1
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You've reached
Doug. Sorry I missed your call.
2
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,217
Please leave a name and number
and I'll get back to you.
3
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:02,644
Hi, you've reached
Dr. Stuart Price with Divine Dentistry.
4
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:05,147
Please leave a message after...
5
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,113
Hey, this is Phil.
6
00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:16,325
Leave me a message or don't.
Do me a favor, don't text me. It's gay.
7
00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,328
- Anything?
- I tried them all.
8
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,580
It keeps going straight to voicemail.
9
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,499
Well, there has to be an explanation.
10
00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:26,460
Sweetie, it's Vegas.
You lose track of time in casinos.
11
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:30,005
There's no windows, there's no clocks.
He's probably on a heater.
12
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:34,343
And you never walk away from the table
when you're on a heater.
13
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,345
You do if you're getting married.
14
00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,808
- Hello?
- Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
15
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,018
Phil, where the hell are you guys?
16
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,437
I'm freaking out.
17
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,022
Yeah, listen.
18
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,649
Uh...
19
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:52,194
We fucked up.
20
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:57,282
- What are you talking about?
- The bachelor party, the whole night. It...
21
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,452
Things got out of control, uh...
22
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,872
...and we lost Doug.
23
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,792
- What?
- We can't find Doug.
24
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,379
What are you saying, Phil?
We're getting married in five hours.
25
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,673
Yeah.
26
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:15,968
That's not gonna happen.
27
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,017
To my left a little.
28
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,810
Thank you.
29
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:50,437
Okey-dokey.
30
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:57,402
- Whoa, watch it, pervert!
- Alan, he's just doing your inseam.
31
00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:03,200
- He's getting very close to my shaft.
- All done. You can change now.
32
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:06,745
Right. Thanks, Floyd.
Thank you very much.
33
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,873
All right, buddy,
we should get a move on.
34
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:14,127
You know, Doug, I was thinking...
35
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:17,422
If you wanna go to Vegas without me,
that is totally cool, you know?
36
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:19,341
What are you talking about?
37
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:23,011
You know, Phil and Stu, they're
your buddies, and it's your bachelor party.
38
00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:25,264
Come on, Alan. Those two love you.
39
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:28,350
And also, I don't want you to feel
like you have to hold back...
40
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,936
...because your wife's brother's there.
I just...
41
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,021
It's not like that.
42
00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:38,277
It's not like that. I already told you, Alan.
43
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:42,531
Okay? We're just spending the night
in Vegas. It's no big deal.
44
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:46,868
Besides, you're not just my wife's brother,
you're my brother now.
45
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:53,083
I want you to know, Doug,
I'm a steel trap.
46
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:57,546
Whatever happens tonight,
I will never, ever, ever, speak a word of it.
47
00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,382
Okay. Yeah, I got it. Thank you.
I don't think that...
48
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,510
Seriously. I don't care what happens.
49
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:06,388
- I don't care if we kill someone.
- What?
50
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:09,057
You heard me. It's Sin City.
51
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,477
I won't tell a soul.
52
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,355
Okay. I got it.
53
00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,527
- Thank you.
- No, thank you.
54
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,906
I love you so much.
55
00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:27,659
- Ha. I knew it.
- Dad.
56
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,369
Oh, stop it, I'm just jerking around.
57
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:32,205
Alan, put some pants on.
You have weird legs.
58
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:33,415
Yes, Daddy.
59
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,459
- His legs look fine, Dad.
- Oh, please.
60
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:39,463
He has his mother's legs. It's just freaky.
61
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:47,012
Alan, I'm just teasing.
You have wonderful legs.
62
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,307
They're better than your mother's.
They're beautiful.
63
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,769
Can you believe this?
Just two more days.
64
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:57,064
I know. You getting nervous?
65
00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:59,566
- You wanna back out?
- Shut up.
66
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,985
Just tell me. Oh. Mm.
67
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:05,781
You know, I don't need to go to Vegas.
It's dumb.
68
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:09,451
It's not dumb. It's one night.
Have fun, you deserve it.
69
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,703
I know, but we should have
gone last weekend.
70
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,706
We have so much to do.
L... I'm gonna cancel.
71
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,751
My brother packed his bag two weeks ago.
You're not canceling.
72
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,169
- Really?
- Yeah.
73
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,380
- Two weeks?
- Yeah, he's excited.
74
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,466
Thanks again for bringing him,
by the way.
75
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,302
You don't need to thank me,
it's nothing. He's a cool guy.
76
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,638
It's not nothing
and he's not a cool guy...
77
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,973
...so thank you.
78
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,476
Thank you.
79
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,270
Thank you.
80
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,693
Hey, Sid.
81
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:48,156
I just wanted to thank you guys again
for everything you're doing this weekend.
82
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:50,575
- We couldn't be more excited.
- Ah, that's great.
83
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:54,496
Yeah, okay. You love us
and we love you. Terrific.
84
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,540
So talk to me about Vegas.
85
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,834
- Uh... It should be pretty mellow.
- Mm-hm.
86
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,337
Do some gambling, maybe catch some rays,
have a few laughs.
87
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:05,674
Yeah, some laughs. I got you.
88
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,300
How you getting out there?
89
00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:10,262
Uh, we're gonna take my car.
Gonna pick up my friends after this.
90
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,849
- Prius? You're taking a Prius to Vegas?
- Yeah.
91
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,685
You know, when you go to Vegas...
92
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:18,186
...you gotta go to Vegas.
93
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:20,439
No. Sid.
94
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:27,487
- Really?
- Come on, we're family now.
95
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:31,783
- You sure? I mean, you love this car.
- Doug, it's just a car.
96
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:36,329
Just make sure to put some Armor All
on the tires so the sand doesn't seep in.
97
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,707
Absolutely. That's easy.
98
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:43,462
Oh, and, uh, don't let Alan drive,
because there's something wrong with him.
99
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:44,671
Understood.
100
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,340
Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.
101
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:51,970
I will be the only one driving this car.
I promise.
102
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,180
Good.
103
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:56,391
Remember, what happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas.
104
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,059
Ah!
105
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,772
Except for herpes.
That shit'll come back with you.
106
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,693
All right. Hold on. I still need
some of your permission slips...
107
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:10,322
...and $90 for the field trip
to the Griffith Observatory next weekend.
108
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:14,493
Pay now, or forever regret missing out
on the experience of a lifetime, guys.
109
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:15,869
You're good, you got it.
110
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,829
- Thanks, Mr. Wenneck.
- Thank you. Hey.
111
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,706
You really came through,
thank you.
112
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,001
Whoa, Max. What gives?
What, no planetarium?
113
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,420
My mom won't give me the money.
I'm grounded.
114
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,714
- Well, how much you got on you?
- I don't know.
115
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,217
Like, 20 bucks.
116
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:32,761
Well, give me the 20
and I'll cover the rest.
117
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,515
- Really?
- Yeah. Well, we'll talk about it.
118
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,683
But give me the 20
so I know you're serious.
119
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,603
- Cool. Thanks, Mr. Wenneck.
- Yeah.
120
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,291
Hold on, I got it.
121
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:06,127
Ahem, do you have to park so close?
122
00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:09,130
- Yeah. What's wrong?
- I shouldn't be here.
123
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:10,382
Why is that, Alan?
124
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,969
I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet
of a school.
125
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:17,514
- What?
- Or a Chuck E. Cheese.
126
00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,061
- Mr. Wenneck, I was...
- It's the weekend.
127
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,146
I don't know you. You do not exist.
128
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:28,149
- Shit.
- Heh, heh, heh.
129
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,985
- Nice car.
- Yeah.
130
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:31,820
- I'm driving.
- Whoa, no chance, buddy...
131
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,072
Don't step... God. Watch the leath...
132
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,033
Shut up and drive before these nerds
ask me another question.
133
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:38,827
- Animal.
- Who's this?
134
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:42,163
- It's Alan. Tracy's brother.
- I met you, like, four times.
135
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,624
Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?
136
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,168
Don't forget your Rogaine.
137
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,672
Rogaine, check.
138
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,049
And don't forget to use it.
139
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:56,511
I can totally tell when you forget,
your hair just looks thinner.
140
00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:00,223
Using of the Rogaine, check.
141
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:02,934
Make sure to call me
right when you get to the hotel...
142
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,645
...not like that conference in Phoenix.
143
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:08,315
I had to wait two hours
for you to call me.
144
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:11,151
Yeah, I was the keynote speaker.
I was late to the podium.
145
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:14,529
- Still?
- Yeah, you're totally right. I'm sorry.
146
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,533
- What is the matter?
- I don't know.
147
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,453
I hope you're not gonna go to
some strip club when you're up there.
148
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,289
Melissa, we're going to Napa Valley.
149
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,083
I don't even think they have strip clubs
in wine country.
150
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:31,212
Well, I'm sure if there is one,
Phil will sniff it out.
151
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,674
It's not gonna be like that.
152
00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:36,718
Besides, you know how I feel about that.
153
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:40,805
I know, I know. It's just boys
and their bachelor parties, it's gross.
154
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:45,226
You're right, it is gross. Mm-mm.
155
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:48,521
And you know what else, honestly?
156
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:53,401
Why would I risk this for,
you know, a couple of minutes...
157
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:58,657
...of some 19-year-old hard body
in a schoolgirl outfit?
158
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,992
- Yeah.
- Why would I ever need, like...
159
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,079
- You're right. And if you ever do...
- What?
160
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,373
...I will fucking kick your ass.
161
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:10,877
Thank you. Thank you for that.
162
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:14,422
That is exactly what I needed to hear.
163
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,132
Not to mention it's pathetic.
164
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:19,761
Those places are filthy.
And the worst part is...
165
00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:22,138
...that little girl...
166
00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:26,017
...grinding and dry humping
the fucking stage up there...
167
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,938
...that's somebody's daughter up there.
- I was just gonna say that.
168
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:33,108
See? I just wish your friends
were as mature as you.
169
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:36,486
They are mature, actually.
You just have to get to know them better.
170
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,489
Paging Dr. Faggot.
171
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:44,119
Dr. Faggot!
172
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,916
- I should go.
- That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
173
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,629
Have a good weekend.
I'm gonna miss you.
174
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,642
Whoo!
175
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,186
Road trip!
176
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:15,608
Vegas! Vegas, baby!
177
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:16,860
Vegas!
178
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,238
You're nuts!
179
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:27,245
Come on, just till Barstow.
Everybody's passing us.
180
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:32,333
Absolutely not. I promised Sid.
I will be the only one driving this car.
181
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:33,668
Besides, you're drinking.
182
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:37,005
Oh, what are you, a cop now?
You know I drive great when I'm drunk.
183
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,216
True. Don't forget,
Phil was always our designated drunk driver.
184
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,761
Yeah. You wanna explain it
to them, Alan?
185
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:46,055
Guys, my dad loves this car
more than he loves me, so, yeah.
186
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:49,476
Aw, whatever. I left my wife and kid
at home so I could go with you guys.
187
00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:52,187
- You know how difficult that was?
- That's really sweet.
188
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,314
- Yeah.
- Dude, I was being sarcastic.
189
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,565
I fucking hate my life.
190
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:59,068
- I may never go back. I might stay in Vegas.
- Here we go.
191
00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,237
Doug, enjoy yourself,
because come Sunday...
192
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:04,783
...you're gonna start dying
just a little bit every day.
193
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:08,870
Yeah. That's why I've managed
to stay single this whole time, you know?
194
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,831
- Oh, really? That's why you're single?
- Yeah.
195
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,958
Cool. Good to know.
196
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,545
- Am I all right over there, Alan?
- Yeah, you're good.
197
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:22,801
Aw, Jesus Christ!
198
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,804
- Oh, my God!
- That was awesome!
199
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,264
That was not awesome.
What's wrong with you?
200
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:34,229
- That was insane. We almost just died.
- You should have seen your face.
201
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,773
- Classic.
- That's funny. Ha-ha.
202
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,691
It's not funny.
203
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:59,254
- Boy, you've got a sweet ride there.
- Don't touch it.
204
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:04,008
Don't even look at it. Go on, get out.
205
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:07,220
You heard me.
Don't look at me, either.
206
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:12,433
Yeah, you better walk on.
207
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:15,770
- He's actually kind of funny.
- Yeah, he means well.
208
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,314
I'll hit an old man in public.
209
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:21,484
Is he all there? Like, mentally?
210
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:24,779
I think so. He's just an odd guy.
You know, he's kind of weird.
211
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,531
- I mean, should we be worried?
- No.
212
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,157
- All right.
- No.
213
00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:31,160
Tracy did mention
that we shouldn't let him gamble.
214
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:32,954
Or drink too much.
215
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:36,958
Jesus, he's like a gremlin.
Comes with instructions and shit.
216
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:39,294
And one water.
217
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,629
- All good with Melissa?
- Oh, yeah.
218
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:47,093
Told her we're two hours
outside of wine country, and she bought it.
219
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:50,305
You think it's strange you've been
in a relationship for years...
220
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,098
...and you have to lie about Vegas?
221
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,976
Yeah, I do.
But trust me, it's not worth the fight.
222
00:14:55,144 --> 00:15:00,356
Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can
fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
223
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:01,566
Hey.
224
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:05,236
Okay, first of all, he was a bartender.
225
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:06,654
And she was wasted.
226
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:11,284
And, if you must know,
he didn't even come inside her.
227
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:12,994
And you believe that?
228
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:17,749
Uh, yeah, I do believe that,
because she's grossed out by semen.
229
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:19,500
That'll be 32.50.
230
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,837
It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?
231
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:30,136
It says here we should work in teams.
Who wants to be my spotter?
232
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:33,973
I don't think you should be doing
too much gambling tonight, Alan.
233
00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:36,100
Gambling?
Who said anything about gambling?
234
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,519
It's not gambling
when you know you're gonna win.
235
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:40,563
Counting cards is a foolproof system.
236
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,273
It's also illegal.
237
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:47,070
It's not illegal, it's frowned upon,
like masturbating on an airplane.
238
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,657
I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
239
00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:54,077
Yeah, maybe after 9/11,
where everybody got so sensitive.
240
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,705
Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.
241
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:02,961
Either way, you gotta be super smart
to count cards, buddy, okay?
242
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:04,379
- Oh, really?
- It's not easy.
243
00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:06,631
Well maybe we should tell that
to Rain Man...
244
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,884
...because he practically bankrupted
a casino, and he was a retard.
245
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:11,219
What?
246
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,054
He was a retard.
247
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,139
Retard.
248
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,765
Here we go.
249
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:00,977
Hi, welcome to Caesars.
250
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,353
- Hello.
- Checking in?
251
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,897
Yeah. We have a reservation
under Dr. Price.
252
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,275
Okay, let me look that up for you.
253
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:08,568
Dr. Price?
254
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:12,697
Stu, you're a dentist, okay?
Don't try and get fancy.
255
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:17,285
- It's not fancy if it's true.
- He's a dentist. Don't get too excited.
256
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:20,371
And if, uh, someone has a heart attack,
you should still call 911.
257
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,248
We'll be sure to do that.
258
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:25,793
Can I ask you a question?
Do you know if the hotel's pager-friendly?
259
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:28,838
- What do you mean?
- I'm not getting a sig on my beeper.
260
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:32,300
- I'm not sure.
- Is there a payphone bank?
261
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,470
Bunch of payphones? Business.
262
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,181
Um, there's a phone in your room.
263
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:40,266
That'll work.
264
00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:44,312
So I have you in a two-bedroom suite
on the 12th floor, is that okay?
265
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,772
It sounds perfect.
266
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:48,316
Actually, I was wondering
if you had any villas.
267
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:51,069
- We're not even gonna be in the room.
- It's unnecessary.
268
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:53,362
No big deal. We can share beds.
It's one night.
269
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,573
If we're share beds,
I'm bunking with Phil.
270
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:58,576
- You good with that?
- No, I'm not.
271
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:02,163
Guys, we are not sharing beds.
What are we, 12 years old?
272
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,332
Lisa, I apologize.
How much is the villa?
273
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,460
Well, we have one villa available,
and it's 4200 for the night.
274
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,754
- Is it awesome?
- It's pretty awesome.
275
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:14,133
- We'll take it. Give her your credit card.
- I can't give her my credit card.
276
00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:17,762
- We'll split it.
- Are you crazy? No, this is on us.
277
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:22,100
You don't get it.
Melissa checks my statements.
278
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,893
We just need a credit card on file.
279
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:27,146
We won't charge you until check out,
so you can figure it out then.
280
00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:30,817
That's perfect. Thank you, Lisa.
We'll deal with it tomorrow. Come on.
281
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,444
Fine.
282
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:36,197
- Can I ask you another question?
- Sure.
283
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,657
You probably get this a lot.
284
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,034
This isn't the real Caesars Palace,
is it?
285
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:41,577
What do you mean?
286
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:44,288
Did, uh...
287
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:48,334
- Did Caesar live here?
- Um, no.
288
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,170
I didn't think so.
289
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,848
Holy shit.
290
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:04,851
Now, this is Vegas.
291
00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:09,564
Oh, my... This place is enormous.
292
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:10,815
Now we're talking.
293
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,860
Is this all one suite?
294
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,195
Thank you, guys.
295
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,239
Or should I say, "Thank you, Stu"?
296
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,491
You're welcome.
It's only because I love you.
297
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:25,496
Hey, guys. Look, free almonds.
298
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,124
- Oh, no, no, no. Please put those back.
- Wait, I'm just hungry.
299
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:31,252
- Well, I know, but...
- Stu, what the fuck?
300
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:35,631
It's a pressure-sensitive plate. When you pick
it up, you have 30 seconds to put it back...
301
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,800
- ...or they bill you.
- That's pretty neat.
302
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,428
It may be neat,
but it's also very expensive, so...
303
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,889
Those almonds are probably, like, $14.
304
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:44,932
Stu, relax.
305
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:48,436
Phil, Melissa is like
a forensic accountant, okay?
306
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,771
She scours my statements.
If you want nuts...
307
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:53,941
...put your own credit card down.
- Watch this.
308
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:59,405
Problem solved.
Alan, enjoy your almonds.
309
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,949
I don't want them. He ruined it.
310
00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:07,038
All right, let's pick a room, let's get
dressed. Be ready in 30 minutes.
311
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:12,460
I just wish you could see this place,
because you, of all people, would love it.
312
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:15,963
Yeah. No, it's so quaint.
313
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,175
Yeah, no, there's no TVs, no phones.
314
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:23,429
They just have these cute little antique
radios in all the rooms.
315
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:25,223
Yeah.
316
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,808
What else? Um...
317
00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,645
We met the, uh, proprietor.
318
00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:33,189
- Oh, I bet you...
- What's his name?
319
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:34,649
Um, Caesar. Palacé.
320
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,318
Yeah, like the salad.
321
00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:41,906
Okay. Well, listen, I gotta go,
because we're gonna hit this wine tasting.
322
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:46,327
Wait, wait. I love you. Okay. Bye.
323
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,580
I'm not even gonna say anything,
it's so embarrassing.
324
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:51,999
- Where's Alan?
- He, uh, he went downstairs.
325
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,168
He said he had to grab a few things.
326
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:59,507
Good, because I have something
to show you.
327
00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:02,343
Uh-Oh.
328
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,512
- What the hell is that?
- What do you think?
329
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,890
If it's what I think it is,
I think it's a big fucking mistake.
330
00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:11,686
I'm gonna propose to Melissa
at your wedding. After the ceremony.
331
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:15,356
- Stuey, congratulations!
- Thank you, Doug.
332
00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:18,526
- That's a beautiful ring.
- Yeah. It's my grandmother's.
333
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:21,654
She made it all the way through
the Holocaust with that thing.
334
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,699
Wait, have you not listened
to anything I have ever said?
335
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:28,286
Phil, we've been dating for three years.
It's time. This is how it works.
336
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:31,706
A, that is bullshit.
And B, she is a complete bitch.
337
00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:34,041
Hey, that's his fiancée.
338
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:37,670
What? It's true. It's true.
You know it's true. She beats him.
339
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:40,798
That was twice, and I was out of line.
340
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:43,384
She's strong-willed. And I respect that.
341
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:45,386
Wow. Wow.
342
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:48,431
He's in denial.
Not to mention, she fucked a sailor.
343
00:21:48,598 --> 00:21:49,890
Hey, he wasn't a sailor.
344
00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:53,477
He was a bartender on a cruise ship.
You know that.
345
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:57,940
Guys, I'm standing right here.
So I can hear everything that you're saying.
346
00:21:58,108 --> 00:22:00,234
Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out?
347
00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:01,902
- What?
- Do what?
348
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:03,404
Let the dogs out. You know.
349
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:07,575
Who brought this guy?
350
00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:09,994
Yes, Alan, we are ready
to let the dogs out.
351
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:13,080
- Hey, congrats.
- Thank you.
352
00:22:24,718 --> 00:22:26,927
I love this fucking town.
353
00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:37,104
- You're not really wearing that, are you?
- Wearing what?
354
00:22:37,272 --> 00:22:39,148
The man-purse.
355
00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:42,276
You're actually gonna wear that
or are you guys fucking with me?
356
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:45,571
It's where I keep all my things.
I get a lot of compliments on this.
357
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:47,990
Plus, it's not a man-purse.
It's called a satchel.
358
00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:49,283
Indiana Jones wears one.
359
00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:51,786
So does Joy Behar.
360
00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:57,708
- We're going up, guys.
- Yeah, that's perfect.
361
00:22:57,876 --> 00:22:59,543
Really?
362
00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:01,337
We're going up?
363
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:08,886
I'm just saying,
it's clearly marked, okay?
364
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:11,138
We are definitely
not supposed to be up here.
365
00:23:11,306 --> 00:23:14,558
Come on, we're paying for a villa.
We can do whatever the fuck we want.
366
00:23:14,726 --> 00:23:16,727
- Yeah, but...
- Just wedge the door open.
367
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:19,188
- Guys, come on up here.
- Fine.
368
00:23:23,026 --> 00:23:25,528
How the hell did you find this place?
369
00:23:25,695 --> 00:23:27,196
Don't worry about it.
370
00:23:27,364 --> 00:23:28,948
Oh!
371
00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:31,325
- You all right?
- Yeah.
372
00:23:31,493 --> 00:23:34,995
- Look at the view up here.
- You happy?
373
00:23:35,163 --> 00:23:36,414
- This is great.
- Whoa!
374
00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:38,833
Are you kidding?
375
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,377
- Alan, how we doing, buddy?
- Good.
376
00:23:41,545 --> 00:23:44,338
- What do you got over there, Alan?
- That's the Eiffel Tower.
377
00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:46,549
Uh-oh.
378
00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:48,426
- Right?
- A little Jägermeister.
379
00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:50,219
- Good idea.
- There it is. Good call.
380
00:23:50,387 --> 00:23:51,470
On the roof.
381
00:23:51,638 --> 00:23:55,558
Um, no, this is good.
I'd like to make a toast.
382
00:23:55,725 --> 00:23:57,685
To Doug and Tracy.
383
00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:00,646
May tonight be...
384
00:24:00,897 --> 00:24:03,107
...but a minor speed bump...
385
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,943
...in an otherwise very long
and healthy marriage.
386
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:07,528
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
387
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:08,737
Short and sweet.
388
00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:13,325
Oh, it's like college.
389
00:24:13,493 --> 00:24:15,911
- All right. I wanna talk about something.
- All right.
390
00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:17,371
- I want to...
- I'd like to...
391
00:24:18,206 --> 00:24:20,583
I'd like to say something...
392
00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:23,377
...that I prepared...
393
00:24:23,962 --> 00:24:26,255
...tonight.
- All right, Alan.
394
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:32,136
"Hello.
395
00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:35,639
How about that ride in?
396
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:37,892
I guess that's why they call it
Sin City.
397
00:24:40,353 --> 00:24:45,274
You guys might not know this,
but I consider myself a bit of a loner.
398
00:24:45,442 --> 00:24:48,652
I tend to think of myself
as a one-man wolf pack.
399
00:24:50,405 --> 00:24:53,908
But when my sister brought Doug home,
I knew he was one of my own.
400
00:24:54,951 --> 00:24:58,704
And my wolf pack, it grew by one.
401
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:01,665
So were there two...
So there were two of us in the wolf pack.
402
00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:06,128
I was alone first in the pack,
and then Doug joined in later.
403
00:25:07,088 --> 00:25:08,714
And six months ago...
404
00:25:08,882 --> 00:25:11,926
...when Doug introduced me to you guys,
I thought:
405
00:25:12,093 --> 00:25:16,096
'Wait a second. Could it be? '
And now, I know for sure.
406
00:25:16,264 --> 00:25:18,891
I just added two more guys
to my wolf pack."
407
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:21,268
- All right.
- All right.
408
00:25:21,436 --> 00:25:22,978
"Four of us wolves...
409
00:25:23,146 --> 00:25:27,066
...running around the desert together
in Las Vegas...
410
00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:29,693
...looking for strippers and cocaine."
411
00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:30,903
So tonight...
412
00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:33,113
...I make a toast.
- Whoa.
413
00:25:33,281 --> 00:25:35,157
- What...?
- What do you got there?
414
00:25:35,325 --> 00:25:37,785
- Dude, what the fuck?
- What the hell are you doing?
415
00:25:41,706 --> 00:25:44,458
- What is that?
- Blood brothers.
416
00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:46,126
- Don't... Why did you...?
- Damn it.
417
00:25:46,294 --> 00:25:47,419
- Here.
- Alan...
418
00:25:47,587 --> 00:25:49,129
- No.
- No, I'm not doing that.
419
00:25:49,297 --> 00:25:50,839
- Go ahead, Stuart.
- Make him stop.
420
00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:53,551
Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves.
Give me the knife.
421
00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:56,470
Slowly. Thank you.
Okay. Thank you very much.
422
00:25:56,638 --> 00:25:58,472
- You all right? Are you okay?
Mm-hm.
423
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,307
- Do you need a doctor?
- He's good.
424
00:26:00,475 --> 00:26:01,642
- You sure?
- I'm good.
425
00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:04,603
All right, good,
because I need everybody to focus.
426
00:26:04,771 --> 00:26:08,607
I wanna take a moment, I wanna talk
about some... I wanna talk about memory.
427
00:26:08,775 --> 00:26:11,652
No, better yet,
I wanna talk about selective memory.
428
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:16,991
You see, whatever happens here tonight
may as well never have happened at all...
429
00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:20,494
...because this circle's about as far
as it's ever gonna go.
430
00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:24,290
In other words, forget everything.
431
00:26:25,625 --> 00:26:27,293
Doug, I'm serious. I got a wife and kid.
432
00:26:28,378 --> 00:26:32,172
Okay, good or bad, we don't remember
so we got nothing to talk about.
433
00:26:32,340 --> 00:26:35,175
Nothing, guys. Nothing.
434
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:37,261
Deal?
435
00:26:37,429 --> 00:26:39,096
- Deal.
- Deal.
436
00:26:39,806 --> 00:26:43,684
- Perfect. Alan, come here, buddy.
- Get in here, crazy.
437
00:26:44,019 --> 00:26:48,230
All right, to a night
we'll never remember...
438
00:26:50,066 --> 00:26:52,943
...but the four of us
will never forget.
439
00:26:57,699 --> 00:26:59,033
- There it is.
- Hear, hear.
440
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,201
Hey, thanks, guys.
441
00:29:26,055 --> 00:29:27,181
Hm.
442
00:29:27,348 --> 00:29:29,516
Stupid tiger.
443
00:29:36,232 --> 00:29:37,983
What the fuck?
444
00:29:39,152 --> 00:29:42,029
Control yourself, man.
Goddamn, will you put on some pants?
445
00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:45,115
- Phil, do not go in the bathroom.
- AI, just calm down. It's me.
446
00:29:45,283 --> 00:29:47,701
Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom.
447
00:29:47,869 --> 00:29:50,537
- What's going on?
- There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
448
00:29:50,705 --> 00:29:53,207
- Okay, okay, Al. Al, I'll check it out.
- Don't go in.
449
00:29:53,374 --> 00:29:56,168
Don't go in, don't go in.
Be careful. Don't, don't.
450
00:29:58,046 --> 00:30:00,672
- Oh! Holy fuck! He's not kidding.
- See? See?
451
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,133
- There's a tiger in there.
- No, there isn't.
452
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:04,676
Yeah!
453
00:30:04,844 --> 00:30:08,347
- It's big. Gigantic.
- You okay, buddy?
454
00:30:08,515 --> 00:30:11,058
No. I am in so much pain right now.
455
00:30:11,226 --> 00:30:14,645
Goddamn. Look at this place.
456
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:15,854
Whew.
457
00:30:16,022 --> 00:30:20,359
I know. Phil, they have my credit card
downstairs. I am so screwed.
458
00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:23,195
How does a tiger get in the bathroom?
It almost killed me.
459
00:30:23,363 --> 00:30:25,239
Hey, bro?
You mind putting on some pants?
460
00:30:25,406 --> 00:30:27,449
I find it a little weird
I have to ask twice.
461
00:30:27,617 --> 00:30:30,244
Pants at a time like this?
I don't have any p...
462
00:30:31,454 --> 00:30:33,664
What the fuck happened last night?
463
00:30:33,832 --> 00:30:37,167
Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth?
464
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:40,629
I can't... Oh, shit.
465
00:30:42,924 --> 00:30:45,467
Oh, my God.
466
00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:47,594
My lateral incisor's... It's gone!
467
00:30:47,762 --> 00:30:52,015
It's okay. Okay, okay. Just calm down.
We're fine. Everything's fine.
468
00:30:52,183 --> 00:30:53,433
Alan, go wake up Doug.
469
00:30:53,601 --> 00:30:57,437
Let's get some coffee and get the fuck
out of Nevada before housekeeping shows.
470
00:30:57,605 --> 00:31:01,191
What am I gonna tell Melissa? I lost a tooth.
I have no idea how it happened.
471
00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:02,651
You're freaking me out, man.
472
00:31:02,819 --> 00:31:05,279
I got a massive headache, okay?
Let's just calm down.
473
00:31:05,446 --> 00:31:08,031
How am I supposed to calm down?
Look around you.
474
00:31:08,491 --> 00:31:11,410
- Hey, guys, he's not in there.
- Did you check all the rooms?
475
00:31:11,578 --> 00:31:14,246
Yeah, I looked everywhere.
Plus, his mattress is gone.
476
00:31:14,414 --> 00:31:16,832
He probably went to the pool
to get something to eat.
477
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,458
I'll just call his cell.
478
00:31:19,836 --> 00:31:22,087
I look like a nerdy hillbilly.
479
00:31:35,602 --> 00:31:37,394
- Hello?
- Alan.
480
00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:38,812
Hey.
481
00:31:39,772 --> 00:31:42,316
- It's Phil.
- Oh, hey, Phi...
482
00:31:42,984 --> 00:31:44,985
This is Doug's phone.
This is Doug's phone.
483
00:31:45,153 --> 00:31:46,153
- No shit.
- Yeah.
484
00:31:50,867 --> 00:31:53,368
What the fuck is that?
485
00:31:59,834 --> 00:32:01,460
Whose fucking baby is that?
486
00:32:01,628 --> 00:32:04,338
Alan, are you sure you didn't see
anyone else in the suite?
487
00:32:04,505 --> 00:32:06,548
Yeah, I checked all the rooms.
No one's here.
488
00:32:06,716 --> 00:32:09,009
Check its collar or something.
489
00:32:09,177 --> 00:32:11,053
Shh. Shh.
490
00:32:11,220 --> 00:32:13,847
- It's okay, baby.
- Stu, we don't have time for this.
491
00:32:14,015 --> 00:32:16,683
Let's go hook up with Doug,
we'll deal with the baby later.
492
00:32:16,851 --> 00:32:19,019
Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby
in the room.
493
00:32:19,187 --> 00:32:22,022
- There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom.
- It's not our baby.
494
00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:24,107
Yeah, I gotta side with Stu on this one.
495
00:32:24,275 --> 00:32:26,360
All right, fine.
Okay, we'll take it with us.
496
00:32:26,527 --> 00:32:28,695
Could you at least just find some pants?
497
00:32:36,162 --> 00:32:39,957
Why can't we remember a goddamn thing
from last night?
498
00:32:40,124 --> 00:32:43,752
Because we obviously
had a great fucking time.
499
00:32:44,295 --> 00:32:47,547
Why don't you just stop worrying
for one minute?
500
00:32:47,715 --> 00:32:49,049
Be proud of yourself.
501
00:32:49,217 --> 00:32:53,345
I don't know, Phil.
Maybe it's because I'm missing a tooth.
502
00:32:53,554 --> 00:32:58,684
Or maybe it's because
there's a tiger in our hotel room...
503
00:32:58,851 --> 00:33:02,396
...which, incidentally,
is completely destroyed.
504
00:33:03,564 --> 00:33:06,024
Oh, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, I know.
505
00:33:06,192 --> 00:33:10,904
Maybe it's because we found a baby,
a human baby.
506
00:33:11,072 --> 00:33:12,781
That's it. That's it.
507
00:33:12,949 --> 00:33:16,910
It's because we found a fucking baby.
508
00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:21,581
- You shouldn't curse around the child.
- Really? You shouldn't be around a child.
509
00:33:28,089 --> 00:33:30,590
Oh, how cute. What's his name?
510
00:33:32,927 --> 00:33:35,554
- Ben.
- Carlos.
511
00:33:36,931 --> 00:33:38,640
Carlos?
512
00:33:48,985 --> 00:33:50,569
Thank you.
513
00:33:55,616 --> 00:33:56,783
Hey, Phil, look.
514
00:34:01,622 --> 00:34:03,248
He's jacking his little weenis.
515
00:34:03,791 --> 00:34:07,127
- Pull yourself together, man.
- Not at the table, Carlos.
516
00:34:11,924 --> 00:34:13,175
I looked everywhere.
517
00:34:13,342 --> 00:34:16,595
Gym, casino, front desk.
Nobody's seen Doug. He's not here.
518
00:34:16,763 --> 00:34:18,221
He's fine. He's a grown man.
519
00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:21,475
Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down.
Here, have some juice.
520
00:34:26,397 --> 00:34:27,731
I can't have juice right now.
521
00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:30,484
Okay. All right.
Let's just track this thing.
522
00:34:31,986 --> 00:34:34,321
What's the last thing
we remember doing last night?
523
00:34:34,489 --> 00:34:36,656
Well, the first thing was
we were on the roof...
524
00:34:36,824 --> 00:34:38,450
...and were having those shots of Jäger.
525
00:34:40,953 --> 00:34:42,954
And then we ate dinner
at The Palm. Right?
526
00:34:43,122 --> 00:34:44,164
That's right.
527
00:34:44,332 --> 00:34:48,001
And then we played craps at
the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there.
528
00:34:48,169 --> 00:34:50,420
That sounds right.
No, no. He definitely was.
529
00:34:50,588 --> 00:34:53,423
You know what, guys?
I don't even remember going to dinner.
530
00:34:53,591 --> 00:34:56,426
What the fuck?
I don't think I've ever been this hung-over.
531
00:34:56,594 --> 00:34:58,845
After the Hard Rock, I blacked out.
It was like emptiness.
532
00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:02,641
Okay. We have up until 10 p. M...
533
00:35:02,809 --> 00:35:06,061
...so that gives us a 12-hour window
where we could have lost him.
534
00:35:06,229 --> 00:35:10,232
- What is this?
- Oh, my God. That is my tooth.
535
00:35:10,399 --> 00:35:13,443
Why do you have that?
What else is in your pockets?
536
00:35:13,611 --> 00:35:16,696
This is a good thing. No.
Check your pockets. Check your pockets.
537
00:35:16,864 --> 00:35:18,365
Do you have anything?
538
00:35:18,533 --> 00:35:21,618
I have an ATM receipt
from the Bellagio.
539
00:35:21,786 --> 00:35:28,166
Eleven-oh-five for $800!
I am so fucked.
540
00:35:28,334 --> 00:35:32,546
I have a valet ticket from Caesars.
Looks like we got in at 5:15 a.m.
541
00:35:32,713 --> 00:35:34,714
Oh, shit. We drove last night?
542
00:35:36,092 --> 00:35:37,926
Driving drunk. Classic.
543
00:35:41,305 --> 00:35:43,056
What's on your arm?
544
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:45,976
- What the fuck is that?
- Jesus, Phil.
545
00:35:46,144 --> 00:35:49,020
- You were in the hospital last night.
- I guess so, yeah.
546
00:35:49,188 --> 00:35:51,565
- You okay?
- Yeah, Alan. I'm fine.
547
00:35:51,732 --> 00:35:53,567
What the hell is going on?
548
00:35:53,734 --> 00:35:56,361
Well, Stu, Stu, this is a good thing.
We have a lead now.
549
00:35:56,529 --> 00:35:58,029
Hey, Stu, watch this.
550
00:36:02,243 --> 00:36:05,370
- You ever seen a baby do that?
- Dude, Alan, not cool.
551
00:36:07,999 --> 00:36:12,878
So, uh, are you sure you're qualified
to be taking care of that baby?
552
00:36:13,045 --> 00:36:14,921
What? I've found a baby before.
553
00:36:15,089 --> 00:36:17,382
- You found a baby before?
- Yeah.
554
00:36:17,550 --> 00:36:19,259
- Where?
- Coffee Bean.
555
00:36:20,761 --> 00:36:22,137
Wait, what?
556
00:36:22,305 --> 00:36:25,432
Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug
would want us to take the Mercedes.
557
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:26,683
Relax, we'll be careful.
558
00:36:26,851 --> 00:36:29,436
My dad is crazy about that car.
He left Doug in charge...
559
00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:31,855
Alan. We got bigger problems here.
560
00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:33,940
Doug could be in the hospital,
he could be hurt.
561
00:36:35,401 --> 00:36:38,904
- Let's worry about the car later.
- Uh, guys? Check it out.
562
00:36:42,783 --> 00:36:44,701
All right, grab it from the other side.
563
00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:46,870
Is that the mattress from Doug's room?
564
00:36:47,413 --> 00:36:49,456
What the fuck?
565
00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:52,792
Hey, man, what's going on here?
566
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:56,296
Some asshole threw his bed
out the window last night.
567
00:36:56,464 --> 00:36:58,798
- No shit.
- Yeah.
568
00:36:58,966 --> 00:37:00,967
Some guys just can't handle Vegas.
569
00:37:02,511 --> 00:37:03,553
Ha-ha.
570
00:37:04,639 --> 00:37:06,514
Oh, God.
571
00:37:06,807 --> 00:37:08,475
It's gonna be okay, Stu.
572
00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:11,853
How the hell did we manage that?
573
00:37:15,483 --> 00:37:18,735
- Here's your car, officers.
- Oh, God.
574
00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:21,780
All right, everybody act cool.
All right, don't say a word.
575
00:37:21,948 --> 00:37:25,242
Come on, let's just get in and go.
Come on.
576
00:37:27,328 --> 00:37:29,829
- Stu, you got a five?
- No.
577
00:37:30,706 --> 00:37:33,166
- I'll hit you on the way back.
- Thank you, sir.
578
00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:35,752
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
579
00:37:37,171 --> 00:37:39,506
You just nailed the baby.
580
00:37:39,674 --> 00:37:40,674
Are my glasses okay?
581
00:37:41,467 --> 00:37:44,219
Your glasses are fine, dick.
582
00:37:49,934 --> 00:37:51,893
This is so illegal.
583
00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:54,312
Can't you see the fun part in anything?
584
00:37:55,564 --> 00:37:58,024
Yeah, we're stuck in traffic
in a stolen police car...
585
00:37:58,192 --> 00:38:00,193
...with a missing child
in the back seat.
586
00:38:00,361 --> 00:38:01,861
Which part of this is fun?
587
00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:06,866
- I think the cop-car part's pretty cool.
- Thank you, Alan. It is cool.
588
00:38:07,034 --> 00:38:08,868
Doug would love it.
589
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,371
Come on.
590
00:38:14,208 --> 00:38:16,876
- Check this out.
- Oh, no. No, Phil. No, Phil.
591
00:38:17,044 --> 00:38:18,044
Don't do this!
592
00:38:18,212 --> 00:38:20,547
- Take it easy.
- Just try to call more attention to us.
593
00:38:20,715 --> 00:38:22,048
- Attention.
- Sorry.
594
00:38:22,216 --> 00:38:24,175
Attention, please. Move out of the way.
595
00:38:24,343 --> 00:38:25,844
I repeat, please disperse.
596
00:38:28,097 --> 00:38:31,850
Phil, stop the car, I wanna get out.
Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over.
597
00:38:32,018 --> 00:38:36,396
Ma'am, in the leopard dress,
you have an amazing rack.
598
00:38:37,356 --> 00:38:39,691
Get off the sidewalk!
Get off the sidewalk!
599
00:38:39,859 --> 00:38:41,318
I should have been a fucking cop.
600
00:38:48,075 --> 00:38:49,409
Look, I already told you.
601
00:38:49,577 --> 00:38:52,746
You came in with a mild concussion,
some bruised ribs. No big deal.
602
00:38:52,913 --> 00:38:55,415
Although none of you could articulate
how it happened.
603
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:58,043
Do you remember how many of us
were here?
604
00:38:58,210 --> 00:38:59,502
Ah...
605
00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:03,256
I don't know. I think it was just you guys.
Definitely no baby.
606
00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:07,052
- And one other guy.
- That's our guy. Was he okay?
607
00:39:07,219 --> 00:39:11,264
Yeah. He was fine.
Just whacked out of his mind. You all were.
608
00:39:11,432 --> 00:39:15,101
All right, come forward.
And turn.
609
00:39:15,269 --> 00:39:16,269
All right.
610
00:39:17,271 --> 00:39:19,647
There you go. And cough.
611
00:39:21,025 --> 00:39:24,694
Cough. Cough. Give me one more.
612
00:39:25,696 --> 00:39:28,031
All right. Thattaboy.
613
00:39:29,075 --> 00:39:30,867
Okay, Felix, you can put your robe on.
614
00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:33,161
And the nurse will be in here
in a minute.
615
00:39:33,329 --> 00:39:35,455
I'll see you after the weekend.
616
00:39:35,623 --> 00:39:38,541
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, doctor.
617
00:39:40,878 --> 00:39:44,381
Guys, I really gotta go. I'm sorry.
I have a surgery up on the fourth floor.
618
00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:48,385
No, I know. But we just need
a couple more minutes of your time.
619
00:39:50,930 --> 00:39:55,225
Yeah. Tuck it right in there.
I don't want to re-sterilize.
620
00:39:55,393 --> 00:39:57,060
Walk with me.
621
00:39:59,355 --> 00:40:04,692
Okay, here we go. Patient name,
Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a.m. Arrival.
622
00:40:04,860 --> 00:40:07,737
Minor concussion, like I said.
Some bruising. Pretty standard.
623
00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:09,989
Do you mind if I look?
I'm actually a doctor.
624
00:40:10,157 --> 00:40:14,619
Yeah, you said that several times last night.
But really, you're just a dentist.
625
00:40:15,371 --> 00:40:19,791
Okay, this is interesting.
Your blood work came in this morning.
626
00:40:19,959 --> 00:40:21,668
Wow.
627
00:40:22,586 --> 00:40:25,755
They found a large amount of Ruphylin
in your system.
628
00:40:26,173 --> 00:40:29,759
Ruphylin. Roofies.
Commonly known as the date-rape drug.
629
00:40:29,927 --> 00:40:32,679
What, so, what are you saying,
I was raped last night?
630
00:40:33,472 --> 00:40:35,014
Actually...
631
00:40:39,019 --> 00:40:42,313
I don't think so.
But someone did slip you the drug.
632
00:40:42,481 --> 00:40:44,023
I'm not surprised
you don't remember anything.
633
00:40:45,359 --> 00:40:48,695
Doc, none of us can remember anything
from last night. Remember?
634
00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:52,115
Yeah. How could someone
have drugged all of us?
635
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:53,491
I wouldn't worry about it.
636
00:40:53,659 --> 00:40:56,369
The stuff's out of your system.
You're gonna be fine.
637
00:40:56,537 --> 00:40:59,247
Wait, wait, wait. Please, doctor.
Is there anything else?
638
00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:03,751
Like, something we may have been talking
about, or some place we were going?
639
00:41:03,919 --> 00:41:05,712
Actually, there was something.
640
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,298
You guys kept talking about some wedding
last night.
641
00:41:08,466 --> 00:41:11,092
Yeah. No shit. Our buddy Doug's
getting married tomorrow.
642
00:41:11,260 --> 00:41:13,595
- You know what? I want the 100 back.
- No, no. Easy.
643
00:41:13,762 --> 00:41:16,306
You kept talking about some wedding
you just came from.
644
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:17,807
At the, uh, Best Little Chapel.
645
00:41:17,975 --> 00:41:21,436
You kept saying how sick the wedding was
and getting all crazy about it.
646
00:41:21,604 --> 00:41:23,813
Okay, I hope this helps.
I really have to leave.
647
00:41:23,981 --> 00:41:26,357
Best Little Chapel,
do you know where that is?
648
00:41:26,525 --> 00:41:30,361
I do. It's at the corner of Get A Map
and Fuck Off.
649
00:41:32,364 --> 00:41:34,240
I'm a doctor, not a tour guide.
650
00:41:34,408 --> 00:41:37,577
Figure it out yourself, okay?
You're big boys.
651
00:41:49,715 --> 00:41:50,757
What about the baby?
652
00:41:50,925 --> 00:41:53,176
Leave him in the car.
We're gonna be five minutes.
653
00:41:53,344 --> 00:41:55,178
Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car.
654
00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:58,014
He'll be fine. I cracked the window.
655
00:42:02,019 --> 00:42:05,104
- What if they don't remember us?
- Well, let's just find out.
656
00:42:06,941 --> 00:42:08,650
I'm sor... Excuse me, sir? Hi.
657
00:42:10,945 --> 00:42:12,278
Look at these guys.
658
00:42:12,446 --> 00:42:15,532
What happened? You miss me?
You miss Eddie? You want more from me?
659
00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:19,035
How are you, my friend?
Look at this guy. You're fucking crazy.
660
00:42:19,203 --> 00:42:20,245
What's going on, man?
661
00:42:20,746 --> 00:42:24,123
Listen, I'm gonna tell you something.
I know some sick people in my life.
662
00:42:24,291 --> 00:42:28,962
This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard
I ever met in my life, man.
663
00:42:29,129 --> 00:42:30,964
- This guy?
- This guy is out of his mind.
664
00:42:31,131 --> 00:42:33,633
What's going on,
you fucking crazy motherfucker?
665
00:42:33,801 --> 00:42:35,927
I thought he was gonna eat my dick.
666
00:42:36,095 --> 00:42:38,638
What happened?
No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?
667
00:42:38,806 --> 00:42:40,890
No, no. It's not that, Eddie.
668
00:42:41,058 --> 00:42:45,478
Uh, it's just that we're having a hard time
remembering what happened here last night.
669
00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:48,231
Yeah, was there a wedding here?
Do you do weddings here?
670
00:42:50,025 --> 00:42:51,651
You are cracking my balls, man.
671
00:42:51,819 --> 00:42:54,988
I love these guys.
Zolea, what are you doing?
672
00:42:55,155 --> 00:42:57,699
Bring my friends some tea,
some baklava, huh? Come on.
673
00:42:57,866 --> 00:43:01,661
Unbelievable, man. Look at this chick.
Beautiful ass, no fucking brain.
674
00:43:01,829 --> 00:43:05,081
But this is Vegas. You want intimacy,
forget it. You're gonna get sex.
675
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:07,584
That's it here, man.
No problem for me, though.
676
00:43:07,751 --> 00:43:10,003
You want chicks?
I can get you beautiful chicks...
677
00:43:10,170 --> 00:43:12,005
...from the Eastern Bloc. No questions.
678
00:43:12,172 --> 00:43:15,466
Clean, tight.
The tits like that, the nipple like that.
679
00:43:15,676 --> 00:43:18,344
Obviously we were here.
We're looking for our friend Doug.
680
00:43:18,512 --> 00:43:21,014
- Do you remember?
- Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey.
681
00:43:21,181 --> 00:43:22,348
- Yeah.
- You saw him?
682
00:43:22,516 --> 00:43:23,516
Of course.
683
00:43:23,684 --> 00:43:27,270
Is there anything you can tell us about
what may have happened last night?
684
00:43:29,064 --> 00:43:30,690
You don't remember nothing?
685
00:43:34,486 --> 00:43:38,531
- Congratulations, Stu, you got married.
- This... This can't be happening.
686
00:43:39,867 --> 00:43:41,868
- Oh, God.
- Look at that.
687
00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:49,250
I'll tell you one thing,
you look seriously happy here, man.
688
00:43:50,002 --> 00:43:51,878
That's it. My life is over.
689
00:43:52,046 --> 00:43:53,796
Stu, it's okay. Look, shit happens.
690
00:43:53,964 --> 00:43:56,466
Come on. Melissa's not gonna know
anything about this.
691
00:43:56,634 --> 00:43:59,719
- This never happened. I'll take care of it.
- Come on. Put it here.
692
00:43:59,887 --> 00:44:00,887
Hey, what's all that?
693
00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:05,058
The High Roller package.
It's what you ordered. I have coffee mugs.
694
00:44:05,225 --> 00:44:07,393
- What?
- You have baseball caps, huh?
695
00:44:07,561 --> 00:44:10,980
And fancy calendars, all with pictures
of Stu and Jade.
696
00:44:11,148 --> 00:44:12,231
Her name's Jade?
697
00:44:12,399 --> 00:44:15,652
Yeah, and she's beautiful, man.
Clean, very tight. Tits like that.
698
00:44:15,819 --> 00:44:18,571
- But that's because she had a baby.
- That explains the baby.
699
00:44:18,739 --> 00:44:20,907
- Oh, Carlos. Carlos.
- Great. All right.
700
00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:23,201
Uh, here's the deal.
We made a mistake last night.
701
00:44:23,369 --> 00:44:25,620
We need this marriage annulled.
You do annulments?
702
00:44:25,788 --> 00:44:28,539
Of course I do. It breaks my heart
and gonna make me sad...
703
00:44:28,707 --> 00:44:30,667
...but it's no problem.
Good price for you.
704
00:44:30,834 --> 00:44:34,545
I can't do it with just him, though.
I need the chick. I need both parties.
705
00:44:34,713 --> 00:44:37,256
Oh, not a problem. That's great.
Isn't that great, Stu?
706
00:44:37,424 --> 00:44:39,759
Come on, buddy.
She probably knows where Doug is.
707
00:44:39,927 --> 00:44:42,679
- Awesome.
- All right, all right. Okay. Uh...
708
00:44:43,430 --> 00:44:46,265
We need her address.
She filled out some paperwork, right?
709
00:44:46,433 --> 00:44:47,433
Of course.
710
00:44:47,601 --> 00:44:51,437
Hey. Excuse me. What is the matter
with you? Go and get the paperwork, man.
711
00:44:51,605 --> 00:44:54,440
- I spend my life waiting for you. Come on.
- Okay. I'm going.
712
00:44:54,608 --> 00:44:56,818
And get the baklava, please.
713
00:45:00,948 --> 00:45:05,159
- Hey, Phil, what about my dad's car?
- I'm sure Doug has it. We'll get it back.
714
00:45:05,327 --> 00:45:08,329
Then I vote we torch the cop car
and all this shit with it.
715
00:45:09,540 --> 00:45:13,459
- Torch it? Who are you?
- I don't know, Phil.
716
00:45:13,627 --> 00:45:16,003
Apparently I'm a guy who marries
complete strangers.
717
00:45:16,463 --> 00:45:21,175
This whole situation is completely fucked.
718
00:45:21,468 --> 00:45:24,971
- These mugs. This hat. This car.
- Hey!
719
00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:28,141
It's all evidence
of a night that never happened.
720
00:45:28,308 --> 00:45:30,476
That is why we're torching all of it.
721
00:45:30,644 --> 00:45:33,062
Whoa, I'm a schoolteacher,
I got a family, okay?
722
00:45:33,230 --> 00:45:35,898
I'm all for secrecy,
but I'm not gonna torch a cop car.
723
00:45:36,066 --> 00:45:37,859
- Fine. I'll do it.
- Can I help?
724
00:45:38,026 --> 00:45:40,653
- Yeah, thanks.
- And how exactly are you gonna do that?
725
00:45:40,821 --> 00:45:44,407
Easy. You just pour kerosene over a ferret,
light it on both ends, put it in.
726
00:45:44,575 --> 00:45:46,242
They're attracted to the gas lines.
727
00:45:46,410 --> 00:45:47,785
- What? A ferret?
- Yeah. Yeah.
728
00:45:47,953 --> 00:45:50,496
Or a tamed raccoon,
but it's a lot of trouble.
729
00:45:50,664 --> 00:45:52,832
- If you wanna...
- Does it matter if it's tamed?
730
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:56,335
Yeah, because if it's untamed,
it won't take the kerosene as well.
731
00:45:57,713 --> 00:45:59,338
- Is it Doug?
- I don't have it.
732
00:45:59,506 --> 00:46:01,007
It's Doug, it's Doug.
733
00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:02,467
Uh, it's Melissa.
734
00:46:02,634 --> 00:46:05,136
- Don't answer.
- I have to. She's called twice already!
735
00:46:05,304 --> 00:46:06,471
- Can I ride shotgun?
- Don't touch me.
736
00:46:06,638 --> 00:46:08,639
Hey, sweetheart, how are you?
737
00:46:08,807 --> 00:46:12,018
There you are.
This is the third time I'm trying you.
738
00:46:12,186 --> 00:46:15,188
I know. The reception up here's crazy.
739
00:46:15,355 --> 00:46:18,107
I think it's all the sequoia trees,
block the signal.
740
00:46:18,275 --> 00:46:21,194
Ugh, I hate that.
So how was it last night?
741
00:46:21,361 --> 00:46:24,322
Ah, it was really fun, actually.
It was quiet, but it was a good time.
742
00:46:24,782 --> 00:46:26,032
That sounds nice.
743
00:46:27,242 --> 00:46:29,619
- I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids.
- Hi.
744
00:46:31,580 --> 00:46:34,207
It'd be so cool if I could breast-feed,
you know?
745
00:46:34,374 --> 00:46:35,458
Well, listen...
746
00:46:36,752 --> 00:46:39,378
- ...we're about to go for a tractor ride.
- What the fuck?
747
00:46:39,546 --> 00:46:43,007
- I should get going. So pretty.
- A tractor ride?
748
00:46:44,384 --> 00:46:46,260
- Go, out of the car!
- What was that?
749
00:46:46,428 --> 00:46:48,805
They started up the tractor.
I think it backfired.
750
00:46:48,972 --> 00:46:51,140
- Where the hell is he?
- Hey, easy, easy.
751
00:46:51,308 --> 00:46:53,726
I think we're looking for
the same guy, okay?
752
00:46:54,812 --> 00:46:56,062
Hey! What the hell, man?
753
00:46:57,397 --> 00:46:59,899
What the fuck, Stu?
Is that a baby?
754
00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:03,027
Why would there be a baby?
We're at a winery. That's a goat.
755
00:47:03,195 --> 00:47:06,155
- Where is he?
- I don't know! What are you talking about?
756
00:47:06,323 --> 00:47:09,325
Sir, can you please start the tractor
so we can get out of here?
757
00:47:09,493 --> 00:47:11,410
I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked.
758
00:47:11,578 --> 00:47:14,163
Oh, my God!
What the hell is happening, Stu?
759
00:47:14,331 --> 00:47:17,667
- Hey! There's a baby on board!
- Someone just said "baby."
760
00:47:17,835 --> 00:47:19,919
- Get out of the car!
- It's a baby goat.
761
00:47:20,087 --> 00:47:22,213
Why you making trouble
for my business, man?
762
00:47:22,381 --> 00:47:24,257
- Go away from here.
- Get out of the car!
763
00:47:24,424 --> 00:47:26,551
- Phil, he's got a gun!
- No shit he's got a gun!
764
00:47:26,718 --> 00:47:28,928
- I gotta call you back. Bye.
- Come on.
765
00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:32,431
- Fuck! Shit.
- He shot me!
766
00:47:32,599 --> 00:47:34,934
- He shot Eddie!
- Fuck this shit!
767
00:47:38,272 --> 00:47:40,189
Fuck! Fuck!
768
00:47:40,649 --> 00:47:43,234
Go, go, go!
769
00:47:45,571 --> 00:47:46,612
Fuck.
770
00:47:46,780 --> 00:47:48,781
Okay. Oh, that was some sick shit!
771
00:47:50,158 --> 00:47:51,200
Who were those guys?
772
00:47:51,368 --> 00:47:53,452
We're gonna be okay.
Everything's gonna be okay.
773
00:47:53,620 --> 00:47:55,454
What the fuck is going on?!
774
00:47:56,582 --> 00:47:57,623
I have no idea.
775
00:48:04,464 --> 00:48:06,549
Why don't you just let that
go to voicemail?
776
00:48:06,717 --> 00:48:08,259
Ha-ha-ha.
777
00:48:09,219 --> 00:48:12,054
That's a fake laugh, by the way.
778
00:48:14,641 --> 00:48:19,186
It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum
P.I. And that Jewish actor.
779
00:48:19,354 --> 00:48:20,980
Shut up, Alan.
780
00:48:21,148 --> 00:48:23,566
- What room was it again?
- It's 825.
781
00:48:23,734 --> 00:48:26,152
I know, I did. I already checked with her.
782
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:30,698
I found him, I'll call you back.
Thank God, he's with his father.
783
00:48:30,866 --> 00:48:34,827
I was freaking out. I missed you, sweetie.
784
00:48:34,995 --> 00:48:37,330
And I miss you.
785
00:48:41,126 --> 00:48:42,543
No.
786
00:48:43,003 --> 00:48:46,839
- What the hell happened to you guys?
- Actually, we were hoping you could tell us.
787
00:48:47,007 --> 00:48:49,926
What do you mean? I got up this morning,
I went to get coffee...
788
00:48:50,093 --> 00:48:52,094
...and I came back and you were gone.
789
00:48:53,847 --> 00:48:57,642
- Why are you being so quiet?
- I'm not being quiet.
790
00:48:58,018 --> 00:48:59,810
Ha, ha. You're so cute.
791
00:48:59,978 --> 00:49:03,105
Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler.
Come inside, you guys.
792
00:49:04,858 --> 00:49:07,443
Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler.
793
00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:10,947
Yeah. I thought he looked
more like a Carlos too, bud.
794
00:49:14,368 --> 00:49:17,870
Okay, what's up?
You guys are acting weird.
795
00:49:18,038 --> 00:49:20,957
- Look, it's Jade, right?
- Very funny, Phil.
796
00:49:21,458 --> 00:49:24,961
Right, Jade, uh, ahem,
you remember our friend, Doug.
797
00:49:25,128 --> 00:49:26,963
Are you kidding? He was the best man.
798
00:49:27,130 --> 00:49:29,882
Exactly. Well, we can't find him,
and we're getting worried.
799
00:49:30,050 --> 00:49:33,052
Oh, my God, that is so Doug.
800
00:49:33,220 --> 00:49:34,887
Ha, ha. Oh.
801
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,808
Oh, sweetie, I'm...
I'm gonna go clean him off.
802
00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:40,977
It's all right, Daddy didn't mean it.
803
00:49:41,144 --> 00:49:42,436
Oh, my God.
804
00:49:42,604 --> 00:49:44,730
What the fuck, man,
you gotta hold it together.
805
00:49:44,898 --> 00:49:46,565
- Holy shit.
- She is super hot.
806
00:49:46,733 --> 00:49:50,027
- You should be proud of yourself.
- She's wearing my grandmother's ring!
807
00:49:50,195 --> 00:49:52,154
- What?
- The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa.
808
00:49:52,322 --> 00:49:54,323
You remember,
my grandmother's Holocaust ring?
809
00:49:54,491 --> 00:49:56,575
- Fuck. Okay.
- She's wearing it.
810
00:49:56,743 --> 00:49:59,453
I didn't know they gave out rings
at the Holocaust.
811
00:50:00,580 --> 00:50:02,623
- He's okay.
- Oh, good.
812
00:50:02,791 --> 00:50:04,750
- He was just hungry, he's fine.
- Oh, good.
813
00:50:04,918 --> 00:50:09,213
About last night, uh, ahem, do you
remember the last time you saw Doug?
814
00:50:09,381 --> 00:50:12,967
- Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding.
- The wedding. Okay. Great.
815
00:50:13,135 --> 00:50:16,429
And, uh, we can't re...
What time was that at?
816
00:50:16,596 --> 00:50:19,098
Well, it was, um...
817
00:50:21,101 --> 00:50:24,687
I guess it was around 1, because I had
to go back to work and finish my shift.
818
00:50:24,855 --> 00:50:27,773
And then when I got out I headed over
to the hotel with Tyler.
819
00:50:27,941 --> 00:50:29,275
And was Doug there then?
820
00:50:29,443 --> 00:50:32,820
I didn't see Doug because you guys
were passed out. The room was a wreck.
821
00:50:32,988 --> 00:50:35,114
- So I just curled up next to Stu.
Uh-huh.
822
00:50:35,282 --> 00:50:36,991
- Rowr.
- Oh.
823
00:50:39,161 --> 00:50:42,038
I got a question.
Um, you said when your shift ended.
824
00:50:42,205 --> 00:50:46,459
Does that mean you're a nurse?
Or a blackjack dealer?
825
00:50:47,127 --> 00:50:49,795
- You know this. I'm a stripper.
- Mm-hm.
826
00:50:49,963 --> 00:50:53,716
Well, technically I'm an escort, but
stripping's a great way to meet the clients.
827
00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:55,968
- Smart.
- Savvy.
828
00:50:56,136 --> 00:50:59,847
But that's all in the past,
now that I married a doctor.
829
00:51:00,015 --> 00:51:01,724
I'm just a dentist.
830
00:51:03,143 --> 00:51:04,560
- Las Vegas Police! Freeze!
- Okay.
831
00:51:05,937 --> 00:51:07,396
Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!
832
00:51:07,564 --> 00:51:10,274
- Oh, God!
- Okay, okay, okay.
833
00:51:15,989 --> 00:51:18,491
After we take the mug shots,
we bring them down here...
834
00:51:18,658 --> 00:51:22,244
...where they wait to be interviewed
by the arresting officers.
835
00:51:22,412 --> 00:51:25,790
Trust me, kids, you do not wanna be sitting
on these benches.
836
00:51:25,957 --> 00:51:28,042
We call this place Loserville.
837
00:51:30,003 --> 00:51:33,005
Follow me. All right, let's do it. Come on.
838
00:51:38,303 --> 00:51:39,512
Hello.
839
00:51:39,679 --> 00:51:42,807
- Hey, Tracy! It's Phil.
- Hey, Phil.
840
00:51:42,974 --> 00:51:47,186
- Where are you guys?
- We are at the spa at the hotel.
841
00:51:47,354 --> 00:51:50,272
Cool. We're just getting some sun.
Is Doug around?
842
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:52,149
Of course. Why wouldn't he be?
843
00:51:52,317 --> 00:51:54,527
I'm just wondering
why you're calling me.
844
00:51:54,694 --> 00:51:56,195
Um...
845
00:51:56,363 --> 00:51:59,657
We made a deal,
no talking to girlfriends or wives.
846
00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:03,202
So we're all calling each other's.
847
00:52:03,370 --> 00:52:04,829
Okay. What's up?
848
00:52:04,996 --> 00:52:09,041
Uh, you are not gonna believe this.
We got comped an extra night at the hotel.
849
00:52:09,209 --> 00:52:10,209
You did?
850
00:52:10,377 --> 00:52:13,170
Yeah. The suite is... It's ridiculous.
It's out of control.
851
00:52:13,338 --> 00:52:17,299
There's, like, room service and a butler.
I mean, just the works.
852
00:52:17,467 --> 00:52:19,343
We're thinking of spending the night...
853
00:52:19,511 --> 00:52:21,720
...and we're gonna come back
in the morning.
854
00:52:21,888 --> 00:52:25,224
You wanna stay an extra night?
But the wedding's tomorrow.
855
00:52:25,392 --> 00:52:28,894
That's why we're gonna get up early,
and we'll be back in plenty of time.
856
00:52:29,062 --> 00:52:31,355
Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea?
857
00:52:31,523 --> 00:52:34,233
Wenneck, Price, Garner. Room 3.
858
00:52:34,401 --> 00:52:36,652
Okay, Trace, I gotta go.
We'll talk to you later.
859
00:52:36,820 --> 00:52:38,154
Uh...
860
00:52:40,198 --> 00:52:42,449
- Come on, chop-chop.
- Okay, spin around.
861
00:52:43,910 --> 00:52:44,994
- That's it.
- Goddamn it.
862
00:52:45,162 --> 00:52:47,580
- Wait a second.
- I'll go over. I'll go over.
863
00:52:47,747 --> 00:52:49,665
- Stop pulling.
- Can you just...? Hold on.
864
00:52:49,833 --> 00:52:52,585
We got it. Alan, just relax.
And then just... There we go.
865
00:52:52,752 --> 00:52:54,128
Good.
866
00:53:00,135 --> 00:53:01,802
Gentlemen.
867
00:53:01,970 --> 00:53:04,889
We've got some good news,
and we've got some bad news.
868
00:53:05,056 --> 00:53:06,765
The good news is
we found your Mercedes.
869
00:53:08,268 --> 00:53:09,852
- That's great news.
- That's great. See?
870
00:53:10,020 --> 00:53:14,440
Yeah, it's over at impound right now.
We picked it up at 5 a.m. This morning...
871
00:53:14,608 --> 00:53:16,734
...parked in the middle
of Las Vegas Boulevard.
872
00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:21,697
- In the middle. That's weird.
- Yeah, that is weird.
873
00:53:21,865 --> 00:53:22,948
There was also a note.
874
00:53:23,783 --> 00:53:28,913
It says, uh, "Couldn't find a meter,
but here's 4 bucks."
875
00:53:29,831 --> 00:53:31,957
The bad news is...
876
00:53:32,125 --> 00:53:34,919
...we can't get you in front of a judge
until Monday morning.
877
00:53:35,795 --> 00:53:39,298
Oh, no, uh, officer, that's just impossible.
878
00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:41,759
No, we need to be in L.A. Tomorrow
for a wedding.
879
00:53:41,927 --> 00:53:46,847
- You stole a police car.
- We didn't steal anything. Um, we found it.
880
00:53:47,015 --> 00:53:50,100
Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward
or something, like a trophy.
881
00:53:50,936 --> 00:53:54,146
- I see assholes like you every day.
- Every fucking day.
882
00:53:54,314 --> 00:53:56,190
"Let's go to Vegas,
we'll all get drunk and laid!
883
00:53:56,358 --> 00:53:58,484
- Yeah. Whoo! Woo-hoo.
- Woo-hoo.
884
00:53:58,652 --> 00:54:01,654
Let's steal a cop car,
because it'd be really fucking funny."
885
00:54:01,821 --> 00:54:04,073
Think you gonna get away with it?
Not up in here.
886
00:54:04,241 --> 00:54:06,325
- Not up in here!
- Oh.
887
00:54:06,493 --> 00:54:08,369
Uh...
888
00:54:09,454 --> 00:54:10,913
Sir...
889
00:54:11,289 --> 00:54:12,665
...if I may, um...
890
00:54:12,832 --> 00:54:15,501
...l'm assuming that that squad car
belongs to one of you.
891
00:54:15,669 --> 00:54:17,378
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
892
00:54:17,545 --> 00:54:19,922
Look, I'm not a cop.
893
00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:23,175
I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher.
894
00:54:24,177 --> 00:54:27,471
But if one of my kids went missing
on a field trip...
895
00:54:28,431 --> 00:54:30,099
...that would look really bad on me.
896
00:54:31,393 --> 00:54:34,311
- What are you getting at?
- Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?
897
00:54:34,479 --> 00:54:37,856
No one wants to look bad.
We gotta get to a wedding...
898
00:54:38,024 --> 00:54:40,276
...and you guys don't need people
talking about...
899
00:54:40,443 --> 00:54:44,488
...how some obnoxious tourists borrowed
your squad car last night.
900
00:54:44,656 --> 00:54:47,574
But look, the point is,
I think we can work out a deal.
901
00:54:47,742 --> 00:54:49,660
Discreetly of course, ma'am.
902
00:54:50,662 --> 00:54:51,912
What do you say?
903
00:55:01,298 --> 00:55:02,631
Let me ask you a question:
904
00:55:02,799 --> 00:55:08,387
Do, uh, any of you gentlemen
have a heart condition or anything like that?
905
00:55:08,638 --> 00:55:10,889
Uh, no.
906
00:55:11,057 --> 00:55:13,642
Okay, kids,
you're in for a real treat today.
907
00:55:13,810 --> 00:55:16,729
These gentlemen have kindly volunteered
to demonstrate...
908
00:55:16,896 --> 00:55:19,648
...how a stun gun is used
to subdue a suspect.
909
00:55:19,816 --> 00:55:20,899
Ooh!
910
00:55:21,067 --> 00:55:22,526
- That's right.
- Wait a sec. What?
911
00:55:22,694 --> 00:55:25,696
Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun.
Up close and personal.
912
00:55:28,658 --> 00:55:31,660
- What the fuck?
- Or you can shoot it from a distance.
913
00:55:31,828 --> 00:55:35,164
Do I have any volunteers? You wanna
come up here and do some shooting? Huh?
914
00:55:35,332 --> 00:55:38,667
All right, how about you, young lady?
Come on up here. All right.
915
00:55:38,835 --> 00:55:40,627
Let's go, handsome, come on.
916
00:55:40,795 --> 00:55:43,672
Not you, fat Jesus, slide it on back.
You, pretty boy.
917
00:55:44,257 --> 00:55:46,342
- Fat Jesus.
- All right, now, it's real simple.
918
00:55:46,509 --> 00:55:49,261
All you gotta do is point, aim and shoot.
919
00:55:49,429 --> 00:55:50,846
All right?
920
00:55:51,014 --> 00:55:54,099
Okay, look.
You don't really wanna do this.
921
00:55:54,267 --> 00:55:56,560
You can do this. Just focus.
922
00:55:56,728 --> 00:55:59,229
Don't listen to this maniac.
Let's think this through.
923
00:55:59,397 --> 00:56:00,731
Finish him!
924
00:56:00,899 --> 00:56:03,442
- Oh, fuck.
- Yeah!
925
00:56:04,986 --> 00:56:07,112
Right in the nuts! That was beautiful.
926
00:56:08,740 --> 00:56:12,534
- Well done. Give her a hand, everybody.
- Good job. Good job.
927
00:56:13,787 --> 00:56:16,747
Good job. Well done. Good job.
That was great.
928
00:56:17,290 --> 00:56:21,085
Good. Hey, we got one more charge left.
Anybody wanna do some shooting up here?
929
00:56:23,088 --> 00:56:25,005
How about you, big man?
Come on up here.
930
00:56:41,981 --> 00:56:46,110
Okay, same instructions.
Just point, aim and shoot.
931
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:51,782
There you go. That's the stuff.
932
00:56:51,950 --> 00:56:53,158
I like the intensity.
933
00:56:54,077 --> 00:56:55,911
Eye of the tiger. Good.
934
00:56:56,079 --> 00:57:00,124
You're holding 50,000 volts, little man.
Don't be afraid to ride the lightning.
935
00:57:03,670 --> 00:57:06,672
In the face! In the face!
936
00:57:08,466 --> 00:57:11,301
Oh, he's still up. He's still up.
937
00:57:11,469 --> 00:57:13,011
- Aah!
- No.
938
00:57:13,179 --> 00:57:14,805
All right, everybody relax, take it easy.
939
00:57:15,348 --> 00:57:18,976
We've seen it before.
He just needs a little extra charge.
940
00:57:19,144 --> 00:57:20,561
There we go.
941
00:57:22,355 --> 00:57:25,065
Some of these big boys,
you gotta give them two shots.
942
00:57:25,233 --> 00:57:29,194
All right, kids, who wants to get their
fingerprints done, huh? Come on, let's go.
943
00:57:30,321 --> 00:57:33,407
Fuck those guys, you hear me?
944
00:57:33,575 --> 00:57:36,660
That was bullshit.
I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car.
945
00:57:36,828 --> 00:57:39,705
- They let us go, who cares?
- I care!
946
00:57:39,873 --> 00:57:44,751
You can't just do that. You can't just
tase people because you think it's funny.
947
00:57:44,919 --> 00:57:47,045
That's police brutality.
948
00:57:50,550 --> 00:57:53,051
I'm getting a soda.
Do you guys want anything?
949
00:57:53,219 --> 00:57:54,553
No.
950
00:57:58,141 --> 00:58:01,727
My man doesn't shut up. Jesus Christ.
951
00:58:03,396 --> 00:58:05,981
Alan, you okay?
952
00:58:06,941 --> 00:58:08,984
I'm just worried.
953
00:58:09,777 --> 00:58:12,070
What if something happened to Doug?
Something bad.
954
00:58:12,238 --> 00:58:13,864
Come on, you can't think like that.
955
00:58:14,449 --> 00:58:16,283
I mean, what if he's dead?
956
00:58:16,451 --> 00:58:20,162
I can't afford to lose anybody
close to me again. It hurts too much.
957
00:58:20,788 --> 00:58:23,916
- I was so upset when my grandpa died.
- Oh, I'm s... How'd he die?
958
00:58:24,751 --> 00:58:27,544
- World War II.
- Died in battle?
959
00:58:27,712 --> 00:58:31,089
No, he was skiing in Vermont.
It was just during World War II.
960
00:58:31,883 --> 00:58:33,300
Alan...
961
00:58:33,927 --> 00:58:36,094
...Doug is fine.
- Well, why hasn't he called?
962
00:58:36,262 --> 00:58:38,722
I don't know,
but we're gonna figure it out.
963
00:58:39,307 --> 00:58:43,352
I'll tell you another thing,
6-1 odds our car is beat to shit.
964
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:44,561
Stu, not now.
965
00:58:44,729 --> 00:58:47,564
No, how much do you wanna bet
it's fucked beyond recognition?
966
00:58:47,732 --> 00:58:51,777
That's enough. Alan's seriously worried,
okay? Let's not freak him out any more.
967
00:58:55,448 --> 00:58:56,823
Sorry, Alan.
968
00:58:56,991 --> 00:58:58,242
You know what?
969
00:58:58,409 --> 00:59:02,120
We'll search the car for clues
and everything's gonna be okay.
970
00:59:03,790 --> 00:59:05,791
Oh, shit. I can't watch.
Just tell me what it looks like.
971
00:59:07,627 --> 00:59:10,128
Not looking. Not looking.
972
00:59:11,589 --> 00:59:14,633
- Wow. All right.
- Oh, thank God.
973
00:59:14,801 --> 00:59:16,468
You see?
974
00:59:17,136 --> 00:59:18,971
It's gonna be all right.
975
00:59:25,478 --> 00:59:27,980
- Anything?
- Hmm, I got a cigar.
976
00:59:28,147 --> 00:59:31,066
Oh, I found, uh...
These are some black shoes.
977
00:59:31,234 --> 00:59:33,235
- They women's shoes?
- I don't know.
978
00:59:34,654 --> 00:59:37,906
- Whose are those?
- I don't know. It's a men's size 6.
979
00:59:38,074 --> 00:59:40,659
- That's weird.
- What is this, a snakeskin?
980
00:59:40,827 --> 00:59:42,327
Oh, come on! Ew!
981
00:59:42,495 --> 00:59:45,163
- That's a used condom, Alan.
- Oh, God. Blech!
982
00:59:45,331 --> 00:59:47,457
- Get it out of the car.
- Gross, it's wet.
983
00:59:47,625 --> 00:59:50,002
- I don't want the thing.
- Hey! Come on.
984
00:59:50,169 --> 00:59:54,339
I got jizz on me. Jesus Christ, guys!
985
00:59:54,507 --> 00:59:57,175
- Get it out.
- Fuck!
986
00:59:57,552 --> 00:59:59,344
Oh, my God.
987
00:59:59,846 --> 01:00:03,640
All right, what the fuck, man?
We gotta get this shit together, guys!
988
01:00:06,352 --> 01:00:07,853
What was that?
989
01:00:08,354 --> 01:00:09,354
It's in the trunk.
990
01:00:10,231 --> 01:00:13,275
- Doug's in the trunk.
- Oh, fuck! Holy shit!
991
01:00:13,443 --> 01:00:15,360
Holy shit!
992
01:00:15,528 --> 01:00:17,654
- Open it! Open it! Open it!
- Okay, okay, okay.
993
01:00:17,822 --> 01:00:19,531
Okay, okay, okay.
994
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,076
Oh God!
995
01:00:24,245 --> 01:00:26,371
Please! Please! Please stop!
996
01:00:34,213 --> 01:00:36,715
Whoa. I'm with you, I'm with you!
997
01:00:36,883 --> 01:00:39,843
- You gonna fuck on me?
- Nobody's gonna fuck on you!
998
01:00:40,011 --> 01:00:44,389
We're on your side. I hate Godzilla!
I hate him too. I hate him!
999
01:00:44,557 --> 01:00:47,517
He destroys cities! Please!
1000
01:00:47,685 --> 01:00:50,520
This isn't your fault.
I'll get you some pants.
1001
01:00:56,027 --> 01:00:58,737
What the fuck was that?
1002
01:01:00,073 --> 01:01:04,284
I have internal bleeding.
Somebody call 911.
1003
01:01:04,452 --> 01:01:07,204
That was some fucked up shit.
1004
01:01:07,372 --> 01:01:11,041
Who was that guy? He was so mean.
1005
01:01:12,919 --> 01:01:15,462
Guys, there's something
I need to tell you.
1006
01:01:16,589 --> 01:01:20,509
Last night on the roof,
before we went out...
1007
01:01:21,719 --> 01:01:24,471
...I slipped something
in our Jägermeister.
1008
01:01:25,306 --> 01:01:28,100
- What?
- I'm sorry, I fudged up, guys.
1009
01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:32,813
- You drugged us?
- No, I didn't drug you.
1010
01:01:32,980 --> 01:01:35,273
I was told it was ecstasy.
1011
01:01:35,441 --> 01:01:37,734
Well, who told you it was ecstasy?
1012
01:01:37,902 --> 01:01:39,945
The guy I bought it from
at the liquor store.
1013
01:01:40,113 --> 01:01:41,780
Why would you give us ecstasy?
1014
01:01:41,948 --> 01:01:45,450
I wanted everybody to have a good time
and I knew you guys wouldn't take it.
1015
01:01:45,618 --> 01:01:48,620
It was just one hit each.
I used to do three hits a night.
1016
01:01:49,580 --> 01:01:52,916
But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan,
it was roofies!
1017
01:01:53,084 --> 01:01:54,543
You think I knew that, Stu?
1018
01:01:55,044 --> 01:01:57,963
The guy I bought it from
seemed like a real straight shooter.
1019
01:01:58,131 --> 01:02:01,091
You mean the drug dealer at the liquor store
wasn't a good guy?
1020
01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:02,300
Let's just calm down.
1021
01:02:02,468 --> 01:02:07,931
You fucking calm down! He drugged us.
I lost a tooth. I married a whore.
1022
01:02:08,099 --> 01:02:12,060
- How dare you! She's a nice lady.
- You are such a fucking moron.
1023
01:02:12,228 --> 01:02:15,063
- Your language is offensive.
- Fuck you!
1024
01:02:15,231 --> 01:02:17,649
All right,
let's just take a deep breath, okay?
1025
01:02:18,443 --> 01:02:19,901
Seriously, this is a good thing.
1026
01:02:20,069 --> 01:02:23,989
At least it's not some stranger who
drugged us for God knows what reason.
1027
01:02:24,157 --> 01:02:27,909
Yeah, you're right, Phil,
it's totally a good thing.
1028
01:02:28,077 --> 01:02:30,412
We're so much better off now.
1029
01:02:30,580 --> 01:02:34,249
Here's something
I would like to remind you two of:
1030
01:02:34,417 --> 01:02:38,712
Our best friend Doug is probably
facedown in a ditch right now...
1031
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:41,840
...with a meth-head butt-fucking
his corpse.
1032
01:02:42,008 --> 01:02:44,134
- That's highly unlikely.
- It's true.
1033
01:02:44,302 --> 01:02:48,013
Does not help.
All right, let's get our shit together, guys.
1034
01:02:48,181 --> 01:02:51,433
Let's go back to the hotel,
and I'm gonna make a couple calls.
1035
01:02:51,601 --> 01:02:53,602
Maybe Doug's back there.
Maybe he's asleep.
1036
01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,854
Come on. Let's go.
1037
01:02:56,022 --> 01:03:00,567
- Stu? Little help?
- Shut up.
1038
01:03:03,404 --> 01:03:06,281
- Ow.
- Oh, God. Oh, God, are you okay?
1039
01:03:06,449 --> 01:03:08,992
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Alan, I'm sorry.
1040
01:03:19,420 --> 01:03:21,421
Wait, guys. Guys.
1041
01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:23,465
What about the tiger?
What if he got out?
1042
01:03:23,633 --> 01:03:28,303
Oh, fuck. I keep forgetting
about the goddamn tiger.
1043
01:03:28,721 --> 01:03:30,222
How the fuck did he get in there?
1044
01:03:30,681 --> 01:03:35,811
- I don't know, because I don't remember.
- Shh. Stu. Stu, keep it down.
1045
01:03:35,978 --> 01:03:39,397
Because one of the, uh, side effects of, uh,
roofies is memory loss.
1046
01:03:40,900 --> 01:03:43,735
You are literally too stupid to insult.
1047
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:46,780
- Thank you.
- Hey.
1048
01:03:51,410 --> 01:03:53,453
Hey, come on.
1049
01:03:56,582 --> 01:03:58,708
Did we leave the music on?
1050
01:03:59,001 --> 01:04:00,377
Hey. Shh.
1051
01:04:02,213 --> 01:04:04,798
Don't make any sudden movements.
1052
01:04:06,342 --> 01:04:07,384
- Unh. Whoa!
- Aah!
1053
01:04:07,552 --> 01:04:09,344
- Who the hell are you?
- No, who are you?
1054
01:04:09,512 --> 01:04:10,595
Quiet, quiet.
1055
01:04:14,350 --> 01:04:15,767
Mike Tyson?
1056
01:04:15,935 --> 01:04:19,771
Shh. This is my favorite part
coming up right now.
1057
01:04:28,447 --> 01:04:29,531
Need a chorus line, guys.
1058
01:04:38,291 --> 01:04:39,583
One more time, guys.
1059
01:04:41,794 --> 01:04:43,044
Oh, Jesus!
1060
01:04:44,255 --> 01:04:45,547
Oh, fuck!
1061
01:04:46,299 --> 01:04:47,465
Why did you do that?
1062
01:04:48,384 --> 01:04:51,970
Mr. Tyson would like to know
why is his tiger in your bathroom.
1063
01:04:52,138 --> 01:04:54,472
Hold on,
that was completely unnecessary.
1064
01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:57,183
I'm a huge fan.
When you knocked out Holmes, that was...
1065
01:04:57,351 --> 01:04:59,144
Explain.
1066
01:04:59,645 --> 01:05:03,356
All right, look, we were drugged last night.
We have no memory of what happened.
1067
01:05:03,524 --> 01:05:04,566
It's true.
1068
01:05:04,734 --> 01:05:08,194
We got in all kinds of trouble last night
and now we can't find our friend.
1069
01:05:08,362 --> 01:05:11,323
If you wanna kill us,
go ahead because I don't care anymore.
1070
01:05:11,490 --> 01:05:13,491
- What are you talking about?
- I don't care.
1071
01:05:13,659 --> 01:05:16,077
Why the fuck
would you wanna steal his tiger?
1072
01:05:16,245 --> 01:05:19,289
We tend to do dumb shit
when we're fucked up.
1073
01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:23,168
- I don't believe these guys, man.
- Wait, how did you guys find us?
1074
01:05:23,336 --> 01:05:27,130
One of you dropped your jacket.
Found it in the tigers' cage this morning.
1075
01:05:27,298 --> 01:05:28,632
That's Doug's.
1076
01:05:28,799 --> 01:05:31,968
Yeah, Doug.
His wallet and his room key is in there.
1077
01:05:32,136 --> 01:05:34,971
- No, that's our missing friend.
- I don't give a fuck.
1078
01:05:35,139 --> 01:05:37,223
- Did you guys see him?
- I was fast asleep.
1079
01:05:37,391 --> 01:05:40,352
Because if he was up, this
wouldn't have gone down so smoothly.
1080
01:05:40,519 --> 01:05:42,479
Maybe one of the tigers
ate his ass like Omar.
1081
01:05:43,022 --> 01:05:44,022
Respect.
1082
01:05:44,190 --> 01:05:45,315
Wha... What happened to Omar?
1083
01:05:45,483 --> 01:05:47,859
Oh, don't worry about Omar,
he's not with us no more.
1084
01:05:48,027 --> 01:05:50,278
Okay, I know this is asking a lot...
1085
01:05:50,446 --> 01:05:53,406
...but do you think we could
go to your house and look around...
1086
01:05:53,574 --> 01:05:55,283
...see if there's any clues?
1087
01:05:55,451 --> 01:05:59,663
Absolutely. How else you think
we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?
1088
01:05:59,830 --> 01:06:02,791
- Come on, champ.
- I'm sorry?
1089
01:06:03,376 --> 01:06:07,379
We're not gonna put it in the Bentley.
You brought it here, you bring it back.
1090
01:06:07,546 --> 01:06:10,006
What you think, about 40 minutes?
1091
01:06:10,424 --> 01:06:12,926
Don't make me come back for him.
1092
01:06:16,639 --> 01:06:19,683
- That was Mike Tyson.
- Yeah, no shit that was Mike Tyson.
1093
01:06:19,850 --> 01:06:21,559
I'm just saying, he's still got it.
1094
01:06:22,895 --> 01:06:24,396
Alan.
1095
01:06:24,563 --> 01:06:25,605
Bud, are you okay?
1096
01:06:25,773 --> 01:06:27,190
- Oh, my God.
- Shit!
1097
01:06:27,358 --> 01:06:28,650
Fuck, where'd he get him?
1098
01:06:28,818 --> 01:06:29,859
Hey.
1099
01:06:35,116 --> 01:06:36,658
This does not seem fair.
1100
01:06:37,743 --> 01:06:40,745
It's Rock, Paper, Scissors.
There's nothing more fair.
1101
01:06:40,913 --> 01:06:44,207
- Alan should do it.
- Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson.
1102
01:06:44,375 --> 01:06:46,418
Come on. For Doug.
1103
01:06:46,585 --> 01:06:49,838
Why are you peppering the steak?
You don't know if tigers like pepper.
1104
01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:53,133
Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.
1105
01:06:55,594 --> 01:06:58,388
Phil, just do it. You should do it.
1106
01:06:58,556 --> 01:07:01,850
I would, but you lost.
It wouldn't be right.
1107
01:07:02,018 --> 01:07:04,769
Okay, I jammed five roofies in there.
1108
01:07:04,937 --> 01:07:07,397
Just go in there and throw it in to him.
1109
01:07:08,357 --> 01:07:09,941
Fine.
1110
01:07:11,110 --> 01:07:12,694
Make sure he eats the whole thing.
1111
01:07:18,451 --> 01:07:19,951
Fuck.
1112
01:07:20,119 --> 01:07:21,911
Oh, fuck.
1113
01:07:24,707 --> 01:07:26,499
Hey, kitty.
1114
01:07:27,043 --> 01:07:31,046
Hey, sweetie, it's okay.
I got a little snack for you.
1115
01:07:31,213 --> 01:07:33,798
Real important that you eat this, okay?
1116
01:07:34,717 --> 01:07:36,968
Yeah, just have a little...
1117
01:07:40,306 --> 01:07:41,347
Shit!
1118
01:07:44,018 --> 01:07:45,185
What do we do now?
1119
01:07:46,062 --> 01:07:47,729
We wait.
1120
01:07:57,573 --> 01:08:00,742
What do tigers dream of
1121
01:08:00,910 --> 01:08:04,496
When they take a little tiger snooze?
1122
01:08:04,663 --> 01:08:07,874
Do they dream of mauling zebras
1123
01:08:08,042 --> 01:08:12,170
Or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit?
1124
01:08:12,338 --> 01:08:15,173
Don't you worry your pretty striped head
1125
01:08:15,341 --> 01:08:19,219
We're gonna get you back to Tyson
And your cozy tiger bed
1126
01:08:19,386 --> 01:08:22,555
And then we're gonna find
Our best friend Doug
1127
01:08:22,723 --> 01:08:26,351
And then we're gonna give him
A best-friend hug
1128
01:08:26,519 --> 01:08:28,103
Doug
1129
01:08:28,270 --> 01:08:30,063
Doug
1130
01:08:30,231 --> 01:08:34,734
Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug
1131
01:08:34,902 --> 01:08:40,031
But if he's been murdered
By crystal-meth tweakers
1132
01:08:41,867 --> 01:08:44,828
Well, then we're shit out of luck
1133
01:08:50,334 --> 01:08:52,710
By the way, we're all gonna die.
1134
01:08:57,049 --> 01:08:58,466
Wait.
1135
01:09:02,221 --> 01:09:03,388
- Oh, God.
- Watch it!
1136
01:09:03,556 --> 01:09:06,891
His nose. That's his nose.
1137
01:09:11,856 --> 01:09:14,566
Please don't stop. Please don't stop.
1138
01:09:15,901 --> 01:09:18,236
Please don't... Goddamn it.
1139
01:09:18,571 --> 01:09:21,739
I'm gonna beat you! Ha-ha-ha.
1140
01:09:22,491 --> 01:09:23,783
Oh... He won again.
1141
01:09:26,245 --> 01:09:30,540
- Hey, fellas. Rough night?
Mm-hm.
1142
01:09:30,708 --> 01:09:32,250
Sweetie, stay close to Mama.
1143
01:09:34,295 --> 01:09:36,754
- What's this?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1144
01:09:36,922 --> 01:09:39,924
Take it easy, little man.
You don't wanna be touching that.
1145
01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:42,844
No, partner, that's not your property.
1146
01:09:46,515 --> 01:09:48,516
So, what do you guys got under there?
1147
01:09:48,684 --> 01:09:51,561
Just a whole bunch of
"mind your own business."
1148
01:09:51,937 --> 01:09:54,105
- Easy, Phil.
- He's correct. My fault.
1149
01:09:54,565 --> 01:09:56,441
- You okay?
- Aren't we riding an elevator?
1150
01:09:56,609 --> 01:09:59,444
Why, is this Jeopardy?
What the fuck is this bullshit?
1151
01:09:59,612 --> 01:10:03,114
- Please, with the language.
- Yes.
1152
01:10:04,158 --> 01:10:06,117
- I fully agree.
- Oh.
1153
01:10:14,293 --> 01:10:16,961
Hey, guys, when's the next
Halley's comet?
1154
01:10:17,922 --> 01:10:20,924
- Who cares, man?
- Do you know, Stu?
1155
01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:24,636
I don't think it's for, like,
another 60 years or something.
1156
01:10:24,803 --> 01:10:27,764
- But it's not tonight, right?
- No, I don't think so.
1157
01:10:27,932 --> 01:10:29,849
But you don't know for sure?
1158
01:10:30,017 --> 01:10:31,643
No.
1159
01:10:31,810 --> 01:10:34,395
I got this cousin who saw one.
He said it blew his mind.
1160
01:10:34,563 --> 01:10:37,482
I wanna make sure I never, ever miss out
on a Halley's Comet.
1161
01:10:37,650 --> 01:10:39,943
So if you guys
know if there's gonna be one...
1162
01:10:40,110 --> 01:10:41,152
Oh, fuck!
1163
01:11:01,257 --> 01:11:02,507
- Oh, my God!
- Fuck it!
1164
01:11:03,133 --> 01:11:05,510
Stu! Stu, it got me! Stu!
1165
01:11:05,678 --> 01:11:08,137
You got clawed! You're bleeding!
1166
01:11:10,599 --> 01:11:12,267
- Oh.
- I'm panicking.
1167
01:11:12,434 --> 01:11:14,060
- Aah!
- Oh, my God.
1168
01:11:14,561 --> 01:11:16,771
Okay. Okay, okay. Wait, hold on.
1169
01:11:26,198 --> 01:11:28,700
- I can't do it.
- Get your fucking hand back in there...
1170
01:11:28,867 --> 01:11:30,702
...and steer the car.
- I'm too nervous.
1171
01:11:30,869 --> 01:11:33,579
Alan. We need you, buddy.
This is your time to shine, okay?
1172
01:11:33,747 --> 01:11:35,707
Okay, yeah. Whew.
1173
01:11:36,208 --> 01:11:37,208
Daddy's gonna kill me.
1174
01:11:37,376 --> 01:11:39,043
- That's it.
- That's good.
1175
01:11:39,211 --> 01:11:41,129
Keep it straight.
1176
01:11:50,514 --> 01:11:52,223
- You're late.
- Whatever, man.
1177
01:11:52,391 --> 01:11:54,183
We had to push it the last mile.
1178
01:11:54,351 --> 01:11:57,186
Come on in. Mike's got something
he wants to show you.
1179
01:12:02,359 --> 01:12:05,486
That thing's out of control, man.
Seriously, you gotta put it down.
1180
01:12:07,823 --> 01:12:10,742
When we got back,
we took a look at the security cameras.
1181
01:12:10,909 --> 01:12:12,035
Great.
1182
01:12:14,455 --> 01:12:16,706
This is how you walk.
This is how you walk.
1183
01:12:16,874 --> 01:12:20,251
- Oh, it's Doug.
- Oh, thank God he's alive.
1184
01:12:20,419 --> 01:12:23,546
That's our buddy.
That's who we've been missing.
1185
01:12:23,714 --> 01:12:24,964
We're all best friends.
1186
01:12:25,132 --> 01:12:27,759
Why don't you just pay attention?
I don't have all night.
1187
01:12:27,926 --> 01:12:29,260
Yeah, of course. Of course.
1188
01:12:30,679 --> 01:12:34,015
- What are you doing?
- Hey, guys. Check it out. Watch this.
1189
01:12:34,183 --> 01:12:37,769
That's me, I'm on TV.
I've never been on TV before.
1190
01:12:37,936 --> 01:12:39,020
What are you doing, man?
1191
01:12:39,188 --> 01:12:41,439
Really? Really, Alan?
1192
01:12:42,024 --> 01:12:43,232
You got a fire hose, man?
1193
01:12:45,110 --> 01:12:46,194
Yeah, I was, uh...
1194
01:12:48,030 --> 01:12:50,990
You're gonna overflow the pool, man.
1195
01:12:51,992 --> 01:12:55,078
- Maybe... Should I wait outside?
- I think that's a good idea, Alan.
1196
01:12:55,287 --> 01:12:56,412
Yeah.
1197
01:12:58,123 --> 01:13:00,083
Don't touch anything out there, either.
1198
01:13:00,751 --> 01:13:04,379
You know what? He's not our good fr...
We don't know him that well.
1199
01:13:06,548 --> 01:13:09,300
Come on. Come on, come on.
1200
01:13:09,718 --> 01:13:11,761
By the way,
where you get that cop car from?
1201
01:13:11,929 --> 01:13:14,764
We, uh, stole it from
these dumb-ass cops.
1202
01:13:14,932 --> 01:13:16,099
Nice.
1203
01:13:18,727 --> 01:13:21,312
High five that one.
1204
01:13:21,480 --> 01:13:23,272
Yeah, that's nice.
1205
01:13:23,440 --> 01:13:24,899
You know, I just have to say...
1206
01:13:25,067 --> 01:13:28,569
...I have never seen a more beautiful,
elegant, just regal creature.
1207
01:13:28,737 --> 01:13:31,239
Check it out. Stu. Stu.
Fuck this tiger.
1208
01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:34,826
- Oh, my God. That's awful.
- Oh, man.
1209
01:13:36,203 --> 01:13:38,996
- Oh, shit.
- Who does shit like that, man?
1210
01:13:39,873 --> 01:13:43,835
Someone who has a lot of issues, obviously.
I'm a sick man.
1211
01:13:44,253 --> 01:13:46,212
Oh, my God.
1212
01:13:47,464 --> 01:13:48,631
That's all we got.
1213
01:13:49,383 --> 01:13:52,427
This was hugely helpful.
1214
01:13:52,594 --> 01:13:55,513
Really. Because now we know
that our buddy Doug...
1215
01:13:55,681 --> 01:13:58,599
...was with us at 3:30, totally alive.
1216
01:13:59,059 --> 01:14:04,313
Thanks again, champ. And, uh, again,
we are so sorry we stole your tiger.
1217
01:14:04,481 --> 01:14:05,690
Don't worry about it, man.
1218
01:14:05,858 --> 01:14:08,401
Like you said, we all do dumb shit
when we're fucked up.
1219
01:14:10,863 --> 01:14:13,698
- I told you he'd get it.
- I did say that.
1220
01:14:17,536 --> 01:14:20,037
You know, everyone says
Mike Tyson is such a badass...
1221
01:14:20,205 --> 01:14:22,874
...but I think he's kind of a sweetheart.
1222
01:14:23,041 --> 01:14:24,959
I think he's mean.
1223
01:14:25,127 --> 01:14:28,463
All right. I think it's officially time
we call Tracy.
1224
01:14:28,630 --> 01:14:32,550
Hallelujah. Finally, Phil says something
that makes sense.
1225
01:14:32,718 --> 01:14:35,678
We don't have much of a choice.
And maybe she's heard from Doug.
1226
01:14:35,846 --> 01:14:37,847
That's what I been saying this whole time.
1227
01:14:38,974 --> 01:14:42,351
We just need to be completely honest.
We need to tell her everything.
1228
01:14:43,937 --> 01:14:47,023
We don't have to tell her everything.
We can leave out the stuff...
1229
01:14:47,191 --> 01:14:49,400
...about me marrying a hooker.
1230
01:14:49,568 --> 01:14:52,153
Just stay focused on Doug.
1231
01:14:52,321 --> 01:14:55,573
- What am I gonna tell my dad?
- Alan, relax. It's just the inside.
1232
01:14:55,741 --> 01:14:58,576
Come on. I got a guy in L.A.
Who's great with interiors.
1233
01:15:09,087 --> 01:15:12,632
- Oh, Jesus!
- Oh, my God.
1234
01:15:16,261 --> 01:15:18,554
- Are you guys okay?
- What the fuck?
1235
01:15:27,231 --> 01:15:30,775
I know that guy.
That's the guy from the trunk.
1236
01:15:31,318 --> 01:15:34,195
Get out of the car. Please.
1237
01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:37,657
W... W... Wait.
Those are the guys that shot Eddie.
1238
01:15:39,117 --> 01:15:40,243
- Listen...
- Let's go!
1239
01:15:40,410 --> 01:15:42,119
- Okay.
- Oh, no.
1240
01:15:42,287 --> 01:15:43,788
- Easy, easy.
- Come on.
1241
01:15:43,956 --> 01:15:45,540
Okay. All right.
1242
01:15:45,707 --> 01:15:47,667
- All right, all right.
- Let's go.
1243
01:15:48,210 --> 01:15:51,587
Hey, relax. Ow. Ow. Ow!
1244
01:15:51,755 --> 01:15:53,798
- I have whiplash.
- Get this other fat boy.
1245
01:15:53,966 --> 01:15:55,424
Get the fat boy.
1246
01:15:55,592 --> 01:15:56,634
Hey, hey, hey.
1247
01:15:56,802 --> 01:15:59,720
- All right, all right.
- Hey, take it easy, take it easy!
1248
01:16:00,305 --> 01:16:04,684
I want my purse back, assholes.
1249
01:16:05,936 --> 01:16:08,938
- What? Your purse?
- That's not a purse, it's a satchel.
1250
01:16:09,106 --> 01:16:13,693
It's a purse. Okay?
And you steal from wrong guy.
1251
01:16:13,860 --> 01:16:16,571
Wait a second, wait a second.
We stole from you?
1252
01:16:16,738 --> 01:16:17,822
Okay, you know what?
1253
01:16:17,990 --> 01:16:21,367
We don't remember anything
that happened last night...
1254
01:16:21,535 --> 01:16:23,703
...so help us out a little here.
1255
01:16:23,870 --> 01:16:27,999
Well, apparently you guys met
at a craps table late last night.
1256
01:16:28,166 --> 01:16:30,501
You were on a heater,
and he played your hot streak.
1257
01:16:30,669 --> 01:16:34,171
- He ended up winning just under 80 grand.
- No shit? Eighty grand is nice.
1258
01:16:34,339 --> 01:16:35,423
Okay, that's good.
1259
01:16:35,591 --> 01:16:38,843
He put the chips in his purse,
and then you guys took off with it.
1260
01:16:39,011 --> 01:16:40,720
That doesn't sound like us.
1261
01:16:40,887 --> 01:16:46,601
Mine had $80,000 inside.
And this one? Nothing.
1262
01:16:46,768 --> 01:16:48,436
Hey, there are Skittles in there.
1263
01:16:48,854 --> 01:16:51,022
Ow! Oh, not again.
1264
01:16:52,608 --> 01:16:55,067
Don't let the beard fool you.
He's a child.
1265
01:16:55,235 --> 01:16:57,194
It's funny because he's fat.
1266
01:16:57,362 --> 01:17:00,823
Now, look, this was obviously
a very simple misunderstanding.
1267
01:17:00,991 --> 01:17:03,784
Alan picked up the wrong purse,
it's no big deal.
1268
01:17:03,952 --> 01:17:07,788
Okay, if it's, "No big deal,"
why, when I come after you guys...
1269
01:17:07,956 --> 01:17:11,792
...he starts screaming like crazy and
throw me in trunk?
1270
01:17:12,002 --> 01:17:13,044
What, I did that?
1271
01:17:13,211 --> 01:17:16,797
Yeah, you said he was your lucky charm,
and you want to take him home with you.
1272
01:17:18,800 --> 01:17:20,926
- Lucky charm.
- Oh, it's just funny.
1273
01:17:23,096 --> 01:17:24,221
Fuck you.
1274
01:17:25,515 --> 01:17:29,894
If you want to see your friend again,
you get me my 80 grand.
1275
01:17:30,062 --> 01:17:31,520
- What?
- Our friend?
1276
01:17:31,688 --> 01:17:33,814
- You have Doug?
- You know about our friend?
1277
01:17:35,567 --> 01:17:37,526
- Doug!
- Doug!
1278
01:17:38,487 --> 01:17:41,906
- Doug's in the car! Doug's in the car!
- Doug, it's okay!
1279
01:17:42,074 --> 01:17:43,866
You chill out, goatee!
1280
01:17:44,368 --> 01:17:48,204
- Okay, okay. All right, fine, fine.
- What do you want?
1281
01:17:48,372 --> 01:17:51,248
Not so good now.
Quid pro quo, douche bag.
1282
01:17:51,416 --> 01:17:52,541
What?
1283
01:17:52,709 --> 01:17:55,419
Look, we're very sorry.
But this is an easy fix.
1284
01:17:55,587 --> 01:17:57,672
- Alan, where's his purse?
- I don't know.
1285
01:17:57,839 --> 01:18:00,383
- It's in the hotel room, right?
- Yeah, we can get it.
1286
01:18:00,550 --> 01:18:03,427
We can get you the...
We can even write you a check right now.
1287
01:18:03,595 --> 01:18:05,054
No chance. Cash only.
1288
01:18:05,222 --> 01:18:07,765
- There's a person in there.
- Boring.
1289
01:18:09,518 --> 01:18:11,143
Take nap. Come on.
1290
01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:13,104
Wait. I'm sorry we're boring you!
1291
01:18:13,271 --> 01:18:16,774
- Doug, it's okay.
- You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!
1292
01:18:16,942 --> 01:18:19,235
- Wait.
- Oh, no. You're not going anywhere.
1293
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:21,946
Stop.
1294
01:18:22,447 --> 01:18:24,281
Stop. Run me over.
1295
01:18:24,991 --> 01:18:27,451
- Okay. Whoa. Whoa.
- Stu, Stu, Stu.
1296
01:18:28,912 --> 01:18:33,374
Bring money to Big Rock
in Mojave Desert at dawn.
1297
01:18:33,542 --> 01:18:37,837
- What?
- Toodle-oo, motherfucker.
1298
01:18:40,465 --> 01:18:44,677
Well, at least take the bag
off his head! Fuck!
1299
01:18:46,304 --> 01:18:47,763
Oh!
1300
01:18:56,148 --> 01:18:58,065
Come on, get out of here.
1301
01:19:03,572 --> 01:19:07,616
Guys, I'm telling you, I looked for it this
morning before we left. It's not anywhere.
1302
01:19:07,784 --> 01:19:09,285
Fuck.
1303
01:19:12,372 --> 01:19:13,998
Stu, how much you got in the bank?
1304
01:19:14,166 --> 01:19:16,751
About 10 grand.
I was gonna use it for the wedding.
1305
01:19:16,918 --> 01:19:19,003
You're already married,
so we're good there.
1306
01:19:19,171 --> 01:19:21,338
Besides, enough with Melissa,
she's the worst.
1307
01:19:21,506 --> 01:19:24,175
Yeah, Doug told me she had sex
with a pilot or something.
1308
01:19:24,342 --> 01:19:28,137
It was a bartender on a cruise.
What is wrong with you people?
1309
01:19:28,305 --> 01:19:32,600
- Ew. Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?
- Yes.
1310
01:19:33,643 --> 01:19:35,478
What are we gonna do?
We are so fucked.
1311
01:19:36,438 --> 01:19:37,480
Hey, guys?
1312
01:19:37,647 --> 01:19:39,690
- Did you find it?
- Nope.
1313
01:19:40,859 --> 01:19:42,693
But check this out.
1314
01:20:29,908 --> 01:20:32,159
Change only, 10,000.
1315
01:20:35,914 --> 01:20:39,208
- Hey, uh, these seats taken?
- No, feel free.
1316
01:20:43,922 --> 01:20:46,590
All right, let's play some blackjack!
1317
01:21:08,864 --> 01:21:11,448
That's it. Shut up, bitches.
1318
01:21:15,662 --> 01:21:16,996
Hmm.
1319
01:21:19,040 --> 01:21:22,209
- I'll stick.
- Oh, fuck you! Fuck you!
1320
01:21:28,133 --> 01:21:30,134
Splitting fives.
1321
01:21:31,261 --> 01:21:32,469
- Too many.
- Yes!
1322
01:21:36,391 --> 01:21:39,643
I don't even know you,
but I'm gonna tell you that's dumb.
1323
01:21:40,437 --> 01:21:41,979
- Yes!
- Oh!
1324
01:21:42,147 --> 01:21:45,482
Okay, come on.
He can't lose. He can't lose.
1325
01:21:46,735 --> 01:21:48,861
I think the pit boss is watching him.
1326
01:22:06,671 --> 01:22:07,922
- Oh, my God.
- Are you okay?
1327
01:22:08,089 --> 01:22:11,425
I'm such a klutz. I get so nervous
when I gamble. I'm so silly.
1328
01:22:11,593 --> 01:22:15,054
- It happens.
- Whoa. Hold on a beat, okay?
1329
01:22:15,221 --> 01:22:18,349
- Let's just take it easy. This is my wife.
- It's hurting.
1330
01:22:18,516 --> 01:22:20,017
Make sure... Does it hurt? Does this hurt?
1331
01:22:20,185 --> 01:22:21,518
- Oh, ow.
- You all right?
1332
01:22:21,686 --> 01:22:23,938
- I don't know.
- I don't know either. I don't...
1333
01:22:24,105 --> 01:22:25,439
I think you're fine. Let's go.
1334
01:22:25,607 --> 01:22:28,317
- Really? Okay.
Upsy-daisy, there.
1335
01:22:28,485 --> 01:22:31,445
I'm sorry,
she's had a little too much to drink.
1336
01:22:31,613 --> 01:22:34,740
Thanks, buddy. That's for you.
1337
01:22:43,083 --> 01:22:45,834
And 100, 200, 300, 400.
1338
01:22:46,002 --> 01:22:49,546
With all this, that's $82,400.
1339
01:22:49,714 --> 01:22:53,133
- Oh, goddamn it. I don't fucking believe it.
- Whoo!
1340
01:22:53,301 --> 01:22:56,220
- Alan, you're the man.
- You are too, Phil.
1341
01:22:56,388 --> 01:22:59,056
We should come back next week,
take the whole city down.
1342
01:22:59,224 --> 01:23:00,432
Oh, I'm free next week.
1343
01:23:00,600 --> 01:23:04,311
Or we could just focus
on getting Doug back, right now.
1344
01:23:04,479 --> 01:23:07,731
Uh, you know what? Next week's no good,
the Jonas Brothers are in town.
1345
01:23:07,899 --> 01:23:10,484
But any week after that is totally fine.
1346
01:23:10,652 --> 01:23:14,071
I think it's safe to say that our luck
has officially turned around, guys.
1347
01:23:14,239 --> 01:23:19,576
- We are back, baby. We are fucking back.
- We're back. Classic.
1348
01:23:19,744 --> 01:23:21,578
We are back, we are back
1349
01:23:21,746 --> 01:23:23,080
That's right.
1350
01:23:23,248 --> 01:23:25,582
We are getting Doug back
1351
01:23:25,750 --> 01:23:28,919
And we're the three best friends
That anybody could have
1352
01:23:29,087 --> 01:23:31,922
We're the three best friends
That anyone could have
1353
01:23:32,090 --> 01:23:35,592
We're the three best friends
That anyone can have
1354
01:23:35,760 --> 01:23:38,762
And we'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever
Leave each other
1355
01:23:38,930 --> 01:23:41,724
We're the best three friends
That anybody could have
1356
01:23:41,891 --> 01:23:44,727
I mean, the three best friends
That anybody could have
1357
01:23:44,894 --> 01:23:48,022
That's right, the three best friends
That anybody can have
1358
01:24:06,082 --> 01:24:08,125
- Now what?
- Give him the signal.
1359
01:24:08,293 --> 01:24:11,920
- What signal?
- Flash your lights. Let him know it's on.
1360
01:24:12,088 --> 01:24:15,007
- What's on?
- The deal.
1361
01:24:15,175 --> 01:24:18,927
Of course it's on. We just drove 30 miles
into the desert. He knows it's on.
1362
01:24:19,095 --> 01:24:21,221
Phil, just do something.
1363
01:24:22,432 --> 01:24:23,724
Fine.
1364
01:24:26,811 --> 01:24:28,645
- Oh, shit.
- See?
1365
01:24:28,813 --> 01:24:30,814
All right, let's go.
1366
01:24:44,120 --> 01:24:46,246
Funny fat guy fall on face.
1367
01:24:46,414 --> 01:24:47,831
You okay?
1368
01:24:47,999 --> 01:24:50,793
All right, we got the money.
Eighty grand, cash.
1369
01:24:50,960 --> 01:24:53,128
Throw it over. Then I give you Doug.
1370
01:24:53,296 --> 01:24:58,342
Um, I'm sorry. First of all, good morning.
And we didn't catch your name last night.
1371
01:24:58,510 --> 01:25:01,512
Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow.
1372
01:25:01,679 --> 01:25:04,014
Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure.
My name is Stu.
1373
01:25:04,182 --> 01:25:08,936
And we would very much appreciate
an opportunity to see Doug...
1374
01:25:09,104 --> 01:25:12,022
...before we give you the money,
just to verify that he's okay.
1375
01:25:12,190 --> 01:25:17,486
- Lf that's cool.
- Of course, Stu. That is cool.
1376
01:25:27,330 --> 01:25:29,540
- Oh, thank God.
- Okay.
1377
01:25:29,707 --> 01:25:32,668
See, he fine. Now give me money...
1378
01:25:32,836 --> 01:25:36,797
...or I shoot him,
and I shoot all you motherfuckers.
1379
01:25:36,965 --> 01:25:40,634
And then we take it.
Your choice, bitches.
1380
01:25:41,302 --> 01:25:42,803
- Give him the money, Stu.
- Okay.
1381
01:25:52,564 --> 01:25:55,399
- It's all there.
- Let him go.
1382
01:25:58,361 --> 01:26:00,737
All right, take it easy. Take it easy.
1383
01:26:01,406 --> 01:26:02,573
Ta-da.
1384
01:26:03,908 --> 01:26:05,993
Is this some kind ofjoke?
Who the hell is this?
1385
01:26:06,161 --> 01:26:07,202
That is not Doug.
1386
01:26:07,370 --> 01:26:10,330
What you talking about, Willis?
That him.
1387
01:26:10,498 --> 01:26:12,916
No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow.
That's not our friend.
1388
01:26:13,084 --> 01:26:16,128
- He... That's...
- The Doug we're looking for is a white.
1389
01:26:17,088 --> 01:26:20,883
Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy,
little boy.
1390
01:26:21,050 --> 01:26:23,552
Damn, Alan,
what the fuck you got me into?
1391
01:26:23,720 --> 01:26:26,430
- You know him?
- This is the guy that sold me the bad drugs.
1392
01:26:26,598 --> 01:26:29,141
- How you doing?
- I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs.
1393
01:26:29,309 --> 01:26:34,438
- Wait. He sold you the Ruphylin?
- Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru...? Wha...?
1394
01:26:34,606 --> 01:26:38,692
- Who gives a shit? Where is Doug?
- I am Doug.
1395
01:26:38,860 --> 01:26:41,195
- Your name's Doug?
- Yes, I'm Doug.
1396
01:26:41,362 --> 01:26:44,072
His name's Doug too. Ha. Classic mix-up.
1397
01:26:44,240 --> 01:26:45,407
Come on.
1398
01:26:45,575 --> 01:26:49,786
- Hey, Chow. You gave us the wrong Doug.
- Not my problem.
1399
01:26:49,954 --> 01:26:53,624
No, fuck that shit. Now, you give us
our 80 grand back and take him with you!
1400
01:26:53,791 --> 01:26:58,462
- No. Come on. I'll be your Doug.
- Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I take him back.
1401
01:26:58,630 --> 01:27:01,548
Right after you suck on
these little Chinese nuts.
1402
01:27:01,925 --> 01:27:04,968
- Ah. That's nasty.
- Mmm. How that sound?
1403
01:27:05,136 --> 01:27:06,678
Unh, pshh.
1404
01:27:06,846 --> 01:27:10,849
- So long, gay boys.
- Wait a second.
1405
01:27:11,017 --> 01:27:12,768
He's a nasty little motherfucker.
1406
01:27:12,936 --> 01:27:14,061
Did you ever get any ecstasy?
1407
01:27:14,229 --> 01:27:16,313
No, I ain't got no fucking ecstasy.
1408
01:27:16,481 --> 01:27:19,691
- Goddamn it!
- Gosh darn it!
1409
01:27:19,859 --> 01:27:22,986
- Shit!
- Shoot!
1410
01:27:32,497 --> 01:27:34,665
- Hello?
- Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
1411
01:27:34,832 --> 01:27:38,460
Phil, where the hell are you guys?
I'm freaking out.
1412
01:27:38,628 --> 01:27:40,337
Yeah, listen.
1413
01:27:42,757 --> 01:27:44,341
We fucked up.
1414
01:27:44,509 --> 01:27:46,760
Thanks for the lift back to town.
1415
01:27:48,429 --> 01:27:50,180
- I got a question for you.
- What's up?
1416
01:27:50,348 --> 01:27:52,182
How did you wind up in Chow's car?
1417
01:27:52,934 --> 01:27:55,269
That crazy asshole
kidnapped me yesterday.
1418
01:27:55,436 --> 01:27:57,646
Okay, but why? I mean, why you?
1419
01:27:57,814 --> 01:28:01,316
He thought I was with you guys because
we were hanging over at the Bellagio.
1420
01:28:01,484 --> 01:28:03,193
- What?
- We were at the Bellagio?
1421
01:28:03,361 --> 01:28:05,320
We were shooting craps.
You don't remember?
1422
01:28:05,488 --> 01:28:07,823
No. No, we don't remember.
1423
01:28:07,991 --> 01:28:13,078
Because some dick drug dealer sold him
Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy.
1424
01:28:13,246 --> 01:28:17,582
Ruphylin. There you go with that word.
Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin?
1425
01:28:17,750 --> 01:28:22,004
Wow, you are
the world's shittiest drug dealer.
1426
01:28:22,171 --> 01:28:27,634
Ruphylin, for your information,
is the date-rape drug. You sold Alan roofies.
1427
01:28:27,802 --> 01:28:31,346
Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags.
My fault, Alan.
1428
01:28:31,514 --> 01:28:34,558
Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off at me
on that one.
1429
01:28:35,059 --> 01:28:38,103
- Whatever.
- It's funny, because just the other day...
1430
01:28:38,271 --> 01:28:41,481
...me and my boy, we was wondering
why they even call them roofies.
1431
01:28:41,649 --> 01:28:44,651
- You know what I'm talking about?
- No. Don't know.
1432
01:28:44,819 --> 01:28:47,279
Why not floories, right?
Because when you take them...
1433
01:28:47,447 --> 01:28:50,615
...you're more likely
to end up on the floor than the roof.
1434
01:28:50,950 --> 01:28:54,244
What about groundies?
That's a good new name for them.
1435
01:28:54,412 --> 01:28:55,871
Or, how about rapies?
1436
01:28:56,497 --> 01:28:58,957
- Wait, what did you just say?
- Rapies.
1437
01:28:59,125 --> 01:29:02,836
- Not you. Doug, what did you say before?
- I said groundies.
1438
01:29:03,004 --> 01:29:04,046
No, before that.
1439
01:29:04,213 --> 01:29:09,676
You said, "You're more likely to wind up
on the floor than..."
1440
01:29:09,844 --> 01:29:12,596
- Phil.
- Listen, Trace, I'm really sorry. L...
1441
01:29:14,849 --> 01:29:17,726
- Phil? Hello?
- Tracy, it's Stu.
1442
01:29:17,894 --> 01:29:20,103
Stu. Talk to me. What's going on?
1443
01:29:20,271 --> 01:29:22,230
Uh, nothing. Don't listen to Phil.
1444
01:29:22,398 --> 01:29:25,859
He's completely out of his mind.
He's probably still drunk from last night.
1445
01:29:26,027 --> 01:29:27,069
Where's Doug?
1446
01:29:27,236 --> 01:29:30,530
He is paying the bill.
We just had a delicious brunch.
1447
01:29:30,698 --> 01:29:33,116
We're in a hurry to get back,
so we gotta get going.
1448
01:29:33,284 --> 01:29:35,452
- Okay, we'll see you soon. Bye.
- Stu.
1449
01:29:35,620 --> 01:29:37,788
Stu. Fuck.
1450
01:29:37,955 --> 01:29:41,625
- What the fuck, man?
- I know where Doug is.
1451
01:29:48,341 --> 01:29:50,050
I don't know, man. It just hit me.
1452
01:29:50,218 --> 01:29:53,136
You remember when we saw
Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?
1453
01:29:53,304 --> 01:29:55,639
- Yeah, we threw it out the window.
- No, impossible.
1454
01:29:55,807 --> 01:29:59,351
- You can't open windows in Vegas hotels.
- Well, then how did it get...?
1455
01:29:59,519 --> 01:30:01,728
- Oh, my God!
- Ha, ha, ha.
1456
01:30:01,896 --> 01:30:04,940
- Whoa, wait. What's going on?
- Doug was trying to signal someone.
1457
01:30:05,108 --> 01:30:06,566
- Holy shit.
- Yes.
1458
01:30:06,734 --> 01:30:09,611
- Wait. How did you figure that out?
- Doug made me realize it.
1459
01:30:09,779 --> 01:30:11,655
- Doug?
- Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug.
1460
01:30:11,823 --> 01:30:14,991
- Hey, hey, easy with that shit. Come on.
- Sorry.
1461
01:30:15,159 --> 01:30:16,993
Can someone tell me
where white Doug is?
1462
01:30:17,161 --> 01:30:18,745
- He's on the roof, Alan.
- Yes.
1463
01:30:18,913 --> 01:30:22,124
He's on the roof. We must have taken him
up there as a prank...
1464
01:30:22,291 --> 01:30:25,210
...so he'd wake up on the roof.
- Like that time in summer camp.
1465
01:30:25,378 --> 01:30:27,504
We moved his sleeping bag
out in the jetty at the lake?
1466
01:30:27,672 --> 01:30:29,423
Ha, ha, ha. Which was hilarious.
1467
01:30:29,590 --> 01:30:32,676
It's not so funny now, though,
because we forgot where we put him.
1468
01:30:32,844 --> 01:30:34,678
You guys are retarded, you know that?
1469
01:30:34,846 --> 01:30:39,266
- Holy shit. You think he's still up there?
- There's only one way to find out.
1470
01:30:43,855 --> 01:30:45,188
Doug!
1471
01:30:45,356 --> 01:30:47,190
Doug!
1472
01:30:47,358 --> 01:30:49,484
- Doug!
- Doug, you up here, buddy?
1473
01:30:53,656 --> 01:30:55,699
Where you at, Doug?
1474
01:30:57,368 --> 01:30:58,994
Doug!
1475
01:31:02,707 --> 01:31:03,748
Hey, guys!
1476
01:31:04,709 --> 01:31:06,293
He's over here!
1477
01:31:08,004 --> 01:31:11,548
- Hey, I found him! He's over here!
- Oh, shit.
1478
01:31:14,051 --> 01:31:15,343
He's okay.
1479
01:31:15,845 --> 01:31:17,512
You're okay. Ha, ha, ha!
1480
01:31:17,680 --> 01:31:20,682
Oh, God. We gotta go, buddy. Come on.
1481
01:31:20,850 --> 01:31:23,852
Oh, we have been looking everywhere
for you.
1482
01:31:24,020 --> 01:31:27,105
- He's alive.
- What the fuck is going on?
1483
01:31:27,273 --> 01:31:30,317
We can explain everything,
but right now we gotta go.
1484
01:31:30,485 --> 01:31:34,529
- Hey, bud. You okay?
- No. Not okay.
1485
01:31:34,697 --> 01:31:37,449
You look good, you got some color.
I'm jealous.
1486
01:31:37,617 --> 01:31:40,076
- I'm getting married today.
- Yes, you are.
1487
01:31:40,244 --> 01:31:42,787
That's why you need to focus
and do everything we say.
1488
01:31:42,955 --> 01:31:46,291
Because, frankly,
you're wasting a little bit of time right now.
1489
01:31:46,459 --> 01:31:47,751
You fucking asshole!
1490
01:31:51,005 --> 01:31:52,714
Oh, my skin burns. My skin burns.
1491
01:31:52,882 --> 01:31:54,591
Oh, ow! God.
1492
01:31:54,759 --> 01:31:58,011
- It's okay. It's not your fault, Doug.
- Don't touch me. Shut up.
1493
01:31:58,179 --> 01:31:59,596
All of you, shut up.
1494
01:32:00,556 --> 01:32:02,098
Just get me home.
1495
01:32:02,266 --> 01:32:03,391
Mm-hm.
1496
01:32:03,559 --> 01:32:05,352
Just get me home.
1497
01:32:06,062 --> 01:32:08,438
What about the one after that?
1498
01:32:08,648 --> 01:32:11,733
You cannot be serious.
1499
01:32:12,443 --> 01:32:13,985
Oh, goddamn it.
1500
01:32:14,153 --> 01:32:15,946
- What?
- Every flight to L.A. Is booked.
1501
01:32:16,113 --> 01:32:17,489
- What about Burbank?
- Sold out.
1502
01:32:17,657 --> 01:32:21,076
Oh, fuck! We can't drive there, the
wedding starts in three and a half hours.
1503
01:32:21,244 --> 01:32:23,453
- Alan, where's the car?
- It's on its way.
1504
01:32:23,621 --> 01:32:24,955
You know what?
1505
01:32:25,122 --> 01:32:28,416
We can drive there.
We can make it. Okay?
1506
01:32:30,044 --> 01:32:31,127
Hi.
1507
01:32:32,088 --> 01:32:35,924
- Just give me one second.
- We will leave without you.
1508
01:32:38,469 --> 01:32:40,595
- Is he missing a tooth?
- Yeah.
1509
01:32:42,640 --> 01:32:44,558
- Hey.
- Hey.
1510
01:32:44,725 --> 01:32:47,477
Hey, thanks for helping out last night.
That was so awesome.
1511
01:32:47,645 --> 01:32:49,229
Sure.
1512
01:32:50,064 --> 01:32:52,524
Listen, Jade, l...
1513
01:32:52,692 --> 01:32:55,527
Look, you don't have to say it.
I totally understand.
1514
01:32:55,695 --> 01:32:58,822
- This whole thing was stupid.
- Huh.
1515
01:33:00,157 --> 01:33:01,783
It was stupid, wasn't it?
1516
01:33:08,916 --> 01:33:10,834
- This is yours.
- Oh, thank you.
1517
01:33:12,003 --> 01:33:16,006
I can't believe I gave my grandmother's
Holocaust ring to someone I just met.
1518
01:33:16,173 --> 01:33:18,842
- What was I thinking?
- You were really fucked up.
1519
01:33:19,010 --> 01:33:20,719
Clearly.
1520
01:33:21,721 --> 01:33:24,389
- You did pull out your own tooth.
- L...?
1521
01:33:25,099 --> 01:33:26,182
I pulled out my tooth?
1522
01:33:27,476 --> 01:33:29,811
Why did I pull out my own tooth?
1523
01:33:29,979 --> 01:33:32,439
Alan bet you
that you weren't a good enough dentist...
1524
01:33:32,607 --> 01:33:34,024
...to pull out your own tooth.
1525
01:33:34,900 --> 01:33:37,819
Okay. Heh.
1526
01:33:38,195 --> 01:33:41,364
- Of course he did.
- You won.
1527
01:33:41,532 --> 01:33:44,951
Yeah. Clearly. Yeah.
1528
01:33:45,119 --> 01:33:47,037
That's victory, right there.
1529
01:33:47,204 --> 01:33:48,913
It needs to go down.
1530
01:33:49,081 --> 01:33:50,832
- It's good. Get in.
- No. Safety first.
1531
01:33:51,000 --> 01:33:54,502
- Alan, it's fine. It's down.
- No, I gotta get it down first.
1532
01:33:54,670 --> 01:33:58,798
- Jesus Christ. Look out.
- Don't mess the car up.
1533
01:33:58,966 --> 01:34:00,884
You're gonna mess the car up.
1534
01:34:01,052 --> 01:34:04,638
- Hey, what are you doing next weekend?
- I don't know. Working. Why?
1535
01:34:04,805 --> 01:34:07,849
I was thinking maybe I'd come back
and take you out to dinner.
1536
01:34:08,017 --> 01:34:10,560
Really? Like a date?
1537
01:34:10,728 --> 01:34:15,482
Yeah. Like a date.
Only, one that hopefully I'll remember.
1538
01:34:15,983 --> 01:34:17,734
Sounds good.
1539
01:34:21,197 --> 01:34:24,074
- Stu. Come on.
- Stu. Come on.
1540
01:34:25,660 --> 01:34:29,537
I gotta go. Okay. Bye.
1541
01:34:32,249 --> 01:34:34,250
- Bye.
- Bye.
1542
01:34:36,379 --> 01:34:38,171
All right, here we go.
1543
01:34:38,673 --> 01:34:41,591
- All right, let's go.
- Yeah.
1544
01:34:41,759 --> 01:34:42,759
Careful.
1545
01:34:59,902 --> 01:35:02,570
At least the trip
wasn't a total disaster.
1546
01:35:02,738 --> 01:35:05,907
- What makes you say that?
- When I woke up on the roof...
1547
01:35:06,075 --> 01:35:09,953
...I happened to find $80,000
worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket.
1548
01:35:10,121 --> 01:35:11,871
- Oh!
- Oh, my God!
1549
01:35:12,331 --> 01:35:15,834
Looks like we're going home
with some money, boys.
1550
01:35:33,310 --> 01:35:35,145
Here he comes. That's him.
1551
01:35:37,356 --> 01:35:40,316
- Hey, Neeco!
- Hey. What's up, Alan?
1552
01:35:40,484 --> 01:35:42,152
Whoo!
1553
01:35:43,612 --> 01:35:45,280
- Whoa, look out.
- Oh, shit.
1554
01:35:45,448 --> 01:35:47,449
Whoa! Whoa!
1555
01:35:50,828 --> 01:35:52,120
- Thanks, Neeco.
- You got it, man.
1556
01:35:52,288 --> 01:35:53,705
- Page me!
- Adiós.
1557
01:35:54,123 --> 01:35:56,332
- Who the hell was that guy?
- That's my buddy.
1558
01:36:32,536 --> 01:36:37,373
Hey. Sorry, MapQuest took us
on a really crazy route.
1559
01:36:59,814 --> 01:37:01,564
- How's my hair?
- It looks good.
1560
01:37:01,732 --> 01:37:05,902
- Is it cool like Phil's?
- It's classic Phil.
1561
01:37:10,533 --> 01:37:12,575
She looks beautiful, man.
1562
01:37:18,999 --> 01:37:20,208
Sorry I'm late.
1563
01:37:21,752 --> 01:37:23,294
Vegas.
1564
01:37:28,050 --> 01:37:31,970
Where were you?
And why are you so red?
1565
01:37:32,429 --> 01:37:36,307
Honey, it's a long story.
1566
01:37:37,226 --> 01:37:39,185
We are gathered here today...
1567
01:37:39,353 --> 01:37:42,939
...because of the strength of love
and of promises kept.
1568
01:37:43,107 --> 01:37:46,317
All I know is I am so sorry.
1569
01:37:46,652 --> 01:37:49,028
And I promise
for as long as we're married...
1570
01:37:49,196 --> 01:37:53,491
...to never, ever put you
through anything like this again.
1571
01:37:54,618 --> 01:37:56,494
Can you forgive me?
1572
01:38:42,333 --> 01:38:44,334
- Daddy.
- Hey, my man.
1573
01:38:44,501 --> 01:38:46,878
Excuse me,
but I'm expecting my husband any minute.
1574
01:38:47,046 --> 01:38:48,922
Oh, that's very funny. Come here.
1575
01:38:50,299 --> 01:38:51,382
How was your soccer game?
1576
01:39:08,359 --> 01:39:12,487
- Stu? You avoiding me?
- Hey. Melissa.
1577
01:39:12,655 --> 01:39:15,365
Oh, my God.
What happened to your tooth?
1578
01:39:16,200 --> 01:39:19,702
Have you met Alan? Tracy's brother.
Brother of the...
1579
01:39:19,870 --> 01:39:21,454
Okay. Ow.
1580
01:39:21,622 --> 01:39:24,540
That is disgusting.
Why haven't you returned my calls?
1581
01:39:25,125 --> 01:39:27,043
Well, there was a snafu
when we stopped...
1582
01:39:27,211 --> 01:39:29,087
I called that bed and breakfast in Napa.
1583
01:39:29,254 --> 01:39:32,423
They said they had no record
of you even checking in.
1584
01:39:33,133 --> 01:39:34,842
That's because we didn't go to Napa.
1585
01:39:35,010 --> 01:39:39,013
- Stu. What the fuck is going on?
- We went to Las Vegas.
1586
01:39:39,181 --> 01:39:42,308
Oh, really? Las Vegas?
Why would you go to Las Vegas?
1587
01:39:42,476 --> 01:39:45,019
My friend was getting married.
That's what guys do.
1588
01:39:45,187 --> 01:39:46,938
- Okay, that's not what you do.
- Really?
1589
01:39:47,106 --> 01:39:51,567
Well, then why did I do it, huh?
Because I did it. Riddle me that.
1590
01:39:51,735 --> 01:39:53,236
Why'd I do it?
1591
01:39:53,404 --> 01:39:55,613
All you want me to do
is what you want me to do.
1592
01:39:55,781 --> 01:39:57,657
I'm sick of doing what you want.
1593
01:39:57,825 --> 01:40:01,369
In a healthy relationship,
a guy should be able to do what he wants.
1594
01:40:01,537 --> 01:40:04,580
- That is not how this works!
- Oh, good.
1595
01:40:04,748 --> 01:40:07,750
Because whatever this is
ain't working for me!
1596
01:40:07,918 --> 01:40:08,960
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
1597
01:40:09,128 --> 01:40:10,253
Since when?
1598
01:40:10,421 --> 01:40:14,966
Since you fucked that waiter
on your cruise last June. Boom!
1599
01:40:17,886 --> 01:40:21,597
- You told me it was a bartender.
- Oh, you're right. I stand corrected.
1600
01:40:21,765 --> 01:40:24,934
It was a bartender.
You fucked a bartender.
1601
01:40:25,102 --> 01:40:26,519
You're an idiot.
1602
01:40:26,687 --> 01:40:27,729
You're... You...
1603
01:40:29,773 --> 01:40:31,274
You're such a bad person.
1604
01:40:31,442 --> 01:40:33,443
Like, all the way through to your core.
1605
01:40:35,779 --> 01:40:38,656
Alan, shall we dance?
1606
01:40:39,783 --> 01:40:40,825
Let's do this.
1607
01:40:49,626 --> 01:40:52,295
- It was a real pleasure meeting you.
- Fuck off.
1608
01:40:52,921 --> 01:40:56,049
- I'm getting my bartender's license.
- Suck my dick.
1609
01:40:56,800 --> 01:40:58,176
No, thank you.
1610
01:41:08,312 --> 01:41:09,312
You guys are awe...
1611
01:41:10,689 --> 01:41:12,648
- Sid?
- There he is.
1612
01:41:12,983 --> 01:41:16,819
- You wanted to see me?
- Yeah.
1613
01:41:16,987 --> 01:41:19,322
- Congratulations, buddy.
- Congratulations to you.
1614
01:41:19,490 --> 01:41:22,366
- You had us worried there for a second.
- Sorry.
1615
01:41:22,534 --> 01:41:23,659
How was Vegas?
1616
01:41:23,952 --> 01:41:26,829
It was... Ahem. It was crazy.
1617
01:41:26,997 --> 01:41:28,581
Attaboy.
1618
01:41:32,336 --> 01:41:34,879
- Enjoy the car?
- Mm-hm.
1619
01:41:35,923 --> 01:41:39,842
- Remember to put Armor All on the tires?
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
1620
01:41:43,097 --> 01:41:44,806
Let me ask you a question.
1621
01:41:49,103 --> 01:41:52,313
How can a cake cost $1400?
1622
01:41:54,525 --> 01:41:57,568
- Highway robbery.
- It's criminal.
1623
01:41:58,028 --> 01:42:00,988
Sid, ahem, about the car...
1624
01:42:07,663 --> 01:42:11,833
Tracy told you. I told her not to tell you.
I wanted to tell you.
1625
01:42:14,294 --> 01:42:17,713
- Tell me what?
- Careful, Doug. These women...
1626
01:42:18,549 --> 01:42:19,715
...can't be trusted.
1627
01:42:21,260 --> 01:42:24,178
- Tell me what, Sid?
- The Mercedes.
1628
01:42:24,346 --> 01:42:26,722
It is a wedding gift from Linda and I.
1629
01:42:28,433 --> 01:42:30,726
- Are you serious?
- What do you think?
1630
01:42:40,904 --> 01:42:42,405
That is awesome.
1631
01:42:44,116 --> 01:42:45,867
Thank you. Oh.
1632
01:42:48,078 --> 01:42:50,788
Thanks, Daddy. Thanks, Sid.
1633
01:42:50,956 --> 01:42:53,332
Close the door.
- You're awesome.
1634
01:42:53,500 --> 01:42:55,376
You are awesome.
1635
01:42:57,087 --> 01:42:58,504
Yeah.
1636
01:43:06,597 --> 01:43:07,889
Dougie...
1637
01:43:08,056 --> 01:43:10,516
...I gotta tell you, man,
this was a gorgeous wedding.
1638
01:43:10,684 --> 01:43:13,603
- I give it six months.
- You're a dick.
1639
01:43:14,605 --> 01:43:18,983
I don't know what to say.
Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess?
1640
01:43:19,776 --> 01:43:24,113
Yeah. I just wish
we could actually remember some of it.
1641
01:43:24,281 --> 01:43:27,658
- Hey, guys? Look what I found.
- Whoa, that's my camera.
1642
01:43:27,826 --> 01:43:30,953
- It was in the back seat of the car.
- Oh, Go... Are there photos on it?
1643
01:43:31,121 --> 01:43:33,456
Yeah. Some of it's even worse
than we thought.
1644
01:43:33,624 --> 01:43:35,666
- No fucking way. Give me that.
- Wa... Wa... Wait.
1645
01:43:35,834 --> 01:43:38,336
Wait, wait, wait.
1646
01:43:40,797 --> 01:43:45,343
We look at these pictures together, okay?
One time.
1647
01:43:45,802 --> 01:43:49,972
- And then we delete the evidence.
- I say we delete it right now.
1648
01:43:50,140 --> 01:43:53,809
Are you nuts? I wanna find out
how I wound up in the hospital.
1649
01:43:53,977 --> 01:43:57,980
- Yeah, it's in there.
- Guys, one time.
1650
01:43:58,148 --> 01:43:59,190
- Deal?
- Deal.
1651
01:43:59,358 --> 01:44:01,025
- Deal.
- Okay.
1652
01:44:05,489 --> 01:44:07,031
Oh, dear Lord!
1653
01:44:07,199 --> 01:44:08,407
That's classic!
1654
01:44:09,199 --> 01:46:08,407
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