Downloaded from YTS.MX
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
(MUSIC PLAYING)
NARRATOR: Following months of high rainfall,
the river Seine begins to rise more rapidly than normal.
Over the course of the last week,
thousands of Parisians living nearby the river
have already evacuated.
To continue moving throughout the city,
residents travel by boat or across
a series of wooden walkways built by Parisians themselves.
The water reaches a height of 20 feet above the normal.
The Eiffel Tower has wet feet.
And it's only on the Montmartre hill that people can stay a little dry.
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
(LAUGHING)
Emile, hey! Over here!
(SIGHS)
- Let me take that. -(GIGGLES) Thanks.
You know, Emile, I only have one regret.
You do? What?
That it took you two years to ask me for a date.
I... I was scared you'd say no.
Oh, Emile. l wish I had known.
All that time wasted.
Maud, my darling. Don't let your mind dwell on that.
The past is past. The future is ours.
Nothing. Nothing can come between us now.
(SCREAMS)
-(ROARS) -(BOTH SCREAM)
Emile!
(GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)
(CHUCKLES) It's show time! What do you got?
To the left! Yes, parry! To the right!
- Whoa! -(SCREAMS)
It's a dragon!
What on earth is a dragon doing in France?
What on earth is a dragon doing on earth?
(SCREAMS)
(ROARS)
(AUDIENCE GROANS)
(GASPS)
Oh, no!
(AUDIENCE JEERING)
Okay, come on! Here it is!
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
Whew.
- Come on. -(EXCLAIMS)
(GRUNTS)
(SIGHS)
Hmm.
(HUMMING)
-(SIGHS) -(BACKFIRING)
(GASPS)
(CLANGING)
Hey. (COUGHS)
-(GASPS) - Hello, Raoul.
Well, hello, Maud. Look at you. Petite as always.
That's a lovely dress. What is that?
- Kind of an eggplant? - Oh, thank you.
Um, I think it's more of a purple.
More of an eggplant I think.
Is Emile in? I have something for him.
No, I guess it is kind of an eggplant.
(CLEARS THROAT)
- Oh. The new Méliés film! - Mmm-hmm.
He'll be so excited, it's his idol.
- Hey, Emile! - Oh!
- Hey, Raoul! - Catch this!
(GRUNTS)
(EXCLAIMS)
Oh! Oh, that's embarrassing.
(GIGGLES)
'Hey, You! "Oh!
Come on, come on. Quick.
Okay, not looking.
- I can't see anything now. - Come on, come on!
Going somewhere, Emile?
I have to go to Barbés to buy a new belt.
Obviously.
Oh, no, no. A belt for my projector.
(CHUCKLES) Since when do you put pants on your projector?
(LAUGHS)
- Pants on my projector? - Yeah, because uh... Never mind.
Do you need a lift? It's on my route.
Catherine is right...
Oh! Catherine!
(YELLS) Come on! Could you stop the...
-(CLATTERING) -(WOMAN GASPS)
Sorry! Come here!
- Come on, bad truck! Come back. -(CLEARS THROAT)
(STAMMERS) So, I'll see you later at the screening?
Yes. Uh, yes, you will.
(STAMMERING) You know, Maud,
I was wondering if...
If you don't mind...
- Uh, maybe... Maybe you would... - Yes! Of course I would.
You would?
Yes, I would gladly take that reel back to your room, no problem.
Ah, yes, yes... That!
Well, yes, of course... I mean, thank you.
Uh, here. Thank you, Maud.
Um, anything else, Emile?
Yes. Uh...
(STAMMERING) Well, I thought perhaps after the screening...
Emile, buddy! Let's shake a leg. I'm on a schedule here.
You'll have plenty of time to woo Maud when you're back.
(GIGGLES)
Bye!
(CHURCH BELLS TOLLING)
EMILE: Well, thank you very much, Raoul!
Well, you're very welcome, Emile.
Uh, for what?
I was talking to her and you ruined it!
You little devil, you! Let me pinch those cheeks.
You finally decided to ask her out, didn't you?
Well, no, it's so complicated.
What's so complicated? You ask her out, she swoons.
She says yes, you swoon back. Deal sealed. You're on a date.
EMILE: It's not that simple.
Every time I see her,
my tongue kind of gets glued to the top of my mouth.
Which is why you write her a letter.
The only thing you have to glue then is an envelope. (GIGGLES)
A letter.
That's not a bad idea!
Of course that's not a bad idea. It's a great idea. I had it!
I'll help you if you want.
I got a way with words as you know.
EMILE: (STUTTERING) Well... I do know.
But do you know much about love, Raoul?
Do I... (LAUGHS)
Oh, you are adorable. Do I know about love?
Do you have any idea what they say around Paris?
When Raoul is on the prowl, the kitty cats all meow!
- EMILE: Oh. That does rhyme. - It better than rhymes, my friend.
Hello, Madame Omelette!
Hope you're not feeling too scrambled today
and you're feeling nice and over-easy.
(CHUCKLES)
Where... Where are my eggs?
It's not that I don't trust you, Raoul,
but the way you drive, I figured it's safer to deliver the eggs
-with a little padding. -(CLUCKING)
(CHUCKLING)
(GROANS) Great!
(SNEEZING)
- Raoul, are you okay? - No I'm fine, it's just...
(SNEEZES VIOLENTLY) Allergies!
(CONTINUES SNEEZING)
MAN: Hey!
- Moron! - RAOUL: Sorry, honey!
EMILE: You drive very fast!
I know!
Ever since Catherine runs on sunflower oil, she really flies.
Uh, speaking of flies... Your coat. It's very itchy!
It feels like straw.
Straw? Are you kidding? What I paid for this?
(LAUGHS) Oh, Emile.
This is genuine 100%... (SNEEZES)
...rare!
The flood of the century! Commissioner's popularity sinks as...
- As fast as the water rises! - Uh, Raoul!
(HORN HONKING)
Oh! (SCREAMS)
-(BOTH SCREAMING) -(TYRES SCREECHING)
Whoa!
(CLUCKING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(TYRES SCREECHING)
Oh.
Oh, no.
(SNEEZING VIOLENTLY)
RAOUL: (SHOUTING) I hate birds!
- EMILE: Thank you, Raoul! - Don't mention it, big man!
See you later!
Hey! Watch where you're going!
(CHUCKLING)
Here. A brand new second-hand belt.
- Anything else? - Uh, maybe.
Mmm-hmm. She's a beauty, isn't she?
Oh, yes!
(WHISTLING)
- What's that? - What is that?
That is the future!
No, that! Is it straw?
No. Okay. Now, back to the future.
You see? No more blisters, no more dirty clothes,
no more aches and pains.
All comfort, no effort! That's the future.
- Okay. But what does it do? - What does it do?
It does...
(EXCLAIMS)
(SPUTTERING)
(BOTH CHUCKLING EMBARRASSEDLY)
(CLEARS THROAT) Well...
- Bye-bye now! Thank you. - Thank you.
Uh, bye!
(SIGHS) My camera.
Oh, look at that!
(LAUGHS)
This is beautiful.
That's... That's my camera.
Wait! He's running away.
Thief! (PANTING) Thief!
Okay? Well, okay. Oh, right, right, right.
- My camera! - MAN: Hey, stop, thief!
(GROANS)
Oh, no. It's not supposed to do that.
Huh? That's fantastic!
(GRUNTING)
It worked great yesterday!
(BLOWING)
(BLARING LOUDLY)
Okay. Maybe if I just press...
-(GASPS) - Oh. Hey!
One. Two.
And it's supposed to do that?
Raoul! Thank you. Thank you so much!
You saved my life!
- Uh, I did? - Yes. Look.
And three. And I meant to do that!
Now, we are all nice and warmed up, let's deliver those babies.
(STAMMERING) Uh, I don't know if I can.
It's just that I don't want to be late.
Don't worry. We're gonna get there in a flash.
(RAOUL WHISTLING)
Wow!
RAOUL: You're gonna love the professor. He's a real character.
Way ahead of his time. A real visionary. A little like myself.
Too bad he never lets me see his work.
Maybe he's shy?
Yes, maybe. Professor!
- Oh, apparently very shy! - Hmm.
Okay, what have we got?
"Dear Raoul, I am in New York for a conference.
"Just leave the peat outside.
"In my absence, Charles will take care of it."
- Hmm. - Who's Charles?
(CHUCKLES)
- RAOUL: Charles, come on. -(SNIFFING)
Oh!
Oh! "Charles, Assistant Botanist."
Hello, Charles.
Now, let's get those precious bags inside.
We wouldn't want them to get wet. Right, Charles?
-(SCREECHING) - What? Okay.
"Well, now that you're inside, just leave the peat at the door.
"Whatever you do, don't..." (GRUNTS) "...touch anything."
"Thank you. Good day."
Okay. Okay, I get it.
The professor seems to know you pretty well!
Yeah. Yeah.
(WHISTLING)
EMILE: WOW!
- Beautiful. -(GRUNTING)
Another job well done. For peat's sake! Right?
(LAUGHS) 'Cause it's peat! Get it? Do you get it?
Pete's sake?
You're a monkey.
All right! Ready for a quick tour?
But the monkey said we weren't supposed to...
The monkey said, come on! You could film it!
Imagine, Your own jungle movie! I play the brave explorer.
- What do you think? - You think I could?
(LAUGHS) You are... Yeah, of course!
(WHISPERS) Let's get to it!
Right. (CLEARS THROAT) We'll call him...
Let's call him Jeff,
with my companion Charlie
and we're going to save the damsel from the dark regions of the jungle.
-(SCREECHING) - Oh, my... Look at that monster!
EMILE: What kind of tree is that?
Well, that, Emile, it's an Extremus Gigantis Circus uh...
Asparagus.
-(HOOTING) - Actually, it's a sequoia.
A sequoia? Yes. Call it a sequoia.
If you prefer the generic name.
Oh, my... Look at that! it's the professor's lab!
Emile! Emile! Come and get a shot of me!
(LAUGHING ECSTATICALLY)
Okay! What do we got? "Do not use."
All right. Let's see what it does.
- Are you filming? - Yes, but it says do not use...
No. (MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
Oh!
(COUGHING)
(SIGHS) Huh? Right. Okay, next.
How about this one? "Atomise-a-tune."
Atomise-a-tune. Good name!
"Blah blah blah... For a more melodious voice."
(SCREECHING)
(SINGING WITH OPERATIC VOICE)
(LAUGHING) That's incredible!
That's amazing! Charles, you have a lovely singing voice.
All right let's try this one. "Super-Fertilizer." Hmm.
"Unstable."
Okay. Now all I need now is a little seed.
From this jar, here. A tiny drop, or two. And then we wait.
And we continue to wait.
And we wait.
This one's a... This one's a dud.
- Maybe you need to water it. - Good idea, Emile.
(HUMMING)
Very disappointing, Professor.
Okay. Next!
RAOUL: Let's see if the old geezer invented anything that actually works?
(GASPS)
-(SCREAMS) - EMILE: Whoa!
Wow!
(WHISPERS) Did you get that?
- I did! All of it! -(LAUGHING)
God! A sunflower that big must produce tons of oil.
This could cut Catherine's fuel budget by 10.
Emile, this must be my lucky day!
(WHIMPERS)
(CREAKING)
- Emile! -(CHARLES SCREECHING)
(GRUNTS)
(EXPLOSION)
(COUGHING)
Huh? What?
(EXCLAIMS)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMING)
(GROANING)
Raoul? Raoul?
Raoul! Raoul, are you okay?
(SHUDDERING)
Yeah. I think... I think the coat saved my life.
Emile? Emile! I'm okay! I'm okay.
Oh. Good. Good.
(GASPS) Charles! Where is Charles?
Charles?
"Look up."
Huh? Oh!
-(LAUGHS) Hey, Charles! -(HOOTING)
Right, good, Charles is fine. You're fine. I'm fine.
The plants are fine. Everything's fine.
(SHATTERING)
There. So, I think we'll be going now. Good night.
It's been a pleasure.
Raoul. Raoul?
You didn't see something strange in there, did you?
You mean besides a singing monkey,
a 50 foot sunflower and vials of potions that almost killed us?
No. You see anything strange?
(STAMMERING) You mean you didn't see a seven foot creature
with big red bug eyes, four arms, and spikes all over his body?
(CHUCKLING)
Emile. I think somebody has been watching too many movies.
- You think? - Yes, my friend.
(SNEEZES)
(HORN BLARING)
(MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONOGRAPH)
(SINGING ALONG)
(SCREAMING)
(MAN SCREAMING)
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
MAN: With all this flooding, what a dreadful winter...
- Whoops! - CARLOTTA: Very harsh winter, yes.
- But I don't complain. - Naturally.
- We're lucky. - Yes, we are.
Uh, say, Madame Carlotta, have you told Lucille about my songs yet?
-(WHISPERS) Go on! - Oh, okay.
- Water goes where water goes. - Mmm-hmm?
Who do they think I am? Moses?
Am I supposed to make miracles?
Uh, no, but perhaps some boats,
more walkways, shelters for the poor, blankets...
Forget blankets. What's needed here is diversion.
Oh, yes, perfect. We can divert the water.
- Not water, Paté. Their minds. - Oh.
We need to get their minds out of the wet and onto something big.
Something that will wash this headline away
and replace it with something that will grab their imagination.
Uh... Like What?
I don't know. Something that will have some pizzazz.
Something that will pop!
ALBERT: Whoa!
Give me that!
- What? - Go!
Not my fault!
-(WHISPERS) Now! - Whatever!
Commissioner Maynott, Captain Paté, I trust everything is to your liking?
Oh, yes, my dear Carlotta, yes.
Yes, of course it is, isn't it?
- One step from perfection. - One step from... Oh!
All that is needed now is
for your angel of a niece
to accept my invitation.
(LAUGHS)
- With my compliments. - Oh, Commissioner, what an honour!
Oh, I'm sure she will be delighted.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, speak of the devil.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) - Ah!
(PIANO PLAYING)
# She is resplendent
# So confident
# La Seine, La, Seine, La Seine
# I realise I'm hypnotised
# La Seine, La Seine, La Seine
# I hear the moon singing a tune
# "La Seine, La Seine, La Seine"
# Is she divine? Is it the wine?
# La Seine, La Seine, La Seine
# I don't know, don't know
# So don't ask me why that's how we are
# La Seine and I
# I don't know, don't know
# So don't ask me why that's how we are
# La Seine and I
# I don't know, don't know
# So don't ask me why that's how we are
# La Seine and I
# That's how we are
# La Seine and I #
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Not interested.
Everybody needs somebody. Even you!
You look at the Commissioner.
He's successful, he's a national figure.
- He's pompous. - He has a medal of honour!
- He's boring. - People respect him.
He's got nice hair. Oh, I love his hair.
He smells good, doesn't he?
- He's attractive... -(SIGHS) He's not my type!
Not your type? Okay, maybe not yet.
But you meet him, you're nice, and he becomes your type.
Perhaps you smile that wonderful smile of yours.
- And who knows? -(SIGHS)
Come on, let me see it.
Ah, perfect! (LAUGHS)
(SIGHS)
- What a singer! -(CHUCKLES) Mmm, and what a woman!
What do you mean, "What a woman"?
I'm wondering. Would you be jealous?
- Oh, dear! - What?
(LAUGHS) I'll take care of that.
There.
(EXCLAIMS)
- What's wrong? - Something touched me!
Oh! Don't worry, dear. It won't attack a larger animal.
-(HISSING) -(CAT YOWLING)
-(SCREAMS) - What?
(SCREAMS)
Oh, God, no! No! Let me go!
(WHIMPERING)
- Go! Run! -(SCREAMING)
Run!
(GROWLING)
Oh, horrible. Seven feet tall,
razor-sharp teeth.
Horrible.
- Yeah, of course. Sign here. - Oh.
How's it going with that sketch?
(SIGHS)
- Huh? Wait. Uh... - He's getting good, huh?
Let's see here.
What could rhyme with "great destiny"?
(CHUCKLES) Ah, yes, I know! "Me!"
-(KNOCK ON DOOR) - Come in!
Paté.
What in the world are you wearing?
It's all part of the new fitness campaign for elite officers.
I have agreed to lead the Rapid Response Bicycle Unit.
Brilliant. Anything new?
Well, it's just a theory but...
Here is where the store window was smashed.
Yes.
- Here is where the children were traumatized. - Okay.
Here is where the horse was spooked and stampeded through the lingerie shop.
- See what I'm getting at? - Uh... Actually no.
There is a pattern, a logical progression,
leading all the way to here.
MAYNOTT: And?
Well, I would like permission to do a more thorough investigation,
- Sir. - Yes, of course, investigate away.
Let the public see that we are men of action.
- Thank you, sir. Thank you. - Yeah. Hmm.
But don't be too quick at solving the case, Paté.
But, sir, I should think the quicker the better.
We are on the verge of a catastrophe.
Where you see catastrophe, I see opportunity.
You see, my dear Captain,
when people are frightened they need protection.
They need someone that they can turn to,
someone to believe in,
a saviour,
a hero.
In other words, they need
me!
CARLOTTA: And say hello for me. LUCILLE: Sure.
CARLOTTA: No, don't. You don't have to. No, no.
I mean, well, if he mentions me.
- LUCILLE: Okay! - Oh, let me see...
Darling, wait. Stop. Let me take a look.
- Oh, perfect. - Mmm-hmm?
What's that?
"A strange creature has been seen in the streets of Paris."
"The beast is seven feet high, is extremely hairy,
"and has two big and red eyes.
"Under those circumstances, we recommend all citizens
"not to go out alone at night."
Ch, great!
"Be cautious and do not panic."
(SCREAMS)
Raoul! You scared me! What are you doing here?
You scared me! And I'm working here!
- Well, I hope nothing's broken. - No, I'm fine.
I'm talking about the champagne, you idiot!
Look at me! I'm a mess!
Here comes the drama queen.
Come on. It's nothing. Here.
Give me that! You're making it worse.
Oh, great. Now, I have to change again!
Uh, not a bad idea. Brown is definitely not your colour.
I see. You're a fashion expert now.
Very credible with that straw coat on.
- It's not straw. - I see nothing has changed.
Still the same birdbrain you were in the first grade.
And you're still so, so...
$0 you!
- What a repartee! -(MIMICKING) What a repartee!
Oh, I'm so smart. I use words like repartee.
Look at me. Look at how amazing I am!
(MIMICKING) Ooh, I'm so dumb. Oh. I fell on my butt again!
(MIMICKING) I'm a star. I'm a princess. But I sing like a frog!
- Oh. I get it. - You get what?
- You're jealous. -(LAUGHS) Oh, yeah, I'm jealous.
You're jealous of my success.
- It makes you feel small. -(LAUGHS)
- Listen, honey... - Don't you honey me.
Listen honey. I'm doing just fine, okay?
Women like me, men want to be me,
uh, men want to be with the women who like me.
And the women, uh, want to be...
The men who want to be with me...
I'm popular and creative.
Creative?
You mean that piece of junk?
Don't you... Don't you dare bring Catherine into this!
If you want to see popular and creative, come see my show one night.
Oh, wait! You can't. We don't accept losers.
Oh, good one. Oh, pardon me, your Royal Pain in the Buttness.
I didn't realise you had to win the Medal of Honour
to gain entrance to the Cheese Hall!
In your case, the only way you will be admitted
is if you show up with that medal pinned to your chest.
It would look great on your lovely straw coat!
It's not... It's not... It's not straw!
-(SNORTING) -(LAUGHING)
Ah, and one more thing.
If you come with that medal,
the best table will be waiting along with all the champagne you can drink.
On the house.
(GRUNTING)
(NEIGHING)
LUCILLE: Albert! Can you come and get the champagne inside?
ALBERT: I'm in the bathroom! LUCILLE: Now!
- ALBERT: Okay, okay! -(SIGHS)
Pest!
(GRUNTING)
- There is a monster in Paris! -(SCREAMS)
People are scared!
Give me one! Here.
Thanks.
Huh?
How is it going up there?
I'm close.
POLICEMAN: Would you just check over there...
Let's see... Okay.
There... Oh.
POLICEMAN 3: Let's search thoroughly. Look everywhere.
(CHARLES SCREECHING)
(SIGHS) Oh!
Wait a minute. What is this?
Oh, my God!
Oh, this is a nightmare!
Emile! It's a nightmare! I've lost all my clients.
(EXCLAIMS)
- What's that? - It's the monster!
The monster that we created!
Yes, our own monster. He's got your eyes.
And, Uh, my hairy legs!
What are we going to do?
Everything's fine. Nothing happened. It's not our fault.
(PANTING) Besides, nobody knows we were there!
Could have been anybody! Could have been anybody.
Sorry to interrupt the show, gentlemen,
but I think you are about to be the stars of the next feature.
It's called The Interrogation!
(WHIMPERING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
The way I see it, humanity is divided in two different categories.
The faceless and nameless masses
living their lives like cockroaches,
and those with a great destiny,
those like you and me.
You're very kind, Commissioner, but I'm just a singer.
Oh, don't be modest.
You see, I'm due to inaugurate the new railway.
Everybody will talk about it
and I would be honoured to have you open the event
and stand by my side.
Because you're not just a singer, you're a star.
Shining brighter than all others,
lighting the way to a brilliant future.
For you, for me, for us.
Uh, that's very nice of you,
but don't you think it's a little early to refer to us as "us"?
(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me?
Yes, Paté?
I don't mean to interrupt, but I have extremely important news.
- What? - The monster...
I have three suspects.
(WHIMPERS)
Now, if you'll look very closely
right here, just before the explosion...
See that little black dot?
It's a flea from the monkey's fur.
I believe that the combination of these potions
turned it into
-the monster! - Bravo, Paté!
Bravo! A giant flea!
This is exactly what I've been looking for!
(LAUGHS)
Excuse me, sir. I'm just starting out in life.
I don't want to go to jail.
Prison's a low-growth market for home deliveries.
Arrest the monkey! It was his flea!
Prison? Who said anything about prison?
This is a story about heroes.
Heroes don't go to prison.
- But, sir, they're guilty! - Guilty of what?
Of giving me the chance to show the public where they can place their trust?
No, no, they do not deserve to go to prison.
They deserve to be celebrated, to be honoured.
They deserve...
- Huh? - Here, pick one.
Uh, well...
Would you have a medal of honour in there, by any chance?
Hmm?
# When I can't take no more I take a great big snore
# I fall asleep at Easter and wake up at Easter
# One year later#
(PANTING)
- So? - Uh... Right.
Thank you, Albert!
I, uh... Look, I'll be honest with you...
What? You don't like that one? This one perhaps.
# To the bosses, I say no To work I say bye-bye... #
Albert... Albert. Albert!
The song isn't the problem.
What is the problem then? I have talent.
All my friends say so.
All I need is someone to give me a big break. That's all.
That or some new friends.
It's just me, but I have to go, sweetie. I have to run.
You'll tell me about it, right?
Tell you what?
You know! How it went with the Commissioner! Right?
- Oh, right. - Okay, good.
I can't wait!
- Look, Albert. Thank you. - Don't bother.
I know. I'm too original for a place like this.
Too avant-garde.
You took the words right out of my mouth.
- That's what I am. - That's what you are.
- Too avant-garde... - Of course you are!
- I'm so out of here! - Bye now!
(HUFFS)
(SIGHS)
She's jealous! That's what she is.
She's stuck in her little bourgeois dance hall tunes
while I'm blazing a trail.
It scares her.
True talent scares her.
(CLATTERING)
- Who's there? -(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(EXCLAIMING)
Open the door. Open up! It's me Albert!
Open the door!
(SCREAMING)
(WHIMPERING)
(SCREAMS)
(CLATTERING)
Ouch! Oh, my ankle! I broke my ankle!
(BELL RINGING)
Listen, Albert...
-(GROANING) - Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
Did I hurt you?
I am really sorry.
Let me see...
(GROWLING)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
No! Let me go!
Let me go!
(GASPING)
(PANTING)
It's a nightmare. I'll wake up.
I'll wake up! I'll wake up!
(WHIMPERING)
# I hide my light
# Inside a cloak of night
# Beneath a red scarf and a chapeau
# The pearl of my heart
# Locked within a shell
# I'm too afraid to let it go
# To let it show
# And all the headlines read
# For all the world to see
# A Monster in Paris
# I fall apart
# Apparently I did appear... #
(SCREAMING)
# Beneath a light, yes, it was me
# A monster in Paris
# I hide my pain
# Inside a melody
# As if the notes I sing... #
(SCREAMING)
# Will set me free
# I keep all my dreams
# Under lock and key
# I'm so afraid that they will fly
# Away from me
# A monster in Paris... #
(SCREAMING)
# A monster in Paris
# A monster in Paris #
(CHITTERING)
Do you... Do you have a name?
(CHITTERS)
How about Francoeur?
It means "honest heart."
(COOS)
Follow me.
Mmm-hmm. Ah. Hmm.
Wait. Wait.
There.
Be patient, I'm nearly done. Wait here.
LUCILLE: All right.
This... Okay.
Mmm-hmm.
No, no... Not this.
(CHITTERING)
Oh... Oh, that could work!
Or not. Or not.
Hmm.
What about this one?
Hmm. Too eccentric.
I know!
Don't move. Don't move.
Almost done.
There you go... Sharp!
Your arms, Francoeur.
There.
Perfect! The police will never recognise you now.
Now, if you'll excuse me, it's my turn.
Are you okay?
(HUMMING)
LUCILLE: That's called a guitar.
- It's very hard to play. -(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(SHUSHES)
- CARLOTTA: It's just me! -(SIGHS)
Oh! There's a surprise for you out front, sweetie.
I'll be right there.
Whatever you do, don't make a sound, okay?
I'll be right back.
- Good evening, Miss Lucille. - Good evening.
Well. Well. Twinkle, twinkle little star.
What are you doing here?
My dear, we came to see your so called "show."
Say, Emile, what's that on your lapel?
I do believe it's the Medal of Honour, Raoul.
Well, Emile. What a coincidence!
I happen to have one, too!
What? Where did you steal this?
Oh, no. We didn't steal them.
- They're from Commissioner Maynott. - Really!
Hold on! Wait, what is that?
Do you hear something? I hear a voice.
"If you get the Medal of Honour, you get the best seat in the house."
Sound familiar?
- Albert. .. - What?
Show these gentlemen to the best seat in the house.
Why me?
Enjoy the show. If you even know what you're watching.
Bye.
- You two know each other? - Oh... Yes!
I mean, uh... Yes.
(EXHALES)
- He's such a... -(PLAYING GUITAR)
Francoeur! What are you?
- Darling! He's brilliant! - I can explain.
Genius needs no explanation, my dear.
I've never been so transported. Where did you find him?
He, uh... Just dropped in.
Well he's a perfect fit for your sweet, sweet voice.
I'll go inform the rest of the musicians.
I really don't think...
History will be made tonight. I can feel it.
(GIGGLES)
What part of "Don't make a sound," did you not understand?
Thank you, my good man! Thank you.
Don't mention it.
Come on, buddy relax! Lose the coat!
(SIGHS) okay-
What's this?
- Dear Maud... - Don't... Give me that!
Oh, you took my advice, you dog.
I didn't know you had it in you.
- Give that back! - No, no, no, no, no...
- I'd really like... - Stop reading that.
- A date? - No.
Oh! Where?
I don't know. Please give me that back.
Or I'll tell everyone that you are in love with Lucille.
Are you crazy? Me? That woman?
How can you even think that?
It's so obvious.
You're so obvious.
CARLOTTA: And now, ladies and gentlemen,
-it is with the greatest pleasure - Francoeur, hurry!
-(GASPS) -that I give to you, the one, the only.
- Francoeur, move! - The incomparable.
- Lucille! -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(ALL GASP)
Huh? Uh-Oh.
Good evening!
Welcome to The Rare Bird.
It's... It's so good to see you out tonight.
We're delighted to introduce a brilliant new talent.
The master of the guitar, all the way from...
Somewhere else...
The supreme virtuoso...
Monsieur Francoeur!
Go on, sit with the band, you'll be fine.
(GUITAR STRINGS SCREECHING)
# She is resplendent
# So confident
# La Seine, La Seine, La Seine
# I realise
# I am hypnotised
# La Seine, La Seine, La Seine
# I hear the moon... #
(CHUCKLES)
# Singing a tune
# La Seine, La Seine, La Seine
# Is she divine?
# Is it the wine?
# La Seine, La Seine, La Seine
# I don't know, don't know
# So don't ask me why
# That's how we are
# La Seine and I
# I don't know, don't know
# So don't ask me why
# That's how we are
# La Seine and I
FRANCOEUR: # I feel alive
# When I'm beside
BOTH: # La Seine, La Seine, La Seine
FRANCOEUR: # From this angle
# Like an angel
BOTH: # La Seine, La Seine, La Seine
# I don't know, don't know
# So don't ask me why
# That's how we are
# La Seine and I
# I don't know, don't know
# So don't ask me why
# That's how we are
# La Seine and I
LUCILLE: # Upon the bridge
FRANCOEUR: # My heart does bid
# Between the waves
FRANCOEUR: # We Will be saved
# The air we breathe
FRANCOEUR: # Can you believe?
BOTH: # Learn to forgive
# Upon the bridge
# That's how we are
# La Seine and I
# That's how we are
# La Seine and I
# That's how we are
# La Seine and I
# That's how we are
# La Seine and I #
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(WHISTLING)
Losers!
(CHEERING)
- Come on! - Yeah, okay.
You were amazing!
Success like that deserves...
The feathers...
(SNEEZES)
(GASPS)
I'm sorry, feathers...
I tell you what I don't deserve.
You!
RAOUL: Look, Lucille. I just really wanted to say...
I felt that the high notes were high,
and the low notes were, uh... Low.
And you know, the whole thing was... Was... You know, it was...
- Magic. - Yeah, exactly. It was magic!
And you... You...
(LAUGHING) You were, uh...
Huge!
It was really very good, Mademoiselle Lucille!
- Thank you. - Sir!
(BOTH GASP)
(SCREAMING)
Ouch!
- Hey! - Hey, that hurts!
(SHUSHES)
What do you mean, "Shh"?
(STUTTERING)
(WHISPERS) It's the monster.
He's not a monster!
What about the eyewitnesses? And all the destruction?
When people panic they say all sorts of things.
He may be a giant flea but he wouldn't hurt a tiny fly.
Look at him.
And his voice.
Have you ever heard anything so sweet?
(SINGING)
Oh! We have, once.
Yeah. And by a monkey.
(KNOCKS) Oh, Honeybee?
CARLOTTA: Are you ready? You're back on in two minutes.
I'll be right there.
Wonderful, sweetheart. Don't be too long.
(GIGGLES)
Well, I guess he does look pretty laid back, for a monster.
Yeah. He does, Emile.
Okay, here's what we do.
We introduce him to the Commissioner tomorrow at the press conference,
we clear the entire thing up. What do you think?
What press conference?
I will pulverise it!
I will crush it!
Send it back to hell from whence it came!
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
REPORTER: Uh, Commissioner?
How do you propose to kill it?
Why, with water.
See fleas cannot live in water.
At the moment, as fate would have it, Paris is full of water.
Which is why I have not moved more aggressively to drain the streets.
Water is my weapon of choice.
When I find the beast, I will take it and drown it.
AUDIENCE: Oh!
REPORTER: Uh, Commissioner.
Commissioner. Very commendable.
But how are you going to drown the monster,
when you can't even find it?
(LAUGHS) Oh, I will find it all right.
As a matter of fact,
I am using this press conference to announce a reward
for the first person to offer up any information
that leads to the discovery and death of this menace
to our peace and happiness.
Uh, sir...
MAYNOTT: Yes?
I have information...
Excellent, excellent.
- Please, come up. - Come on, let's go.
RAOUL: That little rat!
He is the one who's gonna get drowned when I get my hands on him.
- We'll never get there before the police! - Are you kidding?
There is no one alive who can beat Raoul when he drives!
- Oh, Emile! - Maud!
I heard about how brave you were!
- You did? - Yeah, with a medal to prove it, huh?
- It was nothing. - I don't think so.
- Emile! - Coming.
I have to go. But... For you.
- Emile! - Duty calls.
"Dear Maud, I'd really like a date.
"Saturday 3:00 p.m.
"Yours affectionately, Emile."
(SIGHS)
- Saturday at 3:00 p.m., okay, but where? -(SIREN BLARING)
Come on, let's go.
To the cabaret!
(BANGING)
(SHOUTS)
Ah! A monkey. This is not Noah's Ark, you know.
Look, sweetheart, I didn't come to argue with you.
- I came to save you. - Save me?
Let's go. Maynott...
- The police... - The police what?
-(TYRES SCREECHING) -(GASPS)
(SIREN BLARING)
- Hurry up! In here. Go! -(BANGING ON DOOR)
(PLAYING PIANO)
(BANGING ON DOOR)
(LUCILLE CLEARS THROAT)
Commissioner. What a surprise!
For both of us. Where is he?
- Who? - The monster!
(GROANS) You're hurting me.
Not as much as you've hurt me.
Your words carry no weight with me any longer, my dear.
Now let's stop this little charade
and at least have one moment of true honesty between us.
- Where is it? - Where is what?
Uh, sir? It's in there.
Oh!
First you accuse me without a shred of evidence.
Then you violate my private property.
If you dare to enter my dressing room, you'll have to find another singer.
Consider it done.
(GASPS)
-(BREATHES DEEPLY) - MAYNOTT: Damn.
(MAYNOTT GRUNTING)
Not in here.
We've searched all over, sir. Nothing!
Really?
I told you!
I'm... I'm confused. I do not know what to say.
I do. Thank you.
Thank you?
For putting the public's safety before your own.
Leading the charge to rid the streets of Paris of this terrible danger,
wherever it may take you.
(WHIMPERS)
It was right here!
- I heard it... - Arrest him!
What have I done?
MAYNOTT: What have you done?
Lying to the police, bearing false witness.
Malicious intent.
Do you want me to go on?
Take him away!
But wait! I didn't do anything!
My dear...
I am mortified.
You thought you were doing the right thing.
I would not blame you if you did not sing at the inauguration now.
Of course, I will sing.
If for nothing else,
to show my support and admiration for all you have done for us.
Oh. Thank you, mademoiselle.
Enjoy your day.
And you.
-(DOOR CLOSES) -(SIGHS)
Francoeur? Raoul?
Okay, it's safe now.
You can come out!
(GASPS)
(SIGHS) Francoeur.
There you are.
RAOUL: Bravo, Lucille. Excellent acting skills.
(COUGHING)
EMILE: Well he can hide in my projection room.
No one ever goes up there.
Until they do. And then we will have to move him again.
We need a more permanent solution.
Here, take that.
(SNEEZES)
God, feathers.
If only we could shrink him down to his normal size,
then no one would ever find him.
Smaller you are the less people look at you.
At least that's been my experience.
There's only one person who could save Francoeur
and he's in New York right now.
Mmm-hmm.
But we don't need him.
Lucille, no of fence, we're talking big-time science, here, okay?
All I know is deliveries, Emile is all about movies,
you're an expert in show business, but you know...
Exactly!
Mmm-hmm. I see.
Smart girl!
Thank you.
Excuse me, will someone tell me what you two are talking about?
Ladies and gentlemen, come see Paris from above.
An uplifting experience!
(BELL DINGS)
MAYNOTT: My fellow citizens,
I know we are here today
to dedicate this wonder of technology
even as we are beset by problems on all sides.
Monsters are ruling our streets.
Floods threatening on our very lives.
- Oh, sorry. - Excuse us.
And so, along with this marvel, I bring you something else.
I bring you hope.
I bring you me!
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING SLOWLY)
And so, it is with great pride and great expectations
that I announce my candidacy for the post of Maire of Paris!
Yeah, oh, yeah.
But before I take on this momentous task,
it is my great, great pleasure to present to you
a symbol of its current greatness.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you, Lucille, the Angel of Montmartre.
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Lucille.
# My head was in the clouds And not a soul around
# In the blossom of youth
# So aloof on the roofs of Paris
# As my bicycle flew down the avenue
# My heart did sing
# Because you gave me wings... #
Got it?
# Paris may we agree
# That you can surrogately
# Be my papa
# I was born in the arms
# Of your Sacred Heart #
- Sir... Sir. - Not now, boy!
- It's... - I said, not now...
But Commissioner! It is the antidote. For the monster!
I found it in the professor's lab.
May I see that?
Did you not hear my speech? I am the antidote!
Now scram!
# All alone as I roam in a trolley car
# I can never be far
# From your belle boulevard #
-(CHUCKLES) - RAOUL: Oh, my God! It's the monster!
(GASPS)
Where?
Over there!
(ALL GASP)
(SCREAMS)
- No! -(WHINING)
-(GRUNTS) - Oh, I'm scared!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Oh, dear!
No! No! Don't shoot! You'll hit my angel!
Commissioner. The antidote!
Throw it!
(COUGHING)
Hey! Look everybody!
- It's the monster! -(ALL GASP)
Shrunk back to his flea size!
- Oh, yes. Kill it! - I shall!
The monster is dead!
Long live our hero! Long live Mayor Maynott!
Oh, bravo!
- Long live Mayor Maynott! -(CROWD CHEERING)
Thank you! Thank you!
(CROWD CHANTING) Maynott! Maynott!
MAYNOTT: I'm thrilled. Thank you! Thank you!
(CHUCKLING) Not at all.
Commissioner!
Yes?
No! Paté!
Open the trap door!
I've been fooled.
(GUNSHOT)
(GRUNTS)
-(CROWD SCREAMING) -(GUN FIRES)
(GRUNTS)
LUCILLE: Francoeur! Get out of here! RAOUL: Get out! Jump!
RAOUL: Jump! Yes!
RAOUL: Yes, yes, yes. Jump! LUCILLE: Hurry up!
LUCILLE: Come on, get out of there!
EMILE: Go on, Jump! Jump! Go!
(GASPS)
(SQUEAKING)
(CHITTERS)
Out of the way! Move!
LUCILLE: Oh, no!
(GUNSHOT)
Oh. What?
(CHITTERS)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
(SHRIEKING)
(GUNSHOT)
Hey! Is that a monkey?
LUCILLE: See you down below!
MAYNOTT: What are you waiting for?
Go and get him! Now!
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Raoul, come on!
Okay.
Hey!
- Ready? Huh? - Oh, no!
- Raoul, if we die, I'll kill you. - Okay.
(YELLING)
Haul that car back up!
Impossible, sir! The system is automated.
Once the doors are closed, you can't stop it.
Won't come back up?
(CHUCKLES) Okay, then it'll go down!
(YELLING)
(GASPS)
-(SIGHS) - Let's go get Catherine!
(GRUNTING)
- Raoul? - Oh, no!
(LAUGHING)
(ALL GASP)
(COUGHING)
(PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Uh, Lucille?
And what about Raoul?
- Come on! He'll find us! -(SIREN BLARING)
Hey! My bike!
There you are. Did you miss me?
Hey!
(SIGHS)
Stop, thief!
-(BANGS) -(THIEF GROANS)
Gimme that!
-(GRUNTS) -(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
MAYNOTT: Requisitioned!
You want to be poster boy for the cycle corps?
Well, here's your big chance!
Start pedalling!
(GRUNTS)
Hey!
Your ticket, please.
(SHRIEKING)
(SHOUTS)
POLICEMAN: Hey! Look out! Stop that bus!
EMILE: Excuse us.
Ah! There you are! Climb on!
(YELLING)
- Welcome aboard! -(SIGHS)
(HORN HONKING)
(TYRES SCREECHING)
(SIREN BLARING)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
-(SHRIEKS) - Raoul!
Oh. Oh, my! Are you okay?
My hood!
Let's put him in the back!
Okay, hold on!
(GRUNTS)
POLICEMAN: Hey, you! You are under arrest! Don't move!
Guys! Guys! Guys! We've got go. Come on.
Get in, quick! Let's go!
Come on! Shake a leg! Shake a leg!
POLICEMAN: Stop right there! Don't move!
They're here! Raoul, come on!
-Okay! -Come on! Hurry up!
POLICEMAN: Onwards! Onwards men! Let's get them!
Charles?
(CREAKING)
(GRUNTS)
POLICEMAN: Stop right there! Stop!
Got you. Show me some ID.
(EXCLAIMS)
(GIGGLES)
-(SIREN BLARING) -(GASPS)
Oh.
(SNORTING)
Well, well! Pardon me!
What? What are you doing?
- Your coat. - It's okay.
(WHIMPERS) It was straw anyway!
(NEIGHING)
(TYRES SCREECHING)
POLICEMAN: Look out!
-(GASPS) - Hey!
Oh, you thought you would escape me, did you?
(LAUGHS)
- Emile! - Yes?
Can you get rid of that thing!
- Out there? - Please.
Okay.
(GUNSHOTS)
- Whoa. - RAOUL: Emile!
- Emile! Be Careful! -(THUDDING)
Huh?
(GRUNTING)
Hey!
(SCREAMS)
Paté! I need a bigger weapon!
MAYNOTT: Oh! Of course! Perfect!
To the Seine.
To the Seine, Pate. To the Seine.
I'll happily take you there, little lady, but there's no one up there.
There will be. I'm sure of it.
MAYNOTT: Faster, Paté!
Imagine you're winning the Tour de France!
(LAUGHS)
I never planned on doing the Tour de France, sir. It's too tough.
Precisely! This is easier. There are no mountains.
Pedal, man! Pedal!
The wheels are useless. I can't turn!
Oh, no!
(EXCLAIMS)
(LAUGHING)
Oh, my God!
Oh, my goods!
Francoeur!
(GRUNTS)
Quick! We have to help him!
We have to help ourselves first!
We're sinking!
(SIGHS)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING) Emile!
Oh! I know!
RAOUL: There we go!
- One-two, one-two, one-two... - Oh.
Sorry, but we're still sinking!
RAOUL: Maybe, but we're moving.
Up, down. Up, down.
(PANTING)
Get us down, Paté. Get us down!
I'm trying my best, sir!
Your best is not good enough!
And, voila!
Safe and sound and dry!
Thanks to the great team, "Raoul and Catherine"!
Catherine!
No!
(PANTING)
- Oh, Emile? - Maud? What are you...
You know the monster that everyone's talking about?
He's here...
No, no, no. Don't worry, Maud. We're here to protect him.
You protect a monster?
- RAOUL: Come on, Romeo! - Yeah! I'm coming!
I will be right back for you.
Wherever you go, I'm going.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
It's no good, sir!
Huh?
MAYNOTT: You're hopeless.
I have to do everything myself!
Sir?
(CHUCKLES)
(GUNSHOT)
I don't... I don't mean to tell you what to do, sir,
but don't you think... I mean...
We should reconsider.
(IN HIGH VOICE) I mean, that, that creature never really hurt anybody.
That's not the point...
Why are you talking with that ridiculous voice?
It's the helium, sir.
(IN HIGH VOICE) The monster stands between me and the city hall.
He dies...
(CHUCKLES) And I Win!
(CHUCKLING)
(PANTING)
Francoeur!
Are you okay?
Uh-oh.
Come on! Quick! Quick!
Step aside, Lucille!
Go ahead. Shoot.
Don't tempt me.
The newspapers were right.
There is a monster in Paris. And I'm looking right at him.
What?
(CHUCKLES) Have it your way!
(GUNSHOT)
Oh, I'm hit! Man down!
I'm okay. I'm okay.
- Go, Francoeur! Go! - Go!
(GRUNTS)
(YELLS)
No,Lucille,no!
Raoul!
- Raoul! - Hold on, Lucille.
- Raoul! - I'm here!
(CHUCKLING)
Stop right now!
Of course, yes...
Boo!
(PANTING)
Oh! Emile! Are you okay?
What are you doing?
Hold on, Lucille! I'm coming!
Emile, it's okay, it's over. Let me help you.
You know what, Maud? I'm very upset.
And for the first time, I'm gonna do something about it!
- May I borrow that, please? - Sure!
- Almost there. It's okay! - Raoul!
Don't worry everything is gonna be all right. Okay?
Lucille, I'm right here.
Oh, no...
Oh, no! We're gonna die!
(CHUCKLES)
Give me that, you dwarf!
Well, I may be a dwarf but I have a big gun!
Actually the gun is pretty small. Now, now give it to me!
You leave my Emile alone!
Maud? No, no, stop!
- Still want to play the hero? - EMILE: Stop!
Give me my gun.
- Or over she goes. -(WHIMPERS)
Okay, okay! No, here. Here's your gun!
We each have our destiny. Yours lies in the shadows.
And mine is out in the spotlight.
RAOUL: Oh. Your brooch.
Wait.
Hey!
Okay, Maynott! It's Showtime!
Maud, close your eyes!
(GROANS)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, Emile. You were wonderful.
Just like in my dreams.
In your dreams?
(GUNSHOT)
Francoeur!
MAYNOTT: Where are you? Where are you?
(LAUGHING)
I did it!
I killed the monster of Paris!
(LAUGHING)
(WHIMPERS)
(LAUGHING)
Commissioner.
Oh! Paté! Hello!
I have a message from the Interior Minister.
He's not happy with all the destruction caused
by your psychopathic chase in pursuit of your own ambitions.
But as everyone can plainly see, I have risked my life.
Paté, I have slain the monster.
- Tell that to the Minister. - With pleasure.
Victor Maynott, I am arresting you
for the premeditated murder of Monsieur Francoeur.
What? Have you lost your mind?
The opposite.
I was so set on being a loyal officer,
I did not see the road you had taken us down.
I needed a flea to show me the way.
Are you mad? It was just a miserable little flea!
You are so wrong, sir.
There was more humanity in that flea
than in the louse I see before me now!
Take him away!
FRANCOEUR: # See my face wet with tears
# They're running down my cheeks
# Washing over my fears
# Like rain upon the streets
# I'm a monster but my heart
# ls passionate and profound
# I will sing like April showers
# Singing 'til my final hour
# Up here everything is clear
# I'm looking at Paris
# I know eventually
# You'll know the meaning of
# This thing that we
# Call love
# So the end of this poem
# If it really has a moral
# This boogieman wants you to know
# That love is in the soul #
(SOBBING)
Lucille?
Listen. Listen, to them. They all love you.
I can't, Raoul.
Of course, you can. You were born to sing, Lucille.
If you don't do it for them, or me. Do it for him.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Okay?
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Come on.
(FRANCOEUR SINGING)
Huh?
Francoeur!
(SINGING)
He's here.
Huh?
(SINGING)
# To feel unbearable never again
# Even if I change deep inside
# I'll be the same
# We have a tendency to be ashamed
# Let me tell you how
# To help me break out of these chains
# Just a little kiss will do
# Just a little kiss from you
# Don't you know that it's enough to believe
# That every glass of water
# Will return to the sea... #
Okay, let's go.
# It's very easy and it's apropos
# It's not more complicated
# Than a simple hello
# So why not and why not?
# So why not can it be?
# To be to be enough?
# One day two days three days for everyday
FRANCOEUR: # Just a little kiss Will do
LUCILLE: # Just a little kiss from you
BOTH: # Just a little kiss will do
LUCILLE: # Just a little kiss will from you
Raoul, come and dance with us!
FRANCOEUR: # Just a little kiss Will do
LUCILLE: # Just a little kiss
BOTH: # Just a little kiss will do
LUCILLE: # Just a little kiss from you
FRANCOEUR: # Just a little kiss Will do
LUCILLE: # Just a little kiss
Emile, over there.
(CHUCKLING)
- Excuse me, would you like to dance? - Oh!
I love it, Commissioner.
BOTH: # Just a little kiss from
# Just a little kiss from
# Just a little kiss from you! #
(IMITATING CAR)
Oh!
(CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLING)
Hey! Hey!
(SOBBING)
(EXHALES)
LUCILLE: Come in!
Lucille, there's something I've got to tell you...
Ever since first grade I've always...
- Mmm. - Oh, boy.
I've always needed to, um...
I love you too, you idiot.
- What? - Ever since we met.
But you took my toy!
I was hoping you would come to get it back.
- Really? - Yes.
- You mean you love me? - Mmm-hmm.
This is the greatest day of my life!
You still have it, right?
(CHUCKLES)
(FRENCH SONG PLAYING)
BOTH: # To the bosses, I say no
# To work I say, bye-bye
# To my bed I will go -(SCREAMING)
# Doing nothing, that's life #
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, that's life. Yeah!