1
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:48,880
HARRY: Man, will you look at all the hot tail
running around this place?

2
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,314
HARRY: Man, will you look at all the hot tail
running around this place?

3
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:53,351
Look, look. Oh, God.

4
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,950
Dad, listen, could you just... Please,
please don't embarrass me today, okay?

5
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:58,513
- Embarrass you?
- Not today.

6
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,517
Son, you spent the entire summer depressed

7
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,200
because your girlfriend ran off
with that pretty boy, Trent.

8
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,073
Now, you gotta get out there
and crush some ass!

9
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,519
It's the only way to get your mind off her.

10
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,200
- Yes. Yes, that is what I'm talking about.
- Yes, huh?

11
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,311
"Crush some ass"? Oh, come on.

12
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,393
Wait, wait, wait.

13
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,954
- I'll show you how it's done.
- Oh, no. No, no, no.

14
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,798
- HARRY: Watch this. Just watch and learn.
- Just please drive.

15
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,832
HARRY: Excuse me, ladies? Hi. Hi.

16
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,155
- This is my son, Erik.
- Hi.

17
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,993
(CLEARING THROAT)
And he's moving in today,

18
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:32,238
and we were just wondering
if maybe either of you were interested

19
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,952
in showing him a good time?

20
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:35,839
No, thanks.

21
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:38,038
COOZE: (LAUGHING) Oh!

22
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,309
HARRY: I'm sorry.

23
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,398
- He's a stallion, just like his old man!
- No, Dad, come on!

24
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:43,430
(HARRY NEIGHING)

25
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:44,470
Well, I tried, Erik.

26
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:46,238
Yeah, thanks.
Now I'm gonna have to transfer.

27
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:51,635
- Son, son?
- Yeah.

28
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:52,954
I want to show you something.

29
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:56,436
That is the list of all the chicks
I ever banged.

30
00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:59,035
Are you serious?

31
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,435
- Is that two-sided? It is! Nice!
- It is!

32
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,757
Yeah. It's a good goal for you to try
to keep up with your old man.

33
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,028
Hey, Dad, why isn't Mom's name
the last name on the list there?

34
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,070
Uh...

35
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:13,352
We didn't tell you, but when you were three,
we had a trial separation for a week.

36
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:14,674
Trial...

37
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:18,073
Dad, there's like... Well,
there's 10 names here for that week alone.

38
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,794
Yeah, I went on kind of
a poon-tang bender, there.

39
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:21,955
Is that my mom's name?

40
00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,640
Yeah, you know, on second thought,
I'll just kind of hang on to that.

41
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,320
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Come on, guys. Let's get loaded here!

42
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,791
- I'm sorry.
- Cooze, grab a box.

43
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,273
- Did you have sex with his mom?
- Yeah.

44
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:33,435
How was it?

45
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:34,675
(EXCLAIMS DISGUSTEDLY)

46
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,955
Wow! This place is amazing.

47
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:46,915
Hi.

48
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,873
God, there are girls everywhere.

49
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,634
This is my room.

50
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,830
It still kind of sucks
that we're not gonna be rooming together.

51
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,030
Dude, whatever.
You're gonna be right down the hall.

52
00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,832
Besides, I got a single.

53
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,678
- Hold on to this. I'm gonna find a bathroom.
- All right.

54
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,438
I'll be right back.

55
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,357
Hi, how you doing?
Mike Coozeman. Glad to meet you.

56
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,032
(UNZIPPING PANTS)

57
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,756
Wow. This is gonna
take some getting used to.

58
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:15,869
(ERIK CHUCKLES)

59
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,754
Yeah, isn't this the guy's bathroom?

60
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,713
No, it's coed. All the dorms are like this.

61
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,278
Cool, coed, yeah.

62
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,277
Don't worry. I won't peek.

63
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,358
Yeah, I won't peek... I won't peek, either.

64
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,199
- ASHLEY: I'm Ashley, what's your name?
- I'm Erik.

65
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,591
- ASHLEY: Well, it's nice to meet you, Erik.
- It's nice to meet you, too.

66
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:38,789
(SHOWER RUNNING)

67
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:42,833
Hey, do you think you could pass me
my shampoo? It's just right there.

68
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,915
- Yeah. Just give me a minute here, okay?
- Thanks.

69
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,159
ASHLEY: Erik?

70
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,871
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

71
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,115
ASHLEY: Erik?

72
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,152
Alittle help here?

73
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:14,359
(SIGHS)

74
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,357
(GROANS)

75
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:18,758
BOBBY: Ride the white whale, baby!

76
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,029
Ride the white whale.

77
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,230
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, my God. Oh, man. I'm sorry.

78
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,270
I'm sorry, the doorwas...

79
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,753
- Hey, you must be Erik.
- I am.

80
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:25,949
- I'm Bobby.
- Hi.

81
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,354
- BOBBY: Hey.
- Hey, hey.

82
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,232
- Come on in, man.
- ERIK: No, no, no. It's...

83
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,158
- You guys are busy. I can come back later.
- Okay, listen. This is your place, too,

84
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,589
and don't worry about Margie.
She's not exactly shy.

85
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,119
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) No, she's not.

86
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,550
- Sit down. You want a beer? .
- No.

87
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,477
- You sure?
- ERIK: Yeah.

88
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,433
Are you hungry?
Margie cooked up some mean bratwurst.

89
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:45,629
(BED CREAKING)

90
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,320
- No, I just had a sandwich. Thanks.
- BOBBY: All right.

91
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,351
- Where're you from?
- East Great Falls.

92
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:51,959
(GROANING) East Great Falls.

93
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,756
Slow down, sassy pants.

94
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,155
All right, baby?
I'm trying to have a conversation.

95
00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:00,349
Yeah.

96
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:05,317
- College! Yeah! Best years of our lives!
- Yeah.

97
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:06,839
Put it up.

98
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,876
BOBBY: Oh, high...
ERIK: High-five.

99
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,155
(MARGIE MOANING)

100
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:12,429
You wanna jump in on this?

101
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,755
- Come on. Margie loves it.
- No, no, no. Margie, no, no.

102
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,632
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, I'm good.

103
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,638
Look, it was very nice to meet you,
Bobby and Margie.

104
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,637
Actually, I just came
to change my pants here.

105
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:25,594
I spilled a drink on it earlier,
so I'm just gonna let you guys... Yeah.

106
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:26,596
(COUGHING)

107
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,153
Are you role-playing again?

108
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:32,068
Say the safe word, baby. Say the safe...
Baby? Are you choking?

109
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,952
- Dude, I think she's choking!
- What?

110
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,354
BOBBY: I think she's choking.
You gotta do something.

111
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:36,390
- Do something.
- BOBBY: I can't do anything!

112
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,112
I'm tied up and basted
like a Thanksgiving turkey.

113
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:41,357
ERIK: All right, all right, all right. I got it.
Hold on. From the spot.

114
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:42,595
Oh, my Jesus.

115
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:43,994
BOBBY:
What do you want me to do with all this...

116
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,348
ERIK: Get out!

117
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,038
- Erik? No!
- BOBBY: Sorry.

118
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,036
(BOBBY MOANING)

119
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,593
All right, son!

120
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:50,596
(COUGHING)

121
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,109
Yeah! That's what being a Stifler's all about.

122
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,078
- No, no, no. She was choking.
- HARRY: That's it!

123
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,474
- I was helping her.
- That's how Stiflers do college.

124
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,194
Now, let's just give these kids some privacy.

125
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,151
(WHISPERING) Doing good. Keep it up.

126
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,475
I'm not trying to freak you out, roomie,
but I just totally came.

127
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:42,914
Is this where
Laura Johnson and Sara Coleman live?

128
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,956
Yeah, I'm Laura Johnson
and this is my roommate, Sara.

129
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,669
My name is Dwight Stifler.

130
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,392
I'm here with the
Freshman Welcoming Committee,

131
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,670
and I've been given instructions
to escort you ladies

132
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,836
on a guided tour of the entire campus.

133
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,315
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah.

134
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,556
Should we wear anything special?

135
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,916
Dude, there is no way that everybody
in this is a student here.

136
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,031
Look, he's holding her boob.

137
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,275
He is.

138
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,995
No, man, they are.
I've had a subscription for, like, a year.

139
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,633
That'll be good.

140
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,558
That's not a cologne ad.

141
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,990
I've used that exact issue
more times than I can count.

142
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:23,275
(COOZE EXCLAIMS DISGUSTEDLY)

143
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,355
(SNIFFING)

144
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:25,959
You smell pretty.

145
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:28,669
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

146
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,314
- Sorry.
- That was so uncalled for.

147
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:37,159
- Wow.
- Is this Erik Stifler's room?

148
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,229
Yeah.

149
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,316
Welcome to college, boys.

150
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:50,872
Yeah. No, I wouldn't lie to you.
I'm dead serious.

151
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,753
Most sororities won't even give you a bid
unless you've had a threesome.

152
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,836
It shows that you work well
within the group dynamic,

153
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,393
and that you're really prepared
for sisterhood.

154
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,430
You know what I'm saying?

155
00:07:58,560 --> 00:07:59,993
- Really?
- Yeah.

156
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,235
Oh, man. Who is this guy?

157
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,828
Dude, he's the reason we came
to college here.

158
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,388
- You like that?
- That was awesome.

159
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,432
You have to give a little bit back
every now and then.

160
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,279
- Hey, hey, shower buddy!
- Oh, hey. Hi.

161
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,469
Shower buddy?

162
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,433
Yeah, Erik and I met
when I was showering this afternoon.

163
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,437
- Really?
- Yeah.

164
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,313
Oh, right, the coed bathrooms. Yeah.

165
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,271
It took me about three years
to get the board of trustees

166
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,550
to approve that one. Worth it.

167
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,238
Oh, Ashley, hi. This...

168
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:33,794
Everyone, this is Ashley.
Ashley, this is everyone.

169
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:34,909
ASHLEY: Hi, everybody.

170
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,759
This is my roommate, Denise.
She just came here from Georgia.

171
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,393
Hey, y'all.

172
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,717
Well, I do declare, a real life Scarlett O'Hara.

173
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:43,829
(GIGGLING) Oh, my.

174
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,393
Well, hey, you guys aren't taking off,
are you?

175
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,637
Yeah, we're going to this cocktail mixer
at the Epsilon Sigma Kappa House.

176
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,672
Oh, no, no, no. The Geek House?
No, trust me.

177
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,268
- I wanna stay but...
- ASHLEY: But we promised, so...

178
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,756
Plus, Ashley thinks this party
is a little bit déclassé.

179
00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:58,949
What? Like sleazy?

180
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,799
Hey, baby. How you doing, sweetheart?
Grab a beer.

181
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,433
No, you got the wrong idea
about this whole thing.

182
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,199
Look, this is just a little meet and greet
that I set up to, sort of,

183
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:07,799
you know, demonstrate our school spirit

184
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,309
and our, you know,
dedication to this university.

185
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,351
Beta House fucking rules!

186
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,359
(EXCLAIMING)

187
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,797
(COOZE LAUGHS)

188
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:20,589
(EXCLAIMS)

189
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,039
Real classy.

190
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,072
- Erik, it was really nice to see you again.
- Yeah.

191
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,997
- Guys, till next time.
- Yeah, see you.

192
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,348
GIRLS: Bye, guys.
COOZE: Bye.

193
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,198
- It's nice to meet you.
- See you.

194
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,118
Hey, Stifler,
what's up with this Geek House?

195
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,434
Yeah, I never even heard of it.

196
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:39,236
I know a Geek house sounds harmless,
but they are a nightmare.

197
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:41,473
DWIGHT:
They were a social club for decades,

198
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,875
till a group of rich geeks came in
and threw some money around,

199
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,991
built the house, got a new charter.

200
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,678
COOZE: Wait, a geek fraternity?

201
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,791
DWIGHT: To get in,
you need, like, perfect SAT scores.

202
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,911
Transfer $2 million to my Swiss account.

203
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:55,430
DWIGHT: Then they check your family tree
and calculate future earnings potential.

204
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:59,075
No, I said buy at 60, not sell at 60.
You're fucking fired!

205
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,400
DWIGHT: They got billionaire alumni.

206
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:00,832
DWIGHT: They got billionaire alumni.

207
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,109
Hey, it's only 100 grand.

208
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,838
DWIGHT: They run the student government,
and the faculty loves them.

209
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,796
But don't even get me started
on the women.

210
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:14,149
They attract the most beautiful women
from the entire school.

211
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,752
BOBBY: Who wants to hang out
with a house full of geeks?

212
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,751
DWIGHT: It's a new world out there.

213
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,757
These women realise
that the geeks are gonna be the millionaires

214
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:23,995
right out of school.

215
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,429
They've just adjusted their nesting habits.

216
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,398
Hey, don't sweat it.
Beta's still where the party's at, right?

217
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:37,753
Look out!
Stifler, the judging's about to begin.

218
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,279
(BULL EXHALES)

219
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:41,270
Judging?

220
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:42,958
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

221
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,275
(POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH SPEAKERS)

222
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,118
Oh, the Beta House never disappoints.

223
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,550
- Are you serious? It's always like this?
- All the time.

224
00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:01,393
- These girls are ridiculous.
- Ridiculous. Get the clipboard.

225
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:07,749
(WHOOPING)

226
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:11,190
Sweetie, you are naughty.
I am keeping you after class.

227
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:15,317
Bring that ruler. I've also been bad.

228
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,391
And this one over here's got great abs.

229
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,398
They look like fresh buttered rolls
right out of the oven.

230
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,988
This is the best idea I've ever had!

231
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:29,638
- No, I just... I can't handle it.
- This is chicken scratch. You're a caveman.

232
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,273
(BULL EXCLAIMS)

233
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,958
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

234
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,633
She's pulling them out.
She's pulling them out.

235
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,318
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

236
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:44,475
(ALL GASPING)

237
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,312
Perfect 10!

238
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:51,315
(BOTH WHOOPING)

239
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,396
- Beta! Beta!
- ALL: Beta! Beta!

240
00:11:56,080 --> 00:12:00,392
Ladies and gentlemen,
depravity is haunting this university.

241
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:05,232
Sex, alcohol, vulgarity, stupidity.

242
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:09,635
Once, this was a respected institution
of higher learning.

243
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,718
We are declaring a new age
at this university.

244
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,068
An age in which a student's worth

245
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,794
is no longer measured
by his blood alcohol level,

246
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,593
but rather, his GPA.

247
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:24,430
We formed this fraternity to change the way
geeks are thought of in this country.

248
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:28,510
But as history has proven,

249
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,438
for a new civilization to emerge,

250
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,154
another must crumble.

251
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,474
We must destroy the Betas.

252
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,273
Hey, Stacey, my hands are wet.
I can't get this beer open.

253
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,594
Will you do it for me?

254
00:12:55,920 --> 00:13:00,118
Thanks. Those Kegel muscle exercises
are really paying off, huh?

255
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,595
So what do we have to do to become Betas?

256
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,270
Well, obviously, you guys are cool with me.

257
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,630
What you need to do
is impress the rush chair, Wesley.

258
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:08,795
- Have you guys met Wesley?
- ALL: Uh-uh.

259
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,239
You haven't? All right.
He's in the other room.

260
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,873
Come on, I'll introduce you. Follow me.

261
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,991
(WESLEY PLAYING PIANO)

262
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,639
DWIGHT:
Don't be fooled by his appearance.

263
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,832
His nickname is the Blackout Menace.

264
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:23,870
He's a perfect student,

265
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,956
except for his habit
of getting belligerently drunk,

266
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,152
blacking out,
causing complete and total mayhem,

267
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:30,998
and never remembering a thing.

268
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,155
Uh...

269
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,953
Excuse me. Where is this plane going to?

270
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:46,748
Detroit.

271
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,433
Thank God.

272
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:55,030
All right, excuse me.
Where is it coming from?

273
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,388
Bangkok.

274
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:02,834
- Whose kid is that?
- Yours. You adopted him yesterday.

275
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,439
Congratulations.

276
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:09,075
Hey, buddy.

277
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:12,839
Are you serious?

278
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:16,669
Yep, just dropped Sung Lee off
at their embassy this last week.

279
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,873
Kid nearly caused an international incident.

280
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,388
Wesley!

281
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,874
Sorry to interrupt.
Wesley, this is my cousin and his buddies.

282
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,669
- Hi.
- WESLEY: Hey.

283
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,119
- Erik, right?
- ERIK: Yeah.

284
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:32,198
Mike Coozeman.
How come we didn't see you last year?

285
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,437
I was in a Mexican jail.
I had to tunnel my way out.

286
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:39,473
But I made it back in time for finals
which is what we're all about here at Beta,

287
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:40,953
education.

288
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:42,715
Right.

289
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,398
- You wanna dance?
- Yeah.

290
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,119
Let's get sexy.

291
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,115
(DWIGHT WHISTLING)

292
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:50,878
Hey, you ready?

293
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,390
There's a hundred hot horny chicks
here tonight. I'm counting on you.

294
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,795
(POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH SPEAKERS)

295
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,876
Get some, baby! Get some!

296
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,719
(PLAYING PIANO)

297
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:33,116
(SINGING) Call me irresponsible

298
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,391
Call me unreliable

299
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,356
Oh, you gotta be kidding me!

300
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,268
(BANGING PIANO KEYBOARD)

301
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,790
Are you gonna start drinking?
Because I desperately need a wing man.

302
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:48,356
No, I'm not drinking tonight, Bull.
I had a rough night last week.

303
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,358
Oh, really? Really? That's fine.

304
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,550
Because then I just might have
to tell these fine, young ladies

305
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:58,229
about a certain frat boy
and a Mexican transvestite!

306
00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,349
All right, all right, all right.

307
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,159
One drink.

308
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,798
Yeah, just one.

309
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:25,509
DWIGHT: Hey.

310
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:27,029
What the hell's with you, man?

311
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:30,357
Can you not see all this prime ass
a foot from your face?

312
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,596
Yeah, man, I see. It's... It's pretty cool.

313
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,518
Yeah, it's cool. You should be tearing it up!

314
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:36,516
You guys, it's just...

315
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,790
Remember last year?
We came up here, I had the time of my life.

316
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,117
You know, I did stuff I neverwould
have dreamed I would've ever done,

317
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,639
and I kind of figured it would change me.

318
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,513
Yeah, okay.
So you got drunk and you ran naked, right?

319
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,790
But you blew it
with a really hot sorority chick

320
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,911
to run home and have sex
with your little girlfriend.

321
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,031
Yeah, Erik. That stunt might
have won you points in high school,

322
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,037
- but this isn't high school.
- No.

323
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:56,354
I guess you guys are right.

324
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,233
Listen, college is your one chance
to start over. Okay?

325
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,636
You get to hit the reset button on life.
You get to be anybody you wanna be.

326
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:06,548
- Never thought of it like that before.
- Yeah. Here, slug that.

327
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,758
- That a boy. Julie, this is my cousin, Erik.
- JULIE: Hey.

328
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,633
I just wanted you to know Erik voted
for you in the hottie contest,

329
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:17,876
and since he's, like,
the ladies' man of the family,

330
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,877
I totally trust his taste.

331
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,438
- You want to dance, gorgeous?
- I'd love to.

332
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,793
(SOFTLY) Anybody you wanna be. Yeah.

333
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,395
(POP MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)

334
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,799
Wow, you can really put that away.

335
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,150
You kidding me?
This stuff is like waterto me.

336
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,390
(MUSIC STOPS)

337
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:47,120
(ALL EXCLAIMING DISAPPOINTEDLY)

338
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,792
(ALL EXCLAIMING DISAPPOINTEDLY)

339
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,157
Hey, hey, everybody,
settle down for a second!

340
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,430
We're just having
a little, minor technical glitch.

341
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,949
No big deal.
We'll get everything fixed up in a minute.

342
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:56,956
(EDGAR LAUGHING)

343
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,680
I don't think so, Stifler!

344
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:03,031
You see,
you overloaded your prehistoric circuits.

345
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,913
I'm afraid your music won't be coming on
forthe rest of the night.

346
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,112
Don't... Don't listen to him.
We'll get everything fixed in a minute.

347
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,834
That won't matter
because by Jake's calculations,

348
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,076
based on the amount
of kegs and liquor you bought,

349
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,272
you should be running out, just about now.

350
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,960
- Bullshit.
- The fucking kegs are dry!

351
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:21,274
(ALL EXCLAIMING DISAPPOINTEDLY)

352
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,516
We're out of fucking booze!

353
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:25,350
(BOBBY EXCLAIMING)

354
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,708
WESLEY: I know!

355
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,035
Settle down! It's fine. We'll make a beer run.

356
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:30,559
EDGAR: They could do that,

357
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,878
or you can all come to the Geek House
where we have enough liquor to last a week,

358
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,639
along with all the champagne you can drink.

359
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,275
(EDGAR LAUGHS CONTENTEDLY)

360
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:43,109
We also have a heated pool
and enough swimsuits for everyone.

361
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,390
That is, if you even want to wear one.

362
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:46,555
Yeah!

363
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,114
(GIRLS SHRIEKING)

364
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,151
Are you fucking kidding me?

365
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,952
Oh, it's your choice, people.

366
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,799
- Stay here and get puked on...
- Okay, I'm out of here.

367
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,115
Or come party, VIP style.

368
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,595
All right! Let's go! Let's go!

369
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,199
(ALL CHEERING)

370
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:07,830
(WHOOPING)

371
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:12,959
Fucking Edgar.

372
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:13,990
(BULL GROWLING)

373
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:17,396
Prick really knows how
to throw that money around, huh?

374
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,078
Oh, yeah.

375
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,078
Oh, but it doesn't help that numbnuts here
barfed all overthe chicks, either.

376
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,553
DWIGHT: Yeah.

377
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,592
- Sorry about that.
- You look disgusting.

378
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:28,549
(ALL EXCLAIM DISGUSTEDLY)

379
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,309
- Erik, for crying out loud, man!
- I'll clean it up.

380
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:37,918
(SIGHING)

381
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:41,559
Not again.

382
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,359
Morning, sexy.

383
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,477
Some party, huh?

384
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,830
Hey, baby. How you doing?

385
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,399
No. No, no, no.

386
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,397
(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

387
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,311
DWIGHT: How you feeling there, cuz?

388
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,990
A lot better. Thanks.

389
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,588
No need for thanks, we're family.

390
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,392
Right now, I gotta run.
I gotta go down to the basement,

391
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,795
take care of some official Beta business.

392
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,195
- Have some of Peaches' eggs.
- Okay.

393
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,117
All right. Thanks, Peaches.

394
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:18,639
(PEACHES SPEAKING SPANISH)

395
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:19,670
DWIGHT: Oh, buddy.

396
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:22,595
(LAUGHING)

397
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:23,709
(WHOOPING)

398
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,478
- I need this place.
- BULL: That a boy!

399
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,110
- WESLEY: Yeah.
- Off the hook! Work it!

400
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,958
So, guys, the hard-on champ is in?

401
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,035
- Yeah!
- ALL: All right.

402
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,513
BULL: Aye, aye.

403
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,116
DWIGHT: Yeah, I love this guy.

404
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,958
Beta? I love Beta!

405
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:40,990
(LAUGHING)

406
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,917
BOBBY: You like Beta, baby?
DWIGHT: Best rack in the house, though.

407
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,758
I fucking love Beta, baby!

408
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:45,915
(LAUGHING)

409
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,031
Shut up! Shut up! Everyone calm down.

410
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,434
I told you I didn't want to drink.

411
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,074
Look how the pig squeals!
Look how the pig squeals!

412
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,792
All in favour of Bobby Coolidge?

413
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,035
- Everyone.
- Aye, aye.

414
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,354
- Aye, aye.
- Aye, aye.

415
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,511
DWIGHT: All right, all right.

416
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,277
WESLEY: Oh, man!
BULL: Jesus!

417
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,434
BULL: Holy crap! Wow!

418
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,949
WESLEY: Man, this guy really knows
how to work a room.

419
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,310
Give him a bid.
He'll be a pussy magnet, buddy.

420
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:11,919
Yeah!

421
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,512
BULL: Oh, no!

422
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,349
DWIGHT: Hey, hey, hey!
All right, that's my cousin. Take it easy.

423
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,951
No offence, brother, okay? But I don't know
if your cousin is up for the challenge, man.

424
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,072
I'm with Bull on this one.
I mean, he's a nice kid,

425
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,873
but he passed up sleeping
with Brandy, man.

426
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,558
All right, all right, all right.

427
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,353
Look, I know Erik missed his big chance
to, like, sleep with the one girl

428
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,233
that, I'm assuming, everybody in this room
would lop off your left nut to bang.

429
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:39,873
- Am I right?
- BULL: Two nuts.

430
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,433
All right, does that mean
he's not Beta material?

431
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,039
- Yes!
- ALL: Yeah!

432
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:47,392
(SIGHING) He was young and dumb
and in love. He's a... He's a late bloomer.

433
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,272
I think he's gonna surprise you
this semester.

434
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,760
And anyway, he's a legacy,
so he's automatically getting a bid.

435
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,591
So you can all fuck off.

436
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,071
- Aye.
- Aye, aye!

437
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,270
DWIGHT:
Yeah, that's what I thought, bitches.

438
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,276
(BULL LAUGHING)

439
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:01,674
(TOILET FLUSHING)

440
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,551
- Hey, you.
- Hi.

441
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,592
- We have to stop meeting like this.
- (CHUCKLING) Yeah.

442
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,670
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I just had a really rough night.

443
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:22,108
(CHUCKLES) You know, I think Denise has
a crush on yourfriend, Cooze.

444
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,878
She thinks he's sweet.

445
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,719
- Denise thinks Cooze is sweet?
- Yeah.

446
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:33,639
- Wait, actually...
- Erik, I...

447
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,832
- (SIGHING) I was thinking...
- Look, I'm just thinking...

448
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,872
- Do you wanna go out with me once?
- Yeah.

449
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,197
- Really?
- Yeah. That would be really nice.

450
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,517
Okay, keep...
You have really pretty teeth, by the way.

451
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,718
(FIREALARM RINGING)

452
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:02,878
What's going on?

453
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:04,634
This sucks.

454
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,878
Hey, guys. Don't go that way.
This way's quicker.

455
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:08,910
(BOBBY YAWNING)

456
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,873
- Dude, I left the best sandwich in my dorm.
- COOZE: This sucks.

457
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,353
(ALL SIGHING)

458
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,115
(COOZE EXCLAIMS)

459
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,710
- Wait a second. Where are we?
- I don't see any sandwiches here.

460
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,638
Hey, guys. You wanna see something?

461
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:25,630
(ALL GASPING)

462
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,637
- COOZE: Yes.
- That is...

463
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,432
(EXCLAIMING)

464
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,039
Gentlemen,

465
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,712
today is the first day
of the rest of your lives.

466
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:53,755
You are the select few who have
been chosen to pledge the Beta House.

467
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,393
Beta, baby!

468
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:03,520
Now, most fraternities do the pledging thing
a little bit differently than we do.

469
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,758
Most pledging consists
of hate-filled mental and physical hazing

470
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,279
designed to break you down.

471
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,072
But here at Beta,

472
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:16,354
I, Dwight Stifler, your pledge master,
have devised an elaborate scientific plan

473
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,392
to build teamwork and brotherhood.

474
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,919
Gentlemen, I give you your pledge board.

475
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,312
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

476
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,476
On this pledge board are 50 tasks

477
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,558
that you and your pledge brothers
must complete by semester's end

478
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,318
if you want to become Betas.

479
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,431
To start things off,

480
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:40,269
I say we begin with my personal favourite,
number 37.

481
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,875
(POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH SPEAKERS)

482
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:50,955
Okay, so here's the low-down.

483
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:56,837
One of you has got to get your ass signed
by a stripperwith photo proof. All right?

484
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,079
All right, we're gonna go get a drink.

485
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:00,110
- Wesley...
- Yeah.

486
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,231
Don't bother us.

487
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,915
Okay, who's gonna try and do this?

488
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:12,199
Oh, you guys, I got this. Who's got a pen?
That'll do.

489
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,190
Hey, baby, how's about signing my ass
while I'm up here?

490
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,029
(CRASHING)

491
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,471
She got Cooze! We gotta help him!

492
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:29,675
(GRUNTS)

493
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,231
Down goes fatty!

494
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:33,989
(GROWLING)

495
00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:35,997
Stripper brawl!

496
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,436
ERIK: Stifler, we need some help!

497
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,479
Oh, cousin got clothes-lined.
That's a shame.

498
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,550
That's gonna leave a big bruise.

499
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:53,838
(BOBBY GASPING)

500
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,190
Those girls are wild tonight.

501
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,039
I used to fuck girls like you in prison.

502
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,596
- Oh, I love a good stripper brawl.
- Who doesn't?

503
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:07,675
(CRASHING)

504
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,720
- NICK: You started it!
- Way to go, Cooze.

505
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:11,789
- NICK: You started it!
- Way to go, Cooze.

506
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,399
What? I didn't do anything.

507
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,432
You charged that stripper with a pen
like you were going to shove it in her ass.

508
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:18,312
COOZE: Maybe if her panties
smelled like waffles,

509
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:19,589
then you would have done something...

510
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:20,869
Shut up. Shut up!

511
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,638
- BOBBY:... some syrup. That idiot?
- I bet she would have liked that.

512
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,512
(EXCLAIMS)

513
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,553
- Hey there, gorgeous. You work here?
- Yeah, sweetie.

514
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,790
You see,
we're pledging the Beta House right now,

515
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,230
and one of our tasks
is to get our ass signed by a...

516
00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,874
A professional dancer like yourself.

517
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:40,549
So I was just, you know, wondering
if maybe you'd do me the honour?

518
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:44,150
That's a different approach
than the boys usually take in this place.

519
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,316
- Bend over.
- Thanks.

520
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,998
My name's Erik Stifler, by the way.

521
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:50,395
Let me get one for the year book.

522
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:51,999
(BOBBY GIGGLING)

523
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:54,875
BOBBY: Nice smile.

524
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,072
- You have any relation to Dwight Stifler?
- He's my cousin.

525
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,873
- Hey, Stifler.
- Candy. How are you, sweetheart?

526
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,479
Good to see you.

527
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:05,034
I can see where he gets his charm from.

528
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,232
- You come see me soon, okay?
- You know I will.

529
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:11,033
DWIGHT: All right, boys.
Hey, congratulations. Task 37.

530
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,116
- In the bag! Done!
- ALL: Yeah.

531
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,477
ERIK: Good job, boys.
That's our first task completed.

532
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,673
I think that stripper's implant broke my face.

533
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:31,669
Everyone, let's go.

534
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,714
(CREAKING)

535
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,351
Sweet Caesar's ghost!

536
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,436
(EDGAR EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

537
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,394
Fifteen, check.

538
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,476
Sixteen, check.

539
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,076
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

540
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:49,873
Hmm.

541
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,036
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

542
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,274
- Who's that guy?
- He's my Swahili instructor.

543
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,277
I have my proficiency exam next week.

544
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:02,799
- Nice!
- Yeah.

545
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,000
Hey, what's...
What's this golden hammer doing in here?

546
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:06,353
Hey, what's...
What's this golden hammer doing in here?

547
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,914
It's from the Greek Olympiad.

548
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:12,350
It was, like, a series of competitions
involving skill and deviant behaviour.

549
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,358
They got really out of hand,
so the university banned them for life.

550
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,471
The Betas were legendary at them, though.
We never lost.

551
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,431
- Cool. Yeah.
- Yeah.

552
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,995
Oh, and remember, Erik...

553
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:29,029
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

554
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,115
Yeah.

555
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,150
Swahili.

556
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,314
ERIK: This place is swell, isn't it?
ASHLEY: (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

557
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:41,714
ASHLEY: Look at how juicy.

558
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,392
Sucking the crab? Wow.

559
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,114
- This place is fun.
- Yeah. Yeah, this place is awesome.

560
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,196
I thought you'd like it here, you know.

561
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:52,198
I like this mallet.

562
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,474
(BOTH LAUGHING)

563
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:58,149
- Oh, my God. Are you okay? Here.
- ERIK: It's all right.

564
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:00,553
It doesn't really taste that bad.

565
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:01,590
(MAN CHUCKLING)

566
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,518
Dude, I'm telling you,
this chick can't get enough of me.

567
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,358
I did her again last night!

568
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,313
Oh, I can't believe that. You're the man!

569
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:10,839
I think I know that girl.

570
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,951
You know,
not all frat guys are like those guys.

571
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,355
I know. I guess I just have a jaded opinion.

572
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,311
Really? Why's that?

573
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,192
It's just the typical story.

574
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,039
Boy meets girl.
Boy goes off to college, joins a frat,

575
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:23,798
starts sleeping with every girl he can.

576
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,992
Girl finds out
and dumps his ass during winter break.

577
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,830
But that was high school.
I'm much older and wiser now.

578
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:34,112
Right, older and wiser. And you're on a date
with a guy who's pledging a frat.

579
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,595
I know, and I'm watching you.

580
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:38,275
- Dine and ditch.
- Yeah.

581
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:39,674
That's, like, one of my favourite plays of...

582
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:42,949
ERIK: Oh, my God!
ASHLEY: Oh, my God! Are you okay?

583
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:45,439
ASHLEY: Little help here!

584
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,311
You are just the sweetest.

585
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,115
You just bring it out in me, babe.

586
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:01,796
- Perfect.
- Yeah?

587
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:05,475
(DENISE SIGHING)

588
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,195
- Careful, my feet are real sensitive.
- Really?

589
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:19,754
Oh, my.

590
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,555
I love foot massages.

591
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:25,833
(DENISE MOANS)

592
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:28,395
Oh, my!

593
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:40,910
(DENISE MOANS)

594
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:42,473
I can't!

595
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,279
- I'm sorry.
- No, that's cool.

596
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,996
It's totally fine, really.

597
00:31:56,640 --> 00:32:01,236
Here, let me just take care of you.

598
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:03,714
Okay.

599
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:04,750
(UNZIPPING PANTS)

600
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:05,835
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

601
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,234
Ooh!

602
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,756
- You like that?
- God, yeah.

603
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,430
You do that almost as good as I do.

604
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,472
How're you feeling?

605
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,598
Hey. Good, thanks.

606
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:32,869
- Here, let me see.
- Oh, no.

607
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:34,638
No, no. Ashley, it's...
You really don't need to do anything.

608
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,069
Oh, my God, Erik.
You have to put something on that.

609
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:38,997
No, it's just a little red.

610
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,039
Here, let me.

611
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:44,028
ERIK: Are you sure?
ASHLEY: Yeah.

612
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:45,390
It's not...

613
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,431
(EXCLAIMS)

614
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:50,634
- Does it hurt?
- No, it's just really cold.

615
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:55,069
- ASHLEY: Does that feel better?
- Yeah.

616
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,118
Mmm-hmm.

617
00:32:58,240 --> 00:32:59,275
Wow!

618
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:02,198
- Oh, man!
- I didn't even touch it.

619
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:04,189
No, it's no big deal.

620
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,231
I guess I should just
take it as a compliment, right?

621
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:08,920
- I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry.
- It's cool.

622
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,671
Wow, that cream feels good.

623
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,312
Ash, you might wanna...

624
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:16,589
(WHISPERING) Just relax.

625
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:18,354
(PANTING) It's still hot.

626
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:24,635
(EXCLAIMING)

627
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:32,839
(HEART BEATING)

628
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:34,999
(ERIK MOANING)

629
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,115
Oh, my God! Mr Biggles!

630
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:00,709
- This is really, really embarrassing.
- No, it's okay. It's okay.

631
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,957
I just haven't seen anything like that.

632
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,799
Well, I was a virgin until last year,

633
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:11,198
and then my girlfriend dumped me
about four months ago.

634
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:16,268
Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
Are you telling me that you haven't...

635
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:18,992
In four months?

636
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:24,399
Well, you see, there was this incident
that made masturbation

637
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,438
very taboo in my household.

638
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,311
Well, you have more self-control
than most people.

639
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,591
I'm really sorry about Mr Biggles.

640
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:37,635
Yeah.

641
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,311
- Just a little... Right.
- No, it's...

642
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:50,235
Oh, baby, I love you. Whoa, baby,
why won't you tell me you love me, too?

643
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:54,239
- Hey, Bull. Have you seen Stifler?
- He's in a meeting.

644
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:57,511
- What meeting would he be at?
- I don't know. Something important.

645
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,155
And it was after my parents...

646
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:04,432
Well, they had to fire
the fourth landscaping crew

647
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:06,313
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

648
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:08,476
Because they caught me with them.

649
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:12,991
And that's when I knew that I had a problem.

650
00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:18,191
But I have been sex-free for two years now

651
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,118
and, you know, never felt better.

652
00:35:21,240 --> 00:35:22,468
(WHOOPING)

653
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:29,631
You are so brave.

654
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:35,993
Get it in there! Yeah! Faster! Faster!

655
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,590
- (SCREAMING) I'm going as fast as I can.
- Faster, bad boy!

656
00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:41,233
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

657
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,511
Faster, I said!

658
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:45,550
(MOANING)

659
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:47,352
- (CRYING) I think I'm gonna...
- It's gonna break!

660
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:48,390
(BOTH SCREAMING)

661
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:50,033
Yes! Yes!

662
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:51,589
God, yes.

663
00:35:51,720 --> 00:35:53,073
(GIGGLING)

664
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:54,428
(MOANS CONTENTEDLY)

665
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,118
Oh, boy.

666
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:57,719
(WHOOPING)

667
00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,239
(SIGHS)

668
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:02,591
(LAUGHING)

669
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:08,273
You call yourself a man?

670
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,551
Get back here and fuck me!

671
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,477
(BOTH LAUGHING)

672
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:17,115
Okay, okay. All right, listen.
I just did three times, okay?

673
00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:21,836
I'm gonna go get an icepack
and then I'll be right back.

674
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:26,875
You know the secret,
icepacks are for pussies!

675
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,432
Oh, your friend. He wants to come play!

676
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,596
I'm going to see you again!

677
00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:35,153
(GIGGLING)

678
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:37,077
(GROWLING)

679
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,952
- I'm a grizzly bear!
- You're bad.

680
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:42,356
I'm gonna steal a picnic basket
full of orgasms.

681
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:43,356
(GROWLING)

682
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:45,391
Okay, lay your head back.
Lay your head back.

683
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,318
(WHISPERING) Ready? Are you ready for it?
Let's go, all right?

684
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:53,275
Hands and feet inside the tram.
Next stop, penetration station, baby.

685
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:54,390
(WOMAN GIGGLING)

686
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,238
(FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)

687
00:36:56,720 --> 00:36:58,392
Hey, get back here!

688
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,158
(PANTING)

689
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,152
Stifler, I forgot to tell you...

690
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:04,599
BULL: Whoa.

691
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:09,553
- Get your ass over here, punk.
- Okay.

692
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:11,193
(BULL EXCLAIMS)

693
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:12,719
(BULL SCREAMS)

694
00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:18,951
Oh, dude. On her teddy bear? Really?

695
00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:21,595
Dude, he hasn't busted a nut
in, like, four months.

696
00:37:21,720 --> 00:37:22,869
What do you think I should do?

697
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:24,718
- Man, you gotta beat the bishop.
- Yeah.

698
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:28,310
- You need to punch that clown. A lot.
- What are you talking about?

699
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:31,990
- You need to masturbate, dude. A lot.
- ALL: Alot.

700
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,192
So next time you won't blow your load
when you're rounding first base.

701
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:36,355
Yeah.

702
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,671
Just gotta clean the pipes.

703
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:03,474
(SIGHS)

704
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:14,558
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

705
00:38:16,240 --> 00:38:18,196
- Who is it?
- Hey, it's Ashley.

706
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:20,311
We were gonna hang out, remember? .

707
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:24,714
Yeah! Yeah, I remember.

708
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,150
I... I lost track of time, Ashley.
I'll be right there.

709
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,874
- Are you okay in there?
- Yeah.

710
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:34,470
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Just give me one second, okay?

711
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:36,639
Erik, are you naked?

712
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,320
Just putting on my t-shirt right now.

713
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,319
There it is.

714
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:42,670
Whew!

715
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:44,629
- Hi.
- Hi.

716
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,832
- Can I come in?
- No. No, the place is actually a mess.

717
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:49,916
- Bobby's disgusting.
- Oh, yeah?

718
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,873
- But I know a cool place we can go.
- Come on.

719
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:54,955
(DOOR CLOSING)

720
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,995
All right. Right hand, yellow.

721
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:04,790
Ooh.

722
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:06,512
I love this game.

723
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,669
Don't you fall or you're losing those boxers.

724
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,711
(LAUGHING) Oh, really?

725
00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:14,832
(GROANING)

726
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:17,030
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

727
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:18,879
Ow.

728
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:20,399
- Hi.
- Hi.

729
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:32,111
(SIGHS)

730
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,238
I'm sorry.

731
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:42,319
- What? Are you a virgin or something or...
- No.

732
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:47,836
It's just when I... When I get too excited...

733
00:39:49,240 --> 00:39:50,195
(SIGHING)

734
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,151
Oh, it's embarrassing.

735
00:39:57,240 --> 00:39:58,389
Here.

736
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,317
- Let me just take care of you again.
- Okay.

737
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:08,400
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Cheers, cheers.

738
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:09,992
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Cheers, cheers.

739
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:12,315
Mmm.

740
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:13,668
(COUGHING)

741
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:17,397
Let me get that for you.
A little spillage. No big deal.

742
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,312
It's not gonna go off again, is it?

743
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,796
Absolutely not.
I've been practicing my self-control a lot.

744
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:31,273
Alot? Okay.

745
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:52,079
(ASHLEY CLEARING THROAT)

746
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:53,315
Come on.

747
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,273
Oh, just how much have
you been working on your self-control?

748
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:01,032
I'm really sorry. It's not working.

749
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:02,070
(GIGGLING)

750
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,237
My stupid friends, they said that if I would...

751
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,874
Erik, it's okay. It happens.

752
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:09,989
Wine?

753
00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:17,958
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

754
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:20,799
All right, boys. We got a live one here.

755
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,354
Two clicks north, three clicks east.

756
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,591
All right, three clicks east.

757
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:29,835
DWIGHT: Let's blast our big giant ones.

758
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:31,552
Fire in the hole!

759
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:35,355
DWIGHT: Direct hit!

760
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:36,390
(LAUGHING)

761
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:38,431
- DWIGHT: Yes!
- Oh, my God.

762
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:41,835
(SIGHS)

763
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,315
I love the smell of boobies in the morning.

764
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:46,590
Hey, so how's it going with Denise?

765
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:52,471
Well, okay, so we hooked up
and she gave me a couple of hand jobs.

766
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:53,510
(LAUGHING)

767
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:54,595
Hand jobs?

768
00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:57,234
They're actually the best hand jobs
I've ever had in my life.

769
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,555
- Oh, really?
- Shut up!

770
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:04,079
The only problem is
I try to stick my hand down her pants,

771
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:06,236
she keeps... Pulls my hands away.

772
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:07,839
She says she's embarrassed.

773
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:08,836
Uh-oh.

774
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:12,919
- Maybe she has an abnormally large bush.
- Yeah, or maybe she's got a yeast infection.

775
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:13,950
(EXCLAIMS DISGUSTEDLY)

776
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,469
- Come on.
- Maybe she's got a dick.

777
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:17,590
Huh?

778
00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:19,756
What? Crying Game? Boys Don't Cry?

779
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:22,189
- That's based on true stories, boys.
- No.

780
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:23,355
- Yeah.
- No, there's no way.

781
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,038
Hey, man, maybe she's a hermaphrodite.

782
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,674
Transvestite? Alittle Shanghai Surprise!

783
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:28,789
Well, come on. You said yourself,

784
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,593
she gives you the best hand jobs
you've ever had in your whole life. Right?

785
00:42:31,720 --> 00:42:32,675
Yeah, so?

786
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:34,916
So, how do you think she got so good at it?

787
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,634
Probably from working her own gear.

788
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,712
So you guys think that I might have been
hooking up with a dude this whole time?

789
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,308
Maybe. There's only one way to find out.

790
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:46,749
You gotta get into those pants.

791
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:50,637
Oh, wait. This is too perfect.
Load it up. Load it up, right now.

792
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:55,435
- What the...
- DWIGHT: Sorry!

793
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:56,670
(EXCLAIMS)

794
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:58,358
DWIGHT: Yeah!
ALL: Yeah!

795
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:11,432
(SIGHING)

796
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:13,551
I want you to go down on me, Cooze.

797
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:16,035
Are you sure? Because I can wait.

798
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,276
No, I want you down there now.

799
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:23,477
That's it, Cooze.

800
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:32,792
That's it, Cooze.

801
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:34,589
Suck my cock!

802
00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:35,914
She's got a dick!

803
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:38,433
Are you okay?

804
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:43,075
Oh, my God. I just had the worse nightmare.

805
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:46,432
What was it about? Who's got a dick?

806
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,035
I do.

807
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:52,470
(SCREAMING)

808
00:43:57,680 --> 00:43:58,908
Oh, my God.

809
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:00,873
I can't take this anymore.

810
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:06,720
(PHONE RINGING)

811
00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:06,799
(PHONE RINGING)

812
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:19,275
Hello?

813
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:21,512
ASHLEY: I thought you were gonna call me.

814
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:23,393
Oh, hey.

815
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:25,317
Yeah. I fell asleep.

816
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:26,875
I'm sorry.

817
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:27,876
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

818
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:29,638
Were you dreaming about me?

819
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:31,714
Maybe.

820
00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:34,276
Hey, can you hold on for one sec?

821
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:38,439
Because this

822
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:41,799
isn't a dream.

823
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,798
Oh, God. That's not mine. That's Bobby's.

824
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:00,993
That's not mine.

825
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:15,390
(DOOR OPENING)

826
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:16,839
(WHOOPING)

827
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,155
Guys. What the hell are you doing?

828
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:21,271
BOBBY: Number 33, baby.

829
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:24,278
We got a chance to do number 33,
but we gotta go now.

830
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,470
- Half-naked girl here.
- Sorry, Ashley.

831
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,556
Dude, the manager just called.
He's got an opening.

832
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:31,911
- We haven't even rehearsed for that bit yet.
- It's our only chance, man.

833
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,149
Really?

834
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:37,558
Ashley, it is Number 33.

835
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:42,438
Maybe, we could just finish later
or something?

836
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:44,475
It's cool.

837
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:49,069
I'm coming with you.

838
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:52,791
- We rocked that place.
- Yeah!

839
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:53,796
COOZE: Awesome!

840
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:54,830
(WHOOPING)

841
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:58,715
Number 46, sex in the stacks. Chalk it up.

842
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,514
Number 26, receive a golden shower.

843
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:06,949
Number 27, perform a Cleveland steamer.

844
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:08,513
- Check.
- COOZE: Oh, man.

845
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:10,551
Get a panda in the grotto.

846
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:13,114
- Thirty, get a blumpkin.
- COOZE: Oh, you didn't.

847
00:46:13,240 --> 00:46:15,879
After corned beef. It was disgusting.

848
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,956
- All right. Yeah. That was pretty good.
- BOBBY: Yeah!

849
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:20,674
By the power granted to me
by the great country of Canada,

850
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,394
I now pronounce you life partners.

851
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:24,999
(ALL CHEERING)

852
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:26,917
Would you like to seal it with a kiss?

853
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:27,950
- No.
- Yes.

854
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:30,116
Number 41. Make it official.

855
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:34,035
Because I'm a gentleman.

856
00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:38,913
Wow. You boys are such an inspiration.

857
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:42,871
I think it's time we do
a little mid-semester celebrating.

858
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,195
- What do you think?
- Yes. Definitely.

859
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,550
(POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH SPEAKERS)

860
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:57,912
Stifler, I'm afraid I gotta see everyone's IDs.

861
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:00,870
Come on, Manny. You're joking, right?

862
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:02,479
I'm afraid not.

863
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:04,909
You see, the new ownership
of this establishment

864
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:06,598
doesn't condone underage drinking.

865
00:47:06,720 --> 00:47:09,996
Officers, please escort these minors
from the premises.

866
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,279
BOBBY: Can I touch your gun?
ERIK: All right, okay. We're going.

867
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,233
- EDGAR: Bye-bye.
- You're fucking with traditions, Edgar.

868
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:19,148
I'm not just fucking with your traditions,
I'm tearing them down.

869
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:22,113
Take him away.

870
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:27,069
You know, you are way too classy,

871
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:31,034
and have way too nice of a body to be
hanging out with a douche bag like that.

872
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:34,756
Don't listen to him, honey.
Your body isn't that great.

873
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:36,199
I'll have a gimlet, please. Thank you.

874
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:39,395
Stifler.

875
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:41,078
- DWIGHT: What?
- Your lawyer's here.

876
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:41,960
Excellent. Thanks, Marty. Send him in.

877
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:43,359
Excellent. Thanks, Marty. Send him in.

878
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:45,638
You have a lawyer? .

879
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:50,111
Thanks for coming. I'm glad you got here.

880
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,073
Well, you know me.
I'm always down forthe cause.

881
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:55,955
- Betas for life, baby.
- Betas for life.

882
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:57,593
Mr Levenstein?

883
00:47:57,720 --> 00:47:59,233
Hey, Erik. How's your mom and dad?

884
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,157
They're good. They're really good, actually.

885
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:03,714
- Well, that's good.
- DWIGHT: Hey, guys, this is Noah.

886
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,274
He's a Beta alum.
He's our House-counselling consigliere.

887
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:09,597
This guy has gotten us out of more shit
than you can even imagine.

888
00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:12,439
Well you Beta boys do keep me busy,
that's for sure.

889
00:48:12,720 --> 00:48:14,676
Now, I've just talked to the district attorney.

890
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,951
He's an old school chum of mine.
He's willing to drop all the charges

891
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,868
if you promise never to set foot
in the Silver Dollar again.

892
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:24,678
This is ridiculous.

893
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:27,232
Where am I gonna have Sunday brunch?

894
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,157
Oh, look, I know you're upset.

895
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:31,077
They do have a great omelet bar,
that's for sure.

896
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:34,510
- But you're just gonna have to give it up.
- No, we can't.

897
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:39,033
These geeks... These geeks are messing
with the Beta way of life.

898
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:42,116
MARTY: You want to step inside, Noah?

899
00:48:42,240 --> 00:48:43,878
- Oh, it's open?
- MARTY: Yeah.

900
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:45,672
Oh, thanks Marty.

901
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:49,831
If you wanna grab a sandwich,
I'll just be a minute.

902
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:52,479
Look, fellas,

903
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:56,470
there is a bigger picture here
than the Beta way of life.

904
00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:00,750
Is that what you thought
when you were in the Beta House?

905
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:02,389
No.

906
00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:06,109
- No. It wasn't.
- So...

907
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:11,390
So I think something has to be done here.
Within the confines of the law, of course.

908
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:13,112
Of course. Of course.

909
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:16,839
So what would you do?

910
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:19,198
What would I do?

911
00:49:21,720 --> 00:49:26,396
I would crush those geeks
with every Beta muscle in my body.

912
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:30,718
But that's just me.

913
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:33,994
See you boys at homecoming.
Say hi to your folks, Erik.

914
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:35,838
ERIK: I will. Thank you.

915
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:46,834
ERIK: (WHISPERING) Come on.

916
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:05,115
Freeze, human.

917
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:08,754
(GROWLING)

918
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:11,038
(EDGAR EXCLAIMS)

919
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:19,070
(SPEAKING MOCK-ALIEN LANGUAGE)

920
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,875
Uphold the galactic alliance with my cock.

921
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:24,399
(GROWLING)

922
00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:27,433
(GIRL SCREAMING)

923
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:30,592
What the hell is going on in there?

924
00:50:30,720 --> 00:50:33,996
Sounds like a dog with its dick
stuck in a vacuum.

925
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,714
- All right, this way.
- I'm a husky ninja.

926
00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:43,795
ERIK: Okay.

927
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:50,955
Guys, I really gotta take a dump.

928
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:52,798
Oh, come on. Not now.

929
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,036
That fast food I ate put me over.

930
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:56,958
Oh! I can't wait.

931
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:02,399
Well, hurry up, then.
God, that guy's disgusting.

932
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:06,876
Okay. All right.

933
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:10,873
(AIR HISSING)

934
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:13,909
(WHISPERING) Okay.

935
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:21,830
All right.

936
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:23,759
(ALARM BLARING)

937
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:26,873
COOZE: Come on.

938
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:30,795
Ooh!

939
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:34,151
- Bobby, what are you doing, man?
- Upper-decker, baby!

940
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:35,838
(WHISPERING) Upper-decker, baby.

941
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:38,358
Oh, my God.

942
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:39,515
(FLUSHING)

943
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:42,393
COOZE: Betas, we are leaving. Go, go, go!

944
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:49,279
What's happening?

945
00:51:57,640 --> 00:51:59,198
DWIGHT: Well, pledges,

946
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:02,990
you completed every task
on the task board in record time.

947
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:09,755
I, along with every other Beta in this room,
are proud to call you our brothers.

948
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:12,389
Congratulations, you're all Betas!

949
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:14,349
COOZE: Oh, yeah.

950
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:16,154
(CHEERING)

951
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:18,673
DWIGHT: Hey, cuz.

952
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:20,035
(WHOOPING)

953
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:22,390
- BOBBY: Yeah.
- DWIGHT: Here you go, cuz.

954
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:29,631
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

955
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:33,390
So it sounds like you got yourself
a pretty good girl there, buddy.

956
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:35,670
Oh, yeah. You know what?
Now that pledge is finally over,

957
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:37,552
we can spend a lot more time together, too.

958
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:42,110
What? Are you kidding me?

959
00:52:42,240 --> 00:52:45,710
Edgar, get you and the Mensa rejects
out of my house, now.

960
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:50,193
(EDGAR WHIMPERS)

961
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:53,712
You have crossed me
for the last time, Stifler!

962
00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:59,553
We're gonna settle this once and for all!

963
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:02,999
Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!

964
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:04,269
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

965
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:06,595
Oh! What the fuck?

966
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:12,557
(SCREAMING)

967
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:16,514
We, the members of the Geek House,
challenge you, the Beta House,

968
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:18,358
to the Greek Olympiad.

969
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:19,674
DWIGHT: The Greek Olympiad?

970
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:21,870
As much as I'd love to kick
your Geek ass up and down the field, Ed,

971
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:25,231
I hate to tell you, the Greek Olympiad's
been banned for like 40 years. So...

972
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:26,829
(EDGAR LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

973
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:31,476
What's the matter? .
Afraid to get into a little trouble, Stifler? .

974
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:33,074
Afraid?

975
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:36,755
- Let's do this.
- Oh, but there is one catch.

976
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:38,836
We are playing for charters.

977
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:43,439
If we win, you give up your charter
and you move out of the Beta House.

978
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:45,758
And if you win,

979
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:48,949
we move out and you take our house.

980
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,312
This place against your mansion?

981
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:54,512
Consider it another tradition
I plan to tear down.

982
00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:57,434
You're on.

983
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:01,591
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

984
00:54:01,720 --> 00:54:03,199
Are you out of your mind?

985
00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:06,596
The Greek Olympiad
has been banned for life.

986
00:54:06,720 --> 00:54:08,472
You'll all get thrown off campus.

987
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:13,469
- That's a chance we're gonna have to take.
- Oh, but the Greek Olympiad is crazy.

988
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:18,276
I mean, yes, it's a combination of skill,
endurance, athleticism granted,

989
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,436
but there is a degree of perversion
in these games

990
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:23,757
which I don't think
would serve you kids well.

991
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:25,757
Do you happen to remember the name
of the last captain

992
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:27,393
to ever win the Greek Olympiad?

993
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:29,511
Well, I haven't the foggiest
because it was so long ago.

994
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:32,279
His name was Noah Levenstein.

995
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:35,399
Uh-huh.

996
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:37,715
Well, I knew that would
catch up to me one day.

997
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:40,638
But, you know, fellas,
I didn't know what was going on back then.

998
00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:42,034
I was just a dumb kid.

999
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:43,991
Mr Levenstein, we need you.

1000
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:47,590
Tradition states
that the last team captain to win

1001
00:54:47,720 --> 00:54:49,358
comes back to officiate.

1002
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:51,118
I know it's tradition.

1003
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:55,232
I... I suppose I could do it.

1004
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:57,476
I'd have to call in
and take a few personal days.

1005
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,068
Excellent. You will not regret this.
I promise you.

1006
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:02,794
- Stifler! This just came for you, man.
- DWIGHT: What is it?

1007
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:09,198
This is interesting.

1008
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:11,195
(ECHOING) Hello!

1009
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:16,628
I'm here. What's this big bombshell?

1010
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:25,998
Are you sure you weren't followed?

1011
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:28,680
You? What the hell are you doing here?

1012
00:55:32,240 --> 00:55:34,470
- Well, well, Stifler.
- Rock.

1013
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:35,919
Looks like we meet again.

1014
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:40,511
- All right, this is a set-up. I'm out of here.
- Just relax, ass clown.

1015
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:43,438
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

1016
00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:46,313
What we had was a rivalry,

1017
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,193
but what Edgar did
got us kicked off campus.

1018
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:52,238
Wait, how do you even know the guy?

1019
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:53,713
(ROCK SIGHING)

1020
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:56,832
He tried to pledge
our house three years ago.

1021
00:55:56,960 --> 00:56:00,236
He was the first regular sized guy
to rush the little person frat.

1022
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:04,191
ROCK: They used to have this tradition
where we put a sheep in the basement...

1023
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:05,196
Be gentle.

1024
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:06,673
ROCK:
They'd tell us we had to bang the sheep

1025
00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:10,190
and that we couldn't come out
until the rubber was used.

1026
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:11,992
Now, one of two things happened.

1027
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:13,314
(BOY SCREAMING)

1028
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:15,032
Either they would come out crying,

1029
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:16,070
(CRYING)

1030
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:19,954
Orthey would beat off in the rubber
and say they did the sheep.

1031
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:24,670
And then there was Edgar.

1032
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:27,754
Good luck.

1033
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:29,712
(GROANING)

1034
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:32,558
(SHEEP BLEATING)

1035
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:36,877
We gotta check it out.

1036
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:38,479
(EDGAR PANTING)

1037
00:56:42,240 --> 00:56:43,719
(SCREAMS)

1038
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:45,990
For the love of God, man!

1039
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:50,510
That sick bastard fucked the sheep.

1040
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:54,198
That's a great story
but I'm a little unclear on how it helps me?

1041
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:55,230
(ROCK SIGHING)

1042
00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:57,715
I'm sure you'll figure something out, Shitler.

1043
00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:04,793
(CHEERING)

1044
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:08,879
(WHISTLING)

1045
00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:18,194
Welcome to the Greek Olympiad!

1046
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:28,992
Competing today in this ancient tradition

1047
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:30,917
are the Beta House...

1048
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:34,678
- Beta! Beta!
- ALL: Beta! Beta!

1049
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:36,518
And the Geek House.

1050
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:43,877
Now, when we think of the term
Greek Olympiad,

1051
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:47,675
we hearken back to ancient traditions.

1052
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:52,429
We conjure up images of mighty warriors

1053
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:56,395
in their little skirts, getting all oiled up,

1054
00:57:57,680 --> 00:57:59,238
writhing around with each other.

1055
00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:04,309
Some called it wrestling,
others called it something else.

1056
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:09,556
But enough history. On with the games.

1057
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:20,191
The first event is called
The Release of Venus.

1058
00:58:20,880 --> 00:58:25,271
The man who undoes all the brassieres
on his side the quickest, wins.

1059
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:27,279
You know, Ed,

1060
00:58:27,880 --> 00:58:31,156
it's really a shame all that practice on your
sister's training bra is not gonna pay off.

1061
00:58:31,280 --> 00:58:34,795
Please, Dwight. I spent a season
in Milan dating lingerie models.

1062
00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:36,831
It was before I met you.

1063
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:38,598
(FANFARE PLAYING)

1064
00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:40,915
Gentlemen, are we ready?

1065
00:58:41,040 --> 00:58:43,679
Decline and fall, Dwight. Decline and fall.

1066
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:47,072
Start unsnapping.

1067
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:05,473
You know, I still hold
the record in this event.

1068
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:06,669
Hands of a surgeon.

1069
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:13,711
- ERIK: Oh, what's up with Edgar?
- Chick's got double Ds.

1070
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:16,673
Squad clasps are really difficult to deal with.

1071
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:19,991
(EXCLAIMS ANGRILY)

1072
00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:22,915
Done.

1073
00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:23,995
Done!

1074
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:25,109
(SCREAMS ANGRILY)

1075
00:59:25,240 --> 00:59:26,275
I knew it!

1076
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:27,799
Betas win.

1077
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:32,793
DWIGHT: Yeah!
COOZE: Yeah!

1078
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:35,553
Hey, nice try, Edgar.

1079
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:39,477
Oh, sorry, sweetheart.
I guess I was just in the zone.

1080
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:42,559
You know, with a little more to work with,
I might have won.

1081
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:46,555
The next event is The Battle of Ares.

1082
00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:51,354
Two men fighting to the death,

1083
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:56,631
or until one knocks the other into the water.

1084
00:59:57,840 --> 00:59:59,432
MAN: Yeah! Ride that!

1085
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:03,191
You guys are so done, Edgar.
Bull is an animal with this thing.

1086
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:05,754
Why don't you just save some face,
give me the deed to your place now.

1087
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:07,518
Not quite yet.

1088
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:07,760
You haven't met our new initiate, have you?

1089
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:10,479
You haven't met our new initiate, have you?

1090
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:20,478
His name is Dave Maul,

1091
01:00:20,600 --> 01:00:22,909
and he is the number-one rated
light saberfighter

1092
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:24,951
on the science fiction convention tour.

1093
01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:26,593
Oh, he's a virgin.

1094
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:28,153
LEVENSTEIN: Are you ready, boys?

1095
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:30,268
Joust!

1096
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:31,799
(ALL CHEERING)

1097
01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:49,274
Oh, shit!

1098
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:57,197
MAN: Take him! Take him!

1099
01:00:58,640 --> 01:00:59,993
Finish him.

1100
01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:03,035
Go! Come on!

1101
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:06,239
(EXCLAIMING)

1102
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:07,679
(CHEERING)

1103
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:11,796
- Geeks win!
- I need a beer.

1104
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:15,511
The next event is called Demeter's Feast.

1105
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:18,871
Now, in ancient Rome,
the pig was considered sacred.

1106
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:22,709
And often sacrificed
to the goddess of agriculture.

1107
01:01:23,200 --> 01:01:26,272
Today, we've taken a pig, greased it up,

1108
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:29,358
and the first one who catches it, wins.

1109
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:30,708
(GRUNTING)

1110
01:01:30,840 --> 01:01:32,432
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

1111
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:35,318
Hey, you sure you're up for this pigging?

1112
01:01:35,440 --> 01:01:38,238
Stifler, I grew up on a farm with 652 pigs,

1113
01:01:38,960 --> 01:01:41,428
(WHISPERING)
I can tell what the pig is thinking.

1114
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:43,633
(SQUEALING)

1115
01:01:48,920 --> 01:01:50,478
(ALL EXCLAIM)

1116
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:51,953
Silly, little, fat man.

1117
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:54,799
Hey, Edgar, what's the deal with
Captain Sulu? He afraid to compete?

1118
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:56,956
You haven't heard of parkour, have you?

1119
01:01:57,080 --> 01:01:58,672
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

1120
01:02:03,080 --> 01:02:03,990
What the...

1121
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:05,030
(BOBBY EXCLAIMS ANGRILY)

1122
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:06,513
DWIGHT: Go! Go! Go! Go!

1123
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:12,553
(ALL CHEERING)

1124
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:28,910
Damn.

1125
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:44,835
(WHISPERING) Come here, pork chop.

1126
01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:46,749
Geeks!

1127
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:11,279
(ALL CHEERING)

1128
01:03:13,880 --> 01:03:15,313
(PIG SQUEALING)

1129
01:03:16,320 --> 01:03:17,639
LEVENSTEIN: Geeks win!

1130
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:21,798
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

1131
01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:23,994
Shut up.

1132
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:29,194
Greek Roulette is a very dangerous game.
Not for the faint of heart.

1133
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:33,638
One of these chambers contains a capsule

1134
01:03:33,760 --> 01:03:37,309
with aged horse semen.

1135
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:39,476
(EXCLAIMING DISGUSTEDLY)

1136
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:42,273
Gentlemen, let us begin.

1137
01:03:42,400 --> 01:03:44,356
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

1138
01:03:55,080 --> 01:03:57,036
(EXCLAIMING DISGUSTEDLY)

1139
01:03:57,920 --> 01:03:59,239
MAN 1: Disgusting.
MAN 2: Oh, come on.

1140
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:05,918
MAN: Come on, come on!
WOMAN: Come on, Dwight!

1141
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:10,034
MAN: You're busted. Come on.

1142
01:04:10,160 --> 01:04:12,037
- It's gonna be...
- MAN: We're not in it. Come on!

1143
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:15,035
You know, I gotta hand it to you, Edgar.

1144
01:04:15,160 --> 01:04:16,878
I really didn't think
you'd have the huevos for this.

1145
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:19,076
I thought you'd probably
recruit one of your lackeys.

1146
01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:23,398
I wouldn't miss watching you shoot
yourself full of horse semen for anything.

1147
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:26,275
MAN: Come on, man.

1148
01:04:26,400 --> 01:04:28,118
Come on, Stifler!

1149
01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:32,550
(GUN CLICKS)

1150
01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:34,318
MAN 1: Yeah!
MAN 2: Yes!

1151
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:37,833
- We can do this! Yes, yes!
- MAN: Come on!

1152
01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:41,348
MAN: That's how we do.

1153
01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:42,708
MAN: Oh, boy!

1154
01:04:43,200 --> 01:04:45,270
- Come on! Come on!
- MAN: Edgar!

1155
01:04:47,640 --> 01:04:49,198
Come on, baby. Eat it!

1156
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:53,189
(EDGAR)

1157
01:04:53,320 --> 01:04:54,639
(GUN CLICKS)

1158
01:04:56,400 --> 01:04:57,674
Yeah!

1159
01:04:57,800 --> 01:05:00,314
- Put two canisters in there!
- Two? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Two?

1160
01:05:00,440 --> 01:05:02,192
That's too many, Dwight.
Come on, two? He's not worth it.

1161
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:06,029
Unless Edgar's afraid, put in two canisters.

1162
01:05:06,160 --> 01:05:07,752
Fine! Put in two!

1163
01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:10,919
Put in two.

1164
01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:16,549
Go!

1165
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:17,835
MAN: Go!

1166
01:05:19,120 --> 01:05:21,031
- MAN: Be a man, huh?
- Ready. Go!

1167
01:05:22,440 --> 01:05:24,556
MAN 1: Warm it up.
MAN 2: Hey! Hey! Hey!

1168
01:05:26,480 --> 01:05:28,277
All right, all right! All right!

1169
01:05:28,400 --> 01:05:30,994
- All right!
- Everyone quiet!

1170
01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:33,190
MAN: We're good? Back to the match.

1171
01:05:33,320 --> 01:05:34,469
MAN: You're good baby.
There's nothing in there.

1172
01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:35,669
MAN: Oh, no. I can't watch this.

1173
01:05:37,040 --> 01:05:38,314
(DWIGHT SCREAMING)

1174
01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:39,429
(GUN CLICKS)

1175
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:41,198
Yeah! Yeah!

1176
01:05:41,320 --> 01:05:43,788
- Yeah! Yes!
- ALL: Yeah!

1177
01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:47,151
- Yes! Yes!
- MAN: All right! Yes! Yes!

1178
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:48,759
You're up.

1179
01:05:49,840 --> 01:05:50,989
Come on!

1180
01:05:51,160 --> 01:05:52,593
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

1181
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:54,517
- Do it.
- Let's go.

1182
01:05:54,640 --> 01:05:57,313
MAN: Do it!
DWIGHT: Do it! Do it!

1183
01:05:57,440 --> 01:05:59,829
- Do it!
- MAN: Do it, now! Pull the fucking trigger.

1184
01:05:59,960 --> 01:06:04,078
- Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
- MAN: Pull the trigger.

1185
01:06:07,800 --> 01:06:08,915
Oh.

1186
01:06:10,960 --> 01:06:13,838
Yes! We won! Sucker!

1187
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:15,913
Betas win.

1188
01:06:16,040 --> 01:06:18,998
- Enjoy Mister Ed's jizz.
- How does that semen taste, there?

1189
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:24,349
Tough loss, there, Edgar,
but you know what they say, son.

1190
01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:27,153
You've got to get right back
up on that horse.

1191
01:06:27,280 --> 01:06:28,235
So to speak.

1192
01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:29,759
(EDGAR CRYING)

1193
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:32,232
(FANFARE PLAYING)

1194
01:06:33,400 --> 01:06:37,439
The ancient game of the Wife Carry
has been around for centuries.

1195
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:41,391
The first couple
to complete the course wins.

1196
01:06:42,640 --> 01:06:44,710
- You owe me big time for this.
- I know.

1197
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:48,511
- Okay.
- MAN: All right. Ready?

1198
01:06:52,880 --> 01:06:55,838
(SCOFFS) How pathetic. Now!

1199
01:06:59,400 --> 01:07:00,515
What? What...

1200
01:07:00,640 --> 01:07:02,312
Really? You trying to give Bandhu a hernia?

1201
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:05,398
Oh, once again your pathetic little brain
has let you down, Dwight.

1202
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:06,873
Bandhu, up.

1203
01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:13,994
All right, Erik. We got this. Let's go.

1204
01:07:14,520 --> 01:07:16,033
We're fucked.

1205
01:07:16,400 --> 01:07:18,038
(STARTING PISTOL FIRES)

1206
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:20,355
Come on, Erik! Go, go, go!

1207
01:07:20,480 --> 01:07:22,072
We can beat those Betas.

1208
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:26,194
How'd you feel about that...

1209
01:07:32,400 --> 01:07:34,868
Come on! Come on!

1210
01:07:45,720 --> 01:07:47,995
Maybe I should have carried you.

1211
01:07:49,560 --> 01:07:51,835
Man, that is one scary chick.

1212
01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:53,275
That's a chick?

1213
01:07:53,520 --> 01:07:54,430
MAN: Okay.

1214
01:07:56,800 --> 01:07:59,553
And now, the Peloponnesian War.

1215
01:07:59,680 --> 01:08:02,880
The first team to consume
an entire keg wins.

1216
01:08:02,880 --> 01:08:02,914
The first team to consume
an entire keg wins.

1217
01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:04,837
Throwing up does not disqualify.

1218
01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:08,350
Gentlemen, inside this cylindrical
casing of aluminium,

1219
01:08:08,480 --> 01:08:11,517
lies 55 metric litres of malted alcohol.

1220
01:08:12,120 --> 01:08:14,270
Remember, fellas,
don't underestimate these Geeks.

1221
01:08:14,400 --> 01:08:16,356
Most of them are lonely problem drinkers,
all right?

1222
01:08:16,480 --> 01:08:19,233
Beware, gentlemen,
these men know how to drink,

1223
01:08:19,760 --> 01:08:21,512
but we are more than men.

1224
01:08:21,640 --> 01:08:23,392
We are more than men!

1225
01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:25,954
We, sirs, are Geeks!

1226
01:08:26,080 --> 01:08:28,196
- EDGAR: Yes!
- All right, boys. Battle!

1227
01:08:30,120 --> 01:08:33,237
- Gentlemen, chug-a-lug!
- I can out-drink you fucks!

1228
01:08:36,240 --> 01:08:37,434
EDGAR: Drink!

1229
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:45,113
Edgar!

1230
01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:48,598
I only have one thing to say to you.

1231
01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:50,676
What's that, you philistine?

1232
01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:01,234
Puking doesn't disqualify!

1233
01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:05,118
- Geeks, attack!
- DWIGHT: Boot and rally, boys!

1234
01:09:11,680 --> 01:09:14,592
Come on, Edgar.
Let's see what you got, bitch.

1235
01:09:16,760 --> 01:09:19,593
That's all you got, huh? That's all you got?

1236
01:09:28,000 --> 01:09:29,956
Go back to the keg!

1237
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:31,957
We got a man down!

1238
01:09:32,080 --> 01:09:34,913
Gentlemen, we need to attain
maximum efficiency.

1239
01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:37,635
Attach the device!

1240
01:09:42,280 --> 01:09:44,350
- What the hell is that?
- What is that thing?

1241
01:09:44,480 --> 01:09:45,913
Open valves.

1242
01:09:46,040 --> 01:09:47,473
(WHOOSHING)

1243
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:52,151
That's the Geeks taking the lead.
It's time for our secret weapon. Wesley!

1244
01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:55,355
- MAN: Let's go!
- Wesley, keg stand!

1245
01:10:01,200 --> 01:10:05,079
Open the valves all the way.
We need warp speed on this, motherfucker!

1246
01:10:05,200 --> 01:10:06,758
(ALL SCREAMING)

1247
01:10:07,560 --> 01:10:09,710
- Yeah!
- Yeah! Yeah!

1248
01:10:09,840 --> 01:10:11,193
Betas win!

1249
01:10:11,320 --> 01:10:12,799
(ALL CHEERING)

1250
01:10:18,960 --> 01:10:22,873
With the Greek Olympiad tied,
we now go into sudden death.

1251
01:10:28,560 --> 01:10:32,599
The final event is called
The Rise of Aphrodite.

1252
01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:35,874
Quite simply, the first man

1253
01:10:37,520 --> 01:10:42,275
who excretes his manly juices,

1254
01:10:42,400 --> 01:10:46,279
in the ejaculatory sense,

1255
01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:48,669
loses.

1256
01:10:50,200 --> 01:10:51,713
(ALL CHEERING)

1257
01:10:57,080 --> 01:10:59,230
I cannot wait to see you come in your pants.

1258
01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:00,749
Let's do this.

1259
01:11:12,000 --> 01:11:14,070
Pi is equal to 3. 1415...

1260
01:11:14,200 --> 01:11:16,111
- No big deal at all.
- 5978...

1261
01:11:16,240 --> 01:11:18,595
I feel like Santa Claus
at the local shopping mall.

1262
01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:22,590
(PANTING)

1263
01:11:22,720 --> 01:11:24,392
- That was nothing. I'm okay.
- That was nothing for me, either.

1264
01:11:24,520 --> 01:11:25,475
No big deal.

1265
01:11:25,600 --> 01:11:27,113
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

1266
01:11:27,640 --> 01:11:29,312
MAN: Shake that thing.

1267
01:11:40,720 --> 01:11:43,075
- I like your boobs.
- BOBBY: Look at this.

1268
01:11:43,200 --> 01:11:45,794
Pretend you're sucking my man breast!

1269
01:11:46,640 --> 01:11:49,791
Give it up, Stifler.
This is a game of mind over matter.

1270
01:11:49,920 --> 01:11:52,195
And my brain is way biggerthan yours.

1271
01:11:52,320 --> 01:11:53,719
I've got experience on my side.

1272
01:11:53,840 --> 01:11:57,355
I'll take that over
yourVulcan mind tricks any day.

1273
01:11:57,480 --> 01:11:59,835
We shall see. Bring her in!

1274
01:12:00,960 --> 01:12:03,076
We flew this young lady in from Las Vegas.

1275
01:12:03,200 --> 01:12:05,953
She's the number one stripper
in the Emerald City.

1276
01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:07,479
Enjoy, Dwight.

1277
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:11,675
Oh, no!

1278
01:12:13,080 --> 01:12:14,399
Good luck.

1279
01:12:18,440 --> 01:12:20,556
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

1280
01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:22,989
I'm in trouble here, boys.

1281
01:12:23,120 --> 01:12:25,680
This chick is ridiculous. Bring her in!

1282
01:12:25,800 --> 01:12:28,030
Oh, God! Oh, God!

1283
01:12:31,480 --> 01:12:32,833
(BLEATING)

1284
01:12:35,920 --> 01:12:36,875
(BLEATING)

1285
01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:38,479
What the fuck?

1286
01:12:39,600 --> 01:12:41,079
(MOANING)

1287
01:12:42,080 --> 01:12:44,355
Look at my tail, Edgar.

1288
01:12:44,480 --> 01:12:46,311
Look how fluffy it is.

1289
01:12:47,920 --> 01:12:49,512
Somebody make her stop.

1290
01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:51,915
Edgar, you got a little wool fetish, buddy?

1291
01:12:52,040 --> 01:12:55,271
No! Make her stop!

1292
01:12:56,720 --> 01:12:58,278
(MARGIE BLEATING)

1293
01:12:58,800 --> 01:13:00,028
(CRYING)

1294
01:13:02,160 --> 01:13:03,434
He's done.

1295
01:13:11,320 --> 01:13:12,594
Betas win.

1296
01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:20,869
ALL: Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta!

1297
01:13:30,040 --> 01:13:34,795
To the winners,
I now present the Golden Hammer!

1298
01:13:35,360 --> 01:13:36,952
To Beta House!

1299
01:13:37,080 --> 01:13:38,479
(ALL CHEERING)

1300
01:13:38,600 --> 01:13:39,749
Beta, baby!

1301
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:43,395
Congratulations, Stifler.
You've kept the Beta traditions alive.

1302
01:13:43,520 --> 01:13:46,592
- Thanks, Noah. Betas for life.
- Betas for life.

1303
01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:57,151
Now this is a frat party.

1304
01:13:57,280 --> 01:13:59,589
No. This is a Beta party.

1305
01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:03,355
(RAPPING)

1306
01:14:21,080 --> 01:14:24,436
- Hey, I got a little surprise for you.
- Yeah?

1307
01:14:26,720 --> 01:14:29,837
A little present for you being
so patient and understanding.

1308
01:14:30,360 --> 01:14:31,475
Okay.

1309
01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:35,396
- Are you ready for your present?
- (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) I'm not sure.

1310
01:14:36,240 --> 01:14:40,233
I'm really confused right now,
and I'm trying to keep an open mind but...

1311
01:14:40,360 --> 01:14:43,989
Oh, man this is fucked up even for me.

1312
01:14:44,120 --> 01:14:45,678
DENISE: Here it comes.

1313
01:14:45,840 --> 01:14:48,718
Oh, my God. If it's biggerthan mine,
I swear, I'm gonna pass out.

1314
01:14:48,840 --> 01:14:50,956
(GIGGLING) I'm not wearing any panties.

1315
01:14:52,400 --> 01:14:54,960
Easy, Cooze. Everybody can see you.

1316
01:14:55,080 --> 01:14:57,958
Well, I'm sure we can find some place
around here with a little privacy.

1317
01:14:58,080 --> 01:14:59,911
- Okay.
- Let's go.

1318
01:15:01,400 --> 01:15:02,310
Come on.

1319
01:15:05,720 --> 01:15:09,395
- Where are you taking me?
- It's a surprise. You're gonna like it.

1320
01:15:19,320 --> 01:15:20,639
I'm nervous.

1321
01:15:21,200 --> 01:15:24,431
What are you talking about?
Everything's gonna be fine.

1322
01:15:24,560 --> 01:15:26,278
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

1323
01:15:33,080 --> 01:15:36,709
Why don't I take care of you.

1324
01:15:39,240 --> 01:15:40,559
Okay.

1325
01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:42,909
Okay.

1326
01:15:54,280 --> 01:15:55,429
Oh, my.

1327
01:15:57,240 --> 01:15:58,468
(PANTING)

1328
01:15:58,600 --> 01:16:00,830
I can't! I can't!

1329
01:16:00,960 --> 01:16:02,473
Look, just let yourself go, baby.

1330
01:16:02,600 --> 01:16:05,512
There's nothing you can do
that's gonna surprise me. Okay?

1331
01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:07,232
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

1332
01:16:08,040 --> 01:16:09,155
Okay!

1333
01:16:11,360 --> 01:16:12,839
(BOTH GIGGLING)

1334
01:16:12,960 --> 01:16:14,598
Why are you bringing me in here?

1335
01:16:14,720 --> 01:16:16,711
Well, this being our new house,

1336
01:16:16,840 --> 01:16:20,355
I thought I'd come up with my own task
forthe pledge board.

1337
01:16:20,600 --> 01:16:22,909
Okay. What's that gonna be?

1338
01:16:23,040 --> 01:16:24,075
(ERIK CLEARING THROAT)

1339
01:16:24,200 --> 01:16:26,555
Well, I think it's kind of better if I...

1340
01:16:26,680 --> 01:16:28,193
If I show you.

1341
01:16:33,600 --> 01:16:34,555
ASHLEY: Hmm.

1342
01:16:34,680 --> 01:16:36,671
Sex in a movie theatre.

1343
01:16:36,800 --> 01:16:39,394
I like the way you think, Erik Stifler.

1344
01:16:46,560 --> 01:16:48,118
(MOANING)

1345
01:16:51,800 --> 01:16:53,552
(MOANING LOUDER)

1346
01:16:54,840 --> 01:16:57,308
I'm coming! I'm coming!

1347
01:16:57,440 --> 01:16:58,998
I'm coming!

1348
01:16:59,480 --> 01:17:00,799
(SPLASHING)

1349
01:17:00,920 --> 01:17:02,069
Oh, my...

1350
01:17:05,720 --> 01:17:08,075
Okay. I was a little surprised by that.

1351
01:17:08,200 --> 01:17:09,474
I'm sorry.

1352
01:17:10,200 --> 01:17:11,599
It's okay.

1353
01:17:14,200 --> 01:17:17,351
- It was actually really sexy.
- Really?

1354
01:17:17,480 --> 01:17:19,789
Yeah. Can you do that every time?

1355
01:17:20,840 --> 01:17:23,149
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?

1356
01:17:23,280 --> 01:17:24,554
Oh, my God.

1357
01:17:34,840 --> 01:17:37,593
- Hey, buddy, take a little dip in the pool?
- Nope.

1358
01:17:37,720 --> 01:17:39,392
Oh, wait a minute.

1359
01:17:41,480 --> 01:17:44,631
Yes. The elusive female ejaculation.

1360
01:17:45,080 --> 01:17:47,036
Not a lot of girls can do that. Congrats.

1361
01:17:47,160 --> 01:17:48,559
(SINGING)

1362
01:18:07,720 --> 01:18:09,199
(BULL LAUGHING)

1363
01:18:09,320 --> 01:18:11,276
Beta House fucking rules!

1364
01:18:11,400 --> 01:18:12,628
(CHEERING)

1365
01:19:07,800 --> 01:19:08,755
(LAUGHING)

1366
01:19:08,880 --> 01:19:10,074
Yes!

1367
01:19:12,040 --> 01:19:13,359
(TOILET FLUSHING)

1368
01:19:18,920 --> 01:19:20,399
Hey, big boy,

1369
01:19:21,160 --> 01:19:23,958
ready to fill me up with some more protein?

1370
01:19:25,280 --> 01:19:27,714
No, no, no. No!

1371
01:19:32,040 --> 01:19:34,713
Yes, the Blackout Menace strikes again.

1372
01:24:23,200 --> 01:24:25,395
(POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH SPEAKERS)

1373
01:24:32,800 --> 01:24:35,155
Wear this for your next dance, honey.

1374
01:24:35,280 --> 01:24:36,395
Thanks.

1375
01:24:36,396 --> 01:24:56,396
American Pie 6 Beta House.[2007].RETAIL.DVDRIP.XVID.[Eng]-DUQA