1 00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,902 ♪ My name is Cleveland Brown 2 00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:06,171 ♪ And I am proud to be 3 00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:08,574 ♪ Right back in my hometown 4 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,843 ♪ With my new family 5 00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:13,612 ♪ There's old friends and new friends ♪ 6 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,447 ♪ And even a bear 7 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,716 ♪ Through good times and bad times ♪ 8 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,651 ♪ It's true love we share ♪ 9 00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,754 ♪ And so I found a place 10 00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:24,156 ♪ Where everyone will know 11 00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,125 ♪ My happy mustached face 12 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:29,161 ♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪ 13 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,030 (chuckles) 14 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,736 Hi, I'm Slim Biggins, owner and operator 15 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:40,806 of the Bigg Nugget Riverboat Casino, 16 00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:44,476 which arrives in Stoolbend, Virginia today. 17 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:48,414 Do you like cash, whores and extra oxygen? 18 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:49,648 Ha! Are you human? 19 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,885 Then come on down to the Bigg Nugget, where you could 20 00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:56,455 double, triple, quadruple your money. 21 00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,724 "Five-times-ify" your money supply. 22 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:02,194 I'll see you at the Bigg Nugget, 23 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,796 where the fun is... 24 00:01:03,798 --> 00:01:06,065 explosive! 25 00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:08,901 Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! 26 00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:11,770 Donna, thank God you're here! 27 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:12,771 (groaning) 28 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,807 Cleveland, what is wrong with you? 29 00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:16,442 I've got the fever. 30 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:17,443 Gambling fever! 31 00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:19,178 And you know how to guard against the flu, 32 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,847 they inject you with a little bit of the flu? 33 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,515 Well, in much the same way, 34 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,784 the only cure for gambling fever 35 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,853 is a little bit of gambling! 36 00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,788 Riverboat gambling! 37 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,290 Cleveland, I've seen that ad, 38 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:33,459 and I do not want you going to a casino. 39 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,794 Casinos ruined my Aunt Betty's life. 40 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:38,297 That's 'cause Uncle Reggie kept winning 41 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:39,598 and winning and winning, 42 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,733 until he realized he did not have to be married 43 00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,702 to a fat nag anymore, so he left her 44 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:47,272 for a smokin' hot cocktail waitress with perfect breasts. 45 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:51,443 Donna, what you consider a cautionary tale, 46 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:54,279 to this listener, promises a second chapter 47 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,849 for a life that's had too few pleasures. 48 00:01:56,851 --> 00:01:59,818 Look, fool, if you really have the gambling bug, 49 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,454 I've got just the cure for you. 50 00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:08,227 Hmm, I know two sixes are pretty good. 51 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:08,861 (groaning) 52 00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:11,763 Cleveland, let's say you had two sixes. 53 00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,732 Would that be higher or lower 54 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,501 than the cards you currently have? 55 00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:19,338 Higher. Then I'm all in. 60 cents. 56 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,305 A pair of sixes. 57 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,007 Ha-ha! Pair of jacks! 58 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,275 Suck it! (gasps) 59 00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,710 It is you who will suck 60 00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,346 from the tit of the Devil for lying. 61 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,848 Pump your brakes! Full house! 62 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,351 Four dollars and 38 cents. 63 00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:35,554 Hey, now you're toilet paper rich. 64 00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:39,391 This goes straight into Roberta's college fund. 65 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,026 What do you got in there 66 00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,996 so far-- 14, 15 bucks? 67 00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:47,466 $2,412. 68 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:48,300 Damn! 69 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,434 I know where this is going. 70 00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,570 He's going to gamble the money away at the riverboat. 71 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,106 Why are we watching this if we know what's going to happen? 72 00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:57,009 I know you're going to knock the bong over every night, 73 00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:58,544 but I still invite you over. 74 00:02:58,546 --> 00:02:59,811 You're right. 75 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,414 Whoa, dude, we're on TV! Whoa! 76 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:03,515 Hey! Hi, Mom! 77 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:04,116 Yes! Hi! Um... 78 00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:07,186 Hi, Aunt Carol! Hi! Hey, everybody! 79 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,354 He's bluffing. 80 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,757 (cell phone beeps) 81 00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:16,161 Uh, Donna, how we doing on grapes? 82 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,630 We low? I'm gonna make a grape run. 83 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,299 Oh, okay. Bye! 84 00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:21,033 (door opens, shuts) 85 00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:22,668 What are you guys doing here? 86 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,336 We're going down to the Bigg Nugget. 87 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,571 And you're coming with us. 88 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:28,106 Sorry, guys. Donna doesn't want me to go. 89 00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:32,444 But, we, we got you this new plum-colored Lou Bega suit. 90 00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,079 Mm, that is sharp. 91 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,048 And plum is my color. 92 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,416 Come on. I'll drive. 93 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,817 We'll take Apollonia. 94 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,452 But go slow. This is the first time 95 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:43,322 she's had four guys inside her at once. 96 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,058 You know what? I'm in! 97 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,092 Let's go! Yeah! 98 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,061 Yee-haw! Casey Affleck! 99 00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,563 (hip-hop) 100 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,733 Hey! Must be the money! 101 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,438 ♪ Hey! Must be the money! 102 00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:01,673 (scooter motor revving) 103 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,442 Hey, that's my camera! 104 00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:04,876 Ah, joke's on him. 105 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:07,279 It's all close-ups of my man parts. 106 00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,615 (big band music plays) 107 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:18,023 (clinking) 108 00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,163 (coughing) 109 00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:28,066 Oh, man, this-this bad boy even has 110 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,568 an all-you-can-eat buffet. 111 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,571 I'm going to go see if their Sports Book's got Bumfutch. 112 00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:36,708 Our country doesn't take care of its veterans. 113 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:40,779 Hey, aren't you Slim Biggins from the commercials? 114 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,548 Damn right. Wow, you're on TV. 115 00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,984 Are you a pervert like Pat O'Brien? 116 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,519 No, Mr. Brown, I am not. 117 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:51,356 How do you know my name? I didn't! Now, come sit 118 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,824 next to Mr. Yellow over here. 119 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,961 Can we get my friend here a free cocktail? 120 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:59,064 Wow, sitting next to an Asian guy 121 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,532 having a free drink... 122 00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,801 I could get used to this. 123 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:07,406 (Cleveland chuckles) 124 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,875 Hooray! I just keep winning. 125 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:14,046 I feel like a homeowner before 2008! 126 00:05:14,048 --> 00:05:15,414 Lordy me! 127 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,882 Look at that stack of chips. 128 00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:19,484 Looks like somebody just earned his way 129 00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,486 into Club Nugget. 130 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,254 Club Nugget! 131 00:05:22,256 --> 00:05:24,056 Both of those individually 132 00:05:24,058 --> 00:05:26,158 are names of porno magazines. 133 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,893 Oui, Hustler. And it's also 134 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:30,095 the name of this casino's exclusive 135 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,963 VIP player's club. 136 00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:32,764 All right, dealer. 137 00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:37,502 How 'bout another blackjack for this brown Brown? 138 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,437 Blackjack! 139 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:39,137 Who's your daddy? 140 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,139 CROWD: We don't know your name! 141 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,441 It's Cleveland! 142 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:43,642 CROWD: Cleveland! 143 00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,110 (giddy laughter) 144 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,446 CROWD (sorrowful): Cleveland. 145 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:48,780 (cries): Oh! 146 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,082 You had a good 12 minutes. 147 00:05:50,084 --> 00:05:51,483 I don't know what happened. 148 00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:54,019 Shoot, Mr. Brown, I was under the impression 149 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,520 that you were a high roller, 150 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,988 but, clearly, I was mistaken. 151 00:05:56,990 --> 00:06:01,093 I'm going to have to ask you for your VIP card back. 152 00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,494 I am a high roller. 153 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,029 I'm just short of cash. 154 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,465 Would it be possible for me to wager 155 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,533 in furs or chalices 156 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,803 or Elizabethan marital aids? Sure. 157 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,505 Of these things, I have none. 158 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:16,942 Would it be possible for me to wager a sofa cushion 159 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,744 with a stripe of human feces on it, 160 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:22,848 which has been facing down for, oh, some months now? 161 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:23,949 No. Damn. 162 00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,984 Of these things, I have two. 163 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,487 I'll find some money. 164 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,122 (patrons screaming) 165 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,960 All-you-can-eat my furry ass. 166 00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:37,162 (roaring) 167 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,934 Money, money... 168 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,003 Junior's piggy bank. 169 00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:49,141 Mixed nuts and a pickle? 170 00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:56,615 I can't do that to Ramona. 171 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,650 (muffled chatter) 172 00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,951 What was that? 173 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:03,622 I said, does your husband play cards? 174 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:04,356 (laughs) 175 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:05,757 But this is my stepdaughter's 176 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,959 college money you're talking about. 177 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,528 Or I'm thinking about. 178 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,730 Or whatever's going on here. 179 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:12,864 Oh, what's $2,000 180 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:13,799 gonna get her anyway? 181 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,200 Half a semester of clown college? 182 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,135 Why not take a shot at turning that 183 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,271 into money for a real education, 184 00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:22,541 like at the University of Delaware? 185 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,277 Oh, yeah! Yes! Yeah! Yes! 186 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:26,745 Yes! That's cool! U.D.! U.D.! 187 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,381 Delaware! Delaware! Delaware! Whoo! U.D.! That's us! 188 00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:31,817 That's us! Whoo! Oops. (laughing) 189 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:34,419 Well, I guess I can't keep losing. 190 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,188 Well, it's statistically impossible. 191 00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:39,324 And they do say you're supposed to chase your bets. 192 00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,226 That's what the casino owners say. 193 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:44,629 As Kevin Spacey said to Tom Cruise, 194 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,198 "I'm all in." 195 00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:50,135 No, Dad! Stop! Wait! 196 00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:56,641 High roller Cleveland Brown, reporting for duty. 197 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,749 Mr. Brown, 12 showing. 198 00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:06,885 My plum suit! 199 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,520 My plums! 200 00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:12,924 22, bust. 201 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:16,361 Rober... Rober... Roberta's college money! 202 00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:17,996 Oh! 203 00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:33,612 (sighs) All this 204 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,247 and no one to share it with. 205 00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:36,314 WOMAN: Mr. Biggins? 206 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,116 A Mr. Brown to see you. 207 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,885 Thank you, Miss Bazoombas. 208 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,121 (making goofy bazoomba sound) 209 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:46,057 Yes. Now, what can I do for you, Mr. Brown? 210 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:49,194 May I please have my money back? No. 211 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,896 Please? Yes. 212 00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:51,830 Really? No. 213 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,599 Well, I've done all I can do. Hold up. 214 00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:57,903 I'm going to give you a chance to earn back your money 215 00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:58,970 by working for me. 216 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,839 You think you could bartend? 217 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,307 Of course I could bartend. 218 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:05,010 Mr. Biggins, you are talking to a man 219 00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,445 who once sold ice to an Eskimo. 220 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:09,080 Hey, buddy. You guys sell ice? 221 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,182 You're an Eskimo, aren't you? 222 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:12,317 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. 223 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:13,218 37 words for snow, whatever. 224 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,787 I'm in the middle of a party. We ran out of ice. 225 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,756 Is the party in your igloo? 226 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,091 No, it's in my condo, and that's offensive. 227 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,927 Seriously, can you just sell me the ice? 228 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,628 I got, like, 12 people waiting. 229 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:24,996 Thanks, man. 230 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,299 (giggles) 231 00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:31,870 (floorboards creaking) 232 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,738 Just gonna sneak in here. 233 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,174 No one will be the wiser. 234 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,175 Ow! Bitch! 235 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,977 Got to rack your weights! 236 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,612 (crashing, beating) Ah! Ooh! Ah! Ow! 237 00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:43,782 ANNOUNCER: Spike TV's Hundred Most J arring Noises! 238 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,383 Number 57... (woman screams) No! No! No! 239 00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,485 56... (jackhammering) Shh! Shh! 240 00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,054 55... (bird screeches) Quiet! Quiet! 241 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,889 54. (car alarm blaring) Gonna wake the whole... 242 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,791 ANNOUNCER: 53. MEN: Ooh-a, ooh-a! Shut up! Shut up! 243 00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,025 ANNOUNCER: 52. (chimp screeching) 244 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,026 (turns off TV) 245 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,861 What the hell is going on down here? 246 00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:59,698 Cleveland, where have you been all night? 247 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,799 You caught me. 248 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,233 It was gonna be a surprise, 249 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:06,371 but for the next three months I'll be, um, 250 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:09,774 taking night classes to earn my degree 251 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,844 as a, a court stenographer. 252 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:13,445 What? Why? 253 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:16,014 Because sometimes, a man's got to earn 254 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,549 a little extra money for his family 255 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,951 by typing on a weird little keyboard. 256 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,188 Well, look at you putting this family first. 257 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,789 Working your fingers to the bone, 258 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,191 striking things from the record. 259 00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:28,193 Having no visible emotional reaction 260 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:30,862 to often quite startling testimony. 261 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:34,933 Mm! My strong, silent court stenographer, mm. 262 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:38,036 Why don't you bring those fast fingers upstairs 263 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,138 and see if your quick brown fox 264 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,840 can jump over my lazy dog? 265 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:45,410 I find the defendant, Donna Tubbs, sexy. 266 00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:48,179 I sentence her to three to five minutes. 267 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:52,083 Can I get extra time for bad behavior? 268 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,985 No! 269 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,155 Here you go. 270 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,524 And remember, when it comes to good drinks, 271 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,393 you can always bet on Brown. 272 00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:03,995 My name's Cleveland Brown, by the way. 273 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,930 Oh, that's funny! 274 00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:07,799 (laughs) He's funny. 275 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:08,967 You're funny. 276 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,068 He's funny. 277 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,270 Uh, Cleveland, you know Ted Lange? 278 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,305 He played the bartender on The Love Boat. 279 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:17,976 Now he's playing the guy who's taking your job. 280 00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:18,910 And I'm also playing 281 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,912 Walter Lee Younger from A Raisin in the Sun 282 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:23,815 at the Sarasota Playhouse July 15 through the 29th. 283 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:24,582 Cleveland, a bunch of kids 284 00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:28,019 were throwing Alka-Seltzers to seagulls on the lido deck. 285 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:31,189 You're playing the guy who's cleaning up the guts. 286 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,559 Ted Lange can't clean up the seagull guts off the lido deck? 287 00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:37,462 No. That's your job. 288 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:39,998 And when you're done, 289 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,633 clean the urine troughs under the dealers, 290 00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:45,003 clean out the cage of the chicken who plays tic-tac-toe. 291 00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:45,970 You-you know what? 292 00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:47,605 Here's how you remember your job. 293 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,841 If something stinks, clean it. 294 00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:52,310 Hey, boss, some bear just voided himself 295 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,778 all over the buffet. 296 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,046 Get to it. 297 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,848 (groans) 298 00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,883 (clucking) 299 00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:03,588 (electronic tone plays) 300 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,924 (squawks) 301 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:07,926 (groaning sigh) 302 00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,961 Roberta's college. 303 00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:13,598 Cleveland, I'm going to need you 304 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,900 to watch last night's Celebrity Apprentice 305 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,402 and tell me what happened. 306 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,037 That's where I draw the line. 307 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:22,841 Oh. Well, someone must not want his paycheck. 308 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:23,808 What the...? 309 00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:26,244 27 bucks for a week's work? 310 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,079 What are you complaining about? 311 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,115 You're making the same as the chicken, 312 00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:31,916 and she's been here three years. 313 00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:34,185 Does the chicken have benefits? 314 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,019 No. 315 00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,088 Hmm. This country. 316 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,356 What're the odds? 317 00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:39,924 Well, of course. 318 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:40,992 I lose again. 319 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,027 Terrific. Fantastic. 320 00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:44,529 I'm having a great time. 321 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:45,296 Oh, look-- two eights. 322 00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:49,134 I'll split them, 'cause that's what you're supposed to do. 323 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,236 And lose twice! 324 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,937 Beautiful. Good. 325 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,506 Take them away. I'm out. 326 00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:55,273 Fair enough. 327 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,442 Some guys just don't have the stones. 328 00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,344 You think I don't have the stones? 329 00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,846 Well, guess what-- stones are on tour. 330 00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:03,248 Next stop: this table. 331 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:04,916 Paint it blackjack. 332 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,584 He's betting his car?! 333 00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:08,586 Why didn't I do that? 334 00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,522 Okay, hit me. 335 00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:13,091 Hey! What the hell? 336 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,392 Oh, so sorry. 337 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:15,193 Let me get that. 338 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:19,731 That's the same Chinese or Japanese or Vietnamese 339 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:24,435 or Filipino or Korean or guy from San Francisco 340 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:27,138 who spilled his drink on me! 341 00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:33,344 Wha...? A crooked casino? 342 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,579 Sorry about that. 343 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,047 Here's your card, sir. 344 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,382 Oh! Oh! 345 00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:41,953 No! Not my car! 346 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:43,188 Apollonia! 347 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,557 (clucking) 348 00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:57,168 Hey, now your sports coupe is a chicken coop. 349 00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:00,004 ALL: Shut up, Tim! 350 00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:06,744 Hey, Cleveland, I was just telling the ladies 351 00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:10,181 how you're four weeks away from being a court stenographer. 352 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,183 Uh, Donna, about that. 353 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,018 There's something I have to tell you. 354 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,421 I haven't been going to night school 355 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,722 to be a court stenographer. 356 00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:20,525 (gasps) Sweet peas and jujubes! 357 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,559 As a matter of fact, 358 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,528 I've been spending my nights at the Big Nugget. 359 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,197 (gasps) Sweet ham and braised lamb! 360 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,166 And I took Roberta's college money, 361 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:29,200 and I gambled it all away. 362 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,436 And since then, I've been working nights at the casino, 363 00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,238 cleaning up after Tic Tac Toe, playing chickens, 364 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,373 and slaughtering horse after horse after horse 365 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:39,177 to make the money back, but it's just not happening, Donna. 366 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:39,711 I'm sorry. 367 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:43,715 Sweet grass and succotash! Sweet beans and din... 368 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:46,317 Get ahold of yourself. 369 00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:47,518 (sighs) 370 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,554 Thank you, but you do that again 371 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,890 and I will smack the taste out your mouth. 372 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,091 Not the taste! 373 00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,493 You stole my daughter's college money?! 374 00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:58,329 Have you lost your damn mind?! 375 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,466 I was swindled, and they got Holt, too. 376 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:02,667 The baby man? 377 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,669 Yes, the dealer had a plant. 378 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,170 And the plant spilled a drink. 379 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,639 And when he spilled the drink, 380 00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,374 the dealer switched the shoe and... 381 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,743 (grunting) 382 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:14,245 They got you with the old 383 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,281 Lone Star wet pants. 384 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:20,051 Used to do it all the time when I was a dealer 385 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:23,354 in Monte Carlo back in 1962. 386 00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:27,258 I had to lay low for a while, because Mrs. Kennedy 387 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,294 was starting to get suspicious. 388 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:30,895 But it turned out to be a blessing, 389 00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:34,999 because that's where I met my first husband, 390 00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,434 Baron Heinrich von... 391 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,237 We don't have time for your stupid story. 392 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,072 In 1962? 393 00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:42,173 How old are you? 394 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,574 Fat don't crack. 395 00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:47,278 The point is, you got screwed, dude. 396 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,547 I know every scam in the book. 397 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,083 Then you could help get our money back. 398 00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,151 All three of you could! 399 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:56,154 How would you inconspicuous hausfraus 400 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:59,257 like to be Cleveland's Angels? 401 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:01,159 I'm down. Let's do it. 402 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:04,162 Na-na, na-na, na, na, Lucy Liu. 403 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:07,265 My baby's going to college! 404 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,067 (explosion) 405 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,501 (Charlie's Angels theme plays) 406 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:11,669 CLEVELAND: Once upon a time, 407 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:12,670 there were three little girls 408 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:16,574 who it wouldn't kill to miss a meal or two. 409 00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:21,746 And they didn't look good in athletic clothes. 410 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:25,149 I rounded them up and now their big butts 411 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,684 work for me. 412 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:27,785 (groans) 413 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,955 My name is Cleveland. 414 00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:35,026 Okay, all set. 415 00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:36,661 (over intercom): Angels? 416 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:37,895 ALL: Hi, Cleveland. 417 00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:40,231 What? We said, "Hi, Cleveland." 418 00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,533 Angels? It's Cleveland. 419 00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:45,436 Oh, right. Baby monitors are only one-way. 420 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,839 We don't want babies to hear us. 421 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:49,173 (Cleveland chuckles) 422 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:50,575 Can you imagine? 423 00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,310 Okay, Angels, here's the plan. 424 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,346 Donna, you're going to play a sexy siren 425 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,814 who'll flirt with Slim Biggins 426 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:59,384 to keep his attention away from the table. 427 00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:02,253 I happen to know he goes for big-boned middle-aged 428 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:05,256 black women with kids. 429 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,759 Arianna and Kendra, you two will be 430 00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:08,626 a couple of high rollers 431 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:13,231 from Odessa and Corpus Christi, Texas, respectively. 432 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:17,301 Kendra, you'll go over to the table 433 00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:18,403 and start counting cards. 434 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:22,607 Arianna, you pretend to get drunk and wait for my signal. 435 00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:26,144 You're kind of thin to be from Corpus Christi. 436 00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:29,547 Meh-- pitter-patter, let's get at 'er. 437 00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:39,824 Here we go. 438 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:44,328 As Kevin Spacey said to John Travolta, 439 00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,531 "I'm all in." 440 00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:48,332 (indistinct chatter) 441 00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:51,469 Before you go, have I showed you my babies? 442 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:54,472 The left one is Rollo and the right one is Roberta. 443 00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:58,309 That's a perky set of children. 444 00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,645 Oh, Slim. (giggles) 445 00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:06,317 Oh, I'm so wasted. 446 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:07,585 You drunk bitch! 447 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,854 Oh, oh, let me dry you off. 448 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,923 My gambling trousers! 449 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:13,224 Hit me... 450 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,461 with that four of clubs. 451 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:28,473 The four of clubs for 21. 452 00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,408 (applause) 453 00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:34,312 What the hell? 454 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:35,746 I'm sorry, Mr. Biggins, 455 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,349 but I think this woman was counting cards. 456 00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,818 Hello, Russell. Kendra? 457 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,587 It's been a long time. 458 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,355 You look tremendous. 459 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:47,391 So, you're still counting cards? 460 00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:48,593 You two know each other? 461 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,895 We was business associates. 462 00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:52,330 Russell was the bureau chief 463 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:53,831 in Rome when I was all set 464 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:54,665 to star in Fellini's... 465 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,368 Kendra, we don't have time for your stupid story. 466 00:18:57,370 --> 00:19:00,471 Oh, so the three of you are in on this together? 467 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,506 And the bear. (slurping) 468 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,208 And unless you want her to tear your ass up, 469 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,577 you'll let us walk out of this place. 470 00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:07,345 That's right. 471 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:10,348 She was only pretending to be drunk. 472 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:15,353 Cleveland, is, is rum alcoholic? 473 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:16,888 (gasps) 474 00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:20,358 You're drunk. She's drunk. 475 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,727 I'm drunk. Anyone have any drugs? 476 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,329 I'm going to go find some drugs. 477 00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:30,334 Huh. Looks like you're not going anywhere. 478 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,303 Not with my money you're not. 479 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:35,606 (fingers snapping) Miss Bazoombas. Ted Lange. 480 00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:42,413 (engine revving) 481 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,715 (tires screeching) 482 00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:51,589 K.F. see you later. 483 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,890 Get in. 484 00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:57,328 Let's go, dude. 485 00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:00,831 (gunshot) 486 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,400 (patrons screaming) 487 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,776 (action movie music) 488 00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:12,843 What are you doing? 489 00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,779 We're not going to clear the river. 490 00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,647 We'll never make it to the road! 491 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:20,685 Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads. 492 00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:25,223 Holt, you're crazy! 493 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:27,391 (laughs) Crazy like a fish. 494 00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:40,605 (crying) 495 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,673 Good work, Angels. 496 00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:48,980 And after all that, Holt's car turned into a submarine, 497 00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,648 and we got the hell out of there. 498 00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:54,852 But the important thing is, we got your college money back. 499 00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:57,321 Why? I'm not going to college. 500 00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:59,757 I'm going to Hollywood!