- CARLY: Okay. Yeah. - SAM: That looks good. Okay. And this one over here.
- Okay. - This one over here.
- Oh look at that.
There it is. - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- And now...
- See? This proves you should never let Sam and me
give you a haircut.
- Now get outta here, Alex.
- CARLY: Thanks, Alex. - SAM: Your hair looks, not good.
- SAM: Sorry about that.
- All right, that's it for tonight.
- We'll see... - You next...
- Time on... - I...
- Car... - Ly.
Both: Buh-buh-buh-buh-byeeeee!
- And we're clear.
- That was good. I--and I enjoyed it. I--
- FREDDIE: I was really impressed with your haircuts. That was pretty fantastical.
Okay, okay, you guys wanna know
what I thought the best of the show was?
- No. Move. - Tch-tch!
You know, if you wanna use my laptop, you could ask.
- I could if I respected you.
Oh, you guys wanna see something really gross?
- No. - No.
- Cool, check out this video.
It's called "neck infection."
- [splat, squish]
- [gagging] - [screaming]
- Ewww! - Ew-ew-ew-ew! Eww! Eww!
- That is horrible.
- Come on, watch this next part.
It's really funny.
- Oh! Oh, oh, oh, no!
Oh, that's sick. Aah!
- [splat, squish] - Yeah.
- FREDDIE: In five, four, three, two...
- ♪
- CARLY: ♪ I know you see ♪
♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪
♪ And be so wonderful ♪
♪ Live life, breathe air ♪
♪ I know somehow we're gonna get there ♪
♪ And feel so wonderful ♪
♪ It's all for real ♪
♪ I'm telling you just how I feel ♪
♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪
♪ It's your time to be ♪
♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪
♪ And the time to see ♪
♪ The brighter side of every situation ♪
♪ Some things are meant to be ♪
♪ So give your best and leave the rest to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me ♪
-♪ Leave it all to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me ♪
♪ Just leave it all to me ♪
- ♪
- [grunting]
[grunting]
- Hey.
- [grunting]
- Okay, are you folding that laundry or assaulting it?
- I don't know. I am so angry.
Someone stole my motorcycle. - No.
- Oh, yeah. - I bought you that motorcycle.
- Well, apparently that doesn't mean much
to whatever jerk hopped on it and went...
[imitates revving]
...and whee, bye!
- Did you call the cops?
- Yeah, they left a few minutes ago.
They're gonna ask people around the building
if they saw anyone suspicious hanging around the garage.
- [knock on door] - Who's that?
- Got your motorcycle back.
- No way. Really? Well, who took it?
- Uh, I think this guy can answer that question.
- You know who took it?
- He took it.
We found him in the garage on your bike.
- I was bringing it back. I didn't steal it.
I took it for a little joyride.
- Well, what about my joy? - Yeah.
Look what you made him do to our laundry.
I'm gonna have to refold most of that.
- And how did you get my motorcycle started?
What, did you hot-wire it?
- I didn't have to.
You left these in the ignition.
- You okay, monkey?
- I didn't mess with your monkey.
- You wanna press charges, right?
- Yeah, he does.
- Let him go. - Spencer?
- It's your lucky day. Stay out of trouble.
- Yeah, maybe.
Hey, would you get me some juice?
- Juice? No.
I'm not getting you any juice.
Why don't you just leave our building?
- I can't. I live here.
- You? Since when?
- My family moved in this morning, 4-G.
- Ah, great.
Our new neighbors, the thiefen-hymers.
- Ah, my name is Griffin.
Cool robot.
- SPENCER: Thanks.
- Maybe it's something you'd like to steal.
- Where'd you buy this?
- Uh, I made it.
- You got talent.
- Yeah, well.
- I, uh, draw a little.
I mean, I'm not sayin' I'm great.
But I, uh, I designed this.
- Well, bye.
Good luck in prison.
- Can I hit your bathroom? - No.
- Around that corner.
- He's a delinquent.
Why are you talking to him
and letting him use our bathroom?
I don't want that guy touching our fancy soap.
- Come on, he didn't really steal my bike,
and I don't know, he kinda reminds me of myself
when I was his age.
- He's nothing like you were.
- Yeah, but he's what I wished I was like.
Anyway, he seems like an okay kid.
He just needs a little--
- You guys got cool soap in there.
- I knew it.
- Anyway, um,
thanks for lettin' me off the hook.
- Ah, you're not completely off the hook.
- What do you--
- I'm workin' on a new sculpture.
I could use some help.
- Sounds cool. - Dude!
- Shh. Try not to speak.
Come by tomorrow after school.
- Sure thing. See ya.
- SPENCER: See ya.
Want some dinner?
- Just the two of us,
or are you gonna invite a murderer to join us?
- ♪
- [splat, squish] - Oh, gross. Eww.
- Is that the greatest video or what?
- It's horrible.
- Here, click on the next one.
Back in a sec.
- Oh!
- What's up, Freddio?
- I'm not lending you money.
- I don't want your money.
I want you to do a little job for me.
- Well, I have no idea what it is, but no.
- Come on, I wanna take all the videos I collect
and I wanna put 'em up on my own web site:
sampuckett.com.
- And now you want me to build you a web site for free.
- No, I got 50 bucks to pay ya.
- Where'd you get 50 bucks?
- I sold my textbooks.
- It's the middle of the semester.
- I don't care. They were heavy.
So, build me a web site?
- Okay, but we're gonna put it in writing
that you gotta pay me 50 bucks as soon as it's done.
- No prob. My mom's dating a lawyer this week.
I'll have him write us a contract.
- ♪
- There. - So, is it done?
- Oh, no.
See, a sculpture should have character.
We need to give it character.
- And how do we do that?
- With our character sledgehammers.
You just wanna put the heavy part right in there...
[screaming]
Well, go, kid.
- [screaming]
- GRIFFIN: Yaaaah!
- SPENCER: [screaming]
- GRIFFIN: [screaming]
- [screaming] - [screaming]
What are you doing?
- Finishing my new sculpture.
- 'Sup? - 'Sup nothin'.
Come here.
- What?
- He's here again. - So?
- That's five times this week.
- I've taken him under my wing. I'm mentoring him.
- Well, I'm tired of him. He's a criminal.
- But-- - Criminal!
And I brought Wendy here so we can study together.
- Okay, you can study upstairs.
- Why does he always have--
- SPENCER: Okay, here's the plan.
Griffin, I want you to paint that stand purple.
Carly, you and uh... - WENDY: Wendy.
- Wendy, of course, how are you?
So, you guys go study.
And I'm gonna go get all four of us smoothies.
- Don't you wanna take this with you?
- Be nice. - Be nice.
- You just watch it.
Come on, Wendy.
- Where are you goin'?
- To study. So keep it quiet down here.
- ♪
- CARLY: Turn it off!
- ♪
- FREDDIE: And if you click here, you get a pull-down menu
that takes you to all your videos
and you could sort 'em alphabetically,
by date or by grossness.
Pretty rockin' web site, huh?
- Yeah, but I wrote down
some other stuff I want on the site.
Here.
- Whoa, this is a lot of notes.
- Yup.
- And what am I supposed to do
with this drawing of me being attacked by a tiger?
- Nothin'. I just got bored.
- This is too much work.
- Uh, the contract that we both signed
says you gotta make any changes I want
or else you don't get paid.
- What?
Oh, I am callin' that lawyer your mom's dating.
- Too late. She's dating a rabbi now.
Hey, Spencer. - Hi.
- Whoa, I almost didn't recognize you guys
not sitting on my couch.
How goes it?
- Good. - Bad.
- Well, then.
- Hey, can I help you?
- Yeah, I need four large smoothies,
make two of 'em, strawberry splats and--
- You want some bagels?
- What?
- We sell bagels now.
- Oh, cool, but no, I don't want any bagels.
Just two strawberry splat smoothies and--
- Try some bagels.
- I don't want any bagels.
- Come on, don't be a jerk.
- A jerk? Dude, I just want smoothies.
- What do you got against bagels?
- All right, all right, I'll take a dozen bagels too.
Okay? Here. - Thanks.
But the bagels won't be ready for an hour.
- Gas bubble!
- ♪
- Aaaaaaah!
- ♪
- Let's just recap.
You steal my motorcycle,
I don't have you arrested,
I invite you into my home,
I teach you about the joys of sculpting,
I'm forced to wait an hour for bagels I didn't even want,
and then I come home to find you chewing on my sister's face.
- We were kissing. - Guilty!
- I kissed him first!
- Out. - Come on, man.
- I'll talk to you later. Out.
- I will call you. - Okay.
- You'll call no one, ever.
- CARLY: Wait, what are you doing? Wait. What?
- GRIFFIN: Ow. - Yeah!
I don't underst--how did--
when I left here to go get smoothies,
you hated him.
How did you go from hate to...
Mmwwahhhh?
- Well, Wendy and I were trying to study
but Griffin kept turning up the music,
so Wendy got frustrated and left.
Then I told Griffin he was obnoxious
and he said I should rent a sense of humor
and I said: "Oh, really?"
And then while I was telling him how immature he was,
I realized he's super-cute.
And he asked me if I like music,
so I go: "Who doesn't like music?",
so then I turned on some music and we started talking
and I realized he's really sweet and smart
and his lips were right there in front of me,
so I leaned over and I kissed 'em.
And I don't kiss like... Mmwwahhh.
I kiss like a princess.
- You are grounded for...
'Til college.
- For 'til college? - For 'til college.
- Why? - For kissing that delinquent.
- You're the one who took him under your wing.
- Well, this wing shall flap no more.
Griffin is never allowed up here again,
and you're never allowed to have any contact with him.
- Why? What did I do that was so bad?
- Oh, you know, lipsy.
- I'm almost 15.
How old were you when you started kissing girls?
- Elev--that is not the issue.
- The issue is you're totally overreacting.
- Say whatever you want, you're so grounded.
- ♪
- Wait, wait, wait. - What?
- It's perfect now. Don't hit it again.
- Am I ungrounded and can I hang out with Griffin?
- No, you are not and no you can not. Aah!
- ♪
- Hey, did you look at the changes I made to your site?
- Yeah. It's lookin' awesome. - Good.
- And it gave me some new ideas.
I want you to do these changes.
And these.
Oh, and these.
- All this?
- By tomorrow, okay?
- No.
- We have a contract.
- Uh, not anymore.
Just forget it. Don't pay me. I don't care, and--
- Hey. - What?!
Oh, Carly, I'm--I'm sorry.
Sam, she's just being--oh!
- Dude, what are you wearing?
- This.
Spencer refused to give me my allowance
unless I wore this to school.
- Just 'cause he caught you makin' out
with that Griffin guy?
- I wasn't making out with him.
I just kissed him, over and over and over.
- Well, how could you not have called me?
- 'cause it all happened so fast.
And then Spencer confiscated my phone.
I had to sneak downstairs while he was in the shower
just to send you that e-mail.
- Ahem.
- Oh, my God, you're here.
- Yeah. Hot outfit.
- Sam, Griffin.
Griffin, this is my best friend Sam.
- Hi. - What's up, hot lips?
- Sam.
- So you go to school here?
- Nah, Bolton.
I ditched homeroom.
- To come see me? - Yeah.
If I go to your apartment,
your brother's gonna taze me or somethin'.
- Ah, I've been tazed.
It's not so bad.
It's actually kind of a rush.
Anyway, I'll leave you two to it.
Nice.
- You miss me? - CARLY: Yeah.
I would've come down
but Spencer won't let me out of his sight.
He drove me to school, he's gonna pick me up.
- Well, I am just psyched I got to see you,
even wearing that.
- Hey!
I thought you might show up here.
- Oh, my God. - SPENCER: Yeah.
- What are you doing? - Protecting you.
- Do you know this guy? - That's Spencer.
- Huh? Oh.
- Yeah, it's me. See?
Aah. Ow.
Aw, man, I think I used too much glue.
- Why are you wearing that disguise?
- So no one will notice me.
Aah.
- Howdy.
- Um, good morning.
- When did you start workin' here?
- Um, today.
- Oh. You in the union?
- Ah, shoosh, yeah.
Way in the union.
- Well, how come I haven't seen you at the meetings?
Hey, stop. Fake janitor.
I didn't do anything to you.
- I think people are noticing you.
- What do you think you're doing here?
- ♪
- What is that?
- A pressure-sensitive trigger plate.
- Oh, cool, I've always wanted
a pressure-sensitive trigger plate.
- You can make jokes,
but this is gonna help me make sure you behave.
- I always behave. - Yeah.
When you're not lubbin' gums with bad boys.
- Who kisses with gums?
And what is that thing?
- It's an alarm.
When you step on it, it sets off a loud siren
so you can't sneak out while I'm sleeping
or bathing or stuck to something.
Step aside.
I guess it needs more weight to set it off.
- When are you gonna realize that you're overreacting
and there's nothing bad about a girl who's almost 15
kissing a guy she really likes?
- Carly, look, in some ways,
I do get what you're saying.
But no matter how old you are,
you're always gonna be my baby sister.
- Oh, you know I'm not a baby anymore.
Two weeks ago I sent you to the drugstore
to pick up-- - I don't wanna talk about it.
You swore you'd never bring it up again.
- Oh, and I'm the baby.
- Look,
I just don't wanna see you grow up too fast.
I wanna always make sure that-- - [doorbell rings]
- Hey, Spencer. - SPENCER: Hi, Larry.
- Uh, this package that you-- - Wait.
Would you just step in here a little bit?
- Sure.
- Your trigger plate
really isn't that pressure-sensitive.
- Um, this package you left downstairs to mail out,
it needs one more stamp.
- Oh, here, I got one.
- [blaring sirens]
- [sirens stop]
- [blaring sirens]
- [quiet]
- [sirens]
- ♪
- Yeah.
- Here's your smoothie. - Thanks.
- You want a bagel with that? - Don't start with me.
Why are you here?
- I'm meeting some guys from the A-V club.
- Man, this place is goin' downhill fast.
- So, did you finish your website?
- Nope. I sold it.
- What do you mean you sold it?
- I mean, there's a guy named Sam Puckett
who's been tryin' to buy
sampuckett.com from me for over a year,
so I called him up and I sold him the web site.
- Are you serious? - Uh-huh.
He loved the work you did on it, paid me a thousand bucks.
- Good, 'cause you owe me 50% of that money.
- No way.
- Our contract says
I get half of all profits you make from the web site.
- Oh, you mean the contract you ripped up and threw away?
Aw, don't feel bad.
Here.
Go buy yourself a bagel.
- ♪
- [muttering]
- ♪
- Thought you were still grounded.
- He-- - I'll answer.
She's allowed to leave the apartment
if she's with me, which she is.
- Ooh, you got me. - Look, Griffin--
- All right, can you guys both just cut it out?
- He started it. - No!
You started it
when you stole my motorcycle
then besmooched my sister.
- She besmooched me.
- Besmooched?
- You know what? You're an idiot.
- Griffin. - Oh, am I?
- He's not an idiot.
He just overreacted,
but it's only 'cause he loves me.
- He treats you like a little kid.
- He treats me like a little sister.
- Man, he totally brainwashed you.
- Well, maybe my brain needed a little washing.
- Why don't you just shoot me a text when you grow up.
- Yeah, I don't think I will. - Promise?
- Why don't you just go steal something
and then go: "Uuh-uuh, I stole something"?.
- Okay, freaks. Late.
- Ugh, can you believe him?
- No, I can't.
I'm sorry.
I know you really liked him.
- It's okay. I'm cool.
- Still wanna go see a movie?
- Or I could go rent a movie,
and you could pick up some Thai food,
and then we could meet back at home.
Sound like a plan?
- Only if the movie has either ninjas,
monsters or very large trucks.
- Okay. I'll see if they have
"Revenge of the Monster Ninja Trucks."
- Awesome.
- CARLY: See you in a few. - SPENCER: Okay.
- Yeah. - Aah!
Aah! - Ohh...
You should be an actress.
- You were better than I was.
- So he bought it?
He thinks we totally hate each other?
- Totally.
Okay, the Thai restaurant's on the north end,
so that gives us 40 minutes before Spencer comes home.
- Enough time to listen to four new songs
I downloaded for you.
- And maybe kiss a little? - If you're lucky.
- I feel lucky.
- ♪
- ...but the best part was when you went:
"But maybe my brain needs a little washing."
- No, the best part was when...
[screams]
I... I thought...
- I may be an idiot,
but I'm not stupid.
You guys have fun.
- ♪
- Not that much fun!
- ♪
- ♪ It's here, it's here, I cannot believe it's here ♪
♪ It's here, it's here and it's here, here, here ♪
- So it's here? - Yes!
- What is it? - This.
- You bought a big rag?
- It's a Sham-Pow!
- That thing they sell on TV at 3:00 in the morning?
- Uh, the Sham-Pow isn't just some thing.
It's a super-rag.
It can absorb 30 times its weight in liquid.
What's that? - Grape juice.
- No! Oh, no! Aw, man. - Oh!
- Don't fret.
This'll sop up that juice faster than you can say "Sham-Pow".
- Sham-Pow.
- Say it slower.
- Sham... Pow.
- Ha. The spill is gone.
- I think you're gone.
Hey, can I borrow your helmet? - What for?
- Griffin's gonna take me for a ride
on his brother's motorcycle.
- Yeah? No, he's not.
- [knock on door]
- Don't be such a lady.
- You're not riding on the back of a motorcycle
with your delinquent little boyfriend.
- Just play with your rag. - Sham-Pow.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Whoa, what happened to you?
- Ah, I kinda drove my brother's bike
into the back of a pickup truck.
- Oh, my God, you had a motorcycle accident?
- It wasn't on purpose.
- See what happens?
- CARLY: Look, your hand's bleeding.
- It is? 'Cause the Sham-Pow can absorb--
- Stop talking about the Sham-Pow!
- What's a Sham-Pow?
- It's a super-rag.
- Aw, you're really hurt. - I'm fine.
I just scraped up my back a little.
- Well, take your shirt off.
Go get the first-aid kit. - Okay.
- Aah. Uh.
How's it look? - Tan and muscular.
- Any scratches? - Oh. Yeah.
Uh, just stay here, wait, don't move.
- [knock on door]
- Hey, who's ready to do a web show? 'Cause I am--
Oh, why is he here?
And why isn't he wearing a shirt?
- He crashed a motorcycle.
- Yawn.
- Oh, you poor thing.
- Oh, I'm gonna puke.
- Got the first-aid kit.
- Give me the spray stuff. - What stuff?
- I don't know what it's called.
The boo-boo spray.
- Here's the spray.
- Wait, is that gonna kinda-
[screaming] Ow!
- Uh, I think he needs more boo-boo spray.
- ♪
- Let's get this show on the road.
- It took you 15 minutes
to get a slice of pizza out of my fridge?
- Not my fault your hot boyfriend's down there
all shirtless.
- Were you staring at him? - No.
But I took some hi-res pics.
- Um, maybe we shouldn't talk about you-know-who
in front of you-know-him.
- Freddie, you don't care if we talk about
Carly's smokin' hot BF, do you?
- Sam.
- Go ahead, talk about him. Won't bother me.
- You sure? - 100%.
- Did you see his abs? - Abs-a-matter-of-fact, I did.
- I know. - SAM: His name should be Ab.
- [taunting]
- See? It does bother you. - No.
I just don't think Griffin seems like your type.
- He's got a point.
I never would've pictured you with a guy like him.
- Me either.
But there's just something kind of exciting and cool
about a bad boy.
- Uh, trust me, I get it.
- Guess what he has? - What?
- Scars. - Ooh, scars are hot.
- CARLY: I know.
Some are from motorcycle crashes
and some are from fights he's been in.
I just love it.
- You guys wanna see a scar?
Check this out.
- You can't count your chicken pox vaccination.
- No, this is from an actual chicken pock.
Doctor said not to scratch it, I scratched it anyway.
- Oh, my God. OMG. - Oh, he touched it.
- Okay. We're live in 10 seconds.
In five, four, three, two...
- Hey, I'm Carly. - Me Sam-oh.
- And we're best buds. - Uh-huh.
- But sometimes we argue. - What do you mean by that?
- Don't take that tone with me. - Don't tell me what to do.
- I don't have to take that. - Don't you talk about my mama.
- You're always criticizing me.
- Chocolate beats vanilla.
- Vanilla owns chocolate. - Great taste.
- Less filling. - Dog.
- Cat. - See?
- Next on iCarly...
- We're gonna show you an odd video
sent in by two iCarly fans.
- Their names are Matt and Clifford.
- And they enjoy pretending to eat fake snowflakes.
- Roll the clip, Freducation.
- Playback.
- Carly and Sam.
- Matt and Clifford. - Yeah.
- We're sending you a video eating snowflakes.
- Yep. Those are iCarly fans.
- And to honor them...
- Sam and I are gonna do something kinda like they did,
- But instead of fake snowflakes...
- We're gonna use...
- Oh, yeah. - Uh-huh.
- Here's your goggles, girl. - Goggles.
- You better work those up. - Thank you.
- Fashion statement right here. - Oh, yeah.
Let it raisin!
- Ow. - Oh.
- Oh, my gosh. - We're idiots.
- I can't get 'em in my mouth. - Why are we doing this?
- We're so stupid. Wow, we are stupid.
- ♪
- Carly. Carly?
- [tool buzzing]
- Hey, Sam.
How'd you get in here?
- You left the door unlocked.
- Oh. Oh, hey, feel my hair.
Soaking wet, right? - Yeah.
- Well, not for long. Watch this.
Sham-Pow.
Feel my head.
Dry, right?
- Is Carly here? - SPENCER: Nah.
She went to a movie with Griffin.
- Oh.
- Somethin' wrong?
You look kinda whipped.
- Yeah, 'cause I barely slept last night.
I kept havin' my dream, over and over.
- What dream? - The one I always have,
where a monster eats my soup.
- That's so weird. - Yeah. I wish it'd just stop.
- Well, that's easy.
All we gotta do is figure out
why you keep having that dream.
But to figure out why,
first we have to determine what your dream means.
- I don't believe in that psycho-babble junk.
- Why not?
- 'Cause my mom dated a psychologist last year
and he said she needed to be more trusting,
so she gave him a key to our house
and then he stole our refrigerator.
- Come on. I really think I can help you.
- Okay, so do it. - Well, all right.
They say that recurring dreams are usually based
on something that happened in your childhood.
- Okay. - So...
When you were a child,
did a...monster ever, you know,
eat your soup?
Wanna see what happens
when I dip my Sham-Pow in the toilet?
- Sure.
- ♪
- Sham-Pow!
- ♪
- WOMAN: Are you sure you kids don't want some pudding?
- No, we're good, mom. Thanks.
- Nice meeting you. - WOMAN: You too.
- Your mom's nice.
- Yeah, she's all right
when she's not talkin' about pudding.
- So...this is your room?
- Uh-huh. You like it?
- Yeah, it's just like I pictured it.
I mean, not that I've ever like stayed awake at night
picturing what your room looks like.
But okay, I have, is that bad?
- You crack me up.
- Yeah, well, professional web comedian.
What's that hole?
- GRIFFIN: Ah, I got mad at my friend Kato
and punched the wall.
- Ooh. You're so bad.
- Ah, I'm not that bad.
- Are too.
- Want me to put on some music? - Music works.
- ♪
♪
- Um, what are those?
- On the shelf there? - CARLY: Uh-huh.
- Those are Pee Wee babies.
- I thought those were Pee Wee babies.
- Yeah. Do you have some?
- I used to.
So, whose are these?
- Mine. Pretty sweet, huh?
- Yeah.
That's a lot of Pee Wee babies.
- Ah, that's nothin'.
I have 223 more in the closet.
- Wow.
Pee Wee babies.
That's something I did not know about you.
- Well, I don't like to brag.
- So, I guess you've had these
ever since you were a little girl--boy.
- Nope. I got into these about a year ago.
Look, this is Kippy Kangaroo.
- Hi, Kippy.
- [high pitched voice] Well, hi, Carly.
- [laughter]
- Ooh.
- Ohh. Can't forget about Peter Penguin.
How cool is this little guy?
- So cool.
He's got a little scarf and everything.
- It came with two different scarves.
- No way. - Yeah. You wanna hold him?
- Who wouldn't?
- Are your hands clean?
- I think so.
- Well, just to be sure,
let's use one of these special wipes.
This'll kill any bacteria.
- Sure.
- Okay...
Here.
Feels good, huh?
- Yeah, real good.
- I got him at the convention last year.
- There's a Pee Wee baby convention?
- Oh, yeah.
- And you go to it?
- Mm-hmm.
Maybe you'll come with me to the next one.
- Maybe.
- ♪
- Come on.
Go ahead.
- ♪
- Whoa. Drum down.
Someone call nine-drum-drum.
- I don't wanna play anymore anyway.
- Okay, kid, what's the prob?
- Nothin'.
- Come on, something's bugging you. What is it?
Wait, somethin' happened last night
between you and Griffin.
Somethin' bad.
What was it?
- CARLY: Nothing.
We went to see a movie and then back to his place.
- Ahh, ha ha, here we go.
So?
Deets?
- We just talked and stuff.
- Stuff like lip-to-lip contact?
- Some kissing occurred.
- All right.
Baby got some sugar.
- And then he--
he showed me his...collection.
- All right. His collection.
I don't know what that means.
- You want some juice?
- No.
Collection of what?
- You know, just...
His...
Pee Wee babies?
- Griffin collects Pee Wee babies?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, does he put firecrackers in 'em
and blow 'em up?
- Mm-mm.
- What does he do with 'em?
- He looks at them and talks to them
and sometimes talks for them.
- Are you sure we're not talkin'
about Freddie here?
- Yes, I'm sure.
My bad boy collects Pee Wee babies.
It's awful, isn't it?
- Yeah. - I know.
- He collects Pee Wee babies?
- Well, one of 'em is a tiger.
Tigers are tough, right?
- Did it have big fangs and claws?
- No, it had a cape. - Oh.
- And a purple top hat. - Oh.
- Oh, come on.
Maybe this is normal guy behavior.
I mean, I don't even know if this--
- [knocking]
- Buenos dias, muchacha-latas.
- Freddie, we need your opinion.
- And if you can, try not to make it stupid.
- Sam.
What would you think of someone
who collects Pee Wee babies?
- I don't know, depends.
How old is she?
- Oh, man.
- What? - She?
Why did you have to say "she"?
- What is goin' on here?
- "She" is Griffin.
- Oh.
- Yes!
Oh, yeah.
[laughing]
- It's not funny. - It's kinda funny.
- Wait, so does he have a special little tool
to comb their fur?
- That is so mean. And, yes, he does.
- ♪
- SPENCER: All right, miss Puckett.
Today we're gonna probe your mind.
We're going to delve deep into your inner psyche
and uncover the cognitive dysfunctions.
Now, I'll say a word,
and then you say the first word that pops into your brain.
- Fried chicken.
- Please wait until I give you the first word.
Are you ready? - Sure.
- Monster. - Soup.
- Monster.
- Ate. - Soup.
- Food. - Hungry.
- Lunch. - Sure.
- Ribs. - Absolutely.
- Now? - Let's.
- ♪
- WOMAN: He's right in there. - CARLY: Thanks.
- WOMAN: You want some pudding? - I'm good.
Hey, Griffin. - Hi.
- I brought you something-- - GRIFFIN: Shhh.
I'm about to win an auction.
Four more seconds.
And...boom.
[laughing]
I won. - What'd you win?
- Willy the Walrus. Oh.
- Oh. - Yeah.
What you got? - Oh. Just a little present.
- What for? - You.
- Oh, you didn't have to get me...
A power drill.
Awesome.
- And it's a really good one.
It's made by Tuffly.
- Nice. - Yeah.
And they make lots of other power tools, too.
Like a nail gun and a buzz saw.
You can collect them all.
- Hey, you know what I can do with this?
- Tell me.
- I can build more shelves for my Pee Wee babies.
- You already have a bunch of shelves, so--
- Oh, man. - What?
- Peter Penguin's got dirt on his beak.
- Oh, no.
- Here, hold him. I gotta go get more wipes.
- I know how to get the dirt off your beak.
- [power drill buzzes]
- I'm back. - Nothin'.
- ♪
- Carly?
Carls?
Carlotta?
Carly?
"Sam, I made you some soup, enjoy."
Well, don't mind if I do, Mr. Note.
- Whoo-ahh! - Aaaaaaaaah!
You big monster.
You're a dirty monster.
That's my soup.
You stupid big monster.
You don't go tasting another person's soup.
Monster! You don't-- - It's me.
It's me. Don't kill me.
I'm not ready. Ohh.
- Spencer?
What are you doing?
- Bleeding internally.
- Well, why are you dressed up like a monster?
- 'Cause since we couldn't figure out
what your dream means,
I thought you should confront it and conquer it
and then you'd stop having it.
But instead you bruised my internal organs.
- SAM: Sorry.
And you know what? - SPENCER: Ah?
- I think I do feel better.
- I don't.
- ♪
- Extra large, with double anchovies.
That's right.
Um, 321 East Argyle.
Yeah, thanks.
- Why are you all grinny?
- 'Cause I just ordered a fishy pizza
and gave 'em Ms. Briggs' address
to deliver it to.
- Why? - 'Cause I'm bad.
Welcome to Bad Boy Town, starring Fred Benson.
- You're not a bad boy.
- I can be just as bad as--
- [phone ringing]
- Oh, man, it's the pizza place.
- Yeah, they have caller I.D.
- Argh.
- Answer it, bad boy.
- Uh, no. I was never here.
No one can prove anything.
I did not order a pizza.
- What was that?
- The star of Bad Boy Town, running home to his mommy.
- Will he ever give up on you? - I don't know.
I never should've told him I like bad boys.
- SAM: Yeah, speaking of that,
whatcha gonna do about Griffin and his fuzzy little dollies?
- They're not fuzzy dollies, they're collectible plush toys.
For lonely children.
- So you gonna break up with him?
- I don't know.
I don't wanna be a terrible person.
Should I just keep dating him?
- Why not?
Hey, maybe you can double date.
You know, you, him,
Willy the Walrus and Peggy the Penguin.
- Peter the Penguin.
Maybe I should wear a bunny suit on our next date.
- He'd probably ask you to marry him.
- Then we can honeymoon on Pee Wee Island.
- Real funny.
- Griffin.
- Unnnnnnh.
- I--I didn't know you were there.
- You were making fun of my Pee Wee babies.
What, you don't think Pee Wee babies are cool?
- Well, I just thought
you were a different kind of guy.
- What kind?
- The kind that doesn't collect Pee Wee babies.
- Okay, look.
If you can't accept my hobby,
then maybe we should break up.
Well?
- PEE WEES: Whee.
- Don't break up with us, Carly.
- Love us.
- We can all get married.
- And honeymoon on Pee Wee Island.
- The sand on the beach is made of sugar.
- Whee. Whee.
- You know what? Forget it. We're over.
- Dude, he's walkin' out. - Yeah.
- ♪
- [snarling] Rahhhrrrr!
- Unh! Aah!
- MONSTER: [snorting, grunting] - Stop it.
Stop eating my soup.
You're a monster.
- [growling] - [screaming]
Aah! Oh.
Oh, okay.
It was just a dream.
Oh, whew.
[screaming]
Oh, God, I'm sweating.
Oh.
Sham-Pow!
- ♪
- Okay. Ready? - Go.
- What do you do if your foot catches on fire?
- Go to iCarly.com. - Correct.
What do you do if a bear swallows your little brother?
- Go to iCarly.com. - Yes.
What do you do if you can't find your pants?
- Go to iCarly.com. - Good girl.
What do you do if a bear catches on fire then swallows your pants?
- Go to iCarly.com. - Exactly.
What do you do if-- - Go to iCarly.com.
- How did you know? - Had a feeling.
- Mm. Wanna get some chicken wings?
- Yup.
- [ding] - MAN: Mmm!
- [burble]