1
00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:04,496
(drumroll)
2
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,032
(rousing orchestral fanfare playing)
3
00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:23,082
(fanfare ends)
4
00:00:26,259 --> 00:00:28,557
(woman chanting plaintively
over mournful melody)
5
00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:30,619
(deep whooshing)
6
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,027
(percussion booming)
7
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:38,502
(plaintive chanting continues)
8
00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:40,505
(percussion booming)
9
00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:43,940
(thunder crashing)
10
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:48,676
(singing slows, distorting)
11
00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:50,978
MALE NARRATOR:
In the land of Sparta...
12
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:54,282
when babies were born...
13
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:57,016
the elders would
inspect them for defects.
14
00:00:57,090 --> 00:01:01,584
BABY (Scottish accent):
Ah. Are you my mama?
15
00:01:01,661 --> 00:01:03,925
'Cause I'm ready to suckle a teat.
16
00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:07,026
(loud retching)
17
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,665
(baby cackles)
18
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,436
If any imperfections were found...
19
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:17,942
the baby was rejected.
20
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,013
- (grunts)
- (baby yells)
21
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,412
And if the baby...
22
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:24,575
was Vietnamese...
23
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:27,313
Brangelina had first dibs.
24
00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:30,679
(thunder crashing)
25
00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:33,249
Cute, huh?
26
00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:34,418
(quiet groan)
27
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:36,860
Behold Leonidas...
28
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,420
Ah-ooh!
29
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:41,194
... the perfect Spartan.
30
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,564
(chuckles)
31
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:46,733
(grunts)
32
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:49,240
From an early age...
33
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:50,970
Leonidas was taught to fight.
34
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,807
Come on, you little shit! Come on!
35
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,369
You can't beat me.
36
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,937
You're never gonna be
a Spartan, never.
37
00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,539
Take this, Granny!
38
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,881
(distorted): Aah!
39
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,318
(grunts, thuds)
40
00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:06,389
He was tortured,
taught to show no pain.
41
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,450
Tell me, Mr. Bond...
42
00:02:08,528 --> 00:02:10,120
what is the account number?
43
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,630
Who the hell is Mr. Bond?
44
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,291
I'm Leonidas.
45
00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:16,301
You're testing my patience,
Double-Oh.
46
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:18,337
But I am not Double-
47
00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:19,632
Oh!
48
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:21,799
(crazed laughing)
49
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:23,635
Oh!
50
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,473
Little Miss Sunshine!
51
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:28,378
(trembling):
Oh, oh-
52
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,417
- Here's a nice one. Oh-
- (whimpering)
53
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:34,180
That's right. Yeah.
54
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:37,348
No, no, no.
(groaning)
55
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:42,586
Mr. Bond, I'd like you
to meet Captain Adorable.
56
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:43,629
- (dog growls)
- Good boy.
57
00:02:43,696 --> 00:02:46,324
Good boy.
Who's a good boy?
58
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,330
- (loud crunch)
- (yelling)
59
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:56,868
Leonidas was sent into the wild...
60
00:02:56,943 --> 00:03:00,310
to learn how to survive.
61
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,439
(shivering)
62
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:07,483
He braved the elements...
63
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,580
endured starvation.
64
00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:19,823
No mayo?
65
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:22,561
This is bullshit!
66
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,939
The beast stalks Leonidas...
67
00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:33,172
red eyes glowing
like the fires ofhell.
68
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:41,744
(suspenseful theme building)
69
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:44,449
(low squawking)
70
00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:46,253
(suspenseful theme continues)
71
00:03:46,326 --> 00:03:50,194
(upbeat dance music playing)
72
00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:51,662
(Leonidas laughs)
73
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,756
Man, you've got happy feet.
74
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:54,925
(record needle scratches, music stops)
75
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:57,697
What you laughin' at, asswipe?
76
00:03:57,770 --> 00:04:00,102
I'm about to shove
my happy foot up your ass...
77
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,606
- cracker.
- Nice penguin.
78
00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:03,801
Where you going, pussy?
79
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:04,774
(Leonidas yelling)
80
00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:06,436
(grunting)
81
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:08,776
I'm 'bout to make you
my bitch, Leonidas.
82
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,372
Lick my snowballs.
83
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:13,214
(grunting)
84
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:19,186
Now eat my penguin asshole.
(penguin farting repeatedly)
85
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,193
That Taco Bell ain't sittin' right.
86
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:23,624
Oh, it smells!
87
00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:26,631
- (farts)
- Ha! Caught you with your mouth open.
88
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,712
You dead, Leonidas.
89
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:43,112
Say "Wassup?"
To Anna Nicole for me.
90
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:47,350
(grunts)
91
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:48,682
Shit! I'm stuck!
92
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,723
Oh, we got a penguin pinned down!
93
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,223
Help! Help!
94
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,351
(penguin grunting)
95
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,120
(penguin grunts)
96
00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:01,223
Oh! My ass!
97
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,201
My ass hurt! Oh!
98
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:04,736
Why you wanna do me like that?
99
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,897
Come on, man, I could hook you up.
100
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,133
We could work it out.
101
00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:10,698
I'll suck your dick!
102
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:14,278
(dramatic choral music playing)
103
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:18,181
And the boy
that was cast into the wild...
104
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:21,118
returned a king!
105
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,149
##
106
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:40,567
(both grunting)
107
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:43,207
- (techno dance music playing)
- # Oh! #
108
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,176
#Yeah, yeah #
109
00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:46,506
#Ak' sizzle #
110
00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:48,103
- #The bomb #
- # Get down #
111
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,240
# Baby, down,
I know you love the sound #
112
00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:51,943
#When we do what we do #
113
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,509
- #We get you in the mood #
- #Ak'Sent's in the building #
114
00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:56,851
- # Pick it up, pick it up #
- #Yeah #
115
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,447
- # I know you love the feel #
- # Come on #
116
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,151
# Let's keep it on the real #
117
00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:02,319
#This... is like the bomb #
118
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:03,623
- # So fresh #
- (deeply): Whoa!
119
00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:05,186
#The bomb, so dope #
120
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:06,663
#The bomb, so def #
121
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,462
- #The bomb #
- Boobs.
122
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:10,832
# So cool, the bomb, so fresh #
123
00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,268
#The bomb, so dope #
124
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:13,270
#The bomb #
125
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:15,330
Sign my rack?
126
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:17,035
# So cool #
127
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,634
And they're real, too.
128
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,474
Yes! (laughs)
129
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,773
(giggles)
130
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:24,944
Marry me?
131
00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:27,008
(laughs)
132
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,984
(laughs): What's that?
133
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,426
The combination to my chastity belt.
134
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:41,559
(excited shuddering):
Oh-
135
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:45,670
(cheering, whooping)
136
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,000
PEOPLE: Leonidas!
137
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,776
(cheering slowly fades)
138
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:59,015
NARRATOR: Leonidas was stoked.
139
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:03,988
He wed Margo,
and she bore him a fine son.
140
00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:07,822
And life in the land
of Sparta was good.
141
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:09,927
(both grunting)
142
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,191
Yes! Yes! Good!
143
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,493
Thanks, Dad.
144
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:16,228
(grunting)
145
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:17,633
(Leonidas pants)
146
00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:19,193
Give me your hand.
147
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,036
Remember, Son: A warrior...
148
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,735
must learn to take a hit.
149
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,778
(grunts, groans)
150
00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:28,006
Fight with your head;
151
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,877
think with your heart.
152
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:30,916
Huh?
153
00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:32,917
Give him the pile driver, honey.
154
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,046
Pile driver?
155
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,090
(yelling)
156
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:40,557
- (loud crunch)
- (yelling stops)
157
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,423
That's my boy.
158
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:46,090
(distorted, slow-motion yell)
159
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:48,762
(both grunt)
160
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,327
- My queen.
- (loud slaps)
161
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:52,428
BOY: No!
162
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:53,938
- Captain.
- No!
163
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:56,770
I see Leonidas is molding
our future king of Sparta...
164
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,242
to be a man.
165
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:02,145
(chain saw roaring)
166
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,911
I remember when
my father used to beat me.
167
00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:08,252
Traditional rites of passage.
168
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,748
No. My father was an alcoholic.
169
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,257
(paint gun firing,
pellets ricocheting)
170
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,122
Ow!
171
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,086
Aah!
172
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:19,827
Xerxes' messenger awaits, my king.
173
00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:21,491
(exhales)
174
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:22,727
(gun fires)
175
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,439
Greetings, Leonidas.
176
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,136
Greetings, messenger.
177
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,235
(loud kiss)
178
00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:35,780
(spitting): What the hell was that?
179
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:36,780
What?
180
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:37,941
You just kissed me!
181
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:41,009
That is how men of Sparta
greet one another.
182
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:43,487
High fives for the women...
183
00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:46,354
and open-mouth tongue
kisses for the men.
184
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,699
Ooh.
185
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:58,134
I get it.
186
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,193
Get what?
187
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,866
Uh... y-you have a...
188
00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:03,772
"free society" here.
189
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:06,004
Yes. The freest.
190
00:09:06,078 --> 00:09:07,807
Uh, not that there's
anything wrong with that.
191
00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:16,279
(whispers): I dig big black dudes.
192
00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:17,788
Yeah.
193
00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:22,658
Come, messenger, let us walk.
194
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:28,867
The great Xerxes has
taken over the world...
195
00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:30,698
with his vast Persian army...
196
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,933
and has set his sights
on his final conquest-
197
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:35,496
Sparta.
198
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,812
Let us talk
by the giant pit of death.
199
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:43,473
Okay.
200
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:45,312
Xerxes is a kind god-king...
201
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:46,817
and offers these...
202
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:49,184
peaceful alternatives to war.
203
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:53,020
No blood will be shed...
204
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:56,186
as long as you Spartan
men build his pyramids...
205
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:59,823
your women become his sex slaves...
206
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:01,628
and your children...
207
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,430
work at sweatshops...
208
00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:05,265
making Nikes.
209
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:09,440
That sounds reasonable.
210
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,770
CAPTAI N: I'm sure you would...
211
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:13,744
think so, Councilman Traitoro.
212
00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:17,882
(woman sings slow,
exotic, ethereal theme)
213
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,919
(wind whistling softly)
214
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,894
##
215
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,570
Tell Xerxes...
216
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,237
(passionate moaning)
217
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,077
...to take his proposal...
218
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,310
and shove it!
219
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,080
What the hell?!
220
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,212
What? He came on to me!
221
00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:57,482
I did not.
222
00:10:57,556 --> 00:10:59,751
Dawg, your wife's a ho.
223
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:04,158
This means war!
224
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,425
Hey, hey, hey, it's cool, it's cool.
225
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,023
Uh, we got San Francisco...
226
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,328
and West Hollywood.
227
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,336
We don't need Sparta.
(chuckles)
228
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,634
I'll just tell Xerxes
it's a "no go."
229
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:16,234
(chuckles)
230
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,911
Kick his ass in.
231
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,145
This is madness!
232
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:29,244
Madness?
233
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:34,822
This is Sparta!
234
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,298
Why did you do that?
235
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,666
He was backing down.
236
00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:47,138
(yells)
237
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:51,609
My lord, he will
tell Xerxes that Sparta...
238
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:53,645
is not for them,
so, whatever you do...
239
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,374
don't kick him
into the pit of death.
240
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,973
Stop kicking people
into the pit of death. Really!
241
00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,812
WOMAN:
# Oh, no #
242
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,513
# Oh, yeah #
243
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:05,113
# Uh-huh, yeah. #
244
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:06,385
I don't know why y'all...
245
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,723
have to always get on
my back for everything.
246
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:10,386
I'm a responsible adult.
247
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,488
Look at me-
I'm booby-feeding my baby.
248
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,396
Sometimes I like to
give him fried milk.
249
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,661
I call 'em milk poppers.
250
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,963
It's just like breast milk,
but it's fried.
251
00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:18,264
And you just pop 'em in your mouth.
252
00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:19,395
He loves 'em.
Don't you, baby!
253
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,633
# Goo-goo, gah-gah #
254
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:24,574
# Gah-gah, gah-gah-gah-gah. #
255
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:26,543
(raspy panting)
256
00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:28,341
I'm a smart shopper.
257
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,247
I got this entire outfit in
an alleyway from a Mexico woman.
258
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:32,443
# Bargain #
259
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:33,678
# Shopping #
260
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,050
#Yeah. #
261
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:36,679
Why do y'all think I'm messed up?
262
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,247
Shit! Do I look crazy to you?
263
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:47,231
(echoing): Oh...
264
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:49,995
my God!
265
00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,829
Aw, damn, cuz!
266
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:53,303
There goes my palimony!
267
00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:54,964
K-Fed ain't havin' it, yo.
268
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,372
K-Fed, come back to me, please!
269
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,843
Please? I'll let you under my skirt.
270
00:12:59,912 --> 00:13:01,539
There goes K-Fed's cheddar, yo.
271
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,309
(screaming)
272
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,050
MAN:
# Oh, yeah! #
273
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:09,315
#Ah-ah-ah, yeah! #
274
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:12,824
(singing off-key):
# Ooh-ooh-ooh! #
275
00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:14,189
(screeching):
#Yeah! #
276
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:15,852
(sobbing)
277
00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:16,895
#Yeah! #
278
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:17,986
(shrieks)
279
00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:22,056
# I'm not gay! #
280
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,895
(groans)
281
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,267
Leonidas.
282
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:27,566
Ryan Seacrest?
283
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,337
How did you feel about that kick?
284
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:34,004
Let's see what the judges
have to say.
285
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:36,013
- Randy?
- Yo, Leo, dawg, man...
286
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:38,879
I, I wasn't really feelin' you
on that kick, dawg.
287
00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:40,851
I don't know what happened, man.
288
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,717
It was just
all right for me, dawg.
289
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:45,450
- I mean, just all right, dawg.
- Paula?
290
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:49,255
Leonidas...
291
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,853
you...
292
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,694
move me.
293
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,427
(voice breaking):
Y-
294
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,966
I don't-
295
00:13:59,038 --> 00:13:59,970
Simon?
296
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:01,097
Leonidas...
297
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,641
I thought the kick...
298
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:07,042
was utterly... dreadful.
299
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,136
Oh... Simon-
300
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,579
In fact, I've seen better kicks...
301
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:11,275
from a geriatric donkey.
302
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,442
Oh- (sputters)
303
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,543
And I'm not talking
about you, Paula.
304
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:17,054
I am sorry, King...
305
00:14:17,122 --> 00:14:21,525
but your journey ends here.
306
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:24,660
Oh, go (bleep) yourselves!
307
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:27,893
- What are y?
- (judges screaming)
308
00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:30,401
(screams echoing)
309
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,845
(sniveling)
310
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:42,904
(whimpering)
311
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:53,186
(echoing): Seacrest out!
312
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:55,284
Excellent work, my king.
313
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:58,728
It's time to consult
with the prophets.
314
00:14:58,797 --> 00:15:01,391
(sighs)
315
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:09,240
(screams echoing)
316
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:15,372
NARRATOR:
The ancient prophets were advisers to the king.
317
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:20,908
Grotesque swine, their consult
came with a bribe.
318
00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:24,213
(excited grunting)
319
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:27,191
Oh. Oh, Oxy 10.
320
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,352
Oh, Neutrogena.
321
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:30,895
This has an SPF.
322
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:32,225
Th-This is all-day protection.
323
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:33,856
Look at this.
324
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,525
Exfoliator with alpha hydroxy.
325
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:36,568
This is good for you, Glenn.
326
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,603
Rub it all over
your disgusting face.
327
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:43,569
What need you, King Leonidas?
328
00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:45,075
Ancient prophets...
329
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:47,044
I need your guidance.
330
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:50,741
I'm assembling an army
of 300 to go to war with Persia.
331
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:55,185
I'm going to take them in the rear.
332
00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:57,484
Here, here.
333
00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:58,545
(snickers)
334
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,524
And then I'm gonna reach around...
335
00:16:00,592 --> 00:16:01,684
(chuckles)
336
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,785
...and I'm gonna take them again
from the front!
337
00:16:03,862 --> 00:16:04,920
(snickering)
338
00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:05,929
What?!
339
00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:07,295
Why are you sniggering?!
340
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:09,061
Nothing.
341
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:10,658
It's- no-nothing-
342
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:11,668
- (clears throat)
- (snickering continues)
343
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:13,034
What's so damn funny?!
344
00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:15,039
Look, it's all there for you to see!
345
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:16,438
These are battle formations!
346
00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:17,440
(chuckling): Battle form-
347
00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:18,635
That's what he calls them!
348
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:22,203
It looks like backstage
at an Elton John concert!
349
00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:23,441
Cut it out!
This isn't funny!
350
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:25,005
This is serious business!
351
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:26,073
(moans)
352
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,312
No Spartan goes to war...
353
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:30,617
without first consulting...
354
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,850
the oracle!
355
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:38,955
(ethereal, ominous music plays)
356
00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:55,403
NARRATOR:
The prophets chose only the most beautiful...
357
00:16:55,481 --> 00:17:00,544
of Spartan girls to be their oracle.
358
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:04,316
Oh-
359
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,085
Ugly Betty?
360
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:08,558
She has a great personality.
361
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:10,026
##
362
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,190
Eww!
363
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:14,630
I look likeJabba the Hutt.
364
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,065
That is hot to me.
365
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,330
(sneezing)
366
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,736
(exotic techno melody playing)
367
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,103
(slurping)
368
00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:37,412
Oh-
369
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:39,950
(whispering): See-nah skah-nah...
370
00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:43,290
labwana no-cho dame.
371
00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:46,763
"Fo' shizel my nizzel."
372
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:49,768
(indistinct whispering)
373
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:53,271
"Save the cheerleader...
save the world."
374
00:17:53,338 --> 00:17:56,068
Actually, I'm, I'm not into Heroes.
375
00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:58,234
"Douche bag says what?"
376
00:17:58,310 --> 00:17:59,106
What?
377
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,577
(snickering)
378
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,773
(prophets snickering)
379
00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:03,780
(whispering indistinctly)
380
00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:05,407
"Chest waxer says what?"
381
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:06,382
- What?
- (snickering)
382
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:07,646
(chortling)
383
00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:10,381
(chuckling):
He walked into that one.
384
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,651
What, what are you saying to me?
I don't understand.
385
00:18:12,724 --> 00:18:15,989
Go to war with Persia
and you will surely die.
386
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:21,656
You're screwed, dude.
387
00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:28,362
(exotic, ethereal theme plays)
388
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:46,789
(women laughing)
389
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:47,883
What?!
390
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,689
(laughter continuing)
391
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:54,566
He looks like a Ken doll!
392
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:58,262
(laughter continues)
393
00:18:58,337 --> 00:18:59,599
It's cold!
394
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:20,590
Tommy Lee?
395
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:26,297
Shaq?
396
00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:31,434
Borat?
397
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:34,071
(whispering): Oakland Raiders?
398
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,377
Why is my king so restless?
399
00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:44,745
Can't sleep.
400
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:48,684
It's this whole Battle
ofThermopylae thing.
401
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:52,656
Are you still thinking about
what that young oracle said?
402
00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:54,157
(sighs)
403
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,990
There's only one woman whose
words you should listen to.
404
00:19:58,263 --> 00:19:59,321
Oprah.
405
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:00,695
Your wife?
406
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:02,859
Right, right.
407
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,130
How will I be tried...
408
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,796
in the court of public opinion?
409
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:11,837
Well, Harry Knowles
at "Ain't It Cool News"...
410
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:15,471
says this movie is just
a cheap rip-off of 300.
411
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:20,775
(woman laughing)
412
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:22,183
- (grunts)
- (other women gasp)
413
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:25,018
Even if the oracle
doesn't support you, I do.
414
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,388
And Sparta does.
415
00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:29,484
This could be
our last night together.
416
00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:32,154
You wanna do it?
417
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,131
Like we've never done it before.
418
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:36,360
(exhales)
419
00:20:38,203 --> 00:20:42,799
(passionate, breathy moaning)
420
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:57,379
(sighs)
421
00:20:57,456 --> 00:21:00,823
...97... 98...
422
00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:03,360
...99...
423
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:04,986
(grunting):100!
424
00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:08,123
Beat my record.
425
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,428
- (grunts)
- (shrieks)
426
00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:15,398
Captain.
427
00:21:15,474 --> 00:21:16,736
My king.
428
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:26,044
Have you assembled
my army who are ready...
429
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,985
to fight to the death
for the freedom of Sparta?
430
00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:30,180
Yes, King.
431
00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:39,159
I wanted 300.
432
00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:41,995
This seems like... less.
433
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:44,001
These were the only men
who met with your stringent...
434
00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:46,003
specifications.
435
00:21:46,071 --> 00:21:48,335
"Hunky with deep
Mediterranean tans...
436
00:21:48,407 --> 00:21:49,806
"hot bods..."
437
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,775
and, uh...
438
00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:52,673
Yes?
439
00:21:52,744 --> 00:21:54,006
"...well endowed."
440
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:55,341
SPARTANS: Haawoo! Haawoo!
441
00:21:55,414 --> 00:21:56,540
Haawoo!
442
00:21:56,615 --> 00:21:58,173
Ready to fight for you, my king!
443
00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:00,218
Never give up!
Never surrender!
444
00:22:00,285 --> 00:22:03,448
To infinity and beyond!
445
00:22:05,624 --> 00:22:07,751
CAPTAI N:
He has a lot of heart, my king.
446
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,487
And nice man boobs.
447
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,593
Indeed.
448
00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:18,932
These men will do.
449
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:22,872
You are a fine captain, Captain.
450
00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:26,104
But a better friend...
there is none.
451
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,805
Thank you.
452
00:22:40,058 --> 00:22:42,686
Thank you.
453
00:22:42,761 --> 00:22:43,989
Thank you.
454
00:22:44,062 --> 00:22:45,120
Mm-hm.
455
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:46,129
Damn!
456
00:22:47,432 --> 00:22:50,401
He's got a huge package.
457
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,004
I brought you some fudge.
Mom said that you like to pack it.
458
00:22:58,076 --> 00:22:59,805
She's a good woman.
459
00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:01,971
Good-bye, Father.
460
00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:03,409
(sighs): Farewell, my son.
461
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:05,143
(Leonidas clears throat)
462
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:07,412
Introductions?
463
00:23:07,486 --> 00:23:09,818
King Leonidas,
this is my son, Sonio.
464
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:11,412
My king.
465
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:13,924
Why is he not fighting?
466
00:23:13,992 --> 00:23:15,186
Well, he is not a warrior.
467
00:23:15,260 --> 00:23:16,454
And he's my only son...
468
00:23:16,528 --> 00:23:18,996
destined to carry on my name.
469
00:23:20,632 --> 00:23:22,190
What do you think?
470
00:23:22,267 --> 00:23:24,360
Yummy.
471
00:23:24,436 --> 00:23:26,427
Work it, sister.
472
00:23:26,505 --> 00:23:28,598
I think he's fierce.
473
00:23:28,673 --> 00:23:29,935
(rap beat plays)
474
00:23:30,008 --> 00:23:31,566
# Come and give it 2 me #
475
00:23:31,643 --> 00:23:34,544
#You know you want my body,
need my body #
476
00:23:34,613 --> 00:23:35,841
# Show me them goodies... #
477
00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:37,176
And if you don't like it...
478
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:39,774
you can kiss my fat ass!
479
00:23:39,851 --> 00:23:41,978
(smacks)
480
00:23:42,053 --> 00:23:43,020
Ooh!
Oh!
481
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,020
#... Watchin' your curves #
482
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,078
#Thinking of words, baby #
483
00:23:45,157 --> 00:23:46,124
# My vision is blurred... #
484
00:23:46,191 --> 00:23:48,182
Congratulations, Sonio.
485
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:50,319
You're now on your way
to becoming Sparta's...
486
00:23:50,395 --> 00:23:51,828
(whispering): Next top warrior!
487
00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:52,864
#... right where my mind is #
488
00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:54,592
# Gimme your goody
and your body #
489
00:23:54,666 --> 00:23:55,894
# Uh! Come and give it 2 me #
490
00:23:55,967 --> 00:23:58,231
#You know you want my body,
need my body #
491
00:23:58,303 --> 00:23:59,930
# Show me them goodies #
492
00:24:00,005 --> 00:24:03,065
#You're gonna love my body,
touch my body... #
493
00:24:03,141 --> 00:24:04,836
QUEEN MARGO: Spartan!
494
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:15,052
(sighs): My child...
495
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,384
I shall never forget you.
496
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:19,788
You are so small now...
497
00:24:19,858 --> 00:24:23,191
but one day you will grow
to be big and strong...
498
00:24:23,261 --> 00:24:24,558
like your father.
499
00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:25,994
That's not your son.
500
00:24:27,632 --> 00:24:29,497
You asshole.
501
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,366
Take care of your mother.
502
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:43,505
Stay tough, Son.
503
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:51,388
Come back with your shield...
504
00:24:51,456 --> 00:24:53,287
or on it.
505
00:24:53,358 --> 00:24:56,885
And if I come back on it,
I want you to move on.
506
00:24:56,962 --> 00:24:58,930
I would never.
507
00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:01,090
Hell, if you died,
I'd play the field.
508
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:02,690
To be honest...
509
00:25:02,767 --> 00:25:06,203
I've always wanted
to do a fat chick.
510
00:25:15,814 --> 00:25:17,805
(gentle theme plays)
511
00:25:28,059 --> 00:25:30,050
##
512
00:25:34,633 --> 00:25:36,601
The men are ready, my king.
513
00:25:36,668 --> 00:25:39,933
Good. We'll head south
to the Hot Gates...
514
00:25:40,005 --> 00:25:42,269
where we'll intercept
the Persian army.
515
00:25:42,340 --> 00:25:43,705
Where are you going?
516
00:25:43,775 --> 00:25:46,744
The oracle said if we went
to war, we'd be screwed.
517
00:25:46,811 --> 00:25:51,373
The oracle also said that
our painted-on abs look fake.
518
00:25:51,449 --> 00:25:53,314
But I beg to differ.
519
00:25:53,385 --> 00:25:57,651
(spray nozzle hissing)
520
00:25:57,722 --> 00:25:59,815
(giggling)
521
00:26:01,993 --> 00:26:04,086
Give the order, Captain.
522
00:26:05,163 --> 00:26:07,757
- (keypad beeping)
- Spartans! In formation!
523
00:26:07,832 --> 00:26:09,163
OTHERS: Ah-ooh!
524
00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:12,101
(whispering) Spartans heading south.
525
00:26:19,878 --> 00:26:21,175
Move out!
526
00:26:21,246 --> 00:26:23,976
(lively disco beat plays)
527
00:26:24,049 --> 00:26:25,573
SPARTANS:
# Oh, no, not I #
528
00:26:25,650 --> 00:26:27,379
# I will survive #
529
00:26:27,452 --> 00:26:30,216
# Oh, as long
as I know how to love #
530
00:26:30,288 --> 00:26:32,119
# I know I'll stay alive #
531
00:26:32,190 --> 00:26:34,021
# I've got all my life to live #
532
00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:36,151
# I've got all
my love to give #
533
00:26:36,227 --> 00:26:37,888
#And I'll survive #
534
00:26:37,963 --> 00:26:40,158
# I will survive #
535
00:26:40,231 --> 00:26:42,028
# Hey, hey #
536
00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:43,727
Woo!
537
00:26:43,802 --> 00:26:45,793
(melody continues)
538
00:26:52,644 --> 00:26:54,544
WOMAN:
# I'll survive #
539
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,478
# I will survive #
540
00:26:56,548 --> 00:26:58,675
# I will survive! #
541
00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:00,342
#Yeah #
542
00:27:00,418 --> 00:27:01,476
# Ooh... #
543
00:27:01,553 --> 00:27:03,180
NARRATOR: The fearless Spartans...
544
00:27:03,254 --> 00:27:05,950
reached the Hot Gates...
545
00:27:06,024 --> 00:27:09,687
where danger lurked
around every corner.
546
00:27:09,894 --> 00:27:11,521
(ominous theme plays)
547
00:27:11,596 --> 00:27:14,394
Halt skipping!
548
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,661
(exhausted groans)
549
00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:20,070
Exhausted from thejourney...
550
00:27:20,138 --> 00:27:24,040
the Spartans replenished
their electrolytes.
551
00:27:24,109 --> 00:27:27,010
(exciting, dramatic music playing)
552
00:27:31,082 --> 00:27:33,915
Gatorade. Is it in you?
553
00:27:33,985 --> 00:27:36,215
(music finishes with a flourish)
554
00:27:36,287 --> 00:27:39,188
(chomping, grunting)
555
00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:42,425
What do you think, my king?
556
00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:45,122
We'll use the narrow
passageway of the Hot Gates...
557
00:27:45,196 --> 00:27:46,993
to funnel the Persians in...
558
00:27:47,065 --> 00:27:50,466
where their vast numbers
won't count for shit.
559
00:27:50,535 --> 00:27:53,060
Captain, have the men found
any other trails...
560
00:27:53,138 --> 00:27:55,538
that the Persians
could use to attack us?
561
00:27:55,607 --> 00:27:57,040
None, sir.
562
00:27:57,108 --> 00:28:00,635
WOMAN (in low, distorted voice):
I know such a road, my king.
563
00:28:07,552 --> 00:28:09,986
Back off, hideous creature.
564
00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:12,216
There's a secret goat path
just above the Hot Gates.
565
00:28:12,290 --> 00:28:14,884
If the Persians found it,
they could outflank you.
566
00:28:14,959 --> 00:28:16,426
Slow your roll, Captain.
567
00:28:18,296 --> 00:28:20,287
Reveal yourself, creature.
568
00:28:24,169 --> 00:28:25,329
Paris Hilton?
569
00:28:25,403 --> 00:28:26,427
Hey, fellas.
570
00:28:26,504 --> 00:28:27,994
What happened to you?
571
00:28:28,073 --> 00:28:30,564
(chuckles): Oh.
You mean the hump?
572
00:28:31,609 --> 00:28:33,167
Yeah. The hump.
573
00:28:33,244 --> 00:28:35,007
It was all that,
"You're going to jail.
574
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:36,604
"Now you can get out of jail.
575
00:28:36,681 --> 00:28:37,978
Now you're going back to jail."
576
00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:41,314
And on and on and on and on- Ugh.
577
00:28:41,386 --> 00:28:43,081
It's just been really confusing.
578
00:28:43,154 --> 00:28:45,213
I mean, even Tinkerbell's
affected by it.
579
00:28:45,290 --> 00:28:46,655
She hasn't moved since Saturday.
580
00:28:46,725 --> 00:28:48,625
But she still poops, which is weird.
581
00:28:48,693 --> 00:28:50,251
(sighs): And me...
582
00:28:50,328 --> 00:28:52,956
they've turned me into this, like...
583
00:28:53,031 --> 00:28:55,625
totally grotesque monster!
584
00:28:55,700 --> 00:28:57,668
(crying): And I don't
even know... oh.
585
00:28:57,736 --> 00:28:59,761
(hip-hop ringtone plays):
# Do tha hump-de-hump... #
586
00:28:59,838 --> 00:29:01,829
Hang on a minute.
587
00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:05,171
Oh- (groans)
588
00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:07,268
Hello?
589
00:29:07,345 --> 00:29:08,505
Oh, hey, Nicole.
590
00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:10,514
Nothing. Just some guys with swords.
591
00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:12,709
No, I'm talking about their
actual swords, Nicole.
592
00:29:12,784 --> 00:29:14,046
You're gross.
593
00:29:14,119 --> 00:29:15,711
Yeah, I'm hungry.
Did you eat?
594
00:29:15,787 --> 00:29:17,152
Oh, you ate an almond?
595
00:29:17,222 --> 00:29:19,315
Oh, yeah, you're done
eating for the day.
596
00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:22,325
Okay. And then let's go to Pinkberry.
597
00:29:22,393 --> 00:29:23,553
Bye, sexy.
598
00:29:23,628 --> 00:29:24,617
(kiss)
599
00:29:24,696 --> 00:29:25,924
(laughs)
600
00:29:25,997 --> 00:29:27,157
Look...
601
00:29:27,232 --> 00:29:29,666
it's my dream to be a Spartan.
602
00:29:29,734 --> 00:29:35,036
I want to fight for you,
my king.
603
00:29:37,108 --> 00:29:41,545
- What can you do?
- Well- Mmm.
604
00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:45,276
Have you seen my video?
605
00:29:45,350 --> 00:29:48,683
I don't like the way
you handle a spear.
606
00:29:48,753 --> 00:29:51,551
You grip the shaft firmly.
607
00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:53,750
Then with one hand on the base...
608
00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:57,124
you slide the other
all the way up to the tip.
609
00:29:58,296 --> 00:30:01,060
That's hot.
610
00:30:03,234 --> 00:30:05,759
I'm sorry,
but we cannot use you.
611
00:30:05,837 --> 00:30:07,668
(groans, pants)
612
00:30:07,739 --> 00:30:08,967
No!
613
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,235
It's not fair!
614
00:30:11,309 --> 00:30:14,904
Mom!
615
00:30:17,515 --> 00:30:21,349
You'll be sorry!
You're making a terrible mistake!
616
00:30:21,419 --> 00:30:22,886
(yells)
617
00:30:22,954 --> 00:30:26,117
I'm not as stupid as I look!
618
00:30:26,191 --> 00:30:27,385
(clang)
619
00:30:27,458 --> 00:30:29,392
(groaning)
620
00:30:29,460 --> 00:30:31,223
Help.
621
00:30:31,429 --> 00:30:33,420
- Look! Persians!
- (indistinct chatter)
622
00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:39,167
(footsteps thudding)
623
00:30:44,309 --> 00:30:47,301
(ominous theme playing)
624
00:30:55,553 --> 00:30:58,351
##
625
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,969
##
626
00:31:12,036 --> 00:31:16,336
I am the emissary
to the great god-king Xerxes...
627
00:31:16,407 --> 00:31:18,932
come to accept your surrender.
628
00:31:19,010 --> 00:31:21,205
Oh, we're not here to surrender.
629
00:31:21,279 --> 00:31:22,439
ALL: Haawoo!
630
00:31:22,513 --> 00:31:25,641
(laughs)
631
00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:28,311
Xerxes will enjoy making you
his slaves.
632
00:31:29,454 --> 00:31:30,716
(yelling)
633
00:31:39,898 --> 00:31:42,230
(yelling continues)
634
00:31:42,300 --> 00:31:44,234
(grunts)
635
00:31:44,302 --> 00:31:46,133
(groans)
636
00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:48,000
(shrieks)
637
00:31:48,072 --> 00:31:49,300
- (whispers): Ow.
- (whimpers)
638
00:31:50,308 --> 00:31:51,775
(exhales)
639
00:31:51,843 --> 00:31:53,367
Spartans!
640
00:31:53,444 --> 00:31:55,173
ALL: Yah!
641
00:31:55,246 --> 00:31:57,077
Let's battle!
642
00:31:57,348 --> 00:31:58,508
(exhales)
643
00:31:58,583 --> 00:32:00,915
Oh, we about to stomp the yard.
644
00:32:05,256 --> 00:32:06,814
SPARTANS (chanting):
We are the Spartans.
645
00:32:08,126 --> 00:32:09,252
We stomp the yard.
646
00:32:09,327 --> 00:32:11,386
Check out our buns.
647
00:32:11,462 --> 00:32:14,090
They are rock hard.
648
00:32:14,966 --> 00:32:16,558
(snooty chuckling)
649
00:32:16,634 --> 00:32:17,566
Ooh, ooh.
650
00:32:17,635 --> 00:32:19,500
Spartans!
651
00:32:19,570 --> 00:32:20,537
Yeah!
652
00:32:20,605 --> 00:32:23,540
(Spartans cheering)
653
00:32:25,176 --> 00:32:27,667
Persians!
654
00:32:27,745 --> 00:32:29,804
Let's show 'em
why we're national champs...
655
00:32:29,881 --> 00:32:31,280
three years runnin'.
656
00:32:31,349 --> 00:32:32,373
You dig?
657
00:32:32,450 --> 00:32:33,940
(muttering)
658
00:32:39,290 --> 00:32:40,848
- (derisive moans)
- Oh, come on.
659
00:32:40,925 --> 00:32:43,587
(chanting): We like wearing
turbans and eating baklava.
660
00:32:43,661 --> 00:32:45,458
We like chicks with burkas...
661
00:32:45,530 --> 00:32:47,020
that cover their ta-tas.
662
00:32:47,098 --> 00:32:50,192
Ooh, ah! Ooh, ah!
663
00:32:50,268 --> 00:32:52,634
Persians, huh!
664
00:32:54,038 --> 00:32:56,598
- (derisive muttering)
- You're joking, right?
665
00:32:56,674 --> 00:32:58,539
(horrified cries)
666
00:33:01,145 --> 00:33:03,113
Man, come on.
667
00:33:03,181 --> 00:33:04,614
("Tambourine" by Eve playing)
668
00:33:04,682 --> 00:33:06,707
- #You gotta shake your ass #
- Let's go!
669
00:33:06,784 --> 00:33:08,115
# Shake your tambourine #
670
00:33:08,186 --> 00:33:09,813
# Go and get yourself a whistle,
shake your tambourine #
671
00:33:09,887 --> 00:33:11,650
# Go and get yourself
a whistle #
672
00:33:11,723 --> 00:33:12,781
# Shake your tambourine... #
673
00:33:12,857 --> 00:33:13,881
# Ladies! #
674
00:33:13,958 --> 00:33:15,152
# Shake your tambourine... #
675
00:33:15,226 --> 00:33:16,887
- # Ladies! #
- # Shake your tambourine... #
676
00:33:16,961 --> 00:33:19,486
# Shake, shake, shake, shake #
677
00:33:19,564 --> 00:33:21,589
# Shake, shake, shake, shake #
678
00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:22,724
# Shake, shake, shake, shake #
679
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:23,926
# Shake your tambourine... #
680
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,629
# Ladies and gentlemen #
681
00:33:25,703 --> 00:33:27,102
# E-V-E come through
in the Mazarat' #
682
00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:29,332
# Doin' it big like I live
in the Taj Mahal... #
683
00:33:29,407 --> 00:33:30,339
ALL: Yeah!
684
00:33:30,408 --> 00:33:32,308
(shouting, taunting)
685
00:33:34,812 --> 00:33:37,406
#That's real, been the chick
that they talked about #
686
00:33:37,482 --> 00:33:40,417
# "God damn" is the words
that come out they mouth... #
687
00:33:40,485 --> 00:33:41,577
Oh-
688
00:33:41,652 --> 00:33:42,641
#Ask for her #
689
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:43,948
#Yeah, she back
and cakin' out #
690
00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:45,785
- # Ladies! #
- # Shake your tambourine... #
691
00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:47,449
##
692
00:33:56,401 --> 00:33:58,892
Oh, please, take a hike.
693
00:33:58,970 --> 00:34:01,564
# Shake your tambourine,
go and get yourself a whistle #
694
00:34:01,639 --> 00:34:03,664
# Shake your tambourine, go
and get yourself a whistle #
695
00:34:03,741 --> 00:34:05,800
#They be watchin' while we wiggle around
Look at 'em droolin' #
696
00:34:05,877 --> 00:34:08,812
# Niggas ain't used to this sound
I keep 'em movin' #
697
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,780
# Put your hands in the air
It's all right now #
698
00:34:10,848 --> 00:34:12,372
#We gonna keep you up
on your feet the whole night #
699
00:34:12,450 --> 00:34:14,611
# Now pop them bottles
Yeah, drink that up #
700
00:34:14,685 --> 00:34:16,983
(rhythmic grunting)
701
00:34:17,055 --> 00:34:18,249
Yeah!
702
00:34:18,322 --> 00:34:20,313
(grunting)
703
00:34:20,391 --> 00:34:22,359
(crowd cheering)
704
00:34:22,427 --> 00:34:24,952
(cheering, whistling)
705
00:34:25,029 --> 00:34:27,691
##
706
00:34:27,765 --> 00:34:30,325
(crowd booing)
707
00:34:31,369 --> 00:34:34,930
(cheering)
708
00:34:35,006 --> 00:34:37,440
(crowd jeers)
709
00:34:44,549 --> 00:34:47,177
(cheering, whistling)
710
00:34:47,251 --> 00:34:49,151
(grunts)
711
00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:51,950
# Get low, get low, then
pick up, pick up, get your #
712
00:34:52,023 --> 00:34:53,820
# Hands in the air,
it's a stick up, stick up #
713
00:34:53,891 --> 00:34:54,880
# Shake your tambourine... #
714
00:34:54,959 --> 00:34:57,018
(crowd jeering loudly)
715
00:34:57,095 --> 00:34:58,392
(all grunt in unison)
716
00:34:58,463 --> 00:35:00,328
# Shake it to the floor,
gotta love dat #
717
00:35:00,398 --> 00:35:02,628
# How she keep it going on,
gotta love dat #
718
00:35:02,700 --> 00:35:04,895
#To the beat like a pro,
know you love dat #
719
00:35:04,969 --> 00:35:07,802
- (thud, grunt)
- CROWD: Oh!
720
00:35:07,872 --> 00:35:09,669
(groaning)
721
00:35:09,740 --> 00:35:11,139
##
722
00:35:11,209 --> 00:35:12,540
(groaning)
723
00:35:12,610 --> 00:35:14,874
- (music pauses)
- Don't come up in my kitchen...
724
00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:17,107
with that weak-ass shit.
725
00:35:17,181 --> 00:35:18,808
#You gotta shake your ass #
726
00:35:18,883 --> 00:35:21,249
# Shake your tambourine, go
and get yourself a whistle and #
727
00:35:21,319 --> 00:35:24,083
# Shake your tambourine, go and
get yourself a whistle and #
728
00:35:24,155 --> 00:35:25,952
# Shake your tambourine, go
and get yourself a whistle and #
729
00:35:26,023 --> 00:35:27,388
# Shake your tambourine... #
730
00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:30,621
(screeching, squeaking)
731
00:35:30,695 --> 00:35:33,755
# Shake your tambourine, go
and get yourself a whistle and #
732
00:35:33,831 --> 00:35:37,267
- (loud crack)
- (groaning) Eee! Ooh!
733
00:35:37,335 --> 00:35:38,563
(grunts)
734
00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,035
(crack)
735
00:35:40,104 --> 00:35:41,366
(exhales)
736
00:35:41,439 --> 00:35:42,906
You got served!
737
00:35:43,107 --> 00:35:45,007
(cheers, shouts, whooping)
738
00:35:45,076 --> 00:35:48,239
(lively swing music plays)
739
00:35:50,081 --> 00:35:52,572
(cheering, whooping)
740
00:35:53,684 --> 00:35:55,379
- (cheers, whistles)
- (triumphant grunt)
741
00:35:57,355 --> 00:36:00,153
(crowd cheering, whistling)
742
00:36:03,161 --> 00:36:04,788
You telling me we lost?
743
00:36:04,862 --> 00:36:07,023
Dance them to the cliffs!
744
00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:08,793
LEONI DAS: No mercy!
745
00:36:08,866 --> 00:36:10,390
Come on, man,
can we talk about this?
746
00:36:10,468 --> 00:36:11,958
Yo, I just met
these dudes right here.
747
00:36:12,036 --> 00:36:12,968
I don't even know them.
748
00:36:13,037 --> 00:36:16,336
CAPTAI N: Onward! Keep dancing, boys!
749
00:36:16,407 --> 00:36:18,034
(fierce yell)
750
00:36:18,109 --> 00:36:20,077
(echoing scream)
751
00:36:21,479 --> 00:36:23,413
(shrieking)
752
00:36:23,481 --> 00:36:26,473
(ominous, dramatic theme plays)
753
00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:37,022
- Last one in is a rotten egg!
- Cannonball!
754
00:36:37,094 --> 00:36:38,254
Marco!
755
00:36:40,298 --> 00:36:41,492
(splash)
756
00:36:41,566 --> 00:36:44,160
(echoing): Polo!
757
00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:45,532
(splash)
758
00:36:45,603 --> 00:36:47,400
ALL: Hyah!
759
00:36:47,471 --> 00:36:48,096
(scattered laughter)
760
00:36:49,307 --> 00:36:53,004
We may have won the battle,
but they will win the war!
761
00:36:53,077 --> 00:36:54,510
ALL: Hyah! What?
762
00:36:54,579 --> 00:36:55,739
##
763
00:36:55,980 --> 00:36:57,811
MALE ANNOUNCER:
Buttmeister presents...
764
00:36:57,882 --> 00:36:59,907
"Real Men of Genius."
765
00:36:59,984 --> 00:37:02,509
MALE SI NGER:
# Real men of genius! #
766
00:37:02,587 --> 00:37:04,020
Today we salute you...
767
00:37:04,088 --> 00:37:06,556
Mr. Warmongering Latent Homosexual.
768
00:37:06,624 --> 00:37:10,025
# Mr. Warmongering
Latent Homosexual! #
769
00:37:10,094 --> 00:37:12,426
Wearing nothing but
leather underwear and a cape...
770
00:37:12,496 --> 00:37:15,522
you charge your enemy like
an oiled-up hairless wonder.
771
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,592
# Spray-on tan! #
772
00:37:18,669 --> 00:37:20,034
Sure, there's danger-
773
00:37:20,104 --> 00:37:22,072
charging rhinos,
stampeding elephants...
774
00:37:22,139 --> 00:37:26,098
and that cute toga-wearing guy
named Chad.
775
00:37:26,177 --> 00:37:27,474
# Ooh! #
776
00:37:27,545 --> 00:37:29,240
You only went out on one date...
777
00:37:29,313 --> 00:37:30,541
but you'll remember it...
778
00:37:30,615 --> 00:37:32,583
(echoing): Forever, forever...
779
00:37:32,650 --> 00:37:35,551
#Take your daily Valtrex! #
780
00:37:35,620 --> 00:37:38,714
Your keen instincts tell you
to cut, slice and chop...
781
00:37:38,789 --> 00:37:40,416
every man you see.
782
00:37:40,491 --> 00:37:43,119
But enough about your career
as a hair stylist...
783
00:37:43,194 --> 00:37:44,923
let's talk war.
784
00:37:44,996 --> 00:37:47,624
# Ow! That curling
iron is hot! #
785
00:37:47,698 --> 00:37:50,166
So this Butt's for you,
King Leonidas...
786
00:37:50,234 --> 00:37:52,065
because when the going gets tough...
787
00:37:52,136 --> 00:37:53,797
the tough go antiquing.
788
00:37:53,871 --> 00:37:58,308
# Mr. Warmongering
Latent Homosexual... #
789
00:38:00,111 --> 00:38:01,510
#Yeah. #
790
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:04,404
Queen Margo...
791
00:38:04,482 --> 00:38:06,507
we must speak.
792
00:38:06,584 --> 00:38:08,074
(exhales)
793
00:38:08,152 --> 00:38:10,382
Loyalist, what do you want?
794
00:38:13,090 --> 00:38:15,524
Nice tomatoes.
795
00:38:15,593 --> 00:38:18,153
Your husband needs you.
796
00:38:18,229 --> 00:38:19,992
(sighs)
797
00:38:20,064 --> 00:38:21,691
You must convince the council...
798
00:38:21,766 --> 00:38:24,166
to send more troops
to support your husband.
799
00:38:24,235 --> 00:38:25,725
My husband is dead.
800
00:38:25,803 --> 00:38:27,566
He told me to move on.
801
00:38:27,638 --> 00:38:30,539
Besides, I'm already
registered on J Date.
802
00:38:30,608 --> 00:38:32,235
A little to the right.
803
00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:33,709
- (soft crunching)
- That's it.
804
00:38:33,778 --> 00:38:36,474
If Leonidas fails,
Xerxes will take over...
805
00:38:36,547 --> 00:38:39,175
and you will be stripped
of your crown.
806
00:38:39,250 --> 00:38:41,684
I won't be queen?
807
00:38:41,752 --> 00:38:43,845
- (masseuse grunts)
- Ow! That's too hard.
808
00:38:43,921 --> 00:38:45,684
You will lose everything.
809
00:38:45,756 --> 00:38:47,747
Ow! Ooh, stop.
810
00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:50,191
Your palace, your Mercedes...
811
00:38:50,261 --> 00:38:51,387
Hi-yah!
812
00:38:51,462 --> 00:38:53,259
- Ow!
...your Nintendo Wii...
813
00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:54,423
- (grunts)
- No, no, no, no, no.
814
00:38:54,498 --> 00:38:55,590
- (grunts)
- Ow!
815
00:38:55,666 --> 00:38:58,032
...your vaginal regeneration surgeon...
816
00:38:58,102 --> 00:38:59,364
Hi... yah!
817
00:38:59,437 --> 00:39:00,699
...your gardener.
818
00:39:00,771 --> 00:39:01,567
(gasps)
819
00:39:03,841 --> 00:39:05,604
Antonio?
820
00:39:07,845 --> 00:39:09,073
(leaf blower whirring)
821
00:39:09,146 --> 00:39:11,637
(lively Latin disco music playing)
822
00:39:11,716 --> 00:39:12,978
(passionate sigh)
823
00:39:13,050 --> 00:39:15,541
(music continues)
824
00:39:17,822 --> 00:39:19,255
(kisses, blows)
825
00:39:21,525 --> 00:39:23,322
My husband needs me.
826
00:39:23,394 --> 00:39:24,986
I'll do whatever it takes.
827
00:39:25,062 --> 00:39:26,222
I will set...
828
00:39:26,297 --> 00:39:28,026
the meeting with the council.
829
00:39:28,099 --> 00:39:29,999
But in order to win their vote...
830
00:39:30,067 --> 00:39:32,934
you will need to get
Traitoro's support.
831
00:39:35,072 --> 00:39:37,336
He holds great influence...
832
00:39:37,408 --> 00:39:39,171
with the council.
833
00:39:39,243 --> 00:39:40,437
(masseuse yells)
834
00:39:40,511 --> 00:39:43,139
QUEEN MARGO:
There better be a happy ending.
835
00:39:43,347 --> 00:39:45,747
(indistinct chatter)
836
00:39:52,923 --> 00:39:55,118
King Leonidas!
837
00:39:55,192 --> 00:39:56,784
Xerxes approaches.
838
00:39:57,828 --> 00:39:59,159
NARRATOR: Xerxes.
839
00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:02,461
He looked a lot like
that fat guy from Borat.
840
00:40:02,533 --> 00:40:05,627
(exotic theme plays)
841
00:40:08,506 --> 00:40:11,202
I am the great god-king Xerxes.
842
00:40:11,275 --> 00:40:12,435
- (loud rip)
- Ooh!
843
00:40:12,510 --> 00:40:13,340
ALL: Ooh!
844
00:40:13,411 --> 00:40:16,312
(groans, hisses in pain)
845
00:40:16,380 --> 00:40:17,779
Ow, ow, ow!
846
00:40:17,848 --> 00:40:19,611
Not again!
That always happens.
847
00:40:20,885 --> 00:40:22,443
- (stapler clacks)
- OTHERS: Ow!
848
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:23,953
(groans)
849
00:40:24,021 --> 00:40:25,454
(stapler clatters)
850
00:40:25,523 --> 00:40:26,615
Whew!
851
00:40:27,925 --> 00:40:30,120
(exhales sharply)
852
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:39,392
- (cracking)
- (men groaning)
853
00:40:39,470 --> 00:40:40,528
(yells, thuds)
854
00:40:40,604 --> 00:40:41,866
ALL: Damn!
855
00:40:45,042 --> 00:40:46,737
- Oh, s-sorry, Xerxes.
- It's cool.
856
00:40:46,811 --> 00:40:48,506
It's cool, cool. I'm fine.
857
00:40:48,579 --> 00:40:50,570
I meant to do that.
(chuckles)
858
00:40:50,648 --> 00:40:51,842
- (gunshot)
- (grunts)
859
00:40:51,916 --> 00:40:53,247
ALL: Oh, shit!
860
00:40:53,317 --> 00:40:54,944
I'll tell you, kid, you got balls.
861
00:40:55,019 --> 00:40:56,611
I come over here with a big army.
862
00:40:56,687 --> 00:40:58,245
We going to shish kebab your ass.
863
00:40:58,322 --> 00:41:00,984
Before this battle is over...
864
00:41:01,058 --> 00:41:02,650
people will know...
865
00:41:02,726 --> 00:41:04,751
that even a god-king can fall.
866
00:41:04,829 --> 00:41:07,354
Listen, Leo, I came here to talk.
867
00:41:07,431 --> 00:41:09,763
Just listen to my deal.
868
00:41:12,169 --> 00:41:13,830
Ladies!
869
00:41:13,904 --> 00:41:16,338
WOMEN: Hi, Xerxes.
870
00:41:16,407 --> 00:41:17,704
(laughter)
871
00:41:17,775 --> 00:41:20,073
- (phone ringing)
- Ah, that's probably for me.
872
00:41:21,212 --> 00:41:22,372
Hello?
873
00:41:22,446 --> 00:41:24,038
Really?
874
00:41:24,114 --> 00:41:26,082
Okay.
875
00:41:27,151 --> 00:41:28,345
That was the banker.
876
00:41:28,419 --> 00:41:29,613
He's offering...
877
00:41:29,687 --> 00:41:31,712
to buy back your briefcase...
878
00:41:31,789 --> 00:41:33,882
for a weekend getaway for two...
879
00:41:33,958 --> 00:41:36,051
in Las Vegas, Nevada...
880
00:41:36,126 --> 00:41:37,753
at the Palms Hotel and Casino!
881
00:41:37,828 --> 00:41:39,386
WOMEN: Ooh...
882
00:41:39,463 --> 00:41:40,725
I've always wanted to go there!
883
00:41:40,798 --> 00:41:44,199
All you have to do
is bow down to me...
884
00:41:45,236 --> 00:41:47,363
...and surrender Sparta.
885
00:41:48,839 --> 00:41:50,033
Deal...
886
00:41:50,107 --> 00:41:51,597
or no deal?
887
00:41:51,675 --> 00:41:52,972
(Spartans shouting advice)
888
00:41:53,043 --> 00:41:54,601
- Deal!
- Deal!
- Take it!
889
00:41:54,678 --> 00:41:55,940
Take the deal!
890
00:41:56,013 --> 00:41:57,605
You think I should? No!
891
00:41:57,681 --> 00:41:58,841
- Take the deal!
- It's simple.
892
00:41:58,916 --> 00:42:00,144
- Take the deal!
- Come on!
893
00:42:00,217 --> 00:42:01,616
What about Sparta?
894
00:42:01,685 --> 00:42:02,709
- Hit the button!
- Come on!
895
00:42:02,786 --> 00:42:04,754
WOMEN: Take the deal! Take it!
896
00:42:04,822 --> 00:42:06,619
- Take it!
- Take the deal!
897
00:42:06,690 --> 00:42:07,782
Hit the button!
898
00:42:07,858 --> 00:42:09,621
(shouting continues)
899
00:42:09,693 --> 00:42:10,489
Take it!
900
00:42:10,561 --> 00:42:13,257
No deal!
901
00:42:13,330 --> 00:42:15,764
- (groans, angry grunts)
- Oh, great!
902
00:42:15,833 --> 00:42:18,063
By the time I'm finished with you...
903
00:42:18,135 --> 00:42:20,103
Sparta will be annihilated.
904
00:42:20,170 --> 00:42:22,798
It will be as though
you never existed.
905
00:42:22,873 --> 00:42:24,602
I will see to it that you are...
906
00:42:24,675 --> 00:42:26,165
written out of the history books.
907
00:42:27,511 --> 00:42:30,947
Well, that's fine by me, Xerxes...
908
00:42:31,015 --> 00:42:33,483
because I can't read.
909
00:42:33,684 --> 00:42:35,584
(slow, ominous theme plays)
910
00:42:35,653 --> 00:42:39,020
NARRATOR:
Xerxes didn't take rejection well.
911
00:42:39,089 --> 00:42:42,183
From every corner ofhis empire...
912
00:42:42,259 --> 00:42:45,422
he sent his most
vicious warriors to fight.
913
00:42:45,496 --> 00:42:47,896
Yo mama's so ghetto,
when she breast-feeds...
914
00:42:47,965 --> 00:42:49,933
Kool-Aid comes out!
915
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,264
(derisive shouts, laughter)
916
00:42:57,041 --> 00:42:59,601
Yo mama's so stupid,
she thought Tupac Shakur...
917
00:42:59,677 --> 00:43:01,645
was a Jewish holiday!
918
00:43:01,712 --> 00:43:04,442
(derisive shouts, laughter)
919
00:43:04,515 --> 00:43:06,642
(clucking like a chicken)
920
00:43:08,419 --> 00:43:10,512
Get her, Dilio!
921
00:43:10,588 --> 00:43:14,024
Yo mama's so fat, her
pants size is, um, um, um...
922
00:43:14,091 --> 00:43:15,854
"Bitch, lose some weight"!
923
00:43:15,926 --> 00:43:17,655
(laughter, shouts)
924
00:43:17,728 --> 00:43:18,956
Your mama's so butch...
925
00:43:19,029 --> 00:43:21,054
Rosie O'Donnell
wouldn't even date her.
926
00:43:21,131 --> 00:43:23,725
Uh-uh! No, you didn't!
No, you didn't!
927
00:43:23,801 --> 00:43:25,132
- Whoa!
- No, you didn't!
928
00:43:25,202 --> 00:43:28,228
Well, yo mama titties
is smaller than yours.
929
00:43:28,305 --> 00:43:31,138
(others hooting)
930
00:43:31,208 --> 00:43:33,472
Bounce some D's on that bitch!
931
00:43:33,544 --> 00:43:36,138
Your mama's so fat,
Sir Mix-A-lot decided...
932
00:43:36,213 --> 00:43:37,908
he doesn't like big butts!
933
00:43:37,982 --> 00:43:40,382
And he ain't lyin'!
Kiss that!
934
00:43:42,086 --> 00:43:43,644
Oh! Ow!
935
00:43:43,721 --> 00:43:45,188
Oh, my eyes!
936
00:43:45,255 --> 00:43:47,416
Oh! Oh!
937
00:43:47,491 --> 00:43:48,651
LEONI DAS: Walk it off.
938
00:43:48,726 --> 00:43:50,023
- How you like that, huh?
- Sit down.
939
00:43:52,096 --> 00:43:55,327
Yo, yo mama's so fat,
that when she farts...
940
00:43:55,399 --> 00:43:57,959
Al Gore accuses her
of global warming, dawg.
941
00:43:58,035 --> 00:43:59,195
Whew!
942
00:44:00,270 --> 00:44:01,601
Cranking it up!
943
00:44:01,672 --> 00:44:05,472
Yes, well, that may be the case,
but your mama's so hairy...
944
00:44:05,542 --> 00:44:07,373
the only language she speaks...
945
00:44:07,444 --> 00:44:09,071
is Wookiee!
946
00:44:09,146 --> 00:44:11,410
- (roars like a Wookiee)
- (laughter) Oh!
947
00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:12,915
(roaring like a Wookiee)
948
00:44:12,983 --> 00:44:14,712
That's it!
949
00:44:14,785 --> 00:44:16,116
- Well, yo mama-
- (imitates Wookiee roar)
950
00:44:16,186 --> 00:44:17,676
Yo ma-
951
00:44:19,023 --> 00:44:20,888
- (roaring like a Wookiee)
- (Spartans laughing, talking)
952
00:44:20,958 --> 00:44:22,016
Yes!
953
00:44:22,092 --> 00:44:23,753
- (Spartans hooting)
- CAPTAI N: Bye-bye!
954
00:44:23,827 --> 00:44:25,419
Back to the hood!
955
00:44:25,496 --> 00:44:28,897
Xerxes watched
as his warriors were defeated.
956
00:44:28,966 --> 00:44:32,629
It sent an all-too-human chill
up his spine.
957
00:44:32,703 --> 00:44:35,638
Or perhaps that was
the Dentyne Ice...
958
00:44:35,706 --> 00:44:37,401
with cool mint crystals.
959
00:44:37,474 --> 00:44:39,965
(crackling)
960
00:44:46,083 --> 00:44:48,779
Loyalist said you wanted to see me.
961
00:44:51,055 --> 00:44:52,283
That's my urine sample.
962
00:44:54,658 --> 00:44:55,989
Tastes like asparagus.
963
00:44:56,060 --> 00:44:57,823
Leonidas needs more troops.
964
00:44:57,895 --> 00:45:02,559
Without reinforcements,
Sparta will fall and-
965
00:45:02,633 --> 00:45:04,760
(horn playing quiet mock gibberish)
966
00:45:06,670 --> 00:45:09,662
(horn continues playing mock gibberish)
967
00:45:11,742 --> 00:45:13,471
I'll do anything...
968
00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:16,104
(softly): For my husband.
969
00:45:16,180 --> 00:45:17,841
Anything?
970
00:45:20,084 --> 00:45:22,177
(exhales seductively)
971
00:45:22,252 --> 00:45:23,844
- (boinging)
- Awesome!
972
00:45:23,921 --> 00:45:25,479
I'm so getting laid!
973
00:45:25,556 --> 00:45:28,024
Good-bye, virginity.
974
00:45:28,092 --> 00:45:30,356
I promise you,
you're not going to enjoy this.
975
00:45:30,427 --> 00:45:33,089
But I suffer from premature eja-
976
00:45:35,866 --> 00:45:37,128
Oh-
977
00:45:37,201 --> 00:45:38,361
Mmm.
978
00:45:38,435 --> 00:45:40,869
It's okay; I have crabs.
979
00:45:43,974 --> 00:45:45,635
(playing melody)
980
00:45:51,381 --> 00:45:53,542
(both giggle)
981
00:45:58,255 --> 00:46:00,314
WOMAN:
Ooh- (laughs)
982
00:46:03,393 --> 00:46:06,851
(percussive music continues)
983
00:46:06,930 --> 00:46:09,023
(woman's echoing laughter)
984
00:46:09,099 --> 00:46:12,364
XERXES:
Betray your beloved Spartans-
985
00:46:16,206 --> 00:46:18,140
Nice.
986
00:46:19,576 --> 00:46:23,012
And I will give you
anything you desire.
987
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:24,604
That's hot.
988
00:46:24,681 --> 00:46:26,478
Bow down to me.
989
00:46:26,550 --> 00:46:28,609
(barking)
990
00:46:28,685 --> 00:46:30,949
Bow down to the great god-king...
991
00:46:31,021 --> 00:46:32,682
Xerxes.
992
00:46:32,756 --> 00:46:34,348
I'm a Hilton.
993
00:46:34,424 --> 00:46:35,948
I don't bow.
994
00:46:36,026 --> 00:46:37,288
(exasperated groan)
995
00:46:37,361 --> 00:46:38,760
But I do bend over.
996
00:46:38,829 --> 00:46:40,956
Ah, good.
997
00:46:41,031 --> 00:46:43,864
There's a secret goat path
into the Hot Gates.
998
00:46:43,934 --> 00:46:47,165
You could totally use it
to defeat Leonidas.
999
00:46:47,237 --> 00:46:50,263
Ah- (laughs)
1000
00:46:50,340 --> 00:46:52,604
And what do you desire?
1001
00:46:52,676 --> 00:46:54,837
I want my record expunged.
1002
00:46:55,879 --> 00:46:57,676
Oh, and I want
that new Chanel purse.
1003
00:46:59,349 --> 00:47:00,509
Thank you.
1004
00:47:00,584 --> 00:47:03,314
I want throwing up to be fun.
1005
00:47:03,387 --> 00:47:05,981
You got something to say,
say it- I got things to do.
1006
00:47:06,056 --> 00:47:08,115
(quietly): What was it?
1007
00:47:08,192 --> 00:47:09,489
I can't remem-
1008
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:11,289
Oh, God, geez, yeah.
(groans)
1009
00:47:11,361 --> 00:47:13,158
I want to get this hump removed.
1010
00:47:13,230 --> 00:47:16,063
(chuckles)
1011
00:47:20,604 --> 00:47:21,866
Mmm!
1012
00:47:28,011 --> 00:47:31,105
Will you please just do it?
It's really heavy and really hard to keep clean.
1013
00:47:31,181 --> 00:47:33,376
Done.
1014
00:47:34,518 --> 00:47:37,112
- (loud pop)
- Aah!
1015
00:47:45,863 --> 00:47:47,455
(slurping)
1016
00:47:47,531 --> 00:47:48,691
(exhales)
1017
00:47:48,765 --> 00:47:50,699
As long as Xerxes doesn't find...
1018
00:47:50,767 --> 00:47:53,065
the secret path to the Hot Gates...
1019
00:47:54,438 --> 00:47:57,236
...their vast numbers
won't count for shit.
1020
00:47:57,307 --> 00:47:58,774
(panting)
1021
00:47:58,842 --> 00:48:00,275
My king!
1022
00:48:02,412 --> 00:48:04,346
Catch your breath.
1023
00:48:04,414 --> 00:48:06,245
Vanilla blended.
1024
00:48:06,316 --> 00:48:08,614
What is it, boy?
1025
00:48:11,054 --> 00:48:13,522
Xerxes has found
the secret goat path...
1026
00:48:13,590 --> 00:48:14,682
through the Hot Gates.
1027
00:48:14,758 --> 00:48:15,782
Aw, shit!
1028
00:48:15,859 --> 00:48:18,157
Damn that Paris Hilton.
1029
00:48:18,228 --> 00:48:20,093
(panting): I hate her.
1030
00:48:20,163 --> 00:48:21,653
He's deployed thousands
of Persian soldiers...
1031
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:22,994
that'll be here any minute.
1032
00:48:23,066 --> 00:48:25,057
(panting)
1033
00:48:27,070 --> 00:48:28,367
(slurps)
1034
00:48:28,438 --> 00:48:32,272
Dilio...
1035
00:48:32,342 --> 00:48:33,832
how bad are your injuries?
1036
00:48:33,911 --> 00:48:37,142
Oh, it's, uh- it's
just a scratch, my king.
1037
00:48:37,214 --> 00:48:39,944
(dramatic, eerie theme plays)
1038
00:48:41,652 --> 00:48:42,983
You've got no eyes.
1039
00:48:43,053 --> 00:48:45,453
The gods blessed me with a spare.
1040
00:48:45,522 --> 00:48:47,114
No, they haven't.
1041
00:48:47,190 --> 00:48:48,919
You just had the two.
1042
00:48:48,992 --> 00:48:50,926
Jeremy has the spare.
1043
00:48:55,699 --> 00:48:58,224
I can still fight!
1044
00:48:58,302 --> 00:48:59,963
(grunting)
1045
00:49:00,037 --> 00:49:00,969
Whoa! No!
1046
00:49:01,038 --> 00:49:02,562
- Dilio! Dilio!
- (shouting angrily)
1047
00:49:02,639 --> 00:49:06,666
- Di- Dilio! Dilio! Dilio.
- (shouting)
1048
00:49:06,743 --> 00:49:08,142
Walk with me.
1049
00:49:09,813 --> 00:49:11,804
No. No. No.
1050
00:49:15,052 --> 00:49:17,885
Your fate is the most important.
1051
00:49:17,955 --> 00:49:23,086
You must go back to Sparta...
1052
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:24,593
and tell of our tale.
1053
00:49:24,661 --> 00:49:26,822
Yes, my king.
1054
00:49:26,897 --> 00:49:29,127
Any message for the queen?
1055
00:49:38,075 --> 00:49:41,875
(wistful, gentle theme plays)
1056
00:49:41,945 --> 00:49:44,004
None that need be said.
1057
00:49:45,415 --> 00:49:47,178
Now go, Dilio.
1058
00:49:47,250 --> 00:49:50,447
Tell how 13 Spartans
fought for honor...
1059
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:53,512
for glory...
for freedom!
1060
00:49:53,590 --> 00:49:54,887
(grunts)
1061
00:49:54,958 --> 00:49:57,518
Good luck, Dilio.
1062
00:50:04,334 --> 00:50:06,529
(blades scraping)
1063
00:50:06,603 --> 00:50:10,039
(low growling)
1064
00:50:10,107 --> 00:50:11,802
(steam hissing)
1065
00:50:11,875 --> 00:50:14,537
(growling)
1066
00:50:14,611 --> 00:50:17,171
Spartans!
1067
00:50:24,454 --> 00:50:26,046
XERXES: This is your final chance.
1068
00:50:26,123 --> 00:50:29,217
Bow down to me or you will die.
1069
00:50:29,292 --> 00:50:32,625
I bow for no man!
1070
00:50:37,134 --> 00:50:39,364
Take a knee.
1071
00:50:39,436 --> 00:50:40,562
No!
1072
00:50:40,637 --> 00:50:43,231
- Curtsey.
- Enough!
1073
00:50:45,909 --> 00:50:47,570
Well, your sandal is untied.
1074
00:50:47,644 --> 00:50:50,204
Oh... thanks very much.
1075
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:51,872
See?
Was that that difficult?
1076
00:50:51,948 --> 00:50:53,848
- No, wait, no!
- Ah-tah-tah-tah-tah-
1077
00:50:53,917 --> 00:50:56,249
- No, I wasn't bowing.
- No, no, no.
1078
00:50:56,319 --> 00:50:57,513
I was just doing my shoe!
1079
00:50:57,587 --> 00:50:59,919
No, you acknowledged me
as your god-king.
1080
00:50:59,990 --> 00:51:00,854
High-five!
1081
00:51:00,924 --> 00:51:04,257
- (laughter)
- Ooh.
1082
00:51:04,327 --> 00:51:05,760
What?
1083
00:51:05,829 --> 00:51:08,195
(mocking, girlish laughter)
1084
00:51:08,265 --> 00:51:10,096
What-What-What the hell is so funny?
1085
00:51:10,167 --> 00:51:11,930
- You!
- Me?
1086
00:51:12,002 --> 00:51:13,697
You greet like women.
1087
00:51:13,770 --> 00:51:15,795
You idiots are
wearing banana hammocks...
1088
00:51:15,872 --> 00:51:16,998
and you're laughing at me?
1089
00:51:17,074 --> 00:51:18,564
Now you're pissing me off.
1090
00:51:18,642 --> 00:51:19,870
I'm getting everybody.
1091
00:51:19,943 --> 00:51:22,639
- (phone beeps)
- Hello. Where you at?
1092
00:51:22,712 --> 00:51:23,940
I know where I'm at.
1093
00:51:24,014 --> 00:51:25,777
Bring in my vast army.
1094
00:51:25,849 --> 00:51:26,941
You 13...
1095
00:51:27,017 --> 00:51:28,541
putz are no match...
1096
00:51:28,618 --> 00:51:30,210
for my massive Persian army.
1097
00:51:30,287 --> 00:51:32,016
They number in the millions!
1098
00:51:37,227 --> 00:51:39,127
That's just a blue screen.
1099
00:51:39,196 --> 00:51:40,595
Stupid.
1100
00:51:40,664 --> 00:51:42,598
It's a visual effect.
1101
00:51:42,666 --> 00:51:44,531
It's going to be digitally
inserted later.
1102
00:51:44,601 --> 00:51:47,536
And the army is quite
impressive, as you can imagine.
1103
00:51:47,604 --> 00:51:49,572
- (electronic whir)
- (warriors grunt at once)
1104
00:51:49,639 --> 00:51:54,042
(gasping)
1105
00:51:54,244 --> 00:51:55,905
Gentlemen, may I present...
1106
00:51:55,979 --> 00:51:58,345
Queen Margo.
1107
00:51:58,415 --> 00:52:02,146
(dance beat plays)
1108
00:52:02,219 --> 00:52:05,586
(indistinct chatter)
1109
00:52:05,655 --> 00:52:10,183
- (laughter)
- (whistling)
1110
00:52:10,260 --> 00:52:12,922
(men whooping)
1111
00:52:12,996 --> 00:52:17,933
(rhythmic vocals join beat)
1112
00:52:18,001 --> 00:52:20,799
(whooping, indistinct chatter)
1113
00:52:23,940 --> 00:52:25,999
Come on, baby.
I'm gettin' a chubby.
1114
00:52:28,245 --> 00:52:31,043
Boner alert. Boner alert.
1115
00:52:31,114 --> 00:52:32,979
Okay, boys, make it rain!
1116
00:52:33,049 --> 00:52:35,017
# Do the D-A-N-C-E,
1-2-3-4 fight #
1117
00:52:35,085 --> 00:52:39,784
# Stick to the B-E-A-T,
get ready to ignite #
1118
00:52:39,856 --> 00:52:43,314
#You were such a P-Y-T,
catching all the light #
1119
00:52:43,393 --> 00:52:46,885
#Just easy as A-B-C, that's how
you make it right... #
1120
00:52:46,963 --> 00:52:48,260
(music fades out)
1121
00:52:48,331 --> 00:52:49,730
(whooping and chatter fades)
1122
00:52:51,535 --> 00:52:54,231
Good councilmen...
1123
00:52:54,304 --> 00:52:55,737
I implore you.
1124
00:52:55,805 --> 00:53:00,833
Your king, my dear
husband, needs your help.
1125
00:53:00,911 --> 00:53:02,640
Sparta will fall...
1126
00:53:02,712 --> 00:53:06,011
if you don't agree
to send the rest of our army.
1127
00:53:06,082 --> 00:53:09,882
(Traitoro clapping slowly)
1128
00:53:09,953 --> 00:53:13,218
(clapping rhythmically)
1129
00:53:18,695 --> 00:53:20,663
Gentlemen, our only
hope for survival...
1130
00:53:20,730 --> 00:53:23,460
is to surrender to Xerxes
and beg for his forgiveness.
1131
00:53:23,533 --> 00:53:27,731
Do not be swayed by the words
of this common prick-tease...
1132
00:53:27,804 --> 00:53:29,897
with crabs all up in her coochie.
1133
00:53:29,973 --> 00:53:32,134
- MEN: Ooh-
- (scoffs)
1134
00:53:32,209 --> 00:53:34,404
Oh, no, you didn't.
1135
00:53:34,477 --> 00:53:36,536
Yes. Yes, I did.
1136
00:53:36,613 --> 00:53:40,379
(huffing, grunting)
1137
00:53:40,450 --> 00:53:41,747
(yells)
1138
00:53:41,818 --> 00:53:45,584
NARRATOR: Queen Margo unleashed
a venomous rage...
1139
00:53:45,655 --> 00:53:47,418
(squirming)
1140
00:53:47,490 --> 00:53:51,654
... much like Tobey Maguire
in Spider-Man 3.
1141
00:53:53,163 --> 00:53:55,393
- (grunting)
- (men gasping)
1142
00:53:59,703 --> 00:54:01,136
(laughing)
1143
00:54:01,204 --> 00:54:02,569
I'm evil.
1144
00:54:08,345 --> 00:54:09,369
Made of sand.
1145
00:54:09,446 --> 00:54:12,938
(grunts)
1146
00:54:13,016 --> 00:54:14,779
(coughing)
1147
00:54:19,589 --> 00:54:21,147
Ohh!
1148
00:54:22,058 --> 00:54:22,786
(growls)
1149
00:54:22,859 --> 00:54:25,919
(yells)
1150
00:54:25,996 --> 00:54:26,860
Oh, no.
1151
00:54:28,865 --> 00:54:30,196
- Ooh!
- (groaning, gasping)
1152
00:54:33,370 --> 00:54:35,998
(meows)
1153
00:54:36,072 --> 00:54:37,767
Oh... cute.
1154
00:54:37,841 --> 00:54:40,207
- (meows, farts)
- Gross.
1155
00:54:42,412 --> 00:54:44,505
(whooshing)
1156
00:54:47,851 --> 00:54:49,375
(laughs)
1157
00:54:51,254 --> 00:54:53,313
- What is it?
- (councilmen laughing)
1158
00:54:53,390 --> 00:54:54,516
Oh! Oh!
1159
00:54:54,591 --> 00:54:57,526
Oh, God!
Oh! Oh, my God.
1160
00:54:57,594 --> 00:54:59,494
(laughing)
1161
00:55:01,331 --> 00:55:02,992
How you like me now, Sandman?
1162
00:55:03,066 --> 00:55:04,658
Oh, no.
1163
00:55:04,734 --> 00:55:06,793
(vacuum whirring)
1164
00:55:06,870 --> 00:55:09,031
Dust-busting bitch! No!
1165
00:55:09,105 --> 00:55:13,064
(groaning, yelling)
1166
00:55:13,143 --> 00:55:16,044
(yells): No!
1167
00:55:19,382 --> 00:55:21,714
(grunting)
1168
00:55:25,422 --> 00:55:27,185
- Ah-
- (councilmen murmuring)
1169
00:55:29,726 --> 00:55:31,489
- (phone beeps)
- (gasps)
1170
00:55:31,561 --> 00:55:33,358
Well, tickle my nipples
with a feather.
1171
00:55:33,430 --> 00:55:36,024
Xerxes is in Traitoro's top five.
1172
00:55:36,099 --> 00:55:38,090
ALL:
Grumble, grumble, grumble-
1173
00:55:38,168 --> 00:55:40,602
Traitoro was a... traitor?
1174
00:55:40,670 --> 00:55:42,501
- (gasps)
- Duh!
1175
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:44,498
All in favor...
1176
00:55:44,574 --> 00:55:47,042
of sending more troops...
say aye.
1177
00:55:47,110 --> 00:55:51,843
ALL: Aye! Aye! Aye!
Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye-
1178
00:56:00,990 --> 00:56:03,959
(bowstrings creaking)
1179
00:56:14,938 --> 00:56:16,235
Spartans!
1180
00:56:16,306 --> 00:56:17,238
(all grunt)
1181
00:56:17,307 --> 00:56:19,434
(swords scraping, clanging)
1182
00:56:19,509 --> 00:56:20,942
We have you surrounded.
1183
00:56:21,010 --> 00:56:23,137
Lay down your weapons!
1184
00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:25,044
Come and get them!
1185
00:56:25,115 --> 00:56:26,776
Formation!
1186
00:56:26,850 --> 00:56:29,717
(grunting)
1187
00:56:33,256 --> 00:56:34,416
Um-
1188
00:56:34,491 --> 00:56:37,927
A Spartan always protects
another man's rear.
1189
00:56:41,431 --> 00:56:42,921
(grunts)
1190
00:56:42,999 --> 00:56:44,728
Adjust your sword, boy.
1191
00:56:44,801 --> 00:56:46,325
It's digging into my back.
1192
00:56:49,172 --> 00:56:50,503
But I'm not wearing my sword.
1193
00:56:53,309 --> 00:56:54,503
Carry on then.
1194
00:56:54,577 --> 00:56:56,408
CAPTAI N: My son.
1195
00:56:56,479 --> 00:57:01,246
Today...
you are truly a Spartan.
1196
00:57:01,317 --> 00:57:02,306
Thanks, Father.
1197
00:57:04,687 --> 00:57:05,654
Attack!
1198
00:57:05,722 --> 00:57:08,953
(shouting, yelling)
1199
00:57:09,025 --> 00:57:11,186
Steady, Spartans!
1200
00:57:11,261 --> 00:57:14,526
(yelling)
1201
00:57:20,069 --> 00:57:21,366
(chuckles)
1202
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:23,599
Remember this day, boys!
1203
00:57:23,673 --> 00:57:26,870
For today is the day you die!
1204
00:57:26,943 --> 00:57:29,503
- Huh?
- What? Huh?
1205
00:57:29,579 --> 00:57:30,273
What?
1206
00:57:30,346 --> 00:57:32,337
L- I mean they die.
1207
00:57:32,415 --> 00:57:35,213
Today's the day they die-
that's what I meant to say.
1208
00:57:35,285 --> 00:57:38,118
(shouting, whooping)
1209
00:57:38,188 --> 00:57:39,280
Go!
1210
00:57:39,355 --> 00:57:41,983
(yelling)
1211
00:57:44,594 --> 00:57:47,461
(crashing rumble)
1212
00:57:53,570 --> 00:57:55,970
Oh, what a bunch of dumb shits.
1213
00:57:56,039 --> 00:57:58,906
(groaning, grunting)
1214
00:57:58,975 --> 00:58:00,499
God, that smarts.
1215
00:58:00,577 --> 00:58:03,410
I am gonna go Hercules on your ass!
1216
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:04,469
(groaning)
1217
00:58:04,547 --> 00:58:08,483
(yelling)
1218
00:58:18,461 --> 00:58:19,587
(blade ringing)
1219
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,792
(yelling)
1220
00:58:35,678 --> 00:58:37,509
(grunting)
1221
00:58:47,857 --> 00:58:50,951
(water sloshing)
1222
00:58:52,996 --> 00:58:55,464
(sloshing)
1223
00:59:01,504 --> 00:59:03,472
- (towel snaps)
- (grunts)
1224
00:59:07,510 --> 00:59:13,312
(screaming)
1225
00:59:16,819 --> 00:59:19,811
(yelping)
1226
00:59:21,691 --> 00:59:24,956
(screaming)
1227
00:59:25,028 --> 00:59:27,997
(yelling)
1228
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,133
(engine rumbles, tires squeal)
1229
00:59:32,201 --> 00:59:33,498
Ghost Rider!
1230
00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:36,801
(chain rattling)
1231
00:59:36,873 --> 00:59:39,433
You're going to hell.
1232
00:59:39,509 --> 00:59:41,136
(laughs)
1233
00:59:41,210 --> 00:59:41,972
(yells)
1234
00:59:42,045 --> 00:59:44,639
(groaning)
1235
00:59:48,351 --> 00:59:49,682
(laughs)
1236
00:59:49,752 --> 00:59:51,845
Stop, drop and roll!
1237
00:59:51,921 --> 00:59:53,354
- (laughter)
- Stop, drop and roll!
1238
00:59:53,423 --> 00:59:54,447
(grunting)
1239
01:00:01,264 --> 01:00:04,927
(chains rattling)
1240
01:00:06,636 --> 01:00:08,968
Yo!
1241
01:00:11,441 --> 01:00:13,534
(yells)
1242
01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:15,669
(footfalls rumbling)
1243
01:00:15,745 --> 01:00:18,509
(growls)
1244
01:00:18,581 --> 01:00:19,980
No!
1245
01:00:20,950 --> 01:00:23,043
Yo, Sonio.
1246
01:00:24,787 --> 01:00:26,550
I'm gonna knock your block off.
1247
01:00:26,623 --> 01:00:28,454
- Oh, shit.
- (grunts)
1248
01:00:29,626 --> 01:00:31,491
Sonio!
1249
01:00:40,903 --> 01:00:43,337
(yells)
1250
01:00:43,406 --> 01:00:47,035
You'll pay for this, Balboa.
1251
01:00:47,110 --> 01:00:48,077
Go for it.
1252
01:00:48,144 --> 01:00:50,840
(grunting)
1253
01:00:53,583 --> 01:00:55,483
Adult diapers?
1254
01:00:58,087 --> 01:01:01,887
(grunts, groans)
1255
01:01:17,507 --> 01:01:18,531
(yells)
1256
01:01:18,608 --> 01:01:22,169
(squishing)
1257
01:01:22,245 --> 01:01:28,275
(voice slowing down):
Botox... overdose.
1258
01:01:32,622 --> 01:01:35,284
(rumbling)
1259
01:01:35,358 --> 01:01:37,690
Yes!
1260
01:01:38,828 --> 01:01:40,728
(laughing): Yeah!
1261
01:01:40,797 --> 01:01:42,594
(grunts, yells)
1262
01:01:43,800 --> 01:01:44,926
Yeah!
1263
01:01:45,001 --> 01:01:47,196
- (grunts)
- (gasps)
1264
01:01:47,270 --> 01:01:49,363
(groans)
1265
01:01:49,439 --> 01:01:51,202
Yes!
1266
01:01:55,344 --> 01:01:57,608
Xerxes!
1267
01:02:03,186 --> 01:02:06,383
(coughing)
1268
01:02:07,457 --> 01:02:11,257
It's a- a beautiful death.
1269
01:02:13,830 --> 01:02:15,730
It's actually not that attractive.
1270
01:02:21,170 --> 01:02:22,728
(yelling)
1271
01:02:22,805 --> 01:02:26,241
(hard rock music playing)
1272
01:02:29,245 --> 01:02:33,443
(car horn honking "La Cucaracha")
1273
01:02:39,655 --> 01:02:40,622
(changes stations)
1274
01:02:40,690 --> 01:02:42,851
# I'm a Barbie girl #
1275
01:02:42,925 --> 01:02:45,257
# In the Barbie world #
1276
01:02:45,328 --> 01:02:47,626
# Life in plastic,
it's fantastic #
1277
01:02:47,697 --> 01:02:50,165
(sings along):
# Come on, Barbie, let's go party! #
1278
01:02:50,233 --> 01:02:51,860
#Ah-ah-ah-yeah #
1279
01:02:51,934 --> 01:02:53,492
# Come on, Barbie,
let's go party #
1280
01:02:53,569 --> 01:02:55,867
(music changes back to hard rock)
1281
01:03:06,082 --> 01:03:06,707
Ooh!
1282
01:03:06,783 --> 01:03:09,980
(clanging)
1283
01:03:18,127 --> 01:03:19,458
Shit!
1284
01:03:26,936 --> 01:03:30,201
Enough of this gratuitous
video game violence!
1285
01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:34,204
(intense, dramatic theme playing)
1286
01:03:40,249 --> 01:03:42,183
(grunts)
1287
01:03:46,756 --> 01:03:48,485
(panting)
1288
01:03:48,558 --> 01:03:50,389
- (Leonidas yells)
- (Xerxes whimpers)
1289
01:03:50,459 --> 01:03:53,087
Waah!
1290
01:03:53,162 --> 01:03:55,392
(spits)
1291
01:03:57,300 --> 01:03:58,597
Ah-
1292
01:03:58,668 --> 01:04:00,659
- Aha!
- (electrical crackling)
1293
01:04:00,736 --> 01:04:02,363
A Transformer cube!
1294
01:04:02,438 --> 01:04:03,496
(laughing)
1295
01:04:05,141 --> 01:04:06,574
(laughing)
1296
01:04:08,444 --> 01:04:11,379
(men grunting)
1297
01:04:11,447 --> 01:04:14,348
Okay, baby, let's transform.
1298
01:04:14,417 --> 01:04:16,009
(electrical zapping)
1299
01:04:16,085 --> 01:04:17,609
(laughing)
1300
01:04:17,687 --> 01:04:19,450
(Xerxes cackling)
1301
01:04:19,522 --> 01:04:22,047
(mechanical whirring)
1302
01:04:24,861 --> 01:04:26,624
(cackling)
1303
01:04:31,434 --> 01:04:33,231
(electrical zapping)
1304
01:04:37,340 --> 01:04:39,274
(beeping)
1305
01:04:40,309 --> 01:04:42,072
(beep)
1306
01:04:42,144 --> 01:04:45,307
(mechanical whirring)
1307
01:04:48,284 --> 01:04:51,219
(hollow echo): I... am Xerxestron...
1308
01:04:51,287 --> 01:04:55,314
equipped with advanced
alien technology.
1309
01:04:55,391 --> 01:04:57,291
(beep)
1310
01:04:57,360 --> 01:04:58,827
(sobbing)
1311
01:04:58,895 --> 01:05:02,058
Leave Britney alone!
1312
01:05:02,131 --> 01:05:03,894
He is a god-king.
1313
01:05:03,966 --> 01:05:06,059
(sobbing):
Please-
1314
01:05:06,135 --> 01:05:07,966
(footfalls thundering)
1315
01:05:08,037 --> 01:05:09,004
(all gasp)
1316
01:05:10,273 --> 01:05:12,571
(cord creaking)
1317
01:05:12,642 --> 01:05:15,634
- Leave her alone!
- (Xerxes gasping)
1318
01:05:15,711 --> 01:05:17,770
- She's a human!
- (grunts)
1319
01:05:17,847 --> 01:05:20,247
Oh, oh, ain't that a bitch.
1320
01:05:20,316 --> 01:05:21,749
(all yelling)
1321
01:05:21,817 --> 01:05:23,978
(echoing thud)
1322
01:05:28,124 --> 01:05:30,888
NARRATOR:
Leonidas was true to his word.
1323
01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:33,258
A god-king did fall.
1324
01:05:33,329 --> 01:05:36,389
But unfortunately, right on them.
1325
01:05:36,465 --> 01:05:38,456
(gentle, ethereal theme playing)
1326
01:05:46,609 --> 01:05:48,577
##
1327
01:05:56,719 --> 01:05:58,516
l-l- I just-
1328
01:06:01,023 --> 01:06:03,150
(laughs):
Oh-
1329
01:06:04,527 --> 01:06:06,188
Ooh.
1330
01:06:06,262 --> 01:06:07,786
Queen Margo.
1331
01:06:07,863 --> 01:06:09,330
- Yeah.
- Oh.
1332
01:06:10,900 --> 01:06:13,494
(ominous, ethereal theme plays)
1333
01:06:17,440 --> 01:06:20,409
(woman singing plaintive melody)
1334
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:33,086
##
1335
01:06:33,155 --> 01:06:35,555
Leonidas and the Spartans...
1336
01:06:35,624 --> 01:06:37,592
died for honor...
1337
01:06:37,660 --> 01:06:40,959
for glory.
1338
01:06:41,030 --> 01:06:44,397
They died a beautiful death.
1339
01:06:49,338 --> 01:06:54,571
Today... we stand against
30,000 Persians.
1340
01:06:55,978 --> 01:06:59,914
But we now have 100,000 soldiers!
1341
01:06:59,982 --> 01:07:02,007
Ah-ooh! Ah-ooh! Ah-ooh!
1342
01:07:02,084 --> 01:07:02,948
(muttering)
1343
01:07:03,019 --> 01:07:04,111
To victory!
1344
01:07:13,462 --> 01:07:14,793
Ah.
1345
01:07:14,864 --> 01:07:17,298
Follow me, boys.
1346
01:07:17,366 --> 01:07:19,926
I don't know.
1347
01:07:20,002 --> 01:07:23,904
And thus,
Dilio blindly led the Spartans...
1348
01:07:23,973 --> 01:07:25,964
- (low murmuring)
- away from the Persians...
1349
01:07:26,042 --> 01:07:28,738
- (yelling)
- to Malibu...
1350
01:07:28,811 --> 01:07:32,872
just as Lindsay Lohan
was leaving rehab... again.
1351
01:07:32,948 --> 01:07:34,245
(yelling)
1352
01:07:34,316 --> 01:07:36,648
(screams)
1353
01:07:41,690 --> 01:07:43,988
(piano plays arpeggio)
1354
01:07:46,629 --> 01:07:48,722
#At first I was afraid #
1355
01:07:48,798 --> 01:07:50,891
# I was petrified #
1356
01:07:50,966 --> 01:07:54,902
# Kept thinking I could never
live without you by my side #
1357
01:07:54,970 --> 01:07:57,097
# But then I spent
so many nights #
1358
01:07:57,173 --> 01:07:59,164
#Thinking how
you did me wrong #
1359
01:07:59,241 --> 01:08:00,833
#And I grew strong #
1360
01:08:00,910 --> 01:08:03,174
#And I learned
how to get along #
1361
01:08:03,245 --> 01:08:04,906
#And so you're back #
1362
01:08:04,980 --> 01:08:06,709
# From outer space #
1363
01:08:06,782 --> 01:08:09,114
# I just walked in
to find you here #
1364
01:08:09,185 --> 01:08:11,244
#With that sad look
upon your face #
1365
01:08:11,320 --> 01:08:13,254
# I should have changed
my stupid lock #
1366
01:08:13,322 --> 01:08:15,517
# I should have made
you leave your key #
1367
01:08:15,591 --> 01:08:17,650
# If I had known
for just one second #
1368
01:08:17,726 --> 01:08:19,489
#You'd be back to bother me #
1369
01:08:19,562 --> 01:08:21,325
# Go on, now go #
1370
01:08:21,397 --> 01:08:23,160
#Walk out the door #
1371
01:08:23,232 --> 01:08:25,496
#Just turn around now #
1372
01:08:25,568 --> 01:08:28,093
# 'Cause you're
not welcome anymore #
1373
01:08:28,170 --> 01:08:29,330
#Weren't you the one #
1374
01:08:29,405 --> 01:08:31,839
#Who tried to hurt me
with good-bye? #
1375
01:08:31,907 --> 01:08:33,807
# Did you think I'd crumble? #
1376
01:08:33,876 --> 01:08:35,810
# Did you think
I'd lay down and die? #
1377
01:08:35,878 --> 01:08:37,812
ALL:
# Oh, no, not I #
1378
01:08:37,880 --> 01:08:39,677
# I will survive #
1379
01:08:39,748 --> 01:08:42,649
# Oh, as long
as I know how to love #
1380
01:08:42,718 --> 01:08:44,549
# I know I'll stay alive #
1381
01:08:44,620 --> 01:08:46,451
# I've got all my life to live #
1382
01:08:46,522 --> 01:08:48,319
# I've got all my love to give #
1383
01:08:48,390 --> 01:08:50,119
#And I'll survive #
1384
01:08:50,192 --> 01:08:51,853
# I will survive #
1385
01:08:51,927 --> 01:08:54,691
# Hey, hey #
1386
01:08:54,763 --> 01:08:56,663
##
1387
01:09:04,406 --> 01:09:07,204
##
1388
01:09:07,276 --> 01:09:08,573
Whassup, dawg?!
1389
01:09:08,644 --> 01:09:11,204
# Ha-ha! It took all
the strength I had #
1390
01:09:11,280 --> 01:09:12,975
# Not to fall apart, dawg! #
1391
01:09:13,048 --> 01:09:17,007
# Kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart #
1392
01:09:17,086 --> 01:09:19,247
#And I spent,
oh, so many nights #
1393
01:09:19,321 --> 01:09:21,516
#Just feeling sorry for myself #
1394
01:09:21,590 --> 01:09:23,023
# I used to cry #
1395
01:09:23,092 --> 01:09:25,754
# But now I hold
my head up high #
1396
01:09:25,828 --> 01:09:27,318
#And you see me #
1397
01:09:27,396 --> 01:09:28,863
# Somebody new #
1398
01:09:28,931 --> 01:09:32,059
# I'm not that chained-up
little person #
1399
01:09:32,134 --> 01:09:33,829
# Still in love with you #
1400
01:09:33,903 --> 01:09:36,167
- (music stops)
- That's "Britney," bitch.
1401
01:09:36,238 --> 01:09:38,365
- ##
- (chuckles)
1402
01:09:38,440 --> 01:09:41,568
#And so you felt
like dropping in #
1403
01:09:41,644 --> 01:09:43,544
#And just expect me
to be free #
1404
01:09:43,612 --> 01:09:45,637
# Now I'm saving all my lovin' #
1405
01:09:45,714 --> 01:09:47,545
# For someone who's lovin' me #
1406
01:09:47,616 --> 01:09:50,881
BRITNEY:
# Go, come on, now, uh! #
1407
01:09:50,953 --> 01:09:52,784
(rhythmic panting)
1408
01:09:52,855 --> 01:09:54,789
# Britney's in the house,
where my babies at? #
1409
01:09:54,857 --> 01:09:56,449
#Ah, like this #
1410
01:09:56,525 --> 01:09:57,856
ALL:
# Go, now, go #
1411
01:09:57,927 --> 01:09:59,827
#Walk out the door #
1412
01:09:59,895 --> 01:10:01,954
#Just turn around now #
1413
01:10:02,031 --> 01:10:04,431
# 'Cause you're
not welcome anymore #
1414
01:10:04,500 --> 01:10:06,468
#Weren't you the one #
1415
01:10:06,535 --> 01:10:08,332
#Who tried to hurt me
with good-bye? #
1416
01:10:08,404 --> 01:10:10,065
# Did you think I'd crumble? #
1417
01:10:10,139 --> 01:10:12,232
# Did you think
I'd lay down and die? #
1418
01:10:12,308 --> 01:10:13,366
# Oh, no, not I #
1419
01:10:13,442 --> 01:10:16,275
# I will survive #
1420
01:10:16,345 --> 01:10:19,439
# Oh, as long
as I know how to love #
1421
01:10:19,515 --> 01:10:20,880
# I know I'll stay alive #
1422
01:10:20,950 --> 01:10:22,781
# I've got all my life to live #
1423
01:10:22,851 --> 01:10:25,149
# I've got all my love to give #
1424
01:10:25,221 --> 01:10:27,314
- #And I'll survive #
- That's right, dawg!
1425
01:10:27,389 --> 01:10:28,913
# I will survive #
1426
01:10:28,991 --> 01:10:31,084
# Hey, hey! #
1427
01:10:31,160 --> 01:10:31,956
(upbeat pop intro plays)
1428
01:10:33,529 --> 01:10:34,587
# Hey, yo #
1429
01:10:34,663 --> 01:10:36,096
#When I wake up
moaning, yawning #
1430
01:10:36,165 --> 01:10:37,427
# I put up my hands #
1431
01:10:37,499 --> 01:10:39,057
#Thank the Lord
for what I got #
1432
01:10:39,134 --> 01:10:40,328
#And never stop my plans #
1433
01:10:40,402 --> 01:10:41,596
# Giving all for the goals #
1434
01:10:41,670 --> 01:10:43,695
# Got to keep it up,
never let my head drop #
1435
01:10:43,772 --> 01:10:45,262
# Make me a home on my own #
1436
01:10:45,341 --> 01:10:46,672
# Better make the bed rock #
1437
01:10:46,742 --> 01:10:49,302
#A place for the dog, a garage,
a yard to play around #
1438
01:10:49,378 --> 01:10:50,606
# Kitchen for missus #
1439
01:10:50,679 --> 01:10:52,544
# She be fixing them biscuits
golden brown #
1440
01:10:52,615 --> 01:10:55,209
# Got me a shorty and some kids,
just like a family should #
1441
01:10:55,284 --> 01:10:57,309
# Made it through changes,
that's how I live #
1442
01:10:57,386 --> 01:10:58,717
#And now it's all good #
1443
01:10:58,787 --> 01:11:00,118
# You gonna breathe now #
1444
01:11:00,189 --> 01:11:01,986
# It's all how you bounce back #
1445
01:11:02,057 --> 01:11:03,183
# How you bounce back #
1446
01:11:03,259 --> 01:11:04,817
# It's all how you bounce back #
1447
01:11:04,893 --> 01:11:06,087
# You gonna breathe now #
1448
01:11:06,161 --> 01:11:07,992
# It's all how you bounce back #
1449
01:11:08,063 --> 01:11:11,521
- # How you bounce back,
how you bounce back #
- # Hey, hey #
1450
01:11:22,778 --> 01:11:24,006
# You gonna breathe now #
1451
01:11:24,079 --> 01:11:26,013
# It's all how you bounce back #
1452
01:11:26,081 --> 01:11:27,207
# How you bounce back #
1453
01:11:27,283 --> 01:11:28,773
# It's all how you bounce back #
1454
01:11:28,851 --> 01:11:29,943
# You gonna breathe now #
1455
01:11:30,019 --> 01:11:31,850
# It's all how you bounce back #
1456
01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:34,753
- # How you bounce back,
how you bounce back #
- # Hey, hey #
1457
01:11:34,823 --> 01:11:37,155
# Super-classic-play-a-listic
homie, I'm the dopest #
1458
01:11:37,226 --> 01:11:39,126
# If you close your eyes
and miss it #
1459
01:11:39,194 --> 01:11:40,684
#Ask me why I wrote this #
1460
01:11:40,763 --> 01:11:43,459
# I have come so very far
to make this here my home #
1461
01:11:43,532 --> 01:11:46,501
# So if you thinking otherwise,
I guess you thinkin' wrong #
1462
01:11:46,568 --> 01:11:49,196
#All it takes is all I got,
a little bit of try #
1463
01:11:49,271 --> 01:11:51,967
#And if you make my babies cry,
I'll bust you in your eye #
1464
01:11:52,041 --> 01:11:53,770
# Gonna put in work,
gonna make it happen #
1465
01:11:53,842 --> 01:11:55,605
#Ain't no way
you could tie me up #
1466
01:11:55,678 --> 01:11:57,145
# 'Cause I hocus-pocus,
keep your focus #
1467
01:11:57,212 --> 01:11:58,941
#Then you know this,
that's what's up #
1468
01:11:59,014 --> 01:12:00,345
# You gonna breathe now #
1469
01:12:00,416 --> 01:12:02,008
# It's all how you bounce back #
1470
01:12:02,084 --> 01:12:03,312
# How you bounce back #
1471
01:12:03,385 --> 01:12:04,943
# It's all how you bounce back #
1472
01:12:05,020 --> 01:12:06,180
# You gonna breathe now #
1473
01:12:06,255 --> 01:12:07,950
# It's all how you bounce back #
1474
01:12:08,023 --> 01:12:09,320
# How you bounce back #
1475
01:12:09,391 --> 01:12:11,416
# It's all how you bounce back. #
1476
01:12:11,493 --> 01:12:13,484
##
1477
01:12:22,971 --> 01:12:24,962
##
1478
01:12:33,282 --> 01:12:36,217
NARRATOR:
As the Spartans kicked major ass...
1479
01:12:36,285 --> 01:12:38,253
even Leonidas believed...
1480
01:12:38,320 --> 01:12:40,686
victory was theirs.
1481
01:12:40,756 --> 01:12:42,724
Victory is ours, boys!
1482
01:12:42,791 --> 01:12:43,951
Ah-ooh!
1483
01:12:45,361 --> 01:12:47,761
Let's celebrate!
1484
01:12:47,830 --> 01:12:50,697
For tonight, we dine...
1485
01:12:50,766 --> 01:12:52,563
at Hooter's!
1486
01:12:52,634 --> 01:12:53,692
Hoo!
1487
01:12:53,769 --> 01:12:56,397
- (rock music playing)
- (men cheering)
1488
01:12:56,472 --> 01:12:58,440
##
1489
01:12:58,507 --> 01:13:00,134
Eat from them...
1490
01:13:00,209 --> 01:13:01,801
everything!
1491
01:13:01,877 --> 01:13:03,310
And tip them...
1492
01:13:03,379 --> 01:13:04,778
nothing!
1493
01:13:04,847 --> 01:13:06,747
MEN: Yeah! Yeah!
1494
01:13:06,815 --> 01:13:08,783
It's Two-fer Tuesday.
1495
01:13:08,851 --> 01:13:10,910
Yeah!
1496
01:13:10,986 --> 01:13:12,476
- LEONI DAS: Come on!
- No! Whoa!
1497
01:13:12,554 --> 01:13:14,647
(grunts)
1498
01:13:14,723 --> 01:13:16,918
Oh, isn't that sweet.
1499
01:13:16,992 --> 01:13:18,653
(boy screaming)
1500
01:13:19,695 --> 01:13:21,720
- (cracking)
- Oh! Oh-
1501
01:13:21,797 --> 01:13:23,731
Oh- Oh-
1502
01:13:23,799 --> 01:13:25,494
That's my boy.
1503
01:13:26,802 --> 01:13:28,565
Where do you think you're going?
1504
01:13:28,637 --> 01:13:30,798
- Aah!
- You little pussy.
1505
01:13:30,873 --> 01:13:32,704
##
1506
01:13:32,775 --> 01:13:34,743
No! No!
1507
01:13:34,810 --> 01:13:37,244
(boy yelling)
1508
01:13:37,312 --> 01:13:39,246
(loud crunch)
1509
01:13:39,314 --> 01:13:40,178
That's it.
1510
01:13:40,249 --> 01:13:41,648
(laughs): Yay.
1511
01:13:41,717 --> 01:13:43,150
(boy yelling)
1512
01:13:43,218 --> 01:13:44,981
(crazed laughing)
1513
01:13:45,053 --> 01:13:47,317
- (yells)
- (crash)
1514
01:13:48,991 --> 01:13:52,085
##
1515
01:13:52,161 --> 01:13:55,858
If you can dodge a golf ball,
you can dodge a sword.
1516
01:13:56,765 --> 01:13:58,756
Ha! You missed.
1517
01:13:59,902 --> 01:14:01,529
Ow!
1518
01:14:01,603 --> 01:14:04,037
He can outflank us now, my king.
1519
01:14:07,810 --> 01:14:09,141
Men!
1520
01:14:09,211 --> 01:14:11,304
(noble theme plays)
1521
01:14:13,549 --> 01:14:16,040
We are facing certain death.
1522
01:14:16,118 --> 01:14:18,177
Cherries.
1523
01:14:18,253 --> 01:14:20,118
But...
1524
01:14:20,189 --> 01:14:22,953
the joke's on them,
because they don't know...
1525
01:14:23,025 --> 01:14:26,324
that dying in battle
is the greatest honor...
1526
01:14:26,395 --> 01:14:28,454
for any Spartan!
1527
01:14:28,530 --> 01:14:30,964
(fierce roar)
1528
01:14:31,033 --> 01:14:33,524
(unenthusiastically): Ah-hoo.
1529
01:14:33,602 --> 01:14:37,003
God, that's a shitty plan.
1530
01:14:37,072 --> 01:14:39,370
PRESI DENT GEORGE W. BUSH:
Look, Leonidas...
1531
01:14:39,441 --> 01:14:41,306
war is not the answer.
Heh-heh.
1532
01:14:41,977 --> 01:14:43,877
Trust me, I know.
1533
01:14:43,946 --> 01:14:46,506
No! War is the answer!
1534
01:14:48,317 --> 01:14:49,306
(loud crunch)
1535
01:14:50,652 --> 01:14:54,349
(ominous theme playing)
1536
01:14:57,826 --> 01:14:59,555
Where am I?
1537
01:15:02,998 --> 01:15:06,024
Spidey, you're fired.
1538
01:15:08,971 --> 01:15:10,233
(screams)
1539
01:15:13,609 --> 01:15:15,577
(shrieking)
1540
01:15:17,112 --> 01:15:19,239
ELLEN DeGENERES: Hi.
How are you, Leonidas?
1541
01:15:19,314 --> 01:15:20,576
(chuckles): Ellen.
1542
01:15:20,649 --> 01:15:22,139
Listen, I don't know
why you're so upset.
1543
01:15:22,217 --> 01:15:23,946
You look great.
You know, the cape is great.
1544
01:15:24,019 --> 01:15:25,111
Love the... diaper.
1545
01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:26,313
L-I'd wear something very similar...
1546
01:15:26,388 --> 01:15:27,548
for Portia on Friday nights.
1547
01:15:27,623 --> 01:15:28,783
We get frisky.
1548
01:15:28,857 --> 01:15:30,848
Hello, Leonidas.
(laughs)
1549
01:15:30,926 --> 01:15:33,554
Wow, is it hot in here?
(laughs)
1550
01:15:33,629 --> 01:15:36,757
Okay, Portia, Portia,
women, women, women.
1551
01:15:36,832 --> 01:15:38,561
Women, you like
women. (laughs)
1552
01:15:38,634 --> 01:15:39,760
I can see by your-
1553
01:15:39,835 --> 01:15:41,393
your reaction, you're not amused.
1554
01:15:41,470 --> 01:15:44,462
It's the same reaction anyone
who went to see Mr. Wrong had.
1555
01:15:44,540 --> 01:15:46,906
Uh, let's play a game-
maybe we could play a game.
1556
01:15:46,975 --> 01:15:48,135
How about "Who Sneezed?"
(laughs)
1557
01:15:48,210 --> 01:15:49,234
It's a real easy game.
1558
01:15:49,311 --> 01:15:50,744
We close our eyes
and someone sneezes...
1559
01:15:50,812 --> 01:15:52,245
and you guess who.
(laughs)
1560
01:15:52,314 --> 01:15:54,441
If it was you, you win- 'cause
obviously, you know. (laughs)
1561
01:15:54,516 --> 01:15:55,540
Listen, chill out.
1562
01:15:55,617 --> 01:15:57,278
Let's just dance, shall we? Come on.
1563
01:15:57,352 --> 01:15:59,843
- (dance music playing)
- That's right. Oh, boy.
1564
01:15:59,922 --> 01:16:01,219
(laughs): Okay.
1565
01:16:01,290 --> 01:16:02,621
There you go, you're
getting the hang of it.
1566
01:16:02,691 --> 01:16:05,251
- You know, back and forth-
- No, I can't do this!
1567
01:16:05,327 --> 01:16:06,658
(screams)
1568
01:16:06,728 --> 01:16:08,218
Yo mama's so ugly, if she was...
1569
01:16:08,297 --> 01:16:10,094
on the Spice Girls,
her name would be...
1570
01:16:10,165 --> 01:16:12,497
Dookie Spice!
1571
01:16:12,568 --> 01:16:14,229
Doo-doo!
1572
01:16:14,303 --> 01:16:16,100
Leonidas. (chuckling)
1573
01:16:18,006 --> 01:16:20,099
You should try Scientology.
1574
01:16:20,175 --> 01:16:22,006
I'm gonna set Katie free.
1575
01:16:23,679 --> 01:16:24,668
BOTH: Yes!
1576
01:16:24,746 --> 01:16:26,475
I had to buy
a million and one glitters...
1577
01:16:26,548 --> 01:16:28,277
with my own money,
and I had to buy-
1578
01:16:28,350 --> 01:16:30,818
(quavering):
I put them on by hand, Simon...
1579
01:16:30,886 --> 01:16:34,754
and my reputation is all I have,
and for you to sit here...
1580
01:16:34,823 --> 01:16:37,451
telling me that
I'm not intennigent-
1581
01:16:37,526 --> 01:16:39,289
inte-
that I'm not intenni-
1582
01:16:39,361 --> 01:16:40,919
- Let me start over.
- Intelligent. Yeah.
1583
01:16:40,996 --> 01:16:42,156
- Hang on.
- Intelligent. Yeah.
1584
01:16:42,230 --> 01:16:44,095
- DANE COOK: I looked everywhere.
- (groans)
1585
01:16:44,166 --> 01:16:46,225
Don't you hate when you're
on an airplane, you know...
1586
01:16:46,301 --> 01:16:48,394
and the captain's, like,
"If you look out the window...
1587
01:16:48,470 --> 01:16:50,267
to your left, you're gonna
see another plane"?
1588
01:16:50,339 --> 01:16:52,204
Am I right? See what
I'm talking about?
1589
01:16:52,274 --> 01:16:53,605
Another plane? Right?
1590
01:16:53,675 --> 01:16:55,165
Don't you hate when you're
in the supermarket...
1591
01:16:55,243 --> 01:16:56,608
you know, and you're in aisle three.
1592
01:16:56,678 --> 01:16:57,975
And, like, "Clean up
on aisle three."
1593
01:16:58,046 --> 01:16:59,536
You know? And you're, like,
"What am I doing here?"
1594
01:16:59,615 --> 01:17:01,014
I'm in aisle three, huh? Right?
1595
01:17:01,083 --> 01:17:03,517
You're all my fans, right?
You all love me, right?
1596
01:17:03,585 --> 01:17:05,052
Who saw Employee of the Month?
1597
01:17:05,120 --> 01:17:06,519
Okay, that's cool.
1598
01:17:06,588 --> 01:17:07,816
Right? Yeah, what's up, Leonidas?
1599
01:17:07,889 --> 01:17:09,686
Super fingers to you.
1600
01:17:09,758 --> 01:17:10,725
No.
1601
01:17:10,792 --> 01:17:12,157
(smacking, whooshing)
1602
01:17:12,227 --> 01:17:13,319
Super fingers...
1603
01:17:13,395 --> 01:17:15,192
to you, Dane Cook!
1604
01:17:15,263 --> 01:17:16,662
(grunts)
1605
01:17:16,732 --> 01:17:19,223
This is a metaphor for my career.
1606
01:17:19,301 --> 01:17:20,563
You're off my MySpace page.
1607
01:17:20,636 --> 01:17:22,604
I'm really 42.
1608
01:17:22,671 --> 01:17:25,196
(relieved sigh)
1609
01:17:25,273 --> 01:17:26,570
Sorry, I didn't hear
what you said...
1610
01:17:26,642 --> 01:17:27,939
(British accent): Because
I can't understand you...
1611
01:17:28,010 --> 01:17:29,705
'cause you talk like this.
1612
01:17:29,778 --> 01:17:32,076
Your mama's such
an old sloppy drunk...
1613
01:17:32,147 --> 01:17:34,547
I thought she was David Hasselhoff.
1614
01:17:34,616 --> 01:17:36,641
- (laughter)
- Yeah!
1615
01:17:38,453 --> 01:17:39,886
From Knight Rider.
1616
01:17:39,955 --> 01:17:41,081
Dinaladas, do-
1617
01:17:41,156 --> 01:17:42,646
Dot- Dingalidas, Dingalidas...
1618
01:17:42,724 --> 01:17:44,658
Dingledangle, do...
1619
01:17:44,726 --> 01:17:47,718
leg squats, and then
you will be a star...
1620
01:17:47,796 --> 01:17:49,388
you will be a star.
1621
01:17:49,464 --> 01:17:51,932
(whispering inaudibly)
1622
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:56,164
The last episode of Sopranos
was most disappointing.
1623
01:17:56,238 --> 01:17:59,264
I mean, did Tony get whacked
or live or what?
1624
01:18:03,078 --> 01:18:05,171
What happens in Vegas...
1625
01:18:05,247 --> 01:18:07,772
stays in Vegas.
1626
01:18:07,849 --> 01:18:12,183
You just-You keep doing
the thing you do...
1627
01:18:12,254 --> 01:18:15,587
'cause... the do is thing you do.
1628
01:18:16,958 --> 01:18:19,426
# Hey, DJ, turn me out #
1629
01:18:19,494 --> 01:18:21,894
#You gotta keep me movin'
till the moon goes down #
1630
01:18:21,963 --> 01:18:24,659
# If you want to show me,
get below me #
1631
01:18:24,733 --> 01:18:27,133
# Shake your thing
till you don't feel lonely #
1632
01:18:27,202 --> 01:18:29,102
# Hey, mister, break it down #
1633
01:18:29,171 --> 01:18:31,571
#You're a B-Boy
that nearly hit the ground #
1634
01:18:31,640 --> 01:18:34,370
#You could play it real cool,
act the old school #
1635
01:18:34,443 --> 01:18:37,105
#Jump around until
your act is so cool #
1636
01:18:46,655 --> 01:18:48,555
# Clap your hands
if you're feelin' me #
1637
01:18:48,623 --> 01:18:51,421
# One to the two,
two to the three #
1638
01:18:51,493 --> 01:18:53,688
# Clap your hands
if you're in the mix #
1639
01:18:53,762 --> 01:18:56,560
# Four to the five,
five to the six #
1640
01:19:06,174 --> 01:19:09,166
##
1641
01:19:10,846 --> 01:19:12,677
# Hey, DJ, turn me out #
1642
01:19:12,748 --> 01:19:15,216
#You gotta keep me movin'
till the moon goes down #
1643
01:19:15,283 --> 01:19:17,911
# If you want to show me,
get below me #
1644
01:19:17,986 --> 01:19:20,420
# Shake your thing
till you don't feel lonely #
1645
01:19:20,489 --> 01:19:22,423
# Hey, mister, break it down #
1646
01:19:22,491 --> 01:19:24,925
#You're a B-Boy
that nearly hit the ground #
1647
01:19:24,993 --> 01:19:27,689
#You could play it real cool,
act the old school #
1648
01:19:27,763 --> 01:19:30,493
#Jump around until
your act is so cool. #
1649
01:19:37,572 --> 01:19:40,871
(song ends)
1650
01:19:40,942 --> 01:19:44,878
(chorus sings noble,
triumphant theme)
1651
01:19:44,946 --> 01:19:48,939
(orchestration joins in,
accompanying chorus)
1652
01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:02,953
##
1653
01:20:12,974 --> 01:20:16,967
(orchestra playing suite
of dramatic themes)
1654
01:20:26,988 --> 01:20:30,981
##
1655
01:20:41,002 --> 01:20:44,995
##
1656
01:20:55,016 --> 01:20:59,009
##
1657
01:21:09,030 --> 01:21:13,023
##
1658
01:21:23,044 --> 01:21:27,037
##
1659
01:21:37,058 --> 01:21:41,051
##
1660
01:21:51,072 --> 01:21:55,065
##
1661
01:22:05,086 --> 01:22:09,079
##
1662
01:22:19,100 --> 01:22:23,093
##
1663
01:22:33,081 --> 01:22:37,074
##
1664
01:22:47,095 --> 01:22:51,088
##
1665
01:23:01,109 --> 01:23:05,102
##
1666
01:23:15,123 --> 01:23:19,116
##
1667
01:23:29,137 --> 01:23:33,130
##
1668
01:23:43,184 --> 01:23:47,177
##
1669
01:23:57,198 --> 01:24:01,191
##
1670
01:24:11,212 --> 01:24:15,205
##
1671
01:24:25,226 --> 01:24:29,219
##
1672
01:24:39,240 --> 01:24:43,233
##
1673
01:24:53,254 --> 01:24:57,247
##
1674
01:25:07,268 --> 01:25:11,261
##
1675
01:25:21,282 --> 01:25:25,275
##
1676
01:25:35,296 --> 01:25:39,289
##
1677
01:25:49,310 --> 01:25:53,303
##
1678
01:26:03,324 --> 01:26:07,317
##
1679
01:26:09,764 --> 01:26:11,061
(rifle cocking,
blade scraping)
1680
01:26:11,132 --> 01:26:13,362
(low voice): When you're pushed,
killing's as easy as...
1681
01:26:13,434 --> 01:26:15,425
(higher pitch): Dancin'.
1682
01:26:15,503 --> 01:26:21,669
(dance music plays)