- ANNOUNCER: Attention.
All students attending the Girls' Choice Dance
must submit their medical records
to Nurse Bogart.
Thank you.
- Hey, Nate. - Oh, hi.
- So, you know, the Girl's Choice Dance.
- Right.
- You...
wanna go with me, possibly?
- Ah... - Did I just spit in your eye?
- It's cool. - No, it's not cool.
I spit in your eye. - No worries.
But anyway, sorry, Rebecca Berkowitz
already asked me to the dance.
- Oh.
I hear she's a lotta fun. - Yeah.
Well, enjoy her.
- Did you ask him? - CARLY: Yes.
- And? - No.
- Why'd he say no?
- Well, he claims it's 'cause
he already has a date, but it might be
'cause I hocked a loogie right in his eye.
- You... why would you even-- - I don't know.
It just flew off my lip.
- Well, who ya gonna ask now? - No one.
There's no other guys in this school I wanna go out with.
- Hey. - CARLY: Hey.
- And speakin' of guys Carly doesn't wanna
go out with...
Ladies and gentlemen, Fredamame Benson.
- Girls who are rude to me don't get a bag of bacon.
- Whoa, Freddie, I never realized
what a hot, handsome hunk a boy you really are.
- Better. So what's up?
- Carly spit in Nate's eye, so he doesn't wanna go to the dance with her. - Huh?
- He turned me down 'cause he already has a date.
- So you didn't spit in his eye?
- No, I did, my DNA's all over his cornea.
And why are we all focused on me?
Sam doesn't have a date yet either.
- Yeah, 'cause Girl's Choice Dances are stupid.
If a guy wants a date with momma, he should ask me.
And pay for it.
Or he can just give me the money and stay out of my life.
- Wow.
- Well, there's no guys at this school that don't make me sick.
This is good bacon.
Any desperate girls ask you yet?
- FREDDIE: Actually, two, Jamie and Ariana.
- So which one are you goin' with?
- I haven't given either one an answer yet.
In case someone else wants to ask me?
- Nooo. - Yeeaaah.
- Hi, Freddie. - Hmmm. Hi, Malika.
You guys know Malika.
- Uh-huh. - Hi, Malika.
- Who wants to see a magic trick?
- Later. - Bye, Malika.
- Um, I should really get to-- - A blank piece of paper!
I wad.
- Look, I really--
- I toss. - Whoa.
That's pretty good. - Feel inside your pocket.
Un-wad.
- "Will you go to the dance with me?"
- Will ya?
- Um, a couple other girls already asked me,
and I'm not sure yet--
- Well, think about choosing me if you wanna have
a magical night.
- FREDDIE: Gibby?
How did you... - I--I have no idea.
Whose banana is this?
- FREDDIE: In five, four, three, two...
- CARLY: ♪ I know, you see ♪
♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪
♪ And be so wonderful ♪
♪ Live life, breathe air ♪
♪ I know somehow we're gonna get there ♪
♪ And feel so wonderful ♪
♪ It's all for real ♪
♪ I'm telling you just how I feel ♪
♪ So wake up, the members of my nation ♪
♪ It's your time to be ♪
♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪
♪ And the time to see the brighter side...♪
♪...of every situation ♪
♪ Some things are meant to be so give it your best...♪
♪...and leave the rest to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me, just leave it all to me ♪
- ♪
- I'm home! - SPENCER: Hey!
Come check out the new sculpture I'm workin' on.
- CARLY: Cool. What is it? - I don't know yet!
It's either gonna be a bunny or an abstract representation
of the over-mechanization of modern society.
- I like bunnies. - Then I'll need some cotton balls.
So how was school? - Okay.
Except Nate Garner turned me down
for the Girl's Choice Dance.
- Yeah, I heard you spit in his eye.
- How did you know that?
- I follow iCarly.
- Sam tweeted it? - Uh-huh.
- Aww! I can't believe she told the entire world
that I spit... - [phone ringing]
- Just a sec.
- ELECTRIC VOICE: Squat thrusts. - Squat thrusts.
- ♪
- What are you doing? - Squattin' and thrustin'.
I got a new application for my Pear Phone.
See, doctors say you should get at least thirty minutes
of aerobic exercise every day.
And done. Oh.
- You're done? - For now.
- But you just said thirty minutes.
- That's what's so cool about this application.
It beeps 180 times a day and every time it does,
I do 10 seconds of vigorous exercise
so that by the end of the day, I'll have done
a full thirty-minute workout. Uh-huh.
- Can't you just join a gym?
- I can't go to a gym a hundred and eighty times a day.
Stupid. - [knock on door]
- It's me. Don't shoot. - SPENCER: Hey, Sam.
- You're in trouble. - Who has urine trouble?
- CARLY: No, you tweeted about me spitting in Nate's eye.
- SAM: It was a totally tweet-worthy event.
- CARLY: Maybe, but I'd appreciate it
if you didn't tweet about my personal spit.
- Aw, you're just crotchety 'cause you don't have a date
for Girl's Choice.
- Which gives me the right to be crotchety.
- Well, buck up, 'cause I got a way to find an awesome guy for you to ask. - Oh, really?
- We do a contest on iCarly.
We say you're looking for a cute guy in the Seattle area
to ask to the dance. Interested boys, please apply.
- No, that'd make me sound desperate.
- Aren't ya? - Yes.
But I don't wanna sound it.
- Come on, you know, how many guys will wanna take you to the dance--
- I'm not using iCarly to beg for boys.
I'd rather be alone and crotchety.
- Crotchety, it's funny 'cause it sounds wrong.
- FREDDIE:
- SAM:
- FREDDIE:
- SAM: With special guest star:
- Me!
- Pardon me, father. - GIBBY: Aah.
Can't you see I'm knitting myself
a pair of trousers?
- FREDDIE: But we're ever so hungry.
- You haven't fed us a bite of food
since last tyoosday.
- I think it was myun-day.
- Oh, oh.
- You want food?
Very well.
Hyah!
- FREDDIE: Father, these are push pins.
- They're colorful and pointy.
You ungrateful nuggets!
Now floss my toes.
- No! - Augh!
- Ha, ha, ha, ha! - Father.
- Floss them! - I think I might vomit.
- Okay, that's all for this iCarly.
- Actually, no it's not. - What are you--
- I wanna do somethin' real quick.
Before we end this show, Carly is gonna sit
in this chair.
- For the record, I have no idea what she's doing.
- Just sit tight.
- Freddie? - I don't know.
- And now...duct tape.
- What what, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't--
- SAM: Oh, just relaaaax.
Listen up, iCarly fans.
If you're a guy who's not a loser
and you live here in the Seattle area,
and you'd like to go to a dance with Carly...
- [screaming]
- Just send us an e-mail right here at iCarly.com
- Mmmnnn! Mnnnn! - Come on!
Who wouldn't wanna go out with this?
- CARLY: Sam, come here!
You're gonna get it! - Oh, am I?
- CARLY: Yes. I can't believe you did that.
- I was trying to help you.
- I told you I didn't wanna use iCarly to beg for boys!
You went too far this time!
Stop running from me. - Why am I running from you?
Okay, you caught me. Now what?
- There!
- Feel better? - No!
I can't believe you embarrassed me like that
in front of the whole Web.
- Well if you didn't want me to do it,
why didn't you say something? - You duct-taped my mouth shut.
- Come on, you might meet a really cool, cute guy.
- Or a psychopath with a chainsaw.
- I have grocery items.
- You need a hand with the bags? - Nah, I got 'em.
And I hope you guys are hungry 'cause I bought--
- [phone rings] - Ah, take 'em, take 'em,
- CARLY: Wait, no, I'm not really ready-- oh, no.
- ELECTRONIC VOICE: V-steps.
- V-steps!
- ♪
- You're droppin' stuff.
- Oh, whew, ooohhh.
And done. Whew!
I was feeling pretty whipped there
at the seven second mark, but I powered through.
I'll put the groceries away.
- I'm gonna go throw fat cakes at joggers.
- Noooo, you're not. - They're low-fat fat cakes.
- If I'm gonna go to the dance with some iCarly contest winner,
then you're asking Gibby to go.
Come on, Gibby's so sweet.
- Well, then maybe some other insane chick already asked him.
- No, he told Freddie he's not going and I feel bad.
- So then why don't you ask him?
- I was thinking about it till you went and committed me
to going with some random iCarly fan-dude.
- But I really don't wanna go. - C'mon, just please ask Gibby.
Please?
- All right. - [phone ringing]
- SPENCER: Awww! Already?
- ELECTRONIC VOICE: Windmills.
- Windmills. - Aww!
I'm so bummed.
- What's wrong?
Besides this.
- I'm not in the mood, Puckett.
I waited too long.
Jamie and Ariana both already asked other guys
to the dance, so I had to say yes to Magic Malika.
Uh, don't you have something to do?
You promised Carly you'd ask him.
Hurry along.
- Gibby! - Hmm.
- I wanna talk to you.
- What's up?
- How would you like to go to the Girl's Choice Dance with me?
- Nah, I'm good.
- What do you mean, you're good?
Who asked you to the dance?
- Nobody.
- Nobody? - Aahhhh!
- Nobody asked you and you just turned me down?!
- Please don't break my thumbs again.
- What are you doing?
- I was tryin' to do this boy a favor and he--
- GIBBY: Nooo. - Aw, see what you did?
He got away. - What happened?
- I asked him to the stupid dance
and he said: "Nah, I'm good."
- Did somebody else already ask him? - No.
- Not laughing. I'm not laughing.
- Whatever. I'm goin' home.
- Oh, no you're not.
You're coming with us to the Groovy Smoothie
to interview all the guys who entered your little
Take-Carly-To-The-Dance contest.
- Oh, can't you and Carly and Spencer just handle it?
- It was your idea. - So? You don't need my help.
How many guys do you think are gonna show up?
- Seven hundred and fifty two guys?
- Hey! So ya see one ya like? - I don't know!
It's like one big giant sea of boy.
- Okay, I got a plan. - What?
- Speed-dating. - Speed-dating?
- FREDDIE: Yeah, we set up one long line that leads to you,
and then, each guy gets 15 seconds to impress you.
- How can I get to know someone in 15 seconds?
- Come on, six of my mom's best relationships
started in fifteen seconds.
- SPENCER: Uh, even at fifteen seconds apiece,
it's still gonna take Carly hours to meet this many guys.
- Okay, so we set up four tables.
Me, you, Carly, and Fredlumps.
The three of us pass the decent ones
on to Carly, and we eliminate the freaks.
We ready? - I guess.
- [whistle]
- Begin!
- Hi, I'm Rick.
- Hey, I'm Carly, and listen, I'm really sorry about this.
I had no idea Sam was gonna even have this contest
and then I thought, you know, maybe 10 or 15 guys
would show up here.
I had no idea there'd be this many,
and I know it's not fair to only give you 15 seconds,
but just do your best and we'll see how it goes.
- Okay, well-- - [beeper]
- Whoops sorry, time's up. Next!
- Hi, I'm Clark. - Nice to meet you, Clark.
So you'd like to take Carly to the dance?
- Um, I'd rather just make out with her.
- Next!
- I'm Kevin. - Freddie.
So tell me about you, Kevin.
- Well, I collect fishing lures.
My bedtime is 9:30 and girls usually don't like me
because I have an odd odor.
- You know, I think you might be perfect for Carly.
Next.
- And believe me, I never wanted to ask Gibby out,
but Carly guilted me into it.
So I ask the kid and he turns me down.
Gibby turns me down.
Like I'm not good enough for that shirtless potato!
- [beeper] - Sorry, you bored me. Leave.
- Just buy a bell pepper. - No!
- Four fifty. - T-bo!
- You're a male model?
- Well, I was, but I quit modeling
'cause now I'm a lead singer in this really cool band, and we--
- Carly would hate you.
- But no-- - Get out of here!
- Wow, so you're an artist? 'Cause I'm--
- [phone ringing] - I have to exercise now.
- ELECTRONIC VOICE: Hip swivel. - Hip swivel!
- ♪
- You taught your grandmother how to ice skate?
- Yeah, don't laugh. - Well, I'm laughing.
'Cause I'm trying to imagine my grandfather, like wearing
ice skates-- - BOY: You should have seen her.
I swear she was goin' faster than I was.
- How can an old lady go--
- I even taught her how to skate
backwards, which was totally--
- AUSTIN: I think my 15 seconds are up.
- Oh. Whoops. No they're not.
Keep talkin'.
- Hey.
- Whoa. - Does this look cute?
- Yeah, maybe a little too cute.
- What do you mean? - Come here. We need to talk.
- What about?
- Well, okay, you're going to a dance tonight,
you know, with a new guy. - Mm-hmm.
- So I just think it's time you and I had a little talk about--
- I'm not having this conversation.
- Thank you so much!
- [knock on door] - Oh, Austin's here.
Hey, Austin. - AUSTIN: Hey.
- Whoa, you look great.
- I was just gonna say that to you.
- Okay, we're all super-attractive here.
So how about a couple of pics?
- Okay. - No problem.
- One, two, three... Awesome.
- Hey, is that a GX-250? - Yep, 16 megapixels.
- My dad sent it to him from Japan while he was there--
- My brother's got a Dykon super-shot.
- Niiice. - I think Freddie has a Dykon--
- Hey, we should get to the dance.
- Oh. Well, okay.
- You guys have fun. - We will.
And don't worry, I'll be back--
- I'll have her back by midnight.
- Don't forget your purse. Get out of here.
- Bye. - Bye.
- You crazy kids.
- [phone ringing] - ELECTRONIC VOICE: Sit-ups.
- Aw!
And done.
[knock on door] - GIBBY: Who is it?
- It's me. Open the door, Gibby.
- Hey, Sam. Nice dress.
- Thanks.
What up with your hair? - Oh.
I used a leave-in conditioner. They have that now.
- I know.
- So whatcha doin' here?
- Well, I decided you are taking me to the dance.
Come on, let's go.
- But I told you I don't wanna go.
- Listen, I know I can be a little intimidating,
but you don't have to be scared of me, all right?
- But-- - SAM: Come on.
You don't wanna sit home by yourself and be a loser.
Don't you wanna go out? Have a little fun?
- Look, I really appreciate you comin' over here and--
- How long are you gonna keep me waiting?
Who's she?
Who's you?
- It's cool. She's just a friend.
Give me two seconds. - Okay.
- Who was that? - Tasha.
- SAM: And you're on a date with her?
- Yeah.
- Well, what's wrong with her?
- Nothin'.
Nothing at all.
- So why didn't you take Tasha to the dance?
- 'Cause it's girl's choice and she doesn't go
to our school.
- TASHA: Gibby, come on.
Your mom just brought us strawberries and whipped cream.
- Later.
- Mmm, good fries.
- I know. Crinkle cut are the best.
One time Spencer took me-- - Anybody into soccer?
- Soccer?
- Yeah, this Olympic soccer player
from Nigeria just moved in across the street from my house.
Pretty awesome.
- Yeah. - Freddie, drink your smoothie.
- Okay.
- That's weird.
- The power of magic! - It singed my hair.
- Yeah, I mean, that was a pretty cool trick,
but don't you think-- - One time my parents took me
and my brother camping, and we saw bears.
- Did you?
- Hey, wasn't my phone on the table a minute ago?
- Yeah, you set it down right after--
- Four bears. Big old paws. Grrrr!
- I know I put it right here--
- Would that be your phone, up there?
- Please put it down.
- As you wish.
- Well, that hurt.
- Oh, my God, it's already past my curfew.
- All right, no worries.
I'll call my mom and have her pick us up.
- CARLY: Freddie. - Yeah?
- She's gone.
- Best trick of the night.
- She really is an amazing magician.
Like, back at the dance--
- One time I was watching this reality show with celebrities.
They had to do stuff under water.
- So, as I was saying, I wonder--
- You guys ever been to Fresno? - Shut up!
- What? I was just--
- Shut up, shut up, shut up! - AUSTIN: What's your deal?
- My deal is you haven't let me finish one sentence all night and I can't take it anymore!
It's like you won't even let me-- - What are you trying to say? - Get out of here!
- And then there were two.
- Yep.
Just us.
Thank God.
- Not a very fun dance, was it? - Nope.
- ♪ My heart is calmer right now ♪
♪ It opened up a whole new world ♪
- What?
- Don't you think we both deserve
one nice dance tonight, with a person
we don't wanna kill?
- Absolutely.
- FREDDIE: Hey, T-bo.
Turn up the music?
- ♪ But then when I touch you and I disappear ♪
♪ Safe in your arms, you take me ♪
♪ And if you feel my love, just let it show ♪
♪ And if you want my heart, just let me know ♪
♪ Ooooh ♪
♪ 'Cause you are meant for me ♪
- Carly told me to tell you guys you gotta go to iCarly.com
In fact if you promise me
you're gonna go check out iCarly.com,
I will magically turn Gibby
into a five year old
and make him say "I love cheese".
Abracadabra
'till you're a five year old.
Augh!
Say it.
- I love cheese.
- [ding] - MAN: Mmm!
- [bubbling]