1
00:00:01,768 --> 00:00:03,685
[♪]
2
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:09,758
[GUNSHOT]
3
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:10,892
Hey, Dad!
Ah!
4
00:00:10,894 --> 00:00:11,977
TIM:
Oh, my eye!
5
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:14,547
Will you tie my shoe
like old times?
6
00:00:14,549 --> 00:00:17,583
In old times,
they buckled their shoes.
7
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:18,967
[♪]
8
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,505
CLEVELAND: Steady.
Dad!
9
00:00:23,507 --> 00:00:24,373
[GUNSHOT]
10
00:00:24,375 --> 00:00:25,473
What?
11
00:00:25,475 --> 00:00:27,276
Hi.
Hi.
12
00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,745
[♪]
13
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,604
CLEVELAND:
One shot...
14
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,457
one kill.
15
00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:42,925
One what, Daddy?
16
00:00:42,927 --> 00:00:45,277
[GUNSHOT THEN GOAT BLEATS]
17
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:47,646
Damn it, Junior!
You just gave Diosanto
18
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,615
the keys to the whole cartel!
19
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,750
Entire villages will die.
20
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:55,153
Innocent women will be forced
to wear sombreros.
21
00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:59,558
And all because you couldn't
give your dad some time alone.
22
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,560
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
23
00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:09,118
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
24
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,386
♪ And I am proud to be
25
00:01:11,388 --> 00:01:13,772
♪ Right back
In my hometown ♪
26
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,157
♪ With my new family
27
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,577
♪ There's old friends
And new friends ♪
28
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,629
♪ And even a bear
29
00:01:20,631 --> 00:01:23,081
♪ Through good times
And bad times ♪
30
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,616
♪ It's true love we share ♪
31
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,885
♪ And so I found a place
32
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:29,087
♪ Where everyone will know
33
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,256
♪ My happy mustache face
34
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,458
♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪
35
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,493
[LAUGHS]
36
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,963
[♪]
37
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:41,266
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
38
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:44,302
Ah! A homeless blanket
touched me!
39
00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:46,304
Yeah. Toddlers and Tiaras.
40
00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:49,908
Five-year-old anorexics
forced to get spray tans.
41
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,428
Hey! I was watching
whatever that was!
42
00:01:52,430 --> 00:01:53,662
[BOTH GRUNTING]
43
00:01:53,664 --> 00:01:54,829
Give me.
44
00:01:54,831 --> 00:01:57,750
Gonna break something.
Now you broke something.
45
00:01:57,752 --> 00:01:58,951
[DOORBELL RINGS]
46
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:01,086
I hope that's a child murderer.
47
00:02:02,438 --> 00:02:03,639
Close enough.
48
00:02:03,641 --> 00:02:05,974
Hey, doughboy.
I'm here for my dough.
49
00:02:05,976 --> 00:02:07,942
What are you talking about,
Robert?
50
00:02:07,944 --> 00:02:11,012
I'm here for my alimony check,
which I'll take in cash.
51
00:02:11,014 --> 00:02:12,464
Here you go, Robert.
What?
52
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,833
Why are we giving him alimony?
53
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,318
We're not. I am.
54
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,987
It was the only way I could get
him to finalize the divorce.
55
00:02:18,989 --> 00:02:20,656
I never heard about this.
56
00:02:20,658 --> 00:02:23,625
Oh, that's because I never
told you. Remember?
57
00:02:23,627 --> 00:02:24,893
Oh, yeah.
58
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:27,863
Six hundred, seven hundred,
eight hundred.
59
00:02:27,865 --> 00:02:31,433
Heh-heh-heh. Ex-husband.
Best job I ever had.
60
00:02:31,435 --> 00:02:33,201
Well, second best.
61
00:02:33,203 --> 00:02:35,353
In this experiment,
we'll be testing the effects
62
00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:37,956
of massive amounts
of high-quality marijuana
63
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:41,626
on a man's ability to play video
games while having sex.
64
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,845
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
65
00:02:43,847 --> 00:02:45,029
Science!
66
00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:47,299
[RALLO GRUNTING]
67
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:49,234
Give it!
Ow!
68
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:51,503
I gotta booger
with your wrist's name on it.
69
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,738
Ah!
70
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,908
Argh! Right in the bridge.
Oh, getting the watery eye.
71
00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:58,744
Water, not tears. Natural.
72
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,245
Heh-heh-heh.
Now that I'm flush,
73
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:01,980
I'm gonna go see
what that Chevron
74
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,415
with the Techron's all about.
75
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,049
No. No leave.
76
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:06,652
Get your mitts off me,
Romney.
77
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,903
You wanna keep getting
this monthly 'mony money,
78
00:03:08,905 --> 00:03:10,572
you've gotta
do something for it.
79
00:03:10,574 --> 00:03:13,141
And you can start
by taking your kids for the day.
80
00:03:13,143 --> 00:03:17,029
My kids? This is alimony,
not child support.
81
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:20,582
Oh, do I really get to go with
you, Dad? Can I, Dad? Can I?
82
00:03:20,584 --> 00:03:23,869
Dad. Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.
83
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,821
All right, fine. I'll take them.
84
00:03:25,823 --> 00:03:28,223
Terrific. Roberta,
you and Rallo are going--
85
00:03:28,225 --> 00:03:30,058
With our Dad. I heard.
86
00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:32,628
You always think you're talking
quieter than you are.
87
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:35,964
I'll go, but I'm keeping my ear
buds in the whole time.
88
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,633
Wish you had mouth buds.
89
00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:40,302
See, I heard that too.
90
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:46,374
Ah. Finally.
I can hear myself think.
91
00:03:46,376 --> 00:03:49,578
CLEVELAND:
I wonder how
the Captain and Tennille met.
92
00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:52,915
I would hate to smell
the inside of his hat.
93
00:03:52,917 --> 00:03:56,084
Hmm. Nice to have time
for these thoughts.
94
00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:58,720
Dad, will you check
the toilet for monsters?
95
00:03:58,722 --> 00:04:01,122
I have to go the sit kind.
96
00:04:01,124 --> 00:04:04,176
Daddy, please, no. I don't wanna
go with Mr. Robert.
97
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:05,844
He's felonious.
Need time alone.
98
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,746
Whatever you're paying him,
I'll double it.
99
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,414
I'll miss you.
You'll be fine.
100
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,116
If you don't like what
you're doing,
101
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,635
use your imagination.
Argh!
102
00:04:17,189 --> 00:04:19,024
Bye.
103
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,426
All right, they're gone.
104
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:23,962
That means we have
the house all to ourselves.
105
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,965
And the bedroom.
Heh, heh.
106
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,935
We can do whatever we want.
107
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,153
CLEVELAND:
Oh, yes!
108
00:04:32,155 --> 00:04:34,239
Consumer Reports says
that toaster oven
109
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:36,542
we got is the best
in the price range!
110
00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:38,977
Hoo-dy-hoo!
111
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,979
[♪]
112
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:47,920
[BARKING AND GROWLING]
113
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,972
Now, all the dogs
are blindfolded,
114
00:04:50,974 --> 00:04:52,240
so it's a fair fight.
115
00:04:52,242 --> 00:04:53,809
But if they start wilding out,
116
00:04:53,811 --> 00:04:55,710
we're gonna have
to scram right quick.
117
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,745
Junior, they'll come
after you first
118
00:04:57,747 --> 00:04:59,714
because they'll smell
your salty meat sweat.
119
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,716
But you're big.
You can handle them.
120
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,885
That genie was right.
121
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:07,022
"Salty meat sweat"
was a bad wish.
122
00:05:10,493 --> 00:05:12,194
Oh, what a day.
123
00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:14,696
Watched Eve's Bayou, long nap,
124
00:05:14,698 --> 00:05:17,499
watched Eve's Bayou again,
another nap,
125
00:05:17,501 --> 00:05:19,034
back to the Bayou,
126
00:05:19,036 --> 00:05:21,936
ordered in, had them bring it
upstairs to the bedroom,
127
00:05:21,938 --> 00:05:23,472
ate it and here we are.
128
00:05:23,474 --> 00:05:26,124
Fool, be quiet. I'm trying
to watch Eve's Bayou.
129
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,309
Eve's Bayou's on?
130
00:05:27,311 --> 00:05:29,711
I thought it wasn't supposed
to be on HBO Urban East
131
00:05:29,713 --> 00:05:33,148
until midnight.
It's past midnight.
132
00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:37,118
So the kids came home,
right?
133
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,369
[BOTH SCREAMING]
134
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:40,955
No Rallo.
No Junior.
135
00:05:40,957 --> 00:05:42,123
No Roberta.
136
00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:44,593
No clean towels.
They're in the dryer.
137
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,696
Who's gonna fold them
now that Junior's gone?
138
00:05:47,698 --> 00:05:51,266
Calm down.
I'll just call Robert.
139
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,018
[RINGING]
140
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:57,689
All right, I'll get it.
141
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:01,827
Hello? No, you listen
to me, Drake.
142
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,029
The CIA wants
their microchip back,
143
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,932
they gotta dig it out
of my brain themselves.
144
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,268
Wait, why is my ear bleeding?
145
00:06:09,270 --> 00:06:12,304
Oh, God, they're trying
to take it.
146
00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:14,206
[RAT SQUEAKING]
147
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,206
[PANTING]
148
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,442
Squeaky, you've been
compromised.
149
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:19,044
You're putting us all in danger.
150
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,278
[SQUEALING]
151
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:23,064
I'm sorry, Squeaky.
It's just the game.
152
00:06:23,066 --> 00:06:25,817
You gotta get
before you get got.
153
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,886
[GUNSHOT]
154
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,388
[GUNSHOT]
155
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,042
He's not picking up.
156
00:06:37,296 --> 00:06:39,531
[♪]
157
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:43,601
Cleveland, how can you
take a shower
158
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:44,769
when the kids are missing?
159
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,704
You know I shower
when I'm scared.
160
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,289
[DOOR OPENS]
161
00:06:48,291 --> 00:06:52,310
Oh, thank God.
Robert, where the hell were you?
162
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,112
Clowning around with
these turkeys. Ha, ha.
163
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,481
Boy, you crazy.
Heh, heh. Gobble, gobble.
164
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:57,916
Are you okay, Junior?
165
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:01,002
Oh, yeah. Mr. Robert took us
to Chick-fil-A.
166
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:04,473
Heh-heh-heh. Oh, man.
Kid ate five sandwiches.
167
00:07:04,475 --> 00:07:06,859
[BOTH LAUGHING]
168
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:09,027
[LAUGHING]
169
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,896
And remember how many
chicken sandwiches I ate?
170
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:13,465
Kid's a genius too.
171
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,101
He told me a pattern
for the Ms. Pac Man machine.
172
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,137
Two-thirds.
I ate two-thirds of a sandwich.
173
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,572
Gave the rest to a bird.
174
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,457
Now I call this kid
Pac-Man.
175
00:07:22,459 --> 00:07:24,926
Because he's round
and eats everything in sight.
176
00:07:24,928 --> 00:07:27,062
Whoa, whoa!
Where did that come from?
177
00:07:27,064 --> 00:07:30,532
Pac-Man is good people.
Bad Rallo.
178
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,633
Well, Robert,
since you and the "Pac-Man"
179
00:07:32,635 --> 00:07:33,734
hit it off so well,
180
00:07:33,736 --> 00:07:35,503
maybe you should take him
more often.
181
00:07:35,505 --> 00:07:37,105
That way, I could spend
more time
182
00:07:37,107 --> 00:07:39,307
with my Popsicle-stick houses.
183
00:07:41,076 --> 00:07:42,928
Hmm?
184
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:46,348
Don't worry, me and
the big guy'll hang out again.
185
00:07:46,350 --> 00:07:48,683
See you, Pac-Man.
Stay black, man.
186
00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:50,485
[LAUGHING]
187
00:07:52,288 --> 00:07:54,122
Later, Rallo.
188
00:07:54,124 --> 00:07:56,958
Oh, I'm about
to start acting out hardcore.
189
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,394
Relax,
this is just temporary.
190
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,996
Like lesbianism
at women's colleges.
191
00:08:01,998 --> 00:08:04,149
So let me be the first to say,
192
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:08,386
you are all officially
college graduates.
193
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:10,472
ALL:
We need to talk.
194
00:08:12,775 --> 00:08:15,276
You're a pretty little house.
195
00:08:15,278 --> 00:08:18,947
I wanna put you by the seashore
and grow old in you.
196
00:08:18,949 --> 00:08:21,616
Spend my days inside you
making houses
197
00:08:21,618 --> 00:08:25,053
of even tinier materials,
such as toothpicks.
198
00:08:25,055 --> 00:08:27,622
So then Dumbledore put
on the invisibility cloak,
199
00:08:27,624 --> 00:08:29,891
and entered the Deathly Hallows.
200
00:08:29,893 --> 00:08:32,226
Oh, man, that's crazy.
201
00:08:32,228 --> 00:08:34,029
So how do you know
this dude again?
202
00:08:34,031 --> 00:08:36,230
Well, it looks like
you two had fun.
203
00:08:36,232 --> 00:08:38,450
I'll say.
204
00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:40,585
Pac-Man here taught me
Morse code.
205
00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:42,053
All right. See you tomorrow.
206
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,790
Dot-dot-dash, dot-dot-dash,
dot-dash, dot-dash.
207
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:47,091
Ha-ha-ha. Oh, you sick.
208
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,343
You're taking him out
again tomorrow?
209
00:08:49,345 --> 00:08:50,929
Yeah, I'm gonna give him
some pointers
210
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,831
on getting
with that girl he likes.
211
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,232
Elaine Boozler?
212
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,668
No, you know, Joanna.
From school?
213
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,537
She's all the boy talks about.
214
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,490
Huh. I don't remember him
mentioning a Joanna to me.
215
00:09:01,492 --> 00:09:04,426
Or that he goes to school.
I'm not surprised.
216
00:09:04,428 --> 00:09:06,628
Do you realize
this chump's never even had
217
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:07,729
"the talk" with Junior?
218
00:09:07,731 --> 00:09:09,097
You haven't?
219
00:09:09,099 --> 00:09:11,049
I'm going to do it
when he becomes a man,
220
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,351
on his 18th birthday,
221
00:09:12,353 --> 00:09:14,119
and is headed to university.
222
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,154
Yeah, well, since
you ain't man enough,
223
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,755
I'm gonna give Junior
the sex talk.
224
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:19,157
Later, fool.
225
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:20,892
I'm gonna give him the sex talk!
226
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,861
You're not the expert
just because you've had sex,
227
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,497
with four of the six women
228
00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:28,133
I've had sex with,
plus a lot more!
229
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:31,202
And I really wish I wasn't
shouting this out the door,
230
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:34,005
in front of the neighbors
and our Lord.
231
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,640
TIM:
Amen!
232
00:09:39,862 --> 00:09:42,297
Sure is beautiful out here,
isn't it, Junior?
233
00:09:42,299 --> 00:09:43,498
I guess so.
234
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,401
The perfect setting
for a father-son talk.
235
00:09:46,403 --> 00:09:48,303
Waves tickling our toes,
236
00:09:48,305 --> 00:09:52,474
salt air filling our lungs,
seashells are everywhere.
237
00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:57,679
Do you hear the ocean, Daddy?
I wanna talk to an octopus.
238
00:09:57,681 --> 00:10:00,849
Just a moment, Junior.
Daddy's on the phone.
239
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:04,619
Yep. Mm-hm. Yeah.
I'll let him know.
240
00:10:04,621 --> 00:10:06,488
Junior, the ocean says
241
00:10:06,490 --> 00:10:08,623
there's a girl
at school you're sweet on.
242
00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:11,726
The ocean knows about Joanna?
Mm-hm.
243
00:10:11,728 --> 00:10:13,528
And I know you're becoming a man
244
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:16,164
and there's a few things
you should know.
245
00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:19,251
Ice-breaker, did that.
Shell phone bit, that worked.
246
00:10:19,253 --> 00:10:22,654
Becoming a man. Ugh. Here we go.
247
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:26,291
In nature, certain things
are meant to fit together.
248
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,160
Like a bird in its nest,
249
00:10:28,162 --> 00:10:32,230
or a hand in a glove
or a hot dog in a doughnut.
250
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,799
So being a man
means I can eat doughnut dogs?
251
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,752
Perhaps I was less than clear.
Let me skip ahead.
252
00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:39,688
When a woman truly loves a man,
253
00:10:39,690 --> 00:10:41,756
she lies down
in bed next to him,
254
00:10:41,758 --> 00:10:45,193
takes his most special treasure
and cuts it.
255
00:10:45,195 --> 00:10:47,562
And that's why you have
a belly button.
256
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:51,600
And my cards seem
to be out of order.
257
00:10:51,602 --> 00:10:53,134
Well, you basically get it.
258
00:10:53,136 --> 00:10:56,538
Now, as for Joanna, try
to initiate physical contact.
259
00:10:56,540 --> 00:10:59,407
Arrange to have a soda
sprayed all over her shirt.
260
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:03,277
Ask the albino kid, he's dying
to be included in something.
261
00:11:03,279 --> 00:11:07,382
Then just happen to walk by
with a roll of paper towels.
262
00:11:07,384 --> 00:11:08,750
And that will work?
263
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:12,654
If I know soda as well as
I think I do,
264
00:11:12,656 --> 00:11:16,391
yeah, ahem, it'll work.
265
00:11:18,728 --> 00:11:20,929
[♪]
266
00:11:22,898 --> 00:11:25,283
Talk to me.
How'd it go with Joanna?
267
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:26,451
Tell me everything.
268
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:29,521
I asked her to the movies.
She said no.
269
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,623
What?
Did you do the soda thing?
270
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,392
Yeah, the albino kid
missed his cue.
271
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:37,145
Hmm. He's probably beating
himself up
272
00:11:37,147 --> 00:11:38,813
worse than we ever could.
273
00:11:38,815 --> 00:11:40,014
You know what, Dad?
274
00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:41,149
Thanks for your help,
275
00:11:41,151 --> 00:11:43,618
but I think I'm just not ready
for girls yet.
276
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,987
Well, then, why don't you
and I go to the movies tonight?
277
00:11:45,989 --> 00:11:47,288
It'll be great.
278
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,590
We'll sneak in some drinks,
sneak in some popcorn.
279
00:11:49,592 --> 00:11:52,861
Heck, we could even take us
a couple po' boys in there.
280
00:11:52,863 --> 00:11:54,395
What do you say, champ?
281
00:11:54,397 --> 00:11:58,099
I think I'm just gonna
chill out in my room.
282
00:11:58,101 --> 00:12:00,602
CLEVELAND:
That po', po' boy.
283
00:12:00,604 --> 00:12:02,203
Now all I can think about
284
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:06,340
is eating a s-s-sandwich
at the m-m-movies.
285
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:09,728
You're not fooling anybody,
286
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,329
sneaking that food
into the theater.
287
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:14,031
Just keep moving.
The soup's starting to burn.
288
00:12:16,785 --> 00:12:18,636
Hey, there's Robert.
289
00:12:20,472 --> 00:12:21,706
And there's Joanna.
290
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,574
Robert's dating Joanna?
291
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,144
Oh, Junior's gonna
be devastated.
292
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,679
And I can't imagine
Joanna's father will be--
293
00:12:29,932 --> 00:12:30,998
Oh, no, there's Junior.
294
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,567
Oh, that must have been awkward,
295
00:12:32,569 --> 00:12:36,170
riding between Robert and Joanna
on the way to their creepy date.
296
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,523
Cleveland, Junior's
on the date with Joanna.
297
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:42,160
But that doesn't make sense.
Junior told me she said no.
298
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,795
Thanks for the ride,
Mr. Brown.
299
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:46,597
Thanks for the gas money,
Joanna.
300
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,151
Heh, heh. See you after
the show, Dad.
301
00:12:50,153 --> 00:12:52,336
[♪]
302
00:12:58,343 --> 00:13:01,078
Are you ready to order?
We're gonna need a minute.
303
00:13:03,165 --> 00:13:05,447
[♪]
304
00:13:05,449 --> 00:13:09,267
I can't believe
Junior's calling Robert "Dad."
305
00:13:09,269 --> 00:13:12,270
I carried that boy
for nine months.
306
00:13:12,272 --> 00:13:13,372
It was when he was 12.
307
00:13:13,374 --> 00:13:14,873
He was scared
to touch the ground.
308
00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:17,376
Convinced himself
everything was hot lava.
309
00:13:17,378 --> 00:13:19,195
Maybe that's part
of the problem, Cleveland.
310
00:13:19,197 --> 00:13:20,329
You baby him.
311
00:13:20,331 --> 00:13:22,598
Robert treats him like a man.
312
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,467
Mm. Used to treat me
like a man too.
313
00:13:25,469 --> 00:13:27,269
What does that mean?
Bye-bye.
314
00:13:27,271 --> 00:13:29,905
Hey, Dad, let me cop
a hit off that juice bag.
315
00:13:29,907 --> 00:13:33,025
I thought Robert was your Dad.
Huh.
316
00:13:33,027 --> 00:13:36,862
That's right.
I saw you at "the theater."
317
00:13:36,864 --> 00:13:38,864
Why would you call Robert "Dad"?
318
00:13:38,866 --> 00:13:40,165
Well, the thing is,
319
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:43,034
and I'm sorry to have
to get real like this,
320
00:13:43,036 --> 00:13:44,719
but he's cooler than you, Dad.
321
00:13:44,721 --> 00:13:46,956
C--? C-Cooler?
322
00:13:46,958 --> 00:13:50,608
Yeah, I mean, your idea,
that whole albino mess?
323
00:13:50,610 --> 00:13:52,344
I never stood a chance.
324
00:13:52,346 --> 00:13:54,913
But Robert,
he knows what women want.
325
00:13:54,915 --> 00:13:56,248
DONNA:
Yep.
326
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:59,117
Look, Dad, I'm not trying
to replace you with Robert.
327
00:13:59,119 --> 00:14:01,419
And you best believe
I'm still coming to you
328
00:14:01,421 --> 00:14:04,456
for things like taxes
and the best laundry detergent.
329
00:14:04,458 --> 00:14:06,124
Wisk.
Right.
330
00:14:06,126 --> 00:14:07,692
So you cool?
331
00:14:07,694 --> 00:14:10,095
Yeah, I'm cool.
No, no, Dad.
332
00:14:10,097 --> 00:14:13,065
You're not cool.
Heh, heh. This guy.
333
00:14:13,067 --> 00:14:17,102
He sweet but he no listen.
334
00:14:17,104 --> 00:14:19,471
[♪]
335
00:14:19,473 --> 00:14:23,075
Junior's wrong about me.
I'm cool, right, guys?
336
00:14:23,077 --> 00:14:24,376
Course, you're cool,
bro.
337
00:14:24,378 --> 00:14:26,161
Would I call you "bro"
if you weren't cool?
338
00:14:26,163 --> 00:14:27,930
Probably would.
I call everybody bro.
339
00:14:27,932 --> 00:14:29,264
'Sup, bro.
340
00:14:29,266 --> 00:14:30,498
I don't know, Cleveland.
341
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:31,700
I have to admit,
342
00:14:31,702 --> 00:14:33,969
when I imagined having
a black friend in my mind,
343
00:14:33,971 --> 00:14:36,338
I was picturing
more of an Isaac Hayes type.
344
00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:37,873
He is pretty cool.
345
00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:39,607
Maybe if I shaved my head--
346
00:14:39,609 --> 00:14:41,776
No, I got that hot dog
roll back there.
347
00:14:41,778 --> 00:14:43,212
That wouldn't look good at all.
348
00:14:43,214 --> 00:14:44,246
[GROANS]
349
00:14:44,248 --> 00:14:48,150
Hey, I'm way cooler than Robert.
350
00:14:48,152 --> 00:14:51,053
If only there was some way
to prove it.
351
00:14:51,055 --> 00:14:52,454
"Coolympics."
What?
352
00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:55,490
"The Coolympics."
A rigorous series of events
353
00:14:55,492 --> 00:14:57,526
judged by a panel of experts...
354
00:14:57,528 --> 00:15:00,062
...to determine
which contestant is cooler.
355
00:15:00,064 --> 00:15:02,597
I know what a damn
Coolympics is, fool.
356
00:15:02,599 --> 00:15:05,000
Well, I challenge you
to one of those.
357
00:15:05,002 --> 00:15:06,835
It's obviously the only way
358
00:15:06,837 --> 00:15:09,071
I can win back
the love of my son.
359
00:15:09,073 --> 00:15:10,906
Please. Every four years,
360
00:15:10,908 --> 00:15:13,042
some nerd challenges me
to a Coolympics.
361
00:15:13,044 --> 00:15:15,077
I ain't lost yet. I'm in.
362
00:15:15,079 --> 00:15:17,379
See you
at the Coolympics, chump.
363
00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:19,815
Come on, Pac-Man.
Wakka-wakka-wakka.
364
00:15:21,551 --> 00:15:24,936
You're Coolympic'ing
against him? Listen, dummy.
365
00:15:24,938 --> 00:15:27,239
There's only one way you're
gonna win this thing
366
00:15:27,241 --> 00:15:28,507
and that's if I coach you.
367
00:15:28,509 --> 00:15:31,610
You want me to win?
No, I want him to lose.
368
00:15:31,612 --> 00:15:34,646
My dad ditched me
just like Junior ditched you.
369
00:15:34,648 --> 00:15:36,281
Time to make him pay.
370
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:37,082
Yeah.
371
00:15:37,084 --> 00:15:38,817
We're gonna make him pay!
Stop it.
372
00:15:38,819 --> 00:15:40,152
Here's the problem right here.
373
00:15:40,154 --> 00:15:42,121
This is not cool.
We're gonna make him pay!
374
00:15:42,123 --> 00:15:44,790
We're gonna make him pay.
Put me down. I don't like this.
375
00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,175
LYNCH:
Welcome, one and all,
to the Coolympics.
376
00:15:47,177 --> 00:15:48,510
[CROWD CHEERING]
377
00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:51,096
Remember, we have absolutely
no street permits
378
00:15:51,098 --> 00:15:52,197
for this event.
379
00:15:52,199 --> 00:15:54,833
So if the cops come,
run like hell.
380
00:15:54,835 --> 00:15:56,935
And now to our contestants,
381
00:15:56,937 --> 00:16:01,172
Cleveland Lou Albano Brown
and Robert.
382
00:16:01,174 --> 00:16:03,875
[CHEERING]
383
00:16:03,877 --> 00:16:05,661
And now, to judge
this epic battle,
384
00:16:05,663 --> 00:16:08,497
we've gathered
the three coolest men alive,
385
00:16:08,499 --> 00:16:09,697
who agreed to be here
386
00:16:09,699 --> 00:16:13,001
because they were misled about
the nature of this competition.
387
00:16:13,003 --> 00:16:17,806
From the LBC,
Mr. Calvin "Snoop Dogg" Broadus.
388
00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:19,692
[CROWD CHEERING]
389
00:16:26,015 --> 00:16:28,083
If you wanna see
my giraffe naked,
390
00:16:28,085 --> 00:16:30,018
go to Snoop Dogg-dot-tv.
391
00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:32,955
I also got a tiger
having sex with a pelican.
392
00:16:32,957 --> 00:16:36,025
Nice. Our next judge
takes a lot of credit
393
00:16:36,027 --> 00:16:37,893
while gravity does the work.
394
00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:41,030
Please welcome the only
professional skateboarder
395
00:16:41,032 --> 00:16:43,632
in the universe, Tony Hawk.
396
00:16:43,634 --> 00:16:46,601
[CROWD CHEERING]
397
00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:53,558
Even my board gets mad play.
398
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,543
Ha, ha. He's so radical.
399
00:16:55,545 --> 00:16:57,946
Oh, and here's our final judge,
400
00:16:57,948 --> 00:17:04,502
all the way from Cloud City,
Lando Calrissian.
401
00:17:04,504 --> 00:17:05,720
[CHEERING]
402
00:17:05,722 --> 00:17:09,825
You no good, low-down,
Coolympians.
403
00:17:09,827 --> 00:17:10,975
[CROWD GASP]
404
00:17:10,977 --> 00:17:13,662
Ha-ha-ha. Just kidding.
405
00:17:13,664 --> 00:17:16,765
I'm nice and cool.
406
00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:18,600
I've never heard
of these judges.
407
00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:21,470
And Cleveland Brown has lost
the first event,
408
00:17:21,472 --> 00:17:23,905
"Recognizing Cool People."
409
00:17:23,907 --> 00:17:24,973
Oh.
410
00:17:24,975 --> 00:17:27,175
We move on
to our second event:
411
00:17:27,177 --> 00:17:30,011
"Getting a Hot Bartender's
Attention."
412
00:17:31,764 --> 00:17:34,700
And go.
413
00:17:35,885 --> 00:17:38,053
Excuse me, sir,
are you in line?
414
00:17:38,055 --> 00:17:40,455
If I could just scoot by... Ah.
415
00:17:40,457 --> 00:17:42,557
Oh. Uh, hi.
416
00:17:44,978 --> 00:17:47,495
[ROBERT & BARTENDER MOANING]
417
00:17:47,497 --> 00:17:49,397
Uh, pardon.
When you get a second,
418
00:17:49,399 --> 00:17:51,934
may I get an iced
Earl Grey please? With a cherry.
419
00:17:51,936 --> 00:17:53,202
LYNCH:
Time.
420
00:17:53,204 --> 00:17:55,920
Let's see what the judges
thought. Snoop?
421
00:17:55,922 --> 00:17:57,840
The guy getting ass always wins.
422
00:17:57,842 --> 00:17:59,675
You got that right,
friend.
423
00:17:59,677 --> 00:18:04,379
Okay, our next event
is "Looking Cool In Jeans."
424
00:18:04,381 --> 00:18:06,982
Gentlemen, show us what you got.
425
00:18:06,984 --> 00:18:09,585
[CROWD CHEERING]
426
00:18:09,587 --> 00:18:13,705
Oh, ha-ha-ha. He went
acid-washed. We got this one.
427
00:18:13,707 --> 00:18:14,706
[CROWD LAUGHING]
428
00:18:14,708 --> 00:18:15,974
What the--? Jean shorts?
429
00:18:15,976 --> 00:18:17,743
That's not what
I picked out for you.
430
00:18:17,745 --> 00:18:18,943
Called an audible.
431
00:18:18,945 --> 00:18:22,013
When you got the legs,
you show them off.
432
00:18:22,015 --> 00:18:23,148
[CROWD LAUGHING]
433
00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:25,300
[♪]
434
00:18:25,302 --> 00:18:27,669
Not bad. Now turn around
and make it clap.
435
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:28,904
Beg pardon?
436
00:18:28,906 --> 00:18:30,772
No, that's a dude.
Man, I'm up out of here.
437
00:18:30,774 --> 00:18:32,374
See ya'll, man, I'm gone.
438
00:18:35,328 --> 00:18:36,578
[GIRAFFE INHALES]
439
00:18:38,415 --> 00:18:39,915
Whoo!
440
00:18:41,951 --> 00:18:45,754
For our final event,
and just for a little tension,
441
00:18:45,756 --> 00:18:49,224
let's say whoever wins this
wins the whole thing.
442
00:18:49,226 --> 00:18:53,562
"Who Can Get Michael Buble
on the Phone the Fastest?"
443
00:18:53,564 --> 00:18:55,530
Who the fuck
is Michael Buble?
444
00:18:55,532 --> 00:18:57,582
Michael, is that you?
It's Cleveland.
445
00:18:57,584 --> 00:18:59,917
I got him.
I got Buble on the phone.
446
00:18:59,919 --> 00:19:02,487
I win the Coolympics! I win!
447
00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:05,490
Trick event.
Michael Buble ain't cool.
448
00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:08,860
Sorry, buddy. I had no choice.
449
00:19:08,862 --> 00:19:12,548
And by a score of 85 to nothing,
450
00:19:12,550 --> 00:19:15,250
Robert wins the Coolympics.
451
00:19:15,252 --> 00:19:18,754
Whatever, I don't care.
86 to nothing.
452
00:19:18,756 --> 00:19:19,988
[CHEERING]
453
00:19:26,412 --> 00:19:29,214
Wait a minute.
I have something to say.
454
00:19:30,917 --> 00:19:32,885
Wow, thought it would take
a little more time
455
00:19:32,887 --> 00:19:34,152
to get your attention.
456
00:19:34,154 --> 00:19:35,387
Uh--
457
00:19:35,389 --> 00:19:38,390
Okay. What I want
to say is this:
458
00:19:38,392 --> 00:19:42,427
I did all this because
I want my son to love me.
459
00:19:42,429 --> 00:19:47,432
And if that's not cool,
then I don't want to be cool.
460
00:19:47,434 --> 00:19:48,800
MAN:
Good, because you're not.
461
00:19:48,802 --> 00:19:50,101
Who said that?
462
00:19:50,103 --> 00:19:51,870
MAN:
Me. But I'm speaking
for everyone.
463
00:19:51,872 --> 00:19:54,372
Is that true?
CROWD: Yes.
464
00:19:54,374 --> 00:19:56,140
[CROWD BOOING]
465
00:19:56,142 --> 00:19:58,710
All I wanted to do
was make my Dad jealous,
466
00:19:58,712 --> 00:20:01,279
and you're too lame
to even help me do that.
467
00:20:01,281 --> 00:20:03,047
Jealous? Why?
468
00:20:03,049 --> 00:20:05,183
Because you ditched me
for Cleveland, Jr.
469
00:20:05,185 --> 00:20:07,135
Come on, Rallo.
Junior needs help.
470
00:20:07,137 --> 00:20:08,870
Look where he comes from.
471
00:20:08,872 --> 00:20:12,107
That's assault.
I'm gonna sue you all.
472
00:20:12,109 --> 00:20:16,378
But you came from my groins.
You were born cool.
473
00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:19,214
Hey, Junior.
Where's your little girlfriend?
474
00:20:19,216 --> 00:20:21,082
Tony Hawk said
he was gonna show her
475
00:20:21,084 --> 00:20:22,818
how to do a backside ollie,
476
00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:24,619
but we all know
what that means.
477
00:20:24,621 --> 00:20:26,554
Well, that's understandable.
478
00:20:26,556 --> 00:20:29,124
Did you mean all that
embarrassing stuff you said
479
00:20:29,126 --> 00:20:30,892
about doing this for my love?
480
00:20:30,894 --> 00:20:33,494
Yeah.
I thought that was nice.
481
00:20:33,496 --> 00:20:36,281
And being nice is more important
than being cool.
482
00:20:36,283 --> 00:20:41,586
And maybe this makes me uncool,
but I love you, Dad.
483
00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:45,507
It does make you uncool.
484
00:20:45,509 --> 00:20:48,911
Come on, son. Let's go home.
485
00:20:48,913 --> 00:20:51,246
What a stressful experience.
486
00:20:51,248 --> 00:20:53,982
I'm definitely sleeping
in your bed tonight.
487
00:20:53,984 --> 00:20:56,384
DONNA:
That's fine, because I'm not.
488
00:20:57,403 --> 00:20:58,703
[LANDO LAUGHING]
489
00:20:58,705 --> 00:21:01,773
LANDO:
Works every time.
490
00:21:01,775 --> 00:21:03,725
Ah, who could blame her?
491
00:21:05,711 --> 00:21:07,712
[♪]
492
00:21:38,744 --> 00:21:41,713
[English - US - Line 21]