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[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
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00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:09,424
WATERMAN [ON TV]:
Waterman Cable Access presents
Picking on Raccoons.
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00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:13,294
I'm Harv Williams
and as always, my wife, Shelly.
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SHELLY: Hello.
We got a raccoon over here,
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who looks like he's feeling
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pretty high and mighty
this afternoon.
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Let's go pick on him.
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[YELLS]
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00:00:22,673 --> 00:00:25,574
No one likes you,
you garbage-eating bastard.
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00:00:25,576 --> 00:00:27,242
SHELLY:
Harv.
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[HISSES]
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[HARV & SHELLY SCREAMING]
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[HARV MOANS]
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I'm Harv. I hate raccoons.
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[GROWLS]
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Hmm. What else is on?
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♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
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♪ And I am proud to be
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♪ Right back
In my hometown ♪
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♪ With my new family
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♪ There's old friends
And new friends ♪
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♪ And even a bear
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♪ Through good times
And bad times ♪
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♪ It's true love we share ♪
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♪ And so I found a place
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♪ Where everyone will know
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♪ My happy mustache face
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♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪
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[LAUGHS]
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[BELL RINGS]
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All right, all right.
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Now, let's shtetl down, class.
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It's time to sign up
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for the school's annual
participation show,
35
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because certain parents
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felt that the word "talent"
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set up unreasonable
expectations.
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Thank you, Gordon.
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[KIDS MURMURING]
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Now, don't y'all
be afraid to sign up
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just because me and my boys
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blew everyone off
the stage last year.
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[UPBEAT MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
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[CAMERAS WHIRRING]
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[CHEERING]
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Once again,
I am not part of this act.
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I had a mild stroke an hour ago.
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Why is no one calling 911?
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Yo, Rallo. What we gonna do
for our act this year?
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Don't worry, guys.
I got a plan.
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Our act is gonna be
so off the hook,
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you gonna remember it
for the rest of your lives.
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Or not at all because we're 5.
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Y'all won't remember
any of this.
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I killed a guy.
And I never miss Glee.
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Ha, ha. No, they gonna forget
that by naptime.
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[♪]
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And what's with this Gmail?
I just got used to e-mail.
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Will someone please tell me
why we skipped f-mail?
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[ALL LAUGH]
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Man,
lunchtime with Cleveland
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is the single funniest hour
in America.
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Check it.
Ten impressions, 30 seconds.
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He's gonna do it.
Put down your drinks.
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[AS BORAT]
My name is Borat. Is nice.
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[AS CHRISTOPHER WALKEN]
More cowbell.
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[AS BILL COSBY]
Jell-O pudding, you see.
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[AS SEAN CONNERY]
Pussy Galore.
I must be dreaming.
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[AS MR. T]
I pity the fool.
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[GROWLS AS CHEWBACCA]
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[AS CHRIS GRIFFIN]
Stewie, come smell my butt.
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[AS SCOOBY-DOO]
Scooby-Dooby-Doo! Heh-heh-heh.
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[AS FAT ALBERT]
Hey, hey, hey,
I'm Rosie O'Donnell.
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[IN NORMAL VOICE]
How many was that?
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Nine.
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[AS BORAT]
Is nice.
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[ALL LAUGHING]
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Oh, I'm telling you,
this should be a show.
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[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Well, I have been described
as likable and accessible.
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But, you,
you're a natural sidekick.
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Correct is what you are, sir.
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Woo, woo!
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Did someone pull
the cool-boss alarm?
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Go ahead, Terry. Pull it.
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I'm kidding. What'd I miss?
Hey, Mr. Waterman.
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Aren't you looking for a show
to replace that raccoon guy?
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Put Cleveland on TV.
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Aren't you already
on one of the CSIs?
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No.
Huh.
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Well, then, Mr. Fishburne,
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you've got yourself a show.
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My own cable-access show.
Hooray!
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[MICROWAVE DINGS]
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My burrito's ready. Hooray!
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RALLO:
All right, guys.
Let's give it a try.
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[♪]
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[BONES CRACK]
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[SOBBING]
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I can't believe it didn't work.
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Now we got nothing
for the talent show.
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Oh, Rallo.
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What in the world made you think
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you could break a board
with your hand?
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I learned it from you, Mom.
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I learned it from watching you.
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ANNOUNCER:
Parents who do karate
have children who do karate.
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And, five, four, three...
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[JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
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TIM:
From Stoolbend,
it's The Relatively Late Show,
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starring, uh, Cleveland Brown.
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And now, Cleveland is here.
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[MUSIC STOPS]
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Hi. Wow.
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00:05:07,591 --> 00:05:10,091
Thanks for tuning into
our very first show.
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How's everybody doing?
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Boy, it was hot in Stoolbend
today, wasn't it?
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You know how hot it was?
TIM: Uh, no, sir.
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It was so hot that if Tim's son
Raymond were a potato
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and he went outside
he'd be twice baked.
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Uh, Tim's son is a stoner.
Not sure if everyone knew that.
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[LAUGHS]
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Yes. A stoner potato.
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[AS WOMAN]
Uh, Dr. Brown,
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it's time to interview
the next candidate
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for the rocket-scientist
position.
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Now, I must remind you
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that you've already
had two warnings
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about sexual harassment,
so this is your last chance.
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I'll be good.
130
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What's the candidate's name?
131
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Uh, "Big Boob June."
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[♪]
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Got milk?
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[GUS PLAYS RIMSHOT ON POTS]
135
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Ha, ha. Let's hear it
for the NASA sketch.
136
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Hi, who's soft?
Are you soft?
137
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I'm gonna name you
"Scott Bathroom Tissue."
138
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That's adorable.
139
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,055
Lester, what other animals
you have
140
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running around
in your filthy house?
141
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I've got a basement
full of these.
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Whoa!
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I think he likes me.
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TIM:
Oh, hey.
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I, uh-- I ate Scott Bathroom
Tissue. So, uh--
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[JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING]
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Well, that's our show.
148
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I'd like to thank our guests,
149
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Big Boob June
from the grocery store,
150
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,394
my neighbor Lester
and Luke Wilson.
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00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,297
Thanks, Gus. The government
blew the levees during Katrina.
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Stay tuned for Cat Party. Good
night.
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[♪]
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So, Arch,
you catch my show last night?
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Yup. Sucked.
156
00:06:51,194 --> 00:06:53,428
Huh. One man's opinion.
Nope.
157
00:06:53,430 --> 00:06:55,263
Several thousand
people's opinion.
158
00:06:55,265 --> 00:06:56,081
No way.
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00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,949
Yes way. Look on the Internet.
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Here's a review.
161
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,337
"Mr. Brown has the charm
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00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,405
"of a graveyard-shift
bus driver
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00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:07,042
and the comic timing
of a wifebeater."
164
00:07:07,044 --> 00:07:10,061
That's gotta be a typo.
Wait, what's that one?
165
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,963
"When Waterman Cable decided
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00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,799
"to fill
Harv the Raccoon Guy's shoes,
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little did we know they'd fill
them with feces."
168
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,705
Hey, but you still
got four stars.
169
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:22,841
Oh, out of a thousand.
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00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,409
Weird system.
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00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:28,914
If you'll excuse me, Tim,
I need to go wash my hands.
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[CLEVELAND SOBBING]
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Everybody hates me.
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00:07:37,574 --> 00:07:38,806
[WHIMPERING]
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[FLY UNZIPS]
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[♪]
177
00:07:48,418 --> 00:07:53,104
Wow. That's 178 bad reviews
in a row.
178
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,707
You are one rotten tomato.
179
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,776
Quiet. Hit refresh.
180
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:02,447
What? I do not look like
Mr. Potato Head.
181
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:06,050
Oh, baby, so what if people
didn't like your awful show?
182
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:09,437
You shouldn't care so much about
what people think. I don't.
183
00:08:09,439 --> 00:08:13,408
Because I know one's self-worth
comes from within.
184
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:14,842
You're right, Donna.
185
00:08:14,844 --> 00:08:17,212
So silly of me to get upset.
186
00:08:17,214 --> 00:08:18,647
I should be more like you
187
00:08:18,649 --> 00:08:20,882
who doesn't care
so much she wears this.
188
00:08:20,884 --> 00:08:22,884
[DONNA YELLS
THEN CLEVELAND GASPS]
189
00:08:24,187 --> 00:08:25,654
Vanity.
190
00:08:25,656 --> 00:08:27,155
Vanity.
191
00:08:27,157 --> 00:08:30,008
Vanity.
192
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,377
Oh, man. I'm in trouble.
I got nothing.
193
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,647
You? You'll be fine.
You always land on your feet.
194
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:38,600
You're like a cat
or a man made entirely of feet.
195
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:39,767
Well, thanks, Cleveland.
196
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,703
You know, you're gonna
be all right too.
197
00:08:41,705 --> 00:08:43,938
You got a certain limited
appeal.
198
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,907
You mean that?
Yeah.
199
00:08:45,909 --> 00:08:49,678
Rallo, change my expression
to one of determination.
200
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,563
[♪]
201
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:04,208
Now, you see
these charts behind me?
202
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,945
Well, someone left them here
after the insurance conference,
203
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,546
so don't let them distract you,
204
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,833
because we need
to reinvent my show.
205
00:09:11,835 --> 00:09:14,669
Now, I need to be beloved.
206
00:09:14,671 --> 00:09:17,338
Who is the most beloved person
on television?
207
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:18,607
Not you.
Thank you.
208
00:09:18,609 --> 00:09:19,674
Oprah.
209
00:09:19,676 --> 00:09:21,142
Kendra got fused to the couch
210
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,244
watching an Oprah marathon once.
211
00:09:23,246 --> 00:09:25,997
Arianna likes that little
dancing fella.
212
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,098
Ellen.
213
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,900
My mom watches
The View in her nightie.
214
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,036
The View's horrible.
Two meanings.
215
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:32,787
That's it. Oprah.
216
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:35,323
Ellen. The View. Ugh.
217
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,825
If we can figure out
how to appeal to women,
218
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,427
people will love me.
219
00:09:39,429 --> 00:09:41,563
And my show too.
220
00:09:41,565 --> 00:09:45,133
Hmm. Now, what do we know
about women?
221
00:09:45,135 --> 00:09:47,001
They pee
when they sneeze.
222
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,420
Do they?
Yup,
223
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:51,322
according to that sneezing
pee-bag Whoopi Goldberg.
224
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,176
Great.
What else do we know?
225
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:56,511
They also pee when they--
226
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,780
We gotta think outside
the pee box.
227
00:09:58,782 --> 00:10:00,481
Let's do a little research.
228
00:10:00,483 --> 00:10:01,883
We're gonna go out there
229
00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:06,120
and watch every single chick
talk show we can find.
230
00:10:06,122 --> 00:10:08,373
Cleveland's Tigers, go!
231
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,875
[ALL GROWL]
232
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:12,877
[♪]
233
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:22,687
Murray, we need your help.
234
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,556
We got no act
for the talent show.
235
00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:26,023
Don't have an act?
236
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,460
You boys came
to the right place.
237
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:31,629
Back in my day in the Catskills
I was a hitmaker.
238
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:35,233
You ever hear of "Peezy Weezy"?
"You Are So Rare to Me"?
239
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,035
"Tovah Made a Sukkah
with Zeidel"?
240
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,037
These are not words
you're using.
241
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:42,140
Look, you want current?
That's easy.
242
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,210
I can write you guys
a hip-hop song.
You can?
243
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,128
My nephew Mordechai
owned a studio.
244
00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:49,730
Those rapper guys
came through there all the time.
245
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,065
So I know the drill.
246
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,167
Leave it to me
247
00:10:52,169 --> 00:10:53,934
and I'll have all
your little homeboys
248
00:10:53,936 --> 00:10:55,970
cheering your name.
249
00:10:57,306 --> 00:10:58,540
All right, Murray.
250
00:10:58,542 --> 00:11:00,608
I don't know if an old Jew
has ever tried
251
00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:03,010
to glom onto young black
talent before,
252
00:11:03,012 --> 00:11:04,579
but let's give it a whirl.
253
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,548
[STUDIO AUDIENCE CHEERING]
254
00:11:10,952 --> 00:11:13,471
Kids. Mothers.
255
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:17,042
Shopping. Chocolate. White Wine.
256
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:20,845
Loneliness. Bulimia. Drapes.
257
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,981
I know what women care about.
258
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,482
I am...
259
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,784
Cleveland.
260
00:11:28,103 --> 00:11:30,489
Now, please welcome
our first guest,
261
00:11:30,491 --> 00:11:32,824
my pancake-loving stepdaughter,
262
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:35,326
Roberta Benigni Tubbs.
263
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,478
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
264
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,982
We wanna talk about
what all women wanna talk about.
265
00:11:40,984 --> 00:11:44,286
Your period.
What?
266
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:46,037
Now, do you roll
your own tampons
267
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,539
or do you pay someone
to roll them for you?
268
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,542
Cleveland.
Relax, baby.
269
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:54,979
We all know what goes
on downtown, right, girlfriends?
270
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,397
[ALL CHEERING]
271
00:11:56,399 --> 00:12:00,602
[SNAPS' "THE POWER"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
272
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:08,109
Okay, okay. I roll my own.
273
00:12:08,111 --> 00:12:11,078
I roll my own.
274
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:15,267
Okay, now, this was Kendra
just two hours ago,
275
00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:18,403
before our makeover experts
got a hold of her.
276
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,973
Kendra, you ready to show
the world the new you?
277
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,909
KENDRA:
I'm scared.
278
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,677
It's okay, honey.
We're all rooting for you.
279
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,314
Lift the giant tarp, fellas.
280
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,499
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
281
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,185
[CHEERING]
282
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,854
You all seem to like it,
283
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:39,958
but let's see
what her husband says.
284
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:44,062
Where's Kendra?
I only see a beautiful clown.
285
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:47,265
I'm the beautiful clown.
286
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,351
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
287
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,638
You've been such a wonderful
audience
288
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,873
and because I love you
all so much,
289
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:59,644
you're all getting
something fabulous.
290
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,746
Look under your chairs.
291
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:05,116
There's nothing here.
Under mine, either.
292
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,984
Where's my free stuff?
293
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:09,204
Oh, my goodness.
Is there nothing under there?
294
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,305
Hmm.
295
00:13:10,307 --> 00:13:11,706
Maybe that's because,
296
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,976
girlfriend, you need to stop
looking for material things,
297
00:13:14,978 --> 00:13:18,913
and start looking for the gifts
inside yourselves.
298
00:13:18,915 --> 00:13:22,283
ALL [CHANTING]:
Cleveland. Cleveland.
299
00:13:22,285 --> 00:13:24,386
Cleveland. Cleveland.
300
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:27,204
Cleveland. Cleveland.
301
00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:29,224
[TEPID CLAPPING]
302
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:32,627
Thank you, Cleveland Brown Jr.,
303
00:13:32,629 --> 00:13:34,112
who insisted on performing,
304
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:38,116
despite being ineligible
for a kindergarten talent show.
305
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:42,654
And now, please welcome
Rallo Tubbs, Bernard Bernard,
306
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:46,424
and Theodore Parker Jr. III.
307
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:49,093
Now, remember,
trust the words I wrote for you.
308
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:54,065
I'll be right here chatting up
that foxy teacher of yours.
309
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,834
[GROWLS]
310
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,369
[HIP-HOP BEAT
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
311
00:13:57,371 --> 00:13:58,936
Now I'm gonna tell
you how it is.
312
00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:00,305
Us kids today?
313
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:03,241
I tell you, we seem to think
money grows on trees.
314
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,542
But it doesn't.
315
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,679
It grows out of hard work
and sound investment.
316
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,982
We're about to drop some
knowledge on y'all.
317
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,501
[RAPPING]
♪ Dollars, greens,
Scrilla, beans ♪
318
00:14:13,503 --> 00:14:15,920
[RAPPING]
♪ Paper, G's, Susan B's ♪
319
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:18,305
[RAPPING]
♪ Interest rates too good
To pass up ♪
320
00:14:18,307 --> 00:14:20,942
♪ Don't be a putz
Gotta bank that cash up ♪
321
00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:23,261
♪ Kids these days take the dough
And show it ♪
322
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:26,097
♪ Don't know how to grow it
Get allowance and blow it ♪
323
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,165
♪ Rims for my Big Wheel
♪ Custom kicks
324
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:30,334
♪ No, I'd rather have a pension
When I'm 66 ♪
325
00:14:30,336 --> 00:14:32,170
♪ I wanna kiddie pool
Full of shorties ♪
326
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,455
♪ Juice boxes on ice
327
00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:35,890
♪ Not when I'm saving
To attend Brandeis ♪
328
00:14:35,892 --> 00:14:38,426
♪ Don't need an Xbox
Put it all in tech stocks ♪
329
00:14:38,428 --> 00:14:41,262
♪ Now I got fresh bucks
Popping up like chicken pox ♪
330
00:14:41,264 --> 00:14:43,481
♪ Cheddar, bones
Grizzles, scones ♪
331
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:46,017
BOTH:
♪ Paper, ducats,
Fillin' buckets ♪
332
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,553
♪ Look here, steer clear
Of financial smash-up ♪
333
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,754
♪ Don't be a yutz ♪
334
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,356
ALL:
♪ Just bank that cash up
335
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:53,341
♪ Bank your cash up
336
00:14:53,343 --> 00:14:56,410
♪ If you're advertising saving
I can be your pitchman ♪
337
00:14:56,412 --> 00:14:58,679
♪ Bank your cash up
338
00:14:58,681 --> 00:15:01,215
♪ Stash my scrill away
So someday I'll be a rich man ♪
339
00:15:01,217 --> 00:15:03,884
[PLAYING RIFF
FROM "IF I WAS A RICH MAN"]
340
00:15:03,886 --> 00:15:06,203
♪ Roth IRA
♪ 401(k)
341
00:15:06,205 --> 00:15:08,773
♪ Finances fatter than Gabourey
Sidibe ♪
342
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:11,242
♪ FDIC
♪ Long-term CD
343
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,778
♪ Visit the museum
On a day that it's free ♪
344
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,646
♪ First Friday of the month,
Y'all ♪
345
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,698
♪ It's Bernard ♪
♪ Theodore
346
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:18,916
♪ And Rallo T
347
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,352
ALL:
♪ Spitting fiscal
Responsibility ♪
348
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,938
♪ Word is savings bond
349
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:25,222
Hoes.
350
00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:27,225
[FEEDBACK OVER SPEAKERS]
351
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,426
[ALL BOOING]
352
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,960
Nerds.
You suck.
353
00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:33,064
You're lame.
354
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:37,669
Maybe it's not cool to rap
about fiscal responsibility.
355
00:15:37,671 --> 00:15:40,538
Murray, they hated us.
They're booing us.
356
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,673
What? I turned
my hearing aid off
357
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,709
so I wouldn't have
to hear all that booing.
358
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,794
Pick me up.
359
00:15:46,796 --> 00:15:48,662
You made us look like idiots.
360
00:15:48,664 --> 00:15:53,184
Never speak to me again.
361
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:56,854
Never reek of pee again?
362
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,424
I can't make
that promise, Rallo.
363
00:16:01,509 --> 00:16:03,725
[♪]
364
00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:08,830
Aw, man.
365
00:16:08,832 --> 00:16:10,499
I don't know if I can take
a whole recess
366
00:16:10,501 --> 00:16:11,767
of getting our humps busted.
367
00:16:11,769 --> 00:16:13,335
Stupid Murray.
368
00:16:13,337 --> 00:16:14,536
You were right, Theodore.
369
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:17,373
We should've gone
with your uncle, T-Pain.
370
00:16:17,375 --> 00:16:19,375
[ALL SIGH]
371
00:16:23,930 --> 00:16:25,430
Losers.
372
00:16:25,432 --> 00:16:27,116
My parents were supposed
to give me
373
00:16:27,118 --> 00:16:28,550
a bike for my birthday,
374
00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:32,087
but after they heard your song
they gave me a savings bond.
375
00:16:32,089 --> 00:16:34,156
Your rap was stupid.
376
00:16:34,158 --> 00:16:36,825
Ha, ha. Yeah, we know.
We did it on purpose.
377
00:16:36,827 --> 00:16:40,896
We're a joke band like
Spinal Tap or Aerosmith.
378
00:16:42,332 --> 00:16:45,167
Man, we are universally loafed.
379
00:16:45,169 --> 00:16:48,804
Loathed, fool. Damn.
380
00:16:48,806 --> 00:16:51,290
[♪]
381
00:16:51,292 --> 00:16:53,692
Okay, girls,
we've had our morning cry
382
00:16:53,694 --> 00:16:55,294
and now it's on to business.
383
00:16:55,296 --> 00:16:57,696
We're on top
and we need to stay on top.
384
00:16:57,698 --> 00:16:59,398
So let's talk ideas.
385
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,867
What do you
have to va-say-say?
386
00:17:01,869 --> 00:17:04,636
What if, uh,
we reunite, uh,
387
00:17:04,638 --> 00:17:06,838
women with their
first gynecologist?
388
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,875
Tim, I want you to stop
thinking down here,
389
00:17:09,877 --> 00:17:12,611
and start thinking up here.
390
00:17:12,613 --> 00:17:14,747
Cleveland, can I talk to you
for a second?
391
00:17:14,749 --> 00:17:16,549
This is why we need
a production office.
392
00:17:16,551 --> 00:17:17,733
What?
393
00:17:17,735 --> 00:17:20,419
I need some help.
I'm at rock bottom.
394
00:17:20,421 --> 00:17:23,856
Your mom's got a rocking bottom.
Ha-ha-ha. Write that down.
395
00:17:23,858 --> 00:17:25,591
"Men who say
inappropriate things
396
00:17:25,593 --> 00:17:26,792
in front of their children."
397
00:17:26,794 --> 00:17:28,660
Come on, man. I need your help.
398
00:17:28,662 --> 00:17:30,095
We got laughed out of school
399
00:17:30,097 --> 00:17:32,831
because we did a song about
fiscal responsibility.
400
00:17:32,833 --> 00:17:36,167
The only ones who liked it
were the teachers and moms.
401
00:17:36,169 --> 00:17:38,270
Wait a minute.
That's our audience.
402
00:17:38,272 --> 00:17:39,905
We've got our next show.
403
00:17:39,907 --> 00:17:43,008
Rallo, you boys
are gonna be on TV.
404
00:17:43,010 --> 00:17:45,710
What? We'll be the laughing
stock of Stoolbend.
405
00:17:45,712 --> 00:17:48,046
We're not doing it.
Oh, you're doing it,
406
00:17:48,048 --> 00:17:51,416
or I'll sign you up
for the summer reading program.
407
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:52,617
You wouldn't.
408
00:17:52,619 --> 00:17:55,904
Oh, the friends
you'll make, Rallo.
409
00:17:55,906 --> 00:17:57,623
The friends you'll make.
410
00:17:57,625 --> 00:18:00,442
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY
AND THUNDER CRASHING]
411
00:18:02,295 --> 00:18:04,012
Thank you, Junior.
412
00:18:04,014 --> 00:18:06,899
Uh-oh. Here come the polizia.
413
00:18:06,901 --> 00:18:09,835
[MIMICS POLICE SIREN]
414
00:18:09,837 --> 00:18:11,253
Okay.
415
00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:13,506
[STUDIO AUDIENCE CHEERING]
416
00:18:13,508 --> 00:18:14,740
Hey, girls.
417
00:18:14,742 --> 00:18:16,675
We got a great show
for you today.
418
00:18:16,677 --> 00:18:18,543
My stepson Rallo
and his friends,
419
00:18:18,545 --> 00:18:22,815
are gonna sing us a little song
about responsible investing.
420
00:18:22,817 --> 00:18:24,583
[ALL CHEERING]
421
00:18:26,085 --> 00:18:28,403
MURRAY: Not so fast.
Murray?
422
00:18:28,405 --> 00:18:32,324
If there's one thing I learned
in all my days in show business,
423
00:18:32,326 --> 00:18:35,394
it's when to admit you're wrong.
424
00:18:35,396 --> 00:18:37,296
You're wrong.
You're all wrong.
425
00:18:37,298 --> 00:18:39,431
That is a hit song.
426
00:18:39,433 --> 00:18:44,002
But, just in case I'm wrong,
I wrote you a new one anyway.
427
00:18:45,422 --> 00:18:47,188
[HIP-HOP BEAT
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
428
00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:48,840
[ALL CHEERING]
429
00:18:48,842 --> 00:18:50,626
Yeah.
430
00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:52,794
[RAPPING]
♪ We used to rap
About saving a buck ♪
431
00:18:52,796 --> 00:18:54,963
♪ But now all we care
About is [BLEEP] ♪
432
00:18:54,965 --> 00:18:56,565
♪ We're gonna [BLEEP]
In the [BLEEP] ♪
433
00:18:56,567 --> 00:18:58,533
♪ With a ladder in a [BLEEP]
434
00:18:58,535 --> 00:19:00,335
♪ Piscataway, New Jersey
♪ Uh-huh
435
00:19:00,337 --> 00:19:02,905
♪ Tuchus [BLEEP]
On my sock garters [BLEEP] ♪
436
00:19:02,907 --> 00:19:04,689
♪ Crack your skull
♪ Crack your skull
437
00:19:04,691 --> 00:19:06,992
♪ Used to rap about saving
Like a bunch of [BLEEP] ♪
438
00:19:06,994 --> 00:19:09,328
♪ That [BLEEP]
We're about getting [BLEEP] ♪
439
00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:11,629
♪ Get it, get it
Get that [BLEEP] ♪
440
00:19:11,631 --> 00:19:14,166
♪ Kill it, kill it
Kill that [BLEEP] ♪
441
00:19:14,168 --> 00:19:15,984
♪ First Friday of the month,
Y'all ♪
442
00:19:15,986 --> 00:19:18,070
[FEEDBACK OVER SPEAKERS]
443
00:19:23,259 --> 00:19:24,859
You realize you're
canceled, right?
444
00:19:24,861 --> 00:19:25,860
Yep.
445
00:19:25,862 --> 00:19:27,663
Then give me a show.
Huh?
446
00:19:27,665 --> 00:19:29,397
What can you do?
447
00:19:29,399 --> 00:19:31,399
[PLAYING "THREE BLIND MICE"]
448
00:19:39,241 --> 00:19:41,076
[CHILDREN CHEERING]
449
00:19:41,078 --> 00:19:44,179
That was awesome.
I can't believe you swore on TV.
450
00:19:44,181 --> 00:19:46,681
You inspired me to go out
and kill some shit,
451
00:19:46,683 --> 00:19:48,283
whatever that is.
452
00:19:48,285 --> 00:19:50,252
Seeing you guys
turn things around
453
00:19:50,254 --> 00:19:52,421
like that inspired me
to walk again.
454
00:19:52,423 --> 00:19:54,522
[GRUNTING]
455
00:19:54,524 --> 00:19:57,192
Ha-ha-ha, just kidding.
I'm paralyzed.
456
00:19:57,194 --> 00:19:59,294
You got kind
of a dark sense of humor.
457
00:19:59,296 --> 00:20:00,829
Hey, Murray.
458
00:20:00,831 --> 00:20:04,482
Good to see everything's
back to normal.
459
00:20:04,484 --> 00:20:06,718
Thanks again, my old man friend.
460
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,388
Hey, how'd you come up with
that stuff, anyway?
461
00:20:09,390 --> 00:20:11,990
Filth is easy.
Anyone can write that stuff.
462
00:20:11,992 --> 00:20:15,527
Besides, you never heard
"Peezy Weezy."
463
00:20:15,529 --> 00:20:18,513
♪ Peezy Weezy, your tits
I wanna squeezy ♪
464
00:20:18,515 --> 00:20:21,850
♪ As we fuck
In the pale moonlight ♪
465
00:20:21,852 --> 00:20:25,153
♪ Oh, Peezy Weezy
I'm gonna ask you, pleasey ♪
466
00:20:25,155 --> 00:20:29,157
♪ Won't you tickle
My butthole tonight? ♪
467
00:20:29,159 --> 00:20:34,662
♪ My Peezy Weezy
468
00:20:34,664 --> 00:20:37,298
Look, it was a different time.
469
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:40,969
The war. We didn't know
how long we were gonna live.
470
00:20:40,971 --> 00:20:42,905
So who wants an ice milk?
471
00:20:42,907 --> 00:20:44,172
KIDS:
I do.
472
00:20:44,174 --> 00:20:46,141
[♪]
473
00:20:55,702 --> 00:20:57,703
[♪]
474
00:21:28,735 --> 00:21:31,704
[English - US - Line 21]