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>> Xavier: THEY SAY 'TIS OFTEN
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THE TINIEST AMONG US HATH THE
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BIGGEST NEEDS.
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YOU HEAR THAT?
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OF COURSE I DO.
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I'M THE ONE WHO ASKED.
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EASY, STRANGER.
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YOUR LEG LOOKS DISLOCATED PRETTY
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BAD.
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I'LL POP IT BACK IN, BUT IT'S
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GONNA HURT.
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READY?
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INHALE.
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HOLD.
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HOLD.
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HALE.
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ALWAYS GLAD TO HELP MY BRETHREN
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IN THE KINGDOM OF LIFE.
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MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU WILL HELP ME.
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>> WHAT THE HUMAN INTIMATES YOU
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DOING, FREAK?
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BESTIAL-ULATING THAT SKEETER?
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>> Xavier: I'M JUST A SIMPLE
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WARRIOR FOR PEACE TRYING TO DO
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RIGHT BY GOD'S CREATURES.
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>> YOU SEE WHAT THIS WEIRDO HERE
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IS SAYING?
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>> WAIT, WHICH WEIRDO?
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>> Xavier: I BELIEVE THAT WE ARE
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ALL ONE.
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BY HELPING THIS TINY MOSQUITO,
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IN A WAY, I'M HELPING YOUR
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MOTHER.
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>> HE'S COMPARING THE UNIVERSAL
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ONENESS OF ALL LIFE TO YOUR
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MAMA!
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TAKE THAT!
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>> OOH, FRITTATA.
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>> TASTE THE PAIN!
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TAKE THAT!
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[ BUZZING ]
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>> MY EYE!
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MY VISUAL CONNECTION TO THIS
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BEAUTIFUL WORLD HAS BEEN
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SEVERED!
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>> I GOT YOU, DANG SKEETER.
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TASTE -- TASTE -- TASTE --
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>> Xavier: FRITTATA.
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YOUR INTERSPECIAL COMBAT WAS
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NOBLE, WISE MOSQUITO.
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WHAT'S WRONG?
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YOU'RE FLYING ALL FUNNY.
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DID HE CLIP YOU?
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[ BUZZING ]
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FRITTATA.
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DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME.
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[ Echoing ] NO!
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TO BE A HERO, YOU HAVE TO GO
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LOOKING FOR TROUBLE.
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WHEREVER THERE IS SUFFERING, I
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WAS THERE.
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WHEREVER THERE IS INJUSTICE, I
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WAS THERE.
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AND WHEREVER THERE IS CRYING...
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I'M RIGHT HERE.
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WHAT'S WRONG, KID?
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>> THESE GUYS -- THEY WERE
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MEXICAN, THEY WERE GANG MEMBERS,
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AND THEY SMASHED MY MASCOT
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COSTUME.
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>> Xavier: YOU NEED TO SLOW IT
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DOWN.
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RELAX.
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INHALE.
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HOLD.
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HOLD.
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AHH.
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HOLD. HOLD.
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LITTLE LONGER.
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HOLD.
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HALE.
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NOW, WHO DID THIS TO YOU?
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>> THESE GUYS -- THESE
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MEXICANS -- THEY CARVED THEIR
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TAG ON ME, AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO
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BE THE NEW MASCOT OF THE TEAM,
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AND THEY WERE MEXICANS, AND THEY
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RUINED MY COSTUME --
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>> Xavier: I COULD BE YOUR
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COSTUME.
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DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FIT INSIDE
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ME?
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>> NO, BUT YOU COULD TELL PEOPLE
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I'M INSIDE YOU AND GO PUT ON A
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SHOW AS THE MASCOT AND MAKE
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EVERYONE LOVE ME, 'CAUSE THEY
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THINK IT'S ME, NOT YOU.
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>> Xavier: YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
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GO UNDERGROUND AND HIDE.
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>> HEY THERE, HO THERE, LADIES
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AND GENTLEMEN.
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YOUR CRAZIES HAVE A BRAND-NEW
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MASCOT WHO'S PLAYED BY
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PERCY HANDFISHER, A SOPHOMORE
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WHOSE PARENTS WERE RECENTLY
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KILLED IN A THRESHER.
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[ BOOING ]
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TROUBLED HIGH, GIVE A WARM,
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TROUBLED, HEY THERE, HO THERE TO
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YOUR TROUBLED CRA-A-ZY!
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[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
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>> ♪ ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THIS
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MOMENT? ♪
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♪ ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THIS
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MOMENT? ♪
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♪ ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THIS
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MOMENT? ♪
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>> ♪ ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THIS
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MOMENT? ♪
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>> HEY THERE, HO THERE, LADIES
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AND GENTLEMEN, THE OPPOSING TEAM
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IS SO INTIMIDATED BY YOUR
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TROUBLED CRAZY MASCOT, THEY ARE
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FORFEITING THE GAME THANKS TO
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PERCIVAL HANDFISHER.
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>> PERCY, I WANT TO BE YOUR
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GIRLFRIEND!
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I WANT YOU, PERCY!
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>> YOU DID GOOD, PERCY.
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SORRY FOR BEATING YOU UP BEFORE.
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>> Xavier: I CAN TAKE IT.
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I'M TOUGH ENOUGH TO JOIN YOUR
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LITTLE GANG.
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>> NOBODY HAS EVER SURVIVED OUR
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INITIATION.
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COME GIVE IT A TRY.
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HERE'S MY CARD.
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IT'S GOT EMBOSSED-GOLD 12-POINT
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COURIER FONT ON BONE-WHITE
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SEMIGLOSS STOCK.
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>> BONE WHITE?
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I THOUGHT WE ALL AGREED TO GET
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EGGSHELL WHITE.
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ABSURDITY!
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>> I'M THE LEADER!
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I SAY BONE WHITE!
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[ Thinking ] ITS HAUNTING
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ELEGANCE IS SO RESTRAINED.
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SEE YOU TONIGHT, PERCY, AND WEAR
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THE COSTUME.
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>> Xavier: CHIEF MASTER GURU,
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YOU HAVE SO MANY WISDOMS LEFT TO
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TEACH ME.
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YEARS OF YOU AND I TOGETHER.
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>> OF COURSE, YOUNGLING.
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UH, WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU?
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>> Xavier: I DON'T SEE ANY--
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CHIEF MASTER GURU!
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I VOW TO RAMBLE THESE WORLDS AND
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FIND THE EVIL ONES WHO DID THIS
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TO AVENGE YOUR DEATH.
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>> THAT GETS RID OF THAT
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HEADACHE.
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YES, AVENGE ME.
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[ LAUGHS ]
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>> Xavier: CHIEF?
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I DID IT.
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YOU WERE A HIT.
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EVERYONE LOVES YOU NOW.
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YOU EVEN HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
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>> REALLY? IS HE DISABLED?
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>> Xavier: BUT STAY HIDDEN FOR A
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WHILE.
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I WANT TO INFILTRATE THE GANG.
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I JUST MAY HAVE SOME AVENGING
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CHIEF BEEF TO QUEEF.
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>> NO, I CAN'T STAY DOWN HERE.
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>> CALM IT DOWN.
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CLOSE YOUR EYES.
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INHALE.
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HOLD.
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HOLD.
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HOLD. HOLD.
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HOLD. HOLD.
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[ ALARM BLARES ]
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>> I DON'T HAVE YOUR MONEY, MAN.
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>> THEN I'M TAKING BACK WHAT'S
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MINE.
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NOW BOIL HIS BLOOD AND GET OUR
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DRUGS BACK.
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CHARGE HIM A RECYCLING FEE.
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[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
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PERCY, I'M SURPRISED YOU SHOWED
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UP.
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>> Xavier: WELL, I'M NOT
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SURPRISED ABOUT HOW MUCH I LIKE
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TO DO CRIME.
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>> YOU JUST PASSED THE FIRST
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TEST.
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NOW PASS THE SECOND.
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WE JUST ORDERED A PIZZA, AND
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WHEN IT COMES, YOU HAVE TO KILL
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THE DELIVERYMAN.
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>> Xavier: OKAY, BUT I WANT TO
205
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KILL HIM OUTSIDE, ALONE, IN THE
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DARK.
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>> IT'S OKAY.
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WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN WAY OF
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KILLING.
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ME, I LIKE TO KILL ON THE BEACH.
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>> I LIKE TO KILL TO MUSIC.
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>> IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING,
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BUT I LIKE TO KILL ON THE
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TOILET.
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I THINK IT'S BECAUSE, WHEN I WAS
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A KID...
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>> KID, YOUR MOTHER JUST DIED.
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>> [ FARTS ]
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>> MOCHO, THAT'S NOT WHY YOU
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LIKE TO KILL ON THE TOILET.
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THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T LIKE
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CEREAL.
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>> OH, YEAH.
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>> Xavier: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO
225
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BE DEAD RIGHT NOW, BUT HERE --
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20 BUCKS.
227
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GET OUT OF TOWN AND START A NEW
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LIFE.
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>> HEY, THANKS, MISTER.
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THANKS FOR THE SHOT.
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>> Xavier: I KILLED HIM HARD.
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PULLED OUT HIS HEART AND SHOWED
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IT TO HIM, AND HE WAS LIKE,
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"NICE."
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>> BIEN.
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NOW PHASE TWO.
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YOU HAVE TO WATCH US EAT THE
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PIZZA WITH NARY A SLICE FOR
239
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YOURSELF.
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>> HEY, HE FORGOT OUR
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CUCKOO-BREAD.
242
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[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
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>> UH, I KNOW I'M DEAD, BUT I
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FORGOT TO GIVE YOU YOUR
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CUCKOO-BREAD.
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>> A G-G-GHOST!
247
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>> YOU GOT A GHOST TO BRING US
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CUCKOO-BREAD.
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>> PERCY!
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YOU HAVE SHOWN TRUE LOCO SPIRIT.
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I THINK YOU ARE A PRIME
252
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CANDIDATE FOR OUR ANNUAL
253
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PAUPER-TO-PRINCE PROGRAM.
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>> I THOUGHT THIS WAS MY YEAR.
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>> ONCE A YEAR, WE LET ONE
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NOVICE MEMBER SIT IN AS GANG
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LEADER FOR A WEEK.
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I BENEFIT, AS I GET TO SEE THE
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GANG FROM A NOVICE PERSPECTIVE,
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AND THEN YOU BENEFIT BY
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EXPERIENCING THE HARDSHIPS THAT
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COME WITH THE ADMINISTRATIVE
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ROLE THAT I PLAY.
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>> Xavier: I'M GAME.
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>> PERCY, I CROWN THEE TEMPORARY
266
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LEADER OF THE LOCAL LOCOS.
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>> Xavier: WHAT'S ON THE DOCKET
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FOR TODAY?
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>> WELL, WEDNESDAY NIGHT IS TAG
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TUESDAY, WHERE WE PAINT OUR TAG
271
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ALL OVER TOWN.
272
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>> Xavier: I PROPOSE A NEW LOCO
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TAG -- SOLID WHITE.
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>> OOH, MINIMALISTA.
275
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>> I CAN THINK SO CLEARLY
276
00:06:55,126 --> 00:06:57,251
WITHOUT ALL THE VISUAL CLUTTER.
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>> NOW EVERYONE WILL KNOW THE
278
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:00,876
LOCOS ARE CRAZY ABOUT
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00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,418
POSTMODERNIST AESTHETIC
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00:07:02,501 --> 00:07:04,043
CONTEXTUAL REFRAMING.
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[ ALARM BLARES ]
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OKAY, THURSDAY NIGHT IS MAILROOM
283
00:07:07,043 --> 00:07:08,043
MONDAY.
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00:07:08,126 --> 00:07:09,210
WE JUST GOT OUR NEW SHIPMENT.
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00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:10,710
>> Xavier: WHAT DO YOU DO IF THE
286
00:07:10,793 --> 00:07:11,751
COPS COME KNOCKING?
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00:07:11,835 --> 00:07:13,251
>> WE TOILET-FLUSH THE DRUGS.
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>> Xavier: LET'S STAY ONE STEP
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AHEAD OF THE COPS.
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FLUSH THEM NOW.
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>> I LIKE.
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ONE STEP AHEAD OF THE POLICíA.
293
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[ FLUSHES ]
294
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>> Xavier: HOLD. HOLD.
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HOLD. HOLD.
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HALE.
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>> [ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
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THAT WAS --
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>> Xavier: OKAY, INHALE, PERCY.
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>> [ INHALES DEEPLY ]
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>> THIS IS THE VERY SORT OF
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FORWARD THINKING THE
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PAUPER-TO-PRICE PROGRAM WAS
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MEANT TO ENGENDER.
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FRIDAY NIGHT IS TACO TUESDAY.
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>> Xavier: THIS WEEK, INSTEAD OF
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00:07:42,126 --> 00:07:43,918
EATING TACOS, LET'S JUST
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00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:45,918
TALK...OH.
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>> All: OH.
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>> Xavier: SO, WHO WANTS TO
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SPILL IT FIRST?
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WHAT DO YOUR HEART SPIRITS HAVE
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TO SAY TO YOUR MIND-SACS?
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>> I GUESS I TEND TO USE MY
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00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:57,918
SWITCHBLADE AS A DEFENSE
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MECHANISM.
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>> YOU GUYS ARE THE ONLY FAMILY
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I HAVE -- MAYBE BECAUSE YOU GUYS
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00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:03,085
KILLED MY FAMILY.
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>> BEFORE TONIGHT, I COULD NEVER
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EXPRESS MYSELF WITH WORDS.
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I ALWAYS DID IT LIKE THIS.
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[ "LA CUCARACHA" PLAYS ]
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>> [ CRYING ]
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>> YOU'RE RIGHT -- RAPE IS NOT
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AN EXCUSE.
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IT'S A REASON, AND TONIGHT,
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EVERYTHING SEEMS SO REASONABLE.
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>> I'M BIG NOW, BUT I RECENTLY
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DROPPED 230 POUNDS.
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YEAH, I DUMPED YOUR WIFE!
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I GUESS I TOLD THAT JOKE AS A
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WAY TO AVOID THE REAL ISSUE.
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I LOVE YOUR WIFE.
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SHE DUMPED ME.
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>> HOW DO THEY EXPECT ME TO STAY
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OUT OF JAIL?
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THAT'S WHERE ALL MY STUFF IS.
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>> HERE'S WHY I NEVER TAKE OFF
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MY SHIRT WHEN WE GO SWIMMING.
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>> SO SHE SAYS, "OH, THAT PUPPY
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IS THE CUTEST THING IN THE
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WORLD."
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AND IT'S LIKE, I'M STANDING
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RIGHT HERE, MOM.
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I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE.
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>> MAYBE I DO HAVE MORE ISSUES
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THAN A MAGAZINE STAND, BUT ALL
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00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:54,168
THOSE MAGAZINES ARE PURO FANCY.
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00:08:54,043 --> 00:08:55,710
I NEVER WANTED TO BE A VATO.
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I JUST WANT TO GROOM AND TRAIN
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POODLES.
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>> I SECRETLY GROOM AND TRAIN
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POODLES.
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>> ARE YOU GUYS MESSING WITH ME?
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00:09:01,668 --> 00:09:03,251
WHENEVER YOU TURN YOUR BACK, I
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00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:04,835
SECRETLY GROOM AND TRAIN
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POODLES.
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00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:06,210
WATCH.
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00:09:06,043 --> 00:09:07,168
TURN YOUR BACK.
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I'M DOING IT.
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00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,585
I'M DOING IT!
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>> I CAN'T SEE.
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MY BACK IS TURNED.
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>> Xavier: PASSION -- THIS IS
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00:09:13,501 --> 00:09:15,251
WHAT GANGBANGING OUGHT TO BE
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00:09:15,085 --> 00:09:16,126
ABOUT.
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00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:17,168
>> THANK YOU, PERCY, FOR SHOWING
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00:09:17,251 --> 00:09:18,626
US HOW TO FOLLOW OUR BLISS.
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WE'RE OUT OF THE DRUG GAME
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FOREVER.
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>> OH, NO.
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SHINY'S COMING TO TOWN, AND HE
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00:09:24,418 --> 00:09:26,251
WANTS HIS DRUG SHIPMENT.
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00:09:26,085 --> 00:09:27,876
WE JUST FLUSHED OURSELVES A
376
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,001
DEATH SENTENCE.
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>> Xavier: WHO'S SHINY?
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00:09:30,418 --> 00:09:32,168
>> HE'S ONLY THE BIGGEST DRUG
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00:09:32,251 --> 00:09:33,168
DEALER SINCE TRUMAN.
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00:09:33,251 --> 00:09:35,001
>> HE'S SO RICH, HE HAD EVERY
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00:09:35,085 --> 00:09:36,501
CELL IN HIS BODY PLATINUMED.
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00:09:36,585 --> 00:09:38,085
>> Xavier: WELL, YOU JUST HAD
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00:09:38,168 --> 00:09:39,543
EVERY CELL IN YOUR BODY
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00:09:39,626 --> 00:09:40,335
PASSIONED.
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00:09:40,418 --> 00:09:42,126
TELL SHINY TO MEET US AT THE
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00:09:42,210 --> 00:09:46,210
DOCKS.
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00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:48,793
>> WHERE'S MY DRUGS, CHALAZA?
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>> Xavier: I'M THE LOCAL LOCO
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00:09:50,543 --> 00:09:52,335
LEADER NOW, AND WE'RE OUT OF THE
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00:09:52,418 --> 00:09:53,626
DRUG GAME FOR GOOD.
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00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:56,001
FROM NOW ON, "L.L." STANDS FOR
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00:09:56,085 --> 00:09:57,876
"SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY OF
393
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,335
CONNECTED SPIRITS."
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00:09:59,418 --> 00:10:01,335
>> YOU GIVE UP YOUR GAME, AND
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00:10:01,418 --> 00:10:03,418
I'LL GET YOU A JOB AT THE JOBBY
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00:10:03,501 --> 00:10:04,293
JOB CENTER.
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00:10:04,376 --> 00:10:06,043
>> Xavier: NO DEAL, SHINY.
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00:10:06,126 --> 00:10:07,793
>> FIFI, CUDDLES!
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00:10:07,876 --> 00:10:08,918
>> I DON'T GET IT.
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00:10:09,001 --> 00:10:10,085
>> Xavier: NOW!
401
00:10:10,168 --> 00:10:13,043
[ BARKING ]
402
00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:14,585
>> ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THIS
403
00:10:14,668 --> 00:10:16,376
MOMENT?
404
00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:19,126
>> Xavier: [ Slowly ] FRITTATA!
405
00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:20,876
>> I DON'T WANT PERCY TO BE OUR
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00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:21,751
LEADER ANYMORE.
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00:10:21,835 --> 00:10:23,168
>> YOU SHOULD HAVE PICKED ME.
408
00:10:23,251 --> 00:10:27,001
>> GIVE...ME...BACK...MY...SON!
409
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:31,668
WAIT...SORRY...I...MEAN...DRUGS!
410
00:10:31,751 --> 00:10:33,835
[ BUZZING ]
411
00:10:44,585 --> 00:10:46,335
>> THAT'LL GIVE YOU TIME TO
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00:10:46,418 --> 00:10:47,293
REFLECT.
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00:10:47,376 --> 00:10:49,251
>> I ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST INTO MY
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00:10:49,085 --> 00:10:50,585
HEART AS MY PERSONAL SAVIOR!
415
00:10:50,668 --> 00:10:51,418
YES, MADE IT!
416
00:10:51,501 --> 00:10:52,710
[ GROANS ]
417
00:10:52,793 --> 00:10:54,543
>> I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO WITH
418
00:10:54,626 --> 00:10:57,168
SHINY NOW.
419
00:10:57,251 --> 00:10:59,043
>> Xavier: YOU WERE SO SEXY OUT
420
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:00,335
THERE, SKEETER-BEAST.
421
00:11:00,418 --> 00:11:01,626
YOU'RE MY PASSION.
422
00:11:01,710 --> 00:11:03,710
>> SORRY, BUT I'M WITH SOMEONE
423
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,835
WHO DOESN'T LIE ABOUT WHO THEY
424
00:11:05,918 --> 00:11:07,043
ARE ON THE INSIDE.
425
00:11:07,126 --> 00:11:09,043
COME ON, PERCY, LEND ME SOME
426
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:10,085
SUGAR.
427
00:11:10,168 --> 00:11:11,793
>> Xavier: AND NOW I RAMBLE
428
00:11:11,876 --> 00:11:14,168
FORTH ON MY ENDLESS JOURNEY TO
429
00:11:14,251 --> 00:11:16,335
BE THE GREATEST AID-SPREADER OF
430
00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:18,626
ALL TIME.