Previously on "Nurse Jackie"...
There are more than 10,000 saints.
What if I choose the wrong one for the pageant?
- How much you got? - $200.
I would love to hear your thoughts
about how All saints can better service the community,
especially in relation to childhood obesity issues.
Chung was a killer when it came to kid's health.
Yes, Lily is a killer.
( Sighs )
All right, you're having a hard day. I can tell.
( Pills rattles )
Kevin, can I... let me explain.
- Are you fucking out of your mind? - This is old.
This is not from now. This is from a long time ago.
Okay? 30 days clean.
We are okay, Kevin. It is okay.
We're okay.
Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com
I am Christina the Astonishing.
I am from Belgium.
I am remembered for my faith
and my violent fits of ecstasy.
Jackie: Grace honey, please stay still.
Oh, you are gonna look great for this pageant thing tonight.
Mom, I'm trying to practice my speech.
- Oh, sorry. - And it's not a pageant. It's a litany.
Well, whatever it is, you're going to be
the prettiest Saint on the stage.
The storm kept me up and now I can't remember my lines.
- "I was born a peasant." - I was born a peasant
and when I was 21 years old,
I had epilepsy and died.
What's epilepsy?
It's a neurological disorder in which you have seizures.
Honey, yes, that's absolutely right, but if you don't stay still,
- I'm going to poke you with this thing. - Fiona: What are seizures?
I have to practice... with gestures.
Wow, Gracie, you look astonishing.
- Dad. - "When they had my funeral."
When they had my funeral, I came back to life
in my coffin and I floated up to the rafters
and told everybody in the church
that I saw Heaven and Hell and Purgatory
while I was dead.
- Kev, can you pass me those wings? - She didn't have wings!
You... it says she floats up to the rafters of the church.
- I made them last night. - If she had wings,
- it wouldn't be a miracle! - All right.
You yell at the nuns with that mouth?
Saints, not angels, babe.
I'm never gonna remember my lines.
You're gonna do great. You're gonna knock it out of the park.
You're gonna dominate. You're gonna crack 'em and rack 'em and stack 'em.
- Dad. - And we're gonna be there snapping pictures.
You'll be fine, sweetie pie.
Just try to relax, keep your shoulders back,
your eyes straight ahead, keep breathing.
What is the worst that could happen?
Greg, how about you just do your job?
And your job is to remove the naked grecian dude
from my living room.
Yeah, or I take my business elsewhere.
Thank you.
Interior decorator wants to go all greco-roman.
That's fascinating. Can I get a hug?
Moving into a condo.
Hey, how about that storm last night?
What? No small talk, just a hug?
- Just a hug. - Sorry, fresh out.
Flying to Miami tonight to re-up.
Painkiller capital of the world.
Old people, gotta love 'em.
You're going out of town? You... you've gotta...
You've gotta have something.
Okay look,
after work come by my place,
I'll see if I can't scrounge something up for you, okay?
Your place like your home?
Relax.
( Paper rustles )
- Right up the block. - ( Pen scratching )
It's the Deco joint
with the gargoyles on top.
Go figure.
There's a doorman. I'll see you later.
( Grunting ) 25-year-old male, went nuts on the high line.
Threatened to jump, clawed a chunk of skin out of his own neck.
- Sherm or dust? - We're thinking dust.
- He bent the gurney with his bare hands. - I need a tox screen and Thor.
- Bring me my giant! - It's dust for sure.
- It's totally PCP - Either way, keep him in restraints.
Personally, I think he's a glue-sniffer.
It looks more like a sherm stick...
a cigarette dipped in formaldehyde. Totally cuckoo.
Everyone has opinions. No one has information.
- Goodbye. - Overdose?
- ( Grunting continues ) - Wow.
It's so hard to know what's going on inside someone.
- Yes indeed, it is. - Yes, well, you two can stand here
and mull over his right to privacy
while Thor draws blood for a tox screen. Thor.
- On it. - ( Sighs )
I have a gift certificate to Utsav.
Indian. $50.
- Wanna have lunch? - You and I?
Jackie too. It's $50.
Jacks, Zoey's invited us to lunch.
Oh, today? Lemme think about it.
Oh, come on. It's one lunch.
- Pfff. - Really?
'Cause if either of you ever asked me to lunch...
- I've invited you to lunch. - I know,
and I jumped at the chance.
Come on, I do everything for you guys.
I sing your praises on high.
And now I want to buy you lunch
and you're looking at each other like "oh, I'll go if you go."
"Shh!" "Oh."
Fine, I'll say it out loud.
Jackie, I'll go if you go.
Uh, yeah, no, it's fine with me. Lunch is lunch.
- What? - No one sounds excited.
In with the new, out with the old! New phone!
She sounds excited.
( Toy whirring )
( Knocking on door )
Come in!
I wanted to give you a heads up.
My phone's gonna be down for a little bit.
- I made this in the fifth grade. - Very nice.
It's a diorama of a 19th-century dentist's office.
The three of us made it together for social studies.
( Chuckles ) We were up all night.
( Inhales deeply )
I'm gonna have this conversation with you once
and only once.
Your mothers called me, both of them.
They told me about the divorce
and that they're worried about you.
This is not my job!
You have two mothers. You don't need a third.
Get your act together and clean your office.
This is a health hazard.
What would you do if you were me?
I'd purge.
Back from the lab... spazzed out guy in three?
- PCP - He's due for ativan.
Do you mind?
Drug cases are kind of weird for me.
You know, I'm just trying to negotiate everything.
The drug cases? Really?
Sam, you're a nurse. You don't get to choose who you treat.
No, I know. I'm just saying if...
Okay, what would your...
Sponsor or whatever tell you?
He'd tell me to be of service.
Okay, be of service, be a productive member of this staff.
Assist Dr. O'Hara in treating this afflicted man.
Yeah. Yeah, you're, um...
I'm sorry, Jackie. You're right.
You would so kick ass in AA.
- ( Mouths ) - What? She would.
You're on your own.
- Sore topic. - Not for me.
( Sniffs )
This is Dr. Cooper. He's gonna be taking care of you.
These ladies skipped school,
hit the bottle then hit the sidewalk.
- I fell. - ( Laughing ) She was like... bop!
( Girls laugh )
He's totally the guy from the bus stop.
- The "looks can cure" guy? - Oh my God, you're so hot.
- Hot stop. - ( Girls laughing )
My God, you're totally, like, sexy doctor man.
Stitches, and let's get an X-ray.
- We both wanna marry doctors. - Or even a nurse.
I'd get with a nurse, 'cause they're healers.
- You know it. - Doctors make some money.
Girls, I'm gonna drop some wisdom on you.
Oh, you don't have to do that, Dr. Cooper.
So many things that we love are illusions.
Look at these shoes. These shoes are $600.
Illusions.
Look at this phone. Awesome phone.
Illusion.
But this guy... this guy is real.
Are you really real?
100%.
Aw shit. That tree took out a power line.
I had no electricity for six hours.
- Beer's gonna be warm. - You're up and running now.
- Hey, good to know people in high places. - I appreciate you coming out.
City Hall is going nuts, I bet.
Yeah, a terrible storm, trees down everywhere,
I heard about this one on the dispatch
- and I thought I'd swing by. - What's it been eight years?
- Fi's baptism. - Eight years.
Look, Kev,
I ran a check
just to make sure you still owned the place before I trekked out here,
noticed you had an outstanding ticket a few months back.
Yeah, I got pulled over.
75 in a 30, two kids in the car?
- I was in a rush. - Pay the ticket, Kev. You're overdue.
- They will nail you. - I'm working on it.
- You want a warm beer? - I'd love one.
Namaste.
India.
This is nice. ( Chuckles )
Yes, it is. Zoey, you're right, this is a nice gesture.
So, Dr. O'Hara, how would you characterize your friendship with Jackie?
- Excuse me? - Zoey, tell me this is not for that blog thing.
My next entry is titled
"Doctors and Nurses: No longer cats and dogs."
- No, it isn't. - Zoey, you do realize
if you mention either of us online,
we will cut you into little pieces and feed you to snakes.
Your names are changed.
Lady Penelope
and... Taffy.
You named me Taffy?
It's just that I look at the two of you
and I see something,
you know, rare and amazing.
I think people could learn.
My fondness for nurses does not extend beyond Jackie.
And you, of course.
Of course.
What about Kelly?
Everybody loves Kelly.
The ladies love Kelly.
Yeah, well, we are not ladies.
Way to go, Taffy.
Wait, so you guys don't like Kelly.
No, Zoey, we did not say that.
Kinda you did.
Just in case you were tempted to stab her.
I did that already. I punched in star.
- Oh, for God's sakes. - ( Knocks on door )
Do you know how to work this phone?
I am so backed up.
These things are supposed to help us do our jobs. Piece of junk.
I want to demonstrate something to you.
- Purging. - So what do you want, a cookie?
I need a hug.
- No. - Come on, Gloria. Just a hug.
Don't call me that. And no. I need Thor.
Tell him to get in here.
You know, there are lots of people that would hug me.
Then find them and hug them.
She fucking drove off with my kids.
I'm standing there in the middle of nowhere,
had to call a buddy to pick me up on his motorcycle.
Look, you married a piece of work. Jackie?
Jackie'd chew off her own paw before she gave an inch.
I've never been so angry at her in my entire life.
Next day, she goes off to work.
I pack suitcases for the girls,
I put 'em in the car and I take off.
- You left her? - I was in a state.
I didn't realize how fast I was going until I saw the flashing lights.
- And then what? - I got pulled over and went home.
It was just...
- Rage. - ( Chuckles )
What are you, a battered wife?
Taking the kids and leaving?
Fuck off, Carl.
I was out of my head.
I'd been happily married for 15 years
and suddenly I've got an exit plan.
And rage.
I've got a lot of rage.
You ever consider stepping out of your marriage?
Not permanently, just a little something...
Nah.
Well, speaking only for myself,
- there were a couple of times... - Yeah, I get it
but... that's you.
You were a big deal, Kev.
You had your pick. Don't ever forget that.
And I picked Jackie.
Loud and clear.
Whose bag is in the middle of the floor?
- That's our bag! - All right.
- You can't take that beer... - Oh, that's our beer. Private pro...
pipe down!
- Hey, Slater. - Yeah?
What are you doing?
I'm following up with a concussion.
Check on the PCP In three. Now.
Yes, ma'am.
( Whispers, chuckles )
( Girls laughing )
( Machine beeping )
- The line's crimped. - You might want to keep him restrained.
- That dog bites. - He's knocked out.
Yeah well, PCP
All right.
- ( Rapid beeping ) - ( Grunts )
- Oh! - ( Grunting )
Are you okay?
( Beeping slows )
I'm fine.
You've got remote access to all phone services
through VPN, unified messaging,
rich-media conferencing... this thing could probably make waffles.
How do I make a telephone call?
- ( Phone rings ) - Oh well, here we go. Up and running.
- "Lily Chung calling." - Don't answer it.
- I want to show you how it works. - Thor, listen to me.
Last night after one too many vodka gimlets,
I called Lily Chung twice, maybe three times,
and left a series of increasingly embarrassing voicemails.
Hmm, drunk dialing... know it well.
You're afraid of this woman? You?
She makes me feel unaccomplished.
She's my Voldemort.
- ( Ringing continues ) - May I?
Gloria Akalitus's office.
I see. I'm sorry, she's not in the office right now.
Maybe I can reach her. Hey, Megan,
see if you can reach Ms. Akalitus at Mayor Bloomberg's office.
They're having their Tuesday lunch. Thanks, hon.
Hello, Ms. Chung?
Oh. Oh, of course, you can try her tomorrow.
I'll let her know you called. Mmm. Bye.
- ( Emphatically ) Holla at ya boy. - Oh!
Oh, come on. He gets a hug?
Oh, that looks like it hurts.
I'm fine.
That's gonna bruise. You're gonna wanna
get in front of that, get something from Eddie.
- ( Can pops ) - I'm fine.
Even if it's just for your nerves.
You look pale. You should take something.
I'm fine.
( Can pops )
Last call.
This place really does need a bar.
Hey, I heard.
- You okay? - Mmm, don't know.
Well, what are we talking about?
Benzo for nerves? Percocet for pain?
Maybe something in-between?
( Sighs )
Fuck it all. I'll live with it.
Wow. People still do that?
( Chuckles )
It's scary shit, huh?
Yeah.
It's all right.
- What an asshole. - ( O'Hara chuckles )
Eddie: Sorry.
( Cell phone vibrating )
- Hello? - Grace: Mom?
Gracie, what's wrong?
I borrowed Alison's phone.
I'm in the bathroom. I'm not supposed to be on the phone.
- What's the matter, honey? - Nothing.
I... I just wanted to tell you that.
I liked the wings you made for me.
- The wings? - You were being nice.
I was mean. I didn't mean to be mean.
It's just that she wasn't an angel.
She was a Saint.
Oh, Gracie.
I have to go. I don't want to get caught.
Okay, honey.
Ho... honey?
Bye-bye.
Oh, no thanks.
I dined with the girls.
Ooh, that reminds me.
A little heads up from someone who's been here awhile.
I cannot emphasize enough
the importance
of getting along with Jackie.
Oh. Well, I think we get along great.
Why? Did she say something?
- Because if she doesn't like me... - No, no one said anything.
I tried to be gossipy
and it's totally backfiring. Abort abort abort.
Slater, you wanna try taking it easy around the jailbait?
- I don't know what you're talking about. - The hell you don't.
I'm not gonna engage in this.
( Laughing )
I'm not jailbait.
I wasn't talking about you.
- I used to be jailbait. - Shut up.
My bait used to be very jail.
- Are you kidding me right now?! - What are they, like 16?
Seriously, lady, back the fuck off.
- You think I'm stupid? - If you're gonna accuse me,
do it through proper channels.
But remember, you're the one in the men's room right now.
If you're gonna come after me, I'm coming after you.
- I know what I saw. - You're fucking high!
- As you were. - ( Door closes )
- ( Door opens ) - Eddie: Hey.
- How's O'Hara? - She says she's fine.
- Are you okay? - Me?
Yeah, fine.
Is she taking anything for it?
She says she doesn't want any.
God. I think she's in more pain than she lets on.
( Groans )
That PCP guy was a disaster.
I threw my back out trying to restrain him.
Mmm. Well, back again, huh?
Try pilates or something?
You know what, Eddie?
Fuck you.
So just to be clear,
are we throwing these out or...
No. What?
No, we're just...
we're just keeping them in here.
Okay.
I like the Dollhouse.
It's not a Dollhouse.
But you could use it as one, though,
if you had dolls and they needed a house.
It still wouldn't be a Dollhouse.
What is it, anyway?
It's a replica of a 19th-century dentist's office made to scale.
I even made the dentist and the little man in the chair.
When I was little, everything had to be perfect
or I'd freak out.
Look at that poor guy.
Looks like it hurts.
He's having his impacted molar extracted
without anesthesia, so yeah, it hurts.
It does.
( Wind blowing )
Have a good night, sir.
( Cracks )
( Truck approaching )
( Honks )
( Tires screech )
Grace: I am Christina the Astonishing.
I am from Belgium.
I am remembered for my faith
and my violent fits of ecstasy.
I am the Patron Saint of Insanity
and lunatics.
I died but came back to life.
Psalm 102 is attributed to me.
It is the prayer of the afflicted.
"For my days vanish like smoke..."
"I am like an owl in the desert..."
"Among the ruins..."
"I have mingled my drink with weeping..."
"And my days are like a shadow."
"Pray for me."
Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com