- ♪
- Here.
What's wrong?
- You asked me what I wanted to drink
and I said iced tea with lemon.
- Oh, I forgot the ice. - And the lemon.
- You know what's weird? - What?
- That I keep inviting you over!
- SPENCER: Aw man. Aww.
Hey.
- What up with the elevator? - SPENCER: I don't know.
It keeps breaking and getting stuck like this.
- [doorbell ringing] - Come on in.
- All right, who's ready to do a web show?
- Hi, Freddie. - Hey, Spencer.
- The elevator keeps getting stuck.
- Ah.
Ooh, are those cashews? I love cashews.
- Why does your voice sound deeper?
- I don't know. Puberty?
- Should I, like, call for help or something?
- SPENCER: Nah. I think I can get out.
The problem is this machine.
- What machine? - It's a smoker.
- A smoker? - SPENCER: Yeah.
You know, how sometimes when you go to concerts
and they have smoke all over the stage?
- Yeah. - Sure.
Well, my buddy Jeff is in a band and they needed one,
so I borrowed this smoker from Socko.
I can almost fit it through here.
Come on, you smoker!
- Hey, we got to start "iCarly" in 10 minutes.
- Where's your tech wizard friend?
- Yeah, where's your nerd? - He'll be here in a sec.
And he's not a nerd. - But I thought you said
you know him from the AV Club. - Yes, so?
Just 'cause we're in the AV Club,
that automatically makes us nerds?
- SPENCER: Aah!
Stupid smoker machine. Come on.
- You sure you don't want me to call for help?
- SPENCER: Yes. Oh, no.
Wait. Wait.
Call for help.
- FREDDIE: In five, four, three, two--
- ♪
CARLY: ♪ I know you see somehow the world will change for me ♪
♪ And be so wonderful ♪
♪ Live life, breathe air ♪
♪ I know somehow we're gonna get there ♪
♪ And feel so wonderful ♪
♪ It's all for real ♪
♪ I'm telling you just how I feel ♪
♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪
♪ It's your time to be ♪
♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪
♪ And it's time to see the brighter side...♪
♪ ...of every situation ♪
♪ Some things are meant to be ♪
♪ So give your best and leave the rest to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me ♪
- ♪ Leave it all to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me ♪
♪ Just leave it all to me ♪
- ♪
- In five, four, three, two--
- I'm Sam. - Carly here.
- And this is "iCarly."
- To start the show, Sam and I will now speed walk
in a circle for no apparent reason.
- [makes noise]
- SAM: And now-- - CARLY:
♪ Hula, hula, hula, hula ♪
♪ Hula, hula, hula, hula, hula, hula, hula, hula ♪
- [knocking]
- Come in.
- Ah, hello. - SPENCER: Who's there?
- Uh...I'm Shane. - Freddie's nerd friend?
- Um...uh...I guess. - Over here.
Hey, the elevator's stuck.
- Sorry. Listen, I'm really late. I need--
- Yeah. Freddie's upstairs doing the show
with Carly and Sam right now, you can just take the stairs.
- Thanks.
- Wait, you're not a nerd. You're kind of handsome.
- Thanks.
- Next, Sam and I will stuff blueberries
up our noses.
- Zoom in on this, Fredward.
- Yeah. This is classic stuff.
And now, I will hula dance like an idiot while Sam plays...
- The trombone, baby.
- ♪
- [giggles]
- Okay, on a live web show like "iCarly"--
- You never know what might happen.
- Like a friend of Freddie's just walked in.
- He's brand-new at our school.
- And he's gonna help us show you guys
a super cool experiment. - With magnetism.
- So let's meet Freddie's nice friend.
- Yes, let's meet him immediately.
- Come on, don't be shy.
- Yeah, come here, whatever your name is.
- His name's Shane. - Shane.
- Hi, Shane. - Hi.
- So you're in the AV Club with Freddie?
- Oh, yeah. Sure am. - Oh, wow. That's so awesome.
- And what's cooler than a guy in the AV Club?
- Nothing.
- Guys. Guys, the web show?
- Oh, right.
Up--coming up soon, Shane's gonna help Sam and me
show you guys a little-- - BOTH:
- [buzzing sounds] Magnets. Magnets.
- Magnets. Magnets.
- And now, as you can see, Shane is attaching
magnetic cuffs to our wrists.
- And the wires from the cuffs lead to a device called...
- Tell them, Shane.
- Cool. - You're so smart.
- Now, I will put one foot into a bucket of vinegar.
Hmm. Yes.
- And I will put my foot into a bucket of goat's milk.
- Power it up. - SHANE: Powering up.
- And now, watch what happens when we touch our tongues
to each end of this crystal rod.
- Isn't this cool.
- BOTH: Ta-da!
- ♪
- Hey. Either of you guys seen Shane?
- No, why? Is he coming by here?
- What time? - Well, calm down.
I was just wondering if you saw him.
I needed to give him back his flash drive.
- Let me do it! - Okay! I'll handle it.
Crazies.
- So, you kind of like Shane, right?
- Yeah.
Um, do you think it'd be crazy if I ask him out?
- Um, well, no.
It's just that-- - What?
You think he'd think I was being too pushy,
too desperate? - No.
- Well, tell me what you're thinking.
- I was thinking about asking him out.
- Oh.
Um-- - Yeah.
- I think the only way to be fair here
is to honor the girl code.
- So, whoever saw him first-- - Gets to date him.
- Agreed. - Good.
- BOTH: So I'm gonna ask him out.
- ♪
- CARLY: Okay, stop.
I guess it's kind of hard to tell.
- Yeah.
I saw him first. - I saw him first.
- SAM: Play it back frame by frame.
- Yeah. Frame by frame. - I just said frame by frame.
- I also said it. - All right. Take a look.
- Okay. - Coming up.
- About to happen. - Here it comes.
- FREDDIE: There. A dead tie.
So, I guess, neither of you can go out with Shane.
Oh, too bad. Bye.
- So what are we gonna do?
- Okay.
Who says we can't both go out with him?
- Don't you think the two of us going out with the same guy
could be kinda dangerous?
- No, it's not like we're talking about marrying the guy.
- Okay.
And you know why this is gonna work?
- 'Cause we're best friends. - Uh-huh.
And we're never gonna let some guy wreck that.
- Not in this lifetime. - No way.
- We're gonna be super mature about this.
- Yup. - Good.
I'm gonna call Shane right now and ask him out.
- Not without your cell phone, you're not.
- Sam!
- I was just kidding. - I know.
Give me back my sim card.
- ♪
- So you think it will work now?
- Should. Rewired the buttons. - Mm-hmm.
- Reset the gears. - Yeah.
- Greased the shaft. - Right.
- Should run fine now. - Great.
- [loud crash]
- Is everybody okay? What was that crash?
- We're fine. The elevator just dropped
nine floors to the basement.
- Yeah. How would I get down there?
- I don't know. I guess the stairs.
- Can you show me the stairs? - Yeah.
If you promise not to fix 'em.
- Hey, you guys hear that huge crash?
- Everybody's a critic.
- SAM: Hey. - Hey. Where have you been?
We got a ton of "iCarly" stuff to rehearse.
- Oh, I was just getting my homework done early.
- You were getting your homework done early?
For what class?
- The--you know, the one with the teacher...
...who says things.
- You can tell me if you were with Shane.
Remember, we're gonna be mature about this.
- Okay, I was with Shane. - Fine.
Where?
- He bought me a smoothie. - Oh, cool.
He bought me a smoothie last night.
- Oh, nice.
What size? - Medium.
- Aww. - That's all I wanted.
- Did he tell you that you have a cute nose?
- No.
- Interesting.
- Why? Did he tell you you have a cute nose?
- Oh, maybe. I don't remember. Yes.
- Did you feel his arm muscles?
- No. - Oh.
Well, they're large.
- You didn't feel his arm muscles.
- Yes, I did too,
he told me that he can beat his dad in arm wrestling
and I said, "No way," he said, "It's true."
And I said, "You must be really strong,"
he said, "I work out a little bit,"
I said, "Really?" and he said, "Yeah.
You wanna feel my biceps?" and I said, "Sure, I do."
And so I felt them and they felt awesome.
- I think that's great. - Good.
- But wouldn't it just be easier
if you wrote "I'm desperate" on your forehead?
- You take that back. - You take it back.
- Take what back? - Well, I don't know.
Just take it back. - Stop dating Shane.
- You stop. - No.
- I saw the boy first. - We saw him simultaneously.
- You're just jealous 'cause he said I had the cute nose.
- When he said that, did he also mention
that booger in it? - There's no booger in my nose.
- Well, I don't even care
'cause I have a date with Shane tonight.
- Obviously. - What's that supposed to mean?
- Why don't you ask your new helping bra?
- That's it! I'm out of here.
This is my house.
There's nothing wrong with a little help.
- ♪
- Hey. - Hi.
- I feel really bad about our fight.
- I do too.
- Brought you some makeup cookies. Try one.
- You try one first. - Okay.
I can't believe you think I'd poison the cookies.
- Well, with me out of the way, you'd have an all-access pass
to club Shane.
Mmm, really good. - Thanks.
- Hey, hey. I see cookies.
- Go for it. - Ooh, all right.
Mmm. Who made them? - Sam.
It's okay. She didn't put anything bad in them.
- Yeah, but when was the last time
Sam washed her hands?
- So, what are we gonna do about this whole Shane thing?
- I don't know.
- Well, I thought you guys decided you'd both date him.
- We did. - Not workin' out too well.
- Okay, so why don't you just let Sam date Shane
and you find someone else to date?
- Why?
- 'Cause I'm lonely and available.
- Hey, man. - Hey.
- We got an AV Club meeting. - Oh, right.
- Hey, Carly. Hey, Sam.
- Hi. - Hey.
- Let's go. - Whoa, whoa.
Uh, your hair looks a little weird
in the front here. - It looks fine.
- Uh, you made it worse. - No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did. - No, I didn't.
- See, it looked fine-- - --this way.
- Guys. Guys!
Come on, Shane. - I'll--I'll see you later.
- Okay. - Okay. Bye.
- Call me. - Text me.
Okay. Obviously, only one of us can date Shane
unless we wanna end up murdering each other.
- So, we flip a coin?
- Nah, I don't think we should decide this randomly.
- Then what? We let Shane pick? - Yes.
I got it. - Go.
- Whichever one of us Shane kisses first
gets to date him.
- Rules? - We can't kiss him.
He has to kiss one of us. - Terms of the kiss?
- It has to be lips to lips... - I enjoy lips to lips.
- ...and it has to last at least three seconds.
- Or longer. - Yes. Longer would be nice.
- ♪
- How long do you think it'll take
before the elevator's fixed?
- I don't know, three or four.
- Three or four what?
Days? Weeks? Months? - Yeah. Maybe five.
- Five what?
- Look, buddy, I'm just a dancer.
- You're not a dancer.
- Five, six, seven, eight.
Paa!
- I'm sorry.
- ♪
♪
- Not for nine billion dollars.
- Don't worry. I don't wanna kiss you.
But I do want you to win this Shane contest.
- You don't want me to win. You just want Carly to lose.
- That is--true.
'Cause if you're dating Shane,
that'll make Carly want a boyfriend.
Then, I get-- - Whoa, whoa.
Shh, shh. Here he comes. Go, go.
No. Go, go. - Okay, fine.
- Oh, hi, Shane. - Oh, hey, Sam.
A kissing booth? - Uh-huh.
- Yeah, what, uh, charity does the money go to?
- Oh, you know, that charity that helps old people
become less...irritating.
- Well, I'd love to help out.
You know, I left my wallet in my locker.
- Ah, Bobby, come here.
- What? - Loan Shane a dollar.
- Uh, o-okay. - [bell ringing]
- Oh, hey, later, okay?
If I'm late to class again, Mr. Kaplan will kill me.
- But-- - I don't think I have a dollar.
What can I get with ¢50? - I'll spit on you.
- Deal. - Get out of here.
- ♪
- [doorbell ringing]
- Shane! Come on in.
- Um, if we're gonna catch the movie,
we should go now before the-- - You know what?
Let's just blow off the movie and hang out here.
- Uh, sure. - Let's sit down on the couch.
- Okay. - Iced coffee?
- Thanks. - Use the coaster.
- Okay.
Uh, I don't see where-- - Oh, under the blue folder.
- Oh, there they are.
"A Chance for Romance," an original play by Carly Shay.
- Yeah. - I didn't know you write plays.
- Well, I do sometimes.
Anyway, um, I'm gonna perform this one in class,
but I can't find anyone to rehearse it with.
- Oh, well, uh, you know, I've been in a couple of plays.
- Okay. Oh, look, here's another copy.
Page nine. You start. - Okay.
Mabel, you look so beautiful in the moonlight.
- Oh, Bruno, thanks. You rock for saying that.
- Mabel, I love you.
- I love you, too, but our parents,
they'll never let us be together.
- I know, but still, we have this moment.
Here, now.
- But what if someone should see us?
- Shh, shh, shh.
You talk too much.
It says-- It says that Bruno kisses Mabel passionately
for at least three seconds.
- Oh, yeah. Look at that. It sure does.
- I don't know if it's okay-- - Oh, this is acting.
We're being actors right now,
and a good actor always follows the script, right?
Here, I'll take it from--
But what if someone should see us?
- Okay.
Shh, shh, shh. You talk too much.
- Hey, look! - What?
- I made toast by leaving a piece of bread in the sun
next to a mirror and some tin foil.
- No way! - Yeah, come look.
I'll show you my rig. - Cool.
- ♪
- Here he comes.
Sam!
Oh man, she's unconscious. - Hey, what's wrong with Sam?
- I don't think she's breathing,
but I don't know what to do, you better take over.
Come on, you know how to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
- Yeah. I was certified in CPR last year.
- Well, get to it, man. - Okay, okay.
- WOMAN: Out of my way! Give me some room! Move!
- Wait. I'm feeling better. - Just hold still!
- I'm fine, all right?
- I'm gonna report you to the principal
for impersonating a sick person.
What is your name? - Rebecca Berkowitz!
I'll text you later.
- ♪
- I'm back. - The electricity still out?
- Uh, yeah. Here, have a strawberry.
- Thanks.
- So, where were we? - Uh, can we take a break?
I can't really see my book in this light.
- Sure. That's a great idea.
You're full of great ideas.
- [soft music]
- How is the stereo working? - What do you mean?
- You said the electricity was out.
- Oh, right.
Well, I guess some of it came back on.
- But if the stereo-- - Ow, ow, ow!
- SHANE: What-- - There's something in my eye.
- Oh. - Uh, can you see anything?
There might be an eyelash in there.
Uh, look in my eye.
- It's hard to see in this light.
- Oh, then I'll get closer. Um, see anything weird?
- Uh, no. But-- - But what?
- But you have a really pretty eye.
- Yeah? You think so?
- Uh-huh.
- What up? What up? What up?
Wow, it's so dark in here.
- Uh, foul! - What foul?
- You intentionally sabotaged my moment.
- How could I intentionally sabotage--
- Shane was totally about to kiss me.
- Really? - Girls--
- You know what you did?
- No, I know what the deal was.
- This isn't fair. It's not fair. You sabotaged me.
- Girls!
I don't know what's up with you two,
but I've had enough of it!
I've seen girls get competitive
over a guy before, but you two are out of control.
- Wait, Shane-- - You girls call me
when you learn to be a little more--
[screaming]
- [thud]
- ♪
- He looks so...broken. - Poor Shane.
- He'll be all right.
- How long before he's up and around?
- Hard to say.
It could be three, four.
- Days?
- Weeks? - Maybe five.
- NURSE: Dr. Lindy, 03. - I gotta get that.
Don't stay too long. - NURSE: Dr. Lindy, pick up 03.
- Let's never compete over a guy ever again.
- Never. - Good.
- Well, come on, the hospital cafeteria
has turkey fingers. - I'm up for food.
- Surprise, surprise.
- ♪
- [exhales] I win.
- ♪
- Okay. I can't brush my teeth like this.
- Why not? - It's too quiet.
- ♪ My baby ♪
♪ Summer love isn't meant to be ♪
♪ And it's only a fantasy ♪
♪ That's what everyone's tellin' me ♪
♪ Stay, my baby. Stay, my baby ♪
♪ Even though it's a little rushed ♪
- [bell] - MAN: Mmm!
- [burble]