გამარჯობა
დიახ?
რა იყო?
ბატონო, მეგობრულად გთხოვ გამორთოთ მობილური.
ერთი წამიც.
უკაცრავად.
მაპატიეთ...
მისტერ გთხოვთ დაბრძანდეთ.
Captain, there's a medical emergency.
A passenger has just fallen down in the aisle.
Delhi, Air lndia 101 returning due to medical emergency.
Excuse me, sir.
Hold on!
l'm fine now, thanks. Carry on, please.
Wait.
- Get the car! - Mr. Dhillon?
Want the name tattooed? Get the car.
To the hotel, sir?
Yes, yes, but via Vasant Vihar.
Step on the gas, dude!
Yeah, Farhan?
Get ready. l'll pick you up in five minutes.
What happened?
Chatur called. Remember him?
The 'Silencer'?
Yeah.
He said Rancho is coming.
What?
He said - Come to the campus at 8. On the tank.
Oh shucks!
Hurry!
Ok.
Honey, l'll be back soon. Oh, shoes.
We found our buddy.
What?
Tell me later - bye.
You forgot your pants.
Now to the hotel sir?
Yes, but via Imperial College of Engineering.
Ok sir.
Forgot my socks.
More than just your socks...
your pants.
Oh no.
Now get my brother from the airport
Same last name - Dhillon
This is Dhillon. Where's my cab? On the runway?
Hey Rancho
Hey Chatur, where's Rancho?
Rancho
Where's Rancho?
Welcome, idiots
Some 'madeira' for you?
The same rum you guzzled those days.
Have a drink.
Where is Rancho?
Patience. First look at this
Don't eye my wife. Check out the mansion behind, idiots
$ 3.5 million
Swimming pool - heated!
Living room - maple wood flooring
My new Lamborghini 6496 cc -
very fast.
Why're you showing us all this?
Forgot?
What's this?
'5th September'. Today's date
l challenge you
We'll meet again after ten years
Same day. Same place
We'll see who's more successful
Have the balls? C'mon, bet!
Remember? l'd challenged that idiot right here
l kept my promise. l'm back
Jackass! l aborted a flight, he forgot his pants
all to meet Rancho
5 years we've searched. Don't know if he's alive
and you think he'll show up for your silly bet
l know he won't show up
You gonna break his jaw or should l
So why'd you call us here?
To meet Rancho.
Come and see where l've reached and where he rots
So you know where Rancho is?
Yes.
Where?
He is in Shimla.
Free as the wind was he
Like a soaring kite was he
Where did he go... let's find him
Free as the wind was he
Like a soaring kite was he
Where did he go... let's find him
We were led by the path we took
While he carved a path of his own
Stumbling, rising, carefree walked he
We fretted about the morrow
He simply reveled in today
Living each moment to the fullest
Where did he come from...
He who touched our hearts and vanished...
Where did he go... let's find him
ln scorching Sun, he was like a patch of shade...
ln an endless desert, like an oasis...
On a bruised heart, like soothing balm was he
Afraid, we stayed confined in the well
Fearless, he frolicked in the river
Never hesitating to swim against the tide
He wandered lonesome as a cloud
... Yet he was our dearest friend
Where did he go... let's find him
Rancho
Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad
He was as unique as his name
From birth we were taught - Life is a race
Run fast or you'll be trampled
Even to be born, one had to race 300 million sperms
1978. l was born at 5.15 pm
At 5.16, my father announced
My son will be an engineer. - Farhan Qureshi. B.Tech. Engineer
And my fate was sealed
What l wanted to be... no one asked
Raju Rastogi... Ranchoddas Chanchad
Room number?
D-26
C'mon
l'm Man Mohan. MM
These engineers call me Millimeter
For eggs, bread, milk, laundry
finishing journals, copying assignments
l'm your guy. Fixed rates. No bargaining
Hey wait, hold this
Meet Kilobyte, Megabyte and their mother Gigabyte
Go ahead, click - this family doesn't bite.
Check him out... another God-fearing soul.
- Hi. Farhan Qureshi. - l'm Raju Rastogi.
Don't worry.
a few days here and he'll lose faith in God.
Then naked babes will be on the wall, and he'll say -
"Oh God, give me one chance with her"
Get out of here.
Four bucks. Two per bag.
Here's five. Keep the change.
Thanks boss. For your tip, here's one in return -
Wear your best underwear tonight.
Why?
Your Majesty, thou art great
Accept this humble offering
Ha... here's a He-Man
What a pretty piece. Cute and compact
A campus tradition - On Day 1...
Freshmen must pay their respects to Seniors
in their underwear.
This is when we first saw Rancho
Spiderman
Batman
Fresh meat
Greetings. Drop your pants, get stamped
Name?
'Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad'
What a mouthful! Needs serious cramming
Come on - pants off
Being stubborn?
Wet pants not good, kiddo. Take them off
- Aall izz well. - What's that?
Aall izz well.
What did he say?
Someone tell him. Hey James Bond.
Make him understand.
Take off your pants or they are going to piss on you.
Hey 007! Ashamed to speak Hindi?
Sorry sir, l was born in Uganda, studied in Pondicherry
so little slow in Hindi
So explain slowly. No hurry
Feeling cold?
Pray undress
or he'll do 'urine-expulsion' on you
Calls pissing 'urine-expulsion'!
A true linguist in the land of engineers!
Hey, come out of there
Come out or...
or l'll do 'urine-expulsion' on your door
lf you aren't out by the count of ten
l'll do 'urine-expulsion' on your door all semester
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Salt water is a great conductor of electricity. 8th Grade Physics
We had studied it. He applied it
Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe was the Director of lCE
Students called him Virus, computer Virus
Virus on the way, with eggs
Freshmen are summoned. Come quickly
Virus was the most competitive man we had ever seen
He couldn't bear anyone getting ahead of him
To save time, his shirts had Velcro
and his ties had hooks
He'd trained his mind to write with both hands simultaneously
Everyday at 2 pm he took a 71/2 minute power nap
with an opera as lullaby
Govind, his valet, had instructions
to carry out all unproductive tasks such as shaving, nail-cutting etc
What is this? - Sir, nest
Whose? - A koel bird's nest, sir
Wrong
A koel bird never makes her own nest
She lays her eggs in other nests
And when they hatch, what do they do?
They push the other eggs out of the nest
Competition over
Their life begins with murder. That's nature
Compete or die
You also are like the koel birds
And these are the eggs you smashed to get into lCE
Don't forget, lCE gets 400,000 applications a year
and only 200 are selected - You!
And these? Finished. Broken eggs
My son... he tried for three years
Rejected. Every time
Remember, life is a race
If you don't run fast, you'll get trampled
Let me tell you a very interesting story
This is an astronaut pen
Fountain pens and ballpoint pens don't work in outer space
So scientists spent millions to invent this pen
It can write at any angle, in any temperature, in zero gravity
One day, when I was a student
the Director of our institute called me
He said, 'Viru Sahastrabuddhe.' I said, 'Yes sir'
'Come here!' I got scared
He showed me this pen
He said, 'This is a symbol of excellence'
'I give it to you'
'When you come across an extraordinary student like yourself
...pass it onto him'
For 32 years, I've been waiting for that student
But no luck
Anyone here, who'll strive to win this pen?
Good. Put your hands down
Shall I post it on the notice board? Hands down
One question, sir
Sir, if pens didn't work in outer space
why didn't the astronauts use a pencil?
They'd have saved millions
I will get back to you on this
He zaps a Senior's privates at night
fingers the Director in the day. Best avoid him
You deflated Virus's erection
Your Majesty, thou art great. Accept this humble offering
Buzz off. You don't have school?
Who'll pay for it? Your pop?
Keep off my dad! - Relax
For school you don't need tuition money, just a uniform
Pick a school, buy the uniform, slip into class
In that sea of kids, no one will notice
If I get caught? - Then new uniform, new school
See that? - He was different...
He challenged conventions at every stage
A free-spirited bird had landed in Virus's nest
We were robots, blindly following our professors' commands
He was the only one who was not a machine
What is a machine?
Why're you smiling?
Sir, to study Engineering was a childhood dream
I'm so happy to be here finally
No need to be so happy. Define a machine
A machine is anything that reduces human effort
Will you please elaborate?
Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine
It's a warm day, press a button, get a blast of air
The fan... A machine!
Speak to a friend miles away. The telephone... A machine!
Compute millions in seconds. The calculator... A machine!
We're surrounded by machines
From a pen's nib to a pants' zip - all machines
Up and down in a second. Up, down, up, down...
What is the definition?
I just gave it to you, sir
You'll write this in the exam? This is a machine - up, down...
Idiot! Anybody else?
Yes?
Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected
that their relative motions are constrained
and by which means, force and motion may be transmitted
and modified as a screw and its nut, or a lever arranged
to turn about a fulcrum or a pulley about its pivot, etc
especially, a construction, more or less complex
consisting of a combination of moving parts, or
simple mechanical elements, as wheels, levers, cams etc
Wonderful
Perfect. Please sit down
Thank you
But sir, I said the same thing, in simple language
If you prefer simple language, join an Arts and Commerce college
But sir, one must get the meaning too
What's the point of blindly cramming a bookish definition
You think you're smarter than the book?
Write the textbook definition, mister, if you want to pass
But there are other books... - Get out!
Why?
In simple language - Out!
Idiot!
So, we were discussing the machine...
Why're you back?
I forgot something
What?
Instruments that record, analyze, summarize, organize
debate and explain information; that are illustrated, non-illustrated
hard-bound, paperback, jacketed, non jacketed
with foreword, introduction, table-of-contents, index
that are intended for the enlightenment, understanding
enrichment, enhancement and education of the human brain
through the sensory route of vision, sometimes touch
What do you mean?
Books, sir
I forgot my books. May I?
Couldn't you ask simply?
I tried earlier, sir. It simply didn't work
Professors kept Rancho mostly out... seldom in
When thrown out of one class, he'd slip into another
He said - First year or fourth year, it's knowledge. Just grab it
He was unlike any of us
We fought for a shower every morning
He'd bathe wherever he found water
Morning, sir
Machines were his passion
When he spotted them, he opened them
Some he could re-assemble...
some he couldn't
There was another, just like him
Joy Lobo
Sir. Excuse me, sir
Mr. Joy Lobo!
Sir, if I could know the convocation dates...
Why?
Dad wants to make train reservations
I'm the first engineer from my village. Everyone wants to attend
In that case, call your dad
Please hurry up. Don't waste my time
Hello
Dad, the Director wants to speak to you
Joy!
Mr. Lobo, your son won't graduate this year
What happened, sir?
He has violated all deadlines
Mr. Lobo, it's an unrealistic project
He is making some nonsense helicopter
I suggest you don't book your tickets. I'm so sorry
Sir, I am this close, sir - Is your project ready?
Is your project ready? - Sir, see it once, please
Submit it, and we'll consider
Sir, a small extension... - Why, why should I?
After dad's stroke, I couldn't focus for two months
Did you stop eating?
No
Stopped bathing?
So why stop studying?
Sir, I'm very close. See it once, please...
Mr. Lobo!
Sunday afternoon, my son fell off a train and died
Monday morning, I taught a class. So don't give me that nonsense
I can give you sympathy, not an extension
Sir... I'm very close...
♪ Lifelong I lived ♪
♪ The life of another ♪
♪ For just one moment ♪
♪ Let me live as I... ♪
♪ Lifelong I lived ♪
♪ The life of another ♪
♪ For just one moment ♪
♪ Let me live as I... ♪
♪ Give me some sunshine Give me some rain ♪
♪ Give me another chance I wanna grow up once again ♪
♪ Give me some sunshine Give me some rain ♪
♪ Give me another chance I wanna grow up once again ♪
Dude's come up with an amazing design
A wireless camera atop a helicopter
Can be used for traffic updates, security... Wow!
But Virus said it's an impractical design, it won't fly
It will fly! We'll make it fly
Don't tell Joy. It'll be a surprise
We'll fly it up to his window and capture his reaction
If we work on his project, who'll work on ours?
Tests, vivas, quizzes - 42 exams per semester
You scare easily, bro
Take your hand, put it over your heart, and say, 'Aal izz well'
All is well? - Aal izz well
Words of wisdom from His Holiness Guru Ranchoddas
We had an old watchman in our village
On night patrol, he'd call out, 'Aal izz well'
And we slept peacefully. Then there was a theft
and we learned that he couldn't see at night!
He'd just yell 'Aal izz well', and we felt secure
That day I understood this heart scares easily
You have to trick it
However big the problem, tell your heart, 'All is well, pal'
That resolves the problem?
No. But you gain courage to face it
Learn it up, bro. We're gonna really need it here
♪ When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll ♪
♪ Let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ♪
♪ When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll ♪
♪ Just let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ♪
♪ Yell - All is Well... ♪
♪ The chicken's clueless about the egg's fate ♪
♪ Will it hatch or become an omelette ♪
♪ No one knows what the future holds ♪
♪ So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ♪
♪ Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey bro - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey mate - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey bro - All is Well ♪
♪ Confusion and more confusion No sign of any solution ♪
♪ Ah... finally a solution But wait... what was the question? ♪
♪ If the timid heart with fear is about to die ♪
♪ Then con it bro, with this simple lie ♪
♪ Heart's an idiot, it will fall under that spell ♪
♪ Let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ♪
♪ Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey bro - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey mate - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey bro - All is Well ♪
♪ Blew the scholarship on booze But that did not dispel my blues ♪
♪ Holy incense lit up my plight And yet God's nowhere in sight ♪
♪ The lamb is clueless for what it's destined ♪
♪ Will it be served on skewers or simply minced ♪
♪ No one knows what the future holds ♪
♪ So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ♪
♪ Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey bro - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey mate - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey bro - All is Well ♪
♪ When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll ♪
♪ Just let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ♪
♪ All is Well ♪
♪ The chicken's clueless about the egg's fate ♪
♪ Will it hatch or become an omelette ♪
♪ No one knows what the future holds ♪
♪ So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll ♪
♪ Whistle away the toll ♪
♪ Eureka! Eureka! ♪
♪ Yell - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey Mrs. Chicken - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey Mr. Lamb - All is Well ♪
♪ Hey bro - All is Well ♪
Hey, take it up to Joy's window.
Take it higher.
Look at Silencer - the nude dude!
Joy, come out.
Come to the window.
Joy, look outside.
Good news, sir.
The police and Joy's father have no clue.
Everyone thinks this is suicide.
The post mortem report -
Cause of Death: Intense pressure on windpipe
resulting in choking
All think the pressure on the jugular killed him
What about the mental pressure for the last four years?
That's missing in the report.
Engineers are a clever bunch...
They haven't made a machine to measure mental pressure.
If they had, all would know...
this isn't suicide... It's murder.
How dare you blame me for Joy's suicide?
If one student can't handle pressure, is it our fault?
Life is full of pressures. Will you always blame others?
I don't blame you, sir. I blame the system.
Look at these statistics - India ranks No.1 in suicides
Every 90 minutes, a student attempts suicide
Suicide is a bigger killer than disease
Something's terribly wrong, sir.
I can't speak for the rest...
but this is one of the finest colleges in the country
I've run this place for 32 years.
We were ranked 28th. Now we're No.1
What's the point, sir?
Here they don't discuss new ideas or inventions
They discuss grades, jobs, settling in the USA
They teach how to get good scores. They don't teach Engineering
Now you will teach me how to teach?
No sir, I...
Sir, my paper...
Vaidyanathan, please sit down.
Here is a self-proclaimed professor.
who thinks he is better than our highly qualified teachers.
Professor Ranchoddas Chanchad will teach us Engineering.
We do not have all day.
You have 30 seconds to define these terms.
You may refer to your books.
Raise your hand if you get the answer.
Let's see who comes first, who comes last.
Your time starts... now.
Time up.
Time up, sir.
No one got the answer?
Now rewind your life by a minute.
When I asked this question, were you excited? Curious?
Thrilled that you'd learn something new?
Anyone? ... Sir?
No. You all got into a frantic race.
What's the use of such methods, even if you come first
Will your knowledge increase? No, just the pressure.
This is a college, not a pressure cooker.
Even a circus lion learns to sit on a chair in fear of the whip.
But you call such a lion 'well trained', not 'well educated'
Hello!
This is not a philosophy class. Just explain those two words
Sir, these words don't exist.
These are my friends' names. Farhan and Raju
Quiet!
Nonsense! Is this how you'll teach Engineering?
Sir, I wasn't teaching you Engineering.
You're an expert at that.
I was teaching you... how to teach.
And I'm sure one day you'll learn.
because unlike you, I never abandon my weak students.
Bye, sir.
Quiet!
Quiet, I said.
I regret to inform you that your son...
Farhan... Raju...
has fallen into bad company.
Without urgent corrective steps, his future will be ruined.
Virus's letters dropped on our homes like atom bombs.
Hiroshima and Nagasaki plunged into gloom.
Our parents invited us - for a dressing down.
Come in.
See that?
We could afford just one air-conditioner.
We put it in Farhan's room, so he could study in comfort.
I didn't buy a car. I manage with a scooter.
We put all our money into Farhan's education.
We sacrificed our comforts for Farhan's future. Understand?
You took these pictures, Farhan?
He had that useless obsession for a while.
Went around taking pictures of animals.
Wanted to be a wildlife photographer.
Son, what was your score that year?
91%
Hear that? Straight drop from 94% to 91%.
You find it funny?
No sir, sorry. I'm just amazed at the photos
Why make him an engineer... Why not a wildlife photographer?
Enough!
I humbly request you - Don't ruin my son's future.
Food's on the table, boys. C'mon.
If you ever visit again, do eat with us.
Dad denied us a meal...
So, to fill our bellies with food...
and ears with more reprimands, we reached Raju's house.
Raju's house was straight out of a 50's black and white film.
A small, dingy room...
a paralyzed father...
a coughing mother...
and an unwed sister
A sofa sprouting springs...
a 24 hour water supply - from the leaking roof.
Mother was a retired school teacher and a tireless complainer.
Father was once a postmaster.
Paralysis shut down his body partly...
his salary completely. And the sister...
Kammo's turned 28. They demand a car in dowry.
If you don't study and earn, how will she marry?
Some okra?
Okra is now 12/- per kilo, cauliflower is 10/-
It's daylight robbery!
What will we eat if we get warnings from your college?
Mom!
Cottage cheese?
Cottage cheese should be sold at the jewelers, in velvet pouches
- Cottage cheese? - No, no, it's ok.
Mom, please.
Alright, I'll shut up
Earn for the family, slave like a maid.
and then take the vow of silence.
If not with my son, with whom do I share my woes - his friends?
Hey Raju.
We were in a huge dilemma.
Do we comfort our friend or console his mom?
Screw it, we thought, let's focus on the cottage cheese.
Even his eczema cream costs 55/- now
Another roti?
No, thank you. We're through.
Okra for 12/- - Cauliflower for 10/-
At least you were offered a meal
Unlike your sadistic dad... 'Hitler' Qureshi!
And your mom is Mother Teresa... Feeding us 'eczema roti'!
- Don't poke fun at my mom! - Enough, you guys.
I'm famished. Let's eat out.
It's month end. Who'll pay? His Mother Teresa?
To eat out, you don't need money. Just a uniform. Look...
- C'mon. - Come.
Good evening, good evening.
Oh, Uncle.
- Three large vodkas. - Half soda, half water.
If we're caught, we're dead.
- What's for starters? - Get double portions.
Leave this here and start some peppy music.
Pia, what the hell?
Why're you wearing this ancient piece of junk?
What'll people say - My fiancee...
a doctor in the making, wearing a cheap, 200/- watch!
Please take it off. Thank you.
Hi handsome.
Hey Aunty. You're looking good.
- Don't miss my set, darling. - Rubies?
- From Mandalay - Mandalay... Wow!
- Hey, let's go meet David. - Of course.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Flowers.
- May I take the glass? - Why?
So you don't break it on my head
Why would I do that?
For the free advice I'll now impart
What?
Don't marry that ass
Excuse me?
He's not a human, he's a price tag.
He'll turn your life into a nightmare of brands and prices.
He'll ruin your life. Your future will be finished.
Want a demonstration?
Shall I find out the price of his shoes?
I won't ask. He'll announce it himself.
What the hell... Mint sauce on my $300 shoes!
Run for your life! It's free advice. Take it or leave it.
Genuine Italian leather - hand-stitched!
Dad, are they your guests?
My students. What're they doing here?
Hold on, Dad.
These beans smell great.
- No room for roti. - Just pile it on.
- Hi. - Hey.
That was an eye-opener. Thank you so much.
It was my moral responsibility.
Can I ask you for little more help?
Dad won't let me break off this engagement.
You explain so well. Can you give him a demo too?
Certainly. Raju, the mint sauce
You're really sweet
- Where is your daddy? - Right behind you.
Aal izz well
Run for your life! It's free advice. Take it or leave it
What're you doing here?
We'll hand these gifts to the couple.
I'll do that for you. It's my sister's wedding.
Sister?
Sir, what's the sum total of your daughters?
Empty. No gift cheques.
Forgot the cheques, Raju ... Farhan?
We didn't invite you, you must be from the groom's side.
No sir, we're here as the emissaries of science.
How? Can you explain?
Dad, he explains superbly. I'm sure he'll give us a demo.
Won't you?
Well, Delhi has plenty of power cuts that...
disrupt wedding celebrations.
So I thought of making an inverter that...
draws power from guests' cars.
I see.
Wow!
So where's the inverter?
Sir, the design is ready.
Where's the design, Farhan?
- I gave you the design. - I gave it to Raju.
Raju, design?
Never mind the design. I'll make the inverter and show you.
You can only invent stories, not an inverter.
I'll make one, I promise.
And I'll name it after you. After all, it was invented...
at your daughter's wedding. So it'll be an honor...
Farhan, Raju. I'll see you in my office tomorrow.
Sir, what was the cost per plate? We'll reimburse you...
... in installments.
- We'll never crash a wedding again. - Not even my own.
In fact, I won't even marry. Nor will he.
Uh... right. No marriage.
Your parents shouldn't have married either.
The world would have to feed two less idiots.
Sit!
Pay attention.
This is Ranchoddas's father's monthly income.
Couple of zeroes less, and it's still a sizeable income.
But erase another zero, and I would worry a little.
Isn't that your fathers income, Farhan?
Yes, sir.
Now take away another zero...
and that's your family income, Raju Rastogi.
Big reason to worry.
Take my advice and shift into Chatur Ramalingam's room.
Exams are here. Stay with Rancho and you're sure to fail.
- Want a shave? - No, sir.
Then get lost!
Raju, don't worry. This is Virus's move to split us. Divide and rule.
I have to worry.
He grades us, and I need good grades for a good job.
Unlike you, I don't have a rich dad I can live off.
Shut up, Raju.
Must we follow all his hogwash? 'Aal izz well'.
I won't be his flunky... like you.
- You're crossing the line. - No, I'm drawing one.
I have a family to support.
Dad's medicines swallow up mom's pension.
My sis can't marry because they want a car in dowry.
Mom hasn't bought a single saree in five years.
Now don't get your mom's wardrobe into the debate.
By the way, how many sarees per annum is reasonable?
Hey... no wisecracks about mom.
We'll study with all our heart, but not just for grades.
To quote a Wise One - Study to be accomplished, not affluent.
Follow excellence. And success will chase you, pants down!
Which Wise One says this? His Holiness Guru Ranchoddas?
Go rot in the bogs!
Raju, don't stress. We'll top our class. Nothing is impossible.
Oh yeah?
Shove this back into the tube.
Raju got onto another train.
His travails with Chatur began. Yes, I mean travails, not travels
Chatur was called 'Silencer'.
To sharpen his memory, he popped pills from a local quack.
And then let off silent... but lethal farts.
I didn't do it... Raju?
He always blamed others for the output.
Silencer crammed 18 hours a day.
On exam eve, he would distract others.
His belief - There are only two ways of topping.
Elevate your own grades or shrink your opponents' grades.
Rancho decided to subdue Silencer and rescue Raju...
with one master plan.
Our Director has unceasingly served... 'Served' means...
Damn the meaning, I'll memorize it.
Chatur was the introductory speaker at the Teachers' Day function.
To impress Virus, he got his speech written by the librarian...
in highbrow Hindi.
Hello. Hold on. Chatur, call for you.
Please collect the printout. I'll be right back.
Oh... the things I have to do...
Mr. Dubey, the Director was remembering you.
- Really? - Yes. Just now.
I'll see him right away. Give this to Chatur.
- Hello. Hello. - Hello, Mr. Ramalingam?
Yes?
I'm calling from the police station
- Are you from Uganda? - Yes sir.
- Your life is in danger! - What? ... How?
Listen carefully, or else...
you'll get killed as you step out of the college gate.
Why? What happened?
While Chatur was kept engaged,
Rancho altered a few words in his speech, for eg...
'served' became 'screwed'.
Yes sir?
- Who are you? - Dubey. Librarian.
I'm permanent staff, sir.
Congratulations!
Hold on a moment. The chief is on the other line.
Excuse me, sir...
Yes... so where was I?
You said I may die... outside the gate.
Right. As you get out of the gate, you'll see a traffic signal.
Traffic signal. Ok.
When it turns red, all the cars will halt.
Ok. Then?
Then cross the road with great caution.
Because son, in rush hour if a car hits you, you're dead.
What nonsense! I know that.
You know that? Excellent. Then you're safe my boy.
From the librarian, Silencer.
You don't call me that, Chanchad.
Hey. The Director said he didn't call for me.
Who said 'called'? I just said he 'remembered' you
Remembered? Rascals!
Distinguished Mr. Chairperson.
Chief guest, the Honorable Minister of Education....
respected teachers and friends.
ICE has now soared beyond the stratosphere.
The credit goes solely to...
Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe. Give him a big hand.
Sir, the voice is his but the words are mine.
He's a great guy, really you are.
For 32 years, he has unceasingly screwed students.
He means - 'served' students.
I'm sure his endeavors will continue.
We are astounded at how one man, in one lifetime
can screw so many, so well.
With rigorous training he's built up his stamina.
He's spent every living minute just screwing.
Let's replicate his methods.
Tomorrow ICE students will go across the globe.
Wherever we go, we promise to screw.
We'll hoist this screwer's flag all over the world.
We'll show the world that our capacity to screw...
cannot be matched by any student...
anywhere on the planet.
Mr. Minister. Good evening.
You have given this institution what it sorely needs...
- Booty, funds. - Bosom
It's booty, stupid. Bosom means...
What nonsense! That's insulting.
Everyone has a bosom, but it remains pocketed.
No one offers it so readily.
Vulgar fellow!
You have generously offered your bosom...
to this relentless screwer.
Now see how he makes it grow.
Is this what you teach here, Director?
On this august occasion, here's a Sanskrit verse...
Listen to this - the might of his fart in verse.
A good loud fart is honorable.
'Fart'? Go, Silencer.
A medium fart is tolerable.
Softer windbreaks are terrible.
And the silent ones unbearable.
That's what mindless cramming does to you.
Cramming may see you through four years of college,
but it will 'screw' you for the next 40 years.
He still doesn't get it.
'Medium fart is tolerable'... Unbelievable!
You're a poet, Rancho. How did you think of this?
That was fun. He didn't know what hit him.
You swines! What did I ever do to you?
Sorry man. Don't take it personally.
I will.
Chatur Ramalingam will never forget this insult.
I'll think of it every minute, every second of my life.
Sorry man. That was a demo for Raju - Don't cram blindly.
Understand and enjoy the wonders of Science.
I'm not here to enjoy Science.
So You're here to screw Science?
Go ahead. Laugh at my methods.
But one day these methods will bring me success.
That day I'll laugh and you'll cry.
You're on the wrong track again. Don't chase success.
Become a good engineer and success will chase you.
These ideals don't work in the real world.
You take your train, l'll take mine.
Ten years from now we'll meet at the same station.
Same day. Same place. We'll see who's more successful.
You... or me.
Have the balls? C'mon, bet!
lt's a challenge.
Watch it!
What's he writing?
Don't forget this date.
l'm not used to such expensive gifts, Suhas.
Get used to them, Pia.
You're gonna be Suhas Tandon's wife.
Where's the bill, man?
l'll be back.
- You changed the speech? - What?
Don't lie.
Um... Yeah.
- What's your problem with dad? - l have no problem.
l'm making an inverter named after him. Look... Oh.
Why're you harassing him?
'Cause he runs a factory, not a college.
Churning out asses. Like that one.
She destroyed it, man.
How dare you call him an ass?
He is one! First Engineering, then MBA...
then becomes a banker in the USA.
Because it rakes in more money?
Life for him is just a profit-loss statement.
He sees profit in you, so he's with you.
Director's daughter, doctor in the making... Good for his image!
lt's not you he cares for.
Who do you think you are?
What do you mean he doesn't care for me?
New watch? One moment.
You always need a demo.
Hey Suhas!
Where were you?
She's looking for her watch.
What? You lost the watch?
Never mind. Get another.
lt cost 400,000!
Mine's just 250/- but keeps the same time.
Shut up! How could you be so careless, Pia?
This callous attitude is disgusting. lt's disrespectful!
That was a limited edition watch.
Now wear your ancient piece of junk at dinner.
What're you staring at?
Here come the tears! Real mature, Pia.
l can't handle this.
Stop crying and look for it.
Find another wrist for this watch... Ass!
Hey, you're awesome. Called him an ass to his face.
Get lost!
lt's too noisy here.
She's saying 'Thank you', l hear 'Get lost'.
- l said 'Get lost'. - Don't get so uptight.
Actually, you never really loved him.
What do you mean?
When you see him, do the winds whisper a melody?
Your scarf flies in slow motion?
The Moon appears gigantic?
That happens in movies, not in life.
Happens in life too - if you love a person...
not an ass.
Hello. What?
Oh God! Ok, l'm on my way.
You're a medical student, right? Need your help.
- lt's an emergency, please. - What?
Please come with me. What's that oath you doctors take -
You'll never deny a patient help... The Hippocratic Oath.
Please help me, it's an emergency.
You gatecrash my sister's wedding, break off my engagement...
my dad is popping BP pills because of you...
and here l am, helping you!
Unbelievable!
This Hippocratic Oath - lt's really done us in!
- Where's Raju, ma'am? - Gone to get a cab.
Called the ambulance two hours ago.
ln this country, pizza reaches in 30 minutes...
but an ambulance...
He needs hospitalization. Urgently!
Hey stop!
Move, it's an emergency!
Move... move...
Doctor, emergency!
That's the patient.
Keep this. Hey, here's Raju.
What the hell! You brought dad on the scooter.
Should l've sent him by courier?
No wisecracks on dads profession! Where is he?
Go ask the doctor.
Close call, Pia. A little delay, we'd have lost him.
Glad you didn't wait for an ambulance and got him on the scooter.
Call me if there's a problem.
Rancho! Thank you...
Thanking your buddies! Silencer teaching you manners?
Didn't he teach you - A friend is man's greatest bosom?
Go on now. You have an exam tomorrow.
Exams we have many... Dad mostly just one!
We won't budge from here without the Postmaster.
Don't worry!
Rancho, forgive me. l was scared.
lt's ok. Quiet, now.
Please forgive me.
lt's ok, calm down. Go see your dad.
And don't go with that weepy face.
Thanks buddy.
Natty scooter. Saved a life. How much does it cost?
Pour some mint sauce on it. l'll tell you.
Hey, happy lndependence Day.
Today isn't lndependence Day.
For you it is! Now you're free to wear your mom's watch.
No ass can say it's an ancient piece of junk.
Hey.
How do you know it was mom's watch?
At your sister's wedding, you wore sparkling new clothes.
Only the watch was old.
What could that mean?
You really missed your mom that day, didn't you?
Yes.
Your mom must've been really beautiful.
Yes. How do you know?
Seen your dad.
'Life is a race. lf you don't run fast
you'll be a broken egg ... cuckoo bird.'
You...
♪ The winds whisper a melody ♪
♪ The sky hums along ♪
♪ Time itself is singing... ♪
♪ Zoobi do... ♪
♪ Param pum ♪
♪ 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum' ♪
♪ My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along ♪
♪ 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum' ♪
♪ My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along ♪
♪ Leaves sing on their branches Bees jam with flowers ♪
♪ Crazy sunbeams dance off petals As birds yodel in the skies ♪
♪ Flowers, bold and brazen Snuggle and cootchie-coo ♪
♪ l've seen it happen in movies What's now happening with us ♪
♪ 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum' ♪
♪ My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along ♪
♪ 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum' ♪
♪ My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along ♪
Let's make the unique and ever useful mint sauce.
The all-powerful sauce that exposes phony people.
Your 7th house is clear...
Shunning an ass, you'll fall for a human.
Time is ripe for love.
Temperature in New Delhi remains stable.
Clear skies. But if in love, expect rain.
♪ Pitter-patter go the raindrops Whish-whoosh whistles the wind ♪
♪ Do-da-dee waltzes the rain Boom-boom echoes the sky ♪
♪ Drenched in rain and passion You sway your hips on cue ♪
♪ I've seen it happen in movies What's now happening with us ♪
♪ 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum' ♪
♪ My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along ♪
♪ 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum' ♪
♪ My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along ♪
♪ The gorgeous low moon Serenades the earth ♪
♪ A shooting star skips along Crooning a ballad of love ♪
♪ The night is bright but lonesome Come touch me, my handsome ♪
♪ I've seen it happen in movies What's now happening with us ♪
♪ 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum' ♪
♪ My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along ♪
♪ 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum' ♪
♪ My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along ♪
♪ 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' ... goes my silly heart ♪
Hello. Wake up.
- Huh... Postmaster's dead? - What!
No, stupid.
lt's 8.30, your exam is at 9.
But we can't leave him alone.
I'm here. It's a matter of three hours.
Take my scooter. It's getting late.
Hey...
Gosh, what an ancient watch.
Go.
- Sorry, we're late. - It was an emergency.
Settle down there.
Sir, they're still writing.
Hello. Time up.
Please, five minutes. We started half an hour late.
It was an emergency.
He glared at us like we'd asked for both his kidneys.
But we continued writing.
He continued arranging the answer sheets.
Done, sir.
You're late. I can't accept these.
Sir, please, sir.
Sir, do you know who we are?
Prime Ministers son? Even then...
I will not accept your paper.
Do you know our names and roll numbers?
No...
Who are you?
He doesn't know - Run!
Hey, what's your roll number?
Where the hell are their papers?
O Lord, have mercy.
Today was Results day. Time to make a deal with God.
Just save my Electronics. I'll offer a coconut.
Sir Snake, bless my Physics. I promise a pint of milk per day.
O Mother Cow, help me pass... have this grass.
I vow: No X-rated thoughts of girls in my class...
Watch over my results.
God of Wealth, I'll offer 100/- every month.
100/- won't bribe even a traffic cop,
let alone the Almighty.
Check from the bottom.
You are... last.
And you?
Second last.
Rancho?
Not there.
My heart sank.
Not 'cause our ranks tanked, but 'cause our friend flunked.
There's a mistake. It's not possible. It's injustice.
What's Silencer howling about?
He got the second rank.
Who's first?
Rancho.
Rancho?
Move aside.
We learned a lesson in Human Behavior:
Your friend fails, you feel bad. Your friend tops, you feel worse.
We were sad. Two others were sadder.
Ranchoddas Chanchad. Front row. Right of the Director.
Uday Sinha. Second row. Third seat.
Alok Mittal. Second row. Fifth seat.
Sahili Rao. Third row...
Sir, why this seating according to rank?
Any problem with that?
Yes, this grading system is like a caste system.
A-graders: Masters C-graders: Slaves
- It's not nice, sir. - You have a better idea?
Yes. Results should not be displayed at all.
Why publicise someone's flaws?
If your iron count is low, will the doctor prescribe tonic...
or air your report on TV?
You see, sir?
So basically, what you are saying is...
I should personally go to each student's room
and whisper in his ears...
'You have come first', 'You're second".
'Oh, I'm so sorry, you have failed'.
No sir, I mean grades create a divide.
I've topped, so I'm next to you.
My pals came last, they're in the back corner.
At least they're in the corner.
More time with you, and they'll be out of the photo.
They will neither pass, nor get a job.
They'll get jobs, sir. There must be some firm that...
prefers humans to machines.
They'll get jobs. I guarantee.
You guarantee it!
Bet, sir?
- Govind. - Yes, sir?
Even if one of them gets a job in campus interviews...
shave off my moustache.
Sir!
- Happy? - Smile, please.
Happy, sir.
Jackass! Honking to hide your tooting.
Septic tank! Popping pills again?
I didn't do it... Raju?
This is a familiar stink.
He's the sole cause for global warming.
Toss me your wallet - I'll buy pants.
- Take Chatur's suit instead. - Don't touch my suit.
Rancho'll recognize you even in underwear.
- Where's this? - If I could read, would I sell peanuts?
- He can't read. - But he can speak.
Wait. Do you know a Ranchoddas Chanchad?
Yes, he lives there.
♪ Free as the wind was he ♪
♪ Like a soaring kite was he ♪
♪ Where did he go... ♪
♪ let's find him ♪
- Chatur, your pills. - Thanks. Where were they?
- In the pocket. - Hey, my pants!
Karl Marx says to share all resources.
Hey, you'll give people ideas.
I want it now!
What happened?
Rancho's father.
Excuse me, where is Ranchoddas?
- There he is. - Thank you.
- Rancho... - Yes?
Sorry. We're looking for Ranchoddas.
I am Ranchoddas.
No, I mean... 'Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad'.
Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad. That's me.
Ranchoddas, take care, son.
'Ranchoddas Chanchad'
Raju
I'll be in the Guinness Book for driving Delhi-Shimla in underwear.
That too, for the wrong guy!
Same name, same degree, same photo, but a different guy.
What's going on?
How did Silencer get Rancho's address?
Good point!
Hey Chatur, come here.
How dare you open this? I got this from San Francisco.
Handmade biscuits.
Specially for Mr. Phunsukh Wangdu.
Phunsukh Bangdu? Who's that?
Not Bangdu. Wangdu. 'W'. Phunsukh Wangdu.
Do you know who that is? He's a great scientist.
400 patents. The world wants him.
Took me a year to get an appointment.
Once he signs the deal with my company, I'll be huge!
Forget Wangdu. How'd you get Rancho's address?
You should be thanking Phunsukh Wangdu.
He led me to Rancho, see this.
My secretary was here to fix an appointment with Wangdu.
She didn't get the appointment. But I found Rancho.
I checked the Shimla directory and found Rancho's name.
What happened to his face?
Plastic surgery in honor of your visit?
Only one man has the answer.
Sorry Papa, I couldn't fulfill your last wish.
You kept asking me to take you on pilgrimage.
But I waited for the highway tender.
There the tender opened, here you closed your eyes.
I am so sorry, Papa. I could not be a good son...
Wrong.
You're an engineer. Your degree's on the wall!
You were a very good son.
How dare you barge in? I'll have you arrested.
No, you'll be arrested. We've made enquiries.
You use the degree to clinch contracts.
It's our friend's degree. How did you get it?
This is a 150 acre estate.
If I shoot and bury you, no one would even notice.
Get the point?
Now get lost!
I'm taking Papa's ashes to the sacred river. Can take yours too.
Grab Papa!
Here, here.
Let go of Papa!
Tell the truth or Papa is flushed!
- Hand over Papa! - Papa goes to the sacred sewer.
- Get Papa out of the potty. - You pull trigger, I pull flush.
I'll count to three.
Wanna shoot us? Raju, scatter the ashes.
One.
Take us down, and Papa's down the drain.
Two.
Then grope for him in the gutter.
What is it, Raju?
We've got the wrong urn. It's empty!
Empty?
Empty - we'll empty it out!
No, no!
We'll empty it out!
No... hands up!
Who are you?
I am Rancho.
I swear on Papa, it's true.
I am Rancho! That was Chhote.
Chhote?
He was our gardener's son, Chhote.
He stayed on with us after he was orphaned.
Did odd jobs around the house, ran errands.
He had a passion for learning.
He'd wear my old uniform and slip into school.
And attend any class he liked. It suited me.
I made him do my homework, take my exams.
It was going well, till one day...
Our teacher saw a sixth grader doing tenth grade math.
Which grade are you in, son?
What's your name?
We got caught.
Papa was a powerful man, so...
our teacher alerted him before going to the Principal.
You started it, you will finish it.
People pretend to show me respect...
But behind my back...
mock me as an illiterate.
I won't let that happen to my son.
This boy wants to study. I want just a degree.
Let the game go on.
Make this kid an engineer,
and I'll have a degree in my son's name on that wall.
I went to London for four years, he went to college as me.
He'd promised to cut contact with all after getting the degree.
But he always said: 'Two idiots will come looking for me'
He really misses you both.
I'll give you his address, go to him.
But please keep my secret.
What secret?
You got the wrong urn, sir. Papa is in here.
What the hell's going on? Who was that gun guy?
Complicated story. Without subtitles. Not for you.
- Ignore it. - Where're we going?
Ladakh.
Ladakh! Why?
To meet Rancho.
What's he doing in Ladakh?
No clue. We have the address of a school.
School teacher!
I'm Vice President of Rockledge Corporation, and he...
A for Apple, B for Ball...
D for Donkey.
Next week I sign a huge deal with Phunsukh Wangdu.
And he... A for Apple, B for Ball...
Today my respect for that idiot shot up.
Most of us went to college just for a degree.
No degree meant no plum job, no pretty wife...
no credit card, no social status.
None of this mattered to him.
He was in college for the joy of learning.
He never cared if he was first or last.
Who was the first man on the Moon?
Neil Armstrong, sir.
Obviously, it is Neil Armstrong. We all know it.
Who was the second?
Don't waste your time. It's not important.
Nobody remembers the man who ever came second.
Soon, 26 companies will be here with job offers.
You'll have a job even before your final exam.
This is your last lap, my friends.
Put the pedal to the metal. Step on the gas.
Go out there and make history!
Any questions?
Yes?
Sir, suppose a student gets a job...
but narrowly fails the final exam, will he still have the job?
Very good question.
Anyone else with the same question?
As expected.
Please come on stage. Give them a big hand.
For the last four years...
they've been our most consistent students.
Consistently last in every exam.
Come my geniuses, come.
Their brains will fetch a handsome price.
'Cause they're completely unused.
And to answer their question:
The exam won't affect their jobs.
Because no company will hire them anyway!
They're so unique, their names will be writ in gold -
'Farhanitrate' and 'Prerajulization'
Give them a big hand, please, everybody.
He screwed us!
In front of everyone.
God, I'll give up meat, light a 1000 incense sticks.
Do me just one favor.
Delete Virus!
Burn him in hell.
Fry Virus-nuggets in bubbling oil.
You think God is a contract killer?
You shut up!
You're in the center of the photo every year.
We're rotting in the corner.
This year we may fall out of the photo altogether.
- Know why I come first? - Why?
Because I love machines.
Engineering is my passion.
Know your passion?
- That's my bag. - Be quiet.
What're you up to?
This... is your passion.
Go post this letter.
What letter?
5 years ago he wrote this for his favorite wildlife photographer
- Andre... - Istvan.
He wanted to train with him in Hungary.
But in fear of his dad, the Fuhrer, never posted it.
Quit Engineering, marry Photography.
Follow your talent.
If Michael Jackson's dad forced him to be a boxer...
and Mohammad Ali's dad pushed him to be a singer...
imagine the disaster.
Do you get it?
Idiot! Loves Photography, but is marrying machines.
Your Holiness Guru Ranchoddas!
Engineering is my wife and mistress both.
- But I still fail. Why? - Explain.
'Cause you're a coward, scared of the future.
Look at this - more holy rings than fingers.
One ring per fear - exam, sis's dowry, job.
With such fear of tomorrow, how'll you live today?
How'll you focus on studies?
Strange buddies! One lives in fear, the other in pretense.
You live in both - fear and pretense.
You're scared to tell Pia you love her... so you pretend you don't.
What rubbish!
Easy to offer free advice, tough to follow it.
Have the guts? Go confess to Pia.
- There's no connection! - Deep connection, Your Holiness.
Listen, if you confess to Pia...
I'll tell Dad - No Engineering, I'm marrying Photography
And I'll dump my rings before the job interview.
Deal?
Have the guts?
His Holiness is speechless.
Let's go.
- Follow me. - Where?
Let's go.
Hey Virus! I'm anti-Virus.
Hope no dog here.
Cowards! Let's go.
If any danger, I'll give the Virus alert.
Beware - Virus inside.
Need background score?
- Pia. - Who's it?
Don't yell! It's me, Rancho.
Just listen for a moment, then I'm gone.
Say not a word...
- Pia... - Yes?
Those 22 minutes with you on the scooter
were the most enchanting 22 minutes of my life.
I could spend an eternity with you on the scooter.
Wow!
... and time stands still.
Every night you ride into my dreams on your scooter, dressed as a bride.
Instead of a veil, you lift your helmet...
and come close to kiss me.
But that kiss doesn't happen.
Why?
Because the noses collide, and I wake up.
The noses never collide, stupid!
I'm sorry, I thought you were Pia.
I wish I was.
Sis, why did you interrupt?
It took him four years to say this.
Pia, kiss him. Show that noses don't collide.
You have my permission, kiss him... He's so cute!
- Who's this? - My sister.
Who're you?
When you were talking, he kicked. First time!
He? How do you know it's a 'he' or 'she'?
Papa asked the astrologer If we'd get an engineer or a doctor.
Meaning?
Boy becomes an engineer, girl a doctor.
Champ, better stay inside. Out here's a circus.
Your grandpa is the ringmaster. He'll crack his whip -
'Run! Life is a race. Be an engineer.
But you follow your heart. If grandpa scares you...
put your hand on your heart and say, 'All is well'
He kicked.
Say it again.
All is well.
Kicked again.
- Once more. - All is well.
All is well.
Who is it?
Go.
You sent hate-mail to Dad, here's pee-mail for you.
Enjoy the pee-mail, happy reading!
- Who is it? - Your future son-in-law.
And the wedding party.
Rastogi!
Security, that way.
So you all have already learned about the simple pendulum.
Now let's get down to the advanced study about compound pendulum.
It's an irregular object oscillating about its own axis.
Let me demonstrate to you
- What's this? - Pencil.
- What's inside? - Lead.
Good. Lead is the axis to this pencil.
Even you can be a compound pendulum, if you oscillate about...
- Where is Raju Rastogi? - Present, sir.
Hi. Everybody is here.
Good morning, sir.
Where were you last night?
- Studying all night, sir. - Studying?
Really?
Hasn't slept two nights, that's why he looks scruffy.
Not slept?
What did you study?
Induction motor, sir. The whole chapter.
Whole chapter?
In that case, Mr. Raju Rastogi...
Yessir!
Can you tell us how an induction motor starts?
Stop it!
Sir, rum.
Mr. Rastogi!
Let's have a cup of tea in my office.
Sir?
Close the door.
Can you type?
Yes, sir.
Will you type a letter for me?
Definitely, sir.
Come, sit.
Sir, I'm sorry sir...
Please type.
Dear Sir...
It is my painful duty to inform you...
that your son is rusticated...
No, sorry, delete that. Go back.
Your son, Mr. Raju Rastogi...
is rusticated from the Imperial College of Engineering.
Come on, type.
It'll kill my dad, sir.
- Please type. - Sir, please sir.
My decision is final and irrevocable.
He lives just to see me become an engineer.
Should've thought of that before peeing on my door.
Sir, give me one chance... please.
Ok, remove your name from the letter...
and put in Rancho's.
I know he was with you last night.
Be my witness and I'll spare you.
You have 71/2 minutes to think.
♪ We won't let go of you ♪
♪ We're not done yet... no way ♪
♪ The heavens may beckon you ♪
♪ But we'll take up arms against God ♪
♪ And it's not a fight we intend to lose ♪
♪ You may try your best to escape ♪
♪ Try with all your might ♪
♪ But there is no way we are letting go of you ♪
♪ We won't let go of you ♪
♪ We're not done yet... no way ♪
Rancho, watch that monitor.
Raju.
His body is paralyzed with shock, but his mind is alert.
He can see and hear us. Please don't cry in front of him.
Speak to him normally, motivate him, joke around.
Good news, Raju. Your dad's recovered.
The new medicine worked.
Is this your family tradition?
As one male gets up, the other conks out?
Come, wake up.
Your dad wants Pia's scooter.
Should I give it to him? Hope he won't dent it.
Raju, Farhan is live on webcam. From the hostel.
Look, Virus has canceled your suspension order.
Problem solved... Wake up now.
Everything's resolved! You hear that?
Rise and shine, buddy.
♪ In this journey of few strides ♪
♪ On the path called life ♪
♪ Don't quit... Just celebrate the ride ♪
♪ Listen please to those who love you ♪
♪ Every dark night is followed by sunrise ♪
♪ Don't shut out those who love you ♪
♪ We won't let go of you ♪
♪ We're not done yet... no way ♪
♪ We won't let go of you ♪
♪ We're not done yet... no way ♪
- Look, mom bought a new saree. - Brand new.
It cost 2000/-
Wake up now.
She bought not one, but ten sarees.
Look!
Hey Raju!
C'mon tell me... How do I look?
♪ Remember the letters mom would write... ♪
♪ Always blessed you with eternal life ♪
♪ Don't die on her... you can't die ♪
♪ Look at us now, don't turn away ♪
♪ Smile once to show you care ♪
♪ Wake up, don't torment us anymore ♪
Did you hear about your sis?
She's getting married.
Without any dowry.
The bridegroom wants nothing at all.
He just wants Kammo.
- You know who the bridegroom is? - Yeah.
Guess!
- You know him very well. - Yes.
- He loves animals. - Huh...?
He's going to be a wildlife photographer.
Quiet... Shhhh...
Didn't get it? It's our Farhan.
Farhan will never take any dowry.
Farhan will marry your sister.
For free! Free! Free!
Raju!
One kilo okra, 500 grams cheese for 'free' would've woken him.
Why sacrifice me...!
Well done, buddy.
So it's all fixed - Farhan will marry your sister.
Rancho!
Rascals... Stop fibbing.
Lucky escape!
♪ We won't let go of you. ♪
♪ We're not done yet... no way ♪
♪ We won't let go of you ♪
♪ We're not done yet... no way ♪
♪ We won't let go of you ♪
'Okra Rs.12/ kilo'
You called for a taxi?
- I did. - It's waiting.
Thank you. Why?
I'm going to the job interview.
You coming with me?
No. I'm going for the interview. You're going home.
Why would I go home?
Remember, we promised this rascal.
Give me your tie.
Why?
I doubt you'll go for the interview after reading this.
What's that?
- A letter... - For you, from Hungary.
Some photographer called Andre Istvan.
You posted my letter!
He loved your pictures.
The guy wants you to assist him...
in the Brazilian rain forest, for a year.
Will pay you, too.
Dad will never agree.
Go speak to him... from your heart.
For once, dump your fears...
or someday, on your deathbed, you'll regret it.
You'll remember that the letter was in your hand, taxi at the gate...
With just a little courage, you could've turned your life around.
Do you think he'll like it?
Why such an expensive gift?
Our son's getting his first job today.
Don't be stingy at such a proud moment.
Farhan?
Don't you have the job interview today?
I didn't go.
I don't want to be an engineer, Dad.
What happened? You had an accident?
See that building? I jumped from its third floor.
Why?
Because I was rusticated from college.
Why?
Drunk, I urinated on the Director's door.
That scoundrel Rancho is messing with your mind!
I don't enjoy Engineering. I'd make a terrible engineer.
Rancho has a simple belief - Make your passion your profession.
Then work will become play.
What'll you earn in that jungle?
A small stipend, but I'll learn a lot.
Five years from now...
when you see your friends buying cars and homes, you'll curse yourself.
Life as an engineer will bring only frustration. Then I'll curse you.
I'd rather curse myself, Dad.
The world will laugh!
Label you a loser, for quitting in the final year.
Mr. Kapoor feels you're fortunate to be at ICE. What'll he think?
Mr. Kapoor didn't provide me with an air-conditioner.
It wasn't Mr. Kapoor who slept in discomfort while I slept well.
He didn't take me around the zoo on his shoulders.
You did all that, Dad.
How you feel, matters to me. Mr. Kapoor makes no difference.
I don't even know his first name.
You think you're the hero of a melodrama?
Enough, please... he's upset.
God forbid, if he did something crazy like Raju...
Then the discussion is over.
Don't say a word or His Lordship will jump off the roof.
No, Dad. I'll never attempt suicide. I promise.
The Rancho you detest put this picture in my wallet.
Told me to see it if a suicidal thought crossed my mind
and imagine what'd happen to your smiles
when you see my dead body.
I want to convince you, Dad...
but not with a suicide threat.
Dad, what'll happen if I become a photographer?
I'll earn less.
I'll have a smaller house, a smaller car.
But I'll be happy.
I will be really happy.
Whatever I do for you will be out of genuine love.
I've always listened to you.
For once, let me listen to my heart.
Please... Dad.
Dad...
Please don't go away...
Return this.
Son, what's the cost of a professional camera?
Can the laptop be exchanged for it?
If you need more money, just ask.
Go live your life, my son.
Your grades are consistently poor. Reason?
Fear.
I was a good student since childhood...
Parents hoped I'd end their poverty.
That scared me.
Here I saw the mad race. You don't count if you're not first.
My fear grew.
Fear is not good for grades, sir.
I slipped on more charms and rings.
Prayed to God for favors. No... begged for favors.
16 broken bones gave me two months to think and reflect.
Finally, sense dawned.
Today I didn't beg God for this job, just thanked him for this life.
If you reject me, no regrets.
I'll still do something worthwhile with my life.
Such frank behavior is not good for our firm.
We need someone diplomatic to handle clients.
You're too straightforward.
But...
if you assure us you'll control this attitude,
we may consider you.
It took two broken legs to get me up on my feet.
Wasn't easy to get this attitude.
Can't change it, sir.
You keep your job... I'll keep my attitude.
I'm sorry, no offense, sir.
Wait.
I've interviewed countless candidates for 25 years.
Everyone turns into a yes-man to get the job.
Where did you spring from, son?
Sir?
Shall we discuss the salary?
Thank you, sir.
Your Majesty, thou art great.
Accept this humble offering.
Govind!
You had said, 'If he gets a job, shave it off'.
What have you done?
I feel naked without my moustache.
I've lost my dignity.
I won't accept defeat, Rastogi.
The job isn't yours until you pass your final exam.
And this time, I will set the question paper.
Dad, that's not fair.
Everything is fair in Love and War.
And this is World War... III
Rastogi, you're dead meat!
Hey.
What're you doing here?
Be careful.
- You've been drinking. - Yup, had to down a couple.
A couple too many!
- Needed the guts. - For what?
- For stealing this. - What's this?
The duplicate key to Virus's office.
The question paper's in a cover with a red seal.
Dad has set it, to fail Raju.
Go get it!
Are you mad or what - that's cheating!
Everything's fair in Love and War.
Tell me something...
Do you really feel...
the noses collide while kissing?
Wait. Have some dhokla.
You Gujaratis are so cute.
But why does your food sound so dangerous?
Dhokla, Fafda, Handwa, Thepla, Khakhra...
Sound like missiles.
C'mon.
'Today Bush dropped two Dhoklas on Iraq'
'400 dead, 200 injured'
C'mon.
Oh...
I can deal with Khakhra, Fafda. But your name...
'Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad' - Yuck.
I won't change my last name after marriage.
Pia, we can't get married.
Why?
Is there someone else?
No.
- Are you gay? - No.
Then why don't you propose to me?
- Are you impotent? - No.
Then prove it.
Pia, no.
Stop, stop!
- What happened? - We didn't inform Pia.
Stop here, my bladders are bursting.
- Shut up! - Are you in touch with her?
- No... I have her home number. - Then call her, I'll stop.
Hello.
No place for urine-expulsion in this country.
- Hello, is Pia there? - No, she's not.
Is she at the hospital?
Why would she be there?
She's getting married today - in Manali
Too late! She's married.
Not yet. It's a six hour drive.
If we rush, we'll reach before the vows.
What do you say?
It's a no-brainer. Let's turn back.
No turning back.
Straight to Ladakh. We'll meet Rancho and return.
I have a Friday meeting with Phunsukh Wangdu.
Get into the car.
If I miss my meeting, the Japanese will get him.
They're offering him a first name in the company.
'Phunsukh and Fujiyashi', profit sharing...
- Pia weds Suhas! - Thanks for the suit.
Virus will have a heart attack.
At every daughter's wedding, we're there to rock the party
Listen, I'll update Pia, you peel off the price tag.
- Farhan. - We found Rancho.
- For Room 107? - Yes, sir.
- You've taken ages. - Sorry, sir.
Off, now.
- Housekeeping, sir. - Come in.
Amore... Amore...
Quick, iron my coat.
Amore... Amore...
We found Rancho! Now you can't marry this ass.
You're mad, Farhan.
Don't fool yourself, Pia. You still love Rancho.
You're still eating his favorite food.
Amore... Amore...
He's incorrigible. Once a price tag, always a price tag.
Shut up, Farhan. Suhas is a changed man.
He doesn't speak of brands and prices anymore.
My 150,000/ - coat.
Why do you people eat sauce?
- I'll sort it out, sir. - How?
Our laundry specializes in cleaning mint-stained suits.
I'll clean it in a jiffy.
Get it soon.
- But it's too late now, Farhan. - Pia.
Let's go, Pia, we're late.
Pia, it's me... Raju. Don't yell, they'll kill me.
Where is Suhas?
Housekeeping took my coat.
Go... Send Suhas here.
It's rude to leave the ceremony.
- Yeah, Farhan? - The car's ready.
Grab her hand and run. Don't move.
- Sir... - My coat?
You're here...
- So who's at the altar? - Altar?
Another couple of rounds, and we'll be considered married.
I'm already married, Pia. Let's go.
It's too late. People will laugh at me.
So you'll commit suicide?
Rastogi!
People will gossip briefly, then forget.
But you... you'll regret on your deathbed.
That the car was at the gate, Rancho within reach...
but in fear of people, you married this ass.
Housekeeping?
Pia, minor problem.
What?
We don't know if Rancho's married.
What!
- He won't be married. - And if he is?
Then we'll drop you back.
Relax! Handmade biscuit?
What's he doing here?
- Ignore him. - The biscuit's very good.
Till yesterday, I was a law-abiding citizen.
But in the last 24 hours, I'd grounded an aircraft...
almost assigned Shamaldas's ashes to the sewers, and...
made a bride elope from her own wedding! All for Rancho.
But he too would do anything for friends.
Like stealing the question paper... from the lion's den.
Envelope with the red seal.
He feared that if Raju failed, there'd be another high jump
We were principled thieves, stealing the paper only for Raju.
We'd sworn we won't even take a peek.
Where's it hidden...
We'll grow old searching! Ask Pia.
Pia, your phone.
Mr. Papa-To-Be! If you say 'All is well', he kicks.
He kicked.
Pia, your phone.
Found it! Rancho.
Hello?
Quick, photocopy this.
Where was it?
Put it back.
- We're safe! - Where were you?
- Here. - What's this?
A gift.
Question paper. Virus set it himself, to fail you.
Strange buddies!
First teach you to be upright, then offer a path to shame.
No way!
If I pass, it'll be on my own steam.
If I don't, it's still ok.
He'd won us over! I felt like embracing him as family...
but then I controlled my emotions.
- Damn thief. - Sir, please, sir.
- Rascal. - Sorry sir.
Wanted to change the system?
- You'll pee on my door. - Sir, what're you doing?
Sorry sir.
You are rusticated!
If all of you aren't out by morning, I'll call the police.
I will call the police!
Rascals!
Rascals, all of you.
How did he get my office key?
I gave him the key, Dad.
I wish I'd given this key to my brother... He'd be alive today.
Stop it, Pia.
You think your son fell off a train and died?
Shut up, Pia.
You decided he'd be an engineer.
Did you ever ask him what he wanted to be?
You put such pressure on him...
that he chose death over the entrance exam.
I don't understand...
Dad, you go to your room.
Pia, don't do this.
He wanted to study Literature, be a writer.
But all he wrote was this suicide note.
Put that away, please.
No more cover-ups!
Just once...
if you'd said - Don't do Engineering if you don't want to...
just do what your heart is in...
then he'd be alive today.
He didn't commit suicide.
You're right, Dad.
It wasn't suicide...
It was murder.
Many city roads are completely submerged.
Traffic has come to a standstill.
Dad...
Mona?
Go back, Millimeter. Why're you following us?
Why? Your pop owns the road?
Please help, we are desperate here!
You can't send an ambulance?
Get it from another hospital.
The entire city's flooded, sir. We're helpless.
Mona, you ok?
Rancho, Pia.
Rancho, you can't reach here. Do as I say.
The water bag has burst.
Disconnected! Mona.
Mona!
- Turn on the lights. - Where to?
- To the table tennis table. - Pia, we're in the common room.
Raju, turn on the web camera.
Where's Mona? Show me.
Hold on.
Here, Pia.
Mona, don't worry. I'm with you.
Pia, I'm dying!
Rancho, even when there were no hospitals or docs...
babies were delivered.
You all will deliver this baby.
All is well.
How dare you? I'll kill you.
Dad, stay out of this.
Farhan, get towels and scissors.
Millimeter, get clothes clips and hot water.
Rancho, cover Mona.
Mona, try pushing.
Push with all your might.
Stop it! I can't do it.
Rancho, check if there's crowning.
Crowning...?
Get that diagram.
See if the head is coming out.
Check quickly.
Go!
Go, Rancho, go.
No crowning.
Mona, please push.
Mona!
She's tired, Pia.
Wake her! If she won't push, it's a big problem.
- They need a vacuum cup. - Where will they get one?
What's a vacuum cup? How is it used?
I'll show you.
If the mother's too fatigued to push, a cup is placed on baby's head.
Suction makes the cup stick to the head...
and the baby is pulled out.
- I can make this. - How?
- With a vacuum cleaner. - Vacuum cleaner?
Yes.
That pressure's too high.
- I'll control it. - D'you have a vacuum cleaner?
Yes, in my office.
- Farhan, rush and get it. - Here's the key.
Mona, push.
Oh my God!
What happened?
- Raju, what happened? - The power's gone.
How'll the vacuum work now?
Farhan, you get the vacuum, I'll get the power.
How?
Millimeter, get Virus out.
What nonsense is this?
Not this Virus. My Virus, the inverter.
- Get that, quick. - Ok.
Raju, wake up the hostel.
Get car batteries, wires, and a vacuum gauge.
Emergency in the common room!
- Where's Rancho? - Here, sir.
Keep the batteries here ... and the wires.
Raju, switch off everything, connect the inverter to the mains.
Rancho, vacuum cleaner.
Farhan, get your lens cleaner.
- Blower? - Yeah, get it.
Rancho, blower.
Good. Fix this to the gauge.
Rancho, I'm done.
- All switches off? - Yes.
Hit the table and computer switches.
Ok.
Raju, turn on the computer.
Farhan, here.
Pia, come here quick.
Love you, Rancho.
- Farhan, turn it on. - Ok.
Pia, how much suction?
Not more than 0.5!
- Farhan, 0.5! - Cover it.
0.5!
Vacuum cleaner baby! Mother of all deliveries.
Farhan, stop.
Ok.
Raju, get on the table.
Push the baby down, like this.
Ok.
Farhan, turn it on.
C'mon, you can do it.
C'mon, push.
Do it for Champ.
C'mon, Mona.
He's coming out!
You can do it.
Yes Mona, push.
Farhan, turn it off.
Ok, off.
Two clips, cut the umbilical cord.
Farhan, two clips on the cord.
- Get scissors. - Be careful!
Cut at the center, get a towel.
Pia, he's not crying.
Hey Champ!
Rancho, rub his back.
- Hey Champ! - Come on, Champ.
No, nothing.
Blow air into his mouth.
C'mon, Champ.
No response.
Hush Mona, say - All is well.
He kicked.
What?
He kicked.
Say - All is well.
All is well.
If Virus had said, 'My grandson will be an engineer'...
I would've broken his jaw.
But when he finally spoke, he stunned us.
What a kick! Wanna be a footballer?
Be what you want to be.
Wait - I've not finished with you!
First day of college, you'd asked me a question...
Why didn't astronauts use a pencil in space?
If a pencil tip breaks...
it'd float in zero gravity. Get into eyes, nose, instruments...
You were wrong!
You cannot be right all the time.
You understand?
Yes, sir.
This was an important invention.
You understand?
Yes, sir.
My Director said, 'When you find an extraordinary student...'
Go, study! Pass your exams and leave.
And now, Student of the Year...
Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad
Sir, one photo.
I wanted to capture all these memories and take them home.
That day, we hugged, we rejoiced, we cried...
We vowed that we'd meet at least once a year...
Who knew then, we were seeing Rancho for the last time.
Untie him.
I'll sue you all in an American court.
Raju.
Only Rancho can create a school like this.
But where is he?
Don't pee here.
Go away creatures.
- Don't pee here. - I'll smack you.
Bingo! He cannot be far.
Excuse me, where is Ranchoddas?
- He's not Ranchoddas! - Rancho...
Chhote... Dammit, what's his name?
Calm down. Come with me.
- Where's he? - Rancho.
Farhan, he's read all your books.
Raju, he reads your blog everyday. Proudly shares it with the kids.
Remember your helmet, Pia? It was stolen...
Who are you? How do you know us?
- Didn't you recognize me? - No.
How would you? Millimeter is now Centimeter.
Not Centimeter, you're Kilometer.
How did you get here?
I got a letter with a train ticket inside.
It said - 'Miss being in school? Catch this train'... I did.
That rascal Rancho!
Where is that idiot?
Dorje, you fly it.
Every night you ride into my dreams on a scooter, dressed as a bride.
Instead of a veil, you lift your helmet...
and come close to kiss me.
Couldn't you tell me before leaving?
No.
Sorry.
Did you marry?
What? No.
- You? - Almost... Idiot.
So?
So what?
Do you love someone?
Yes.
Who?
You.
See, the noses don't collide, stupid.
That's right!
Rancho.
Hi... Farhan!
Screw your 'Hi'.
Hey, listen to me... No, you listen to me.
I can explain everything.
Hi... Raju!
How we hunted for you!
Didn't have a coin for one phone call?
Add a couple from me too.
- Rascal, scoundrel! - Let him go now.
Ok ok, enough.
On your feet, c'mon.
Having fun, idiots?
Hey... Hi Chatur.
Ranchoddas Chanchad. How do you do, Mr. Teacher?
Wow, you're a teacher in a village - A for Apple, B for Ball...
Our trains left together. But yours traveled in reverse...
from engineer to primary teacher.
What's your salary, Chanchad? 5000/-?
For me that's $ 100.
My son's pocket money is more than your salary.
- Cut the crap. - Crap is what he gave us.
Wanted to change the education system, change the world.
Finally what does he change? Kids' diapers.
You gonna break his jaw or should I?
Just relax.
Remember I'd said one day you'd cry and I'd laugh?
Sign here. Accept - You lost, I won!
'Declaration of Defeat'! Unbelievable, man.
- Chatur... - Crazy guy.
Hey, this is Virus's pen! You pinched it?
Forget it, man.
This is for winners, not losers.
If your school ever needs help, call my assistant for a donation.
A for Apple, B for Ball...
- He hasn't changed at all! - Ignore him.
He's full of crap.
Good news is your name isn't Ranchoddas Chanchad.
Imagine, after marriage, I'm Pia Chanchad - Yuck!
By the way, what is your real name?
Phunsukh Wangdu.
Wangdu?
Pia Wangdu!
You mean you're a scientist?
You have 400 patents?
I won't change my name after marriage.
You mean you're Chatur's Wangdu?
It's you the Japanese are wooing?
I don't like Wangdu.
Are you a scientist or a teacher?
Scientist, but I also teach children.
So you are THE Phunsukh Wangdu?
Yes, yes!
- Hey Silencer. - Hey Chatur, come back.
Take that.
Wait, I'll stop him.
Mr. Wangdu, I can't believe it's you.
I'm sorry, Mr. Chatur.
I can't sign the deal with your company.
What sir? Why sir?
How do I sign, man? You took my pen.
What pen, sir? I didn't get you...
The one in your hand - Virus's pen.
Mr. Wangdu...?
Yes, Chatur?
A for Apple, B for Ball is...
S for Screwed.
You got me, Rancho. I mean, Mr. Wangdu.
Totally floored me. Good one.
I hope our personal problems won't affect this deal.
Hey Chatur, take that.
I was just joking, man.
Deep down, I knew you'd do great things.
You're fibbing.
No, really, I swear.
Rancho - 100, Chatur - 0
You win, I lose. You don't believe me?
Beware of farts.
Your Majesty, thou art great. Accept this humble offering.
Free advice, Mr. Wangdu - Run for your life!
Rancho, I'll lose my job, man. I have small kids...
His Holiness Guru Ranchoddas had correctly stated.
Follow Excellence... Success will chase you, pants down.