1
00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:05,170
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:07,506
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:07,906
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,611
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,680
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,915
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:19,251
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:20,753
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,755 --> 00:00:23,022
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:25,357
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,526
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,762
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,764 --> 00:00:31,663
(chuckles)
14
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:35,868
Can someone let me in?
15
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:37,436
Something's blocking the door.
16
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,438
DONNA: Cleveland, stop,
or you'll break it.
17
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,107
Is that
our heating duct?
18
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:43,175
It was.
19
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,310
Now it's my
first art piece--
20
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,446
The Large Intestine of God.
21
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,181
Go ahead, crawl through it.
22
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,149
(groans)
23
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,150
Okay.
24
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,151
(clears throat)
25
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,820
(echoing):
Wow, this is...
26
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:57,923
You did it, Donna,
you really did it.
27
00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:59,458
I'm a sculptor now.
28
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:01,427
It's my second career.
29
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:03,495
Well, that and I'm
going to sell the house
30
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,597
as a rental property
and be the manager.
31
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,866
Sweetie, do you think
you could possibly,
32
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:10,269
maybe be having
some sort
33
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:12,371
of midlife crisis?
34
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:13,705
I'm not the one in crisis!
35
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,507
You're the one in crisis!
36
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,876
Oh, Cleveland,
I'm sorry.
37
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:19,378
I just need to be held.
38
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:20,979
What is happening to me?
39
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:24,917
It's okay, you're just going
through the terrible 42s.
40
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:27,286
Is that how old
you think I am?!
41
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:28,353
(sobbing)
42
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:31,690
Because you're right!
43
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:34,026
(sobbing)
44
00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:36,228
CLEVELAND:
I'm missing the game.
45
00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:40,966
(grunting)
46
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:42,334
Cleveland,
are you trying
47
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,536
to use the Force
to get the remote?
48
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,171
No.
49
00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:48,707
You will make me
a roast beef sandwich
50
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:51,343
and a glass
of tomato juice.
51
00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:53,946
Make your own
damn sandwich.
52
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,781
There is another.
53
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,417
You will make me a
roast beef sandwich
54
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,953
and a glass of
tomato juice.
55
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:02,321
Yes, milord.
56
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,923
Good, good.
57
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:09,328
(indistinct chatter)
58
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,331
(whistling)
59
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:13,432
(intercom beeps)
60
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:14,933
ERNIE (over intercom):
Mr. President,
61
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,702
Principal Farquhar
here to see you.
62
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,770
(beeps)
Send him in.
63
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:21,306
Mr. President.
64
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:22,307
Mr. Principal.
65
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:23,308
Mr. Pibb?
66
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,776
Thank you.
Thank you.
67
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:28,013
So, you nervous that you're
up for reelection on Tuesday?
68
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,414
(blows raspberry)
Hardly.
69
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,849
My record is impeccable
70
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,685
and wartime presidents
are always reelected.
71
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:36,288
Well, thanks
to your hard work, Junior,
72
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,357
I've had more time
to expand the repertoire
73
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:41,293
of my a cappella singing group
The Fluffers.
74
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,662
(all snapping fingers)
75
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,331
♪ Bom-bom-bom... ♪
♪ I see you driving
'round town ♪
76
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,133
♪ With the girl I love
77
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,302
♪ Bom-bom-bom... ♪
♪ And I'm like, (bleep) you
78
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,670
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
79
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:55,874
♪ I guess the change
in my pocket wasn't enough ♪
80
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,210
♪ Bom-bom-bom... ♪
♪ I'm like, (bleep) you
81
00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,878
♪ And (bleep) her, too
82
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:04,283
♪ I said, if I was richer,
I'd still be with ya ♪
83
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,285
♪ Bom-bom-bom... ♪
♪ Ain't that some (bleep)?
84
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:07,619
♪ Ain't that some (bleep)? ♪
85
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,855
♪ Although there's
pain in my chest ♪
86
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:14,493
♪ I still wish you the best
with a (bleep) you ♪
87
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:19,264
♪ And (bleep) her, too. ♪
88
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:21,867
(gunshot, screaming)
89
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,504
Dang, missed again.
90
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,105
Aw, who am I kidding?
91
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,007
I can't hurt
a healthy snack.
92
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,443
Guys, I'm not sure
about the hunting trip.
93
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:34,313
Haven't found the right moment
to run it by Donna yet.
94
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,582
Not like I need
a permission slip or anything.
95
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:39,084
Got mine--
signed by my mom.
96
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,653
If I even mention it,
she'll flip out.
97
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,690
Something's got her
all insane in the fem-brain.
98
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:45,924
I don't know
what to do.
99
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:46,925
ALL:
Lie to her.
100
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:47,926
Okay!
101
00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:54,566
(sighing)
102
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,372
I loves when I can
taste the fish sticks
103
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:02,174
all up in
your mouth.
104
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:03,175
(sighing)
105
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:04,176
(blows)
106
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:06,144
Hey, I've issued
an executive order
107
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,146
barring PDA
in the cafeteria.
108
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:10,082
What gives you the right
to tell a woman
109
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:13,652
what she can and cannot do
with her own "foyne" body?
110
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:17,522
'Cause I'm student body
president and what I say goes.
111
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:20,525
I declare a tax
on those fish sticks.
112
00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:21,526
Hey!
113
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:22,995
Want a refund?
114
00:04:22,997 --> 00:04:24,997
(belches)
115
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:28,300
Dag, Ro, your stepbro
has gots to go.
116
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,969
Hey, whoa, that rhyme
was pretty fly.
117
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,371
Do black people
still say "fly"?
118
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:33,472
I don't know.
119
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,540
Just because a bunch
of nerds voted for him,
120
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,476
he thinks
he's so fly.
121
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,811
Well, it's a new day
at Stoolbend High School.
122
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,446
I'm taking him down.
123
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,348
Aw, paradigm
shift, yo.
124
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,183
Ooh-ooh!
125
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,251
(groans)
126
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,490
(microphone feeds back)
127
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:55,327
Now, running unopposed,
The Great Communicator,
128
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,696
Cleveland Brown Jr.
129
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,466
What is service?
130
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,834
I believe...
ROBERTA:
Hold up!
131
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:05,003
Roberta?
132
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:08,674
♪
133
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,313
What are you
doing, Roberta?
134
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:16,248
And where did you
get those clothes?
135
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:19,284
I brought 'em from my home
right here in Stoolbend,
136
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:22,487
which is the greatest city in
the great country of Virginia.
137
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:23,488
You betcha.
138
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,691
(cheering)
139
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:30,662
And I'm announcing my candidacy
for student body president
140
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:35,100
because we need a leader,
not an eater.
141
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,368
(all laughing)
142
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,437
That's funny and incisive.
143
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,807
Is that the level of discourse
we want at our school?
144
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:43,375
She got boobies.
145
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,610
Did somebody say "boobies"?
146
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,512
(cheering)
147
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,682
See, I told you
voters were dumb.
148
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,451
Now, get some
stupid chant going.
149
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:56,455
Ro, baby, Ro!
Ro, baby, Ro!
150
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,623
ALL:
Ro, baby, Ro!
151
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:01,326
Ro, baby, Ro!
Ro, baby, Ro!
152
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:04,363
The dignity of the office
must be preserved.
153
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:05,764
Ernie, start a chant.
154
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:06,832
Sure.
155
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:10,469
Junior's fat!
Junior's fat!
156
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,304
ALL:
Junior's fat!
157
00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:15,874
Junior's fat! Junior's fat!
158
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:19,544
(recorder playing "Michael Row
the Boat Ashore")
159
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:26,785
So, for only $7,000,
I could record a demo.
160
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,186
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
161
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:31,089
Honey, what if sometime in
the extremely near future,
162
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,925
some friends of
mine-- say, the guys--
163
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:35,494
invited me on
a hunting trip?
164
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,995
Absolutely not.
165
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,997
Your drunken friends
with firearms?
166
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,432
You could get killed.
167
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:43,502
(playing "Taps")
168
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:48,473
(voice breaking):
Then what would I do?
169
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,509
I suppose I'd start over.
170
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,978
Dye my hair blonde.
171
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:55,447
Do you think I'd look good
with blonde hair?
172
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,648
Is that your thing?
173
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:57,649
No.
174
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,184
On an unrelated
note, you see
175
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:01,253
all these bags
I've got packed here?
176
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:05,757
Well, I got to go
to a mandatory nonhunting
177
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,994
cable installers'
weekend training seminar
178
00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:10,762
I just found out about.
179
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,497
It's on how to hold in your...
180
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,632
(clears throat)
181
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:16,301
...farts
while in customers' homes.
182
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:19,137
Oh, my God, Cleveland,
you need that course,
183
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,372
and if it's mandatory...
184
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:22,007
Yep, love you.
185
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,175
Play me out.
186
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:26,244
(playing The Cleveland Show
theme song)
187
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:32,551
(chuckles)
188
00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:38,356
I just feel so
guilty for lying
189
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:41,026
to poor, unstable,
annoying Donna.
190
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,694
Oh, hoo-boo-boo.
191
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:43,929
Just for that...
192
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,864
(grunts)
193
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,499
(all cheering)
194
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:48,633
CLEVELAND:
Yeah!
195
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,569
(belches)
196
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,105
Let's get drunk
and use firearms!
197
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,374
(all cheering)
198
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,919
I wondered when I'd
be hearing from you.
199
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,454
You got me
elected before.
200
00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:11,523
I need you
to do it again.
201
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:13,291
(whistles)
202
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:16,328
Must be eleventy billion dollars
in here.
203
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:17,462
Play it rough.
204
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,463
You know they will.
205
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:20,499
Just don't let me know
how you do it.
206
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,300
Of course, Mr. President.
207
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,936
So, Rallo, did you take
the bus here, or...?
208
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,304
No, Mama's out
in the car.
209
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,373
Okay, let's go.
210
00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:32,878
Yo, man, is my hat staying on?
211
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:40,752
(snoring)
212
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:52,364
Dear Deer, you're dead.
213
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:53,798
Love, Lester.
214
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:54,966
CC: Kendra.
215
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,501
(zips up)
216
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,470
Aah, my bright
orange hat!
217
00:08:58,472 --> 00:08:59,771
Oh, my God.
218
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,274
He was breaking into my house.
219
00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:04,142
Calm down,
he's not hit.
220
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:05,744
C-Bro,
are you okay?
221
00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:10,282
(inaudible)
222
00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:12,751
I can't hear!
223
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,689
I want to have sex
with your wife.
224
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,824
Oh, that felt so good to say.
225
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,326
Me, too.
Yep.
226
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:29,334
Anything?
227
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,368
What?!
228
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,304
Oh, well, I thought
that might reverse it.
229
00:09:32,306 --> 00:09:34,472
You'd be surprised
how often that works.
230
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,441
The good news is,
it's a temporary impairment.
231
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:37,442
You'll regain
hearing
232
00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:38,510
within a week.
233
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:41,346
Great! But what do
I tell my wife?
234
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:45,183
If she finds out I lied to her
and went on a hunting trip,
235
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,919
she'll go all Elin Woods on me!
236
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:52,257
A'ight, then.
237
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,291
Cleveland, you should know,
238
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,960
you're speaking
much louder than...
239
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,528
Oh, I don't care.
240
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:59,264
Hello, ma'am.
Hiya, sport.
241
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,900
Oh, no, that
kid's gonna die!
242
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,437
I'm home...
243
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:06,638
Yah!
244
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,840
We are suing
the Rite Aid.
245
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,442
Remember last month
when I told you
246
00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:11,442
about that cashier bitch
247
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,279
who always judges me when
I buy antifungal cream?
248
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,280
Well, yesterday...
249
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:19,184
(inaudible)
250
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:24,289
Yeah, yep, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yep.
251
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:27,659
Cleveland, sincerely, tell
me, was I in the wrong?
252
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,327
(gulps)
253
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,365
I agree with you.
254
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:36,301
Finally, someone hears
what I'm saying.
255
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:40,972
Now, come upstairs, I want to
give my man a real homecoming.
256
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,273
But first, let me recap
257
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,541
last night's entire
True Blood for you.
258
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,944
You know Sookie, the one with
the worst teeth on the show?
259
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,178
Well, she can cast
a spell on a...
260
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,114
I think I'm onto something.
261
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:50,515
Huh?
You heard that?
262
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:53,451
I said, "I think
you've lost weight."
263
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,186
You better get
in the basement.
264
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,789
Bedroom's too clean for
what I'm about to do to you.
265
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,357
(giggles)
266
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:08,533
Voting closed two hours ago.
What have you heard?
267
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,001
How were the exit polls?
268
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,270
Have any of the major networks
declared a winner?
269
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,506
Uh, no, Junior.
270
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:17,042
The major networks have
not yet weighed in
271
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,010
on your dumbass high school
election.
272
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,378
Relax, man.
273
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,280
Wally doesn't count
the votes till 2:00.
274
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:25,016
So I broke into
his office.
Whoa-whoa-whoa.
275
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,352
Do you have another one
of those Blow Pops?
276
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,254
Uh, yeah.
Here you go.
277
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,288
Mm.
278
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:33,024
Mm-mm-mm.
279
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:36,428
Anyway, I broke into Wally's
office and took care of it.
280
00:11:36,430 --> 00:11:37,462
We golden.
281
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:38,763
Really?
What'd you do?
282
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:41,666
Let's just say it'll be
pretty hard
283
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,435
for Roberta
to win without these.
284
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:45,303
That's a lot of votes.
285
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:48,339
That's all her votes.
Every single one of them.
286
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,008
Landslide, Junior.
287
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,509
Every single...
288
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,044
You stole every
vote she got?!
289
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,313
Do you have any idea how
suspicious that looks?
290
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:56,614
You gotta fix it.
291
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,149
Break into Farquhar's
office again
292
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,584
and put back enough
of those ballots
293
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,119
so it doesn't look fishy.
294
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,353
(bell ringing)
295
00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:14,499
That's a bingo.
296
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:22,707
(clearing throat)
297
00:12:26,645 --> 00:12:28,513
Junior!
Junior told me to do it!
298
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,882
All Junior's fault!
I'll wear a wire!
299
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:38,990
(loudly): Guys! I've got an
incredible secret. Huddle up.
300
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,425
I cracked the code.
301
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:45,597
I found the only three sentences
we need to say to women.
302
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:46,931
One:
303
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,436
Two:
304
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:57,542
And three:
305
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:04,449
Love it. Love lists.
Love letters.
306
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,984
Wrote 30 of them
to Meredith Vieira.
307
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:09,187
Asked repeatedly for a picture
of her squatting over a mirror.
308
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,656
Closest I got was a Today Show
promo picture of Matt, Al,
309
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,658
and Hoda Kotb squatting
over a mirror.
310
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,494
Al had it fogged up, though.
Couldn't see anything.
311
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:19,531
Is he telling the
Al Roker story again?
312
00:13:23,702 --> 00:13:26,104
(inaudible)
313
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,939
(voice slowly fades in): ...this
one is called Vanilla,
314
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,707
and the other one
is called Vanilla Bean.
315
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,644
I have to go to the bathroom.
316
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,445
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God.
(Donna talking)
317
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:36,481
I can hear! Oh, no!
318
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,449
Oh, here we are.
319
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,318
Cleveland, are you okay?
320
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,021
Yup. Just poopin'.
Okay.
321
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,356
While you're in there, take
a look at that wallpaper.
322
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,358
You know my old collection
of sea glass
323
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,527
that you always say does not
belong in our bedroom?
324
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:52,363
How about if we make
a mosaic of...
(voice fading)
325
00:13:54,834 --> 00:14:00,205
(loudly): I know exactly
how you feel, and I think
you've lost weight!
326
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:02,106
Aw.
327
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:07,011
(inaudible)
328
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,314
CLEVELAND:
God, Pictionary sucks.
329
00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,316
I love not having
to hear my family.
330
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,151
Uh-oh.
Something's happening.
331
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:18,389
We're happy and
jumping. Yay!
332
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:29,634
So anyway, I sure am hungry.
333
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:32,303
Yeah.
Me, too.
Tell me about it.
334
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:35,607
Yep. Ready... for...
din-din!
335
00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:40,511
Uh, where's your mother
with the damn dinner?
336
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:41,980
She left, man.
337
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,749
To obtain dinner from
a take-out emporium,
338
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,251
or automat cafeteria, or...
339
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,685
No, dummy.
340
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:50,455
She left for Florida,
like we talked about.
341
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:52,290
Yeah. Ms. Donna
announced her plans...
342
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:56,027
...to quit my job
and move to...
343
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,328
Florida.
344
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,496
That's right.
345
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:01,266
Where I will attend the
University of Miami
346
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:03,434
for six months to get
my graduate degree
347
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:06,771
in Marine Biology with a
concentration in Dolphin History
348
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:09,941
while Cleveland takes care of
you kids and all the housework.
349
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,377
The midlife crisis is over.
350
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,344
Yay!
351
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,746
Find yourself, Mama.
The U!
352
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,282
We're happy and
jumping. Yay!
353
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:21,619
But the thing you've neglected
to mention is how the hell
354
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:25,757
Miss Homecoming Queen expected
to pay for all this?!
355
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,825
That was my favorite part.
356
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,361
She asked if she could sell
your whole collection
357
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,330
of baseball cards and stuff,
and you said,
358
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,532
"I hear your truth.
359
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,935
I honor your womanhood."
360
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,970
Oh, God.
But I don't.
361
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:41,306
(screaming)
My treasured keepsakes.
362
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:44,342
(whimpering)
363
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:49,480
No! It's gone!
It's all gone!
364
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:53,351
Well, at least she
didn't sell my old sub
shop mascot costume.
365
00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:57,488
(wolf whistle)
(whimpers)
366
00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:01,326
Now I remember why I keep
this in the attic.
367
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:08,266
...so I've got to drive
all night to Florida,
368
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:11,369
because I hadn't actually heard
a word of Donna's plan
369
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:13,838
to attend school
there until now.
370
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,875
But it does explain her
emotional good-bye this morning.
371
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,944
(sobbing)
372
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,613
I'm the luckiest woman
alive to have a husband
373
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:25,450
who would go so far
to support my dream.
374
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,485
Slender!
375
00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:31,255
All right, people.
376
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:34,325
The hand goes up,
the mouths go shut.
377
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,995
I'm here to announce
the results of the inquiry
378
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,296
into the results
of the election.
379
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:39,664
BOY:
Sounds boring.
380
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:45,436
I'm declaring Roberta Tubbs
the first female president
381
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,939
in Stoolbend High history.
(gasps)
382
00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:50,308
(cheering)
383
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:54,979
It is an honor and a privigen
to be your president.
384
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:58,182
Of course, y'all didn't elect me
for politics as usual.
385
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,818
Therefore, I have decided
to resign,
386
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,488
so that I may better serve
Stoolbend High
387
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,590
from outside the office
of president
388
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,525
where I don't have to do
extra work,
389
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,594
or go to a bunch
of stupid meetings.
390
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:11,596
Plus, I've proven my point.
391
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,132
Uh... boobies.
392
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,833
That's two points.
393
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,702
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
394
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,103
(scattered applause)
395
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:21,305
Wha-- seriously?
396
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,274
She resigned?
397
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:27,278
All right, anyone else
want to be president?
398
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,781
Junior, you probably
want to do it, right?
399
00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:30,948
Do I?
400
00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:32,950
Yippee!
401
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,253
(chanting):
Junior's fat.
402
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,287
ALL:
Junior's fat.
403
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:40,291
Junior's fat,
Junior's fat...
404
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:43,561
The two-party system is a joke.
405
00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:54,472
Did anybody else see that
little kid disappear?
406
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:56,207
Hello?
407
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:02,947
Find employment.
408
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:05,616
Cleveland?! What
are you doing here?
409
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,185
Donna, manners.
410
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,454
Aren't you going to introduce
me to your friends?
Fine.
411
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,489
This is Kirsten,
and this is Celia.
412
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:14,459
I'm beginning to matriculate.
413
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,694
How are the kids?
Is Rallo taking his baths?
414
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,463
Who won the election?
Who's watching them?
415
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:19,664
I don't know.
416
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:22,366
But right now, that's so far
down the list of reasons
417
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:24,268
for you to be angry at me.
418
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:27,305
Celia, Kristen-- could
you give us a moment?
419
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:30,675
Actually, could you stay where
you were, but turn around?
420
00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:31,843
Thank you.
421
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:36,481
Donna, when I told
you I was attending
422
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,483
a cable installers'
seminar, I lied.
423
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:39,584
(gasps)
424
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,420
I actually went on
a hunting trip,
425
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:46,290
where a stray gunshot caused me
to go deaf for a few days.
426
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,292
I hid my hearing loss from you
427
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:51,429
by simply agreeing
to everything you said.
428
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:54,298
Wait. You said you went
deaf for a few days.
429
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,634
Ah! Man talking.
430
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,770
At that point, I had
begun using earplugs
431
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:02,807
so as not to hear
the sound of your voice.
432
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:07,512
Oh, Donna, can you ever forgive
me for behaving so unlikably?
433
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,580
(sobbing)
434
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,823
I should thank you
for this stupid stunt.
435
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,591
Because when you
agreed with me,
436
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,994
it made me believe
I could achieve my dream.
437
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:25,696
And now my crisis
is over. I'm happy.
438
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,498
All right.
439
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,001
And I don't want to put
too fine a point on this,
440
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,637
but technically,
I didn't really agree with you,
441
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:35,873
which means you can't
achieve your dream, so...
442
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,642
Hmm...
443
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,177
Sorry, Cleveland.
444
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,445
For too long, it's been
about everybody else.
445
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,548
But now, it's got to be
about me, too.
446
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,754
Donna, wait.
(sighs)
447
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:52,857
Donna, you're my dream.
448
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,293
You always have been.
449
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,328
Good-bye, Cleveland.
450
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:58,930
Celia, wait!
451
00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:00,298
DONNA:
Good-bye, Cleveland.
452
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,568
I don't remember
the other girl's name.
453
00:20:05,504 --> 00:20:08,039
(rat squeaking)
Ha-ha! Ten points.
454
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:11,275
Boys, stop it. No.
(door opens and closes)
455
00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:14,812
Donna? You're not supposed
to visit until next weekend.
456
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:18,182
Yeah, well,
I'm home. For good.
457
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,850
What is that smell?
458
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:21,919
The rats got diarrhea.
459
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:22,987
Thank God you're back.
460
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,755
But why did you
change your mind?
461
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:25,990
Cleveland, I love you,
462
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:28,159
but I don't trust you
to raise my children.
463
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:29,694
I don't trust you at all.
464
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:32,630
And what I can see
bears out that judgment.
465
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,632
Okay.
Where're your friends?
466
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,634
And, I'm going to stop
holding myself back
467
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:39,503
from shooting for everything
I've ever dreamed of,
468
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:42,573
having a wonderful family
and a great career.
469
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:46,510
But from now on,
there are going to be
470
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,512
some serious changes
in our marriage.
471
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:50,915
First of all, you are no longer
spending every other night
472
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,451
with your buddies because I am
transferring to Stoolbend U
473
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,152
where I will continue
my studies.
474
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:58,823
I am, however, modifying my
curriculum to include...
475
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:01,259
You look pretty. Is Celia
coming or the other one?