1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,836 Previously on Warehouse 13: 2 00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:05,629 I love you, little sister... 3 00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:08,674 ...and I am counting on you to fix all of this. 4 00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,766 You love me and I love you. It's simple. 5 00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:23,981 It's just that your life is filled with excitement and danger. 6 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,900 And it's all the things that I don't want. 7 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,694 Goodbye, Pete. 8 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,012 "But who was this woman? And why did she--" 9 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,265 Hey. Hey, what? What? What are you, writing a book? 10 00:00:58,433 --> 00:00:59,683 No. 11 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:03,103 Yes. No. Which-- Which answer will make you stop asking? 12 00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:06,899 No, no. I think it's cool. When did you start? 13 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,275 Off and on, about a year ago. 14 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:09,526 You're on page six. 15 00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:11,320 More off than on. 16 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,155 Hello? 17 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,448 - Hello. - Ugh! 18 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,742 - Come on, I've just sat down. - Thank God, you're here. 19 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,285 Relax. I'm not here for you. 20 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:22,664 - Steve! Steve! Steve! - What? Are you okay? What's wrong? 21 00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:24,083 A ping for you and Claudia. 22 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,085 That's why you're yelling like your hair's on fire? 23 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,670 - Why is that ping not for us? - Whoa. So benching us? 24 00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,130 I'm worried about Claudia. 25 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:32,091 She's locked up for two days in the Warehouse. 26 00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,426 She's researching her sister Claire. It's not healthy. 27 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:37,012 - So you're trying to distract her? - Yeah, but-- Shush, you. 28 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:41,642 Look, there's a ping, there's trouble. There's artefacts. Go. Go, go, go. 29 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,896 Ooh, is that a hoagie? Oh, I want a hoagie. 30 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,606 He'll get nothing and like it. 31 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:50,275 Hello? Pete? 32 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,486 Kelly. What--? Hey. 33 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:56,031 I'm-- I'm sorry to burst in like this, but I'm in trouble. 34 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:58,867 Oh, my God. 35 00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:01,245 Are you...? Are we...? Am I...? 36 00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:04,164 - But we were.... Oh, my God. - You know what, I'll leave you two alone. 37 00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,791 Myka, please stay. 38 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,209 Pete, relax. 39 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,920 This isn't about the baby. It's not yours. 40 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:13,715 I'm married. Besides, we broke up, like, two years ago. 41 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:15,467 You do know how babies are made, right? 42 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,428 - Pete, exhale. - Whew. 43 00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:22,850 Ha-ha. Thank you. Ha-ha. That's, like, wow. 44 00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:25,102 - Wow, that's great, congrats. - Listen. 45 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,728 I actually need both your help. 46 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,190 My grandmother's TV is possessed. 47 00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:34,570 If I can't temper her outburst... 48 00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:36,280 - ...maybe I'll focus on her telekinesis. - Claud? 49 00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:37,781 I can recreate the music box song. 50 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:38,949 - Do a brain scan. - Claud. 51 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,659 She'd have to be awake and could blow up the building. 52 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,286 - Claud! - Yaah! Jeez! 53 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:44,705 Don't sneak up on me like that! 54 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,165 I've been standing here. 55 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,167 Well, stand louder. 56 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,586 You're tense. How's it going? 57 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:52,588 I want to punch things. 58 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,590 Okay, you need a break. We got a ping. 59 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,592 What? No. No, no, no, no, no. 60 00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,302 No. I.... I have so much work to do. 61 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,762 I'm on the verge of a major breakthrough here. So.... 62 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,473 Oh, really? What, uh.... What is that? 63 00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:07,144 Well, it's.... You know.... 64 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,938 I can.... I can circumvent.... 65 00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:11,940 Oh, God, I hate being friends with you. 66 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:16,278 Charlie Battes, a college student. While giving a presentation in class... 67 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,906 ...his spine spontaneously broke in three places. 68 00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:21,325 - Did Artie send you? - No, I saw it on CNN. 69 00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:22,659 Yes, Artie sent me! 70 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:27,623 Uhn! Fine, I'll go, errand boy. But this better be snappy. 71 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,336 Oh, yeah, man, I love books. I'm a big fan of books. 72 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:35,339 As a matter of fact, I got a lot of great ideas for your book. 73 00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:39,426 Now, I'm guessing it's kind of a spy-romance novel... 74 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,178 ...with a sci-fi bend. 75 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,597 Well, you think we could get some robots in there? 76 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,808 Yeah, Pete, definitely. You know, naked, sexy fembots. 77 00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:50,896 Kelly. Thank God. Just please distract him. 78 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,774 So, my nana's been homebound ever since my grandpa died. 79 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,651 Right, and you said that was two years ago? 80 00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:59,029 Yes, I usually come twice a week to bring her food, magazines... 81 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:02,824 ...and usually, she's in there watching TV, but this morning.... 82 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,369 I just found this. 83 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:09,331 Oh. And this is what was on when you found it? 84 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:13,126 Yes. It's my nana's favourite telenovela, Seducción Salvaje. 85 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:16,755 "Savage Seduction." But it was cancelled. It ended last night. 86 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,423 Right, not to mention.... 87 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,301 I unplugged it when nothing else turned it off. And as you can see... 88 00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:24,054 - ...it didn't work. - Where's your nana now? 89 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,890 I don't know. I called everybody. 90 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,643 I called the police, but they told me I have to wait 24 hours. 91 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:32,145 I can't. I just know that there's something wrong. 92 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:33,814 - Guys? - Yeah? 93 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,734 Is that her? 94 00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:40,779 My God. Nana? 95 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,711 Okay. Wait a minute. 96 00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:59,131 Are you telling me, my Nana's trapped inside a telenovela? 97 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:03,260 Apparently. Now, on the upside, looks like she's got a pretty good part. 98 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:07,014 She's playing the part of Doña Fausta Obregon. 99 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:09,725 The wise matriarch of the Obregon Dynasty. 100 00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:13,270 - Is this TV new? - No, she got it over a year ago. 101 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,147 And you said that the telenovela ended? 102 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,025 Yes, in mean, my nana was actually pretty upset about it. 103 00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:20,610 You say that it was cancelled. 104 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,321 And yet it's still on TV. 105 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,825 - Nothing. - This is the series finale. 106 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,036 This is where Doña Fausta gets murdered. 107 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,538 Oh, my God. Does that mean my grandma-- 108 00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,081 - Wait, wait, wait... - No, no, no. 109 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:34,708 Just don't get too close. 110 00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:37,127 No, Señor Cat! 111 00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:42,007 - Or that might happen. - Mr. Gato. 112 00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,801 Now at least we know how she got in there, right? 113 00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,678 Now, okay, Kelly, your grandmother... 114 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:50,932 ...has she bought anything strange or old or kind of, maybe, an antique? 115 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,643 No. I don't know. 116 00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:56,355 Maybe. I'll go upstairs and check. 117 00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:59,608 Uh, Kelly, listen... 118 00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:03,862 - ...everything's gonna be okay. - I'm so glad you're here. 119 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,246 What? 120 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:15,999 No. No, no, no. 121 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,085 - No, no, no. - Oh, no. I'm not talking about that. 122 00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:19,878 - She's married. - It's none of my business. 123 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,380 She's got a belly out. There's nothing-- 124 00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:24,007 - Can we go find some artefacts? - We'll find the artefacts. 125 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:28,303 And, here we are. 126 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,433 - I love this car. - Ha-ha. Could you say that more often? 127 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,936 - Once every two minutes isn't enough. - No, seriously... 128 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,938 How many cars tell you where the campus is... 129 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,524 ...the best parking spot, even which building we want. 130 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:44,069 Ah, but can it give me a good reason to actually go to college? 131 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:47,197 Kind of just seems like a waste of four years to me. 132 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,658 An education, a job, a career. 133 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,160 Got it, got it, and got it. And I didn't go to college. 134 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,079 I'm also not in debt for the rest of my life. 135 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,999 - Hey, I'll be paid up in the next five years. - Oh! In that case, sign me up. 136 00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,419 Yes, you can do an expose' on Bill Clinton, if you want... 137 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:03,588 ...but I'd say you're late to the party, okay? 138 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,424 - Professor Moulton. - Yes. 139 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,301 - Oh, Agent Jinks, I presume. - Thanks for meeting with us. 140 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,595 - This is my partner, Agent Donovan. - Nice to meet you. 141 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,556 - You too. - The hospital didn't have... 142 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,599 ...a medical explanation for what happened to Charlie. 143 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,977 We were hoping that you could fill us in. 144 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,396 Honestly, I don't have an explanation either. 145 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:22,774 Mr. Battes was giving a presentation on gonzo journalism. 146 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,234 About five minutes into it... 147 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,862 ...this "shadow" was the only word to describe it... 148 00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:29,906 ...came flying in and slammed Charlie against the wall. 149 00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:32,701 Then it was gone. Strangest thing I ever saw. 150 00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:35,495 - Always is. - And such a shame. 151 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:36,830 He's a bit of a slacker... 152 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:40,250 ...but this report was impressive, insightful even. 153 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,793 Couldn't have been that insightful. 154 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,795 The hospital said he had alcohol poisoning. 155 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,047 Impossible. I've had inebriated students. 156 00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:47,632 Mr. Battes was stone-cold sober. 157 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:50,135 If you'll excuse me. 158 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,180 Well, yeah, but then, Señor Cat got to close... 159 00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:54,973 ...and, pizam! 160 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,808 Now he's on daytime TV. 161 00:07:56,976 --> 00:08:00,979 The TV could be a conduit or a portal for the artefact. 162 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,982 Okay, but none of granny's tchotchkes are making any sparks. 163 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,193 - The artefact could be in there with her. Uh-oh. 164 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,737 - Pete.... - Oh! 165 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,906 - Abuela, no. - No, Kelly, don't! 166 00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:17,996 Holy poltergeist! 167 00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:19,998 What? What was that light? 168 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:26,713 This house is not clean. 169 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,507 What? Speak English! 170 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:34,846 Artie, things just got cray-cray. 171 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:47,901 Maribel. 172 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,361 Maribel! 173 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,905 I keep finding feathers! 174 00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:53,240 How many times have I told you? 175 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,116 Sorry, Ms. Obregon... 176 00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:57,827 Sorry? Sorry? You're sloppy. 177 00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,705 You can't cook or clean... you're useless! 178 00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,457 That is not true! 179 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,501 I am a fantastic cook, in fact. 180 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:07,504 I just cooked Armando his favourite. 181 00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:11,341 Listen to me, bitch. 182 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:14,719 Don't even look at my fiancé, understand? 183 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:19,432 Armando may have been your little playmate when he was a stable boy... 184 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:23,603 ...but he is now the CEO of Obregon, Inc. and you're still just a maid. 185 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:27,566 Keep your eyes to yourself before you end up like your mother. 186 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,987 My mother is dead. 187 00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,114 Don't ever speak of her again. 188 00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:43,665 Hello, Pete? 189 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,001 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm in here. - What's happening? 190 00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:47,294 Well, I don't speak Spanish, 191 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,838 ...but Myka is a super-hot maid who hates Kelly... 192 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,799 ...and I'm waiting for this guy Armando who I'm hoping doesn't show up. 193 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,509 I really wanna see these two make out. 194 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,011 I meant, with the artefact. 195 00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:58,555 Oh, right. Um.... There's nothing in the house. 196 00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,849 But grandma got this in the mail yesterday... 197 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,726 - ...from the telenovela people. - What does it say? 198 00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:04,060 I don't know, it's in Spanish. 199 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:06,938 Give it to me. I happen to read Spanish. 200 00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:09,232 Dear Mrs. Hernandez, blah, blah, blah.... 201 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,775 Really? "Blah, blah, blah"? 202 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,153 What is that Spanish for? "Blah, blah, blah"? 203 00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,572 "For being such a huge fan... 204 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:20,577 ...please accept this Obregon brooch that Doña Fausta wore in the show." 205 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,622 A brooch, as in, a fancy pin? 206 00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:26,750 A brooch, as in, that. 207 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,255 Ooh, bling-bling. 208 00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,925 Okay, dudes, this is Charlie's room. 209 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:38,470 Ugh! Another temple of higher learning. 210 00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:40,972 Ugh! Kids today. 211 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,432 Kids today are your age. 212 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,684 Then they should have better taste. 213 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:48,772 So, Dan, would you say that Charlie was a studier or a partier? 214 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:50,315 Yeah, definitely. 215 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:55,904 Dude, he wants to study and party, obviously like everyone. 216 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:58,448 Uh-huh. So, when was the last time you saw him? 217 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,992 This morning. I don't know, around 6:30. 218 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,953 - Oh, right before Moulton's class? - I don't know how he got there. 219 00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:06,998 Charlie partied hearty all night. I mean, I bailed at sunrise... 220 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:09,167 ...he was still barfing off the side of the bridge. 221 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:12,295 Moulton said he was sober and insightful half an hour later. 222 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,881 Dude, try "barely walking." 223 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,595 Okay, but how does a cheap TV prop become an artefact? 224 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:24,474 Probably was just a cheap TV prop until Kelly's grandmother got it. 225 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,434 Now, she's elderly, shut in, lost her husband. 226 00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:28,687 Sometimes, people fill a void... 227 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,647 ...with an obsessive attachment to a TV show. 228 00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:33,274 Hey, I watch Breaking Amish because I like it, okay? 229 00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:34,442 I can quit anytime. 230 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:37,070 When her telenovela was cancelled... 231 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:40,365 ...maybe the brooch was imbued with her longing to escape. 232 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:44,035 Yeah, but if she can make a new artefact out of something we know nothing about... 233 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,203 ...then how do we stop it? 234 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:48,039 By getting in there and neutralising it... 235 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:51,042 ...before the episode ends and Hortencia dies. 236 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,670 Yeah, but Artie, then we could end up just like Myka and Kelly. 237 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:56,172 I mean, they're not just playing Maribel and Carmen... 238 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,675 ...they are Maribel and Carmen. 239 00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:03,179 These cufflinks once belonged to Harvey Korman... 240 00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,848 - ...from The Carol Burnett Show. - Yeah. 241 00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:07,350 He was famous for never being able to stay in character. 242 00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:10,770 As long as you and I each hold one of these... 243 00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:12,897 ...we will stay ourselves. 244 00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,774 - You ready? - Sure. 245 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,403 Oh, Artie, next week can we go meet Honey Boo Boo? 246 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,029 Shut up and get in the TV. 247 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,164 It worked! 248 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,499 I am in the telenovela! 249 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,420 I am still myself. 250 00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,964 I am speaking Spanish?! 251 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:43,428 Good morning. How are you? Where is the library? 252 00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,807 Holy enchilada! 253 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,101 I can speak Spanish! 254 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:53,730 Artie, I can speak... Spanish... 255 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,274 Ar-- Artie?! 256 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,443 Where is Artie? 257 00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:00,153 Artie? 258 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:11,539 Congrats. 259 00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:15,418 Your Prius found their off-campus study group. 260 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,298 This glass is on top of the dust. 261 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:23,635 This window must have been shattered recently, maybe this morning. 262 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,095 Well, Dan said Charlie was up there. 263 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,681 What, you think he fell from the bridge? 264 00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:30,475 Yeah.... 265 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,477 Oh, hey. 266 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:37,857 - Hmm. - Look at this. 267 00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:40,026 Higher education at work. 268 00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:44,614 Huh, our guy was a videographer. 269 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,491 Hey, Charlie, careful. 270 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,784 PPZ rules! 271 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,829 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hash tag: 272 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,043 - Ooh! - Ouch. 273 00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,462 - That had to hurt. - Claud, the way that he hit... 274 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,965 ...that fits the impact that Professor Moulton described... 275 00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:04,968 - ...when Charlie slammed into the wall. - Also explains his broken back. 276 00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,554 I mean, the goober's lucky he's still alive. 277 00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:11,432 This video was taken at 7:14 a.m., in the middle of Charlie's presentation. 278 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,934 So he was in two places at once? 279 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,603 Let's play that again, Sam. 280 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:21,693 That's Latin. It means "My candle burns." 281 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,444 Why would a college kid yell that? 282 00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,323 "PPZ," that could be "Psi Phi Zeta." 283 00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:29,659 And the Latin, that could be a fraternity motto. 284 00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:33,121 Nice work, Jinksy. Wait, were you in a frat? 285 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,959 Oh, my God. You were in a frat. 286 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,920 I bet you were just like Hoover. 287 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,172 Think, Pete... Think! 288 00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:45,800 Where would Artie go? 289 00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:49,429 Maybe it depends on who Artie is? 290 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:52,473 Artie? 291 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:54,893 Wait... 292 00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:57,854 - ...who the hell am I? - Armando! 293 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,440 Of course! 294 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:02,483 I am Armando! 295 00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:05,403 Look at me! Who else would I be? 296 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,488 Ay, Armando! 297 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:08,907 Kelly? 298 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:10,950 Kelly. 299 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,285 Excuse me?! 300 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,955 Who is this "Kelly"? 301 00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:19,042 No... I meant Carmen. 302 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,502 I am Armando. You are Carmen. 303 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,171 I am. 304 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,965 My love for you is so deep... 305 00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,009 ...that I am carrying your child... 306 00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,469 ...without a wedding ring. 307 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,097 But if I find out you are cheating on me... 308 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,767 ...I will take a knife and cut off your... 309 00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:37,602 My love! 310 00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,521 You, and our child... 311 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:42,982 ...are all that matter to me. 312 00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:46,861 Oh, you're so wonderful! 313 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,077 Yeah, I remember that. 314 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,996 Ready to go? 315 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,376 Go? You mean go... 316 00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:05,338 Armando, Alicia is here. 317 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,131 ...right now? 318 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:08,758 Don't tell me you forgot. 319 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:12,428 My mother is here to go look at silverware for the wedding. 320 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,639 What do you think? 321 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,393 Mother, how beautiful! 322 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,229 - Hello, my darling. - Hello, mother. 323 00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:24,983 Hello, Armando. 324 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:26,943 Hello. 325 00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:29,445 My love... 326 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:32,573 ...I'm sorry, but I can't go. 327 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:36,786 I have to see Doña Fausta for... ...business 328 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,746 You don't care about our wedding? 329 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,708 No, no, no, no... 330 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,293 Of course I care, my love. 331 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,589 Fine. Just remember... 332 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,592 ...if I find out you're cheating... 333 00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:54,512 ...I'll make you a soprano with one flick of my knife. 334 00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:56,806 Come, mother. 335 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,602 Goodbye, Armando. 336 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:09,861 I never met Charlie. 337 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,321 - So he isn't a pledge here? - I don't think so. 338 00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:16,743 - Why are you lying to us, Biff? - It's Bryce, and I'm not. 339 00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,369 Uh-huh, and what about this? 340 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,999 - That's your frat motto, I believe. - Whatever. 341 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,585 Just because he knows our motto, doesn't mean he's pledging. 342 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,587 So you don't mind if we have a look around? 343 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,422 It depends what you're looking for. 344 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,508 Hey, pretty lady. What's up? 345 00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:35,720 Ox. Damn it, Ox! Get back downstairs. 346 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,723 Look, my dad runs the biggest law firm in Minnesota. 347 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,641 I know my rights. Get a warrant. 348 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:45,521 - Nice guy. - Yep. 349 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,857 College sure is impressive. 350 00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,151 Claud, look. Isn't that Ox? 351 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:53,154 Yeah, Ox just went back downstairs. 352 00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:56,991 I wanna see what's down there. Come on. 353 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,081 Chug, chug, chug. 354 00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:11,255 Methinks these frat losers have a duplication artefact. 355 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,549 - Splits you in two. - Chug, chug, chug. 356 00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:17,512 The you that party's hard, and the you that works hard. 357 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,358 Uhn. Dude, I think I'm gonna puke. 358 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,447 Doña Fausta? 359 00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,410 Doña Fausta?! 360 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,162 It's me, Armando! 361 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,294 Doña Fausta! 362 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,428 Doña Fausta, I'll help you! 363 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,264 Oh. 364 00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,432 Doña Fausta... 365 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,518 Where is your brooch? 366 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,729 The thief... he took it! 367 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,246 Grandmother! 368 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,039 Are you okay? 369 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,876 It's just a flesh wound. 370 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:33,212 But at her age, we must be careful. 371 00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:36,507 Who would do this? 372 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,677 A cowardly thief. They took her jewelry. 373 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,847 It's the second attempt on her life! 374 00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:44,682 Somebody is behind this. 375 00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,768 It could be a business adversary. 376 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,521 I'll hire a P.I. and bodyguards. 377 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,481 My girls, listen to me. 378 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:56,819 This wasn't just a robbery... 379 00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:01,365 ...this was about my long lost son, Rafael. 380 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,576 - My husband?! - My father?! 381 00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:06,621 - My who? - My son! 382 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,165 Colonel Rafael Obregon. 383 00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:13,628 Have you forgotten the man who raised you as his own... 384 00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:19,675 ...until he disappeared and I made you CEO of this company? 385 00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:21,385 Of course not! 386 00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,304 The Colonel?! 387 00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,681 Why do you think this is about him? 388 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,976 Because I received an anonymous note... 389 00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:33,231 ...from someone claiming to have information about Rafael. 390 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:37,777 It had an address and a meeting time. 391 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:39,028 Where is the note now? 392 00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:43,074 The thief knew enough to steal it out of my hand. 393 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,867 Ah.... 394 00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:49,580 So he took the brooch and jewels... 395 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:54,252 ...to make it look like a robbery. - So we wouldn't look for Rafael. 396 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:55,753 Doña Fausta... 397 00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:57,880 Where did you find the note? 398 00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:08,182 Ah.... 399 00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,059 Maribel... 400 00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,396 - What did you say? - What? 401 00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:15,606 Nothing, nothing... 402 00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:20,945 - I must go. - You can't just leave me now. 403 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,906 You're acting very strangely. 404 00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:26,659 I must! 405 00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:29,287 I promise to find the thief. 406 00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:39,130 Okay, we blend in, we hit the basement, we bag the artefact. 407 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,549 Great plan, except that Bryce will recognise our faces. 408 00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:45,803 Oh, don't worry. He won't be looking at our faces. 409 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,888 - Ha. - Mm-hm. 410 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:53,519 Wow! 411 00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:56,564 Nice work, ladies. Take five. 412 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:59,150 All right, frat boy, what kind of heathen initiation ritual... 413 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,568 ...am I about to walk into here? 414 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,236 I don't know. My frat wasn't like this. 415 00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:05,531 We had book club and yuletide a cappella. 416 00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:07,199 Please forget that I said that. 417 00:22:07,367 --> 00:22:10,202 Oh, my God, it just gets better. 418 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:13,706 - I say, we follow him. - Oh, yeah. 419 00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:15,624 Don't start without me. 420 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:25,134 Okay, they're not doing yuletide a capella. 421 00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:26,469 Myka? 422 00:22:27,095 --> 00:22:28,137 Mykes! 423 00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:30,723 Myka! Are you in here? 424 00:22:30,932 --> 00:22:33,351 What are you doing here, traitor? 425 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,478 Myka, stop! It's Pete! 426 00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:40,107 - I'm here to save you! - Save me from you, Armando?! 427 00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:41,359 Liar!! 428 00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,903 Enough, Maribel! 429 00:22:46,573 --> 00:22:47,823 Why are you hitting me? 430 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,575 Because you lied. 431 00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:51,494 You told me you would always love me... 432 00:22:52,162 --> 00:22:54,914 ...and now you are marrying that whore, Carmen! 433 00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:56,332 I can explain... 434 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,753 ...but first, what do you know about Colonel Obregon? 435 00:23:01,421 --> 00:23:03,547 You left that note for Doña Fausta! 436 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:09,720 I won't tell you anything. After all I've suffered for you! 437 00:23:10,430 --> 00:23:12,807 I've suffered too, Maribel. 438 00:23:13,016 --> 00:23:14,850 Then prove it to me! 439 00:23:17,938 --> 00:23:19,605 We've been through so much together. 440 00:23:20,732 --> 00:23:23,734 Whatever happens, I will never stop loving you. 441 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,905 I've waited so long for you! 442 00:23:28,115 --> 00:23:29,907 Okay, don't do that. 443 00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:31,450 Ay-yi-yi-yi! 444 00:23:31,618 --> 00:23:34,120 - And definitely don't do that! - Why not? 445 00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:37,039 Because... there's no time! 446 00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:38,416 Yes, no time! 447 00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:43,087 We have to find The Colonel and save Doña Fausta! 448 00:23:43,797 --> 00:23:44,839 Let's go! 449 00:23:46,675 --> 00:23:49,051 So, can your twin peaks get us in there? 450 00:23:49,219 --> 00:23:51,095 These are only one of my many super powers. 451 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:53,556 - Wait. Guys, wait. - Watch this. 452 00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:56,809 Oh, my God, I am so drunk. 453 00:23:56,977 --> 00:23:58,602 You gotta help me. 454 00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:07,695 You're up, plebe. 455 00:24:20,333 --> 00:24:22,585 My candle burns at both ends. 456 00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:25,129 It will not last the night. 457 00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:27,548 But oh, my foes, and oh, my friends-- 458 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:31,969 It gives a lovely light. Psi Phi zeta, burn. 459 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:39,059 Psi Phi zeta, write. Psi Phi zeta, learn. Psi Phi zeta, all night. 460 00:24:39,227 --> 00:24:40,936 Hey, what the hell is that, man? 461 00:24:43,064 --> 00:24:44,440 You again. 462 00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:46,692 Bryce, you have no idea how dangerous that is. 463 00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:50,404 - You gotta give me that candle. - This guy's an ATF agent. Uhn! 464 00:24:54,659 --> 00:24:57,203 Steve? What happened? Did you get the artefact? 465 00:24:57,370 --> 00:24:59,872 - Was that you screaming? - Oh, honey, I didn't scream. 466 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,499 It was that silly bitch. 467 00:25:03,376 --> 00:25:04,418 Oh, grow up. 468 00:25:09,758 --> 00:25:12,051 - Thank you, Carlos. - Yes, beautiful. 469 00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:18,766 Myka! Thank God. Pete! 470 00:25:19,267 --> 00:25:21,352 - Artie?! Finally! - Pete! 471 00:25:21,686 --> 00:25:23,687 What took you so long?! 472 00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:25,147 Delicious drama. 473 00:25:25,398 --> 00:25:26,440 - So... - Yes? 474 00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:31,028 - You are Colonel Rafael Obregon. - What? 475 00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:33,531 Armando, what are you saying? Of course it's him! 476 00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,408 Yes. 477 00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:38,494 Pete? Idiot, get me out! 478 00:25:40,163 --> 00:25:46,168 Somebody stole the artefact to hide The Colonel. 479 00:25:48,046 --> 00:25:52,466 Whoever put you here has the artefact! 480 00:25:52,801 --> 00:25:54,677 And you think I know who it is? 481 00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:56,971 Not you, "Artie"... 482 00:25:57,222 --> 00:26:00,182 ...you, "The Colonel"! 483 00:26:00,976 --> 00:26:02,059 Of course! 484 00:26:02,227 --> 00:26:07,273 The cufflinks keep us from knowing what our characters know. 485 00:26:08,858 --> 00:26:11,277 I have to give you my cufflink! 486 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:13,696 What are you talking about?! 487 00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:17,199 Trust me, Maribel. 488 00:26:17,617 --> 00:26:18,659 All right! 489 00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:20,911 - Pay attention! - I promise. 490 00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:23,998 Pay attention. 491 00:26:33,216 --> 00:26:35,301 Colonel? Colonel Obregon? 492 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:36,969 Can you hear me? 493 00:26:38,096 --> 00:26:39,680 Bastard. 494 00:26:40,223 --> 00:26:41,348 Ay! 495 00:26:45,061 --> 00:26:46,228 Stop it, Colonel! 496 00:26:46,896 --> 00:26:48,564 Take the cufflink! 497 00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:50,858 You put me in here, Armando! 498 00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:52,359 Colonel, please! 499 00:26:52,569 --> 00:26:54,278 Take the cufflink! 500 00:26:54,487 --> 00:26:56,864 After all I did for you?! 501 00:26:57,198 --> 00:26:59,617 You ungrateful son of a bitch! 502 00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:01,869 Who told you I did this? 503 00:27:03,872 --> 00:27:04,913 Who? 504 00:27:05,373 --> 00:27:06,582 Alicia told me. 505 00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:08,459 Alicia? 506 00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:10,085 Yes, Alicia. 507 00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:11,587 The only one who visited me... 508 00:27:12,881 --> 00:27:15,299 ...and truly loves me! 509 00:27:15,508 --> 00:27:16,967 Bastard! 510 00:27:19,387 --> 00:27:22,806 Pick up the cufflink! 511 00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:29,188 Colonel, stop! 512 00:27:36,613 --> 00:27:38,447 Artie, what are you doing?! 513 00:27:42,118 --> 00:27:43,369 Maribel... 514 00:27:45,246 --> 00:27:46,288 Maribel? 515 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:48,916 Who? Me? 516 00:27:49,709 --> 00:27:51,377 Am I speaking Spanish? 517 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,045 Maribel. 518 00:27:53,588 --> 00:27:55,172 Why do you keep calling me that? 519 00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:59,051 I have waited ten years to see you. 520 00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:04,556 You're not Artie and I must be Maribel. 521 00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:11,689 And you are also... 522 00:28:12,357 --> 00:28:13,524 ...my daughter. 523 00:28:14,109 --> 00:28:15,192 I am? 524 00:28:16,611 --> 00:28:17,820 Of course I am. 525 00:28:18,655 --> 00:28:21,740 I fell in love with your mother, my mother's maid. 526 00:28:22,242 --> 00:28:28,497 Then you were born. I always loved you. 527 00:28:29,582 --> 00:28:33,085 You are my only daughter, but... 528 00:28:33,294 --> 00:28:36,588 ...I was too cowardly to admit it. 529 00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:39,091 That's really sweet. 530 00:28:39,342 --> 00:28:43,554 But someone has to tell me what's happening. 531 00:28:43,763 --> 00:28:44,805 What? 532 00:28:52,397 --> 00:28:53,605 Hmm? 533 00:28:55,233 --> 00:28:58,902 Two Steves? Can I just say, this is amazeballs! 534 00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:00,738 Actually, it's not. 535 00:29:00,905 --> 00:29:03,031 A dangerous artefact is bad enough, but this.... 536 00:29:03,199 --> 00:29:04,825 This is rampant underage drinking. 537 00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:07,035 Oh, boo-hoo, Nancy Drew. 538 00:29:07,203 --> 00:29:09,580 - We should call the police. - Unbunch your panties, will you? 539 00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:10,914 I mean, check out our bestie. 540 00:29:11,082 --> 00:29:13,292 The girls are out and they are looking fabulous. 541 00:29:13,460 --> 00:29:16,044 - It's a party. You need to relax. - No, I don't. 542 00:29:16,212 --> 00:29:18,714 - You son of a bitch. - You irresponsible slut. 543 00:29:18,882 --> 00:29:22,134 Steves, mmm, loving you both. You a little bit more. 544 00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:25,220 But let's just split up and find Bryce, okay? 545 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:34,730 First one to zap a frat boy gets to keep him. Ha. 546 00:29:34,898 --> 00:29:35,939 Oh-ho, man. 547 00:29:36,107 --> 00:29:38,734 Ha-ha-ha. Actually, this is my badge, where's Bryce? 548 00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:40,903 Do you parents know that you are here? 549 00:29:41,362 --> 00:29:43,447 Bryce. Look at my lips. Bryce. 550 00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:45,115 I'm looking for Bryce. Do you know him? 551 00:29:45,658 --> 00:29:47,785 Hey, let me see your driver's licence. 552 00:29:48,411 --> 00:29:50,579 My eyes are up here. Bryce. 553 00:29:51,539 --> 00:29:54,333 Plucked brow, clean back of the neck, flawless cuticle. 554 00:29:54,501 --> 00:29:55,876 - You're gay. - No, I'm not. 555 00:29:56,044 --> 00:29:57,753 You're lying. 556 00:29:58,379 --> 00:30:05,260 ♪ Take me tonight Take me away ♪ 557 00:30:06,596 --> 00:30:08,889 Bryce. Hey, Bryce! 558 00:30:09,057 --> 00:30:10,724 Steves. 559 00:30:12,352 --> 00:30:13,477 Come on, you silly twit! 560 00:30:15,146 --> 00:30:16,730 Could a girl get a hand? 561 00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:22,152 ♪ Feeling goosebumps on my skin Doesn't mean I feel-- ♪♪ 562 00:30:22,570 --> 00:30:24,196 Pete said you had answers! 563 00:30:24,447 --> 00:30:27,658 - Not me, The Colonel. - Then give him the cufflink! 564 00:30:28,326 --> 00:30:30,118 - Really? - Yes! 565 00:30:40,839 --> 00:30:42,130 Bastard! 566 00:30:42,549 --> 00:30:43,549 Myka! 567 00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:45,050 That's enough! 568 00:30:47,637 --> 00:30:49,805 I didn't put you here, Colonel! 569 00:30:50,390 --> 00:30:51,598 Then who was it? 570 00:30:52,016 --> 00:30:53,058 It was Alicia! 571 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:54,601 - No. - Yes. 572 00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,478 - No! - Yes! 573 00:30:56,938 --> 00:30:59,940 She knew where you were and never told any of us. 574 00:31:00,233 --> 00:31:01,525 Alicia. 575 00:31:02,318 --> 00:31:04,278 Then... 576 00:31:04,487 --> 00:31:06,989 ...that's why she came. 577 00:31:07,198 --> 00:31:09,658 To keep me hidden. 578 00:31:10,618 --> 00:31:16,665 She let you think I vanished in the Amazon! 579 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,417 But why would she do that? 580 00:31:20,962 --> 00:31:22,462 Because... 581 00:31:23,882 --> 00:31:26,300 ...I know her secret. 582 00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:36,727 Grr, I love it when I'm butch. 583 00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:40,105 No, no, wait, listen. I'm innocent. I didn't do it. 584 00:31:40,273 --> 00:31:43,025 Do what, Biff? Use an artefact to duplicate your frat brothers? 585 00:31:43,192 --> 00:31:46,278 Is that a candle in your pocket or are you just really into twins? 586 00:31:46,446 --> 00:31:47,946 Tell me about the candle, Bryce. 587 00:31:48,114 --> 00:31:50,866 Okay, it belonged to Edna St. Vincent Millay, all right? 588 00:31:51,034 --> 00:31:53,785 Of course, "My candle burns at both ends, It will not last the night." 589 00:31:53,953 --> 00:31:57,581 - OMG, what rhymes with bore me? - Please don't call my dad. 590 00:31:57,749 --> 00:31:59,291 Okay, let's finish this. 591 00:31:59,459 --> 00:32:01,877 Oh, no, no. I'm just getting started. 592 00:32:05,214 --> 00:32:06,256 Damn it. 593 00:32:06,424 --> 00:32:08,425 - Your evil twin sister's got the candle. - Whee! 594 00:32:09,802 --> 00:32:12,262 - Alicia! - Dad? 595 00:32:12,639 --> 00:32:13,680 Carmen! 596 00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:16,767 Dad! When did you return? 597 00:32:16,976 --> 00:32:18,602 I actually never left, child. 598 00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:20,604 Where is your mother? 599 00:32:20,813 --> 00:32:21,855 What is she doing here? 600 00:32:23,316 --> 00:32:26,068 Yes, yes... Carmen... 601 00:32:26,486 --> 00:32:29,237 ...I have some difficult news. 602 00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:32,991 Your mother had an affair. 603 00:32:33,534 --> 00:32:35,452 She kept it secret, but... 604 00:32:35,703 --> 00:32:38,121 ...you are not the Colonel's daughter. 605 00:32:54,305 --> 00:32:56,223 Good Lord, woman! 606 00:32:56,766 --> 00:32:58,016 It is not your fault, Carmen. 607 00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:02,270 But your mom tried to kill Doña Fausta for your inheritance. 608 00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:04,147 Shut your mouth, tramp! 609 00:33:04,774 --> 00:33:07,693 - Is it true, my darling? - No, it's not true! 610 00:33:07,902 --> 00:33:10,862 Don't you see? She's trying to poison our love! 611 00:33:11,406 --> 00:33:13,323 Actually, I'm afraid it is true. 612 00:33:15,410 --> 00:33:17,285 Armando, please help me. 613 00:33:17,704 --> 00:33:19,079 No, I will not! 614 00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:21,081 Bastard! 615 00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:23,625 I should've known. 616 00:33:23,918 --> 00:33:27,087 Mother warned me you'd find out... 617 00:33:27,755 --> 00:33:30,632 ...no matter how well we hid The Colonel. 618 00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:33,176 She knew you'd go back to this trashy tart! 619 00:33:33,511 --> 00:33:36,638 Well, now you can die together. 620 00:33:37,140 --> 00:33:39,266 And you, Armando... 621 00:33:39,726 --> 00:33:42,894 ...before I kill you, I want you to know... 622 00:33:43,563 --> 00:33:45,856 ...this isn't even your baby!! 623 00:33:46,232 --> 00:33:47,733 Like mother... 624 00:33:48,067 --> 00:33:49,693 ...like daughter. 625 00:33:49,902 --> 00:33:51,987 Not so fast! 626 00:33:55,158 --> 00:33:56,408 A secret door! 627 00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,747 I should have done this... 628 00:34:02,206 --> 00:34:04,499 ...a long time ago. 629 00:34:09,422 --> 00:34:10,839 - Artie! - Colonel! 630 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,135 I should kill you all! 631 00:34:15,803 --> 00:34:16,887 Carmen! 632 00:34:18,765 --> 00:34:20,682 Colonel, I'm sorry! 633 00:34:21,559 --> 00:34:22,601 I failed you! 634 00:34:23,144 --> 00:34:26,313 You're the only father I ever had! 635 00:34:27,356 --> 00:34:29,483 Armando, give me your belt! 636 00:34:30,109 --> 00:34:31,777 But, it's Prada. 637 00:34:32,195 --> 00:34:33,904 You're a diva in any reality! 638 00:34:34,238 --> 00:34:36,198 Carmen, let's go! Now! 639 00:34:37,950 --> 00:34:41,161 Go after Alicia. Bag the brooch and get us out of here! 640 00:34:41,621 --> 00:34:42,662 But where is she going? 641 00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:44,289 To kill Doña Fausta... 642 00:34:44,707 --> 00:34:48,919 ...before she learns the truth and removes them from her will. 643 00:34:49,378 --> 00:34:52,964 Father! Father... 644 00:34:54,008 --> 00:34:57,928 Take Casanova here. Leave me. 645 00:34:58,137 --> 00:34:59,179 - Hey, idiot. - Yes? 646 00:34:59,388 --> 00:35:00,430 Do this. 647 00:35:08,689 --> 00:35:10,941 Bastar-- Oh, it's okay. 648 00:35:11,275 --> 00:35:12,400 What the hell happened, Myka? 649 00:35:12,693 --> 00:35:13,819 I'll tell you on the way. 650 00:35:15,822 --> 00:35:17,989 What was that noise? It sounded like gunfire. 651 00:35:18,199 --> 00:35:21,326 No, there was no gunfire. Your nerves are on end. 652 00:35:21,786 --> 00:35:25,539 Take these pills the doctor gave me for you. 653 00:35:26,290 --> 00:35:27,666 Carmen, water! 654 00:35:28,543 --> 00:35:30,585 I wish Armando was here. 655 00:35:31,087 --> 00:35:35,465 - Don't take those pills! - Back away from her, Alicia! 656 00:35:35,675 --> 00:35:36,716 What is the meaning of this? 657 00:35:36,926 --> 00:35:39,553 Alicia is trying to kill you. 658 00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:42,430 She cheated on The Colonel... ...and Carmen... 659 00:35:43,015 --> 00:35:45,600 ...is not your legitimate granddaughter. 660 00:35:46,686 --> 00:35:47,894 You miserable bastard! 661 00:35:48,271 --> 00:35:49,396 That isn't true! 662 00:35:50,022 --> 00:35:52,023 Where is the diamond brooch, Alicia? 663 00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:54,234 The one you stole from Doña Fausta? 664 00:35:54,443 --> 00:35:57,487 I don't know. Maybe you stole it! 665 00:35:57,780 --> 00:36:02,200 After all, you've always felt entitled to the family fortune. 666 00:36:02,410 --> 00:36:06,204 Because she is the only true daughter of The Colonel... 667 00:36:07,039 --> 00:36:11,459 ...with your dead maid, Maria. 668 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,839 Ignore them, grandmother! 669 00:36:17,466 --> 00:36:18,592 The Colonel! 670 00:36:19,135 --> 00:36:20,468 Rafael! 671 00:36:20,970 --> 00:36:22,053 My son! 672 00:36:22,263 --> 00:36:26,850 Mother! It is true, mother! Everything they said... 673 00:36:27,476 --> 00:36:28,518 ...Armando... 674 00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:30,437 ...and Maribel... 675 00:36:31,022 --> 00:36:32,355 ...is true! 676 00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:42,699 Chug, chug, chug. 677 00:36:44,952 --> 00:36:47,370 Enough! Give me the artefact. 678 00:36:47,538 --> 00:36:49,748 - Come and get it, Lady Poopy Pants. - Ooh! 679 00:36:49,916 --> 00:36:52,375 Twin fight, twin fight, twin fight. 680 00:36:52,543 --> 00:36:54,794 You are a prude and a nag. 681 00:36:54,962 --> 00:36:56,254 You're a self-obsessed slut. 682 00:36:56,422 --> 00:36:58,465 You are the worst gay guy, ever. 683 00:37:00,259 --> 00:37:01,551 Ow! 684 00:37:07,892 --> 00:37:09,351 What I'll say is... 685 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,354 ...they were killed while robbing my Grandmother. 686 00:37:12,563 --> 00:37:14,356 Carmen, don't do this. 687 00:37:21,739 --> 00:37:22,864 Carmen... 688 00:37:24,742 --> 00:37:26,826 Your real father is a kickboxer. 689 00:37:45,012 --> 00:37:46,221 For your information... 690 00:37:46,555 --> 00:37:48,682 ...I always spit in your food! 691 00:37:48,933 --> 00:37:49,975 Whoa. 692 00:37:50,393 --> 00:37:53,645 - What is this? - Doña Fausta! 693 00:37:53,854 --> 00:37:54,938 Twin fight, twin fight. 694 00:37:55,106 --> 00:37:57,315 You're gonna die a lonely, old hag. 695 00:37:59,110 --> 00:38:01,236 That's better than a whore in a gutter. 696 00:38:02,822 --> 00:38:04,364 Well, sounds good to me. 697 00:38:04,532 --> 00:38:06,241 Twin fight, twin fight. 698 00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:08,076 No way, secret agent girl. 699 00:38:10,579 --> 00:38:12,580 I would have done well in school. 700 00:38:12,748 --> 00:38:15,250 Twin fight, twin fight. 701 00:38:17,003 --> 00:38:18,211 Argh, curses! 702 00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:19,838 How do I fix this? Argh! 703 00:38:20,006 --> 00:38:22,257 Okay, think, think, think. How did it stop before? 704 00:38:22,425 --> 00:38:25,010 Charlie fell of a building, Ox just passed out.... 705 00:38:28,681 --> 00:38:29,973 Hey, Steve. 706 00:38:30,725 --> 00:38:33,059 - Claudia. - Doll face. 707 00:38:33,436 --> 00:38:36,062 - WTF? - Sorry, sweetie, you were really fun. 708 00:38:36,230 --> 00:38:37,814 See you around sometime. 709 00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:49,784 - Are you okay? - I think I'm gonna throw up. 710 00:38:49,952 --> 00:38:51,870 Oh, not on these shoes. 711 00:38:52,621 --> 00:38:55,081 Doña Fausta! You evil woman! 712 00:38:55,624 --> 00:38:56,791 You son of a bitch! 713 00:38:59,420 --> 00:39:00,587 Ooh. 714 00:39:01,756 --> 00:39:02,964 Big melons. 715 00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:09,888 Sleepy time. 716 00:39:29,825 --> 00:39:32,285 - Doña Fausta! - My God! 717 00:39:32,745 --> 00:39:33,995 No! 718 00:39:35,414 --> 00:39:36,456 I'm okay. 719 00:39:40,711 --> 00:39:41,836 Armando, my love! 720 00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:43,880 Maribel, my life. 721 00:39:45,466 --> 00:39:46,508 That hurts. 722 00:39:47,551 --> 00:39:48,760 The brooch. 723 00:39:51,430 --> 00:39:53,681 I've waited so long. 724 00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:57,143 I'll never stop loving you. 725 00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:02,399 Stop! You cannot kiss her! 726 00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:04,359 - Maria! - Mother? 727 00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:06,569 I thought you were dead. 728 00:40:07,071 --> 00:40:10,532 Everyone thought I was dead. 729 00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:13,993 But you can't kiss him. 730 00:40:14,495 --> 00:40:15,537 Why not? 731 00:40:15,955 --> 00:40:16,996 Because... 732 00:40:17,623 --> 00:40:19,290 ...he is your brother! 733 00:40:20,543 --> 00:40:22,293 - Eh? - Ay! 734 00:40:22,628 --> 00:40:24,170 Oy. 735 00:40:28,008 --> 00:40:31,052 - So, any residual effects? - Besides the bruises, the hangover... 736 00:40:31,220 --> 00:40:33,888 ...and your relentless nagging me to call everyone I see a "biatch"? 737 00:40:34,056 --> 00:40:35,223 - Say it again. - No, stop that! 738 00:40:35,391 --> 00:40:37,725 Ha-ha-ha. Well, on the upside, I think I've come up... 739 00:40:37,893 --> 00:40:40,228 ...with, like, ten new things to try on Claire next, so.... 740 00:40:40,396 --> 00:40:43,064 Wait for it, you were right. 741 00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:44,858 Fixing her is gonna be a marathon. 742 00:40:45,025 --> 00:40:47,694 I needed a break, and I needed to pace myself. 743 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:52,157 Oh, and Steve, I will never let you die a lonely, old hag. 744 00:40:53,742 --> 00:40:55,869 Thanks, biatch. 745 00:40:57,246 --> 00:40:58,329 Shanté, you stay. 746 00:41:02,501 --> 00:41:04,169 - Hey! - Hey! 747 00:41:04,336 --> 00:41:07,172 - Uh, Artie took off. - Okay. 748 00:41:07,339 --> 00:41:10,717 - That was weird, right? - Weird artefact weirdiness. 749 00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:13,219 - Let's never talk about it again. - Talk about what? 750 00:41:15,556 --> 00:41:17,348 You know, I'm just gonna wait for you outside. 751 00:41:17,516 --> 00:41:18,892 Okay. 752 00:41:21,896 --> 00:41:23,771 - Hey. - Hey. 753 00:41:23,939 --> 00:41:26,274 So, how's, uh, abuelita? 754 00:41:26,442 --> 00:41:27,484 Oh, she'll be fine. 755 00:41:27,651 --> 00:41:30,445 I'm gonna spend a couple of days with her to make sure she's okay. 756 00:41:30,613 --> 00:41:33,031 But she's already crazy about a new telenovela. 757 00:41:33,199 --> 00:41:34,532 Burning Love. 758 00:41:38,204 --> 00:41:39,412 - Ah. - Mm-hm. 759 00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:40,914 Well, she's lucky to have you. 760 00:41:41,081 --> 00:41:43,124 I'm lucky I knew you. 761 00:41:46,712 --> 00:41:48,755 - Right, here we go. - Well, it was great seeing you. 762 00:41:48,923 --> 00:41:51,549 - Enough weirdness for one day. - Yeah. 763 00:41:51,717 --> 00:41:54,594 Thanks for everything and, uh, you know.... 764 00:41:54,762 --> 00:41:56,346 Seriously, good luck, okay? 765 00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:58,723 And sorry it didn't work out between us. 766 00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:01,559 Oh, Pete, please, we both know it wouldn't have worked. 767 00:42:01,727 --> 00:42:03,561 Ha-ha. Why do you say that? 768 00:42:04,438 --> 00:42:06,314 Because you're in love with Myka. 769 00:42:13,405 --> 00:42:15,406 Pete, let's go. 770 00:42:23,123 --> 00:42:25,124 What have you done? I thought this was settled. 771 00:42:25,292 --> 00:42:26,793 - What did you do? - What? Calm down. 772 00:42:26,961 --> 00:42:28,670 - What are you talking about? - You know. 773 00:42:28,837 --> 00:42:31,130 - What did you do with Claire? - Nothing. Why? 774 00:42:31,298 --> 00:42:32,507 What happened? Where's Claire? 775 00:42:34,635 --> 00:42:37,011 She's gone. Someone took her.