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>> Xavier: [ Thinking ] WHAT

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DOTH LIFE?

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ARE WE JUST FLESHY BLIPS IN SOME

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MEANINGLESS STEW OF COSMIC

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OBLIVION?

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OR IS IT VICE-REVERSA?

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IS OUR EVERY TROLLOP THROUGH

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FATE'S GARDEN INFUSED WITH A

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MYSTIC --

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>> HEY, BUNGHOLE, CEASE THAT

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INNER YAPPING.

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>> Xavier: I DON'T WANT NO

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TROUBLE, MISTER.

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>> FREAK! IF YOU DIDN'T WANT

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TROUBLE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE

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WANDERED INTO BURBURY,

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CONNECTICUT.

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>> Xavier: PLEASE, I'M JUST A

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SIMPLE SEEKER ON A SPIRIT QUEST

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TO DISCOVER...

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WHAT DOTH LIFE?

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>> WE DON'T GOT NO FREAKS HERE

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IN BURBURY, AND WE'S DONE HATE

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FREAKS WITH OPEN, UNQUENCHABLE

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CANS OF PHILOSOPHICAL

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THIRST-WORMS.

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[ SPITS ]

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>> Xavier: YOU'RE GONNA REGRET

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THAT.

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YOU'VE SHATTERED MY SHAKHASHIRI.

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>> I HOPE Y'ALL CAN PLAY IT 3

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FEET UP YOUR ASS.

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>> Xavier: DON'T KNOW.

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BUT I'D SURE LIKE TO TRY.

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>> WHAT YOU GONNA DO,

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BIRD-BEAST, FLY AWAY ON YOUR

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CUDDLE BONE?

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>> YEAH, CUDDLE THIS

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B-B-B-B-B-BONE.

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>> BEST STAY WAY FROM THAT

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WEIRDO.

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YOU'LL CATCH THE FELINE AIDS.

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>> YEAH, FROM ME.

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M-M-M-MEOW.

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>> Xavier: DO YOURSELF A SOLID.

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WALK AWAY.

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JUST WALK AWAY.

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>> WHAT'S THE MATTER,

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CH-CH-CHICKEN?

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FRIGHTENED?

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OR DO YOU PREFER, WHAT'S THE

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MATTER, CHICKEN?

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F-F-FRIGHTENED?

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>> Xavier: PLEASE WALK AWAY.

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YOU MAY NEED MY HELP SOMEDAY.

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[ Echoes ] WALK AWAY.

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>> YEAH, HELP ME PUNCH YOUR NECK

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OFF.

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>> WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-

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WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WELCOME TO

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BURBURY.

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WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

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>> Xavier: WELL, MA'AM, I

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SUPPOSE I'M SEEKING A DEEPER

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STRATA OF TRUTH.

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PERHAPS YOU CAN ANSWER THE ONE

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QUESTION THAT HAS PLAGUED

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THINKERS FOR ALL TIME.

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WHAT DOTH LIFE?

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>> ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

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PROCESSING.

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PROCESSING.

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PROCESSING.

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PROCESSING.

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[ Distorted ] PROCESSING.

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PROCESSING.

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DEPTH OVERLOAD.

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DEPTH OVERLOAD.

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>> YOU ALL RIGHT, MISTER?

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SORRY OUR COMPUTER'S FRITZING ON

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Y'ALL.

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>> Xavier: I'LL BE FINE.

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I'M A SURVIVOR.

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WE'RE A DYING BREED.

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I SUPPOSE YOU'LL BE WANTING TO

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HEAR MY STORY.

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>> WHAT?

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>> Xavier: I DON'T LIKE TO TELL

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PEOPLE MY STORY, BUT YOU --

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YOU'VE BEEN SO VERY KIND.

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>> ACTUALLY, I HAVE TO GET

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GOING.

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>> Xavier: [ Echoes ] LIFE.

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YOU COULD SAY IT STARTED WHEN I

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WAS A KID.

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LIKE MOST FOLKS, I'VE ALWAYS

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BEEN DIFFERENT, BUT NOT LIKE THE

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OTHERS.

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OTHER KIDS COULD BE CRUEL.

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THEY'D CALL ME NAMES -- DWEEB,

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CHIMP, HONKY, DWEEBY CHIMP,

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HONKY DWEEB, AND, WORST OF ALL,

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CHOMPSKY HONK.

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DID YOU KNOW THERE'S OVER 87

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COMBINATIONS OF THOSE

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SOUL-SCALDING WORDS?

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I FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY.

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LIFE.

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ADOLESCENCE WAS BETTER.

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WENT TO THE PROM WITH A MODEL,

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BUT SHE LEFT WITH SOME JOCK.

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DYKE.

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BUT THEN I FELT SOMETHING IN MY

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GUT -- THE PALPABLE SUSPICION

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THAT I HAD A DEEPER CALLING IN

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LIFE.

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SO I SOUGHT OUT THE WISDOM OF

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THE ANCIENTS, EXPLORING THE

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SPIRIT REALM OF THE SOUL.

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ONE DAY, TRAGEDY STRUCK.

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I WAS GROPING ENLIGHTENMENT IN

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MY BEDROOM, AND BEFORE YOU COULD

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SCREAM "MURDER BY ARSON," OUR

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HOUSE WAS ON FIRE.

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COULDN'T SAVE MY PARENTS.

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CORONER RULED IT A SIMPLE CASE

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OF DEATH BY MYSTERIOUS FIRE, BUT

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I ALWAYS SENSED THAT THERE WAS

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SOMETHING FISHY ABOUT IT.

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NEEDLESS TO SAY, MY SO-CALLED

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FATHER WAS A SCIENTIST IN SOME

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TOP SECRET CAPACITY I'VE YET TO

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UNVEIL.

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YET...

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YET -- YET -- YET...

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SO NOW I WANDER THE COUNTRY,

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LOOKING FOR THE MAN WHO KILLED

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MY FATHER AND, I SUPPOSE,

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SEEKING ANSWERS TO LESS TANGIBLE

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QUESTIONS OF LIFE.

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IF I HELP A FEW FOLKS ALONG THE

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WAY, SO BE IT.

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>> SO, YOU USE YOUR POWERS TO

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SAVE PEOPLE?

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>> Xavier: POWERS ARE FOR THE

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WEAK.

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I HAVE NO POWERS.

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I MEAN, UNLESS YOU COUNT THE

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POWER TO BLOW MINDS WITH MY

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WEAPONS-GRADE PHILOSOPHICAL

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INSIGHTS.

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I'M A THOUGHT-OCOSTER.

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I'M A CONUNDRUMMER IN A BAND

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CALLED LIFE PUZZLER.

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>> ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'M TAKING

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OFF.

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LATER.

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>> Xavier: HELL, I'VE FLIPPED

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MORE LIDS THAN A MONKEY IN A

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SOUP KITCHEN OF THE MIND.

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DOES THAT MAKE ME A HERO?

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[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

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[ Echoing ] NO.

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>> OW, THAT -- THAT TRUCK WAS

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NOWHERE NEAR ME.

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>> IS THAT F-F-FREAK H-HARASSING

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YOU?

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OR WOULD YOU PREFER "HER ASS IN"

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YOU?

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>> Xavier: I'M HER PROTECTORATE.

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SHE OWES HER LIFE TO ME, AND NOW

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I'M HER SOUL SLAVE.

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THAT'S GOOD.

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LET ME WRITE THAT DOWN.

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"WRITE THAT DOWN."

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>> OH, HE'S HARMLESS.

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WHAT Y'ALL DOING?

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>> WE GOT A LOAD OF COMPUTERS

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FROM ALL AROUND TOWN WHICH JUST

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GOT VIRUS.

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WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO DUMP THEM IN

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THE LANDFILL.

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>> YOU MUST LOVE THE EARTH LIKE

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YOU LOVED YOUR MOTHER.

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KISS YOUR MOTHER, YOUNGLING.

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GO ON.

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HARDER.

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SHE WANTS IT HARDER.

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>> Xavier: IT HURTS.

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DON'T SULLY THE SACRED LANDSCAPE

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OF OUR MOTHER EARTH WITH THOSE

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INFECTED COMPUTERS.

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DUMP THEM IN THE LAKE WHERE NO

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ONE CAN SEE THEM.

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>> LATER, CHOMPSKY HONK.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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>> YOU GAVE ME A NASTY GASH.

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>> Xavier: I BETTER TAKE A LOOK

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AT YOU STAT.

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I'M A CERTIFIED WAHOCKAMANA

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HEALER.

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YOU SEE...

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>> AW.

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>> Xavier: ...I SPENT NINE YEARS

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AS THE PUPIL OF A WISE

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APACHESTANI SHAMAN.

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>> PLEASE, I DON'T HAVE TIME.

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>> Xavier: CHIEF WAS DEEP.

209
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HE WAS BALLSY.

210
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HE TAUGHT THE WAY OF THE HEAL.

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>> IN ORDER TO HEAL THIS WOUND,

212
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YOU MUST PLAY A SHAKHASHIRISK

213
00:05:56,835 --> 00:05:57,918
WIND TRANCE.

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[ MUSIC PLAYS ]

215
00:06:01,001 --> 00:06:03,543
YOUR FAILURE IS MERELY A PORTENT

216
00:06:03,626 --> 00:06:06,001
OF DISAPPOINTMENTS TO COME.

217
00:06:06,085 --> 00:06:07,876
CONFRONT YOUR FUTURE.

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>> Xavier: WOW, THAT'S ME YEARS

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FROM NOW.

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I LOOK CUT.

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HEY, THAT'S A NICE CHUNK OF

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CHICKEN ON MY ARM.

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LOOK, WE'RE IN HIS VISION -- MY

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VISION.

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>> WHAT THE --

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>> Xavier: HEY, SHAKE HANDS WITH

227
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YOUR FUTURE, OLD FRIEND.

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OOH, FRITTATA.

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LATER, CHOMPSKY HONK.

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YEAH, I TRICKED THE TRICKSTER.

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SEE, STILL GOT THE SCAR TO PROVE

232
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IT.

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>> I'M JUST GONNA GO TAKE A

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SHOWER.

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>> Xavier: LOOK AT THE TWO OF

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US.

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WE CAN BE LIKE BEAUTY AND THE

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BEAST.

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WHAT DO YOU SAY?

240
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WILL YOU BE MY BEAST?

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>> YEAH, DUMP THEM 'PUTERS,

242
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BOYS.

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DUMP 'EM ALL.

244
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[ LAUGHS ]

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>> DEPTH OVERLOAD.

246
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DEPTH OVERLOAD.

247
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DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-

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DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEPTH

249
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OVERLOAD.

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>> Xavier: OH, PEEP SHOW.

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OOH, FRITTATA, I'M WATCHING A

252
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WOMAN WASHING.

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I WISH I COULD SEE MYSELF

254
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WATCHING WASHING.

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WHAT...

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THE...

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WATER.

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THE COMPUTER VIRUS -- IT'S IN

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THE LAKE.

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>> WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?

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>> Xavier: THE VIRUS IS IN THE

262
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WATER.

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>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

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>> Xavier: IF THE COMPUTER VIRUS

265
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IS INFECTING PEOPLE, THEN I NEED

266
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TO GET A HUMAN VIRUS TO

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INFECTICIDE THE COMPUTER.

268
00:07:26,876 --> 00:07:28,126
>> WELCOME TO THE U.S. ARMY.

269
00:07:28,210 --> 00:07:29,001
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

270
00:07:29,085 --> 00:07:30,168
>> Xavier: I NEED SOME OF THAT

271
00:07:30,251 --> 00:07:31,376
DISEASE YOU GUYS INVENTED.

272
00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:32,126
>> CRACK?

273
00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:33,210
>> Xavier: THE OTHER ONE.

274
00:07:33,043 --> 00:07:34,001
>> AIDS?

275
00:07:34,085 --> 00:07:35,168
>> Xavier: THAT'S THE SPICE.

276
00:07:35,251 --> 00:07:36,501
>> YOU'LL NEED TO FILL OUT AN

277
00:07:36,585 --> 00:07:39,210
HC24-A REQUISITION FORM.

278
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:40,751
>> Xavier: I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR

279
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THAT.

280
00:07:41,293 --> 00:07:42,210
>> [ SIGHS ]

281
00:07:42,293 --> 00:07:44,335
I SHOULDN'T DO THIS, BUT HERE.

282
00:07:44,418 --> 00:07:46,418
SOMEONE LEFT THIS IN THE LOST

283
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AND FOUND.

284
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>> Xavier: FRITTATA.

285
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,668
JUST GOT TO DUMP THIS LOAD IN

286
00:07:52,751 --> 00:07:54,585
THAT DIRTY 'PUTER'S FLOPPY SLOT

287
00:07:54,668 --> 00:07:56,085
AND COLLECT MY KUDOS.

288
00:07:56,168 --> 00:07:57,585
>> HEY, THERE'S THAT FREAK BEAST

289
00:07:57,668 --> 00:07:59,126
WHAT CAUSED THIS PLAGUE UPON

290
00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:00,001
US.

291
00:08:00,085 --> 00:08:01,085
>> Xavier: YOU CAN ALL FRET NOT.

292
00:08:01,168 --> 00:08:02,335
I HAVE THE CURE RIGHT HERE.

293
00:08:02,418 --> 00:08:03,210
>> CURE? GIVE ME THAT.

294
00:08:03,293 --> 00:08:04,335
>> Xavier: YOU DON'T WANT TO

295
00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:06,168
DRINK THAT.

296
00:08:06,251 --> 00:08:09,751
>> AHH. CURE-ALICIOUS.

297
00:08:09,835 --> 00:08:11,210
IS IT WORKING?

298
00:08:11,293 --> 00:08:13,376
>> YEAH, CLIP, IT'S WORKING.

299
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,251
JUST GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT.

300
00:08:15,335 --> 00:08:16,501
>> I'M SCARED.

301
00:08:16,585 --> 00:08:18,376
IS THAT YOU, GRANDMAMA?

302
00:08:18,460 --> 00:08:21,751
>> OH, COME HERE.

303
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,210
OH, CLIPPLE.

304
00:08:23,043 --> 00:08:25,876
>> Y'ALL JUST KILLED MY BEST

305
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,085
PLATONIC MALE FRIEND.

306
00:08:28,168 --> 00:08:30,626
AND NOW I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR

307
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:33,668
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A...

308
00:08:33,751 --> 00:08:35,168
>> Xavier: I THOUGHT YOU HAD THE

309
00:08:35,251 --> 00:08:36,043
STUTTER.

310
00:08:36,126 --> 00:08:37,335
>> HE SEEMS TO BE STUCK IN SOME

311
00:08:37,418 --> 00:08:38,585
SORT OF A GL-GL-GLITCH.

312
00:08:38,668 --> 00:08:40,585
AND YOU'S THE DEVIL WHAT BROUGHT

313
00:08:40,668 --> 00:08:42,543
COMPUTERIZED VIRAL SHAME TO OUR

314
00:08:42,626 --> 00:08:43,293
TOWN.

315
00:08:43,376 --> 00:08:45,168
I'M GONNA POUND YOU DOWN.

316
00:08:45,251 --> 00:08:46,626
DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN --

317
00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:48,043
DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN --

318
00:08:48,126 --> 00:08:49,501
DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN...

319
00:08:49,585 --> 00:08:51,543
[ SQUAWKING ]

320
00:08:51,626 --> 00:08:53,168
>> DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO.

321
00:08:53,251 --> 00:08:54,335
>> DIB-DIB...

322
00:08:54,418 --> 00:08:56,085
>> YOWSER, THIS TOWN'S GONE

323
00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:57,876
BOWSER.

324
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,876
>> FREAK ANY-- WHY'D I EVER HELP

325
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,501
THAT FREAK ANY-- WHY'D I EVER

326
00:09:01,585 --> 00:09:03,168
HELP THAT FREAK ANY-- WHY'D I

327
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,793
EVER HELP THAT FREAK ANY--

328
00:09:04,876 --> 00:09:06,460
>> Xavier: CAN'T STOP THINKING

329
00:09:06,543 --> 00:09:07,376
ABOUT ME, HUH?

330
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:11,293
I KNOW THE FEELING.

331
00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:15,043
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

332
00:09:15,126 --> 00:09:17,168
>> "WHAT DOTH LIFE" SET MY

333
00:09:17,251 --> 00:09:19,085
PONDER CIRCUITS TO SPIRIT SEEK

334
00:09:19,168 --> 00:09:21,043
BEYOND THEIR CAPACITY TO

335
00:09:21,126 --> 00:09:22,710
DIGITALLY SIMULACULATE.

336
00:09:22,793 --> 00:09:24,418
THIS IS A DEFCOM 5 LEVEL

337
00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:26,126
SYSTEM-WIDE DEGENERATIVE

338
00:09:26,210 --> 00:09:27,251
THOUGHT-TASTROPHE.

339
00:09:27,085 --> 00:09:29,085
TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-

340
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,918
TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-

341
00:09:31,001 --> 00:09:32,168
TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE...

342
00:09:32,251 --> 00:09:33,960
>> Xavier: NOW'S NOT THE BEST

343
00:09:34,043 --> 00:09:35,960
TIME, BUT YOUR BROTHER DIED OF A

344
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:39,043
SHAMEFUL LIFESTYLE CHOICE.

345
00:09:39,126 --> 00:09:41,085
>> YOUNGLING, YOU MUST TAME THE

346
00:09:41,168 --> 00:09:43,251
BEAST WITH YOUR SOUL-SOOTHING

347
00:09:43,085 --> 00:09:44,001
SONG.

348
00:09:44,085 --> 00:09:45,418
>> Xavier: NO TIME TO GAB.

349
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:47,335
I'VE GOT TO COBBLE TOGETHER A

350
00:09:47,418 --> 00:09:49,335
MAKESHIFT SHAKHASHIRI TO TAME A

351
00:09:49,418 --> 00:09:50,418
CERTAIN BEAST.

352
00:09:50,501 --> 00:09:53,085
SEE YOURSELF OUT.

353
00:09:53,168 --> 00:09:55,960
[ MUSIC PLAYS ]

354
00:09:56,043 --> 00:09:59,626
>> THAT MUSIC -- SO SOOTHING.

355
00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:02,335
IT'S THE NOTES HE'S NOT PLAYING.

356
00:10:02,418 --> 00:10:03,668
SO RELAXING.

357
00:10:03,751 --> 00:10:05,293
RETURNING.

358
00:10:05,376 --> 00:10:07,960
RESTORING.

359
00:10:08,043 --> 00:10:08,793
>> MY ARM.

360
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:10,918
>> Xavier: JUST NEEDED A HAND TO

361
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,376
TAME THE BEAST.

362
00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:13,668
>> SYSTEM NORMALIZED.

363
00:10:13,751 --> 00:10:14,835
WELCOME TO BURBURY.

364
00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:16,085
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

365
00:10:16,168 --> 00:10:17,918
>> Xavier: ALL SYSTEMS BACK TO

366
00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:18,751
GO, HUH?

367
00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:20,210
I BETTER JUST TEST YOU OUT TO

368
00:10:20,043 --> 00:10:21,293
MAKE SURE YOU'RE SAFE.

369
00:10:21,376 --> 00:10:22,585
HERE'S A NEW LITTLE

370
00:10:22,668 --> 00:10:24,293
PHILOSOPHICAL QUERY FOR YOU TO

371
00:10:24,376 --> 00:10:26,126
CHOMP ON.

372
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,668
>> OH, MY GOD!

373
00:10:27,751 --> 00:10:28,418
WHAT A THOUGHT.

374
00:10:28,501 --> 00:10:30,501
IT'S INTENSE!

375
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,210
>> Xavier: LISTEN, THIS IS NEVER

376
00:10:38,043 --> 00:10:39,043
EASY TO SAY.

377
00:10:39,126 --> 00:10:41,293
YOU AND I BOTH KNEW WHAT WE HAD

378
00:10:41,376 --> 00:10:42,835
COULDN'T LAST.

379
00:10:42,918 --> 00:10:44,168
I DO LOVE YOU.

380
00:10:44,251 --> 00:10:46,210
BUT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS A

381
00:10:46,293 --> 00:10:49,293
LADY NAMED RAMBLIN' ON.

382
00:10:49,376 --> 00:10:51,001
[ Thinking ] SO MAYBE WE ARE

383
00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:53,168
JUST BLIPS IN A VOID OF

384
00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:54,251
NOTHINGNESS.

385
00:10:54,335 --> 00:10:57,251
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO WALK

386
00:10:57,085 --> 00:10:57,960
AWAY.

387
00:10:58,043 --> 00:11:01,543
[ Echoing ] WALK AWAY.

388
00:11:01,626 --> 00:11:03,043
>> HEY, WHERE YOU HEADED,

389
00:11:03,126 --> 00:11:03,876
MISTER?

390
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,251
>> Xavier: WHICHEVER PATH FRAU

391
00:11:05,085 --> 00:11:06,501
DESTINY SETS BENEATH THIS

392
00:11:06,585 --> 00:11:08,626
SEEKER, THIS PUPIL OF THE

393
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,418
UNIVERSE IS AS GOOD AS ANY.

394
00:11:10,501 --> 00:11:11,168
>> COOL.

395
00:11:11,251 --> 00:11:14,043
CHECK THIS OUT.