-Hey, I'm three and 1/2 ounces of Carly--
-And I'm a heaping tablespoon of Sam.
-Put us in a tall glass.
-Shake vigorously.
BOTH: Woo, woo, woo, woo, agh crum!
-And add a pinch of Freddie--
-Ow!
-And you've got a delicious web show--
-Called--
BOTH: iCarly!
Whoo!
Whoo-- Oh, yeah-- yeah!
Woo!
Whaa!
-OK!
-Flibbidy doo!
-Now, before we cone-tin-yoo, guess
what special event is coming up this week.
-Sam, don't tell them.
-I gotta tell them.
-No.
I don't want anyone to know that my birthday is coming up.
-The people have a right to know.
-But I don't want them to send me presents.
Even though I love items.
Such as-- jewellery.
-Purses.
-Fine shoes. -Makeup.
-Lip gloss.
-The new PearPad.
-Sports cars.
-Lunch meats.
-Mexican beverages.
-A unicorn.
-Internal organs.
-External organs.
-Artimachokes.
-And a VHS copy of the 1980s film "Over the Top"--
-Starring Sylvester Stallone.
-They took his son!
And now it's time for pie.
-What pie?
-Birthday pie!
BOTH: Ahh!
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
-Pie, yi ee yah-- ha, ha, ha!
ALL: Whoopee!
-Oh, my God-- this pie is huge!
-And it contains your two favourites flavours.
-Cherry--
- --and Gibby!
[INHALES, BREATHLESS]
-What's wrong, Gib?
-I couldn't breathe in there.
-I told you to breathe through the tube.
-I couldn't find the tube.
-Oh, I forgot the tube.
NARRATOR: In five, four, three, two--
THEME SONG: I know, you see, somehow the world will
change for me and be so wonderful.
Live life, breathe air, I know somehow we're
gonna get there and feel so wonderful.
It's all for real, I'm telling you just how I feel,
so wake up the members of my nation, it's your time to be,
there's no chance unless you take one,
and the time to see the brighter side of every situation,
some things are meant to be, so give me your best
and leave the rest to me.
Leave it all to me, leave it all to me, just leave it all to me.
[MUSIC TRANSITION]
-Hey.
SPENCER: Hey, kiddo.
Ahh--
-Hey, kiddo?
Errr?
That's all I get on this most special of days?
-Is it Yom Kippur already?
Oh, it's your birthday.
-Yeah.
-Ahh-- Happy Birthday, kiddo.
You want some cereal?
We got Bitty Wheats, or Fibre Nuts.
-Either's fine.
-OK.
Will you get the milk?
-Yeah, sure.
-It's not in the fridge.
-Ucch.
You promised you'd stop drinking milk in the shower.
-Stop trying to change me!
-Bleh--
-Bleh-- Come on, come on, come on--
-Hurry, hurry, hurry--
-I'm coming, I'm coming--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-She's coming--
-Spencer, you got hairs all over the carton.
ALL: Surprise!
-Ahh!
[SOUND OF NOISEMAKERS]
Oh, my God!
-Happy Birthday, kiddo!
-Aw-- you guys didn't have to make
a big fuss over my birthday.
-You want us to leave?
-No.
Fuss on!
ALL: Woo!
-And look-- T-Bo brought you a waffle bouquet.
-Yeah.
I did.
-Aw-- thanks, Teebs.
Was this all your idea?
-Mm-- yeah.
Because I'm determined to make this the best birthday
you've ever had.
-Why's that?
-Because last year he gave her the worst birthday
she ever had.
-It wasn't the worst.
-Yes, it was.
He took me to a petting zoo.
-How was I supposed to know the goat would do that?
-Don't talk about what the goat did.
-All right, come on, people.
Let's sit down and chew it up.
-Woo!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-Bacon balls?
-I told you you were gonna have the best birthday ever.
Which will include a fun-tastic present
from your big brother, i.e., me.
-You're getting a haircut?
-No.
-Please get a haircut.
-No.
It took me over a year to get it this long and voluminous.
-Makes you look like a girl.
-Does not.
-Dude.
You know who could give you the best haircut ever?
My grandfather.
-Didn't your grandad retire?
-Well, yeah, but he's still a great barber.
-Mm.
-He'll cut you for free.
-I don't know.
-Please?
For my birthday?
-OK, I'll get a haircut.
-What did the goat do?
-T-Bo!
[MUSIC TRANSITION]
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-Hey, Carly.
Happy Birthday.
-Aw, thanks.
-Hey, hey.
There's the iCarly birthday girl.
-That's me.
-Happy B-day, C-Shay.
-T-hanks.
-Hey.
Hey, dude.
It's Carly's birthday, and you completely ignored her.
-That's OK.
-I got this.
Look, dude.
I don't know who--
-Ah,ah-- Rico doesn't speak English.
He's an exchange student from Italy.
-Uh, si.
Italia.
-Ti consiglio di fare gli auguri de compleanno
a Carly ora, altrimenti ti spezzo le gambe!
-Um-- uh-- (SINGING) Happy Birthday a-- a Carly.
-When did you learn to--
-My mum likes Italian dudes.
-Of course.
-I mean, she really likes Italian dudes.
-I get it.
[MUSIC TRANSITION]
[DOOR KNOCK]
-Just a moment.
-Ah.
Hello, gentleman.
-Hey, Spence.
This is my granddad, the barber.
-Pleasure to meet you.
-Ah, nice to meet you, Mr. Gibson.
-Heh.
-Please enter my dwelling.
-This way, granddaddy.
-Yeah.
-Right over here.
-This way.
Right this way.
Yeah.
I'm OK.
-Oh, you can set that hat right on the coffee table there.
-Ah, OK.
-Uh, Gibby?
-S'up?
-Uh, your grandfather?
The man who's about to give me a haircut,
with scissors near my neck and face?
-Uh-huh?
-Can he see?
-Sorta.
-Sorta?
-OK.
His eyesight isn't great, but he's still a rockin' barber.
-But if he can't see, then how is he--
-Hey, Gibby.
Can I have a glass of plum juice?
-Got any plum juice?
-Nobody has plum juice.
-No plum juice, Grandpa.
-Great.
I took a bullet in Korea, now I can't
get a lousy glass of plum juice.
-You want some water?
-OK.
-Just a sec.
-Hey, Mr. Gibson.
-OK.
-Gibby?
We need to talk.
-What?
-I don't feel comfortable letting
your grandfather cut my hair.
-You're gonna hurt his feelings.
-He's gonna hurt my head.
-Come on.
Do you want to see an old man cry?
Because it's not as funny as you think.
-All right.
-Thanks.
-Did, eh, somebody hit me with a grapefruit?
-Eh, no, sir.
Nothing like that happened.
-Oh.
-Whoa.
Is this a Gummy Bear lamp?
-Yeah.
I made it for Carly's birthday.
-I love this.
-Thanks.
Hey, do me a favour.
Take it upstairs, put it on the nightstand by Carly's bed,
plug it in and turn it on.
-No prob.
Give this to my grandpa, OK?
-Sure.
-Here's your water.
-Grandpa-- you can go ahead and get started on the haircut.
-Shut up.
Oh, you got a nice head of hair, young lady.
-I'm a guy.
-You're what?
Oh, yeah.
[MUSIC TRANSITION]
SAM: Right.
Which is why I had to make a shank.
-So what's better?
A shank, or a shiv?
-Depends.
For cutting, or stabbing?
-Does it matter?
-Pfft.
Does it matter.
-What's up?
-A man with a fantastic new 'do.
-Oh, nice.
-Wow.
-Heh, heh, heh?
Eh, heh, heh?
-Woo.
Gibby's grandfather did that?
-Yep.
And he also made that wet spot on the carpet,
so don't walk there.
All right, birthday girl-- it's almost 6:30,
and we've got 7 o'clock reservations at Petrosini's!
-Woo--
-Petrosini's--
-So why don't you run upstairs and grab a jacket,
and we'll head on out.
-Well, I'm already wearing a jacket.
-Go get a different jacket, or no birthday dinner.
-OK.
I'll change jackets.
Guy gets a quality haircut, and turns all bossy.
[CASUAL WHISTLE]
-I actually love the jacket she's wearing.
-Then why'd you make her go change?
-So she'd see the birthday present I made her.
-What'd you make her?
-Well, she's been saying she needs a lamp by her bed,
so I made her one-- entirely out of Gummy Bears.
SAM: Woo.
-Heh, heh, heh?
-So you think she'll like it?
-She's gonna love it--
[SHRIEK OFFSCREEN]
She loves it.
[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]
-My room's on fire!
-What?
-Fire?
-Let me go first!
SAM: Go!
FREDDIE: Come on!
[CRASH OFFSCREEN, ROAR OF FIRE]
[SCREAMS]
[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]
SAM: Go!
FREDDIE: Come on!
-Let me go first!
-Look out, look out!
[SLAM]
-Ugh!
Come on!
-Spencer--
[MUSIC TRANSITION]
[SIRENS, FIRE ENGINE HORN]
-Oh, my God.
My room.
-Wow.
-Well, it could be worse.
-No, it couldn't.
I'm Chief Donker.
Seattle Fire Department.
-Spencer Shay.
-Yeah.
We know who you are.
[BREAKING DOWN]
-Come here, kid.
It's OK, Carls.
If you want, you can stay with me and my mum.
[CRIES LOUDER]
-Do you guys know how the fire started?
-Oh, yes.
This bedside table lamp started the fire.
-But I don't have a table lamp.
-Look.
Spencer wanted to make you a special present
for your birthday.
-So he made you a Gummy Bear lamp.
-Carly, I'm-- Hey-- I bet what that goat did to you last
year doesn't seem so bad anymore.
[CRIES]
-What did the goat do?
[CRIES LOUDER]
[MUSIC TRANSITION]
BOB: OK.
According to this report, Carly lost
this wristwatch in the fire.
-Yeah.
It was our great grandmother's.
-I see.
Well, it was a 1921 robaire-joulet,
which means your reimbursement will be $82,000.
-What?
-Look down.
-Ah!
Eighty- two thousand dollars?
-It was a valuable antique gold watch
with a diamond-encrusted bezel.
-It sure was!
-I'm so glad you're happy.
Here's your check.
-Here's my check.
-Good day.
-Yeah, it is!
Hoo-hoo!
Bye, Bob.
[MANIC LAUGHTER]
[SOUND OF DOOR OPENING]
-Hey.
-Hey, guys.
-Hello, lo.
-S'up?
I'll be at the fridge.
-How goes it?
-Eh.
-Did the insurance guy come?
-Yeah.
He's only giving us $500.
-To redo my whole room and replace everything?
-Yeah.
-That won't even pay for a new bed.
-I can get you all the money you need.
-How?
-You guys got a colour printer?
-Well, then I gotta get a job.
-Nasty.
-Hey, I-- I was at the Groovy Smoothie this morning,
and T-Bo said he was looking to hire some part-time help.
-Fine.
I'll go talk to T-Bo.
-Ah.
-Good luck.
-Thanks.
-Sorry, kiddo.
-Bye.
-Yip-- ee-- woo!
Ho!
Yeah--
-Why are you all happy?
-Shut up!
T-Bo?
It's Spencer.
Listen fast.
Carly's gonna be there in about 10 minutes to ask for a job,
so give her a job.
I'll explain later.
Come on.
I gave your sister a job.
Well, she's out of the hospital now.
Just hire Carly.
Thanks.
Bye.
Yes!
-OK.
Two questions.
Why are you making T-Bo give Carly a job,
and what did you do to his sister?
-I needed Carly out of the house so I could tell you guys
that you're going to help me redo her entire room--
with this insurance check I got from Bob.
-$82,000?
-Yo ho.
-How'd you get so much?
-My great grandmother's bezel was diamond encrusted.
-What does that mean?
-I don't know.
-A-and what about T-Bo's sister?
-Ah, she fell off a ladder. $82,000!
-Woo!
-Yeah!
[MUSIC TRANSITION]
-Morning, T-Bo.
-Uh-uh.
I'm your boss now.
You've gotta call me Mr. Bo.
-Mr. Bo?
-Nah.
I'm just pulling your peach.
Why don't you shake a tail feather
and get over here and start juicing these tangerines?
-OK.
-Hey-- where are you going?
-To wash my hands, before I start touching the fruit.
-What, is the queen coming?
[LAUGHS]
Start cutting fruit.
[CHATTER IN THE ROOM]
-All right, people, listen up.
Let me check my PearPad and make sure everybody's here.
Sam.
-Yo!
-Freddie.
-Aqui.
-The Gibster.
-I love that.
-The painters.
ALL: Yeah!
-The carpenters.
BOTH: Here.
-Electrician.
-Yep.
-Audio/video dude.
That's you, Ed.
-I'm Ed.
-Now, let's build a teenage girl's bedroom so fantastic it
will make all the other teenage girls cry.
Ready?
ALL: Yeah!
-Montage speed!
ALL: Woo!
SPENCER: Let me go first!
ALL (CHANTING): USA!
USA!
-OK.
I cleaned the juicer ports.
-What?
-You told me to clean the juicer ports.
-No.
I said to read the juice reports.
-What-- what is a juice report?
-It's part of the fruit newsletter.
-Uchh.
I'm sorry.
-Oh, come on, Carly.
So your room burned down.
Look at the bright side.
-What's the bright side?
-Anyway-- here's a basket of tacos, and here's a stick.
Put the tacos on the stick, then walk
around and try to sell them.
-You can't put tacos on a stick.
They'll break.
-Try it.
-See?
It's impossible.
[MUSIC TRANSITION]
-OK, everyone-- today was an amazing achievement,
thanks to the teamwork of everyone here,
and I just want to tell you all how sincerely grateful I am--
-Whoa, whoa, whoa-- text message from Carly-- she's on her way
up.
-Everybody get out of my house!
Go!
No, wrong way, other way-- go, go, go, go!
OTHERS: Come on!
Go, go, go, go, go!
-OK.
You guys go up to Carly's room, get it ready,
and I'll bring her up in a few minutes.
Go-- go!
-Hurry up!
-Move, move, move, move, move!
Oop-- aw!
100-- ah.
-You did 100 sit-ups?
-Sorta.
So how was work at the Smoothie?
-Stupid.
I worked for 12 hours, and I barely made enough money
to buy one can of paint for my room.
-Oh.
Why are you all dirty?
-Oh, I was just-- working on a sculpture.
-Oh.
-So listen.
I was in your room today, you know, I was--
-No, no.
Don't do that.
-Listen, I was in your room today,
you know, sifting through all the charred rubble,
and I found a couple of things that survived the fire.
-Like what?
-Come on.
I'll show you.
-Um no, I don't want to go up there.
No--
-Just-- come with me. -Please?
Please-- -Just stop resisting!
-No, no, no--
-Come on.
Get off of your butt--
-But I want a sandwich--
-You can get a sandwich later-- come on--
Come on.
-Spencer-- you know, why don't you just tell me what survived?
-Because I want to show you.
-I don't want to go in my room.
It's depressing to see my stuff all--
ALL: Surprise!
-Heh?
-What's-- how did this happen?
-Remember great grammy's watch?
-W-with the diamond-encrusted bezel?
-Yuh-huh.
Destroyed in the fire.
And insured for $82,000!
-Oh, my God!
-Thank you, great grammy--
-Oh, we should have gone to her funeral.
-I know.
-And Spencer spent it all on your room.
-The whole wad, baby.
-Which is so stupid, because we rent this place.
But who cares?
ALL: Woo!
-I can't believe this.
-You like the water coffee table with floating boats?
-Uh-huh.
-Avant-garde ice cream sandwich love seat.
-Nice.
-A complete new wardrobe.
And a motorised closet, with a convenient touch pad clothing
selector.
[ELECTRONIC BEEPS]
[WHIR]
-That did not just happen.
-Oh, it happened.
Speaking of which-- check out your happening new makeup area.
Oh, oh-- oh, look.
Oh, I'm Carly.
I think I may apply some mascara.
Ooh--
-Show her the hair dryer.
-Oh, yeah.
Hair dryer.
Quick.
Here.
Sit.
-OK.
Press that button.
-OK.
[BEEP]
[WHOOSH]
-No way!
-And when it's bedtime--
-After a hard day of being Carly--
-You literally jump into bed.
Wa-hoo!
-That's so cool!
-I want to try it.
-No, no, no, no, no, no-- Sam, Sam,
wait for me to get up-- oh.
-Ooh.
Come on, man.
-Oh-- and lookit.
-A Gummy Bear chandelier?
-Made of fire-retardant Gummy Bears.
Woo-hoo!
Yes!
-You got your room back.
-Except for your old photos and other personal items
that can never be replaced.
ALL: Gibby!
-Who has the best big brother ever?
-You.
-Man.
Is there anything money can't do?
ALL: I know, you see, somehow the world will change for me
and be so wonderful.
-Da--
-Da.
ALL: It's gonna take some time to realise oo, oo, oo.
-No, no.
No, no.
That's not it.
BOTH: You don't have to be afraid to put your dream
in action, you're never gonna fade,
you'll be the main attraction.
-Cut!
[MUSIC PLAYING]