1 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:30,664 "TOGETHER WE'RE BUILDING A BETTER, BRIGHTER TOMORROW?" 2 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,200 ALL IN FAVOR? 3 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,967 (MURMUR OF "YEAHS") ALL OPPOSED? 4 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:35,236 [THE "NAY'S" OUTWEIGH THE "YEAS,"] 5 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:36,504 VOTED DOWN! 6 00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:39,173 OKAY PEOPLE, COME ON, WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR AN HOUR, NOW. 7 00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,974 WE NEED A THEME FOR NEXT YEAR. 8 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,410 TIM, 9 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,579 I FEEL LIKE THE "TOGETHER" SOUNDS KIND OF SOCIALIST... 10 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:48,749 HEY. 11 00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:49,983 WHAT YOU GOT HERE? 12 00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:51,119 INSTRUCTIONS. 13 00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,386 SEE, SINCE THIS IS AN UNDERAGE FUNCTION 14 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,622 I'LL BE SERVING A VIRGIN MANHATTAN, 15 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,057 WE CALL THE "RUDY GIULIANI," 16 00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:00,361 AND THIS RIGHT HERE. 17 00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,996 GOOD OLD VIRGIN "FREEDOM-TINI." 18 00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:04,132 HOW IS IT? 19 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:06,434 UM, SWEET AND INNOCENT, 20 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:07,535 WITH ITS WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF IT. 21 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,069 UMM. 22 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,506 WELL, YOU COULD AT MAKE IT A MIX TAPE 23 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,142 BEFORE YOU TAKE ITS VIRGINITY. 24 00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,709 JUST AGING IT UP A LITTLE BIT. 25 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,278 IT'S IN ITS THIRTIES NOW. 26 00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:19,680 SO ALL IN FAVOR OF "A BRIGHTER, BETTER TOMORROW?" 27 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,014 AYE! 28 00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,316 AYE. 29 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,617 AYE. 30 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,386 HEY HENRY, 31 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:27,421 YOU'RE NOT STILL DOWN IN THE DUMPS, 32 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:30,224 ABOUT THIS WHOLE HOLLYWOOD THING ARE YOU? NO, NO 33 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,459 WHEN YOU'VE BEEN IN THE ACTING BUSINESS 34 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,394 AS LONG AS I HAVE, YOU SEE THAT EVERYTHING 35 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,463 COMES AND GOES IN CYCLES. 36 00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:38,532 YOU'RE UP, YOU'RE DOWN. 37 00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,168 YEAH, I MEAN, I QUIT SO-- 38 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,669 YOU SOUND LIKE MY FRIEND ED. 39 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,437 NOW ED WAS AN ACTOR. 40 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:47,408 AND TRIED AND TRIED AND NEVER GOT THAT MAGIC ROLE. 41 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,177 HE WORKED NIGHTS AT A COPY STORE, 42 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:52,079 LIVED IN A TERRIBLE APARTMENT FILLED WITH ROACHES, 43 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:56,350 BUT HE NEVER GAVE UP. 44 00:01:56,450 --> 00:02:00,388 THEN, ON HIS SIXTIETH BIRTHDAY, 45 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:04,592 HE SAID, "THAT'S IT, I QUIT I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE." 46 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,327 [ sighing ] 47 00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:10,063 GUESS WHAT HAPPENED A WEEK LATER? 48 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,098 HE...GOT DISCOVERED? 49 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,801 HE DIED. 50 00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:18,239 DREAMS ARE OUR LIFE FORCE. 51 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,208 HE JUST DROPPED DEAD? 52 00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:22,343 HE WAS ON VENICE PIER AND SOME TOURIST 53 00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:23,544 ASKED HIM TO TAKE THEIR PICTURE. 54 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:28,349 HE STEPPED BACK TOO FAR, AND--PFLTTHT. 55 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,550 HANG IN THERE. OKAY. 56 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,629 * 57 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,304 OKAY, OKAY, 58 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,472 OKAY PEOPLE, LISTEN UP. 59 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,641 NOT ONLY ARE WE SERVING THE LEADERS OF TOMORROW, 60 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,776 WHO PROBABLY WILL BE YOUR BOSSES SOMEDAY, 61 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,378 BUT ALSO-- 62 00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:00,581 (STRANGE ACCENT) AH-NOLD. 63 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,417 THE GOVERNATOR WILL BE MAKING AN APPEARANCE. 64 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,753 YEA-YAH, WE'RE GONNA HANG WITH AH-NOLD. 65 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,522 NO, WE HAVE BEEN SPECIFICALLY ASKED TO NOT HANG WITH ARNOLD. 66 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,658 OKAY SO SCHMOOZING, NO GIVING HIM SCRIPTS, 67 00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:11,892 NO NADA. 68 00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:14,262 OKAY IT'S ARNOLD WE'RE PROFESSIONALS, 69 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,764 OKAY AND SMILES, HENRY THAT MEANS YOU. 70 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,336 WHAT'S THAT? 71 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,504 HUSBAND SENT IT TO PROVE I CAN 72 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,673 PURSUE MY COMEDY CAREER IN VERMONT. 73 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,140 BURLINGTON HAS A COMEDY TROUPE. 74 00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,310 "THE YUCKS." ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO 75 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,411 BE FUNNY, OR DISGUSTING? 76 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,412 FUNNY. 77 00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:35,283 SEE, "YUCKING IT UP SINCE 1992." 78 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:36,550 SO, YOU'RE...GOING? 79 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,419 I DON'T KNOW, HE'S HOUSE HUNTING OVER THERE 80 00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,854 AND I'M HERE "THINKING IT OVER." 81 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,356 YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? 82 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,558 I'M THINKING VERMONT? 83 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,160 AND THEN I'M ALSO THINKING ABOUT THIS 84 00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:48,696 COMEDY CENTRAL SHOW THAT I'M REALLY POSITIVE 85 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:49,763 THAT I'M GONNA GET. 86 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,365 LIKE I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT IT. 87 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,434 AND SO I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO GIVE UP. 88 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:56,637 ON EVERYTHING SO SOON, YA KNOW? 89 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,539 YOU WANT MY ADVICE? 90 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,442 NO. 91 00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:07,348 [ indistinct conversations ] 92 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:08,916 DON'T, DON'T FUSS. 93 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,318 OH HONEY, YOU WANT RIBS? 94 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,652 YES. 95 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,459 YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU CONSERVATIVES? 96 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,428 MEAT. 97 00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:23,597 A LOT OF THESE WUSSY PARTIES WE DO, IT'S CHICKEN, IT'S QUICHE. 98 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,599 VEGGIE PLATTERS. 99 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:26,800 HONEST RED MEAT. 100 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:30,838 YES, AMERICAN BEEF. YEAH. 101 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:35,343 IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOUR LADIES? 102 00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:38,278 PRIM OUTSIDE, BUT THEY ATTACK IN THE SACK? 103 00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,414 GET REAL NASTY, SCRATCH AND SHIT? 104 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,716 WHAT WAS THAT. NOTHING, SWEETIE 105 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,490 MM-HMM, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. 106 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,792 THANK YOU, RON, WALK WITH ME. 107 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,461 YES JEFFREY, HOW CAN I HELP YOU? 108 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:56,263 MM-HMM, RIGHT, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. 109 00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:58,499 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR KEEPING US IN THE LOOP, DAN. 110 00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,567 I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. 111 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:00,901 OKAY, BYE. 112 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,770 OKAY, THAT WAS THE GOVERNOR'S LEAD MAN. 113 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:03,771 THE GOVERNOR IS GONNA BE LATE, 114 00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,238 SO WE NEED TO MOVE THE BUFFET BACK-- 115 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,375 OKAY, CONSTANCE CHAFFING DISHES ON WARMERS 116 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:08,876 AND WE WILL PACE THE APPETIZERS AS WELL. 117 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,879 HEY, DENNIS, JEFFERY, HI LISTEN I'M IN THE HALL 118 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,514 GOVERNOR'S PUSHED AN HOUR. 119 00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,483 RIGHT, THANKS, BYE. 120 00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:16,650 ARNOLD, THAT'S VERY EXCITING. 121 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:17,651 HOW'D YOU GET HIM? 122 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:18,919 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, RON. 123 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,989 AH, THERE IS A SIMPLE FORMULA FOR SUCCESS, 124 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,391 AND I FOLLOWED IT. 125 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,426 "WORK HARD AND YOU SUCCEED." 126 00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:26,594 OH THERE IT IS, WOW. 127 00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,795 AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE PRESIDENT. 128 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,262 I'M THE SECRETARY. 129 00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,564 OH SECRETARY, ANSWERING PHONES, SITTING AT A DESK 130 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,999 NO, NOT LIKE A "SECRETARY." 131 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,601 NO, NOT LIKE A FEMALE. 132 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,268 IT'S THE NUMBER THREE EXECUTIVE POSITION. 133 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,336 THIRD BEST, VERY GOOD. 134 00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:37,671 IT'S A BRONZE, BRONZE MEDAL. 135 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:39,039 TELL YA I'M GONNA BE PRESIDENT NEXT YEAR. 136 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,441 I CAN ASSURE YOU. I DON'T DOUBT-- 137 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,677 GREG MEERS THINKS HE CAN WIN IT WITH LOOKS. 138 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:44,812 YOU NEED MORE THAN THAT. 139 00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,279 I'M GONNA TEACH HIM OTHERWISE. 140 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,581 EVER READ THE BOOK WHERE THE BLOOD FLOWS? 141 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,916 SO TOO GOES THE VICTOR. 142 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,418 I HAVE NOT I HAVE TO WRITE THAT DOWN. 143 00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:52,586 WALK WITH ME. YEAH. 144 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:57,558 FOR GOD'S SAKE, RON. 145 00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,359 THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE OFF LIMITS, COME ON. 146 00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,461 KYLE, 147 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,396 OKAY, WAS IT THE EYEBROW? 148 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,998 KYLE THIS ROOM IS OFF LIMITS. OKAY. 149 00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,500 THANK YOU. 150 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:12,740 SIMPLE AS THAT. 151 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,742 NOBODY CAN BE IN HERE WHO ISN'T AUTHORIZED. 152 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:15,809 YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. 153 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,411 NOBODY OKAY? 154 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:21,715 THERE ARE VERY IMPORTANT PAPERS HERE, ITEMS OF VALUE. 155 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:22,783 LOOK AT THAT. 156 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,351 CUSTOM MADE FOR THE GOVERNOR. 157 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:25,352 WOW, ENGRAVED. 158 00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:26,720 HE'LL BE IMPRESSED. 159 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,589 YES HE WILL, YES HE WILL. 160 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,090 AND MY NAME GOES RIGHT INTO HIS ROLODEX. 161 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,559 AHH, NETWORKING. 162 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:32,860 NAME OF THE GAME. 163 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,733 AH, YOUR FLAG'S A LITTLE DIRTY. 164 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,503 RON, THIS A VERY SPECIAL GIFT 165 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:43,871 FROM ONE OF OUR MEMBERS CURRENTLY STATIONED 166 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,739 WITH OUR FORCES IN THE MIDDLE EAST, OKAY. 167 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:46,874 IT'S FROM A CONVOY 168 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,477 THAT CAME UNDER ENEMY FIRE. 169 00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,411 NO, NOT DO THAT, DON'T DO THAT YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL. 170 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,013 BECAUSE A FLAG IS FOLDED 171 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,082 ACCORDING TO VERY SPECIFIC SET OF RULES. 172 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:59,086 RIGHT THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. 173 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,554 AH, CIGARS. 174 00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:01,955 ARNOLD LOVES CIGARS! 175 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,057 THAT'S RIGHT, DON TARGAS, CUBAN. 176 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,425 BEST IN THE WORLD. 177 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:08,095 WOW, CAN I JUST SAY, I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. 178 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:09,997 AND ARNOLD. 179 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,833 PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, SMALL BUSINESS 180 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,636 UH-- FUTURE SMALL BUSINESS OWNER MYSELF 181 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,505 SOUP'R CRACKERS. 182 00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:20,641 ALL YOU CAN EAT SOUP. 183 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:24,478 I'M PRACTICALLY THE EMBODIMENT OF ARNOLD'S LIFE PHILOSOPHY. 184 00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:25,779 UHM. 185 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,450 JEFFERY, 186 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,654 I WOULD LOVE TO JUST-- 187 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,122 SHAKE HIS HAND. 188 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,792 YOU KNOW JUST TO SAY-- 189 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,530 YEAH. 190 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,936 "LEADERS OF TOMORROW" MY ASS. 191 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,471 ONLY THING THOSE DORKS COULD LEAD IS A CIRCLE JERK. 192 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,574 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 193 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:54,875 FUCKERS! 194 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,577 GOD DAMIT! 195 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,782 SO, THANKS TO YOU, I DIDN'T GET THE PALISADES. 196 00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,151 WELL BOO, FUCKIN' HOO. 197 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,686 WHAT'S THIS? HEY! 198 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,420 WHOA! COME ON GIVE THAT BACK MAN. 199 00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:08,488 SO, WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA SLIP THAT TO ARNOLD? 200 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:09,489 DON'T FUCKIN' WRINKLE IT! 201 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:10,490 I JUST WANNA SEE IT BRO. 202 00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:11,559 YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF-- 203 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:12,560 A TERROR BIRD? 204 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,027 YOU CAN READ. 205 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,095 IT'S SO DUMB. 206 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,730 OH MY GOD. 207 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,431 YOU'VE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 208 00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:19,867 UM, A TERRIFYING BIRD? 209 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,168 WRONG. 210 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,705 I MEAN, YES. 211 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,439 IT'S CALLED PHORUSRHACIDS, IT'S A TEN FOOT TALL 212 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,108 PREHISTORIC MAN-EATING BIRD, OKAY? 213 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,911 VELOCIRAPTOR'S WAS MAYBE SIX FEET, AT THE MOST. 214 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,846 AND "JURASSIC" PARK MADE, A BILLION DOLLARS? 215 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,214 WHO'S AFRAID OF A BIG BIRD? 216 00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,883 YOU WOULD BE IF IT WAS PICKING OUT YOUR GUTS 217 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,818 WITH A GIANT BEAK-- 218 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,219 CONSTANCE, HOW BIG WOULD A BIRD HAVE TO BE 219 00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,888 FOR YOU LIKE TO BE SUPER SCARED OF IT. 220 00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:43,090 I DON'T KNOW, A HUNDRED FEET, TWO HUNDRED-- 221 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,659 I DON'T KNOW, I'M SORRY KYLE I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT RIGHT NOW 222 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,460 AND THAT'S SUCH A GOOD QUESTION. 223 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,129 BUT I'M SO MAD-- 224 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:52,465 I JUST HEARD ONE OF THOSE FASCIST MAKE A GAY JOKE. 225 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,902 AND I'M JUST BESIDE MYSELF. 226 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,670 FUCKIN' INTOLERANCE--BLOWS. 227 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:57,838 WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE? 228 00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,607 I AM GONNA SPIT ON ALL THE APPETIZERS, 229 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,609 BECAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH ONES HE WAS EATING. 230 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,577 NO, THERE'S OTHER THINGS WE CAN DO THAN SPIT. 231 00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:04,878 LIKE WHAT, I LOVE SPITTING. 232 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,480 I KNOW BUT IF YOU JUST POINT HIM OUT TO ME. 233 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,550 I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT. 234 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:11,619 HI, FREEDOM-TINI. 235 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,520 STRAIGHT OLD-FASHIONED VIRGIN. 236 00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:14,788 WHAT I THINK IS MORE IMPORTANT 237 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,556 IS CHANGING THE CULTURE OF POLITICS 238 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:17,858 I AGREE A HUNDRED PERCENT. 239 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,193 I MEAN NO MORE DEFEATISM OR BUSINESS AS USUAL. 240 00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,695 EXACTLY AND THAT'S WHY I FEEL LIKE WHAT WE'RE DOING IS-- 241 00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,196 REALLY MAKING A DIFFERENCE. 242 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,032 ARE YOU SICK? 243 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:27,635 OH NO IT'S JUST A PAIN-KILLER. 244 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,837 YOU OKAY, ANYTHING BROKEN? 245 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,672 AH JUST MY CAREER AND MY LIFE. 246 00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,141 SO I ABUSE PAIN-KILLERS AND DRINK TOO MUCH. 247 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,043 DEFEATISM, I KNOW. 248 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,580 I'M A LIBERAL, IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM THOUGH. 249 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,816 SO FREEDOM-TINI AND OLD FASHIONED, 250 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:43,917 THERE YOU GO. 251 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,585 SO WHAT'RE YOU, AN ACTOR OR SOMETHING? 252 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,621 WAS I QUIT. 253 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:48,789 YOU QUIT? 254 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,658 SEEMED LIKE THE ONLY DIGNIFIED THING TO DO. 255 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,592 BOY, IF YOU THINK THERE'S ANYTHING DIGNIFIED ABOUT QUITTING 256 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:53,861 WELL THE UNDIGNIFIED PART COMES 257 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:56,630 WHEN I MOVED BACK IN WITH MY PARENTS. 258 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,598 MIND IF I GIVE YOU A LITTLE ADVICE? 259 00:09:58,699 --> 00:09:59,900 SURE. 260 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,102 WHEN I USE TO FEEL LIKE QUITTING 261 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,971 MY FATHER WOULD SAY THIS. 262 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,806 JIM ABBOTT. 263 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,140 GREAT MAN. 264 00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,212 THAT'S THE ADVICE? JIM ABBOTT. 265 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,547 YEAH, JIM ABBOTT, BORN WITH ONE HAND. 266 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:15,749 HE WENT ON TO PITCH IN THE MAJORS. 267 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,017 YOU CAN TELL HIM ABOUT OSCAR PISTORIUS. 268 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,051 SPRINTER, NO LEGS. 269 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,586 MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF MAX CLELAND? 270 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,254 YES, DIDN'T LET BEING A MULTIPLE AMPUTEE, 271 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,790 STOP HIM FROM BEING A U.S. SENATOR. 272 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:23,924 OF COURSE I DISAGREED WITH HIS POLITICS. 273 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,058 ME TOO, BUT HE DIDN'T QUIT, 274 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,193 THAT'S THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE. 275 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,028 SURE AND I'VE GOT ALL PARTS. 276 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,296 RIGHT, SEE IT'S A CHOICE. 277 00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:30,898 YOU CAN CHOSE TO BE A VICTIM, 278 00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,866 OR YOU CAN CHOSE TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS. 279 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,167 FREEDOM OF CHOICE. THAT'S RIGHT. 280 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,336 AND THAT, IS WHAT MAKES THIS COUNTRY SO GREAT. 281 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:41,208 SHRIMP? 282 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,777 THAT'S VERY UN-PC THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT. 283 00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:46,346 NO, EVEN IF YOU DID MISS, WE'RE NOT THE PC POLICE. 284 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:47,981 SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW. 285 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,249 OKAY. 286 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:52,920 FREEDOM OF SPEECH, THAT, IS WHAT MAKES THIS COUNTRY SO GREAT. 287 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,654 WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND SAY IT. 288 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:55,689 SAY IT? 289 00:10:55,789 --> 00:11:00,293 YOU'RE A SHRIMP, SAY IT. 290 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,729 YOU'RE S SHRIMP. I KNOW AND THAT'S WHY I TRY HARDER. 291 00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:03,230 JIM ABBOTT. 292 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,231 EXACTLY EXACTLY. 293 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,099 THAT'S RIGHT, THANK YOU. 294 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,901 CHEERS. CHEERS. 295 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,070 I DON'T-- OKAY. 296 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,373 AH I JUST FOUND OUT I DIDN'T GET THE COMEDY CENTRAL GIG. 297 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,743 SORRY, MAKING IT THE FOURTH THING IN A ROW 298 00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,610 WHERE THEY'RE LIKE, "YOU'RE THE GIRL." 299 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:18,879 AND THEN ZERO. 300 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,347 OF COURSE THAT SUCKS. 301 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,614 I THINK MAYBE I AM GONNA QUIT. 302 00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,183 YOU SHOULD DO IT, I'M A QUITTER, IT'S FUN. 303 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,018 YOU LOOK LIKE-- ONE LAST THING, 304 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,354 NOBODY EVER ACCOMPLISHED ANYTHING BY QUITTING. 305 00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,256 WHAT IF RONALD REAGAN QUIT? 306 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,958 QUIT ACTING, HE DID. 307 00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,660 YEAH THAT'S ACTUALLY WHERE I GOT THE IDEA. 308 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:34,962 I GET TO SHAKE HANDS WITH ARNOLD. 309 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:36,163 I NEED YOU TO TAKE A PICTURE. 310 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,765 WAIT HOW COME YOU GET TO SHAKE HANDS WITH ARNOLD 311 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:38,999 IF WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY ANYTHING? 312 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,168 IT'S DIFFERENT, IT'S THEIR IDEA! 313 00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,669 OH MAN, 314 00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:45,138 WHAT'RE YOU GONNA THINK WHEN YOU WALK INTO A SOUPR' CRACKERS 315 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,407 AND YOU SEE IS ME SHAKING HANDS WITH ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER! 316 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:51,078 FUCK AM I DOING IN A SOUPR'CRACKERS. 317 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,212 I NEED A CIGAR. 318 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,280 I GOTTA GET A CIGAR. 319 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:56,049 THESE GUYS GOT ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER 320 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,819 THESE DON TARGAS, CUBAN CIGARS. 321 00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,188 BEST IN THE WORLD-- WAIT, 322 00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:06,193 WE'RE GIVING THE CONSERVATIVE GOVERNOR COMMUNIST CIGARS? 323 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,862 IT'S A FREE MARKET ISSUE! 324 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,064 WHY NOT GIVE HIM THE BEST CIGARS? 325 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,266 BECAUSE WE CAN'T CONDONE COMMUNISM, JEFFREY. 326 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,667 COMMUNISM? COMMUNISM. 327 00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:15,735 OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S NOT A MESSAGE 328 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,204 WE WANT TO SEND TO THE GOVERNOR, 329 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:19,272 OR TO THE NATION-- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT WE'LL VOTE, 330 00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:20,808 OKAY, BOTTOM LINE. 331 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,410 WE GIVE A NEW GIFT OR WE'LL GIVE HIM THE CIGARS. 332 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,949 I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAD TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH. OKAY, 333 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,051 THIS MAKES ME LOOK BAD. 334 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,820 I AM SO SORRY... 335 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,289 HENRY! 336 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,391 SMILES, DAMMIT. 337 00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:44,798 EXCUSE ME, IS THIS YOURS? 338 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,034 YOU DROPPED-- AH YES SORRY. 339 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,101 YOU KNOW THE YUCKS? 340 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,469 YOU KNOW THE YUCKS? 341 00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,873 YES, I KNOW THE YUCKS, I'M FROM ST. GEORGE, OUTSIDE BURLINGTON. 342 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,741 OH WEIRD. I'VE SEEN THEM A BUNCH OF TIMES. 343 00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,109 AND THEY'RE SUPER FUNNY. 344 00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,711 REALLY? YEAH, ARE YOU GOING TO VERMONT? 345 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:01,081 I...MY HUSBAND GOT A JOB THERE. 346 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,382 OH, SO YOU'RE MOVING. 347 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:06,386 MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW. 348 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:11,158 WHAT'S IT LIKE THERE? 349 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,726 THERE HE IS THAT ASSHOLE IN THE ARGYLE. 350 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,328 HE MADE THE GAY JOKE. 351 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,831 ALL RIGHT, NOW THE THING WITH PREJUDICE? 352 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:20,367 YOU JUST GOTTA THROW IT RIGHT BACK IN THEIR FACE. 353 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:24,471 WATCH AND LEARN. 354 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,940 HEY GUYS, SHRIMP PUFFS? 355 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,341 THANKS. 356 00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,410 HEY, YOU KNOW ANY GOOD GAY JOKES? 357 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,744 GAY JOKES? 358 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:34,514 I HEARD YOU KNEW AN AWESOME GOOD GAY JOKE. 359 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:37,184 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH I DO. COOL. 360 00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:40,954 SO THESE TWO GAY GUYS GO THE FAIR, AND ONE OF THEM SAYS 361 00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,090 "LET'S GO ON THE FERRIS WHEEL," 362 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,425 AND THE OTHER SAYS "NO, NO, YOU GO, I'M AFRAID IF HEIGHTS" 363 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,061 SO THE ONE GUY GOES, AND HE'S GOING AROUND 364 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,397 AND AROUND, BUT SUDDENLY THE CAR SNAPS OFF 365 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,965 AND FALLS TO THE GROUND, RIGHT. 366 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,501 THE OTHER GAY GUY RUNS IN, AND IS LIKE, 367 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:57,938 "ARE YOU HURT?" AND THE GUY SAYS 368 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,307 "OF COURSE I'M HURT, I WAVED THREE TIMES 369 00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:03,877 AND YOU NEVER WAVED BACK." 370 00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,445 WELL, GUESS WHAT. 371 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,848 I'M GAY. 372 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,018 REALLY? SO AM I. 373 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:20,160 I'M NOT REALLY GAY. 374 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:23,463 EVERYBODY LISTEN UP, SO, BY A ONE VOTE MARGIN, 375 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,833 THE CUBAN CIGARS ARE REJECTED, UNFORTUNATELY. 376 00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:29,002 JEFFREY, CAN YOU ARRANGE A DIFFERENT GIFT, PLEASE. 377 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,238 THANK YOU JEFFERY. THANKS JEFF. 378 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,473 NO UH-UH, WAIT A MINUTE. 379 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,276 LOOK AT THAT? TODD VOTED? 380 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,011 WHAT? BUT TODD CAN'T VOTE. 381 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,347 EXACTLY IT'S A TIE. WE GOTTA A TIE. 382 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,049 AND A TIE IS BROKEN BY THE VICE PRESIDENT 383 00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:46,253 AND I'M VICE PRESIDENT, 384 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,489 SO-- THAT DIDN'T WORK, HE'S A GAY. 385 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,524 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA WHAT IS THIS JIM CROW? 386 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,426 I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING HERE. WHAT? 387 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,828 THAT BLACK GUYS VOTE DOESN'T COUNT? 388 00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,564 AND THAT'S OKAY WITH ALL OF YOU? 389 00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:58,565 NOW MISS YOU DON'T-- 390 00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,367 WHAT I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK?? 391 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,069 BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN. 392 00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:04,171 IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME? 393 00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,973 HEY TODD IS FROM TORONTO. 394 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,241 NON-CITIZENS CAN'T VOTE, IT'S IN THE BYLAWS. 395 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,509 I'M SO SORRY. AND SINCE WHEN-- 396 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,980 IS TORONTO IS NOT APART OF THE UNITED STATES 397 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,115 OF AMERICA? 398 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,117 TODD WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? 399 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,953 THESE PEOPLE HATE YOU! 400 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:22,855 AND YOU GAY GUY, 401 00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:25,525 HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT. 402 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,927 THEY WANNA SILENCE MY VOICE AS A WOMAN. 403 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:28,928 AND IF YOU HELP THEM RON 404 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:29,929 YOU ARE AS BAD AS THEY ARE. 405 00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,598 CONSTANCE, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND 406 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,934 AND I TOTALLY RESPECT YOUR VOICE AS A WOMAN. 407 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,036 THANK YOU. 408 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,105 I JUST THINK FOR NOW, 409 00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,107 TO HELP US BE PROFESSIONAL, 410 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:44,544 YOU SHOULD JUST STAY BACK HERE WORK WITH THE FOOD-- 411 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,547 DON'T TALK OKAY? 412 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,449 RON, NOW. 413 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,654 I NEED TO JUST-- 414 00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,489 HEY THIS IS A GIANT STEP BACK. 415 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,425 DAMMIT! GOSH DARN FUCK! 416 00:15:58,525 --> 00:15:59,526 DIDN'T I SAY NOBODY'S ALLOWED IN HERE, 417 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,527 DIDN'T I SAY THAT? 418 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,562 WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? NOTHING. 419 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,897 ROMAN, THIS ROOM IS OFF LIMITS! 420 00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,067 I TOLD YOU, I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU THAT. 421 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,401 I TOLD HIM. 422 00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,436 SO GET OUT! 423 00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:10,570 OKAY. 424 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,105 OF THE ROOM. 425 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,443 AND I HAD NO IDEA CONSTANCE WAS A LIBERAL-- 426 00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,411 THESE ARE EXCUSES, RON! 427 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,979 I DON'T WANT EXCUSES. 428 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,181 I WANT RESULTS-- 429 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,415 I'M SO, SO SORRY-- 430 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,484 DON'T APOLOGIZE, DON'T, DON'T APOLOGIZE! 431 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:25,552 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, 432 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,686 YOU KNOW WHAT MY FATHER USED TO SAY ME? 433 00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,256 WHEN I WAS JUST A KID. 434 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,258 HE USE TO SAY JEFFERY "THERE ARE TWO KINDS 435 00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,093 OF PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD, 436 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,594 THERE'RE ACHIEVERS AND FUCK-UPS. 437 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,163 RIGHT, OH. 438 00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:38,265 WHAT DO YOU WANNA BE?" I WANT TO BE AN ACHIEVER. 439 00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,366 AN ACHIEVER. AN ACHIEVER. 440 00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:40,567 THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, THEN DO WHAT I SAY 441 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,968 NO EXCUSES OKAY? 442 00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,436 I NEED YOU TO GET A CASE OF DANIEL MARSHALL CIGARS. 443 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,405 MADE IN THE USA. 444 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,607 REPLACE THE DON TARGAS WITH THOSE. OKAY? 445 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:48,608 GO. 446 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,077 IF YOU MISS HIM, WE'LL MAIL 'EM. 447 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,645 DANIEL MARSHALL-- WHAT DO YOU MEAN IF I MISS HIM? 448 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,255 ROMAN. 449 00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,424 OHH. 450 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,165 BARBEQUE. 451 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,369 CONSTANCE. 452 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,238 RON, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU ASK ME TO GO OUT THERE 453 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:19,306 AND APOLOGIZE TO THOSE PIGS, 454 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:20,740 I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FACE. 455 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,509 FORGET ABOUT THE CONSERVATIVES. 456 00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:23,676 I NEED YOU TO RUN OUT AND I NEED YOU TO GET ME 457 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,312 A BOX OF DANIEL MARSHALL CIGARS 458 00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,147 AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE 459 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,415 THEY'RE FOR ARNOLD. 460 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:31,251 DO I GET TO MEET HIM? 461 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,552 I'LL INTRODUCE YOU BUT YOU CANNOT SPEAK. 462 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:33,986 OKAY, GO. GO. 463 00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,322 YES! 464 00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:40,493 ROMAN, NOT ONLY IS THIS AGAINST THE RULES, 465 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,562 BUT YOU GOT BBQ SAUCE ON THE AMERICAN FLAG. 466 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:46,499 YOU KNOW THE RULES, WHAT' AM I GONNA SAY? 467 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:47,567 DON'T EAT THEIR FOOD. 468 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:48,668 OKAY THAT, TOO. 469 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:49,669 SO THAT'S THREE THINGS. 470 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:53,206 SO THAT'S TRIPLE PROBATION FOR YOU. 471 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:54,507 SHIT. 472 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,425 HEY LOVE YOU. 473 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:13,726 NICE. 474 00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:19,432 SO THOSE GUYS CALLED YOU A QUITTER? 475 00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,033 UM YEAH. 476 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:24,304 THESE GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF LOSERS TOO. 477 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,373 I DON'T KNOW, THEY SEEM LIKE A PRETTY TOGETHER BUNCH. 478 00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,209 YEAH, THEY'RE FOOLING THEMSELVES. 479 00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,643 YOU THINK ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT HARD WORK 480 00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,812 ACHIEVING MEANS SOMETHING, BUT IT DOESN'T. 481 00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,714 THE UNIVERSE IS COMPLETELY RANDOM. 482 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,549 PARTICLES COLLIDING AT RANDOM. 483 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:37,850 BLIND CHANCE. 484 00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,120 SO YOU DIDN'T MAKE IT. 485 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,691 NO BIG DEAL, NOT YOUR FAULT, SHIT'S RANDOM. 486 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,828 THANKS ROMAN I FEEL A LOT BETTER. 487 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,598 YOU GOT IT. 488 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,201 WHEN I'M HUGE, 489 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:55,702 I'M GONNA REALLY ENJOY 490 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,471 FUCKIN' WITH THESE PERVERTS. 491 00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,546 OH NO. 492 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,281 NO, NO, NO, NO. 493 00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:13,520 NO, NO, NO. 494 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,488 AWE F-- 495 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,657 MOTHAFUCKER! 496 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:34,441 HEY RON I GOT THE CIGARS. 497 00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:36,943 COME ON GET DOWN, GET DOWN! 498 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,549 PLEASE TELL ME YOU GOT THE DANIEL MARSHALLS. 499 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:43,816 OH YEAH THEY HAD DANIEL MARSHALLS. 500 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,818 THE STORE MANAGER, 501 00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,687 TOLD ME TO GET YOU THESE. 502 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,256 DON TARGAS FROM CUBA. 503 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,424 THESE ARE THE BEST CIGARS IN THE WORLD! 504 00:19:56,963 --> 00:20:00,633 TAKE OFF THE LABELS POUR THE BOX INTO THE BRIEFCASE. 505 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,311 TWO FREEDOM-TINIS. 506 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,145 I NEED A BOTTLE OF GRAIN ALCOHOL AND A LIGHTER. 507 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:14,180 WHAT? 508 00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,616 JUST DO IT AND COME WITH ME. 509 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,917 PLEASE. 510 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,323 OKAY, LOOK FOR DIRT. ROCKS. ANYTHING GRIMY. 511 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:25,292 ASHES WOULD BE GOOD. 512 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:28,328 OR CINDERS OR ANY KIND OF DARK DUST. 513 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,729 DARK DUST WOULD BE GOOD. 514 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,364 ASHES WOULD BE NICE. 515 00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:32,865 AH, AH CINDERS. 516 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:36,235 CINDERS WOULD BE-- CINDERS WOULD BE GOOD 517 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:42,942 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 518 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,577 HENRY, HENRY, 519 00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:47,514 THEY HAD THIS FLAG, SPECIAL FLAG FROM A BATTLE IN IRAQ 520 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:48,515 AND THEY WERE GONNA GIVE IT TO THE GOVERNOR, 521 00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:50,249 AND SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT. 522 00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:54,287 SO WHAT-- WE'RE GONNA GET DRUNK AND DESECRATE THIS ONE? 523 00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:56,956 OH WHAT AM I SPEAKING ANOTHER GOD DAMN LANGUAGE? 524 00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:59,191 THE GOVERNOR'S GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE, OKAY, 525 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:00,827 WE NEED TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THIS FLAG HAS BEEN UNDER FIRE. 526 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:01,828 OKAY. 527 00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:06,866 TEAR IT UP, DIRTY IT UP, BULLET HOLES, BURNS. 528 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,636 GIVE ME THE BOOZE AND GIVE ME YOUR LIGHTER. 529 00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:15,575 THAT'S WHEN WE'D GO TO THESE ORCHARDS AND PICK APPLES. 530 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:18,210 I KNOW IT'S CORNY BUT IT'S JUST SO PRETTY. 531 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:20,513 AND THE AIR IS ALL CRISP. 532 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,281 AND YOU GET SEASONS, YOU KNOW, 533 00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:23,483 I MISS SEASONS. 534 00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:26,353 YEAH, I MISS SEASONS, TOO. 535 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:27,820 AND IT IS REALLY PRETTY. 536 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,389 BUT IT'S BORING RIGHT, COME ON? 537 00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:31,391 IT'S SO BORING IT'S SMALL. NO, NO. 538 00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:34,561 I'VE LIVED THERE FOR 18 YEARS I WASN'T BORED A SINGLE DAY. 539 00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:35,862 OH THERE YOU ARE. 540 00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:37,630 HEY. HEY. 541 00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,766 THIS IS CASEY. 542 00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:41,901 I WAS JUST TELLING HER HOW GREAT VERMONT IS. 543 00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,636 SHE'S GONNA MOVE TO BURLINGTON. 544 00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:44,904 AWE SO YOU ARE GONNA QUIT. 545 00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:47,006 HER HUSBAND GOT A JOB THERE. 546 00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:48,541 I WAS JUST SAYING HOW GOOD A PLACE IT IS 547 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:49,642 TO RAISE A FAMILY AND STUFF. 548 00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:51,344 RIGHT, GREAT. 549 00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:52,779 YEAH, WE'RE ACTUALLY MOVING BACK AFTER GRADUATION. 550 00:21:52,879 --> 00:21:53,780 NO WAY. MM-HMM. 551 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,782 UM ACTUALLY WE'RE GONNA GO TO D.C. 552 00:21:55,882 --> 00:21:57,316 I GOT THAT INTERNSHIP. 553 00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:00,920 WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU'D BE EXCITED. 554 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:03,656 SO WHEN I GOT MY INTERNSHIP, YOU WERE ALL FOR 555 00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:05,425 FAMILY VALUES AND VERMONT. 556 00:22:05,525 --> 00:22:07,259 BUT NOW THAT YOU HAVE YOUR INTERNSHIP, IT'S OK. 557 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,662 SERIOUSLY. WE'RE MOVING TO VERMONT GREG. 558 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:11,698 THAT WAS THE PLAN, SCREW D.C. 559 00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:12,999 HEATHER-- 560 00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:14,266 HOW CAN YOU BE SO SELFISH? 561 00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:15,668 IT'S SELFISH TO WORK HARD AND SUCCEED? 562 00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:17,637 YES, WHAT DOES YOUR CAREER HAVE TO DO WITH US? 563 00:22:17,737 --> 00:22:20,272 FAMILY VALUES GREG, THAT'S WHAT MADE THIS COUNTRY GREAT. 564 00:22:20,373 --> 00:22:22,809 WHAT THE FUCK??? 565 00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:24,577 YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUN AROUND MAN. 566 00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,012 DON'T JUST STAND THERE. 567 00:22:26,112 --> 00:22:28,014 COME ON HENRY, YOU COULD BE TWO THINGS IN LIFE.. 568 00:22:28,114 --> 00:22:31,451 YOU CAN BE AN ACHIEVER OR YOU CAN BE A FUCK-UP. 569 00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:33,553 AND UH, WHICH ONE ARE YOU BEING RIGHT NOW? 570 00:22:33,653 --> 00:22:34,887 I'M AN ACHIEVER! 571 00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:36,823 OKAY, THEN I AM DEFINITELY A FUCK-UP, 572 00:22:36,923 --> 00:22:40,693 AND STANDING HERE WATCHING YOU LIGHT A FLAG ON FIRE 573 00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:43,563 IN A PARKING LOT, I FEEL KIND OF OKAY ABOUT IT. 574 00:22:43,663 --> 00:22:45,532 HENRY DON'T BE A QUITTER, DON'T BE A QUITTER, 575 00:22:45,632 --> 00:22:46,699 DO SOMETHING. 576 00:22:46,799 --> 00:22:48,000 DO SOMETHING. 577 00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:55,975 YOU CAN PUT THAT ONE NEXT TO YOU AND ARNOLD SHAKING HANDS. 578 00:23:11,758 --> 00:23:13,693 I AM SO, SO SORRY. 579 00:23:13,793 --> 00:23:14,961 YOU'RE SORRY? 580 00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:16,729 RON, YOU WERE BURNING AN AMERICAN FLAG. 581 00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:19,799 FOR ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. 582 00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:22,401 AND THIS LIGHTER IT'S EVEN MINE, IT'S HENRY'S. 583 00:23:22,502 --> 00:23:23,603 NO IT'S NOT. 584 00:23:23,703 --> 00:23:24,804 LIAR. 585 00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,338 WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT EXCUSES, HUH? 586 00:23:26,439 --> 00:23:27,840 (MUMBLING) 587 00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:28,875 YOU'RE AGAINST THEM... 588 00:23:28,975 --> 00:23:30,042 HATE THEM. 589 00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:31,878 EXCUSE ME GENTLEMEN, IS ONE OF YOU JEFFERY ELLES? 590 00:23:31,978 --> 00:23:33,880 THAT'S ME. HI. 591 00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:37,416 HI, DAN WISNER, WITH THE GOVERNOR'S OFFICE. 592 00:23:37,517 --> 00:23:39,552 THE GOVERNOR'S BEEN HELD UP ON A LEGISLATIVE EMERGENCY. 593 00:23:39,652 --> 00:23:40,753 AND WON'T BE ABLE TO COME, 594 00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:45,958 BUT I WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR-- 595 00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:50,763 AH-- PART OF OUR GIFT FOR. GOVERNOR SCHWARZENEGGER 596 00:23:52,031 --> 00:23:52,965 [ clearing throat ] 597 00:23:53,065 --> 00:23:59,438 ANYONE KNOW HOW TO FOLD THIS? 598 00:23:59,539 --> 00:24:01,140 SO NO ARNOLD, RIGHT? 599 00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:21,594 YOU KNOW BEING IN THERE IT WAS LIKE IT WAS 1776, 600 00:24:21,694 --> 00:24:25,031 AND I WAS THE JANITOR IN CONSTITUTION HALL. 601 00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:27,734 IT WAS AH-- IT WAS AMAZING. 602 00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:28,835 WELL IT SOUNDS AMAZING. 603 00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:31,571 YEAH. 604 00:24:31,671 --> 00:24:33,840 SO VERMONT, SEEMED OKAY 605 00:24:33,940 --> 00:24:35,942 VERMONT SOUNDED VERY OKAY. 606 00:24:36,042 --> 00:24:37,443 IT'S VERY NICE 607 00:24:37,544 --> 00:24:40,079 I LIKED IT IN YOU KNOW A FAMILY VALUES KIND OF WAY. 608 00:24:40,179 --> 00:24:42,849 IT'S NOT REALLY VERMONT, THAT'S THE PROBLEM. 609 00:24:42,949 --> 00:24:43,883 WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 610 00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:45,051 MY WHOLE THING. 611 00:24:45,151 --> 00:24:47,754 LIKE THE WHOLE, "DO TELL ME WHAT TO DO." 612 00:24:47,854 --> 00:24:49,055 YOU KNOW WHICH MAKES ME AUTOMATICALLY 613 00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:50,990 VERY ANTI-FAMILY VALUES. 614 00:24:51,090 --> 00:24:52,525 YOU KNOW AND THEN 615 00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:54,093 THERE'S THE IF I GIVE UP MY CAREER 616 00:24:54,193 --> 00:24:55,962 I'D BECOME A WEAK-WILLED QUITTER. 617 00:24:56,062 --> 00:24:58,965 WELL YOU SEE, THAT IS WHY I WAS NEVER A CONSERVATIVE. 618 00:24:59,065 --> 00:25:00,733 BECAUSE YOU CAN'T WIN WITH THESE GUYS. 619 00:25:00,833 --> 00:25:01,701 YOU CAN'T WIN WITH THEM. 620 00:25:01,801 --> 00:25:02,835 IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 621 00:25:02,935 --> 00:25:04,136 NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE. 622 00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:08,775 OKAY, DO YOU WANT MY ADVICE CAUSE YOU KIND OF-- 623 00:25:08,875 --> 00:25:09,842 WELL IT KIND OF SEEMS LIKE YOU DO NOW. 624 00:25:09,942 --> 00:25:11,477 NO, I DON'T, I DON'T WANT YOUR ADVICE. 625 00:25:11,578 --> 00:25:13,012 YOU'RE A QUITTER, WHY WOULD I TAKE THE ADVICE OF A QUITTER? 626 00:25:13,112 --> 00:25:14,714 I PREFER FUCK UP, ACTUALLY. 627 00:25:14,814 --> 00:25:15,982 OH A FUCK UP. WELL FUCK UP, 628 00:25:16,082 --> 00:25:17,684 I ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY. 629 00:25:17,784 --> 00:25:18,818 OR REALLY? 630 00:25:18,918 --> 00:25:20,019 OKAY, WHAT AM I GONNA SAY? 631 00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:23,823 YOU'RE GONNA SAY, GO DO THE FAMILY VALUES THING. 632 00:25:23,923 --> 00:25:25,858 GO DO THAT, DON'T BECOME ME, 633 00:25:25,958 --> 00:25:27,126 DON'T FOLLOW THIS PATH. 634 00:25:27,226 --> 00:25:31,063 NO, NO, NO, NO ACTUALLY, 635 00:25:31,163 --> 00:25:32,965 I THINK YOU SHOULD STAY. 636 00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:37,737 REALLY? 637 00:25:38,838 --> 00:25:40,673 NAW, JUST KIDDING. 638 00:26:03,062 --> 00:26:04,797 "TERROR BIRD." 639 00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:06,498 HMM. 640 00:26:06,599 --> 00:26:09,669 * 641 00:26:16,643 --> 00:26:19,712 * 642 00:26:36,663 --> 00:26:39,732 * 643 00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:51,978 T-R-E-E, TREE.