(funky disco plays) ♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
♪ And I am proud to be
♪ Right back in my hometown
♪ With my new family
♪ There's old friends and new friends ♪
♪ And even a bear
♪ Through good times and bad times ♪
♪ It's true love we share
♪ And so I found a place
♪ Where everyone will know
♪ My happy mustached face
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
(chuckles)
And on this fateful day, by harnessing the power
of electricity, Rallo Tubbs will transform himself into...
Electro-Boy!
CLEVELAND: Kids! Dinner!
Coming!
Ahh!
Donna?
Donna!
Where's dinner?
Donna!
Donna?
She's gone. There's... there's... nothing!
No dinner?
(high-pitched screaming)
(screams)
(all screaming)
(screaming weakly)
Sweet mayhem and...
(sighs)
I'm about done with these.
What the hell happened?!
It was 6:00 and there was no dinner.
It's only 6:15!
We eat at 6:00.
Where were you?
At my woman's group meeting.
You know, Nags Against Global Sexism, or NAGS.
Kendra, Arianna, and I are doing some amazing things
to help women help women help women all over the world.
Bitches should help themselves.
I worked for everything I got.
You can be truly appalling.
Well, something the ladies and I agreed on tonight
is that once in a while, our husbands should make dinner.
But that...
that's mad!
Well, we're trying it tonight.
(laughs)
Cleveland's gotta make dinner!
Gotta preheat the oven!
Stir fry vegetables!
Drink a whole bottle of wine when he thinks no one's looking!
I have to make dinner for everyone?! No way!
We're going to a mediocre Italian chain restaurant!
(laughing)
CLEVELAND: Here, they treat you like family.
Which is why I was surprised when they gave me a bill.
Mm-hmm.
Could I get more salty salad?
Sure.
Go, go, go, go, go!
All right, you got me.
I'm reading Farts magazine.
For the farticles.
And the fartoons.
Good night. Um, no.
I'm still reading.
Donna, I gotta be at work in 12 hours.
You think you get to decide our bedtime because you're the man?
CLEVELAND: The correct answer is probably "yes."
Yes?
What? I don't think so!
CLEVELAND: Oh-for-twelve on the day.
I'm no good at this.
This is exactly what we were talking
about at my women's group.
The girls all agree that you can't make
all the decisions without me.
Oh, do they? Huh?
Do the girls all agree on that? Really? Do they?
Things are going to change around here.
Now, Nicole Richie wrote this novel, and I intend to read it.
Don't tell me to go fish, Larry.
I can see you have a two right there.
You're not a leopard, you're a damn cheetah!
(giggles)
Junior, I need you to watch Rallo.
I'm on my way to another woman's group meeting,
and it's my turn to pick up the pints of ice cream
we won't be able to believe we each ate a whole one of.
Oh, cool! What's this?
Hey! Stay out of my disaster preparedness kit!
(laughing)
Look at me, I'm Wall-E!
I go on and on, no matter how much you wish I would end!
(laughing)
That's it.
Wait! What are you doing?!
I'm putting you in Larry's Baby Bjorn.
It always settles him down. Put me down!
Shh, shh. What is this thing?
It's called a joey. I ain't no kangaroo baby.
Come on, man...
(snores)
There we go, little guy.
Boing! Boing! Boing!
(slight groan)
What happened to the 'bow, bro?
Donna hit me.
With a list of chores!
It's all because this guy's wife
told Donna I need to help around the house more.
She even made me drive three-quarters of a mile
to return our DVDs to Blockbuster!
Couldn't you just wait till they go out of business?
Thank you. But she said no.
Yeah, well Donna told Arianna I should know to be more romantic.
So I text her, "Hey, Goldilocks, I got something for you
that's not too hard and not too soft, it's just right,"
and she says that that's not romance.
Well, both your hens told Kendra I should appreciate her more.
You try telling a six-hundred pound woman
she doesn't look fat in jeans.
It's literally impossible without sounding sarcastic.
You see what's going on?
When our wives go to that women's group,
there're no men around to shoot down
their legitimate grievances!
If only we had someone who could infiltrate their group
and convince them to get off our backs.
But it's a women's group.
And we don't know any women.
Nope. Negatory.
Well, that's the end of that story.
(all sigh)
(TV news theme playing)
Hi, I'm Dwayne Meighan.
News Flash!
There had had been a protests in the street of
a Middle East country called foreign land as seen in Aladdin.
Women had burqa for the sheet over their face
look like ghost but you can see eyes peek-a-boo...
Sweet! That's it!
Hmm...
So he starts reading me this "farticle"--
it's sort of like an article about farts--
$4.99 an issue, by the way,
yet refuses to get a subscription!
(doorbell rings)
Can I help you?
(falsetto, accented voice): My name is Fatima, thank you very much.
I come looking for your women's group
because I am in need of help.
Thank you very much.
(sotto voce): It's really me. Cleveland. Shh!
I'm just saying, if Lester wasn't too lazy to take out
the garbage, I wouldn't be so tempted to eat out of it.
This is how you help women?
You sit around and drink wine and complain about husbands?
Mm-hmm. Oh, that reminds me.
Cleveland never puts down the toilet seat.
I must've fallen in six times yesterday.
Couldn't you just put the seat down yourself?
(laughs)
You're funny, Fatima.
(laughing)
Women aren't funny.
You all have it so easy.
Fatima's husband drag her here from Yemen
so he could become pushy electronics salesman,
but then had affair with LeAnn Rimes.
So did Lester!
Then he go back to Yemen with my children.
He say, "Me no wanty Fatima."
Now I all alone, stranded in U.S.
So your husband is slob?
Boo hoo!
You have man, you have everything!
Appreciate husband, especially you, Donna!
You're right.
We are so lucky.
Oh, Fatima. I'm so ashamed.
Should be.
Cleveland's not so bad.
I'm sure he wonderful.
Would love meet him sometime.
How about dinner tomorrow night?
I'd love to!
(whistling)
(doorbell rings)
DONNA: Cleveland, can you get that?
(normal voice): I did not think this through.
You're gonna love Cleveland.
He's no Old Spice Guy,
but keep in mind I was 41 with two kids.
I think stability is sexy.
You can talk yourself into it.
Where is he?
Cleveland!
Donna, may I use the restroom?
Sure, it's that way.
(Roberta screams)
ROBERTA: A black ghost!
Ghosts are white!
All right!
Big dinner party! Let's eat!
Cleveland! Don't be rude.
Wait for Fatima.
Oh, yeah, sure.
That'll give me a chance to check... myself...
for lumps.
Is bathroom to the left or to the right?
The left.
CLEVELAND: Oh! You must be Fatima.
(as Fatima): And you must be Rallo.
Ha, ha. I'm kidding.
You must be Cleveland. Ha, ha.
CLEVELAND: There's that famous Middle-Eastern sense of humor.
(as Fatima): Donna she told me so much about you.
Donna so lucky to have you.
CLEVELAND: Oh, no. I'm the lucky one.
(another voice): Telegram for Mr. Brown.
CLEVELAND: Telegram? I didn't know they still had those.
(as clerk): They do.
CLEVELAND: Where?
(as clerk): In town.
CLEVELAND: What street?
(as clerk): Stewart Street. It's a real street.
(as Fatima): Sounds like a real street.
CLEVELAND: Says here there's a cable emergency.
I gotta go. Nice meeting you, Fatima!
(as Fatima): Nice meeting you, too, Cleveland!
(as clerk): Hey, how about a tip, buddy?
CLEVELAND: Sure! Coming up!
Donna, I'm sorry, I have to go.
There's a cable emergency.
And do you have five dollars to tip the telegram guy?
CLEVELAND: Here you go.
(as clerk): Two dollars?!
CLEVELAND: Take it or leave it! (door slams)
What the...
Where am I? What's going on?
Look who's wakies!
Put me down. I don't want to...
Wow, I've never been up this high.
Paul Newman's blood in a jar?
Gimme some!
Whoa.
(giggles)
I can control you. Like in Avatar.
Now if I kick you with my right leg
while simultaneously pinching your...
Yeah, yeah.
This isn't my first time playing Avatar.
(makes electronic noises)
Now that I'm up chest high, let's go see Big Boob June.
I know she works here. Where she at?
Two o'clock. And four o'clock.
Nice.
(laughing)
Thank you, Cleveland. And thanks, Fatima.
Our wives now appreciate the below-average spouses
they settled for and it's all because of you two, blink-blink.
Now, if you give me the burqa,
I've still got a couple of days to get my deposit back.
Yeah. You should quit while you're ahead.
Like Sarah Palin.
She fixed Alaska, got the hell out of there.
Nevah! I may be done with Fatima,
but she is not yet done with me! Oh, dear.
She can convey a thousand emotions, just with her eyes.
Men desire her eyes.
Women want to be her eyes.
I've taken it this far, and I'm not going to stop
until I have Donna at my beck and call.
Donna!
Yes, Cleveland?
Nothing.
(kids shouting playfully)
WALT: Rodney, cut it out!
Cut it out!
Oh, so you want to go the other way?
(screams) (laughs)
That's not what I meant at all!
I think you are
willfully misinterpreting what I said!
(thunderous footsteps)
Can... you... dig it?!
(grunting)
(kids cheering)
Lock target on punk-ass bully.
(robotic voice): Target-locked.
Bidi-bidi-bidi, bidi-bidi-bidi.
Stop!
Put me down!
Everybody start throwing dollars,
'cause this bitch looks good on a pole. (laughs)
(all cheering)
CLEVELAND (normal voice): Thank you very much.
(as Fatima): Thank you very much.
(with thick accent): Thank you very much.
(doorbell rings) There it is.
KENDRA: She's here!
We have a surprise for you, Fatima!
(as FATIMA): Such terrible noise!
Are we at Nickelback concert?!
Okay, what are we doing?
We've been looking a long time for a woman to help,
and we realized she was here all along
right under this dumb black sheet.
We love you, Fatima.
Good-bye.
Good-bye?!
(door closes)
KENDRA: We forgive you for 9-11!
(over P.A.): This is your captain speaking.
Fatima, your friends want you to be reunited
with your children, so sit back, relax,
and enjoy this 18-hour flight to Yemen.
(normal voice): Yemen?!
(groans)
CAPTAIN: Okay, we're making our final descent.
Temperature on the ground is a crisp 119.
Wha-What's happening?!
Oh, my God, I slept for 18 hours straight?
(snoring)
Fatima? What?!
Ma'am, just wanted you to know, you're minutes away
from being reunited with your children.
Listen, man, you got to help me.
My name is Cleveland Brown.
I pretended to be an Arab woman
so my wife would stop nagging me.
Because, you know, women are annoying.
My entire professional life is devoted to helping women.
So then you know.
(yelling)
That's no way to treat a lady!
Yem-in big trouble now!
All right, Cleveland, just find a McDonald's,
and they'll know how to get you home.
Hubba-hubba!
I'd stone that!
I am so jihad right now!
A girl could get used to this.
Don't stray from the group!
Come, our husband is expecting us!
Our husband?
You best not be talking 'bout my man!
(as Fatima): Just gonna take a little disco nap.
But don't worry, I'll rally.
No rest!
There is so much work to do!
Why do I have to work?
I'm the wife of a very rich man.
(sotto voce): Do we know how rich, by the way?
Get to work!
I wish I could make this work go away. (sighs)
♪ Oh-oh, oh... oh, oh...
♪ Pray God you can cope
♪ I'll stand outside
♪ This woman's work, this woman's worth ♪
♪ Ooh, it's hard on a man
♪ Now his part is over
♪ Now starts the craft...
♪ Of the father...
♪ Ooh-ooh.
Be strong, Fatima.
Junior?
Hi.
(kids shouting playfully)
Look around, Rallo.
You did this.
You restored peace to the playground.
The children of Stoolbend have erected
this monument in your honor.
It-It's beautiful.
(foot stomping)
(kids screaming)
(feet stomping)
Looks like you're not the only one who has a socially awkward,
pre-diabetic older brother with a baby carrier.
Junior...?
(snoring)
(both laugh)
Initiate attack protocol 28 bravo.
(yells, gasps)
(mimics robotic whirring)
You're gonna wish you were never Bjorn.
Battle mode!
Hmm.
(kids screaming)
(gasps)
(both grunting)
Whoa!
(boy screaming)
Want to play some kickball?
(groaning)
I'd rather play handball.
(groans)
(grunting)
(all yelling)
(clanking)
(groans) Junior?
Junior?
(robotic whirring)
Malfunction!
Gyroscopic sensors at 20%.
Vrr! Vrr! System failure.
Backup generator unresponsive.
You know, in all the excitement,
I think I kind of forgot
that my stepbrother's a little Gumpy.
Yeah, mine, too.
But why is yours smoking?
(hissing)
He's not on a healthy diet.
Rallo Tubbs, by the way.
Rodney King. No relation.
No relation to who?
I don't know.
My mama just told me to always say that.
I like you, Rodney.
I want you to be my new friend.
Walt, you're out.
(gulps)
Come on, Rodney.
You gotta see this lady June at the grocery store.
Oh, you mean Big Boob June?
My man!
(Rodney chuckles)
(toilet flushes)
(sotto voce): Hmm, he didn't even lower the seat.
Haven't even worn the jacket I bought you.
(as Fatima): Maybe you could wear it
when you take me out to dinner tonight.
Nah. Just ate a big bowl of cereal.
Oh, wha?! You know how hard it is
to get reservation at Thank Allah It's Friday's?
Wasn't listening, don't care.
Dance for me!
Dance like Bill Cosby in opening credits!
(humming show theme)
Yes, good!
More mugging.
Take more credit.
Now pass judgment on own race.
No! No more dance!
(normal voice): Because I am a man.
What? Really?
But your hands are so feminine, and your hips are so wide.
Ooh, you smooth.
But you listen to me.
Me and my sister-wives have been working
our fingers to the bone for you!
And you have the nerve to ask me to dance?!
Well, mister, I don't have the energy.
Oh, my God, that's what Donna says when I try
to honk 'em while she's washing dishes.
To think, it took being a wife
to a husband like you
to learn how to be a husband to a wife like me.
You know, you made me realize something very important.
I should probably do a dude check
on the rest of my wives.
Dude check!
(male voice): Uh-oh.
Must be so, so tough with Cleveland gone,
but, uh, you know, maybe letting go
is opening yourself up to something new.
(panting) Cleveland!
Oh, he's alive.
Uh, yay!
Uh, well, uh, I should go.
I'll, uh, see you around, Cleveland.
Uh, happy you're back.
I, uh... Yeah.
Cleveland, where have you been?
It's not where I've been, it's what I've been.
A terrible husband.
And I haven't appreciated you and the hard work you do--
you're a mother, you're a maid,
you're a cook, you're a lover.
You are my queen and sometimes I forget
that I'm here to serve you.
Oh, Cleveland, that's sweet.
Well, you're just in time to help me with dinner. No.