1 00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:07,507 A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.... 2 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,050 What are you talking about? 3 00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:11,511 Heh, it's from the beginning of Star Wars. 4 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,930 But this is a show about Christmas. 5 00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:17,850 - It's not about space. - They have Christmas in space. 6 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,937 ♪ Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ♪♪ 7 00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:25,900 - Ooh, that's cold. - Yeah. 8 00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,110 Ohh. 9 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,779 Why can't they just put the warehouse in, like, Maui? 10 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,406 Really? Because I love winter. 11 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:35,743 I love snowmobiling and snowball fights and, ooh-- And hot apple cider. 12 00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,954 Yeah, that's because you're from the Rockies. 13 00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,540 There's no air up there. Your brain? Not normal. 14 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:43,251 Really? This from a man who giggles at "Grand Tetons." 15 00:00:43,419 --> 00:00:45,336 You know what that means in French, don't you? 16 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:46,796 Ow! 17 00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:52,593 Ooh! 18 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:56,264 Ooh, it's down my back! Oh, who's--? Okay, very funny. 19 00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,141 - Who's the child now? - Ooh! 20 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,059 There's bombs around here, you know. 21 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:02,520 You could damage my tympanic membrane. 22 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,772 It had, like, an arc. It wasn't even a.... 23 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:07,316 ♪ ...sound of the season Ringing on in ♪♪ 24 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:10,194 Okay, now, this is awesome. 25 00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,404 Jingle, jingle. 26 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,406 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 27 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:19,162 - Mmm. - Marshmallow. Good job. 28 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:23,416 Artefacty Swiss Miss-hap. Tasty blizzard in a cup. 29 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:27,378 Hey, Claud, so, what's with the twinkle lights? 30 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,008 God bless us, every one. 31 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:33,593 In this corner... 32 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:36,763 ...weighing in at a hulking 200 pounds would be Joshua Donovan... 33 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,182 ...hanging the gloves Ali wore against Foreman... 34 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,225 - ...in Rumble in the Jungle. - Hey, Josh. 35 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,728 - Hey. Heh. - All right, so, what do those do? 36 00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:46,355 - Make you see stars without hitting you. - Myka. Ahem. 37 00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,776 That's the original mistletoe. Ahem. 38 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,444 It is rather strong. 39 00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:54,989 - Tetons. - That has to come down. 40 00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:58,451 - I will get that. - This is the first time in ever... 41 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,621 ...I actually have people in my life to spend the holidays with. 42 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,540 I figured we'd circle the yule log and eat figgy pudding. 43 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:05,958 - That's awkward. - Well.... 44 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,168 What...? Why? 45 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,421 - We're going home for Christmas. - Sorry, Claud. 46 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,299 Aw. Well, I guess that's all right. 47 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,676 Joshua and I will just hang with Artie Claus. 48 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:20,097 What have you done to my office? 49 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:24,769 I got you something very special, and I think you're gonna love it. 50 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:29,106 - Ugh, why? - It's called a present. 51 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:30,983 You're familiar with presents, right? 52 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,153 We earthlings exchange them as a sign of affection and gratitude. 53 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:39,075 - No, no. Thank you, but no, thank you. - Artie. It's a gift. Take it. 54 00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,202 Yeah. Come on, Artie. Ho, ho, ho. 55 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,788 All right, look, can we just stop all this merriment? 56 00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:46,165 Come on. Some of these are very dangerous arte-- 57 00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:51,963 This is not the holiday counter at Woolworth's. 58 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:03,182 - You see what I mean? - Ow. 59 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,604 Take it all down! 60 00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:14,402 ♪ Mama Claus said, "Santa, why do you look so down?" ♪ 61 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:20,491 ♪ Christmas is a-comin' And you just been poutin' around ♪♪ 62 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,994 Oh, Dad, I almost forgot to tell you. 63 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,871 Today at school we had a Secret Santa. 64 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,206 This boy, Matthew, he got me a phone case. 65 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:30,209 He's never even said hi to me, but he knew my favourite colour. 66 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,295 So I might have to give him a second look. 67 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,338 That sounds awesome. 68 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,926 - Dad, you're working again. - Oh, uh.... 69 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,888 - Yeah. Sorry, honey. - That's rude, you know. 70 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,347 I'm all yours now, okay? 71 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,725 Mom's right. You don't listen when women talk. 72 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:49,604 - Yikes, when did you turn into a woman? - Well, I'm almost at the decade mark. 73 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,439 That's a lot of life experience. 74 00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:54,108 Mm-hmm, yes, I guess you're right. I'm gonna have to keep up. 75 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,402 Hey, why didn't you make the tree trimming? 76 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,904 Mom said you promised. 77 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,574 Well, sometimes Mom makes things up because she's mad at me. 78 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,076 But, uh, I mean, she knew I couldn't make it this week. 79 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,579 I'm up against all these deadlines at the new mall. 80 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:10,416 I'm.... I'm sorry, kiddo. I'm sorry. 81 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,959 It's okay. 82 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:15,212 Now, you tell this boy, Matthew, that your daddy's got a shotgun. 83 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,798 Okay? And I will be wanting to meet him soon. 84 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,717 Ugh, Dad, don't you dare. 85 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,471 You see? I was listening the whole time. 86 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,723 - I love you, sweetheart. - Love you too, Dad. 87 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,115 Somebody there? 88 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,899 Hey! What--? 89 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:20,152 What--? What the hell? What are you--? What are you--? 90 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,030 Ah! Sh-- 91 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:25,449 No, no, no! Ow! 92 00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,326 Please, stop! 93 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,789 No, no, no. Please-- 94 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,462 Ho, ho, ho! 95 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,361 But Colorado Springs has this great light show. 96 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:05,239 No. North Can has the Pro Football Hall of Fame. 97 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,074 - Vacuum cleaners-- - That's not even-- 98 00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:09,076 Cancel your flights. All trips are off. 99 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,078 - What? Are you kidding? - It's Christmas. 100 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,872 We got a case. 101 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,917 Well, ugh. Are you sure that it's one of ours? 102 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,544 Well, let's see. Ahem. 103 00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:23,466 Home invasion. The victim reported, reluctantly, that the intruder... 104 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:27,845 ...and I quote, "flew around the room in a cloud of light... 105 00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:30,347 ...then disappeared up the chimney." 106 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:35,019 And this is the police sketch. 107 00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:36,687 No. 108 00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:39,815 You have got to be kidding. 109 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,900 Poor Artie. Must be exhausting to be that grouchy... 110 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,777 ...without time off for the holidays. 111 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,946 - You think he was like that as a kid? - Whoa. 112 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,240 I've never actually pictured Artie as a child. 113 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,991 - It's disturbing. - Yeah, it is. 114 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,868 Wait. Haven't I ever showed you this? 115 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,788 - Oh, my God. Look at that. - Ha, ha, yes. 116 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,164 He even looks happy. 117 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,500 Think he came out of the womb with those brows? 118 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:43,629 He told me that sitting at that piano was his favourite place in the world. 119 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,881 - Wait. Artie plays? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 120 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,592 His dad was a professional musician or something? 121 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,679 Taught composition at Temple. Sent Artie to Juilliard. 122 00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:56,100 But when he went to work for the NSA, his dad never talked to him again. 123 00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:59,145 So how do we put that face back on old Crabby McGrumpy-Pants? 124 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,689 "Glückklavier"? "Glückklavier." 125 00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:04,608 - Glue what to what? - Oh, it's the make of the piano. 126 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,694 Yeah, I picked up a little German at CERN. 127 00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:11,240 - Never heard of Glückklavier, though. - Bro, you're a genius. We'll find it. 128 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,660 - Danke. Find what? - This piano. Artie's favourite place. 129 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,163 The actual piano? Claudia, how? 130 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,541 We are in the object-finding business. Artie grew up in Philly, right? 131 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,376 We'll start by calling piano tuners. 132 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,837 Figure out who worked on Gloocky-Glockenspielers. 133 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,798 What are you gonna do, search every tuner in Philadelphia? 134 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,008 How many can there be? 135 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,970 Well, in the combined 215 and 610 area codes... 136 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:35,806 ...486. 137 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,642 - So we'll split them up. - Pardon? 138 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,854 Come on, guys. Worst-case scenario, we rack up a mondo phone bill. 139 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:47,359 But if we succeed, we give Artie the most awesome present ever. 140 00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:50,362 ♪ It's a California Christmas ♪ 141 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:54,283 ♪ And it's the best time of the year ♪♪ 142 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,995 Entry keypad, motion sensors. None of it was triggered. 143 00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,581 Ugh. And you say he left through the chimney. 144 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,042 I've already entertained the L.A.P.D. for an hour. 145 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,211 They stared at me like I was a nut job. 146 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,588 There any reason the Secret Service needs an encore? 147 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,673 We wouldn't be here if we thought you were crazy. 148 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,801 Ugh. That's pretty narrow to climb. 149 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:17,389 And I'm guessing Santa's, you know.... Bowl full of jelly. 150 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,516 He didn't climb up there. 151 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:23,062 He whooshed. And twinkled. 152 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,648 Whooshed and twinkled. 153 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,400 That definitely sounds like someone's using something. 154 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,904 Absolutely not. I will take a drug test. I will prove it to you. 155 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,783 - No, no, no. That's not what he meant. - Believe me, guy, you're lucky. 156 00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:38,994 Whoosh and a twinkle is a lot better than a sizzle and a splat. 157 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:42,081 - Or even worse, a zap and ker-chow. - Pete. 158 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:48,379 Okay, so, Mr. Newley, do you have any, um, enemies? 159 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:53,425 Well, I'm rich, successful and thin. That usually pisses somebody off. 160 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,177 No, I meant someone with a motive. 161 00:09:55,345 --> 00:10:00,099 It says here that you're starting demolition on a new shopping mall. 162 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,642 Is there anyone being evicted? 163 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,436 It's just some junky old shops that nobody ever goes to. 164 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,564 And one guy's pretty cheesed. But, you know, it happens. 165 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,401 - Sounds motivational. - Let's go talk to him. 166 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:11,610 - Let's. - Mm. 167 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,611 - Now? - Yes. 168 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,280 - Yeah. - Oh. 169 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:24,039 Just slide it under your uncle's butt just before he sits down. 170 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,249 It'll be hilarious. 171 00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,252 Go have fun. 172 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,628 Oh, great. 173 00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,631 You've got some fancy lawyers with you this time, Newley? 174 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,926 Someone attacked my home. Mr. Wilkie, Secret Service. 175 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,845 Oh. Well, aren't we important? 176 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,972 If you find the guy, send me his name. 177 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,182 I'll send him one of my best rubber chickens. 178 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,476 Funny. Where's the rest of the Santa suit? 179 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,313 - What is that, a fat joke? - Where were you two nights ago? 180 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,233 I was right here, surfing job web sites. I'm getting put out of business. 181 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,694 If you or any of the others have any complaints... 182 00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,612 ...please take it up with my office. 183 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,449 I am giving you way more than this place is worth. 184 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:01,618 My father built this place. Keep your money. 185 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,329 Nobody wants another mall. 186 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,457 Mr. Wilkie, stores like this are going extinct. 187 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,876 Cash in while you can. 188 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,841 Right after New Year's, this whole block comes down. 189 00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,055 Pete? 190 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,973 Ha-cha-chatta-cha-cha. 191 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:29,188 - Pete, please don't. - What--? Stocking stuffers. 192 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,273 My kid sister loves these things. 193 00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,984 The man's insane. He sells plastic vomit. 194 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:36,570 Ha, ha, I love that stuff. I should have bought some. 195 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:41,033 But evicting him after New Year's? Not exactly in the holiday spirit. 196 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,327 Did I mention that we're paying him? 197 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,537 And what has more holiday spirit than a mall? 198 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,165 I mean, people go to my malls to celebrate Christmas. 199 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,043 We have Santa's villages, huge trees. 200 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,128 When was the last time you were in a mom-and-pop store? 201 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,506 I grew up in a mom-and-pop store. 202 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,301 Okay. You know I'm right, then. 203 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:02,304 God, I thought my staff were in for at least half a day today. 204 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,396 Pete? 205 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,564 What is that? 206 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,867 - That just happened, right? - It's going after Newley. 207 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,918 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! 208 00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,756 This is happening, right? You see this? This is happening? 209 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,299 - Yeah. - Yeah. 210 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,051 - Yes! Ah! - Yes. 211 00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:44,638 Ah! 212 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,277 I've been watching, Larry Noodle... 213 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:02,114 ...and I'm very disappointed. 214 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:08,537 You're not being the man that they deserve. 215 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:12,708 These are not what's important. 216 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:17,171 You seriously pissed that guy off. 217 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,922 Time's running out. 218 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:22,426 Fix your life, or I'm gonna take it from you. 219 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,222 Goodbye, Larry Noodle. 220 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,558 Ooh! 221 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,936 - That was whooshing. - And twinkling. 222 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,481 - And a little ker-chow. - Oh, my God. 223 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,024 Larry Noodle? 224 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:39,443 No one has called me that since I was a kid. 225 00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:43,113 Myka? Myka, is it... 226 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:48,035 ...possible that we saw the actual real-life... 227 00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:51,747 - Don't! No. - ...Santa? 228 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,882 Artie, is it possible that--? 229 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,051 That, yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus? 230 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,887 The dude enters and exits through chimneys. 231 00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:09,306 He travels across the room as fairy dust. 232 00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:13,769 Look, Artie, this was the real Santa, okay? 233 00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:17,940 Oh, and by the way, be nice, because Santa is bad-ass. 234 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:23,237 There really was a Saint Nicholas in fourth-century Turkey... 235 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:26,698 ...and he was known to put coins in people's shoes. 236 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,492 Real Santa. Excellent. 237 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,203 You know, I knew it. Seriously, it explains so much. 238 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,372 You're making a Christmas list in your head. 239 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,706 Maybe. 240 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,377 - He threatened Newley's life. - Well, the guy is a bit of a tool. 241 00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,712 Is it possible that someone has an artefact... 242 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,840 ...that lets them take the form of Santa? 243 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:48,929 Well, there are other Christmas legends, um... 244 00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:52,808 ...involving darker, imp-like spirits like.... 245 00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:55,018 That was Krampus. 246 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,354 And there's also Black Peter. 247 00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,856 There are more. I'll keep doing the research. 248 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,818 - Artie, where's Claudia? - My own dark imp? 249 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:06,655 Yeah, I suspect she's off plotting another holiday surprise. 250 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:08,615 Too busy making money... 251 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:11,577 - ...to keep a promise to your daughter? - Now is not a good time. 252 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,078 You said you'd decorate the tree. 253 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,539 I never said that, okay? And listen, by the way... 254 00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:18,417 ...I sent over some incredibly expensive antique ornaments. 255 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:22,170 - Did you bother to give them to her? - Not the same as her dad being here. 256 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:27,259 I know my daughter, and I know that she happens to like things like that. 257 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,636 - She is an old soul. - And she's getting older. 258 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,431 Another year gone by, Larry. How many are you gonna miss? 259 00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:41,898 I never made any promise. I'm buried with work. 260 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,068 Anyway, if you'll excuse me... 261 00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,779 ...I, uh, I have two meetings I have to get to right away. 262 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:51,116 - Why would she lie? - She's my ex-wife. That's what she does. 263 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,952 - She could be behind this. - I got a thought. 264 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,829 Myks, why don't you interview the ex? 265 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:58,582 Big Lare and I will spend some Q-time with the daughter. 266 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,417 What do you say about that, huh? Come on. 267 00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:02,586 Cancel your meetings. Here we go. All right. 268 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,463 - Here we go. - I-- I-- 269 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:08,634 Come on. I hear Philadelphia is beautiful this time of year. 270 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,640 So, as it turns out, calling 486 piano tuners? 271 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,391 It's harder to split three ways... 272 00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,811 ...when only one of you can pronounce "Glockyglobbenkiller." 273 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,397 - "Glückklavier." - Yes. Anyway. 274 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:25,609 So, we were about to ditch the whole plan when one of them says... 275 00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:28,028 ...this Glucken thing uses special tuning pins... 276 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,988 ...only made by one company in Germany. 277 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,783 My kind-of-German-speaking brother gets them on the horn. 278 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:36,078 They narrow the list to the couple of tuners in Philly who buy them. 279 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:38,497 - Here I am. - I can't imagine what's so special... 280 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,916 ...about an old piano gathering dust in a corner. 281 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:44,503 - Is there hidden treasure inside? - Doubtful. But stranger things.... 282 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:45,837 Let's see. 283 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,673 Ha! 284 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,342 - Holy bah-humbug, Marley. - It's Marla. 285 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:55,681 Right. I'm so sorry. Um, it's-- Wow. This is just-- Artie's-- It's my boss's initials. 286 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,308 I can't believe this is really it. 287 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,519 How much do you want? Please say not much. 288 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,646 Let me get Mr. Weisfeldt. He owns it. 289 00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:05,148 Unbelievable. Bro, I found it. 290 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:08,902 Yeah. Merion Music School. Get your butt over here. Weisfeldt? 291 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:12,614 You want to buy this piano? Why? 292 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:15,242 - Claud, are you still there? - Hm? 293 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:19,705 Aye. Do you hear me? You wanna buy this piano. Why? 294 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,459 You're Artie's father. 295 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,630 What? Oh. I forgot I had these in. 296 00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:31,717 Hearing the little bastards bang out "Moonlight Sonata"... 297 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,468 ...no wonder Beethoven went deaf. 298 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,223 Best Christmas present ever. 299 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,940 I love fruitcake. 300 00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:50,068 - Here you go, Daddy. - Thanks, honey. 301 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:53,363 Man. This looks.... 302 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,292 Ow. 303 00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:07,836 I mean.... 304 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:11,298 "How" delicious is this, lassie? Ha! Ho. Ha, ha. 305 00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:13,133 I love it. It's-- 306 00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:15,177 Dude, it's not like I baked it. 307 00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:17,220 Oh, thank God. Ugh. 308 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:30,275 Oh, my God. We have the exact same ornament at my house. 309 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,360 Christmas is a pretty big deal there too. 310 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,362 Kallie loves the old-fashioned ornaments. 311 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,615 She and her father used to scour swap meets. 312 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,075 Back when Larry didn't work every weekend. 313 00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:42,496 Do you have any idea who might be threatening him? 314 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:46,500 I don't know, maybe a, um.... A new man in your life... 315 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,085 ...who thinks he might be doing you a favour? 316 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,462 There's no one new. 317 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:56,718 Have you ever, um, heard anyone refer to your ex-husband as Larry Noodle? 318 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,137 Ha, wow. 319 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,431 Larry Noodle? 320 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:04,267 I haven't heard that since he was a teenager. 321 00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,436 He hated that nickname. 322 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:09,439 So you guys have known each other for a really long time. 323 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:10,982 - High school. - Wow. 324 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:12,275 Yeah. 325 00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:16,863 God, we were so happy when we had nothing. 326 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:20,033 And then the more successful he became... 327 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:23,245 ...the more that that was the only thing that mattered. 328 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,080 Larry Noodle. 329 00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:28,667 I miss him. He was sweet. 330 00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:32,254 No. No. Oh, no. Forget it. 331 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:35,382 No, no, no. Excuse me. 332 00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:37,008 - Artie's father. - I can see it. 333 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,677 You have to come. He's your son. 334 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,637 My son? He disappeared for years. 335 00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:43,473 - Who does that? - It happens more often than you think. 336 00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,475 - Who are you? - He had to change his name. 337 00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:48,228 - He did that to protect you. - From what? Oh, never mind. 338 00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:51,356 - I don't wanna know. - He'll explain. There's your icebreaker. 339 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,733 My icebreaker? How about I break his neck, huh? 340 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:56,945 He wanted me to believe he's dead? So he's dead. 341 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,823 Not yet, but soon. 342 00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:01,616 He's dying. 343 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,537 That's right. Artie's dying. 344 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:09,291 I came here to beg you to see him, to say goodbye. 345 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,502 To your son. Who's dying. 346 00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:16,381 Claudia? Sure you should be telling him that? 347 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,092 - Artie's dad deserves the truth. - I agree. He does. 348 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:22,178 - But Artie might be a little angry. - If I tell him everything? 349 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:24,890 - You mean there's more? - Oh, yes. 350 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,851 That Artie's too ashamed to call you himself. 351 00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:31,229 That he's gonna take that guilt to his grave. 352 00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,524 - Yeah, but he's-- - After he dies? 353 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:39,821 All right. 354 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:44,701 All right, you wait here, and I will come with you. 355 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,168 - You are going to hell. - I know. 356 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,463 Kallie said you'd be out here. 357 00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:58,423 You just can't help yourself, can you? 358 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:02,802 I'm sorry, but I have contracts that I have to close today... 359 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,638 ...or the whole deal falls through. 360 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:08,224 I don't know about agents, but I can't drop everything if I feel like it. 361 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:10,101 Oh, no, I can relate. 362 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,771 I'm stuck here trying to save your ungrateful butt. 363 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:16,733 You think I work this hard for myself? I want her to have what I didn't have. 364 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:19,069 This is all so Kallie gets everything she wants. 365 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,071 Right. 366 00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:26,910 Oh, God, no. Please. Not again. 367 00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:31,331 I'm giving you every chance, Larry. 368 00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:34,584 - Every chance to make things right. - Okay, look. 369 00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:37,420 I don't know who the hell you think you are, but-- 370 00:21:37,588 --> 00:21:40,090 Oh, my.... Ahh! Ahh! 371 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:43,802 - What is happening here? - Check on Kallie and stay inside. 372 00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:49,182 Oh, my God. 373 00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:51,601 That happen a lot? 374 00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:53,812 Change your ways by midnight... 375 00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:57,273 ...or I'll turn you into the Ghost of Christmas Past. 376 00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,570 Okay. I'm officially scared now. 377 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:04,990 Can you just--? What was the thing with my hand? 378 00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:06,741 Pete, this isn't Santa. 379 00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:18,962 - It's you. - That's me. 380 00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:21,798 Ho, ho, ho! 381 00:22:23,634 --> 00:22:26,803 Ticktock, Larry Noodle, ticktock. 382 00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:34,978 Larry Noodle disappears tonight! 383 00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:51,494 ♪ It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas ♪ 384 00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:55,206 ♪ Everywhere you go ♪ 385 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,917 ♪ Take a look in the five-and-ten ♪ 386 00:22:58,085 --> 00:22:59,711 ♪ Glistening once again ♪ 387 00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:02,505 ♪ With candy canes And silver lanes aglow ♪ 388 00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:04,966 ♪ It's beginning to look a lot.... ♪♪ 389 00:23:05,134 --> 00:23:07,719 All doors, vents and windows sealed. 390 00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:10,513 No fairy dust getting in. Think this will keep him out? 391 00:23:10,681 --> 00:23:13,183 You're asking me how Santa Claus works? 392 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:14,809 Okay, look, I was wrong, Artie. 393 00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:18,563 This isn't Santa Claus. Santa's nice. This is... 394 00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:19,773 ...Larry Claus. 395 00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:22,734 No wonder he knows everything about you. He is you. 396 00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:24,069 What does that even mean? 397 00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:27,030 Artie, last time he appeared, our guy faded. 398 00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:28,907 - Just for a second. - That's not good. 399 00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:30,909 - Oh, you think? - A duplicate shows up... 400 00:23:31,077 --> 00:23:33,161 ...and the original starts to fade? 401 00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:37,582 It sounds to me like you're dealing with some kind of identity transference. 402 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:40,752 And eventually, your guy might just.... 403 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,338 - What, disappear completely? - Okay, please slow down. 404 00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:45,256 Just who the hell are you people? 405 00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:48,927 - People who deal with this sort of thing. - And what sort of thing is this? 406 00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:51,596 Look, Larry Noodle, you either start to trust us... 407 00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:54,390 ...or Christmas Eve comes and goes, and you go with it. 408 00:23:55,226 --> 00:23:56,476 All right, listen. Listen. 409 00:23:56,644 --> 00:23:58,728 Just keep him sealed up till after midnight. 410 00:23:58,896 --> 00:24:00,105 Got it. 411 00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:13,159 - Where have you been? - Aw, you missed me. 412 00:24:13,327 --> 00:24:14,577 - I was worried. - Same thing. 413 00:24:14,745 --> 00:24:17,288 - No, it's not. There'd be paperwork. - I have a surprise. 414 00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:20,792 Oh, I knew it. Why can't you and your Christmas gremlins leave me alone? 415 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,460 Come on. 416 00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:28,466 Dad? 417 00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,262 I thought you'd be thinner. 418 00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:39,185 Would you, um, give us a minute? 419 00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:42,105 Well, it's been 30 years. What's another minute? 420 00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:45,942 Ow, ow, ow! 421 00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:47,193 Ow! You're pinching, ow. 422 00:24:47,361 --> 00:24:49,696 What have you done? What gives you the right? 423 00:24:49,864 --> 00:24:52,490 I thought you wanted to see him. You wrote him that song. 424 00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:54,701 Song? The piano nocturne? 425 00:24:54,869 --> 00:24:59,330 I would have contacted him in my own time. 426 00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:02,000 He's older than you. How much time you think you have? 427 00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:04,294 You're gonna undo whatever it is you did. 428 00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:07,589 - Artie, he's dying. - Holy mother of God. 429 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:09,632 Joshua knows too. 430 00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:13,303 He's dying, and he wants to make things right. 431 00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:16,389 He doesn't wanna take this guilt to his grave... 432 00:25:16,557 --> 00:25:17,807 ...that he pushed you away. 433 00:25:18,601 --> 00:25:20,768 Go in there and talk to him. 434 00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:40,705 Dad? 435 00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:47,128 It's good to see you. 436 00:25:49,632 --> 00:25:51,841 We brought Glücky. 437 00:25:53,302 --> 00:25:56,387 I see that. Thanks. 438 00:25:57,181 --> 00:26:00,558 Heh. You little pisher. 439 00:26:16,033 --> 00:26:20,036 ♪ Christmastime is here again Thank heaven ♪ 440 00:26:21,121 --> 00:26:23,998 ♪ Time for fa-la-la's And deck.... ♪♪ 441 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:26,417 California Christmas. Blech. 442 00:26:27,795 --> 00:26:30,088 And then there's this guy. 443 00:26:31,048 --> 00:26:33,675 You know, I think about my dad. 444 00:26:33,842 --> 00:26:35,009 If he'd had the chance... 445 00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:38,680 ...he'd have been there for every birthday, every Christmas... 446 00:26:38,847 --> 00:26:41,349 ...every morning I woke up. 447 00:26:41,517 --> 00:26:45,311 This guy? He has no idea what he has. 448 00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:48,231 My dad was a lot like him. 449 00:26:48,399 --> 00:26:50,566 He was busy. Never home. 450 00:26:50,734 --> 00:26:54,529 Funny thing is, now that we have a good relationship... 451 00:26:54,697 --> 00:26:56,572 ...I'm the one that's too busy. 452 00:26:57,700 --> 00:26:59,242 Cat's in the cradle, huh? 453 00:27:11,922 --> 00:27:13,339 Hey. How you doing? 454 00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:15,008 - Hey. - Is he here? Where is he? 455 00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:17,468 - What are you doing here? - You called me. 456 00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:20,680 - Who knew you had a sense of humour? - Newley, get in the safe room. 457 00:27:20,848 --> 00:27:22,056 - What--? - I got the letter. 458 00:27:22,224 --> 00:27:24,851 You called off the demolition. I came as soon as I could. 459 00:27:25,019 --> 00:27:27,645 What letter? This is-- Oh, my God. That is my signature. 460 00:27:27,813 --> 00:27:30,690 - He's signing my name now. - What are you talking about? Who is? 461 00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:34,402 - Are you trying to back off on this? - I'm not trying to back out of anything. 462 00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:38,239 Yes, I am trying to back out. This is a forgery. I never sent this. 463 00:27:38,407 --> 00:27:40,700 Okay, Wilkie? It's time for you to go home now. 464 00:27:40,868 --> 00:27:43,745 Please. Okay? Yeah. 465 00:27:43,912 --> 00:27:45,955 You better go home before things get really-- 466 00:27:46,123 --> 00:27:49,125 - Newley, look out! - What...? 467 00:27:54,048 --> 00:27:55,840 Ho, ho, ho! 468 00:27:56,008 --> 00:27:57,216 What the hell was that? 469 00:27:57,384 --> 00:27:59,218 - That was-- - Twinkle and whoosh. 470 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:03,389 - And kidnapping. - Help me! 471 00:28:09,146 --> 00:28:10,563 He'd come down the stairs. 472 00:28:10,731 --> 00:28:13,024 What about--? What about Cousin Sylvia? 473 00:28:13,192 --> 00:28:14,609 - Even she found a man. - No. 474 00:28:14,777 --> 00:28:15,818 - Yeah. - With that voice? 475 00:28:15,986 --> 00:28:18,863 Well, he can't hear anything over middle C. So I guess it works. 476 00:28:20,949 --> 00:28:21,991 - My God. - Yeah. 477 00:28:22,159 --> 00:28:24,118 Well, a lid for every pot, huh? 478 00:28:27,748 --> 00:28:29,415 Dad.... 479 00:28:32,503 --> 00:28:34,712 I'm really sorry that we lost so much time. 480 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,881 I know. It's a shame. 481 00:28:37,049 --> 00:28:40,176 - And now with so little left. - I know. 482 00:28:40,344 --> 00:28:41,386 Life, huh? 483 00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:44,347 - God's mysterious ways. - Yeah. 484 00:28:44,515 --> 00:28:47,767 You know, I never heard. 485 00:28:49,061 --> 00:28:51,062 - What is it? - What is what? 486 00:28:51,230 --> 00:28:53,356 The annoying girl. I never asked her... 487 00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:56,192 ...what you're dying of. 488 00:28:57,611 --> 00:29:00,947 Me? She told me that you were dying. 489 00:29:01,115 --> 00:29:04,784 Hey. You know what I'd like to hear? The two of you play piano together. 490 00:29:04,952 --> 00:29:07,954 - How much fun would that be? - You're not dying? 491 00:29:08,122 --> 00:29:10,915 - Well, don't sound so disappointed. - You disappeared. 492 00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:14,127 - After you disowned me. - You spit on us. 493 00:29:14,294 --> 00:29:17,046 Your mother and me worked two jobs to send you to Juilliard. 494 00:29:17,214 --> 00:29:19,257 You threw it away to work for those fascists? 495 00:29:19,425 --> 00:29:21,426 The U.S. government. They're not fascists. 496 00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:23,594 - Oh, no? Ever hear of McCarthy? - Oh, please. 497 00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:26,097 I couldn't work, because I had family in Russia. 498 00:29:26,265 --> 00:29:30,226 Don't tell me about the family in Russia. I know all about the family in Russia. 499 00:29:30,394 --> 00:29:32,937 - You never had the sense of a dog. - Oh, is that right? 500 00:29:33,105 --> 00:29:34,605 - A dog in the-- - Can we just--? 501 00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:38,484 - Haven't you caused enough trouble? - Don't point your guns at me. 502 00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:41,737 - I'm trying to make your lives better. - Who asked you to? You lied. 503 00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:44,407 - How could you say we're dying? - Aren't we all dying? 504 00:29:44,575 --> 00:29:47,201 - Shame on you. You're a liar. - She has no respect at all. 505 00:29:47,369 --> 00:29:50,121 You don't know the half of it. She never does as she's told. 506 00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:52,081 No manners. Know who she reminds me of? 507 00:29:52,249 --> 00:29:54,292 - Trudie. - Exactly like Trudie. The same girl. 508 00:29:54,460 --> 00:29:56,419 She puts her nose into everybody's business. 509 00:29:56,587 --> 00:29:58,212 - Thinks she knows everything. - That mouth. 510 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,883 - God! - She is not yours, is she? 511 00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:06,512 No, God, no. No, no, no. She wasn't even born of man. 512 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,598 She noodged her way into existence. 513 00:30:10,434 --> 00:30:11,976 That's very good. Ha-ha-ha. 514 00:30:12,144 --> 00:30:15,354 - Noodged her way. - You know, she reminds me of Trudie. 515 00:30:15,522 --> 00:30:17,356 - That's what I said. - Yeah. 516 00:30:17,524 --> 00:30:20,610 - Do you remember Trudie's wedding? - Remember? I'm still hungry. 517 00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:27,992 Okay. So Larry Santa took Larry Noodle up to the sky. 518 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:32,163 Yeah. He said until midnight, so we have a few hours. 519 00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:35,291 Right. So Larry Noodle is still alive if we can find him. 520 00:30:35,459 --> 00:30:36,918 What are you doing? 521 00:30:38,045 --> 00:30:41,506 - Well, he's not gonna finish it. - You will eat anything, won't you? 522 00:30:42,174 --> 00:30:45,343 Okay. So where would his Santa double take him? 523 00:30:45,511 --> 00:30:47,845 I mean, some kind of hideout? 524 00:30:49,264 --> 00:30:51,390 - The North Pole. - We hope not. 525 00:30:51,558 --> 00:30:55,686 All right. And if Santa Newley came out of Newley... 526 00:30:55,854 --> 00:31:00,066 ...then where would the real Newley consider home? 527 00:31:01,068 --> 00:31:04,028 Lila's? Uh, Lila and Kallie. 528 00:31:04,196 --> 00:31:06,989 And Kallie collects ornaments. 529 00:31:07,157 --> 00:31:08,783 Okay. So, what are you thinking? 530 00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:12,036 I think I've seen the artefact. 531 00:31:18,502 --> 00:31:23,172 My dad got that for me. He knows I like antiques. 532 00:31:23,340 --> 00:31:26,259 I think he ordered them from Germany or someplace. 533 00:31:26,426 --> 00:31:28,553 This picture of your ex-husband.... 534 00:31:29,263 --> 00:31:33,558 Yeah. Larry used to dress up for the neighbourhood kids as Santa. 535 00:31:33,725 --> 00:31:36,227 Kallie loved it. They both did. 536 00:31:36,395 --> 00:31:39,355 - Myka, can I see that for a sec? - Sure. 537 00:31:42,359 --> 00:31:45,027 Yeah, you know, these are old shell casings. 538 00:31:45,195 --> 00:31:46,237 Mm-hmm? 539 00:31:46,947 --> 00:31:48,781 Yeah. Well, uh... 540 00:31:50,659 --> 00:31:52,034 ...I might know what this is. 541 00:31:53,829 --> 00:31:56,330 Have you guys ever heard of the, uh, Christmas cease-fire? 542 00:31:57,499 --> 00:31:58,916 You mean during World War One. 543 00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:04,130 All right, well, when I was in the Marine Corps... 544 00:32:04,298 --> 00:32:07,091 ...I had a drill instructor. He loved telling this story. 545 00:32:09,553 --> 00:32:12,597 It was Christmas Eve 1914. 546 00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:15,224 I'm not talking, like, L.A. Christmas. 547 00:32:15,392 --> 00:32:17,351 I'm talking, like, Belgian Christmas. 548 00:32:17,519 --> 00:32:19,854 I'm talking, like, icicles hanging off your nose... 549 00:32:20,022 --> 00:32:21,939 ...and snow down your pants. 550 00:32:22,107 --> 00:32:25,359 And even though there was no formal truce... 551 00:32:25,527 --> 00:32:28,946 ...the German soldiers, they started lighting candles in the trenches... 552 00:32:29,114 --> 00:32:31,157 ...and singing Christmas carols. 553 00:32:32,659 --> 00:32:34,910 And then in the distance... 554 00:32:35,412 --> 00:32:37,955 ...the British soldiers joined in. 555 00:32:38,123 --> 00:32:40,791 All of a sudden, these sworn enemies... 556 00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:43,878 ...who were only seconds before fighting one another... 557 00:32:44,046 --> 00:32:50,051 ...were meeting in no-man's-land, between the trenches. 558 00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:55,097 Exchanging gifts. Candy... 559 00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:59,894 ...souvenirs and lots of improvised stuff. 560 00:33:02,981 --> 00:33:06,108 If there was ever a moment that could infuse an object... 561 00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:08,903 ...and turn it into an artefact.... 562 00:33:09,071 --> 00:33:10,780 This would be one. 563 00:33:10,947 --> 00:33:12,990 What do we do? Goo it and see what happens? 564 00:33:13,158 --> 00:33:16,952 No, without eyes on Newley, we wouldn't know which one survived. 565 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,997 Kallie, why this picture? 566 00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:22,875 Well, I love that picture. 567 00:33:23,043 --> 00:33:25,461 Dad was so much fun when he was Santa. 568 00:33:25,629 --> 00:33:31,384 So I guess you were wishing for things to be like they were... 569 00:33:31,551 --> 00:33:33,302 ...when your dad was Santa. 570 00:33:33,470 --> 00:33:37,098 - Yeah. Hm. I guess. - It's okay. 571 00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:41,018 I used to make a lot of wishes like that when I was your age too. 572 00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:44,355 That was the last Christmas we spent all together. 573 00:33:44,856 --> 00:33:47,692 Before you guys, you know.... 574 00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:51,362 It was the year before he opened his first mall... 575 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,531 ...and his business really took off. 576 00:33:53,699 --> 00:33:55,866 "What has more holiday spirit than a mall?" That's what he said. 577 00:33:56,076 --> 00:33:59,078 That's where Santa Newley might consider home. 578 00:33:59,246 --> 00:34:00,538 We have to get to that mall. 579 00:34:00,706 --> 00:34:02,957 Okay. Guys, don't worry. We'll call you in a bit. 580 00:34:03,125 --> 00:34:04,792 We're gonna take the, uh.... This. 581 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,294 - We're taking this with us. - Okay. Bye. 582 00:34:08,463 --> 00:34:10,423 And just a cookie. 583 00:34:10,590 --> 00:34:11,632 Cookie. 584 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:12,883 Bye. 585 00:34:24,104 --> 00:34:27,314 - Ahh! - Look. Your mall. 586 00:34:27,482 --> 00:34:30,276 Please. What do you want with me? 587 00:34:30,444 --> 00:34:34,029 I've given you lots of chances to be a better Larry, Larry. 588 00:34:34,197 --> 00:34:35,573 And you've blown every one. 589 00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:39,201 I'm the man they need, not you. 590 00:34:39,369 --> 00:34:43,038 You never keep my promises. Ha-ha-ha! 591 00:34:43,206 --> 00:34:46,584 But you.... You promised that I'd help trim the tree. 592 00:34:46,752 --> 00:34:51,213 - Would that have been so hard? - And you sent that letter to Wilkie. 593 00:34:51,381 --> 00:34:54,884 So you could do the right thing. But you never do. 594 00:34:55,051 --> 00:34:57,595 People deserve better from you, Larry. 595 00:34:58,263 --> 00:35:02,099 Kallie deserves a father who is there. 596 00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:05,728 Now she's going to get one. 597 00:35:09,441 --> 00:35:12,568 Ahh! What are you doing? What is this? 598 00:35:12,736 --> 00:35:18,491 In a few minutes, you will be gone, and then I'll be real. 599 00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:22,036 No. No! 600 00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:27,750 - No! - Goodbye, Larry Noodle. Goodbye. 601 00:35:30,378 --> 00:35:32,671 You gotta admit, the guy's got Christmas spirit. 602 00:35:32,839 --> 00:35:35,299 What? Come on. 603 00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:37,510 Help! He's making me disappear! 604 00:35:37,677 --> 00:35:39,720 Okay. So we know the Tesla won't work. 605 00:35:39,888 --> 00:35:42,556 Last time Newley faded, I touched his arm and he came back. 606 00:35:42,724 --> 00:35:45,643 So human contact stops the process. You grab Newley. 607 00:35:45,811 --> 00:35:47,269 - I'll bag the ornament. - Okay. 608 00:35:59,157 --> 00:36:00,825 Oh, look. Santa's little army. 609 00:36:02,994 --> 00:36:04,411 Aren't they cute? 610 00:36:05,789 --> 00:36:08,666 Right. Nutcracker. 611 00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:12,086 Pete? Pete. Okay. Wait. 612 00:36:15,090 --> 00:36:17,550 Okay. Hold your fire. 613 00:36:17,717 --> 00:36:18,968 - Newley. - What? 614 00:36:19,135 --> 00:36:20,177 Brace yourself. 615 00:36:23,181 --> 00:36:24,348 Ah! 616 00:36:27,519 --> 00:36:29,353 - Nothing. - What was that? 617 00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:31,313 That was plan A not working. 618 00:36:34,359 --> 00:36:39,029 That was the ornament you sent Kallie. She wished this Santa into being. 619 00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:41,198 Kallie wished for me to replace him. 620 00:36:41,366 --> 00:36:43,742 No. No, she wished for the dad that she knew... 621 00:36:43,910 --> 00:36:46,537 ...before you became all about work and money. 622 00:36:46,705 --> 00:36:49,206 I did it for her. I mean, she doesn't understand. 623 00:36:49,374 --> 00:36:52,918 She's just a little girl. All she knows is that you are not there. 624 00:36:53,086 --> 00:36:56,714 - There just isn't enough time. - Well, you should have made the time. 625 00:36:56,882 --> 00:37:01,260 The world will be a better place with me instead of you, Larry. 626 00:37:01,428 --> 00:37:05,055 - Kallie will have a better father. - No! 627 00:37:09,728 --> 00:37:13,188 - Leave my dad alone. - Kallie! 628 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,069 - How did she do that? - She's a kid. It's Christmas. 629 00:37:19,821 --> 00:37:21,739 He'll never change, Kallie. 630 00:37:21,907 --> 00:37:24,408 - He'll never make the time-- - I don't care. 631 00:37:24,576 --> 00:37:26,243 I want him no matter how he is. 632 00:37:26,411 --> 00:37:29,622 Even if he never comes over. Don't you hurt him. 633 00:37:29,789 --> 00:37:32,082 Please, you gotta give me one more chance. Please. 634 00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:35,961 - Stop it. This is my fault. - No, Kallie, honey. 635 00:37:36,129 --> 00:37:40,215 It's not your fault. I did this. I did this to myself. To us. It's my fault. 636 00:37:40,383 --> 00:37:42,885 I never meant this to happen. It's just that I.... 637 00:37:43,386 --> 00:37:46,847 Aw, hell, what good is money if I'm never there, huh? 638 00:37:47,432 --> 00:37:49,350 You keep growing up. 639 00:37:49,517 --> 00:37:51,560 And if I'm not part of your life... 640 00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:53,771 ...if I'm just the guy who pays the bills... 641 00:37:53,939 --> 00:37:57,900 ...who jokes with you online, then I might as well just fade away. 642 00:37:59,945 --> 00:38:02,279 I don't wanna fade away. 643 00:38:03,448 --> 00:38:05,115 I wanna be there for you. 644 00:38:06,618 --> 00:38:09,411 I wanna be the dad you remember. 645 00:38:10,497 --> 00:38:11,914 More than anything. 646 00:38:14,084 --> 00:38:15,960 Now, Kallie. Your dad needs a hug. 647 00:38:17,087 --> 00:38:18,754 - Daddy! - Ahh! 648 00:38:18,964 --> 00:38:21,215 Daddy! 649 00:38:23,426 --> 00:38:28,097 ♪ There is just one thing I need ♪ 650 00:38:28,264 --> 00:38:30,724 ♪ All I want.... ♪♪ 651 00:38:30,934 --> 00:38:32,935 Oh, sweetie. 652 00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:40,025 ♪ ...is you ♪♪ 653 00:38:40,193 --> 00:38:43,112 Come on, Myka. What did you get me? What did you get me? 654 00:38:43,279 --> 00:38:44,905 No, no and no. 655 00:38:45,073 --> 00:38:48,075 We are not opening our gifts until after dinner. 656 00:38:48,243 --> 00:38:49,910 But I told you what I got you. 657 00:38:50,078 --> 00:38:52,204 I know. Why would you do that? 658 00:38:52,372 --> 00:38:55,207 Do you like it? Do you like it? Do you like it? 659 00:38:58,670 --> 00:39:02,506 - I'm wearing your coat. - Captain Nemo. 660 00:39:02,674 --> 00:39:04,216 I'm freezing. 661 00:39:04,384 --> 00:39:05,843 You are supposed to button it. 662 00:39:11,975 --> 00:39:16,020 - I thought the buttons were decorative. - On you, all buttons are decorative. 663 00:39:16,187 --> 00:39:18,689 - Okay. You know what? - No, no. You're right. As always. 664 00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:22,359 I will buy you some long johns to wear under. 665 00:39:22,527 --> 00:39:23,902 I smell turkey. 666 00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,406 My turkey. My turkey. 667 00:39:27,574 --> 00:39:28,615 Oh, son. 668 00:39:28,783 --> 00:39:30,159 - Dad. - Yeah? 669 00:39:30,326 --> 00:39:35,706 Listen, I just-- I want you to know, the work that I did, I'm still doing... 670 00:39:35,874 --> 00:39:36,915 ...it's good work, Dad. 671 00:39:37,083 --> 00:39:39,001 There's a lot of people better off-- 672 00:39:39,169 --> 00:39:42,755 Arthur. You told me it was necessary. I believe you. 673 00:39:42,922 --> 00:39:44,757 Good, because when we started this-- 674 00:39:44,924 --> 00:39:47,051 Arthur, enough. You're already getting an A. 675 00:39:47,218 --> 00:39:50,262 - You wanna work yourself down to a B? - All right. 676 00:39:50,430 --> 00:39:52,431 You see... 677 00:39:52,599 --> 00:39:57,478 ...it was when you walked away from music... 678 00:39:57,645 --> 00:39:59,063 ...that was hard. 679 00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:01,231 I didn't walk.... 680 00:40:01,399 --> 00:40:04,818 Walk away from music. 681 00:40:04,986 --> 00:40:07,112 I brought this too. Remember? 682 00:40:08,490 --> 00:40:11,158 - Yeah. - Look at the back. 683 00:40:12,285 --> 00:40:13,368 See, I.... 684 00:40:13,536 --> 00:40:15,954 - Finished it. - Yeah. 685 00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:18,749 Well, now. Now you must play it. 686 00:40:18,917 --> 00:40:20,501 No, no, no, not now. Now? 687 00:40:20,668 --> 00:40:24,254 Well, when else? You wanna wait another 30 years? 688 00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:25,464 All right, all right. 689 00:40:25,632 --> 00:40:27,591 You gotta remember, it's a work in progress. 690 00:40:27,759 --> 00:40:30,511 - Yes, it's always a work in progress. - Room for improvement. 691 00:40:30,678 --> 00:40:34,139 - Progress is what it's all made of. - All right. 692 00:40:54,077 --> 00:40:56,161 Your fingering is still a nightmare. 693 00:40:56,329 --> 00:40:58,497 Dad? Dad? I wrote this. 694 00:40:58,665 --> 00:41:01,875 Yeah. Shakespeare wrote plays. It doesn't mean he could act. 695 00:41:02,043 --> 00:41:03,836 You're ruining a perfect moment. 696 00:41:04,003 --> 00:41:06,380 I know, but you're ruining a perfectly good piece of music. 697 00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,215 - Shh. - Let me fix the hand. 698 00:41:08,383 --> 00:41:09,550 There's nothing wrong with it. 699 00:41:09,717 --> 00:41:10,759 Here, like-- Yeah. 700 00:41:10,927 --> 00:41:13,303 No, no. Dad. Dad. Get your hand away. 701 00:41:13,471 --> 00:41:15,430 Ahh. Yes. 702 00:41:16,599 --> 00:41:18,600 Do not eat the stuffing out of the bowl. 703 00:41:18,768 --> 00:41:21,979 - Why not? It's delicious. - I don't want your cooties. 704 00:41:22,188 --> 00:41:26,150 - Oh! Are you guys doing presents? - Not until after dinner, remember? 705 00:41:26,317 --> 00:41:27,985 I know I'm supposed to wait, but.... 706 00:41:28,153 --> 00:41:29,862 Claudia had one made for each of us. 707 00:41:30,029 --> 00:41:33,574 - Merry Christmas. - Oh, my God, I love it! 708 00:41:33,741 --> 00:41:34,908 I love it. 709 00:41:35,076 --> 00:41:38,162 It's the artefact that almost killed each of us. 710 00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:41,415 - How thoughtful? I.... - Just shut up and say thank you. 711 00:41:41,583 --> 00:41:43,458 - I know, right? - Thank you. Thank you. 712 00:41:44,878 --> 00:41:46,545 - This one here. - Yep. This one is Artie's. 713 00:41:46,713 --> 00:41:49,006 - And this one is Leena's. - The Pearl of Wisdom. 714 00:41:49,174 --> 00:41:52,301 Hello? Hello? A little help, please? 715 00:41:52,468 --> 00:41:54,970 - I got it. - Artie! Izzy! Soup's on! 716 00:42:00,518 --> 00:42:04,021 You know, I'm sorry that you didn't get to spend Christmas with your family. 717 00:42:04,189 --> 00:42:06,440 Well, thanks. You too. 718 00:42:06,608 --> 00:42:08,400 But, you know, after watching Newley... 719 00:42:08,568 --> 00:42:11,403 ...I realised I was already with someone that I cared about... 720 00:42:11,571 --> 00:42:13,655 ...and that's what matters, right? 721 00:42:15,450 --> 00:42:17,492 Don't you get all mushy and sweet. 722 00:42:18,203 --> 00:42:20,954 Oh, all right. Ophelia Tetons. 723 00:42:21,164 --> 00:42:25,626 Bam! All right! Let's get this party started, shall we? 724 00:42:25,793 --> 00:42:29,087 Hello. All right, who wants white meat and who wants dark meat? 725 00:42:29,255 --> 00:42:31,340 - Dark, please. - I want white, please. 726 00:42:31,507 --> 00:42:32,549 - You want white? - Yeah. 727 00:42:32,717 --> 00:42:35,594 Somebody is supposed to say some words before.... 728 00:42:35,762 --> 00:42:37,846 Are you talking about grace? We call it grace. 729 00:42:38,014 --> 00:42:41,934 Yes, grace. How about the annoying gentile? 730 00:42:42,977 --> 00:42:46,188 - Fine. You wanna join hands? - Uh, no. 731 00:42:46,356 --> 00:42:47,564 Very well. 732 00:42:52,237 --> 00:42:55,155 But she's doing it wrong. 733 00:43:01,579 --> 00:43:03,664 One, two, three.