>> Xavier: WEAK FROM DRIFTING ON
THE LONGEST MOSEY EVER RAMBLED.
WEEKS WITH NO MEAL OR BEVERAGE.
BLISTERING DESERT POUNDING ME TO
THE CROSINE-TIPPED BRINK OF
INSANITY.
YET PERHAPS THERE IS TRUTH IN
SAND MADNESS.
>> [ Raspily ] SAND MADNESS.
[ BIRDS SCREECH ]
>> FEED ME.
>> [ SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE ]
>> [ Raspily ] SAND MADNESS.
>> YOU HATH RAMBLED WELL.
THUS I SHALL ANSWER QUESTIONS
THREE.
>> Xavier: WHO AM I?
>> I CANNOT TELL YOU THAT, SIRE.
>> Xavier: WHERE DID I COME
FROM?
>> I CANNOT TELL YOU THAT.
COR BLIMEY.
YOU HATH ONE QUESTION LEFT.
>> Xavier: WHY ARE YOU
PRETENDING TO BE BRITISH?
>> I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED THE
BRITISH.
YOU ARE OUT OF QUESTIONS.
BUT YOUR QUEST HAS JUST BEGUN.
>> Xavier: WHO ARE YOU?
[ CAMEL GRUNTS ]
I GUESS IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY
ABOUT A CAMEL'S ASS.
I AM HUNGRY.
COMPUTER. COMPUTER, COME IN.
>> Y-Y-YES, XAV-V-VIER.
>> Xavier: COMPUTER, I NEED
SUSTENANCE TO EAT.
>> T-T-TURN -- TURN TO YOUR
LEFT.
>> LET ME GET, UH, TWO PACKS OF
CIGARETTES BEFORE I GO.
>> I GOT TO WARN YOU -- THEY SAY
EVERY CIGARETTE TAKES 17 MINUTES
OFF YOUR LIFE.
>> WELL, HEY, IF I KEEP SMOKIN'
'EM FAST ENOUGH, I'LL GET
YOUNGER.
>> SHOOT.
YOU'RE A BAD LITTLE BOY.
>> BESIDES, THEY SAY EVERY SLICE
OF BACON TAKES NINE MINUTES OFF
YOUR LIFE.
I JUST CHOWED ME DOWN A YEAR'S
WORTH.
>> SHOOT.
YOU'RE A NAUGHTY BOY.
I'D LIKE TO PUT YOU OVER MY KNEE
AND SPANK YOU SOME.
>> Xavier: YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS
OFF HIM.
HIS BOTTOM IS HIS PERSONAL,
PRIVATE PLACE.
>> HOW LONG YOU BEEN STANDING
THERE, YOU FREAK?
>> WHAT ARE YOU, A CHINAMAN?
>> Xavier: I WISH I KNEW MYSELF.
>> WE DON'T COTTON TO STRANGE
CHINAMEN WITH NO SENSE OF SELF
WHO STAND SECRETLY BY FOR
INDETERMINATE AMOUNTS OF TIME.
GONNA PUT YOU IN A WORLD OF
HURT.
TAKE THAT!
>> TASTE THE PAIN!
>> TAKE THAT!
>> TASTE THE PAIN!
>> TAKE -- TAKE -- TAKE --
>> WHOO, BOY!
SEE THAT BASKET OF FRIES OVER
THERE?
WELL, LOOKS LIKE THIS WEEK
XAVIER'S GOT HISSELF A BASKET OF
PAIN.
>> STOP THE TALKIN'!
>> WHOO, BOY!
>> LOOK!
THERE'S BEEN A SIGNIFICANT
DISCOVERY AT AN ARCHEOLOGICAL
DIG.
>> HERE TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE HAVE
DISCOVERED THE OLDEST CAVE
DRAWING KNOWN TO MAN.
THE FIGURE IS A RATHER UGLY
CREATURE, POSSIBLY A CHINAMAN OF
SOME SORT.
>> Xavier: IS THIS FINALLY THE
CLUE TO MY MYSTERIOUS ORIGINS?
>> YES.
WE'RE GOING TO LOOK CLOSER, TO
LOOK DEEPER FOR HIDDEN MEANING.
>> Xavier: GENTLEMEN, I'VE GOT
TO TAKE THIS, GENTLE MEN.
>> LOOKS LIKE YOU AND ME IS ALL
ALONE.
>> NOW WHO'S BEING NAUGHTY?
>> Xavier: FRITTATA.
BARRICADE!
EASY.
EASY...
E.
COMPUTER! ANALYSIS.
>> MY COMPUTER IS DOWN.
ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS ANALYZING
THE BRUSHSTROKES ON IT, I-I-IT'S
46,939 YEARS AND 82 DAYS OLD.
>> Xavier: I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO...
[ Thinking ] ...GO BACK IN
TIME...
AND FIND WHO DID THIS
PAINTING...
AND...
WHAT...
IT...
MEANS.
BUT HOW?!
>> EVERY CIGARETTE TAKES 17
MINUTES OFF YOUR LIFE.
>> EVERY SLICE OF BACON TAKES
NINE MINUTES OFF YOUR LIFE.
>> EVERY CIGARETTE TAKES 17
MINUTES OFF YOUR LIFE.
>> EVERY SLICE OF BACON TAKES
NINE MINUTES OFF YOUR LIFE.
>> Xavier: CAN YOU DUMB IT DOWN
A NOTCH?
>> IF YOU SMOKE AND EAT BACON
FAST ENOUGH, YOU CAN GO BACK IN
TIME.
>> OOH.
YOU ARE A BAD, BAD BOY.
>> Xavier: SAYONARA, PRESENT
DAY.
>> OOH! OOGA-BOOGA!
NIMGOK LOOK GOOD.
>> Xavier: YOU LEAVE THAT BICEP
ALONE.
THAT'S YOUR PERSONAL, PRIVATE
PLACE.
>> OOGA-BOOGA.
HOW LONG YOU STAND THERE, FREAK?
YOU SOME KIND OF OOGA-BOOGA
CHINAMAN?
ME PUT YOU IN WORLD OF HURT.
TAKE THAT.
OOGA-BOOGA.
TASTE PAIN.
>> WHOO, BOY!
ORDER UP!
OL' XAVIER'S GOT ANOTHER BASKET
OF PAIN FRIES ON HIS PLATE.
AND THE EMOTIONAL KETCHUP IS A
BLUBBERING WHALE OF TEARS.
>> Xavier: I'M NOT CRYING.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE.
JUST TEARS.
[ WOMAN SOBBING ]
WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
>> WHY YOU CRYING?
>> Xavier: WHAT'S THAT BRUISE ON
YOUR FACE?
>> OOGA-BOOGA.
WHAT BRUISE ON YOUR FACE?
>> Xavier: I JUST FELL DOWN THE
CAVE STAIRS.
>> OOGA-BOOGA.
ME FELL DOWN CAVE STAIRS.
>> Xavier: I MAY STINK LIKE
COCK...
[ ROOSTER CROWS ]
...BUT I'M NO SPRING CHICKEN.
IS IT A HUSBAND? BOYFRIEND?
GAL PAL?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
PUSSY GOT YOUR TONGUE?
[ CAT MEOWS ]
>> MAYBE.
MY HUSBAND, HE ONLY DOES 'CAUSE
HE LOVE ME.
>> Xavier: NO.
THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I
EVER HEARD.
MAYBE HE DOES IT BECAUSE YOU'RE
STUPID.
>> MAYBE.
>> Xavier: WELL, IF THAT'S LOVE,
THEN I'D LIKE TO MAKE SOME LOVE
TO HIS MOUTH.
>> MAYBE.
DON'T GET HIM ANGRY.
>> Xavier: FROM NOW ON, I'M YOUR
GUARDIAN.
I'LL BE STANDING RIGHT BEHIND
YOU.
AND IF HE WANTS TO GET TO ME,
HE'S GONNA HAVE TO PUNCH HIS WAY
THROUGH YOU FIRST.
>> MAYBE.
HE DO NOT MEAN TO DO IT.
>> Xavier: LOOKS LIKE HE'S DONE
OVER $1,200 WORTH OF DAMAGE.
FAR AS I KNOW, YOU WERE PRETTY
BEFORE ALL THIS STARTED.
>> MAYBE.
>> YOUR QUEST IS NEARLY
COMPLETE.
THE ANSWER OF YOUR ORIGIN IS
NIGH!
>> [ Raspily ] SAND MADNESS.
>> BUT CAN MADNESS HOLD THE
TRUTH?
COME.
ENTER INTO THE WORLD OF HER.
>> Xavier: WHAT IS THIS PLACE?
>> THIS LAND IS THE PHYSICAL
MANIFESTATION OF BRUTE,
INARTICULATE RAGE.
>> Xavier: YEAH. NO DOY.
>> THAT IS THE PEAK OF
DISAPPOINTMENT.
AND THOSE ARE THE NERVE WORMS.
THEY'RE CONSUMING THE CARCASS OF
YOUR CONTENTMENT.
>> YOU DID THIS TO ME.
>> THIS IS THE BEACH OF
UNBEARABLE FACTS.
>> YOUR BODY STINK LIKE EGG.
>> AND THIS IS THE FOREST OF
DADDY'S FIST.
>> Xavier: OW! DADDY!
NO, DADDY.
>> YOU WANTED TO KNOW FROM
WHENCE YOU CAME.
IF YOU DARE, GAZE INTO THE LAKE
OF TORTUROUS TRUTH.
THIS IS YOUR MOTHER THE NIGHT
YOU WERE CONCEIVED.
>> HEY, EVERYBODY!
LET'S GET WASTED TONIGHT AND
PARTY!
WHO WANTS MORE CHERRY WINE?
>> Xavier: NO. YOU'RE LYING.
THIS IS A LIE!
LET ME OUT OF HERE!
YOO-HOO! LET ME OUT OF HERE!
>> OUCH.
>> OOGA-BOOGA.
ME THINK ME HEAR WIFE IN ME CAVE
WITH NOTHER MAN.
YOU GET OUT NIMGOK WIFE.
>> Xavier: GO ON.
I NO LONGER FEAR YOUR PAIN
FRIES.
>> WHOO, BOY.
>> Xavier: FOR IN PAIN, I'VE
FOUND THE TRUTH.
AND EVEN THOUGH PAIN HURTS, YOU
NEED TO CONFRONT PAIN IF YOU
WANT TO TRANSCEND THE CRUSHING
PAIN OF YOUR INNER PAIN.
>> NIMGOK WANT ESCAPE CRUSHING
INNER PAIN.
OOGA-BOOGA.
>> Xavier: WELL, LOOK INSIDE
YOURSELF.
WHY DO YOU HURT PEOPLE?
>> 'CAUSE NIMGOK STRONG.
OOGA-BOOGA! NIMGOK TOUGH!
>> Xavier: BUT WHY DO YOU FEEL
THE NEED TO BE TOUGH?
>> 'CAUSE IF ME LET ME GUARD
DOWN, OOGA-BOOGA, I GUESS ME
VULNERABLE TO GET HURT MESELF.
>> Xavier: GO ON.
>> OOGA-BOOGA.
MAYBE NIMGOK FIGHT BECAUSE WHEN
NIMGOK PUNCH SOMEONE,
OOGA-BOOGA, NIMGOK GET TO TOUCH
SOMEONE.
ME ONLY HIT YOU 'CAUSE NIMGOK
LOVE YOU.
>> Xavier: NOW, THAT'S THE
SMARTEST THING I EVER HEARD.
IF YOU'RE SO TOUGH, TAKE UP THIS
FEATHER AND WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL.
THAT'S RIGHT.
KEEP GOING.
THREE...TWO...ONE!
NOW, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
>> ME USED TO USE VIOLENCE,
OOGA-BOOGA, AS ME PROTECTIVE
SHELL.
OOGA-BOOGA.
BUT NOW ME STOW ME FISTS FOR
FLIGHT OF LIFE, OOGA-BOOGA, AND
LET ME HEART SCREAM AND YELL.
[ DOWN-TEMPO JAZZ PLAYING ]
ME LET ME SPIRIT SOAR.
ME LET ME SOUL GLIDE AND SHINE.
>> Xavier: YOU JUST GOT IN TOUCH
WITH SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL.
>> WHO? WHO?!
ME KILL HIM!
>> Xavier: YOURSELF.
>> BOO-YA.
YOU DONE SO MUCH FOR NIMGOK.
YOU GIVE NIMGOK PSYCHOSPIRITUAL
BREAKTHROUGH.
WHAT CAN NIMGOK DO FOR YOU?
>> Xavier: I'M LOOKING FOR A
PAINTING ON THE CAVE WALLS.
HAVE YOU SEEN IT?
IT LOOKS LIKE THIS.
>> YEAH. YOU JUST MAKE PAINTING.
>> Xavier: OOGA-BOOGA.
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> XAVIER, MY DATAS SHOW THAT
Y-Y-YOU DID THE DRAWING
YOURSELF.
>> Xavier: YOU FIGURED THAT
OUT -- RIGHT AFTER NUMB-NUTTED
NEANDER-BALLS.
NOW GET ME BACK HOME.
>> THE BACON IS STILL IN YOUR
SYSTEM!
IF YOU GET IT OUT, Y-Y-YOU MIGHT
BE ABLE TO GO BACK.
>> Xavier: [ GAGS ]
>> HE'S A WITCH!
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
GET HIM.
>> Xavier: I'D BETTER GET THE
HELL OUT OF HERE!
[ GAGS ]
>> I JUST SPENT AMERICAN MONEY
ON A NAGEL PRINT.
>> PATRICK NAGEL JUST DIED.
>> Xavier: [ GAGS ]
>> [ SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE ]
>> Xavier: OH, NO.
IT LOOKS LIKE I WENT A LITTLE
TOO FAR.
[ SLURPING ]
PERHAPS THERE IS TRUTH IN SAND
MADNESS.
>> [ Raspily ] SAND MADNESS.
[ BIRDS SCREECH ]
>> FEED ME.
>> Xavier: I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE
THAT MISTAKE AGAIN.
>> WILL YOU FEED ME?
[ STATIC ]
>> LOOK CLOSER.
LOOK CLOSER.
BYE!