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Hello
Yes?
What?
Sir, kindly switch off your mobile phone
Just one sec, please
Excuse me
Sir, please sit down
Captain, there's a medical emergency
A passenger has just fallen down in the aisle
Delhi, Air India 101 returning due to medical emergency
Excuse me, sir
Hold on!
I'm fine now, thanks. Carry on, please
Wait
Get the car! - Mr. Dhillon?
Want the name tattooed? Get the car
To the hotel, sir?
Yes, yes, but via Vasant Vihar
Step on the gas, dude!
Yeah, Farhan?
Get ready. I'll pick you up in five minutes
What happened?
Chatur called. Remember him?
The 'Silencer'?
Yeah
He said Rancho is coming
What?
He said - Come to the campus at 8. On the tank
Oh shucks!
Hurry!
Ok
Honey, I'll be back soon. Oh, shoes
We found our buddy
What?
Tell me later - bye
You forgot your pants
Now to the hotel, sir?
Yes, but via Imperial College of Engineering
Ok sir
Forgot my socks
More than just your socks
Your pants
Oh no
Now get my brother from the airport
Same last name - Dhillon
This is Dhillon. Where's my cab? On the runway?
Hey Rancho
Hey Chatur, where's Rancho?
Rancho
Where's Rancho?
Welcome, idiots
Some 'madeira' for you?
The same rum you guzzled those days
Have a drink
Where is Rancho?
Patience. First look at this
Don't eye my wife. Check out the mansion behind, idiots
$ 3.5 million
Swimming pool - heated!
Living room - maple wood flooring
My new Lambhorghini 6496 cc...
very fast
Why're you showing us all this?
Forgot?
What's this?
'5th September'. Today's date
I challenge you
We'll meet again after ten years
Same day. Same place
We'll see who's more successful
Have the balls? C'mon, bet!
Remember? I'd challenged that idiot right here
I kept my promise. I'm back
Jackass! I aborted a flight, he forgot his pants
all to meet Rancho
5 years we've searched. Don't know if he's alive
and you think he'll show up for your silly bet
I know he won't show up
You gonna break his jaw or should I
So why'd you call us here?
To meet Rancho
Come and see where I've reached and where he rots
So you know where Rancho is?
Yes
Where?
He is in Shimla
Free as the wind was he
Like a soaring kite was he
Where did he go... let's find him
Free as the wind was he
Like a soaring kite was he
Where did he go... let's find him
We were led by the path we took
While he carved a path of his own
Stumbling, rising, carefree walked he
We fretted about the morrow
He simply reveled in today
Living each moment to the fullest
Where did he come from...
He who touched our hearts and vanished...
Where did he go... let's find him
In scorching Sun, he was like a patch of shade...
In an endless desert, like an oasis...
On a bruised heart, like soothing balm was he
Afraid, we stayed confined in the well
Fearless, he frolicked in the river
Never hesitating to swim against the tide
He wandered lonesome as a cloud
Yet he was our dearest friend
Where did he go... let's find him
Rancho
Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad
He was as unique as his name
From birth we were taught - Life is a race
Run fast or you'll be trampled
Even to be born, one had to race 300 million sperms
1978. I was born at 5.15 pm
At 5.16, my father announced
My son will be an engineer. - Farhan Qureshi. B.Tech. Engineer
And my fate was sealed
What I wanted to be... no one asked
Raju Rastogi... Ranchhoddas Chanchad
Room number?
D-26
C'mon
I'm Man Mohan. MM
These engineers call me Millimeter
For eggs, bread, milk, laundry
finishing journals, copying assignments
I'm your guy. Fixed rates. No bargaining
Hey wait, hold this
Meet Kilobyte, Megabyte and their mother Gigabyte
Go ahead, click - this family doesn't bite
Check him out... another God-fearing soul
Hi. Farhan Qureshi - I'm Raju Rastogi
Don't worry
a few days here and he'll lose faith in God
Then naked babes will be on the wall, and he'll say...
Oh God, give me one chance with her
Get out of here
Four bucks. Two per bag
Here's five. Keep the change
Thanks boss. For your tip, here's one in return...
Wear your best underwear tonight
Why?
Your Majesty, thou art great
Accept this humble offering
Ha... here's a He-Man
What a pretty piece. Cute and compact
A campus tradition - On Day 1...
Freshmen must pay their respects to Seniors
in their underwear.
This is when we first saw Rancho
Spiderman
Batman
Fresh meat
Greetings. Drop your pants, get stamped
Name?
'Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad'
What a mouthful! Needs serious cramming
Come on - pants off
Being stubborn?
Wet pants not good, kiddo. Take them off
Aal izz well - What's that?
Aal izz Well
What did he say?
Someone tell him. Hey James Bond
Make him understand
Take off your pants or they are going to piss on you
Hey 007! Ashamed to speak Hindi?
Sorry sir, I was born in Uganda, studied in Pondicherry
so little slow in Hindi
So explain slowly. No hurry
Feeling cold?
Pray undress
or he'll do 'urine-expulsion' on you
Calls pissing 'urine-expulsion'!
A true linguist in the land of engineers!
Hey, come out of there
Come out or...
or I'll do 'urine-expulsion' on your door
If you aren't out by the count of ten
I'll do 'urine-expulsion' on your door all semester
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Salt water is a great conductor of electricity. 8th Grade Physics
We had studied it. He applied it
Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe was the Director of ICE
Students called him Virus, computer Virus
Virus on the way, with eggs
Freshmen are summoned. Come quickly
Virus was the most competitive man we had ever seen
He couldn't bear anyone getting ahead of him
To save time, his shirts had Velcro
and his ties had hooks
He'd trained his mind to write with both hands simultaneously
Everyday at 2 pm he took a 7 1/2 minute power nap
with an opera as lullaby
Govind, his valet, had instructions
to carry out all unproductive tasks such as shaving, nail-cutting etc
What is this? - Sir, nest
Whose? - A koel bird's nest, sir
Wrong
A koel bird never makes her own nest
She lays her eggs in other nests
And when they hatch, what do they do?
They push the other eggs out of the nest
Competition over
Their life begins with murder. That's nature
Compete or die
You also are like the koel birds
And these are the eggs you smashed to get into ICE
Don't forget, ICE gets 400,000 applications a year
and only 200 are selected - You!
And these? Finished. Broken eggs
My son... he tried for three years
Rejected. Every time
Remember, life is a race
If you don't run fast, you'll get trampled
Let me tell you a very interesting story
This is an astronaut pen
Fountain pens and ballpoint pens don't work in outer space
So scientists spent millions to invent this pen
It can write at any angle, in any temperature, in zero gravity
One day, when I was a student
the Director of our institute called me
He said, 'Viru Sahastrabuddhe.' I said, 'Yes sir'
'Come here!' I got scared
He showed me this pen
He said, 'This is a symbol of excellence'
'I give it to you'
'When you come across an extraordinary student like yourself
pass it onto him'
For 32 years, I've been waiting for that student
But no luck
Anyone here, who'll strive to win this pen?
Good. Put your hands down
Shall I post it on the notice board? Hands down
One question, sir
Sir, if pens didn't work in outer space
why didn't the astronauts use a pencil?
They'd have saved millions
I will get back to you on this
He zaps a Senior's privates at night
fingers the Director in the day. Best avoid him
You deflated Virus's erection
Your Majesty, thou art great. Accept this humble offering
Buzz off. You don't have school?
Who'll pay for it? Your pop?
Keep off my dad! - Relax
For school you don't need tuition money, just a uniform
Pick a school, buy the uniform, slip into class
In that sea of kids, no one will notice
If I get caught? - Then new uniform, new school
See that? - He was different...
He challenged conventions at every stage
A free-spirited bird had landed in Virus's nest
We were robots, blindly following our professors' commands
He was the only one who was not a machine
What is a machine?
Why're you smiling?
Sir, to study Engineering was a childhood dream
I'm so happy to be here finally
No need to be so happy. Define a machine
A machine is anything that reduces human effort
Will you please elaborate?
Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine
It's a warm day, press a button, get a blast of air
The fan... A machine!
Speak to a friend miles away. The telephone... A machine!
Compute millions in seconds. The calculator... A machine!
We're surrounded by machines
From a pen's nib to a pants' zip - all machines
Up and down in a second. Up, down, up, down...
What is the definition?
I just gave it to you, sir
You'll write this in the exam? This is a machine - up, down...
Idiot! Anybody else?
Yes?
Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected
that their relative motions are constrained
and by which means, force and motion may be transmitted
and modified as a screw and its nut, or a lever arranged
to turn about a fulcrum or a pulley about its pivot, etc
especially, a construction, more or less complex
consisting of a combination of moving parts, or
simple mechanical elements, as wheels, levers, cams etc
Wonderful
Perfect. Please sit down
Thank you
But sir, I said the same thing, in simple language
If you prefer simple language, join an Arts and Commerce college
But sir, one must get the meaning too
What's the point of blindly cramming a bookish definition
You think you're smarter than the book?
Write the textbook definition, mister, if you want to pass
But there are other books... - Get out!
Why?
In simple language - Out!
Idiot!
So, we were discussing the machine...
Why're you back?
I forgot something
What?
Instruments that record, analyze, summarize, organize
debate and explain information; That are illustrated, non-illustrated
hard-bound, paperback, jacketed, non jacketed
with foreword, introduction, table-of-contents, index
that are intended for the enlightenment, understanding
enrichment, enhancement and education of the human brain
through the sensory route of vision, sometimes touch
What do you mean?
Books, sir
I forgot my books. May I?
Couldn't you ask simply?
I tried earlier, sir. It simply didn't work
Professors kept Rancho mostly out... seldom in
When thrown out of one class, he'd slip into another
He said - First year or fourth year, it's knowledge. Just grab it
He was unlike any of us
We fought for a shower every morning
He'd bathe wherever he found water
Morning, sir
Machines were his passion
When he spotted them, he opened them
Some he could re-assemble...
some he couldn't
There was another, just like him
Joy Lobo
Sir. Excuse me, sir
Mr. Joy Lobo!
Sir, if I could know the convocation dates...
Why?
Dad wants to make train reservations
I'm the first engineer from my village. Everyone wants to attend
In that case, call your dad
Please hurry up. Don't waste my time
Hello
Dad, the Director wants to speak to you
Joy!
Mr. Lobo, your son won't graduate this year
What happened, sir?
He has violated all deadlines
Mr. Lobo, it's an unrealistic project
He is making some nonsense helicopter
I suggest you don't book your tickets. I'm so sorry
Sir, I am this close, sir - Is your project ready?
Is your project ready? - Sir, see it once, please
Submit it, and we'll consider
Sir, a small extension... - Why, why should I?
After dad's stroke, I couldn't focus for two months
Did you stop eating?
No
Stopped bathing?
So why stop studying?
Sir, I'm very close. See it once, please...
Mr. Lobo!
Sunday afternoon, my son fell off a train and died
Monday morning, I taught a class. So don't give me that nonsense
I can give you sympathy, not an extension
Sir... I'm very close...
Lifelong I lived
The life of another
For just one moment
Let me live as I...
Lifelong I lived
The life of another
For just one moment
Let me live as I...
Give me some sunshine Give me some rain
Give me another chance I wanna grow up once again
Give me some sunshine Give me some rain
Give me another chance I wanna grow up once again
Dude's come up with an amazing design
A wireless camera atop a helicopter
Can be used for traffic updates, security... Wow!
But Virus said it's an impractical design, it won't fly
It will fly! We'll make it fly
Don't tell Joy. It'll be a surprise
We'll fly it up to his window and capture his reaction
If we work on his project, who'll work on ours?
Tests, vivas, quizzes - 42 exams per semester
You scare easily, bro
Take your hand, put it over your heart, and say, 'Aal izz well'
All is well? - Aal izz well
Words of wisdom from His Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas
We had an old watchman in our village
On night patrol, he'd call out, 'Aal izz well'
And we slept peacefully. Then there was a theft
and we learned that he couldn't see at night!
He'd just yell 'Aal izz well', and we felt secure
That day I understood this heart scares easily
You have to trick it
However big the problem, tell your heart, 'All is well, pal'
That resolves the problem?
No. But you gain courage to face it
Learn it up, bro. We're gonna really need it here
When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll
Let your lips roll And whistle away the toll
When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
Yell - All is Well...
The chicken's clueless about the egg's fate
Will it hatch or become an omelette
No one knows what the future holds
So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey mate - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Confusion and more confusion No sign of any solution
Ah... finally a solution But wait... what was the question?
If the timid heart with fear is about to die
Then con it bro, with this simple lie
Heart's an idiot, it will fall under that spell
Let your lips roll And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey mate - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Blew the scholarship on booze But that did not dispel my blues
Holy incense lit up my plight And yet God's nowhere in sight
The lamb is clueless for what it's destined
Will it be served on skewers or simply minced
No one knows what the future holds
So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey mate - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
All is Well
The chicken's clueless about the egg's fate
Will it hatch or become an omelette
No one knows what the future holds
So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll
Eureka! Eureka!
Yell - All is Well
Hey Mrs. Chicken - All is Well
Hey Mr. Lamb - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey, take it up to Joy's window
Take it higher
Look at Silencer - the nude dude!
Joy, come out
Come to the window
Joy, look outside
Good news, sir
The police and Joy's father have no clue
Everyone thinks this is suicide
The post mortem report...
Cause of Death: Intense pressure on windpipe
resulting in choking
All think the pressure on the jugular killed him
What about the mental pressure for the last four years?
That's missing in the report
Engineers are a clever bunch
They haven't made a machine to measure mental pressure
If they had, all would know...
this isn't suicide... it's murder
How dare you blame me for Joy's suicide?
If one student can't handle pressure, is it our fault?
Life is full of pressures. Will you always blame others?
I don't blame you, sir. I blame the system
Look at these statistics - India ranks No.1 in suicides
Every 90 minutes, a student attempts suicide
Suicide is a bigger killer than disease
Something's terribly wrong, sir
I can't speak for the rest
but this is one of the finest colleges in the country
I've run this place for 32 years
We were ranked 28th. Now we're No.1
What's the point, sir?
Here they don't discuss new ideas or inventions
They discuss grades, jobs, settling in the USA
They teach how to get good scores. They don't teach Engineering
Now you will teach me how to teach?
No sir, I...
Sir, my paper...
Vaidyanathan, please sit down
Here is a self-proclaimed professor
who thinks he is better than our highly qualified teachers
Professor Ranchhoddas Chanchad will teach us Engineering
We do not have all day
You have 30 seconds to define these terms
You may refer to your books
Raise your hand if you get the answer
Let's see who comes first, who comes last
Your time starts... now
Time up
Time up, sir
No one got the answer?
Now rewind your life by a minute
When I asked this question, were you excited? Curious?
Thrilled that you'd learn something new?
Anyone? ... Sir?
No. You all got into a frantic race
What's the use of such methods, even if you come first
Will your knowledge increase? No, just the pressure
This is a college, not a pressure cooker
Even a circus lion learns to sit on a chair in fear of the whip
But you call such a lion 'well trained', not 'well educated'
Hello!
This is not a philosophy class. Just explain those two words
Sir, these words don't exist
These are my friends' names. Farhan and Raju
Quiet!
Nonsense! Is this how you'll teach Engineering?
Sir, I wasn't teaching you Engineering
You're an expert at that
I was teaching you... how to teach
And I'm sure one day you'll learn
because unlike you, I never abandon my weak students
Bye, sir
Quiet!
Quiet, I said
I regret to inform you that your son...
Farhan... Raju...
has fallen into bad company
Without urgent corrective steps, his future will be ruined
Virus's letters dropped on our homes like atom bombs
Hiroshima and Nagasaki plunged into gloom
Our parents invited us - for a dressing down
Come in
See that?
We could afford just one air-conditioner
We put it in Farhan's room, so he could study in comfort
I didn't buy a car. I manage with a scooter
We put all our money into Farhan's education
We sacrificed our comforts for Farhan's future. Understand?
You took these pictures, Farhan?
He had that useless obsession for a while
Went around taking pictures of animals
Wanted to be a wildlife photographer
Son, what was your score that year?
91%
Hear that? Straight drop from 94% to 91%
You find it funny?
No sir, sorry. I'm just amazed at the photos
Why make him an engineer... Why not a wildlife photographer?
Enough!
I humbly request you - Don't ruin my son's future
Food's on the table, boys. C'mon
If you ever visit again, do eat with us
Dad denied us a meal...
So, to fill our bellies with food...
and ears with more reprimands, we reached Raju's house
Raju's house was straight out of a 50's black and white film
A small, dingy room...
a paralyzed father...
a coughing mother...
and an unwed sister
A sofa sprouting springs...
a 24 hour water supply - from the leaking roof
Mother was a retired school teacher and a tireless complainer
Father was once a postmaster
Paralysis shut down his body partly...
his salary completely. And the sister...
Kammo's turned 28. They demand a car in dowry
If you don't study and earn, how will she marry?
Some okra?
Okra is now 12/- per kilo, cauliflower is 10/...
It's daylight robbery!
What will we eat if we get warnings from your college?
Mom!
Cottage cheese?
Cottage cheese should be sold at the jewelers, in velvet pouches
Cottage cheese? - No, no, it's ok
Mom, please
Alright, I'll shut up
Earn for the family, slave like a maid
and then take the vow of silence
If not with my son, with whom do I share my woes - his friends?
Hey Raju
We were in a huge dilemma
Do we comfort our friend or console his mom?
Screw it, we thought, let's focus on the cottage cheese
Even his eczema cream costs 55/- now
Another roti?
No, thank you. We're through
Okra for 12/- - Cauliflower for 10/...
At least you were offered a meal
Unlike your sadistic dad... 'Hitler' Qureshi!
And your mom is Mother Teresa... Feeding us 'eczema roti'!
Don't poke fun at my mom! - Enough, you guys
I'm famished. Let's eat out
It's month end. Who'll pay? His Mother Teresa?
To eat out, you don't need money. Just a uniform. Look...
C'mon - Come
Good evening, good evening
Oh, Uncle
Three large vodkas. - Half soda, half water
If we're caught, we're dead
What's for starters? - Get double portions
Leave this here and start some peppy music
Pia, what the hell!
Why're you wearing this ancient piece of junk?
What'll people say - My fiancee...
a doctor in the making, wearing a cheap, 200/- watch!
Please take it off. Thank you
Hi handsome
Hey Aunty. You're looking good
Don't miss my set, darling - Rubies?
From Mandalay - Mandalay... Wow!
Hey, let's go meet David - Of course
Excuse me
Yes?
Flowers
May I take the glass? - Why?
So you don't break it on my head
Why would I do that?
For the free advice I'll now impart
What?
Don't marry that ass
Excuse me?
He's not a human, he's a price tag
He'll turn your life into a nightmare of brands and prices
He'll ruin your life. Your future will be finished
Want a demonstration?
Shall I find out the price of his shoes?
I won't ask. He'll announce it himself
What the hell... Mint sauce on my $300 shoes!
Run for your life! It's free advice. Take it or leave it
Genuine Italian leather - hand-stitched!
Dad, are they your guests?
My students. What're they doing here?
Hold on, Dad
These beans smell great
No room for roti - Just pile it on
Hi - Hey
That was an eye-opener. Thank you so much
It was my moral responsibility
Can I ask you for little more help?
Dad won't let me break off this engagement
You explain so well. Can you give him a demo too?
Certainly. Raju, the mint sauce
You're really sweet
Where is your daddy? - Right behind you
Aal izz well
Run for your life! It's free advice. Take it or leave it
What're you doing here?
We'll hand these gifts to the couple
I'll do that for you. It's my sister's wedding
Sister?
Sir, what's the sum total of your daughters?
Empty. No gift cheques
Forgot the cheques, Raju ... Farhan?
We didn't invite you, you must be from the groom's side
No sir, we're here as the emissaries of science
How? Can you explain?
Dad, he explains superbly. I'm sure he'll give us a demo
Won't you?
Well, Delhi has plenty of power cuts that...
disrupt wedding celebrations
So I thought of making an inverter that...
draws power from guests' cars
I see
Wow
So where's the inverter?
Sir, the design is ready
Where's the design, Farhan?
I gave you the design - I gave it to Raju
Raju, design?
Never mind the design. I'll make the inverter and show you
You can only invent stories, not an inverter
I'll make one, I promise
And I'll name it after you. After all, it was invented...
at your daughter's wedding. So it'll be an honor...
Farhan, Raju. I'll see you in my office tomorrow
Sir, what was the cost per plate? We'll reimburse you
in installments
We'll never crash a wedding again - Not even my own
In fact, I won't even marry. Nor will he
Uh... right. No marriage
Your parents shouldn't have married either
The world would have to feed two less idiots
Sit!
Pay attention
This is Ranchhoddas's father's monthly income
Couple of zeroes less, and it's still a sizeable income
But erase another zero, and I would worry a little
Isn't that your fathers income, Farhan?
Yes, sir
Now take away another zero...
and that's your family income, Raju Rastogi
Big reason to worry
Take my advice and shift into Chatur Ramalingam's room
Exams are here. Stay with Rancho and you're sure to fail
Want a shave? - No, sir
Then get lost!
Raju, don't worry. This is Virus's move to split us. Divide and rule
I have to worry
He grades us, and I need good grades for a good job
Unlike you, I don't have a rich dad I can live off
Shut up, Raju
Must we follow all his hogwash? 'Aal izz well'
I won't be his flunky... Iike you
You're crossing the line - No, I'm drawing one
I have a family to support
Dad's medicines swallow up mom's pension
My sis can't marry because they want a car in dowry
Mom hasn't bought a single saree in five years
Now don't get your mom's wardrobe into the debate
By the way, how many sarees per annum is reasonable?
Hey... no wisecracks about mom
We'll study with all our heart, but not just for grades
To quote a Wise One - Study to be accomplished, not affluent
Follow excellence. And success will chase you, pants down!
Which Wise One says this? His Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas?
Go rot in the bogs!
Raju, don't stress. We'll top our class. Nothing is impossible
Oh yeah?
Shove this back into the tube
Raju got onto another train
His travails with Chatur began. Yes, I mean travails, not travels
Chatur was called 'Silencer'
To sharpen his memory, he popped pills from a local quack
And then let off silent... but lethal farts
I didn't do it... Raju?
He always blamed others for the output
Silencer crammed 18 hours a day
On exam eve, he would distract others
His belief - There are only two ways of topping
Elevate your own grades or shrink your opponents' grades
Rancho decided to subdue Silencer and rescue Raju...
with one master plan
Our Director has unceasingly served... 'Served' means...
Damn the meaning, I'll memorize it
Chatur was the introductory speaker at the Teachers' Day function
To impress Virus, he got his speech written by the librarian...
in highbrow Hindi
Hello. Hold on. Chatur, call for you
Please collect the printout. I'll be right back
Oh... the things I have to do...
Mr. Dubey, the Director was remembering you
Really? - Yes. Just now
I'll see him right away. Give this to Chatur
Hello. Hello - Hello, Mr. Ramalingam?
Yes?
I'm calling from the police station
Are you from Uganda? - Yes sir
Your life is in danger - What? ... How?
Listen carefully, or else...
you'll get killed as you step out of the college gate
Why? What happened?
While Chatur was kept engaged
Rancho altered a few words in his speech, for eg...
'served' became 'screwed'
Yes sir?
Who are you? - Dubey. Librarian
I'm permanent staff, sir
Congratulations
Hold on a moment. The chief is on the other line
Excuse me, sir
Yes... so where was I?
You said I may die... outside the gate
Right. As you get out of the gate, you'll see a traffic signal
Traffic signal. Ok
When it turns red, all the cars will halt
Ok. Then?
Then cross the road with great caution
Because son, in rush hour if a car hits you, you're dead
What nonsense! I know that
You know that? Excellent. Then you're safe my boy
From the librarian, Silencer
You don't call me that, Chanchad
Hey. The Director said he didn't call for me
Who said 'called'? I just said he 'remembered' you
Remembered? Rascals!
Distinguished Mr. Chairperson
Chief guest, the Honorable Minister of Education
respected teachers and friends
ICE has now soared beyond the stratosphere
The credit goes solely to
Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe. Give him a big hand
Sir, the voice is his but the words are mine
He's a great guy, really you are
For 32 years, he has unceasingly screwed students
He means - 'served' students
I'm sure his endeavors will continue
We are astounded at how one man, in one lifetime
can screw so many, so well
With rigorous training he's built up his stamina
He's spent every living minute just screwing
Let's replicate his methods
Tomorrow ICE students will go across the globe
Wherever we go, we promise to screw
We'll hoist this screwer's flag all over the world
We'll show the world that our capacity to screw...
cannot be matched by any student...
anywhere on the planet
Mr. Minister. Good evening
You have given this institution what it sorely needs
Booty, funds - Bosom
It's booty, stupid. Bosom means...
What nonsense! That's insulting
Everyone has a bosom, but it remains pocketed
No one offers it so readily
Vulgar fellow!
You have generously offered your bosom...
to this relentless screwer
Now see how he makes it grow
Is this what you teach here, Director?
On this august occasion, here's a Sanskrit verse...
Listen to this - the might of his fart in verse
A good loud fart is honorable
'Fart'? Go, Silencer
A medium fart is tolerable
Softer windbreaks are terrible
And the silent ones unbearable
That's what mindless cramming does to you
Cramming may see you through four years of college
but it will 'screw' you for the next 40 years
He still doesn't get it
'Medium fart is tolerable'... Unbelievable!
You're a poet, Rancho. How did you think of this?
That was fun. He didn't know what hit him
You swines! What did I ever do to you?
Sorry man. Don't take it personally
I will
Chatur Ramalingam will never forget this insult
I'll think of it every minute, every second of my life
Sorry man. That was a demo for Raju - Don't cram blindly
Understand and enjoy the wonders of Science
I'm not here to enjoy Science
So You're here to screw Science
Go ahead. Laugh at my methods
But one day these methods will bring me success
That day I'll laugh and you'll cry
You're on the wrong track again. Don't chase success
Become a good engineer and success will chase you
These ideals don't work in the real world
You take your train, I'll take mine
Ten years from now we'll meet at the same station
Same day. Same place. We'll see who's more successful
you... or I
Have the balls? C'mon, bet!
It's a challenge
Watch it!
What's he writing?
Don't forget this date
I'm not used to such expensive gifts, Suhas
Get used to them, Pia
You're gonna be Suhas Tandon's wife
Where's the bill, man?
I'll be back
You changed the speech? - What?
Don't lie
Um... Yeah
What's your problem with dad? - I have no problem
I'm making an inverter named after him. Look... Oh
Why're you harassing him?
'Cause he runs a factory, not a college
Churning out asses. Like that one
She destroyed it, man
How dare you call him an ass?
He is one! First Engineering, then MBA
then becomes a banker in the USA
Because it rakes in more money?
Life for him is just a profit-loss statement
He sees profit in you, so he's with you
Director's daughter, doctor in the making... Good for his image!
It's not you he cares for
Who do you think you are?
What do you mean he doesn't care for me?
New watch? One moment
You always need a demo
Hey Suhas
Where were you?
She's looking for her watch
What? You lost the watch
Never mind. Get another
It cost 400,000!
Mine's just 250/- but keeps the same time
Keep quiet... How could you be so careless, Pia
This callous attitude is disgusting. It's disrespectful
That was a limited edition watch
Now wear your ancient piece of junk at dinner
What're you staring at?
Here come the tears! Real mature, Pia
I can't handle this
Stop crying and look for it
Find another wrist for this watch... Ass!
Hey, you're awesome. Called him an ass to his face
Get lost
It's too noisy here
She's saying 'Thank you', I hear 'Get lost'
I said 'Get lost' - Don't get so uptight
Actually, you never really loved him
What do you mean?
When you see him, do the winds whisper a melody?
Your scarf flies in slow motion?
The Moon appears gigantic?
That happens in movies, not in life
Happens in life too - if you love a person
not an ass
Hello. What?
Oh God! Ok, I'm on my way
You're a medical student, right? Need your help
It's an emergency, please - What?
Please come with me. What's that oath you doctors take...
You'll never deny a patient help... The Hippocratic Oath
Please help me, it's an emergency
You gatecrash my sister's wedding, break off my engagement...
my dad is popping BP pills because of you...
and here I am, helping you!
Unbelievable!
This Hippocratic Oath - It's really done us in!
Where's Raju, ma'am? - Gone to get a cab
Called the ambulance two hours ago
In this country, pizza reaches in 30 minutes
but an ambulance...!
He needs hospitalization. Urgently
Hey stop!
Move, it's an emergency!
Move... move...
Doctor, emergency!
That's the patient
Keep this. Hey, here's Raju
What the hell! You brought dad on the scooter
Should I've sent him by courier?
No wisecracks on dads profession! Where is he?
Go ask the doctor
Close call, Pia. A little delay, we'd have lost him
Glad you didn't wait for an ambulance and got him on the scooter
Call me if there's a problem
Rancho! Thank you...
Thanking your buddies! Silencer teaching you manners?
Didn't he teach you - A friend is man's greatest bosom?
Go on now. You have an exam tomorrow
Exams we have many... Dad mostly just one
We won't budge from here without the Postmaster
Don't worry
Rancho, forgive me. I was scared
It's ok. Quiet, now
Please forgive me
It's ok, calm down. Go see your dad
And don't go with that weepy face
Thanks buddy
Natty scooter. Saved a life. How much does it cost?
Pour some mint sauce on it. It'll tell you
Hey, happy Independence Day
Today isn't Independence Day
For you it is! Now you're free to wear your mom's watch
No ass can say it's an ancient piece of junk
Hey
How do you know it was mom's watch?
At your sister's wedding, you wore sparkling new clothes
Only the watch was old
What could that mean?
You really missed your mom that day, didn't you?
Yes
Your mom must've been really beautiful
Yes. How do you know?
Seen your dad?
'Life is a race. If you don't run fast
you'll be a broken egg ... cuckoo bird'
You...
The winds whisper a melody
The sky hums along
Time itself is singing...
Zoobi do...
Param pum
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
Leaves sing on their branches Bees jam with flowers
Crazy sunbeams dance off petals As birds yodel in the skies
Flowers, bold and brazen Snuggle and cootchie-coo
I've seen it happen in movies What's now happening with us
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
Let's make the unique and ever useful mint sauce
The all-powerful sauce that exposes phony people
Your 7th house is clear
Shunning an ass, you'll fall for a human
Time is ripe for love
Temperature in New Delhi remains stable
Clear skies. But if in love, expect rain
Pitter-patter go the raindrops Whish-whoosh whistles the wind
Do-da-dee waltzes the rain Boom-boom echoes the sky
Drenched in rain and passion You sway your hips on cue
I've seen it happen in movies What's now happening with us
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
The gorgeous low moon Serenades the earth
A shooting star skips along Crooning a ballad of love
The night is bright but lonesome Come touch me, my handsome
I've seen it happen in movies What's now happening with us
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum'
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' ...goes my silly heart
Hello. Wake up
Huh... Postmaster's dead? - What!
No, stupid
It's 8.30, your exam is at 9
But we can't leave him alone
I'm here. It's a matter of three hours
Take my scooter. It's getting late
Hey...
Gosh, what an ancient watch
Go
Sorry, we're late - It was an emergency
Settle down there
Sir, they're still writing
Hello. Time up
Please, five minutes. We started half an hour late
It was an emergency
He glared at us like we'd asked for both his kidneys
But we continued writing
He continued arranging the answer sheets
Done, sir
You're late. I can't accept these
Sir, please, sir
Sir, do you know who we are?
Prime Ministers son? Even then...
I will not accept your paper
Do you know our names and roll numbers?
No...
Who are you?
He doesn't know - Run!
Hey, what's your roll number?
Where the hell are their papers?
O Lord, have mercy
Today was Results day. Time to make a deal with God
Just save my Electronics. I'll offer a coconut
Sir Snake, bless my Physics. I promise a pint of milk per day
O Mother Cow, help me pass... have this grass
I vow: No X-rated thoughts of girls in my class...
Watch over my results
God of Wealth, I'll offer 100/- every month
100/- won't bribe even a traffic cop
let alone the Almighty
Check from the bottom
You are... last
And you?
Second last
Rancho?
Not there
My heart sank
Not 'cause our ranks tanked, but 'cause our friend flunked
There's a mistake. It's not possible. It's injustice
What's Silencer howling about?
He got the second rank
Who's first?
Rancho
Rancho?
Move aside
We learned a lesson in Human Behavior:
Your friend fails, you feel bad. Your friend tops, you feel worse
We were sad. Two others were sadder
Ranchhoddas Chanchad. Front row. Right of the Director
Uday Sinha. Second row. Third seat
Alok Mittal. Second row. Fifth seat
Sahili Rao. Third row...
Sir, why this seating according to rank?
Any problem with that?
Yes, this grading system is like a caste system
A-graders: Masters C-graders: Slaves
It's not nice, sir - You have a better idea?
Yes. Results should not be displayed at all
Why publicise someone's flaws?
If your iron count is low, will the doctor prescribe tonic...
or air your report on TV
You see, sir?
So basically, what you are saying is
I should personally go to each student's room
and whisper in his ears...
'You have come first'; 'You're second"
'Oh, I'm so sorry, you have failed'
No sir, I mean grades create a divide
I've topped, so I'm next to you
My pals came last, they're in the back corner
At least they're in the corner
More time with you, and they'll be out of the photo
They will neither pass, nor get a job
They'll get jobs, sir. There must be some firm that...
prefers humans to machines
They'll get jobs. I guarantee
You guarantee it!
Bet, sir?
Govind - Yes, sir?
Even if one of them gets a job in campus interviews...
shave off my moustache
Sir!
Happy? - Smile, please
Happy, sir
Jackass! Honking to hide your tooting
Septic tank! Popping pills again?
I didn't do it... Raju?
This is a familiar stink
He's the sole cause for global warming
Toss me your wallet - I'll buy pants
Take Chatur's suit instead - Don't touch my suit
Rancho'll recognize you even in underwear
Where's this? - If I could read, would I sell peanuts?
He can't read - But he can speak
Wait. Do you know a Ranchhoddas Chanchad?
Yes, he lives there
Free as the wind was he
Like a soaring kite was he
Where did he go...
let's find him
Chatur, your pills - Thanks. Where were they?
In the pocket - Hey, my pants!
Karl Marx says to share all resources
Hey, you'll give people ideas
I want it now
What happened?
Rancho's father
Excuse me, where is Ranchhoddas?
There he is - Thank you
Rancho... - Yes?
Sorry. We're looking for Ranchhoddas
I am Ranchhoddas
No, I mean... 'Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad'
Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad. That's me
Ranchhoddas, take care, son
'Ranchhoddas Chanchad'
Raju
I'll be in the Guinness Book for driving Delhi-Shimla in underwear
That too, for the wrong guy!
Same name, same degree, same photo, but a different guy
What's going on?
How did Silencer get Rancho's address?
Good point!
Hey Chatur, come here
How dare you open this? I got this from San Francisco
Handmade biscuits
Specially for Mr. Phunsukh Wangdu
Phunsukh Bangdu? Who's that?
Not Bangdu. Wangdu. 'W'. Phunsukh Wangdu
Do you know who that is? He's a great scientist
400 patents. The world wants him
Took me a year to get an appointment
Once he signs the deal with my company, I'll be huge!
Forget Wangdu. How'd you get Rancho's address?
You should be thanking Phunsukh Wangdu
He led me to Rancho, See this
My secretary was here to fix an appointment with Wangdu
She didn't get the appointment. But I found Rancho
I checked the Shimla directory and found Rancho's name
What happened to his face?
Plastic surgery in honor of your visit?
Only one man has the answer
Sorry Papa, I couldn't fulfill your last wish
You kept asking me to take you on pilgrimage
But I waited for the highway tender
There the tender opened, here you closed your eyes
I am so sorry, Papa. I could not be a good son...
Wrong
You're an engineer. Your degree's on the wall!
You were a very good son
How dare you barge in? I'll have you arrested
No, you'll be arrested. We've made enquiries
You use the degree to clinch contracts
It's our friend's degree. How did you get it?
This is a 150 acre estate
If I shoot and bury you, no one would even notice
Get the point?
Now get lost
I'm taking Papa's ashes to the sacred river. Can take yours too
Grab Papa!
Here, here
Let go of Papa!
Tell the truth or Papa is flushed!
Hand over Papa - Papa goes to the sacred sewer
Get Papa out of the potty - You pull trigger, I pull flush.
I'll count to three
Wanna shoot us? Raju, scatter the ashes
One
Take us down, and Papa's down the drain
Two
Then grope for him in the gutter
What is it, Raju?
We've got the wrong urn. It's empty!
Empty?
Empty - we'll empty it out!
No, no!
We'll empty it out
No... hands up!
Who are you?
I am Rancho
I swear on Papa, it's true
I am Rancho! That was Chhote.
Chhote?
He was our gardener's son, Chhote
He stayed on with us after he was orphaned
Did odd jobs around the house, ran errands
He had a passion for learning
He'd wear my old uniform and slip into school
And attend any class he liked. It suited me
I made him do my homework, take my exams
It was going well, till one day...
Our teacher saw a sixth grader doing tenth grade math
Which grade are you in, son?
What's your name?
We got caught
Papa was a powerful man, so...
our teacher alerted him before going to the Principal
You started it, you will finish it
People pretend to show me respect
But behind my back...
mock me as an illiterate
I won't let that happen to my son
This boy wants to study. I want just a degree
Let the game go on
Make this kid an engineer
and I'll have a degree in my son's name on that wall
I went to London for four years, he went to college as me
He'd promised to cut contact with all after getting the degree
But he always said, 'Two idiots will come looking for me'
He really misses you both
I'll give you his address, go to him
But please keep my secret
What secret?
You got the wrong urn, sir. Papa is in here
What the hell's going on? Who was that gun guy?
Complicated story. Without subtitles. Not for you
Ignore it - Where're we going?
Ladakh
Ladakh! Why?
To meet Rancho
What's he doing in Ladakh?
No clue. We have the address of a school
School teacher!
I'm Vice President of Rockledge Corporation, and he...
A for Apple, B for Ball...
D for Donkey
Next week I sign a huge deal with Phunsukh Wangdu
And he... A for Apple, B for Ball...
Today my respect for that idiot shot up
Most of us went to college just for a degree
No degree meant no plum job, no pretty wife...
no credit card, no social status
None of this mattered to him
He was in college for the joy of learning
He never cared if he was first or last
Who was the first man on the Moon?
Neil Armstrong, sir
Obviously, it is Neil Armstrong. We all know it
Who was the second?
Don't waste your time. It's not important
Nobody remembers the man who ever came second
Soon, 26 companies will be here with job offers
You'll have a job even before your final exam
This is your last lap, my friends
Put the pedal to the metal. Step on the gas
Go out there and make history!
Any questions?
Yes?
Sir, suppose a student gets a job...
but narrowly fails the final exam, will he still have the job?
Very good question
Anyone else with the same question?
As expected
Please come on stage. Give them a big hand
For the last four years
they've been our most consistent students
Consistently last in every exam
Come my geniuses, come
Their brains will fetch a handsome price
'Cause they're completely unused
And to answer their question...
The exam won't affect their jobs
Because no company will hire them anyway!
They're so unique, their names will be writ in gold...
'Farhanitrate' and 'Prerajulization'
Give them a big hand, please, everybody
He screwed us!
In front of everyone
God, I'll give up meat, light a 1000 incense sticks
Do me just one favor...
Delete Virus!
Burn him in hell
Fry Virus-nuggets in bubbling oil
You think God is a contract killer?
You shut up
You're in the center of the photo every year
We're rotting in the corner
This year we may fall out of the photo altogether
Know why I come first? - Why?
Because I love machines
Engineering is my passion
Know your passion?
That's my bag - Be quiet
What're you up to?
This... is your passion
Go post this letter
What letter?
5 years ago he wrote this for his favorite wildlife photographer
Andre... - Istvan
He wanted to train with him in Hungary
But in fear of his dad, the Fuhrer, never posted it
Quit Engineering, marry Photography
Follow your talent
If Michael Jackson's dad forced him to be a boxer...
and Mohammad Ali's dad pushed him to be a singer...
imagine the disaster
Do you get it?
Idiot! Loves Photography, but is marrying machines
Your Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas
Engineering is my wife and mistress both
But I still fail. Why? - Explain
'Cause you're a coward, scared of the future
Look at this - more holy rings than fingers
One ring per fear - exam, sis's dowry, job
With such fear of tomorrow, how'll you live today?
How'll you focus on studies?
Strange buddies! One lives in fear, the other in pretense
You live in both - fear and pretense
You're scared to tell Pia you love her... so you pretend you don't
What rubbish!
Easy to offer free advice, tough to follow it
Have the guts? Go confess to Pia.
There's no connection! - Deep connection, Your Holiness
Listen, if you confess to Pia
I'll tell Dad - No Engineering, I'm marrying Photography
And I'll dump my rings before the job interview
Deal?
Have the guts?
His Holiness is speechless
Let's go
Follow me - Where?
Let's go
Hey Virus! I'm anti-Virus
Hope no dog here
Cowards! Let's go
If any danger, I'll give the Virus alert
Beware - Virus inside
Need background score?
Pia - Who's it?
Don't yell! It's me, Rancho
Just listen for a moment, then I'm gone
Say not a word...
Pia... - Yes?
Those 22 minutes with you on the scooter
were the most enchanting 22 minutes of my life
I could spend an eternity with you on the scooter
Wow
and time stands still
Every night you ride into my dreams on your scooter, dressed as a bride
Instead of a veil, you lift your helmet
and come close to kiss me
But that kiss doesn't happen
Why?
Because the noses collide, and I wake up
The noses never collide, stupid!
I'm sorry, I thought you were Pia
I wish I was
Sis, why did you interrupt?
It took him four years to say this
Pia, kiss him. Show that noses don't collide
You have my permission, kiss him... He's so cute!
Who's this? - My sister
Who're you?
When you were talking, he kicked. First time!
He? How do you know it's a 'he' or 'she'?
Papa asked the astrologer If we'd get an engineer or a doctor
Meaning?
Boy becomes an engineer, girl a doctor
Champ, better stay inside. Out here's a circus
Your grandpa is the ringmaster. He'll crack his whip...
'Run! Life is a race. Be an engineer'
But you follow your heart. If grandpa scares you...
put your hand on your heart and say, 'All is well'
He kicked
Say it again
All is well
Kicked again
Once more - All is well
All is well
Who is it?
Go
You sent hate-mail to Dad, here's pee-mail for you
Enjoy the pee-mail, happy reading!
Who is it? - Your future son-in-law
And the wedding party
Rastogi!
Security, that way
So you all have already learned about the simple pendulum
Now let's get down to the advanced study about compound pendulum
It's an irregular object oscillating about its own axis
Let me demonstrate to you
What's this? - Pencil
What's inside? - Lead
Good. Lead is the axis to this pencil
Even you can be a compound pendulum, if you oscillate about...
Where is Raju Rastogi? - Present, sir
Hi. Everybody is here
Good morning, sir
Where were you last night?
Studying all night, sir - Studying?
Really?
Hasn't slept two nights, that's why he looks scruffy
Not slept?
What did you study?
Induction motor, sir. The whole chapter
Whole chapter?
In that case, Mr. Raju Rastogi...
Yessir!
Can you tell us how an induction motor starts?
Stop it
Sir, rum
Mr. Rastogi
Let's have a cup of tea in my office
Sir?
Close the door
Can you type?
Yes, sir
Will you type a letter for me?
Definitely, sir
Come, sit
Sir, I'm sorry sir...
Please type
Dear Sir...
It is my painful duty to inform you...
that your son is rusticated...
No, sorry, delete that. Go back
Your son, Mr. Raju Rastogi...
is rusticated from the Imperial College of Engineering
Come on, type
It'll kill my dad, sir
Please type - Sir, please sir
My decision is final and irrevocable
He lives just to see me become an engineer
Should've thought of that before peeing on my door
Sir, give me one chance... please
Ok, remove your name from the letter...
and put in Rancho's
I know he was with you last night
Be my witness and I'll spare you
You have 7 1/2 minutes to think
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
The heavens may beckon you
But we'll take up arms against God
And it's not a fight we intend to lose
You may try your best to escape
Try with all your might
But there is no way we are letting go of you
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
Rancho, watch that monitor
Raju
His body is paralyzed with shock, but his mind is alert
He can see and hear us. Please don't cry in front of him
Speak to him normally, motivate him, joke around
Good news, Raju. Your dad's recovered
The new medicine worked
Is this your family tradition...
As one male gets up, the other conks out?
Come, wake up
Your dad wants Pia's scooter
Should I give it to him? Hope he won't dent it
Raju, Farhan is live on webcam. From the hostel
Look, Virus has canceled your suspension order
Problem solved... Wake up now
Everything's resolved! You hear that?
Rise and shine, buddy
In this journey of few strides
On the path called life
Don't quit... Just celebrate the ride
Listen please to those who love you
Every dark night is followed by sunrise
Don't shut out those who love you
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
Look, mom bought a new saree - Brand new
It cost 2000/...
Wake up now
She bought not one, but ten sarees
Look!
Hey Raju!
C'mon tell me... How do I look?
Remember the letters mom would write...
Always blessed you with eternal life
Don't die on her... you can't die
Look at us now, don't turn away
Smile once to show you care
Wake up, don't torment us anymore
Did you hear about your sis?
She's getting married
Without any dowry
The bridegroom wants nothing at all
He just wants Kammo
You know who the bridegroom is? - Yeah
Guess!
You know him very well - Yes
He loves animals - Huh...?
He's going to be a wildlife photographer
Quiet... Shhhh...
Didn't get it? It's our Farhan
Farhan will never take any dowry
Farhan will marry your sister
For free! Free! Free!
Raju!
One kilo okra, 500 grams cheese for 'free' would've woken him
Why sacrifice me...!
Well done, buddy
So it's all fixed - Farhan will marry your sister
Rancho
Rascals... Stop fibbing
Lucky escape!
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
We won't let go of you
We're not done yet... no way
We won't let go of you
'Okra Rs.12/ kilo'
You called for a taxi?
I did - It's waiting
Thank you. Why?
I'm going to the job interview
You coming with me?
No. I'm going for the interview. You're going home
Why would I go home?
Remember, we promised this rascal
Give me your tie
Why?
I doubt you'll go for the interview after reading this
What's that?
A letter - For you, from Hungary
Some photographer called Andre Istvan
You posted my letter!
He loved your pictures
The guy wants you to assist him...
in the Brazilian rain forest, for a year
Will pay you, too
Dad will never agree
Go speak to him... from your heart
For once, dump your fears...
or someday, on your deathbed, you'll regret it
You'll remember that the letter was in your hand, taxi at the gate...
With just a little courage, you could've turned your life around
Do you think he'll like it?
Why such an expensive gift?
Our son's getting his first job today
Don't be stingy at such a proud moment
Farhan?
Don't you have the job interview today?
I didn't go
I don't want to be an engineer, Dad
What happened? You had an accident?
See that building? I jumped from its third floor
Why?
Because I was rusticated from college
Why?
Drunk, I urinated on the Director's door
That scoundrel Rancho is messing with your mind!
I don't enjoy Engineering. I'd make a terrible engineer
Rancho has a simple belief - Make your passion your profession
Then work will become play
What'll you earn in that jungle?
A small stipend, but I'll learn a lot
Five years from now...
when you see your friends buying cars and homes, you'll curse yourself
Life as an engineer will bring only frustration. Then I'll curse you
I'd rather curse myself, Dad
The world will laugh!
Label you a loser, for quitting in the final year
Mr. Kapoor feels you're fortunate to be at ICE. What'll he think?
Mr. Kapoor didn't provide me with an air-conditioner
It wasn't Mr. Kapoor who slept in discomfort while I slept well
He didn't take me around the zoo on his shoulders
You did all that, Dad
How you feel, matters to me. Mr. Kapoor makes no difference
I don't even know his first name
You think you're the hero of a melodrama?
Enough, please... he's upset
God forbid, if he did something crazy like Raju...
Then the discussion is over
Don't say a word or His Lordship will jump off the roof
No, Dad. I'll never attempt suicide. I promise
The Rancho you detest put this picture in my wallet
Told me to see it if a suicidal thought crossed my mind
and imagine what'd happen to your smiles
when you see my dead body
I want to convince you, Dad
but not with a suicide threat
Dad, what'll happen if I become a photographer?
I'll earn less
I'll have a smaller house, a smaller car
But I'll be happy
I will be really happy
Whatever I do for you will be out of genuine love
I've always listened to you
For once, let me listen to my heart
Please... Dad
Dad...
Please don't go away...
Return this
Son, what's the cost of a professional camera?
Can the laptop be exchanged for it?
If you need more money, just ask
Go live your life, my son
Your grades are consistently poor. Reason?
Fear
I was a good student since childhood
Parents hoped I'd end their poverty
That scared me
Here I saw the mad race. You don't count if you're not first
My fear grew
Fear is not good for grades, sir
I slipped on more charms and rings
Prayed to God for favors. No... begged for favors
16 broken bones gave me two months to think and reflect
Finally, sense dawned
Today I didn't beg God for this job, just thanked him for this life
If you reject me, no regrets
I'll still do something worthwhile with my life
Such frank behavior is not good for our firm
We need someone diplomatic to handle clients
You're too straightforward
But...
if you assure us you'll control this attitude
we may consider you
It took two broken legs to get me up on my feet
Wasn't easy to get this attitude
Can't change it, sir
You keep your job... I'll keep my attitude
I'm sorry, no offense, sir
Wait
I've interviewed countless candidates for 25 years
Everyone turns into a yes-man to get the job
Where did you spring from, son?
Sir?
Shall we discuss the salary?
Thank you, sir
Your Majesty, thou art great
Accept this humble offering
Govind!
You had said, 'lf he gets a job, shave it off'
What have you done?
I feel naked without my moustache
I've lost my dignity
I won't accept defeat, Rastogi
The job isn't yours until you pass your final exam
And this time, I will set the question paper
Dad, that's not fair
Everything is fair in Love and War
And this is World War... III
Rastogi, you're dead meat!
Hey
What're you doing here?
Be careful
You've been drinking - Yup, had to down a couple
A couple too many!
Needed the guts - For what?
For stealing this - What's this?
The duplicate key to Virus's office
The question paper's in a cover with a red seal
Dad has set it, to fail Raju
Go get it!
Are you mad or what - that's cheating!
Everything's fair in Love and War
Tell me something...
Do you really feel...
the noses collide while kissing?
Wait. Have some dhokla
You Gujaratis are so cute
But why does your food sound so dangerous?
Dhokla, Fafda, Handwa, Thepla, Khakhra
Sound like missiles
C'mon
'Today Bush dropped two Dhoklas on Iraq'
'400 dead, 200 injured'
C'mon
Oh...
I can deal with Khakhra, Fafda. But your name...
'Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad' - Yuck
I won't change my last name after marriage
Pia, we can't get married
Why?
Is there someone else?
No
Are you gay? - No
Then why don't you propose to me?
Are you impotent? - No
Then prove it
Pia, no
Stop, stop!
What happened? - We didn't inform Pia
Stop here, my bladders are bursting
Shut up! - Are you in touch with her?
No... I have her home number Then call her, I'll stop
Hello
No place for urine-expulsion in this country
Hello, is Pia there? - No, she's not
Is she at the hospital?
Why would she be there?
She's getting married today - In Manali
Too late! She's married
Not yet. It's a six hour drive
If we rush, we'll reach before the vows
What do you say?
It's a no-brainer. Let's turn back
No turning back
Straight to Ladakh. We'll meet Rancho and return
I have a Friday meeting with Phunsukh Wangdu
Get into the car
If I miss my meeting, the Japanese will get him
They're offering him a first name in the company
'Phunsukh and Fujiyashi', profit sharing...
Pia weds Suhas! - Thanks for the suit
Virus will have a heart attack
At every daughter's wedding, we're there to rock the party
Listen, I'll update Pia, you peel off the price tag
Farhan - We found Rancho
For Room 107? - Yes, sir
You've taken ages. - Sorry, sir
Off, now
Housekeeping, sir - Come in
Amore... Amore...
Quick, iron my coat
Amore... Amore...
We found Rancho! Now you can't marry this ass
You're mad, Farhan
Don't fool yourself, Pia. You still love Rancho
You're still eating his favorite food
Amore... Amore...
He's incorrigible. Once a price tag, always a price tag
Shut up, Farhan. Suhas is a changed man
He doesn't speak of brands and prices anymore
My 150,000/ - coat
Why do you people eat sauce?
I'll sort it out, sir - How?
Our laundry specializes in cleaning mint-stained suits
I'll clean it in a jiffy
Get it soon
But it's too late now, Farhan - Pia
Let's go, Pia, we're late
Pia, it's me... Raju. Don't yell, they'll kill me
Where is Suhas?
Housekeeping took my coat
Go... Send Suhas here
It's rude to leave the ceremony
Yeah, Farhan? - The car's ready
Grab her hand and run. Don't move
Sir... - My coat?
You're here...
So who's at the altar? - Altar?
Another couple of rounds, and we'll be considered married
I'm already married, Pia. Let's go
It's too late. People will laugh at me
So you'll commit suicide?
Rastogi!
People will gossip briefly, then forget
But you... you'll regret on your deathbed
that the car was at the gate, Rancho within reach...
but in fear of people, you married this ass
Housekeeping?
Pia, minor problem
What?
We don't know if Rancho's married
What!
He won't be married - And if he is?
Then we'll drop you back
Relax! Handmade biscuit?
What's he doing here?
Ignore him - The biscuit's very good
Till yesterday, I was a law-abiding citizen
But in the last 24 hours, I'd grounded an aircraft
almost assigned Shamaldas's ashes to the sewers, and
made a bride elope from her own wedding! All for Rancho
But he too would do anything for friends
Like stealing the question paper... from the lion's den
Envelope with the red seal
He feared that if Raju failed, there'd be another high jump
We were principled thieves, stealing the paper only for Raju
We'd sworn we won't even take a peek
Where's it hidden...
We'll grow old searching! Ask Pia
Pia, your phone
Mr. Papa-To-Be! If you say 'All is well', he kicks
He kicked
Pia, your phone
Found it! Rancho
Hello?
Quick, photocopy this
Where was it?
Put it back
We're safe! - Where were you?
Here - What's this?
A gift
Question paper. Virus set it himself, to fail you
Strange buddies!
First teach you to be upright, then offer a path to shame
No way
If I pass, it'll be on my own steam
If I don't, it's still ok
He'd won us over! I felt like embracing him as family...
but then I controlled my emotions
Damn thief - Sir, please, sir
Rascal - Sorry sir
Wanted to change the system
You'll pee on my door - Sir, what're you doing
Sorry sir
You are rusticated!
If all of you aren't out by morning, I'll call the police
I will call the police!
Rascals!
Rascals, all of you
How did he get my office key?
I gave him the key, Dad
I wish I'd given this key to my brother... He'd be alive today
Stop it, Pia
You think your son fell off a train and died?
Shut up, Pia
You decided he'd be an engineer
Did you ever ask him what he wanted to be?
You put such pressure on him...
that he chose death over the entrance exam
I don't understand...
Dad, you go to your room
Pia, don't do this
He wanted to study Literature, be a writer
But all he wrote was this suicide note
Put that away, please
No more cover-ups!
Just once...
if you'd said - Don't do Engineering if you don't want to
just do what your heart is in
then he'd be alive today
He didn't commit suicide
You're right, Dad
It wasn't suicide...
It was murder
Many city roads are completely submerged
Traffic has come to a standstill
Dad...
Mona?
Go back, Millimeter. Why're you following us?
Why? Your pop owns the road?
Please help, we are desperate here!
You can't send an ambulance?
Get it from another hospital
The entire city's flooded, sir. We're helpless
Mona, you ok?
Rancho, Pia
Rancho, you can't reach here. Do as I say
The water bag has burst
Disconnected! Mona
Mona!
Turn on the lights - Where to?
To the table tennis table - Pia, we're in the common room
Raju, turn on the web camera
Where's Mona? Show me
Hold on
Here, Pia
Mona, don't worry. I'm with you
Pia, I'm dying!
Rancho, even when there were no hospitals or docs
babies were delivered
You all will deliver this baby
All is well
How dare you? I'll kill you
Dad, stay out of this
Farhan, get towels and scissors
Millimeter, get clothes clips and hot water
Rancho, cover Mona
Mona, try pushing
Push with all your might
Stop it! I can't do it
Rancho, check if there's crowning
Crowning...?
Get that diagram
See if the head is coming out
Check quickly
Go!
Go, Rancho, go
No crowning
Mona, please push
Mona!
She's tired, Pia
Wake her! If she won't push, it's a big problem
They need a vacuum cup - Where will they get one?
What's a vacuum cup? How is it used?
I'll show you
If the mother's too fatigued to push, a cup is placed on baby's head
Suction makes the cup stick to the head...
and the baby is pulled out
I can make this - How?
With a vacuum cleaner - Vacuum cleaner?
Yes
That pressure's too high
I'll control it - D'you have a vacuum cleaner?
Yes, in my office
Farhan, rush and get it - Here's the key
Mona, push
Oh my God
What happened?
Raju, what happened? - The power's gone
How'll the vacuum work now?
Farhan, you get the vacuum, I'll get the power.
How?
Millimeter, get Virus out
What nonsense is this!
Not this Virus. My Virus, the inverter
Get that, quick - Ok
Raju, wake up the hostel
Get car batteries, wires, and a vacuum gauge
Emergency in the common room!
Where's Rancho? - Here, sir
Keep the batteries here ... and the wires
Raju, switch off everything, connect the inverter to the mains
Rancho, vacuum cleaner
Farhan, get your lens cleaner
Blower? - Yeah, get it
Rancho, blower
Good. Fix this to the gauge
Rancho, I'm done
All switches off? - Yes
Hit the table and computer switches
Ok
Raju, turn on the computer
Farhan, here
Pia, come here quick
Love you, Rancho
Farhan, turn it on - Ok
Pia, how much suction?
Not more than 0.5
Farhan, 0.5 - Cover it
0.5
Vacuum cleaner baby! Mother of all deliveries
Farhan, stop
Ok
Raju, get on the table
Push the baby down, like this
Ok
Farhan, turn it on
C'mon, you can do it
C'mon, push
Do it for Champ
C'mon, Mona
He's coming out!
You can do it
Yes Mona, push
Farhan, turn it off
Ok, off
Two clips, cut the umbilical cord
Farhan, two clips on the cord
Get scissors - Be careful
Cut at the center, get a towel
Pia, he's not crying
Hey Champ!
Rancho, rub his back
Hey Champ - Come on, Champ
No, nothing
Blow air into his mouth
C'mon, Champ
No response
Hush Mona, say - All is well
He kicked
What?
He kicked
Say - All is well
All is well
If Virus had said, 'My grandson will be an engineer'
I would've broken his jaw
But when he finally spoke, he stunned us
What a kick! Wanna be a footballer?
Be what you want to be
Wait - I've not finished with you!
First day of college, you'd asked me a question...
Why didn't astronauts use a pencil in space?
If a pencil tip breaks
it'd float in zero gravity. Get into eyes, nose, instruments...
You were wrong
You cannot be right all the time
You understand?
Yes, sir
This was an important invention
You understand?
Yes, sir
My Director said, 'When you find an extraordinary student...'
Go, study! Pass your exams and leave
And now, Student of the Year...
Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad
Sir, one photo
I wanted to capture all these memories and take them home
That day, we hugged, we rejoiced, we cried...
We vowed that we'd meet at least once a year...
Who knew then, we were seeing Rancho for the last time
Untie him
I'll sue you all in an American court
Raju
Only Rancho can create a school like this
But where is he?
Don't pee here
Go away creatures
Don't pee here - I'll smack you
Bingo! He cannot be far
Excuse me, where is Ranchhoddas?
He's not Ranchhoddas! - Rancho...
Chhote... Dammit, what's his name?
Calm down. Come with me
Where's he? - Rancho
Farhan, he's read all your books
Raju, he reads your blog everyday. Proudly shares it with the kids
Remember your helmet, Pia? It was stolen...
Who are you? How do you know us?
Didn't you recognize me? - No
How would you? Millimeter is now Centimeter
Not Centimeter, you're Kilometer
How did you get here?
I got a letter with a train ticket inside
It said - 'Miss being in school? Catch this train'... I did
That rascal Rancho!
Where is that idiot?
Dorje, you fly it
Every night you ride into my dreams on a scooter, dressed as a bride
Instead of a veil, you lift your helmet
and come close to kiss me
Couldn't you tell me before leaving?
No
Sorry
Did you marry?
What? No
You? - Almost... Idiot
So?
So what?
Do you love someone?
Yes
Who?
You
See, the noses don't collide, stupid
That's right!
Rancho
Hi... Farhan!
Screw your 'Hi'
Hey, listen to me... - No, you listen to me
I can explain everything
Hi... Raju!
How we hunted for you!
Didn't have a coin for one phone call?
Add a couple from me too
Rascal, scoundrel - Let him go now
Ok ok, enough
On your feet, c'mon
Having fun, idiots?
Hey... Hi Chatur
Ranchhoddas Chanchad. How do you do, Mr. Teacher?
Wow, you're a teacher in a village - A for Apple, B for Ball...
Our trains left together. But yours traveled in reverse...
from engineer to primary teacher
What's your salary, Chanchad? 5000/-?
For me that's $ 100
My son's pocket money is more than your salary
Cut the crap - Crap is what he gave us
Wanted to change the education system, change the world
Finally what does he change? Kids' diapers
You gonna break his jaw or should I?
Just relax
Remember I'd said one day you'd cry and I'd laugh?
Sign here. Accept - You lost, I won!
'Declaration of Defeat'! Unbelievable, man
Chatur - Crazy guy
Hey, this is Virus's pen! You pinched it?
Forget it, man
This is for winners, not losers
If your school ever needs help, call my assistant for a donation
A for Apple, B for Ball...
He hasn't changed at all! - Ignore him
He's full of crap
Good news is your name isn't Ranchhoddas Chanchad
Imagine, after marriage, I'm Pia Chanchad - Yuck!
By the way, what is your real name?
Phunsukh Wangdu
Wangdu?
Pia Wangdu!
You mean you're a scientist?
You have 400 patents?
I won't change my name after marriage
You mean you're Chatur's Wangdu?
It's you the Japanese are wooing?
I don't like Wangdu
Are you a scientist or a teacher?
Scientist, but I also teach children
So you are THE Phunsukh Wangdu?
Yes, yes!
Hey Silencer - Hey Chatur, come back
Take that
Wait, I'll stop him
Mr. Wangdu, I can't believe it's you
I'm sorry, Mr. Chatur
I can't sign the deal with your company
What sir? Why sir?
How do I sign, man? You took my pen
What pen, sir? I didn't get you...
The one in your hand - Virus's pen
Mr. Wangdu...?
Yes, Chatur?
A for Apple, B for Ball is...
. S for Screwed
You got me, Rancho - I mean, Mr. Wangdu
Totally floored me. Good one
I hope our personal problems won't affect this deal
Hey Chatur - take that
I was just joking, man
Deep down, I knew you'd do great things
You're fibbing
No, really, I swear
Rancho - 100, Chatur - 0
You win, I lose. You don't believe me?
Beware of farts
Your Majesty, thou art great. Accept this humble offering
Free advice, Mr. Wangdu - Run for your life!
Rancho, I'll lose my job, man. I have small kids...
His Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas had correctly stated
- Follow Excellence... Success will chase you, pants down
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