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00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,602
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
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00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,804
♪ And I am proud to be
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00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,973
♪ Right back in my hometown
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♪ With my new family
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♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
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♪ And even a bear
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♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
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♪ It's true love we share
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00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,320
♪ And so I found a place
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00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:23,689
♪ Where everyone will know
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♪ My happy mustached face
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♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
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(chuckles)
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We now return to...
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Projects Runway.
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All right, designers.
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I'm David Hyde Pierce's
father, Tim Gunn.
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00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:42,841
For today's challenge,
you have $50 to...
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00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:46,445
Ouchies.
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00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,613
Really, B.E.T.?
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00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:49,615
Uh-uh! Get your
butt out that chair!
22
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:50,949
That seat's for my dad.
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He asked if he
could come over
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00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:54,486
and watch March Madness
with me.
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00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,989
You know what
this means, Rallo?
What?
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00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,957
Why are you saying
it like that?
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Just tell me.
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Well, all right.
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We're going to bond
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00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,530
as father and son.
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Oh! That's not what
I thought you were gonna say!
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That's good!
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You've been waiting for that
for a long time.
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Man, good luck!
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From one neglected son
to another,
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00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:16,175
go with God.
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00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:19,344
Hey, y'all hear Cleveland's
bonding with his dad?!
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00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:22,514
Rallo can be
all right sometimes.
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(March Madness theme playing
on TV)
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I'm pretty happy
where I'm seated
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in this tournament,
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right next to my dad.
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Good game, huh?
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Great game.
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Hey, check it out, I paid
extra for the package
46
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that just lets you hear
the shoes squeaking.
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(shoes squeaking)
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How much is the package
that has no you?
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Zing!
50
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Ha, ha! This is fun,
I'm having fun,
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we're having fun.
52
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,675
Hey, looks like you're
getting low on ice.
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(loud mechanical rumbling)
54
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I bought this just for the game!
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I thought you'd like it!
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Do you like me, it, Dad?! Dad?!
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Dad!?
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I don't want ice
in my beer, Tubby!
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00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,188
I ain't no white dude
on a plane.
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00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,991
Kansas versus
Wofford College.
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00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,026
Wofford's gonna win.
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00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,495
(laughs)
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00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:10,963
I doubt that,
Tubby Jr.
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00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:13,699
A 16 seed's never
beaten a number one.
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Guess you taught your
son everything you
know about sports.
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(laughs)
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ANNOUNCER :
And in a history-making upset,
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Wofford obliterates Kansas,
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128 to 72!
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00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,979
How the hell did
you know that?
Easy.
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00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:29,848
I just thought about
which team's mascot
would win in a fight.
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Wofford's Terrier against
Kansas's Jayhawk?
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00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,521
That dog would
rip the head off
some stupid bird.
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You knew Wofford
College's mascot?
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I know all of them!
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00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:40,759
I've been memorizing
the Internet.
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00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,427
Okay, let's test
out your system.
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00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:44,496
Michigan versus
U.C. Irvine, who won?
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00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,165
Uh, last time
I checked,
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00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,500
a wolverine was tougher
than an anteater.
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00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,469
Michigan, silly.
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00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,870
Damn! That's two for two.
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00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:54,473
Come on, Junior, we got
to go talk to my bookie.
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00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:57,176
Okay, but first
I'll talk to my forkie.
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00:02:57,178 --> 00:03:00,012
Hey, Forkie. Hey, Junior.
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Are you having a nice tine?
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(chuckles)
Hey, that's racist!
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I know. What you
gonna do about it?
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(cries, shouts in pain)
(dish breaks)
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But, Dad,
what about our bonding?
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Bonding?
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Look, man, I came
because you got a big TV,
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free food,
and a cushioned toilet seat
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that when you
sit on it goes,
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00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:22,701
"pssssshhh... "
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00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,342
Roberta, I'm baking my
March Madness Hoopsberry pie.
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Can you run to the store
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and pick me up
some orange frosting?
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Just put some food
coloring in the
vanilla, bitch.
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Roberta!
Oh, Mama!
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00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:39,685
I thought you
were Junior.
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He asked me for
orange frosting
eight times today.
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I'll go get it, Mom.
No problem.
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Oh. Well,
thank you, Rallo.
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I need it quick,
so don't be a wimp
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about cutting through
that dark alley.
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All right!
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Okay, who do I take,
Notre Dame or Illinois?
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00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,940
Hmm. The Fighting Irish
110
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,942
versus the Fighting Illini...
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00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:07,346
CLEVELAND JR.:
This is a toughie because
they're both drunk as hell.
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(bottle shatters)
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(beeping)
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(explosion)
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Take the Illini.
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This is the part
of the job I love.
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Congratulations.
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00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:28,834
All right...
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00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,936
Clemson versus Texas?
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00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,838
Well, Clemson's
got the Tiger
121
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,973
and Texas is
the Longhorn.
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Now, assuming, of course,
they're battling
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00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:37,776
on the spiked Platform of Death
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from Flash Gordon.
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(growls)
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(bellows)
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00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,151
The Longhorn, notorious
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00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,953
for its poor sense of balance,
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00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,489
would fall off
the platform and die.
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00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,590
That's sad.
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I'd give it to Clemson.
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00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,926
And I'd take the points.
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I think your new TV's
even bigger than my Dad's!
134
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,701
(chuckles)
Check out the
remote control.
135
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,003
Two, four, seven...
136
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,938
Got 'em all.
137
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,374
Junior, life don't stink.
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(laughs)
You funny.
139
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You like a black Mork.
140
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:18,784
Nanu-nanu!
141
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,286
Look, cocaine!
142
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(snorts)
143
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,757
Rallo, where'd
you get that money?
144
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:28,593
Every time you refuse
to run an errand for Mama,
145
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:29,761
she sends me.
146
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,963
And not once has she
asked for the change.
147
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,432
So I've been saving up.
148
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,766
Even started
clipping coupons
149
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,668
to increase
my profit margin.
150
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,003
Yeah, but how
much could you...
151
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,504
2,900 bucks.
152
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,174
Gonna buy me a '67 Mustang.
153
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:43,642
(laughs) You're five.
154
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,610
You can't buy a car.
155
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,978
Just did.
156
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:50,582
Now I'm gonna try
to see a naked lady.
157
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,551
Ah, it says you have to be 18.
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00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:58,323
No... way!
159
00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:00,292
Where did you get him?!
160
00:06:00,294 --> 00:06:02,160
Oh! Is his name Charlie?
161
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,162
Come here, Charlie.
Come here.
162
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,864
No, his name's not Charlie.
163
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,865
What is it?!
164
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,100
Larry the Monkey.
165
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,102
Grandpa Freight Train
bought him for me
166
00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:11,770
with some of his
basketball winnings.
167
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,271
Come on, Larry the Monkey,
168
00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:15,707
let's get to know each other
before you inevitably
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00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,377
rip my face and privates off.
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00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:20,946
That poor boy.
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00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:23,482
I've seen this too
many times before.
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00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,317
Good old Freight Train's
your best friend
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00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:27,319
as long as he needs
you to pick winners
174
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:28,754
or help him move...
175
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:31,857
Or pose as his
young wife at his
high school reunion.
176
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:34,526
I repeatedly asked
you not to do that.
177
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,461
He bought me a piece
of salmon fish!
178
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:37,996
Wow!
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00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,731
(doorbell rings)
180
00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:42,834
Hey, Donna. I'm here
to pick up Junior.
181
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,670
Over my dead body!
182
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:48,173
Holy...
Don't worry, it's a stage rig.
183
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,841
Borrowed it from
the community theater.
184
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,310
But my point is,
I am not letting you
185
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,513
gamble with
Junior anymore.
186
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,448
What?! March Madness
ended two weeks ago.
187
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,083
Junior and I aren't
gambling anymore.
188
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,285
Sure, I might've been
using him at first,
189
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,921
but it turns out,
I just like the kid.
190
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,656
Makes me feel young.
191
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,992
One, two...
192
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,493
three.
193
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:12,130
Soul... plane!
194
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:15,233
(laughter)
195
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,103
(sighs)
196
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,973
You're not gonna
kiss me, are you?
197
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,942
And the guys
at the office loved him.
198
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,710
They agreed that he...
You took him
199
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,779
to your office? You
work at an office?
200
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,714
You've never taken
me to your office!
201
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,516
I've got the heart
of a 60-year-old,
202
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:33,518
and now the hobby of one.
203
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,986
Let's hit the links!
204
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,154
(laughs)
205
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,989
Hey, I got you something.
Check it.
206
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,958
A Chewbacca
golf club cover?
207
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,660
Nuh-uh!
208
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,328
Well, who better
to help you drive
209
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,096
than the co-pilot
of the Millennium Falcon
210
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,466
from the Wookiee
planet Kashyyk?
211
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:49,868
(Yoda impression):
Taught you well, I
have, Train Freight.
212
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:51,603
Okay, this is
ridiculous!
213
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:54,172
I tried to show you
Star Wars in 1978,
214
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,441
and you called me a...
215
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,777
(clears throat) "space 'mo."
216
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,679
(chuckles) Yeah.
Well, we golfin'.
217
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,848
Catch you later,
Jabba the Gut.
218
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,517
Oh! But Junior's
tubbier than me!
219
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:08,119
Calling your
own son fat.
220
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,488
(disapprovingly):
Mm, mm, mm.
221
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:20,499
(knocks)
222
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:24,302
Cleveland Brown, audio journal.
223
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,471
2:45 p.m.
224
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:29,474
I'm here finally to make peace
with my father.
225
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,610
Also, pockets in socks.
226
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,845
Sock pockets.
227
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,547
Remember the
sock pockets!
228
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,215
Remember
the sock pockets!
229
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,317
What do you want, Stinky?
230
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,752
(clears throat)
231
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,020
"Father...
232
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,589
"Padre, Papa...
233
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,992
"all different words
that mean 'Dad.'
234
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,160
"All I've ever wanted
235
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:52,097
"is to make you happy and proud,
236
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:55,867
"but you've always been
so distant and cruel to me.
237
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,370
Please stop crying, Father."
238
00:08:58,372 --> 00:08:59,838
Oh, come on!
239
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,173
That's the kind of thing
I'm talking about!
240
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,009
Why don't you like me?!
241
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,510
Why?! Aah!
242
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,979
Look, we don't get
along, that's all.
243
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,181
But why?!
Give me a reason.
244
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,483
You want to know why?!
245
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:13,652
'Cause you couldn't find a flag
in a pancake!
246
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,321
What's that now?
The flag in the pancake!
247
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,890
When we went on
Dare Squared, remember?
248
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:22,227
(theme music playing, cheering)
249
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:27,332
Okay, it's time
for the obstacle course.
250
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,334
If the red team can
find all the flags
251
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,669
before time runs out,
252
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,871
they're gonna win
a trip to Orlando--
253
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,606
the theme park, boy band
254
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:37,676
and child molester
capital of the world!
255
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,177
(applause, cheering)
256
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:42,013
Oh boy, Dad,
here we go!
257
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,682
Let's do this, son!
258
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:44,749
HOST: On your mark,
259
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,485
get set, go!
260
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,621
HOST: Cookie's got
the first challenge.
261
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,289
It's called Happy Birthday.
262
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,891
Go, go, go!
Yeah, yeah!
263
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,594
(grunting)
264
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,034
Flag number one,
265
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,470
and it's Freight Train's turn
in the Royal Flush.
266
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,905
(cheering)
267
00:10:09,508 --> 00:10:10,775
I'm number one,
268
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,044
but I'm going down
like number two!
269
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,579
(toilet flushes)
270
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:18,350
(grunts)
271
00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:19,684
HOST: Okay, only one more flag,
272
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:21,319
and they are going to Orlando.
273
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:24,322
Cleveland just has to find it
in Flapjack Attack.
274
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,690
20 seconds.
275
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:27,325
Should be plenty of time.
276
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,027
Can he find it?
277
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,596
I can't...
Where's the...
278
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,365
Flag in the flapjacks.
279
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:35,333
The onbright
orange thing in there.
280
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:36,801
COOKIE: Come on!
281
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,670
Under the butter!
It's under the butter!
Come on!
282
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,305
It is, in fact,
under the butter.
283
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,841
We are all seeing it.
284
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,043
It's right there!
285
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,847
It's right (bleep) there!
286
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,249
(buzzer sounds)
287
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,052
(crying)
288
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,523
DareSquared... of course!
289
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,325
So that's why I can't
eat pancakes
290
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,793
except in the morning
291
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,995
or occasionally
other times of day.
292
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,798
That was when everything
in my life went to crap.
293
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,534
My work buddies at Google--
not the one you're thinking of,
294
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:12,303
we made eyes for puppets--
they started making fun of me,
295
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,606
so I stopped going to
work, and I got fired.
296
00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:17,542
The next day, I got bit by
a skunk and caught rabus.
297
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:20,345
And then, unemployed
and foaming at the mouth,
298
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,515
I cheated on your poor,
poor mother for the first time.
299
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,316
Actually, that was
the fifth time.
300
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,452
First time with
a bank teller.
Actually...
301
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,788
First time with a bank
teller named Charmaine.
302
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,490
Remember when I stabbed
that bitch with her own ink pen?
303
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,992
Ripped it right off the chain!
304
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:37,028
Then, when I finally got
a shot at my dream--
305
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,765
a tryout with the Redskins--
your bad luck followed me.
306
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,435
I got cut two weeks
into training camp.
307
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:45,437
Lost my spot to
Cannonball Williams.
308
00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:47,872
Hall of Famer turned rotisserie
chicken franchise mogul
309
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,641
Cannonball "Mm Mm" Williams?!
310
00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:51,876
That should've been me
playing in those games.
311
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,144
That should've been me
312
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,480
mailing drawings of my
penis to cheerleaders.
313
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,783
That should've been me posing
awkwardly on football cards.
314
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:01,453
But because of you, I
got to stand like this.
315
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:06,257
Father, isn't it possible that
you're blaming me for all...
316
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:07,492
Shut your mouth!
317
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,661
I have nothing
to say to you.
318
00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:15,333
It was under
the damn butter.
319
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:16,735
(revving)
320
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,173
You did it, Rallo.
321
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,875
A '67 Mustang.
322
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,009
Yep.
323
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:27,278
Been wanting one of these
my whole life.
324
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,848
And this feels like
an intersection.
325
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,916
(tires screeching)
326
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,688
Rallo, all this bouncing around
is have to make me
327
00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,156
want to go use the restroom.
328
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,758
Well, that's your problem.
329
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,860
I told you to go
before we left the house.
330
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,329
If you don't pull over, it's
gonna be all our problem.
331
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:46,064
All right, fine.
332
00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:49,501
You know how to
parallel park?
333
00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:52,670
Sure, I've seen my mom do it
plenty of times.
334
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,673
(slamming, glass breaking)
335
00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:00,078
Just like Mama.
336
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,215
"Hoarding," my ass.
337
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,750
Like I'm gonna
throw out magazines
338
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,085
with movie stars in them.
339
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,186
Cleveland!
340
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,854
You got camel nose
in that thing.
341
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:10,922
What you doing?
342
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:13,925
Searching for a flag
for my father.
343
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:17,162
Much like the soldiers
at "I-wo Jy-ma."
344
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:20,098
Cleveland, what have I told you
about referencing World War Two?
345
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,699
It bums me out.
346
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,302
You tried to talk to your dad,
and it didn't work.
347
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,104
It's time for you to move on.
348
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:30,008
As my Cousin Ernestine always
said, "Two people in a boat?
349
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,609
I don't think so."
350
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,111
Thank you, Donna.
351
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,979
I needed to
hear that.
352
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,281
Daddy, Daddy!
353
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,650
Guess who Grandpa Freight Train
asked to be his partner
354
00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:40,418
in a golf tournament
this weekend!
355
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:41,653
Me?! Hooray!
356
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,421
Daddy forgives me!
357
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,422
(laughs)
358
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,090
No, silly, me.
359
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,959
And I'm getting
pretty good at golf.
360
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,994
I might get to win
a trophy!
361
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,931
An actual sports trophy,
with a guy on it.
362
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,533
Not a book
or an owl or pasta.
363
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,103
I like your Mr.
Macaroni trophy.
364
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,673
'Member? You ate
that whole pan.
365
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:03,441
Scrapings and all.
366
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,778
Yeah, but this time I'm gonna
know I'm in a contest.
367
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,112
(laughs)
368
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,347
(tires screech, horn honks)
369
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,648
(screams)
370
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,150
Are we there yet, Rallo?
We there?
371
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,151
Are we there yet?
372
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,152
We there?
373
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,420
Huh, you know what?
374
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,323
On this side, that is annoying.
375
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:19,457
We lost.
376
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,492
(engine idling)
377
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,863
Just filled up
on number three.
378
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:27,999
Took me a minute to get
the hang of the pump.
379
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,033
(spits twice)
380
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,768
Hey, I was wondering
381
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,371
if you could give me
directions to here?
382
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,007
It's my house.
383
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:39,510
This is it, as you can see,
on a very sunny day.
384
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:42,146
Son, you seem lost
and you reek of gas.
385
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:44,849
I have reason to suspect
you're with Randy Quaid.
386
00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:46,684
I'm calling the cops.
(dialing)
387
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,319
Five-O creepin'!
388
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,822
We got to go!
My tags ain't right!
389
00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:52,724
(tires screech)
390
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:58,596
Hey, follow the grooves, woman.
391
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,632
And careful with
the speed bumps in the back.
392
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:03,468
You gonna tell Montel's former
hairdresser how to shave a head?
393
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:04,469
Ow!
394
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,670
The hell?
395
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:07,972
Fore!
396
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:10,008
Cleveland, what do you
think you're doing?
397
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,977
Just practicing my golf
for the big tournament.
398
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,445
You're playing in
the tournament?
399
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,447
What dumbass agreed
to be your partner?
400
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,749
This dumbass.
401
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,488
Cannonball Williams?
402
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:26,691
Hey, looks like Freight Train
added a snack car!
403
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:27,859
(laughs)
404
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:29,827
Yeah, and check
out his caboose!
405
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,429
(laughs)
406
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,765
What a fat,
jiggly ass!
407
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,566
Okay, this is
getting weird.
408
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:41,839
Cannonball Williams,
you no-neck,
409
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,174
rat-soup-eating bastard!
410
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,510
I swore if I ever
saw you again, I'd...
411
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,678
You'd do what?
412
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,012
You ain't no Freight Train.
413
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,180
You're a fart stain.
414
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,515
(laughs): Ho-ho!
415
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,817
You all know I'm not a fan
of potty humor,
416
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,652
but when it's done
intelligently like that...
417
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:55,687
(kisses)
418
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:58,790
Oh, Cannonball,
my new father figure,
419
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,592
tell me how the world works,
bounce me on your knee.
420
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,928
Bounce me on your knee!
421
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,000
Oh, yeah!
422
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,168
That's it!
423
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,703
Bounce me, Daddy!
424
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:15,540
Oh, gee, Freight Train,
I forgot you existed.
425
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,475
Is this hard for you?
426
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:21,179
Does it make you jealous,
seeing me with my new daddy?
427
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,481
Your son is a mess,
Freight Train.
428
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,016
Ha! You hear that?
429
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,317
I'm a mess.
430
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,852
Thanks to you.
431
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,990
(car horns honking,
tires screeching)
432
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,691
Look, I don't mean to be
the little bitch,
433
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:34,926
but this ain't,
this ain't safe.
434
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:35,927
What?
435
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:37,462
Don't make me come back there!
436
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:38,463
You know what?
437
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,531
(punches landing)
438
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:45,169
ANGUS: Welcome to the Stoolbend
Two-Man Golf Classic.
439
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,172
GORDY: Breaking records
with four black people
440
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,308
playing golf on the same day.
441
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:54,012
And I've accidentally
called each one Vijay Singh.
442
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,347
Junior, can I be
honest with you?
443
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,317
A long time ago, that Cannonball
got inside my head.
444
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:00,651
I'm scared, man.
445
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:04,255
Grandpa, can I be
honest with you, too?
446
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,858
You're talking like a
little piss-pants right now!
447
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,926
Now, I am taking
that trophy home,
448
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:11,996
and I best not have to
piggyback your ass to do it!
449
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,432
This is why I like you
more than your father.
450
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,377
Hold still; I'm
almost done.
451
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,080
We may forget our ears,
but the sun doesn't.
452
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:33,384
Yes!
453
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:37,922
You're up.
454
00:17:45,531 --> 00:17:47,432
Yay! I'm Tiger Woods!
455
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:48,833
I'm Tiger Woods!
456
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,802
(panting)
457
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:54,705
Must've put on a few pounds
since my Quahog days.
458
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:56,741
Whew. I'm sure no one noticed.
459
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,212
Yes!
460
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,346
Right in the cup.
461
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:03,681
Boop.
(grunts)
462
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,516
You're not supposed
to boop a man's balls
463
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,251
till the third hole.
464
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,821
♪
465
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,772
Focus!
466
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,775
Keep your eye on the ball!
Keep your eye on the ball!
467
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,443
My favorite nipple!
468
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,813
On the 18th hole,
with only two teams remaining,
469
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:40,518
it all comes down to Cleveland
Brown and Cleveland Brown, Jr.
470
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,020
ANGUS:
Cleveland stuck behind a tree.
471
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:45,123
Perfect placement
for taking a whizz,
472
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,791
not so much for playing golf.
473
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,593
(people screaming)
474
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,829
Man, we must be
going in circles.
475
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,898
Didn't we just hear
a bunch of people scream?
476
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,137
Hey, Cleveland, I hope you find
477
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,105
a measure of peace
with your daaaaad!
478
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,742
Well, that makes things easier.
479
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,380
Yeah!
480
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,949
Par-three over here!
481
00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:18,022
ANGUS: Like a quadriplegic
pageant winner,
482
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,790
Cleveland is sitting pretty.
483
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,994
GORDY: All he has to do now
is tap it in
484
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:25,129
to take home
this actual sports trophy.
485
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:26,464
The trophy.
486
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,633
CLEVELAND JR.:
I might get to win a trophy.
487
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,168
An actual sports troph...
488
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,536
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah,
I know.
489
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:34,438
I just want to beat my dad
so badly.
490
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,174
CLEVELAND JR.:
At what cost, Daddy?
491
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,176
At what cost?
492
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,544
Good luck with that putt.
493
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:42,313
I'm gonna go back
in my own body now.
494
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:45,416
(gasps)
495
00:19:50,822 --> 00:19:52,256
(sighs)
496
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:54,125
Oh, no, I'm choking!
497
00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:56,627
It's Dare Squared
all over again!
498
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,296
(people gasp)
499
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,031
Dang!
500
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:03,901
ANGUS:
Freight Train and Cleveland
Brown Jr. win the tournament!
501
00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:06,837
We did it!
502
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,506
We won the
sports trophy!
503
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:09,840
Yeah!
(back cracks)
504
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,409
Oh, nope. Bad idea.
505
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,612
Wait a minute.
506
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,014
You threw the match on
purpose, didn't you?
507
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,182
Duh.
508
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,617
I did it really obviously
509
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:22,019
so you would know
the sacrifice I was making.
510
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,822
That's why you're better
than Grandpa Freight Train.
511
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,157
I am?
512
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:29,594
He's a good grandfather,
but he was a terrible dad.
513
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:33,931
You're a great dad, and you'll
be an awesome grandfather.
514
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,833
Aw, thanks, Junior.
515
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:39,003
I promise I will never
show your son love,
516
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,938
because it might
hurt your feelings.
517
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,974
Thanks, Daddy.
518
00:20:42,976 --> 00:20:44,675
Hey, everybody!
519
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,844
We're all gonna get laid!
520
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,546
(crowd cheering)
521
00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:51,549
(coughs three times)
522
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,152
♪ I'm all right
523
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:58,789
♪ Don't nobody worry about me
524
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,492
♪ Why you gotta
give me a fight? ♪
525
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:04,962
♪ Why can't you just
let me be? ♪