really thought that you...
That I was insane?
I totally understand it.
Talking chipmunks. It's a lot to take in over dinner.
But look at you now. You've got the career, promising future, kids.
You're like a family.
Don't say "family" in front of Dave. It gives him gas.
- Like, clear-the-room gas. - Does not.
He doesn't want a family.
Why don't you guys go and play or raid the dessert table?
CLAIRE: Don't take it personally, you guys.
Some people don't know a good thing when they've got it.
Right, Dave?
Claire.
No offense, big guy, but you are not good at this.
["AIN'T NO PARTY" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Hey, what do you think of this?
- What is it? - It's Alvin.
That looks nothing like Alvin.
Well, yeah. It's a prototype. We'll sell a million of these things.
It's voice-activated. Here, say something to it.
Hello, ugly little Alvin doll that looks nothing like Alvin.
[DOLL SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
- See? You love it. It's Spanish. - You know what? That's just weird.
Come on, Dave, Dave, Dave.
We've got to expand the Munks' fan base.
I mean, forget about the music.
The music is but a means to the big money, okay?
I'm talking about our own fur clothing line, cologne.
Chipmunk Heat, something like that. Chipmunk wine coolers.
- I mean... - They're just kids.
No, they're rats.
And they could make us both so much money...
- ...if you just let me work with them. - I can't hear you, the music's too loud.
Don't go against me on this, Dave. I never lose.
[DOLL SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Has anyone tried the chocolate meatballs?
I'll probably go into insulin shock. But it's worth it.
Oh, a sweet, sweet, sweet molasses meat.
Hey, Alvster. Love the song, bro.
- Up top. - What's up, player?
So I see you're enjoying my little spread that I've put out for you guys.
What am I talking about? You probably eat like this all the time.
Well, Dave says he doesn't wanna spoil us.
Dude, you're a rock star. You're supposed to be spoiled.
I mean, you should be riding in limousines and private planes.
And you should be going to parties like this every night.
Really? Because Dave says we need our sleep.
Look, Alvin, this is hard to say but, I mean, I gotta be upfront about it.
Dave's holding you back, you know. I could be making you 20 large a day.
- Hm. Is that a lot? - Yes.
Another thing... I'm not gonna tell you. I will tell you.
Look, behind your back, Dave calls you...
..."the rats."
- Rats? - Yeah. Whatever, right? I know.
Well, don't let it bother you. I mean, me? I consider you boys family.
And if there's anything you need, anything at all...
...give your uncle Ian a call, all right?
- Oh, right. - Ciao.
ALVIN: Come on, pal. You drive like my grandmother.
Get a wheelchair. Move over!
SIMON: Hey, guys, look at me. Up, up and away.
Whoa! Ah!
Alvin.
Can't help you, Simon. I'm about to take the lead here.
Hey, guys, I have an idea for a new song.
Hey, Dave.
What's going on in here? I thought I told you guys to clean up.
We are.
Um...
- Who's that? - Uncle Ian hired us a housekeeper.
She's also a masseuse. Rrrr.
ALVIN: Come on, move over, road hog.
Drive it or park it, pal. Get in the slow lane.
- Where did you get that game? - Uncle Ian.
Move it or lose it! Get some training wheels, buddy.
Okay, you know what?
That's enough.
What are you doing? I was about to beat my high score.
Too bad. Where's Theodore?
- Spit it out. - Mm-mm.
- Spit it out. - No.
Jett Records.
Okay. That's it. Meeting. Now. Everyone on the couch.
Could you give us a minute?
Guys, look, it's hard, I know.
Three months ago, you were hanging out in a tree somewhere and now you're...
[IN DEEP VOICE] Major rock stars.
Okay. Whatever. My point is just because you're...
Major rock stars.
Doesn't mean you can have or do whatever you want.
Well, Uncle Ian says we should always be happy.
Okay, you know what?
He's not your uncle.
He also, David, said that we should be making $20 a day.
Guess what. You're making way more than that.
And because I care, I'm putting it all away for you.
Just like storing nuts for the winter.
Oh, winter's for losers.
Yeah. Shouldn't we have a say in how to build our investment portfolio?
Where is all this coming from? You guys are just kids.
- Kids, Dave, or rats? - What?
Well, Uncle Ian says we're like his family.
Oh, yeah? Well, if you love Uncle Ian so much...
...and don't think I'm watching out for you...
...why don't you go live with Uncle Ian?
[DOOR SLAMS]
Dave?
Are you still mad at us?
Dave?
"Dear fellas, I'm sorry, but...
You should go back to your real home in the forest."
I guess he really does want us to go.
I told you, Dave.
I never lose.
Boys, welcome to your new home.
THEODORE: Wow!
- Oh, yeah. Daddy's home. IAN: Yeah.
Can we play with all this stuff?
Sure, why not? It's your house.
So, what are the rules around here?
Oh, I do have one rule...
- ...that there are no rules! - Cool.
[PLAYING "I LOVE ROCK N ROLL"]
SIMON: Four degrees elevation.
Six degrees azimuth.
Fire!
[SCREAMS]
Prepare to face the fury of my vengeance.
Ha-ha-ha. Don't make me laugh.
SIMON: Pray for a quick demise, young chipmunk.
Uppercut. Left. Fake-out, fake-out.
- Whoa. - Whoa.
- Ho. Oh. Ohh. - Ohh. Hi-ya!
Your kung fu is no match for my rockets. Yah!
[MOTOR REVS]
Sneak attack.
THEODORE: Okay, Simon. That's enough.
I'm finished now. Simon.
- Hey, give me that. - Let go, Alvin.
Oh, come on.
THEODORE: Whoa!
ALVIN: You had a turn. - Who says you get a turn?
ALVIN: Give me that.
Simon!
ALVIN: You got to try. - Get your mangy paws off of it.
- Scram. - I want it.
Alvin, you don't decide.
[THEODORE SCREAMING]
- Uh-oh. - Uh-oh.
[THEODORE SCREAMING]
- Why didn't the airbags deploy? - Theodore, don't go into the light.
- Whew! Let's do it again. ALVIN: Awesome.
- Playing hard? - Oh, yes.
Good.
Because tomorrow, you start working hard. Coast to coast in five days.
Well, Dave says that touring is no life for a kid.
For a normal kid. You guys are superstars.
- Yes. IAN: Which reminds me...
...Simon, let's get rid of these boring glasses.
And try on these super cool in-the-now glasses.
Oh, my God, oh.
These would be great if I could see out of them.
Your eyes will adjust. Come on, boys. Let's hit the road.
ALVIN: Shotgun. - Hit the road.
Alvin... Whoa!
Give me a big fella. Alvin, big, big.
No hiding. Come on, come on. Make love to the camera.
Sell it. Big smile. Yes. Theodore, chin out. Yeah. That's it.
Good stuff. There you go. Come on, get in there.
Strong. Give me some booty.
Spank it. There you got it. Now you got it.
MAN 1: If the Chipmunks like Crunchy Nibbles, your pet will love them.
MAN 2: Cut.
IAN: Here we are.
[HORN BLOWS]
- Whoa! - Okay? All right?
[MUSIC PLAYS]
[MUMBLING]
Hold it.
We're not done.
- You tell me. - Killing me.
- What do you want? - You are killing me here.
There's no button I can push that wakes them to sing notes.
You kidding? There's 5000 buttons here.
MAN: What button do you want me to push?
IAN: Fine. I've got it.
All right, guys. Guess what your uncle Ian brought you. Coffee.
I love toffee.
No, it's coffee, Theodore, coffee. It's a... Like a super cool energy health drink...
...with whipped cream and caramel and two pumps of chocolate.
Enjoy.
That ought to keep them awake.
[CHIPMUNKS MUMBLING]
- [SINGING] Get munk'd - Go, go, go
Yeah, Chipmunks Always can get munk'd
Hey, hey, hey
Come and get munk'd With the Chipmunk rugrats
Come and get munk'd with the Munks Get munk'd with the Chipmunk rugrats
Come and get munk'd with the Munks
Stop, stop. Come on, guys. We need more energy, okay?
We need more dry ice. We need more, you know, wow. All right?
We're the Chipmunks, for crying out loud.
This is absurd. I feel like P. Diddy with fur.
And to be honest, the new songs don't really sound like us.
Well, you know what I think? I think the new direction is perfect, you know.
It's all about today's edge.
Dave always said it was all about the music.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] "Dave always said..."
[IN NORMAL VOICE] You know what? Dave, Dave, Dave.
Dave is not here, okay? It's me.
It's fun Uncle Ian, all right? Okay?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you...? What are you gonna say? What's your name?
- Taffy. - Taffy? What kind of name is Taffy?
What do you do?
- Choreography. - I don't know what "choreography" is.
- What is that? - It's dance.
Oh, is it dancing? Well, next time say, you know, "I'm the dance guy... " Hello?
Who? Dave Seville.
Name rings a bell. A dead...
...broken bell.
- Just let me talk to the guys. - I don't think that's such a good idea.
The boys are still stinging a little bit from you kicking them out.
- That's not what happened. - Denial.
So, what's this I hear about a European tour?
You're taking them away for six months?
Uh, no, 12 actually. If we can get China to go chipmunk.
Twelve?
Look, I just wanted to say hi. See how they're doing.
They're doing great. They're loving life.
Living large.
Face it, Dave. They've moved on.
- They're happy now. - Look, Ian, I wanna talk to them.
Put them on the phone.
Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen, Dave.
Got a world tour we're gonna start tomorrow.
And these guys don't need the extra pressure.
- We'll send you a postcard. - Ian, you can't do this.
They're not ready for something like that. They're just kids.
- I'm gonna see them. - Look, Dave, I'm... Wait.
- Ian? - Yeah? What?
- Ian. - I can't...
[STUTTERING]
[SIGHS]
Ian...
...was that Dave?
Uh, yes. Yes, it was.
He wanted me to let you know he's great and he's happy.
He's really, really happy. So... All right.
And is he coming to the show?
You know what? I sent him tickets. And here's the thing, he sent them back.
Yeah, I know. I guess he's busy, you know. Got better things to do.
Hey, come on. What's with the long furry faces?
We're gonna have fun. We're gonna have a big show.
I'll tell you what, you guys like deep-tissue massage? All right?
I know a guy. Let me call my guy. I'll get on that.
Hey, captain, come here.
Listen.
Dave Seville. Learn the name, look for the face.
If he shows up tomorrow night, he doesn't get near my chipmunks.
- Got it? Okay. - Got it.
Uncle Ian?
[MUTTERING]
- What are you doing here? - Can I sleep with you?
I had a nightmare.
Oh, you had a nightmare?
I had a nightmare too. In my nightmare...
...I had to put together 37 dates in 42 days, in 16 different countries.
And I had to coordinate 121 different radio and print interviews...
...in five different languages.
But you know what, Theo? The only difference is...
...in my nightmare, when I open my eyes, it doesn't end.
So is that a no?
Whoa!
Oh.
[HUMMING]
Ah.
Guys...
...I wanna go home.
What do you mean? You are home.
No, I mean, "home" home.
You know, with Dave.
But, Theodore, come on. Wake up and smell the toffee.
Dave doesn't even want us. He doesn't care enough to even come to our show.
MAN [ON TV]: Here's Jillian Reynolds with today's entertainment news.
Too tired to rock? The Chipmunks might be.
Rumor of exhaustion and voice strain are swirling around the singing sensation.
Is it because of toaster waffle overload? Or a rigorous tour schedule?
It's hard to say. But manager-producer Ian Hawke has assured Fox...
...the trio will make their first stop tonight...
...on their highly anticipated world tour at the orpheum Theatre in Los Angeles.
That's it.
[SINGING HOARSELY
Mm-hm.
[SINGING HOARSELY
[COUGHING]
DOCTOR: Okay.
[SINGING HOARSELY
You three sound like you've been gargling nails.
IAN: Well?
I could give you a lot of fancy terms, but, bottom line, they're exhausted.
Okay, well, give them a shot or a cream or a pill or something.
I've invested every dime I have in these guys.
They need a long rest.
A long rest. Are you...? Okay. Yeah, a long rest, right. Uh...
Right, yeah. I'm not a doctor, so...
I'll get them that rest. Thank you. I'll take care of it.
Thank you so much. I will... I appreciate it. Hey, hey, doc.
- Chipmunk fever, catch it. - Ah!
Knock, knock.
So listen, guys, I just talked to the doctor.
And I don't feel right about sending you guys out like this.
So you're gonna cancel the show?
No. No, then I'd have to give out refunds.
No. What I'm talking about is having you guys lip-synch. Yeah.
Isn't that like cheating?
No, it's not like cheating. It's... Cheating is wrong.
This is more like helping. Yeah, all the superstars do it.
Just make sure that you mouth the words exactly like we recorded them.
- Otherwise, people will know. - That we're cheating.
- No. - Guys, what other choice do we have?
Yeah. See? That's why he's the one with the letter.
All right, guys, tighten up.
And remember, mouth the words and no one will know.
Love you.
CHIPMUNKS [SINGING ON RECORDING]: You know you got it made
When you drop your Escalade For the drop top
Iced out, rocks hot Droppin' dollars, ladies holler
Hey, gotta get that cream
You know you got it made When they send in a parade
When you drop down Write a check in town
All just for one day
Gotta get that cream
oh! oh! Oh! oh!
- Don't you know that's how they roll? - Roll, roll, roll
Can you get down with the Funk, funk, funk of the Chipmunks?
Baby, you know
Funk, funk, funk of the Chipmunks
Oh, come on, you gotta have one more ticket.
MAN: Sorry.
Come on, here's Theodore
You're here to stay When you're always getting paid
And it don't stop, never, no It won't stop no matter what they say
- Gotta live the dream - Take it, Simon
You're here to stay When your honeys think you hit
'Cause we gots it Everybody watch it
I love it. You love it? Chipmunk fever. Catch it, baby.
Dave Seville.
No, there's no Dave Seville on this list.
You know what? That's fine. I'm the editor of the L.A. Music Journal.
- No, I don't think so. - He's with me.
He's my assistant.
Okay.
Thanks, Claire.
CLAIRE: What's going on, Dave? What are you...?
I gotta get my boys back but Ian's trying to keep me out.
Your boys.
I know that probably sounds weird coming from me.
It's a good weird, though.
Because after all I did to mess up everything, including you...
- Dave, your boys. We should go. - Right. Okay.
How we roll
Come on, can you feel it?
- How we roll - Yeah, yeah, come on
If you're gonna do something, do it fast. Here.
- You're press, remember? - Thanks.
Roll
MAN: Let's go, pal. - I'm a photographer.
- I have a press pass. MAN: You're out of here.
Alvin! Alvin!
Alvin!
- Dave! He's here. - It's Dave.
[CHIPMUNKS CONTINUE SINGING ON RECORDING]
[CROWD BOOING]
What's going on?
Alvin, what are you doing?
I'm sending a message to our dear old uncle Ian.
- Sounds like a plan to me. - Me too.
Come on, guys.
Hey, Ian...
...kiss my furry cheeks.
Uh... Yeah, yeah.
Here, hold on to that.
[IN IRISH ACCENT] Top of the morning to you.
[PLAYING JIG]
Whoa! Yeah!
Get off my set.
Are you ready to rock?
Turn it up, girl.
How we roll
ALVIN: I feel fine. Ha-ha-hoo!
[CROWD BOOING]
Alvin, Simon, Theodore! Come on, guys, we're going home.
IAN: Move, move.
Let's go.
- Get them. ALVIN: Look out. Run.
Hi.
Bye.
ALVIN: Eenie, meenie, minie, mo
Miss a chipmunk because you're slow
Yippee-kay-yay, mamacita.
Watch your knees.
- Sorry. SIMON: Come on, big fella.
Come on. Come on.
A little bit closer.
Come on, right there. Perfect.
[GRUNTS]
He'll feel that in the morning.
- Guys. - Dave!
MAN: You're not going anywhere. - Ow!
What are you doing?
ALVIN: Put us down. SIMON: Let me go.
THEODORE: Hey. - You better study your French.
- You're going to Paris tonight. Okay? - Let go. Just had my tail redone.
- No, wait. - Put it with my stuff.
SIMON: Let us out of here.
- No. SIMON: Let us out of here.
What? Ian, they don't want this anymore. Just let them go.
But the guy just left. You should have said something about five seconds ago.
Come back.
Ian, they need a real life. Not all of this.
Besides, they just ruined the concert.
Word will get out, no one will come to see them.
Dave, they're chipmunks who talk. People will come.
Guys, with me.
[SINGING] Roll, that's how we roll
You'll never take us alive.
They just did take us alive, Alvin.
ALVIN: It's a figure of speech, Simon.
Instead of criticizing me, why not use your big brain to think of a way out?
IAN: Go, go, go. Go.
Come on.
Step on it, Dave. You're losing him.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
How did you guys...?
We are talking chipmunks, Dave.
We can get out of a cat carrier. Not even hard to do.
You came back for us.
Well, of course I came back. We're a family.
Holy nuts.
- What? - Uh, am I going crazy?
Or did he just say "family"?
I know...
...but I really missed you guys.
I missed you too, Dave.
Me too.
- So did Alvin. He's too cool to admit it. - Yeah, too macho.
[COUGHING] Missed you too.
Sorry, I had some sentimentality stuck in my throat.
I just said, I missed you too.
Whatever. Who are you guys to judge me?
Okay, you know what? I miss my friend Dave, okay?
I'll scream it from the rooftops. And I'm not afraid. I'm not ashamed.
That's right. I love you, Dave.
Come here.
- Um, Dave? - Yes, Alvin?
Now can I steer? Oh, please, please, please.
- I want to work the windshield wipers. - Oh, and I'd like to beep the horn.
Have at it, fellas.
[HORN HONKING]
- I'm a good beeper. - Save some horn for the rest of us.
ALVIN: Come on, Dave, drive faster. DAVE: Not with you steering.
ALVIN: Dave, you drive like a sleepy old bear.
DAVE: Okay, Alvin, that's enough.
ALVIN: Enough of what? Of being awesome?
DAVE: Alvin, I said that's enough.
ALVIN: Hey, look, Dave, no paws. Whoo-hoo!
Hey, if you guys behave, maybe I'll let you call me "Uncle Ian" again.
Deal?
[DOLL SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[DOLL SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[DOLL SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
No!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Claire.
- Hey. - Come on in.
- Hi, Claire. - Well, hello, Clarina.
- Hi, guys. - Hope you like toaster waffles.
And, for us classy chipmunks, a bit of the bubbly.
Aw.
Stupid cork. Doesn't... Whoa!
- Whoa. ALVIN: Yikes!
Ha-ha. Oops.
I'm not gonna say it.
- Uh-oh. - Good grief.
Are you still not gonna say it?
Nope.
[SCREAMING]
DAVE: I'm gonna say it. Alvin!
ALVIN: Okay!
[PLAYING PIANO]
Okay, guys, come on, let's try it again.
Here we go, and sing.
Come on, sing for your uncle Ian. Come on, sing.
Why...? Why won't you sing?
You know, I said, sing.
Sing.
[SOBBING]