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>> Xavier: JUST HOW DEEP DOES MY
2
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SOUL GO?
3
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DOES MY --
4
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>> XAVIER, THIS IS YOUR SPECIAL
5
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DAY!
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TODAY YOU WILL FINALLY BE
7
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RECOGNIZED FOR THE GREAT
8
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ACHIEVEMENTS YOU'VE MADE AS THE
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WORLD'S NUMBER-ONE GUARDIAN
10
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ANGEL!
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>> Xavier: PLEASE.
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I DON'T DO IT FOR THE ACCOLADES.
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>> HERE'S THE ORPHAN WHOSE LIFE
14
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YOU SAVED!
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OH. WELL...
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THIS IS THE PRIEST YOU RESCUED!
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>> THAT'S THE WINO WHO MOUTHED
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MY BOTTOM!
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>> WE'RE ALL DEAD!
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>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]
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YOU HAVEN'T SAVED ANY OF US.
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>> WELL, HE'S ABOUT TO, UH...
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SAVE THIS BABY!
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>> Xavier: [ Thinking ] I HAVE
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TO DO MY LAUNDRY.
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[ GLASS SHATTERING ]
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UH-OH.
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I'VE FALLEN ASLEEP ON MY
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DREAM CATCHER AGAIN.
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JUDGING BY THE AMOUNT OF DREAM
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GOO, IT WAS SOME POWERFUL STUFF.
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DREAMS -- THEY'RE THE HURRICANES
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THAT WASH THE SOUL FILTH FROM
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THE SUPERDOME OF OUR NIGHT MIND.
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I KNOW PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE
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DREAMING FOR MY CLEANSING RAIN
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TO RINSE AWAY ALL SUFFERAGE.
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I DREAM HARD OF HELPING PEOPLE.
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OH, YEAH. HELPING PEOPLE...
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[ Strained ] HELPING PEOPLE...
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[ GROANING ]
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OH, GOD.
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OH, GONNA POP...
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[ Echoing ] POP, POP, POP...
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PEOPLE!
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THERE'S A LADY BEING RAPED!
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A MAN IS RAPING A LADY!
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AND THIS LADY IS NAMED
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MOTHER EARTH.
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AND THE MAN...
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FEEL THAT BEEF RIGHT THERE.
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...SHE IS MAN.
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>> HEY, YOU, SHUT UP.
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>> SHUT UP, FREAK!
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>> YEAH, YEAH.
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>> SHUT UP!
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>> YEAH!
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THE EARTH AIN'T FLEETING IN HER
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PLENTIFUL BOUNTIES!
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>> SHOOT!
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I OUGHT TO PUNCH HIS
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VACATION-RAPING FACE FROM HERE
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TO THE LOCAL BUS STATION.
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>> WHAT YOU OUGHT TO DO IS TAKE
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CARE OF THAT FRISKY WIFE OF
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YOURS.
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>> YOU'RE RIGHT!
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YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME, HONEY!
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>> YOUNG ONE, WE MUST CARE FOR
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OUR MOTHER EARTH, FOR SHE IS THE
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BRAIN OF THE UNIVERSE.
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COME.
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TUNE IN TO THE WAVELENGTH OF OUR
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GLOBAL CONSCIOUSNESS.
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>> Xavier: IF THE EARTH IS A
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BRAIN, DOES IT HAVE DREAMS...
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[ Echoing ] DREAMS, DREAMS,
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DREAMS, DREAMS...
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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>> HEY.
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BEATS WORKIN'!
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>> "DARFUR DOODLE" WILL BE RIGHT
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BLACK!
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>> Xavier: TV -- THE DEVIL'S
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DREAM BOX.
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YEAH. TV...REALLY ROTS YOUR NUD.
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>> WHOOPSIE DOODLE!
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THERE WAS A MIX-UP AT THE COOKIE
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FACTORY!
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WE MADE THE COOKIES WAY TOO BIG,
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AND THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS
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B-B-B-B-BLUE?!
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>> Xavier: MY GOD!
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NO ONE DESERVES A MIX-UP THAT
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BAD.
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I'VE GOT TO HELP THOSE POOR
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BASTARDS.
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>> CLUMSO THE COOKIE CHEF REALLY
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POPPED A BONER INTO THESE YUMMY
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SNACKS!
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BLUE CHOCOLATE WHOOPSIE DOODLES!
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AVAILABLE FOR A LIMITED TIME
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ONLY!
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>> Xavier: DAMN YOU, CLUMSO!
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HOW MANY TIMES AM I GOING TO
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HAVE TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESSES?!
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FOR THIS IS MY DESTINY...
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>> UH-OH!
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NOW THERE WAS A FACTORY MIX-UP!
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WE ACCIDENTALLY MIXED UP THE
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COOKIE FACTORY WITH THE TAMPON
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FACTORY!
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NOW OUR COOKIES ABSORB UP TO
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2 PINTS OF FLAVOR!
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>> YUMMY!
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AND THE LIGHT FLORAL SCENT KEEPS
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ME FEELING FRESH ALL DAY!
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>> THESE BLUE-CHOCOLATE-CHIP
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TAMPONS ARE GOO-ABLY, CHEWABLY
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HUGE!
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SO HUGE, IT HURTS!
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JUST SLICE AND INSERT!
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>> THEY MAKE IT SAFE TO WEAR
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WHITE PANTS, AND THEY'RE NICE
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AND HUGE!
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>> I GOBBLE THEM WHILE THEY
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GOBBLE MY FILTH.
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>> WHAT DO I CARE?
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>> IT'S MY TIME...
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FOR MY YUMMY -- PERIOD.
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>> EXCLAMATION POINT!
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>> Xavier: QUESTION MARK.
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>> IF LEFT IN MOUTH MORE THAN
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THREE DAYS, COOKIES MAY CAUSE
135
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TOXIC SHOCK.
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>> Xavier: TWO FACTORY SCREW-UPS
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IN ONE TOWN!
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[ SNIFFS ]
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SOMETHING SMELLS FISHY, AND I
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INTEND TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF
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THIS BARREL.
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[ Echoing ] IT IS MY DESTINY.
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HUH.
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EVERYTHING LOOKS PRETTIER ON TV.
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I HEARD ABOUT YOUR TRAGIC
146
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MIX-UPS, AND I'M HERE TO HELP.
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>> SIR, THIS IS PRIVATE
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PROPERTY.
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THE COMPANY HAS A POLICY OF NOT
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COTTONING TO FREAKS 'ROUND THESE
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PARTS.
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>> Xavier: YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY GOT
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SOMETHING TO HIDE.
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MAYBE YOU'RE DOING DAMAGE TO
155
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THIS BEAUTIFUL ECOSYSTEM.
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WELL, I'M GONNA GO ABOVE YOUR
157
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HEAD AND FIND OUT.
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WHAT'S THAT, MOTHER EARTH?
159
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YOU SAY THIS FACTORY IS
160
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POISONING YOU?
161
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AND YOU NEED MY HELP?
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WHAT'S THAT?
163
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YOU WANT ME TO REPEAT EVERYTHING
164
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YOU SAY?
165
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WHAT?
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SURE.
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I'D LOVE TO HEAR A JOKE.
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WHO'S THERE?
169
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BANANA WHO?
170
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BANANA WHO? BANANA...
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BANANA WHO?!
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ORANGE-NA WHOM?
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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[ LAUGHS ] I AM PRETTY GLAD.
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I'M GONNA LET YOU GO.
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OKAY. YEAH. OKAY.
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OKAY. BYE.
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IT'S BEEN GOOD TIMES,
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DREAM CATCHER.
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THAT TAKES CARE OF THAT
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NIGHTMARE.
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[ CREAKING ]
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[ ALARM BUZZING ]
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I JUST DID A SOLID IN THE CREEK,
185
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EVERYONE.
186
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NO NEED TO THANK ME.
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>> WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT,
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FREAK?
189
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WE ALL JUST LOST OUR JOBS!
190
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>> THAT WAS THE LAST JOB IN
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TOWN.
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NOW MY POOR FAMILY WILL HAVE TO
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LIVE OFF MY FARM.
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IT NOT MU--
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>> Xavier: I'M ON A HELPING
196
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ROLL, AND I'D BE GLAD TO DO A
197
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SOLID ALL OVER YOUR FAMILY.
198
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>> WE'VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH.
199
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HEY.
200
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YOU'RE THAT FREAK WHO WARNED US
201
00:05:42,293 --> 00:05:43,918
ABOUT THE FLEETINGNESS OF
202
00:05:44,001 --> 00:05:45,543
EARTH'S PLENTIFUL BOUNTIES.
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>> Xavier: WELL, I'M A GOOD
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FARMHAND, AND I DON'T NEED
205
00:05:49,043 --> 00:05:50,918
MUCH -- JUST FIVE HOTS AND A COT
206
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AND A QUEEN-SIZE LAZY-BREAD BED.
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AND A FLAT-SCREEN iTV.
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00:05:54,751 --> 00:05:56,251
AND A Wi-Fi HOTSPOT.
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AND A BREAKFAST NOOK.
210
00:05:57,751 --> 00:05:59,668
A SAUNA, A CONVERSATION NOOK,
211
00:05:59,751 --> 00:06:01,585
SOME OF THEM CRAZY COOKIES.
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00:06:01,668 --> 00:06:03,585
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN'T SAY
213
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"BANANA"?
214
00:06:04,251 --> 00:06:05,043
[ LAUGHS ]
215
00:06:05,126 --> 00:06:06,085
>> WE'RE IN A DROUGHT.
216
00:06:06,168 --> 00:06:07,585
I CAN GIVE YOU A PLATE OF
217
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:08,751
WEEVILS EVERY DAY.
218
00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:09,710
>> Xavier: DEAL.
219
00:06:09,793 --> 00:06:10,918
[ Thinking ] SUCKER.
220
00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:12,460
I WOULD HAVE SETTLED FOR EVERY
221
00:06:12,543 --> 00:06:13,168
OTHER DAY.
222
00:06:13,251 --> 00:06:14,251
[ ROOSTER CROWS ]
223
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>> DADDY!
224
00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:16,751
>> Xavier: AT LEAST THIS BRUTAL
225
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,335
DROUGHT HASN'T TAKEN YOUR POOR
226
00:06:18,418 --> 00:06:19,251
GRANDMA.
227
00:06:19,085 --> 00:06:20,085
>> THAT'S MY DAUGHTER.
228
00:06:20,168 --> 00:06:21,126
SHE 14.
229
00:06:21,210 --> 00:06:22,043
>> Xavier: [ Thinking ] OOH.
230
00:06:22,126 --> 00:06:23,168
NICE AND LEGAL.
231
00:06:23,251 --> 00:06:25,210
>> WE DON'T GOT MUCH, BUT WE CAN
232
00:06:25,293 --> 00:06:27,085
LET YOU STAY IN THE DUST ROOM.
233
00:06:27,168 --> 00:06:28,710
>> Xavier: [ SNEEZES ]
234
00:06:28,793 --> 00:06:30,585
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE, SKIP
235
00:06:30,668 --> 00:06:32,543
TOWN, AND ABANDON YOUR FAMILY?
236
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,668
>> I WAS BORN IN THIS HOUSE, AND
237
00:06:34,751 --> 00:06:36,668
I'LL DIE IN THIS HOUSE -- BOTH
238
00:06:36,751 --> 00:06:37,751
OF STARVATION.
239
00:06:37,835 --> 00:06:40,085
WE BEEN WORKING THIS LAND FOR
240
00:06:40,168 --> 00:06:41,376
SIX GENERATIONS.
241
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,251
THIS WHOLE LAND USED TO BE AS
242
00:06:43,085 --> 00:06:44,876
FERTILE AS A NICARAGUAN SLUT.
243
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,293
>> Xavier: THIS CROP LOOKS
244
00:06:46,376 --> 00:06:47,126
STRONG.
245
00:06:47,210 --> 00:06:48,710
>> IT'S ALL DUST CORN -- FLAKY
246
00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,085
AS A FILIPINO GRANNY IN A
247
00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:51,085
PYRAMID SCHEME.
248
00:06:51,168 --> 00:06:52,960
IF WE DON'T GET RAIN SOON, WE
249
00:06:53,043 --> 00:06:54,668
MIGHT HAVE TO TIGHTEN OUR BELTS
250
00:06:54,751 --> 00:06:56,126
TIGHTER THAN A JEW IN A --
251
00:06:56,210 --> 00:06:57,210
OH, SHOOT.
252
00:06:57,043 --> 00:06:58,668
ONE OF MY BOYS GOT HOLD OF MY
253
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,793
BELT!
254
00:07:00,876 --> 00:07:02,335
AW, HE'S JUST SHOWING OFF FOR
255
00:07:02,418 --> 00:07:03,085
COMPANY.
256
00:07:03,168 --> 00:07:04,418
FOLKS ARE EVEN STARVED FOR
257
00:07:04,501 --> 00:07:05,793
ATTENTION 'ROUND HERE.
258
00:07:05,876 --> 00:07:07,043
>> Xavier: FEEL MY BICEP.
259
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:08,168
GRAB THAT MAN MEAT.
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>> WE KNOW THE LORD WILL
261
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PROVIDE.
262
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AND IF OUR LOT IS TO SHRIVEL AND
263
00:07:12,085 --> 00:07:13,835
DIE, WELL, THEN HE'LL PROVIDE
264
00:07:13,918 --> 00:07:14,585
THAT.
265
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OH, IF WE ONLY HAD RAIN!
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00:07:15,918 --> 00:07:17,376
>> Xavier: RAIN -- IT'S JUST
267
00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:18,585
GOD'S TEARS.
268
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I KNOW A SHAMANIC NAVAJO RAIN
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DANCE THAT HASN'T JUST BLOWN
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MINDS, IT'S BLOWN DUCTS --
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TEAR DUCTS.
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>> I'M WILLING TO TRY ANY
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PRECIPITATION BOOGIE YOU GOT.
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>> Xavier: HEY-YA-HO-OH,
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HEY-YA-OH -- OH, SHUCKS.
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I FORGOT IT.
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BUT WE CAN JOG MY MEMORY WITH
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THE LAKOTA MEMORY-JOGGING DANCE.
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>> JUST SHOW ME HOW.
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>> Xavier: HEY-YA-HOO --
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I...CAN'T REMEMBER THE
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MEMORY-JOGGING DANCE.
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I KNOW -- THE IRONY IS RICH.
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SO ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS THE
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IROQUOIS IRONY-MELTING DANCE,
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AND WE'LL BE GOLDEN.
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>> DO YOU REMEMBER THAT ONE?
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>> Xavier: OF COURSE.
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THIS NOODLE IS A STEEL CAGE.
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BUT ONLY GOD CAN DO THAT DANCE,
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AND IT HAS TO BE RAINING.
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THAT'S THE IRONY PART.
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>> DAMN THIS CIRCULAR LOGIC!
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JUST DO IT, WEIRDO!
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JUST DO YOUR DANCE!
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[ SHOTGUN COCKS ]
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>> Xavier: NOT AT ME!
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GOD HAS TO DO THAT DANCE.
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>> DANCE, GOD! DANCE!
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WE MADE YOU UP, AND WE CAN TAKE
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YOU DOWN!
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IT'S WORKING!
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WAIT. THIS 'TAIN'T RAIN.
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>> Xavier: IT'S GOD'S BLOOD.
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>> PAPA! YOU SHOT GOD!
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>> [ SHRIEKING ]
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>> WHAT HAVE I DONE?
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>> Xavier: SO YOU ADMIT IT IS
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YOUR FAULT.
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YOU KILL OFF THE CORN MUTANTS.
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I'LL STAY BACK AND PROTECT THE
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WOMENFOLK.
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OH.
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SOCIETY'S ABOUT TO END, GIRL,
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AND IT'S UP TO US TO START
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REPOPULATING THE PLANET.
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>> I SUPPOSE.
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>> Xavier: REALLY?
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UGH! AAH!
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I JUST REPOPULATED MY PANTS.
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WAIT. "POP." THAT'S IT!
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>> TIME FOR A SNACK ATTACK!
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>> POP 'EM, PAPA! POP 'EM!
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>> Xavier: GOT 'EM!
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I'M A CROP STOPPER!
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>> SPREAD THE WORD 'ROUND
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TOWN -- THERE'S BLOOD POPCORN
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FOR EVERYONE!
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I'LL ORDER A MOVIE!
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>> Xavier: BETTER PUT A HOLD ON
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THE MOVIE.
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THE TREES ARE CLEAR-CUTTING ALL
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OF DOWNTOWN!
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>> NATURE IS OUT TO MAKE US PAY
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FOR OUR SINS AGAINST THE EARTH!
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NATURE IS ALIVE...AND IT'S
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ANGRY!
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>> Xavier: I KNOW WHAT TO DO.
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HOP ON.
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I CAN'T LOOK!
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AAH!
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HAND CRAMP!
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YOU BETTER TAKE OVER.
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>> I'LL DO MY BEST TO TRY.
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[ SIREN WAILS ]
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[ TIRES SCREECH ]
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SO, WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?
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>> Xavier: I THINK WE SHOULD,
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UH, YOU KNOW, UH...
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>> PACK ALL THE MAXI BITES IN
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THE SMOKESTACK?
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>> Xavier: DON'T JUST STAND
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THERE.
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CHOP, CHOP MY PLAN INTO ACTION.
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WE'VE ONLY GOT ONE SHOT TO PLUG
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UP GOD'S DRIPPY HEAVEN CREVICE.
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>> HEY, GODSTERESS --
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SUCK ON THIS!
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[ GUN COCKS ]
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>> Xavier: IT STUCK!
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I DID IT!
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I STOPPED GOD'S HEAVY FLOW, AND
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HER CYCLE OF MADNESS IS OVER.
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AT LEAST FOR THIS MONTH.
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I GUESS DREAMS DO COME TRUE.
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SO GOD IS A LADY.
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I KNOW BECAUSE I GOT HER SOPPING
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WET, AND THEN I GAVE GOD'S JUNK
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HER JUST DESSERTS.
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SOMEONE'S GONNA HAVE TO MOP UP
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ALL THIS BOOTY SAUCE.
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>> BOOTY SAUCE?
373
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>> YES.
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YOU SEE, SON, GOD IS A WOMAN.
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AND EVERY WOMAN HAS A SPECIAL
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00:10:48,626 --> 00:10:51,085
HOLE THAT'S THE SOURCE OF ALL
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00:10:51,168 --> 00:10:51,876
LIFE.
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IT'S CALLED THE BOOTY HOLE.
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>> REALLY?
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>> Xavier: YEP.
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YOU CAN READ ALL ABOUT IT ON MY
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BLOG.
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I GOT TO RAMBLE ON.
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YOU CAN FIND YOUR OWN WAY HOME.
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[ CLOCK TICKING ]
386
00:11:04,293 --> 00:11:07,501
>> [ Echoing ] WHOOPSIE DOODLE!