- FREDDIE: In five, four, three, two...
- Hey, I'm the sweet brunette. - And I'm the dirty blonde.
- BOTH: And this be
- Okay, a fan of iCarly...
- ...wrote to us right here at iCarly.com...
- ...and said this:
"Hey, Carly and Sam. My name is Robert.
And last week was my birthday."
- "...So I asked my parents for a new game station,
but all they got me were two wireless controllers."
- "How can I play game if all I got was two controllers?"
- Well, Robert, first of all,
let me just say that your parents are the worst.
- They're bad people.
- But the good news is...
- ...if you have two controllers...
- ...you can still play some pretty rockin' video games.
- Even without a game station.
- Let's show Robert how. - Well, okay.
- Now, as you can see...
- ...Sam and I have two wireless controllers.
- We may not have a game station to go with them...
- ...but we do have...
- BOTH: A vicious army of raw eggs!
- CARLY: So vicious. They make me want to eat them.
- SAM: Yes, look at them. Look at them.
- Controllers ready.
- Begin!
- Oh. Yeah!
- BOTH: Game over.
- [siren blaring]
- Whoa. - Yeah.
- That sound means it's time for...
- BOTH: Messin' with Lewbert.
- Woo!
- Oh, yeah, that's right.
Now, you all know the nasty doorman
in my building.
- Lewbert.
- Well, last weekend, my brother Spencer built us
a fake soda machine.
- And yesterday, we put it in the hallway
outside Carly's apartment.
- Freddie, show them what happened.
- Showin' them.
- What the--soda machine?
Hey! Who put this soda machine here without my permission?!
Huh?!
- SAM AND CARLY: [laughing]
- And now it's time for a little surprise.
- Come on.
I want my diet root beer.
[screams]
- CARLY AND SAM: [laughing]
- [screaming]
- [babbling, laughing]
- FREDDIE: In five, four, three, two...
- CARLY: ♪ I know, you see ♪
♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪
♪ And be so wonderful ♪
♪ Live life, breathe air ♪
♪ I know somehow we're gonna get there ♪
♪ And feel so wonderful ♪
♪ It's all for real ♪
♪ I'm telling you just how I feel ♪
♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪
♪ It's your time to be ♪
♪ There's no chance unless you take one
♪ And the time to see the brighter side... ♪
♪ ...of every situation ♪
♪ Some things are meant to be so give your best ♪
♪ And leave the rest to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me, just leave it all to me ♪
- ♪
- So, you ready to hear my brilliant idea for iCarly?
- What? - Bikini dog food fight.
- What's a bikini dog food fight?
- We get Gibby and some other guy,
make 'em put on bikinis and fight with dog food.
- That's humiliating and gross. - I know!
Hey, Gibson.
Over here. Front and center.
- Whassup? - Run, Gibby.
- What's gonna happen?
- Listen, I have a vision.
- A vision of what?
- You and some other loser...
Wearing bikinis... Fighting...with dog food.
- No. I don't want-- - SAM: Get back here!
- GIBBY: No. - Come...back here!
- I don't wanna wear a bikini and fight some other loser
with dog food.
- Why not? - I have some dignity.
- Since when?
- FREDDIE: No. - Come on.
- No. - Just try this on.
- I'm not gonna try it on. Leave me alone, Sam!
Give me the bikini, Sam.
- GIRL: What's going on? Hey. - What you doin'?
- Hey. - GIRL: Hi.
You guys ever watch Totally Teri on the Dingo Channel?
- No. Gross. - Why?
- 'Cause last night my little brother
was watching it and they ripped off
one of your iCarly bits. - What did they do?
- One of the stars of the show hit a button
and you heard "Random jumping!" and then music played,
lights flashed, and they jumped all around.
- Dude, that's exactly the same as Random Dancing.
- That's what I'm sayin'. They ripped off iCarly.
You guys should do something about it.
- GIRL 2: Yup. You should.
- Can you believe this?
- We don't know they stole from us.
Maybe it was just a coincidence. - SAM: Oh, come on.
We've been doing Random Dancing on iCarly for two years,
now some show on the Dingo Channel starts doing
random jumping and you think that's a coincidence?
- I don't know.
Maybe there was similar, you know...
- Okay.
No fighting, no dog food, but I will wear the bikini top.
- ♪
- GIRL ON TV: I know.
I'll wear a wig, and that way, Devon will never know it's me.
- BOY ON TV: That's a brilliant idea.
And by brilliant, I mean ridiculous.
- GIRL ON TV: Burn.
- BOTH: [insincere laughter]
- Hey, whatchoo guys watchin'? - The Dingo Channel.
- Some hideous show called Totally Teri.
- I hate all those shows on the Dingo Channel.
The jokes are so stupid, and they always
make the grown-ups look like buffoons.
- You forgot to put your pants on again.
- Oh, my God!
- Man, there's not one restaurant
in Seattle that delivers fried chicken.
- Pay attention. Let's watch the show.
- So, why are you guys watching that anyway?
- 'Cause some kids at school told us the show Totally Teri
has been copying stuff we do on iCarly.
- Wouldn't surprise me. Dingo Channel is run by freaks.
- What do you mean?
- Well, you know the guy who started it, like 60 years ago?
- Charles Dingo? - SPENCER: Yeah.
I heard that when he died of some rare disease,
they froze his head and they've kept it
in a special freezer to this day.
- Why would they wanna keep Charles Dingo's head
in a freezer?
- So that in the future, when they find a cure,
they can unfreeze it and re-attach it to a robot body.
- And I read online that they keep the frozen head
somewhere deep in the bowels of Dingo Studios.
- Okay, first, there's no way that's true,
and second, I can't believe you said bowels
and please never say it again.
- You're such a priss. - The prissiest.
Now, shhh, it's back on.
- GIRL ON TV: What are you doing?
- BOY ON TV: Playing a joke on my doorman, Rupert.
- His doorman, Rupert?
Uh, that sounds a lot like Lewbert.
- GIRL ON TV: Ewww, look at that wart on Rupert's face.
- Hey, there's a wart on Rupert's face.
- Yeah, just like Lewbert's.
- Just not as plump. - Well, yeah, but still.
- BOY ON TV: Now, watch what happens when Rupert
tries to buy something outta that snack machine.
- RUPERT: [screaming]
- Two hands just popped outta that snack machine.
- Yeah, where have we seen that before?
- They ripped off iCarly. - No chiz.
- You guys watchin'? - Yeah.
- They stole "Messin' With Lewbert."
- And Random Dancing. - Those Gingo people are dead.
- What are we gonna do?
- We're gonna go find 'em and kick them in their dingos.
- Dingo Studios is in Hollywood.
- Which is like 900 miles from here.
- ♪
- SPENCER: Okay, look,
I think it's really jank that they're rippin' off iCarly,
but I can't just drop everything and drive you guys
900 miles to Dingo Studios.
- When we get there, maybe you could find the head
of Charles Dingo.
- The frozen head.
- We leave at midnight.
- ♪
- All right, here you go.
There's your beds, your bathroom.
- What's that?
- Uh, just some tape.
- Hey, you said this room had a great view of Hollywood.
- It does.
Hey, Hollywood, wake up.
That's Hollywood right there.
Bye.
- Could I borrow some underwear? - No.
- Close it. Close it. Close it. Close it. Close it.
- What?
- This is the nice hotel your mom recommended?
- This is where she stays when she comes to town.
- Why?
- The plastic surgeon works out of room 210.
- All right, whatever.
Let's just figure out how we're gonna get
into Dingo Studios. - I got that covered.
I went online and found a photo of a Dingo I.D. badge
and I made laminated copies with our pictures for us.
One for Carly, Spencer and Sam.
- Cool. - Nice work, Fredley.
- FREDDIE: And I found this online tour
of the main Dingo building.
The Totally Teri writers' room
is on the third floor, west side.
- Perfect. We'll use these to get inside...
- ...and then we can find those brain-dead writers
and start smackin' 'em around for rippin' off iCarly.
- Hey, hey, does that online tour of Dingo
show how to get to the basement?
- Yeah, why?
- You gonna do a little frozen head huntin'?
- A little frozen head findin'.
- I told you guys, I looked it up and I found
three different articles where the vice president
of the studio said that story about Charles Dingo's
frozen head isn't true.
- Of course, they say that. - They wanna keep it a secret.
- 'Cause how would it look if people found out
that a kids' network has their leader's head
stuck in a freezer?
- I hear the head is somewhere deep in the bowels
of the main Dingo building. - The bowels?
- See, I said it was in the bowels too.
- Okay, next person who says "bowels"
sleeps in the bathtub.
- Bowels. I got the bathtub.
- No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- ♪
- Here it is. - Oh, cool.
Okay, you guys go in there
and confront the Totally Teri writers.
I'm gonna go find Charles Dingo's frozen head.
- Wait, maybe Freddie should go with you.
- No, I wanna watch Sam beat up TV writers.
- Carly and I got this.
Besides, they ripped off our ideas, not yours.
- I'm a big part of iCarly too.
- Yeah, well, I've never heard Totally Teri
say: "In five, four, three, two, one".
- You don't say the one.
- Come on. I gotta go find Charles Dingo's frozen head.
- Please go with him. - Okay.
- Be careful. - You too.
- Okay. Let's shake 'em up.
- What is that?
- A sock full of butter.
- For what? - For swingin'.
I could brain an elephant with this thing.
- We're not gonna walk in there and start hitting TV writers
with a big buttery sock.
We're gonna be professional and firm.
- Fine.
But if they deny stealing from iCarly,
I'm gonna get swingy with this thing.
- Not unless I say it's okay.
Hello.
You guys are the writers for Totally Teri?
- Yeah. - What do you want?
- We're from iCarly. - They know that.
Who do you clowns think you are, stealin' our ideas?
- MAN: Whoa, we've never stolen an idea from anyone,
so why don't you two little girls just--
- Sam, you're not supposed to get swingy
unless I say it's okay.
- Hey, what's in that sock?
- Payback.
- For what? - For stealing our comedy bits.
- Look, we've never even heard of your web show.
- Oh, you haven't? - No.
- Hey, here's a flash drive with the segments
from the last two iCarlys you wanted.
Whoa, it's the iCarly girls. Man, we all love your web show.
- May I get swingy? - Yes.
- ♪
- Just what do you girls want?
- We want you to stop stealing ideas from iCarly
and using them on Totally Teri.
- Yeah, why don't you nubs come up with your own comedy ideas?
- Because coming up with ideas is hard.
- Anyway, we do come up with our own ideas.
- It was my idea to steal from iCarly.
- That was my idea. - Whoa, wait.
I'm the one who showed you guys iCarly.com
in the first place.
- Hey!
- [indistinct arguing] - CARLY: Be quiet!
Oh, my God.
- BOTH: [screaming]
- Thank you.
- We don't care which one of you fudge bags
thought of stealing our ideas. - We just want it to stop.
- All right, well, which bits do you think we stole?
- Random Dancing. - No. We did Random Jumping.
- Which is completely different.
- CARLY: Look, for two years on iCarly,
we've been doing Random Dancing.
- Random Debates. - Random Pants.
Oh, and what about "Messin' With Lewbert"?
- SAM: Which you punk-nuts ripped off and called
"Messin' With Rupert".
- You can't just steal our ideas,
change 'em a little bit, then pretend they're yours.
- You said we could. - Shut up.
- Anyway, just because we do some things
on Totally Teri that are similar to the stuff
you do on iCarly... - Doesn't mean we're stealing.
- Then how do you explain these cards on the wall
under a sign that says "ideas we can steal
from iCarly"?
- I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
- We're not goin' anywhere till you men swear
to quit rippin' us off.
- We don't have to swear anything.
- Then we'll sue you guys.
- Uh, this is the Dingo Channel.
- So, we have the lawyers, the money, and therefore,
the power to steal any ideas we want.
- And there's nothing you can do about it.
- MAN: Now, do you ladies wanna walk out of here
or do you wanna be carried out?
- Let's go.
- Wait. - What?
- I'd kinda like to be carried out.
- Sam?
- I don't like walking long distances.
- CARLY: Let's go, come on. - SAM: I don't.
There is too much effort, really.
- Are you guys writing down what we're saying?
- Yeah, you guys are hilarious. - Now keep talkin'.
- This is gold.
- They're stealing our banter right in front of us.
- Let's get out of here.
- ♪
♪
- No, you just come with me, young man.
You're in serious trouble. - Hey, hey.
You're not supposed to be down here.
- Excuse me, but I work in this building,
and I just caught this boy lurking here
in the bowels of Dingo.
- Look, nobody's supposed to be down on this floor.
- Exactly.
So why didn't you stop this teenager from being here?
- Well, I-- I didn't know he was--
- You didn't know!
Isn't it your job to know what's happening in these hallways?!
- Yeah, sure, but I-- - I guess I'll have to speak
to Mr. Fufferman about this.
- Who's Mr. Fufferman? - Man, what else don't you know?
- I-- - Dismissed. Go.
- Okay, okay. - Wait. I'll need your keys.
- Why? - For Mr. Fufferman.
- All right, here. Here.
- Nice. - Thanks.
Whoa, check it out.
Charles Dingo's head is in there.
- You don't know that.
- What else would you keep in a cryogenic freezer like that?
- Cryogenic frozen pizzas?
- You're afraid to see the head.
- I am not. - Good.
- ♪
- I'm goin' in.
- What do you see? - SPENCER: Nothing. Hold on.
There's a shelf here. Wait, what's this?
[screams]
The head! - What?
- The head! - You did not.
- SPENCER: I did too.
It was in a weird, futuristic head container.
- Come on.
- Okay, you go in there and tell me that's not the head
of Charles Dingo-- unless you're scared.
- Just wait here.
Okay, the only thing I see in here is--
[screams] - It's the head.
- It's the head, right? - It has a container.
- ♪
- SPENCER: I can't believe we found the head.
- I swear it blinked at me.
- Would you guys quit talkin' about the stupid frozen head?
- Don't you guys care that those dingo writers
are gonna keep ripping off iCarly
and there's nothing we can do about it.
They probably even-- [screams]
- What?
- A mouse just ran across my foot.
See, he's right over there.
- [squeaking] That's not a mouse.
That's a rat.
- This motel is disgusting.
- Ah, you're such a bunch of prancies.
- Come on, these pillows aren't even pillows.
They're just pillow cases
filled with crumpled up old newspapers.
- And this lamp doesn't even have a light bulb.
Just a potato.
- I'm gonna go wash my hands.
- Hobo: Hey, you. - [screams]
A hobo in our bathtub.
- ♪
- Ow.
- Scram. Scram. Scram. Scram.
Scram. Scram.
Let's just go home.
- And let those Dingo writers keep stealin' our bits
and using 'em on Totally Teri?
- Well, what are we gonna do? They're the Dingo Channel.
They've got money and lawyers and all we've got
is Sam's butter sock.
- We've got the key to the head.
- Oh, no.
- The head.
[screams]
- ♪
- Move. Move.
- DINGO WRITTERS: Hey.
- I was in the middle of my solo.
- How'd they get back in here? - Glenn, call security.
- Sit down, Glenn!
Now, I'm gonna ask you one more time.
Are you gonna stop stealing ideas from iCarly
and using them on your dumb Dingo show?
- Hey, I got it.
What if we do an episode where someone steals
Teri's ideas, and then she and her friends--
- Stop that!
- You guys are the worst!
- We told you.
You can't stop us from doing whatever we want.
- Can't we?
Spencer!
- What's he got there? - Oh, you know, just the...
- Frozen head of Charles Dingo.
- Hey, no one's supposed to know about the head.
- How did you get it? - You don't need to know.
- All you need to do is swear on video
that you'll never steal an idea from iCarly, ever again.
- And what if we don't swear?
- Then we'll show Charles Dingo's head on iCarly.
- And tell the whole world that the Totally Teri writers
gave it to us.
- And what if we call security and have 'em
take the head away from you?
- Then we'll just show the high-rez pics of the head
we already took.
- How high-rez? - 19 megapixels.
- Oh, my God. That's very high-rez.
- And we'll be sure to thank the Totally Teri writers
for e-mailing the pics to us.
- We don't care.
- We'll get fired. - Don't tell them that.
- Just promise you'll never steal ideas
from iCarly again and you can have
your leader's head back.
- And we'll never say a word about this.
- Better hurry, I think Mr. Dingo's melting.
- We swear we'll never steal ideas
from iCarly ever again.
- Good. Give 'em the head.
- ♪
- Wait. - Wait.
- What?
- You clowns aren't gettin' off the hook so easy.
- Sam. - What else do you want?
- And next on iCarly... - It's time for...
- BOTH: Bikini dog food fights.
- Ready, Dingo boys?
- Set...
- Go. - SAM: Go.
- ♪
- Sam? - Carly?
- Tell everyone to go to iCarly.com.
- What? You-- you're breaking up.
- I said, tell everyone to go to iCarly.com.
- You're in love with iCarly.com?
- No-- well, yes, but that's not what I said. - Hello!
Just tell everyone
that there's lots of new videos. - New videos?
- Yeah, and new blogs and photos
and all kinds of awesome stuff at iCarly.com.
- There's awful pus at iCarly.com? - No, there's no pus!
- Just make sure
everyone goes to iCarly.com.
- Dude, you're breaking up.
- [timer dings] - MAN: Mmm!
- [bubbling]