1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,936
Hello, loyal viewers.
2
00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:05,771
I want to play a game.
3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:08,941
You're watching this
on your TV, your laptop
4
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:11,610
or your mobile
communication device,
5
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,947
but what you don't know
is that your life is in danger.
6
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,782
Because I've placed
an explosive in...
7
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,317
(metal scraping)
8
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:20,619
What was that?
Did y'all hear that?
9
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:21,987
Somebody needs to stop playing.
10
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:23,522
(scraping)
11
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:24,790
Ah, hell, no!
12
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,025
(scraping)
13
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:26,992
Mama!
14
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,028
Aah!
15
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,631
(laughs)
16
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:33,832
Little bitch.
17
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,434
I love Halloween.
18
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,671
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
19
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,974
♪ And I am proud to be
20
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:44,510
♪ Right back in my hometown
21
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:47,146
♪ With my new family
22
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,848
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
23
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,817
♪ And even a bear
24
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,019
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
25
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:55,821
♪ It's true love we share
26
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,823
♪ And so I found a place
27
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,992
♪ Where everyone will know
28
00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:02,494
♪ My happy mustached face
29
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,530
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
30
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,398
(chuckles)
31
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:10,669
(eerie music plays)
32
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:13,839
Damn, that is spooky dope.
33
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,040
You're not wearing that.
34
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:16,742
But it's Halloween.
35
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,010
You're such a prude.
36
00:01:18,012 --> 00:01:21,380
Donna "Saran Wrap" Tubbs
is not a prude.
37
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,015
There's a recession, Roberta.
38
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:24,716
We don't have money
for nonsense like costumes.
39
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,885
(loud honking)
40
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,854
How come he
gets a costume?
41
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,389
Costume?
42
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,191
This is sports gear.
It's necessary.
43
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,860
Got to cheer on
my Stoolbend Steamers
44
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,362
against the hated
Goochland Glorioles.
45
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:40,199
Cleveland, I was just
explaining to Roberta
46
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,868
that we're cutting back
right now, and that's why
47
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,571
she has to return
that slutty Halloween costume.
48
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,872
All right.
49
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:49,708
Roberta, you must
return that costume.
50
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:50,709
Ugh!
51
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,111
(Roberta crying)
52
00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,912
Are we really broke?
53
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,747
Yeah, but no
more than usual.
54
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,883
Ah, good, 'cause I'm
going to drink the rest
55
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:58,917
of our money at the game.
56
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,752
I'm going to liquidate it.
57
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:01,920
Get it?
Yes.
58
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,889
Drinky, drinky, wee-wee?
59
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,724
Cleveland, you can't
drink this year.
Come again?
60
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,060
You and the guys alternate
being the designated driver,
61
00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:10,062
and this year is your turn.
62
00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:11,897
The designated driver?
63
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,065
No!
64
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:16,135
(eerie music plays)
65
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:23,909
I spend 364 days a year
dressed like a damn nun,
66
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,078
and the one night I want
to show a little skin,
67
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,280
my dumb old parents
won't let me.
68
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,916
Do you want your Federline
to talk to your step-pops
69
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:31,917
and make things right?
70
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,919
He hates you.
What?
71
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:36,922
But I gots to be tight with
my possible step-pops-in-law.
72
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,991
Maybe he just don't
know me well enough.
73
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,926
He's about to get Feducated.
74
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,662
See, that's the
stuff he hates.
75
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,963
Yes, I'm trying to locate
76
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,499
Toonces, the Cat
Who Could Drive a Car?
77
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,600
What?
78
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:49,801
But how'd he die?
79
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,837
Feline leukemia?
80
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:52,838
Well, that's not funny.
81
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,940
Oh, it's no use.
82
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,942
I've tried one thing
I can think of
83
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,844
to find a
designated driver.
84
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,112
I'm screwed.
85
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,014
What's up, Mr. C?
Shut up.
86
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,950
Come on, I think
yous and mes should get
87
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,118
to know each other better.
88
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,786
What you doing this weekend?
89
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,656
I'll be busy being sober
at a football game
90
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:13,025
unless I can find
some jackass to drive me.
91
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,193
Wait.
92
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,628
There's a jackass
right here.
93
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:20,632
Federline, congratulations,
you're our designated driver.
94
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,434
Blap yeah.
(groans)
95
00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:28,840
Thanks for making it so we
can't have costumes, Roberta.
96
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,175
You ruined Halloween.
97
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,144
It's my mom
and Cleveland's fault.
98
00:03:32,146 --> 00:03:34,980
They're the ones who said we
can't buy costumes this year.
99
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:35,981
Except for me,
100
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:39,151
'cause I'm so cute.
101
00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:42,054
Die, die, die, die, die!
102
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:44,056
Aw.
Aw.
103
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,325
Look, I'm still going out
this Halloween.
104
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,827
And since I can't go
as someone sexy,
105
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:52,998
I'm going to dress up as
the least sexy thing possible.
106
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,200
This is how I'm getting
back at my mom.
107
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:58,003
You're going to have sex
with my dad.
108
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,839
No, I'm going as my mom.
109
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,174
And you should go
as Cleveland.
110
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:05,077
Then we can go out,
egg houses, TP trees...
111
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:06,378
(loud banging)
RALLO: Ow!
112
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,580
Aah, I cut myself
pretty bad!
113
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,382
And people
will think they did it.
114
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:13,085
Come on, Junior, let's get you
in Cleveland's clothes.
115
00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,354
Okay, but don't look
at my breasts.
116
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,189
They're not finished.
117
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:20,058
RALLO:
No, no, no, y'all keep
planning your pranks.
118
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,262
I'll just... I'll just sit
over here and bleed out.
119
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,200
I can't believe
you'd sell this costume
120
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:30,235
to a 15-year-old girl.
121
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:32,070
We want a full refund.
122
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,872
(groans)
123
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:37,109
I'll have to, like,
talk to my manager.
124
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:39,211
Eric?
125
00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:41,546
Can you believe Roberta
thought I'd let her
126
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,548
out the house
looking like this?
127
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,450
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
128
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,386
Mmm.
What, you like this?
129
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,920
Well, not on Roberta.
130
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:53,225
But on you, it's giving me
a Halloween "boo-ner."
131
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,393
Really?
132
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,728
This? I don't know.
133
00:04:56,730 --> 00:05:01,099
You'd be shocked to learn
what it takes to turn me on now.
134
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,567
Mmm, porn.
135
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:05,270
Put it on, pretend you're
a naughty stranger,
136
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,906
and meet me after the game
at the Travelodge.
137
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,409
Ooh, I love how your
natural cheapness
138
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,244
plays into the fantasy.
139
00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:14,413
Mm-hmm.
140
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,481
You forgot your...
141
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,417
(sighs)
142
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,252
Jobs are hard.
143
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:23,322
(all whooping)
144
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,125
(tires screech)
145
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,427
Give me an "N"!
146
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:29,428
"N"!
147
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:30,929
And give me a "D"!
148
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:31,930
"D"!
149
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:32,931
What's that spell?
150
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:33,932
Goochland!
151
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,600
Whoops, I meant Stoolbend.
152
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,636
Oh, man, I am drunk.
153
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,338
Yo, it's dope finally
hanging with you,
154
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,107
Mr. Brown-Biggie-Brown,
the biggest pimp in town.
155
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:44,776
Wherever he go, the
bitches do lay down.
156
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:48,947
"Oh, Biggie-Brown."
157
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:52,684
And it is not at all
exhausting to hang with you.
158
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,686
Aah, giant wet willy!
159
00:05:56,122 --> 00:06:00,692
Chet Butler, my previously
established rival.
160
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,861
I'd know your
willy anywhere.
161
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,463
Hey, Cleveland.
162
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,631
Shame to come all this
way just to see your team
163
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,500
get its butt handed to them.
164
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,535
Not this year, Chet.
165
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:14,373
It's your butt
that will have my hand in it.
166
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:18,143
ANNOUNCER:
And going into halftime,
it's Goochland 58,
167
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,645
Stoolbend zero.
168
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,214
No worries, no worries.
169
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,982
We got this.
170
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:29,020
♪
171
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,156
ANNOUNCER:
200 years ago, God looked down
172
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:34,493
at the beauty of Virginia
and shed a tear of joy.
173
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:39,231
And that tear watered the lush
plains that became Goochland.
174
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,066
But nearby...
175
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:44,569
God threw a Gatorade bottle
full of chew spit from his car
176
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:48,206
and he called the resulting
foul-smelling cesspool
177
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,541
Stoolbend.
178
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,909
(crowd booing)
179
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,845
What else is on?
Put on Army Wives.
180
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,848
Yes, Stoolbend,
located on the banks
181
00:06:56,850 --> 00:07:00,185
of a polluted river
of garbage and raw sewage.
182
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,555
So it was no surprise
when, in 1841,
183
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,724
Goochland was chosen
over Stoolbend
184
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:08,693
to host President
William Henry Harrison
185
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:11,696
and his wooden wife, Eunice.
186
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:15,200
Harrison was so moved
by the glory of Goochland
187
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:18,203
that he bequeathed
his lumber lover to us.
188
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:22,374
And now, please stand and
salute our prized possession
189
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:26,111
Eunice Henry Harrison.
190
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:30,248
♪ Let's knock on wood, baby.
191
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,218
What the hell
is wrong with this town?
192
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,387
She's not that hot.
193
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:37,389
ANNOUNCER:
Uh-oh, watch out, Eunice.
194
00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:39,558
It's the pride of Stoolbend...
195
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,759
rats!
196
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,761
(crowd boos)
197
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,764
How dare they mock our rats.
198
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:50,168
A lot of them... are some
of the best little guys I know.
199
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,973
Well, we may have
lost 77-nothing,
200
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:59,678
but I peed on every roll of
toilet paper in that bathroom.
201
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:03,582
(car engine starts)
202
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:08,587
Ah, the breeze feels good
on my drunk, hot face.
203
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,188
(car crashes)
204
00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:13,792
Yo, I think I went too far.
205
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,126
(grunts in pain)
206
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:16,595
Oh, no!
207
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:18,763
My face is cooler,
but at what cost?
208
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,832
CHET:
My car!
209
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,268
Oh, Chet,
I'm so sorry.
210
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:26,271
The black president from
24 is my insurance man.
211
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,772
He's honorable.
Just call him.
212
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,774
Screw the insurance.
213
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,110
I'm gonna take
my payment another way.
214
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,479
Paypal?
You're gonna pay, pal!
215
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:35,514
(laughs)
216
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:38,483
Uh-oh. Run!
217
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:40,652
I'm just gonna
put in my earbuds.
218
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,153
I like to run to music.
219
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,322
♪ Gonna be your man in motion
220
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,324
♪ All I need
is a pair of wheels ♪
221
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,959
♪ Take me where
my future's lying ♪
222
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,395
ALL:
♪ St. Elmo's Fire.
223
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,003
Listen up, fellas,
Donna's waiting for me
224
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,138
in a slutty outfit
at a cheap motel.
225
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,473
Which one?
226
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:04,142
But we're in "emminy territory."
227
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,845
Now we'll never make it out
of Goochland dressed like this.
228
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:09,047
Everyone, clothes off.
229
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,718
This is only going
to attract more attention.
230
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,755
We need costumes.
Let's go.
231
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,160
Okay, almost there.
232
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,529
The bus station's only
15 Kendras away.
233
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,031
Head-to-toe
or elbow-to-elbow?
234
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,499
Oddly, it is the same.
235
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,501
She is a perfect circle.
236
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:32,804
(whistles)
Big gal.
237
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,842
Okay, everybody,
be cool.
238
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,744
Oh, my God, Lil Wayne!
239
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,012
Hey, yo, Weezy.
240
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,915
Federline Jones
from Stoolbend.
241
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,183
I sent you my demo.
242
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,519
Federline, even I know
that's not Lil Wayne,
243
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:49,854
and I don't know
who Lil Wayne is.
244
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,924
This my dog, Cleveland
Brown from Stoolbend.
245
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,527
Lester Krinklesac,
also from Stoolbend.
246
00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,596
And Tim the Bear...
oh, you know what?
247
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,197
My whole posse
from Stoolbend.
248
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:02,033
Did somebody say
"Stoolbend" four times?
249
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,868
Get 'em!
250
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,403
Smurf my (bleep).
251
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:08,206
Let's get the (bleep)
out of smurf, buttsmurfers.
252
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,507
Am I doing it right?
253
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:14,012
Aah!
254
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:19,117
(all coughing)
255
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:22,621
No, that's the last bus!
256
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,389
Ever?
In the world?
257
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,558
No. Shut up, Federline.
258
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:28,393
Quick, through these vines.
259
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,562
Are these wine grapes?
260
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,397
Oh, this is a vineyard.
261
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,299
Wow, Goochland really is nice.
262
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:40,405
Where the hell
is Cleveland?
263
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,773
Lady hot.
264
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:42,807
Drink.
265
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,810
(giggles)
Why, thank you.
266
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,579
(howls)
267
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:52,250
Even the guy dressed as an
Armenian woman thinks I'm hot.
268
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:53,985
How about you, Officer?
269
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,920
You looking
for some action, too?
270
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:56,921
Maybe I am.
271
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,623
Trick or treat?
272
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,425
I'm the sweetest treat
on the street.
273
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,961
Guess that makes you
the trick.
274
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,996
If you're willing to pay.
275
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,931
(laughs)
276
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,767
You're under arrest
for prostitution.
277
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,468
Really?
278
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,470
(Roberta laughs)
279
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,005
Oh, man, they're going to be
280
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,608
pulling these out
the field all day.
281
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,810
Now, make sure the
security camera sees us
282
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,812
so my mom and your
dad get in trouble.
283
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:21,913
Okay.
284
00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,952
Come on, let's go kill a horse
in the principal's office.
285
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:31,790
WALLY (over P.A.):
This is Principal Wally Farquhar
from the security camera room.
286
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,958
Remove those toothpicks.
287
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,327
The field
is not an hors d'oeuvre.
288
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,797
So, Donna and Cleveland, Senior,
289
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,865
I'm coming after you!
290
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:44,803
WALLY (over P.A.):
Uh-oh, the door's locked.
291
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:47,972
Are there any locksmiths
within earshot?
292
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:51,543
Well, I guess I'll just count
toothpicks to pass the time.
293
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:56,414
One-a-rooney, two-a-rooney,
three-a-reeney, four.
294
00:11:58,684 --> 00:12:02,487
Oh, man, them punks is lucky we
got scared and took off running.
295
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:05,990
If we'd stayed, I would've
hit 'em with a blap and a blap
296
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:08,893
and a flip-flip-patty-whap-
rat-a-tat-tat.
297
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,862
I'm the Cat in the Hat.
Enough!
298
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,330
You're not a gangster.
299
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,499
You're a sheltered kid
from the suburbs.
300
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,569
You've never done anything
badass in your life.
301
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,404
Whitchy, whitchy,
whitchy, what?
302
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,839
You blappin' me.
303
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,707
"Blapping?"
That's not even a word.
304
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,042
You're an idiot.
305
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,845
You were our designated driver
and that's it.
306
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,513
Wow, this hurts.
307
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:29,681
Holt?
308
00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:31,049
Lester?
309
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:32,717
Even you, T.T. Bear?
310
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:33,885
(gulps)
311
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,987
A'ight, then. I'm out!
312
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:39,724
Let him go.
No one's trying to stop him.
313
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,793
(train whistle blows)
314
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:47,966
Guys, let's hop the train home!
315
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:50,935
CLEVELAND:
Okay. Okay.
316
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,771
Here we go.
317
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:53,938
No.
318
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:58,710
No. No.
319
00:12:58,712 --> 00:12:59,711
Now!
320
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,212
(grunting)
321
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:03,748
(all groaning)
CLEVELAND:
Ew! Ow! Ew! Ow!
322
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:06,284
CLEVELAND:
Tim, stop eating the diapers.
323
00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:09,087
RALLO:
Hello?
324
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,389
Anybody home?
325
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:15,059
Again, I have
cut myself pretty badly.
326
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,928
Little help?
327
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,898
Feeling weak.
328
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,033
Maybe I'll just take a nap.
329
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,135
Aah!
330
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,804
This is all a mistake.
331
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,238
It's just a costume.
332
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,606
So is mine.
333
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,575
Yeah, I'm Whitney Cummings.
334
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,944
(coughing)
335
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,979
I don't belong here!
336
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,115
Sure you don't, sister.
337
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,984
I can't believe someone her
age is still in the game.
338
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,053
Hey, she's somebody's
grandmother.
339
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:47,926
(sighs deeply)
340
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,160
Back home.
341
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,995
Yep, safe at last.
342
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,998
Now off to the beautiful motel
to meet my cheap wife.
343
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,168
I mean, to the cheap motel
to meet my cheap wife.
344
00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:00,438
FEDERLINE:
Yo, special delivery from Fed X!
345
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,141
Who's a gangsta now?
346
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:06,845
Federline, what are you talking
ab... bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!
347
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:07,946
(swallows)
348
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:08,980
That's right.
349
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,481
Still think I'm not a badass?
350
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,617
I done stole they Wood-ass Wife!
351
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:13,952
Ooh-ooh!
352
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,954
Oh, my God.
Did anyone see you?
353
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:16,955
No way!
354
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,990
I'm Stealth like Jamie Foxx.
355
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,358
Remember that terrible movie?
356
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,127
Nobody saw it, nobody saw me!
357
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:25,096
(low rumble)
358
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:29,567
(shouting)
359
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,205
(neighs)
360
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,809
Let's pray they go for
the women and children first.
361
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:39,711
Dear Tim Tebow.
362
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:42,714
Please have them kill
the women and children first.
363
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,048
Amen on three.
364
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,383
One, two, three...
ALL:
Amen!
365
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:49,854
(shouting, laughing)
366
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:52,156
Well, they're
ransacking the town.
367
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,325
And they're looting our stores.
(glass breaking)
368
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,194
Nope, nope, they're realizing
it's all crap
369
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,896
and putting it back
on the shelves.
370
00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,697
This is all
Federline's fault!
371
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:00,999
Yeah!
That's right!
Yeah!
372
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,867
Look, maybe they'll
leave us alone
373
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,836
if we give them back
their Wooden Wife.
374
00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:06,738
And maybe one of ours's.
375
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:07,872
ALL:
Take mine!
376
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,574
Ha, ha, marriage.
377
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,844
As funny as that is,
why would you give back
378
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:15,013
something that is
rightfully ours?
379
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,015
Quick, barkeep,
what knowest thou?
380
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,017
The Wooden Wife
belongs to Stoolbend.
381
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,852
(crowd exclaiming)
382
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:23,021
Goochland borrowed it
from us for the
383
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:26,724
ought-three World's Fair
and never returned it.
384
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,426
Gus, how did you know this?
385
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,696
I am 117 years old.
386
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:32,964
CLEVELAND:
Wow.
387
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,201
Stoolbend...
388
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:40,271
come out and play...
389
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,873
There's only one thing to do.
390
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:44,876
Give the Wooden Wife back
and grovel for our lives.
391
00:15:44,878 --> 00:15:46,444
Yeah, beg for mercy!
392
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,578
Get the hell
out of town!
393
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:48,880
Intern the Japanese!
394
00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:50,548
Yo, no way!
395
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,283
This our birch bitch,
396
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,886
and we ain't givin' her up
without a tussle, yo!
397
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:57,722
If we do, we just
the punks they say we is.
398
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,390
Don't listen
to the ass-brain.
399
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,259
He'll get us all
killed to death.
400
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,393
(crowd shouting)
401
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:03,394
CLEVELAND:
No!
402
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,130
The ass-brain is right.
403
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:11,135
(music plays)
404
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,904
Listen up, people of Stoolbend.
405
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:14,939
We've got to stand up
to Goochland.
406
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:18,910
Sure, they may have better
restaurants and better schools
407
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:21,112
and better infrastructure
and better people,
408
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,982
but we have nothing.
409
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:27,251
I say to you,
fellow Stoolbendipudlians,
410
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:30,121
I hope we all die today!
411
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,924
Die... for...
412
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,759
nothing!
413
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,094
Cleveland's right!
414
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,328
I'd like that
on Facebook.
415
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,997
Intern the Japanese!
416
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,932
We might be at a disadvantage,
417
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,934
but you know what you get
when you rearrange
418
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,435
the letters in "disadvantage?"
419
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:47,105
You get "Advantage, Sid."
420
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,774
Well, today we are Sid,
421
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:52,110
and we've got the advantage!
422
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,111
MAN:
What?
423
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,013
Stoolbend's a mess.
424
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,948
And we're going to make
the most of the fact
425
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,450
that it's rotting away
beneath our feet.
426
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,618
Who's with me?
427
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,954
I am!
428
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:04,288
He got it.
429
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:07,291
Put a cone over that
hole and let's go!
430
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:09,994
(cheering)
431
00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:11,763
Cone.
432
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,532
After our night
of mischief,
433
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,168
my dad and your mom
are gonna find themselves
434
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,003
in a whole heap of...
435
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,806
(shouting)
436
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,141
Oh, my God.
437
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,976
Junior, what did you do?
What?
438
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:26,978
Hey, it was your idea.
439
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,046
You're a filthy liar!
440
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:31,115
Now we look and sound
like our parents.
441
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,318
(horse neighs)
442
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,987
What do we want?
443
00:17:35,989 --> 00:17:39,323
To kill the black guy,
but not because he's black!
444
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,059
CLEVELAND:
Chet Butler!
445
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:45,329
Cleveland!
446
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,832
Return Goochland's Wooden Wife
447
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:50,001
and we might let you live.
448
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:52,236
You want her, come get her.
449
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,905
Very well, then.
450
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:56,040
Goochland, attack!
451
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:57,241
(yelling)
452
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,181
What the...?
453
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,882
Rolling blackouts!
454
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:07,018
This happens
all the time in Stoolbend.
455
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:08,586
We're so used to
the darkness,
456
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,155
we've developed mole eyes.
457
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,429
(screams)
458
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:22,200
(yelling)
459
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:24,268
(screaming)
460
00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:28,473
They're going to eat them.
461
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,610
(cheering)
462
00:18:33,712 --> 00:18:36,247
I've been given
a second chance.
463
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:39,750
I'm going to DeVry
to get my advanced degree.
464
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,419
In whoring.
465
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,922
Ooh, we just
rolled into a rumble.
466
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,190
Goochlanders?
467
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:49,927
Ooh, we got a jumper.
468
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,028
I'ma leave it.
469
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,132
BOTH:
Is that what I look like?
470
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:02,073
Yo, thanks for standing up
for me back at the bar
471
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:04,242
when everybody
called me a ass-brain.
472
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,077
You earned it, ass-brain.
473
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,979
You showed bravery today.
474
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:10,248
And you have pride
in your town.
475
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,984
Just like every
dumb hockey fan.
476
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:14,152
Federline?
477
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,419
Blap.
478
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:17,121
Big preesh, C-Beezy.
479
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:18,256
CHET BUTLER:
There he is!
480
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,324
On the other side
of the river!
481
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,160
How'd I get over there?
482
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,261
Wait, that's Junior!
483
00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:24,996
Hey, Chet!
484
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:29,600
What? Two Clevelands?
485
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,470
Remember our polluted waterways?
486
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:36,807
Well, welcome to the
Bridge on the River... Die!
487
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,242
(screaming)
488
00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:46,117
How did you find my throat?
489
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,653
Nice try, Cleveland,
but you missed me.
490
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,354
I wasn't trying to get you.
491
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:52,423
I was trying to wake it up.
492
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,496
We have no idea
what that is.
493
00:19:58,498 --> 00:19:59,864
(roars)
494
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,365
No! No!
495
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:09,140
You okay, Junior?
Yeah.
496
00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:11,142
But how am I
gonna get across?
497
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:12,710
I'm gonna show you.
498
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,712
Rat bridge!
499
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,747
(squeaking)
500
00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:34,065
Hey there, baby.
501
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:37,401
Give you 100 bucks to get
freaky at the Travelodge.
502
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,904
Sounds good to me,
handsome... Cleveland!
503
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,205
Donna!
504
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:43,307
Role-playing.
Yep, role-playing.
505
00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:49,747
By the time I'm done with you,
you're gonna be a canoe.
506
00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:54,685
Hi. I died.
507
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:57,755
Ha, ha, just kidding.
I'll see y'all next week.