NARRATOR: Previously on Warehouse 13:
MRS. FREDERIC: Whatever the effects of the astrolabe...
...I'm afraid it's caused Arthur to have some psychotic break.
PETE: Artie killed Leena.
He's been whammied, like we've all been whammied at some point.
We're reinstating you as soon as possible. No need for punishment at this juncture.
ARTIE: You can't be serious.
- She died by my hand. - And you will have to live with that.
PETE: How many errant static-electricity balls are there?
MYKA: Here comes another one. - Bring it, electric boogaloo.
Aah! Okay. Drop it on the battery.
[PETE HUMS FANFARE THEN LAUGHS]
Score one for some Indian dude whose name I can't even pronounce.
Vyasa wasn't some dude.
- He was the author of the Vedas. - Yeah.
The oldest sacred text ever written. The basis of Hinduism?
Never read them. I'm waiting for the Bollywood version.
How many more sparkies we got left?
Don't ask me questions you don't wanna know the answers to.
Pete?
Hope this bad boy can handle four at once.
- Good job. - Whoa.
Whoa, whoa. Unh.
- Mykes? - I don't think that bad boy does four.
This is not my fault.
We can talk about blame later.
You're so gonna blame me.
[BOTH SCREAM]
- You're in black and white. - You're in black and white.
Aah! I'm in black and white!
My God, our clothes. Our clothes, they're like-- It's like 1940s.
Oh, come on, not time travel again.
No. No, it's not time travel.
The 1940s were in colour, much like the rest of history.
- All right, then where are we? - I don't know.
Okay. It's Chicago in olden times.
Okay. Okay. Um....
- Focus. Uh, retrace the steps. - Okay.
Right? I had the, uh, elephant.
It shot lightning up into the stacks.
Right, and then it was-- It was raining manuscript pages.
Manuscript pages. All those pages were blank.
MYKA: Not all of them. Look.
Okay. I'm gonna go with, "No, that is not a good title."
I loved Anthony Bishop.
He was a '40s crime novelist.
Hard-boiled. I read every single one of his books when I was a kid.
So did you read Kiss Me, Forever?
No. That was his last one. I don't think he ever finished it.
- That would explain the blank pages. - He went insane from writer's block...
...and then killed himself.
Turning the manuscript into an artefact.
Swell.
[PLAYING MELANCHOLY CLASSICAL SONG]
Are you sure this is a good idea?
He's been at that piano for days. It's not healthy.
Also, I'm sick of that tune.
It's gonna be hard to trick Artie.
Please. I always got the lead at the psychodramas at the institution.
Action.
I'm telling you, it's a ping.
And I'm telling you, it's a burglary.
Classic cars are vanishing from locked garages without a trace.
Burglary.
One guy had a '52 DeSoto on display in his living room like a trophy.
A burglar would've had to take it apart piece by piece to get it out.
If something was hinky, I'm sure Artie would know. He's the Ping King.
[ARTIE SIGHS]
Isn't that right, Your Majesty?
It's probably worth checking out. Don't forget your neutraliser.
[ARTIE PLAYING MELANCHOLY CLASSICAL SONG]
Meh. Sounds like a waste of time.
Yeah, the car was found with clean VIN numbers...
- ...at a dealer in Sioux Falls. - There's lots of '52 DeSotos.
But this one had a '53 hood emblem. Makes it one of a kind.
It's not one of a kind. It's flawed.
If the cars are literally vanishing, it is an artefact.
File.
- Clearly I stand corrected. - Oh, mark the date.
Keep your Farnsworth handy...
...in case I need research when I'm in the field.
What? Wait, wait.
- Without us? - I can handle a simple snag and bag.
Yes, of course you can, but we should go with you.
- Why? - Uh.... We miss you?
We'd miss a chance to learn from the master.
The Ping King.
Also, safety in numbers. Doesn't he always say safety first?
Yeah. I have heard him say that. Yes.
We wanna see the cool hot rods.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah. All right. We'll take Scarlett.
What, you named your new car?
You wear torn clothing. We all have our quirks.
So how was my acting?
I'm not gonna lie to you.
MYKA: Any luck?
I must have run for 10 blocks.
The black and white goes on forever.
And everything smells like fudge.
What's our next move?
MYKA: Pete?
- I know my next move. - I hear you're the best in town.
I like what you hear.
Please. I didn't know where else to turn.
My husband has disappeared...
...and I think it has something to do with this.
Look what else made the trip.
MYKA: So, Miss...? - Carson. Mrs. Rebecca Carson.
Mrs. Carson, how can we help you?
Thank you. You're very kind.
I would love a cup of joe.
I'm sorry?
I think Mrs. Carson would like you...
...my secretary, to get her a cup of coffee.
If it's not too much trouble.
Two sugars in mine, doll.
Oh, I will put a little extra something in yours, doll.
[MYKA CLEARS THROAT]
So your husband likes elephants?
Oliver was an archaeologist.
He found this jade relic in India.
He said it had magical powers.
Hmm. Magical powers?
REBECCA: Yes.
He was terrified it might end up in the wrong hands, and now he's gone.
And I'm just so-- I'm frightened.
- What-- I mean, I-- MYKA: Relax, toots...
...Lattimer here is the best shamus in town.
- Thank you. - I'm a what, now?
- Excuse us a sec, will you? - Uh-huh.
[PETE CLEARS THROAT]
[WHISPERING] Myka, how does someone else have our artefact?
I dropped it before we got sucked in.
[WHISPERING] Well, it must've gotten pulled in with us.
And you and I fell into the roles of private detective and his gal Friday.
- Secretary. - Gal Friday.
- Well.... - Or you could solve this by yourself...
...while I make coffee.
Our artefact is what this story is about.
BOTH: The case of the missing jade elephant.
- Exactly. - If this manuscript got turned...
...into an artefact because of writer's block...
And we have a case to solve....
...maybe the way to escape is to do what the writer couldn't do.
And finish the story.
And if finish the story means find an artefact...
...that's good because that's what we do.
Yeah, except we don't have our tools here. We don't have any goo...
...we don't have a Tesla, Warehouse backup.
- We got one thing going for us. - What?
[IMITATES HUMPHREY BOGART] Nobody finds artefacts like we do, dollface.
Lady...
...you got yourself a gumshoe.
WOMAN: See here, sir.
ARTIE: Ferrari 430 convertible. Yeah, what's that?
- Lamborghini Countach. - Yeah, and....
'67 Mustang Fastback.
- Yeah. This place is definitely moving cars. - It's nice.
Ahem. Commission chaser at 9 o'clock.
Hi. I'm Amy.
So I see you're looking at the Mustang. You've got a good eye.
- Well, it is a V-8 with a-- - We're not here to buy. Sorry.
Then you wanna sell a car? Excellent, because we are always--
No, we're not selling either.
Oh, "window shoppers."
You know, I always say if you're looking, you're--
Just take us to the owner, please.
ARTIE: Grand theft auto, fraud, aiding and abetting.
You could do jail time.
Or cooperate and tell us how you're stealing cars.
Of course. And you could cooperate by showing me your warrant.
- That's really how you wanna play this? - It really is.
- Fine. - Artie, no.
[CLAUDIA SCREAMS]
- What is that thing? - Does your insurance cover act of ray gun?
- I'm gonna shoot every car. - He's not lying.
Whoa, okay, okay, okay. I've got a guy.
He gets me any car I need. It's like magic.
- What's his name? - Never met him.
I wire money into a Cayman account with car requests.
- I'm not giving you my password. - Passwords just slow me down.
What can you tell us about this phantom thief?
I get an anonymous e-mail telling me where to pick up my car.
Stealy McThieferson's sitting on his money.
No way to track him until he makes a withdrawal.
We're gonna have to identify target cars in the area.
Or we could get him to come to us tonight. Mr. Lambeth?
Please don't shoot my cars.
No, no, no. We need you to make a request...
...for a specific car that's only in town for tonight.
Very good, Jinksy.
Oh, Scarlett.
The last place she saw her husband was his office.
She may have said more, but I was too busy staring at her gams.
The only thing stopping them from going on forever was the floor.
Pete, are you narrating?
- I'm getting into character. - When people are around.
Besides, this isn't a cheesy movie. It's an Anthony Bishop novel.
Hey, noir films are awesome.
Yes, but Bishop's novels are superb. They had an elegance. A beauty.
Myka Ophelia Bering. Are you actually enjoying this?
No. I had a dog. It doesn't mean I wanna be trapped in one.
Hello, handsome.
MYKA: Pete, wake up. Pete.
[GRUNTING]
[PETE GROANING]
Oh, this book hurts.
Welcome to the Indigo Club. My club.
I apologise for the manner in which you were escorted here.
The boys can be a tad overzealous.
Sure. Untie us and we'll call it Jake.
BARNABAS: Of course. After you tell me why you were at Mr. Carson's office.
We're looking for dope on who snatched him. Guess we found it.
No, Pete. He's looking for Carson too. Aren't you, Mister...?
Barnabas. Caspian Barnabas.
You're quite astute for a woman.
- I went to college. - I bet you did.
You're after the jade elephant, aren't you?
There is such a thing as too smart.
You wanna know a secret?
I am awash with anticipation.
Your goons went easy on me because I'm a dame.
- Mm-hm. - They should've tied my ropes tighter.
[GRUNTING]
Now, untie him, you big Jasper.
PETE: Jasper. Ha, ha!
Nice. What's it mean?
- There's been a terrible misunderstanding. - Yeah.
You misunderstood how kick-ass my partner can be.
This club is, uh, merely a hobby.
I am, by vocation...
...shall we say, a procurer of rare and valuable artefacts.
Oh, yeah? Us too.
Excellent. Kindred spirits.
I hired Mr. Carson to find the elephant.
But, alas, once found, he decided to retain ownership.
Why do you think that is?
What motivates any man? Greed.
I bet you know all about that.
I paid him.
That means I am the owner of the jade elephant...
...and the wronged party in this sordid tale.
Yeah, tell that to my aching jaw.
Again, my sincere regrets.
- Unh! - Here, a retainer to find my elephant.
- Oh, please, dude. We already have-- - Eggs in the coffee, boss.
Come on, this will be duck soup.
You are enjoying this.
PETE: Carson may be our only lead, but this place has already been tossed.
MYKA: Barnabas' goons must have missed something.
Otherwise, he wouldn't have hired us.
Yeah, and you took his money. Why?
We're gonna need something.
Some cash while we're trapped in here and--
Kristie Anne.
What? Is that like Jasper?
Anthony Bishop, the author, his mother's name was Kristie Anne.
- Yeah, so? - So....
All right. The goons would never know that.
It's a plain old matchbook to them, an unintended clue for us.
Mm-hm.
[IMITATES BARNABAS] You're quite astute for a woman.
[SCOFFS]
I need your guestbook and no questions. You got that, ace?
Pete, it's the '40s. You could've bribed him with $5.
PETE: And I want change from that C note, see.
[DOOR SLAMS]
- He's not coming back, is he? - Someone's erased an entry.
- I got this one. - What?
Raymond St. James did it in Dark Memento.
Augustus Pitt Rivers, 204. That is a noir name if I ever heard one.
Pete, Augustus Rivers is a real archaeologist.
And our missing Mr. Carson is an archaeologist.
He must be using Rivers as his alias.
- That remind you of anything? - I'd say there's a jade elephant in the room.
MYKA: Pete? The window.
Carson!
Carson's still got the elephant.
MYKA: I don't think so.
This is Oliver Carson. And he's dead.
Whoever killed Carson has the elephant. Either way, we don't.
Pete, this isn't just a story about a missing relic.
If Carson's dead...
...we're in a murder mystery.
Great. Now we gotta find the missing dingus...
...and put the finger on whoever rubbed out Carson.
Or we're locked up in crazytown forever.
Why couldn't we have fallen into a cookbook?
"Classic-car buff Artie Weisfelt bids a fond farewell...
...to this 1964 convertible before it leaves for its new home...
...Sinsheim, Germany's Auto & Technik Museum."
Hey, some nice shades.
They're hiding his tears.
This is great. Hotel's name is clearly visible.
- The thief will know where to find it. - Lambeth sent this link.
All we do is wait for the thief to show up. Ah!
Okay.
Oh, my God. Tell me you are not messing with one of my Tesla grenades.
I'm not messing. I'm making improvements so I can increase the blast radius.
First of all, you don't improve perfection.
You turn up the blast on this and it goes from stun to fry.
Well, I'm not taking any chances. If we have--
And second, a subtler plan.
Oh.
- You made a GPS tracking device. CLAUDIA: I did.
- Impressive. CLAUDIA: Thank you.
- It says my car is in Spain. CLAUDIA: What?
- Brilliant plan, first off. - Okay. You're--
Your trick with the Tesla grenade must've bumped it to a different frequency.
- This is my fault? - I forgive you.
Nothing you can break that I can't unbreak. Let me know when you get the signal.
All right. This is very cool.
If Bishop couldn't solve his own murder mystery, how are we supposed to?
No idea. But if we don't, we'll be trapped in black and white forever.
Great. And I just got a good base tan.
Any chance you wanna tell Mrs. Carson her husband is dead?
Oh, I'm just the secretary.
Fine, because blondes dig me. Maybe she'll want me to console her.
Please don't. We need her to tell us something she may have forgotten...
...even if it's insignificant.
- Can I help you? - Yeah.
We're working for Mrs. Rebecca Carson.
Is she home?
I'm sorry. Who are you?
Mrs. Carson hired us to find her husband.
May we speak with her?
Is this a joke? I'm Rebecca Carson.
I'd say that's significant.
REBECCA: I never thought he'd turn up at all.
Yeah? And how's that?
I assumed I'd never see him again.
After he took all my money and ran off with that peroxide blonde.
Can you tell us anything about her?
She has terrible taste in men.
A name would be more helpful.
All I know is...
...he met the little round heels at the Indigo Club.
Oh, that joint again.
Say, Mykes, when was the last time I took you dancing?
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY SWING MUSIC]
MAN: Thanks, pal.
So it's gotta be the blonde, right?
She beat us to Carson, killed him, and took the artefact.
Or she's working for Barnabas.
On the other hand, why would she hire us to solve a crime she committed?
It's a good plot device.
Pete, someone's not happy to see us.
Nobody's been happy to see us. The '40s were rude.
[SINGING] My darling
After you've gone
And left me crying
MYKA: Well, surprise, surprise.
There's no denying
You'll feel blue
You'll feel sad
You'll miss the bestest pal you ever had
- There'll come a time.... - Yowza.
Talk about a triple threat.
We'll grab her after the song.
Yeah. Yeah, we'll, uh, blend.
Keep a low profile.
This is keeping a low profile?
Well, everyone's either dancing or drinking.
And the drinking isn't an option.
[MYKA LAUGHS]
Detective Lattimer, you cut a rug.
Even though I'm incredibly manly, that doesn't mean I ain't got no rhythm.
Six o'clock.
If he killed Carson, he's one cool customer.
Don't mean maybe Someday
Yeah. And the hooch-slinger with the evil eye has lost interest in us.
Your heart will break like mine
That canary, that's one dame we know for sure ain't on the square.
Hands.
Sorry, Mykes. It's a force of habit.
After you've gone away
- She's made us. - Yeah.
Instead of going for an encore, it looks like she's going for a powder. Let's go.
[GASPS]
Good evening, Mrs. Carson.
Yes, I lied.
If I told you the truth, you wouldn't have helped.
PETE: We'll never know, will we?
- Now, what's your real name? - Lily.
Lily Abbott.
Please, I wasn't trying--
You admit to killing Carson, tell us where the elephant is...
...we'll make sure you don't get the chair.
But I didn't kill Carson. I was here rehearsing.
It's time to start singing, sister. And I don't mean a love song.
I never meant for any of this to happen.
I'm not a bad girl.
That's a baloney sandwich and you know it.
Let me guess.
You're a small-town gal caught up in the wrong crowd.
Now you're in over your head and all you want is a way out.
Disappear and leave this life behind.
Is that the picture?
How did you know that?
I've heard that tune a hundred times.
Same song, different key.
Now sing me the chorus.
But you already know half of it.
Humour me. I'll even start.
Barnabas has you under his thumb.
He made me get close to Mr. Carson, to keep an eye on him...
...while he searched for the elephant. PETE: Get close, huh?
Is that '40s talk for "have sex with"?
- Unh! LILY: How dare you?
I am a lady.
When Oliver double-crossed Mr. Barnabas, I knew he was a goner.
That's why I hired you.
- To keep him safe. - You fell for Carson.
I felt bad for Carson, but I didn't love him.
I have a man. We're gonna run away from all of this.
Sure you are, kitten.
Please. Please, you've gotta help me.
Oh, save it for the coppers.
You have been dying to play that scene, haven't you?
- Since I was 12. - Yeah.
I have to recalibrate the whole thing. What was Artie thinking?
[OVER RADIO] He knows he can't just mess with a Tesla--
- Oh, he can't hear me, can he? - That is correct.
- What's correct? What's she saying? - Nothing about you.
Okay. This could be our guy.
Claudia, get out of there. Claude.
- Get out of there before the thief sees you. ARTIE: Come on. Come on, Claudia.
- Get out of there! - Calm down. I'll fix it en route.
Look, Artie, she has a plan. You've been overreacting all day.
We'll use Claudia's computer to hack into the traffic cams and follow the car.
- Your car drove through you. - Yeah.
- Are you all right? - I'm fine.
- Good. What were you thinking? - Trying to save Claudia.
How are you gonna save Claudia by jumping in front of a car?
No one else is dying on my watch.
[DEVICE BEEPS]
She fixed the tracker. Do you mind opening the door?
[LOCK BEEPS]
Why would you rent the same car you own?
I didn't. I rented the same car that Claudia owns.
Very cute. Does it also tuck you in at night?
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC]
Tell me you didn't fall for Lily's act.
I don't know. It makes sense. Barnabas kills Carson...
...grabs the elephant.
Pete, don't be fooled by a pretty face and a bad dye job.
Excuse me. Are you the private dick?
Uh-- Why, yes. Yes, I am.
Did you notice how I didn't make a joke?
- I think I'm maturing. - Look at this.
That's gotta be a trap.
Whoever wrote this, we need to talk to them.
[PETE SIGHS]
Mykes. Mykes. Hey. Myka.
I don't know how you got in, but you'd better take to the air.
What do you mean how we got here? We used the front door like everyone else.
No, he's not talking about the club. He's talking about the book.
So you're a real person too.
Pete, this is Anthony Bishop, the author. Oh, my God.
- I'm Myka Bering. I'm a big fan. - I'm flattered, miss.
Now drop this case or I shut both your private eyes for good.
How'd you know I was me, anyway?
The handwriting on your cocktail napkin.
It matched the notes on your title page of your book.
My manuscript.
How did you get in here?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Oh, man, you wouldn't believe it. But how did you get in here?
I just....
Oh, what's it matter?
Please, Mr. Bishop, it's important.
If you're a fan, then you know how I dedicate every book.
"With love, to my love." They're all dedicated to your wife.
Right?
What? Something happened to her?
It happened so fast.
One day she was sick, then she was gone.
I threw myself into a new novel.
Wrote a few chapters.
And then....
Well, the story, it was wrong.
My wife was all I could think about.
I'd sit in front of my typewriter, close my eyes and I'd imagine this world.
Then one day I opened my eyes....
I was here.
So it wasn't writer's block that created the artefact.
It was grief.
Yes, but our way out is still the same.
Mr. Bishop, in order for us to get out of this world, we need to--
- We need to finish your story. - Yeah, yeah. Tell us who did it.
We'll bring them to justice, grab our elephant...
...bingo bango, we all go home.
BISHOP: No. I don't want this story to end.
- Stop trying to solve it. - It was you.
You erased Carson's alias from the hotel register, didn't you?
Why? Mr. Bishop, what's here for you?
Not what, Mykes, but who.
I saw you looking at Lily. You're in love with her.
You stay away from Lily.
She's special. She's....
She's based on your wife.
Look, Mr. Bishop, we just wanna get out of here, okay?
- What does that have to do with Lily? MYKA: All his books end...
...with someone innocent dying in a shootout.
- This one, it's supposed to be Lily. - That's why you couldn't finish your story.
I couldn't save her in the real world, but I will in here. So back off.
Quit waving that iron around, you big palooka.
- You're a writer, not a killer. MYKA: Pete.
Well, maybe not. But I can stop you from ever finishing this story.
I won't lose her again, see?
You're in this book for good.
Mr. Bishop!
See, this is why I don't read.
Pete.
Come on, Barnabas is our only lead.
[PETE SIGHS]
I'm not safe here anymore, darling. We've gotta skip town.
Where will we go?
Let's go there.
Bora-Bora? That's just a daffy dream.
Oh, it's a dream I can make come true. But we gotta go tonight.
Well, it takes a lot of clams to get to Bora-Bora.
Hmm.
Say, toots, you seen Barnabas?
He got a phone call and he dusted out. Left me a lousy nickel.
But, uh, I could keep you company until he gets back.
- Raincheck, sweetheart. I promise. - Hmm.
Great. They don't have star 69 or caller ID in the '40s.
And this is why you should watch movies.
Operator? Say, doll, what's your name?
Doris? Oh, I love that name.
No, no, I really do.
Let me guess.
Sultry voice, intoxicating laugh....
You're a redhead. Ha, ha.
No, what do they say about redheads?
Jeepers. I'd like to find out if that's true.
Uh--
Say, Doris, maybe you can help me out.
Any chance you listened in on the last call?
Maybe, I don't know, something about an elephant?
Oh.
Brains too.
You're the whole package, Doris. Thanks, doll.
You would've done great in the '40s.
Charm is timeless.
Or women got smarter.
Hello, sparky.
Hello, artefact.
[BOTH GRUNT]
Window shopper.
MYKA: Are you sure this is the place?
PETE: According to my new pal Doris...
...he was buying an elephant on the 4th Street Bridge.
And I quote:
[IN HIGH VOICE] "I know. It's weird, ain't it?"
MYKA: Pete, it looks like we're too late.
- Electric burns. Just like Carson. - Pete, look at that.
The scratches look like they were made by fingernails.
Yeah, and long ones. It looks like he's been attacked by a woman.
Mykes, look at this.
MYKA: Barnabas fought back.
Myka, we know a woman with long black hair.
A woman who knew Carson well enough...
...to know where he'd hide out.
Yeah, who was really pissed about her husband abandoning her.
Rebecca Carson, the jilted wife.
Man, can't anyone in a Bishop novel be trusted?
Rebecca, wait. Don't do this.
I loved Oliver. Until he found this stupid elephant...
...and dumped me for some dopey dame with a voice.
What about Barnabas?
- Did he deserve to die too? REBECCA: Yes.
Barnabas was loaded with dough.
He promised to pay for the elephant, then decided he could just take it.
So you killed Carson because he had it.
You killed Barnabas because he wanted it. Now you'll kill me just for looking at it?
You said it, sister.
[MYKA YELLS]
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
MYKA: Pete!
Pete, come on, wake up.
Pete!
MYKA: Pete.
Pete, come on, wake up.
Pete!
God, didn't CPR work in the 1940s?!
[GASPING]
Thank God you made it. That would've been a lousy ending.
- Did you get the elephant lady? MYKA: No.
I decided to bring you back to life instead.
Right. Good choice. Thanks.
Mykes, she's gonna need some dough if she's gonna skip town.
Rebecca thought Barnabas had loads of it. The Indigo Club.
Let's beat it.
That's not enough scratch to get us to San Diego, much less Bora-Bora.
Relax, Lil. I know the combination to the safe, and Barnabas has got plenty.
You better know the combination.
Getting me that cabbage is all that's keeping your chippie alive.
I'll fry you both before you can pull the trigger.
CLAUDIA: Nice scam, saleslady.
Stealing cars and trying to sell them back to your boss.
Cars deserve to be driven.
People who lock them up like trophies don't deserve them.
Sounds like stealing, but who am I to judge?
I'm about to steal those gloves.
[GRUNTING]
Claudia!
[CLAUDIA GASPING]
- Are you all right? - I am gonna be sore tomorrow.
This place is locked. We'll never get out of here to catch her.
Oh, Steve of little faith.
Snagged one during the fight because I'm awesome.
Okay, well, she could--
- You know what? - What?
If she could make one glove work.... I wanna see if this is safe.
STEVE: What--? - Okay.
CLAUDIA: Artie, what are you doing?
Old man totally tricked us.
Well, to be fair, he wasn't lying.
You and your loogan just made a trip for biscuits.
I'm putting you in a wooden kimono.
That's not even English.
Doesn't matter, because this is over.
You let Rebecca walk out of here so she lets Lily go...
...or you both die.
Dame already fried two people.
First chance she gets, she'll drop you into deep freeze.
I'll take my chances.
Tony, are you bananas? They're on our side.
Shut your trap, you dumb broad.
Scram, or I throw lead.
You don't wanna lose someone you love. I get it.
- But this literally has to end. BISHOP: No.
My life is here now. With Lily.
Tony, I love you.
But if you think I'd let you hurt anybody just to save me, well...
...you don't know me at all.
You're just like her.
Pure and sweet.
- And usually right. - I know.
- I love you, baby. - You're all I care about.
Well, save it for the boat ride.
[GRUNTING]
There's no way Rebecca is a real person trapped in here too, is there?
- I based her on my mother-in-law. - You'll like this, then.
[GRUNTS]
Now that's hard-boiled.
Gloves belonged to Carey Loftin. He did the stunt driving...
...on Vanishing Point and Bullitt.
- That's why they only work on cars. STEVE: He was a one-take wonder.
Got every stunt the first try. Never got a scratch on his cars.
Loftin endowed the gloves with the ability to make any car untouchable.
[GROWLS]
What was that noise?
The gloves can make any car untouchable.
But just once. Hence the one-take wonder.
- So your cars are crashable now? - I've got a plan.
Oh, God.
[ENGINE REVS]
- Artie, what are you doing? - I'm charging her.
She'll get scared. She'll brake.
What if she doesn't? Artie, what if she doesn't stop--? Artie!
Ha!
Yeah. See, this wasn't my first drag race.
His first field mission in a while was bound to have some hiccups.
- He's fine. - Right.
Okay, so why are we still here?
Because we didn't bring the killer to justice?
In a noir, a bullet is justice.
- Hey, Mykes. - What?
PETE: I think I'm getting some black-and-white vibage.
Now, I'm working a hunch here...
...but just cross everything you got, sweetheart.
Nice.
How did you know that the fog would be our ride home?
PETE: It's the end of Casablanca.
They stole that from Bishop, you know.
PETE: And here he comes.
Guess they stole the tearful goodbye too.
I don't understand.
We love each other. We can go to Bora-Bora now.
I can't stay.
I'm not from this world.
It's hard to explain. Believe me, I don't want to go.
Then stay with me.
Be good, kid.
What would happen if he stayed?
The story's over.
I don't know if you get your happily-ever-after...
...or you just fade away.
One more second with her is a happier ending...
...than a lifetime without her.
Okay, now that is a good line.
All right, all right. I'll read the books.
[MYKA LAUGHS]
Go ahead. I know you want to.
So the detective and his....
Intrepid gal Friday.
The detective and his gal Friday...
...walked off into the fog...
...and left the lovers in their embrace.
An embrace that would last forever.
Maybe, just maybe.
[PETE CHUCKLES]
Okay.
That was, um.... Heh.
What was that?
[IMITATES BOGART] That was the stuff dreams are made of, sweetheart.
[CHUCKLES]
[IN NORMAL VOICE] And also painful. Ah.
Really, really painful.
All the pages have writing on them now.
We finished the story.
It's just that jumping in front of a speeding car with Claudia in the trunk...
...playing chicken with a car thief, Artie wasn't just putting himself in danger.
It was everyone. I know that he says that he was following his gut...
...but I'm afraid that he's being unnecessarily reckless.
And I'm really worried about him.
Thank you for your candour.
We've been worried about Agent Nielsen as well.
This confirms our fears.
What does that mean?
It's time for the Regents to act.
When you asked me to keep an eye on Artie, you said it was to help him.
- Trust us, Agent Jinks. - Well, wait a sec--
I mean, Mr. Kosan, I know what it's like to go through trauma.
The last few months are not something Artie will get through easily or quickly.
We need to be there for him. Not bronze him...
...or turn him into some H.G. Wells hologram.
Noted, Agent Jinks.
The less you know, the better it is for Agent Nielsen.
As I say, trust us.
"--is very dashing."
I am dashing, aren't I?
What? "With a big dopey grin." What--? Heh.
I don't have a dopey grin.
What? Don't Bogart the end.
Pete, listen to this.
"It was a long trip, but it was worth it to see the look on Lily's face...
...when she pressed her toes into the sand of Bora-Bora for the first time.
Neither of them had ever seen water this blue.
She smiled brighter than the tropical sun.
It made him happier than he'd been in a long time."
Good for Bishop.
Yeah.
But, you know, a warm, fuzzy ending...
...doesn't really make sense for a gritty crime novel.
Well, maybe that's why he had writer's block.
He didn't realise he was writing a love story.