- MALE VOICE: And when the rinse cycle began,
the washing machine started to wobble
and make strange rumbling noises.
- Okay, this ghost story is going nowhere.
- You're not scary. - MALE VOICE: Just wait.
Then, finally, I called customer service
and they told me my washing machine
was out of warranty.
[makes scary sound]
- Anything else?
- MALE VOICE: Can I come wash some clothes at your house?
- No! - MALE VOICE: Oh!
- Get out of here, you bra! - MALE VOICE: Hey!
- You bad bra, you.
- That's not scary. - No. Please.
- Okay, a lot of you guys have e-mailed and texted us,
asking if-- - [screams]
- CARLY: What?
- I thought I heard Spencer coming.
- He's night-fishing with Socko.
- Okay.
- Sorry, Sam and Spencer are involved
in a little game this week.
- It's called Assassin and it's not a game.
- They use blow-tubes with little paint balls
and try to get each other.
- It's serious chiz. Carly lost on the first day.
- Spencer whacked me while I was eating toast.
- And I got Freddie while he was doin' a camera test.
Show 'em, Fredbag.
- CARLY: Tilt it down? - Yeah. Wait, not that much.
Back up. - CARLY: Okay. Like this?
- Yeah. - SAM: [screaming]
- No, Sam. Not now. Wait! - SAM: [screaming]
[cheering]
I blow, I score. Ninja!
- So the only two people left in the game now
are Sam and my brother, Spencer.
- Not for long. Spencer gonna get got.
- I apologize for her grammar.
- I'm not educated, but I'm a lot of fun.
- It's true.
- SAM: Now, to close the show...
- No, Sam, don't-- and we're not clear.
In five, four, three, two...
- CARLY: ♪ I know you see ♪
♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪
♪ And be so wonderful ♪
♪ Live life, breathe air ♪
♪ I know somehow we're gonna get there ♪
♪ And feel so wonderful ♪
♪ It's all for real ♪
♪ I'm telling you just how I feel ♪
♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪
♪ It's your time to be ♪
♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪
♪ And a time to see the brighter side ♪
♪ Of every situation ♪
♪ Some things are meant to be so give your best ♪
♪ And leave the rest to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me ♪ - ♪ Leave it all to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me, just leave it all to me ♪
- ♪
- Aah! - [screams]
- I thought you were gonna be Sam.
- Give me it. - No. I need it.
- Give me it.
- Now, how am I gonna defend myself when Sam--
- [screaming] - Stop it! Stop it!
Give me your blow-tube.
- But all I-- - CARLY: Hep!
Ah ba ba ba! Ah ba ba ba ba!
You stand up.
Now, I'm putting your guys' little Assassin game on hold
till we finish shooting this dare for iCarly.
Are we clear?
- Just give us back-- - CARLY: Are we clear?
- Okay. - Yes'm.
So, uh, what dare?
- An iCarly fan dared Carly to wear a bunny suit
and offer to brush people's teeth for a dollar.
- Man. Your web show's weird.
- [knocking]
- Who's not ready? - Let's do it.
- We'll be back in two hours. - Okay. Be careful.
- FREDDIE: Agua. - SAM: Uh, Maybe. - CARLY: We will.
- Where'd you get a little one?
- A good assassin always has a backup.
- Up against the wall.
Feet apart.
- Yeah, feet apart!
- Really? - Really?
- Let's go.
- She's a clever one.
- ♪
- Okay, my pizza, the time has come.
Oh, yes.
Who's a pretty pie?
- Spencer! - Hey!
No, Carly said the game is on hold until--
- Freddie's hurt. - Yeah, right.
I'm not fallin' for-- - I'm not kidding.
Freddie's hurt. - Wait, what happened?
- Carly was crossing the street and a taco truck
came around the corner and Carly didn't see the truck
and so Freddie ran out and pushed Carly out of the way--
- Is Carly okay? - Yes, but Freddie got hit.
- Okay, okay. Did you call 911? - Yeah. Me and Carly both did.
- Oh, man, I better call Mrs. Benson at work.
You bought a taco? - Uh-huh.
- From the truck that hit Freddie?
- Well, me starving is not gonna help him.
- ♪
- [beeping] - Oh, who is that?
Ugh, what do you two want? - Can we please see Freddie?
- No. - Yes. Mom, let 'em in.
- Fine.
Leave your shoes in the hall.
- Please, be nice. - Of course.
Why wouldn't I be nice to the girl
who tried to kill my son?
- Hello. - Hi, Mrs. Benson.
How is he?
- Broken. Damaged.
But I see you look fine, isn't that nice?
- Mom.
- And I see you brought flowers,
which will only exacerbate Freddie's allergies.
- Mom, I'm not allergic to flowers.
- And you weren't allergic to Mexican food trucks,
but look at you now.
I'll take these flowers and I'll soak them in bleach.
- She's pretty upset. - Really?
How you doin'? - Okay. Pretty sore.
- Sore? You have a broken leg and your hand is all smushed,
and it's all my fault. - It's not your fault.
- Yeah, it is, if I'd seen that stupid truck coming,
you never would've had to-- - Stop.
- Hey, look, his toes stick out of his cast.
♪ This little piggy went to market ♪
♪ And this little piggy got hit by a truck ♪
- Spencer.
- So, are you in much pain?
- I was, but the doctor sent over some pills.
- You took one? - FREDDIE: Well, sort of.
My mom thinks I'll choke on pills
so she pounds 'em with a mallet and puts the pill powder
in my fruit sauce.
- Fruit sauce?
- My mom thinks I'll choke on fruit
so she pounds it with a mallet-- - It's not my business.
Can I use your bathroom? - Sure, right through there.
- SPENCER: Thanks.
- You saved my life. - Come on.
- Sam said that truck would have run right over me.
- Maybe.
- SAM: Hey, you guys in here?
- Yeah, we're in Freddie's room. - Did I hear Sam?
- Yeah, she's-- - SPENCER: Duh!
- MRS. BENSON: [screams]
- I'm sorry.
- What happened to the flowers?
- I soaked them in bleach and pounded them with a mallet.
- ♪
- Hey, Sam. - Ah!
- Don't! I'm just a Gibby!
- SAM: Sorry. I'm on the lookout for Spencer.
We're the only two left in the game.
- But you're at school. - SAM: So?
Spencer will try to sneak up on me anywhere, anytime.
Even here.
Watch my back while I get something
out of my locker.
- And what if I see Spencer?
- Use your face and body to protect me.
- Ah, like a human shield.
- I was gonna say bullet-monkey, but whatever tickles your peach.
- There's Spencer with a fake beard.
- Oi! - Rabbi Goldman!
- That was a real rabbi.
- I didn't know. I don't have cable.
- Puckett, you just earned yourself
triple detention.
Come along, rabbi.
- How my hair look, Sam?
- You look good, Gib.
- ♪
- Where is he? - In the shower.
His first cleansing since the accident you caused.
- Mrs. Benson-- - Ah.
I have to go to the pharmacy and get his meds.
Freddie, I'll be back in 36 minutes.
It should have been you.
- FREDDIE: Oh! - Freddie?
- FREDDIE: Mom? - No, it's Carly. Your mom left.
What happened? - FREDDIE: I fell.
- Are you okay? - FREDDIE: Yeah.
But I don't think I can get up.
- All right, I'll come help you.
- FREDDIE: No! Don't come in here.
- Why not? - 'Cause I'm in the shower.
- Well, you can't just lay on the shower floor
for 36 minutes.
Just a sec.
- FREDDIE: [groans]
- ♪
- Hang on!
All right, Freddie. I can't see anything.
I'm coming in. Where are you? - FREDDIE: Down here.
Can you turn off the water? - CARLY: Yeah. Here.
- FREDDIE: Ow. Easy. - CARLY: Just move slow.
- FREDDIE: All right. Wait. Let me get my robe.
- CARLY: Okay. Put your arm through here.
- FREDDIE: Okay, okay.
- Are we walking the right way? - Yeah, just keep going.
Ah! - It hurts?
- Well, it doesn't feel good. - Where's your bed?
- Yeah, just right-- just right here.
I'll sit first.
- Get under the covers. - Yeah. I'm doin' it.
- You got it? - Yeah. Whew.
Okay, you can take off the goggles.
- That was scary. And wet. - Yeah.
Thanks for helping me.
- If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't need my help.
- Will you stop with that?
- You know, everyone at school is saying you're a hero.
- I don't feel like a hero.
- Well, you are one...
To me.
- ♪
- Freddie, I got you some-- [screams]
- [screams]
- What the yuck? - Nothing!
- Mom I wasn't-- - No, I'm just--
Nothing. I was taking his temperature.
See? 98.6, healthy as a duck.
Bye.
- Carly, don't leave!
- She's beating me with your underwear.
- FREDDIE: Mom. Oh no, no, no. Mom, mom, please--no, mom.
- Hey, Carls. - CARLY: [screams]
Oh. You scared me. - Yeah, I saw that.
- What were you doing behind that bush?
- Lying in wait, so I can get the drop on Spencer
when he comes home.
Man, you look even whiter than usual.
You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- Freddie okay? - Yes.
What are you, the girl of many questions?
- Uh, what just happened in there?
- I kissed Freddie!
- Well, good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Benson.
- Sam... - Stop.
- Oops, second bell. See you after class.
- Yeah, savor it.
- Savor what? - The love, the Carly love.
- Jealous? - Gross.
- Then what's your problem? - Not my problem, yours.
- Wait. - Go to class, crutchie.
- What problem do I have?
- You want the truth? - Let's hear it.
- Remember two years ago when I dated that guy,
Eric Mosby, the kid with the big nose?
- Sure, Noseby Mosby. - SAM: Uh-huh.
And remember how he tried to get me to be his girlfriend
for like six months, and I kept sayin':
"Get away from me or I'll kill you"?
And then, he bought me a subscription to
the "Bacons Of The World Club"?
And then, boom, I thought I was in love with the guy?
- I'm listening. - I was never in love with him.
I was in love with the foreign bacon
that kept showin' up at my door every month.
Like a beautiful greasy dream.
- Uh, I doubt that bacon could make you think
you're in love with someone.
- You ever had bolivian bacon? - No.
- It changes you.
- Well, I didn't buy Carly any foreign bacon.
I saved her life.
- And that's Carly's bacon.
She's not in love with you. She's in love with what you did.
- You just can't stand the idea of Carly and me as a couple.
- Very true. It makes me wanna puke up blood.
But still, what I said is true and you know it.
- I gotta get to class.
- Here's Spencie!
Ow!
Ugh, I gotta quit saying witty things before I blow.
- ♪
- [doorbell rings]
- [high-pitched voice] Hello. This is the housekeeper.
I'm very old and not Spencer.
- [doorbell rings] - Who is it?
- MAN: Delivery for Spencer Shay.
- Okay.
- Hey.
Okay. Bring it in.
- Here you go.
- Wait. Open it up.
Real slow-like.
Whoa...
You see a girl in there? - No. Why, did you order one?
- No.
What's in it? - Uh, just this.
- Just a lollipop? - Yeah.
Except to where I come from, we don't call it a lollipop.
- Oh. Well, what do you call it?
- A sucker. - What?
No.
- Yeah, baby! Momma wins!
I am the ultimate Assassin!
Whoo! Yeah!
- ♪
- There you are. - Here I am.
Spencer tell you I was comin' over?
- Yeah, he said you wanna fix something on the iCarly site?
- I'm just gonna bump up the speed with this eight core,
three gigahertz server.
- Oooh, I love it when you talk all techie.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's cute and geeky at the same time.
It's cu-ky.
- You've never called my tech-talk cu-ky before.
- Well, that was before we were-- you know?
- Ooh.
- You retreated.
- I didn't retreat.
- You kinda did. What's wrong?
- Nothing.
It's just-- so, are we--
like, boyfriend and girlfriend now?
- I dunno, maybe. - Oh.
- Well, don't say "Oh" like that.
- I just said "Oh".
- No, you said it like you were at a raffle,
and you won a prize, and then you found out the prize
was just a can of soup, so you go, "Oh."
- You know I like you way better than most soups.
- Well, yay.
Now, what do wanna do, kiss or bump up your four-score
giggle-jam server?
- Eight core, three gigahertz.
- Yeah that's really interesting.
Come here.
- [groans]
- Wow, you seriously don't wanna kiss me.
Why?
- 'Cause... I'm just bacon!
- You're bacon? - Foreign bacon.
- Did that taco truck hit you in your brain?
- [groans]
- I thought you wanted me to be your girlfriend
since the first day you met me. - I have.
- Well?
I'm standing here with my lips all glossed up
and you're treating me like I'm your icky cousin Amanda.
- Amanda is disgusting. - Freddie--
- Okay, you know how you've always said you like me,
but that you don't like me that way?
You know, the good way?
- Yeah, but that was before-- - Before I saved your life?
- So? - Nothing's changed.
I'm still the same Freddie and you're still the same Carly.
- But I love-- - FREDDIE: You love what I did.
You love that I risked my life to save yours.
But I don't think you're in love with me.
You just think you are.
- [rain falling] - [thunder clapping]
- You mean like when Sam dated Noseby Mosby
because he got her all that bacon?
- Bacon. Yeah, exactly.
- So, you don't want me to be your girlfriend?
- No, I do.
But...I think we should wait a while
'til I'm out of this cast and this whole hero thing wears off.
And then, if you still wanna be my girlfriend,
I'd be really psyched about it.
- Okay.
- I should probably get home so my mom can spray me.
- CARLY: Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
- Yeah, um, listen, when we kissed before,
I didn't realize that would be our last one--for a while--
so, I was thinkin' maybe if you wanted to...
- 'Night, Freddie.
- What did I do?
- Hi, watch me feed baby Spencer some salsa.
- Yay. Baby like salsa.
- CARLY: There you go.
- Yeah, yummy.
Baby wanna do iCarly.com dance.
- Okay. Dance, baby.
- ♪ Go to iCarly.com ♪
♪ iCarly.com ♪
- [timer dings] - MAN: Mmm!
- ♪