[ SPEAKING SERBIAN EMPHATICALLY ]
WHERE IS HE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?
WHY HAVEN'T YOU RETURNED OUR CALLS?
DID YOU THINK WE'D JUST GO AWAY?
WE'VE GIVEN YOU THE MONEY. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH LUKA?!
DANA!
[ GRUNTING ]
JOE?
[ Sobbing ] JOE!
JOE. GOD...
HELP!
PLEASE! SOMEBODY HELP US!
PLEASE! OH, GOD.
HELP!
JOE'S STILL IN PHYSICAL THERAPY.
HE SPENT TWO WEEKS IN A BELGRADE HOSPITAL
BEFORE HE WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO FLY BACK HOME.
WE JUST WANTED A FAMILY.
RIGHT. WHY SERBIA?
BACK IN COLLEGE, JOE GOT BUSTED ON A SMALL POT CHARGE.
NOTHING MAJOR, JUST TYPICAL, STUPID KID STUFF.
RIGHT, RIGHT -- BUT IT DISQUALIFIED YOU
FROM ADOPTION AGENCIES IN THE STATES, RIGHT?
AND KOREA AND CHINA AND GUATEMALA.
MM.
IRINA WAS THE FIRST ONE TO TELL US THAT IT WOULDN'T BE AN ISSUE.
-ALL SHE NEEDED WAS... -MONEY.
-"ADMINISTRATIVE FEES" -- THAT'S WHAT SHE CALLED IT. -MM-HMM.
AFTER A FEW MONTHS, WE GOT SUSPICIOUS,
SO WE FLEW OUT THERE.
WE TOLD HER WE'D GO TO THE AUTHORITIES.
THAT'S WHEN SHE INTRODUCED US TO LUKA.
AFTER THAT, WE GAVE IRINA EVERYTHING SHE WANTED.
HOW MUCH MONEY DID SHE TAKE FROM YOU?
$120,000.
WE HAD TO TAKE A SECOND MORTGAGE OUT ON THE HOUSE.
WELL, WE CAN GET THE MONEY BACK.
WE DON'T WANT THE MONEY.
ALL WE WANT IS LUKA.
RIGHT.
[ SIGHS ]
SO IRINA LET LUKA STAY WITH THE MORTONS FOR A WEEK.
THAT'S WHEN THIS WAS TAKEN.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BOY AFTERWARDS?
DON'T KNOW. A CAR CAME ALONG, PICKED HIM UP, TOOK HIM AWAY.
ARE WE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING THIS, HUH? SWIPING A KID?
YEAH, WELL -- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
WELL, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS A LESBIAN BAR?
[ CHUCKLES ]
OKAY, LISTEN --
MONEY, JEWELS, PAINTINGS -- THOSE WE STEAL.
BUT A LITTLE BOY?
WE HELP PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO.
THE U.S. GOVERNMENT ISN'T GONNA HELP
BECAUSE THEY WENT OUTSIDE THE SYSTEM.
AND OVER THERE, IT'S THE WILD WEST.
NO RECORDS, NO PAPER TRAILS.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO FIND ONE ORPHAN.
HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW THIS KID IS AN ORPHAN?
SEE HIM POCKETING THOSE COOKIES?
HE'S HOARDING FOOD.
THAT BAG ON THE TABLE --
HE KEEPS HIS ESSENTIALS LIGHT AND PORTABLE.
HE KNOWS HE'S GONNA BE TAKEN AWAY AT ANY MOMENT.
AND THERE,
WHEN SHE GOES TO TOUCH HIM, HE FLINCHES.
HE'S EXPECTING...FOR HER TO...
TRUST ME. HE'S AN ORPHAN.
NATE.
HIT IT.
IRINA LARENKO. FORMER RUSSIAN MODEL.
SHE HAD A DECENT CAREER IN THE '80s.
SHE DID THE WHOLE PARIS FASHION CIRCUIT.
UH, SHE HAD SOME PARTS IN SOME SMALL FILMS.
REALLY? LIKE, WHAT FILMS?
SOME...FRENCH FILMS.
LIKE WHAT?
[ STAMMERS ] "EMMANUELLE UNLEASHED."
SHE WAS TATIYANA.
YEAH, THIS IS WHEN THEY REBOOTED THE FRANCHISE.
THAT'S RIGHT -- EMMANUELLE AT THE SPACE STATION WHO RIDES THE CONTROLS.
-[ Chuckling ] YEAH, YEAH. -[ CLEARS THROAT ] OKAY, ANYWAY.
ANYWAY, SHE STARTED LIVING A LITTLE TOO HARD.
SHE FELL IN WITH SOME RUSSIAN MOBSTERS.
SHE WOUND UP GRIFTING HER WAY THROUGH EUROPE.
SHE ENDED UP IN BELGRADE A FEW YEARS AGO.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S THE ADOPTION SCAM?
OKAY, SO, YOU'RE LOOKING TO ADOPT A KID, RIGHT?
YOU LOG ON TO A LEGITIMATE ADOPTION WEBSITE.
YOU FOLLOW ONE OF THE LINKS ON THE SIDE,
IT LEADS YOU TO IRINA.
NOW, SHE JUST SHOWS YOU A BUNCH OF PICTURES,
STRINGS YOU ALONG A LITTLE BIT,
AND SHE HITS YOU UP FOR SOME MONEY.
YEAH, IT'S JUST LIKE THE "SPANISH PRISONER" SCAM.
AND THEN SHE HOOKS YOU UNTIL SHE BLEEDS YOU DRY.
YEAH, BUT HOW DOES SHE GET THE KIDS?
AFTER THE WAR, THERE WAS, WHAT, 100,000 ORPHANS IN SERBIA.
SHE COULD BE GETTING THEM FROM ANYWHERE.
WHERE'S IRINA NOW?
WELL, SHE CLOSED HER OFFICE IN BELGRADE
AFTER THE INCIDENT WITH THE MORTONS.
HOWEVER... [ BEEP ]
HER NAME POPPED UP ON AN INVITATION TO A PARTY
AT THE AMERICAN EMBASSY NEXT WEEK -- VERY EXCLUSIVE.
ALL RIGHT. WE'RE GONNA DO THIS THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY --
A LITTLE LOOK AND HOOK.
PACK YOUR BAGS.
WE'RE GOING TO BELGRADE.
HEY, CAN WE -- CAN WE STOP OFF IN PARIS ON THE WAY?
UH...
MAYBE ON THE WAY BACK.
COOL.
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
ANYWAY, A BAD INTERCEPTION STOPPED THE GAME.
WE ENDED UP WINNING. I MEAN, IT -- IT'S LIKE --
-EXCUSE ME. -Do you have eyes on Irina?
YES. AND SHE'S WITH SOMEONE.
THAT'S NEVER STOPPED ME BEFORE.
Get me a picture.
YOU KNOW, THIS WOULD BE EASIER IF YOU WERE IN HERE. [ SHUTTER CLICKS ]
WELL, WE WOULD BE IF SOPHIE WEREN'T ALREADY
OLD FRIENDS WITH THE AMBASSADOR.
I WOULDN'T SAY "OLD FRIENDS" EXACTLY.
THE UNITED STATES IS PLEASED TO MAKE THE FIRST PAYMENT
FOR CONSTRUCTION OF THE TRANS-UKRAINIAN OIL PIPELINE
TO HER ROYAL HIGHNESS, PRINCESS MAGDA OF SLOVENIA.
I STILL HAVE THAT TIARA, THOUGH.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
HARDISON, ANYTHING ON THE FACIAL RECOGNITION?
COME ON.
HEY, I'M WORKING ON A LAPTOP IN A BORROWED OFFICE.
YOU KNOW, JUST HURRY UP.
IT'S NOT SO FUN WORKING IN THE CRAPPY COMMAND CENTER, IS IT?
NO, SEE, YOU'RE USUALLY OFF DOING YOUR EUROPEAN SPY THING.
WELL, WELCOME TO MY WORLD.
[ BEEP ]
-OH. -ORANGESCU?
OH. I-I GOT A HIT -- FAST.
THAT'S WEIRD. I GOT A FACE MATCH BUT NO NAME.
THIS FILE'S ALREADY ON MY HARD DRIVE.
THAT'S THE GUY THAT --
THAT -- THAT'S THE GUY WHO PICKED UP THE KID
-FROM THE MORTONS. -IT SURE IS HIM.
HEY, PARKER, I NEED YOU TO LIFT HIS WALLET.
WE NEED MORE INFO.
ELIOT...[ SIGHS ]
GET READY TO MEET IRINA. [ INHALES SHARPLY ]
I'll give you your cues.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE PICKED UP WOMEN BEFORE, ALL RIGHT?
-LIKE YESTERDAY. -Mm-hmm. Yeah.
-AND WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT, UM... -Dagmar.
WHO WAS IT? -- DAGMAR FROM THE CAR-RENTAL PLACE
WAS A LOVELY GIRL,
BUT LISTEN, IRINA'S A PROFESSIONAL GRIFTER.
SHE'S GONNA SEE STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR MOVES.
SHE DOES THIS FOR A LIVING.
YOU KNOW, GETS PEOPLE TO LIKE HER AND TRUST HER,
EVEN TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HER.
SHE DOESN'T DO THIS FOR SPORT.
MM. SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE I KNOW.
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
Parker, have you found him yet?
NO. I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOST HIM.
[ European accent ] WELL, HELLO, BEAUTIFUL.
FOUND HIM.
OKAY, PARKER, DON'T PANIC.
YOU'RE JUST HAVING A LITTLE CONVERSATION.
AND WHO HAS COME TO SHAME THE SPLENDOR OF BELGRADE
with her beauty?
-ARE YOU KIDDING ME? -HARDISON!
HARDISON.
BEAUTIFUL NAME FOR A BEAUTIFUL LADY.
TELL ME, HARDISON, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO SERBIA?
[ As Dracula ] OH, DO MY FANGS AND CAPE FRIGHTEN YOU?
[ CHUCKLES ]
-HARDISON. -HARDISON.
OKAY, UH, PARKER, YOU'RE -- YOU'RE AN EXCHANGE STUDENT.
ASK HIM HIS NAME.
I'M AN EXCHANGE STUDENT, AND WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
[ SIGHS ]
NICOLAS OBROVIC, AT YOUR SERVICE.
THIS ONE'S ON THE HOUSE.
NEXT ONE'S ON YOU...
UNLESS YOU TIP ME WELL.
HI.
AMERICAN.
YES, MA'AM.
YOUR HAIR IS TOO LONG, YOUR BOW TIE IS POORLY TIED,
and your eyes, they shift to the left,
SO EITHER YOU'RE LYING OR YOU'RE ABOUT TO LIE.
No, no, no, listen.
You have to demonstrate higher social value.
SHE NEEDS A REASON TO BE INTERESTED IN YOU.
OKAY, ELIOT, LISTEN TO ME.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
I AIN'T BIG ON FORMAL OCCASIONS.
I'D MUCH RATHER BE ON MY RANCH IN TEXAS.
YOUR RANCH IN TEXAS?
YES, MA'AM.
AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY.
THERE'S ANOTHER OILMAN TRYING TO BE COWBOY, HUH? [ LAUGHS ]
WELL, MAYBE.
BUT I CAN'T STAND BEING IN THE BOARDROOM, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S WHY I LOVE TRAVELING THE WORLD.
WELL, WE ARE CERTAINLY GLAD THAT BELGRADE MADE YOUR ITINERARY.
WELL, IT'S BECOMING ONE OF MY FAVORITE STOPS.
[ LAUGHS ]
OKAY, GOOD. SHE'S FEELING HAPPY.
NOW ANCHOR THE EMOTION.
Raise the champagne flute to your lips.
CHEERS.
Take a nice, long sip.
And now every time she laughs or smiles,
repeat that motion.
SHE'S GONNA LINK THAT TO A NICE, WARM FEELING.
YOU CAN USE THAT LATER.
THAT, UH, DRINK THING...
YOU'VE NEVER USED THAT ON ME, HAVE YOU?
I WOULD NEVER.
OF COURSE NOT.
SO...
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
-WHERE AM I FROM? -MM.
OH, WHERE AM I FROM?
UH...
PITTSBURGH, DETROIT, ATLANTA.
I'M FROM PITTSBURGH-DETROIT-ATLANTA.
NO, NO, NO, NO. I MEANT PICK ONE.
DON'T LET IRINA GET TOO COMFORTABLE.
TOSS HER -- YEAH -- TOSS HER A BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT.
YOUR EYES ARE REALLY BLUE.
[ Chuckling ] THANK YOU.
THEY'RE ALMOST TOO BLUE, DON'T YOU THINK?
HEY, YOU, UH, MANIPULATED ME?
-NATE, REALLY, NOW? -WELL...
NO, GIVE HER A TIME LIMIT. TELL HER YOU CAN'T STAY LONG.
ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE ABOUT MANIPULATION.
OH, THAT -- NO, PARKER, SLEEPING IS NOT A HOBBY. THAT'S SO CYNICAL.
PERFECT. NOW JUST STEP BACK. YEAH, LET HER COME TO YOU.
WHY IS THAT CYNICAL, HUH?
BECAUSE I DON'T LEAVE MY PERSONAL LIFE TO CHANCE?
-WELL, NO, BECAUSE, I MEAN, YOU SAY ALL -- -GUYS, GUYS.
-THAT'S NOT -- -REALLY, GUYS. SERIOUSLY?
COME ON, NOW, LOOK -- IF YOU'RE DONE WITH YOUR LITTLE DELIGHTFUL BANTER,
I GOT SOME ACTUALLY USEFUL INFORMATION, OKAY?
NICOLAS OBROVIC -- ORGANIZED-CRIME TIES.
SMUGGLING.
NOW, HE WENT LEGIT FIVE YEARS AGO.
HE TOOK OVER A GOVERNMENT AGENCY
THAT TAKES IN FAMILIES FROM THE KOSOVO WAR --
RELOCATIONS AND LOST RELATIVES, THINGS LIKE THAT.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT. THAT EXPLAINS HOW SHE GETS THE KIDS.
THIS GUY COULD LEAD US RIGHT TO LUKA.
OKAY, PARKER. TRY THIS...
IT'S AMAZING HOW FAR SERBIA'S COME,
BUT THE SCARS MUST STILL BE THERE.
I MEAN, ALL THE FAMILIES WHO SUFFERED DURING THE WAR.
YES, BUT HISTORY ALWAYS HAS ITS CASUALTIES.
YES, BUT THOSE FAMILIES AND THOSE CHILDREN.
IT'S TRAGIC, YES.
BUT THE STRONG, THE SMART, THE...THE BEAUTIFUL,
THEY SURVIVE.
SMILE. [ LAUGHS ]
SMILE!
-SMILE. -WHAT'S WRONG?
WHAT'S WRONG?
A REGULAR GUY.
IT'S TIME TO GO.
NOT EVERYONE...
IS WORTH SAVING.
AAH!
[ GRUNTING ] BORIS! BORIS! BORIS!
-OW! -WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT -- WHAT HAPPENED?
WHOA.
[ GROANS ] BORIS!
[ GROANS ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'M -- I'M GETTING A BUNCH OF CALLS TO THE POLICE.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON --
PARKER JUST STABBED HER GUY WITH A FORK.
[ GROANS ]
I'M GONNA LOSE IRINA.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON.
MAYBE IRINA IS GONNA GO AFTER NICOLAS,
SEE WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HIM.
UNH-UNH. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. SHE WOULDN'T RISK THAT.
NO, NO, NO. THEY'D BE PREPARED. THEY'D HAVE A SAFE HOUSE.
A DEAD DROP FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS --
THAT'S WHAT I'D DO.
YES, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'D DO.
OKAY, ELIOT, LISTEN UP. WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
LISTEN, SWEETHEART, I-I-I-I APOLOGIZE.
I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
I HAVE A -- I HAVE AN EARLY CALL TIME TOMORROW, SO...
CALL TIME?
YEAH. YEAH. I'M, UH, I'M HERE PRODUCING A FILM,
AMONG OTHER THINGS --
TRYING TO PRODUCE.
THERE'S A -- THERE'S A LOT OF ROLES LEFT TO CAST.
[ CHUCKLING ] YOU KNOW, I USED TO BE ACTRESS.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
QUITE GOOD, YOU KNOW.
YOU WOULDN'T -- YOU WOULDN'T WANT --
I MEAN, IT'S -- IT'S A REALLY SMALL ROLE.
THERE ARE NO SMALL ROLES. HERE.
-THIS IS PERFECT. -I HAVE TO GO.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO. I'LL HAVE A CAR SENT
-TO THIS ADDRESS IN THE MORNING THAT WILL PICK YOU UP. -OKAY, THANK YOU.
-OKAY, WE'LL SEE YOU. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. -THANK YOU.
BYE-BYE.
SO, HOW DID YOU KNOW IRINA WOULD GO FOR THE MOVIE THING?
A EUROPEAN GRIFTER WHO WANTS TO BE AN ACTRESS? LUCKY GUESS.
WHERE'S PARKER?
HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?
I CAN'T REACH HER ON THE COMMS.
SHE SLIPPED THE SECURITY GRID AT THE EMBASSY.
WHERE COULD SHE BE?
THIS IS PARKER WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
SHE COULD BE HALFWAY ACROSS EUROPE BY NOW.
TRUST ME -- SHE IS GONE.
WHO'S GONE?
WHAT?
[ SIGHS ]
SO, IRINA'S EXPECTING TO BE IN A MOVIE. WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
NOW?
[ CHUCKLES ] WE STEAL A MOVIE.
NOW, EASTERN EUROPE, WITH ALL ITS CHEAP LABOR,
IS PRETTY POPULAR WITH AMERICAN FILM PRODUCTIONS.
CURRENTLY THERE ARE FIVE FILMS SHOOTING IN SERBIA,
ONE OF WHICH IS INDEPENDENT --
IT'S NOT TIED TO ANY U.S. STUDIO.
NOW, ALL THE CREW, THEY'RE LOCAL,
SO THEY'LL LISTEN TO WHOEVER'S PAYING THE BILLS.
SO WE JUST HAVE TO CLEAR OUT TWO PEOPLE...
IT'S ALL WRONG! IT'S ALL WRONG!
-THE DIRECTOR... -REALLY? REALLY? ARE YOU KIDDING?
ALL RIGHT, LADIES.
LET'S TAKE A, UH, PICTURE FOR MY AGENT, PIKE.
...AND THE PRODUCER.
FORTUNATELY, FILM PRODUCTIONS ARE PRETTY FRAGILE ENTERPRISES.
NOW, JUST THIS MORNING THERE WAS AN UNFORTUNATE INTERRUPTION
IN THE FILM PRODUCTION'S CASH FLOW.
WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN "THE MONEY'S ALL GONE"?!
NO, NO, DON'T DO ANYTHING. I'LL BE ON THE NEXT FLIGHT BACK TO L.A.
AND WHAT ABOUT THE DIRECTOR?
HE GOT AN OFFER HE COULDN'T REFUSE...
[ SPEAKS SERBIAN ]
IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE.
OH, I -- HOW YOU SAY? -- SORRY.
IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. IT'S FINE.
FINE, FINE. FINE.
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
FORGET THE LATTE!
JUST GET ME A CAR AND MAIL ME MY LUGGAGE!
BUT WAIT A MINUTE -- YOU DID THE LIFT?
WHY WASN'T I INVOLVED?
BECAUSE SOMEBODY DECIDED TO JEOPARDIZE THE MISSION
WHEN A CERTAIN SOMEBODY SHISH-KEBABBED A CERTAIN MARK.
[ SNICKERS ] YEAH, THAT WAS ME.
SO, UH, WHAT ABOUT THE MOVIE?
WHO'S THE NEW DIRECTOR?
WEREWOLVES! THAT'S IT!
COME, COME, AND...
GREAT! CUT!
OKAY, ONCE AGAIN, WITH MORE, UH, FEELING! FEELING!
UP! UP!
I'M LUCKY TO HAVE YOU ON SUCH A SHORT NOTICE.
ZHAVALITI. IS THAT RIGHT?
ZHAVALITI? THANK YOU?
SEE? YEAH? NO? [ CHUCKLES ]
WELCOME TO THE SET.
FIRE IN THE HOLE!
[ GASPS ]
-YEAH, IT'S EXCITING, ISN'T IT? -YES.
THAT GUY'S OUR SPECIAL-EFFECTS GUY -- AIN'T ALL THERE.
WHAT? YOU'RE SHOWING ME A COUPLE OF SHIRTS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT -- DALE? DALE?
LOOKS GREAT, LOOKS GREAT, LOOKS GREAT.
-YES, SIR. JACK. -WHAT -- WHAT IS THIS?
NOT NOW, SWEETHEART. WHAT DID I SAY LAST TIME?
-LISTEN. -WHAT DO YOU GOT?
-IRINA LARENKO. -COME ON. LET ME SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
THIS IS JACK LINDSEY. HE'S THE DIRECTOR.
AH. LET ME SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
UH-HUH! THE OTHER WAY.
-WHAT'D I TELL YOU? WHAT DO YOU THINK? PERFECT. -THE OTHER WAY.
OKAY, THE OTHER WAY. YEAH.
-[ LAUGHING ] -GOOD LAUGH.
-GOOD, GOOD LAUGH. OKAY. -YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
HERE'S WHAT I'M THINKING. I'M THINKING...THE MOTHER.
NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING?
THE MOTHER! [ LAUGHS ]
SO, UM, I-I-I WILL BE A-A MOTHER, YES?
YES! YES. VERY, VERY EXCITING PART.
WE JUST NEED TO GET YOU A SCRIPT, ALL RIGHT?
KLINKA! KLINKA! KLINKA!
UH, COME HERE.
I WANT YOU TO GET, UH, IRINA HERE A SCRIPT, OKAY?
AND, UM, SOMETHING, UM...
MAYBE TO, UM --
DO YOU WANT SOME COFFEE OR WATER?
COLD OR ROOM TEMPERATURE?
-Y-YES. Y-YES. -YES, BOTH, BOTH, BOTH.
-THANK YOU. -GO, GO, GO.
OKAY.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THESE ARE REAL?
THIS IS WHAT HE EXPECTS ME TO DO,
FETCH SCRIPTS AND WATER?
NO. IT'S A TRUST THING.
HE JUST NEEDS TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE GONNA GO ALONG
WITH THE GAME PLAN.
YEAH, YEAH. I GET IT -- WE'RE A TEAM.
A LITTLE MORE THAN A TEAM.
I'M JUST SAYING.
HARDISON? [ CLAPS HANDS ] LET'S GO, MAN. DO YOU HAVE IT?
AW, NOT YET.
UH, SOPHIE, SOPHIE, WE NEED THAT SCENE.
ARE YOU FINISHED WITH IT YET?
IT'S IN THE BOX ON THE BACK OF THE TRUCK.
SOPHIE.
ARE YOU -- SERIOUSLY, SOPHIE.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TWO-PAGE SCENE
BETWEEN IRINA AND A BOY.
THAT'S STILL THE HEART OF IT.
"THE HEART OF IT"? THERE'S LIKE 10 PAGES HERE!
YOU HAVE A STUNT. YOU HAVE SPECIAL EFFECTS.
"SISTER MAGDA CROSSES AND GETS A LOAF OF BREAD."
WAIT, WHO'S SISTER MAGDA?
[ ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS ]
TELL ME YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.
OF COURSE YOU NEED THE NUN!
YOU CAN'T GIVE IRINA THE DEATH SCENE.
WHAT? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT -- WHAT DEATH SCENE?
IN THE SECOND ACT.
-BUT THE THING IS, YOU -- -WHAT?
YOU HAVE TO ESTABLISH, YOU KNOW,
THE MAIN CHARACTER'S DRAMATIC NEED.
-OTHERWISE THERE'S NO EMOTIONAL PAYOFF IN THE RESOLUTION. -RIGHT.
WAIT. THIS -- THIS IS A MOVIE ABOUT NATO TROOPS
BEING ATTACKED BY WEREWOLVES!
NO. THERE IS NO EMOTIONAL PAYOFF!
EXCUSE ME?!
ALL WE NEED TO DO IS CONVINCE HER TO BRING LUKA TO THE SET
TO FINISH HER SCENE, COMPLETE IT, AND THAT'S IT.
LET'S JUST KEEP THIS SIMPLE.
LISTEN. ALL RIGHT, LOOK AROUND YOU.
LOOK -- LOOK AT ALL THIS.
THIS -- THIS IS MY WORLD, OKAY?
YOU NEED -- YOU NEED SOMEONE TO, I DON'T KNOW,
CRAWL THROUGH AN AIR DUCT, YOU CALL PARKER.
BASH HER HEAD IN -- ELIOT.
INTERNET PORN -- HARDISON.
IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE OVER A MOVIE, THEN...
YES, AN -- AN ACTOR.
[ CHUCKLES ]
RIGHT. UM...
SOPHIE...
...ABOUT THE ACTING...
OH, YEAH? WHAT? WHAT IS IT?
YOU'RE RIGHT. Y-YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, WE'RE GONNA GO -- WE'RE GONNA GO WITH YOUR SCENE.
REALLY?! OHH! MWAH!
[ GROWLS ] IT'S GONNA BE -- IT'S GONNA BE FANTASTIC.
-IT CERTAINLY IS. -I'M -- I'M -- I'M -- I'M GONNA GO TO MAKEUP.
[ BELL RINGS ]
OKAY, EVERYBODY, TENSE UP!
[ POPPING ]
AND...ACTION!
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
OHH!
[ PANTING ]
[ BANGING ON DOOR ]
WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!
-THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD. -COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!
-I SHALL NOT WANT. -SURRENDER, OR WE WILL TAKE YOU BY FORCE!
HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES.
-THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE. -HIT IT!
[ GUNFIRE ]
[ SIGHS ]
YEA...
THOUGH I WALK IN THE VALLEY...
...OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH...
[ LABORED BREATHING ]
...I FEAR NO EVIL...
AND...CUT!
[ APPLAUSE ]
She can't act.
She can act when it's an act.
UNBELIEVABLE.
-REALLY?! REALLY?! -YEAH, REALLY.
IT WAS GREAT. I-I-I --
NATE, NATE.
THAT WAS -- I MEAN... I NEVER...
[ SQUEALS ]
HEY. I'M GONNA NEED THAT FOR MY REEL, OKAY?
LET'S GET IRINA IN HERE.
-OKAY. IRINA! IRINA'S UP. -COME HERE, COME HERE.
HERE SHE COMES.
-IT'S A DISASTER. A DISASTER! -JACK, I KNOW, I KNOW. OKAY?
I TELL YOU. WHERE IS HE?
IS THERE A PROBLEM?
-NO, NO. YES, THERE IS A PROBLEM. -IS THERE A PROBLEM?
THE KID THAT WAS GONNA PLAY YOUR SON --
HE DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR WORK TODAY.
ALL RIGHT?
-NO. -LISTEN, DON'T GET -- LISTEN, DON'T DO THAT.
-IF THERE'S NO SON, THERE'S NO MOTHER. -LISTEN, WE'RE GONNA CUT THE SCENE.
-THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO. WE'RE JUST GONNA CUT THE SCENE. -NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
-WE HAVE TIME TO RECAST! -CUT.
-DO WE HAVE TIME TO RECAST? -NO, CUT.
WE HAVE TIME TO RECAST!
WE LOST THE BOY!
-WE CAN'T RECAST AND STAY ON BUDGET! -ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT. IRINA, I'M SORRY.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO MOVE ON. I APOLOGIZE, SWEETHEART.
WAIT! WAIT! I WILL FIND YOU A BOY.
-NO. WE HAD THE PERFECT BOY. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? -NO, JUST USE ALL THAT STUFF.
HE WAS 10 YEARS OLD, BLOND HAIR, ALMOND EYES.
OLD SOUL! HE WAS PERFECT!
PLEASE DON'T CUT THE SCENE! TRUST ME! I KNOW THIS BOY!
I MEAN, I WILL BRING HIM.
CAN HE BE HERE BY TOMORROW, 'CAUSE I CAN'T AFFORD --
TOMORROW I BRING HIM. I PROMISE YOU. PLEASE DON'T CUT MY --
OTHERWISE SCENE CUT!
OKAY, NO CUT! NO! I BRING HIM!
PARKER, SHE'S ON THE MOVE.
OKAY, I INTEGRATED A CAMERA INTO THIS NEW HEADSET.
WHAT YOU SEE I SEE.
JUST TAKE IT SLOW UNTIL SHE LEADS YOU TO LUKA.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SENT YOU HERE TO BABYSIT ME.
I'M HERE ON MY OWN.
HARDISON, WHAT DOES IT SAY?
UM...
"ORPHANAGE." "MT. CARMEL ORPHANAGE."
[ CONVERSATION IN SERBIAN ]
HARDISON, ARE YOU SEEING THIS?
YEAH.
WHY DOES AN ORPHANAGE NEED ARMED SECURITY?
MUST BE SOME BADASS KIDS.
[ FOOTSTEPS ]
PARKER, STOP PUSHING YOUR LUCK. GET OUT NOW.
[ PANTING ]
OH, MY GOD.
[ IRINA SPEAKING SERBIAN ]
[ SPEAKING SERBIAN EMPHATICALLY ]
[ SPEAKING SERBIAN ]
STAY CLEAR OF THOSE GUYS. CIRCLE AROUND AND --
NO, PARKER, I DON'T --
I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
PARKER!
[ SPEAKING SERBIAN ]
SHE'S GOT LUKA, BUT THERE'S A PROBLEM.
WE'VE GOT NEW PLAYERS.
RECORDING AS WE SPEAK.
TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKE.
IT'S GOOD.
OKAY, IT'S DEAL.
ALL RIGHT, GOOD. COME.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, THIS ISN'T GOOD.
[ SIGHS ]
[ CAR BEEPS ]
THIS ISN'T JUST AN ADOPTION SCAM.
I KNOW. I ALREADY CALLED NATE.
THESE ARE ARMS DEALERS,
AND THEY'RE USING THE ORPHANAGE FOR COVER.
I ALREADY CALLED NATE.
NOW, LOOK, WE CAN GO OVER THIS WITH THE OTHERS
BACK AT THE HOTEL.
WE HAVE TO BAIL.
NO. NO, NO, NO.
WHAT ABOUT LUKA AND THE OTHERS?
WE CAN'T LEAVE THEM LIKE THAT.
WHY NOT?
YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.
YOU THINK THIS IS THE ONLY CRAPPY ORPHANAGE IN THIS PLACE?
THIS IS A COUNTRY FULL OF ORPHANS, OKAY?
WE CAN'T SAVE THEM ALL.
NO, BUT WE CAN SAVE THIS ONE.
WE CAN -- WE CAN SAVE THIS ONE.
LOOK, I KNOW GROWING UP WAS TOUGH.
I-I KNOW THAT YOU -- YOU GREW UP IN THE SYSTEM.
IT WAS -- IT WAS BAD. I KNOW.
IT WAS -- IT WAS WORSE THAN BAD,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT ALL FOSTER PARENTS ARE MONSTERS.
MINE WASN'T.
YOU GREW UP WITH YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
WE CALLED HER "NANA," BUT SHE WAS OUR FOSTER MOM.
SHE, UH...SHE -- SHE WOULD CUSS LIKE A SAILOR.
THE OLD GIRL WOULD TAN YOUR ASS JUST AS SOON AS LOOK AT YOU.
[ CHUCKLES ] BUT -- BUT SHE FED US, SHE BATHED US,
SHE PUT A ROOF OVER OUR HEAD.
AND, OH, SHE WOULD RAISE HELL
IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOKED AT US CROOKED.
-YEAH? -YEAH.
WELL, YOU WERE LUCKY.
NO.
WE'LL PUT THESE KIDS IN THE SYSTEM,
AND ODDS ARE, THEY'RE GONNA -- THEY'RE GONNA...
...THEY'RE GONNA TURN OUT LIKE ME.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
I LIKE HOW YOU TURNED OUT.
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
[ SIGHS ]
[ KNOCKS ON CAR ] LET'S GO.
SO, DURING THE NATO BOMBING RUNS IN THE '90s,
GUNRUNNERS, THEY USED TO STORE THEIR WEAPONS IN HOSPITALS,
ORPHANAGES, ANYWHERE THEY KNEW WOULDN'T BE TARGETED.
YEAH, SO, NOW INSTEAD OF EVADING BOMBS,
THEY'RE DUCKING THE POLICE.
IT'S THE SAME STRATEGY.
AND WHAT ABOUT THE ADOPTION SCAM?
OH, FRINGE BENEFIT.
YOU TAKE A BUILDING FILLED WITH ORPHANS,
A BUNCH OF KIDS NOBODY CARES ABOUT,
WHY NOT USE THEM TO MAKE SOME EXTRA CASH?
NICOLAS SELLS HIS GUNS, AND IRINA GETS A LITTLE SIDELINE.
A MODERN-DAY WORKING COUPLE.
I RAN HUMPTY AND DUMPTY THROUGH THE USUAL DATABASES.
CHECHEN SEPARATISTS. SERIOUSLY BAD DUDES.
AFTER READING THEIR BIOS,
I DON'T THINK I'M EVER GONNA SLEEP AGAIN.
NEVER TELL A CHECHEN HIS SISTER HAS A NICE SMILE.
TRUST ME.
I RAN THIS THROUGH A TRANSLATION PROGRAM.
THEY'RE INSPECTING THE MERCHANDISE.
THEY'RE BRINGING THE MONEY TOMORROW.
WELL, NONE OF THIS AFFECTS OUR ORIGINAL PLAN.
IRINA IS BRINGING LUKA TO THE SET HERE TOMORROW.
SO WE GRAB HIM AND WE CLEAR OUT.
AND NICOLAS DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PART OF THE PICTURE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER ORPHANS?
LISTEN, WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THEM.
I MEAN, WE'RE NOT EQUIPPED.
NO, NO, NO. I ALREADY TALKED TO PARKER ABOUT IT.
AND I SAID WALK AWAY.
YOU DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
WE CAN'T LEAVE THEM THERE.
IT IS TOO RISKY.
THEY HAVE -- THEY HAVE GUNS, MANPOWER,
POTENTIAL HOSTAGES.
WHAT DO WE HAVE? WE HAVE A -- A PROP TRUCK.
THAT'S IT.
WHAT WE'LL DO IS WE WILL GO HOME,
WE WILL FIGURE THIS THING OUT,
DO SOME RESEARCH, MAKE A REAL PLAN,
AND WE WILL COME BACK.
WE'LL COME BACK.
BUT RIGHT NOW, THE FOCUS HAS TO BE ON LUKA...
TO RESCUE LUKA.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.
HE'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW.
I KNOW.
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
HE IS PERFECT.
GONNA BE GREAT.
OKAY.
OKAY. LET'S TALK ABOUT THE SCENE. COME ALONG.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, YOU'RE RUNNING THROUGH THESE BUSHES.
YOU HEAR, "AHHH."
NOW, THESE -- THESE SOLDIERS, THEY'RE YOUR ESCORTS,
ONLY THEY CAN'T PROTECT YOU FROM THE WEREWOLVES.
AND THEY ALL DIE, YES?
YES, THEY ALL DIE, WHICH IS WHY YOU RUN --
-YOU MOVE THROUGH HERE, AND YOU RUN INTO THE CABIN, OKAY? -HEY.
YOU COME IN HERE AND EVERYTHING,
'CAUSE YOU WANT TO -- YOU WANT TO PROTECT YOUR SON.
AND THAT'S WHEN YOU GO BACK OUT.
YOU -- YOU -- YOU FIGHT THE WEREWOLVES WHILE HE'S IN THERE.
OKAY, ONE SEC.
YOU GOT THAT? GOOD. OKAY, MORE BLOOD --
NO, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. MORE BLOOD.
NO, NO, I MEAN, IT'S JUST CORN SYRUP AND FOOD DYE.
WHY ARE YOU SKIMPING?!
MORE! MORE! MORE! MORE!
BLOOD! BLOOD! MORE!
-THAT'S WHAT AUDIENCES WANT. -TO SEE ME DIE?
LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
AH HA HA HA HA HA!
OKAY, LET'S GO BACK TO ONE.
BACK TO ONE.
[ BELL RINGS ]
OKAY, AND...ACTION!
[ SCREAMING ] NO! NO! NO!
[ WEREWOLF HOWLING ]
[ PANTING ]
OH, MY GOD, NO!
OH, MY GOD!
[ HOWLING CONTINUES ]
THE WEREWOLVES! AAH!
-[ SCREAMING ] -[ GROWLING ]
[ GASPING ]
I CAN DO BETTER. WE GO AGAIN?
HELLO?
MR. DIRECTOR?
OKAY, LET'S GO.
MAYBE THIS WILL HELP.
HI, LUKA.
DO YOU REMEMBER US?
-THANK YOU. -THANKS SO MUCH.
[ LAUGHS ]
COME ON.
I GOT TO TELL YOU, I HAD MY DOUBTS AT FIRST,
BUT, UM, THIS FEELS PRETTY GOOD.
YEAH, WE'LL, UH, WE'LL COME BACK FOR THE OTHERS.
UH...
WHERE'S PARKER?
I THOUGHT SHE WAS WITH YOU.
NO.
UH, SHE'S NOT WEARING HER EAR BUD.
WHAT? WHY?
IT'S -- IT'S -- IT'S COOL, IT'S COOL.
REMEMBER WHEN I LOST HER AT THE PARTY?
I PUT A GPS TRACKER IN HER SHOES.
SHE'S HEADED BACK TOWARDS THE ORPHANAGE.
[ GROANS ]
NO MORE STALLING. LET'S FINISH THIS.
CHECK THEM.
OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
COME ON.
OKAY, UM...
COME ON. COME ON.
COME ON, COME ON.
OKAY, UM...
OKAY.
[ CHILDREN LAUGHING ]
HARDISON?
[ GROANS ]
IT'S OKAY. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY!
OKAY?! OKAY, COME ON!
[ GASPS ]
Parker!
[ COUGHS ]
WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!
SURRENDER, OR WE WILL TAKE YOU BY FORCE!
HURRY, HURRY!
WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!
COME ON! LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO!
[ SPEAKING SERBIAN ]
COME, COME.
OKAY.
Shh, shh! BE QUIET. THEY HAVE ARMED GUARDS AT THAT DOOR.
NO, THEY DON'T.
[ ENGINE SPUTTERS ]
WHY ARE WE STOPPING?!
GO, GO, GO, GO!
[ POPPING ]
[ PANTING ]
PROP TRUCK.
[ ENGINE REVS ]
WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!
[ WOLF HOWLING SURRENDER, OR WE WILL TAKE YOU BY FORCE!
AND CUT!
[ POPPING ]
THESE ARE THE GUNS YOU SOLD ME?
THESE TOYS?
WHERE IS MY MONEY?
THEY'RE ALL ASLEEP.
WE'LL REPLACE THIS LICENSE PLATE, NATE,
SO THAT WE CAN GET A CLEAN SHOT TO THE BORDER.
OKAY, WHEN WE CROSS OVER, WE'RE GONNA TURN THE KIDS OVER
TO THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION.
WHAT? WAIT.
NO, IT'S OKAY.
WE CALLED, AND THEY'RE EXPECTING US.
IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY.
OKAY.
UH, WHAT ABOUT IRINA?
IRINA. HMM.
YEAH, WELL, DO YOU REMEMBER THE MOVIE FUNDING
THAT [SNAPS FINGERS] JUST DISAPPEARED?
[ BEEP ]
CALL THE FBI.
I THINK I FOUND WHO TOOK OUR MONEY.
[ LAUGHS ]
[ GASPS ]
[ SPEAKING SERBIAN ]
SHE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.
TAKING A PRODUCER'S CUT. [ CLICKS TONGUE ]
OH, NATE, YOU DID -- YOU DID GET A COPY OF MY SCENE,
MY DEATH SCENE FOR MY REEL?
YEAH. NO. NO.
UH...WE KINDA...
THERE WAS NO FILM IN THE CAMERA.
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]
WE ARE DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY STOPPING IN PARIS.
WAY TO GO. NO FILM IN THE CAMERA?
REALLY? SERIOUSLY?
HEY, HOW DID YOU KNOW I'D BE AT THE ORPHANAGE?
[ CHUCKLES ] THANK HARDISON FOR THAT.
UH...
YOU KNOW YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN KILLED.
DID -- DID YOU EVEN HAVE AN EXIT STRATEGY?
I DIDN'T REALLY THINK THAT FAR AHEAD.
-YOU DON'T WORK ALONE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? -I KNOW.
WE'RE A TEAM.
WE'RE A LITTLE MORE THAN A TEAM.
HEY, NATE. I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
What is it?
We have to stop at Haagen-Dazs.
[CHILDREN CHEERING]