>> OH, YEAH, YOU LOVE EATING
THAT KETCHUP.
YOU JUST KEEP EATING THAT ALL
DAY LONG UNTIL YOU GONNA DIE.
OH, YEAH.
EAT THAT KETCHUP NICE AND GOOD.
OH, YEAH. CLOSE-UP.
[ DOG LAPPING ]
[ LAUGHS ]
LOOK AT THAT DOG.
[ Grunting ] OH, YEAH! KETCHUP!
>> SOON.
>> Xavier: WHAT IS THIS PLACE,
AND WHO AM I?
I DON'T REMEMBER MY NAME.
ALL I REMEMBER IS THAT I DON'T
KNOW MY NAME AND THAT I CAN'T
REMEMBER IF I DO KNOW MY -- UM,
UH...I HAVE THE STRANGE FEELING
THAT I'VE FORGOTTEN ALL OF THIS
BEFORE.
I FORGET IF I REMEMBER THAT
THESE DOORS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN
HERE.
I TRIED THE BLUE ONE.
[ KNOCK! KNOCK! ]
EXCUSE ME, MISS.
I SEEM TO HAVE LOST MY WAY.
COULD YOU POINT ME IN THE RIGHT
DIRECTION?
>> WELL, SHOOT, STRANGER.
MY POINTIN' DAYS ARE LONG GONE,
WHAT WITH THESE PROSTHETIC LIMBS
AND ALL.
>> Xavier: WHAT THE HELL?!
WHO TRANSFORMED YOUR FORM,
MESSED WITH YOUR TEMPLE, ALTERED
YOUR ALTAR, MODIED YOUR BODY?
>> WHY, DR. BRUCE BLESSED ME
WITH MY NEW HANDS.
HE DOES ALL SORTS OF SURGERIES,
BUT HE SPECIALIZES IN HAND JOBS.
PRIOR TO THIS, I WAS JUST A
MISFIT, A NOBODY.
>> Xavier: WELL, BEING A NUBBY
NOBODY IS BETTER THAN BEING A
STUBBY SOMEBODY.
>> I'M VERY GRATEFUL FOR THESE
HANDS, BUT THEY'RE PREVENTING ME
FROM GETTING SILLY-OLD WHISKERS
DOWN FROM THAT TREE.
[ WHISKERS BARKS ]
>> Xavier: THE REASON I WAS PUT
ON THIS EARTH WAS TO HELP FREAKS
WITH WEIRD HANDS LIKE YOU.
NOW, STAND BACK WHILST I RESCUE
YOUR PET.
HMM, THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO
BESIDES LET NATURE TAKE ITS
COURSE.
I KNOW -- I'LL USE NATURE TO
RESCUE YOUR PET.
NOTHING'S MORE NATURAL THAN...
[ Echoing ] FIRE!
[ LIGHTER SPARKS ]
>> OH, NO, MY DOG!
[ Crying ] WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!
>> Xavier: STAND BACK, MAN.
IT ISN'T RIGHT TO MESS WITH
NATURE.
OOH, AND I'M COMING TO, PALMING
SOME BIG SMOKING BEAVE.
NEED TO DIP MY MEAT INTO
SOMETHING SAUCY.
DOG DOWN, CATCH UP.
>> SAUSAGE MILK.
[ GROWLS ]
DON'T GET DUMPED, GET PUMPED!
[ CREAK! ]
EAT SAUSAGE!
>> Xavier: MY PRESENTATION IS
ABOUT MEERKATS.
MEERKATS ARE CARNIVORES.
MEERKATS ARE FROM FRANCE.
[ JINGLING ]
MEERKATS HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS,
BFFs.
MEERKATS HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR
300 YEARS.
>> SAUSAGE MILK.
>> Xavier: MEERKATS WET THEIR
BED, BUT THAT'S NORMAL.
[ MEERKAT CHITTERING ]
>> SAUSAGE MILK.
EAT SAUSAGE.
>> Xavier: AND THAT'S WHY THE
MEERKAT IS THE GREATEST CAT IN
THE WORLD.
[ GROANS ]
>> KETCHUP!
>> Xavier: I DON'T FEEL MYSELF
TODAY.
THAT MEANS SOMEONE ELSE IS
FEELING ME.
OOH!
[ Skipping ] SELF FEEL NICE.
OOH!
SELF.
>> SELF DOESN'T EXIST.
WITH AN "H," IT BECOMES h-self.
I'LL JUST PLACE THAT THOUGHT ON
THE h-sHelf UNDER CEREMONY.
>> Xavier: [ Robot voice ]
FRITTATA.
[ DOG LAPPING ]
>> IS SELF A DELUSION BROUGHT ON
BY THE AUTO-EROTIC ASPHYXIATIONS
OF THE OBDURATE SOUL KEEPER?
>> IF I DON'T EAT, I'M GONNA
DIE.
>> THEN I WILL SPILL OUT THE
SEEDS OF MY BONE, AND YOU CAN
EAT ON THOSE.
THEN YOU WILL BE THE BONEE, AND
I WILL BE YOUR BONE--
>> ER!
>> I AM A FIFTH-CLASS
SELF-INVERTER.
BEHOLD AS THE SELF EMERGES INTO
h-self.
[ DISTORTED TALKING ]
YOU CAN EAT ON THOSE, EAT ON
THOSE.
>> MAYBE I CAN GIVE YOU
SOMETHING IN RETURN.
>> YOU MEAN LIKE YOUR COOTIES,
SPAZ?
>> I JUST WANTED TO SHARE THE
FOOD.
>> AND ALL YOU MANAGED TO SHARE
WAS YOUR 'TUDE.
[ Skipping ] 'TUDE, 'TUDE,
'TUDE, 'TUDE, 'TUDE, 'TUDE,
'TUDE, 'TUDE, 'TUDE, 'TUDE.
>> SELF.
[ ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
SELF.
>> ♪ WHEN YOU SLAUGHTER PIG,
IT DREAMS OF YOU ♪
♪ ITS BABIES CRY ♪
>> SOOEY!
>> SIGH.
>> THIS GUY NEEDS TO GET LAID.
[ LOON CRYING ]
[ DOOR CREAKS ]
>> HI, UM, CAN YOU HEAR ME IN
THERE?
CAN BARELY SEE YOU, MAKE YOU
OUT.
IT'S DARKER THAN THE INSIDE OF A
COW OUT THERE.
>> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
>> DO YOU KNOW WHO S--
JOE SMITH IS?
HE MET WITH THE DYNAMIC DUO OF
ANGELS...IN THE FOREST.
[ WOMAN SCREAMS ]
[ COUGHS ]
OH!
[ HOWLS ]
>> AND A STONE THAT ROLLS
GATHERS NO MOSS INTO THE BUXOM
BOSOMS...
>> OH, YEAH.
EAT THAT KETCHUP NICE AND GOOD.
[ DISTORTED TALKING ]
>> [ GROWLING ]
>> YOU LOVE EATING THAT KETCHUP.
>> FROM STONE TO ROCK TO MUD TO
STONE.
[ HONK! ]
>> Xavier: THIS IS A BALD-FACED
CASE OF DéJà "SHAVE MY
VA-JAY-JAY" VU, VU!
[ DISTORTED TALKING ]
[ HONKING ]
>> KEEP EATING.
KEEP EATING, GIRL.
>> EAT THAT KETCHUP NICE AND
GOOD.
YOU LOVE EATING THAT KETCHUP.
KEEP EATING.
[ CHOMP! ]
>> OH, YEAH.
EAT THAT KETCHUP NICE AND GOOD.
>> WELL, HISS, HISS, YOU IN
THERE.
>> Xavier: ART BORN FROM THE
WOMB OF NECESSITY, OR ART THOU
THE MIRROR HELD BENEATH THE
CROTCH OF LIFE?
>> YOU PERVERT!
>> Xavier: LET'S SEE WHAT WE
GOT.
[ REWINDING ]
AAH!
THAT'S PRETTY TIGHT.
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
>> HELLO.
>> [ GROANS ]
>> HEY, CHAKA.
LONG TIME, NO BLOW.
>> [ HONKS ]
>> YEAH, I'D LOVE TO HUNG OUT
THIS WEEKEND, BUT I'M GOING
AUNTIQUE SHOPPING WITH MY WIFE.
>> [ HONKS ]
>> MAYBE NEXT TIME.
>> OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU AT CHURCH.
[ Dial tone ]
[ DINGING ]
>> OY! OY!
OY! OY! OY!
>> LIFE.
>> Xavier: WHY?
[ BOING! ]
>> CUT IT OUT, JACKASS!
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHILDREN LAUGHING ]
>> Xavier: HEE-HAW!
[ CHILD LAUGHS ]
[ Distorted ] I'VE BEEN RUNNING
FOR SO LONG.
IT'S AS IF THE BACKGROUND WAS
REPEATING.
I MIGHT AS WELL BE ON A
TREADMILL...OF LIFE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M HUNGRY.
AND I MIGHT HAVE CRAPPED THE
DONKEY SUIT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT IS THIS CRAP?
FOOD.
[ CRE-E-E-E-EAK! ]
[ CHOMP! ]
TO BE SELF-CONSUMED, SOMETIMES
ONE MUST CONSUME ONE'S SELF.
[ SLURPING ]
IF I COULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN,
I WOULD DO EXACTLY THE SAME
THING.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> EAT THAT KETCHUP NICE AND
GOOD.
>> ♪ IT'S A LONG, HARD DUSTY
ROAD ♪
♪ YOU'LL JOURNEY ON THROUGH A
WORLD YOU'VE NEVER KNOWN ♪
♪ ONLY TIME WILL TELL YOU IF OR
NOT IF YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN IN
VAIN ♪
>> ♪ EACH MORNING SUNRISE BRINGS
QUESTION AND QUERY ♪
♪ EACH SUNSET BRINGS YOU
CATTLE ♪
♪ ALWAYS YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR ♪
♪ WHAT, YOU'RE NOT EVEN SURE ♪
♪ MELTING AWAY LIKE AN ICICLE ON
FI-I-I-I-I-I-RE ♪
♪ OH ♪