[ BUBBLING ] [ GROANS ]
UNH!
[ GRUNTS ] [ GRUMBLES, LAUGHS ]
AH!
OOH!
AHH.
AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
[ SIZZLING ] [ GRUMBLES ]
[ CROWD SCREAMING ] AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
AAH!
♪ OH, LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, THE WORLD'S GONE CRAZY, AND IT AIN'T SAFE ON THE
STREET ♪ ♪ OH, WE'RE LOSING TRACK, AND I
KNOW THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE TO GO ♪
♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪ ♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M COMING HOME ♪ [ SCREAMING ]
Jared: SECTOR 5, QUADRANT 27-D.
THIS IS PROJECT KX-111 -- PRE-EMPTIVE KILLING AUTOMATA.
Warden: HOW DO YOU DO THAT, JARED?
HOW DO YOU FIND A WAY TO MAKE EVEN THIS BORING?
Jared: SIR, IT'S MY JOB!
SPEAKING OF WHICH, I -- I JUST DON'T SEE WHY WE NEED ALL THESE
EXPENSIVE WEAPONS, SIR.
Warden: THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT THE WARDEN, JARED.
YOU'RE AN ACCOUNTANT.
OH! THAT ONE HAS MY FACE ON IT!
WRITE THIS DOWN, JARED.
MAKE MORE OF THOSE.
AH, WARDEN! EXCELLENT!
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO WITNESS THE RESULTS OF OUR LATEST
INTERSPECIES GENETIC MODIFICATION EXPERIMENT!
Warden: UH, WHAT IS THAT IN ENGLISH?
Jared: HE'S BEEN SPLICING ANIMAL GENES WITH HUMANS TO
CREATE MORE DOCILE INMATES.
Warden: WELL, LET'S SEE WHAT THE GOOD DOCTOR HAS COOKED UP.
[ SCREECHING ] AAH! AAH!
[ SCREECHING ] [ GUNSHOT ]
SCRATCH SCORPION OFF THE LIST!
Jared: [ VOMITING ] Warden: AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
NOT A SCIENTIST.
NEXT!
WOW, THIS ONE MUST BE GOOD.
LOOK AT THEM ALL LINING UP TO GET IN.
Jared: NO, IT'S TERRIBLE, SIR!
THIS IS WHERE WE PROCESS ALL THE NEW INMATES.
BUT WITH SUPERJAIL ALREADY STUFFED TO CAPACITY, THERE'S NO
PLACE TO PUT THEM ALL!
Warden: OH, JARED, HOW CAN THAT ENORMOUS HEAD OF YOURS BE
SO FULL OF SUCH TINY IDEAS?
OBVIOUSLY, WE JUST NEED TO MAKE SUPERJAIL BIGGER!
Jared: [ SNIFFING ] OOH! A DOUBLE CHUB!
Warden: A WHAT?
Jared: BACK IN CIVILIAN LIFE, I USED TO EAT ChubSteaks EVERY
DAY!
I JUST COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM!
IT GOT TO BE KIND OF A PROBLEM, ACTUALLY.
Warden: JARED? JARED. JARED!
YOU'RE OFF-TOPIC AGAIN, BUDDY.
YEAH, MM-MMM!
SO, WHERE CAN I GET MORE OF THESE TASTY MORSELS?
Jared: OH, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, SIR!
THEY'RE A FRANCHISE!
Warden: A FRANCHISE.
OF COURSE.
A SUPERJAIL ON EVERY CORNER OF EVERY TOWN OF EVERY STATE OF
EVERY NATION!
NOTHING BUT SWEET, INSTANT INCARCERATION FOR ONE AND ALL!
♪ WARDEN OF SUPERJAIL, WE HAVE COME FOR YOU ♪
Jared: [ MUNCHING ] WHERE'D THE WARDEN GO?
Alice: WHO CARES?
SUPERJAIL EMERGENCY.
CODE 45735.
Warden: [ VOMITS ] WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?
LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO THROW THE BOOK AT THE WARDEN'S
PENAL SYSTEM.
Both: OUCH.
WARDEN OF SUPERJAIL, YOU STAND BEFORE THIS TIME COURT
BECAUSE, ON THIS DAY, IN YOUR TIME CONTINUUM, YOU ENACTED A
PLAN TO OPEN SUPERJAIL SUBSIDIARIES WORLDWIDE.
Warden: OH, MY GOD.
I WAS JUST THINKING OF THAT LIKE 30 SECONDS AGO.
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
SILENCE!
YOU ARE ACCUSED OF 437 COUNTS OF TIME CRIME...
♪ TIME CRIME ♪ ...WAGING AN UNPROVOKED WAR
ON THE NATIONS OF THE EARTH, ENSLAVING ITS PEOPLES, LAYING
WASTE TO ITS ECOSYSTEM.
Warden: YEAH, IS THIS GONNA TAKE A WHILE?
BECAUSE I SHOULD REALLY BE GETTING BACK TO SUPERJAIL.
THOSE PEOPLE REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO RUN THE PLACE WITHOUT ME,
SO...
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
Warden: PLEAD?!
WHERE'S YOUR CORPUS CHRISTI?!
WHERE'S YOUR PROOF?!
[ CROWD SHOUTING ] SILENCE! ORDER!
THE PROOF!
CHARGE!
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING, GUNFIRE ] AAH! AAH!
[ SCREAMING ] Jared: SIR, IT LOOKS LIKE THE
JAPANESE AND EURO-AMERICAN FORCES ARE PLANNING A SNEAK
ATTACK ON THE NORTHERN FRONT.
HOW DO YOU WANT TO PROCEED?
Warden: LET JAILBOT "X" HAVE A GO AT THEM.
AH!
AAH!
DON'T JUST STAND THERE, YOU SAP-SUCKIN' MAGGOTS!
NOW GET UP AND TAKE THAT HILL!
[ SOLDIERS GROANING ] Jared: SIR, THE GERMANS ARE
ENGAGING!
Warden: PERHAPS THE GOOD DOCTOR WILL MAKE A HOUSE CALL.
READY SPECIMENS 1 THROUGH 6!
[ SCREECHING ] [ SOLDIERS SCREAMING ]
[ SOLDIERS SHOUTING ] Warden: ADIOS, MEXICANS.
WE'LL HAVE TO RESORT TO THE BOMB.
ARE YOU MAD?!
YOU'LL KILL ALL OF OUR GROUND FORCES!
THERE ARE NO GROUND FORCES LEFT!
HE'S RIGHT!
WE HAVE NO CHOICE!
MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS.
Warden: WAIT! WAIT! HOLD ON!
CAN YOU PAUSE IT FOR A SECOND?
I NEED TO TAKE A BATHROOM BREAK.
SUPERJAIL EMERGENCY!
Alice: SHUT UP ALREADY!
MAN!
Jared: I DON'T GET IT.
IT'S NOT LIKE THE WARDEN TO MISS AN EXECUTION.
SOMETHING'S GOT TO BE WRONG.
Alice: YEAH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG.
THAT F'ing ALARM!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING, ANYWAYS?
Jared: I HAVE NO IDEA!
Alice: GO FIND OUT BEFORE MY HEADACHE KICKS YOUR ASS!
Warden: YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME WITH ME, DO YOU?
I'M A LITTLE PEE SHY.
[ LAUGHS ] YEAH!
♪ WE READ THAT IN YOUR FILE ♪ Warden: EW!
Jared: "EMERGENCY CODE 45735 IS ACTIVATED WHEN THE WARDEN'S"
PRESENCE IS NO LONGER DETECTED WITHIN THE CONFINES OF
SUPERJAIL.
WITHOUT A WARDEN, SUPERJAIL HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO...
SHUT DOWN"?!
[ RUMBLING ] Alice: WE GOT TO GET OUT OF
HERE.
Jared: ALICE, THE WARDEN -- HE REALLY IS GONE!
Alice: NO [BLEEP] SHERLOCK.
NOW LET'S GO!
Warden: [ WHISTLES ] ♪ HEY ♪
♪ WAIT ♪ ♪ YOU CANNOT ESCAPE ♪
♪ NEVER RUN AWAY FROM THE TIME POLICE ♪
♪ YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE ♪ AND NOW YOU WILL SEE THE
IRREFUTABLE EVIDENCE OF YOUR FUTURE CRIMES.
AS THE LEADER OF WHAT WAS THE FREE WORLD, I HEREBY SIGN THIS
PEACE TREATY, BESTOWING ALL POWERS OF OUR GOVERNMENTS OVER
TO -- AAH!
DIE, YOU MADMAN!
Warden: GUILTY AS CHARGED.
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ] PEOPLE OF THE FORMER PLANET
EARTH, UNDER THE FREEDOM OF ATTAINMENT ACT, YOU ARE NOW ALL
FREE CITIZENS OF THE NATION OF SUPERJAIL AND PROPERTY OF ME.
[ SHOUTING ] [ GUNSHOT ]
[ BABY CRYING ] EXCELLENT SHOT.
WE DID IT, JARED.
Jared: YOU DID IT, SIR.
AND WE CAME IN UNDER BUDGET.
WITH THE EXTRA DOUGH, I GOT US A NICE LITTLE FEAST.
All: ALL HAIL THE WARDEN!
Warden: WOW!
WHERE CAN I GET A BOOTLEG OF THIS?
THIS IS GREAT!
SILENCE!
WARDEN OF SUPERJAIL, BY THE POWERS VESTED IN US, IN THE NAME
OF TIME COURT, WE HEREBY FIND YOU...
All: GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!
...GUILTY!
Warden: FINE. JUST SEND ME BACK TO SUPERJAIL, AND I PROMISE
NOT TO DECLARE WAR ON THE WHOLE WORLD, OKAY?
WAIT, DON'T GO! THIS IS CRAZY.
I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING YET!
[ ALARM BLARING ] [ BUZZER ]
[ CHEERING ] WE'RE FREE!
TO KILL!
AAH!
[ ALL SHOUTING ] Jared: WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
Alice: YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU, TONTO?!
IT'S OVER.
GO GET A REAL JOB.
[ WHIMPERING ] [ SNIFFLES ]
SO LONG...LITTLE MAN.
Jared: GOODBYE, ALICE.
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU AND ME NOW, JAILBOT.
IS THIS REALLY THE END OF SUPERJAIL?!