[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Boom!
-Wasn't that dramatic?
-The way we jumped into frame and landed simultaneously.
-And now, it's bed time for--
-Baby Spencer!
[CRYING]
-That's mean!
-Now, you might think you should use
a small tooth brush on a baby.
-But nope.
You use one like this.
-And you don't use toothpaste.
-You use--
-Ketchup!
-What?
Wait a minute!
Nobody mentioned ketchup at the creative meeting!
[SPENCER YELLING]
SAM PUCKETT: OK.
Now, before we go--
-We want to thank Cameron James and her crew
from the TV show, "Hollywood Download."
SAM PUCKETT: Who are here tonight,
doing a very special segment on our little web show called--
-(WHISPERS) "iCarly".
-"iCarly".
Heh.
-Till next time.
-Try not to do anything stupid.
-Laterade.
CARLY SHAY: Da-da dum.
-And we are transparent.
Clear.
-Great.
-Good job.
That was fun.
[CHATTERING]
-OK, guys.
That was fantastic, so funny.
CARLY SHAY: Oh, thanks.
SAM PUCKETT: Ah, you're nice.
-Gibby.
-OK.
I'd love to interview the three of you
individually and then together.
-Sure.
-No problem.
-You're pretty.
[SCOFFS]
-And uh, would it be OK if I interviewed your brother, too?
-Yeah, of course.
-Totally.
-Wait.
I-- I gotta meet that girl at Pennes for dinner.
-What girl?
-The social worker.
-Oh, she's gross.
-Yeah, and desperate.
She'll wait for you.
-Yeah.
I'll do the interview.
-Uh, let's start in five minutes?
-Sure.
Come on, let's go pretty up our heads.
-Yep.
-Hey, can I borrow some lip gloss?
SAM PUCKETT: No.
CARLY SHAY: No.
-Cameron, here's your latte.
-Awesome.
Hey, were you able to switch my flight?
-Yep, you're all set.
9:00 AM, first class.
-Perfect, thanks.
-Uh, hey.
-Oh, I'm sorry, Spensor.
This is my assistant, Tina.
-Hey.
-Hi.
So Tina just like, works for you and does
whatever stuff you need her to?
-Yeah, pretty much.
-That's her job.
-Hm.
So you wanna help me get the ketchup out of my nose?
Huh?
-Ah-ha.
-Sorry, you'll have to hire your own assistant.
-I just might do that.
-Uh, hey.
-Mhm?
-Did, uh, did you want to interview me too?
-Why?
-Well, 'cause I'm the technical producer of "iCarly".
-Oh, that's great.
Yeah, but this story that we're doing
is really about the creative people on the show.
-Oh.
-But hey, you should go talk to our tech
guy-- um, what's your name?
-Dudley.
-Yeah.
Go talk to Dudley.
-My life is garbage.
In 5, 4, 3, 2--
[MUSIC PLAYING MIRANDA COSGROVE FEAT.
DRAKE BELL, "LEAVE IT ALL TO ME"]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[TOILET FLUSHES]
-Hey, does your cousin still run an employment agency?
'Cause I'm thinking about hiring an assistant.
Yeah for me.
I do too have a job.
I'm an artist.
It's not funny, jerk-o!
Yeah, see you at the water park.
-Good evening.
Toilet, or urinal?
-Actually, I just need to wash my hands.
They smell like clams.
-Oh, you had the clams?
-No.
-Well, we can fix that right up.
-Try the foam soap.
I call it, foap.
-Wow, thanks.
-Squirt one, and squirt two.
-Hm-hm, thanks again.
So, uh, it sounds like you had an irritating phone call there.
-Yeah, I'm just trying to find a way
to hire a personal assistant.
-Oh, you mean someone who can help
ya do stuff and get things done?
-Yeah.
Mostly stuff and things.
-Well, would you be willing to consider
hiring me as your new assistant?
-Oh, but you already have this awesome job.
-I know.
And I love this men's room.
But when opportunity knocks, Marty Caruthers
says, who's there?
Come on in.
Hard candy?
-Well, if it's hard.
Listen, this job as my assistant,
it's not going to pay a lot.
-I'll take it.
-OK.
You want to start Monday?
-I'll be there at 6 AM.
-I don't wake up till noon.
-Well then, I'll wait by the door.
-Well, OK.
-May I shave the stubble off the back of your neck?
-Please!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[COOKING SHOW ON TV]
-Freddie, come help us decide what to put on the pizza.
-Me?
No, that sounds like a creative decision.
Everyone knows that lame ole Freddy Benson could
never be creative about anything.
-Well, I'm sure not everyone knows.
-Shh.
Hey, you gotta quit being upset about the interview.
-That lady treated me like I'm useless.
Apparently I'm just a monkey with a camera.
-Whoa, could we get a monkey to work the camera?
-I'm back, Mr. Shay.
-Oh, hey, Marty.
Did you get me the smoothie?
-Yes, sir.
Just like you asked for, a large blueberry smoothie.
And I took the liberty of inserting your straw.
-Yay, give it!
Mm.
-Who's that?
-Oh, guys, this is my new personal assistant, Marty.
-We met in a men's room.
-Great.
-Cool.
-Oh.
Here is a get well card for your grandfather.
-Ah, I forgot.
He's having that foot surgery on Friday.
-Oh, you don't need to remember.
That's my job.
-Yeah.
-Hey, Carly, don't forget, you've
got to go to Yakima on Thursday night and take care of Granddad
this weekend. -Oh, come on.
You can't go?
-No.
I'm taking Socko's stepmother to the Mexican rodeo.
-Oh, I picked up something else for you.
What?
What'd you get me?
-A new electric toilet seat.
-Whoa!
It heats up?
-And vibrates.
-Oh, man.
That is awesome!
-Just think of me when you're using it.
-Oh, I will.
Come on, let's go instal this sucker.
-After you, sir.
-JK!
Woo!
-Woo!
Woo hoo hoo!
-Hey, if you're going to Yakima for the weekend,
how are we going to do "iCarly"?
-Oh yeah.
You want to host the show alone?
-Nah, I need somebody to banter with.
-Uh, how 'bout me?
I could co-host "iCarly" with Sam.
-Or I could fill up a garbage bag with yoghurt
and put a face on it.
-That is hilarious.
You can call him Baggles.
-Ah, Baggles.
I love that.
-Oh, come on!
You'd rather do comedy with a sack of yoghurt than me?
-(BOTH MUMBLING) It's not that I-- [TRAILS OFF]
-I can be creative!
I-- I've been working on some really
funny characters and stuff.
-Oh my god, no, no, no.
-Sam.
-I've done stuff on the show before.
-Little stuff.
-That we wrote.
-Just let me host the show with Sam one time.
-OK.
-Yes!
-Whatevs.
-Yes!
This is going to be awesome!
Ya, ha hoo!
-Have Baggles standing by.
-Yep.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Hey?
Hey, you know all your lines?
-You sure you want to play a robot?
-Not just a robot.
(ROBOT VOICE) The Fred Bot 3000.
[DING]
Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
-I'm here.
-Why?
-Yeah, Mum?
And why'd you bring all these people?
-Because this is the first time you're hosting iCarly.
-Uh, co-hosting.
Get it right.
-OK, people.
Show starts in one hour.
-One minute.
-Aw, chiz.
-Everyone, this is my hairdresser, Sizzy;
my lonely friend, Fran; my therapist, Dr. Shole;
and his daughter, Courtney.
[SQUAWKS]
-Uh, cool glasses?
-Shh!
She has vision problems!
-Her vision problem is a condition
called bilateral optic stenosis.
-Oh, really?
I have that too.
-You do?
-No.
I was just trying to make you feel better.
Way to ruin it.
-OK, you people need to sit down and shut up.
[SCOFFS]
-Where are your manners?
-In my butt.
Sit down.
-OK.
In 5, 4, 3, 2.
-I am Sam.
-And I am not Carly.
-Yes, we are all painfully aware of that.
But this is still, sort of, (SHOUT) "iCarly"!
-And now, I'm going to pretend to be
a waitress in a sketch that was not my idea.
-This is the script that Freddie wrote.
Heh.
[SQUAWKS]
-Hey there, robot.
Welcome to this average diner. .
What can I get you to eat?
-(ROBOTIC VOICE) Do you have pancakes?
-Yeah, we got pancakes.
-(ROBOTIC VOICE) Who cares?
-Robots don't eat pancakes.
Eh.
-Ah, robot, you sure talk crazy.
-(ROBOTIC VOICE) Yes.
I think my software may be buggy.
Let me check.
Uh Oh.
I do have bugs!
Boop, boop, beep, boop.
[ELECTRONIC BEEPS]
-Sorry.
So what are you going to do about your bugs?
-(ROBOTIC VOICE) I'm going to put these on.
-Why?
-(ROBOTIC VOICE) I need to reboot.
[ROBOT NOISES]
-Do you really want to keep going with this?
AUDIENCE: Aw.
-Next on "iCarly," it's time to meet our new favourite friend.
(SINGING) He's a big sack of yoghurt with a face.
Baggles!
Woo!
What's that, Baggles?
You have a sinus infection?
Well, just try to breathe through your nose.
AUDIENCE: Aw.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Thanks for letting me massage you, sir.
-You see "iCarly" tonight?
-Yeah.
I Baggles is my new favourite character.
-Awesome.
-Oh, I also really liked unfunny robot.
Oh, was there robot supposed to be funny?
-Yes.
-Oh.
[TEXT NOTIFICATION]
-Oh, sir.
You just received an automated text message from your bank.
-Banko Loco?
-Si, senior.
It's a low balance alert.
-Low?
I just checked it yesterday.
I got $11,340 in my account.
-Uh, no, sir.
You've got $11.34.
-What?
-Yep. See right there?
See the decimal point?
-Decimal point?
What are you--
-Right there. -That's a dirt spot.
-That's a decimal point.
-Dang it!
-So what are you going to do?
Pay the assistant you don't need with the money you don't have?
-Come on, Marty.
Let's go look through my dirty clothes for money!
-I call pants!
SPENCER SHAY: Ya!
-I just wanted people to think I was creative.
-And I wanted a mum without stretch marks.
That ain't happening.
And, eh, you know, tech stuff can be sort of creative.
-What do you mean?
-Well, you know, weren't you working
on some sort of techie 3D chiz?
-Yeah.
I was trying to figure out a way to shoot video
so people could watch it online in 3D.
You know, without special glasses.
-See, that's creative.
-But I never could make it work.
-Well, you know, uh--
-I should try again?
-Yeah.
Sounds like the sort of advice you get from someone who cares.
SPENCER SHAY: Ha!
And I swear, I'm going to the kitchen to get a drink,
and I'm not even walking!
No!
I'm riding my assistant!
Ha-ha!
Yeah!
Yeeha!
-In 5, 4, 3D, 2.
-This is a special "iCarly" webcast.
I'm Sam.
-Gibby!
-Tonight, you people are going to see
the first ever "iCarly" comedy in 3D.
-Switching to 3D.
[WHISTLE BLOWN]
-Hey, boy.
Put the basketball through that hoop.
-What hoop?
-That hoop.
Right over there.
-Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa!
It's like Sam's finger is coming right at me!
-Sure is, sir.
Relax your toes.
-Oh, sorry.
-I want to eat it with this spoon.
Ah!
-Oh!
Oh my god, it's like I'm actually being spooned!
-(LAUGHS) Careful, sir.
SAM PUCKETT (FROM COMPUTER): I'm gonna
throw marshmallows in that direction.
Eh!
Ah!
SPENCER SHAY: This is great!
Even though marshmallows are totally
irrelevant to the scene.
[GRUNTING]
-Special 3D effects by "iCarly"'s
technical producer, Fredward Benson.
-That's me!
Whoa!
[MIMICS CHILD]
FREDDIE BENSON: Hey.
You watch "iCarly"?
-Watch it?
I lived it!
Dude, your 3D effects are insane!
-Up top.
-Ah!
Ow!
-I'm sorry, I-- I meant to hit your hand.
-Yeah, you didn't.
-Sir, there are three fresh plums on the table waiting
for you, with a blue napkin, and a bottle of Dr. Gibbs.
SPENCER SHAY: Oh man, that is awesome.
-Oh my god!
Let me get ya.
Sir, you missed the chair.
-I know.
It's like my eyes are playing tricks on me, or--
-Hey, are we going to the Smoothie, or what?
-Oh, yeah.
-What's going down at the GS?
-T-Bo put up a big screen TV so everybody could watch
the premiere of my 3D technology.
Let's go bathe in the glory.
-No one wants to see you bathe.
-My cat loves watching me bathe.
-Let's go.
-Have fun, guys.
-Uh huh.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-All you people need to stay calm!
[SIRENS]
[CHATTERING]
-What's wrong with our eyes?
FEMALE: I don't know.
-Hey, T-Bo.
What's going on?
-You tell me.
-No.
-Everybody's sittin' around, watching "iCarly."
Next thing, everybody's eyes went all wonky.
-Like Spencer.
-Yeah
-It's probably something in the smoothies.
[CHATTERING]
-There ain't nothin' in the smoothies.
There ain't nothin' in the smoothies.
-Uh, everyone?
Everybody listen up.
Hey!
Uh, if you watched "iCarly"'s 3D webcast tonight,
raise your hand.
OK.
And uh, if you're having vision problems right now,
raise your hand.
OK.
Well, obviously that means that there's some kind--
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Whatcha doin'?
-Looking at iCarly.com.
And another page of negative comments.
-At least there wasn't any permanent damage
to anyone's eyes.
-Yeah, just to their stuff.
And their bikes and cars.
And the stuff their bikes and cars ran into.
[GROANS]
-OK, so I'm just going to need first and last month's rent.
-Whatever.
Oh, but hey, I gotta sleep on the left side of the bed.
-Hey, isn't he the tech guy from Hollywood Download?
-Yeah.
I'm renting him half my room.
-Why?
-'Cause it's the only way I'm going to have enough money
to keep Marty on as my assistant.
-I sleep naked.
-Ugh.
-Dude, you don't need an assistant.
-But Marty needs this job.
And I will get the money to pay him,
no matter what I have to do.
-Hey, does this look infected?
-Sir?
I quit.
-What?
W-- why?
What did I do wrong?
-Oh, nothing.
You're the most wonderful boss a fellow could have.
But I can't let you ruin your life for me.
I think it's best for if I move on.
(HIGH VOICE) Oh.
I'll go gather my things.
-(HIGH VOICE) But I--
-You're still gonna rent me the room, right?
-About that.
Here's the thing.
I mean, here's what's up with that.
What I'm thinking we do is, just never come back here again.
-Can you believe that guy?
-Ya know he used your new toilet seat.
-Ah, man!
Now I'm gonna get butt sores!
[DOORBELL]
-Your roommate's back.
-Look, Dudley-- oh.
Hi.
I'm sorry, I don't know either of you.
I'm Dr. Shole, Freddy's mum's therapist.
-Oh, yikes!
Long hours, huh?
Uh, this is my daughter, Courtney.
-Hi.
Come on in.
-What are you guys doing back here?
-Courtney?
-I watched your 3D webcast the other night.
-Great.
So now you're going to sue me?
-Are you kidding?
-You cured my bilateral optic stenosis.
-Huh?
-She's been to over a dozen eye doctors
since she was a little girl.
-None of them could fix me.
-But after she watched your webcast,
her vision became totally normal.
-Her vi-- really?
-Mhm.
-It's a miracle.
You have to share your technology
with the America Optometric Association.
-You'll help cure tens of people.
-Courtney, I see you brought your camera.
You want a picture with Freddie?
-No.
But could I get little Baggles?
-Goodbye, Courtney.
-She still does that, though.
-All right!
I'd say it takes a super creative dude to invent
a new technology that turns googly-eyed freaks
into pretty young girls.
-Well, Mr. Shay, I'm gonna miss ya.
-Where do you think you'll go?
-I guess whichever way the wind blows me.
-Well, I hope it blows you someplace wonderful.
[MUSIC NIKI WATKINS, "THE GREATEST"]
-They frosted a cake together?
-Goodbye, sir.
AUDIENCE: Aw.
-Come on.
Let's go meet Gibby at the Smoothie.
-OK.
[DING]
-I'm back.
-Later. -Bye, girl.
-See yas.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-You're a ripe little melon.
Yeah.
You look good.
Been working out?
What, your sister?
That meant noting.
Yeah.
Are you filming this?
[MUSIC PLAYING]