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00:00:02,368 --> 00:00:04,619
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,621 --> 00:00:06,888
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,890 --> 00:00:09,058
♪ Right back
In my hometown ♪
4
00:00:09,060 --> 00:00:11,660
♪ With my new family
5
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♪ There's old friends
And new friends ♪
6
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♪ And even a bear
7
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♪ Through good times
And bad times ♪
8
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♪ It's true love we share ♪
9
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♪ And so I found a place
10
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♪ Where everyone will know
11
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♪ My happy mustache face
12
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,827
♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪
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[LAUGHS]
14
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[♪]
15
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♪ This is how we do it
16
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♪ Oh, I'm buzzin' because ♪
17
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♪ This is how we do it
18
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Oh, yeah. I'd eat me.
19
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This is my best
Halloween costume
20
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since that time I went
as Al Sharpton back in Quahog.
21
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[DOORBELL RINGS]
22
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Trick or treat.
23
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Take two.
24
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Take three.
25
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Take four.
26
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,104
That's enough.
Happy Halloween.
27
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[CACKLING]
28
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:22,497
And then the ghost
looked into the child's eyes.
29
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[WHIMPERING]
30
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And he said, "Boo!"
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[SCREAMS]
32
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Ow! Bitch!
33
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Breakfast anyone?
34
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[LAUGHS]
35
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What restaurant
is that from?
36
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IHOP-because-diabetes-
took-one-of-my-legs.
37
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Ain't nothing
but something to wear.
38
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,101
Why the hell
are you dressed
39
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,936
like a damn
buttery flapjack?
40
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This is my
Halloween costume.
41
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It's what I'm gonna wear
trick-or-treating.
42
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Trick-or-treating?
You're 14.
43
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You're too old to be
trick-or-treating.
44
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You go out
looking like that,
45
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the other kids will eat you
for breakfast.
46
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Breakfast?
[BOTH LAUGH]
47
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But this is
no laughing matter.
48
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Grow up and get out
of that costume.
49
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You're more embarrassing
than the time
50
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,858
that solicitor
came to the door.
51
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Hi, I'm collecting money
for the children's hospital.
52
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Is Cleveland Brown home?
53
00:02:11,081 --> 00:02:13,315
I'm sorry, there's no one
here by that name.
54
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[PHONE RINGS]
55
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CLEVELAND [ON MACHINE]:
Hey, hey, it's Cleveland Brown.
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I have a mustache and a yellow
shirt and I talk like this.
57
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Leave a message.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
58
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Me not speaky English.
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[♪]
60
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,652
What the Halloween?
61
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Check it out, Junior.
62
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:38,223
I'm the late baseball hall
of famer, Willie Stargell.
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And Donna's Michelle Obama
with Oprah's arms.
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Hey.
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But, Pops, you said I was
too old to dress up.
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You are.
And you're too young.
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What?
68
00:02:52,856 --> 00:02:56,891
See, you're at that awkward age
where dressing up is lame.
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Donna and I can do it
because we're adults,
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and for all people know,
these are our regular clothes.
71
00:03:02,466 --> 00:03:06,535
And Rallo can do it because
he's just a dumb little kid.
72
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Ow! Bitch!
Donna, the frozen peas?
73
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,624
But what about Roberta?
She's my age.
74
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Everybody knows
Halloween is just a free pass
75
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:17,863
for teenage girls
to dress like sluts.
76
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,032
They just have to call it
a costume.
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So who are you
supposed to be?
78
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I don't know. A ghost?
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Man, everybody gets to dress up
but poor old Cleveland Brown Jr.
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That's the breaks.
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[SIGHS]
82
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:35,079
Now, Junior,
don't be sad.
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00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:37,683
You get to have fun
on Halloween too.
84
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,918
You get to stay home
and hand out candy
85
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,753
to the trick-or-treaters.
86
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Which is a big job for you,
big boy.
87
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,177
What? You're leaving a fat kid
alone with a bunch of candy?
88
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No way, Hervé.
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I've assigned a serial number
to each piece.
90
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,200
Junior, you'll need
to get a signature
91
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,935
from every kid
that comes by
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00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,504
so I can verify
that the candy went to them
93
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and not into the old
94
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[VOICE ECHOES]
ancient corn dog
burial ground here.
95
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:05,977
[LAUGHS]
96
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,579
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Okay, have fun.
97
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,182
Cleveland, peas.
Oh.
98
00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:12,317
Junior, you can have these
for dinner.
99
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:15,154
They're thawed
and unusual-smelling.
100
00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:19,574
[♪]
101
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MAN [ON TV]:
We now return
to Undercover Boss.
102
00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:25,447
I never wash my hands after
I go to the bathroom. Do you?
103
00:04:25,449 --> 00:04:28,049
Why would I?
Ah-ha! You're fired.
104
00:04:28,051 --> 00:04:30,735
I'm tired of these gross
trouser peas.
105
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:34,472
You're right, Larry the Leopard.
Why am I eating them?
106
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,876
[DOORBELL RINGS]
107
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:41,947
I hope it's someone with a gun
who will just blow my head off.
108
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,148
Trick or treat.
109
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,183
Gee, who are you
supposed to be?
110
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,351
I'm Harry Potter.
111
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,186
I was being sarcastic.
112
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I've only seen
that cheap drugstore costume
113
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a million times tonight.
114
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:53,524
Sorry, mister.
115
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Our family is kind of poor.
116
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Yeah, well, imagination
doesn't cost anything,
117
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but whatever.
118
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:03,919
I'll need you to sign here.
119
00:05:03,921 --> 00:05:05,386
Thumb print here.
120
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:09,775
Enjoy your damn candy.
121
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,360
This is crazy, Larry.
122
00:05:11,362 --> 00:05:14,696
All I want is to dress up once
a year and get some free candy,
123
00:05:14,698 --> 00:05:16,298
and I can't even do that?
124
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:20,852
You're right, Larry. But don't
talk with your mouth full.
125
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,121
I'm taking back
Halloween!
126
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,957
♪ This is how we do it
127
00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:27,492
♪ Oh, I'm buzzin' because ♪
128
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,811
♪ This is how we do it
129
00:05:29,813 --> 00:05:31,062
[TIRES SCREECH]
130
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:34,416
Hey, guys,
look at the big gay pancake.
131
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:35,717
[CHUCKLES]
132
00:05:35,719 --> 00:05:38,253
Say, man, your mommy
dress you up like that?
133
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,270
No, she's dead.
134
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:41,406
Are you guys
trick-or-treating too?
135
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,308
[ALL LAUGH]
136
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,310
Sure we are, pancake.
137
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:46,912
And you're about
to have a side of--
138
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,014
Let's throw eggs at him.
139
00:05:50,916 --> 00:05:52,300
[GRUNTING]
140
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[SCREAMING]
141
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,723
We can enjoy this
142
00:05:57,725 --> 00:06:00,959
because we're all wearing
our safety belts.
143
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,694
[JUNIOR WHIMPERING]
144
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:09,334
Ha-ha! I got a huge sack...
145
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,569
[LAUGHS]
...of candy.
146
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:12,354
Oh.
147
00:06:12,356 --> 00:06:14,990
You sure scored big tonight,
Rallo.
148
00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:17,158
But remember,
you're only allowed
149
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,693
one piece of candy a day.
150
00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:20,828
I don't want you
rotting your teeth out.
151
00:06:20,830 --> 00:06:24,466
At least my teeth ain't got wine
stains at 5 in the afternoon.
152
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:25,600
What was that?
153
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,653
I said you've got
a drinking problem.
154
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,420
Just because I enjoy--
155
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,923
Sweet candy
and Jessica Tandy!
156
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:34,660
Ha! Some jerk
got his house wrecked.
157
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,361
I love Halloween.
158
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:37,996
Cleveland,
that's our house.
159
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,399
In the middle of our street?
That's madness.
160
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,000
Why would anyone do this?
161
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,569
I saw it.
162
00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:45,270
I saw it all.
163
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,972
It was because
of Cleveland Ju--
164
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[COUGHS]
165
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,493
Junior.
166
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:55,747
Avenge me, Cleveland.
167
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,716
[♪]
168
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,603
Are you happy, son?
169
00:07:02,605 --> 00:07:05,573
Does anything about my body
language look like I'm happy?
170
00:07:05,575 --> 00:07:08,009
Well, just to make sure
you don't miss the point
171
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:11,212
of what happened here tonight,
let's review.
172
00:07:11,214 --> 00:07:13,748
Okay, this melon will be you.
173
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:16,334
Wouldn't it make more sense
if I were the pancake?
174
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:19,488
I'm gonna put the pancake
on the melon, just hold on.
175
00:07:19,490 --> 00:07:22,290
Okay, now give me
your glasses.
176
00:07:22,292 --> 00:07:24,326
Hold this.
Okay.
177
00:07:26,162 --> 00:07:29,631
That's what happened to you
tonight. You got hit by eggs.
178
00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:31,600
No, duh, I was there.
179
00:07:31,602 --> 00:07:35,270
Junior, you can't dress up
like a pancake at your age.
180
00:07:35,272 --> 00:07:37,606
The only good thing
about it is it's a break
181
00:07:37,608 --> 00:07:40,609
from that stupid red shirt
that shows your stomach.
182
00:07:40,611 --> 00:07:43,028
Roberta gets to show
her stomach.
183
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:45,614
Again, that's because
she's a slut.
184
00:07:45,616 --> 00:07:47,749
[WAILING]
185
00:07:51,453 --> 00:07:53,588
[♪]
186
00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,228
Well, Mama said
one piece a night.
187
00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:04,800
But she didn't say
how big a piece.
188
00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:10,488
[♪]
189
00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:15,760
Really? All right.
190
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,333
Hey, cool.
I'm Cap'n Crunch.
191
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:24,002
Cleveland, come with me.
I wanna show you something.
192
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,338
If Cap'n Crunch is out there,
I'm gonna flip out.
193
00:08:27,990 --> 00:08:31,759
Time for me to grow up.
Goodbye, big crayon.
194
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,161
I had fun playing with you
195
00:08:33,163 --> 00:08:35,930
and pretending
an evil wizard shrunk me.
196
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,832
Goodbye, Easy-Bake Oven.
197
00:08:37,834 --> 00:08:40,435
I had fun making
tiny cakes with you
198
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,605
and pretending an evil wizard
turned me into a giant.
199
00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:46,858
Well, Larry,
I guess this is it.
200
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,429
I'll never forget you.
I love you.
201
00:08:52,047 --> 00:08:53,848
Shh.
202
00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:55,950
It's okay. It's okay.
203
00:08:57,069 --> 00:09:01,239
It's okay.
Let go, Larry. Let go.
204
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,657
Oh, my God.
205
00:09:02,659 --> 00:09:03,758
I know.
206
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,527
He's devastated
about last night.
207
00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:06,594
You have to stop him.
208
00:09:06,596 --> 00:09:07,995
Stop him?
209
00:09:07,997 --> 00:09:10,965
Do you know how long I've waited
for this day to come?
210
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:11,933
You can't let your son
211
00:09:11,935 --> 00:09:14,035
throw away everything
that defines him.
212
00:09:14,037 --> 00:09:17,839
Donna, he's a teenage boy
who talks to stuffed animals.
213
00:09:17,841 --> 00:09:19,707
And worse,
listens to them.
214
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:23,645
And then changes his opinion
based on what they've told him.
215
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:24,796
[SIGHS]
216
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,498
Look, I'll make this work.
217
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,517
Just like I made
that time machine work.
218
00:09:29,519 --> 00:09:30,869
Hey, younger me.
219
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,137
Hey, older me.
220
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,972
Raiders are gonna
win tomorrow.
221
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,606
Yes! Cha-ching!
222
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:38,343
But think twice
before using the winnings
223
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,445
for swashbuckling lessons.
224
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,647
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
225
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:46,034
I'm gonna get swashbuckling
lessons.
226
00:09:46,036 --> 00:09:48,269
[GROANING]
227
00:09:48,271 --> 00:09:51,506
Oh, man, I cannot
eat like that anymore.
228
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,475
It was fine when I was 4,
229
00:09:53,477 --> 00:09:56,243
but the old metabolism
ain't what it used to be.
230
00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:01,266
All right, a bonus piece
of Tuffy Taffy.
231
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,468
Aah! My tooth.
232
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:08,607
Oh! Oh, no! Mama was right!
My teeth are rotting out!
233
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:11,242
Oh, she's gonna kill me!
234
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:12,577
Oh, great.
235
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:15,680
Now I look like workplace
predator David Letterman.
236
00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:17,181
[GROWLING]
237
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,583
Have sex with me.
238
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,218
[GROWLING]
239
00:10:21,970 --> 00:10:25,673
Now, this is starting to look
like a bedroom. You like it?
240
00:10:25,675 --> 00:10:29,160
I don't know. It looks nice
but it's not really me.
241
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,161
Oh, don't worry.
242
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:32,497
It will be as soon
as we change everything
243
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:35,066
about the way you look,
think and act.
244
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,834
I don't wanna do that.
245
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:39,604
So I guess now
I do wanna do that.
246
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:40,838
Thattaboy.
247
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,291
CLEVELAND:
Donna, get in here.
248
00:10:43,293 --> 00:10:45,126
Allow me to present,
249
00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:47,361
as you've never
seen him before,
250
00:10:47,363 --> 00:10:51,849
the all new
Cleveland Brown Jr.
251
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,050
'Sup?
252
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,620
Well, this is quite
a transformation.
253
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,522
What exactly
did you two do today?
254
00:10:57,524 --> 00:11:00,474
Nothing. Guy stuff.
You wouldn't get it.
255
00:11:00,476 --> 00:11:02,978
Like if I said,
"Boobies, 12 o'clock."
256
00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:05,747
That would just confuse you
because you aren't a guy.
257
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,249
By the way, Dad,
boobies, 12 o'clock.
258
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:11,836
Look, Junior,
the big hand's on the two.
259
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,654
[LAUGHS]
All right, then.
260
00:11:13,656 --> 00:11:16,157
I'm gonna go take a poop
like a man.
261
00:11:16,159 --> 00:11:17,726
Standing up.
262
00:11:17,728 --> 00:11:19,627
Real.
263
00:11:19,629 --> 00:11:22,730
Fourteen years ago
I created a child.
264
00:11:22,732 --> 00:11:25,333
But now,
I've created a son.
265
00:11:25,335 --> 00:11:26,668
I don't know, Cleveland.
266
00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:29,170
Like my cousin, Ernestine,
always used to say:
267
00:11:29,172 --> 00:11:31,673
"A frog doesn't look good
in a fur coat."
268
00:11:31,675 --> 00:11:34,242
Uh-huh. Why doesn't
she say it anymore?
269
00:11:34,244 --> 00:11:37,145
She finally found one that did
look good in a fur coat.
270
00:11:37,147 --> 00:11:39,080
Then she took her life.
Mm.
271
00:11:39,082 --> 00:11:40,515
The point is, Cleveland,
272
00:11:40,517 --> 00:11:42,651
I'm not convinced
that Junior's happy.
273
00:11:42,653 --> 00:11:45,820
Well, I'm not convinced the lump
on my testicle is benign,
274
00:11:45,822 --> 00:11:48,489
but you don't see me
running off to the doctor.
275
00:11:48,491 --> 00:11:50,324
[WHIMPERS]
276
00:11:51,894 --> 00:11:54,145
[JUNIOR SNIFFLING]
277
00:12:00,836 --> 00:12:03,438
I miss me.
278
00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:08,243
[♪]
279
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,833
Hey, Mama,
you know what would be fun?
280
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,868
If you put this food
in a blender for me
281
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:18,302
and I drank it with a straw.
282
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:19,671
Wouldn't that be fun?
283
00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:22,306
Oh, I want my food
in a blender too.
284
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,543
No blenders!
Everybody eat your damn food!
285
00:12:24,545 --> 00:12:28,113
CLEVELAND & RALLO:
Shoot. Can't eat smoothie
in my own house.
286
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:29,881
Mom, I need a late
curfew tonight.
287
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,749
Oliver Wilkerson's
having a party.
288
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,518
Oh, a cool kids party?
289
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,953
What are we talking,
a house party? Pool party?
290
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:37,788
Kegger? Rave? Toga party?
291
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:40,091
Pajama jammy-jam? Pub crawl?
Tea party?
292
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,093
Reggae sunsplash?
Stag party?
293
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,594
Afterparty? Lemon party?
294
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,498
White elephant? Sadie Hawkins?
Quinceañera?
295
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,832
Nah, just a party.
296
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,234
Ha-ha!
I love parties.
297
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,735
Well, guess what, Dad?
298
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:52,970
I'm gonna hit up
Oliver's party too,
299
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:55,473
now that I'm cool
and think parties are cool.
300
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,675
That's my boy.
301
00:12:56,677 --> 00:12:58,843
When you go in the bathroom
at the party,
302
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:01,879
just know there will
be pee everywhere.
303
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:03,981
It's not your job
to clean it up.
304
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,084
Right, it's my pleasure.
305
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,686
No!
I mean, I'm not gonna clean it.
306
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:11,155
I'm gonna pee
all over the place.
307
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:13,508
Donna, may I pee
all over our bathroom?
308
00:13:13,510 --> 00:13:14,509
No.
309
00:13:14,511 --> 00:13:16,044
Oh. In the yard?
310
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,745
If you finish
your vegetables.
311
00:13:19,848 --> 00:13:22,233
[♪]
312
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,269
Well, boys,
guess whose son
313
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,638
is out partying
with the most popular
314
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,974
and most sexually active kid
at Stoolbend High?
315
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,743
Junior's hanging out
with Roberta?
316
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:33,645
No, Oliver Wilkerson.
317
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,947
Wow, not too--
Not too shaggy there.
318
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:39,216
The Junior's finally hanging out
with the cool kids.
319
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:42,119
I hung out with the cool kids
last week. Bought them beer.
320
00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:44,456
Tried to drink with them.
Told me to get lost.
321
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:47,024
Asked them to pay me back
for the booze. Kicked my ass.
322
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,193
Called their school.
323
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:50,161
Got them banned
from the eighth grade formal.
324
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,463
Who's the cool kid now?
325
00:13:51,465 --> 00:13:53,798
Uh, you.
326
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,668
I'm gonna head over to that
party and see my boy in action.
327
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,770
Gus, can I have
the rest of this to go?
328
00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:02,106
Sure thing,
favorite patron of mine.
329
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,011
Thanks, Gus.
330
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,648
[GURGLING]
331
00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:11,399
[♪]
332
00:14:17,756 --> 00:14:19,124
Oh, I gotta hide this tooth
333
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:21,226
somewhere Mama
will never find it.
334
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,328
Under the pillow.
335
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:26,431
Oh, I'm far too fretful
to fall asleep.
336
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,501
May as well call
into Sports Chat.
337
00:14:29,503 --> 00:14:30,969
MAN [OVER PHONE]:
Hello, caller.
338
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,770
Welcome to Sports Chat.
339
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,840
I'm Dwayne Meighan,
host of Sports Chat,
340
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,675
and you are caller.
341
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:40,411
Don't try to listen to yourself
on the radio
342
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:41,912
while we're on the phone,
343
00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:45,116
because there was all sort
of problems with this.
344
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,418
Be this understood,
go ahead, caller.
345
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,987
Thank you for calling.
346
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:51,589
I'm Dwayne Meighan
and you're on Sports Chat.
347
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:52,790
Now you say.
348
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,459
Hello? Am I on the air?
349
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:56,327
Caller, you are on the air.
350
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,263
You are not trying to listen
to yourself, were you?
351
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:00,931
No.
Go ahead, caller.
352
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:03,601
I'm Dwayne Meighan.
Now you say.
353
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:07,805
Uh, yeah.
How about the Yankees?
354
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:10,674
Jeter, A-Rod,
all those guys...
355
00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:13,677
[FEEDBACK WAILS]
356
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:16,447
I'm sorry, caller.
I miss what you had said
357
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,117
on account of I couldn't resist
turning on my radio
358
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,285
here at the station.
359
00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:23,537
Hm. Talking baseball.
360
00:15:23,539 --> 00:15:26,107
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
361
00:15:27,292 --> 00:15:28,509
[ALL CHATTERING]
362
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,077
There's my party boy.
363
00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:34,966
Lots of righteous babes here,
eh, dude?
364
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:36,935
With their nipples
and whatnot.
365
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,003
You're gay, gay pancake.
366
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:41,238
Here, how about a drink?
367
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,941
[ALL LAUGH]
368
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:45,043
Okay, my turn.
369
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,343
[ALL LAUGH]
370
00:15:50,599 --> 00:15:52,617
So you just stood there
and watched?
371
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,185
You didn't stop
those boys?
372
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:58,323
Oh, yeah, Donna, the gay pancake
needs his daddy to save him.
373
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,658
That would've looked
real cool.
374
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,545
Man, what a party.
It was sick.
375
00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:07,231
I hung out with my new friends,
had some drinks, some laughs,
376
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:10,251
and I definitely was not
duct-taped to a male mannequin
377
00:16:10,253 --> 00:16:13,754
and put up on the roof and
laughed at by helicopter police.
378
00:16:15,424 --> 00:16:17,408
He's covering.
That did happen.
379
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,577
I should've
changed him better.
380
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:22,346
Cleveland, you can't force
a sweet, round peg like Junior
381
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:25,249
into a stupid, beer-chugging,
sports-loving square hole.
382
00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:28,385
Girl, you did not just tell me
how to raise my children.
383
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:30,388
That child has stamped out
everything
384
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,724
that makes him unique,
and for what?
385
00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:35,226
All for the approval
of a couple of bullies
386
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,610
and his father.
387
00:16:36,612 --> 00:16:39,447
You're right.
What have I done to my boy?
388
00:16:39,449 --> 00:16:40,781
I've ruined him
389
00:16:40,783 --> 00:16:43,751
just like I ruined
David Carradine's funeral.
390
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:47,404
David Carradine
brought pleasure to millions,
391
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:50,575
but none more so
than himself.
392
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,977
[SNICKERING, CLEARS THROAT]
393
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,379
When David had a particularly
meaty part,
394
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:57,615
he would roll up his sleeves
395
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,285
and milk it
for all it was worth.
396
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,386
[SNICKERING]
397
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:03,872
[CLEARS THROAT]
398
00:17:03,874 --> 00:17:07,942
But David was at his best when
he was just hanging around,
399
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:10,795
spurting enthusiastically
to friends
400
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,197
till he was blue in the face.
401
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,782
[LAUGHING]
402
00:17:17,085 --> 00:17:18,486
I'm sorry.
403
00:17:18,488 --> 00:17:19,838
No, it's okay.
404
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,106
Stand up.
Stand up, would you?
405
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:28,646
Go ahead. David would have
wanted you to laugh.
406
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:32,383
The guy died of autoerotic
asphyxiation, for God's sake.
407
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,768
You can die from that?
408
00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:35,002
[CRYING]
409
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:47,232
[SIGHS]
410
00:17:50,718 --> 00:17:52,269
What up, bro?
411
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:54,822
Junior, there's someone here
who wants to see you.
412
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,724
Larry, you're alive!
413
00:17:56,726 --> 00:17:59,760
No, he's not.
He's a stuffed animal.
414
00:17:59,762 --> 00:18:01,929
But I went and dug him out
of a dumpster,
415
00:18:01,931 --> 00:18:03,664
wrung out
the garbage juice
416
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:05,466
and rubbed him down
with a Bounce sheet
417
00:18:05,468 --> 00:18:09,069
because I want you
to be who you really are.
418
00:18:09,071 --> 00:18:12,623
We're going out.
We're making our own Halloween.
419
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,209
Hey, you got a coconuts
in your head?
420
00:18:15,211 --> 00:18:17,178
Everyone's gonna pick on me
even worse
421
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,280
if I'm the only one
in costume.
422
00:18:19,282 --> 00:18:21,616
Who said you'd be
the only one?
423
00:18:21,618 --> 00:18:23,151
I'm toast.
424
00:18:23,153 --> 00:18:24,285
I'm honey.
425
00:18:24,287 --> 00:18:26,787
I'm Angela Lansbury's
left breast.
426
00:18:26,789 --> 00:18:27,822
Fried egg.
427
00:18:27,824 --> 00:18:30,291
And I'm bacon.
And together...
428
00:18:30,293 --> 00:18:33,294
ALL:
We're all part
of this balanced breakfast!
429
00:18:33,296 --> 00:18:36,480
Wow, how did you get
those costumes so fast?
430
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,464
I had them at home.
431
00:18:37,466 --> 00:18:39,867
Kendra and I do
a little role-playing.
432
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:43,104
It gets her hot
when I dress up as big food.
433
00:18:43,106 --> 00:18:44,772
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
434
00:18:44,774 --> 00:18:48,742
Can the toast make out
with the bacon?
435
00:18:48,744 --> 00:18:50,611
[♪]
436
00:18:56,785 --> 00:18:58,018
Huh?
437
00:18:58,020 --> 00:18:59,253
[SCREAMING]
438
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:08,462
[LAUGHING AND CHATTERING]
439
00:19:08,464 --> 00:19:10,398
[DANCE MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
440
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,666
[MUSIC STOPS]
441
00:19:11,668 --> 00:19:14,602
♪ You let me violate you
442
00:19:14,604 --> 00:19:17,571
♪ You let me desecrate you
443
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,974
Dude, there's some kind
of performance artists
444
00:19:20,976 --> 00:19:22,510
in your front yard.
445
00:19:22,512 --> 00:19:23,744
What?
446
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,899
[♪]
447
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:31,803
Trick or treat, bitches.
448
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:36,841
Aah! The world is dark
and quiet.
449
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,559
Eggkake!
450
00:19:38,561 --> 00:19:40,344
[♪]
451
00:19:46,501 --> 00:19:47,968
[ALL GROANING]
452
00:19:47,970 --> 00:19:49,704
Coach Cleveland?
453
00:19:49,706 --> 00:19:52,973
Hey, Oliver, don't forget
about practice tomorrow.
454
00:19:52,975 --> 00:19:56,026
Okay, coach. See you there.
455
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:59,496
Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna remember
this Halloween forever.
456
00:19:59,498 --> 00:20:01,598
I'm glad you had fun,
Junior,
457
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,868
because God only knows
what they're gonna do to you
458
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,303
at school tomorrow.
459
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:08,138
I can't really
protect you from that.
460
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,107
[♪]
461
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:13,778
[RALLO SNORING]
462
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,078
[GRUNTS]
463
00:20:17,148 --> 00:20:18,666
[GASPS AND SCREAMS]
464
00:20:20,535 --> 00:20:21,786
Rallo, what is it?
465
00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,354
Mama, I ate a bunch of candy
466
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:25,489
and I lost my tooth
just like you said.
467
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:27,491
And now my tooth
turned into a quarter.
468
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:30,461
And the world is scary and
my young mind is so confused.
469
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,095
[SCREAMS]
470
00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:34,998
Oh, baby,
I know you lost a tooth.
471
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,134
Don't worry.
The tooth fairy took it
472
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,536
and brought you
that quarter.
473
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,738
The tooth fairy?
Who's that?
474
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,990
Well, Rallo, he's a fairy
who comes into your room
475
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:45,926
while you're sleeping,
takes your tooth, leaves money.
476
00:20:45,928 --> 00:20:49,112
And what is in it
for this gentleman?
477
00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:50,764
I guess he likes baby teeth.
478
00:20:50,766 --> 00:20:54,635
Whoa, I reckon it don't get
any weirder than that.
479
00:20:54,637 --> 00:20:56,069
[LESTER SCREAMS]
480
00:20:56,071 --> 00:20:58,856
I forgot the safe word!
481
00:21:00,776 --> 00:21:02,743
[♪]
482
00:21:33,842 --> 00:21:36,777
[English - US - Line 21]