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[ ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ CRYING ]
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[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]
[ SCREAMS ]
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RARGH!
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[ SLOT MACHINES WHIRRING ]
AAH!
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ARRRGH!
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[ PEOPLE SCREAMING ]
AAH!
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[ CRASH! ]
[ SIRENS WAILING ]
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♪ OH, LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE
AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE ♪
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♪ YOU KNOW, THE WORLD'S GONE
CRAZY, AND IT AIN'T SAFE ON THE
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STREET ♪
♪ OH, WE'RE LOSING TRACK, AND I
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KNOW THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE TO
GO ♪
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♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪
♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪
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♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪
[ CHIMES TINKLE ]
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RELAX.
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Warden: JARED, WHAT'S WITH
THE HISSY FIT?
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YOU REALLY NEED TO RELAX.
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Jared: I WAS RELAXING, SIR!
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Warden: BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I
WASN'T ALWAYS THE CALM,
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COLLECTED CHARMSTER YOU SEE IN
FRONT OF YOU -- UNTIL I FOUND
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"THE POWER PYRAMID" BY
D.L. DIAMOND.
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Jared: I DON'T KNOW, SIR.
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MY MIND IS TOO LOGICALLY
RATIONAL TO BE SWAYED BY
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MUMBO JUMBO.
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Warden: WELL, YOU'RE IN LUCK,
JARED.
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I HAVE INVITED D.L. DIAMOND TO
COME TO SUPERJAIL TONIGHT AND
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GIVE ONE OF HIS MOTIVATIONAL
PRESENTATIONS.
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Jared: BUT --
Warden: SEE YOU AT THE SHOW!
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WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACCOMPANY
ME TO THE CONCERT SHOW TONIGHT?
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ARE YOU ASKING ME OUT ON A
DATE?
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MAYBE.
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Both: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
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[ SYNTHESIZER MUSIC PLAYS ]
OVER 44 MILLION COPIES SOLD
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WORLDWIDE.
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YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT THE POWER.
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NOW EXPERIENCE IT LIVE.
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DID SOMEBODY SAY "TAKE ME TO
YOUR LEADER"?!
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WHAT IF I TOLD YOU YOU COULD
WALK RIGHT OUT OF SUPERJAIL
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RIGHT NOW?
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Alice: NOT ON MY WATCH.
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OH, YOU THINK YOU'RE IN A
PRISON?
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YOU'RE ONLY INCARCERATED IN THE
PRISON OF YOUR MIND!
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AND YOUR SKULLS ARE THE BARS,
BABY!
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I'M GONNA HELP YOU BUST OUT OF
THEM BARS!
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YOW!
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LOOK, HOMBRES, I WAS JUST LIKE
YOU ONCE.
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THEN SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED.
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I WAS VISITED BY THESE AWESOME,
RADICAL SPACE-PARTY DUDES, THE
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GALACTOIDS!
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THEY KICKED MY MIND IN THE ASS,
TOOK ME TO THEIR PLANET, AND
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SHOWED ME I WAS POSSESSED, BABY,
WITH EVIL ALIENS CALLED
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NEGATONS!
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YUCK-A-ROO! OWWW!
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THEN THEY SHOWED ME HOW TO
ELIMINATE MY NEGATON THOUGHTS,
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BABY, WITH THESE COOL, AWESOME
C-RYSTALS!
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[ CROWD CHEERING ]
EACH CRYSTAL CLEARS YOUR
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NEGATON FEELINGS AND GETS YOU
CLOSER TO WHERE THE ACTION IS --
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THE GALACTOID PARTY SHIP!
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SO, HOW DO I GET ONE OF THESE
CRYSTALS I HEARD THAT COOL GUY
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TALKING ABOUT?
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I'LL TELL YOU, FRIEND -- YOU
VISIT "THE POWER PYRAMID"
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MERCHANDISE BOOTH!
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SKIDDLY-DIDDLY-DA-BOW!
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[ ALL SHOUTING ]
[ BOTH WHIMPER ]
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Warden: HOW SPLENDIFEROUS!
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MR. DIAMOND, IT IS AN HONOR TO
MEET YOU.
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I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN.
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I OWN EVERY ONE OF YOUR TAPES
YOU DON'T HAVE THIS ONE.
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LOOK, PLAY THIS OVER THE
SUPERJAIL SOUND SYSTEM.
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HELPS EVERYBODY RELAX-AH.
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OKAY, AND HEY, MIDGET?
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GET ME A LITTLE FRESH BREW.
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HEY, BEAUTIFUL.
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I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT HOT BOD IN
A GALACTOID UNIFORM!
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Warden: WHO WOULDN'T?
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WE'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT,
MR. DIAMOND.
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THAT'S "D.L." TO YOU, GOOD
BUDDY.
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REMEMBER, DIAMOND IS A GIRL'S
BEST FRIEND.
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OW!
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OKAY, LOOK, TAKE EVERYTHING THAT
ISN'T NAILED DOWN.
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MARK UP THE PRICES ON THE MERCH.
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AMBER, HOLD UP A SECOND.
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D.L.'s DIAMOND NEEDS A LITTLE
POLISHING.
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YEE-OW!
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RELEASE YOUR NEGATONS.
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FOCUS.
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THAT GUY, MAN?
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HE TOTALLY TRIPPED MY NUT.
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SHUT UP, MAN!
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I'M TRYING TO ESCAPE THE PRISON
BARS OF MY SKULL WITH THE POWER
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OF MY MIND.
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[ GRUNTS ]
HEY, GUYS, WHO WANTS TO TAKE
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A LOOK AT MY FAMILY JEWELS?
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DON'T MAKE ME GO GALACTOID ON
YOUR ASS.
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WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
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LOOK, I DON'T NEED YOUR
NEGATONS.
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NOT NOW.
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NOT LIKE THIS.
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[ PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
SO, THE NEXT THING I KNEW, I
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WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF AN
INTERGALACTIC WET-T-SHIRT
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CONTEST!
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HEY, DID I MENTION THAT
GALACTOID FEMALES HAVE SIX
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MAMMARY GLANDS AND 14 PLEASURE
HOLES?
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[ PRISONERS CHEER ]
THE DAYS JUST AREN'T LONG
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ENOUGH ON THAT PLANET.
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Jared: I USUALLY DON'T BUY
INTO MALARKEY, BUT THIS
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"POWER PYRAMID" MIGHT BE THE KEY
TO ENDING MY 15 YEARS OF
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DEPRESSION!
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[ GASPS ]
GET OUT OF HERE!
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Jared: AAH!
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[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
Alice: WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
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YOU?
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Jared: THAT D.L. CHARACTER IS
A PHONY.
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HE'S UP TO NO GOOD, AND I'M
GONNA BUST HIM.
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Alice: YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF
A REAL MAN.
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LET ME JUST GRAB THIS BREWSKI
AND GET BACK TO BUS--
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ZOW!
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Alice: NOTICE ANYTHING
DIFFERENT?
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MAYBE YOU AND I SHOULD HANG
OUT SOMETIME.
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DO YOU LIKE TO BE TREATED LIKE
YOU'RE SPECIAL?
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Alice: YES.
THOUGHT SO.
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LET'S YOU AND ME HAVE SOME
"SPECIAL TIME."
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I GOT TO GO RIGHT NOW, BUT LET'S
CATCH UP AFTER THE SHOW.
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OW!
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[ GRUNTING ]
Alice: KEEP IT.
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SOMETHING TO REMEMBER ME BY.
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[ GRUNTING ]
YUCK!
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THAT IS ONE FUNKY CHICK!
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OH, GOD!
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YEAH, WE LOVE YOU!
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Jared: SIR, I NEED TO TALK TO
YOU.
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THIS IS SOMETHING VERY
IMPORTANT.
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Warden: QUIET, JARED.
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THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO START.
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[ SYNTHESIZER MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
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OW! YEAH!
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ALL RIGHT!
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YOU READY FOR THIS, BABY?!
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I GOT SOME EXCITING NEWS, BABY.
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THE GALACTOIDS ARE COMING
TONIGHT!
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OKAY, I WOULD LIKE TO PUT ON A
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GREAT SHOW FOR YOU GUYS, BUT I'M
OFF TO MEET THE GALACTOIDS.
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GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING.
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OKAY, WHERE'S MY BAGS?
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WHAT?
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YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME TO
MEET THE GALACTOIDS?
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WELL, DO YOU HAVE THE CRYSTALS?
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DO...YOU...HAVE...
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THE SPACE DRESS?
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DO YOU HAVE THE POWER?!
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WELL, ALL RIGHT!
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LET'S TAKE THE SPACE DUST AND
FREE OUR MINDS!
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[ EXCITED MURMURING ]
Jared: D.L. DIAMOND IS A
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FRAUD, AND I HAVE THE PROOF!
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MR. DIAMOND, A.K.A. DARYL "THE
DIME" DIAMOND, IS WANTED FOR
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COUNTLESS CRIMES, FROM PETTY
THEFT TO NECROCIDE.
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HE HAS IMPERSONATED THE
HANDICAPPED, ASSAULTED A DONKEY,
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GRAFFITIED THE ELDERLY,
SWALLOWED GUM, AND --
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Warden: JARED, DON'T BE SUCH
A NEGATON.
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HOW WILL YOU EVER MAKE IT PAST
LEVEL 1 WITH THAT BAD ATTITUDE?
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Jared: CAN'T YOU SEE I'M
TRYING TO SAVE YOU?
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THIS DUST IS DEADLY!
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WATCH! I'LL PROVE IT!
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[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
Warden: [ Echoing ] ARE YOU
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ALL RIGHT, JARED?
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YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.
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Jared: I'M FREAKING OUT!
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WO-O-O-O-O-O-W!
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Warden: LOOK! HE'S FINE!
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GO, JARED! GO!
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SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
SPACE, BROTHERS!
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[ INHALES ]
[ ALL INHALE ]
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All: OOH!
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[ SITAR MUSIC PLAYS ]
Alice: OOH.
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[ BOTH LAUGH ]
Jared: OOH. AHH. OOH.
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AAAAAAAAAAAH!
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[ GASPS ]
AAH!
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AAAAAAAAAH!
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TUNE UP. TURN AROUND.
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DROPKICK.
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AAAAAH!
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AAAAAAAH!
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Jared: AAAAAAAAAAAH!
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COME ON.
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LET'S GET ALL THE STUFF WRAPPED
UP AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
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[ RUMBLING ]
LOOK, AMBER, I DON'T KNOW IF
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WE'RE GONNA GET OUT OF HERE
ALIVE, BUT I WANT TO LET YOU
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KNOW I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA
WORK OUT BETWEEN US.
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LOOK!
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Jared: GALACTOIDS?
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HOLY [BLEEP]
THEY'RE REAL?!
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SKIDDLY-BOOTILY, I AM OUT OF
HERE!
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[ ENGINE REVS ]
Warden: [ SCOFFS ]
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WAY TO GO, JARED.
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NO, REALLY.
GOOD JOB, MAN.
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NOW WE'RE NEVER GONNA MEET THE
GALACTOIDS.
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Jared: [ SIGHS ]
LOOK, MAN, I SWEAR I WAS
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GONNA SPLIT EVERYTHING 60/40.
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00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:20,076
ALL RIGHT, 70/30, FELLAS, BUT
THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER.
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00:10:20,143 --> 00:10:21,944
All: WE'RE THE GALACTOIDS.
200
00:10:22,011 --> 00:10:23,243
WELCOME ABOARD.
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NOW, LET'S PARTY!
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NOW YOU'RE TALKING MY
LANGUAGE!
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YOW!