1 00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:04,370 (Cleveland Narrating text) 2 00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,620 ♪ My name is Cleveland Brown 3 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,722 ♪ And I am proud to be 4 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,158 ♪ Right back in my hometown 5 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,560 ♪ With my new family 6 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:31,196 ♪ There's old friends and new friends ♪ 7 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,198 ♪ And even a bear 8 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,434 ♪ Through good times and bad times ♪ 9 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,869 ♪ It's true love we share ♪ 10 00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:39,471 ♪ And so I found a place 11 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,740 ♪ Where everyone will know 12 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,842 ♪ My happy mustached face 13 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,445 ♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪ 14 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,547 (chuckles) 15 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:51,784 Hey, Mama, 16 00:00:51,786 --> 00:00:53,152 look at this trick I learned 17 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:56,088 by watching Criss Angel. 18 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:57,689 Wow. Mama, make me 19 00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:58,490 another breakfast. 20 00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:01,593 Rallo, I'm busy cleaning the pots and pans Cleveland left 21 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,430 when he came home drunk and made pork and beans. 22 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,632 (yawns) 23 00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,669 (sniffs, groans) 24 00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:13,372 (belching): What? 25 00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:16,308 You have been a total slob lately. 26 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:17,109 That's... 27 00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:17,709 (belching): ...what. 28 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,478 That's the whole point of getting married. 29 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,247 You can let yourself go completely-- 30 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,682 well, the husband, anyway. 31 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,617 Cleveland, it's only been three months. 32 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,152 I thought you'd wait at least a year 33 00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:28,921 before you started stinking up the joint 34 00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:30,789 like Philip Seymour Hoffman. 35 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,125 I have an Oscar. 36 00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:34,927 (cat litter rattling) 37 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,567 Hey, sounds like it might be time 38 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,769 for a little, uh, second honeymoon. 39 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,838 Wh-Where did you two go the first time? 40 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,273 I never got around to booking it. 41 00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:48,907 No honeymoon? 42 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,676 Have you ice in your veins? 43 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:51,743 I knew he didn't. 44 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:52,744 What? We've been here 45 00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,646 literally every night since his wedding. 46 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:57,749 The truth is, I don't even know where to take Donna. 47 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:02,688 Lester, where's your favorite place for romance? 48 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,490 Ho-ho-kay, Lester. 49 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,325 Thank you for sharing. 50 00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,694 Hey, y-you, you want a sexy trip, 51 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:09,895 d-do what Arianna and I did. 52 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:12,264 Hit up the Holy Land-- Israel-- 53 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:13,866 that is, eh, if it, uh, still exists 54 00:02:13,868 --> 00:02:15,901 at the time I'm saying this. 55 00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:18,237 Hot Brown, I coached you in baseball, 56 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,905 and now I got to coach you in love. 57 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:23,876 The most romantic place on Earth is right here in the USA. 58 00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:25,978 I'm talking about New York City. 59 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,780 It's where I found love for the first time, 60 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:34,620 and it left a giant, gaping hole... in my heart. 61 00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:37,589 I had a dream of playing for the Yanks. 62 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,592 Wound up slinging hash at the Carnegie Deli. 63 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:42,561 I was young, dumb, 64 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,930 and full of Tums. 65 00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:51,637 And then I met a gal, an actress just starting out, 66 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:57,276 a burly angel who knew how to put away the corned beef. 67 00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:01,813 Her name was Tyne Daly. 68 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:06,285 That's right, the Tyne Daly . 69 00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:12,057 It was magical, 70 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:15,827 but I never got the chance to tell her I loved her. 71 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,863 I still dream of her every night. 72 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,599 Always the same thing-- me, her, and Whitey Ford 73 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:23,769 getting it on right in the middle of Tad's Steaks. 74 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:27,739 Don't let love slip away, Hot Brown. 75 00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:29,942 Hello, Mom? 76 00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:31,443 Who's Tyne Daly? 77 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,844 No, no? 78 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,680 Okay, well, th-then put Grandma on. 79 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:38,884 (shouting): Grandma, who is Tyne Daly?! 80 00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:43,088 (in deep voice): You're coming with me. 81 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,389 (screams) 82 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,924 (screams) 83 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,260 That is it. Prepare to... 84 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,262 (in normal voice): Honeymoon! 85 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,663 (laughs) 86 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:52,030 Cleveland? 87 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:55,734 You scared the Shia LaBeouf out of me. 88 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,769 What do you mean, "honeymoon"? 89 00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,072 Does this answer your query? 90 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,441 (horn playing melody) 91 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:06,278 Krinklesac Discount Limousine and Animal Carcass Removal 92 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,946 at your disposal, ma'am. 93 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:10,249 Next stop, New York City! 94 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,850 New York City? 95 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,552 We've got to pack our... 96 00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,087 But the kids... 97 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,256 I have obtained the services 98 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:20,158 of Stoolbend's finest sitter. 99 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,028 (snoring) 100 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:29,001 Sweet dreams, Mr. Kimple. 101 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,036 Should I draw a penis on his face? 102 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:34,806 You pretty much have to in this situation. 103 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:38,410 Oh, Cleveland, this is the most romantic ending 104 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,880 to a fake rape attempt ever. 105 00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:46,918 McFALL (spits): Pardon my chaw, madam. 106 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:47,919 Coach McFall?! 107 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:50,255 Is coming with us to rekindle his love 108 00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,257 with Tyne Daly. 109 00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:52,958 (groans) 110 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,493 Fine, he can ride with us, 111 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,228 but I don't want this spiraling 112 00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:59,298 into further misadventures. 113 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:01,300 Aah, a bear. 114 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,435 Better let him do whatever he wants. 115 00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:06,672 Hell, why not get the whole freak show together 116 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,141 and invite your little hobbit friend, too? 117 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,242 Hey, that's offensive. 118 00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,577 I'm small-boned, except for one. 119 00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,713 Yeah, this chick's laughing. 120 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,248 (sighs) 121 00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:21,386 When I get to New York, I'm going to get discovered. 122 00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,488 Yeah, you could do a little commercial work, 123 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,057 have a short run off Broadway. 124 00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:26,925 Then you decide to act as your own agent, 125 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,394 end up negotiating a terrible deal for yourself 126 00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,495 'cause you're not smart. 127 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,531 Next thing you know, you're teaching theater arts 128 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,966 at a community college in the middle of nowhere. 129 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,902 Most people will think you're weird, 130 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,236 but your cats will know better. 131 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,806 Geez, Rallo, what's wrong with you, man? 132 00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:43,875 Don't blame me, it's the business. 133 00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:55,087 Guys, look what I found in Donna's purse. 134 00:05:55,089 --> 00:05:56,321 A tampon. 135 00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:57,389 (laughs) 136 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,358 I'm just playing, baby. 137 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,561 The mysterious things a woman's body does 138 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,262 are very natural. 139 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,997 (sighs) 140 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,433 There it is: New York City. 141 00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:11,536 It's just like I imagined it. 142 00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:23,181 Well, first thing tomorrow, 143 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:26,218 it's off to harpoon Tyne Daly. 144 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:28,120 You stud. 145 00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:32,624 Can I help you? 146 00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:36,328 I'm Roberta Tubbs, guest of The Maury Povich Show, 147 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:39,398 so I'll be staying here for free. 148 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,065 (typing) 149 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,466 Uh, your name's not on the list. 150 00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,335 How do I know you're telling the truth? 151 00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:44,669 One of them's my baby daddy. 152 00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:48,206 And if it turns out it ain't me, I'm gonna be all... 153 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:51,143 (laughing maniacally) 154 00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:57,015 Here's your room key, $75 per diem, affidavit 155 00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:00,152 and a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. 156 00:07:00,154 --> 00:07:01,186 PBR! 157 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:05,357 I hope it keeps for 16 years. 158 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,929 I want to see the most romantic spots in the city. 159 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,998 I marked them all in this guidebook. 160 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,634 Regis Philbin's Erotic New York. 161 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:19,070 Oh, Donna, I feel like we're in a Woody Allen movie, 162 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:22,574 except I've laughed a few times in the last hour. 163 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,611 Hey, Clevela... oh, sorry. 164 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,380 I thought you was someone else. 165 00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:29,281 That's all right. 166 00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:30,549 Oh, wait, there's Cleveland. 167 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,017 Hey, Cleveland! 168 00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,652 Oh, m-my bad. 169 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,086 Oh, there he is. 170 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:35,620 Cleveland! 171 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,590 Damn, there are so many of you people here. 172 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,125 What you mean, "you people"? 173 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,227 You know, you're all a bunch of... 174 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:45,263 (♪ Family Guy theme plays ) 175 00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:49,501 Aw, I miss you, too, Arianna. 176 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,669 New York is not so bad. 177 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:53,438 Y-You can poop pretty much anywhere. 178 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,573 No one even looks at you. 179 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,908 One guy even gave me a quarter. 180 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,677 Whoa, hold the presses. 181 00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,679 Arianna, there's a bar here with a sign 182 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,581 that says "Bears Welcome." 183 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,149 Yeah, I know. 184 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,250 Oh, well, here we go. 185 00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,418 Bear walks into a bar, right? 186 00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:08,687 (chuckling): Okay, I'll talk to you later. 187 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,589 ♪ 188 00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:18,396 ♪ 189 00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:19,231 (gasps) 190 00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:21,333 You the president of MTV? 191 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,068 Word up, dawgs. 192 00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,135 Well, I'm Roberta Tubbs, 193 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,705 and I came all the way from Stoolbend, Virginia, 194 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:30,642 to pitch you a reality show called Roberta Rules. 195 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:33,311 I'm a vapid teenager with no talents, 196 00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:34,713 no discernible personality, 197 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:38,350 and no ambition other than to be famous. 198 00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:40,252 Intrigued. You? 199 00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:45,223 I'm a tough-talking street kid with a passion for the violin. 200 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,491 Love. Love. 201 00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:47,425 How about fatty? 202 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:50,395 I'm just a stone-cold (bleep) machine. 203 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:53,265 We begin shooting tomorrow. 204 00:08:53,267 --> 00:08:54,733 Congratulations, Kellie. 205 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:55,667 Roberta. 206 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,502 Not anymore. 207 00:08:59,739 --> 00:09:00,672 Taxi! 208 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:01,706 (phone rings) 209 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,808 I love New York. Hello. 210 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,745 Listen, y-you got to get me out of this bear bar 211 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:10,749 before I really get into the, uh, the down and the dirty. 212 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,552 Donna, I have to go to a gay bar with Tim. 213 00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,820 No time to explain anything else whatsoever. 214 00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:17,923 Cleveland, this is exactly what I was worried about. 215 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:21,326 Don't get involved in your friends' shenanigans. 216 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,227 Tim's more than a friend. 217 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:26,231 I'll meet you at the Empire State Building in one hour. 218 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,135 Driver, take me to New York's gay bar. 219 00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,706 He's not interested. 220 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:35,473 Oh? 221 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,742 Then maybe he shouldn't come into a gay bar 222 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,277 without wearing pants. 223 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:43,915 Cartoon bears never wear pants. 224 00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,251 CLEVELAND: Donna. 225 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,152 You'd better be calling 226 00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:48,787 to tell me you're standing behind me. 227 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,488 I'm walking out of Tiffany's. 228 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:51,723 I just bought you a ring. 229 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,592 Oh, no, someone just stole it! 230 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:54,659 But I'm on my way. 231 00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,561 (phone beeps) Hold up, I'm beeping. 232 00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:59,097 Hello, I'm in New York. 233 00:09:59,099 --> 00:09:59,698 Cleve? Lester. 234 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,800 It seems the good people of Harlem are upset 235 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:06,304 by me using that word you call Rallo all the time. 236 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,772 Help! 237 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,808 (sighs) (phone beeps) 238 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:12,711 Donna, hey! Cleveland. 239 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,579 I'll meet you at the next spot. 240 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:15,213 This is my honeymoon, 241 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,781 and if you don't start showing me some romance, 242 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,883 I will take you off my health insurance. 243 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,485 You wouldn't. Oh, I would. 244 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:23,788 Rallo's uninsured, and I sleep like a baby at night. 245 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,256 (phone beeps) 246 00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:28,693 (crowd clamoring) MAN: Yeah, we gonna take you down, man. 247 00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:29,594 Stop! 248 00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:30,662 You know the rule. 249 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,796 If he has one black friend, 250 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,899 he's allowed one free pass on the N-word. 251 00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:37,135 Oh, man. Yeah, that's true. 252 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,703 That is the rule. 253 00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:39,804 Thanks, Cleveland. 254 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,172 Wait, you're not... (phone rings) 255 00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:44,342 Hmm. I'm gonna answer my phone. 256 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:44,676 Hello? 257 00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:48,747 (thudding) C-Bro, Donald Trump offered me a job. 258 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:49,914 Step right up. 259 00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:53,852 Poke the freaky little robot man for only five dollars. 260 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,220 I'll be right there. 261 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,721 No time to call Donna. 262 00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:58,657 I'll just text her. 263 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:03,628 D-M-N-O-M-N-M-N-A. 264 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,296 That was an easy one. 265 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,766 Period, exclamation point, question mark. 266 00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:10,368 How do you make a comma on this thing? 267 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,136 You know what? 268 00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:12,871 I'm not gonna use a comma. 269 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,140 There's no time! 270 00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:20,178 Thanks again for stabbing Trump, bro. 271 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,813 No one will care. 272 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,682 Cleveland! 273 00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:26,785 I didn't think I'd be seeing you on our honeymoon. 274 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:30,288 Babe, I could go through a whole flowery speech, 275 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,557 and you could reluctantly forgive me. 276 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,727 Or we could just admit that you have your price. 277 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:36,461 In this case, 278 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:41,966 tickets to the hottest show on Broadway tonight! 279 00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:42,834 It's a play. 280 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:46,471 They're like movies, but gayer and smaller 281 00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:49,741 and more expensive and worse. 282 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:54,846 ♪ 283 00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:56,314 Little known fact: 284 00:11:56,316 --> 00:12:00,218 we shot the Cagney & Lacey pilot as an all-girl porn film. 285 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,920 I told them to take out the crotch shots 286 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,254 and play up the cop angle. 287 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,657 Boom! Eight seasons. 288 00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:08,660 (audience laughing) 289 00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:12,964 That was the greatest spectacle 290 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:16,668 I have ever seen in my entire life. 291 00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:18,503 (grunts) Tyne ahoy! 292 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:21,139 (camera shutters clicking) 293 00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:23,441 No. Mr. Gooding Jr. and I 294 00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:26,277 are simply dear, dear friends. 295 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,379 (gasps) Charles? 296 00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:29,848 Tyne. 297 00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:31,750 (clears throat) 298 00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:34,452 Kind of leaves you speechless, huh, Ms. Daly? 299 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,122 Seeing someone you shared so much with 300 00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:38,623 after all these years. 301 00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,625 "Shared"? 40 years ago, I hired this man 302 00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:41,726 to assemble a Soloflex machine 303 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,695 and hang a punching bag in my living room. 304 00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:45,063 Two nights later, I woke up to find him 305 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,899 wearing my jock and watching me sleep. 306 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,969 He is not to come within 50 yards of me! 307 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,170 Coach, is that true? 308 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,671 Rings a bell. 309 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:54,839 Rex! 310 00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,174 (barking) Rex Reed! 311 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,376 (hissing) Get him! 312 00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,711 (barking and yowling) 313 00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,312 (camera shutters clicking) Oh, Ms. Daly! 314 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,047 Ms. Daly, wait! Ms. Daly! 315 00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:03,548 (tires squealing) 316 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,049 Cleveland, I didn't complain 317 00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:07,152 when you brought your stupid friends on our honeymoon. 318 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,821 I didn't complain when you stood me up all day long. 319 00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:12,724 And I didn't complain when you took me to a four-hour, 320 00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,793 one-woman show set in a steam room. 321 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,195 Well, and I don't want to upset you here, 322 00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:20,698 but technically, you complained the entire time. 323 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:21,733 But go ahead. 324 00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,768 That's a very good point, Cleveland. 325 00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,069 I should stop complaining 326 00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,705 and enjoy the rest of my time in New York. 327 00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,674 Good girl! 328 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,009 Without you! 329 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,411 Good-bye, Cleveland. 330 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,315 I can't let her go. 331 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,117 Taxi! 332 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,285 Follow that cab. 333 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,953 (sitar music playing) 334 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:45,957 And turn up that awesome music. 335 00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,333 ♪ 336 00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,703 So, tell me, Mr. De Niro, 337 00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:02,173 why do they call you the "chocolate rainmaker"? 338 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,007 (humming) 339 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,509 What are you doing with my wife, 340 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:07,712 great actor and bad actor, Robert De Niro? 341 00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,681 Hey, I'm sorry! I didn't know. 342 00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,116 You mind if I slip her the capicola? 343 00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,185 You get out of here! 344 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,789 (goosing) (gasps) 345 00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:21,092 Donna, I'm sorry about ruining the trip. 346 00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,494 Can we please spend the little time 347 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,763 we've got left here together? 348 00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:26,631 No. 349 00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,199 Spend it with your boyfriends. 350 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,334 Mo'hattan! 351 00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,502 McFALL: For Pete's sake, enough! 352 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:32,904 It's my fault. 353 00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:36,007 I've been a selfish, love-struck fool. 354 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,709 I caused you both pain. 355 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,645 Donna, if you won't accept my apology, 356 00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:44,148 I hope you'll accept this. 357 00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,850 Oh, for the love of... 358 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:49,187 an Arby's big beef and cheddar melt? 359 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,822 This is the problem. 360 00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:52,523 This is not a gift a woman wants. 361 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,659 And if you want to win over a Tyne Daly, 362 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,562 we need to get you clothes without pit stains. 363 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,197 "We"? I'm still mad at you, Cleveland. 364 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:02,267 I'm only helping McFall 'cause it's obvious from this weekend 365 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,769 that you have no idea how to treat a woman. 366 00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:07,538 And there's only so much pathetic I can take. 367 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,407 Thank you. Well, then. 368 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:13,845 I think it's time for a makeover! 369 00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:15,580 WOMEN: Makeover?! 370 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,081 ♪ 371 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,050 CLEVELAND: Carrie! Miranda! 372 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,552 Charlotte! Samantha! 373 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,254 Burn...! 374 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,323 (all screaming) 375 00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,592 ♪ 376 00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:00,224 ♪ 377 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:05,997 'Sup, homies? 378 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,433 We're here for our first day of shooting. 379 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:09,934 Shooting...? 380 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,370 My reality show, Roberta Rules, 381 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,539 which we pitched to you yesterday. 382 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:15,974 Oh, right! (chuckles) 383 00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:18,242 While you guys were pitching your reality show, 384 00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,478 you were actually being taped for our new prank show, 385 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,246 So You Think You're Pitching A Reality Show, 386 00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:25,383 But You're Actually Being Taped For A Prank Show! 387 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:28,586 Ugh, this is so uncool! 388 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,688 But at least I'm still going to be on TV! 389 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,824 You were. Last night. It already aired. 390 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,459 Literally no one watched. 391 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,894 What?! I mean, why not? 392 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,330 Nobody's watching TV. 393 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,932 Nobody. 394 00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:43,801 (whispering): Nobody. 395 00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:48,773 ♪ 396 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,875 Oh, and I want to thank Lorne and the cast. 397 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,978 Thanks to my musical guests, Don Henley and Lil Wayne. 398 00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:57,348 Oh, and-and please tune in to Lifetime tomorrow night 399 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,750 for the premiere of my new movie, 400 00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:01,753 Tackle My Heart: The Dick Butkus Story. 401 00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:03,021 Good night, everybody! 402 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,288 (cheering, applause) 403 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,590 Boy, I can't believe 404 00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,625 security is so lax on this show 405 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,061 that we could just wander in here like this. 406 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:13,364 What if one of us was a creepy stalker? 407 00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:16,234 Coach, she's lumbering offstage. 408 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,702 Go! 409 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,311 (screams) I'm sorry. 410 00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:28,579 I'm bad with entrances. 411 00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:32,183 Tyne, I just need a time of your moment-- 412 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:33,418 a-a moment of your Tyne-- 413 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,754 Ah, damn me for a stink-kissing monkey, I'm blowing it! 414 00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,689 Jason Sudeikis! Oh, thank God. 415 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:41,459 Can you help me get rid of this weirdo? 416 00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:41,993 Who, me?! 417 00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:43,461 No, I don't like fighting. 418 00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:44,695 Get Will Forte to help you. 419 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,998 No way! I'm not getting involved. 420 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,800 I'm fixing to have a picnic. 421 00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:50,168 A picnic? (scoffs) 422 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,702 Thanks for inviting me. 423 00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:54,539 Who do you think I was fixing it for? 424 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,874 (both giggling) 425 00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,613 (typing) 426 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,616 Donna, you're a woman. 427 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:06,851 You can type, right? 428 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,252 85 words a minute. 429 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,054 Take down everything I say. 430 00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,689 (cracks knuckles) 431 00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,962 Tyne, I've done you wrong. 432 00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:21,599 "Tyne, I've done you wrong." 433 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,034 I've been hurtful. 434 00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:24,368 I see that now. 435 00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:25,937 "I've been hurtful. 436 00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,472 I see that now." 437 00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:28,372 Go ahead. 438 00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:29,974 I don't expect you to forgive me. 439 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:33,911 But no matter how you feel, I want you to know, 440 00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,580 I think you're wonderful. 441 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:39,050 "And I've thought so for a long, long time. 442 00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,752 "All those years we were apart, 443 00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:44,622 when all I had was the memory of you." 444 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,324 The way you smiled. 445 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:46,858 The way you laughed. 446 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:49,961 The way you mixed up your ketchup and your tartar sauce 447 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,430 when they had fish sticks in the cafeteria, 448 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,732 which was actually pretty gross, 449 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,968 but not when you did it. 450 00:18:56,970 --> 00:19:00,538 You remember that from high school? 451 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,306 I remember everything. 452 00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:05,042 "The way you mixed your ketchup and your tartar sauce 453 00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:06,811 when you..." Wait, what?! 454 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,012 No, no, you're right! 455 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:08,980 I also eat Neapolitan ice cream, 456 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:12,016 and mix it with leaves and stir it until it turns brown. 457 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,584 It started as my Emmy night cleanse, 458 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,319 and after six wins, I couldn't stop. 459 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,587 How'd you know? 460 00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,022 I know everything about you. 461 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:21,159 Ask me any question, no matter how obscure. 462 00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,394 Which one was I, Cagney or Lacey? 463 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:24,028 Lacey. 464 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,030 (gasps) No one gets that right! 465 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,298 I'm sorry. 466 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,300 Have one dinner with me. 467 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,636 That's all I'm asking. 468 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,104 "I'm sorry. 469 00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:34,972 "Have one dinner with me. 470 00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:36,541 That's all I'm asking." 471 00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:37,842 Donna, stop typing. 472 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,745 I'm sorry I ruined our honeymoon, 473 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,447 and I'm asking you to have dinner with me. 474 00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:45,683 Yes, Cleveland. 475 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,451 Yes, Charles. 476 00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:51,522 (keys clicking) 477 00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:57,495 "Hieivbve Vbelqvbie Fbieqpivf." 478 00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,163 And you speak in tongues? Me, too! 479 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:02,667 As an actress, I'll do anything that sounds stupid. 480 00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:04,835 (speaking gibberish) 481 00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,737 (spouting gibberish) 482 00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:15,713 Well, you two look, uh, honeymoony. 483 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,114 Let's just say, I've realized 484 00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,483 you all need Cleveland just like I need him. 485 00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:22,186 And the fact that he's always there for all of us 486 00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,222 is why I love him. 487 00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:27,625 Everybody loves Cleveland! 488 00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,260 Let's go! Now! 489 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:30,361 Where's Tyne? 490 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,128 I made her angry. 491 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,864 You wouldn't like her when she's angry. 492 00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,667 (thunderous footfalls) Go! Go! Go! 493 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:43,874 (panting) 494 00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:46,911 Oh, (bleep)!