Previously, on Warehouse 13:
Four Regents have suffered artefact-related deaths.
And now a fifth Regent.
How can my mom be a Regent and not have told me?
- Let me start at the beginning. - Some other time, Jane.
A time when the warehouse isn't under attack and someone isn't trying to kill you.
- Artie said you don't torture. - I'm not Artie.
- Unh! - I can't let you do this.
I drew my gun on Mrs. Frederic and she fired me.
What?
♪ In the cool of the evening when Everything is getting kind of groovy ♪
- You hear that? - No.
Sounds like somebody's in trouble.
You want trouble, mister?
Hold that thought, I beg of you.
♪ Love is kind of crazy With a spooky little girl like you ♪♪
Hey, you okay?
No.
Hello?
Oh, my God. Paul? Paul.
Paul.
- So you just let my mom walk out? - I don't get to make her stay.
There is a hierarchy here. There's your mother, the Regent...
...Mrs. Frederic, there's me, and then there's you.
Oh, sorry. How rude.
There's me, there's Trailer, then there's you.
Okay, so how do we protect her from Walter Sykes if she's not here?
Her security has been tripled. She is safe. The Remati Shackle is safe.
The warehouse is safe, the world is safe, the universe is safe.
And by the way, no one asked us to help. So I don't think we have--
Regent security has been stretched pretty thin--
Myka, please, please. Not you too. Now, I have a situation here--
Artie, Sykes has been planning his revenge for decades.
He wants the Collodi Bracelet. We need to go out--
The Regents are handling it. Let it go.
Walter Sykes needs to be brought to justice.
Ah. See, you're not looking for justice.
You're looking for vengeance.
If some psycho tried to off your mother, wouldn't you want payback?
You never met my mother. Our job is to do our job.
And, oh, look, we have a ping.
So go pack, and you're going to go to Ithaca, New York.
Bye.
Artie, he does have a point right-- Ithaca. Bye.
Leena, look at this. Someone actually doing as requested.
How's the security system upgrade?
Down to one last diagnostic. Once I run this, we're good to go.
Good. Sykes is looking for weaknesses. Best not to have any.
So is Claudia still upset about Steve?
I was hoping that a few days away from this place would clear her mind.
Artie, what happened in Atlanta?
Something bad between Steve and Mrs. Frederic.
A notice was issued to all government agencies...
...that Jinks was persona non grata.
They burned his credit rating and his passport.
- Oh, my God. - Don't tell Claudia.
I won't.
♪ I'm your ch-ch-chery bomb ♪
♪ The world I'm your wise girl ♪
♪ I'm your ch-ch-chery bomb ♪
♪ Chery bomb ♪
♪ Chery bomb ♪♪
Okay, thanks.
Johnny Cash, Astrud Gilberto and The Runaways in the same set.
Yeah, that's my motto, "Go eclectic or go home."
Yeah, I like to mix it up on open-mic night.
Claudia, right? I'm Dwayne Maddox.
Lead singer-slash-guitarist for Dead Rent?
- Great band, terrible name. - You've seen us?
"South Dakota's most promising musical export," sayeth the blogs.
That was before the rhythm guitarist decided to split.
He wanted us to be the next Black Eyed Peas...
...I wanted to be Black Flag.
Well, weird coincidence. I know exactly what it's like to lose a partner.
I was wondering if you'd like to fill in.
Okay, um....
So when do you think you wanna jam?
I mean, my schedule is just a little unpredictable, so....
Well, we rehearse in my garage.
It's the red house behind the body shop. Say, noon tomorrow?
Yeah, that could work.
All right, see you then.
Hey, what's up? This is Steve, leave a message.
Damn it, Jinksy, call me back.
I want to share.
So you and Paul were both bitten, but neither of you saw what did it.
It was really dark, and it was really fast.
Then something got its attention.
I dragged us both into the car and took off.
May I?
- Sorry. - Hm.
Thank you.
Myka, do you know what those are?
- Some kind of animal, maybe? - Human bite marks.
They're human.
A vampire or werewolf.
I don't know, but based on the location, I would say--
- Wait a minute. Do you really think--? - No, I don't think--
We deal with artefacts, not fairy tales.
A lot of those artefacts come from fairy tales, okay?
Cinderella's knife? Turns people to glass, remember?
I'm just saying it's possible.
I'll believe it when I see it. Let's check out Lover's Lane.
Okay, but I only go to third base.
Okay, so Amy said Paul heard a moaning coming from that direction.
I'm going to go that way. You stay here.
What? Alone?
Okay.
This isn't a horror move, Pete.
Oh, yeah. See? See? Now it's a horror movie.
Myka.
What are you doing here?
Well, ahem, I was worried about you in here.
All alone.
Wait, wait, wait.
Do you hear that?
Yeah.
What in the hell...?
Why is that man eating a deer?
Probably because...
...that man is a zombie.
- Ah! - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Afraid of guns, huh?
Hold up.
- Zombies aren't afraid of guns. - Because he's not a zombie.
He's probably just been affected by something that we know is real.
An artefact. Maybe if we just talk to him--
No, no, no.
No, you don't talk to the living dead.
You either run away really fast or you shoot them in the head.
Pop, pop.
Sir, I'm Agent Bering. This is Agent Lattimer.
- Wait, no. - We're with the Secret Service.
Okay, we just want to help you.
Do you understand me?
- Argh! - Myka!
Cover me.
Easy.
God, he's really cold.
Yeah, further proof that he's not alive.
Careful, careful. Myka, it only takes one bite.
Will you be quiet?
Aha.
All right, we have Kevin Monroe, 36 years old...
...lives here in town at 127 Briarwood Lane.
Does he have anything artefact-y on him?
Not that I can see.
Let's get him to a hospital.
MYKA.. Artie, will you please tell Pete that the undead do not exist?
Don't be ridiculous.
- Of course they exist. - Thank you. What? What?
Told you.
- Only in the technical sense. - Aha. I told you.
There are several artefacts known to simulate living death. Show me the victim.
Necrotic dermal discolouration.
Around his mouth, hyper-stimulation of the salivary glands.
Off the bat, I'd say he's got two symptoms that are consistent--
Peas, elk, bison.
Pete, look in his eyes.
That's not anger, that's fear.
It kind of sounded like he said "peas, elk, bison."
Yeah, well, at least there's some vegetables in there.
Artie, listen, the doctor said he had frostbite on his toes and ears...
...but Ithaca's been in the middle of a heat wave.
Check out his house. I'm on the next flight out.
Whatever you do, you keep him restrained.
Hold down the fort.
I thought I had two days off.
Leena's busy, I'm getting on a plane. I need you to do some research.
Everything we've got on living-death artefacts.
Artie, you specifically forbade me from--
I changed my mind. I'm mercurial. Deal with it.
Yeah, not exactly the adjective I'd choose right now.
- Come on, Steve. Pick up the-- - What, Claudia?
Oh, my God. Jinksy.
I can't-- Wow, I've just been dying to talk to you.
Yeah, I can tell from the last 800 messages.
Okay, it wasn't that many.
- What do you want? - Um....
Okay, Cliffs Notes version.
I met this really hot musician at open mic yesterday.
Pretty sure he wants me. Pretty sure I want him.
I mean, I know I've only known this guy less than 24 hours, but how can you tell?
- What if he's my one? - Claudia, I can't do this.
What? Talk to your BFFE?
What the hell is a BFFE?
- Best friend forever and-- - Look, we're not BFFEs.
We're co-workers and now we're not, which makes us...
...nothing.
Nothing?
Steve, why would you--?
I can't be any clearer, Claudia.
Stop calling me.
Lose my number.
Yeah, no problem. I'll forget everything about our awesome friendship...
...if you'll just tell me why are you being such a tool!
Okay. I'll bite.
Okay, Sallah.
That wasn't really the question.
She raised her eyebrow at this and walked on.
Yep.
Oh, God. Wow.
Hello from Miami Beach. Jeez.
Ninety degrees.
He was obviously freezing.
Why?
You scope out the living room.
I'm gonna see if I can stand the heat in the kitchen.
Pete, you hear that?
Secret Service. Come on out with your hands up.
Locked.
Unh!
Hey.
Hey, it's okay.
It's okay.
I'm Myka.
Everything's gonna be okay.
- Mykes. - Yeah?
"Peas, elk, bison."
"Please help my son."
- Hey, Artie. - Hey, listen, we have a pro--
- Pete, what are you doing with this--? - Artie, come here.
- Who is this? - Well, this is Kevin Monroe's son.
We found him hiding in a closet.
Hiding? Was he there when his was father affected? Did he see the artefact?
We have no idea. The kid hasn't said a word.
Only reason we know his name is from a tag in his backpack.
Artie, this is Danny. Danny, Artie.
Hey.
How are you?
I'm sure it's not the eyebrows.
What do you mean?
Hey, buddy.
Hey, you know your dad's just-- He's just taking a nap.
I got an idea.
How about you and me go get a candy bar?
So how is his dad doing?
Well, he's sedated. For now.
The couple from the woods, any symptoms?
Nothing yet, but listen to this.
I think whatever affected Kevin Monroe is spreading.
A few minutes ago, campus police in SUNY Ithaca got this call...
...from the Psi Phi Zeta frat house.
Listen to this.
Send someone over here now. He's crazy.
He ate a squirrel and he keeps trying to bite me.
Get the hell away from me!
Okay, now it's a frat house, but still, the artefact could be there.
How did Kevin Monroe come into contact with it?
- Was he an alumnus or--? - We're still working on that.
But right now, we just have to contain this thing.
- Yeah. - Hey.
Okay, we have to go.
- I'll explain on the way. - Yeah.
Hey, whoa, whoa. Artie, what about Danny?
- Who? - The kid.
Oh. What about him?
Artie, we just found him cowering in a closet by himself.
He can't be left alone. You gotta stay with him.
- Yeah. - Me? No.
- I don't-- I have no idea-- - He probably saw something, right?
Talk to him. Get him to open up.
Show him that Papa Nielsen charm.
- Don't touch me. - Okay.
Um-- All right.
You go check out Animal House and I'll...
...cajole.
- Good luck. - Yeah.
- Good game. - Yeah. Unh!
See what you can find out from the frat boys.
I'll make sure the campus gendarmes give us some space.
Agent Bering. Somebody fill me in.
Hey, Benton Wallace, house president. Everyone just calls me Wally.
- So, what happened here? - Moose freaked.
A moose?
One of our newbies. Came back from a burrito run whining about being cold.
He starts eating all the food, then he goes psycho, starts trying to bite people.
Wait, did you see him actually bite anyone?
After he took a swipe at me, all I saw was the basement door shut.
He's still down there tearing through the pantry.
- Hey. - Hey.
We've got 10 minutes before the boys in blue show up.
- Let's go find us an artefact. - Okay.
Thirty guys under one roof and no one takes the time to change a lightbulb.
Are you asking me how many frat boys it takes to change a lightbulb?
- Because I would say-- - Please don't.
Well....
Ooh. Tacos. Oh, man, I hope that truck's still out there.
Don't start with me, okay? My blood sugar is crashing.
Dude, I hate rats.
Cold.
So hungry.
- Help me. Help me. - Moose?
- Listen, it's going to be okay. - Ah!
Myka!
- Are you okay? Huh? - Yeah.
- Did he get you?
No, no, I'm fine. Let's just get him to the hospital.
Is it safe to come out?
- Are you okay? - He bit me, Mykes.
He bit me.
- How long ago was he bitten? - A few minutes ago.
How long before the effects kick in?
No idea.
Amy and Paul were bitten hours ago, they're both still asymptomatic.
So it could take anywhere from three minutes to--
To never happening at all.
- Depends on the artefact. Any leads? - No, I'm still working on it.
Work faster.
And, Myka, Myka...
...if Pete gets a strange look...
...watch yourself.
Was Moose from Ithaca? Was he related to a Kevin Monroe?
Wisconsin. His last name's Mulder.
Was Kevin Monroe ever pledged to this house? Say, around 15 years ago?
- We only got chartered last year. - Myka.
Listen, uh....
When it happens...
...I want you to be the one who puts me down.
- Okay. - I know it's not gonna be--
Wait, wait, what?
Two shots to the head, right? Pop, pop.
- Mykes. - Everything's going to be fine.
- Okay, I'll drop you off at the hospital-- - Wait, wait, no, no, no.
I'm not going to sit around waiting for it to happen.
Okay, I mean, I'm going to make sure we find this thing.
Make it stop. Make it stop.
It's too bright. Unh! My eyes.
Make it stop. Make it stop.
Wait, they're sensitive to light.
Remember Kevin Monroe in the woods? He flinched from our flashlights.
Sorry.
I'm freaking starving.
A human flesh kind of starving, that kind of starving? Or...?
No. Like Pete Lattimer starving. I can't do this on an empty stomach.
- I'm going to go get a taco. - Really? Now?
Yeah, I get it, gringo. I speak English, bro.
Okay, well, I'm just-- You know.
- Pete. - Yeah.
At Kevin Monroe's house, it was hot. Like 90 degrees.
Yeah, and they said Moose was freezing.
So I'm thinking the artefact works in stages.
Well, that's how zombies work, Mykes.
You know, there's the blood bite, sickness, death, rotting...
...and then all you want to do is like:
Pay the man, Mykes.
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm coming back for seconds. This is delicious.
Okay, that's, like, 28 bucks you owe me now.
So, Danny...
...any interest in cartography?
Piano nocturnes? Because-- No.
Cold War espionage?
No.
Never mind.
I'm going to go check on your dad. You stay put.
What's happening?
He's going through IV bags almost as fast as I can hang them.
And if that wasn't weird enough, there's no clear sign of infection...
...viral or bacterial.
He is ice cold.
Last reading body temp was 89 and dropping.
If we don't reverse this, he's going to go into organ failure.
Excuse me.
Oh, come on. Again?
Oh! Unh!
What--? Oh!
Oh!
Of course.
Yo.
- You get the information I asked you--? - Yes.
What do you think? Of course.
- Yes. - Claudia? Is everything all right?
Just a little temporary, possibly terminal, technical difficulties.
All good now.
Claudia, what is wrong?
Nothing. Quit worrying, Nana.
So listen, on the shelf, we have the Torch of Thanatos...
...Marie Laveau's Crucifix and the Bodhidharma's Slippers.
Unfortunately, that's all I can tell you until this search speeds up. So any new deets?
Causes extreme metabolic shifts and temperature drops...
...while simultaneously triggering an intense carnivorous craving.
Cravings.
Well, I'll cross-ref when I can to see what pops...
...but the network's been uber sluggish lately.
It's weird, actually. I don't know.
Well, call me when you get something and then you can resume your R&R.
Thank you.
Yes, Leena?
Yes, I know someone named Dwayne.
He's where now?
- Dwayne. - Hey.
You're....
- You're where I live. - Yeah, I, uh, asked around.
Look, if you're not into joining the band...
...I mean, that would suck, but I get it.
- And I was just still hoping that we could-- - Not into-- No, wait. What?
- When you blew off rehearsal, I assumed-- - No, no. Oh, no, no.
That was not rejection. That was me trying to juggle, and I'm all thumbs.
So, okay, I just have one more little thing I have to do at work, okay?
And then I'm all yours.
- I mean, to rehearse. - Yeah.
Oh, my God. Let me just go get my guitar and then we'll go straight to-- Whoa!
Hey.
Dwayne.
I've never had a hot rocker girl literally throw herself at me before.
Look out.
Oh, my God. Are you guys all right?
Yeah, yeah, fine.
Great, actually.
Oh, my God.
- I cannot believe this. - Claudia, what's wrong?
- I gotta get out of here. - Claudia, wait.--
You need to stay far away from me right now. Trust me.
- Wait, why? - Because I'm marked for death.
Seventy-six and still dropping.
If we don't get his temperature up, this man is gonna be dead in an hour.
I'm going to talk to the doctor about putting him on bypass.
The doctor's on his way back to--
Good.
It stopped dropping.
- Maybe he's stabilising. - It's not gonna last.
- Where did those glasses come from? - Alfred Butz, inventor of the thermostat.
Huh? Uh....
Great Uncle Alfie's glasses.
Same prescription, oddly.
I'm gonna check on the two kids who were attacked in the woods.
Oh, those two were patched up and discharged hours ago.
They were bitten and they're fine. That means something else caused--
Hey! Stop him!
Ah!
- Why did they crank the AC in here? - Really? Because I'm sweating my--
Ah!
- That was Moose. - Stop him!
Everybody out! Get out now!
Let's go! Get out of there! Get out! Come on!
Take the shot, Mykes.
Mykes, take the shot.
Where'd you go?
I don't know.
So hungry.
Oh, man.
Don't make me do this.
Don't come any closer.
Just stop right there.
Don't come any closer. I will shoot you!
- Is he...? - Hypothermia, starvation.
- So, what, I'm gonna freeze to death? - Are you feeling cold?
- No, but I've been bitten. - There's nothing wrong with you.
Whatever this artefact is, its effects are not spread by biting.
Thank God. You here that, Mykes?
I'm so cold.
I don't want to be one of the undead.
And I don't want you...
...putting me down.
Look, we are gonna find this thing, Myka.
You're going to be okay.
I promise.
Okay.
She must've come in contact with the artefact.
Yeah, but where? The woods? Kevin's place? The frat house?
What do we know? Stage one, severe chill.
Stage two, intense hunger.
- Stage three, hypothermia, malnutrition. - Stage four, death.
I mean, come on. You have to have some idea what we're dealing with.
Everyone's that's been impacted by this artefact...
...is either too far gone to talk or dead.
Not everyone.
Hey.
You know, Danny...
...my dad was once really sick too...
...and I spent the whole time at the hospital...
...just wishing that there was something I could do to help.
Bet you know how that feels. Yeah.
But you can help. Not just your dad, there are other people in trouble too.
Want to give her the magic glasses?
No, Danny, I'll be fine.
Thank you, though.
Okay. How can I help?
Did your dad come into contact with any strange things lately?
Anything weird? Nothing.
Do you remember when he first started feeling cold?
- Last night after dinner. - What'd he eat for dinner?
He wanted to try the new burger place, but the line was too long.
So we stopped at a food truck on the way home.
Tacos.
Tacos, Danny?
Tacos from here, Danny?
Yeah, Manny's. He's nice.
Something on that truck is altering the food.
Kevin and Moose both ate there.
- Myka, what did you eat? - Off the truck?
- Who am I, Pete? - Okay, fine.
That truck must be the nexus, and the artefact's got to be there.
- Find the truck. - I'm on it.
I started following Manny's on Twitter today.
Being obsessed with food and social networking is a good thing.
- Pete. - His last tweet...
...was from a construction site nearby.
- Let's go. - Wait. Myka.
Don't you think you should stay?
I'm not going to stay here waiting to turn. I want to be there when we find it.
I'm going to drive. It'll keep me focused.
- Any excuse to drive. - All right. Just go.
So...
...was your dad okay?
Oh, he was fine.
No, no, he.... Heh, heh.
Everything turned out just fine.
He's still a pain in the butt.
All right, Mr. All Seeing All Knowing, I'm sorry I doubted you.
You know what's what, otherwise, you wouldn't be here. I gotta know...
...am I really gonna die tonight?
Okay, obviously, I didn't enunciate.
Am I going to die tonight?
Okay. It's on.
It's bath time.
Oh, slippery, isn't it?
Yeah, get you some.
In your face, grim reaper.
What a day.
Oh, come on.
Whoa. Water's not supposed to do that.
Somebody!
Leena?
Somebody? Anybody!
Help me!
Help!
- Thank God it's still here. - Yep.
I'm gonna crank this baby up to 11...
...just in case we--
- So cold. - Myka?
And I'm hungry.
I need to eat.
- Argh! - No. It's happening to you.
It's Pete.
Myka, snap out of it. Myka.
You all ate Mexican?
It's Pete. Myka.
- Argh! - Ah!
- Okay. All right, okay. - Argh!
Myka, don't hate me for this but--
Keys. No keys.
What the...?
Claudia. Claudia.
Breathe.
Breathe. Breathe slowly. Claudia, breathe.
- It's okay. - No, it's not. Okay?
Everything is not okay.
Some psycho has the warehouse in his sights...
...my best friend wants nothing to do with me...
...and now the sultan of suckwad over there is trying to kill me.
Oh, yeah. It's all rainbows and unicorns. And on top of that, why am I dry?
It's an artefact, Claudia.
Watch.
Sallah, what will I have for dinner?
"That blemish is probably cancer"?
What the hell kind of fortune is that?
Sallah's not a fortune teller. He's more of a hypnotist.
He instils an overwhelming feeling of dread...
...into anyone who activates him.
Okay, so how do I beat him, then?
You have to actively ignore him.
Like I do with Artie?
Yep.
So I'm not going to die?
Not on Sallah's timetable anyway.
Yeah?
Claudia, I need you to hack into the Ithaca power grid.
Do it now! I'm about to become dinner.
Okay, doing it. Nope.
Okay, I'm in. Now what?
They're sensitive to light.
- Can you make it bright out here? - Say no more. Here comes the sun.
- Manny! Manny, open this door! - How do I know you're not one of them?
Damn. Circuits blew.
Manny, open the door or they're going to eat me alive!
What's going on? What's wrong with those people?
Something in this truck turned them into cannibals.
So they spiked my tyres? Because they want to eat me?
Where did you get this?
I was hiking in Utah. I saw it buried in the ground.
- I thought it'd be a nice souvenir. - Myka put money in here.
Did those workers tip you?
- Yeah, I should've put it out sooner. - This is it. This is the artefact.
- Damn it, I don't have any static bags. - What the hell's a static bag?
Oh, man, I'm not supposed to do this. Cover your eyes.
Myka?
Please tell me I didn't eat anyone.
Okay.
I don't know what you two did, but nice work.
In the winter of 1846, a caravan of men, women and children...
...stranded in the Sierra Nevada Mountains...
...were forced to resort to the most extreme measures just to survive.
Somehow, the horrific ordeals of the Donner Party...
...imbued an ordinary jar with the power...
...to make others experience what they were suffering.
And putting money in the jar triggered it. But why?
Well, interesting sidebar.
The jar was one of several the survivors used to bury their money.
Even in the grim shadow of death--
They were putting a little something away for a rainy day.
Where's Pete?
Oh, he's waiting for us at the Univille Diner.
It's all-you-can-eat pancakes. Breakfast is on him.
Fine, but he's leaving his own damn tip.
♪ Before ♪
♪ Before I begin to go ♪
♪ Give me one more kiss Just so I know ♪
♪ So I'll unfold ♪
♪ Now ♪♪
I'll be right back. Thank you.
So for our opening number, I'm thinking either Hole or The Clash.
I thought you were marked for death.
Yeah, no more than anyone else, apparently.
Listen, Dwayne, this is the warning label on Claudia Donovan, okay?
Stuff happens to me, a lot.
Sometimes weird stuff, sometimes bad stuff...
...but it puts things in perspective.
I never know what fresh hell tomorrow's gonna bring...
...so if you still want me to join your band, um...
...then let's rock.
I'm going to finish this set.
All right?
- Don't move. - Just right here.
Hey, one more. Hold the water.
Your card's been declined.
Son of a-- Heh, heh.
They cut off my credit line too.
Whatever. I'm going to need you to settle your tab.
Put it on mine. And give me one of the same.
Oh, hey.
Thanks, but I don't need--
Come on. I've been there.
Trust me. We could all use a friend sometime, right?
All right. Well....
- Thanks. - Anytime...
...Steve.
- Have we met before? - Almost.
Couple weeks back. Down in Atlanta.
You're with Stukowskl.
Well, she's no longer with us, unfortunately. Bit of a wild card.
- Sally liked you. - Yeah.
- Well, I'm, uh-- - Agent Steve Jinks.
Former ATF, former Warehouse 13.
Now burnt by Mrs. Frederick and the Regents...
...because you dared to have scruples.
No career, no prospects, no future.
I know what they did.
Now, who are you? What do you want?
Marcus Diamond. And, uh, we want you, Steve.
- You people are murderers. - No, no, no. We defend ourselves.
Besides, you saw what your former friends are capable of.
- Come work for me. - Why would I?
Besides not having to rely on the kindness of strangers to cover your bar tabs?
You're good. You should be working with the kind of people...
...who can appreciate a man of your talents.
But...
...obviously, you are not interested.
Good luck, Steve.
Marcus.