[ ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS ] [ CRYING ]
[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ] [ SCREAMS ]
RARGH!
[ SLOT MACHINES WHIRRING ] AAH!
ARRRGH!
[ PEOPLE SCREAMING ] AAH!
[ CRASH! ] [ SIRENS WAILING ]
♪ OH, LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, THE WORLD'S GONE CRAZY, AND IT AIN'T SAFE ON THE
STREET ♪ ♪ OH, WE'RE LOSING TRACK, AND I
KNOW THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE TO GO ♪
♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪ ♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪ [ CHIMES TINKLE ]
RELAX.
Warden: JARED, WHAT'S WITH THE HISSY FIT?
YOU REALLY NEED TO RELAX.
Jared: I WAS RELAXING, SIR!
Warden: BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I WASN'T ALWAYS THE CALM,
COLLECTED CHARMSTER YOU SEE IN FRONT OF YOU -- UNTIL I FOUND
"THE POWER PYRAMID" BY D.L. DIAMOND.
Jared: I DON'T KNOW, SIR.
MY MIND IS TOO LOGICALLY RATIONAL TO BE SWAYED BY
MUMBO JUMBO.
Warden: WELL, YOU'RE IN LUCK, JARED.
I HAVE INVITED D.L. DIAMOND TO COME TO SUPERJAIL TONIGHT AND
GIVE ONE OF HIS MOTIVATIONAL PRESENTATIONS.
Jared: BUT -- Warden: SEE YOU AT THE SHOW!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACCOMPANY ME TO THE CONCERT SHOW TONIGHT?
ARE YOU ASKING ME OUT ON A DATE?
MAYBE.
Both: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
[ SYNTHESIZER MUSIC PLAYS ] OVER 44 MILLION COPIES SOLD
WORLDWIDE.
YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT THE POWER.
NOW EXPERIENCE IT LIVE.
DID SOMEBODY SAY "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER"?!
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU YOU COULD WALK RIGHT OUT OF SUPERJAIL
RIGHT NOW?
Alice: NOT ON MY WATCH.
OH, YOU THINK YOU'RE IN A PRISON?
YOU'RE ONLY INCARCERATED IN THE PRISON OF YOUR MIND!
AND YOUR SKULLS ARE THE BARS, BABY!
I'M GONNA HELP YOU BUST OUT OF THEM BARS!
YOW!
LOOK, HOMBRES, I WAS JUST LIKE YOU ONCE.
THEN SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED.
I WAS VISITED BY THESE AWESOME, RADICAL SPACE-PARTY DUDES, THE
GALACTOIDS!
THEY KICKED MY MIND IN THE ASS, TOOK ME TO THEIR PLANET, AND
SHOWED ME I WAS POSSESSED, BABY, WITH EVIL ALIENS CALLED
NEGATONS!
YUCK-A-ROO! OWWW!
THEN THEY SHOWED ME HOW TO ELIMINATE MY NEGATON THOUGHTS,
BABY, WITH THESE COOL, AWESOME C-RYSTALS!
[ CROWD CHEERING ] EACH CRYSTAL CLEARS YOUR
NEGATON FEELINGS AND GETS YOU CLOSER TO WHERE THE ACTION IS --
THE GALACTOID PARTY SHIP!
SO, HOW DO I GET ONE OF THESE CRYSTALS I HEARD THAT COOL GUY
TALKING ABOUT?
I'LL TELL YOU, FRIEND -- YOU VISIT "THE POWER PYRAMID"
MERCHANDISE BOOTH!
SKIDDLY-DIDDLY-DA-BOW!
[ ALL SHOUTING ] [ BOTH WHIMPER ]
Warden: HOW SPLENDIFEROUS!
MR. DIAMOND, IT IS AN HONOR TO MEET YOU.
I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN.
I OWN EVERY ONE OF YOUR TAPES YOU DON'T HAVE THIS ONE.
LOOK, PLAY THIS OVER THE SUPERJAIL SOUND SYSTEM.
HELPS EVERYBODY RELAX-AH.
OKAY, AND HEY, MIDGET?
GET ME A LITTLE FRESH BREW.
HEY, BEAUTIFUL.
I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT HOT BOD IN A GALACTOID UNIFORM!
Warden: WHO WOULDN'T?
WE'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT, MR. DIAMOND.
THAT'S "D.L." TO YOU, GOOD BUDDY.
REMEMBER, DIAMOND IS A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND.
OW!
OKAY, LOOK, TAKE EVERYTHING THAT ISN'T NAILED DOWN.
MARK UP THE PRICES ON THE MERCH.
AMBER, HOLD UP A SECOND.
D.L.'s DIAMOND NEEDS A LITTLE POLISHING.
YEE-OW!
RELEASE YOUR NEGATONS.
FOCUS.
THAT GUY, MAN?
HE TOTALLY TRIPPED MY NUT.
SHUT UP, MAN!
I'M TRYING TO ESCAPE THE PRISON BARS OF MY SKULL WITH THE POWER
OF MY MIND.
[ GRUNTS ] HEY, GUYS, WHO WANTS TO TAKE
A LOOK AT MY FAMILY JEWELS?
DON'T MAKE ME GO GALACTOID ON YOUR ASS.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
LOOK, I DON'T NEED YOUR NEGATONS.
NOT NOW.
NOT LIKE THIS.
[ PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC PLAYS ] SO, THE NEXT THING I KNEW, I
WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERGALACTIC WET-T-SHIRT
CONTEST!
HEY, DID I MENTION THAT GALACTOID FEMALES HAVE SIX
MAMMARY GLANDS AND 14 PLEASURE HOLES?
[ PRISONERS CHEER ] THE DAYS JUST AREN'T LONG
ENOUGH ON THAT PLANET.
Jared: I USUALLY DON'T BUY INTO MALARKEY, BUT THIS
"POWER PYRAMID" MIGHT BE THE KEY TO ENDING MY 15 YEARS OF
DEPRESSION!
[ GASPS ] GET OUT OF HERE!
Jared: AAH!
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ] Alice: WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
YOU?
Jared: THAT D.L. CHARACTER IS A PHONY.
HE'S UP TO NO GOOD, AND I'M GONNA BUST HIM.
Alice: YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF A REAL MAN.
LET ME JUST GRAB THIS BREWSKI AND GET BACK TO BUS--
ZOW!
Alice: NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT?
MAYBE YOU AND I SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME.
DO YOU LIKE TO BE TREATED LIKE YOU'RE SPECIAL?
Alice: YES. THOUGHT SO.
LET'S YOU AND ME HAVE SOME "SPECIAL TIME."
I GOT TO GO RIGHT NOW, BUT LET'S CATCH UP AFTER THE SHOW.
OW!
[ GRUNTING ] Alice: KEEP IT.
SOMETHING TO REMEMBER ME BY.
[ GRUNTING ] YUCK!
THAT IS ONE FUNKY CHICK!
OH, GOD!
YEAH, WE LOVE YOU!
Jared: SIR, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
THIS IS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT.
Warden: QUIET, JARED.
THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO START.
[ SYNTHESIZER MUSIC PLAYS ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OW! YEAH!
ALL RIGHT!
YOU READY FOR THIS, BABY?!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I GOT SOME EXCITING NEWS, BABY.
THE GALACTOIDS ARE COMING TONIGHT!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] OKAY, I WOULD LIKE TO PUT ON A
GREAT SHOW FOR YOU GUYS, BUT I'M OFF TO MEET THE GALACTOIDS.
GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING.
OKAY, WHERE'S MY BAGS?
WHAT?
YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME TO MEET THE GALACTOIDS?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WELL, DO YOU HAVE THE CRYSTALS?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] DO...YOU...HAVE...
THE SPACE DRESS?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] DO YOU HAVE THE POWER?!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WELL, ALL RIGHT!
LET'S TAKE THE SPACE DUST AND FREE OUR MINDS!
[ EXCITED MURMURING ] Jared: D.L. DIAMOND IS A
FRAUD, AND I HAVE THE PROOF!
MR. DIAMOND, A.K.A. DARYL "THE DIME" DIAMOND, IS WANTED FOR
COUNTLESS CRIMES, FROM PETTY THEFT TO NECROCIDE.
HE HAS IMPERSONATED THE HANDICAPPED, ASSAULTED A DONKEY,
GRAFFITIED THE ELDERLY, SWALLOWED GUM, AND --
Warden: JARED, DON'T BE SUCH A NEGATON.
HOW WILL YOU EVER MAKE IT PAST LEVEL 1 WITH THAT BAD ATTITUDE?
Jared: CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU?
THIS DUST IS DEADLY!
WATCH! I'LL PROVE IT!
[ INHALES DEEPLY ] Warden: [ Echoing ] ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT, JARED?
YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.
Jared: I'M FREAKING OUT!
WO-O-O-O-O-O-W!
Warden: LOOK! HE'S FINE!
GO, JARED! GO!
SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF SPACE, BROTHERS!
[ INHALES ] [ ALL INHALE ]
All: OOH!
[ SITAR MUSIC PLAYS ] Alice: OOH.
[ BOTH LAUGH ] Jared: OOH. AHH. OOH.
AAAAAAAAAAAH!
[ GASPS ] AAH!
AAAAAAAAAH!
TUNE UP. TURN AROUND.
DROPKICK.
AAAAAH!
AAAAAAAH!
Jared: AAAAAAAAAAAH!
COME ON.
LET'S GET ALL THE STUFF WRAPPED UP AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
[ RUMBLING ] LOOK, AMBER, I DON'T KNOW IF
WE'RE GONNA GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE, BUT I WANT TO LET YOU
KNOW I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA WORK OUT BETWEEN US.
LOOK!
Jared: GALACTOIDS?
HOLY [BLEEP] THEY'RE REAL?!
SKIDDLY-BOOTILY, I AM OUT OF HERE!
[ ENGINE REVS ] Warden: [ SCOFFS ]
WAY TO GO, JARED.
NO, REALLY. GOOD JOB, MAN.
NOW WE'RE NEVER GONNA MEET THE GALACTOIDS.
Jared: [ SIGHS ] LOOK, MAN, I SWEAR I WAS
GONNA SPLIT EVERYTHING 60/40.
ALL RIGHT, 70/30, FELLAS, BUT THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER.
All: WE'RE THE GALACTOIDS.
WELCOME ABOARD.
NOW, LET'S PARTY!
NOW YOU'RE TALKING MY LANGUAGE!
YOW!